#it’s never hard but I feel bad everytime | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mintesprig · 11 months ago

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While ‘kicking the rabbit’ sounds like an old expression, when you have a two pound fur potato with no sense of self preservation it’s quite genuine

#idk why he has to be on my feet lately #all black rabbit in a dark room launching himself at your toes #it’s never hard but I feel bad everytime #I do not mean to him like the football #miette #bunny chaos #bunny #free roam rabbit #rabbit #pet bunny

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dots-in-my-head · 5 months ago

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#tried rlly hard to shade this like skin blender idk but gave up and just half toned it #my shading is shit and I can’t draw astarion for shit #man i hate realism #why do i keep trying to do it #anyways i hate the way this came out but i feel bad for not posting today #my art #art #digital art #sketch #astarion #astarion bg3 #bg3 astarion #bg3 #baldur’s gate 3 #bg3 fanart #bg3 art #baldur’s gate iii #concept art #i should stop comparing my art to other’s bcs everytime i try to change my artstyle and force myself to draw in a new style i fail and die #the way i pick up art styles is just fun experimentation and somehow never made by studying other people’s artstyle #im not ready for my holiday to end but at the same time i feel like most of my bad thoughts are generated by too much free time #so mayhaps losing my free will for like 12 hours a weekday will fix my sads so uhhh #idk man #nobody reads these tags so i can say whatever i want #if you’re reading this uhhh #sorry you had to read me vent in an shitty astarion doodle post

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girlivealwaysbean · 2 months ago

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i think growing up is just life repeatedly sucker punching you and saying bitch you thought things were gonna better lmao no you're so naive and stupid for having hope in 20 years the world will be flaming bag of garbage and no matter how hard you work you'll get eliminated at some point

#and then you just have to get up and keep living anyway because what else is there to do?#but man my heart keeps feeling heavier with every blow #2024 has literally been the worst year ever god personally too #like everytime i think it can't possibly get worse than this it does #i remember literally 9th jan i had such a horrible breakdown in an auto because the first friend i ever made #after school was leaving my work and therefore my life #9 days into the year. seriously. and i was so happy on 8th because it was my birthday #i don't know im trying hard to think okay this doesn't even affect me it's fine im privileged enough that even my own countrys politics #barely affects me #but just. india is already so behind in everything. if developed nations are doing shit like this then well #it will never get better right like who do we even strive to be #i want to get more into indian politics but my god. it's so horrifying and depressing all the time #like i remember resolving to follow politics closely few years ago and the first news #i read was about some minister talking about how girls skirts lengths IN SCHOOL is the reason boys do sa and boys will be boys etc etc #i know i could just follow business news stuff like that god knows it'll help in my field but it just. doesn't resonate with me doesn't #make me feel anything at all. like i so desperately want to care about ooh stock markets and how to grow your money etc etc #but when i think about being rich enough to invest idle money all i can think is sitting in my own home peacefully #drinking a glass of cold coffee and just being able to breathe freely because me and my sister used to joke in childhood #when dad went thru a coffee v bad for health phase and he wouldn't let us drink it so we would drink it very sneakily #at night when he was asleep or went out for an hour and make absolutely no noise while mixing the sugar. we said that we know #we'll* know we have achieved true freedom and happiness in life when we can peacefully drink cold coffee in the hall and not secretly #in the dead of night in our room #i don't even know what im talking about and my period is late again and nothing is working and my lazer focus #that i had built in the past few weeks is gone because suddenly im like what is the point????#i just don't understand how the fuck humans can fight over stupid fucking things like who is kissing who and who is doing what with their #body instead of focusing on collective issues like our planet is dying so fucking fast and every summer is getting impossibler to survive #i hate that the united states control the UN fuck this world fr man i hate being born in such horrible helpless times #like call me a kid or dumb or whatever but i cannot understand how MILLIONS of people do not #have sympathy for ppl around them and who don't care about the planet at all like how????? how did you grow up????#not trying to boast but this is so natural to me!!! didn't you make save water save earth posters in school!!! didn't anyone

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opens-up-4-nobody · 4 months ago

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#ay. tomorrow might b the day i face the music #which is to say. i tell my advisor how fucked i am. i mean. ill spin it so it doesn't sound so bad #its just that ive told him like 2 weeks in a row that id send him my edited preproposal and i have not bc im too afraid to start reading #papers related to my project. which is frustrating. and like the thing is. and i kno ive said it before and i kno im not a fucking idiot #i can read papers and i can even understand what theyre broadly saying. but thats it.#zero critical thinking. zero insight. i use all my tiny fucking brain space to try to understand the words on the pages #and even then it only forms this broken fucking image of whats being said. like u dont understand. i used to struggle with writing papers bc #i couldnt fucking connect what i was saying from one paragraph to the next when i was the one doing the fucking writing.#what the fuck am i doing here? and again. im not stupid. i can follow the information if its fucking said out loud but thats not how this #works. and it just feels like sometimes there's a limit to what you're capable of and im at that fucking limit. the undergrads in my lab #have more ability to comment on papers than i do. its so fucking frustrating and i just have to live with knowing itll never get any easier #so what the fuck can i do other than drop out? theres no god damn way im gonna pass a comprehensive exam. not unless i buckel down and break #myself in half to try to retain all the information i need to. which requires that i read so many god damn papers that i cant fucking read.#just. why tf did i pick a career path where my suffering is inherent to a huge part of my job? i feel like ive consistently chosen to take #the hard path in life and ive finally stumbled too far from what is possible for me #so well see what comes out of my mouth tomorrow when i have my weekly meeting. i just feel like its my last semester #i feel like this is it. i just need someone to fucking hire me. bc everytime my lab mate mentions something abt #my project down the line or talks abt future conferences i should attend. im just like. its a nice idea but that's not happening. im just #at the end of the line and it sucks #unrelated

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iwakuraz · 2 months ago

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it's not going too well

#cw vent #but #:[ i feel so baaad about it idk #one of the only things im known for in school is self harm and i dont wanna go back tomorrow #and now it feels like sh is basically my only recognisable thing #so everytime i look down at my arms and see scars fading away i just feel so terrible about it #what am i doing? why am i not cutting myself tahts what im meant to do thats what ive always done!! thats all anubody wants from me #i kinda really don't like how #basically everykne in my school really doesn't like me much cuz all i really have going is that i cut myself #have autism #and may or may not be a tranny #even though all of those things are things that are true qnd i dont even think they're bad things #i just. i dunno. i feel bad. like genuinely they have one thing they want me to do #and thats hurting myself!! but im not even doinf that right now #this is so dumb. all my problems are dumb as fuck huh #im so scared of school now #its not even just how the people act #when i go into the corridors there are so many people #so when im finally alone it always feels like theres someone behjdn me. its scaring meee i dunno. i hate school #please dont make me go back tgere. wait no what do you mean this is gonna be another three or so years #and even after those threes years i still have to go to university.. and get a job #this is the rest of my life i think and that makes me sad #i really tried to like school i tried so so hard to like school #but its so difficult. too many people too many noises #too many rumours and too many ableists #there are also too many tags on this post #but rlly the bad part of school has never been the work for me. im a dumbass but i do like learning #weh. dont make me go back. can i sleep for 72 hours instead of going to school #i hate walking into that stupid building everyday and being able to feel everybodys eyes go onto me #its all so scary. i should stop venting on here but i probably won't im sorry

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discocactusblogs · 10 months ago

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#how to keep hopeful when you feel like God's not going to give you the one thing youre hoping for #how to keep from being angry at God because you just don't see movement in your life in this one area #yet when you pray for God's will #He assures you you're where He wants you #I have never wanted this thing before and now that I'm older I find myself longing for it #It's hard to listen to my parents when their only answer to everything is “pray about it” as if I havent been doing so for years #It's hard to take their whole “be patient” speech seriously when my mom married at 21 #My dad only slightly understands but I feel like its different at the same time #I was perfectly fine in church until the Pastor told a story about a married couple and the whole church was laughing while I nearly cried #I am the only single lady in my church on top of the only single person in my age group #I'm not even sure why God gave me this desire for marriage and a family #I feel like “God why would you give me this burning desire to have a family and marriage that glorifies and honors you if you weren't going #to give me said thing?“#I'm asking God to help me enjoy being single but at the same time I feel myself starting to grow bitter and thats something I dont want.#I know not everyone is called to be married and thats what's got me messed up and angry because if I'm not called to marriage #why did He give me the desire for it? I feel like that's just cruel and I know God isn't mean or cruel #also sorry Narni for stealing the way you rant lol #I feel bad everytime I post a rant and using tags seems to work better so I don't feel so bad

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ozymoron · 7 months ago

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starting to think this website is bad for my mental health.....

#⚠️#personal #everytime i come on here and read a post thats discourse its like entering a boss battle against my ocd #like fuck! not again!!#i dont know the answer and my brains yelling at me if i dont reblog fast enough im a bad person and i cant scroll by either causr thatll #make me a bad person whos ignoring what seems to be an obvious problem and now im FUCKED!!!#yeah maybe i could just unfollow discourse people but theyre half the people i follow and also some of my mutuals and like #its not like i dont care about issues its just hard to engage with anything on here when my own mind keeps yelling at me im a horrible #person for not reblogging whatever new queer discourse post has appeared on my dash #its exhausting!#i wish spaces online were more ocd friendly! but they never will be! cause social media thrives off reactionary aggressive shit like #''reblog this or youre a TERRIBLE PERSON'' and even when the op isnt saying that and is like calmly explaining things or at least from what #i can gather from their tone over the internet which is hard to judge that voice is still in my head like people on here will label you a #shitty person for not reblogging certain posts and that scares me and my ocd so bad!#i do care its just hard to want to engage with anything when everyones so angry all the time #yeah people can be justified in that anger but still for people like me who struggle with moral ocd its hard #ive been considering jsut not reblogging discourse but i want to show solidarity with people this discourse is about #i want to show i care cause i do its just hard like #i feel like half the shit i reblog on here is a compulsion #yeah maybe i should spend less time on here but even when im trying to do that i still scroll on my dash for maybe like 5 minutes and ive #already been hit with like 20 different discourse posts #i jsut came on here for gotham fan content idk man

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nightfallsystem-moved · 9 months ago

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tw stupid vent in tags

#tw self harm #tw vent #“being a teenager is the best!” I CUT MYSELF ALMST EVERYDAY.#IVE SCARRED MYSELF SO BAD ILL NEVER EVER BE ABLE TO WEAR SHORT SLEEVES NO MTTER HOW LONG IT SBENE SINCE IT HAPPENED #I ONYL SPEAK TO LIKE ONE OR TWO PEOPLE IRL I AM DETERIORATING #I ALREADY HAVE A FUCKING SCAR SO BIG U CAN FEEL WHERE IT GETS DEEP #HOW .#HOW IS THIS GOOD #HOW DO I HAVE HTE BEST LIFE HOW R PEOPLE JEALOUS #WHENEVER I GET MISGENDERED I CANT HELP BUT BITE MYSELF UNTIL I BLEED which is really hard to do...#IM SO SIKKC OF IT #IM SO TIREDD.#im going insane again arent i #THERES NOT BEEN A WEEK WITHOUT SELF HARM SINCE GOD KNOWS WHEN #EVERY LIMB HURTS except my right leg specifically i saved that one for spare parts #oh and my goddamn mother only cares about how ill look because of the scars and not that im FUCKING BLEEDING OUT BCUZ OF HER NO LESS #DOES IT GET BETTER. DO I STOP CUTTING MYSELF??#everytime i see a little too much blood it reminds me of when i did it and i feel sick to my stomach

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soiwatchthestars · 1 year ago

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one if these days u guys are gonna hear about a crazy woman who just went absolutely feralraginginsane screaming in public n walking into traffic or off a bridge or smth and it's gonna be me bc i cant do this anymore my dudes. i'm gonna lose it for realises

#personal #oh well #its been months and i still feel like. idk how to explain it. like my insides are vibrating n my soul wants to claw its way out of me #its hard to explain #but it isnt going away #n im like. theres only so long u can feel bad right. so ive been waiting for it to pass and for things to feel better but its just Not #an ive been trying v hard to stop whatever it is #but everytime i see my face i wanna punch it #i want to hurt my body v badly and idk know why #and ive had self harm.urges before.obviously but never like this #i just want my whole body to hurt #so that it can stop feeling like this

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aleximustd13 · 1 year ago

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Cant wait to go to my therapist to hear her ask me why i havent started going to driving school or why i havent got a real job yet for the 384748th time

#witchy.txt #the appointment is this thursday #and yeah i am ecstatic at the thought. can you tell? ugh #like everytime i go there i feel like im never enough #going to a comic course? tou should focus on driving school #writing an original story? you should focus on finding a real job #drawing said story as a comic? thats cool but what about being more independent #BITE BITE BITE BITE GRRRRRRRRRR #like why cant i di things my way for once? dont tell me what to do #like im trying. im trying so hard but im still waiting for the papers to get to driving school!! like wtf its not my fault!!#also if i dont have a drivers license i cant have a fucking job so chill the fuck out for a second #i am doing things my way and sure i could do better but give me a break.#i can barely function and im finally having a not so bad time for once and you still tell me that im not good enough? fuck off

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dixiedingo · 1 year ago

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Bahhh