#my computer is screaming at me. can i recall my thoughts.

[joelletwo]

[The Final sugi dying kitten betrayal -> utsuro-gin fight -> sakura boat imagination -> completely tonally consistent with these ginpachi-sensei closer]

now listen. u know i would rather die than post five nearly-uninterrupted minutes of a fight scene. so take that into consideration.

[save-the-villainous-cat]

Didn’t find an ask that matched this idea

“Listen…” the villain purred and one of their hands landed on the supervillain’s right shoulder. Though comfortable at first, the villain’s fingers clawed harder into their enemy by the second, like an eagle would grab a rabbit.

Admittedly, the supervillain was losing it, sweating and flinching whenever the villain came too close. In the business, it was rather…apparent that the villain would do questionable things to get what they want.

“It’s simple,” the villain said. “We’re both civil people, aren’t we?”

And the worst thing was their persistency.

The supervillain didn’t even dare to nod and the villain finally let go of them, though with a dismissive gaze, sitting down at the supervillain’s desk. Their eyes scanned the boring room lazily. Boring books, boring computer, boring person.

“If you tell me where my hero is, I’ll only break five of your fingers before I kill you. What do you think?” the villain asked casually, eyes still searching throughout the room.

They’d done a disproportionate amount of detective work already and came to an understanding of why the hero loved their job so much that they’d die for it. Puzzle solving was fun but the villain also knew that violence was a helping factor in getting what they want.

And they wanted their hero back.

“Seriously, I’ve told you, I’ve told you a million times— I don’t have them…” The villain had tied them to the chair and the sheer panic of their uncertain future made the supervillain fidget like a scared animal.

“Hm.” The villain leaned back in the chair, watching the blood drop down the supervillain’s forehead. An injury they had accidentally caused a few minutes ago. “One of your henchmen kidnapped them, though.”

“I didn’t give an order or anything, I swear.”

“You told me something about opportunism, once. It’s been a while,” the villain said. Their eyes found the window and they stared at the small garden, the locust tree and the small pond. Their hero loved nature. “…but if I recall correctly, you told me to paint myself however the situation demanded. You appear to be incredibly incompetent right now. I wonder if that’s just a façade?”

“I am not lying.”

“Well, even if you are, you’ll be singing by the time I get to your third finger.” The villain looked back at them. “Singing all your secrets to me.”

“I could find out if one of my guys took them. Just give me some time. I can check security cameras, I could ask around…just give me some time.”

The villain sighed and their gaze wandered to the desktop.

It was never really over, was it? No matter what they did, no matter how hard they tried, their hero would never be safe. They would run into a burning building to save a puppy. Over and over and over again.

The villain smiled softly. That just meant they had to run after them. Over and over and over again.

“You’re not big on responsibility, are you?” the villain asked. “Blaming your own people? Why should they be interested in the hero? You’re the one who likes these games. I thought you would’ve learnt by now that I don’t like to be toyed with.”

“That’s not—”

“Fine.” The villain grabbed their enemy’s hand and pulled until half of the supervillain’s body was sliding over the table. They yelped, pain digging into their hand. “Which one do you need…”

The villain stared at the hand, thinking carefully. Eventually, they decided to go with the thumb and just as fast as their decision, was the gut-wrenching crack. The supervillain screamed and the villain stared down at them, tutting.

“I’m not a kid anymore,” they said. “You don’t scare me and you certainly do not control me anymore.”

They walked around the table, watching as the whimpering supervillain cried and looked at their thumb. It was quite an unhealthy angle.

“Let’s do this again,” the villain said and took the miserable looking hand into their own again. “Until you tell me the truth.”

They smiled.

“And in whatever condition I find my hero, I promise you’ll look ten times worse.”

The supervillain endured six broken fingers until they confessed.

[comingyourlugubriousness]

Something that doesn't make sense but compels me.

- Me and @bunnwich where talking about that troupe where characters get turned into lil kids and interact and I was like hmm. I imagine it's due to some alchemy class potion mishap!

In my mind Yume is 9ish here and Idia is 10.

(If you enjoy my art please consider commissioning me! Comm's close in a few days!)

Anyways on to my random thoughts: (warning long)

Younger Idia Headcanons:

Idia’s age would still be post losing Ortho and since it took him about 2 years to make Ortho, this would be an Idia that had been living with robot Ortho for only 1 year. 

Because of that I think he wouldn’t be surprised to see Ortho, but I think he would be amazed at how fair his design has come since he first invented him. Since it is a good 9 years later. I imagine Ortho has been through a lot of updates in the past 11 years.

I think he’d really just want to ignore everyone and spend time with Ortho.

Speaking of others he IS SO ANXIOUS AND AWKWARD AND AFRAID. (the big 3 a’s). He’s hiding behind Ortho whenever he can. I don’t imagine at this age Idia had any friends, let alone friends his own age. And he probably had never even left the Isle of Lament yet.

His only interactions with people I imagine were online. So everything here at NRC is new and overwhelming. 

Hides his hair because he KNOWS everyone will think its freaky. He wears his hood whenever he can, until he realizes everyone knows about it and someone tells him that it looks pretty.

But when he’s not shy and anxious you know he’s being a shithead. I imagine being raised on the internet for two years as an impressionable kid probably made him a real troll. And why I don’t think he would be rude to adults, people around the same age as him better be prepared to be roasted if they push him or try and get him to do something he doesn't want to. (Ortho excluded.)

Despite that I think some people would say (when he's not gushing about his hobbies) that he acts mature for his age. He definitely strikes me as a kid who had to grow up fast in some regards. And that playing with Ortho was his only outlet to actually being a kid. And when Ortho was gone he fell hard into using games/anime as an escapism to try and capture that feeling once again, but never quite could.

He probably finds it a little weird that Ortho acts a bit older, since he’s supposed to be the older brother. But I think he would be too happy to see Ortho to really care.

Strikes me as a low maintenance kid that’s used to taking care of himself. Just give him a corner and a computer/console and he’s good. 

Idia's hair is at a weird phase where there's a lot of it but it's not long so he pins it back otherwise it will get in his face.

Doesn’t understand why Ortho is trying to get him to spend time with others, especially the few kids around here that are his age…?

Younger Yume headcanons:

Yume turning younger is an interesting concept, as they don’t have any real memories of their past. In a strange way this would carry over even when they are younger. Like they know they had parents but can’t recall where they live? Everything feels fuzzy and it kinda scares them that they can’t remember. If anything this would just be a glimpse into their past, but not the full picture.

Yume is a very shy kid. Like Idia they are hiding behind (younger) Yuuta

 While I imagine Idia finds it easier to talk to adults, Yume is the opposite. They much rather talk to kids around their age and they get intimidated easily by adults. 

Too young to have their glasses at this point in time.

That kid that carries a stuffed animal everywhere. They get very distressed when they first turn until Sam offers them a free toy on the house. 

Mostly an okay kid, but if you try to give them medicine they will kick and scream and cry like their life is on the line. 

Doesn’t like rough housing and doesn’t know how to hold back so they will kick you as hard as they can if someone takes it too far.

Picky eater to the max.

Hates being yelled at and will take everything personally and cry.

They get a little scared by Grim at first, but once he tones down the “minion stuff” a little bit. Yume warms up to him fast. They think he’s a stuffed animal.

Scared of the ghosts at first until they tone down the silly scares.

Tries to be a very independent kid who doesn’t like asking for help, but is frankly too small to do a lot of things. 

Curious about a lot of things and can get distracted easily. So you have to watch them bc if you are not careful they will wander off to go explore. 

Asks questions about EVERYTHING.

Holds on to peoples shirts instead of their hands. When asked why they just shrug and say “it's what they were told to do”.

When there is no were for them to sit, your lap is not safe, it is free real estate 

Hates sudden loud noises. Terrified of heights, but loves piggy back rides and being carried.

Scared of the dark, hates being in complete darkness (if only they had a nightlight hmm...)

Thinks Vil is a real life barbie.

Tries to get Jamil to hold some bugs.

Is impressed by Ace’s magic tricks.

No beastman is safe, Yume wants to touch their ears, pretty please?

Hates Crowely and thinks he is a monster bc of his get up.

Both the lil nerds:

I imagine Yume would be a little intimidated by Idia bc he acts more mature then he is sometimes, but they hear him talk about video games and their eyes light up and suddenly they follow him around like a little duckling everywhere.

Idia hates it at first. And wants nothing to do with them. They make him really nervous. So he kind of just tries to ditch them all the time. But then eventually realizes that’s is very similar to how Ortho would follow him around when they were younger and is surprised that he doesn’t mind it. Yume is pretty cool to talk to and likes to listen to him talk about his favorite games and shows. They don’t look at him like he’s weird or annoying, they actually look...really happy when he starts rambling. And when they look very cute and get excited with him it makes him feel like the coolest person in the world.

He doesn’t know how to feel about that, so he tries not to think about it.

Think Idia also kinda has that older brother's instinct when he sees lil Yume trip or fall over or try to do something they're too small to do bc Yume is too stubborn.

I have a headcanon that straight up Idia can’t tie his shoes so he wears slip ons and velcro. So he got super embarrassed when his shoe came untied and he had to admit that he didn’t know how to tie them. And even more embarrassed when Yume made him sit down and easily tied them for him.

Yume is light up Skechers while Idia is velcro Skechers solidarity

When Yume finds out that Idia's hair is blue and lights up they think its the most amazing and pretty thing ever and gush about how they once had shoes that glowed in the dark too!

_(:3 」∠)_...They

[beaningeneraldenial]

The Admins (Part 2-electric boogaloobooboo)

Parrot sighs in relief once he gets to the front door of his apartment. Another day, another deal with shady people made, another dozen of pants sold in the definitely-not-illegal market in the city sewers. Profit was made both for himself and for the No Pants People Party; the very famous pants-selling organization.

To be fair, the fact that all the pants were worn by famous people is a lie. No one has to know that, though. Parrot just roughs up each pair (more like throws them around his living room) and tosses it in the cheapest clothes detergent he can find before handing it over to the first guillible person that passes by the stall.

The moment he steps inside his house (and closes the door behind him), he thinks he's hearing things. He didn't leave his computer running, did he? No, he can recall turning it off as he does most electrical things (electricity bills have been harder to pay these days).

That leaves only one scenario: there is a burglar in his house. His blood runs cold. What if it's that psycho that killed Jester –fucking Jester– who is rummaging around his closet?

As a safety precaution, he grabs the sword that is hidden under the couch cushions (no, no one has been stabbed in the butt yet) and proceeds to investigate.

Silent as a bat, he makes his way down the hall, wings folded neatly against his back as he casts a net on all of his emotions. The door to his room is half-open but dark. No lights have been turned on -he didn't even turn the one in the living room on; this was a sudden development afterall. He can't see the reflection of a light, meaning that this burglar has nightvision or something of the like.

Eh, it isn't the first time Parrot has had to deal with that.

The idiot trips right as he opens the door and Parrot doesn't hesitate to stab first and ask questions later. He doesn't remove the sword from the guy's neck right away -he isn't in the mood to clean up more blood than necessary- so he flips on the light switch and kneels down to get a closer look at the criminal before they dissipate into thin air.

Unusual armor, unusual gas-type mask, a tank it is connected to on the guy's hip. Parrot doesn't know what to make of it. It isn't any sort of oxygen mask that he's accustomed tooo- oooh no. It's a damn voidwalker. Crap.

Voidwalkers are notorious for being aggressive and vengeful and they can teleport. Or as their name suggests: they walk through the void, or void-travel.

He is so screwed. How is he going to get out of this one? Nevermind the extra heart; he's about to lose all three of them (voidwalker heart included)!

"Hello?"

His blood runs cold. Turning, he sees the guy come out of his storage room, only now he's wearing pink body armor and his mask has fins coming out of it. Frilly fins. It is… weirdly reminiscent of an axolotl.

"Ah! Excuse me!", Parrot, over his panic spiking on red, doesn't hear what the guy has to say. He screams and slams the door shut.

Then a second later, he thinks that this is a stupid move. The guy can teleport into his room if he so liked. Or he could grab him from the shadows like Spoke had that one time-

"I'm sorry for scaring you! Please, could we talk?"

"No!"

"I- I just spawned in here. I don't know where I am!"

"Fuck off!"

A pause.

"Please?"

"Get out of my house!"

"I'm looking for my friends! Another avian like you and a happy-go-lucky man with a bow"

Oh, this is far worse than Parrot first thought. Not only is a voidwalker trying to bait him out of his room (not using his powers for whatever reason) but he is also friends with a psycopath. Oh, this is just amazing. nOt.

But! But he could turn things around… maybe. If the guy isn't interested in killing him, then maybe he could get out of this position.

"If I open the door, do you promise not to kill me?"

"Why would I- Sure, I promise on the Void"

That's as good a promise as he'll get, probably. Reluctantly, Parrot opens the door, sword still held in his hand and wings pressed against his back.

It's going to be fiiiiine.

Part 1

Part 2 (You are here!)

[innocencelives]

late night/early morning trauma episode-talking to myself diary TW

the liberating truth vs the indelible pain of knowing

ultra rough night. the day was fine, woke up painfully fatigued as always, tried to work on art and literally spent 3 hours messing w a project accomplishing not one thing-i actually reversed progress. noticed how anxious i was, hands shaking, heart beating, no reason at all.

ordered food after, even though i rlly rlly shouldnt bc im so fucking low on money this month but, as a friend once said, if thats the only way i can eat, i deserve food.

but it all spiraled the second i tried to go to sleep. did my routine-fix the sheets, close the curtains, close the window, 2 puffs of cbd, 2 hydroxizine pills, take all the night meds, cpap mask, then bra used as eye mask, then headphones playing jazz w my computer on my floor, phone charging w do not disturb on

immediately my mind went to trauma. recently ive tried to understand that my debilitating, life ruining sleep disorders might partially be bc of my cptsd, its not normal to be so terrified of sleeping. so i started to recount memories, feelings, thoughts in a stream of conciousness kind of way. saying every thought and feeling and memory the second they came to my brain, and led their way to next one.

an avalanche of childhood followed-all in the details. tiny things, random things, good or bad, feelings-good or bad. just allowing myself to jump from thing to thing with no pressure. i actually remember so much! i say before 9 i remember nothing, and thats sort of true, but it becomes unbelievably fragmented and scattered, ive struggled to compartmentalize or see any of it in a clear way. so much life, a whole life, an entire life. one that i avoid at all costs nowadays.

i saw it in many, many, random fleeting pieces-images, sometimes vague or blurry, bizarre specific feelings and moments. so much was so so normal, or at least innocuous. and other memories were like this dark, blurry underbelly peppered throughout-those “memories” if you can even call it that, are dream like.

they come in and out of focus, often with obscured pieces, missing heaps of context, sometimes the image or feeling felt like looking at a pile of puzzle pieces across a floor. the line between fact, feeling, and some kind of surreal dream state in those memories are quite permanently blurred. sometimes i had a word, and nothing else; a feeling, and nothing else; a few blurry polaroids with hardly any explanation. i didn’t force anything, i just let them come and go. i let myself become psychotic, innocent, furious, despondent, one after the other. i didnt contain myself, or filter myself, or lead myself any which way.

its not supremely abnormal to have a childhood that is almost entirely normal except for moments of intense, abrasive, shocking, perverse trauma. the mundane and the gruesome coalesce until neither really feel unique or special. its hard when i feel my body desperately trying to steer me away from some horrors. its also quite natural for a childs undeveloped mind to see disturbing experiences in a surreal lense. fairytales, nightmares, a child can dream fluidly so when they experience hell they try to contextualize it within a fantasy. its really hard to put into words. try to imagine someone took a memory of yours, removed tons of random bits of it, put it in a jar and furiously shook it up, dumped it all over the floor, took of your glasses and told you to recount it.

so many vacillating emotions… i feel such pain right now after this experience. my sexuality is so permanently disturbed. permanently tainted and built up in the image of my abuse. one moment i was proud to be a toy, the next i was heartbroken, the next i wanted to scream, the next i felt sexual attraction to my abuser. a whirlwind, a thought storm.

im understanding how i have this dissociative aspect with recalling my abuse. mostly i remember nothing, but sometimes im forced to remember everything. when i remember nothing i feel frustrated at this confusion and mystery, and when i remember everything i beg and plead to forget. the shock of my abuse destroys me. people have said to me, im remembering now, that sometimes ill tell them about an instance of abuse and then later ill say i dont remember anything. it comes out in the most bizarre ways-like cracks through a door, repairing itself as soon as i look. a song i wrote, a conversation i had, a feeling i relate to, an image glued in my brain with literally 0 context, a detail without anything around it.

theres parts of me that know. wow i feel so overwhelmed right now. god those images i started to face tonight. tiny tiny puzzle pieces i fit together-life ruining. i was thinking, why did i ever remember my abuse. why did i ever follow those breadcrumbs, sure i was broken before. but this, what was to come, seeing my life for the SVU episode it was, everything toppled and imploded. my whole life spiraled, everything fell apart, i lost any and all future i was walking towards

10 years ago. a decade, a whole decade. 10 years since my pretty little life broke into a million pieces. an angsty rebellious teenager, thats whatever. who cares. a teen dealing with sex abuse, then a homeless 18 year old, then a disabled mental patient, then a magnet for sexual trauma, then a homeless 22 year old, now a 26 year old-visibly, completely, totally disabled and rendered incapable of functioning normally. i really went from an angsty teen, to a pitiful cripple in a decade. a mental health cripple mostly-same dif.

the excruciating, stomach churning word on the tip of my tongue. the tip of my brain at all times. how, how can i wake up everyday knowing what happened to me? how can i forever be-a victim of incestous rape. those are the words. some of the words, glued to the insides of my brain, tattooed and etched and carved into my skin, indelible and perhaps fatal. im no longer liberated by that truth. or at least, right now im not. right now im punched in the guy by it. overwhelmed and screaming in pain from it. a truth. i dont have words. this life story sometimes feels avoidable, but it just wasnt. if i didnt understand it then, my life would have just collapsed at some other point.

this was my experience, this is my story, i wish with all my soul it could have turned out differently. i dont want to know anymore. i dont want this truth anymore. and here i am sitting with those words. a permanent mark, a permanent memory, an indelible scar, a life defining and life encompassing truth. and yet, and yet, not a death sentence. perhaps… not a terminal condition. perhaps, it is context, for all the places im sure to go. there is a future inside me. a future, a life, a beautiful beautiful life i can feel. im building it, im not broken. maybe i am broken, maybe i have lost a leg, but perhaps, i am a paralympian. perhaps, i am a paralympian.

[rediscoveringcreativity]

First actual blog. Listing most of my goals with this I guess

I've never had or used a blog before. I don't know what to do with these random existential internal monologues I have. I've never really used tumblr, let alone any other website similar to it. I don't like reddit, 4chan, twitter/X partly because they're a bit too annoying and difficult to use and partly because of the people on there. I'll give this a shot since most of the time I just see people agreeing with reblogs, likes, etc. on this site rather than the cringey condescending responses you'll see on other platforms.

Growing up I recall constantly having words and thoughts buzzing around in my head. Significantly more creative thoughts than what I have going on now. I still think to myself and I'm guessing the word here is 'monologue' to myself about other things but I just remember it being very different when I was younger (middle/high school age). I feel like I didn't 'grow out of it' or something along those lines. It feels more like I killed it. As a matter of fact, only a few years ago I was always consuming political commentary, keeping up with current events, listening to informational/news podcasts and it kept my brain stimulated. But even then, not the same as when I was a kid.

My personal history or whatever you want to call it was very rough growing up. A lot of trauma and being exposed to a lot of evil in the world. I personally don't believe in therapy, medications, recreational drugs, etc. and have tried some of these with no success. I think the only reason I don't off myself is because I am afraid of what's after death. (At this point, venting something like this will get the redditor fedora tippers exclaiming "NOTHING HAPPENS AFTER DEATH" or some other nonsense. - The fact of the matter is, their belief is just as hard to prove as religion. So I don't want to hear your opinion - I am merely stating why I am even alive right now).

Any way, I'm thinking of using this blog to write down my thoughts and monologues because I often forget what I say to myself. My memory is very poor. I've come to learn dementia runs in my family, so, if I ever grow old and if tumblr is still around, I think old dementia-stricken me might remember how to operate a computer and I can look back on all of this stuff.

I use to draw a lot. I was passionate about music. I had an imagination. But I feel nothing now. I am quite empty. I am a very stoic person in my daily life. When I get dragged out to outing by coworkers, they learn to stop inviting me because I am a downer. They nudge me to smile and let loose. I am always uncomfortable in my own skin. I am always empty. I don't necessarily feel sad. I think the fact that I am empty is what causes my sadness.

I don't know who I am and I feel too old to not have an identity, and especially personality. I'm not seeking words of advice, encouragement - those are unwanted. I just want to be able to share my thoughts with strangers and just see if there are others out there who think "same" and tap a like or reblog.

I think if I saw something like "OP ur wrong its ok to not know who you are even if you're 30, 40 or 50" it would annoy me. I'm not looking to hear "it's ok" or looking for any solution. I just want to scream into the void that is the internet. Maybe it'll scream back. And I know I can't expect people not to be critical or try to uplift me, or whatever. But it's just internal thoughts I'm writing out because I can. Thinking ahead or something.

I'm still working on myself and today I felt more moved to make moves towards those. I've accomplished some things but these accomplishments essentially mean nothing because I am still essentially in the same place. I don't know. This post was supposed to outline some goals but it's turned into a vent fest.

Hoping to maybe string together some poems or something too. I've always found poetry interesting but never got into it. I feel like it requires a level of creativity and understanding, or the ability to not understand at that, that I don't and never had.

Well, we'll see. Hi tumblr.

[elecalice]

Blog Entry: Early Testing and Imposter Syndrome?

// TRIGGER WARNING: Mention of Physical Abuse

I found a lot of medical papers of 2004 and 2006. Those were psychological tests.

I saw that they tried to test me, but I was difficult to test, since I ignored the paperwork and just went to do my own thing. But yet, I was tested of Autism, and especially... Global Developmental Delay.

That made me remember a bit of my childhood.

I remember that time I tried to study with help of my big brother. I was learning about caveman, and he had to pull out one of the comic-version of the animated educational show "Once Upon the Time... The Man" (since yes, there was a comic version of that show) and I struggled to come up with the answer on how the caveman mantained warm, EVEN IF THE ANSWER WAS IN FRONT OF MY FACE. With the characters wearing animal skins.

Or another study section with my big brother where he made an hypothetical scenario of competing on a competition, and asking which family members were capable to compete. When I said someone, he asks Why. And I thought that with that Why, that means I was wrong. I even said my grandma, and he said something like "Why a grandma would be able to compete in a competition??". And I felt ashamed of. (Although... On a light note, the idea of a granny competing at bag races and rayuela sounds hilarious)

TRIGGER WARNING: This anecdote will feature the Physical Abuse mention part. Feel free to skip this part, with the "TRIGGERING PART OVER" part below.

And this anecdote/trauma? is about me having to physically write a school project, with help of my mom. I don't remember the exact events leading to this moment, but my mom was NOT happy. I miswrote a word. My main language is Spanish, for extra context. I miswrote "Aéreo" (Aerial) as "Aréreo" (Arerial??)

And my mom saw this, and she forcefully dragged me to the computer room. Opened Word, and she forced me to wrote the two words. The right one and the miswritten one. And I was forced to pronounce the words. It didn't helped that I have a speech impediment. I had and still have difficulties to pronounce the R letter (and by extention, the RR). I tried to pronounce the miswrote word "Aréreo" as "Aéreo", since I already realized my mistake. But whenever I mispronounced a word, my mom slaps me to the face and head. I mispronounced a lot on the "Aréreo" word, and I received a LOT of slaps. This cried a lot. Sadly, this is one of my childhood memories where I can recall a good chunk of it. And that says something, considering I don't remember that much of my childhood before Sixth-Seventh Grade.

And I decided to due a quicky Google searcha nd find out that... Trauma and GDD (Global Developmental Delay) have actual links with each other. That trauma can lead to GDD... Yikes.

That gives a lot of insight towards the child me. At that time, I struggled with communicating and learning stuff. I can recall struggling to walk properly (And admitedly I still have difficulties with proper walk. I do use Orthopedic insoles). I just now remember that one day, I walked weirdly, and my mom proceeded to slap me in the head. I walked unproperly, she slapped me. I don't recall that much of that, though.

Whenever I made a big mistake, my mom used to slap me in the face or in the head. But eventually she stopped doing that. But whenever I made a big mistake, she'll scream at me.

TRIGGERING PART OVER

I think that's why I'm afraid of seeing my beloved ones getting angry at me. Not only due to the fear of letting them down, but also the consequences. I get anxious whenever someone gets annoyed at me, or even makes a jokey annoyed comment. That happened to me days ago, when my brother told a jokey annoyed moment, and I took that moment seriously and profusedly apologized, a LOT. And he was like annoyed and told me that he was joking and I shouldn't be a drama queen. That wasn't my intention, I genuinally thought he was annoyed at me.

But returning to the previous point, finding out about those old papers as a legal adult gave me a bit of insight. I do struggle to what the young people say as "Adulting" aka. trying to adjust to an adult life. I do struggle with adult stuff, like cooking, going on my way in big cities (I almost lost my purse on the last time I went to the big city on my region. And my mom told me that I wouldn't be able to go on my own way due to that. That I have to go with her when we go to the big city until I manage myself there, even if I have to learn that in years. And I'll admit, I felt dissapointed of myself due to that...) and etc.

I can handle money and the basics of financial stuff. I do own my bank account, I can handle PayPal. I can go on my own way in the small town I live in. I can buy my stuff, I can go on public transport...

But I do struggle stuff like procedures and red tape (which is Ironic since I'm studying public administration), I struggle with communication due to the fear of the consequences and people hurting me, I struggle with emotional inmaturity and I tent to get anxious and I do struggle to calm myself down.

It doesn't help that I trust people too much. Mom told me that I should be more careful since not all people are friendly. Especially on big cities. I almost got scammed because someone was "giving away" bandages, when my mom stop me and she said that those guys who do that actually expect to be payed for the stuff they're giving away (I will not want on how STUPID that scam is. I could go FOREVER since, that scam doesn't make any sense. Not because I'm thinking my mom is wrong. But because the method is so stupid...)

I'm currently 22 years old, going to be 23 this year in August. My psychologist told me that people learn what they actually are during that age. And I'll admit. I sometimes feel like I have a teenager brain. Maybe even a bit of a kid at times... But I'm more of a teenager brain.

And I'll admit... sometimes I feel behind others. And I shouldn't feel like this, especially since people learn stuff on their own pace. But... I don't know. I have an inner spike, telling me that I should learn things fast, since I'm legally an adult. I feel that I should learn how to be an adult at that age... But AGAIN, they told me that I should learn on my own pace. BUT, I feel pressured to learn stuff fast. Think Fast...

I sometimes think I'm so stupid for not learning stuff that other people already know... I feel so ashamed for not knowing stuff that other people already figured it out. And I do blame myself for not being able to learn stuff on the past, because of skipping opportunities due to bad life decisions...

The sad thing is that, I SHOULDN'T belittle myself. Especially since I do managed to learn and do great stuff! I managed to draw good stuff! I managed to help people! I managed to do good stuff!

...And I still feel like I'm so stupid! I still feel that I should learn other stuff!

And I do belittle myself...

Maybe I found another reason for that...

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

14 fe bru ar y 2023 Sdsy autocorrect being weird: SDSU stay.. was trying 2 type Tuesday 12:24 am pdt

they never mean anything they say unless it has to do with dying. Killing me. I anticipate dying pain abdomen stomachache? Piercing pain 12:25 am pdt see? I can’t though Bcz you’re not here.

A classmate of mine decided to collect people’s cell phones 📱 & put them up on a wall as a social experiment contest. Prize was a new phone 📱 if the last one. I have (1:18 am pdt gave) her mine for 2-3 days. I did not win. Then after I graduated 2009, she went on a camping ⛺️ trip & died in a car accident. She was a philosophy & art practice major. 12:29 am pdt

12:30 am pdt in Kroeber hall I think it was I was walking 🚶🏿‍♀️ through the halls & a guy who I didn’t see his face did a weird pivot in front of me, & I thought It was strange. Someone seemed to call (heart pain 12:32 am pdt heart ♥️) out to that guy “Amar!” Autocorrect: Brendan I A... ok. Amar is a familiar name to me. I hung out with someone named Amar. But I didn’t know this Amar. 12:34 am pdt so it caught my attention, too. 12:35 am pdt (#3 feels 12:35 am pdt & hot 🥵) if you recall, Amar Malik helped write ✍️ Stereo Hearts ♥️ so there’s that, too. Lots of coincidences. 12:37 am pdt

≈12:23 am pdt incubus was burning my back & pulling apart my hip bones 🦴😖😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭12:38 am pdt

12:39 am pdt I also found online in 2017 that Amar Malik reviewed cell phones 📱. A weird thing I also found on Wikipedia ≈2013/2014 forget when that he was originally a computer programming major. At Virginia tech? 12:41 am pdt some weird stuff was going on with my MacBook’s WiFi... weird. Also ≈2015/2016 I looked inside that laptop 👩🏻‍💻 & found some wet silver stuff... I don’t know where this wet silver stuff is coming from. I bought the laptop in 2007 & this was not a part of the laptop 👩🏻‍💻 that I usually looked at. 12:43 am pdt

going back to university... there was a day everyone’s projects were playing & on display & it’s near the end of the semester, in the gallery open to public. A tall thin brown skin young man was next to me wearing a bright red T-shirt. 12:45 am pdt

12:46 am pdt the lights of the room I think is off, w/ natural light 💡 filtering in through the hallway windows 🪟???? Right shin pain 😖😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵 12:47 am pdt my dvd 📀 of my project was playing & near the end I’m screaming in it & made a hole in the wall w/ a chair 🪑. The guy standing next to me yells out “she’s crazy! She’s really crazy!” & I almost say to him “I’m right here” but I don’t. I didn’t have enough confidence? To talk to this stranger? Often also I don’t feel like I can speak 🗣. 12:50 am pdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if this guy is the same guy who pivoted in front of me at that other moment. I think I sometimes don’t have a very good visual face memory? 12:51 am pdt

beats 🎧 audio head phones are also (weird farting I don’t like 😩😖😭head right side temple stabbed pain 12:53 am pdt) I think incubus is going to kill me afterthis. In music video maroon 5 give a little more. 12:54 am pdt Steve LaMar & Steve LaMar 2 different guys? 12:55 am pdt Sierra LaMar’s dad.

1:18 am pdt I don’t like the way this is going with incubus I really don’t trust them. He’s going to tear me apart. I’m going to not have legs 🦵 soon. 1:19 am pdt or I will be dead soon. I’d rather die than live with out legs 🦵. I’ve been through enough misery/agony. 1:20 am pdt

6:59 am pdt diarrhea feeling when I wake up 🆙 a few mins ago. They really destroyed too much of my brain 🧠 it’s giving me anxiety.

7 am pdt I don’t see a happey ending. They really told me so. I am losing the ability to keep reality & emotions straight? Logic - ability to hold onto it? One thought 💭. They came clean to me, that everything is a manipulation tactic. 7:03 am pdt I’m guessing from now on they cannot hold onto the lie. Bcz they are probably going full force on killing me.

7:04 am pdt they had folded pages pages of my dictionary to tell me that I was going to be extremely damaged to win at near the end of last year - the fight to improve society - a martyr but I guess that should have been my hint that they’re lying 🤥 about being my husband & children 👶. They all manipulated me w/ showing me tears & puffy eyes 👀 as if they don’t have control over how damaged I become. They beat me up. If I ever point out something. 7:07 am pdt they are destroying me. 8 billion is a lot. Why keeps going up? They have capabilities to support a bigger population but they don’t want a bigger population. How many stars ⭐️ are there in the universie? Are we really alone in the universe? 7:09 am pdt

7:25 am pdt the question 🙋🏻‍♀️ is I guess as a beast w/ the head injury 🤕 who healed ??? Coming from the oven ocean 🌊.............. are you going to stand alone hidden in agony or out in the open for everyone to see so that you can really see that god is a liar 🤥 w/ no intentions of making society better????

ANYONE who doesn’t help me, will be considered GUILTY of supporting human (pain. ! Brain 🧠 inside ow!) s*x trafficking. If Amar Malik & whoever knew him to be at UC Berkeley December 2008 doesn’t come forward & anyone who knows the voice did not originate in Holland doesn’t come forward. You will all be speculated to be guilty of supporting human s*x trafficking. Beats audio head set is alink. 7:30 am pdt & so am I. If you don’t come out with the truth, you will not be set free. You can do what the devil incubus wants or you can make this easy. 7:31 am pdt 7:32 am pdt

would you rather go down swinging alone or out in the open so we can show the world 🌎 what a liar god is? 7:32 am pdt

Joe, you need to stop hiding from. Me. 7:33 am pdt I believe you told Simon cowbell something & that’s why he’s like that now. L

7:43 am pdt 7:44 am pdt that includes you Instagram stop 🛑 suspending my account you’re hiding evidence from everyone. 7:44 am pdt

7:45 am pdt I saw on YouTube that heather hamptons real last name is heather lean ≈2013. Same last name as “Brendan” isieone98i@aol.com 7:46 am pdt linked to the link

7:55 am pdt incubus will kill when he wants. Simon barely said a thing & he destroyed him. He was standing alone at the time? 7:55 am pdt

7:58 am pdt my head is burning 🔥 I guess no one will help me. So the world 🌎 will be always the same. I will be gone. But every one who could have spoken up 🆙 will most likely die too after I’m gone/dead. 8 am pdt

8:44 we can go down swinging punches tiger tiger together in public or die alone. 8:45 am pdt

8:46 am pdt I guess only

robots 🤖 are reading 📖 my tumblr 8:47 am pdt

9:44 am pdt guess I am crazy . No one’s going to help. No one cares. Everybody likes human trafficking. “Porn makes the world go round.” - incubus. Porn = s*x human trafficking? A component of? 🤔9:46 am pdt

guess we are really doomed to continue on like this forever. 9:48 am pdt I didn’t realize that we would be after all the brain 🧠 washing last year. Have to readjust again to the idea 💡 of a tortured painful life & death ☠️ again. Up 🆙 down up 🆙 down roller coaster 🎢 9:51 am pdt unfortunately.

tick tock autocorrect: tock to kill. 9:54 am pdt death ☠️ is enevitable. You think incubus is going to keep you? He’s interested in very young woman 👩🏻 for s*x only. That’s why he cheats. He likes them naïve. 9:56 am pdt

9:57 am pdt if you like old duck 🦆 d*ck 🍆who will dispose of you easy... 9:58 am pdt

probably only today I have left to live. 10:05 am pdt the way it’s going. After today it will probably no longer be possible to change anything. 10:06 am pdt time will be up. Written in stone. 10:07 am pdt

10:08 am pdt Scott once went w/ a bunch of his friends to the science 🧬 academy museum place? W/o his best friend J. J. Was so mad they went w/o him & (10:12 am pdt he was working), including J’s girlfriend who I think he recently married. They all took a picture together, w/ J’s girlfriend standing in front of Scott. What a great best friend. Forced nicolatian? Possibly. Not sure. Speculation. But maybe worth thinking about & keeping it in your memory. Own idea 💡 alluding to what the future holds & the present. 🎁 brain 🧠 acid & sandpaper pain. Scott I think 🤔 might have taken another young woman 👩🏼W/ them. I think her name was joanna something like Dunham? I forget. 10:14 am pdt my bRain 🧠- probably a bad omen. The accidental spelling. I guess a lot of guys like that sort of nicolatiam stuff including incubus Bcz it looks like he’s threatening me w/acid in my brain 🧠 again w/ accidental spelling w/ R capitalized = acid Rain 🌧 in brain 🧠😞 10:17 am pdt

I forget the name of the place probably San Francisco 10:17 am pdt I guess incubus thinks it is love to tell a middle age man to rape an 11 year old girl 👧. That’s incubus love. Never ending story. 10:19 am pdt

10:23 am pdt maybe in other situations it would b ok if you don’t already have a partial commitment to someone that’s meant as a trial run to marriage if it was a group date, but he’s king 🤴 david w/ a lot of power. Can’t say no in the land of nod. 10:23 am pdt helicopter 🚁 passing by. 10:25 am pdt

Americas funniest home videos

Scott’s mural at a pizza 🍕 place

fuze? YouTube video

a clip from will Ferrell animated movie 🎥 in an interview show

I will look 👀 for urL of the fuze. I got ta go I think 💭 11:36 am pdt

11:57 am pdt can’t find it. /watch?v=v60lwuZczSk

might an i or an L not sure this is different that came up 🆙 in search 🔦. 11:59 am pdt coughing difficulty breathing pain skull 💀 brain 🧠 when coughing 12 pmpdt hot 🥵😤🥵😤

about 20 mins ago I started feeling greedy like I want all the money 💰 I’m the world 🌎 I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I’m greedy I feel wicked & cruel. Why? Bcz I saved money 💰 & didn’t share w/ my aunt & cousin? 😞 I didn’t kick them out. My mom did. I feel guilty though Bcz I gave her a hard time about hand washing, the way the trash was taken out, making a mess won the kitchen floor when they ate. It was a lot I thought I remembered at the time - for a second made me feel wicked about talking about it. That’s what a table and placemat is for. Eat on the table. Don’t let it fall on the floor. I vacuumed literally minutes b4 she came &!started eating then my cousin copied her soon after. At the time my aunt believed I was bad, & my mom sat w/ her in spark (12:15 pmpdt park) to talk to give her a second chance to convince her not to kick her out. I grew up having to be quiet & not interrupt her sleep 🛌. Whenever my mom woke up Bcz of a noise I produced she got very mad at me. My aunt & cousin didn’t seem to try to respect that at the time. My mom made excuses for them at first saying, I should really be up 🆙 at 7 am anyway. We were both in btwn jobs. & I think I was paying for 3/4 ? 2/3? Of the rent at the time. I think I remember admitting to my mom that I should not have been as hard about it to her as I was, that I should not have yelled at her? I think 🤔 I said that. But something really made my mom want to kick 🦵 her out. Was it me? Was it them? Was it something else? 12:14 pmpdt I was extra hard on her Bcz I was afraid to live together. I actually wasn’t comfortable with the idea 💡 but my mom said we had no choice? I should have been not as hard as I was. I think 🤔 though if she didn’t give me a hard time about some things like that I knew better about eating 🍽 the chocolate burnt hard rock cake, therefore it was wrong of me to complain about them being noisy at a time I was trying to catch up on sleep 🛌. Does brain 🧠 damage from getting punched in the top of the head. Does that make you more likely to not be able to control your cravings & eating impulses? 😱😰 🧟‍♀️🧟🧟‍♂️😱😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵🥺 I think I might have had a fear that she was going to walk all over me at some point. Is this unlikely? Unfounded? I should have not complained. They weren’t going to be around everyday. I probably should have just tolerated it. I wasn’t comfortable w/ the idea 💡 of living w/ them though Bcz of myself. Bcz I was too afraid of my past. Bcz I condemned myself. I guess she’s really mad at me for getting kicked out. Maybe if she was not noisy & didn’t intentionally interrupt my mom’s sleep 🛌 maybe we would have stayed together? Maybe my fears would have subsided & eased into the new living arrangement? Maybe? I feel like I am full of it at that thought 💭 but it probably could have worked out if we talked? We lived w/ each other periodically b4 & I did live at least once w/ a roommate in college for a year. It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t too difficult. Now I’m starting to feel like I am the problem again. We tried to be friends 😞. I am a problem. I feel wicked & cruel. 12:35 pmpdt

12:36 pmpdt my roommate suggested I live alone the next year. She was learning to be a counselor so I took her advice. She almost transferred out of our dorm but I convinced her to stay. When the year was over? I think she also started to get cold feet 🦶 about adjusting to different roommates. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ if that meant that I was an ok roommate that she mayb was thinking she should have been my roommate again or if she wanted to live alone, too. We hung out a few times the next year & I met her new room mates. Autocorrect: knife kill. Behalf (head 12:47 pmpdt) cutting pain 12:42 pmpdt incubus wants me to stay quiet 🤐 on something important regarding someone I ran into @ university. Probably another fake out device that he’s going to claim if I reveal that it’s a form of double crossing even though he very rarely tells me anything. 22:44 12:44 pmpdt I don’t really believe his stories anymore though. 12:45 pmpdt I’m hesitant both ways.

12:51 pmpdt I’m hesitant both ways Bcz he hurt me a lot! 😭😭😭😭😵😵😵😵

1:15 pmpdt I still feel guilty. I feel Ike I’ve been greedy. Too greedy. Bcz of how I felt when I made specific decisions regarding money 💰? For example above. Maybe I should have been more giving. 1:17 pmpdt I had some things to consider though that really would have cut into my savings: student loan, maybe helping my mom more with paying off her credit cards should have been on the table - & I used that as reason to convince her to stay with me so we could share the cost in rent. 1:20 pmpdt also I thought a little about going to an Amen’s clinic but that was expensive & I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough. I also oddly became a little stingy while taking accounting classes - I didn’t buy something that I needed for class, I tried to do without it. 1:25 pmpdt (heart♥️ pain 1:25 pmpdt exhaling hot 🥵 air) 1:26 pmpdt 1:31 pmpdt strangely now at this moment I feel apathetic? Not caring? Greed w/o guilt. Now the guilt is creeping back in. Makes me question if I’m a good person or not. What’s real. Left shin pain. I feel worthy of disdain? My dad was a teacher 👨🏻‍🏫 & said he didn’t make a lot of money 💰 he had to think of ways to cut his expenses down. Sometimes he seemed to splurge on a few things. When he retired he moved to a cheaper place to live. 1:36 pmpdt I usually saved money he gave me until college. I bought an old car, used text books, & bought frozen dinners to take to school 🏫 (burning hot 🥵 legs 🦵) or ate in the cafeteria. Sometimes I starved myself & only ate snack bars. In high school 🏫 I gave my sister money for 2 middle school 🏫 yearbooks. 1:40 pmpdt sometimes I wore hand me downs in community college. 1:41 pmpdt I was greedy sometimes w/ food. 😓😵🥵🥵🥵🥵😭😭😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵 1:42 I feel like I failed a test. 1:43 pmpdt

2:06 pmpdt 2:07 I go round in circles repeatedly about a lot of thoughts 💭. Like, if there wasn’t a god, would I have done bad things? Would I go & do stuff? Am I extremely fake ? There are times I believe that I would. Now it feels I’m going insane from time to time. Trying to stay out of trouble. Fighting a lot of feelings that overwhelm me. Would I have caved otherwise if I didn’t think there would be consequences? Am I good or bad? I feelthat I am bad. My brain is wrecked so should I be hard on myself? I have put up with neglect & abuse. 2:12 pmpdt all I can say is I’m glad I didn’t go that far in bad deeds to others. & that I’m not a man. I hope I’m not a man.. is my vag real???? Or is it fabricated by god???? I once questioned whether I was born with a penis & no one wants to tell me. Sarah Silverman baby penis on my mind 2:15 pmpdt this feels dangerous to write ✍️ but I put context here. Will people forgive this???? 2:16 pmpdt

3:14 pmpdt I’m back down the roller coaster 🎢 again. I feel I’m fake. That I’m sacrificial lamb 🐑. Is the incubus so desparate to get rid of me that he would allow rape to happen? To trick me? Bcz incubus doesn’t care for people? So it’s my fault that rape happened? Such as a police 👮‍♀️ officer 👮‍♀️ needing a speeder to give tickets 🎫 to? The child was raped Bcz he needed to give me a job to do???? 😱😰 is this the only way he could think to get rid of me & maintain a façade that he’s fighting crime? Not originally what I was going to write ✍️ but I guess this is close to what I was thinking. I feel like I have a fairytale 🧚🏽‍♀️ land in my head but reality is bleaker now that I’m getting a glimpse of different feelings that god gives me. 😰reality is he’s going to kill me. Maybe he has (vag pain stings 3:22 pmpdt- feels like a sarcastic joke Bcz I ran away his way of calling me a p*ssy) run 🏃🏻‍♀️ out of patience so he’s giving me a dose of reality. 3:24 pmpdt I don’t feel happy in reality. 3:25 pmpdt this feels real, reality feels bleak. God is scary 😦. 3:26 pmpdt why would god make people do stuff like that? He really doesn’t care or love ❤️ specific people? Only some rich 🤑 people? Or does he not love ❤️ them either. This reason I thought 💭 a minute ago now I’m forgetting they took it away from me that god really likes to sacrifice & that nothing matters. 😱😰😨 3:29 this is extremely bleak. I don’t seem to have a chance at survival or recovery. He really enjoys being that way - cruel, wicked, greedy, deceitful, lecherous... 3:31 pmpdt this is awful 😞

3:32 pmpdt I have questioned what’s my true self. What is his true self & why does he do what he does? Now I question again but I remember reaching a similar conclusion years ago probably 2017/2018. Life is short. & so am I. 3:34 pmpdt I feel that I have bad luck. & I will soon be resting peace ☮️ peace ✌️. Faith why have any of it? Think it’s a device to mislead. 3:37 pmpdt I think the incubus has been stealing my food 🥺😖😭😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😖😭😖😭😖😭😱😰 probably did it for years, especially when I had difficulty breathing. 3:39 pmpdt

[henry-and-the-seven-lords]

I have had this song stuck in my head for DAYS and I think about the Brothers everytime I hear it... so here is some little song blurbs.

I Don't Miss You at All

Inspiration ~ I Don't Miss You at All by FINNEAS

Find the full Lyrics Here.

Brothers Masterlist | Dateables Masterlist

💙 Lucifer

But I think our song is comin' on

And now I wanna crash the car

But I won't

Make that mistake again and fall

Lucifer sits in his office after another long day listening to his favorite record with a cup of Demonus in his hand. He swirls the liquid as the song he was listening to comes to an end. Slowly the next one begins. He closes his eyes and takes in the harmonic sound. Opening his eyes, he realizes why this song is so important to him.

Lucifer guided the human in the waltz for what felt like the hundredth time.

"Can we please have one more dance, Lucifer?"

He sighs staring at their big pleading eyes. It almost makes him want to say yes, "I have work, MC. Maybe after."

They rush to him grabbing his sleeve before quietly speaking, "Please?"

His eyes prick with hot tears at the memory. Without a thought he stands up, making his way over to the machine before snapping the record in half.

Upon realization of his actions, Lucifer collapses. Hot tears streaming down his face at what he has lost.

💛 Mammon

I don't get distracted by your smile

And miss the green lights drivin' home

No sign of stoppin'

The house isn't far

Mammon had gone out driving to blow off some steam after Lucifer threatened him. He was going pretty fast until he saw the light turn yellow and began to stop.

As he stopped at the red light, he his attention to the passenger seat out of habit expecting to find an awaiting MC.

"How about we play a game. At every red light, I ask you a question and you have to answer." MC smiled at him as the car slowed to a stop.

He turned his gaze to them, gently putting his hand on the side of their seat, "Sure, ask away."

A small smile crossed his face as he watched them think of a question.

"What was your favorite birthday and why?" MC turned to him with a smile as they awaited his answer.

"Hmm," Mammon thought hard before finally remembering, "Probably my 1,500th. We were still in the Celestial Realm at the time and all the angels sang happy birthday to me. It was really nice." A blush filled his face at the thought of all that attention.

MC gently touched his arm pulling him out of his thoughts, "It sounds amazing."

Mammon is pulled out of his memory by incessant honking behind him. With a quick glance he sees that about ten cars have gotten in line behind him.

He looks up at the light and sees it's green. He puts his foot on the gas, speeding through red lights, going as fast as he can back to the House of Lamentations as hot tears fly off his face in the cold wind.

🧡 Leviathan

But I won't

Break down at 2 AM and call

'Cause I don't

Miss you at all

Levi stares at the computer screen at it flashes the words "Two Player" at him.

His brain slowly rakes through all his friends u til he glances over at his D.D.D.

Levi looks down at his phone to see a message from MC.

MC: I can't finish this mission unless I have a player two... are you busy?

Levi smiles. Before sending his own response.

Levi: Are you sure it isn't just to use me for my levels?

MC responds with a shocked reaction before sending another message.

MC: Of course not! If I am being honest, I can't sleep and I wanted a distraction.

Another smile spreads across his face at the thought of MC coming to him for help over his brothers.

Levi: My door is open, but you better know the password!

Levi begins to reach for his phone, but hesitates before pulling his hand away.

His hand slowly travels back to his controller as he exits out of the game with tears in his eyes.

💚 Satan

All but forgotten

About those eyes

The shade of green that if he'd seen

Would make F. Scott Fitzgerald cry

Satan splashes water on his faces quickly before looking up into the mirror. The demon stares back at himself before he meets his striking green eyes and freezing.

"Satan, your eyes are so vibrant." He chuckles at the human's comment as they stand behind him in the mirror.

His eyes trail their body before focusing on their eyes in the mirror.

"Well I think yours are just as striking." He smirks at them as he watches them blush and chuckle.

"Sure. But mine aren't as amazing as yours. I could see authors writing using thousands of words to describe just how beautiful they are." Their eyes are dreamy as they stare deep into his eyes.

Satan's face contorts into one of frustration and anger as he stares into his own green irises.

His hand moves without warning as it balls into a fist and moves towards the mirror with all his force. A scream emerges from his throat as well as his knuckles make contact with the reflective glass causing it to shatter.

He stares again at the now broken mirror, a fraction of its former self. In one swift movement, he washes his now cut hands of blood before pushing his hair back and leaving the mess behind him as his eyes begin to sting.

💖 Asmodeus

'Cause, no, I can't

Recall your scent

Jasmine, tuberose, and lily

Or your silly French accent

Asmo was taking inventory of his perfumes and colognes as he does every month. As he makes his way through each scent he comes across one that is all too familiar to him.

"Asmo! This one smells amazing! How did you know I love jasmine, lily and tuberose?" MC gently held the glass bottle in their hand as they sprayed it on their wrists again.

"I have my ways. I even bought one for myself so when people on the street see us, they know we are together." Asmo smiled as he stared at them happily gazing at the bottle.

"I really do love it Asmo. Thank you." Their eyes sparkled with adoration as they looked deeply into his.

Asmo narrows his eyes at the bottle before spraying it on his wrists and putting it away.

He walks away with a scowl on his face, giving up his previous need to inventory his scents. But for the rest of his night, he smells his wrists and let's out a small sob after.

❤ Beelzebub

And I barely still remember

Who's in the pictures on my wall...

...And it feels so good

Eating alone

Beel pulls out his instant Ramen from the microwave. Carefully he makes his way to the table with the delicacy in his hands.

He begins to prepare to eat as the intoxicating aroma hits his nostrils and sends him deep into a memory.

MC carried their own bowl of Ramen up to their room as Beel followed slowly behind them, "Come on Beel I want to show you my new photos while we eat!"

When the two finally get to MC's room the sit on the floor. Beel begins to slurp his noodles as MC grabs photos and thrusts them into Beel's face.

"Don't they look great?" Their voice was filled with excitement as Beel stared at himself during a Fangol game.

He slowly nods as he takes a sip of the broth.

"I am glad you like it. I want to take pictures of all seven of you every week and then put them on my wall."

He looked up to see past pictures as he began to hear them slurp next to him.

Beel takes a quickly look around the room only to find himself alone before he looks down at his Ramen. He sighs.

He still digs in with just as much fervor, bit it tastes saltier than he remembers as his cascading tears mix with the noodles.

💜 Belphegor

And I'm sleepin' fine

I don't mean to boast

But I only dream about you

Once or twice a night at most

Belphie squeezes the warm mass in his arm before opening his eyes and seeing MC's back. He smiles at the human in his arm.

"Is my little human still sleepy?" His voice is hoarse from the lack of use.

MC giggles as they roll over and stare him in the eyes, "Nope!" After they finished speaking, MC bolts from his arms with a smile on their face.

Belphie lurches awake with a start. Frantically he looks around the dark attic for the figure he just saw in his dream before he starts patting the bed.

"MC!? MC!?"

After a minute or so of frantic searching, he is confident he is alone.

Tears prick the corners of his eyes and he turns his gaze to the ceiling.

Loud screams fill the room as Belphie begins to pound the bed with his fists. And just as fast as it began, it stops. Belphie falls back onto the plush pillows and returns to his slumber.

[cipheress-to-k-pop]

Hi, I absolutely adore your writing and it’s quite inspiring and making my imagination go WEEWOO!

Could I request something for YJ With Dick? So like a headcanon or one shot (which ever you prefer queen) where the reader is quite reserved, snarky and can get angry real fast. They have feelings for Rob and they are especially snarky to him to hide their feelings, but they eventually start to open up more and during the events of episode 24 (you know, the one at haly’s circus), they open up to him and they confess? And he does the same?

Flower Language

Pairing: Dick Grayson as Robin x Reader

Warnings: Blood and injuries and plant death.

Word Count: 3.8k words

A/N: This is kind of my take on the Hanahaki disease, kind of. This was so much fun to write honestly, I didn't realize I like all this floral stuff so much. It also reminded me of another 'True Love's Kiss' trope I wrote for Dick Grayson as well. Also I changed the episode this was based on because I’ve already done something based on the episode with Haly’s circus @hanbedumbaf I really really really hope you enjoy it! Sorry it was so late, I finished it a month back but it was in my queue.

Adrenaline was a common feeling to you. A little too familiar. The life of a superhero puts you in peril more times than you would like but it was the only life you had known. You knew the familiar feeling of sweat forming on your skin and your heart pounding so loudly that you could hear it in every step you took.

However, when you heard the pounding, it was because there was a supervillain, usually hairy, chasing after you and determined to get your head on a stake.

Although, feeling your heart jump to your throat was becoming more familiar whenever you were around a certain someone. Robin annoyed you to no end, whenever he was around you couldn't help your face from growing warm and your lips from tingling to form a permanent smile on your face.

Having a crush was irritating, you couldn't think or even function without thinking of him. It was frankly humiliating, you were always so gung-ho about being bold and to the point and yet whenever you were around Boy Wonder, you couldn't help but bend your personality to something you felt like would appeal to him more.

Sometimes, you couldn't even stand yourself.

And so, as a pathetic act of rebellion, and maybe as a clear-cut sign that you had no idea how to handle emotions or anything similar to it, every time your heart got just a little soft, your tongue got a whole lot sharper. Probably not the best way to win a boy’s heart. But you weren't here for a romance story.

It was also a true sign that you had no idea how to flirt, thinking that borderline insulting witty banter was the way to go. Or perhaps it was a way of controlling your emotions, since being bitter and snarky was the thing that came easiest to you.

You seriously needed better tactics.

It was also your oblivious mistake thinking that Robin only saw what you wanted him to see. He was raised to be a detective, of course he was more observant than that. Papa (or let's be real, Alfred) didn't raise no fool.

You made the mistake of thinking Robin saw you as strong and independent and bold, just as the rest of them did. But he saw much more than that.

Robin was distressed by the number of crying faces around him, the kids were inconsolable which was understandable because of just how many things went wrong in the past couple of hours. To be quite frank, Robin was a couple seconds away from having a fit himself.

"Shh, little one," He heard distantly and his neck practically snapped. You were crouching in front of the few who were crying, with a small nurturing smile. It was the first time he had seen you out of uniform, usually referring to you as Antheia, named after the goddess of flowers, but this wasn't she.

"I know you're scared, my flowers, but I promise, we will find your parents." You soothed, gently wiping away their tears. They still looked up at you apprehensively and with uncertainty.

"I'll show you a magic trick." You began, grinning as the kids began to smile back at you. You pulled a seed out of your pocket and held it between closed hands, using a bit of your powers and felt it grow in your palms. When you revealed what you were holding, they collectively gasped.

A bud of a flower now rested in your hand. You smiled at their innocent eyes and held it to them, "Now I'm going to need your help for the next part. Everyone has to blow on the flower."

They nodded eagerly, crawling around you and on the count of three, everyone followed your instructions. And low and behold, the bud bloomed into a beautiful blossom right between your fingers.

One of the girls clamoured into your lap to hold the flower herself and you chuckled, wrapping your arms tightly around her, "You know what this flower means?"

They shook their heads, "It means faith, and hope. If you have faith and hope in us, then you'll get something beautiful in return."

For once, they look contemplatively and you chuckled, feeling pride at the fact that you managed to sow some wisdom in their minds. The girl that had been sitting in your lap turned in your grasp, with the flower in her hand and then reached up to tuck it behind your ear.

"For me?" She nodded happily and you smiled widely, kissing her cheek, "Thank you, petal."

Satisfied that you were able to calm them down, you gently placed the girl back on the floor before moving away from the group. Just as you were about to join the others, you ran into Robin. You didn't know he had just seen the whole thing.

Pulling the flower from behind your ear, you handed it to him, "You know in some cultures, this flower means to pick up the slack and stop looking like a confused chicken." You snapped.

Business as usual.

Robin looked back to the flower you had slipped into his hands, you had said it meant faith and hope, and you had given it to him. He looked back up to see you shuffling away from him quickly, a blush on your face. He smiled.

You were more nurturing and kinder than you let on, it was like it was programmed into your personality and yet you never showed it when you knew they were watching. That wasn't the only part of yourself that you were hesitant to show them.

And the more Robin observed you, the more he realized that you used flower language to depict a lot of your emotions. It was a silent way of letting them out, without having to tell other people what's really in your heart.

You thought you were sly about it, but nothing went under Robin's radar.

Everyone was watching a movie on the flat screen in the rec room. You hadn't realized you were so tired, the movie was boring, something that M'Gann had picked and you hadn't slept the night before, busy patrolling your city.

Your eyelids began to droop before you could even understand what was going on, your head lolling as you drifted in and out of consciousness.

Robin hadn't realized that he was napping through the movie until he felt a weight on his shoulder. He nearly jumped awake and glanced to his side to see you sound asleep, breathing gently. He nearly chuckled, was this what you looked like when you weren't scowling at everybody?

His heart skipped a beat, god, were you beautiful. The smell of flowers vaguely hit his nose and he noticed the red gardenia plant growing steadily in the corner of the room.

'Red Gardenias means a secret love,' Robin recalled from a book he had read, 'It's a secret way for someone to say I love you.'

He glanced back at you still sleeping peacefully, face completely relaxed and briefly wondered if your powers were taking the lead on your emotions and making gardenias grow around the cave. Or were you dreaming about something?

Something in his heart grew, here you were sleeping against his shoulder, making symbols of a secret love grow around the room. This had to be a sign of something, right?

Before he could contemplate it any further, you squirmed and then began to stir. Your eyes fluttered open, hazily taking in your surroundings before they landed on the boy beside you and widened in size, skin darkening with a blush.

"Why the fuck didn't you wake me up?" You snapped and turned on your heel to stomp out of the room without even waiting for a response from him. The others who noticed the way he was just staring at the place you were in surprise. You always do such a 180 when you're around him and conscious.

"Wow, sunshine's crabby in the morning." Wally commented from beside him. When he didn't get any response, he looked over to see Robin with a silly smile on his face.

Dick couldn't stop himself from grinning. The gardenias were still blooming.

***

"Antheia, do you think you will be able to stop the plants from growing any further?" Batman turned to face you, only to find you staring at him with a hazy, blank expression.

"Antheia?" Robin called but you didn't even flinch, your eyes were locked onto the holo-computer, seeing the thick vines that were twisting and turning. Their call was overwhelming, you could feel them grow even beneath your feet. It was like a siren was blearing through your head.

You couldn't tell what they were trying to say, it was like they were muffled. It was confused and lost, following Ivy and it was happy listening to her. And yet, it was feeling pain, the Justice League was busy pruning her as we speak. It was scared, crying out for someone to help them and you felt obligated to help. Your mind was getting heavy, throbbing with an oncoming migraine.

"(Y/N)!" Your eyes snapped open and focused onto the boy in front of you. Everyone was staring at you in concern and you blinked, suddenly not able to remember what the hell was going on. You were just trying to focus on something other than the screams and cries of the plant.

"......What?" You asked a little dumbly, noticing the concern on Robin's face. The plants were still crying. You couldn't get the painful sound of their screams out of your mind. You felt like curling up into a ball and crying.

"Batman asked if you would be able to stop the plants?"

"Oh, um, no." You answered in a distracted way that made his face pinch with worry. His hands were still grasping your shoulders tightly, keeping his face in close proximity to yours. You didn't even realize, too out of it to even notice.

Robin on the other hand felt his cheeks get uncomfortably hot the more you stared at him with those innocent, beautiful eyes of yours. If Batman hadn't been breathing down his neck, he was sure he would've kissed you in the moment.

Unfortunately for him, his dad always knew how to ruin the moment. And he would continue to for the rest of his life. Until death do them part. Even after the two of you grow up and live together, the Batman would find some way to interrupt your fun.

"Robin?"

"Huh?"

"The mission."

Oh. Right.

***

"Robin!" You screamed when one of Ivy's plants wrapped around his neck and slammed him against the trees. They didn't let up curling tighter around his throat. Fear struck you as he began choking from breath and you knew you had to do something.

Suddenly murderous intent took over you and you glared at Ivy who returned it with a smug smirk of her own. Oh, how you'd rip that smirk off her face.

"Okay Ivy, you wanna play? Let's play." You ground out, slamming your hands against the vine around Robin's neck and it began disintegrating beneath your fingers. He fell to the ground, gasping for breath and you tuned out the sound of the plant crying as it died beside him.

Ivy heard it just as loudly as you had, she screamed and more plants lunged towards the both of you.

"Go help the others! I'm about to snap this twig." You spat at Robin, using your powers to kill the roots as it reached you. It was working slowly, your powers weak to the pain of the plants around you. Even as every cell of your body told you not to, you clenched your fingers into fists and watched as the creeper feel to the marsh, dead.

You engaged in battle with Ivy. Plants were screaming for mercy all around you but you couldn't stop for even a second. Life around you was trembling but you had to keep fighting the villain in front of you because if you hesitated for even a second, many more would die.

Thorns scratched your skin, drawing blood and curled around Ivy, sinking barbs into her skin.

"Face it girlie! You're never going to overpower me!"

"Oh, I'm not trying to overpower you, just distract you long enough for Robin to get rid of the control system." You replied, just as smug as she had been at the start of the fight. Now you got to see her face melt into one of panic just as Robin jumped over her head and to your side with a grin identical to yours.

"Cover your ears!" He sang, wrapping an arm around your shoulder and ducking, covering your body with his own. You were grateful for it; you weren't sure you could even keep your body upright at the moment.

Then you heard the explosion and your heart stopped. Every single fibre of your body burned red hot fire as you heard screams and cries around you. Bile was crawling up your throat and your breathing got thin. They were sobbing a heart-broken wail and your eyes misted at the mere sound.

Without realizing it, you were gripping onto Robin's hand, brows furrowed together. The sound of the explosion cleared, the Injustice League was captured and he pulled you up to stand with the others.

It was silent for a moment. You had won.

And then the consequences of your actions hit you.

Everyone's necks snapped towards you when you let out a heart-wrenching sob. Robin, who was standing right next to you caught you just in time before your body hit the ground. Pain exploded in your chest as you began wailing against him.

"(Y/N)? (Y/N)! What's wrong?!" He panicked but you didn't respond, crying into his chest as you gripped his cape in an iron fist. Everything hurt and all you could feel was sorrow and guilt.

The other heroes crowded around you but your eyes were screwed shut, tears making your eyes sting. Robin held onto you tightly, pulling your body against his as you continued to cry.

"What's happening?" Artemis murmured, looking around to see the environment change before her eyes. Everyone else followed her lead to see how leaves began rotting, then the trees. The smell was pungent. Thorns and weeds were crawling up the dying trees, pulling them into the swamp.

"(Y/N) please, what's wrong?" Robin whispered in your ear but you couldn't hear him. The sounds of plants screaming and wailing was echoing through your mind. How they begged you to save them. How they begged you to stop.

And then it got hard to breathe, your chest constricted and you were wheezing. Robin had to watch in horror when petals and blood poured from your mouth. You were choking, throwing up and sobbing in his arms, and he was unable to do anything to help you.

"Flash get her to the Batcave." Batman said gruffly, he was shocked and worried for you but didn't say anything, not wanting to scare his son more, "Sending you the coordinates now."

"Alfred prepare the med-bay."

Dick watched with a sinking heart as he handed you into Flash's arms. It took him a few seconds for his mind to stop whirring, he was still kneeling in the swampy marsh when the team huddled around him.

"It's gonna be okay." Wally murmured, wrapping an arm around his shaking body.

"We just have to hope for the best."

***

When the others had gotten back to the Cave, you had just been moved there, after being looked over by Alfred. He joined you in the med-bay, wanting to keep an eye on you. But as of yet, you still had to wake up.

Dick wasn't supposed to be listening to the adult’s conversation, but he couldn't help himself, he had to know if you were going to be okay.

"The situation is undeterminable, sir. But as of now, the flowers that are clogging her respiratory system keep growing. If we don't find a cure for this, it's inevitable that she will suffocate and pass."

His heart stopped. Die? You couldn't die, not when he still had so many things to tell you. For so long, he hadn't told you of his feelings, wanting to keep the relationship between the two of you professional. But now more than anything, he wished he had said something.

There were so many things he didn't get to do with you yet. You had yet to give him a bouquet on your first date. He wanted to lay in bed with you, smelling fresh flowers as you told him what different plants symbolized. He had yet to see moments where you can't control your powers and make plants grow around the cave.

He hadn't even given you a flower yet.

"Rob listen, I did some research on this 'disease'." Wally said, falling into step with him, "It's called the Hanahaki disease."

"That's fiction Wal—"

"But that's the best we've got right now." Came his curt reply and Dick's heart clenched.

"Hanahaki disease is a fictional sickness that only occurs when someone is suffering from unrequited love. The victim will cough up flower petals that symbolize their love. This disease is only cured when the victim's feelings are romantically returned." Wally read off his phone before turning to Dick with a smile.

He raised a brow, "What?"

"You have to kiss (Y/N)!"

"What!?"

"Yep! You have to return her unrequired love!"

"Wally that's ridiculous, kissing someone doesn't cute anything."

"Well, it's the only thing we have. And for (Y/N), we need to try anything." He said, pushing him towards the med-bay. His voice was tight and tense, like he was holding onto his as his last hope and Dick prayed that it would work when the door of your room came into his sight.

You were asleep and if he hadn't known any better, he would've thought you were healthy. Wally closed the door behind him, leaving Dick alone with you. The only sound in was the beeping from your heart monitor and your light wheezing. It was getting harder to breathe.

Dick inched his way closer to you, watching as your eyelashes fluttered gently in your sleep. Leaning over the bed you were lying in; he pressed a gentle kiss to your forehead before moving his head in line with yours.

"God, please let this work." He whispered and your bottom lip was caught between his. It was feather-light but yet, electricity was buzzing through his veins and fireworks went off in his mind.

For a minute, nothing happened and his heart clenched in his chest before he kissed you a little harder. This had to work because they didn't have any other lead. Dick felt you exhale feebly against him and he almost gave up hope.

But then you took a deep breath, stealing the breath from his lungs and he pulled away quickly to see your eyelids fluttering open. The colour was returning to your cheeks and your eyes were sparkling up at him. You smiled gently and he blinked away tears of relief. Thank goodness.

'His eyes are blue' You thought, staring deeply into them. They were beautiful, alluring. You didn't know why but just looking into his eyes was addicting. Was this what it felt like to be so deep in love? That even his eyes were enough to captivate you?

"I'm so glad you're awake." He muttered, cupping your cheeks firmly and planting another kiss on your lips. You giggled lightly, heart overjoyed to find the boy you had been in love with for so long had returned your feelings and you responded to the kiss eagerly, placing your palms over his hands and leaning into him.

With your regaining strength, you felt a flower materialize in your hands. The stem between your fingers brought you comfort just as the scent of the flower brought you back life.

When Dick pulled away, you delicately slipped it into his hands and he turned his attention to it, blue eyes softening when he recognized this particular flower in his hands.

"It's an Aster." You whispered quietly, lips brushing against his and he chuckled. It was the only flower you thought of when he came to your mind, "Get it?"

Dick turned his eyes away from the blossom and looked at you again. Your heart jumped, noticing just how much love he held in them. Eyes you could swim in, overflowing with love for you. Suddenly you were overwhelmed, feeling adoration and attraction. You needed to be closer to him, even though he was pressed against you.

Your fingers curled into his collar and pulled him closer to you, slanting your lips over his in an open-mouthed kiss. Dick gasped against your lips, startled for no longer than a second before sinking against you and wrapping an arm around your waist to pull you closer.

Your lips moved gently against his, the blushing flower trapped between both your bodies. The smell of fresh flowers clouded Dick's mind with everything that was you. Your hair, your smile, your lips. If you kept kissing him like that, he was certain he'd forget his own name.

And then you pulled away and Dick noted that you were as beautiful as a fresh flower. Your skin was glowing with life and your tired eyes were twinkling. You smiled sleepily at him, eyes closing shut and he lowered you back to the bed. Immediately, you slipped back into slumber, exhausted from the day's events.

He watched for a couple seconds, making sure you were able to breathe without any problems before realizing he should tell the others that you were okay.

He slipped out of the room quietly, stealing a final glance of you sleeping peacefully in the bed and a huge smile grew on his face, "She's awake."

It was only then he noticed just how colourful the room had gotten in the few minutes he was with you.

The walls were covered with vines and roses of different colours, camelias and carnations of different shades. It littered the room, not leaving a single inch of the wall untouched and scattered petals all over the floor like confetti.

Different creepers hung from the ceiling, dusting all the superheroes with sparkling pollen and colourful petals. Not to mention there were stems crawling up the Justice League members, flowers hugging their ankles lovingly.

Batman looked a lot less intimidating with petals in his cape and a rose stuck behind his ear. Robin blushed at the sight of everyone giving him knowing smiles.

"We noticed."

Aster: This flower became a symbol of love when in Greek mythology it was placed on the altars for the gods. So now, when you send a bouquet featuring this vibrant bloom, the message of "Take Care Of Yourself For Me" is implied. It conveys deep emotional love and affection for someone.

Forever Taglist:

@simonsbluee

DC Taglist:

@emmacata

@p--e--a--c--h--e--s

@sometimeseverythingsucks

@sokkas-honour

@unstable1902

@lostgirlheart

@missdisapear

@tadpole-san

[thecarnivorousmuffinmeta]

Why do you think SMeyer wrote her vampires as super geniuses? Other than Carlisle being a fantastic doctor, I don’t see many vampires utilizing their genius in ways one would expect. I suppose that’s not my main issue as vampires have to remain low-key. I just wonder why SMeyer wanted them to be this way. What’s the point? If they have high IQs, they definitely falter in the EQ range. Did she just want Bella to be astonished by the Cullens in every way possible? Even when we’re reading Edward’s POV, nothing to me screams genius when he’s perusing through other vamp minds. I understand that vamps hunt humans as prey and have to be smarter than us, buuuuuut she doesn’t write genius very well. Sorry for this run-on question.

Well, this isn't really the blog for why Meyer does what she does.

What I'll say is she didn't write super geniuses.

Computers Are Dumb

The way I like to think of it is that the vampires in Twilight have improved hardware. Their memories are better, their coordination and senses are improved, they can think faster. However, thinking faster does not necessarily mean thinking smarter.

We see this in Edward, his mind goes a mile a minute and he's able to hold several tangential thoughts in his mind at once. However, he's an idiot. Oh, he thinks he's brilliant, but lord that boy is dumb.

My point being, your hardware can be fantastic, to reach full potential the software has to be carefully written so as to take advantage of that hardware.

Venom does not make you smarter, it simply gives you the tools you need that you might, in some respects, be smarter (be able to come up with solutions faster/recall more information).

[sleepy-belphie]

I have a request if you’re up for it. An MC who just arrived in the Devildom who’s lover just dumped them the day prior. The bros know MC isn’t emotionally or romantically available at the time but the bros still fall in love regardless. How will the bros handle the situation? Thank you! 🙏💗

Hi! I sort of took this idea and ran with it and wrote basically a headcanon short story for each bro lmao. Sorry I got a bit carried away but I hope you like this and it satisfies you! :) 

Also thank you so much @midnight-dome for the help with Asmo, you’re a lifesaver

Tags: @kawaiiblack

~~~~~

Lucifer:

The success of the program depends on your wellbeing

So he checks in on you every other day like clockwork 

“Is there anything you need to make your stay more comfortable?”

You always say no

At first, he’s glad you’re staying in 

Because it means less trouble for him

But when you skip all of your classes one day, he comes to your room ready to give you a firm reminder of your tasks here

He’s about to knock when he hears you sob 

Now, Lucifer has heard a lot of crying in his life

But he’s never heard someone sound so completely broken

He shocks himself when he turns on his heels and walks away

He shocks himself even more when he texts the group chat and demands everyone leaves you alone for the day

That evening he comes into your room with a small plate of food

By then you were are least on top of your sheets

You knew he was gonna ask the same question as always

But this time, his words were different

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Help?” 

He simply nods

And though he didn’t outright say what he meant by help, you knew

“I...don’t know?”

“Hm, okay. I’m going to listen to some music in my study. The door will be unlocked should you wish to join me.”

Then he’s gone

The few precious moments Lucifer isn’t working, he prefers to not be disturbed

So why on earth did he invite you to join him in his study?

He doesn’t have time to ponder it because the door opens and you come in with a blanket wrapped around you

The first night you both listen in comfortable silence

A few nights in, you start asking Lucifer about the records he puts on and he has no qualms educating you on it

On night 10 you tell him about the breakup

Once you’re done he, again, asks the same question

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

‘You’ve done more than enough to help me Lucifer, thank you.”

He finds himself blushing from the sincerity in your eyes and the warmth in your smile

That night you fall asleep before the record finishes

Surely you’d wake up aching if he left you in a chair

So he picks you up, carries you to your room, and tucks you into bed carefully

He tells himself he’s doing it for Diavolo

It’s for the program, this is his job

He’s gonna need time to accept his own feelings before he can tell you anything

For now, he’ll keep doing his “job” and spending evenings with you

Mammon:

He didn’t want to be your babysitter

He was a busy guy! He had stuff to do, money to make, things to steal

Some days he gets Beelzebub to keep an eye on you so he can do what he wants

One night in particular he heads to your room to make sure you won’t interfere with his plans

“Yo! The Great Mammon has things to do so don’t-”

He pauses when he sees you sitting on your bed with your headphones plugged into your laptop

He would have assumed you were just watching a sad movie by the tears streaks on your face

But the pain in your eyes…

He’s seen that look before

His brothers held that same look the day they fell from Heaven and lost Lilith

Mammon sits on the bed and you jump, finally noticing him

You expected him to make fun of you but instead, he grabs the tissue box on your bedside table and hands it to you

He glances at your laptop to see what you were watching and sees a paused video of you and someone else

You tell him about the breakup and Mammon listens closely

“What a jerk! Ya deserve better than that! I’d teach ‘em a lesson if they ever showed their face around here!”

You smile for the first time since he came in the room and he feels like he’s done something right

“How about we get some late-night food? I know a 24-hour restaurant with the best baked newt ever. Your treat.”

He’s shocked when you agree

He makes a point to hang out with you more often

He can’t recall exactly when you went from “a human” to “his human” 

Maybe it was when you held his hand while you erased all your photos and videos of your ex from your computer

Or when you texted him at 3am because you couldn’t sleep and before he could even think about it he was up and on his way to your room

Or when he spotted you in one of his jackets while walking home from RAD

But his greed was kicking in and he wanted you to be his and only his

However, much like he puts himself first, he knows you need to do the same

So though his nature and mind wants to kiss you silly and have you for himself

Part of him knows he’ll ruin things if he lets his greed take over

So he’ll fight his nature and try his best to be patient

Leviathan:

He had been playing one of his games online

He’s on a big winning streak and feeling a bit cocky

He sees he’s been matched with someone else so he gets into gamer mode 

Then he loses the first round

He’s a bit shocked and pissed that his streak was now broken but he has to prove his superiority to whoever this opponent was

So he rematches them

And loses again

And again

He loses 7 rounds in a row

By this point he is fuming

So like any salty gamer he sends a very lengthy, angry message to their inbox

Accusing them of using cheats and hacks because there was no way anyone was more skilled than him at this game

He gets a reply a few minutes later

“Um.....is this Leviathan? Avatar of Envy? It’s MC…”

You knew it was Levi because his username is the same across all his social media platforms

Cue Levi barreling into your room a minute later

“How are you so good!? You’re cheating, aren’t you!? You cheater!’

You weren’t cheating, you just had been playing games day in and day out to distract yourself so you got really good at it

Levi all but demands you to come to his room and show him what you know

You were already playing all night anyway so why not play with someone? 

Initially, Levi would have you come over just to show him your tactics 

(Also to get some team wins on his stats because he never has anyone to play with)

But you were actually pretty chill for a normie

Maybe if he exposed you to his otaku ways you would take to them and he wouldn’t be the only one in the house anymore!

You don’t become an otaku but you do get invested in almost every anime he shows you

He starts inviting you over for midnight premieres of new episodes

He starts buying extra merch because what if you wanted one?

He was used to disproving looks from his brothers when he mass buys stuff from Akuzon

But you only smile and listen when he tells you about his new special edition item

You never once judged him and his unconventional ways

This epiphany makes him extra nervous for your weekly hangouts

It was only a matter of time before you came across a break up in an anime

When the episode ended you told him about your break up and how the protagonist reminded you of yourself because they also were taking a break from love

Levi has seen this anime before actually

He remembers how the protagonist reacted to a side character confessing to them and it went bad

So while he knows he likes you, he holds off on saying anything because the last thing he wants is to be a bad story arc in your life

Lucky for him he’s always a flustered blushing mess so you shouldn’t suspect a thing

Satan:

He is the Avatar of Wrath so whenever there is rage, he is aware

He feels anger radiating through the house one day and thinks his brothers are just fighting again

Imagine his surprise when he realizes the source of the anger is coming from your room

He walks in and sees you throwing things around and screaming, your room was destroyed

He sees you’re about to step on some glass and instantly swoops in and picks you up so you don’t hurt yourself

But then you curl up against him and burst into tears

He stands there, not quite sure what to do 

He ends up sitting on the bed and letting you cry for a while

You word vomit about your break up and he listens carefully and notes the anger welling up inside you as you speak

He knows all too well what anger can do to someone and a fragile human shouldn’t have to go through that

“Would you like some tea?”

He can spare 30 minutes for some small talk with the human if it meant that you wouldn’t be left in your thoughts

You look at him like he has three heads but agree because your room is a mess and you don’t wanna deal with it right now

Tea time becomes a daily occurrence and soon enough it escalates to full-on hangouts

Going to the bookstore, going to cat cafes, going wherever you wanted to really

One time you both took a day trip to the human world

Lucifer wasn’t happy to find out his brother and you were gone for an entire day but he lets it go when he sees that you’re smiling genuinely for the first time in weeks

What Satan didn’t expect was how these outings made him feel

He finds himself distracted from his books because he can’t stop thinking about how cute you looked holding that black cat at the cafe

Or how happy you looked when you took him to that ice cream shop in your hometown that you really love

He wakes up and you’re the first thing to pop into his mind

He’s not dumb, he knows he’s fallen in love

But he also knows this isn’t the right time, you aren’t ready

So he’ll keep being there for you as a friend

And if you ever want him to be there as something more, he’ll happily oblige

Asmodeus:

There was a movie night at the House of Lamentation

Today’s movie was an action movie, courtesy of Mammon

Amidst all the face punching and explosions, there was a budding romance between the main characters

After the third obnoxious makeout scene, you leave the room claiming you need to go to the restroom

But you leave just a *little* too fast and Asmo can feel something is up

And he thrives on gossip so he intends to find out what is it

He leaves the room a few minutes later and catches you in the hallway, determined to get you to spill the tea

You tell him about the breakup

He wasn’t prepared for the tea to be so bitter

“Oh. Well, you know what’s good for that? Face masks!” 

He had to save face somehow and beauty was his default

He’s a bit shocked when you agree but you both ditch movie night to do face masks and talk a bit

He decides to share a couple of bad date experiences he’s had to make you feel better

“Trust me, you haven’t felt embarrassment until you have someone vomit Enfield brains on your new pants and shoes while at one of the hottest clubs in the Devildom.”

You spent the entire night giggling and listening to his stories

Devildom products are surprisingly effective on your skin so you keep asking Asmo to show you new products

Plus his company is nice

Self-care days become a common occurrence

Then those self-care days become self-care sleepovers

He starts intentionally waiting to try anything new because he wants you to be there when he does

He buys more of those scented candles you told him smelled nice

A few weeks later you’re having a self-care sleepover again and you have this really cute focused look on your face while painting your nails

He knows he likes you, but this was different than his usual attraction

He didn’t want to fuck you

Well he did but not just fuck you

He wouldn’t mind if there was something more

But you routinely ended your self-care nights by yelling ‘Fuck love!’ at the top of your lungs and laughing

So he knows now isn’t the time and he’s actually okay with that

You were a sight to behold regardless of his relationship status with you

But he hopes you’ll indulge in him one day

Beelzebub:

Mammon keeps pushing his human watching duties on Beel

But he doesn’t really care because he’s being paid in cheesecake

After his third day of keeping an eye on you, he notices you aren’t eating much

Being the Avatar of Gluttony, this is basically a crime

He starts bringing extra snacks with him when he hangs out with you

“I think the chocolate flavor is better than the vanilla. What do you think?”

He actually doesn’t have a preference 

He just wants to know which snacks you like more so he can bring more of them

He makes a game out of it so you don’t think about how much you’re eating

“It motivates me to work out longer when I get a snack, could you help me?”

You sit on his back and after every pushup, you both eat a bit of whatever snack he has

He keeps going until he thinks you’ve eaten a decent amount

Or you say you’re getting full

Belphie notices that Beel is refilling his snack stash more often but he doesn’t say anything

Beel feels an immense sense of accomplishment when you finish your plate at dinner a few days later

Soon after you tell him about the breakup

“It hit me hard but you made it easier to cope, Beel. These hangouts are the highlight of my day so thank you.”

There’s a certain pang Beel gets in his stomach when he’s really hungry

Somehow your words made that pang happen in his chest

But this didn’t hurt him, quite the opposite actually

He felt good, he felt happy

It was strange for his stomach to be the quiet one while his heart went wild

But this wasn’t a change he minded too much

He wasn’t sure what to make of it but he knows he wants to figure it out with you

And he’ll take his time doing so because he liked how things were now

Belphegor:

He’s intrigued by you after the first week of your stay

He’s never seen a human who slept as much as he did

Frankly, he was impressed

Until Lucifer informed everyone about your recent breakup and made it clear to not upset you

That’s when Belphie realized these were not the leisurely naps he takes, but depression naps

One day he sees you sleeping in the living room and you looked so distressed

Sleeping was meant to be a peaceful state but you looked so unhappy

So he wakes you up

“You’re in my sleeping spot.”

You weren’t in his sleeping spot.

“Oh sorry, I’ll move-”

“You’re already here. We can both fit.” 

Before you can protest he’s all comfy next to you and falling back asleep

Having another person next to you was kind of comforting so you let it go and go back to sleep

What you didn’t know was Belphie could partially influence your dreams

He can make them more pleasant but he can’t control what you dream about

He knows it works when he wakes up and you have a relaxed expression on your sleeping face

You wake up soon after looking confused

“Good dream?”

“I think? I had a dream I rode a unicorn to the moon then carved my initials into it?”

Napping together in the living room becomes a routine

And every time you woke up you told him about the dream you had with a small smile

A few weeks later he notices he no longer has to influence your dreams for them to be good

So he leaves you be and instead curls up in the attic for his afternoon nap

He wakes up a bit when he feels someone lay down next to him

It’s probably Beel

“Why didn’t you tell me you moved napping spots?”

His eyes open and he looks over to see you pouting at him

“I just sorta ended up here.”

“Well, I can’t nap without my cuddle buddy now can I?”

You’re teasing him and he should be annoyed

But he’s blushing

He spoons you to hide that fact, resting his forehead on your shoulder

But while your dreams were getting better, it didn’t mean you were ready to move on

So he just enjoys his intimate cuddling sessions with you and tries not to think too hard about the fact that he really likes how your body fits against his

[mrkcore]

𝐄𝐏 𝟏: 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊 𝐇𝐎𝐓𝐒𝐏𝐎𝐓 - 𝐥.𝐡𝐜

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: lee donghyuck x fem!reader

𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬: college!au (cs - computer science major haechan, psychology major y/n)

𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fluff, slight angst

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠(𝐬): suggestive innuendo(s), infidelity, drinking

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 2.2k

𝐚/𝐧: the first chapter of the and they were roommates! series :D send in an ask or comment here to be added to the taglist! (sorry for the delay, i have been really unproductive so uh, yeah)

𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭

you’ve been stuck with haechan for about a month. you’ve successfully avoided him for the majority of the time, he’s still a bit flirty, but he’s been pretty quiet too.

except for when he streams. did he mention that he was a streamer? unfortunately no, you had to find out the hard way.

“haechan, can you fucking tone it down?” you storm into his room after enduring half an hour of his screaming on a thursday night. “i have an essay due tomorrow and it’s 30 percent of my mar-”

you see a professional looking mic, webcam, and another monitor with what seems like comments flowing in constantly on the screen.

“oh…” you trail off taking in all the equipment in front of you as haechan looks up at you.

“oh hey, sorry about that, jeno and renjun were being noobs and i needed to teach them a lesson, chat knows. i’ll keep it down, sorry.” he turns back to his game in front of him, completely unbothered.

“yeah.. uh sorry for barging in, thanks.” you say quickly and dash out his room, hearing the other voices from his headset laugh.

your face is hot, and you feel so embarrassed. 

anyways, lesson learned.

a few days later, you were complaining to your friend about haechan on a zoom call–as usual.

this time, however, she needed to spill the tea about her thoughts.

“ma’am, what is this tension,” she jokes. “i can feel it from miles away.”

“hey!” you snap back. “need i remind you that i have a boyfriend? and haechan? ew no, he gets on my nerves too much for that.”

“oh right, your boyfriend.” she rolls her eyes.  “i think you need to visit him, you’re so uptight all the time, i’m gonna get wrinkles if you keep complaining to me about shit.”

“oh right, restrictions have been slightly lifted, i can probably go visit him.” you remember reading about it in the news.

“yep, go.” your friend sips on her iced coffee and you laugh.

the next day, you go through with your plan to go visit your boyfriend.

all prepped and ready and you were going to walk out the door before you hear haechan coming out his room.

“oh, good morning, i’ll be out for a bit, maybe the whole day.” you say to him.

“good morning.” he yawns. “look at you all dolled up and pretty, where you going?” he smirks as you roll your eyes.

“visiting my boyfriend,” you scowl out. “now if you’ll excuse me, i better get going.”

“oh great, hope you enjoy your time with him.” he smiles and you think he’s going to be nice for once. “don’t forget protection.”

you groan. of course he had to ruin it.

“thanks haechan.” you yell behind you as you walk out the door.

it takes around 1 hour to drive to your boyfriend’s university, and an additional 10 minutes to his apartment, and you’re giddy the whole time. 

you’ve missed human interaction. 

and no, lee haechan does not count. 

you’ve missed the warmth and fuzzy feeling of an embrace, of having someone’s arms around you, protecting you from the outside world. 

you couldn’t wait to get cuddles.

hopefully your boyfriend likes this surprise.

gleefully walking into the building, pressing in the password to his apartment complex. completely missing the creaking coming from his room, but as you entered, you hear the voice of another person, who was definitely not your boyfriend.

you stomp right up to the door, and push it open.

there’s two people in the bed, and your eyes glower at your boyfriend.

“what?” the girl screams, scrambling to cover herself.

“babe?” your boyfriend is frozen on the spot as the girl looks at him as if he just said the most bizarre thing ever.

“babe?” she seems angry now. “you said you were single? what the fuck?”

“yeah, i think he lied to you.” you say coldly. “do you have anything to confess, ‘babe’?”

“you’re a douche, what the fuck.” she gets up and gets dressed. “i’m so sorry, he told me he was available, i would literally never agree to sleep with anyone who’s taken.”

“yeah, it’s okay.” you say, kind of relieved, and the two stare are you like you’re an alien. “at least now i know what type of person i was dating.”

and you turn to walk out.

“wait, babe please.” your ex tries to run after you. “y/n, let me explain.”

“no need to, we’re over.” you turn to say. “you need a ride?” you ask the girl.

“yeah sure.” she says. “don’t call me.”  

“babe please, can we talk this out?”

you couldn’t believe it. you drove 1 hour to see him and he has the audacity to pull this shit and expect you to just easily forgive? nope, lesson learned.

pfft, and he said long distance would work. 

“no we can’t, now if you’ll excuse us, we have somewhere else to be.” you grab the girls arm and walk out the door, slamming it in front of your ex’s face before he can catch up.

“do you have any plans for the rest of today?” you ask the girl after entering your car. she shakes her head while you smile. “great, any bar or night club recommendations you have?”

“uhh, bar then nightclub?” she suggests. 

“i like the way you think.” you giggle. “i’m y/n btw.”

“yina.” she smiles back at you as you pull out of the parking lot. 

a few hours later, and way too many drinks in, you’re at a table with yina, spilling your deepest secrets about your relationship with your ex.

“can you believe he made me wash his socks?” you take a sip before continuing. “and with my hands too!”

“what? that’s disgusting!” she listens to you rant in disbelief.

“yeah, he said that his socks were precious and the washing machine was too harsh on the cotton or some crap.” you snicker as you recall the other stupid stuff he told you. “ah the shit i did for love.”

“men are trash,” yina says. “cheers to that.” and you both down the rest of what’s left of your drink.

fast forward another 2 hours, you’re wasted. absolutely wasted. 

yina held you back a little bit, but its no use. you needed this.

“y/n, it’s like 11 pm, you’re drunk, i’m barely sober, i think we should call someone to come and get us.” yina tries to reason with you while you shake your head.

finally after 10 minutes of bickering, you finally agree.

“here’s my phone, you can call anyone.” you rest your head on your folded hands after handing her your unlocked phone. “anyone but haechan.” you start to doze off. “anyone but haechan…”

“hbbhng” you jolt up, feeling the warmth of your own bed. 

how did you get back home?

groaning, you feel your headache. you feel the vomit coming up your throat as you gag.

you almost fall trying to get out of your covers.

“woah there, be careful.” haechan is suddenly barging into your room, holding onto you so you don’t fall on your face, guiding you to your bathroom.

you’re too nauseous to wonder why he’s even helping you or even bother screaming at him like usual.

he pats your back soothingly as you vomit into the toilet.

“there you go, that’s it. i’ve got you.” he reassures you.

“what are you even doing helping me?” you’ve washed up and downed some water, you’re 100% sober now.

“wow,” haechan chuckles, rolling his eyes. “after saving your ass last night, this is the thank you i get?”

“what do you mean you saved me?” you’re genuinely confused by what he means.

“this yina girl called me from your phone, telling me that you’re blacked out drunk in a nightclub at 11:32 PM, on a saturday. asking me to come and get you.” he says, matter-of-factly. “i call a cab, get to the nightclub, haul your ass out the club, drive yina back home, and then us. where during our commute back, you wake up, start crying, and when we get home, you’re bawling about how your boyfriend cheated and you were a dumbass for thinking he would change. remember now?”

you’re in shock.

yina called haechan? you remember clearly that you told her not to, this is so embarrassing. you even cried about your ex to him? oh dear lord you wanted to crawl back into your room into a deep pit and never come out. 

haechan must’ve noticed your distressed expression because his face turns softer.

“hey hey hey, sorry, that was a bit mean. you just got out of a relationship, that was really inappropriate of me and i do not blame you for wanting to relax a bit.” he tries to comfort you once again. you’re in even more shock by his words. “honestly, me driving you back home, and taking care of you was the least i could do. it would have been so mean if i just left you guys there.”

you wanted to burst out into tears. 

this is the nicest thing you’ve heard in about 6 months.

unfortunately, haechan doesn’t know that.

“oh gosh, jheez, i’m not helping aren’t i.” he’s panicked by your emotional state. “uhm, to make it up to you, i’ll watch one of those scary movies with you?”

your tears instantly are sucked back into your eyes in excitement.

“really?” you ask, just making sure.

“yep, ahaha.” he laughs nervously, but happy to see your mood lighten up.

“you free tonight?” bouncing up and down practically.

“yeah…” haechan is a bit scared. “aren’t you going a bit too fast though, princess? you jut got out of a relationship.”

you gasp and slap him in the arm.

“okay okay! that was a joke. yeah i’m free, i have an essay due, but i’ll be done by 6.” haechan says.

“sounds good!” you b-line for the kitchen, your stomach is completely empty. “see you then haechan!”

oh how haechan regrets his offer.

6 o’clock rolls by, and you choose “the shining” to watch with haechan. anticipating the terror it would bring him. 

and you were right.

every jumpscare, even the smallest sounds, haechan would screech in fright. the last straw for him was the knock on your door.

“AHHHH!” he screams, almost knocking the popcorn out of your hands.

“calm down, dude.” you say, standing up to open the door.

to the unfortunate sight of your ex.

“y/n?” he says, softly.

“what are you doing here? how did you find out where i lived?” you were very sure you never gave him your dorm address.

“your friend gave it to me,” the eye bags he has are very evident. “listen, can we talk?”

“no?” haechan suddenly butts into the conversation. “you literally cheated on her, she doesn’t owe you anything.”

“who are you? her rebound?” your ex frowns. 

“her roommate, and if you even bothered to keep up with y/n, you’d know.” haechan returns the frown.

“it’s between me and y/n, you have no business telling us what to do.” your ex is getting more aggressive now.

“that’s funny, i was the one who was called to drive her home while she was out drunk, i was the one who listened to her talk about how she regretted believing you again, i was the one who held her hair back when she was vomiting this morning from her hangover.” haechan again returns the energy. “you tried to contact her, but she blocked your number and you had to get her address from her friend. you never even cared to ask her beforehand, and now you wanna try and show up to seem like you care? bullshit. now if you’ll excuse us now, we have a movie to finish.” he slams the door in his face and haechan surprises you for the millionth time today.

your ex bangs on the door for about 3 minutes before giving up, and you guys sit in silence as the movie still plays.

“hey haechan.” you try and start.

“AHHH!” he screams again, scaring you this time.

“JHEEZ BRO I WAS TRYING TO START A CONVO, CHILL OUT.” you scream back.

“okay, i’m fine, yeah sorry, continue.” haechan pants out.

“thanks for that.” you say, genuinely. “not even joking, you didn’t have to do that.”

“well i did, because that dude was a douche. literally having the guts to come over here and try and ask for forgiveness after he cheats. unbelievable.”

“yeah.” you fiddle with your fingers anxiously.

“i like this side of you,” haechan breaks the awkwardness. “you’re usually uptight, little-miss-perfect, and cranky, so i like this raw side of you.”

“mhm, i realized that now. sorry for being such a bitch.” you admit.

“no, i honestly deserve it. but i hope we can be friends now, it would be great to have real conversations with someone, you know?” he says.

“seriously?” you hit him in the chest as he chuckles.

“i’m joking! i swear. but seriously, friends?” he asks.

“yeah, friends.” 

and that’s where it started.

© mrkcore. 2021.

[ynscrazylife]

Hi! Can I request a Nat x Reader where Y/n like whines whenever she gets a small injury, paper cut, sore throat etc... but for like bigger injuries she acts like it’s nothing getting shot, breaking her arm so bad that you can see the bone or something like that? If not it’s okay, thank you! Have a good day (:

Yes! Thank you for requesting!

You Have Crazy Priorities

Summary: Natasha struggles to deal with the fact that her girlfriend whines about stubbing her toe, yet is calm when she’s stabbed.

Warning: Cursing and Y/N gets stabbed (not descriptive)

(In this, Y/N is an inhuman)

Natasha Romanoff smiled as the Quinjet finally touched down on the ground. She had been away from her girlfriend, Y/N, for a week whilst on a mission with her best friend, Clint Barton. The spy couldn’t wait to see her girl again. She thought about surprising Y/N, but seeing her name in her contacts made Natasha change her mind. No, she had to talk to Y/N. Now.

Smiling to herself all goofily (Natasha didn’t notice how Clint smirked teasingly at how smitten she was), Black Widow dialed her girlfriend’s number and pressed her phone to her ear. The ringing was like music to her ears as she waited for the lovely voice of Y/N to come.

“Hi, Nat!”

Natasha grinned. “Hello, love. We just got back, I can’t wait to see you again,” she said.

“Me, too! Oh, god, I missed you like crazy. I think everyone is tired of me talking about how much I worried for you,” Y/N said.

Natasha chuckled, and was about to say something else when she was interrupted.

“Fuck - ow, ow, ow!” Y/N cried.

Natasha sat up, suddenly alarmed and worried. “Y/N, what happened? What is it?” She asked. She was so serious that Clint glanced up, beginning to get concerned as well.

Y/N let out a grunt. “Oh, Nat, I’m dying,” she answered.

“What-?” Natasha began to ask until the line went dead.

The redhead sprang up from her seat, beginning to freak out. If she hadn’t just lost the phone call with her girlfriend she might be more calm and remember that you couldn’t always detect Y/N’s sarcasm. However, all of that was forgotten and Natasha barked out orders, suddenly needing to get to the tower as fast as she could.

The Avenger ran inside the tower, not stopping to greet Steve or Sam, and went directly to Y/N’s floor. It had been about five minutes since the phone call abruptly ended, and when Natasha saw Y/N lying on the floor by her beside table, she nearly lost it.

“Y/N!” Natasha yelled, dropping to her knees. She thought Y/N unconcious.

“Yeah, what’s up?” Y/N asked, opening her eyes.

Natasha stared at her in bewilderment. “What’s going on? You said you were dying!” She said.

Y/N slowly sat up, leaning against her bed. “I stubbed my toe,” she said, confused at her girlfriend’s reaction. She put her foot in Natasha’s lap and the redhead saw redness around her toe.

Natasha took a moment to digest this, and ran a hand over her face. “Why did you hang up? Why are you on the floor? Why the fuck did you say that you were dying?” She quizzed.

“My phone died. I decided to lay on the floor cause a stubbed toe hurts and . . .”

“You were being dramatic,” Natasha finished for her.

Y/N nodded shyly.

Natasha sighed, finally relaxing her shoulders and taking some deep breaths. She closed her eyes. “You scared the shit out of me,” Natasha said, and when Y/N chuckled she added, “It’s not funny!”

“I’m sorry,” Y/N apologized after she got her laughter under control. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Natasha got up, moving Y/N’s foot off of her lap. “You owe me some cuddles - oh, god, Clint’s never gonna let me live this down!” She said as she left her girlfriend’s bedroom.

Y/N just laughed from her spot, grinning.

————————————————————

Leave it to stupid Hydra agents to disturb your mission. SHIELD had requested Natasha, Y/N, and Steve to raid a base of an upcoming threat. Apparently, this anti-Inhuman group wanted to create some sort of weapon specifically for Inhumans (of course, they didn’t know exactly that when going into the mission, since Y/N was an Inhuman). Y/N had managed to locate and read some information, which included a design for a dagger that was coated with a substance that was apparently lethal to Inhumans. She had been in the process of uploading the information to SHIELD HQ, when a Hydra agent (who had also been one of the agents that infiltrated SHIELD) with that dagger burst in.

Currently, Y/N was trying to evade the agent’s dagger, and she was doing well.

Until she saw another tool in the agent’s other hand.

Since that agent had infiltrated SHIELD, they had one of SHIELD’s tools. This was a tiny gadget which could make anything explode as soon as it was attached to it. In the half a second that Y/N was distracted by seeing that, the Hydra agent pinned her against the table, just next to where the computer sat. The agent had their dagger raised in one hand and the gadget, ready to blow up the computer with all of the key information on it, in the other.

Y/N had a choice. Block the gadget which would secure all of the information and would lead to saving a ton of lives. Or block the dagger from stabbing her. She couldn’t do both, because the agent had Y/N’s left arm pinned against herself.

Y/N knew what she had to do. She used her right arm to block the gadget, twisting the agent’s arm, and felt the dagger dive past her suit. The agent obviously expected Y/N to save herself, so Y/N quickly used the agent’s arm to twist it behind the agent back and turn them around. The Avenger then kicked the agent so the agent was on their knees and then knocked them unconcious with a blow to the head.

She quickly finished uploading the information to SHIELD and then looked down at her stomach.

“Well, crap, there’s a dagger in me,” Y/N muttered to herself, feeling the full pain of it. She couldn’t help but let her legs give out, sliding to the floor and bumping her head one one of the table’s legs.

“Black Widow, Captain America,” Y/N said into her comms after taking a deep breath. After two “Yes”’s came her way, she continued. “I managed to upload the information to SHIELD HQ.”

“Great, that means that everyone is finished. Widow and I are back at the Quinjet,” Steve said.

Y/N grunted, struggling to stand up for a moment. “I’ll see you two there.”

When Natasha saw her girlfriend stumble into the Quinjet, pale and with a dagger sticking out of her, she nearly fainted. “Y/N!” The usually composed woman screamed, scaring Steve, as she rushed towards her love.

“S’okay. Mm’ fine,” Y/N said, practically falling into Natasha’s arms. “Dagger is coated with a substance that hurts Inhumans, though. Might be useful to know.”

Steve jumped up from his seat and ran to get to the pilot station, knowing they needed to get to medical as fast as possible.

“You are not fine,” Natasha said, trying to be strong for Y/N’s sake. She wrapped an arm around the half-conscious woman and essentially dragged her to the couch. The last thing Y/N saw before darkness overcame her was a face full of a worried Russian.

When Y/N came to, she found herself lying in a hospital bed, her girlfriend sitting on a chair beside her. Y/N looked around, getting adjusted to being awake, and that’s when Natasha noticed that she wasn’t unconcious anymore.

“Y/N!” Natasha said, sitting up and grasping Y/N’s hand.

“Hi,” Y/N said, a little wary. “How long have I been out for?”

“A couple days. We almost lost you . . . How are you feeling?” Natasha said, feeling herself getting emotional when she recalled the night before. The doctors telling her they were doing everything they could but that the substance the dagger was coated with was poison to Inhumans. Natasha remembered breaking down in the waiting room, Clint trying his best to comfort her, and Steve threatening the doctors for updates and information.

Y/N was oblivious to this, and she thought for a moment. She actually wasn’t in any pain. “I feel fine,” the Avenger answered, trying to cheer Natasha up with a smile.

Natasha raised an eyebrow at her, skeptical. “We need to talk, though. About your priorities,” she said. It was Y/N’s turn to raise her eyebrows. “They’re insane, Y/N! You walk all the way back to the Quinjet with a poisoned dagger in you and say you’re fine, but you tell me you’re dying and you lay on the floor when you stub your toe?” The redhead was trying to be serious, but she couldn’t help but shake her head in amusement at her silly girl.

Y/N bit her lip. “Uhhh. Oops?” She said, not quite sure what else to say.

Natasha had a point. 

[quindolyn]

Midnight Walks || James Potter

Pairing: James Potter x Reader

Word Count: 4363

Note: Dedicated to 🦎anon from @/randomoutsiders blog. Where I live it’s already 84℉ so this completely feasible but if you don’t live in hell and it's still cold and wintery outside just push it back a few months.

Warnings: Insecure reader, like 2 sexual comments because I’m filthy, talk of men being pigs and not keeping their hands to themselves, lots of fluff, modern muggle au, monkey bars, public nonsexual stripping,

Masterlist

Part 2

There were ants in your bones, there must’ve been. Either that or someone was trying to feather dust their way out of them. Your entire body itched with the urge to move, to run, to scream and jump in the middle of the street. You couldn’t quite put your finger on what drove this overwhelming desire, perhaps it was some sort of primal reason coded into your DNA, alternatively maybe it was the sitting at your computer all day. One could only attend so many online classes before they went insane, and a decent way into your second semester and still no sign of going back in person anytime before the next school year. You were like a purebred who desperately needed exercise. It would’ve been a simple enough fix if it wasn’t already 10:17, the sun having set four or so hours ago, even though you lived in a pretty nice area you didn’t feel comfortable going out. Men were disgusting, and going out this late alone meant risking life and limb because too many men thought it was okay to touch what wasn’t theirs. Fucking toddlers. So instead you were forced to open your windows in attempts to replicate the natural breeze and try to find another outlet for your energy. You tried. You really did. Jumping jacks, planks, the few yoga poses you could recall off the top of your head, dancing around your house to your favorite songs, but the music didn’t feel like it usually did, even it couldn’t soothe the itching in your bones. You were fucked, simply and truly. Too energetic without the proper outlet. After none of those things worked you sat down to attempt to get some of your weekend homework done, but somewhere between ionization energy and confidence intervals you found yourself picking at your nail polish instead of paying attention to your work. Groaning you threw your head down onto your desk, wincing as the pain from the impact spread through your skull. Closing your eyes you tried to imagine it, the cool night air in your face, blowing through your mangled tresses, the thud of your feet against the pavement of the sidewalk, the feeling of the grass at the park tickling your exposed skin as you stared up at the cloudy sky, looking for stars. You swore you could almost feel it all, almost pulled into bliss when you were yanked from your reprieve by the buzzing of your phone. Groaning, you pulled your head up, it wobbled on your neck, as though it was loose and needed to be tightened. Had you wanted to you couldn’t have stopped the smile that broke across your phone when you saw the notification on your lock screen, a text from James. Can I call you? Sure. You typed out waiting anxiously for your ringtone to blare through your room. Instead you were met with another brief buzz. One second, Sirius is being an idiot. Another smile, smaller than the last, bloomed across your face, Sirius was often an idiot. Picking up your phone you pressed it to your ear just in time to hear James greet you. “Hey baby.” Loving James was potentially one of the easiest things you’d ever done, if asked you would've said it would be easier to stop breathing before you stopped loving him. There was just so much to love and as his voice tickled your ear you remembered one of the things you so loved about him, the sound of his voice. With two simple words he was able to soothe you, if only a little bit. But still the ache to be outside lessened a little. “Hi Jamsie.” You crooned into the phone as you shut down your laptop coming to the conclusion you were going to get jack shit done tonight. You distantly heard Sirius in the background but couldn’t make out any words, “Pads says hi.” James conveyed. “Hi Siri!” You yelled into the phone, you waited until the bickering and laughing on their side of the phone quieted before continuing, “Whatcha callin’ about bub?” “Missed you is all, was wondering what you were doing?” “Nothing much, tried to get some homework done.” James chuckled knowing how distracted you could get if someone wasn’t there to help you stay on track, “How’d that go?” “Not well,” You grumbled, “S’not my fault either, can’t focus. I just need some fresh air, I need to go on a walk but I can’t.” Flinging your body onto your bed and landing on your back you pulled the phone from your ear, turning it onto speaker and setting it on your belly, liking the vibrations against your body as James spoke. It was almost like he was there with you. “I’m sorry darling,” James knew exactly what you were talking about. Unlike a lot of men he wasn’t afraid to broach topics like these, he would sit and kiss your head if some guy at the grocery store had been a prick and couldn't keep his eyes or his hands off of your ass, or if one of the boys in your class had made an objectifying comment. He’d listen to you lament and apologize, on behalf of all men, for the disgusting things you were forced to deal with. He had learned a lot since you started dating, he’d always been a feminist but before you hadn’t really understood what that meant. His mother and father always made sure he was aware of gender biases and he’d heard stories of women being assaulted, harassed, discriminated against and perhaps it made him a bad person but when it happened to you, when you told him about these things it was different, it was worse, he couldn’t control the rage that bubbled up inside of him. You were (Y/N) (L/N), you were his, you deserved to be treated like royalty. No one got to disrespect you. He felt the pang in his heart when he pictured you holed up in your house, like a caged animal, desperate to get out. “I know, and I love you.” You responded, knowing he hated how you had to be afraid and cautious all the time. “I love you too.” “What were you doing before you called?” You asked after a beat. “Watching a movie with mom and Sirius.” A twinge of guilt twisted in your stomach, “Oh, you should go back to them Jamsie, I don’t want to keep you from your family.” James stopped himself before he could tell you that they’d already finished the movie as an idea hit him like most of his ideas hit him, suddenly and fleetingly. Remus once compared them to a freight train. “Okay angel, talk to you later.” “Bye, Jamsie.” He hung up immediately as the last syllable left your lips causing a frown to tug downwards at those aforementioned lips. Sure, you felt a bit guilty that he’d bailed on his mom and Sirius for you but you couldn’t help feeling a little sad that he was so ready to get rid of you the second he had a chance. Feeling all too familiar insecurity simmer from under your sternum questions popped into your head one after another. Did he really want to be with you? Was this all because he just pitied you? Were you just a substitute for Lily? Did his heart still belong to her? What did he even see in you? You couldn’t help but feel like nothing compared to her, she’s Lily Evans. And you’re, well you’re just not. Time had slipped away from you, you hadn’t realised how much until you felt your phone buzz against your stomach and saw that almost 15 minutes had passed since James had hung up on you. You only briefly noted the time before your eyes flashed down to the banner displayed across your screen, another text. Look out your window. Lifting your torso, propping yourself up on your forearms and twisted your head to see James’ smiling face plastered against your window, a huge, beautiful grin, stretching across his face. You could feel a matching one fan out across your face as you skipped to the window, pulling it open relishing in the cool breeze that let itself into your room. “Hey there handsome.” You joked. “Hey beautiful.” “What are you doing outside my window?” You were befuddled, wasn’t he supposed to be watching some Quentin Tarantino or equally violent movies that he and Siri liked? “I was thinking we could go on a walk,” He explained unabashedly. “A walk?” You asked, a blush blossoming on your face, creeping its way down your neck. “You wanted to go on one, yeah?” “I love you.” Was all you said in response, he caught you as you threw yourself into his arms, the middle of your thighs biting into the sill of your window, but you didn’t care. How could you? All you could focus on was the way his arms wrapped around your body, pulling you close to him so he could bury his nose into your hair. “Love you too darling.” There was a part of you, an admittedly large part, that wanted to stay standing there forever but the cool evening air reminded you about how much you wanted that walk. Peeling yourself away from him you placed your chin on his pectoral, not considerably comfortable for either of you, but you were close to each other, and that’s all that mattered. “Come in.” “I was waiting for you to ask.” He winked, slinging one leg over the windowsill giving him room to maneuver his rather large body through the small opening, but James had experience fitting his body into tiny things (namely your cunt). “Are your parents home?” “No, everyone’s gone for the night.” “Why didn’t you tell me baby, I would’ve come over and kept you company.” You felt heat creep back up your neck to your face, embarrassed by the answer. Though your insecurities could swallow you whole when you were alone, they seemed trivial when James was actually there, staring down at you with so much love in his eyes. “Don’t want to be clingy.” The confession bringing even more heat to your cheeks. “Never, (Y/N), absolutely never. If anyone here is clingy it's me not you.” You corrected him, “You’re wonderful.” “So are you bub.” Reassuring you he brushed a piece of hair out of your face. “Now come on! Let’s get some shoes on you and we can go out.”

James was filling up an old water bottle he found in one of the cupboards in case either of you got thirsty when you entered the kitchen, shoes and socks in hand. Your boy smiled at you, twisting the cap of the water bottle on all of the way before setting it on the countertop and moving towards you. “Want me to put your shoes on for you?” “Yes please.” You nodded, grinning cheekily. His large hands found your waist, lifting you up and setting your bum onto the cool counter. Slipping the socks from your hand he knelt down to roll them over your feet, leaving a kiss on the inside of each of your ankles. “You wanna walk to anywhere in particular?” “The park?” You offered, handing him one of your tennis shoes which were a little beat up, but still a long way from needing to be replaced. “The one with the fountain?” “Do you know of any other parks within walking distance?” You snarked, swinging your legs, feeling the need to be outside return, faster and more powerful than before. “Guess not,” He grumbled, looking up at you with a playful smile so you would know he didn’t really take your sarcasm to heart. “Hey watch it!” He chuckled when you accidentally swung your leg a little too hard and knocked his left shoulder with your socked foot. “Sorry.” You apologized looking about as sorry as Sirius usually did when he was apologizing, which honestly wasn’t much. “There you go Cinderella.” He said, as he pat your thigh once he finished tying your laces, rising from his kneeling position. “You think you’re funny do you Potter?” “In fact I do (L/N).” He grinned, sliding you off the counter, onto your feet. “Shall we?” You offered your hand to him which he accepted like a true gentleman. “We shall.”

You were right, but then again, when were you ever wrong? Fresh air was exactly what you needed, the feeling of the wind in your hair, the twigs snapping beneath your weight, the solidness of the ground. You couldn’t remember the last time you had felt this alive. That was probably stupid but it was liberating to be out of your house, and on top of it it was nighttime too. You weren’t often able to be out this late because you usually didn’t have someone to go out with. You had almost forgotten how beautiful it was when there was no glass separating you from the moon and the stars. Despite the fact that his legs were far longer than yours James still had to speed walk to keep up with you. His heart swelled seeing you so happy and carefree as you strode unapologetically down the sidewalk. “Stop walking so fast.” He complained, finally matching your stride as he loosely looped his left arm around your waist, pulling you as close to him as possible while still keeping the two of you moving forward. “Not my fault you’re a slowpoke.” You retaliated but nevertheless still resting your head on his broad shoulder. “It’s nice out isn’t it?” He pondered aloud. “It’s wonderful,” You agreed, closing your eyes and turning your face up towards the sky, trusting James to guide you safely down the sidewalk, “I’m sorry you had to ditch your mom and Siri to come be with me.” You apologized as another wave of guilt from earlier hit you. “I didn’t bubba, we’d already finished the movie when I called you.” “Really?” Your head perked up. “Mhm.” James hummed. “Why didn’t you tell me that?’ “Wanted to surprise you.” He explained and your heart soared, he really was indescribably sweet. “Well I was surprised.” “Good.” “What movie did you watch?” Wondering if your suspicions had been correct. “Forrest Gump.” He responded by popping his “p”. You laughed squeezing two of James’ fingers on the hand splayed across your stomach. “What?” “Nothin’, just thought you and Pads would’ve made your mom watch Reservoir Dogs or something.” “Come on, you know me and Padfoot (Y/N), nothin’ but a couple of softies the two of us.” “Yes, yes you are.” You responded completely seriously. “You were supposed to disagree, he whispered into your ear. “I cannot tell a lie.” “Hey!” He exclaimed in mock offense. “Come on I found the two fo you cuddling when I came over Wednesday, he was literally spooning you Jamsie. It was rather cute really.” James let you have the last word and the two of you were silent for a minute as you passed a house with a line of cars in front of it, stupid fucking people and their stupid fucking parties. You thought, thinking they’re more important than the rest of us, that it’s okay to throw a party during the middle of a pandemic. “There’s a pandemic going on people,” James muttered as you crossed in front of the driveway, as though he was reading your thoughts. You just nestled into him more. Once you cleared the super spreader house it was only a few feet before you turned the corner and your desired destination came into view causing a ginormous smile to practically crack your face in half. “Come on Jamie!” You giggled, grabbing his hand and pulling him down the street towards the park, not even looking both ways as you bolted across the street to the park. You’d always thought that parks and playgrounds and such looked a bit creepy after dark and while today was no exception you still didn’t think twice before bounding up the steps of the play structure. Laughing, you turned your face back up towards the sky as you reached down to slip your shoes and socks off, tossing them off the play structure onto the wood chips scattered across the ground. “You look beautiful up there.” You hadn’t noticed James approach you, but he was now standing at the foot of the play structure, looking up at you. “Come up here with me Jamie, please?” You pleaded, tugging on his arm. “How could I deny you anything?” “Simple,” You responded, “You can’t.” Pushing himself up onto the structure he tried to envelop you in his arms but you squirmed away, giggling. As you ran toward the slide at the opposite end of the playground he broke out into a run after you, purposefully keeping his strides short to give you the upper hand. Breaking out into a sprint as soon as your feet touched the ground you raced towards the open field, James hot on your heels. He chased you around the perimeter of the grassy clearing, the two of you yelling at each other and laughing until your lungs hurt when he finally caught you in his arms, trying to get you as close to him as possible. He loved the feeling of your body against his more than he loved life itself. Or even Sirius. “What should I do with you now that I’ve captured you?” He mused tauntingly, tightening his grip on you. “Well I know one thing you could do to me.” You murmured. “(Y/N) (M/N) (L/N), get your mind out of the gutter Miss,” “Make me.” You teased, wiggling in his grasp. “I know what’ll fix your attitude.” James declared, adjusting his so his arms were around your waist instead of one there and one wrapped around your shoulders. “And what’s that?” “A nice February swim!” He roared jovially, hefting you over his shoulder as he bounded towards the fountain located on the east side of the park. “Jamie!” You shrieked as you bounced against him, “Slow down.” “Sorry Princess,” He huffed once you reached the fountain, he carefully lifted you off his shoulder and sat you down on the ledge of the water feature as he kneeled before you, hands pressing against your thighs. “Come on baby, go swimming with me?” “Course.” You smiled as you reached for the hem of your shirt and pulled it over your head, throwing it somewhere over Jamie’s shoulder. You didn’t bother watching where it landed, too enraptured with the gorgeous boy on his knees in front of you. “You look gorgeous (Y/N).” He murmured, taking it the sight of your bare stomach and chest clad in a lacy lavender bra. “I let you see mine, now get your shirt off Potter!” You commanded impatiently, you loved James all the time, but you especially loved James shirtless. “Okay, okay woman, calm down, I'm moving.” He playfully chastised shrugging off his jacket which you just now realised was his varsity jacket, his last name emblazoned across the back of it. When he caught you staring at him he teasingly played with the hem of his shirt, rolling it in the tips of his fingers until you lightly kicked his bent knee. He then discarded his pants, throwing them and his shirt somewhere to his right, carefully laying his jacket on a bench a few feet away he was left only in his boxers and you took this time to appreciate how his skin shown in the moonlight, his darker complexion brilliant in the darkness of the park. “You wanna keep your shorts on? He lilted, moving towards where you sat on the bench encircling the fountain. You nodded in response, not wanting to be so vulnerable in such a public space. “Okay baby sounds good.” James leaned in towards you pressing his lips to yours before he scooped you into his arms before stepping into the fountain, even though it was warm ish outside the water of the fountain hadn’t had enough time to truly heat up because the water that lapped at his midcalf almost had him feeling bad for what he did next. Which was dropping you into the freezing cold water, keeping you upright by his hold on your shoulders before you were able to ground yourself on the floor of the fountain. With water sprouting up from the top and cascading down 4 smaller tiers reminiscent of bird baths, getting larger and larger in radius as they went down, cold water nipped at your skin. “Agh!” You shrieked, “It’s freezing!” “Calm down drama queen!” James snorted, “Little cold water never hurt anybody.” “Speak for yourself!” Screaming as James bent down to splash you with water you tried to run away resulting in you falling backwards onto your bum. “You okay baby?” James asked nervously bending down next to you, surveying your near naked body for any cuts or bruises. Your response came as you looped your arms around his neck and pulled him down, submerging the entirety of his body in the chilly water. He quickly pulled you down with him so that your head was submerged, your hair billowing out around you in the water. When you pulled back up to the surface your wet hair was plastered to your face. And though you were cold, wet, and maybe a little banged up your heart was aflame, this had been exactly what you needed, to run around like a little kid and lose yourself, if only for a little while. Glancing back down your jaw dropped, the light coming from the fountain walls made the shadows of the water reflect on James’ dark skin making him look even more beautiful, like something out of a book. He took your temporary lapse as an opportunity to flip you around so that he was on top of you, he thought you were always stunning but something about you beneath him made you shine like nothing else he’d ever seen. Taking good care to make sure your head didn’t bump against the fountain, and that your head was above water, he trailed kisses from your temple to your jaw. When he reached your chin the second freight train of the night hit him head on and he stuck out his tongue licking from the point of your chin, up your lips, the bridge of your nose, and up your forehead until he reached your hair line where he left one more gentle kiss. “James Potter!” You shrieked, a giggling mess, “What the hell?” He lifted himself off you so he could once again scoop you into his arms, “Come on my little water nymph, let’s get you dry, don’t need you getting sick on me.” “Think you should’ve thought about that before you dunked me into the fountain in nothing but my bra and shorts.” You retaliated to which he only rolled his eyes, before shaking his head like a wet dog. “I swear to God Potter, you’re a Golden Retriever.” “Hmh?” He asked, stepping out of the fountain. “Playful, loyal, energetic, smart.” You explained, planting a kiss on his nose. “Shaking off to dry like a fucking dog.” “You love me.” He grinned, like the thought was just now hitting him, like you hadn’t said it already multiple times that night. “That I do Potter.” You agreed as he set you down on the bench where he had laid his jacket, taking care to slip your arms into it one at a time he pulled it close to your body to keep you warm before coming up behind you, tipping your head back so he could wring the excess water out of it, taking this as an opportunity to kiss the hollow of your throat to which you hummed. Upon slipping on his previously discarded pants and shirt, an endeavor you watched very closely, not wanting to miss a second of how his muscles shifted underneath his smooth, taut skin, he sat down next to you. “It’s a beautiful night.” “That it is.” You agreed. The two of you sat there for a moment before James carefully stood up, “Where are you going Jamie? Too tired now, m’done playing.” “I know angel, come on, not gonna play, just get more comfortable.” He soothed, taking you by the hand and walking you over to a set of fairly new monkey bars. Picking you up from the bottom of your thighs he pushed you up and above his shoulders to sit on top of the monkey bars and you were reminded why it sometimes came in handy to be dating the captain of the football team. Swinging up next to you on the monkey bars he slid his arm around your shoulders, both of your legs meeting the edge of the cold metal at the bend of your knees, your bodies there down hanging off leaving the both of you on your backs staring up at the unusually starry night sky. “There’s Orion.” You lifted your arm to point out the constellation, “ Surprised we can see so many.” You marvelled. “It is rather pretty.” “‘Rather pretty’?” You gasped exasperated with the boy next to you, “It’s not just ‘rather pretty’, it's gorgeous!” You corrected with a huff, turning your visage back up towards the heavens. “Eh,” He shrugged, “I’ve seen better.” “I swear to God, James Fleamont Potter if you say ‘You’re prettier than any constellation’ I’m going to push you off these monkey bars.” A chuckle pushed its way past his lips as he brushed his lips along the part of your hair, “You know me too well don’t you (L/N).” “Yeah, I’ve got your number Mister.” James pulled out his phone to check the time, “Hey baby, it’s midnight.” He whispered in your ear, turning his phone screen so you could read the time. “Happy Saturday my darling boy.” “Happy Saturday Princess, let’s get you home.”

Note: I know in my initial ask on @/randomoutsiders you guys went home and more fluff ensued. Maybe a part two?

tagging: @randomoutsiders​ 

[untaemedqueen]

Third Wheeling

CEO!Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Strangers to Lovers!AU, Angst, Fluff, Smut

Chapter 10.

Warnings (Updating Still): Smut, Cheating, Unexpected Pregnancy, Unfaithful, Emotional Damage, Love,

Warnings In This Chapter: Heart To Heart, Fluff, Infidelity, Sera Is A Cunt, Triggering Moments (I.E): Hearing Infidelity, Making Light Of Other's Trauma, Mentions of Cigarette Burns, General Rudeness

A/N: This chapter is early because I’m hungover. Always a shoutout to @ppersonna, @xjoonchildx, @ladyartemesia​. Enjoy! 

The smell of blooming flowers is something you never thought you'd become fond of. It's never been something that you've even considered. But you find yourself so often these days finding small delights in simplistic things.

Sitting in front of the large fountain that has been hidden behind clean cut hedges and tall rose bushes, you let the gentle breeze wash over you.

You can hear Baeksoo quietly speaking to the plants as she waters them. It's calming in fact, to hear her speak words of praise.

You've thought long and hard about this evening. Which is astounding since it's just dinner. But, you don't know simple things about Yoongi.

You think to ask Maya but you want to do this by yourself.

"I thought I'd find you here," the voice draws your attention and suddenly you're misty eyed.

Just the way she walks and the tilt of her gorgeous face is enough to make you weep.

"Leena!" you cry out.

Jumping up from the bench, your arms spread wide as you feel relief flood over you.

"Hey, Miss Thing!" she cheers, pulling you into her arms.

You begin to feel as if you could breathe again.

"You look so great! I missed you so much!" she whines loudly, squeezing you tightly to her slim body.

"What're you doing here?!" you ask, pulling away to look at her pretty face.

She grabs your wrist, tugging you over to the bench you were just sitting on.

"Taehyung needed to bring Yoongi some documents for a mall or something before we're off to France, so I made sure I was able to come and see you."

You watch as she demurely crosses her legs and you make a mental note of it. She went to many etiquette classes when she was younger and you’ve always admired how graceful she is. It’s the way she moves so effortlessly and with such confidence. You’ve always wished to be like her.

The floral fragrance seems to enrapture you once more as you sit together. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, your best friend makes it a point to continue to hold you.

“How is he treating you? I swear to God, if you tell me that you’re being treated like the help I’m going to fucking flip.” your best friend asks.

You sigh gently, looking up at the clear cerulean sky.

“He’s treating me normally, I guess. One minute he’s so cold with me and the next he’s just being so sweet. I don’t know what the fuck to feel. Last night, we went at it and he came to apologize to me.” you reply as the breeze blows through your hair.

“Excuse me? Min Yoongi apologized to you?” she sounds dumbfounded and all you can do is nod in agreement.

“Oh my God, he’s so fucking whipped! That’s amazing.” you snort at her excitement, rolling your eyes before looking back over to her.

“I think he’s just being civil. We’ll see, we’re having dinner tonight.” your confession hits her like a stack of bricks and she squeals loudly, gripping your hands tightly.

“I’m gonna drop dead on this expensive gravel beneath my feet. YOU and YOONGI are having dinner tonight?! Like, eating in the presence of one another civilly?!” her blue contacted eyes go wide and her mouth drops open while you nod.

“Yeah. I’m cooking dinner,” you say, confusion enrapturing your tone.

She guffaws loudly, her head lolling back as she gasps for breath. “You’re so insane! This is amazing! He totally fucking likes you!”

“Well… I don’t know about that but-” your voice is cut off by hers.

“Shush! Silence! I’ve said what I’ve said! And it’s the law!” she cries out, pressing her perfectly manicured finger to your lips.

“Sexy girl! Let’s go!” you hear Taehyung scream.

Leena turns her head to the voice before pouting. “You better call me with all the details of your date. I want to know how he looks at you, how he eats his food with you around, how he fucking sneezes. I want the whole laundry list of things that happen tonight!”

You giggle at her enthusiasm before nodding. “Yes ma’am. A laundry list of all the things Min Yoongi does to make me mad.”

She rolls her eyes before kissing your cheek happily.

“Love you, Miss Thing!”

“Love you, too!”

Standing tall, she fixes her long dress. She looks around the garden impressed before folding her arms.

“I’m really happy for you, by the way. I think things are really going to work out here.” she calls to you, starting to walk away.

“Bye Yoongi!” she yells up to the house and your eyes follow hers.

He stands on his large balcony, a cup of coffee in hand staring at you. He bows his head to her, a smirk present on his lips before looking back at you.

“Little dove, good morning.” you hear him say as he retreats back into his room.

How long was he standing there? How much had he heard?

Listening to Frederic drone on about food is something you don’t think you could ever get tired of. He makes the French cook stereotype feel so alive. You’ve been in the kitchen plenty of times, have gone through the cabinets many, many times throughout the nights when staff and the chef were sleeping. But, to hear him feeling the need to explain it all to you as you both take small steps around the gigantic kitchen is humorous and you let him do his thing.

“Now this, this is a sieve. You can strain things through it,” Frederic says, picking up the large strainer.

You hum playfully as you lean down on the island counter.

“I have made my own food before y’know,” you quip to him as he unbuttons his chef’s jacket.

He tuts his tongue as he brushes some hair back behind your ear. “Ah oui, bien sûr Madame. I know, I just want to make sure you know where everything is.”

You smile at his kindness, it must be difficult to relinquish your kitchen to others especially after being in charge for so long.

“I promise I won’t make anything dirty and I promise, cross my heart, that I will take good care of your kitchen,” you swear to him as he throws his chef’s jacket over his shoulder.

He presses both of his hands to either side of your face, wiggling them slightly with a smile.

“Merci, Madame. You are in every word parfaite. I cannot be happier to make you food in this home,” he whispers as you tilt your head with a giggle.

“Go have a good day off, have fun,” you insist as he drifts his hand over the marble countertop, as if he’s finding it hard to say goodbye.

“Oui, bien entendu. I’ll have a drink in your honor, Madame,” he says with a sigh.

You give him a wink as he exits the kitchen and you watch him slowly leave to the maid’s quarter. Your lips sputter as you look around the large, empty kitchen before sighing.

“Okay, let’s do this.”

He should be working. He opened up his computer, he grabbed all the necessary documents from both Taehyung and his office but he just can’t seem to focus.

Yoongi can smell the aroma of food coming from the kitchen and it makes him curious. What are you making? How do you even know what he likes? Do you even know how to cook?

He wants to know more about you, or try to learn more anyway.

Recalling just this morning, he can hear you so clearly -- “He’s treating me normally, I guess. One minute he’s so cold with me and the next he’s just being so sweet. I don’t know what the fuck to feel. Last night, we went at it and he came to apologize to me.”

You think he’s cold and you’re absolutely right. He always has been and it’s gotten worse these last couple of years.

He doesn’t know who he even is anymore. At least he doesn’t think he does.

Then you mentioned that he came to apologize. It must have meant a lot to you. It was weird for him to feel that aching in his chest, to feel like he fucked up. Even in the past when he’s done and said horrible things -- he never had such an ache.

Something about you just… sends him reeling.

Then he remembers what Leena said, “You better call me with all the details of your date.”

Was this a date? He didn’t even think of it in that way. It’s just two people eating… right?

Just a man and the… mother… of… his… child.

“I need whisky,” he mumbles to himself, standing up.

He hasn’t been on a date in God knows how long. He hasn’t spoken to a woman, truly spoken to one, in what feels like a millennia.

Picking up the empty bottle of whisky from the small bar caddy, he curses to himself.

He decides it’s in his best interest to go all the way to the kitchen to get a bottle. Even though his bedroom is just a floor down.

But, it certainly isn’t because you’re in the kitchen cooking. No. Not at all.

As he gets closer to the kitchen, he can smell different types of herbs and delicious meats cooking. He can smell raw peppers and onions and it makes his mouth water.

Yoongi watches you from afar for a minute, just standing on the last step of the stairwell. You’re humming, the song is sweet and calm. You have on a cute apron around your waist, with small smears of what seem to be a sauce of some kind on it.

He can feel his heart lightening at the simple sight of you. You look so… beautiful. So fucking domestic. And, he feels like he doesn’t even need the alcohol anymore because just watching you makes him drunk.

How bizarre.

“What’re we doing?” Maya whispers from next to the stairwell.

Yoongi practically jumps out of his skin at the sight of her, pressing his hand to his heart.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” he whispers fiercely, trying to calm his erratic heartbeat.

He hears the older woman giggle and he rolls his eyes at her giddiness.

“I’m just getting whisky,” he mumbles aloud, still trying to keep quiet in case it would disturb you.

“Oh. I see. I can get it for you, Sir.” she replies and he grabs her wrist gently as she tries to walk away.

“No, no! I got it. It’s okay. I was just…” he can’t even complete his sentence.

What was he doing? Checking you out? He was just watching you, feeling so serene.

“You were being sweet, like I raised you. You were entranced by her.” Maya says.

He grimaces at her. “No! I was just… waiting to see if she burned down the kitchen or not.”

Maya giggles to herself before bowing her head. “Of course, Sir. I see that now.”

He rolls his eyes as she takes off to the maid’s quarter.

He watches you wave to Maya with a shy smile on your face.

“Goddammit,” he mutters, combing his fingers through his hair.

He takes small steps, trying his hardest not to disturb you as he walks by the long bar.

“Oh, hey Yoongi!”

Your voice is so sweet. Especially when you say his name.

“Smells good,” he calls to you, walking through the small hallway before appearing in the kitchen.

“Thanks! I hope you like it,” you reply happily as you stir something in the pot.

As he takes in your face, he snorts gently at a small stain by your cheek.

“I think you’re a messy cook,” he teases, walking towards you.

“Huh?” you ask confused.

Stepping in front of you, he taps his index finger to the underside of your chin.

“Look at me,” he instructs.

As you look up at him, he can feel himself falling into your eyes. You’re so doe-like and precious even when you don’t know it. It’s kind of miraculous.

Wiping his thumb over your cheek, he snorts gently. Your breath hitches in your throat as he strokes his thumb over you.

“What’re you making for dinner?” he asks, trying to distract himself from how soft your skin is.

“Well, I made a lot of things.” you reply, pulling your face away from him to look down at the pot.

He hums inquisitively, grabbing a glass off of a rack and pulling out the whisky.

“Do tell, little dove. You’re making me hungry,” he jeers, pouring himself a large portion of the alcohol.

“Well for the appetizer, I made brussel sprouts with parmesan and bacon and a small salad. For the soup, I made a soybean sprout soup. And, the main course is veal with lemon butter sauce and glazed carrots.” you tell him proudly.

He begins to smirk at how pleased you are with yourself.

“Sounds good, I’m excited,” he replies, lifting his glass.

You giggle gently, turning off the burner underneath the pot.

Leaning down on the marble island across from him, you rub your hands together.

“I hope you like it,” you whisper.

You sound shy now and it peeks his interest. You’re like a frail flower. It’s so difficult to get a read on you or put you in a category. But, maybe that’s how it should be. You shouldn’t just be one specific way, you should be well rounded. And he thinks you’ve got that.

“I’m sure I will. Although, didn’t I put in the contract that you shouldn’t be eating so much?”

Finally for once it doesn’t come out as gruff and angry, it was meant to be a joke. Luckily for him, it came out that way.

You find yourself smiling, almost having the urge to stick your tongue out at him playfully.

“I haven’t been able to cook in a long time, this feels nice. Eating a lot once in a while isn’t so bad,” you counter good-naturedly.

He raises his glass at your words. “Touche. Little dove, touche.”

You lean your head on your shoulder, your fingers skimming over each other as you look down at the marble beneath you. For once, the silence isn’t awkward or uncomfortable. It’s pleasant.

“Was it nice to see Leena this morning?” he knows the answer, but he wants to see you smile wider.

And so you do. Brimming from ear to ear, you nod.

“So nice! I’m so happy that I got to see her,” you admit, looking up at him.

“Well, she can come over whenever she wants. It’s in the contract,” he suggests.

“I didn’t know if I wanted her to come over yet, y’know. With Sera around and stuff…” your answer falls flat as Yoongi chuckles across from you.

“That’d be like putting two piranhas in a tank and seeing who wins,” he chuckles.

You snort gently, pointing at him. “Exactly.”

He watches you fix things up around the kitchen, cleaning as you go.

And finally he speaks after some time. “What can I do to help?”

Humming you shrug with a smirk. "I got it. Why don't you go relax for a while?" you suggest.

As you go to lift the pot, Yoongi whistles loudly as if to tell you to stop.

"I read that pregnant women shouldn't be lifting anything heavy. Don't even think about it. I got it," he insists, waving his hand for you to move.

"You read something?" your voice is wrapped with humor as you move over.

"Very funny, little dove. Go set up the table," he instructs with an ever present smirk on his face.

Yoongi leans back in his seat, his stomach was full of delicious food by now but he can't stop picking at his plate. A true testament to how great of a cook you are.

"Damn." he whispers, wiping his mouth with his napkin.

You smirk across the table, your arms folding with pride.

"Good?" you ask softly, grabbing your drink.

"Very good. I'm impressed," he says as he slings his arm over the top of his chair.

You giggle gently, your head lolling back to look at the clear night sky.

"Who taught you how to cook?" he asks, watching as you count the stars.

So here it is. Will he be as truthful as you? Will he talk to you?

"My parents. My dad always liked cooking more than my mother. She was sick a lot when I was young. Always in the hospital. So my dad got comfort from making her food and I used to take it to her," you answer, looking back down at him.

Yoongi nods gently, it's starting to click in his mind. "That's why you hate hospitals?"

"That's why I hate hospitals. There was a time when she was admitted for a bad stomach ache and she got worse in the hospital because the bedding and the nurses weren't clean." you reply breathlessly.

The father of your child cringes at the thought, taking a sip of his whisky.

"You?"

Yoongi takes a deep, slow breath. He stares at your face and the task at hand is daunting. If people didn't already know him, he didn't open up. But, he should open up to you.

Or he thinks so anyway. You're having his child, you should know about him. And maybe if he speaks his history then it will break the cycle. Then he won't turn into his parents, he won't have a fucked up kid like himself.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," you say quickly.

You can see him wrought with nervousness. Just the prospect of letting things out must terrify him.

"No, I should talk about them. If not with you then surely a therapist," he jokes out of worry.

But, then he looks at your face. He feels that sense of dizzying calm once more. Like everything is going to be okay.

He chugs the rest of his whisky, his mouth watering and grimacing.

"No, I don't know how to cook. I'm not even sure my parents know how to cook-" he lets out a breath, letting the warm fire of the alcohol in his belly keep him going, "-they never took care of me. I was born and they were relieved to have a boy so they didn't have to try again."

You hum sadly at his words, tucking your legs beneath you as he runs his hand over his face.

"Maya has always taken care of me. She's always loved and cared for me. She's my mother by all accounts, if I'm being honest. My father was a very big disciplinarian… if that's what you want to call it. Most people would say abusive," he says, pouring himself another glass of whisky.

"Kneeling on rice, getting hit with sharp objects, burning cigarettes out. Things like that," he waves off the notion with his hand, shivering while even speaking the words.

Your heart breaks for him, thinking of how painful that must have been when he was a child.

"I haven't seen my parents in… four years now, since I got married. I hate them." he spits at the ground beneath his feet.

You can see the emotional turmoil he's reliving. You can't imagine how difficult that is.

"I'm sorry," you whisper and he shakes his head fiercely.

Picking up his fork, he taps it gently to the fine china as he thinks.

"So I grew up hating authority because of them and the teachers at Sairmount. They always said I should be doing better because of my position and what I would grow into. I hated that. Even when I tried my best I received no praise, and if I made one mistake it was like the end of the world. So I ended up just kind of… becoming a shell."

You nod to his words, your index finger swirling around the rim of your glass.

"What else, little dove?" he asks softly.

As he tilts his head, you take in his handsome features. He's just a product of his environment. You wonder what he would be like if he could thrive.

"I heard that you go to BDSM clubs and stuff, is that because you feel the need to put people in pain like you were when you were younger?" you ask, trying to be considerate of his feelings.

He takes a sharp breath through his teeth almost as if you've burned him.

"Jesus. You might as well be my therapist," he mumbles, running his hand over his face.

But, he doesn't feel awkward talking to you. He likes this. He appreciates how you listen. How your eyes stay soft and you don't judge him.

"When I was younger -- I was probably sixteen when I developed a taste for it. I was getting angry and violent. I was breaking shit and I needed to funnel that into something. So I started going to a club and learned how to be a dom. It was about the comfort of being in charge. I would have a sub and tell them to jump. They would say how high. I thrived off of being in charge. Thrived off people doing my bidding sexually. It just felt right for me to tell someone what to do and have them want to do it for me. I was in charge, people listened to me, I didn't have to do things others wanted. People did what I wanted them to do. I've toned it down since then."

"You were pretty dominating with me," you offer softly.

He chuckles at how innocent you look, his index finger swiping slowly over his lower lip. "That's because you're so sweet. I wanted to wreck you."

With a gentle giggle, you put your elbow on the table before resting your head on your hand.

"You kind of did," you reply, putting your hand on your stomach.

His eyes follow your hand and he begins to smirk above his glass.

"Clearly," he whispers, his eyes slowly drifting up your body to your swollen tits.

He licks his lips slowly, his teeth tugging at his bottom lip gently.

He never understood the attraction to pregnant women like his friend Jimin. The younger man was obsessed with the notion of it and Yoongi couldn't possibly begin to grasp it. But now, with you sitting here before him, he might be beginning to understand.

Averting his eyes from you, he tries to keep his rampant thoughts at bay.

"What else do you want to know, little dove?" he asks, trying to distract himself.

Your cheeks puff out as you think, your fingers combing through your hair gently.

"Sera? What's with her. If you hate her so much why did you get married to her?" you whisper.

Well, that's something to kill the sexual mood he was starting to feel.

He spits on the ground at the simple name of her. He stares far off into the distance, his eyes lingering on a grove of trees Baeksoo has so kindly planted.

"Sera…" he mumbles, stretching out his legs.

You might as well know. You aren't going anywhere in his life.

"Jesus, I think about it everyday and it still makes me mad," he chuckles to himself, the sound bitter and full of resentment.

You watch his face contort in pain, just the simple memory making it hard to withstand.

Without a second thought you're moving your chair. The sound is loud as you move the heavy metal and he watches you with amused eyes. Finally, your seat is next to him and you huff out gently.

"What?" he asks gently as you plop back down.

You grab his hand, intertwining your fingers to bring him peace. His head lolls back against the chair, his eyes fluttering shut at the simple move. It's a simple thing to hold hands but it feels powerful when it's you.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," you say to him.

His thumb drifts over the back of your hand, his eyes opening to the numerous stars that hang brightly in the sky.

"Everyone knows I hate her but no one truly knows why. Maya, Joon, Hoseok, they know. Hell, Hoseok dives deep into her bitter cunt at night and he knows." he shakes his head gently, his eyes flitting from star to star.

You begin to bite your lip nervously as he squeezes your hand tighter.

"I didn't always hate her. I loved her once. I loved the prospect of her anyway," he breathes out, his hand gripping tighter at yours, "I was engaged at fourteen. It was mandatory, the leech's parents were friends with my parents. Their company was going down the drain, they almost had to declare bankruptcy. So this was the easiest thing for both parties. It's very normal in the high profile life to be engaged to someone else for money. It didn't bother me at all that I was engaged, so were the people around me. I thought I was going to have a life like Namjoon."

He snorts at the simple thought and mindlessly he tugs your hand with his over your stomach.

Just the thought of his baby inside of you brings him peace.

With a gentle sigh, he continues. "She didn't go to school with us and I had only seen her a few times at balls and galas. She was annoying back then and she was always brisk with people. But I liked that, I guess. Because I was the same way. I had a childish crush on her for so long and it kept growing as we got older."

He stops talking only to down another glass of whiskey. He closes his eyes as you run your hand comfortingly over his. "When I moved into this house, I had it renovated to please her. I did anything and everything to make her happy. And I was so… excited to have someone that was mine. Someone to spend the rest of my life with. I didn't want our marriage to be like my parents. And, now it's worse."

You find how sad he is depressing. Frowning, you click your teeth softly.

"I'm so sorry," you whisper.

Shaking his head, Yoongi looks at you. He gives you a sad smile. It's heart wrenching to look at his handsome face so distraught.

Even if he can be an asshole sometimes, you can understand him better now. That's all you wanted. You just wanted to be able to connect the dots.

"It was the night of our wedding, that's when I became aware of how awful of a person Sera is." he says, staring off into the distance.

He couldn't understand why she wanted to get married on New Years. It's freezing cold but if it makes her happy then he should do it. It'll be his duty as a husband anyhow.

"Come!" Taehyung whines to him as he sits in the booth.

"I'm not having sex with a woman the day before I'm getting married. That'd be such a dickish thing to do," he counters as Taehyung wraps his arms around the stripper beside him.

"You've been celibate for a year or some shit. You abstaining for the Lord or for the sake of your new bride is not going to make you a born again virgin, okay?" the younger man asks with a laugh, running his hand over the stripper's pert backside.

Rolling his eyes, the Kisung CEO takes a sip from his drink.

"It's not about being a born again virgin, you moron. It's about fidelity. It's about trust. She and I agreed that we would just be for each other." Yoongi barks out gruffly.

Taehyung grimaces at the simple thought. "Fine. Well whatever pact you have with your blushing new bride is depressing me. I'm going to get my dick wet with… Luna. That's your name, right?" the hotel CEO asks the woman on his arm.

She giggles loudly, the sound frightening and way too forced. "Laura, silly!"

"Yeah. That. Bye Hyung. Try to cheer the fuck up or something." Tae calls, picking the stripper up with his strong arms before swinging her over his shoulder.

Yoongi snorts loudly, his eyes flitting from here to there in the large strip club. This wasn't for him anymore. He would be married now. To a woman all his.

He's been living in this fantasy. Waking up on weekend mornings next to his wife, eating breakfast together. Having a few kids. Being able to enjoy each other's company.

He loves the idea of that. He's gone through so much terrible pain in his lifetime. Maybe, fate is telling him he deserves a reward now.

Standing up, he finishes the rest of his drink. He tosses a few hundred bucks onto the table before heading out.

He knows it's not customary to see his bride the night before the wedding but, maybe he can just have a talk with her. He's dying to see her.

For once, Yoongi let someone else take the penthouse besides him. Sera should be fully comfortable before her big day.

They bought out the whole hotel. She wanted to be married in Italy on New Years. She wanted diamonds dripping from the fucking ceiling and she would have it. She would have it all.

The walk from the strip club to the hotel wasn't far. Yoongi can see the lights on in the penthouse and his heart begins to hammer in delight at the thought of seeing her.

She's so fucking beautiful. Albeit, she can be a little irritating at times but who isn't? She's almost godly in his eyes.

He's been waiting for this day since he was fourteen. He can remember when Namjoon got engaged. How fucking against it he was.

Joon always wanted to do things his way. He wanted to pick who he was with, he wanted to be happy on his own. He despised Yoona for years before their big day a year ago. Then he found out how similar they are. He fell in love with everything she's in love with.

Yoongi hopes it'll be the same.

The ride up the elevator to the penthouse is quiet. Gentle muzak plays that seems to lull him into a false sense of security.

Sera might be really big on traditions. She might have him sit in the living room for them just to talk but that's okay too. Whatever she wants.

The elevator opens silently and Yoongi fixes his blazer in the hallway mirror. He smiles to himself softly, looking like nothing can bring him down from this cloud.

Until he hears it. Until he hears the gentle groaning of a man in his sexual pleasure.

"Oh fuck, Sera. Do it again, you filthy slut." he hears and his world comes crashing down around him.

"Yeah, fuck. You like that? Your cock is so much bigger than Yoongi's. I want you to come play with me during the week while he's at work," she sounds breathless.

The CEO's eyes flutter shut and he grips onto the table before him to keep him steady.

"Yeah. I'd bet you'd fucking like that. I bet you love the idea of me fucking your little cunt while your husband is away at work. Let me cum in your pussy before the cuck gets home. You'll let him in this pussy with my cum inside of you," the voice is that of Sera's driver. The one man Yoongi never even gave any thought to.

His hand feels for the wall. His legs are shaking by now and he slowly slides down the gold wall, pressing his hand over his mouth.

"Cum on my cock, you fucking slut."

The sound of her orgasming will never leave his brain. He can hear how pleased she is.

Yoongi in his past has had sex with others too. But, they promised to be faithful to one another. He believed her.

He can feel his eyes welling up with tears as he squeezes them shut tighter.

He thought fate was giving him a helping hand. He was going to be happy! What has he done so wrong in his life for misery to consistently stay?!

Heavy breathing is heard throughout the silent penthouse.

"Why did you promise that stupid fuck you would be only for him?" Jungmo, the driver, asks breathlessly.

Sera giggles, a sound once so adorable it brought Yoongi to his knees.

"Because I want his fucking money. There's no prenup if he thinks I'm all for him. He genuinely thinks that I love him. He thinks I care about whatever the fuck has happened in his miserable past. Do you know that he told me that his dad used to burn cigarettes out on his skin? I was supposed to feel sorry for him." Jungmo and Sera laugh along with one another.

Yoongi's mouth opens at the sheer atrocity he's listening to. She's so fucking cruel. How did he never see this? How could he have this happen to him?

"You were supposed to feel sorry for that billionaire while you're only sitting barely comfortable at seven million!?"

"I know, right?! The fucking nerve! Like, he doesn't even understand that my life has been so much worse! I had to almost go fucking bankrupt! Who gives a fuck about your sad past? What about me?"

The CEO tugs at the blazer fabric situated above his heart. He clamps his hand tighter over his mouth to stifle the sob raring to break free from his throat.

"I can't wait to take all his fucking money and leave him with only his sad little memories."

Crawling over to the elevator, he pushes the button softly. Praying to God that it doesn't make any noise when it opens.

She's such a cruel bitch. So fucking vile.

He stands up on shaky legs as the door opens without a sound. Pushing the button for the floor below him, he waits until the door closes.

He waits until he is safe in his room.

He wails loudly, falling onto the carpeted flooring of the hotel room. He gasps for air, hands digging and pulling at his hair.

He cries for an hour, maybe more. Time seemingly stops in his distraught state.

When he calms himself down, he pulls out his phone. He crawls over to the bar caddy, wiping viciously at the tears he's spilled for the woman upstairs.

Yoongi doesn't even grab a glass, he just pulls the bottle of whisky down to the floor.

Sitting back against the long bar of the room, he dials the only number he can right now.

The sound of the phone ringing is so loud, it makes him want to weep all over again.

"Yoongi? It's two in the morning, what the fuck?" Namjoon calls blearily, through the phone.

"Joon… Please come to my room." his voice cracks and breaks as he picks up the bottle of whisky.

"Jesus, are you okay?" his best friend asks quickly.

"I need… I need a prenup. Please. Come." Yoongi begs, lifting the bottle to his lips.

"I'm coming! Hold on!" Joon calls to him before the line goes dead.

He gulps down the whisky at a ferocious speed, the liquor swirling and settling in his guts. The fire flaming and goading him on to no avail.

"YOU FUCKING WHORE!" he screams at the top of his lungs.

Yoongi launches the bottle across the room, burying his face into his knees as the sound of glass echoes all around him.

"Oh Yoongi. I'm so sorry," you whisper, clutching tighter to his hand.

Yoongi finds himself laughing at the memory now. He was so blind back then. So lovestruck.

"Nothing that isn't fixed now, little dove. Now we're both trapped in this marriage." his voice is devoid of emotion as he picks up the liquor bottle.

You can see how hurt he is even now. How reliving the memory is something akin to death to him.

You lean in towards his body. You press your lips to his cheek and he grabs you tighter at the feeling.

"Maybe that's why I liked you in the club? Because you seemed so completely opposite of the whore that lives in my house," he says finally as you pull away.

He turns his face to you, your lips just mere inches apart.

Yoongi lifts his hand, placing it gently on your cheek.

"You're a good girl, Y/N. You're so kind and sweet. Fucking understanding. You're going to be a great mother. I'm so sorry that you have to deal with me. Deal with an asshole every day. It isn't fair to you," he whispers, his thumb grazing over the apple of your cheek.

His hand is so warm against your skin, so soft. He's being so gentle.

"You're not an asshole. Not truly." you reply softly.

With a snort, he rolls his eyes. "See. You're almost too kind."

You giggle as his hand drifts down the column of your neck, his thumb rubbing over your jawline.

"I'm serious. You can be an asshole, for sure. But it's because of all the terrible things that have happened to you. If you were happy, really and truly happy. You might flourish. You might be able to find yourself again." you reply.

It comes out as a suggestion but it's really a wish. No one should ever be put through what he has had happen to him.

He tilts his head unsurely, pulling away from you.

"You're going to be a great dad. I won't let you be anything but a good dad to your child. No one is perfect, Yoongi. We can do this together." you say, earnestly.

Together.

The word makes his heart rate pick up speed.

You're pretty perfect in his eyes.

He can tell as you sit with one another, how heavy your eyelids are getting.

"You're tired," he observes.

"No, I'm okay!" you reply quickly to him.

He clicks his teeth, eyes narrowing at you. "We're going to be truthful with each other from here on in. Are you tired?"

With a hesitant hum, you nod. "A little. The baby makes me tired a lot these days."

"Okay." Yoongi whispers finitely.

Standing up, he moved your chair for you. With a simple grunt, he picks you up in his arms bridal style.

"I can walk!" you whine, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"So can I." he jeers cutely.

Wading with sure steps through the house, you find how easy it is for him to look down at you. His eyes are soft when they look upon you now. Like telling you about his life has taken a huge weight off of his shoulders.

He kicks open your bedroom door with a smirk.

"There would have been a time I would have died to bring you up here to ravage you," he says, goodnaturedly.

"You still can." you sing softly as he lays you down on your bed.

"We'll see, hmm?" he whispers as he lifts the covers for you.

"Stay," you mumble, arranging the pillows to your liking.

"You want me to sleep with you?!" Yoongi feels frightened at the notion.

"Yeah… just stay. Don't leave me," you whisper as you close your eyes.

He hesitantly walks around to the other side of the bed. He fumbles with his pants and his shirt almost embarrassingly so.

Yoongi hasn't laid with anyone in years. He hasn't thought about doing so in ages.

"Did you leave?" your voice is just above a whisper.

He watches you for a second, how pretty and serene you look with your hair splayed over the pillow.

"No, little dove. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere," he replies, laying down beside you.

Swallowing thickly, he gets comfortable under the same covers as you.

This is bizarre.

Tiredly, you pull his hand. His eyes go wide as you situate it over your stomach.

"It's not a big deal, Yoongi. Just sleep." You mumble as you turn onto your back.

He can feel the tiny bump developing under his hand.

It is a big deal.

To him.

He brushes some hair out of your face gently.

Maybe Sera wasn't his start to a new life. Maybe it's you.

Next Chapter ---->

Third wheeling Taglist -  @wickizer, @imluckybitches, @slothykreuger, @claireelise19, @ggukkieland, @rspbrryy, @iv-bts, @bambuzlee, @chanelbts, @mxxngxdss, @bluewhale52, @milesjeon11, @diamonddia-mond, @vinylphwoar, @yxnxxli, @hubbytaehyung, @140503at-dawn, @bts-7beauts, @jadeblackwoll, @sunshiine-hobii, @creatorspalace, @eclectically-esoteric, @nikkiordonez12, @kaitswrld, @skamlover200, @sevgilove98, @kooeuphoria, @jikooksgirl19, @hobbledehoy26, @singular-itae, @dchimminie, @lowlifeoeuvre, @sugaslittlekookies, @bloopbloopb, @pjmcth, @softysuho, @codeinbelle, @jaiuneamesolitaiire, @betysotelo18, @jeonmisha, @iwanttohitmyself, @ayyyocee, @neverthefirstchoice, @itsbangtanoclock, @little7bitchh, @veryuniquenamegoeshere, @deathkat657, @firstlovesuga-93, @namjoonia, @paperpurple, @muzikabijou, @liebeoppa, @veronawrites, @kleff03, @ruinsofangels, @brightwingr5, @leekanchol, @rkivemagic, @ithinkileftmycoatoutside, @melaninkpops, @y00ngisbabygirl, @ungodlyjoon, @prochnost513, @dunixxd, @athenakyle, @igotnotype, @chxmachxps, @tinymintyoongi, @vangameren-blog, @alpaca1612, @ohcarolinamin, @thegreatestsushi, @jooniebuggy, @eltrain80, @btsmylife21, @deeepvibes, @httpminyg, @deliciouslydisturbed365, @rkchmestizangmaldita, @jimin-chu, @pimpnameyannie, @preciouschimine, @daughterofthequeen, @monetsberet, @vanillamyg, @aamxxrii, @kooafraid, @ladykadyrova, @singjisu, @yazanii, @moonlitmyg, @justzeera, @absolutefantrash​, @whocaresarchives, @loosewindmill