#it’s not deep I just need rest
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Insomnia you cruel bitch. Release me. Foul god who has cursed me with sleeplessness! Let me rest. God fucking damnit. I fall into a doze and rejoice in my slumber only to realize my heart is pounding and I am eternally awake. Fuck this shit.
#insomnia#how I hate you#let me sleep#miles to go before i sleep#fuck that#it’s not deep I just need rest
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im sorry but i choose to believe that tim drake is the most insufferable "my man, my man, my man" girl about bear. he does not shut up about him. steph is cooking smth in the kitchen? oh my man can do that. bear cooks really well. dick triaging some poor victim on an emergency site? oh my man is really good at that. mhmm, bear is on his way to becoming a paramedic. damian building something? oh my man is really good with power tools. have you ever seen him build ikea? it takes him less than an hour. for our anniversary, he built me a coffee table. mhmm isn't he amazing? yeah my man did that. yeah my man, mhmm that's my ma-
#and on and on and on#like it never fucking stops#jason gets a tattoo? tim manifests in the tattoo parlor to talk about his man's tattoos#'yeah they're sooo gorgeous! he has a grasshopper over his heart cause that's what he calls me! yeah that's like his little nickname for me#'and there's two cardinals in flight on his forearms! isn't that sooo cute!!! he says he's keeping me with him!!!'#and like everyone thought is was cute at first bc like first gay relationship!!! let tim gush about his boyfriend!!!#but then it like quickly and i mean quickly became annoying#like dick puts on his police uniform and tim immediately is like 'have you seen my man in his paramedic uniform? dont his biceps#look so good in it? and he's providing service for those in need without being a pig! isn't my man so great!'#and dick just has to sit there with his eye twitching bc the last time he tried to defend his police job the whole family laughed so hard#they almost cried.#also i hope you know that all of tim's lines are said in a valley girl accent. with the tone of a woman who is so fucking annoying about#her man. like he's the kinda guy at sunday brunch 2 mimosas deep trying to one up bart on like who has the better bf#spoiler alert bart wins only for the sole fact that he's not annoying about kon the way tim is about bear#meanwhile the rest of the group is creating enough of a ruckus that they're like 2 seconds away from getting kicked out of dennys#and while i would like to say that bear knows about this i just think that he has such hearteyes for tim that it completely flies over his#head. like he sees tim and he turns into a fucking idiot. he's putting in the saline line wrong he's doing chest compressions on a guy#who is perfectly fine. he's letting the steak burn on the stove#so theyre like both fucking useless together. and i think that's love.#bernard dowd#tim drake#timbern#timber
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I stumble into your tar trap, an addition to your collection~
#Alex please consider this as a bday gift to you because it very much was intended to be such#i definitely could have worked a bit more on this but i wanted it to be out today and i need some rest so.. i guess see you all in a bit#oh and again please don't think too deep on the choice of lyrics it's like.. when a drawing is done it has a vibe and i just roll with that#sleep token#levynn tries to draw#sleep token fanart#vessel ii#ii sleep token#sleep token ii#ii
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I will never emotionally recover from this
#Joplin my beloved </3#release the joplin cut!#pls bioware someone leak the details I need the closure lmao#was looking for more pictures of calpernia for her headdress and got sad :(#Imshael / Calpernia / Sten / Zevran / Isabela (properly dressed) / Dorian </3#solas agents are in this version -> so is the war with the qun!#there was a reason that everyone was excited for this version of the game!!! Devs included!#all the talent that left after joplin got canned makes me sad :(#fuck off EA - i hope you step on a lego piece every day for the rest of your lives#i need some one to release an in-depth deep dive/article into what the fuck happened#really sad to see bioware come to this point -> they made so many of my favorite games and now they're a shell of themselves#i've made my peace with the game being crap and i'm going to ignore it as being part of the series going forwards#but i see this concept art and its sad because they had something wonderful here <3#datv just feels like this soulless product -> it treated everything that came before it so poorly and chased trends it didn't need to#datv critical#bioware critical#fuck off EA
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Not me wanting to reread the entirety of yj98 so that I could make a summary of the overall friendship Tim has with the Supercycle
#Maybe I’ll make it when I have the motivation and rest for it who knows#BUT LIKE I JUST FEEL LIKE I NEED TO DO A DEEP DIVE ON IT!!!!#PULL UP PANELS AND MAKE A CONCLUSION#ARE WE ALL OVER EXAGGERATING TIM AND THE SUPERCYCLES FRIENDSHIP????#OR IS IT MORE IN DEPTH THEN SOME OF HIS SHOWN FRIENDSHIPS WITH SIDE YJ MEMBERS????#IDK AND NEITHER DO YOU SO REALLY ONE OF US HAS TO MAKE IT
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A few doodles that have been sitting and waiting for me to add more to, before I decided ‘eh, three’s enough’ and posted them
Here we have a Gustav and an OC I’ve yet to talk about but while be important alongside Gustav and some other little kiddos later on in the story. Then an Astrid and Ingrid, done while exploring their dynamic. I am having way too much fun drawing a bunch of Ingrid, and figuring out her dynamic with other characters. She’s hot and she knows it, which makes her fun to draw. And then a conceptual idea for an adult Kari, around the age she’ll be around the end-ish of the fic’s timeline. So, twenty-ish. Also drew her with her hair somewhat down, because I realized I don’t draw her too often with her hair down, which is a shame cause it’s so thick and fluffy and curly-wavy and I love drawing thick and fluffy and curly-wavy hair. I like to make hair go POOF
#not shown in the last drawing: ant losing his mind over his girlfriend#once he gets over friendzoning himself he turns into the biggest clingy koala bear on the planet#i need to draw some of the incorrect quotes i have for him and Kari#and Fontaine and Nate#help people get to know them better#and also because i just love them so much#i have plans for Gustav and the kiddo shown with him#and some other smol kiddos#it’s going to be so chaotic and so funny for everyone but the rest of Berk#I’m torn between wanting to draw a bunch and wanting to write a bunch#I’m nearly halfway through the film#but I’ve also started drawing the Nektons character sheet#and want to draw incorrect quotes now too#*sigh*#httyd/the deep crossover#httyd#httyd oc#astrid hofferson#httyd gustav#the deep oc
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the way alex’s voice goes so raspy and a bit high-pitched during american sports when he sings emergency battery pack, just in time for my weekly chat with God on video call tickles my brain in such a good way, i can’t explain it. don’t ask me to explain it cause idk.
#the way it contrasts to the deep voice he sings the rest of the song in >#it’s so hnnnnnnnnggggggggg i…. need a minute#he sounds like his younger self for a minute and it’s glorious in a way#maybe it’s just me but it sounds so good#anyways (not the b side)#mine
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KILL!!!!!!!!!
#my post#this is so mean. why did i make this#but also....... the gun is in your hands now#i'll admit that it's my fault for putting the gun in your hand... however i've no say in what you choose to do with it#will you pull the trigger and accept whatever happens from now on? will you give yourself into the role forced upon you?#no one will know anything if you don't say anything. there will be no consequences or repercussions to this choice#but you will know. and you will need to live with that knowledge for the rest of your life#a gun not fired is like an itch not stratched#in the end i have no control over what you do... but free will is a funny thing#the brain is very susceptible to suggestion... everything we see and experience will remain with us in some way#if that's the case then how much control do we really have in our lives? how do we separate what we really want vs what we're told to want?#things like hunger... desire... they're all things the body asks for. but are they things that we truly want?#or are they merely a mechanism built into us for the sake of survival?#everything blends into everything. your past actions will inform your current actions. you're the only one who's ever lived your life#you're the only one who will ever live your life#little variables and experiences we all share... but the order varies greatly from person to person. everything is just a series of events#the way i see the world is different than the way you see it regardless of how similar they are#what choice will you make now? and how does it differ from the choice you would've made a week ago? a month? a year? does it differ at all?#does free will truly exist? i think it does... but not in the way most people think it exists#you and i... we might differ on that thought. or we might not.#regardless of whatever i've been rambling about right now... refusing to make a choice is still a choice you make. life is ironic like that#does one of them really have to go? that's for you to decide now#i've merely chosen to put the gun in your hand. to make you aware of the possibilities#so i hope you realize what power your choices have#dca fandom#daycare attendant#yeah sometimes i just say things that i think are deep but they're really not#i hope the choices i make have an effect on others. even if it's just one person...#if i can make even just one person think about something they wouldn't have normally thought about then isn't that a win?#life is a series of choices... ''it'd be great if you could see a figure of light by the time you die'' ♡
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it's not sinking in that today might be the last day in my house and town for many months to come
#like how do i even feel#on one hand im excited because like now that i finally agreed to dads stupid whims he technically will have to give in to things#ive been wanting since FOREVER like going to the gym#plus it's impossible to eat junk food when he's there he won't even let me kacchi maggi because maida hai bimar ho jayegi#and aadhe se zyada din toh pyaaz ye sab nahi kha sakte so it rules out any outside food#which is so good because like i just found out im pre diabetic lol#like borderline sugar like ab kuch nahi kiya toh seedha type 2 diabetes#so i need to eat healthy or ill literally die#i mean eventually but whatever being diagnosed with this in my 20s would kill me#also simply the fear of living with him is so much that i HAVE to study#and i want to now it's high time#but yeah want doesn't really work for me#i read a quote somewhere that 'goals' don't mean anything because winners and losers have the same goals#and i was like WOAH. like the person who gets an all india rank had the same goal as me: to pass the exam with good marks#but they succeeded and i didn't so it's isn't our goals that differentiate us#which ik is obvious but like still idk put things in perspective#anyway yeah that way my life MIGHT be fixed#but there's also living ALONE with my sociopathic FATHER who has more mood swings than me on pms#and being cut off frm the rest of civilisation and yk developed roads and buildings and ice cream shops#i guess it is mostly food ig :( which is good like the most junk food i can eat there is a burger from a nearby stall and that's pretty#much it they literally do not even have havmor or anything in walking distance forget scoop wali ice cream#but i like my bed and i like my ceiling with the stars and i like looking out of my window and knowing that the first ever crush of my life#lives right next to me and i like knowing that ill meet my bestfriend atleast once a month#i don't really love my mom or my brother tbh but idk maybe ill miss them it's weird ive never lived without them#i don't know i really hope that this is like a boot camp kota types experience rather than so much isolation that i sink deep into#depression. but then ive hit pretty shocking lows this year so hopefully i can handle it#my sister did say that when she lived alone with him for a month it was quite peaceful and okay because he usually gets more angry when mom#is around warna mostly he's fine#i don't know i don't know bhagwan ji please ab aur mushkil mat banana life bohot jhatke de chuke ho already ab pls#mujhe apni galtiyo ko sudharne ka mauka dena 🙏
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Also forgot to share this beauty i drew a few days ago
#localgardenweed#the weed is rambling#hetalia#hws#hetalia japan#hws japan#i need him carnally#what who said that#who said that#i just like giggle and tee hee#I drew this during class and idk why i felt sorta embarrassed cause i always worry i come of as one of *those* people when it comes to japan#like i know its not that deep but ive always been paranoid about itNOOOO NOOO GUYS WAIT NO#IM NOT THOSE ‘OH SUGOI JAPAN IS SO PERFECT AND HEAVEN THEY ARE SO ADVANCED AND I JUST WANNA BE JAPANESE’ NO NO NOOOOOOOO#IM JUST A GIRL WHO JUST LIKES A MANNWHO HAPPENS TO BE THE PERSONIFICATION OF JAPAN HIMSELF#IDK WHY IM SO FREAKED OUT OVER IT CAUSE LIKE#HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO TELL ANY NORMAL PERSON I HAVE A CRUSH ON HETALIA WORLD STARS JAPAN#I SOUND CRAZY#I AM CRAZY#anyway i do love drawing him and i wanna still figure out how to actually draw his body cause i end up making him super twinky#half my drawings kinda do anyway cause i struggle at widening shoulders and chests but I WILL NOT LET HIM BE A TWINK#In my mind he is a upside down triangle ontop of a rectangle like broad shoulders and then the rest of his body is hust a straight shot down#i think mostly his clothes give him different shape languages like seen here like his oants flare out so like its kinda hourglassy#anyway imma shut up now i must attend to my duties
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...because any moment may be our last. everything is more beautiful because we're doomed.
#looking through my drafts and seeing this post unfinished and knowing in my core I'll probably never actually finish it .#but strangley enough i don't hate the way it looks with only those 2 panels ? beauty in simplicity or something idk#woe unfinished post be upon ye#honestly probably wouldnt even bother posting it were it not for the fact i was hit by a sudden wave of sadness#by being reminded out of the blue that alex really does just . lose nigel that night#enough deep level analysis my brain is all out i think . but just the simple fact that nigel dies that night#and alex has to go on for the rest of his life post-ending carrying that grief and loss with him#i know we talk about how nigel isn't truly 'gone' in the sense that they're one now and jack is supposed to be an amalgamation of the two#a product of their union and 'consummation' that night at the yard#but he's still gone . no matter how much alex might try and follow in nigel's footsteps#no matter how hard alex tries to tread that same path nigel did to feel close to him#he's gone . they will never have that moment beneath the house ever again . and alex has to go on living with that#anyway . normal again . imagine dropping a song rec like i used to. aha . go listen to sick like me by in this moment.#like minds#murderous intent#nigel colbie#alex forbes#nigel colbie x alex forbes#edit : THEY'LL NEVER HAVE THE MOMENT UNDER THE HOUSE AGAIN !!!!!#thinking about the moment where nigel sits across from alex after he shoots john#and the contrast to the scene in the crawlspace . nigel is trying to connect he is trying to get alex to see to understand#but now alex is closed off. something may be irreparable broken between them#do you think it was the moment where nigel starts to despair . to plead . realise that he needs to find a way to make alex truly see#i need to get some sleep
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Foxx_ : DO YOU SEE THE SCALES? THIS IS NO LONGER A COINCIDENCE!! Moss: Might be a far stretch but with the eyes as well- hmh... Foxx_ : I am not done yet- have you noticed how we never saw Stoms eyes? Albinism and light sensitivity- yes. But maybe there is more?? Maybe something connected to his "powers" ?? Bird: uhh okay? Anyway, do we want to try a deep dive this time?
Webcomic "Hoxxesbound" by @hobsyllwin
My friendo (@random-moss ) and I are currently obsessing over this Webcomic-thingy (it is great, go read it :D )
#This is based on real convos and theories btw#We are into deep#We don't need rest#Only answers#I am fully convinced he is some sort of dragon#but hey just a theory- a gay theory#deep rock galactic#fanart#art#artists on tumblr#hoxxesbound#drg#mspfa
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Thinking about that time before the betrayal. Those moments of happiness, of safety, of trust
When you think back to those moments and they’re forever tainted. When you’re just going about your day and memories hit you and they hit you hard. So many emotions in the present moment. How could someone so horrible seem so good? Were there moments you missed? Signs they aren’t who you thought? How could you not know?
How could they do this to you? To others? How dare they pretend they’re anything but a monster— and they are, always have been. You know it now and you feel so stupid for having not before.
How can you ever trust again?
#whump#whump tropes#betrayal#betrayal whump#I am deep in the feels. it is not great. haha fuck#is good for writing though!#vent post#my posts#this was a fun little combination of blorbo thoughts and irl stuff#one last thing but it’s more venty than the rest#and it’s not going in the post cause it got too clunky but gods. the need (want) for revenge (or justice. one in the same for this) is#powerful. almost suffocating. you need to do /something/ but you just. can’t.#and it makes you feel powerless and angry but you can’t do anything about it.#you’re hurt in every way possible. and it breaks you a little bit#lol I need to go back to therapy
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Band leader at church: *tells me that he appreciates me, values me, that I am loved, that he sees the effort I’ve put in, that he wants to get to know me more*
Me: *feels good for a few hours*
Me: *has in-person interaction with him and the worship leader tonight*
Me, hours later: they hate me. They both can’t stand me. Whatever he said this morning, he doesn’t feel it anymore. He thinks I’m weird. He thinks I’m annoying as heck and doesn’t want to be around me. They are both annoyed at me and I took up a disrespectful amount of his time last night and he thinks I’m rude and entitled.
#I literally don’t know how to get out of this#This has obviously been a very tricky situation on so many levels so it’s making me stressed in every way and this is no exception#The amount of self-hatred I feel…#It’s not good#it’s getting worse#it hurts#I cannot put into words the absolute loathing I feel for myself#And the raging shame I feel of myself and how I think I appear to others#I keep asking God how to get out of this#I crave any compliment or demonstration of affection or anything that reinforces that people like me and don’t hate me#But it doesn’t stick and it doesn’t help#I know compliments from others aren’t going to fix this#So I’m going to God and asking what to do#And I think if I felt secure in God’s love and REALLY believed He loves me and—here’s the kicker—likes me#That that would be enough and would stabilize and strengthen me#But part of me deep down suspects that He just doesn’t like me or enjoy me and finds me annoying and actually doesn’t want to spend#Time with me#I will encourage people to read Gentle and Lowly for the rest of my days#And it’s helped some#But I think I need it to be applied to me personally by God Himself#Part of it is I think a crazy act of protecting myself#Because if you suspect the worst you can’t be disappointed#What if I assume God loves me and likes me and then I somehow find out it’s not true?#The pain would be indescribable#And even if I know that’s logically bogus#It doesn��t make it feel like any less of a possibility#And so that trickles down into relationships with others too#If I assume they don’t like me or at best don’t feel much towards me at all#I can’t be disappointed#Especially when I see the “evidence” in me that I’m unlikeable
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much like Rollo in all his fics, I'm in denial about him too. Anyway, Ash Wednesday falls on Valentine's Day so have a meme
we don't take ibuprofen, we read the Book of Lamentations and meditations of St. Alphonse of Ligorio about death, pray in Latin and contemplate the true meaning of existence by comparision of ashes
#twisted wonderland#rollo flamme#rollo flamm#twst memes#rip to the rest of the world that celebrates valentine's day on feb14#brazil is just chilling lol#but anyway#lent is a important period of time in catholic liturgy#and it starts on ash wednesday#i wouldn't say rollo is the best guy for this#but it's meaningful to have a friend in a journey to be better#okay we're getting deep i need to stop#cherry's mumbling about twst
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yeah sure that's how i'll [re]come out
#zymart#zymtalk#rant in the tags ->#okay listen to me this is really important and also i have a witness. this was not intentionally supposed to be posted on june 1st#the stars just aligned for this to be at its funniest. which means its also easier for me to dismiss LOL#i drew this like a week ago after trying to draw a whole like. 5 page comic about it and then stopping it mid-board#bc it was horrifying imagining being perceived that much. so i needed to make it into a joke instead and this was the funniest route#and then i was like 'UGH. UGH!!!! i can not be 20 and deal with this like im 13. if i dont post it by the end of the week#then [the witness to all my rants on this topic. shoutout to twig bc they got the most of it] can joke abt it as if i did anyway'#and now its the end of the week and i looked at the date and went 'oh my god didnt may just start what happened'#'WAIT ITS JUNE FIRST. GOD. THATS TOO FUNNY TO NOT SAY SOMETHING' and who am i if i dont prioritize the bit honestly#in all honesty. kinda hate it! not bc of internalized homophobia but actually bc of internalized arophobia that has somehow been emphasized#after having my brain shift from '1000% aromantic without a doubt no exceptions' to 'just arospec ig lol??'#but tragically as it turns out. you can not just try and self analyze yourself into speedrunning closure.#horrible news for the oscar zymstarz community frankly#SO i needed a way 2 justify shoving this off my plate and into the trash as fast as possible.#im impatient and cant acknowledge my own emotions. its a flaw im working on it#oh and for all the ppl who know the running gag abt 'my allegations' [i do not have any real allegations for anyone not in jems server]:#that was in fact just a running gag for like well over a year and a half. like that was just a long running bit COMPLETELY unrelated to thi#i only started having this weird sexuality shift or whatever not too long ago lol. like long enough to go through 4 of the 5 stages of grie#[evidently bc like. im posting this. i got close enough to 5 to throw in the towel ykwim]#but on 'oscar zymstarz emotional acknowledgement' time that is....... not long.#but yeah ig tldr like. still ace [thank god] just arospec [probably demiro? i hate trying to figure out my own labels] instead of Aro now#idk none of this is that deep but also like it kinda is unfortunately bc i have to actually talk abt it to be able to ignore it ykwim#but i did! we're done talking abt it now! and now i can act like i dont care and try to make jokes about it to speedrun the rest of it#anyway. Happy Pride everyone. Fukign kitty.#side message to jem. by no means does this mean im not still gonna bully you. its a sign of love but also it is you specific bullying 🫶#you are not safe#edit: this is karma for saying 'thank god'. might be demiace too. this is the worst month of my life /j
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