#it’s only been a month and a half !!!! THIS IS INSANE
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Peter who is Tony’s personal assistant - the only personal assistant who has actually stuck through him for more than two years. Prior to Peter, all of Tony’s past PA(s) were people who had resigned within 24 hours (and left in absolute tears) because they simply couldn’t cope with the stress.
Peter deals with everything; handling the older male’s hectic schedules, enduring crazy ex-partners and slighted flings who show up here and there and hey, he’s had coffee and juice, whatever-you-name it thrown in his face. Before anything even reaches Tony’s desk, be it an interview request or social invite, it’s strictly screened by Peter first.
He works round the clock basically. It’s high stress, but the monetary compensation is….Peter thinks he might be set for life if he keeps it up for another couple of years.
“So, remember, you’ve got that in-person interview with Ms Bellford at 6 today. I’ve screened all the questions, but I’ve got Happy on standby just in case she goes off script and-“
Tony frowns, “You’re not going to be there?”
“Uh-“ Peter glances up from his new yet-to-be-released Stark Industries-issued tablet. “I requested for time off for today a month and a half ago. You signed off on it.”
Tony has that particular look on his face which tells Peter that the older male doesn’t remember doing anything of that sort.
“Tony-“ Peter really can’t cancel because this is the third time he’s rescheduling this date with a guy he’s sort of hit it off with from a dating app four months ago. “I need to turn up for my date, because my social life is non-existent as it is.”
“…you don’t count being with me as socializing? Also, a date? First time I’m hearing of it.”
“You’re my boss - I have to socialize with you.”
“Ouch.”
“And it’s the first time I’m mentioning it because the previous two dates didn’t happen. But it needs to happen today because he seems somewhat decent.” Peter hopes so, at least.
Tony leans back in his chair, “Well, I hope Mr.Decent is taking you somewhere nice.”
“Mm, whatever is “nice” in my vocab would probably be “peasant-like” in yours.” Because Tony has ridiculously fancy taste. “I think it’s some fine-dining Korean restaurant in West Village.” Peter glances at his watch. “…and if I want to make a good first impression, I really need to leave.” He gives Tony an imploring look. “Uh, would it be too much to tell you not to call me if you don’t need me?”
Tony grins at Peter, teasing, “But I always need you.”
“Not this evening, you don’t.” Peter quips. “Anyway, behave, don’t terrorize the interviewer, please. She seens genuinely interested in the company’s progress, so - best behavior, please.”
“See, that’s why you need to be there. I’m always the best version of myself when you’re around.”
“Uh huh.” Peter deadpans. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Mr.Stark.”
- / -
“Uh…what do you mean it’s closed? I thought we made reservations.” Peter asks his date over the phone.
“Yeah, a month ago. But someone from the restaurant called me just now and said they’re closed because of a sudden emergency.”
Peter tries not to feel too bummed. He had been looking forward to dining at the restaurant since they made plans for it.
“Oh…then, should we go elsewhere?” Peter suggests.
“Well, it’s a Friday and anywhere else nice is probably fully booked out.”
Peter wonders if this third failed attempt at a date is the Universe’s way of telling him that things with this particular person is not meant to be. Look, he’s not insanely superstitious, but surely it means something?!
“…maybe next time?”
Both of them agree on next time, but Peter thinks there’s not going to be one. He sighs as he ends the call. Well, he could just order in and spend the night actually resting, but instead, Peter finds himself re-entering the office tower and making his way up to the topmost floor and back to his own personal office (truly a perk)
“Someone’s passionate about their job. What happened to a date with Mr.Decent?” Is the first thing that Tony asks when he pops in.
Peter simply sighs, and it’s then that he realizes Tony’s tie is slightly crooked. He gets out of his chair and closes the distance between them, nimble fingers adjusting the tie to sit nicely.
“The restaurant had to close all of a sudden. Last minute emergency.”
“A well-prepared man would have made back up plans.” Tony remains still as Peter fusses over him.
“I kinda thought so too.” Peter admits, hands sweeping along the lapels of his boss’s suit jacket. “It’s weird - I’m disappointed, but I’m not that disappointed?” He shrugs his shoulders.
“Well. I, for one, am glad.”
- / -
It’s Peter’s third year of overseeing that the Stark Expo runs smoothly, but it’s still as anxiety-inducing as ever. The moment Tony ends his speech, Peter heaves a sigh of relief, knowing that the most important aspect of the expo was over. Now, the attendees would be mingling and networking and Peter could finally enjoy a glass of wine. Or two.
“Can I assume that it’s finally safe to approach you?”
Peter lets out a laugh as he accepts the glass of red wine being handed to him, “Fashionably late as always, Quentin.”
“Mm, it’s on purpose really. I don’t really need to waste twenty minutes of my time listening to Stark stroke his own ego.”
Quentin Beck was one of their biggest competitors to date, and frankly, he was smart enough that it kept Tony on his toes.
“You look great.” Quentin comes in for a hug which Peter reciprocates. “It’s the third year of you handling Stark Expo, and my third time trying my luck at poaching you for myself.”
Peter had to give it to Quentin for his persistance, “Better luck next year.”
“I’ll keep that in mind. Then…how about trying my luck for something non business related? Coffee, dinner?”
Peter grins up at Quentin, “Are you asking me out?” He can’t deny that that they’ve always engaged in flirty banter whenever they meet.
“Mm hmm, and I know there’s a conflict of interest somewhere, but I truly can’t bring myself to give a fuck.”
He nearly snorts the wine up his nose, playfully swatting Quentin on the shoulder. He’s giving the thought some consideration because Quentin is smart and a looker, and he’a older too, somewhere along Tony’s age, and that’s always a plus. But he doesn’t get to dwell on it much longer when Tony comes to join them.
He doesn’t seem too pleased to see Quentin, startling Peter slightly be resting his hand against the dip of Peter’s back. As if staking his claim over his own personal assistant.
“Sorry to interrupt.” He doesn’t sound apologetic at all, and Peter’s instantly whisked away before he manages to get a word out to Quentin. “What is it? Do you need something, Mr.Stark?” Peter asks, absolutely confused once they’re quite a distance away from the crowd.
Tony eases his hold slightly around Peter’s waist,” There should really be laws about fraternizing with the enemy.”
“You’re exaggerating. You know how Quentin is.”
“Yes, and I don’t like it one bit of how he was looking at you.”
“…careful, Mr.Stark. Your jealousy’s showing.”
Peter waits for Tony to laugh, but it doesn’t come.
No way Tony Stark is jealous.
Peter doesn’t know what to do all of a sudden, not with his boss staring him down. He’s self-conscious of their proximity all of a sudden.
“Mr.Stark-“
“I don’t really take too well to sharing, both professionally and personally.”
- / -
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Bloodborne Diluc returns
#it’s been too long#sorry this is the only art I have to offer#my only objective the past few months has been to survive and we are barely doing that#one and a half more months of teaching then I’m free for a little bit#these kids are insane#why did they offer me a phys ed position 4 days in to my practicum 😭#fuck my stupid baka life#that is neither my major nor minor#anyway bloodborne diluc will save me#diluc#my art#genshin impact#genshin#bloodborne
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Jayce and Viktor both doomed and then undoomed the world in their early-mid thirties so all I have to say is that there is hope for us all to dream big ya know? All it took was a break from their work to go on a solo international backpacking trip or dabbling in religion to realize they needed each other <3
#ive only been in grad school a month and im in my late twenties and by the time ill graduate ill be almost 30 so#if anyone wants to doom the world with me then soulbond in the cosmos we got about two years to plan#listen who wouldnt go insane after being inside and working on one single subject for like 7 years#you either go into politics and fail bad at it or start a cult and doom the world by accident oops#those two really didn't do anything by half measure lmao#they really are the yes and scientists#arcane#viktor arcane#jayce talis#jayvik#arcane season 2
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it's so insane to me how even in 2020 people were shitting on lance even though out of all the races he finished in that season he only finished out of the points ONCE.
out of 11 races he completed he got points for 10.
in the austrian gp lance lost power and dnf (not his fault ofc)
in the styrian gp lance finished 7th (qualified 13th)
in the hungarian gp lance finished 4th (qualified 3rd)
in the british gp lance finished 9th (qualified 6th)
in the anniversary gp lance finished 6th (same in quali)
in the spanish gp lance finished 4th (qualified 5th)
in the belgian gp lance finished 9th (same in quali)
in the italian gp lance finished 3rd (qualified 8th)
in the tuscan gp lance got a puncture and dnf (he was doing amazing, having gotten from 7th up to 3rd-5th before a nasty crash)
in the russian gp lance spun out (this race was so insane, like 3 incidents in the first 3 corners)
in the eifel gp nico raced for lance (he had covid)
in the portugal gp lance dnf (early contact with lando, basically ruined his race)
in the emilia gp lance finished 13th (qualified 15th, only time he finished out of points)
in the turkish gp lance finished 9th (qualified 1st, very wet race)
in the bahrain gp lance dnf (he flipped, scary crash in a scary race)
in the sakhir gp lance finished 3rd (qualified 10th)
in abu dahbi lance finished 10th (qualified 8th)
to summarize, lance isn't as bad as people say he is ur just mad his dad actually loves him >-<
#if u know anything abt me and my blog#yk half my time is spent going over old f1 stuff#(because ive only been a fan for a few months)#basically#they could never make me hate you lance stroll#yes i am defending this nepo baby#what abt it#hes MY nepo baby#f1#formula 1#lance stroll#aston martin#ls18#2020#racing point#lance stroll my goat#i love him#im rambling#im going insane dont mind me#yapping#im a pro at it#d1 yapper
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I love receiving a passive-aggressive text message every time I use the only kitchen on this earth I have physical access to. I love having the options of 'put herculean effort into appearing not to exist' or 'be scolded daily for eating'
#its not even your hooooouuuuussssee#oh yeah totally leave your half smoked joints all over the counter and change your cats' litter box 1x a week#even though it's in a common room but no Im the gross one for like putting a dish on a different counter than usual#im just overreacting bc im off my meds rn but christ i need a job so bad ive been crying every day ab staying here#and remy is driving me insane bc hes stir crazy bc hes still only allowed in 2 rooms bc certain people seem to think letting him meet their#cats will encourage us to stay here longer or something - as if id want to spend 1 extra millisecond with that garbage attitude#ugh#posts a vent and leaves for months again. im sorry everyone i also wish i had my shit together
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character wrapped 2023 💥
tagged by @davidtennantpussytulpa ^-^ i didn't know how many to do so i copied tara and did top 10. i know the severance guys are Four Of Them but i can't separate them theyre all equally important to me
will graham (hannibal), em haywood (nope), aziraphale (good omens), mark & dylan & helly & irving (severance), hawkeye pierce (mash), martha jones (doctor who), ivan karamazov (the brothers karamazov), kim kitsuragi (disco elysium), stewy hosseini (succession), ruescott melshi (andor/rogue one)
i will tag... @fagician @britomart @libraryfag @roadwhores @majorbaby @globuspolski @hadleyfraserfaggot @tenderscience if u want to ^-^
#and now i will explain them all in detail#cos i started watching hannibal back in like. january or february and will immediately set up camp in my head and started to settle there#*I* pay rent to *HIM*. he lives there permanently. sweating and monologuing constantly#em was not only the character of 2022 but also of 2023 and of 2024 and the rest of the decade and all decades to come#she had such an impact on me keke palmer's performance will live with me forever and i love nope so fucking much#i almost didnt include her because nope was more of a last year obsession. but she lives on#aziraphale.........no comment#severance.......i love them all so much and at first i wanted just irving and then just helly and then i realise i cried over mark this week#and then i realised i couldnt possibly leave out dylan when hes probably my favourite character. so then i settled for all of them#hawkeye is my fucking wife. enough said#martha... well i knew i had to have a doctor who character. i thought maybe the doctor but then i thought their companions mean more to me#sometimes at least. i did have a fourteen icon for a while but then i was like but Donna..... and then i thought. well#these past few months at least martha jones has been eating away at my heart. i go batshit insane when i think about her#her impact. her grace. her power. so she had to go on the list.it was a toss up between her and donna for sure though#then i figured i had to include a karamazov since reading that book took up half of my year. and ivan was my favourite of the 3. so <3#kim goes without saying. literally nothing to be said hes the character Of All Time. to me#stewy also goes without saying ive had so many Stewy Save Me moments since the beginning of season 4 all the way to the end of the year#i miss him every day. he is the moment. i wish there was more of him all the time#and the last one is a bit of a wildcard cos all my insanity abt melshi has been on my andor sideblog.#but rest assured ive been thoroughly Not Normal about him. he literally side appears in 4 episodes and has 11 total minutes onscreen#but i love him. so much. and hes occupied most of my thoughts since september. once again his impact his power his grace. his homosexuality#enough said. that's all. thanks for reading. this was a great year for autism and madness#tag game#🍪
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#ive been putting off making any kind of post about this bc it feels mean#but today is setting me off so bad#my coworker is making me insane with his dry ass conversation#today alone he has told me:#how both he and his girlfriend brush their teeth#the exact discount hes getting on a tv mount#that he thinks nobody eats so little as 2k calories/day#and the same laundry story he told me yesterday#we have been here not two hours yet#i will be clearly either doing something or texting or reading and he'll start talking about how much caffeine is in his drink#until i put whatever im doing down and go yeah wow that's crazy#i was trying to mention yesterday that i had a good time book shopping on nyd (yk regular coworker pleasantries!)#and he cut me off and talked about his brother coming to stay a few days for like ten minutes#just now he went wow i cant believe it's almost my birthday already. time flies#HIS BIRTHDAY IS TWO AND A HALF MONTHS AWAY!! THAT IS NOT ALMOST!!!#like this is not that big a deal but istg i work with colin robinson. hes an energy vampire and he also only half does his job#so it's not like it's worth being bored to death ykwim#says kenna
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Person A: Do you want a beer? I’m paying.
Person B, going through the restaurant’s menu: No. Ugh, where’s the good stuff?
Person A, half jokingly: I thought you were an alcoholic.
Person B: Exactly. I’d need at least, like, four beers — without food — to get slightly buzzed, and my stomach can’t fit over 2 beers in it. I’m small. I’ll have a rum, neat.
#source: me#incorrect quotes#incorrect quotes ideas#incorrect quotes prompts#tw: drug mention#tw: drugs#i used to be so small when all i did was heroin and ketamine. since i started drinking (i only started drinking every night because the-#-opiate withdrawal was so fucking bad alcohol was the only thing that kept my legs from kicking all night long and my skin from feeling-#-like it was on cold wet fire somehow)#anyway. when all i did was opiates ™ i was like 45 kg and i’m 165 aka 5’5 like i looked like a sickly model#now it’s only been a month drinking and not doing morphine or some shit and i already gained 12 kg it’s insane i’m like almost 60 kg now#i’m queueing this for a month from now so hopefully it’ll have been 2 months when this gets posted#and like i say i’m an alcoholic cause i don’t think it’s normal to drink like 5 nights a week but i’m not chemically dependent on it like i-#-was with opiates like i’m sober half the time. ive never done surgery while drunk for instance. there was this one time i had just had 4-#-shots in the bathroom in secret cause i was having a panic attack and didn’t know what else to do but anyway.#and they asked me if i wanted to close up on a tubal ligation and i passed on the opportunity even though i was Fine bc idk i just didn’t-#-feel good ab it. which is more than i can say for my professor tbh#like some other medical intern said ‘wow it must be so hard having to be On Call 24/7. like i bet u can’t even drink’#and he said ‘oh come on surgeons have lives too. in fact i drank more than a few beers just a few hours ago lol’ and proceeded to cut-#-someone open#anyway. yeah. i don’t get drunk at work yk#felt like i had to make that clear
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I just realized I can just grab the next jumping spider I see and put it in a terrarium and just. Have a pet spider. The only thing stopping me rn is that its the middle of winter and a lack of information, but that gives me plenty of time to study! Its just gonna kill me waiting to actually Do Anything abt it (except clean my room so there's less chance of them getting lost agsjsgj)
Anyways seasonal depression hits different when you finally realize you wanna be an entomologist but I was able to find a good sized jar and some mesh table liner stuff to use for the top, so it'll be nice and easy to mist it down and provide plenty of air for the little baby!
I have free will and I will use it to Aquire Bugs >:]
#my mom said she fully supports me and my dad is chill about bugs as long as they arent on him#and my sister no longer lives here and doesnt need to know#this is whats gonna motivate me to get my shit together#and I live by the great lakes so theres live bait in pretty much every gas station#i just need a steady job so I can pay for them#maybe i could apply at the gas station? easy access to bug food and theres 2 in town#plus theres a subway in one and dippin dots in the other#and i have a friend from high school that works in one so maybe he can help me :)#and if I get my room clean I can move things around! so i can work on the layout too for now#its the first time in forever ive felt like my life has some direction#and I'm gonna take an online course in wildlife conservation to start :D#and I found an online course in entomology I can take too :]#the wildlife conservation one is for a bachelor's degree so that should be a good start!#im gonna ask my therapist to help me make a five year plan and help me stick to it#with things I can get done in five weeks‚ five months‚ and five years :]#first I gotta get my sleep meds bc im so tired#theres so much i wanna do with my life and im gonna make them happen#and ill be the first in my family to go to college! once I get my bachelors and a stable job i wanna go back for a doctorate#i wanna be a bug doctor#sosososo bad#entomology#it only took me 24 and a half years to figure out what to do with my life lmao#ive been happy stimming so much its insane#i wanna get a camper van too so i can travel around looking for bugs :3
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q!bbh and q!foolish is enemies to lovers without the lovers do you understand me
#i think this is their vibe outside of qsmp as well but im gonna be real my dsmp knowledge is somewhat limited#i only got into it in the middle of last year and i could only catch up on so many vods. i watched hundreds of hours back to back#to be fair ive also been doing that with qsmp to catch up and im so close. im like a month and a half behind#i have watched hundreds of hours. my autism is fucjing insane. you dont understand#what was i sayibg#qsmp#landduo
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i found loads of pictures of my uncle i am going 2 cry
#he looked so sweet…..he looks SO much like my dad#i found the last picture of him that my granddad took a month or so before he died it’s so sad#trying to decide if i should tell my mum that i know about him or if i should just keep it to myself#idk if somethings wrong with me maybe it’s because i was already grieving before i found out#but it’s really getting 2 me i can’t concentrate on my uni shit i just keep thinking about it#i think i rlly need to talk about it with someone but i have no idea who or how or what i’d say. but it’s weird because it’s a secret yk#like i’m not even supposed to know he existed#idk. i have a gender clinic appointment next week and i’m going to ask if they can recommend any therapists#me being very very brave and trying therapy again after being forced into it my whole life and ending up a bit traumatised#idk. i feel bad that i’m alive and i’m wasting my life when my uncle got killed when he was just a kid#it makes me feel like i should be more grateful and do more with myself.#and i am going to try but i’d rather he was here instead. same with my granddad#every time i experience something beautiful or good i wish my granddad could experience it because he deserved it more than me#and the best i can do is experience it for him and be grateful. but i would chance places instantly if i could#him and his kid deserve to be here they were so special. i know i don’t know his kid but i’ve heard they were similar#so i know he must have been special too#i found a fb comment today from a family friend i’ve never met and she was saying that she only met my granddad once#but she called him gentle and it made me cry. because he was very scottish and sweary and traditional and masculine#so everyone just assumed he was tough and scary but if you knew him he was really quiet and kind#and i’m glad someone who only met him once could see that#i’m going to be half asleep for the rest of my life i think. i’ve been dreaming since my granddad died and i don’t feel like i ever woke up#nothing has felt real since i was nine years old. everything just stopped and never started again#i’ve just been waiting. i’m waiting for him to change his mind and come back. idk. i don’t know what to do with myself#and i continuously feel fucking insane and stupid for being this way. it’s like fresh grief all the fucking time#but it was fifteen years ago. why does it still feel this way#i can’t even tell people because they won’t understand why i’m still so bothered by it#he was my parent for nine years. i lived with him he was my sole caretaker#i was nonverbal and him and my brother were the only people on the planet who knew what my voice sounded like#he’d think it was silly if i failed my exam because i was crying about him instead#he’d tell me to whisht and stick in. so i will
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i have the type of adhd that makes me try aggressively harder until it consumes me when it’s extremely difficult to acquire medication, instead of giving up because phone calls scary
#an hour and a half of my work day has been dedicated to this#honestly at this point it’s out of spite i take like 10mg twice a day#some insane part of me is like ‘oh there’s a shortage? this bullshit is def making other ppl with adhd give up but i am the alpha’#‘and i will persist and acquire the limited resource’#is this the medication or just my personality and the way i’ve developed with condition? who can say#but i’m not going to be beaten here#i will choose to go off of it but only if i genuinely think it’s the right call#and not bc i’m unwilling to do what i need to do to get it#only allowed to refill the day i run out every single month? i’ve got it hand me the phone and calendar#insurance changing coverage guidelines? doctor’s appointment made to get prior authorization or otherwise change dosage#widespread shortage? i will call every pharmacy in the area to figure out who has it this month#and call my doctor’s office as many times asking them to send it there#until they get it right after two inevitable failures#all in the same 7 hour period bc i’m legally only allowed to fill it when i’m literally about to be out of it#all while i have FUCKING ADHD
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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finished rewatching rtd era. literally took me uhm. two and a half months. in fucking shambles rn
#also 1.5 months of that were just season 4 eps. they're so. hngh.#it took me this long coz i can only watch like 1 rtd ep a day 2 at most. they're all so hdhdhdhd;;;; yknow..#the way it makes me cry HARDER every single time i watch it is fucking insane#like how am i getting WORSE. I've been watching it for like half my life at this point 😭#most miserable little guy ever created... houghhhhhgfhfhf☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️#I've been putting this ep off coz i needed to watch it on a day where i had the#energy to spend an hour or two crying so hard i get nauseous but I've been busy and tired 24/7 for months#uni and work and friends taking precious time away from my REAL job (being insane abt some guy on my screen)#dw lb#doctor who
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bitching abt my job again
tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia
#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind#for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at#and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years#only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down#despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down#so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen#and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it#and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first#--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl#bc of course they dont give a shit about the library#they just care about how scary the queers are#and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town#and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time#(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the#--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting#the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display#its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages#talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w#--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens#sourse: i was one of tgose#and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk#and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look#--elsewhere#bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater#--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education#i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too#but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in#--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on
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#i KNOW my mental health is down the drain because i woke up panicking at 4:30am for seemingly no good reason#and that was half an hour ago and i still can't go back to sleep#and i've been feeling exhausted and on the edge about switching from this dual deal of education and job training#to a full time 8 to 5 deal#for the past 2 months#kept saying that i need a break soon or i'm gonna burn out but also kept pushing myself through daily sensory overload because#i kept telling myself that there are only a couple few weeks left of this and i can do it#and now there's exactly one week left of it all until i finally get a month off and i need to do my best to keep myself from tossing it all#out the window#because i'm worried about not being able to keep up with a full time job i now signed a three year contract for#considering this half time deal already took everything out of me#it's super frustrating because for a while there i really thought i'm on top of my shit but now i'm showing symptoms of an impending#mental breakdown and i have a month to get all of this under control somehow or i'm gonna blow my chance at a job i've been working my ass#off for the past six months to a) get it in the first place and b) earn important certificates for it#and a month is just not enough to get an appointment with a counselor who i can talk to about this#and once i'm working i'll hardly have any time left for appointments considering the insane amount of time i'll be spending commuting#to work every day because i didn't yet receive the bonus payment towards a car i was promised for my efforts here#genuinely wish i had someone i could rely on during times like these but i am basically providing for my entire environment and i just#gotta keep going somehow idk#rant#gonna try to get another half an hour of sleep in now i guess
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