#it’s like a way to trick my brain
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I feel like more therapists should recommend playing with fake blood as a way to curb the impulse to sh.
#it’s like a way to trick my brain#and it doesn’t always work but when it does I can just rub fake blood wherever my brain is telling me to cvt#I feel like my sh is sort of abnormal in that it’s less about physical pain#it’s like my brain is telling me that my body is supposed to have those cvts#it’s almost some kind of form of body dysmorphia or something it’s like my brain knows exactly where and what shape the cvts should be#like my internal map is saying my unharmed body looks wrong
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Playing with god designs idk
#my hands and mind must be occupied 24/7 or else I will Think™️#aegis can look however they damn well please yet they always choose to mimick a random human instead#and I love that for them#my trio of gods includes 2 powerful women and 1 genderless little freak who plays tricks and is lowkey ruthless#(if any of you say Loki I will strangle you (/j))#love them <3#like there’s a reason they’re all the way they are but idk I don’t have the brain cells to communicate it#something something about the unpredictability of nature and the certainty of love and death#character design#my art#digital art#procreate#artists on tumblr#digital illustration#illustration#original art#my ocs#doodle#art#original character#oc#oc art#drawing#digital doodle#digital artist#original character art
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if i had a penny for every questionable ghost/mortal pairing—etc
#putting sissel and lynne on the high shelf next to chara and frisk under ''just don't think about it too hard''#mmmmmmmmmm#still have to rotate them in my brain for a bit longer i can't quite tell What The Fuck They Are yet#i DO know they're the best videogame duo I've ever played in years and when they're onscreen together i start wheezing like a teakettle#either way that's Her Guy. paired set do NOT separate#ghost trick
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hello grick fandom, please accept this, my first drawing in about 8 years
#the background is purble but you can't really tell. alas.#technically i drew a bad horse for a joke in 2022 but the last sketch before that (and the last one i tried on) was 2016#i've been using the same cheap strathmore sketchbook i've had since 2010 bc i so rarely use it#but these guys wormed their way into my brain and i had to capture them!#ghost trick#personal#this took like 6 hours 😔. my hand and neck/shoulders are big mad#i drew this with mechanical pencil and crayolas as god intended#my phone camera absolutely ate the skintones and background color and no amount of futzing around in the gallery could restore it
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I am exhausted, good heavens.
#hey watch this neat trick I can do [cries]#love that for me#BUT#BUT- the actual EFFORT I put these days to not make a suicide jokes is *chefs kiss* phenomenal#actively shitting bricks as I physically have to stop myself from saying I want a car to hit me for the 50th time that day#I am not progressing any more than I am downgressing or whatever the opposite word is. but girlies#and boysies and peepsies#my lipgloss is popping and my eyebags are gucci- and so I shall prevail#MAN this tiredness is BONE DEEP man- it's like it's engraved into my goddamn clavicles#sorry that was like the only bone name I could remember- I don't even know what a clavicle is#anyways- I need to fall asleep forever and never wake up. But not in like a dying way#I just need to stop waking up tired and being tired and going to sleep tired and living tired like GIRL#WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WHEN SLEEP STOPS SLEEPING#I JUST SLEPT 10 HOURS HOW ARE YOU STILL TIRED#I am so tired that i stopped liking shit- like that SUCKS my dudes#I sometimes Don't Like art now and that is WILD to me because that was lowkey the One Thing that got me going#I used to actually LIKE english class! and reading Shakespear and shit!!!! and history class!! Now I don't!! Where did the spark go??????#Now everything feels like a chooooooore and it sucks major dick#and my graaaades are slipping because I stopped giving a damn but I NEED. TO. GIVE. A. DAMN#because those are like highkey lowkey and every-other-key my grades and I need them to go into uni so I don't die <333#I need to spite little mini me who said I wasn't going to live past 13 because BITCH- guess how old I'm turning next week????????#THAT'S RIGHT- 17 YEARS OLD- FUCK YEAH BABY I'M STILL NOT DEAD#SUCK MY BIG ASS SHLONG MINI-ME#and then I have a big biology exam the day after so- funnnnn!!#anywho- should I tag this as vent? this probably counts as vent right? like among us? impostor and shit?#sorry I think my brain is actively rotting out of my ears right now#vent post#personal vent#tw vent#tw sui talk
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a taste of Things I Draw in the hazy juncture of drowsy---sneep
#sometimes i'll be lyin there in typical /too tired to brain///too active to fall asleep/ Zone#and a way to trick myself intofeeling some satisfaction that will permit me to attempt Rest#is to draw my thoughts without a filter. like a ranting journal!#unfortunately my thoughts are all nuca at this point so the before-bedtime-diary becomes...this#rotating kani chars for my own gigglesies#seems like i often go to bed with lingering feelings of violence toward yakumo#:BIG SHRUG:#nu carnival yakumo#nu carnival kuya#yakuya
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Understandably So no one mentions charles when talking about the Logan movie and again Understandably So This Aint Bout Him however i do confess that as someone who had never seen Logan until like. a month ago when i was binging all the movies and without knowing a single thing about it aside from laura i cant lie i was in fact jumpscared by him being there. especially for at least like 3/4s of the movie
#xmen#logan movie#snap chats#i be ramblin today hello ...#it was a pleasant jumpscare. yk until he died. after realizing he committed atrocities by accident 😭😭💀 OLD MAN NOOO#but no please LIKE I READ THE DESCRIPTION WHEN GOING TO WATCH RIGHT#AND I WAS JUST THINKING 'oh he'll probably be here for like twenty minutes. wdym he's here for way longer than that'#i THINK years ago i REMEMBER seeing a screenshot of the hotel bit with laura and charles but again that was years ago#and i might be tricking myself maybe its a false memory jealvvelka either way i just know they were cute :(#point is he was here for. i cant even say So Little cause again He Was Here For An Hour And Thirty Minutes Out Of Two Hours#and lets be clear 'snap has your brain molded that much you know exactly how much screen time charles gets in the movies'#girl no not yet i only know exactly when he punches his clock cause i had to keep restarting the movie cause it kept pausing vjAELKAJE#and it just so happened to struggle literally like. ten minutes after he dies- like when logan was dealing with x24 THAT part#so rude for that.. anyway I Repeat i miss charles and laura bein cute :(#it wasnt a lot but it was just sweet.. i always like how charles always got that Professor in his soul with these movies#like in dofp when logan's losing it after. getting future ptsd jvALKVLAJ??K charles is there to ground him#despite being. Like That vjeaLKj like sir please ily. i will accept the Youre On Acid answer youre trying your best#and then with THIS movie evidently charles is having. the worst time upstairs#but he's still super sweet with laura like oh stop you grandpa im gonna throw up#and to STRESS. they were EVIL about that wholesome dinner bit like :((( oh to see the fam happy and safe again :(((#like im throwing up frankly. people were right this movie IS sad i underestimated their assessment 😭#to lighten the mood in my heart. charles really do be an old man in this movie hes such a menace to logan JELKAK#god. Most Normal X-Men Movie Watcher Focuses On Professor X During The Movie About Logan VEJLKJA#ok im done. sorry i just keep replayin that bit in my head where theyre in the car and logans just 'Did You Take Your Meds SHOW'#like pelase. jaeRLKEaj ok im gonna try drawing i looked at my wall long enough and i think i can draw something
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[looks at the multi-chaptered multiverse Wincest fic i started before life got crazy] i'm so sorry baby daddy will get back to u eventually
#i'm NOT abandoning it okay...#i still have so many scenes i want to write out#was thinking about the Demon Dean forcing Sam to drink his blood via kiss scene at work today...OWAGH#also i THINK i might have come up with a way#to trick my brain#to bypass the 'you can't rewatch spn just to feel good it has to be productive somehow' aspect of my Mental Illness#i will simply play it while doing something productive#like commission work!
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nothing in this world is more satisfying than watching trivia shows where, for all intents and purposes, you're not the intended audience and you are fully aware you're not gonna get anything right, and then you get something right either before the contestants do or that the contestants get entirely wrong
#has previously been about only connect (which is very british and I have been to the uk twice in my whole life for less than 2 weeks total)#(the question was a music question)#(they had flight of the bumblebee and the flea waltz and idr what else and I went “insects” like 4 seconds before they got it)#currently about “um actually” wherein there was a question about discworld#and. I have never read a single terry pratchett book in my life#but they had a maps question and instead of a map one time it was the sentence “you cant map a sense of humor”#to which I went “oh that sounds like a thing terry pratchett would do. is this discworld?”#which. none of them got#also makes me feel vaguely confident in my nerd abilities when they show book covers#and I see enders game and know it immediately despite having last read the book a decade ago#(in my defense enders game changed my brain chemistry in slight untracable ways)#((there was also a timelines question on time travel media and I got bttf2 but also groundhogs day which none of the contestants got??))#((despite. the very visual way they did the timelines showing the fucking Loop??))#anyways I'm like this on p much any trivia show I ever watch#like I only get 2-3 questions right but on Every trivia show I watch. all of them#which. yknow. who has space for all of that in brain at 21 and passively#sometimes I still think abt that one time a trivia show asked abt white pepper#and I went immediately “oh its the same as black pepper they just make it differently”#which. is correct btw. but absolutely flabbergasted my mom that I pull this out of nowhere#I aspire to know tiny bits of irrelevant knowledge#like its not even my party trick. thats recognizing birds on sight and knowing random undertale facts#but then you sit me down in front of a trivia show and usually I'm wrong#and then everyone gets something wrong and I get it right and its like where did I even learn this#its great fun#I should assemble a trivia team at some point
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of all the things to turn into a ridiculous (cleaned up) long comic (i have PLENTTYY of sketched long comics) i chose: spader skips class
i still dont know how to panel comics but that s what practicing is. for
#in the sketchbook u can just draw a hundred little busts and it is fine#i always put too much space between my comic panels. much to think about.#ANYWAYS.#adventure time#wizard city#distant lands#spader#cadebra#digital#i get so embarrasseddrawing long comics. like hi. taking up a whole street here. sorry folks. sorry. has to be done.#if i dont draw one millions billion spaders a day ill die.#i wish hed lived long enough to have a fun class experience and everythign puts my hands on my head#'or the way ive seen you do it before?' <- has been unwillingly subjected to cadebras magic shows a million times#no one else will watch them. she needs an audience. (Saws herself in half for a booing spader and blaine) (its the only trick they enjoy)#'STELLAR!' has come into my brain forever now. i cant get a handle on his vocabularly but i think stellar! is part of it#spader king of knocking with one hand then lifting the other hand when the camera turns. oopsa daisy#i digitalized this entire thing ebcause 'oh- look. i dont think theyre gonna hurt me.' hurt ME. YES THEY DO. AUUGHGF. HATERED. AUGHGF.#ok enough tangents. bye now.
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[The Final sugi dying kitten betrayal -> utsuro-gin fight -> sakura boat imagination -> completely tonally consistent with these ginpachi-sensei closer]
now listen. u know i would rather die than post five nearly-uninterrupted minutes of a fight scene. so take that into consideration.
#slight--#flashing#--in the first scene but i tried to cut the worst of it#sopping wet gintoki posting#videos#my computer is screaming at me. can i recall my thoughts.#i think theyre INSANE for that utsuro falling -> takasugi bound on the ground watching shouyou's execution transition.#rereading the manga fight scene. there IS some. how do i want to phrase this. unreliable perspective fuckery. retconning of memories.#nonliterality Mind Tricks. but like. things still happened. this movie here takes it so far that im like. IS GINTOKI EVEN REAL?#is this just the gintoki that lives in takasugi's dying brain and utsuro's dying brain that utsuro got from shouyou's humanity brain fungus#being his shinigami/psychopomp to walk him thru his first ever death. guhhhhhhh. littlest baby on the planet who is afraid of dying.#<- i love utsuro with all my heart. sorry for being mean to him at first turns out he's the char of all time meant for me.#anyways i think the movie is. SO BALLSY to stretch reality so far for their climax fight. and in such a. way.#taking place in complete silence. almost no actual fighting in the 200 Chapters Of Fighting arc fight scene conclusion.#reanimating so many key moments just to canonize the identity blurring triangle between three dead guys (tho gintoki gets kicked out of#the world of the dead on that sakura boat. sad.)#just a really ambitious thing to put in this aesthetically ugly and boringly standard as hell movie. AND TO SERVE WHAT END.#more standard as hell jump Power Of Friendship in the end. just with some extra weird cannibal ouroboros endless mirrors gay ass flavor.#<- gintama has always been abt making and surviving connections im not mad abt that but u know. got so generic lol.#thoooooo rereading the manga scene and understanding the plot more this time i do like the feeling that utsuro wasnt defeated so much as#just ran out his time. being kept busy from causing more problems in his final hours w a pointless fight hed never be able to turn down.#[about to digress 20 more times] anyways what else. theres an utsuro soft expression when he regrows sugi's arm that i like. interesting--#choice. i also cut it but i love gintoki wandering gaze avoiding sugis eyes dying in his arms. and his fighting back tears so badly.#the way the dynamic and emotionally destroying shot transitions dont stop even while sugi's dying. someone on staff was working their ass#off for him and i appreciate that.
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question: who is your favourite scooby doo character and why?
in a similar vein to my how did you get into scooby doo post from last month, i'm now interested in hearing who your favourite character from the franchise is! are they a member of the core gang or a side character? which iteration/version of theirs do you like best? do you have any specific memories associated with them? do they mean a lot to you personally, or do you just think they're neat? it's time to gush about them in the tags/replies!!
#if you don't know me: hi i'm nem and when the scooby doo hyperfixation beam hit me back in 2021 i was cursed to forever think about#fred jones more than everyone else on the planet combined#i just think the evolution of his character is so fascinating#especially in the way that they made him more engaging by just exaggerating his core traits a whole bunch over time#my favourite iterations of his are mystery inc (for the canon autism and generally how emotionally affecting he is)#and what's new (for just how plain silly and sweet he is)#however now that i've seen the whole show be cool's version of fred is now a firm favourite as well (his focus episodes are amazing!!!)#there's just so much that can be done with him and there's never a dull moment when he gets quality screentime in an episode or movie#he makes me laugh he makes me cry and through relating so much to his character he essentially tricked me into loving myself#i grew up with undiagnosed autism and struggled with self-hatred for things like my intense interests/social struggles/hyperempathy#things that i now know are just. fundamental parts of me and the way my brain is#so seeing fred be his unapologetic autistic self (canon in mystery inc/coded in everything else) made me feel less alone & gave me hope#which eventually led me to seek out & obtain my formal diagnosis at 17 and generally just feel so much more secure in who i am#so yeah!!!! this silly goofy cartoon character means a whole lot to me and i'm glad to have a place to express that :)#i look forward to seeing everyone's responses to this question!!!#scooby doo
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ive seen so much bullshit in this fandom about lizzie's permadeath and the canary curse. so lets fight this the best way possible: thinking of meta explanations that DONT make her death all about a man. please share them with me i want to talk about SECRET LIFE LIZZIE. AND HER TRAGIC FUCKING STORY
#mcyt#traffic life series#secret life smp#i already liked thinking of each season as corresponding to a season in the year#(i.e. 3L is fall LL is winter DL is spring-into-summer and limlife is summer-into-fall)#which would make SL the start of a new 'year.' and with that new 'year' old curses get left behind to make way for new ones#OR that lizzie (who watched the series she wasnt a part of) is a part time Watcher#and that gave her the power to be a spanner in the works and interrupt fated events#but in return isolated her from other players#OR finally the funeral thing i saw someone talking about once and then my brain decided to expand on bc Worldbuilding#where holding a funeral for someone/building a grave for them before they die#tricks the universe into allowing someone to live longer and defy fate since it thinks theyre already dead#but i still like my first explanation since that also accounts for scar's 'red by session 5' curse breaking#sighs. the Torment Nexus
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i’m being so brave by sleeping all alone in my very old house with a very creepy attic tonight. please send ghost stories
#i think a good roaring 20’s ghost story premise would be like#LOC and rosco both fall separately in love with miles wood#they see him hanging around the practice rink at different times#one game ross tosses a puck to him etc etc#and after the game miles is like ‘you should let me buy you a drink for that’ and ross is like okay#but it’s weird because they’re at the bar and it’s like - people only interact with ross#no one even acknowledges miles#and meanwhile logan is watching miles at free skate and giving miles tips about his skating or something#and ignoring the way everyone is looking at him weird#and neither ross or logan figure it out until after miles has tricked them into a double date#or whatever kind of date it is where two people show up to date the same person#i guess some would call that betrayal but miles just takes their hands and is like ‘trust me’#so they do#and they go back to ross’s afterwards because miles is shady about his own place like ‘it’s a terrible neighborhood’#‘the whole building smells like cats’#blah blah physical and spiritual bodies are explored much fun is had by all#but logan wakes up in the middle of the night absolutely cold#like sleeping in a refrigerator cold#to see miles floating into the room all blue and spectral with a huge chunk just missing out of the left side of his body#can’t move can’t breathe can’t scream#that’s as far as my brain got on that one
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You know, one thing that helps me with not over-indulging is getting the cheaper/crappier version. Bootleg treat, if you will.
I'm usually pretty good with pacing myself when it comes to snacks, EXCEPT if they are sweet. Literally any given snack - has chocolate? I'll be consuming. Which obviously is not great, cus too much sugar = very very bad. But I also can't *not* have it in the house, cus if that choice is taken from me, I'll most certainly over-indulge at the next opportunity.
What I find works for me, is to get the less tasty (often cheaper) version of stuff. Really craving some Nutella? Get the off-brand one. Chocolate chip cookies? Stay away from your favourites and buy the generic version.
9 out of 10 time they will still be delicious enough to satisfy the craving, but not enough to tempt me into binge snacking. That's the best way I found for me to keep things balanced (since I have the self-control of a famished beast). Forced discipline 💪
#idk something I found funny (interesting) to think about#this doesn't apply to every single thing cus sometimes the off-brand will be too disgusting or just super unhealthy#but between. say. Chips Ahoy and an off-brand one the difference is pretty much on taste alone#and i can live with that#i notice that bootleg snacks usually last way longer than my favourites because i don't eat as much#which is GOOD cus this is something i really have to keep an eye on (sugar levels that is)#i have a tremendous amount of respect for those people who can just grab two or three lil snacks and be okay. cus i sure can't#salty snacks? no problem 👍 never super keen on it so i don't have to worry about it. even my fav (sweet potato chips) last a looong time#but sweet stuff! my cross to bear!!#guess why i dislike most veggies but LOVE fruit? sweet 🥹 like me 😌 just a girl made of sugar and spice (but not everything nice)#hmmmmm i feel like i might need to put a tw on this *just in case*. like fuck diet culture eat what you like etc etc etc#this ain't about THAT. this is about *me* tricking *my* sweet-craving brain into ✨ balance ✨#but just to be safe ya know?#tw food#food tag#<- my food-related tag that mostly i use for my cooking/baking but it makes sense i suppose#darya talks to herself
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Dr. ZEXenstein (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#ZEX#The Captain#DAX#I made this before Halloween so it was appropriately spooky at the time of creation! I swear!!#I have a favourite Frankenstein: The Musical animatic that occasionally goes through the rotation but it was still a surprise to crossover#But you know how it goes - at first it's just a fun initial silly/spooky idea and then my brain clicks back on and Oh No This Is A Thing lol#But for now! Silliness!#I'm still really enamoured with the idea of ZEX as a warrior and a scholar - very Thucydides y'know ♪#His extremely brilliant tactical mind needs puzzles! And I mean with all this free time on Cerenkov and given the right Ingredients#He'd certainly have the motivation to try and figure out the trick to life maybe-very-specifically-about-humans lol#It does raise the question of what a ''human'' made by a VUX might be like ♪ Yes he's a reanimated corpse(s) but like#Surely even with all his research - at the very least something /could/ have gotten lost in translation :)#Maybe even just the inherent Thing of humanness - the soul or respect of the dead? Like swearing in another language if you know what I mean#It's interesting :) I mean it's interesting either way haha it's a fun concept!#Especially with Frankenstein specifically since y'know - the creature's whole Thing of why he Came Out Wrong was mostly on Victor!#He rejected and abandoned his ''child'' - of course he's gonna have some emotional issues Victor!#ZEX tho - ZEX has no reason to abandon a human(oid) especially one he intentionally went about bringing about!#So his eyes are a little weird - so he's got some odd stitches and he moves strangely and smells a bit - how different is that from humans?#All humans are monstrous! What's a few extra details? ZEX is already a xenophile and a teratophile is what I'm saying lol#DAX on the other hand is not convinced lol ♪ Drawing his head tendrils change expressions so fast was fun haha#As was drawing the Captain all stitched and with the bolts! Yes yes they're movie addition shhh all art is scaffolded over time#The real question is where ZEX got all the parts from - is that the Captain for realsies?#Or a fun role fill-in ''What if ZEX made a human and it was the Captain [before the Captain would've existed anyway]?''#It could go either way! It'd be sad if ZEX lost his Captain and then tried to bring him back :')#But then again the alternative is him like........harvesting? (Off the battlefield? Ew lol)#Oh yeah and do you like the broken-off head tendril as a stand-in for Victor's whitening hair lol#I imagine it went necrotic and wasn't quite fully reaccepted - it's still full of blood and healthy but the skin is faded and pale hehehe
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