#it’s probably the funniest thing I’ve seen

[thebreadmantm]

The @ultramarinaa’s tma cat au has spread to the whiteboard. No one is safe. This is propaganda.

If my friends need to see me spiral into cat filled obsession then so dose my entire chemistry class

Another whiteboard gem my friend created

Garfield x Donky(ya know, from shrek) is otp

[lunafermosa]

When your friend does a photoshoot at your job, with your $400 Hannibal figurine and gets 2.2k likes

[chanoeys]

Richard Simmons on Whose Line will forever be one of the top times I’ve laughed most in my life.

RIP Sir

[v0rtex-sys]

@mjshortformcjesus

did you know that there is Mr bonzo/mr blobby on archive of our own? I just wanted some horror and I came upon that

First day on the Internet, eh? You gotta be more careful, buddy - it's rough out there.

[charcoaldustonmyfingers]

How old even are you? Part 1/2

Part 2/2

That moment when your mentor figure is all of a sudden a gangly and insufferable teenager who follows none of his future advice. Like, what do you even do with that? They all talk and act the exact same but they’re all completely different people. It’s probably hilarious in non life threatening situations tho

The dramatic irony of seeing the adult that scolded you in the future doing the same dumb shit. I once watched old home videos of my parents as kids and it was some of the weirdest and funniest things I’ve ever seen lmao

[5-fuxking-unicorns]

i went to pee and didn’t miss anything besides a name

[theemporium]

[1.6k] in which a flower bouquet arrives at your door that certainly wasn't sent by your boyfriend. (based off this request)

series masterlist

.

In your defence, you had nothing to do with the prank. 

It had taken a while for Luke to come around to the idea of you and Quinn being together. He loved you both, wanted nothing more than two of his favourite people in the world to be happy. But it still took some time to get used to the shift in relationships considering almost a year ago the two of you barely spoke. 

But all things considered, he was doing much better than you expected—except for one thing. 

Luke had deemed it necessary that his brother proved himself worthy of dating his best friend. 

You thought he was joking. Quinn thought he was being dramatic. And Jack thought it was the funniest thing he had ever heard, meaning he totally enabled his younger brother into taking the whole thing seriously. 

You had expected Luke to give his oldest brother a shovel talk. Maybe threaten him a little. Maybe even whine about it a little longer, because honestly he got over that phase a lot quicker than you expected. 

You hadn’t expected a series of trials to be set up for your boyfriend.

It started off with random questions thrown at Quinn at the most unsuspecting times, ways for Luke to see if his older brother really knew you. He asked about your favourite colour, your favourite snacks, what you liked when you were sad and so many more simple questions that had Quinn rolling his eyes as he answered. 

Then, it escalated to throwing random scenarios. Like what Quinn would do if you were stranded and he was halfway across the country. Or what Quinn would do if you had been abducted by aliens and returned with no memory of him. Or what Quinn would do if you decided to become a diehard Leafs fan.

It was annoying for Quinn, but ultimately it was harmless. 

You hadn’t realised there was another test. You hadn’t realised you inspired it when you were on the phone with Luke a couple of weeks ago. 

It became a staple in your relationship for Quinn to send you a bouquet of flowers. It was his little way of showing he cared, of showing that distance wasn’t going to get in between him showing his love for you. It was sweet and it made your heart swoon and he fucking adored the way you always called him as soon as they arrived, sharing your reaction to his chosen bouquet each time.

So, in all honesty, it was no shock to you when a bouquet had been delivered to your door that morning. You hadn’t bothered to look for a note because you knew who it was from, you knew that Quinn would probably walk out of your room and see the flowers and throw some stupid, cheesy line at you that had your body flushing. 

“What the fuck?”

It never occurred to you that Quinn was never the one who sent them. 

He stumbled out of your room around thirty minutes after you initially woke up, his eyes still tired and bleary from sleep. He was dragging his feet along the floor as he walked, a pair of sweatpants halfheartedly thrown on as he went off to find you and try to drag you back to bed. After all, it wasn’t often he got the chance to visit you during the season. Spending that limited time together in bed sounded ideal to him. 

However, his body was wide fucking awake the second he walked into the kitchen and saw an unfamiliar bouquet of flowers sat on the counter.

You turned to look at him, your smile waning a little when you noticed his pissed off expression. “Jesus, I know you’re bad before coffee in the mornings but I’ve never seen you this grumpy.” 

Quinn ignored the jab, nodding towards the flowers. “Who sent you those?” 

Your brows furrowed in confusion. “What? You did?”

Quinn frowned as he turned to look at you. “No, I didn’t. I chose tulips. Those aren’t tulips.” 

You shot him a blank look, very well aware the huge bouquet of red roses were not tulips. 

“Maybe you forgot what you chose,” you told him with a shrug, taking a step towards him so you could wind your arms around his waist. You felt him lean into the embrace, wrapping one arm around you as the other reached towards the flowers. “You can’t remember what you’ve chosen every single time.”

“I do,” Quinn said bluntly like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Of course he remembered which flowers he sent you. The boy spent more time than he cared to admit choosing a bouquet, trying to imagine which ones you’d like the most. 

“Oh,” you murmured, but there was a cheesy grin making its way on your face as you placed a quick peck to his collarbone. “Petey was right, you’re such a sap.”

“I still don’t know how I feel about this newfound friendship between you and Petey,” Quinn grumbled when he noticed a note tucked between the stems of the flowers. He reached for it, a frown on his face as his eyes glanced over the note. “Who’s George?” 

You blinked, pulling your head back. “I don’t know a George.” 

Quinn’s expression darkened. “Well, some creep called George knows you and is now sending you flowers.” 

“What?” You grumbled as you reached for the note.

pretty flowers for a pretty girl  –george xx

You blinked. “What the fuck?”

Quinn’s eyes narrowed at the bouquet of flowers, his arm tightening around you like he was proving a point. “They are a terrible set of roses anyways. Red is so tacky. What the fuck does George think it is, Valentine’s Day? He has shitty taste.” 

“I—” You turned to your boyfriend. “Some random guy has my address and is sending me shit, and your priority is his taste in bouquets?” 

“I’m just saying,” Quinn grumbled with a shrug of his shoulders. “He isn’t gonna win you over with some measly roses.” 

You shook your head in response. “Babe, you are—” 

RING! RING! RING!

The two of you froze for a short moment, glancing at each other as your phone’s ringing continued to echo through your small kitchen. There was a moment of hesitation before Quinn reached for it, shoulders tensed like he was expecting to see some unknown number on your screen.

His body visibly relaxed when he saw it was a facetime call from Luke.

He handed you the phone, settling in behind you with his arms still wound around you like he was unwilling to let go of you anytime soon. He hooked his chin on your shoulder, leaning his head against yours as you answered the call.

“Oh. Ew.” 

You rolled your eyes but smiled fondly at your best friend. “Is there a reason you’re calling me before ten? I’m surprised you’re even awake right now.”

“Just wanted to check in,” Luke said, his eyes narrowed like he was analysing something. “Hm. You look quite calm there, Quinn.”

Quinn startled a little, lifting his head. “Did you expect me not to be calm when you called?” 

“I was hoping you’d be in some caveman-ish jealous fit of rage. I had the boys on standby to make sure you didn’t tear the college down.” 

You blinked in confusion. 

“Are you George?” Quinn asked, frowning at his youngest brother’s grinning face.

“No, Quinn, my name is Luke.”

He narrowed his eyes. “You’re a little shit.” 

“What the hell, Luke?” You asked, sighing deeply at whatever your best friend was about to say. You already knew whatever the reason was—most likely encouraged by Jack, again—was going to be too much for your brain to handle this early in the morning. 

“What? I told you I was testing him!” Luke said, like it was the only defence he needed. “The note was hidden in the flowers to make sure he would go looking for it! I wanted to make sure he was putting in the effort with you, if he actually cared about the weird flower thing or if he would just pretend like it was fine.” 

You blinked. “You’re insane,” you said eventually, pausing for a short moment before you continued. “And it’s not a weird flower thing.” 

“I’m going to kill you when I next see you,” Quinn said, glaring at his little brother who looked far too smug for his own good. “And I’m going to shove these roses so far—”

“Talk to you later, bye!” 

You sighed, shaking your head as you let out a breathless laugh. You turned your head, finding Quinn still frowning and glowering, and gently turned his face so you could kiss him. “He’ll get tired of these tests eventually.” 

“Will he though?” Quinn muttered against your lips, his nose brushing against yours. “I swear his next test will be to tattoo your name across my forehead.”

You snorted. “If you do that, I’m breaking up with you.”

“That’s rude,” he mused and, for the first time since he woke up, a hint of a smile was tugging on his lips. “What if I do it on my own accord? Maybe I just want to prove my love for you, baby.”

“I like your pretty face. I’d rather not be staring at my own name whenever I look at it,” you retorted, watching as a full smile spread across his face as he leaned down to kiss you again. 

“Cute,” he murmured before he pulled back completely, a determined glint in his eyes that you knew well. “C’mon, get ready.” 

Your brows furrowed. “What? Where are we going?”

“To burn those flowers and then grab breakfast,” he answered simply.

“Quinn—”

“I refuse to look at them any longer, babe, they are atrocious.”

“You’re so dramatic.” 

“It’s a Hughes thing.”

.

[sossolei]

different people in my hogwarts reality

DISCLAIMER: my experience with these people is probably not gonna be the same as your experience. if you don’t already know, this is a Hogwarts uni. this is really fucking long. ANTIS DNI !

HARRY POTTER — I had to start with the absolute icon himself. Before I shifted, I didn’t actually think much about Harry but he’s genuinely the funniest person I’ve met in this reality and that one. He’s sassy asfff and very much a sponge to the emotions of people around him. Every time he sassed me, I would give him an eyebrow raise and make a face and he legit started making the exact same face when I would sass him! He’s very handsome but he hasn’t really noticed, like girls will flirt with him during breaks or after his quidditch games and ( depending on what they say ) he’s lowkey weirded out. I think that’s why he likes Ginny cause she’s very straightforward from what I’ve seen and although she doesn’t have a crush on him at the moment, he wants her sooo bad it’s embarrassing.

His rivalry with Draco is deadass just a sass off. “Who can be sassier” is their game. When Harry is really beating Draco in their sass off, Draco brings up grades every single time. It’s his favorite thing to bring up because Harry usually just sucks his teeth and changes the topic lmaooo. He could really kill someone with his words and idk if it’s his inner James or going to public school in the UK but he plays dirty, trust and believe. Ironically enough, he doesn’t have many or any problems with Mattheo Riddle. I’ll get into it later but he was weary of him for a while after the chamber of secrets was opened ( which I was not there for ) but from my understand Harry just kinda keeps his distance from Mattheo and they don’t interact much.

Random spitfire of what I remember: his hands are BABY smooth, his glasses are flat from the side because he sat on them, he considered getting contacts but the thought of digging in his eyes genuinely makes him shiver and he doesn’t like talking about it or other people talking about it, he either doesn’t get embarrassed easily or he gets so horrified by such small things. Example: he wasn’t embarrassed about stepping in god knows what when he was walking through the grass cause “he can just change his shoes” but one time he was getting complimented so much after being sweaty from quidditch practice and he ate his dinner and RAN back to his room. He buys his clothes at least one size bigger “just in case.” He’s kinda short haha. He’s never gotten a cavity before but he wants a gold/silver tooth to “look cooler.” And he’s a real gossiper. He can hear everything people say and he’ll immediately run to Hermione and Ron like a kid in a candy store.

HERMIONE GRANGER — If this is a safe space…me and Hermione are not friends, I fear! I tried to be her friend after me and Harry got a little closer but she’s too judgmental for me personally. She’s not someone who gets things to naturally work out for her, she has to plant a garden if she wants flowers to bloom or she’ll be left with a dead garden. Only reason I know this is because of our divination class LMFAO, I read her astrology chart and those are the words I remember Treylawny saying and I think it describes her well in this reality. The best way I can explain this better is to use Harry as an example. He’s has a hard life but it’s like, if his house blows up, seeds will fall in the soil, the rain will fall during the night, and in the morning he’ll have a blossoming garden. That is not Hermione! Harry is lucky and unlucky at the same time but she’s someone who has to work for everything she wants.

I mentioned in my first post about Hogwarts that she has a curl routine, I don’t know what she uses because we’re not close but you can just tell she got a better routine and a curly cut. Her hair reaches her upper arms and has slight volume and little to no frizz ( rare for curly hair ifykyk ). She’s very pretty and even Draco said if she didn’t have a stick up her ass, he would try to date her and I can definitely see that happening but I already asked her and she shut me down so fast.

Me: “You and Draco are always going toe to toe on your exams. Maybe this can be a little academic rivals/enemies to lovers, you know?👀”

Hermione: “😐 My enemies will never be my lovers, and especially not Draco Malfoy of all people.”

Me: “✋😟🤚”

RON WEASLY — He has wavy/curly hair in this reality! Idk why actually, I didn’t script it in or anything but all the Weasleys have great hair! Fred and George have longer neck length wavy hair and Ginny’s hair is down to her waist, not as wavy as the boys but still gorgeous. I am known for having bad memory but Ron is known for having absolutely SHIT hearing! This mf can’t hear anythinggggg.

Me: “Yeah and then we went to the bathroom and saw a rat!”

Him: *gasp* “You went to the three broomsticks and saw Jack? That bloke from Ravenclaw?!”

Me: 😐

I’m convinced it’s because of the twins cause I feel like I need a goddamn microphone for him to hear me. During assembly’s or anything related to standing in the front of the great hall to speak, Ron always zones out because no matter who’s up there, he will come up with a new sentence. We’re not as close as me and Harry but since he’s usually with Harry, I don’t mind him tagging along and he likes me…I think. He asks me a lot of questions about America and Americans in general and the overall viewpoint in the UK is that America is a super mystery that everybody wants to visit. Veryyy stark difference from the way Brits in this reality view America. Before anyone asks, yes he could be popular with the ladies IF he wasn’t so up and down. Girls will show interest in him but if Hermione was nice to him that day, they’re getting rejected. If she was mean to him that day, he’ll talk to the girls for a while but then ultimately end up right back at Hermione’s side. Idk what their situation is but I know she has him on a LEASH and I love that for her!

DRACO MALFOY — The infamous reason people in 2020 started shifting to Hogwarts in the first place LMFAO. He’s not as bad as what I’ve heard from other peoples reality, but can I just say, I am not someone who has ever been a people pleaser i don’t give a damn if it took me two or three years to shift here, you’re not gonna talk to me crazy. Draco tried pushing me around ( verbally ) ONE time and I shut that shit down so incredibly fast, I knew I was meant to be a Slytherin. The sorting hat is actually much more accurate in this reality when it comes to putting people houses cause everyone’s a little bit older, but you can always ask to be in a house ofc, and the only “lackeys” Draco has in Slytherin, are people who asked to be in there. Trust and believe, no slytherin in their right mind is letting wannabe Viserys Targaryen use them as a stepping stool, puh-lease.

Draco doesn’t man spread. This is random but he literally will force people’s legs closed if he sees them man spreading cause he thinks it’s classless😭 His only friends are people that won’t let him push them around, he lovesss a challenge and being challenged in general and will take genuine offense to being given things easily ( this doesn’t apply to material items lmao ). I would say his personality is definitely more mature than the movies, he’s more reserved but not in a shy way. He makes fun of people behind their back but will still say it to their face if they confront him. Girls will usually pamper him and compliment him a lot and those are the girls he keeps around just for an ego boost, but someone like Astoria Greengras is his ideal woman. She’s the reason I found about the people that run around the castle for exercise because she does it! He told me he likes her because she’s like him if he’d chosen a different path ig you could say?

Their families are very similar but she chose to be kind and have that “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all” kind of attitude that he respects. She’s very disciplined and patient, not mention DROP DEAD gorgeous. His best friend ( even tho he says he doesn’t have one ) is definitely Mattheo and Blaise. To me, he’s pretty chill, he just quippy.

THEODORE NOTT — Ugh this man is gorgeous y’all. Facially, he’s Lorenzo Zurzulo, of course. I have/had the PHATTEST crush on him. He’s the definition of a nonchalant dread head, he’s very mellow but once he gets alcohol in his system he’s an entirely new person. Idk if this is a childhood trauma sort of thing or just the way he is but he has the mentality of “I’m not gonna speak unless I’m spoken to” or unless he has something to say. He finds Draco to be annoying sometimes but they’ve also known each other since they were literally like five so he’s definitely seen him through all his phases lmaoo. His face is LETHALLL let me tell you. He has the craziest peripheral vision of anyone I’ve ever met, like he already has 20/20 vision but he can see anything out of the corner of his eye, it’s freaky. Anytime someone says something crazy or he sees something weird, he’ll make such an expressive face and it’s the only time you’ll see him show lots of emotion. He reminds me of Harry in that sense.

Girls and guys love him but you already knew that LMFAO. He is actually Italian in this reality, just British-Italian and you can hear it in his accent. Draco and Blaise know Italian too. He only ever drinks water or alcohol?? Strange to me but whatever. He’s supperrrrrr tall I don’t know exactly but it definitely adds to his intimidating aura. RBF is his middle name. People don’t usually approach him romantically tho. Most professors like him but the ones that don’t usually don’t like his father. Mattheo told me they both vowed to never be death eaters because “getting another man’s face on your arm is too intimate.”😭 I say have/had a crush on him because he can be naturally flirty and sometimes it’s nice, and other times it’s not so I’m kind of up and down on that. Love him tho. He excels at most of his studies and he still hasn’t decided if he wants to choose his own career path or listen to what his father wants.

MATTHEO RIDDLE — MY LOVEEE AHHH. I know scripted him in but I didn’t expect to love him so much, he’s literally my best friend and the person I tell everything to! In this reality, his mother was a halfblood who had intimate relations with Voldemort and lied to him about her blood status so she could get closer to him. Clearly it worked! But Voldemort was furious when he found out and literally hunted her down until she went to Dumbledore for help and told him she was pregnant. He hid her away for a while but ( according to the story Mattheo was told ) something went wrong with the spell and death eaters knew where she was AND that she was pregnant AFTER Voldemort had already killed Harry’s parents. Because Voldemort was struck down, death eaters went looking for her in his place, Mattheo’s mother induced an early birth at a muggle hospital and gave Mattheo to her muggle grandmother with the help of Dumbledore again, before they ultimately found her and killed her. This is the condescend version of what I was told, believe me, me and Mattheo stayed up talking about this till the sun rose and I still have so many questions but so does he and I don’t wanna pry.

Onto his personality, he puts up this tough guy persona cause yk, he’s Voldemort’s son, but he’s pretty bubbly when he’s comfortable with people. He came into Hogwarts with an alias surname but his true name was revealed after the chamber of secrets so he doesn’t have many friends😭 I was told he used to be very popular amongst all the houses before that tho. He definitely doesn’t mind now but he is aware of everything so he tries his hardest to be kind…ish? The professors love him, they think he’s really funny and they can tell he’s constantly putting his best foot forward despite the obvious. McGonnagall actually switched her favoritism in this reality, she’s very protective and “motherly” towards Mattheo more so than Harry and sometimes when he has a free block, he’ll just sit and talk with her about whatever.

No he does not get into fights guys💀 He has threatened it for sure, but he would never actually put his hands on anyone. Again with the reputation thing, it’s not a bear he ever pokes lol. The farthest he takes it is just being loud about certain things. For example if someone walks by him and they stink, he will say out loud, “Oh my days, you’ve never washed your ass, have you?!” It embarrasses all of us but he’s just saying what everyone’s thinking. Me and Draco are his best friends but he’s lovessss Blaise, like he’s #1 Blaise fan and very proud about it. Blaise can’t do anything wrong in Mattheo’s eyes, Mattheo will ride or die for Blaise, even when I ask why he just smiles and is like “Idk man, I just love him.” Blaise thinks it’s funny but it’s been hell for him since I introduced them to gay humor, sorry king.

BLAISE ZABINI — THE MAN HIMSELF. Now if you guys thought anybody on this post compares to attractiveness and romantic attention with Blaise??? You thought wrong. Everyoneeeee loves Blaise, and I really mean that. He’s really close with Cedric Diggory and those face cards together are soooo lethal. He’s very encouraging and outgoing, he always wants to know what’s going on in the world whether it’s muggle or wizard related. He doesn’t have any prejudices towards any house or blood status and he just naturally exudes such calming energy. He’s a Taurus #twin. He doesn’t drink, ever. He’s never drank or done any drugs and is very strict about that. Sometimes he can be too blunt, especially when someone is asking for advice but I feel like he’s just real?? Draco will be like “ugh I haven’t had time to train this whole week” and Blaise will say smth like “why are you telling me when you know the solution yourself?” Motivation speaker, he is. I’ve never seen his mom but the boys say she’s foinnneeeeee ( not the word they used lmao ) and i wanna meet her so bad, like I just know she’s a baddie frfr.

PANSY PARKINSON — My wife y’all, everyone back tf up. She’s similar to Blaise in that she’s very blunt but she does know when to soften the blow, so to speak. Her aura is soooo alluring? Idek how to describe it but she’s extremely magnetic, not just visually, but also when it comes to getting things her way. If she hasn’t studied or done well on an exam, she’ll be like “It’s okay, I’m going to pass anyway/next time” AND IT ENDS UP HAPPENING! Top tier manifestor, idk what she does but I need it. Most fan fictions and stuff paint her out to be kind of boy crazy/Draco obsessed, but she’s a gorgeous girl and she knows she doesn’t need to do much of anything to attract male attention. The way she said it to me was “I’ve been getting male attention since I was 14, I don’t care for it at 19.” Her and Draco did date for a while when they were first years but they both said they never kissed during that time and when they finally did, it was so weird, they just decided to remain friends. There’s lots of rumors surrounding their breakup to this day, but neither of them care. Ugh shes so beautiful, I miss her.

OTHER PEOPLE SPITFIRE

Fred and George — Never spoke to them personally, they complimented my hair one time tho

My roommates — Me and Pansy share a dorm with these other two girls Penelope and Merida ( yes like the Disney movie😭 ) and they are so silly I love them! Merida is one of very few muggleborns in Slytherin, only because most muggleborns are scared away from the house by others but that girl is FEARLESS. She picks up insects with her hands, even rats sometimes, she doesn’t give a FUCK. Penelope is the clumsiest person I’ve ever met, sometimes she scares me cause she’s always covered in bruises but she says they don’t hurt so…sure!

Dumbledore — You guys remember in 2020 when some people said “this person knew I shifted here!” Dumbledore gives me that vibe sometimes, even though I know he doesn’t know. He just has this aura of “I know something you don’t” which is why most people find him off putting.

Marietta — Yo, fuck this bitch. I didn’t even know she was in the Harry Potter universe until I shifted back to my current reality and searched her up. FUCK her. Oh my god, she’s a Ravenclaw and she doesn’t fucking like me, and I don’t even know why and she had the audacity to rant to Mattheo about me while she was drunk talking all this shit, thinking he wouldn’t tell me??? Go straight to hell. I hate her to this DAY, I don’t care.

Neville — I could cry I love Neville. He has braces rn😭 and he looks so cute😭 I first talked to him cause I need help with Herbology and he’s soo patient, thank god. I accidentally revealed too much tho cause I asked him directly for help with Herbology ( obviously bc I already know he’s good at it ) and he was like “How do you know I’m good at Herbology?” I was gagged🧍‍♀️.

McCormic — last person cause this post is rlly long but he has a whole possey of dick riders, I swear. They all just walk around the halls or parties, waiting to find a girl to go bother. I only bring him up because I genuinely need to share this interaction.

Context: I’m sitting in the Great Hall a little before lunch when most people hadn’t arrived yet, just catching up on some reading for my next class.

Him: *sits down next to me* “Hey, you’re the um- American, right?”

Me: “I have a name”

Him: “Oh? What’s your name?”

Me: 😐😑😐 “I think you already know my name, McCormic, what do you want?”

Him: “I don’t want anything. Can’t a man just sit with a pretty girl once and a while?”

Me: “I don’t think the pretty girls boyfriend would appreciate it.”

Him: “Boyfriend? I don’t see a boyfriend anywhere.”

Me: *points behind him to an unsuspecting Theo walking towards the table*

He chuckles like this a fucking hallmark wattpad movie, stands up to size him up ig? and is IMMEDIATELY humbled because Theo is too tall for his own good. He looks at me, looks at Theo, sucks his teeth and walks away without another word.

Theo: “What’s his problem?”

Me: Who knows🤗

Anyways, #IhateMcCormic and his annoying ass friends, I hate that girl Marietta, everybody else is cool and my next post is gonna be about things I’ve implemented in my life that have helped me shift. BYEEE<33

[cozage]

Coza!! Congrats on your 2K followers. 🥳🎉🥂

I like your smuts and I’m having a hard time choosing what scenarios to request!! I’m so excited for this event you have no idea. May I request for the Option 1? Reaction of Luffy+ Sanji+ Zoro+ Law+ Eustass Kid + Killer to you reading smuts/hentai please? Thank you!!

A/N: Hi :) I wasn't able to do everyone, but I did a few! Minors…OUT! go on! Get! Scram! Also I won’t lie Zoro’s is based loosely off of the funniest comic I’ve seen in my life that stays living rent free in my head Characters: gn reader x Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Law Cw: smut and suggestive, NO MINORS ALLOWED ON THIS POST PLS GO AWAY Total word count: 900

Scandalous Reading

Luffy

Luffy’s head rested on your shoulder, his eyes lazily skimming the page that you were reading. 

“Woah!” Luffy grabbed the book out of your hand and put it up to his face to get a better view of the words. “I didn’t even know this was possible!”

“Luffy!” You reached for the book, but he held it just out of your reach, still reading. 

“I didn’t even think about trying-”

“Luffy! Give it back!”

His wide eyes peered over the pages, but he refused to hand it back to you. “Do you like this stuff?”

“I mean-I don’t-I just-” Your face turned beet red at the implication. “It’s just written really well!”

He gave you a mischievous grin and took off back toward his room, book in tow. “Come on!” he called. “I want to see if it really can work this way!”

Oh, you were in for a rough night.

Sanji

“My love, did you-” Sanji stopped, his eyes fixated on the book cover you were reading.

“Sanji?” you prompted, trying to get his attention.

“I know that author,” he mumbled, mostly to himself. “Where do I know that-”

“You probably don’t!” You slammed your book shut and shoved it behind your back. “What did you need?”

“Oh! Right! Would you like gelato or ice cream?”

“Surprise me!” you said, trying to get his mind off the book. “I’m sure whatever you make will be amazing!”

Sanji was in the kitchen when he finally placed it, and he almost collapsed from the realization of what he had caught you reading.

He brought you out the finest gelato he had ever made and set it down next to you. “So, my love,” he said, trying not to sound too excited. “How is your book?”

“It’s good,” you said. You set it down to grab your gelato, and Sanji lunged for it. 

He skimmed the pages, confirming his suspicion, and tried his hardest not to pass out from the filth his eyes found. “You’re reading book porn!” he whispered sharply. “You always get on me for staring at-”

“That’s not the same,” you hissed. “These aren’t real people! It’s different!”

“It is not!”

“What am I supposed to do!?” you snapped back, glaring at him. “You’re busy in the kitchen, I have to entertain myself somehow during the day!”

Oh, that was a bad way of wording things, because the second the words were out, Sanji’s eyes lit up. “Are you telling me you want to do something like this? Because I would love nothing more than to treat you like the royalty I know you are.”

Zoro

“What are you reading?” Zoro asked, looking at your book cover. 

“A book.” You tilted the book slightly to shield him from seeing any of the words.

“What’s it about?” He seemed strangely interested in the cover. “Swordmaking?”

Oh right, there was a sword on the front cover of the book. No wonder he was so interested in it. 

“It’s called Swords and Snakes. It’s a book about…royalty, love, and betrayal.”

He scrunched his face in disgust and went back to resting his eyes. “Not really my kind of book.”

You grinned. "No, I don't think it is." You set your book down and stood up. “Do you want anything? I’m going to go get a snack.”

“Riceballs.”

You nodded and went to the kitchen to grab food. What you hadn’t been expecting was returning to Zoro staring wide-eyed at the page you had dog-earred. 

He looked up at you in amusement, smirking at your anxious body language. “You weren’t joking about love and betrayal.”

“That’s mine!”

“More like love-making and betrayal,” he mumbled. “I didn’t know they wrote books like this. I didn’t know you would read books like this.”

“Well to be fair-” you snatched the book from his hands. “I didn’t know you could read at all!”

“Don’t be too bratty now,” he teased. “Or I’ll give you the same treatment that knight gave the princess.”

Law

You had only left your book laying on the bedside table for a minute while you ran to the bathroom. But damn that Trafalgar Law, he was so nosey. 

“Quite the fantasy world you read about,” he hummed as you walked back into the room.

“What do you-” your words died in your throat, seeing him flip through the pages. “Oh, that.” You gave a nervous laugh, striding back over to your bed. 

“Yes, this.” He slapped the book shut, peering up at you with such a predatory and lustful look that you almost took a step backward. 

“I just picked it up at the last bookstore we went to,” you lied. “I don’t even know what it’s about.”

“Right,” he said, clearly not believing you. 

He handed the book back to you, and you quickly grabbed it. “Thanks,” you whispered, unable to meet his eyes. 

“Sure.” He stood to take his leave, heading back to the lab. He stopped on his way out, leaning in to whisper in your ear. 

“If you ever want to make it a reality, all you have to do is ask.”

[pedriscroquettes]

𝐁𝐎𝐓𝐀 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐀 ✵ ENZO VOGRINCIC

summary. pipe gives away way too much information when he’s drunk.

warnings. suggestive 18+ minor pipe otaño x f!reader

a/n. based off bota niña by bad gyal 🫦

you were beginning to regret accepting the boy’s invitation of hitting a club to celebrate the premiere of the movie. they had convinced you to join reminding you of the countless months you’d spent on set making sure everyone was taken care of. the large group had managed to reserve a secluded section big enough for the cast and their friends. you could barley hear anyone over the loud music blaring in the venue.

you were glad the tab wouldn’t fall on you as the boys kept ordering group shots and bottles of bacardi and champagne. you went slow not wanting to embarrass yourself in front of the cast. the last thing you wanted was to make a fool of yourself in front of your coworkers. you had image to keep up with.

“i’m gonna miss you.” pipe slurred as he laid his head against your arm.

“i’m gonna miss you too pipe.” you sighed not believing that you were probably never gonna see any of the guys again.

“can i kiss you?” he blurts out.

“pipe you’re drunk.” you try not to laugh as his drunk self betrays him.

“well i tried! i was so stupid to believe that you liked me over enzo.” he slouches back in his seat as he accepts defeat.

“over enzo? what does he have to do with this?” you ask him intrigued.

enzo had been the coworker you’d least interacted with during filming. he tended to spend more time with the guys and often kept to himself since he was practically the only uruguayan on set. on the few occasions that the two of you had spoken he had been cordial but reserved. it lowkey pissed you off because it left you wanting to know more. seeing him in the finished product was worse because he was full of talent and you had been so close to him yet so far.

“it’s so obvious he likes you.” he says as he tries to reach out for another shot but you intercept him. he’s had enough to drink tonight.

“you’re not funny pipe.” your eyes wander around the room until they land on the topic of conversation. his slicked back hair alone is enough to make you squirm. you quickly turn your attention back to the argentine in front of you.

“i’m the funniest person here besides franco.” he scoffs. “besides enzo was always asking about you on set and i’ve caught him staring. he totally likes you.”

“you’re so full of shit.” you shake your head as you laugh. “i’m gonna go have fun now so the hangover doesn’t bother me as much in the morning.”

you stand up adjusting your dress in the process. it was an absolute pain to always have to pull your dress down whenever it rode up but the high of the movie premiere was too strong to care. it was as if pipe’s observation had given you a wave of confidence and you found yourself standing in front of the others.

“does anyone want to come dance with me?” you ask in the nicest tone possible.

“enzo does!” pipe yells and you can’t help but send a glare towards him.

“no, my dancing is terrible.” enzo nervously giggles as he feels everyone’s eyes land on him.

“he’s lying!” franco throws him under the bus.

“i’ve seen him dance he’s decent.” esteban adds on to the teasing.

“he doesn’t need to come if he doesn’t want to. it’s fine.” you feel the heat rise up to your cheeks at their banter.

“nope! he’s going. he’s the best dancer i’ve ever seen.” pipe continues with his banter.

“enzo! enzo! enzo!” the rest of the people begin to chant as they egg him on. you were regretting asking them anything.

he stands up giving into the pressure from his cast mates. even though the club is dark and the lights are dim you can still notice the pink hue on his cheeks. he’s either embarrassed or flustered and you were beginning to feel bad.

“you don’t have to come with me if you don’t want to. i don’t want you to be uncomfortable.” you told him as he approached you.

“it’s fine besides it’ll give them something to talk about.” he smirked as the two of you headed towards the center of the room.

the club is dimly lit but you’re easily able to see people surrounding the two of you. they’re mostly all couples with the occasional group of friends somewhere in the mix. it also doesn’t help that it’s basically old reggaeton music blaring from the speakers meaning it was meant to be danced closely with your partner. you’re too shy to do anything and you quite literally stand there frozen unsure of what to do next.

“you can’t go all shy on me now.” he wraps his arms around your waist pulling you closer to him. “just a couple of minutes ago you were asking for a dancing partner.”

you try to not look shocked after all he is a man and he has his wants. but you have your needs. truth be told you had barely been romantically involved with anyone since filming had begun and wrapped. you were craving the attention of someone and you didn’t mind if it came from the extremely attractive protagonist. a newfound confidence had formed between the two of you and the music only encouraged you.

“so you don’t mind me touching you, right?” you ask him with a subtle smirk.

the dim lights manage to illuminate his face as he smiles at you. the moment occurring is intimate and probably the most you had ever interacted with him throughout the past three years you knew him. you couldn’t help but admire him, his attractiveness being too much for his own good. he didn’t realize how good looking he was but you had a feeling he would soon.

“depends, how?” he brings his lips near your ears due to the music to make sure you could hear him. the act making you shiver.

“like this.” you place your palm on his chest slowly trailing it down his chest. you lowered your body to the beat of the music at the same time. you surprised your self at how your body moved and how willingly you did it for him.

“fuck.” he murmured trying to make sure you didn’t hear him but you managed to catch it anyways. it was definitely an ego boost, you’d tell your friends about this.

you try to do it again but he grabs you and brings you chest to chest with him. he analyzes you and your breath hitches the suspense killing you. you’re not sure what he’s thinking and you don’t know if you just scared him off. he creeps his hand up your neck to your jaw cupping your face. he removes the couple of strands of hair that are blocking your face. his face gets closer to yours–your heart beating faster. one blink and his lips are on yours capturing them into a sensual rhythm.

you’re perfectly still for a moment not expecting a kiss from him but that doesn’t last long. you’re moving your lips against his in a second. his hand remains firm on your jaw as he kisses you. the two of you pull away for a second to catch your breath’s. you look up at him trying to decipher his feelings. you realize he liked it as much as you did when he leaned in for another one.

normally you would feel bad about the blatant pda in front of others but you weren’t thinking straight. maybe it was the lack of oxygen due to your lips being connected with his but all you wanted was to enjoy the passionate kisses he was giving you. your hand found it’s way into his messy hair tugging at the strands causing deep groans from him. it triggered something inside you. you’d never been kissed like this before nor held like this. you were so entranced by him you barely noticed the way his hand lowered down your body.

“you want to grab my ass and you haven’t even asked me out yet.” you remove his hand from your waist teasing him.

“oh come on you know how busy i’ve been.” he jokes. “come back to my room and i’ll make up for it.”

you offer him a forced smile clearly amused by his sudden confidence and his tempting offer. it was almost enough to make you break. but you didn’t want to be a simple one night stand he would forget. you may have found him attractive but you weren’t gonna lose your dignity.

“no enzo if you really want to make it up to me you’ll come to mine with dinner.” you kiss him on the cheek. “you know where to find me.” you say referring to fact that the whole cast was staying in the same hotel for the premiere.

you head towards the hotel dragging pipe and franco along with you. the two of them being so drunk you can barely get them into their rooms. when you were finally alone you brought your fingers up to your lips reminiscing about enzo and the feel of his lips on yours. you’re barely out of your heels when there’s a knock on your door. you believe it’s pipe coming to bother you once more but instead it’s enzo with a bag of takeout and that devilish smirk of his.

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

thinking again about how fucking funny it is that in 2.02 the crew shows no concern for izzy’s well-being after ed finds them and kicks them out. they leave ed alone with izzy and then a gunshot goes off and the next time we see the crew they’re all standing around going “so… is ed ok now? do we think he’s better???” nobody is upset about ed apparently shooting izzy a second time. nobody brings it up. not even fang, who was crying in last episode bc he couldn’t believe ed would do something like that. by the second time around fang’s like “well i’ve never seen ed like this but if shooting izzy helps him snap out of this depressive episode then i guess izzy’s life is a price i’m willing to pay”

and this also makes the whole “we think you’re in an unhealthy relationship with blackbeard” intervention so much funnier too. like they probably wanted to have that chat with ed but ed’s been hiding in his room for months so trying to tell izzy “hey we think what you guys have going on is like really fucked up” was their second choice. and AGAIN fang is the funniest part abt this bc he did not hesitate to hug izzy and try to comfort him when izzy started aheemheem whimpering, but then in literally the next episode izzy is presumably dead and he’s just “rip izzy. oh well there’s other first mates”

only conclusion i can come to is that the crew all picked up on the fact that izzy was like, into the toe thing. so when ed killed izzy they were like “ok so maybe now that izzy’s not making him feed him his own toes ed will be okay??”

[shikai-the-storyteller]

I've been thinking a lot about Leonarda's not-death ever since it happened back in April.

("What death?" you might ask, to which I say: "EXACTLY!")

Back in mid-April, Vegetta and Leonarda were mining together in a one-block wide tunnel. A mob (a Petriman) got between the two of them, and Vegetta told Leonarda to step back while he took care of it. At this point, they'd spent enough time together that he trusted Leo to listen to him.

Instead, she was killed by the same sweeping edge bug that killed her siblings.

-

Vegetta's reaction here is what's really interesting to me. Unlike most other parents on the Island, there are no shouts or tears – only a very brief "Hmm" and then silence. He very quietly takes stock of the situation, saying "Vegetta, no" and wondering aloud why Leo didn't defend herself. In chat, Foolish says "It was a bug, right? LAG" to which Vegetta slowly responds "Yes, lag. Bug." (Despite this, Foolish still asks "WHAT HAPPENED" in chat, though Vegetta doesn't reply).

Instead, he creates a slightly wider space in the tunnel where Leo's body is. He continues quietly taking stock of the situation, wondering why Leo didn't defend herself (which is what necessitated his intervention). She'd been lagging a lot that day, and he figures that must be the cause, and eventually when Leo re-appears out of thin air in the middle of the cave and collects her stuff, she confirms that the lag got to her and that's why she didn't fight the mob.

Now here's where things get interesting:

Vegetta checks the tab list. Online, it's just him, Leonarda, Roier, and Foolish. He quietly tells Leonarda "The body has already disappeared, and without a body, there is no crime. Nothing is happening. Did you die?" Leo shakes her head, and Vegetta shakes his head too, and in the kind voice he uses sometimes with Leo, he says: "I believe you have not died. Where is the body? It isn't anywhere, no mija. If it was a mistake, it was a mistake."

Leo says: "I saw Diosito (God) pa, and I was scared. God, what am I doing here?" and Vegetta laughs, telling her it's alright. Leo says "No pasa nada (don't worry / nothing happened)" and Vegetta says: "And the people who are watching us have not seen it either." To Foolish and Roier, he messages: "Secreto."

And the funniest thing about this is it worked.

Not a single person spoke about it. I saw this entire event go down live and I didn't see a WHISPER of what transpired among fans. I can't even remember if the QSMP official accounts talked about it (they sure didn't mention it in Vegetta's recap of the day). We could discuss this in meta terms of course– Leo was having known lag issues that day, Vegetta's beloved by the admins so of course they're willing to turn a blind eye rather than slap a "?" over Leonarda's life on the Eggstatistics, but meta talk isn't what I'm interested in here.

I'm interested in q!Vegetta, the weird "god-adjacent" aura he's got, and the way the universe bends to his will.

Before he took a break from the server, Rubius seemed to be a caretaker for the Eggs who died (for example, he was present when Maxo, Quackity, and Mariana & Slime said their final goodbyes to Trumpet, Tilin, and JuanaFlippa). Because of his role as an "angel" and some of his dialogue during the early days of the server, it's not a stretch to say he probably came to collect any Egg who lost a life. I can imagine he did the same when he saw Leonarda die – that is, until Vegetta said "And the people who are watching us have not seen it either." Realistically, we know Vegetta was saying this to Chat (and possibly the admins as well), but again, we're looking at this from an "in-universe" perspective.

I wonder if Vegetta was aware of Rubius' role, and this was his way of telling Rubius "No. I won't allow that to happen." We know Rubius has a soft-spot for Vegetta (and we also know that Rubius was cast out of heaven several months later) so it makes me wonder if these two instances are connected.

Either way, this isn't the first time the laws of the QSMP universe have bent for Vegetta, and I certainly don't think it'll be the last.

Rubius or no, Leo didn't die that day.

Vegetta made sure of it.

[roots-symphony]

Unpopular opinion maybe, but I don’t really buy into the whole fuckboy agatha/turbo virgin Rio narrative. Like it’s fun to play around with, but I don’t think it’s as canon as some I’ve seen some ppl say. I think it’s just one of like many possible interpretations of what their dynamic could have been, and tbh I think we’re all sleeping on the funniest one. Let me explain:

Agatha fucks now, that’s super obvious but there’s also been like how many centuries between now and when she was younger/met Rio? Agatha grew up during a very puritanical time, in an isolated coven, with an abusive mother, could she have been sneaking and getting action/figuring herself out on the side? Definitely. But I feel like she would’ve been more focused on trying to sneak around and learn magic and (depending on just /how/ isolated the coven was, which the ones we saw her and Nicky go through ranged from super small family to a small-medium community) might have not been either a lot of options and/or the options there were would have been like difficult to do anything about. We don’t know when she meets Rio, but presumably not /too/ long after her attempted execution just based on when Nicky was born, so she definitely in this time could have come to an understanding of herself and her body, especially in regards to how she could use her ~feminine wiles~ to get by with her entire support system gone. But I feel like another way to look at it, is that while she may not have been able to experiment as a teenager, she definitely could have run into some inappropriate books while reading the magic books she also wasn’t allowed to read. That plus just probably the whole way sex and everything was viewed during that time, I feel like she could easily come up with some weird ideas about what sex even is.

And Rio has been around for like ever. Do you know how many humans probably died doing weird sex things?? Rio knows what sex is, but her view of it is probably super skewed. (Also, we don’t see Rio from a point before Agatha which is unfortunate because all her focus after agatha is like… /on/ agatha so we have no way of knowing if she had any curiosity regarding humanity or any of the things she saw. She definitely could have experimented in her long existence, we just don’t know. Which doesn’t really matter to this, I just want to point out that even that is up to interpretation and is based in canon literally just as much as virgin Rio [which is to say not at all])

Anyway I think we’re all missing the funniest way to read this, which is /both/ Agatha and Rio having wildly different and also just wrong ideas about what sex is/how it works, and just trying to figure it out together like the blind leading the blind with all their directions based around colors. Bonus in that Rio could probably say some buckwild shit and Agatha ‘fake it till you make it’ Harkness would probably be like ‘well yes, obviously that’s how you do it’

[tricktster]

ugh i hate that it would truly be a big mistake for me to post anything material about my job on here because it could theoretically come back to bite me. You know, conservative industry, close scrutiny, clients probably unimpressed by the fact that the person they are entrusting millions of dollars to (me) has an online presence at all chiefly because she wrote an E rated 425,000 word undertale fanfic (also me).

Given the foregoing, please don’t speculate or guess at what my job might be because god forbid you get it right and it somehow pops up in a search engine in a way that’s identifiable and i lose my clients and all this grad school debt is for nothing, that would be quite bad and i would like to avoid it tyty. Anyway.

All this to say that I witnessed one of the single funniest things I’ve ever seen yesterday, and summarizing it as “Extremely important person unexpectedly projectile vomited into the open arms of a different extremely important person (neither of whom had met each other before this incident) in the most formal setting imaginable, and they both sprinted out of the room and were never seen again, and this nearly caused a chain reaction of all the other very important people puking on each other, but after about a three minute break to clean up everyone else just resumed like nothing happened except the very important person sitting between the puker and pukee had to cover their entire face with their winter jacket… and then the power went out” really doesn’t do it justice.

It was so gross. I am still laughing.

[littlestarbigsky]

i know I KNOW this is from the dinner scene but god this is probably the funniest thing i’ve ever seen-

[you-see-something-strange-here]

Nobody:

Isaac: I’m gonna pick him up and throw him over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes -

I am so sorry but during that fighting montage with west ham Isaac picked up Richard and started to carry him away that made me cackle so loud -