#it’s not gender euphoria exactly but it’s close maybe

[vstheworld]

I am never going to be a person who like…exercises. but I started just doing ten push-ups a day and the difference it’s made is wild

[hana-no-seiiki]

why does ‘it’ give me so much gender euphoria? i’ve been reading way too much monster! reader fics.

anyways have an old fic of mine from quotev i never got to continue writing lolz have fun. next chapters will be posted on yoru-no-seiiki if ever.

LOVE MULTIPLIED : MONSTER

PROLOGUE:

THE BEAST.

IT WAS A BEING WITH NO NAME, no face, no identity in this world except the cruel things it was designated as by the people it tormented.

By all intents, constructions and purposes, the being was an enigma to humankind. An enigma of atypically molded flesh and bone ; of blood; of darkness — of the heavens and the universe.

When it awoke on this planet, it already knew its purpose.

To tear down humanity’s knowledge that edged far too close to the divine the being called its creator.

Yet, it had underestimated the tenacity of these new creations. 

It had taken them centuries, sure. A number of years enough to carry half a dozen generations. But they had won against it.

It was a being with nothing but the overflowing intent to destroy humanity —

So that one day it may build it back up again to where it will stay juvenile and naïve for eternity.

“You have been captured, Alien. There’s no use to this.” A human that the others called a scientist spoke. They watched with focused eyes, and the creature was almost sure they did not stop to blink for a second.

Alien. It was one of the things humanity thought it was. If anything humanity were the true aliens to this world. How awfully ironic of them to call it that.

It only responded with a deep trill.

“It took us almost a millennium but we did it. We finally — “ The scientist choked on their words for a moment, overwhelmed with sadness, excitement, and most of all anxiety.

”We finally defeated you.”

If their enemy still being alive and capable of destroying several moons with just a thought was considered a victory for humanity. Then maybe the beast had overestimated its quarry. Still it could not deny the impressive feat that is its capture. Though it was mostly its fault for taking so long to finish the job, humanity was nonetheless impressive.

And that is exactly why humankind must be cut off where it stands.

”And… I have you here. All to myself.” The scientist muttered. Fortunately — or was it unfortunately — the forcefield did nothing to stop the sounds coming from outside. So the beast could hear their whispers , and every sound there is and could be in the universe , just as well as them shouting these words out.

It leaned forward, inches away from the forcefield that separated it from tearing the human apart. Is this the type of person that they usually call— what was it again— a creep?

Unfortunately this action only made the scientist blush. Either at the success in finally getting it to do more than growl or from being incredibly close to the murderer of billions. It did not know. 

“The strongest being in this universe — and me, about to be the most knowledgeable human this world has to offer. “ The beast adjusted itself back to a ‘sitting’ position. The scientist took the action as one made in fear — how utterly ridiculous — and waved their hands, ”Don’t worry. I won’t hurt you . . . too much.”

This person was the exact epitome of why the divine creator had sent it here. Humans who venture too far into the unknown turned to fall ill with madness. Really, the creature was doing these beings a favor.

A favor paid in the souls of billions.

Though it knew that if it hadn’t gone through with its divine mission, humanity would inevitably destroyed itself. The creature only accelerated the process and gave them a villain to blame.

”I never experienced the war myself, as old as I am. While those brutes out there kept themselves busy with attempting to destroy you. I knew from the moment I first saw you towering the black skies that the true way to achieve a triumph was to keep you locked. For us to observe.” The human continued musing while they walked around the room.

At this point the monster wasn’t even listening anymore and was thinking of the infinite ways it could reshape this rather annoying scientist.

”For us to learn about.”

It growled. There was nothing to learn about it. Nothing at all. The leathery detached skin in front of its mouth fluttered as the sound emitted across the gigantic chamber.

”And who knows — for us to one day replicate.”

It attempted to reach through the forcefield, the urge to destroy to unbearable. But it is reminded of how they were exactly kept here.

The moment flesh made contact with field, it burns. The creature knew no pain before for it had only known its creator and darkness. But pain, oh how —

— distracting it was.

The scientist paid no mind to its loud roars of agony. Instead they smile as they leave the observation room. 

“I’ll see the next day then, Beast of Judgement.”

ART BY MARK HILYER

©️ hana-no-seiiki - yun | 2023

[talanashta]

Gender Euphoria

I'm late (only discovered this event today), but have my lil fill for day 2 @stevieweek! Prompt was "gender euphoria," but it can also (probably) fill "first dress."

Rating: G | CWs: Dysphoria | Word Count: 707 | Pairing: Gen (or can be read as one-sided Stobin)

“It’s shocked me to my core, but I like you. I really like you. But I’m not like your other friends, and I’m not like Nancy Wheeler.”

“Robin. That’s exactly why I like you.”

“Tammy Thompson. I wanted her to look at me.”

“But Tammy Thompson’s a girl… Oh.”

It’d been months since their conversation on the floor of the men’s bathroom at the Starcourt movie theater, and Steve still couldn’t get it out of his head. At first, he’d thought maybe he was still weird about Robin liking girls, but that didn’t feel right. He’d thought maybe it was his crush on her, but he respected her boundaries. She was his best friend, and that was perfect! He’d never had anyone like her in his life before. Tommy used to be his best friend, and he’d never even come close to how much Steve and Robin clicked.

Steve spent night after night staring at the ceiling of his bedroom in the dark, forced to contemplate it. It was that or think about the nightmares. He’d been, not sad, something else, when Robin essentially told him she didn’t like him back because he was a boy. It wasn’t how being turned down normally felt. This was like a throbbing ache in his chest and a hollowness in his stomach. It felt like being called bullshit by Nancy. Like he was wrong. Then the tears started falling.

He only let himself cry like this in the dark of his room with his parents away. Great heaving sobs where his breath hitched, clutching at his chest like he wanted to rip it open to tear out the negative feelings.

All his thoughts swirled through his head like he was drowning in them, being whisked away in a flood.

He remembered all the times he had felt like this in the past. How sometimes, with his skin crawling, he’d rush to the bathroom and frantically shave all his body hair to feel safe and normal. How his voice dropping had made him scream into his pillow at night. How he’d rub his fingers over and over his mother’s silkiest dresses when his parents were gone.

He’d explained it all away. He got used to being hairless during swimming, so of course, it felt weird having it back during the off-season. Alongside voice changes, puberty caused strong emotions from hormones (or something like that; that’s what the guidance counselor said during sex ed), so of course, he had the urge to scream sometimes. He missed his parents, but especially his mom, so of course, he wanted to feel close to her by grabbing the hem of her dress like he would when he was little.

It was all adding up, though, and sure, he wasn’t good at math, but he could add two plus two. All those times when he stared at girls’ hair and makeup a little too long feeling envious of how pretty they were. How much care and attention he paid to his own hair, keeping it as long as his father would let him.

Maybe he was… a girl? He- she- she decided to test her idea.

In the dark of night, she padded down the stairs to her parents’ room. She looked through her mother’s closet for a dress that looked like it might fit. She grabbed the first one she found in a stretchy fabric and headed to the ensuite.

The drawers on the right held her mother’s makeup, and while she didn’t quite know how to put it all on, she’d seen Nancy and her mother do it enough times that she could make a decent guess.

She pulled the dress over her head, fluffed her hair, and started in on the makeup. It felt right wrong right, so she leaned in as close to the mirror as she could so she couldn’t see the whole image. Just focused on applying the eyeshadow, liner, blush, lipstick. Until there was nothing left. Until she had to step back from the mirror.

She burst out into tears again, instantly ruining her work. Mascara ran down her cheeks. But her heart soared. She felt like she’d float away into the stars.

She’d never looked more like herself.

[creaturecomfortsva]

some old things i made.

i used to call my crochet shop "sadgirlcrochet". i started posting and selling my crochet stuff in late 2020, was dealing with some serious depression, and had only come to terms with being NB a few months earlier. calling myself a girl still felt right back then, or at least not painful. i put frowny faces on everything.

this was the flagship product, the depressed daisy bikini. I'm thinking about re-designing these because they were always my best-selling product. honestly, as someone who works in marketing, "sad girl crochet" was branding gold. I could make any design that was popular with the tiktok crochet girlies but trade a smiley face for a frown and BOOM. iconic piece. hundreds of instagram likes. for example, my 420 creations in 2021:

these are some of my favorite creations from that year. and while they're adorable, they're also simple. i wasn't exactly challenging myself on a technical level - more of my energy was going towards figuring out how to market via the instagram algorithm. because sadgirlcrochet was, above all else, marketable. the clothes weren't for crocheters. they were for followers.

i redesigned the depressed daisy bikinis in 2021. i sold close to a hundred of these, maybe more. i didn't track inventory too closely (but i DID track my instagram followers, obsessively, at the time)

i also had a really shitty phone camera, so i edited the fuck out of my photos to make the blurriness and low resolution into a feature instead of a bug. it worked for a little while. also, my living situation was hellish at the time, but we had a giant yard with this 70-year-old dogwood tree, and it made for an excellent backdrop.

a commissioned witch hat i made for a friend. one of my favorite things i have ever made. after a while, i realized i liked doing commissions more than just creating products to sell to the masses because it let me push myself on a technical level.

this was my most-liked photo of 2021. partly because of my boobs. that's fine. they look great. i created this top because of a commission that went viral, and it spawned so many copycats and fake etsy listings.

my feelings toward the top itself are mild. it's cute. i made it so that people would like and share this photo. there's not much heart in it, if i'm honest. i look back at this top and know that it was made almost algorithmically. granny square bralettes + halter straps + strawberries were all Very In right then so my hands produced this.

the picture above is one of the first photos i took of myself and felt like i looked like my gender. gender euphoria, i suppose, though the stress of my life at the time dampened the joy. it was then that i started really questioning how i felt about having my online image so tied up in my girlhood. in my feminine body shape. i was 24 and recently estranged from my relatives and working through childhood trauma, including all my preconceptions about gender, and whether or not i owed girlhood to anyone.

i owed girlhood to my followers, though.

when i announced that i would be killing the sad girl crochet brand, a lot of people were genuinely upset. i lost over a thousand followers in three months. people didn't care what i, tabby, was creating. they cared about seeing Content under the Sad Girl Brand. that's okay.

when creating for sad girl crochet i felt beholden to both sadness and girlhood. my primary mode of expression and self-understanding, my crochet, started to be incongruous with what i actually needed to express. instead of contending with my sadness and seeking to understand it, i exploited it. instead of finding my own version of girlhood, i recreated the girlhood that was shown to me online. it led to a pretty significant creative drought from mid-2022 till about three months ago, in late 2023.

when you make the art people expect of you rather than the art that is true, you kill a part of your soul. i know this now.

i did my first craft fair in summer 2022 and immediately after, i was creatively bereft. what little bits of creative energy i had left were spent. a few months later my husband and i moved across the state, away from the hellish house with the beautiful yard, a fresh start. once we moved, i told myself, i would feel at home with sad girl again. and i kept waiting to feel the way i did in 2020 and 2021. but the more time went by, the less sadgirl felt like a creative outlet, and more an albatross round my neck.

and weirdly...i started to feel guilty about ever marketing my sadness in the first place. to grapple with the fact that i was making money off of other women and femmes with depression - and marketing to them on the basis that they were as depressed as me. the more i thought about it, the squickier it felt.

i barely posted anything in 2022 and 2023. i signed up for pattern tests and immediately dropped out of them. i made promises i didn't deliver on. eventually, i just stopped logging on.

a lot of life went by. i crocheted for my family, my loved ones, myself. journaled. got back on tumblr. deleted twitter. started trading screen time for books. got outside more. made friends in the new town. and the longer i ignored sadgirlcrochet, the less i wanted to go back.

see, the thing was, i was actually healing and growing, finally. our living situation was stable. my family found our own little village. i came to terms with being trans-er than i'd let myself admit. sad girl was dead. i'd killed her. and that was healthy for me.

creature comforts was born of a desire to be truer to myself and to live with more love. to craft instead of sell. to share instead of market. to be online without wearing a mask. to be active on tumblr instead of instagram. to be a creator and an artist. to let these desires be misunderstood by others. to love, unabashedly.

i'm excited to see where this takes me in 2024.

[demonir]

Reminiscing about my past… more specifically the first time I experienced transphobia directed towards me by a loved one…

I don’t remember exactly what age I was… either 13 or 14, I was still using mostly deviantart and skype as my social platforms of choice and my favorite online game was elsword

I had been roleplaying for a while by then and 99% of my characters were male so I found myself roleplaying as them… and enjoying the feeling of “acting as a boy” so much so that I told my online friends at the time to address me by a masculine name and “treat me like a boy” it felt… liberating, freeing, it filled me with a feeling that I would only find words for a long while later… gender euphoria.

I didn’t call myself trans, I didn’t say I was a boy, we all treated it more like some gag or bit, some “persona” I had taken on online. I had no one sit me down and explain to me what being transgender was, I certainly had stopped being homophobic half a year ago only so this was all entirely new to me and I wasn’t met with immediate rejection so I kept going while keeping it a secret from my more close friends as well as people irl only because deep down I felt it was “wrong” and I was doing something “I shouldn’t do”

While this happened I also had a very close friend, he was a cishet guy I had met in elsword and we had grown very close! We were both YouTubers at the time and we’d feature our sonas in each others videos all the time and we considered each other family, him being the brother I always wanted and me being the little sister he always wanted… he was 18 I believe? Or at least close to being so, he was very supportive and protective of me and genuinely a good person… even till the bitter end.

One day I opened skype and asked to talk to him about something important, he was none the wiser. I confessed to him how I wanted to be a boy and if he’d be okay with that… it was the first time I verbally acknowledged the fact that I was truly trans, and he was the first person I ever properly came out to.

He said he didn’t like it

He said that no matter what I did or said he could only see me as his little sister, that he didn’t want another little brother in his life… this of course broke my heart, I had very hesitantly come to terms with my identity for the first time and the person I looked up to rejected it without a second thought. I didn’t have an outburst, I didn’t yell at him, I didn’t try to defend myself… I simply said that if he couldn’t accept me then I didn’t want to stay, he kept messaging me after saying that we could maybe talk about it, reach some sort of agreement, I don’t remember his last words but I remember knowing he felt regret as I closed skype and uninstalled it forever.

He never tried to reach out to me through any other platforms after, not deviantart, not youtube, he didn’t even message me through the elsword friend chat in game

And that was the first time I felt someone dislike me for who I was, it wasn’t violent, I wasn’t told I was disgusting, I wasn’t questioned or told that I was mistaken… just told that he’d never see me that way… and somehow that hurt harder than any hate speech would in the years to come.

Just for the record, I do not hate him. I never did. I just feel disappointed even to this day… I hope he’s having a good life despite his hurtful words because for as long as it lasted our friendship left a mark in me, and a good one. The only thing I hope is that he sometimes thinks of me… and that he regrets his words deeply, that he re evaluates what he did and if he ever finds himself in that situation again… he won’t make the same mistake twice.

[coldbycrossfade]

it's funny

i had Gessekai stuck in my head for a couple days right before i found out that Atsushi Sakurai had passed away

the universe is so strange like that

it's left me with this weird, yearning, empty ache—i'm upset but it's tempered by...gratefulness i suppose you could say and theres this melancholic nostalgia

the first time i ever heard Buck-Tick, i was doing the thing i normally did in my depressed and lonely teens which was watch anime OnDemand (where all my Comc*st cable millennials at!!!!!)

id randomly pick one and watch it and that was the gist

the one i picked then was Nightwalker and btwn Gessekai as the OP and the content and themes of the show i was immediately smitten (im always a sucker for vampires, as it were)

ive admittedly been a rather casual B-T fan, but they still made an impression on me—my music taste, the things i watched, what i wanted for my gender presentation...Atsushi was sooooooooo gender for me before i could understand what it is that i wanted and who i was

i wanted to sound like that!!!

a few years back i went to karaoke with a couple close friends

i'd been on hrt for about a year or two by that point, and my voice had changed a lot

i decided to sing Dress, and was able to sound exactly how i wanted, and that was one of the first and biggest instances of concentrated gender euphoria—like, i did it!!! i did it!!!!!

and i think, maybe, i'd like to think that'd be a cute fan story he'd have enjoyed maybe

a few months ago, one of those hobby type stores opened downtown; you know the types with vinyls for OSTs and imports and vintage anime and films, old game consoles and the like

while i was there with my husb, i spotted the vhs tapes for Nightwalker in a display case

i got them all of course

it's not a great series, but it means a lot to me, it's weird impact on me cannot be overstated

anyways, i'm sitting here now with Gessekai still stuck in my head, debating if i want to pop one of the tapes into our little crt tv to let it play in the bg while i finish out my work day or if i want to forgo it because i can feel my eyes getting misty and burning and my throat tightening as my slowburn grief settles in

the connection of humanity is so strange, the power of music is even stranger

i dont know what the point of all this was; maybe i just wanted to get it out somewhere

ignore this 30-40 yr old sitting in his feelings lol

[birdystars]

Scarlet Eyes Karl Jacobs x Reader

C!Karl Jacobs x Gender Neutral reader

In which Karl tries to save you from the egg

Warnings: The Egg, Disassociation, manipulation, light injury. A/N: Not really lore accurate but its okay just wanted to write some egg stuff

You stood in front of the open tunnel. The staircase lead deep and you couldn’t quite see the end. It had all started when a note was left on the door with these coordinates on it. What intrigued you was the red vines that covered the pure white paper. The vines seemed harmless and almost seemed to wrap around your finger when you touched them.

With a deep sigh and your sword in your back pocket you head down the flight of stairs, torches scattered the walls but it didn’t make the walk feel any less ominous. Finally you reached the bottom of the stairs, it opened to a room that was covered in the same red as the vines from the paper were, but only these ones were much bigger.

The room was huge, red was covering the entire room from the floor to the roof. On the ground there was a mix of magma and lava making the navigation a bit hard. What really stood out was the vines that was spread everywhere, they were warm to the touch and almost had a life to them. Following the vines you finally notice what was in the corner of the room. A giant Egg like shape made the room feel more crowded, the vines were the thickest there so that’s where the vines must grow from somehow..

You couldn’t help it as you were unable to take your eyes off this egg thing, you have never seen anything quite like it. The thing sent chills down your spine and your hair stand on end, but even with all that you somehow felt protected in its presence.

“Closer”

The word echoed in your mind, you couldn’t tell where or who it was from but nevertheless you found yourself taking one step at a time closer to the egg.

It was just so beautiful. It gave you a sense of euphoria just by being there. You couldn’t think straight as you stood directly in front of the egg. Instinctively you reached your hand out to touch the egg. Everything was going to be okay as long as you held on. Slowly the vines started the slither around your feet locking you into place. You didn’t dare move, you didn’t want to upset this thing or the vines as they moved further up your body with thick vines, almost like a cocoon. Closing your eyes you let the red engulf you as you heard it speak one more time.

“Don’t worry you’re safe now”

“Y/n!”

Karl woke up with a jolt. No it couldn’t be, he must’ve traveled again there’s no way Y/n would be anywhere that egg. When he rolled over though he found the other side of the bed empty. No he has to stop them before any of that dream-vision whatever it was happen. He practically jumped out of bed running to grab his bag, journal, and shoes. And with that he was out the door to find y/n.

He ran across the server asking everything and everyone where they might have gone. No one had heard anything which made his suspicions worse. Finally someone had said they had last seen them around the badlands. Karl’s heart sunk when he realized exactly where that is. He couldn’t lose you, not to that mind controlling egg! He would stop at nothing to keep you away. Maybe he should’ve warned you before so you wouldn’t even think about going there.

Soon enough he came to the stairwell that was exactly like his dream. He wasted no time to run down, hopefully he wasn’t to late and you could get them away or better yet you weren’t even down there in the first place. His worst fear came true though when he entered the egg room to see a figure standing there, a figure that was all to familiar to him.

“Y/n….. is that you.?” Karl chocked out as they turned around. He was meet with Scarlet eyes, not the natural hue he was used to.

“Karl! So glad for you to finally join me! I was wondering how long it would take for you to show up” They bounced on their toes. Sure it sounded like them but something was off, proving to him that they weren’t in control of their own mind.

“Y/n I know this isn’t you, please just listen to me” Karl was stuck, he knew the eggs grip was strong, but he just hoped his love would be stronger.

“Isn’t me? Of course this is me! I’m happier than I have ever been, and the egg was the key.”

Even though Karl kind of knew what to except he was still shocked. Were they not happy with him? No it must be the egg talking, of course they were happy together.

“I don’t know what the egg has promised you, but its not right, please I can help you get out of this” Karl slowly extended his hand at them, but he was not met with your hand, instead he was met with your sword. Karl jumped back holding his now cut hand to his chest.

“I don’t want to get out of anything! The egg can give me anything I want and can give you what you want too! You just have to listen to it.” Y/n said confidently holding the sword out towards Karl.

Karl shook his head “I don’t want to fight you y/n”

In return Y/n sighed, “If you wont listen to me then I will have to make you listen.” They started walking towards Karl with the sword still outstretched “The egg has done way more for me than you ever have in our relationship, and if you just listen it can help you too”

Karl hesitantly pulled out his shield, “You’re lying, I love you and I know some part of you still loves me back, y/n please fight off the eggs influence” He said while blocking the hits from y/n’s sword.

Y/n chuckled while continuing to try and hit Karl with the sword “You know what? If you really did love me you would join the egg with me.”

Tears pricked Karl’s eyes. No matter how much he told himself that it wasn’t them, hearing it from their voice just hurt worse than he could ever imagine. Soon enough he was backed into a corner, looking once again to those scarlet eyes he knew there was no saving them, at least not yet. Using his shield and body weight he pushed back y/n as much as he could and booked it towards the exit.

“I’ll be back for you”

[genericpuff]

UPDATE ON THE GLASSES SITUATION

So! I mentioned in this first post that the place I booked with said they had regular cancellations, and they WEREN'T JOKING because I was able to get in literally today LMAO They called me up, said if I could swing by, thank god I happened to be at home and my roomie's class had been cancelled so she could drive me up there LOL

Had a bit of a stressful kerfuffle with insurance because I needed to track down my status info again, and the band offices were already closed so I have to wait until tomorrow morning to see if I have to pay to cover the rest that my husband's employment insurance didn't cover (they covered $50 so I'd have to cover another $80 if it winds up coming out of pocket, a bit oof but not the end of the world). Hopefully they call me back tomorrow with good news that it's covered.

With my prescription now updated and secured though, now I can go about getting myself a new pair of glasses, and holy fucking shit, the universe actually helped me out BIG time today. I've been scouring Zenni for anything CLOSE to my older pair but unfortunately nothing's really stood out or come close to the style of my old frames:

(two rare selfie shots in one week, i'm spoiling y'all LOL)

Even those previous frames weren't exactly what I was hoping for when I go them but they were still close enough that it wasn't a big deal. So trying to find anything like those again outside of the optometrist has been tricky.

But then I went into my appointment.

Y'all.

The cool tattooed lady working the front desk was LITERALLY WEARING THE GLASSES THAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED

THESE WERE THE ONES I WANTED BACK WHEN I GOT MY PREVIOUS PAIR BUT I COULDN'T FIND THEM

AND SHE WAS JUST

STANDING THERE

WEARING THEM

ON HER FACE

SO I SAID MA'AM WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE GLASSES

AND SHE SHOWED ME TO THE SECTION WHERE THEY CARRIED THAT BRAND

THEY DON'T HAVE THOSE FRAMES SPECIFICALLY

BUT THEY CAN ORDER THEM FOR ME

I KNOW I WANTED TO GO CHEAPER FOR THE SAKE OF JUST GETTING REPLACEMENT GLASSES

BUT NOW I'M LIKE FUCK IT, I'M WILLING TO HUSTLE A LITTLE AND PAY EXTRA FOR THE GLASSES OF MY DREAMS 😭

AND MAYBE A CHAIN SO THAT I DON'T FUCKING LOSE THEM THIS TIME LMAOOO

IT'S GONNA HURT MY WALLET BUT IT'S GONNA GIVE ME SUCH GENDER EUPHORIA HUEHUEHUEHUE

In other news, I've lost my glasses. I've misplaced them before, but never to this extent that I haven't been able to find them at home, at work, or in our car. So... yeah, that's a huge bummer, unless they turn up somewhere random where I didn't think to look before (but that would just beg the question of why they'd be in such a random location in the first place) I'm gonna have to replace them.

I need to get my prescription updated anyways so this time around I'm gonna just do the appointment, get my prescription and measurements, and then order some new ones online from like, Zenni or something (I've heard good things about them and their prices are DEFINITELY more reasonable). I just really liked the frames that I had, so I'm really hoping I can find the same ones again or something similar; and honestly even if I do go with a cheaper place like Zenni, I need transition lenses for my light sensitivity so it's always gonna be pricey no matter who I buy them from 😭

Unfortunately there seems to be a high volume of appointments rn (probably because it's the school season, idk) so the place I usually go to is booked up until December. Then when I called another place to check their booking schedule, they told me they could get me in next Monday at 4... which just so happens to land at the tail end of a 3 hour shift that I have to do at my second job, a job that I literally only work 3-6 hours a week for 💀 Sooo the odds of that are kind of astounding (and incredibly frustrating) but apparently cancellations are relatively common so they have me on a waitlist, and worst case, if I don't get called in sooner on account of a cancellation, I only have to wait until mid October, about a month away. Still a pain, but better than waiting until frigging December LOL Like man I just need to replace my glasses, why is this so frustrating 💀

[littleoddwriter]

You write for ofmd?😳😳😳 hot person behavior.

I‘m in dire need of a Blackbeard x ftm!reader smut fanfic or I’ll die. I don’t even have a plot I’m so sorry. Maybe the reader is part of Blackbeard‘s crew and tries to lay low because of his situation.

Blackbeard seems to have grown infatuated with him and calls him to his private room (study?? Office??) one day to discuss something.

Ed basically acts all "weird", openly flirts with the reader and gets super touchy. Reader actually did fantasize about Ed before but can’t believe this is actually happening and just blurts out he’s trans. He says he understands if that disgusts Ed and he wants him gone off the ship or something but Ed is just like; "I don’t care?? I‘m literally obsessed with you wtf"

And then they go at it all night (obviously) :3

Want | Edward Teach/Blackbeard x Trans!Male!Reader | N/SFW (18+)

Hello there! Ok, I'm loving this and I sure hope you like what I've done with your request, thank you so much for it! :')

summary; See above. Minors DNI.

notes; Trans!Male!Reader; Gender Dysphoria and Light Euphoria; Oral Sex (Blowjob); Fingering; Penetrative Sex; Unsafe Sex; Kissing; Cuddling; Fluff and Smut.

Ever since you’ve made it onto Blackbeard’s ship and into his crew, you’ve been trying so hard to not let any of them know that you weren’t a ‘real’ man. Especially not Edward himself. If he knew, he was surely going to be disgusted and throw you overboard. And you didn’t exactly fancy dying at his hands (or at all), nor did you want to have to deal with his rejection. Because you really liked Ed. 

He was rough around the edges and a menace, but he had a heart. Besides that he was also gorgeous and the leather clothing had your mind reeling. You fantasized about him quite a bit. You knew he was into men. He didn’t make that a secret. The entire crew knew. Some of them have even slept with him. You wished you were one of those lucky few.

So, when he started paying more attention to you - seemingly to you, at least - you wondered if maybe he was simply trying to find out if he was right about you having been born with a female body. Your wishful thinking was trying to convince you that he liked you, too, though. But why would he? You were usually quite in the background. Other crew members often even forgot your name, or at least pretended that they did. Why would he ask you questions and spend time with you and look you over so closely if not for the sole reason of exposing you soon, then?

One night, though, Edward ordered you into his room. You were terrified. Had he finally found out?

You sat next to him on the little sofa he had in his room, which surprised you, considering it put you on an equal level and physically close with him. 

“I just wanted to say that I think you’re doing a great job, mate,” Ed told you kindly, putting a friendly hand on your shoulder. His touch lingered, drawing out, until you realised that he wasn’t taking his hand away at all. “You haven’t been here for long, but you’ve certainly proven to be worthy to stay on my ship.”

Swallowing thickly, you turned to get a better look at him. His eyes shone and he was smiling at you.

“Uh, thank you, Captain,” you said softly, completely dumbfounded. Why was he being so nice to you?

His hand slowly travelled down your arm and onto your thigh, near your crotch. Oh. Was he… flirting with you?

“Call me Ed,” he stated before continuing, “I was actually calling you in here because I thought we could up your position, eh? I think you deserve it. You’re doing better than some of the other crew members. But don’t tell’em that, okay, mate?”

“I won’t tell a soul, Ed, sir,” you nodded for emphasis, “And, uh, thank you. Really. But what kind of position did you have in mind for me?”

“Hm, not sure yet. Maybe you’ll be my third, eh? ‘Cause I can’t remove Izzy from being my second, but I’d like to keep you close, make you my third.” Ed’s hand rubbed your thigh, shortly touching you very close to your crotch and making you jump slightly. “What do ya say?”

Stunned, you looked at him for a long moment. Was he fucking with you? No. He was completely serious by the looks of it. 

“I’d love that, Captain, uh, Ed!” you exclaimed with a grin on your face. You couldn’t believe it!

Ed smiled and nodded in approval. Then, he leaned in, seemingly to kiss you. 

That was when you realised that there was one issue with his advances, no matter how much you liked them and how aroused you were getting because of his hand on your thigh.

“I’m not fully a man!” you blurted out suddenly. Edward leaned back in surprise, looking you over questioningly. 

“What do you mean?” he inquired, but kept his hand on you.

“Uh, I- I was born with a female body. I’m… I am a man. I know I am. But- uh- you know. And I understand if you’re disgusted and want me off the ship-”

“Oh! No, I don’t care,” Edward said easily, shrugging before leaning back in. He whispered against your lips, “I’m fuckin’ obsessed with you.”

Then, he captured your lips in a passionate kiss.

Your mind was still reeling with what he’s just told you. He was obsessed with you? Why?

Despite that, you reciprocated, opening your mouth slightly to let him lick into your mouth. Moaning softly, you moved your tongue against his, enjoying the proximity and how filthy it all was now, when seconds ago he was practically sweet-talking you.

Breaking the kiss, you were panting, breathing each other’s air as neither of you really moved out of the other one’s personal space. 

“I wanna fuck you,” Blackbeard murmured, bringing his free hand up to your face and caressing it with his fingers.

“Okay. I’d like that,” you whispered in response. 

Smiling, Edward ran his digits over your lips. Obediently, you opened your mouth for him and let him slide his index and middle fingers inside, rubbing against your tongue and pushing in as far as he could without making you gag. You closed your lips around the two fingers and sucked on them, keeping eye contact with Ed.

“Oh, fuck,” he groaned before removing his digits from you mouth. 

Then, he started to unbutton his pants and pulled out his semi-hard cock. 

“Show me what else you can do with your mouth,” Ed commanded hoarsely.

Sliding down from the sofa and onto your knees, you took his cock into your hands and engulfed its head with your mouth, suckling on it, swirling your tongue around it and licking into his slit. You could feel him growing harder in your hands and mouth. It gave you quite the confidence boost. And so you used one hand to hold onto the base and grabbed his leather-clad thigh with the other one before sliding his cock further into your mouth. You started bobbing your head, sucking whenever you reached his cock head and going as far down as you could after.

Eventually, Ed grabbed you by your hair and pulled you off of him.

“I don’t wanna come just yet. Wanna do that in you. Okay, Y/N?” Hearing him say your name in that raspy voice he had from being so aroused had your stomach turn into little butterflies that fluttered inside of you. 

“Yeah- yes, please,” you nodded enthusiastically.

Standing up from the couch, Ed loomed over you. Then he held out his hand to you. You took it and he helped you get up from the floor, guiding you over to his bed. Before he let you lie down, though, he started pulling off your shirt and took off your pants right after, leaving you in nothing but your underwear. You felt exposed. You didn’t bind your chest since the shirt usually hid it well enough, but now it was out in the open. It felt strange to let someone see; especially with that someone being Blackbeard.

Seconds later, your underwear was gone as well. 

You had never been completely naked in front of anybody else.

You tried to resist the urge to cover yourself up. You didn’t want to embarrass yourself in front of Ed. He said he didn’t care. You just had to believe him now.

“Fuck, you’re so fuckin’ hot!” Edward exclaimed, grinning at you, as he looked you up and down with that glint in his eyes that you couldn’t quite decipher.

You almost wanted to say ‘really?’, but decided against it. If he said so, then that was true for him and you had to accept that now. It was no use beating yourself up any further when you were about to have sex with this man.

Instead, you just smiled shyly at him and thanked him politely. 

In response, Ed pushed you on the bed and followed you down, lying on top of you and between your legs. His erection pressed against your crotch. You could feel how wet you were for him already. You wanted to feel him inside you so badly.

Propping himself up with one arm, Ed put his hands between your thighs and pushed a finger into your wet heat. Sighing, you pushed back. He thrust it in and out of you a bit before adding a second finger, repeating the process, until he had four fingers inside of you and you were moaning loudly and unashamedly. He told you to be as loud as you needed to be and you were. With him making you feel so good, all your shame and embarrassment was suddenly gone.

At last, he pulled out his fingers and stroked his cock to spread your wetness on it.

“Ready?” he asked, looking you in the eye.

“Yes,” you responded immediately, smiling at him.

He smiled back shortly. Then, he guided his cock to your entrance and slowly pushed inside. Once he bottomed out, you both moaned. He leaned his forehead against yours and just breathed with you.

“You feel so fucking good around me, mate,” Ed rasped.

“And you feel even better inside of me, Ed,” you moaned, pushing back against him.

Pulling out until just his cock head stayed inside of you, Ed thrust back in hard, making the bed shake. He repeated that again and again, until he found a rhythm that suited you both. As he fucked you, Edward leaned down and licked into your mouth, capturing you in a filthy kiss. 

When you felt yourself getting close, you snaked a hand between the two of you and your thighs, rubbing your dick. Ed leaned back, admired the sight and continued to fuck you in earnest. 

At last, you were coming, moaning loudly, throwing your head back and arching your back, as you could feel your muscles contract around Ed, squeezing him tight. It elicited a surprised-sounding groan from him. And then, he was already coming inside of you as well, burying his face in your neck, muffling his moans.

Panting, Ed pulled out of you and laid down beside you, wrapping his arms around you. 

“That was amazing,” Edward breathed, laughing shortly, “Fuck! You’re amazing, Y/N. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

You looked at him in wonder. This was the notorious Blackbeard. And he was telling you something so kind? You knew he had a heart, yes, but this was a lot more than that to you. 

“Thank you so much. For everything just now. I’m actually quite speechless,” you said, unable to keep the stupid grin off of your face.

In response, Ed kissed your cheek, along your jaw, your chin and then your lips.

And really, that was enough of a response for you. This was everything you had ever dreamed of and so much more.

[s4kasaki]

hihi nay it’s bea i am politely asking for how childe/tartaglia is in a relationship (headcanons) ok byeee

can't believe I'm doing this for you..but ,, I paused my enstars post for this.. be grateful. So It might a lil short, bonk. Never writing genshin again /hj

♡ — childe relationship headcanons!

‣ tws/cws: none

‣ reader: gender neutral - they/them

‣ author's note: enstars draft...

the two of your relationship is on their own—a quite complicated thing, having him working with the fatui of course, it's more like a game of: be on your best behavior or somebody ( him ), might snatch you up when you least expect it.

The best partner, husband, househusband even, you'll ever meet. A wonderful cook, he's insistent on him doing your housework, letting somebody as beautiful as you get all dirty? NoNoNo... Oh, does he admire how much you take care and look after him though, but this time? it's up to him! so please allow him to take away all your responsibilities of the day. (｡•̀ᴗ-)✧

Insane on spoiling you, it's something that begins to progress into his favorite hobby— seeing something out in Snezhana worth getting you? He is getting it for you, no hesitation!

“Maybe they'd like this.” bought it!

It's like he has no regard for his cash when it comes to you, but that's the way he'd like to spend it, the best way he'd like to spend it, as long as you truly don't become spoiled rotten by all his gifts— tho even if you did? there's a 90% chance there would be no differences.

When you call him his real name, Ajax. It's like being called by an Angel itself from euphoria. It's blissful from your lips somehow, someway... Are you sure you aren't an actual angel? Lemme just make sure! Mwah! (*＾³＾)/～♡

It's just, being called Ajax from you feels so different for him, it hits contrarily! To a point where he can't do anything but completely, swoon with melted eyes at you. It's because you see him for him, not just some fatui bastard—like Scaramouche. And that's what he likes so much about you, how you see him as his own human.

That's also another one of his issues, being seen as nothing but a harbinger by his only most beloved, being seen as nothing more than a villain. He's even allowed himself to admit to you, that he definitely not the cocky and confident person that he displays on the outside, you're one of the only people to know that up close and personal.

Dates aren't exactly frequent, but they are definitely whenever he gets the time. Maybes he's feeling a bit more guilty for making you wait so long for a date you were also anticipated in (;ŏ﹏ŏ) so he'll somehow sneak his way out of his business to take you on the date, sure, Signora’s gonna be a little annoyed about it ( Scaramouche, not so much of little ) but that's what he already knows

So gentle with you on everything he does, he's delicate through words and actions. He never wants to hurt you or for you to be hurt by somebody else... even when arguing with him, he feels horrible afterward for making you put up with him, he always apologizes for it but It's a nightmare for him, something he worries about when he's gone so often—

it's sorta like he doesn't see the effect he has on people as a harbinger when you are the subject, and the way he also puts his effect on whoever he's infatuated with. (~‾▿‾)~ it's all you in his brain and nothing else.

Extremely, into cuddling with you. If it wasn't obvious the many times he snuck up on you in public, grabbed your waist from behind and held you as if you'd disapear any second? Made sure of that! Please do indulge in giving him cuddles if you happen to visit his office, it's one of the many things you do that bring the lovelyness out of him

“You're far too good for me, dearest! it's like a poison... a very sweet one~♡”

If it wasn't already obvious.. he's so protective of you, words can't describe it! You're so pretty... And being pretty, can also be dangerous.. so stick close to him alright?~

It's simple for him to get green-eyed, you're loyal! He knows that very well, but he can't help the jealousy though! When you're talking to somebody and they're a bit too close for Childe's liking? It's like being in the eye of a holy archon. There's not even sure a need for words, his look makes them shiver alone and as they leave— he pulls the most sickeningly sadistic yet cute smile that you've seen only a million of times before that has been painted in the figment of your mind.

“Lets go dearest! We have a date to attend, don't we?”

[blossom-hwa]

a little birdie told me to request surfer san at a party idk what that was about but i do kinda want to see skater boy yeosang there too if you're up for that 👀👀👀 heheheheh love u linaaaa <333

/chants/ surfer san surfer san SURFER SAN thank you very much mai for putting this in my inbox I adore you <3 skater yeosang will be up next so I hope you enjoy what I end up spitting out for that one too !

4 year anniversary drabble game: send me a Stray Kids/The Boyz/Golden Child/Ateez member + a prompt (check out the post for ideas) and I’ll write a drabble for you!

Set in the same universe as Kickflip (My Heart) (skater!Yeosang) and Hey, Hey - Let Me Kiss You (surfer!Juyeon) :)

I’m gonna cry this ended up being way longer than I thought it’d be but you know what I’m 100% turning this into a full scenario so fuck it it’ll be as long as it has to be

~

Title: Truth or Dare

Pairing: San x gender neutral!reader

Word count: 2.2k

Triggers: cursing, alcohol, shirtless woosan for a hot minute, implications of sex towards the end (NOTHING GRAPHIC)

~

Okay, so in hindsight, maybe coming to Hongjoong's party knowing you were going to be here was a mistake. In his defense, the water probably wasn’t out of his ears when he told Wooyoung he would come, despite the latter having told him specifically you were going to be there. It probably caused some temporary brain damage. That, and San has never really made the best decision when it comes to crushes. 

Especially you. You’ve been the worst so far. Around all of the others, he’s been able to keep a measure of his confidence, able to flirt a little and initiate something here or there, if it’s reciprocated. But you...

You’re something else. Always have been, ever since Hongjoong introduced him to you in all your gorgeous glory. Which is probably why Wooyoung looked so surprised that San agreed to come without much trouble - he probably thought San would be chicken out immediately and he’d have to convince him. 

San’s here, though, several drinks in and very much buzzed if not drunk, sitting in a circle of people that includes you. Even five or six drunk adults away, San can feel his face heating up when you look in his direction and throw him a wink with that gorgeous smile spread across your face. 

His heart thumps a little faster.

“You look like an idiot,” Wooyoung hisses, jabbing him in the side. “What did I tell you about playing hard to get?”

San rolls his eyes. “Since when did your advice ever make enough sense for me to take it?”

Wooyoung huffs. “You look like a lovesick idiot,” he sniffs. 

San doesn’t deign to reply. 

“Okay, okay.” Hongjoong comes back from wherever he was and settles between Seonghwa and Mingi, a bottle in hand. “Shut up, everyone. We’re playing truth or dare.”

Someone raises an eyebrow. “What is this, high school?”

“The way you all act, I wouldn’t be surprised.” San stifles a laugh at your reply. 

“Says you.” Hongjoong snorts. 

You grin. “Did I ever exclude myself?”

Everyone breaks into laughter that Hongjoong has to calm before setting the bottle in the middle of the circle. “Rules are the same. Spin the bottle, if it lands on you, pick truth or dare. If you chicken out, take a shot.” He raises an eyebrow. “Got it?”

They all get it, even the ones who look a little like they’re on the way to passing out, and so truth or dare begins. 

It’s fun. That might just be because San has been drinking, but when Seonghwa is dared for the second time to write some gross in the air with his butt, he and Wooyoung are falling over each other with tipsy laughter. Hiccuping with giggles, San answers a question about who in this room he’d lick peanut butter off of - “Hongjoong, I like his body.” - and then takes off his shirt for five turns and keeps it off because it’s kind of hot, anyway, and he doesn’t really want to bother putting it back on. Wooyoung isn’t much better - he got dared to take off his pants but Seonghwa forced Yunho to amend it to his shirt, and San pats his friend’s pecs affectionately before the next person goes. 

Eventually, the bottle lands on you. You raise an eyebrow. “Truth.”

“Is there someone you like in this room?” Mingi blurts. 

There’s a chorus of groans, complaints of ‘Okay, this is too high school for me,’ and ‘For real, Mingi? Seriously?’, but San’s attention is on you and the way your expression has turned slightly uncertain for the first time tonight. You bite your lip, staring at the shot glass in your hand like you’re really contemplating chickening out, but then your eyes flicker up and in his direction. 

San’s breath catches in his throat. You didn’t look at him. You definitely didn’t. That was just coincidence. Don’t get your hopes up, San. 

“Alright, alright, shut up.” You raise your voice above the noise of people teasing Mingi. “The answer is yes. I do.”

The complaints turn into oooooohs and wolf whistles and ‘Who is it? Who is it?’ but you’ve already got the bottle in hand and are spinning it in the center of the circle. San barely notices, even when Wooyoung’s hand squeeze his knee - who is the person that you like? There’s like fifteen or twenty people here. It could be any one of them. It’s probably Yeosang. He’s pretty and everyone has had a crush on him at least once. Or Seonghwa? Maybe even Wooyoung?

Cheers erupt all around him and San looks up, startled, to see you glaring at the bottle like it personally wronged you in a past life. 

Because it’s pointing at you again. 

“Truth or dare, Y/N?” someone yells. 

Next to you, Yeosang whispers something in your ear. Your eyes widen. “You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, but I would.” Yeosang grins. 

You glare at the bottle some more. “Dare.”

“Everyone shut up, I’ve got this.” San watches in confused silence as Yeosang sits up. “Y/N...” A grin that looks more suited to Wooyoung spreads across his lips. “I dare you to kiss the prettiest person in this room.” 

San’s heart drops with every second that passes. He wants it to be him, badly wants it to be him, but in a room full of people who look like Seonghwa, who look like Dahyun, who look like Juyeon and Chaeyoung and Yeosang and - god, San can’t even list all of the names - 

How would it ever be him?

You make a very rude gesture to Yeosang that has everyone cracking up, but you don’t eye the shot glass this time. Instead, you throw your shoulders back and let your eyes rake over the room. 

“Wooyoung.”

San’s heart drops. Of course it’s Wooyoung, his best friend in every life, one of the prettiest people San himself has ever laid eyes on -

“Move over.” Suddenly, you’re up in San’s face, pushing Wooyoung away. He blinks. When did you come all the way over here? But he doesn’t even have time to ponder the answer to that question because your smile is so close, now, just half a foot separating your lips, and you’re reaching out a hand to cup his cheek and San is short-circuiting as you say -

“Stop me if you don’t want this, okay?”

San blinks. Don’t want what? His heart is beating so fast, faster even than when he catches the highest wave of the afternoon, you’re so close and this is all he’s ever wanted, why would you even imply that this is something he doesn’t want - 

Your lips press against his, and San’s mind goes blank. 

You’re kissing him. You’re kissing him. You’re kissing him because you think he’s the prettiest person in the room - he, San, Choi San, surfer boy who turned into a mess the day Hongjoong introduced him to you - you think he, of all people in the room, is the prettiest -

It occurs to him that he’s still shirtless. He doesn’t exactly know what to do with that information. 

You pull away and San gasps for breath, eyes staring wide into yours. You smile at him softly, lips slightly swollen with the kiss, and like he’s underwater, San can kind of hear everyone screaming and whistling and whatever in the background, but when you speak, suddenly, everything is crystal clear. 

“Was that okay?” you whisper. 

Yes. Yes. Oh, God, yes - San nods once, twice, three times and then blushes when your smile grows wider and the sparkle he likes so much turns brighter in your eye. 

Nothing he’s ever seen could be more beautiful than you right now, eyes sparkling and lips smiling under the dim lights of the party, pulling him forward for a second kiss.

. . .

The rest of the night passes in a blur. Truth or dare ends, San takes another couple of shots, and you’re somehow by his side the entire time until the party’s over. Both of you stay behind to help clean up a bit, but at around two, Seonghwa shoos the rest of you home, and Wooyoung meets up with San by the door to walk back to the apartment. 

“Move it, Woo.” You appear again, shoving Wooyoung out of the way. “I’m sure San won’t mind if I walk him home instead.”

A horrible grin splits Wooyoung’s features and he nods quickly, giving San a very unsubtle wink made worse by the fact that he drank way more than San did after the game. “Sannie, do you mind?” he asks. Then, not waiting for an answer, he loops an arm through Yeosang’s, who looks very confused. “I’ll see you at home! Or not!”

You and San walk out of the house in silence, mostly because San has too many thoughts at the moment and they’re all jumbling up into one big mess. The euphoria from kissing you earlier has worn off slightly as the alcohol left his system - he’s mostly sober now - which means he’s thinking. Too much. 

“San.” You look over at him, a streetlamp lighting your face. “Come on, I won’t bite.” You smile. “If you have something to ask me, you can say it.”

He blinks. Blinks again. Then, as though your words unleashed a flood in his brain, he asks - 

“Did you really think I was the prettiest person in the room?”

You stare at him, eyes narrowed and surprisingly lucid given how the party went. “Yes, I did. I still do.”

Oh. Oh, okay. San feels a little like he needs to sit down. So the kiss wasn’t just a one time thing - you’d do it again, probably, if he’s interpreting your words correctly - 

“Why?”

This time, you look a little incredulous when the word leaves his mouth. Then you shake your head. “You really don’t think you’re beautiful, do you.” It isn’t a question. 

San ducks his head. For all his usual surfer bravado, the confident face and smile he presents when he’s about to hit the waves, he can’t seem to find the courage to look at you in this moment, to let you really see everything brewing behind his eyes. 

Fingers settle under his chin and tip it up so that he’s looking at you again. “I don’t bite, San,” you remind him again, still smiling. “I happen to think you’re very pretty. Beautiful. And even though I still want to slap Yeosang over the head, I’m very glad he gave me the opportunity to show that tonight.” Your fingers walk upwards to cup his cheek the same way you did when you kissed him. “In case you were wondering, by the way, you were the one I was talking about when I said I liked someone. And I didn’t only kiss you just because you were shirtless.”

A small smile settles on San’s face. It’s strange, the way you seem to be able to read his mind without him saying anything, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t like it. “I like you too.”

“I know. It was a little obvious.” You laugh when San whines, going red under your touch. “I wanted to say something before, kind of ever since I saw you in that wetsuit when Hongjoong introduced us, but it felt like I’d scare you away.” You raise an eyebrow. “Am I scaring you away now?”

Are you scaring him? A little, kind of, but not in a bad way. It’s more like you thrill him, make his heart race faster and faster the longer your fingers linger on his skin. You’re not scaring him away. If anything, you’re scaring him towards you - it’s weird, but that’s the only way San can describe it. He shakes his head. “No.”

“Good.” You grin. “Because if I was scaring you, you probably wouldn’t want to kiss me, and right now I really want to kiss you again.”

Your lips meet once, twice, three times under the dull glare of the lamp on the empty street, San’s arms settling around your waist, your hands coming up to wrap around his neck. When you break away after the third kiss, eyes hooded and lips swollen enough to make San’s mouth go dry, a soft glint appears in your expression. “Want to come home with me?” you ask. “My roommate’s out of town.” San follows the movement of your eyelashes as you blink. It’s captivating. “Feel free to say no. I won't take offense.” 

If it were anyone else, San doesn’t know if he’d believe them. He might stop it here politely, even tipsy as he is, and ask to just go back to his place instead. But he trusts you. Has trusted you from the day he met you. Because nothing in your words or your face ever seems to mask a lie, and besides, his fingers are itching to find their way up your shirt and somewhere else as he kisses you again and again -

He kisses you, laughing against your lips. “I guess I should let Wooyoung know I’m not coming back tonight.”

“Oh, he’ll get the message even if you don’t say anything.” Your grin is brighter than the stars. “Come on, pretty boy.” You kiss him again. “Let me show you how beautiful I think you are.”

[brvkenbvnes]

🌸alpha!kiyoomi + reader headcanons🌸

CW: A/B/O dynamics, scratching & biting, gender neutral reader, nsfw themes, penetration

Kyoomi isn’t very keen on the way others act over presenting, so over the years he had learned how to hide it.

It wasn’t that he was ashamed, he just didn’t want to deal with the fuss. He even tried his hardest to keep his secondary gender out of his education and extracurriculars.

Into his adult years he had finally formed a schedule, setting exact times to take his suppressants and scent blockers, following a strict diet, and keeping his home neutral.

He didn’t really care to seek out a mate either, always too focused on keeping himself in order, climbing ranks, and staying healthy.

He met you by pure coincidence, during a late night run. He stopped to find you drunk, outside a nightclub in an area he surely wouldn’t deem safe.

He felt almost compelled to get you home safely, and with a short walk and a few whispers later he would find himself inside the complex, making sure you were in bed and the door was locked on the way out.

The scent would linger around him for days, so sweet, almost intoxicating. Kiyoomi isn’t one to give into urges though, so with a lot of rationalizing he would give it up.

But the media can do some strange things, so with a bit of digging you showed up outside a team practice holding a very neatly wrapped box of chocolates. Just to say thank you of course.

His ears would turn the faintest shade of pink as you apologized over and over, but he would hush you and invite you over for a cup of tea.

nsfw content under the cut :)

Of course that cup of tea never came, from the moment you sat in his car all he could do was think about how sugary and thick the smell was.

He’d practically be drooling by the time he entered his own apartment, his scent blockers fading allowing you to smell his true nature.

He’d absolutely pick you up by the waist and carry you to the closest surface, making a quick mental note of cleaning it up later. At the moment though he didn’t care.

Every hook up and quick fling he had before had been planned, he informed these people of exactly how he was and how much he hated the idea of sharing any of that. This was so new and different to him.

Taking the loops of his mask from his ears and laying it on the counter, planting a rough kiss on your lips, moving down your neck. His sharp canines pricking your skin, leaving puffy, red markings.

“Are you okay with this?” The words would fall softly out of his mouth.

You shifted to nod your head, and that was all it took for this man to shred your clothes, to rip them off you.

Flipping you over he’d pull his pants down, letting his cock spring up. Dripping fluid from anticipation.

He’d rub it gently over your entrance, covering his whole length in slick. Pumping himself in one hand, using the other to shove two long fingers inside of you.

This man would have you begging him to fuck you, he may be impatient but he craves a small bit of power.

“You want it puppy? You better ask me nicely.”

Sliding a condom on, he’d line up with your entrance. Humming softly at your loud panting, He’d slam into you with no mercy, setting the pace for himself. Digging his claws into your side just enough to hold you up, but not enough to leave anything permanent.

“Mine, all mine,” scenting would be a first for him, mixing his inky mint aroma with yours.

He’d find that sweet spot inside of you, the cry you let out giving him all the information he needed to hit right there.

He’d have you undone on his dick before he even thought of himself, loving the way you spasmed around him.

“You want me to knot you?” “you wanna take my knot?"

As soon as he started to spill over, he’d plunge it in. A feeling of complete euphoria washing over him.

He would pick you up, holding you close to him, knowing he was too swollen to disconnect from you yet. He’d carry you to a much softer and more comfortable area. Probably the couch, since it was the easiest to access.

Keeping you on top of him until he could pull out, he’d check the condom, tying it and throwing it in the bin.

He’d wrap you in a blanket, and walk you to his bathroom, taking a extensive shower to make sure the both of you were very clean.

“It’s late, you should stay,”

He’d give you a t-shirt and a pair of sweats to wear before wandering to the kitchen to make some jasmine tea.

Of course he breaks his own rule by bringing them back to the bed to drink them.

He turns the lights off after the hours of getting to know each other, throwing the blankets over both of you and wrapping his arm around your waist.

He feels unbelievably comfortable, maybe even comfortable enough to ask for a second date.

[wearequeer-andwearehere]

uh okay two questions...

one is can you be trans and only experience dysphoria and not euphoria? im 100% sure im a demiboy but everything that brings me a step forward to passing doesnt make me happy, its just drowned out in dysphoria again..

also do you think only nd people can use neoprns? im nd and im not asking for advice, i just wanna know your opinion (you dont have to answer this if it makes you uncomfortable!!!)

Yes, you can be trans and experience dysphoria and not euphoria!! If you’re trans you’re trans, full stop, and no one can tell you otherwise.

Oh mate I’m so sorry, I know exactly what that feels like, and it really does suck, sending hugs 🫂 

I’m not ND (i think?? not sure lmfao but that’s a topic for another time) but yeah, anyone can use neopronouns!! I think there are certain neos that are neurodivergent specific but yeah like most of em you can use for yourself!!

Also, in regards to dysphoria, I know it can be hard, but what helps is trying to find the good things in life—train yourself to notice the positives. Even if it’s just little things. Maybe you feel like you’re in someone else’s life, but hey, the sun’s bright today, and there’s a flower on the sidewalk you didn’t notice before, and your friend had a bigger smile than usual, and slowly, bit by bit, you’ll start to be happier, and maybe your life isn’t so bad after all.

And while your life not passing isn’t ideal, it’s what you’ve go now, so learn to make peace with it. It isn’t great, but it’s not that bad, hey?

If you feel disconnected from yourself, try to take a deep breath, and try to find parts of your body, just parts, that you like. Look in the mirror and see your eyes—look at the colours and light and know that those eyes will be lit up with happiness one day, know that your teeth will show again when you smile one day, know your hair looks wonderful in the light, and maybe your hands don’t look too bad, and hey, if you wear a baggy t-shirt, maybe your body all in all isn’t too bad either!

If the room’s too dark, try to focus on the light streaming in from the window and the plant growing through the cement, and slowly, the darkness will begin to fade away.

If you ever feel like you’re in the wrong body, or physical dysphoria is bad, work to unlearn gendering physical traits. Large chest? Curves? If you’re a guy, that’s a guy’s body and a guy’s features. If you are a demiboy your body is a demiboy’s body.

And also learn to make peace with it. You’ll have to live like this for a while until it gets better, but for now, it’s gonna be okay. Take a deep breath and grit your teeth through the misgendering and the days you feel disconnected from yourself, and know that it’s going to be okay.

Find a way to have a bit of your own life where you can be who you are, maybe with close friends who’ll use the right name, with online friends who’ll always gender you correctly, on discord and tumblr, if the real world won’t accept you.

And when life gets too dark learn to look for the light and smile and know it’s gonna be okay. It gets better, I promise. Ily. It’s gonna be okay.

[andyinmiddleearth]

Not to be cisphobic but like... you know what screw it, I hate cis people. And by that I don’t mean that I hate every single individual cis person that exists, I actually have several cis friends and family members that I am close to and love. I mean that I hate cis people as my oppressors, that I hate cis people as a class that oppresses gender-non-conforming, intersex, trans, and non-binary people. Here’s some examples of the systems of oppression cis people as a class have placed that still hurt us to this day:

I hate gender-reveals parties. I hate the fact that a baby’s interests, decorations, hell even their entire personality, is determined just by simply looking at the fetus’ outward genitalia. Not to mention how inaccurate it can be cause sex is a spectrum (meaning it’s much more than just genitalia, it includes hormones, chromosomes, etc, and these can be super diverse and I myself, an AFAB person, don’t naturally produce estrogen) which is why some intersex people don’t even know they’re intersex until they get checked out by a specialist in their late teens or twenties.

I hate cis people assuming pronouns, ESPECIALLY when it comes to people like me that are visibly queer. I hate going to a doctor’s office and having to listen to nurses and even doctors call me sis, girl, ma’am, lady, she, her, when over here I’m standing with a ‘men’s’ haircut and wearing entirely ‘men’s’ clothes. But as a whole, I just hate assuming people’s pronouns in general because gender is so much more than gender expression. Men can be feminine, women can be masculine, non-binary people can be as femme or masc as they want. Our bodies and our clothes don’t determine our gender. We do.

I also hate cis people not respecting pronouns on purpose, like that time at Einstein Bagels where I was wearing my he/him pin and the cashier kept repeatedly calling me ‘ma’am’ despite me wearing this 2.25 inch long button WITH MY PRONOUNS ON IT. I hate how I have family members that purposefully misgender me every single fucking day despite me being out as trans to them for YEARS because they just think ‘being transgender is a choice, like being vegan.’ I hate how one of these said family members does everything they fucking can to trigger my dysphoria and constant remind me that they see me as a woman.

I hate cissexism. I hate words like ‘lady parts’ and ‘boy parts’ and ‘girl parts.’ Boys and girls (and all genders) can have whatever private parts they have and still be their gender AND IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, and frankly very creepy to want to know what’s in someone’s pants. I hate how instead of using terms like afab or amab it’s just ‘male parts’ and ‘female parts,’ ‘male body,’ ‘female body,’ which also blatantly erases intersex people that may have both, or something else entirely different.

I hate how cis people have made this concept about the ‘the perfect trans person’ that people in the trans community (yes, I’m talking about transmeds) will shit on our non-binary and non-dysphoric trans siblings because ‘they make us look like a joke.’ Spoiler alert, cis people as a class hate trans people because they’re transphobic, period, not because some random non-binary sixteen year old uses ze/hir pronouns and is non-dysphoric. I hate how I was harassed on this platform FOR YEARS and sent hate on and off anon by transmeds simply because I, a dysphoric trans guy, think you don’t need dysphoria to be trans. Because I think being trans is so much more about being uncomfortable in your body, because I think you can have gender euphoria and not gender dysphoria. And I hate how the transmeds that bullied me also called me all kinds of slurs (both referring to my ethnicity as a Latino and also just homophobic ones like the f-slur) and perpetuated exactly the behavior they see white cishet men perform because they think that way maybe they will accept them. Spoiler alert; they won’t.

I hate how intersex babies are mutilated every day around the world simply because of how they are born while trans children and young adults are still being denied access to LIFE-SAVING resources like hormone blockers, HRT, surgery, etc. I hate how long the waitlists are for trans people in places like the UK and Canada are to transition, and I hate how monetarily expensive it can be even with insurance in the USA, since this is the main reason why I can’t start T right now (that and the fact that I live with family members that wouldn’t support me transitioning).

I hate how anything can be a ‘girl’ or ‘boy’ thing. Things as simple as drinks for fuck’s sake. Why is a beer a ‘man’s drink’ and a fruity cocktail a ‘lady’s drink?’ Same goes for everything... clothing, movies, certain games, even basic chores like cooking and cleaning. Hell, even interests can be a ‘girl or boy’ thing. One time I was reading a thick book and this cis man (he knew I’m AFAB cause my parents misgendered me to him obviously) went ‘oh yeah us guys don’t read that much.’ EXCUSE ME SIR BUT I AM A GUY, AND I DO NOT WANT TO BE ASSOCIATED WITH YOU!

I hate how when a trans person comes out as a child they are ‘too young to know,’ and when a trans person comes out as a teen they are ‘just going through a phase/copying trends,’ and when a trans person comes out as an adult then ‘they can’t really be trans because they never shoWeD thE siGns.’ There’s no age to realize you’re trans, everyone accepts their identity at different rates and that’s valid. And there’s no age to transition either.

I hate how when you come out as trans cis people magically expect you to suddenly not look trans anymore. How they expect trans men after coming out to have perfectly flat chests and no curves, how they expect trans women to suddenly grow boobs and look feminine af, and how they expect non-binary people to look as androgynous as possible. All kinds of bodies are trans, and you don’t need to medically transition to be trans. Some trans folks don’t have surgery or HRT or anything at all for whatever reason, and they’re still valid.

I hate how some cis people will misgender us trans people no matter how well we pass the minute they find out we’re trans. A trans man can have a flat chest, a full grown beard and a deep voice and the minute someone finds out he’s trans he’s suddenly ‘really a woman.’ I hate how this misgendering of trans people is one of the reasons why so many of us (41%) have attempted suicide, myself included. And I hate how badly cis people deteriorate our mental health just by refusing to use our pronouns and real name instead of our deadnames.

I hate all of these things, and there are so many more... but yeah, that’s what I mean when I say I hate cis people. I don’t hate cis people individually, I hate cis people because as a class they are complicit in my oppression and the way they keep upholding society contributes to our extremely high rates of mental illness, depression, and suicide. I’ve tried to kill myself too many times to count exactly because of all of these things. So yeah, call me a cisphobe if you want. I’m just a trans person that’s fed up with the transphobia, cisnormativity and cissexism that is shoved down my throat every day.

[sukiglycerin]

first love & letter (ラブレター)

* pairing: izuku midoriya x reader (gender neutral!)

* genre: fluff, oh god

* words: 1,543

* warnings: reader constantly daydreams,.,. yeah

* original request: this is my first time requesting something here…idk if i’m doing it right..but anyways a izukuxreader where reader is trying to muster up the courage to give izuku a love letter only to lose it at school and izuku ends up being the one who finds it ? please and thank u

* a/n: here it is!! nonnie, i hope you like it! i feel special bc this is your first request >< thank you for entrusting it to me! also, what is it with me and using seventeen for izuku fic titles….?

“izuku.” you would say his name like a song, a pretty bird’s melody. “this is for you.” the words would fall like sugary cherry syrup from your lips, warm and sweet and twinkling. like sugar, he’d melt; a cherry-tinge on his cheeks and a stutter on his tongue. simply put, it’d be because he’s secret harboured a crush on you for years now and planned to confess to you, too, at this exact moment. or was that too cliche?

he would accept the letter, a question on his lips but only you on his mind. he would look from you to the letter with those sparkling emerald eyes as he read his name in your script on the envelope, and maybe he’d connect the dots in his head.

no, no, no, he wouldn’t - he’d open the letter first, and you’d feel your face flush watching his scarred fingers hold the paper so delicately. you’d watch his face get pinker and pinker and see his lips part in surprise. you imagine what he’d say - a plain “i like you too”? or just your name, a lovely tune when on his tongue? you know what it’d feel like, though, when he’d finally say the words back. you’d read about it too many times - the hitch in his breath, the crescent moon curve to his eyes.

the world would disappear until it was only you and izuku. you’d only see him, your heart aflutter under his gaze that’s only meant for you. you would step forward toward him hesitantly, only to realize that it just felt right. he’d step forward too and you would be so close to him and your senses would cloud in a mess of adrenaline and euphoria until-

“you seem distracted, y/n-chan,” tsuyu commented as the two of you walked down the hallway.

“ah… do i…?” you sheepishly looked away. “just… thinking. that’s all, tsu.”

“is it about midoriya?” she asked, cocking her head to the side.

midoriya. it was the name that had you in a tizzy, surrounded by dreamy clouds in a castle in the sky. he was the boy you’d liked for years now; midoriya izuku, the plain, kind boy that held your heart in his roughed up hands unknowingly.

“i- what- who said anything about izuku?” you laughed nervously, feeling your cheeks get warm. “izuku?? what- what makes you think it’s about him??” you’d only ever told yaoyorozu about him in a bout of embarrassment.

“you always look at him and talk to him, ribbit,” tsuyu said bluntly.

“do i…?” you twiddled with your fingers, debating what to say. you settled on the truth. “yeah, i was thinking about him,” you admitted quietly.

“ribbit, you fit him well.”

“you think?” you looked at her hopefully, walking into the classroom. “actually, i was planning to-” you caught izuku’s eye on the other side of the classroom and quickly looked away. “i should sit down, now,” you said to tsuyu.

“good luck with your plan, ribbit,” she smiled.

so far, your plan was going smoothly. you took a deep breath as you walked to your seat behind midoriya’s and channeled your inner shoujo manga protagonist.

“good morning, izuku!” you said cheerily, smiling at him.

“morning, y/n!” he smiled back.

you exhaled a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. all you needed to do now was give him the letter. you rummaged through your backpack for the envelope, but turned up empty. where could it be…? you panicked. you swore you put it in your backpack this morning, but it was gone. the chime of the school bell filled your ears and a very sleepy aizawa slugged into the room. you decided to drop the matter for now and look for the letter later.

your brain found the aizawa’s droning to be very good white noise for your daydreaming. slowly it faded out, and you found yourself in a new izuku-centered daydream.

your daydreams were lived through a rose-colored glass, through alluring words and fortune on every corner. you could live vibrantly and thoroughly in your mind, where you were safe. the real world was nothing like the utopia you’d created; in your imagination, you could predict the right move and you could curate your experience. the real world was not so merciful.

while the thought of your lost letter nagged the back of your head, you weren’t too worried about it. you figured you must’ve left it at home. your mind was more set on thoughts of izuku.

rationally, you knew your confession to izuku would be clumsy, all mumbles and shifting of feet. you consoled yourself in daydreams.

truth be told, you tried to give izuku the love letter months ago with some chocolates you’d made for valentine’s day. you couldn’t even give izuku the chocolates directly; you left him to wonder who’d left the prettily-wrapped homemade chocolates on his desk. you knew you wouldn’t be able to tell him directly, either. speaking was never your real strong suit. you took comfort in writing. that’s why yaoyorozu had suggested a letter confessing your feelings instead. though, rather than leave it on his desk, you had wanted to give it to him personally. it was much easier said than done. every time you’d almost gathered up the nerve to give it to him, there was an interference of some sort. you could never find the perfect time to give him the note.

now, you mused miserably, you wouldn’t get the time to give it to him. by the end of the day, you were unable to find the letter. the bell signalling the end of the day chimed and you groaned softly to yourself, burying your head in your arms on your desk. why couldn’t anything go right? why couldn’t you be the protagonist in your own shoujo manga? if only life was like your daydreams, like the romance novels you’d been enraptured.

take away the rosy glass and you were left here, alone and unable to even confess to the boy you’ve liked for years.

“uh, y/n?” a shaky voice asked. you didn’t bother looking up, too busy with your own problems.

“what,” you moaned flatly.

“did you-?”

you looked up at the speaker, eyes widening at the sight of a befuddled izuku midoriya holding an envelope and letter.

“where,” you exhaled shakily, “did you find that?”

“it was on the ground, near the door,” he said. “did you-”

your cheeks felt warm - on fire. you could barely look up at him, much less look him in the eye. this was not how you planned it. you were frozen in place, eyes fixed on your desk.

“did you write this?” he asked. his voice was not accusatory nor condescending; it was polite with what you thought was a twinge of astonishment. of course, izuku was always modest and humble. you felt your confidence slowly draining from your body as thoughts rushed through your head. of course he was surprised; there was no way he actually thought of you like that. you were unfrozen by the trembling of your hands and you slowly forced yourself to look up.

when you met izuku’s eyes, they were nothing like you’d imagined. they were effervescent yet cavernous in some sense of the word. they were not exactly sparkling or scintillating, but earnest and steadily reaching into your eyes. you mused that it was better than the face-value happiness you’d expected from him. this was the izuku you fell for, empathetic and compassionate. his kindness never ceased to amaze you.

by now it was probably a tad bit awkward. you stared at him for an eternal second, forgetting of his question that hung in the air.

“oh, yeah,” you cleared your throat and attempted to calm your trembling hands. you tried to embody being calm, cool, and collected - but it hadn’t translated so well into your body language. “yes. uh, yes, i…. i did write it.”

“really?” he looked at you excitedly, eyes glimmering with hope.

“yeah,” you said bashfully, warming with embarrassment. “i’ve liked you for… well, a long time.”

“you- you did?” it was his turn to get embarrassed. “ah… so have i…” he put his hand on the back of his neck.

“…oh, you did…?” you’d always assumed he had no interest in you; you got no sign he felt otherwise. he accepted everyone’s chocolates on valentine’s day (including all of the pretty, homemade ones from girls that fancied him, which was slightly discouraging but completely made sense considering izuku’s kind nature).

the conversation dipped into silence as you stared at each other.

“your handwriting is really pretty,” izuku confessed.

“you- you think? thank you…” you pursed your lips, wishing you could take compliments better. “do you-“

“do you-”

you cracked a grin. “you first.”

“do you,” he coughed awkwardly, “wanna walk home together?” pink dusted his cheeks like sakura denbu (not really the best simile, but it was the first thing that came to mind when thinking of something that matched the rosy hue).

“i was about to ask the same thing,” you replied.

for the first time, you felt reality wasn’t so dull after all. maybe it was time to toss out that pink glass.

[cipheramnesia]

I'm the one who sent the long vent ask, and I wanna thank you for taking the time to give me such a well thought out response, I wasnt expecting a lot and I really appreciate it. I do want to clarify that I only briefly used circumgender when I was younger because I was not able to recognize the predeterministic and overall transphobic nature of it, but it was admittedly the closest to get to explaining how I felt, seeing the origins of it and how it was used, hurt. And I do want to apologize for the ways in which I generalized, I've never gotten the chance to speak about this outside of my immediate circle, and its helped me work through stuff I wouldnt have otherwise. There is no way a transfem person looks, that was me projecting my own desires for my appearance, which is most often inspired by trans women I see online (but not every one, which is the important part lol), onto an entire group of people, which isnt fair. I did also play into the stereotypical narrative of "born and raised a boy and came out/transitioned later" because that's what I wanted and was rooted in my limited understanding of what transness could be admittedly, but no that is also not applicable to all people. In struggling to process through my own feelings and not really having a soace to do so, I guess it became easier to project onto a group that, like you said, has no set traits. I do wonder if I am more envious of the way I see certain transfem subcultures express gender and femininity than a set gender itself. And splitting hairs or not, that opposing, not as transphobic, more open conceptualization of gender is exactly what I needed to hear. I struggle with incredibly binaristic thinking, which can be, really hard to break down especially when you've spent the last three years of your adolescence terminally online in trans discourse spaces.

But yeah. That was what I needed to shake myself out of the "there is a set ways of experiencing this thing" thinking I didnt realize I had, or at least identify it. Blindly fumbling or not, your perspective has helped soothe something that's hurt for a long time.

Oh and I am genderfluid and I do have to cope with (and joyfully experience) everything that comes with that, imcluding the shifting dysphoria, euphoria, and gender that almost never match up, this is just something I've specifically struggled with. I know what labels I like, I know the box I fit most comfortably in when I describe this feeling, and the words we use to communicate identity are so nuanced and loaded that maybe there is no way to find the word that's gonna match you down to the core, I can settle for close enough, and maybe one day I'll be brave enough to use them in a way that's just for me, and not so rooted in self hatred and ingrained ideas about gender and other people. I hope you have a good day, queen.

Thank you and also I'm very glad to hear your process, and more about how you're growing and learning. We're all just like trying to do our best for each other and stuff, so I'm glad to help a little.