#it’s making me feel like an elderly person
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Astro notes ~1
Hope you’ll enjoy it~💛
Aries people with Moon in Libra/Virgo can be extremely petty and tend to get jealous easily (this applies to friendships as well). They are very loyal though, and some of the most active, hardworking people you’ll come across.
Libra people are some of the friendliest you can find and are known for their good taste and usually good social skills.
Libra with Moon in Pisces has lots of crushes and falls in love easily (but more times than not with the wrong people, much to their dismay). Is sensitive, undecisive. Can be both giving and selfish at the same time. Needs plenty of time by himself/herself to recharge and get detached from others’ feelings, problems.
Moon in Sagittarius: I cannot emphasise this enough: we absolutely loath showing weakness especially when in a group setting and always want to view the world with the “glass half-full” mentality. The unevolved energies of this placement might have commitment issues beacuse we tend to live life based on principles and have quite high standards when it comes to the people we let it. So when our view of the “perfect” you is shattered it can be quite heartbreaking and we may distance ourselves to study you further or try to forget the hurt you caused us. There is a certain grade of naivety, childlike wonder to this placement which can be infectious to other people. You can make somebody’s day brighter with your words and attitude. You also probably have a very strong moral compass, a philosophical outlook on life and are quite friendly.
The lower energies of this placement predispose to anger (which is expressed differently depending on the house your Moon is placed in; typically it’s more concealed, especially in the beginning), short temper, commitment issues, forgetfulness.
Aries Venus in 12th house: oscillating between shyness and boldness, this native is a mix of curious qualities: fiery passion and flirty banter coupled with increased sensitivity to the needs of his/her partner. Creative, generous, dynamic, there is no dull moment with this native around.
He/She will know how to get to the deepest corners of your soul. He/She is looking for something real, something raw and authentic in you. May not like what he/she finds but wants it nonetheless beacuse it’ll be something special the both of you share.
The lower energies of this placement predispose to escapism, low self confidence, compulsions and difficulties in the dating scene (might start dating late, choose wrong partners or not have strong enough boundaries in relationships).
The higher energies manifest in beautiful, almost self-sacrificing ways: increased generosity and sensitivity to other people, especially children and the elderly, maybe animals too. A certain dreaminess in the way you act, express yourself.
When it comes to making love, you are literal FIRE once you open up and feel ready with the right person. You don’t shy away from new positions, are experimental and might even pull out some sexy lingerie from your drawer (lingerie that nobody else may know about or s*x toys - your secret is safe with me!). Fetishes could be possible but you may not even admit them yourself. 12th house placement could suggest secret love affairs or a special taste for something forbidden. Very careful that you don’t put yourself in situations that disregard your value as a person. Self reflection and journaling could be especially helpful with this position!
Leo Rising: are cool, stylish, proud and regal. Whenever they enter a room you’ll feel a warm and encompassing aura. People notice it and will tend to gravitate towards this native, for good or for worse. Whenever Leo is present, especially in the personal planets, you can expect a certain level of drama and stubbornness. If it’s the ascendant that is in the sign on Leo, the native will have a solid self-confidence, will typically carry herself with much pride and may even be quarrelsome at times. “The queen stands no disrespect” could be their motto. At low expression, Leo rising may continually deny it when they have a problem or refuse to talk about it (mostly out of stubbornness and because they prefer to lick their own wounds and hide them from other people).
Taurus Sun with Cancer Moon: some of the warmest, kindest and most loyal friends you could possibly find. They know the value of the given word, will show up to appointments and will take your secrets to the grave. You can vent to this natives about your problems because they will listen and not be judgmental and will even offer a shoulder for you to cry on.
They are shy at first, especially around strangers but will know to speak up when the situation calls for it. It is perhaps not known about them just how tough they can be. Yes, they may cry easily but will always stand up and move forward. When you annoy they will not only acknowledge it but will also confront you about it. They might not tell you right away that they have a lover for example, even when you are close friends. You ask them why, it’s because “you never asked me yourself”. Truthfully it’s because they value personal relationships and privacy so much. They will not gossip just because they can. And some feelings cannot be simply put to words, they should and could only be shared between the two lovers.
The only low manifestation I see is that they can at times have a very one-track mind, especially if they find an activity they really like. You will ask them 5 times in the span of 2 weeks what they are doing, at different times of day, and they will say “I am dancing” or “I am going riding”. Get the picture?
Gemini with Cancer placements: it can go very different ways, but it will usually lead to a person being very social and having lots of friends and/or lovers. It can lead to “drama queen” behaviour but not always. Native is an emotional kind of speaker and can find common ground with almost anybody. He/She is probably very smart and intuitive. The type of person that will get all the good grades without learning much and will impress almost anybody they meet because of their charm and social skills. He/She could, however, be quite flighty and/or chaotic in everyday life.
When I say the expression of the Moon sign very much depends on the Sun sign, I am not kidding. For example, in case of the Taurus native, the Moon in Cancer amplified his/her “motherlike, feminine” qualities. The two signs felt like they complemented each other. The end result felt harmonious and well-rounded. In the case of the Gemini native, however, it leads to a certain amount of friction, particularly because the signs of Cancer and Gemini have very different manners of relating to life. You can look up the aspects if you want to find out more (I am by no means a professional astrologer only an enthusiast 😆).
At low manifestations it could lead to emotional manipulation, drama queen behaviour, a special taste for quarrelling.
BONUS:
Lilith in the first house: this is not talked about nearly enough - self esteem issues! Lilith being in the house of the self brings a particular type of emotional dilemma, the dilemma of “who am I”. I know it sounds strange, but hear me out. I am sure you’ve already read many other posts that highlight the good qualities of Lilith, until you’ve reached my post, so I will only mention a few: charisma, sex appeal and a mysterious, somewhat rebellious air. It is also said that the native, due to his/her particular kind of aura, will invite partners who will try to tame him/her. I don’t know how true that is, and it is not yet the moment we debate this subject. Perhaps in a future post .
We will talk about the young and naive Lilith who is thrust in this wilderness we call life. She doesn’t know who she is, what she wants and can or cannot do so she stagnates. She observes life and at first tries to be a good girl, always pleasant and accommodating. At first she wants to fit in badly, she want the recognition of others and will do almost anything for it. She needs it like the air she breaths. However, something always happens and her plan never works. Or rather it does, but the price to pay will be exorbitantly high: her whole individuality, her authenticity. But does young Lilith know what’s laying dormant inside her? Being so oblivious of her own authenticity and power, she has nearly lost it completely. She has given in up for someone and now she feels bitter and angry. She has come to a realization. She cannot stand X trait in people(example: dishonesty). Okay, so that means I must be a super honest person or at least value it greatly. Moving on - what’s about loyalty? I think I know something but really am just scratching the surface. Such is the journey of Lilith. A journey of continual self-discovery. It starts with a young, very unsure hero who perhaps is also very naive only to later turn into a determined, empowered, self assured person who will always follow her own path, no matter what other say or do. They will be missteps and perhaps even a few fractures on this journey but it is one only you can embark on in pursuit of the Holy Grail, if you may. At the end of the day, you may realise it has always been inside yourself, hidden, awaiting to be rediscovered and embraced.
Thank you for taking the time to read my post and if you feel you resonate with my writing please leave a comment below and let me know. Would love to chat with you guys.💕
#astro observations#astrology#astro notes#moon in sagittarius#Libra#moon in pisces#astro community#Aries#moon in libra#moon placements#leo rising#venus in 12th house#aries venus#taurus sun#cancer moon
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turtle tots are literally everything i need to draw them more EVERYONE NEEDS TO DRAW THEM MORE
#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt donnie#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt fanart#still can barely use tumblr#it’s making me feel like an elderly person#who’s just learning to use facebook#or something#rottmnt turtle tots
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The bourgeois or "exploiting class" doesn't inherently include the person who gets their nails done biweekly, or the disabled person who has a carer, or the guy who got a $70 video game for full-price, or the person who relies on medication (yes even the ones you don't think they "need"), or anything else like this. None of these people will, on average, have the ability to exploit workers by means of ownership or whatever.
While you are busy fighting with fellow workers, you are still being exploited by your boss, by capitalism, by (potentially) not having healthcare, by being overworked and underpaid, and so are they.
#politics#feel like this wording isn't satisfactory for me but fuck it we ball#used bourgeois because i think as a colloquial word it's recognized but like...#...i dunno i think some people use it to mean 'person who can do [x]' even if they quite literally own no means of production#like the idea that you're exploiting a worker by agreeing to a service they provide isn't what bourgeois means#if i paid a carer to care for a disabled person they aren't being exploited by that disabled person...#...HOWEVER that carer absolutely can (and probably will be) exploited by the systems of power (eg their boss or capitalism)#perhaps it's too late at night for me to be posting about this but it's something that bothers me!#*especially* when it comes to disability and other groups already exploited by marginalization 👍#if your leftism percludes the disabled (including the terminally and profoundly) or the elderly or the queer or so so much i don't WANT ITTT#saw a disabled person i follow lament how afraid they were to have a carer out of fear of Being a Bad Exploitative Person#and they obviously need one and that makes me so fucking angry to know that they are needlessly suffering
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"We can get through this by working together, reach out to your friends, community is all we have, a social network will be your security in the world, now is the time to lean on others!"
I do agree, and it's scientifically sound (pretty sure there is data about how people with better social networks live longer and etc) but also....augh..... what about the severe social issues, difficulty to leave the house, physical issues which lead to like zero socialization energy a majority of the time, etc. etc. Social support can be a replacement for structural support, but.. I guess I just wish it didn't have to be. Community is extremely difficult to build, even moreso if you're someone who has issues with social cues or group conversations or even just being around others in the first place. And blah, nuance, of course I'm just complaining or maybe being too negative or maybe misunderstanding, but, I hardly have the energy to brush my hair once every 2 months.. how am I supposed to maintain a wide social network and be active in a Community and Join Groups lol... sometimes it kind of feels like "er.. well if thats my only option then...... ruh roh". It's overwhelming
#Kind of like some post I saw a long time ago talking about how even the meanest shittiest most difficult to get along with#elderly people or whaever still deserve to have some sort of systems in place to support them so they're not just relying on the#grace of relatives or etc. who may not be able to deal with them. Not saying that I'm like mean and cruel or anything#but the fact of the matter is in most social situations either I am compromising or the other person is. Not in like an ~`ouuu im so weirdd#nobody willever understand my quirky swagg hee heee~' way but like a.. Just factually the things that make me happy and comfortable#are often incompatible with people. The way I communicate and process things is different from the way other people do and that#is always a barrier. I cannot have ''easy''' interactions. Even with 'understanding' people there is nearly always a significant#amount of effort. You can't walk into a group of people and then be like ''okay you guys all have to wear#masks and you also cant play music too loud and also we should communicate turns of speaking very clearly so group conversations#arent too stressful. and also i need this and that and we have to do this and that and '' etc. etc. You CAN. And some people will#go along with that. but they will ALWAYS secretly resent you for it. You will be the one person they're relieved to not have to be around.#theyre glad when you dont show up since they can go back to doing things however they want and not masking and all these boring#annoying things. OR you can say none of that and just deal with the loud music and the talking and the unmasked people. but then#YOU'RE compromising. and no matter how nice they are it's exhausting to be around and youre just further alienated#while in the presence of people and uncofmrtoabel the whole time.#Which I'm not saying the only form of community is a group setting specificially but just giving that as an example lol#I just wish there were a better option than ''well learn to socialize normally or just suffer then'' . Which I know is not what people are#saying. I guess I just always feel a bit scared when 'community is the answer'. Since its not like 'oh im just socially anxious and need to#get out of my shell~!' or something thats really that remedy-able. It's like.. my mostly unchangeable physical health issues combined#with the mostly unchangable literal way that my brain processes sensory informationand other things means that interacting with#others in a normal and easy way is incredibly difficult and often exhausting especially to maintain in any longform fashion. So then#when it's like ''the answer to staying safe is to maintain longform social connections!! :3 just reach out!!'' then.. ermm... O_O#also I'm not even one of the cutesy shy emotional hermits that's nervous. I'm the Bad Stereotype emotionless robotic cold seeming#looms in the corner of the room type of thing so people have less pity on you in that way. -_- ANYWAY gghj#I need like.. a designated social representative or something.. When I did work in that bookshop forever ago they gave me a#person who basically was just with me to help communicate with others on my behalf and supervise me and stuff. I need that.. Some#more extraverted person I can latch onto and they can maintain the Social Support Network for me and I can just be their +1 to all#of the Social Things and community. I have helpful skills I can contribute to other people and stuff it's just like.. I cant socialize lol#I cook food or something for you.. then you keep me in contact with Community.. a deal. (but then what about when I'm too sick to#contribute? as is often the case. there's not much place for people like me in communities sometimes i fear.. sigh.) ***
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#not to be like a boomer rn but#i just got a notification from windows on my computer telling me to try ai#the state of the way technology is going in the world actually worries and depresses me#i tell my therapist about this a lot when we talk about the world 😅#its horrible to me how fast ai is creeping into so many parts of everyday life#i feel like its kind of a train wreck in the making and its possibly going to get to a point where#theres not going to be much we can do about it because itll be so ingrained in everything#okay sorry my elderly person jumped out for a minute but that notification really got me#id rather have no technology than ai in everything change my mind#and not to mention how ai and the people working it are like actively destroying every aspect of art in the world...#dl
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Strategically choosing which Christmas tag to put on which coworker's Christmas present so I don't get any smart remarks about the heathen tree that says *gasp* "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas" or the snowflake which might prompt associations with a popular insult.
#random personal stuff#you gentlemen get a stocking and a snowman and I am begging you to be nice about it#I almost feel like I'm back at the church I used to go to where I tried everything I could think of to avoid#situations in which an elderly man who fancied himself a wit could make 'jokes' that embarrassed me#...where is the button that I can press that will make everyone interact kindly with each other all the time#take me to it and I will hold it down forever and cure SO MUCH stress
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Wait a second... can someone with more understanding of fandom cultures explain something to me?
Do people ship characters because they believe they are going to be a cannon thing????? I thought it was just for fun?? I'm like, oh these two characters seem fun together, what if they dated. I just be mixing and matching these bitches I legit dgaf if it actually happens or not.
Maybe it's just whatever weird end of tiktok I'm on, or maybe it's just something I never picked up on until now, but like,,, people will say, "oh these ships are invalid cuz they won't be cannon" OK????? AND??? It's just fun
Like I remember being a kid and watching shows and my friends being like oh did you see that (insert ship name) scene???? Like girl I don't care. Two characters could never have interacted and I'm gonna ship them.
And that's all I thought it ever was? Is it like,, different now or some shit?
#this is totally unrelated to sso btw#i want to make art for shows and games im into but man.... it just feels like im inviting fandom people in when i do#and dont get me wrong#its very emotionally rewarding to build an audience for my art#but after the weird ass shit i went through with the metal family fandom im like#mildly traumatized#just a LIIIIIIITTLE more apprehensive about who is going to be consuming my art#cuz like#last time i was a part of a very active fandom#id get comments on pictures of myself saying i look like a certain anime character#or id have my art taken an posted somewhere else online with some other persons water mark put over it#or worse yet have my art be posted onto a proship fan art account and then getting all those freaks on my art#IF i was even credited#im such a person of quiet or dead fandoms#i feel elderly when im interacting with a fan base thats more popular#also#this whole ramble in the tags is not entirely related to creating ship content either#yes i would make ship art of appropriate character's but also like... just my art in general#anyways#this is just a long winded way of saying i watched the amazing digital circus pilot and really enjoyed it and feel super inspired by it but#and not to be like an angry old man and say “raugh!!! the fandom is weird!!!”#but id rather.... not... interact with the fandom#at least the portion ive seen anyway#just the random discourse i see in comment sections#its got me scratching my head a little
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unemployment arc update
#a sock speaks#work tag#things seem. not great. at restaurant job.#I could go there as a last resort but it sounds like the current management is making things miserable for employees#writeup for leaving without finishing sidework. writeup for staying late to finish sidework. only scheduling one server per shift. etc.#I kinda don't want to go back as things are 😅#I'm thinking about applying where my mom works#she does at-home care for disabled & elderly people#I'd for sure need a car and I think there are things I'd find stressful#(purity culture hit me Really Badly and I'd have some work to do before I could comfortably bathe or dress another person)#but it sounds so much more relaxed day to day. better for my anxiety.#and tbh if I could work through the modesty issues that would be good for me#pushing me to get a car sooner would also be a good thing#and I think maybe I could mature a bit more with a job like this. I still kinda feel like an underbaked adult yk?#the hourly pay is a bit less than restaurant job after tips but this job has good healthcare and union representation and all that#also the scheduling is more flexible so I could do orchestra and plan outings with friends and things like that#I had reservations about it but there are so many reasons it could be a good fit#most of it is light housecleaning. washing dishes. cooking simple meals. grocery shopping. taking ppl to appointments.
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I think I’ve said this before on here but. it really baffles and somewhat annoys me sometimes how people hear that a character is in their 40s-50s and immediately assume they should be weak or feeble or less attractive than they are. like. no. i think everyones just been brainwashed to think that attractiveness/health/worth is determined by how young someone is. why is it more understandable to view a teenager as more attractive and capable than a fit 40-50-something year old. kinda wack
#don’t get me wrong this isn’t to say that older characters shouldn’t show signs of aging#like obviously they should- though also keeping in mind here that people show aging vastly differently and throughdifferent lengths of time#ie; some people go grey in their 30s. some don’t go grey at all#and as for physical ability it just depends on a person’s routines and the life they’ve lead up to that point– a guy who’s been slumped over#a desk in a cubicle for 30 years isn’t gonna be as likely to maintain muscle as a lumberjack or a personal trainer#obviously I’m talking about ykz characters in this post and specifically kiryu/majima. mostly kiryu though really cause it’s more bizarre to#me to point him out as being Elderly and unrealistically fit and handsome for his age#like. becuase hes not even that old. he’s 54 currently and I see people saying stuff about him like this throughout the time he’s been in#his 40s to early 50s– like dude do you know that like. most of the famous actors you see in live action films are in their 40s-50s. this#isn’t the 1950s man. you can be 40 50 60 and look Not Elderly and have an active life. that’s the magic of modern medicine and technological#advancements. crazy I know#sorry ranting here I just always get so thrown off by this#admittedly I think it makes me feel weird when exaggerate their ages so much partly cause my own parents are smack in the middle#of kiryu/majima’s canon ages (1966) so I see like. literally every day what a person in their mid-50s is Like. and it’s not at all like the#weird feeble characature so many younger people in this fanbase have for them#I couldn’t view my mother- as she is right now (56)- as ‘elderly’ if I fuckin tried dude#and she’s not half as physically fit and active in her lifestyle as someone like fuckin kiryu or majima so. yeah#(she is still quite active but less in a Working Out sorta way and more in a gardening and yard work and goes to burning man sorta way)#(she’s a psychologist though so her job isn’t very physically active is my point- as opposed to someone who’s job is#physically active. you get it)#anyway sorry I need to stop talking vsncjdnd#rambling#yakuza#rgg
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Adult historical romance with magic
Sequel to A Marvellous Light
Follows Maud Blythe, the younger sister of Robin from the first book
When the elderly witch Maud’s supposed to be escorting on a transatlantic trip is murdered for the priceless magical artifact she possessed, Maud finds herself hunting a mysterious murderer while trapped onboard a ship
When Maud joins forces with Violet Debenham, a scandalous aristocrat-turned-actress from a magician family, sparks fly between the two of them despite their precarious situation
Murder mystery with a strong romantic subplot (quite frankly the horniest book I read this year which is impressive given the number of romance novels I’ve read recently)
Advances the overall plot of the trilogy while introducing a lot of new characters
Fun locked-room-mystery vibes of the ship at sea
Lesbian main character, bisexual main character, F/F romance
#this was honestly quite delightful to read#i think the setting of the boat for a murder mystery was superrrrr fun#also i enjoyed the romance!#it's kind of the opposite of robin and edwin in that they start hooking up and the develop feelings#and i think that is a delicious trope when done right#also lord hawthorn is in this more and is exceedingly long-suffering the whole time#the moments of humor in this are good too#like the pornography library#however SPOILERS#it was rude of this book to introduce elderly lesbian witches and make me sad over them dying :(#also i think violet's backstory should have been delved into a bit more personally#i really want the third book now since i have 100% spotted who it's going to be about#the last binding#a restless truth#books#2022 reads#lulu speaks#lulu reads#lulu reads the last binding#lulu reads a restless truth
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3rd time a complete stranger has asked me for some form of help this week. do i give off a certain vibe.
#I do help each time but I'm wondering why me out of all the choices available#i dressed alternatively 2/3 times i was on the phone the other i also have dyed hair and piercings#apparently i have a vibe that attracts small children to ask me for food too at conventions 😭 while I'm in cosplay#like each time it's a public setting and there are other people around#now it makes me feel the need to learn Cantonese to help the elderly population in the area 😭 bc what if it happens again#like is there something that visibly signals trustworthiness or altruism or something#I'd think based on how i dress I'd be the last person people would ask for help from 😭#everytime i check and make sure it's not that i have my volunteer badge out or something#kk rambles
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i think ive said this before but im a huge fan of public transport and walkable cities. esp as a car guy. because the more people that are off the road the more i get to enjoy it!!
and it lowers the risk of me being fucking crumpled by someones blind grandparent.
or by someones distracted driving because they cant put the fucking phone down.
#having feelings about this again#because like !! for everyones good we shouldve had a better way to travel around.#walkable cities would help everyone so much its an all around fucking win !!!!!#like i love cars i love the various cultures around them!!#but it makes me so upset to see that someones beloved modified car got t-boned by an elderly person who cannot see the road#or how yet another motorcycle rider gets flattend by a distracted driver#:/ better public transportation is better for everyone#car talk
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Achievements today:
Did some tasks for my favourite work project
Did a qual to hopefully open up more projects
Diagnosed (sort of) and fixed bugs in my sims 2 game
Ran outside in the rain for the first time since school (which I only used to do because I was forced to)
Confused my elderly neighbour and his raincoat-wearing dog
Stroked the dog’s floofy head
Ran more than a kilometre without taking a walking break
#feel like the running thing is more impressive when you realise that it was raining diagonally at my face (directly into my EYES)#and wind chill was something like 9 celsius. i was wearing a t-shirt and leggings mind you#this was how i confused my elderly neighbour. he just shouted something at me and i was like ‘yeah i know frank’#then i fussed his dog’s head and his dog wagged at me <3#his dog looks JUST like my old doggy; kim. which is not surprising since they’re both flatcoated retrievers#i LOVE flatties but they all kind of look the same. i mean max is a bit bigger and i think he’s entirely black#kim had runt of the litter vibes and a big white stripe down his belly and two white spots on his paws#i used to think he was a mix but i’ve heard from flattie breeders that they sometimes breed them to be smaller on purpose#and that even purebreds can have white on them. so i don’t know. dog breed of all time tbh#oh ane the sims glitch was just that i kept getting the jump bug and couldn’t work out why#but i pulled a few files out of my mods folder and eventually it stopped#weirdly it was only/mostly happening in one household? but it made that household completely unplayable so i had to fix it#i also had to delete some custom food because my sims straight up couldn’t make it#i’d go ‘make breakfast -> oatmeal’ and they’d get all the way through the process of making it#but then the bowl would disappear and they’d have to make it again.. and again.. and again#so i deleted all the files by that same creator just to be safe#i have plenty of custom foods anyway. i don’t really Need to have oatmeal#i think i’m going to stop downloading mods now that i know my current configuration is fine#just cosmetic cc from now on. and probably a lot of it. i need clothessss everyone is just in t-shirts and jeans#which i mean.. so am i (usually. right now i’m in pyjamas) but still#personal
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More misc. daily life pictures and such
#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that --#1 & 2 - Very bright pretty looking sky !#2. HUGE icicle that looked like you could kill someone with it or something.. Pulled from near a gutter on the side of a building#3. & 4 & 5 - various images from a silly party I had where I pretended to be some elf king turning like 204 years old lol (also not like#a REAL party. Only my roommates were there really and we're all in the same household bubble.#just to clarify. I would never dare have a large party anyway given#my hermitous nature but on top of that.. didn't want there to be some implication that I'm having a Party while covid is still ongoing lol.#NEVER.. But I do love dressing up as some fantasy character so much.. The only thing that could ever bring a true hermit wizard#to engage with others socially is the prospect of connecting it somehow to fantasy worlds and costumes lol. One must simply dress up#as a silly 200 year old man from time to time and pretend you've never seen a balloon before in your life. etc.#6. bapy boye... feets#7. The main food that I made for the elderly elf man 'party'. which was a Deconstructed Beef Wellington (kind of as ajoke since I watch s#o many silly cooking competition shows and they always make stuff 'deconstructed' at the last minute when under time limits or whatever.)#I've wanted to make beef wellington a few times but Ithink to do it well I'd need like..an actual kitchen and a lot of time and#an oven that fully works to bake things and etc. etc. So I thought this would be an easier method. A thick steak cut round to kind of mimi#c the round tenderloin or whatever it is in a wellington. instead of the puff pastry being wrapped around - I just did star shaped cut outs#of pastry and baked them and put them on top (to go with the star theme). instead of mushroom duxelles being wrapped around in pastry#its in a little circle under the steak. and instead of mustard being brushed onto the meat I made a mustard gravy sauce type of thing#Then of course asparagus on the side.. my favorite... Though I know some wellington#also has a layer of prosciutto I think. or I saw one person use crepes. I didn't feel it was necessary to incorporate that too lol#8. bapy son helping me do a giant puzzle that took me hours and I had no idea it was actually that large of a puzzle#until I started putting it together and for some reason it made me stressed by the end instead of relaxed lol.. puzzle fatigue#photo diary
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Having a 17 year old cat, in my case one with an autoimmune disorder, is really just a daily practice in, like, watching for any minute change in behavior and trying to manage my anxiety around anything that happens because it's probably nothing but also noting it carefully because what if it is actually something? Something big and wrong? But what if it's fine? But also it could be dire!
Like, today he's been drooling while napping, and he usually doesn't do that in this quantity. But also he's missing a bunch of teeth so of course he's more likely to drool. But it's been almost a year since those teeth were removed and I haven't really noticed before? But did I only notice today because he was weird yesterday? Because, oh yeah, yesterday he was sleeping in a weird place after I'd left him alone at a time I'm usually home, so now is that my fault? Did he feel abandoned? Or is it a sign something's wrong? Because it's also the spot his sister started going to when she got sick and had to be put down. But if something were wrong wouldn't he be eating less? When actually he's been eating more than usual the last few days? But then is he actually getting everything from his food that he should, because I swear his back feels bonier than it used to. But is that just because he hasn't been as active, because he's older and not because of anything actually wrong? Or is there something wrong? Because also the drool looks kind of thick and that seems weird and I just...
I just feel like I'm two seconds away from breaking at any point over him and I hate that, and I hate that sometimes it starts to feel like I'm resenting him over how hard it's all been. I don't, I know that, but damnit if I don't get frustrated at him, but then he's frustrated too for all the same reasons, because with the autoimmune disorder diagnosis and the teeth being removed my cat who had for 16 years only ever wanted to eat one kind of dry food suddenly had to switch to wet. And my boy was a grazer and now he has to have food given to him in set batches and he still refuses to finish a full bowl because he has always had anxiety around low food (even though he's literally never been without, but whatever he's a neurotic guy). And I think his hearing is going because he just screams all the time instead of how he used to cry to communicate and he gets startled when I walk up behind him and I don't know how to fix that. And it's all so frustrating and emotional but I love him so much, he's been with me since I was 11 years old and I can't picture life without him. But living with a 17 year old cat is also knowing that that time is dwindling and there's literally nothing you can do. All you can do is love him and wait for something to go wrong and it's so painful and draining and yet I know I'm so lucky, I'm so grateful for every day I get with him. But fuck, it just hurts a lot of the time too.
#personal#I'm just having a lot of feelings that I needed to get out#but having elderly pets is just like the most painful gift in the world#I just want him with me you know?#but I also want him happy and comfortable#and every day I know that we're getting closer to when something might happen that would make those things mutually exclusive#it did for his sister and that was so fucking hard#idk it's been a bad day anyway and then noticing that with him is just like pushing me past an emotional limit I guess
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Trying to Ignore a Yandere Demon Who Wants to Claim You
[Yandere! Demon x GN! Anxious Reader]
·゜·:.。..。.:·☆·゜·:.。..。.:·☆
"Whatever you do, do not-- I repeat: DO NOT acknowledge the demon in any manner. If you do, then he can latch onto you and take you."
The words of the psychic you'd contacted for help kept filtering through your head as you stared blankly forward, forcing your eyes to laser focus in on the bright colors of the TV. The volume was on full blast as you attempted to drown out the sounds of him.
"Darling," that eerie, deep voice echoed out. Its user was so close that could feel its hot breath wafting over your cheek, but you refused to give the slightest indication that you'd heard it.
"If a love demon decides that it wants you, then it'll follow you around nonstop like a lovesick puppy. It'll do anything to get you to notice it..."
The demon playfully ran one of his fingers through your hair, his skin hot to the touch. He completely dwarfed you, looking like he outweighed you by fifty pounds of pure muscle and was taller by at least two feet. His demonic proportions made him look hulking and menacing, yet whenever he looked at you, his mouth pulled into a large smile.... full of razor sharp teeth.
"Will you look at me, Darling?" he asked, sticking out his lower lip mockingly. "I love you. I only want to talk to my darling."
"Don't look at it. Don't listen to it. Don't react to its movements. The slightest indication that you're aware of its presence is a sign the demon takes that you've agreed to be theirs..."
The demon huffed, irritated. He stomped his way in front of the TV and glared at you with his glowing eyes. "I know you see me," he accused.
You refused to stop glancing forward, pretending that you could still see whatever show you were trying to watch.
The demon tore his shirt away from his body, showing off his impressive chest muscles. He held his arms out, as if to show off to you. "Check it out, Darling," he announced, "I'm bigger than most of the other love demons. So I can protect you and take very good care of you."
He slowly approached the couch.
"Because a love demon makes its presence known to only one person: their darling."
"I love you so much, Darling," the demon cooed, placing both of his hands on either side of your face.
You winced internally and tried your best to look deadpan, avoiding the demon's glare with all of your might.
You refused to break, because if you did, then you'd belong to a demon for all eternity.
But damn it, he was persistent.
Ever since he'd made his presence known to you last week, the demon followed you around everywhere you went, trying to get you to acknowledge him:
He'd cause a ruckus in class, throwing textbooks and chairs around, leading to the other students thinking that you were out of your mind and throwing them yourself.
He'd follow you into the shower and jerk off as you bathed, talking about how he couldn't wait to touch you himself.
He'd sing soft lullabies to you as you tried to sleep. And he would frequently get under the covers with you too, snuggling you from behind.
He'd follow you whenever you went grocery shopping, threatening to push one of the elderly shoppers in front of one of the moving vehicles in the parking lot. But you couldn't warn the other person unless you wanted to be taken by a demon. RIP.
He'd even gone so far as to set your dinner on the stove on fire, and you had to mutter loudly that you'd foolishly forgotten to turn the gas off.
He was growing impatient.
"Darling," the demon growled, baring his large teeth at you, "all you have to do is notice me, and I promise that you'll be all mine. All mine, and no one else's. Doesn't my sweet baby want that?"
He bit down on his lower lip for a second before perking up.
Before you could guess what was going on in his mischievous head, the demon pressed his warm lips against yours. They were soft to the touch and warm thanks to his high body heat.
It felt good at first, until he playfully bit down on your lower lip--
With a loud gasp, you jerked back and made eye contact with the demon out of shock. Oh shit...
"Finally!" the love demon laughed as your heart fell to the floor.
He lunged forward and wrapped both of his arms around you, yanking you deep into his embrace as if he were a cage. The temperature seemed to rise rapidly in the tiny living room as the demon began to transport you to wherever he dwelled, and to wherever you knew he'd never let you leave.
"W-wait!" you tried to beg.
"It's too late for that, Darling," the love demon laughed. "You're mine and I'm going to enjoy my prize all night long. I love you, Darling, thank you so much for accepting me."
"If you acknowledge the love demon, they'll take you away to be theirs forever, with no hope of ever escaping them or their crazed love..."
#yandere boyfriend#yandere boy#yandere daddy#yandere x reader#yandere x you#obsessive love#possessive boyfriend#demon#yandere demon#yandere monster#demon x human#demon x reader
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