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1-have-no-idea · 2 months ago

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Boxer’s crush

Character(s): Hunter, reader, Wolffe is a senior and works as a commander for the military and other martial arts, Boost and Sinker, Boil, Wrecker, brief mention of Cody

Genre: crack kinda, it’s pretty normal lol

Overview: Wolffe was your teacher in martial arts,and you knew about how today you were being mixed with another one of his groups. What you didn’t know was that they were all buff military men. Not to mention the heart-throb that you ended up having to wrestle with…

Warning(s): terms of endearment (doe eyes, sweetheart, pup, mesh’la,) Hunter and reader kinda flirt the entire time, SEXUAL TENSION???? Yeah kinda, reader’s the only girl and is extremely strong, they don’t really box, they wrestle-, Wolffe is referred to as ‘master’, some sexual innuendos, brief cursing, reader’s a freshman

2165 words

First meet with Hunter!

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Bare feet padded across the matted floor. You sighed through your nose as you tied your hair up and fixed your uniform. Today was mixed martial arts. Usually, taekwondo was a separate sport, though, today, when the teachers wanted to see how their students were doing and how they interacted, all types were combined. However, a new type was joining today. Boxing. Today, the students enrolled in the military were joining. Was boxing even a martial arts? You wondered. You didn’t even know. All you knew, was that you were nervous. Maybe you wouldn’t have been if you had a team. You weren’t the only student in the martial arts area, but for some reason, no one else showed up (you silently cursed Cody under your breath). It wasn’t popular. You checked yourself in the mirror, smoothing down your white uniform, before tightening your belt. Black. You were well taught in the area, having done it for your whole life, but it didn’t make you any less nervous to go up against boxers, or literal military men. Suddenly, a hand clapped on her shoulder, making your form jump, before whipping over to who it was. Wolffe stood behind her, military uniform on as he rose a brow at you. Your teacher in taekwondo. He taught every martial arts or boxing and military team. You happened to be in one of his clubs.

“Jumpy today, aren’t we?” He asked sarcastically, making you let out a nervous sigh. “Yeah- I mean, it’s just because, well, I’ll have to go up against some of your cadets, Master Wol-“ he placed both hands on your shoulders, patting them awkwardly. He grimaced, before clearing his throat. “Don’t call me that right now, name. I’m not your master today, remember?” He asked. Yeah. He definitely could not allow you to call him by that title, especially not in front of his men. Maker knows how they’d take it. The thought made him shiver. You blushed in embarrassment, but nodded. “Good. Just refer to me as commander, got it?” You beamed up at him. “Yes, mast- commander.” You corrected yourself. He gave you a rare smile, and hummed, before placing a hand on your back and guiding you to where the others were.

“You don’t have anything to fear, name. My squad is quite harmless. In fact, stupid almost,” he said, chuckling, making you snort. “Oh, I doubt that-“ he opened the doors for you, and you stepped in, before gasping. They towered over you. Your mouth dropped, staring at them. You saw one soldier with red hair in the shape of an equal sign jumping at another with silver hair, shouting and laughing, then another, with shaggy, long brown hair and a red bandanna who was shorter than most of them, but was definitely stronger, another with a mustache doing curl-ups, and a really tall, really, really, big GIANT of a man in the gym area. You were regretting this. Only girl, only martial artist, smaller and most definitely weaker compared to them, you’d be murdered here. You silently freaked out, eyes darting around everywhere, heartbeat picking up. No, no, no, no, HELL no. Wolffe seemed to pick up on your distress, and found it humorous.

“Oh, c’mon, pup, they’re harmless, see?” He asked, gesturing to them. You looked at him incredulously. “One of them is being choked out by the other right now.” You stated, making his eyes widen a little, before turning to see them. He grunted under his breath, before yelling. “Boost! Sinker! Get off each other right now before I make you! We have a guest!” He shouted, making them separate and cower like guilty puppies. “Yes, commander!” They both said at the same time. The one with the bandanna rose a brow. “A guest?” He parroted. Wolffe made a noise of acknowledgement, nodding, before walking up to them, you taking doe-like steps behind him, his form covering yours.

“Yes, we do. It’s another one of my students, as you know, I teach other kinds of martial arts too,” he started, the others lining up to listen to him, looking around curiously. “Where?” Boost cut off, making Wolffe send him a ‘cut me off again, I dare you,’ look, shutting him up, before Wolffe clicked his tongue, reaching behind him and grabbing your wrist and dragging you out. Your knees buckled as all eyes landed on you, making you shrink under their gaze. Their eyes widened slightly, the biggest one of them gasping loudly. The bandanna one tilted his head at you. “This,” Wolffe patted her shoulder, making her blush more. “Is name. My student. She’s a black belt in taekwondo, and today, as all you guys know, she’ll be observing us and how we do things, and will also be training with us.” Boost choked on his spit at the information that you were a black belt. Wolffe cleared his throat, pushing you close to the others, making you go tense as you went even redder.

��Okay, say hi, name.” You cleared your throat, raising a hand and waving shyly. “Hi.” You mumbled, and then Wolffe took her back. “As you pups know, she’s a girl. And also, is notably smaller than you guys,” he stated, making you sigh in embarrassment. No shit, Sherlock.

“So you pups will have to be gentle. Don’t go too soft now, she can handle a lot, but don’t go around breaking bones.” He glared at the biggest one when he said that, who averted his eyes. Wolffe finally sighed out, before nodding at them. “Alright. You big pups can finally say hi and chat with our little puppy. You have 20.” He said, and immediately, Boost and Sinker ran up to you, shooting question after question. “You’re a black belt?! How long have you been doing this-?!” Sinker asked. “Uhm- since, like, fifth grade?” “What grade are you?” Boost asked.

“Uhm- freshman-“ you responded, making him chuckle. “Ah, a freshie. Cool beans!” He said, grinning at you, before you were turned to the man with a mustache. “I’m Boil,” he introduced. “It’s nice to meet you.” He said. “And if those two idiots are ever too much for you, just lemme know, okay? Don’t be afraid to just slap them in the back of their heads.” He said, making you laugh a little.

“I- oh, well, I don’t think I ever will, but okay! Nice to meet you too!” You said, before she was turned to the last two people. Bandanna and giant. “Hunter,” he introduced, extending a hand, you shaking it. “Nice to meet you,” you said, giving a small smile, which he returned. “Feeling’s mutual,” he said, before gesturing up to the larger man. “And this here, is Wrecker. He isn’t fighting, but he’s watching. He’s on the football team.” He introduced, Wrecker bending down on his knees to be face to face with you. “Hey there, doe-eyes!” He shouted, making you back up a little, taking him all in. But you matched his energy. Kinda. You smiled at him. “Hi!” You replied, making him laugh loudly and stand up, really seeing the height difference between them. You barely reached his chest. He squealed, arms reaching out for you before retreating, as if he was having some inner conflict, and then settling on picking you up. “Woahoho!!! Yer short!” He shouted. “Who knew a l’il lady like ya could be a black belt!” He said, before setting you down with Wolffe whistled.

“Okay, pups. Fun time’s over, let’s get to work.” You immediately padded up to him, the others following. “For the first thing, I need Name to lift all of you up, to see who and what her limits are. I know all of you can lift her up, but I need to see who her best match up would be.” Wolffe stated, making Sinker raise a questioning brow. “Can she even do that, sir?” Wolffe let out a chuckle, nodding. “You’ll see.” He stated.

“Line up, pups, lightest to heaviest.” Wrecker went and sat on the bleachers, watching them as he fished out some bagged cereal from his pocket. The line went Sinker, Boost, Boil and Hunter. For the first one, you seemed confident in this, smiling before approaching Sinker. “Okay, I don’t want you hurting yourself, so when you-“ you immediately squatted down, up to his upper thighs, before wrapping your arms around them, arms under his butt and wrapped securely around his thighs, resting your chin just below where his belly button was, and staring up at him with big eyes, making him avert his eyes and clear his throat while pink cheeks. Wow- ain’t that a sight—

“‘Kay, ready? One, two, three—“

“Wait- don’t-“

He was cut off and gasped and yelped in surprise as he was suddenly lifted up, hands moving to grasp your shoulders. You stumbled as he thrashed, but held him up, stammering. “Hey, hey, calm down! I got you, it’s okay!” You comforted, and slowly he calmed down, going still as you held him comfortably. Boost watched with a dropped mouth, Wrecker cheering on the sidelines as Wolffe chuckled. Boil made a noise of awe, as Hunter let out a small laugh. Then, gently, you leaned down and sat him down, making Sinker look at you with wide eyes. You just gave him a cheeky grin. “You’re surprisingly light,” you commented, shrugging, making him yelp. “I-I! I’ve never- that was my first time being lifted!” He shouted, making you laugh. Boost went similarly, except he was cheering and whooping as you lifted him up, and Boil was quiet and just stared down at you with a calm and proud smile, and finally, it was Hunter. Again, you squatted down, taking your place.

“Don’t drop me, yeah?” He jabbed playfully, making you laugh. “Course not,” you replied, before lifting him with a grunt. You swayed, stumbled a bit, struggling with him as he had more weight, straining, making him coo at you comfortingly, and then, you stilled. Your legs trembled slightly, but you held him up. Hunter sent you a boyish smile. “Good job, sweetheart. M’proud of ya.” Yeah, okay, he was done, your knees almost buckled from that. You placed him down, cheeks red from a small blush and nodded.

“Thank you,” you spoke quietly. Wolffe hummed, catching your attention. “Thanks, pup, I think we found your match.” He said, placing a hand on both you and Hunter’s shoulders. Then, he turned to Boil. “Boil, you’re with me. Boost and Sinker, you team up with one another,” he ordered, and a string of ‘yes commander!’s coming out their mouths. You wiped the sweat off your face, before turning to Hunter, who was already in stance.

“Okay. I hope ya know I’m not goin’ easy on ya, mesh’la.” He teased again, and although you had no idea what that foreign word meant at the end, you laughed. “That’s okay. I won’t either.” You said. You got in stance, and you both circled one another, before Hunter swung, making you duck. Sweeping his leg, you made him fall with a little laugh, him looking up at you in awe as you got up. Wrecker cackled, but then, Hunter grabbed your ankle, pulling you to the floor with him and climbing on top of you, but you thrashed around, until he got you in a locking position, making you go still as you panted. Hunter panted above you, grinning. “That was a smart move.” He complimented, but as he let his guard down, you thrusted her hips up, making him bounce on you a bit, before twisting them, making him fall off you almost, which you took advantage of and swapped with him, pinning him down. Wrecker gasped, looking at you in shock. Hunter looked at you in shock as well, eyes wide, before he did the same, but you stayed on. For you, it was like riding a mechanical bull, and you held on for dear life, before he held your hands down, and kicked his legs up and wrapped them around your head, making her yelp as he flipped them again. Fighting with him continued a lot like this, until finally, you ended up on your forearms and knees, Hunter above you and holding you in a headlock as the both regained their breath. Wolffe clapped his hands, signaling it was over, and you both got up, you on shaky legs and Hunter with exhausted ones. He stared you up and down, thinking of something, before smirking at you.

“You’re a tough little thing. Fight well. Let’s do this again, sometimes. I’d love a new training partner,” he said, extending a hand, and you let out a tired laugh and nodding, shaking his hand. “I would too.” “This Sunday at three? Stop by a cafe after?” He offered. You nodded, grinning at him. “Sure. I’ll give you my number after this.” After all, you needed a training partner anyways.

#x fem reader #clones x reader #the bad batch #the clone wars #tbb x reader #tcw x reader #104th battalion #212th attack battalion #clone force 99 #hunter x reader #college au

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uriekukistan · 10 months ago

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mutsurie…… and my boy aura……..

for mutsurie :3

when i started shipping it: literally on my first watch during the auction…it makes so much sense idk

my thoughts: when the two emotionally damaged characters who dont trust anyone enough to get close to them trust each other enough to get close 😖 also the fact that urie recognized that mutsuki was afab during the auction and he literally never said anything about it he was just kinda “oh okay” and never treated mutsuki any differently…it’s interesting because mutsuki really idolized sasaki for that same thing but never realized urie did the same thing for him…idk much to think about with that one

what makes me happy about them: see past comment, also they both care for each other unconditionally and i think they both need that because they both kinda care for themselves conditionally if that makes sense.

what makes me sad about them: okay maybe im too angsty rn but i dont think they have a happy ending together, or at least not for a while. like i said, they care for each other unconditionally but care for themselves conditionally, and i think before they can truly be happy together they need time apart to care for themselves…

things done in fanfic that annoys me: when they make mutsuki super emotionally and physically weak so he relies on big strong man in control of his emotions urie to put him back together…like it sometimes feels like its putting mutsuki in this traditionally feminine damsel in distress position and thats kinda ehhhh…also bold of you to assume urie is in control of his emotions or that mutsuki isnt strong or capable.

things i look for in a fanfic: im starving for content so the bar is pretty low….good spelling and grammar is nice :D

who i’d be comfortable with them ending up with, if not each other: i think they’d be better alone if not together…i’ve seem mutsaura floating around recently and while im intrigued i do think it has toxic potential which is interesting to read and think about, but i just want them to be happy 😞 healthy relationships only for my pookies

my happily ever after: they take some time apart like at the end of re where mutsuki is not even in tokyo and they learn their own value as individuals (ideally separate from their jobs) and then they reconnect after that…not that i’m saying you “have to love yourself to love someone else” and i dont think in their time apart they wouldnt still love each other, i just want them to have a happy healthy relationship 😞

who is the big spoon/little spoon: at the beginning urie is definitely big spoon and mutsuki is little spoon, but when they get more comfortable, they switch around sometimes. i think urie really likes being the little spoon…not that he would admit it

what is their favorite non-sexual activity: parallel play, like just comfortable silence and mutsuki’s reading while urie’s painting or something

tbh i dont think that much abt aura so i’ll try my best 😭🙏

how i feel about this character: i like how much i…don’t like him if that makes sense? his decisions irritate me but also they are indicative of how complex he is. interesting guy.

all the people i ship romantically with this character: as aforementioned i have seen mutsaura floating around and i have definitely found it intriguing…may i also propose him with higemaru? they kinda give that opposites black cat golden retriever couple vibe idk maybe im crazy

my non-romantic otp for this character: from the scene where he and mutsuki are trying to intercept touka and miza from extracting kaneki from the dragon, i really liked his interactions with higemaru and hsiao so i like the idea of them as like a besties group idk

my unpopular opinion about this character: im not sure i have one? idk

one thing i wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon: for him to get closure from his aunt that she was okay with working with the ghouls for peace. i know he was told about it by…hsiao i think maybe it was higemaru, but it would have been nice to see him hear it from his aunt. i think he kinda needed it.

my otp: i dont think i really have one 😞

my crossover ship: again i dont really have one, but i can definitely draw parallels between him and geto from jjk…in that they both were so bothered by some tragedy that they both started to walk a very dark path. the difference being that aura’s friends were there to turn him around and (idk if you have or are planning to watch/read jjk but spoiler warning for s2 ep1-6 and jjk0) geto’s friends trusted him so much that when he said he was okay, they believed him and yeah…cutting myself off before i get too far

^could also be the long dark hair and emo vibes that makes me associate aura with geto

a headcanon fact: aura the type of guy to give scary vibes but talk to stray cats in a baby voice on the street…you see a scary man in the alley and you’re about to run away but then you hear “who’s a good kitty? you are! yes you are aweee what a cute baby” that’s him

#tokyo ghoul #tokyo ghoul :re #tgre #quinx squad #urie kuki #tooru mutsuki #shinsanpei aura

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03jyh23 · 7 months ago

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— 2 soon || kim hongjoong part 2

goes to waste the series based on my favourite keshi songs

(listen here)

idol!hongjoong x non-idol!reader

synopsis: years after choosing his career over you, hongjoong still finds himself haunted by the memories of you. your relationship is a constant dance of on and off, and you cannot stay away from him.

genre: smut, angst, a very small amount of fluff

trigger warnings: cussing/mature language, toxic relationship, extreme possessiveness, jealousy, emotional manipulation, lies, obsession, verbal aggression, emotional distress, career-related stress, panic attack mentioned, pillow-talk(?) explicit sexual content: dom!hongjoong sub!reader, unprotected sex, hair pulling, dirty talk, nipple play, tight riding, fingering, hongjoong is rough, neck biting, hickey fetish(?), overstimulation, pet-names

words: 11.5 k

reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! this part is mostly smut-focused but honestly, it was very needed for the plot to kinda set the dynamic between hongjoong and the reader. i don't know what else to say!!! the third part will be the final one and it's already done! so stay tuned. as always, i hope you enjoy it. let me know what you think? please? 🥹

ps. the usernames i used are random!!!

ps.2 do we like the articles or are we getting rid of them?

in the first part, i made a lot of typos and there were also many mistakes in how i edited the text. i think i managed to fix them all by now, but i wanted to apologize. i hope this time it will be better.

love, monika. ♡

if you enjoyed this post, i’d be so grateful for a little love – a like, reblog or comment would truly make my day!

taglist: @skittyneos @kyeos4ng @vcutparis

ATEEZ's Leader, Kim Hongjoong, Abandons Tour to Chase After Ex-Girlfriend

In an unexpected twist, Kim Hongjoong, the charismatic leader of the popular K-pop group, ATEEZ, has abruptly abandoned their ongoing world tour. The reason behind this sudden departure? Allegedly, to chase after his ex-girlfriend.

Hongjoong, known for his exceptional leadership and commitment to the group, has left fans and fellow band members in shock with his sudden decision. According to inside sources, Hongjoong's decision was fueled by personal reasons, specifically involving his former girlfriend.

The identity of the woman in question has not been disclosed, but it's clear that the leader of ATEEZ is deeply affected by the situation. The relationship was said to have ended on mutual terms, with both parties deciding to focus on their individual paths. However, recent developments suggest that the separation may not have been as smooth as initially presented.

It appears that the former couple has been in contact. The nature of their interactions remains undisclosed, but it's clear that their history is not as far behind them as they'd like to believe. Allegedly, Hongjoong has been struggling with lingering feelings for his ex, and it has affected him to the point of leaving his professional commitments to seek closure.

This move is a significant departure from the professional and dedicated image Hongjoong has cultivated over the years. His decision to put personal matters before his career obligations has raised eyebrows, leading to speculation about the severity of the situation.

As ATEEZ's world tour continues without their leader, fans worldwide are expressing concern. The remaining members of ATEEZ have yet to comment on the situation, leaving fans in a state of suspense and concern about the future of the group.

MYFAVSONGISMINGI: Honestly, I'm shocked. I never expected Hongjoong to behave like this!!! 😡😡😡😡

8MAKES1: Unbelievable! How can he just abandon his responsibilities like this? I'm really disappointed in Hongjoong. 😡😡😡

ILOVEMOUNTAINS: Is this the kind of leader we want for ATEEZ? I don't think so. 😡

FORJONGHO: I feel so disheartened. After all the support and love we fans have given ATEEZ, is this what we get in return? 😔

HEARTSFORYUNHO: Can't she see the damage she's causing?! Hongjoong doesn't need someone who brings him down like this. 😒😒😒

EIGHTPIRATES: He's clearly not in the right headspace to lead. Maybe it's time for him to leave. 😞

ILOVEHONGJOONG07: I hate to say it, but ATEEZ might be better off without him right now. 💔😞

YEOSANGISMINE: I hope they both realize the damage they've done to ATEEZ's reputation. This is just unacceptable! 🤬💔

ATEEZ's Company KQ Entertainment Announces Unexpected Hiatus for Leader Kim Hongjoong

ATEEZ's company announces an unexpected hiatus from the group's activities for their leader, Kim Hongjoong, sparking speculation about his potential departure from the band.

The news comes shortly after Hongjoong's abrupt departure from ATEEZ's world tour, allegedly to reconnect with his ex-girlfriend. This sudden announcement has left fans and fellow band members reeling, leading to widespread speculation and concern about the future of the group.

Hongjoong has remained silent about his reasons for the hiatus, and his fellow band members have refrained from commenting on the situation. The lack of communication from the band has only served to fan the flames of speculation, and many fans are concerned that this hiatus could be a precursor to Hongjoong's withdrawal from the group.

Despite the swirling rumors, ATEEZ's record company, KQ Entertainment, has released a statement in an attempt to clarify the situation:

"We would like to assure ATEEZ's fans that Hongjoong's hiatus is a personal decision and is not indicative of any issues within the group. Hongjoong is taking some time off to deal with personal matters, and we ask fans to respect his privacy during this time. ATEEZ will continue their activities as scheduled, and we promise to keep fans updated on any changes."

Even with this official statement, fans can't help but worry about the group's future. Hongjoong's leadership and unique talents have played a crucial role in shaping ATEEZ's success, and his absence undoubtedly leaves a significant gap.

Fans worldwide are expressing their concern and support for Hongjoong in this challenging time, hoping for his quick return to the group. In the meantime, ATEEZ will continue their activities as a seven-member group.

FIXONPIRATES: I can't believe Hongjoong would put his personal life before the group. This is so unprofessional. 😡

WOOBABY: This is such a disappointment. Maybe it's best if Hongjoong leaves the group. 😞

ILOVEHONGJOONG: We're all let down by this. The group is better off without him. 😔

PIRATEKING: I can't believe he would abandon his responsibilities like this. He should leave ATEEZ. 😡

KINGHONG : This isn't the Hongjoong we used to know and respect. It's time for him to leave the group. 💔

8MAKES1: I'm so disappointed. I can't believe Hongjoong would let us down like this. He should leave ATEEZ. 😠

MYFAVSONGISMINGI: I'm honestly so upset. Hongjoong should leave the group until he can prioritize ATEEZ. 😡

ILOVEMOUNTAINS: I never thought I'd say this, but maybe it's time for Hongjoong to leave ATEEZ. He's clearly not able to fulfill his responsibilities as a leader. 😞

Pre-Debut Relationship of ATEEZ's Leader, Kim Hongjoong, Revealed

ATEEZ's leader, Kim Hongjoong, is currently making headlines for an unexpected hiatus from group activities. Now, inside sources reveal another dimension to the story, unveiling a pre-debut relationship that might be the underlying cause of the K-pop star's recent actions.

Before shooting to fame as the charismatic leader of ATEEZ, Hongjoong was in a happy relationship with a woman, who remains unknown. According to insiders, the pair shared a deep bond that has left an indelible mark on Hongjoong's life.

Their relationship began before Hongjoong's debut with ATEEZ, during a time when the budding artist was juggling his aspirations of a music career and his personal life. The sources reveal that the relationship was a significant part of Hongjoong's life before his rise to fame.

However, the relationship ended abruptly, despite the couple being in a state of happiness and contentment. This unexpected breakup was a significant blow to Hongjoong, who was deeply in love and had no anticipation of the abrupt end.

The sudden termination of their relationship marked a significant turning point in Hongjoong's life, as he committed himself entirely to ATEEZ and his responsibilities as a leader. The decision to focus on his career came in the aftermath of this unexpected personal loss.

The recent revelations about Hongjoong's pre-debut relationship provide an intriguing perspective on the current situation. While the exact details remain unclear, it's evident that Hongjoong's past relationship has had a significant impact on his personal and professional life. The revelations raise questions about the role this past relationship may be playing in his recent actions and his unexpected hiatus from ATEEZ's activities.

SEONGHWASTAR: Hongjoong needs to take a break and sort out his life. ATEEZ deserves a dedicated leader. 😔

MATZLOVER: I stand with Hongjoong! Everyone has a right to personal life. 💪

PIRATEKING: This isn't the Hongjoong we used to respect. He's letting his personal problems affect the group! 💔

LOVINGHONG: We need to support Hongjoong in this tough time. He is human too and has feelings.

CRAZYFORYEO: Hongjoong needs us more than ever. Let's not abandon him in this difficult time. ❤️

YUNGIYUNGIYUNGI: Stay strong, Hongjoong! We believe in you and support you. 💪

eight

After a long, grueling flight, Hongjoong finally landed back home. As soon as the plane touched down, he felt an overwhelming sense of urgency. He rushed to catch a taxi, desperate to get to you as quickly as possible. He hoped that his sudden return had gone unnoticed as he was supposed to be in another country, preparing for a concert. However, to his surprise, the airport arrivals zone was swarming with reporters. Their cameras flashed continuously, momentarily blinding him. The sudden influx of attention was the last thing he needed right now, but there was no turning back. All he could think about was seeing you. Throwing on his sunglasses and mask, he was filled with fear at the thought of facing the sea of reporters alone. The absence of his usual security guard weighed heavy on his shoulders. The reporters were shouting, one after another, their voices overwhelming him. The constant flash of cameras was deafening, the noise throbbing in his head and pushing him toward the edge of a panic attack. The noise was too much to bear, making it impossible for Hongjoong to focus on any of the words coming out of the reporters' mouths. He needed to get out quickly. Tripping a few times, his anxiety was getting the best of him. Why were they here? He scrambled to regain his footing, the world spinning around him as the clamor of reporters grew louder. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, each beat echoing the growing sense of dread that was consuming him. He couldn’t make out their questions, the words getting lost in the cacophony of noise. Suddenly, he felt a strong grip on his arm.

"Come on, let's get you out of here," a tall man from airport security said, his voice steady despite the pandemonium around them. He pulled Hongjoong away from the reporters, shielding him from their intrusive questions and cameras. The man managed to get Hongjoong to the safety of a VIP parking lot, the noise of the reporters fading into the distance.

"Thank you, sir," Hongjoong said, his voice barely above a whisper. The man simply nodded, his gaze filled with concern.

"No one should have to go through that alone," he replied, "I will order a taxi for you. Please wait here until it arrives." Hongjoong did as he was told, waiting patiently for a driver to arrive. He rummaged through his bag, finally finding his phone and turning it back on when the taxi finally arrived. He took a seat in the back, his heart rate slowly returning to normal. Finally, he checked his phone, notifications coming like crazy, unanswered calls, unread messages, the amount of it was overwhelming. Hongjoong's heart pounded in his chest as he clicked a link sent by his manager, causing the articles to load. Each word, each accusation, felt like a stab to his chest. His mind reeled from the harsh reality of his situation, and the severity of the consequences he faced. The accusations, the speculation, the harsh criticism - it was all too much. He felt a profound sense of betrayal, a deep-seated anger towards his management for allowing things to spiral so far out of control. His manager's voice echoed in his mind, the threat from the before now a chilling reality. He had followed through on his threat, leaking Hongjoong's personal life to the media, spinning the situation to make Hongjoong the villain. The public backlash was harsh and swift, their words cut deep. He could feel his world crumbling around him, the life he had worked so hard to build threatening to collapse under the weight of the scandal. Hongjoong was devastated. A sinking feeling of despair washed over him as he scrolled through the comments, each one a painful reminder of the image he had lost. The leader, the professional, the role model - all replaced with a man driven by personal desires, abandoning his responsibilities, and disappointing his fans. Hongjoong couldn't believe his fans, the people who had supported him through thick and thin, were now against him. Their words, usually filled with love and encouragement, had transformed into harsh criticism and disappointment. He felt he had let them down, and the guilt was overwhelming. Hongjoong could hardly believe the magnitude of damage that had unfolded during the mere hours of his flight back home. The sudden turn of events felt like a nightmare he couldn't wake up from. As he asked the driver to roll up the partition, he immediately dialed his manager's number, his fingers shaking with barely contained anger.

"What the fuck is this?" he demanded as soon as the call connected, his voice harsh and strained. "Why am I finding out about my own hiatus from a fucking article?"

His manager sighed heavily on the other end of the line, the sound echoing ominously through the phone. "I warned you, Hongjoong," he replied curtly, his tone carrying an icy edge that sent a chill down Hongjoong's spine. "I told you there would be consequences."

Hongjoong clenched his jaw, his blood boiling at his manager's words. The man was using his position of authority to manipulate and control him. "You're blackmailing me," Hongjoong spat out, his voice thick with accusation. "How could you do that? How could you use my personal life as a tool to control me?"

The manager sighed, "You knew what you were getting into, Hongjoong," he continued, his voice quieter now, but still carrying an undercurrent of stern reprimand. "You know you are banned from dating, you signed the contract yourself. You know the rules, the restrictions. We've talked about this and yet," his manager went on, "you chose to ignore it. To risk everything you've worked for." He finally paused, giving Hongjoong a moment to absorb his words. "We're not just talking about your career here, Hongjoong, we're talking about the group, the fans, the company. Your actions affect more than just you." His words hung in the air, a stark reminder of the consequences of Hongjoong's actions. This wasn't just about him and his feelings. His actions had far-reaching repercussions, ones that he hadn't fully considered in the heat of the moment. "We need you to think about what's at stake here, Hongjoong," he added, his voice carrying a seriousness that sent a chill down Hongjoong's spine. "You should be happy we put you on hiatus. At least you can spend some quality time with... what's her name again?" His manager sneered, the disrespect apparent in his voice. This was a low blow, a deliberate jab at Hongjoong's personal life, leaving him seething. A surge of rage swept through Hongjoong at his manager's taunting words. He could hardly believe what he was hearing, the blatant disrespect towards you making his blood boil.

"Don't you dare speak about her like that," he snarled, his voice dangerously low. His grip on the phone tightened, his knuckles turning white with the force of his anger. "You have no right." His manager seemed taken aback by his outburst, but Hongjoong didn't care. He was sick and tired of his personal life being under constant scrutiny, especially regarding his relationship with you. "You don't get to dismiss her like she's nothing," he continued, his voice trembling. "She's not just some random girl, I love her." There was silence on the other end of the line, the manager clearly surprised by Hongjoong's passionate response.

"Listen, Hongjoong," the manager's voice echoed through the phone, "Here's what we're going to do. You want to be with her? Fine. But you two need to stay low, understand? We'll control the damage on our end. You will be back for the European tour dates, no exceptions." His manager's voice hardened, the finality of his words sending chills down Hongjoong's spine. "You get a month with her, that's it. After that, it's the end. And by that, I mean she's dead to you. No more contact, no more distractions. Your career and your responsibilities come first. Are we clear?" Hongjoong pulled the phone away from his ear, staring at it in shock. He could hear his manager's voice continuing on the other end, but his words were a blur, drowned out by the roaring silence in his own mind.

"A month..." he muttered to himself, the reality of the situation sinking in. He had a month. 30 days. 720 hours. That was all the time he had left with you. After that, you would be gone from his life, erased as if you never existed. The thought was unbearable.

"Are you listening to me, Hongjoong?" his manager's voice snapped him back to reality. His tone was stern, and authoritative. It was a tone Hongjoong had come to associate with bad news, with ultimatums and decisions made without his input. "This is not a negotiation." Hongjoong swallowed hard, his throat tight. He wanted to argue, to fight back. But he knew it was pointless. His manager had made up his mind, and there was no changing it.

"Alright," he finally replied, his voice barely more than a whisper. "I understand."

"Good," his manager responded, the satisfaction evident in his voice. "Remember, Hongjoong, this is for the best. You have a bright future ahead of you. Don't let one mistake ruin it all." The call ended abruptly, leaving Hongjoong alone with his thoughts. He stared at his phone screen, the harsh reality of the situation weighing heavy on his heart. He had a month left with you, a month to make memories, to say his goodbyes. After that, he would have to let you go, to move on and focus on his career. But as he sat there, he couldn't help but wonder if he could do it. If he could really let you go. Because despite everything, despite the pain and the heartache, he knew one thing for sure: he was still in love with you. And love, as he was quickly learning, was not something that could be easily forgotten or replaced. It was a powerful force, a relentless tide that swept you off your feet and carried you away, regardless of the consequences. As Hongjoong sat in the taxi, staring at the blank screen of his phone, he made a decision. He would make the most of the time he had left with you. He would make every moment count. Because in the end, when all was said and done, he wanted to be able to look back and know that he had loved you with all his heart, even if it was just for a little while.

nine

You woke up abruptly, in the middle of the day, your head throbbing with the worst headache you'd ever experienced. You'd only caught a few hours of sleep, your body still worn out from the previous night. You found yourself in the dress you had worn yesterday, the fabric now uncomfortable and sticking to your skin. The remnants of your makeup were smeared on your face, causing your skin to itch. Through your half-opened eyes, you saw the sun's rays hitting your face, a harsh reminder of the time. Your body felt heavy as if you had run a marathon. Your muscles were sore, and you could barely muster the energy to move. You yawned, stretching your body and feeling your joints pop. The empty, gnawing feeling in your stomach was the only force that managed to pull you out of bed. You decided to deal with your fatigue first, hoping a shower would do the trick. The cold water hit your skin, sending a jolt through your tired body. It was calming and refreshing, washing away the remnants of the previous night and soothing your aching muscles. Once you were done, you grabbed one of your oversized t-shirts and a pair of comfortable panties. Dressed and feeling slightly more alive, you left the comfort of your room and ventured into the kitchen to prepare breakfast. You took some painkillers for your headache, hoping they would kick in soon. To brighten the mood, you decided to put on some music. The familiar tunes filled the room, providing a comforting background noise as you went about your morning routine. Despite the rough start to your day, you found a sense of peace in these simple morning rituals. As the day dragged on, you found yourself mindlessly scrolling through Netflix. You couldn't quite decide what to watch, your mind too clouded with thoughts and fatigue to make a choice. As the minutes ticked by, your eyes grew heavier and heavier. Every blink felt like a battle, your eyelids threatening to close with each passing second. Your nap was interrupted by a ring at the door. You didn't expect any visitors today, but you forced yourself to answer it. You quickly fixed your hair and glanced down at your oversized t-shirt. Thankfully, it was long enough to cover you, so you didn't bother to put on anything else before opening the door.

You had just unlocked the door when Hongjoong suddenly stormed into your apartment. His unexpected entrance took you completely by surprise, leaving you momentarily stunned.

"Hongjoong?" you managed to squeak out, your heart hammering in your chest. "What are you…" Before you even had a chance to finish, he had you pinned up against the wall, his lips seeking yours in a desperate, hungry kiss.

"We're gonna talk later," he managed to blurt out before kissing you again. Thoughts of you consumed him entirely. The idea of your lips meeting another man's in a passionate embrace, the thought of you out in the nightclub seeking the attention of someone who was not him, it was too much to bear. Hongjoong envisioned you offering your body to someone who didn't know you as he did, didn't love you as he did. His blood boiled at the thought, a reaction that set his nerves on edge. The stress from the unexpected hiatus, and the stern words from his manager, all paled in comparison to the anguish he felt at the thought of losing you. His longing for you was overwhelming, a need that shook him to his core. He yearned to have you under him, to feel the warmth of your naked body against his. He craved the taste of your lips, the feel of your skin under his fingertips. Hongjoong wanted to consume you, to lose himself in the intoxicating allure of your being. The thought of you, of your touch, your scent, your love, it was a driving force for him. A desire so strong that it threatened to consume him entirely. Hongjoong’s lips left yours abruptly, ending the breathless kiss that had consumed both of you. His hand moved from your waist to your face, gripping it strongly and forcing your gaze to meet his. There was a fiery intensity in his eyes that caught you off guard, and for a moment, all you could do was stare back at him in stunned silence.

"Haven't fucked you in a few months and you have already forgotten who you belong to?" He asked, his voice low and heavy with an emotion you couldn't quite place. You wanted to moan at his words, each syllable that fell from his lips sending a wave of pleasure that cascaded down to your very core. You found yourself completely at his mercy, a plaything in his hands, and the realization stirred a thrill within you that was hard to ignore. His hand, firm and warm, cupping your face, his thumb tracing the line of your jaw in a touch that was almost tender. His other hand, however, was far from gentle. Pressed against your hip, it pushed you hard against the wall, the cold, hard surface a stark contrast to the heat of your body. You could feel the pressure of his fingers against your skin, the strength behind the hold, and you already knew that they would leave marks. Marks that would bloom into dark, purple imprints by the next morning, a tangible reminder of this moment. Marks that would be visible, and you found that you didn't mind one bit.

"Answer me," he demanded, his voice low and dangerously quiet. The intensity of his gaze was overwhelming, his eyes burning into yours with an unreadable expression. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, the sensation amplified by the deafening silence that followed his words. The anticipation was making your breath hitch in your throat, making it difficult to form a coherent response. All you could do was whimper, the sound barely audible in the tension-filled room.

"I belong to you, Hongjoong," you finally answered, swallowing the lump in your throat hard. Your voice was barely a whisper against the room's silence.

"Good girl," he murmured, his voice rough with desire. His words sent a thrill of pleasure coursing through you, making your heart race and your core clench with anticipation. Hongjoong’s gaze was heavy on you, making your skin prickle with anticipation. The intensity of his stare was like a physical touch, stoking the flames of your desire. His lips were next to your ear now, his hot breath sending shivers down your spine. Hongjoong pressed his body to yours, leaving no space in between, and you could feel his hardness against your thigh. He was already prepared to take you. The anticipation made you clench around nothing, the thought of him filling you up driving you wild with desire. "I will fuck you so hard the only thing you're gonna remember is my name," he whispered straight into your ear. The world beyond you two ceased to exist in that moment. All you were aware of was him, the feel of his body pressed against yours, the way his hands explored your figure with ownership that made your heart race. His scent, a heady mix of his cologne, and the smell that was uniquely him filled your senses. It was intoxicating, making your head spin and your body yearn for more. His lips found yours in a searing kiss, a clash of teeth and tongues that was all-consuming. It was as if he was trying to devour you, to claim you as his own with each kiss, each touch. And you let him. You surrendered yourself to him, to the overpowering desire that was coursing through your veins. Hongjoong’s touch was everywhere, leaving no inch of your skin unexplored. His hands roamed your body, each touch setting your skin on fire. His fingers traced your curves, his touch igniting a trail of heat wherever he touched. It was maddening, the way he was making you feel. You were like a lump of clay in his hands, your body responding to his every touch, every command. As his hands continued their exploration, the anticipation was building, leaving you breathless. You knew it was only a matter of time before he would claim you, mark you as his own. And you loved the idea. The idea of being entirely his.

Hongjoong’s fingers found the hem of your oversized t-shirt, and he took it off of you quickly to reveal your body. The cool air hitting your exposed skin made you shiver, but it was nothing compared to the heat his touch was generating within you. As his hand moved up your leg, your breath hitched in anticipation. He paused, his fingers hovering over the lace of your panties. You could feel the heat of his hand through the thin fabric, sending jolts of electricity coursing through you. Hongjoong lowered himself, his eyes never leaving yours. His lips met the soft skin of your nipple, taking it in his mouth. The sensation of his warm mouth was intoxicating, making you gasp as he sucked hard, his teeth gently grazing you. Simultaneously, his hand moved to the other side, his fingers gently tracing patterns on your nipple before he took it between his fingers. He began to twist and pinch, his touch just the right side of rough. He played with you, his actions causing a wave of pleasurable sensation to course through your body, making you arch your back in response. This continued, his mouth and hands working in a rhythm that only he knew, his attention solely focused on you, on giving you pleasure. You could feel a heat building up within you, a testament to the skill and care with which Hongjoong was treating you. And throughout it all, he never broke eye contact, his gaze filled with a desire and intensity that matched his actions. You reached down, your fingers tangling in his hair, pulling him up to meet your lips. As your mouths collided in a passionate, desperate kiss, a moan escaped from your throat, muffled by the intensity of his lips on yours.

Your hands gradually made their way under the fabric of his t-shirt, the sensation of your fingers tracing over the contours and warmth of his skin beneath. You wasted no time, reaching for the zipper of his pants, which were already uncomfortably tight for him. But as your fingers grazed the metal, he grabbed your wrist, stopping you mid-motion. His eyes, dark with desire, met yours.

"It's not gonna be that easy, baby girl," he murmured, a devilish smirk playing on his lips. Hongjoong released your wrist but kept his hand there, his thumb tracing slow circles on your skin. His other hand slid up your back, pulling you closer until your bodies were pressed together with no space in between. The heat from his body seeped into yours, his scent filling your senses. Your heart pounded in your chest in anticipation of what was to come. His lips found your neck, his teeth grazing your skin, eliciting a gasp from you. You could feel his smirk against your skin, he was playing a dangerous game, one that had you on the edge. He sucked on your skin roughly, each pull of his lips sending a rush of sensations coursing through your body. His teeth grazed your sensitive skin, biting down hard after each suck. Hongjoong was marking you, claiming you as his own in the most primal way possible. Each mark, each hickey he left on your skin was a silent proclamation of his ownership, an indelible reminder of his touch. He wanted to cover you all in his marks, to transform your beautiful skin into a canvas that bore the testament of his love. He wanted the world to see, to know that you were his. Every mark he left was a symbol of his possession, a clear message to anyone who dared to look your way. And with each mark he left, he etched his love for you deeper into your skin, into your very soul. It was a display of ownership that was as intoxicating as it was overwhelming. And as he continued to mark you, you were left with no doubt that you belonged to him.

Hongjoong's hands moved to your legs, his grip firm and commanding as he spread them apart. He effortlessly slid his own leg between yours, positioning himself in a way that your sensitive core came in direct contact with his muscular thigh. This friction, elicited a deep moan from you, a sound that filled the room and fed his desire. Your pussy had been neglected throughout this encounter and the sudden stimulation was intensely gratifying. The friction against your sensitive spot, even though it was indirect, generated waves of pleasure that coursed through your body, consuming you. Hongjoong’s actions were deliberate and calculated, each movement, each touch and kiss was designed to make you want him more. And it was working. Your hands fumbled with the hem of his shirt, your fingers desperate to feel the heat of his skin. He obliged, allowing you to pull the garment over his head. The sight of him, bare-chested and smirking at you, made your breath hitch in your throat. You wanted to grind down on his thigh, to press your aching core harder against the firm muscle for more friction, but he stopped you, holding you steady. His grip on your hips was firm, his fingers digging into your skin as he held you in place, controlling the pace to prolong the tantalizing torture.

"Touch me," you whimpered, desperate to feel him. Your pussy was neglected, yet soaking wet only waiting for Hongjoong. The anticipation was making you ache with need, your body yearning for his touch.

Hongjoong smiled devilishly at you. "Beg for it," he whispered. His words sent a shiver down your spine, a mixture of fear and anticipation. You swallowed hard, meeting his gaze with an intensity that mirrored his own.

"Please," you whined desperately, the word barely audible.

Suddenly, Hongjoong pulled away. His hands, which had been tracing patterns on your hips, and his thigh, which provided much-needed friction, were abruptly gone. You whimpered in response, a wave of desperation washing over. The lack of contact became unbearable, causing your skin to tingle in anticipation and making you yearn for his warmth. Your heart began to thump wildly in your chest, and a lump formed in your throat, making it hard for you to swallow.

Hongjoong smirked at you, his voice dark and teasing as he said, "You aren't begging enough, baby girl."

"Please," you begged again, your voice quivering with need. The absence of his touch was driving you insane, each passing second amplifying your desperation. "I need you, Hongjoong," you pleaded, your words hanging in the air. ‘’Please, please, please fuck me’’ He gave you a satisfied smirk, his fingers back to tracing idle patterns on your bare skin, pushing you further into the abyss of longing. His smile grew wider, satisfaction evident in his eyes. He leaned in closer, his breath fanning against your skin.

"That's my girl," he murmured before his lips captured yours in a searing kiss.

He lowered himself down your body, his eyes never leaving yours. The tension between you was palpable, filling the room with an intoxicating mix of anticipation and desire. His teeth gently caught the hem of your panties, his gaze darkening as he watched your reaction. There was a smirk on his face, one that spoke volumes of the intimate knowledge he had of your body. His hands slid down your sides, tracing the contours of your body with a familiarity that sent shivers down your spine. Then, he licked your lower stomach, the unexpected sensation making you arch your back. His tongue left a wet trail on your skin, the heat of it seeping into you and making you squirm underneath him. His hands returned to your hips, his fingers hooking into the sides of your panties. With a playful wink, he began to slide the last piece of fabric down your legs. The action was slow, and torturous, dragging out the moment and making your heart pound in your chest. The room was filled with the sound of your ragged breaths and the rustling of fabric as he finally removed your panties, leaving you bare before him. His eyes roamed over your body, taking in every detail with an intensity that made you blush. But there was no room for embarrassment, not when his gaze held such raw desire, such absolute adoration. One of his hands supported your hips, keeping you steady despite your shaky legs. His other hand separated your legs, trailing its way up your thigh, until finally, he was exactly where you needed him most. His eyes never left yours as he continued his torturous exploration. He watched your reaction to every touch, every caress, his gaze darkening with desire at every gasp and moan that slipped past your lips. Hongjoong’s fingers gently separated your folds, finally making contact with your wetness. Your moan at the sensation echoed in the quiet apartment, serving as a sweet symphony to his ears. His two fingers circled around your sensitive clit, you rolled your eyes at the sensation, you were already so pent up, you felt like you were going to explode. With a slow, deliberate motion, he inserted one of his fingers, prompting you to moan, "More." He complied, adding another of his fingers, the increased pressure sending waves of pleasure coursing through you. You moaned his name and grabbed his shoulder for support, trembling with pleasure. The room spun around you, every nerve in your body seemed to come alive, the sensation overwhelming and intense. Your body responded instinctively, arching towards him, craving more of his touch. His lips found yours again, kissing you deeply as his fingers continued to move inside you. His movements were measured, each stroke designed to draw out the maximum pleasure. It was as if he knew your body better than you did, each touch hitting just the right spot. "You are so beautiful, moaning my name like that… give me more of your beautiful moans." He whispered, as his thumb circled around your clit. You obliged, losing yourself in the waves of pleasure that his touch invoked. Hongjoong's fingers crossed inside of you, picking up speed as he felt you clenching around them. "Tell me what you want, baby," he whispered against your skin, his voice husky and filled with desire.

"I-I want to c-cum, please let me," you pleaded intensely, your voice trembling and shaking as you felt the wave of your impending climax steadily building up inside of you, each pulse and throb pushing you closer to the edge.

"Who do you belong to?" Hongjoong's voice echoed in the room, his words were a challenge, a demand, and a plea all wrapped into one. His eyes bore into you, intense and unwavering. As he waited for your response he slid a third finger inside you, stretching you with a delicious pressure that made your breath hitch in your throat. The sensation was overwhelming, drawing a gasp from your lips as a wave of pleasure washed over you.

"Y-you," you struggled to respond, your voice a mere whisper against the pounding rhythm of your heart. “I belong to you Hongjoong” His name tumbled from your lips, a sweet surrender that brought a satisfied smirk to his face. You moaned loudly, your voice breaking as your climax built.

"You can cum now princess," Hongjoong whispered, his voice low and husky in your ear. Your body responded to his words, your climax hitting you with an intensity that left you breathless.

"Hongjoong!" you cried out, your body convulsing as waves of pleasure washed over you. Your grip on his shoulder tightened as you came hard. Hongjoong’s fingers were still inside you, wet from your release, and they continued to move, riding out the aftershocks of your orgasm.

"That's it, baby," he murmured against your skin, his voice a low growl. As you came down from your high, you buried your face in the crook of his neck, trying to catch your breath. You gasped as he pulled his fingers out of you, the lack of him there leaving you painfully empty. His breath was ragged, matching yours in intensity. Suddenly Hongjoong gripped your hair firmly, pulling your head up to make you look at him. "We're not done yet," he growled, his voice low and dangerous. "Get on the bed, on all fours," he demanded, his voice firm and authoritative. His command sent a shiver down your spine, and you felt yourself get worked up again. You didn't hesitate, moving to comply with his demand. Clambering onto the bed, you positioned yourself on your forearms and knees. Hongjoong moved behind you, you heard the sound of his zipper being pulled down, followed by the soft thud of his jeans hitting the floor. He climbed onto the bed, his hands found your hips, his touch firm and possessive. "Stay still," he whispered, his voice a low growl in your ear. You could feel the anticipation building, a delicious tension that made your breath hitch in your throat. Hongjoong's presence was overwhelming, his dominance a heady intoxicant that left you dizzy with need. As he whispered, "Ass up," you found your body obeying without a second thought, a wave of shivers running through you. You felt his tip teasingly trace your delicate folds, and you couldn't suppress a whimper. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?" he mocked, his hand winding its way into your hair, giving it a firm tug. His lips trailed along your neck, teeth nipping at the abused skin and drawing a soft gasp from your lips. The accusation hung in the air, heavy with the weight of his jealousy. "Calling me up, talking about other guy, hm?" His words were laced with a bitter edge, the thought of you being with someone else igniting a fire in his belly that he couldn't quell. His grip on your hair tightened, his other hand tracing the curve of your waist as he pulled you closer, his hot breath hitting your skin and making you shudder in anticipation. "Answer me, baby girl," he demanded making you shiver. "Or you're not gonna get what you want."

"Hongjoong, please," you begged, leaving his question unanswered. You shifted your hips slightly, hoping to make him slide inside you, but he held you firmly in place, not allowing you to move an inch. "I need your cock, please," by now you were on the verge of crying.

He moved closer, his breath hot against your neck, his voice a low rumble in your ear. "You belong to me, your body is mine," he growled, the words seeping into your skin. His teeth grazed your shoulder lightly before biting down, the sharp sensation making you gasp out loud."Mine," he repeated, as he re-positioned himself at your entrance. Slowly, agonizingly, he slid inside you. The sensation was overwhelming, the slow stretch of him filling you driving you to the edge of madness. The sensation was overwhelming, a mix of pleasure and pain that left you gasping for breath. "Don’t forget that," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper as he began to move, each thrust more powerful than the last. His hands gripped your hips, holding you in place as he set a rhythm. Every muscle in your body tensed as you adjusted to his size, your nails digging into the sheets. His movements grew more erratic, his breath hitching in his throat as he fought to maintain control. A heat began to coil in your abdomen, the pleasure building with each passing second."You were made for me," he declared, one of his hands left your hip, as he reached to your clit, his fingers expertly massaging the soft bud. A loud moan slipped past your lips at his touch, the sensation sending a shiver down your spine.

"Y-Yes, Hongjoong, mmm... all for you," you agreed breathlessly, your body surrendering to the waves of pleasure that washed over you. He was too much, his touch, his very presence overwhelming your senses. You had lost all control, all semblance of resistance crumbling under his touch. You were his to play with, to use, to love.

"You should see how good you look right now, stuffed with my cock," Hongjoong growled into your ear, his voice filled with raw desire. His words sent a thrill of pleasure coursing through you, heightening the intensity of the moment. His fingers dug into your hip as he continued to move inside of you, each thrust driving you closer to the edge. You clenched around him, his fingers expertly manipulating your sensitive clit. Your body was at its limit, desperate for release. "You will come only if and when I say so," Hongjoong moaned, his pace quickening to the edge of possibility. ''Your slut pussy exists for me to fuck it.'' He was slamming into you relentlessly, the sounds of your wet skin slapping against each other echoing through the room. You could feel the tears streaming down your face as he continued his relentless pace. It was getting impossible to keep yourself from reaching your climax, your fingers curling into the sheets as you tried to anchor yourself. Biting into the pillow, you tried to muffle your moans, but the pleasure was too overwhelming. ''I'm not gonna let you cum until I hear you scream my name with your pretty lips,'' he warned, the threat was enough to make you lose control, your voice crying out his name countless times as you surrendered to the pleasure.

"Hongjoong, please," you begged, your voice a desperate plea as the tension within you built to an unbearable pitch. "Please, let me cum." Your words echoed throughout the room, raw and filled with need. Your knuckles turned white as you clung to the sheets beneath you, your grip unyielding against the soft fabric. His movements were relentless, the intensity of your need was overwhelming, your mind consumed by the singular focus of his dick inside you. You felt Hongjoong’s cock getting even harder, the feeling setting you on the edge.

"Cum for me, baby." As soon as Hongjoong gave you permission, you came with a loud, whiny moan, your body trembling. His thumb continued stimulating you, pushing you to the brink of overstimulation. You squeezed your pussy around his cock as you felt him throbbing. "I’m going to fill you up so good," he whimpered, his movements growing sloppy. "You're going to take all of my cum like a good girl." You felt the pulsing of his dick deep inside you as he came, his warm cum filling your pussy. Overcome by a wave of intense pleasure, he let out a deep groan, echoing throughout the room. With a few more hard thrusts, he rode his orgasm out, fucking his cum deeper inside you.

You slammed against the mattress, exhaustion washing over your sweaty body. Hongjoong’s breath hitched as he slowly pulled out, you felt the sticky cum rushing out when he did so. You felt his warm hand gently caress your waist, and he pulled you closer, wrapping his arm around you and burying his face into your hair.

"You did so well, baby," he whispered, his heart pounding against your back, matching the rhythm of your own. You felt his lips brush against your shoulder, and you turned your head to meet his gaze. His eyes were soft, filled with an emotion that made your heart clench. You saw guilt, regret, and longing in his eyes. His fingers traced circles on your hip, and you turned around to face him, your fingers brushing against his cheek.

"How do you feel?" he asked, worry evident in his voice. "Was I too rough on you?" you looked at him, a faint smile playing on your lips despite the pain that was slowly starting to creep in.

You lightly pecked his lips and answered, "I'm okay, Hongjoong," you assured him, your voice barely above a whisper. He studied you for a moment, his eyes searching yours for any signs of discomfort.

"Good," he murmured, hiding his face in the crook of your neck. You traced your fingers down his spine, causing him to shiver. You hugged him closer, pulling the comforter over your shivering bodies. The exhaustion was taking the best of both of you. With his arm wrapped tightly around you, you both settled into the warmth of each other.

"I didn't expect you to... you know," you said, your voice trembling "I mean, it was so sudden..."

Hongjoong chuckled lightly, his fingers gently brushed your arm. "I can't help it," he said, his voice soft and intimate. "When I'm with you, I just... lose control. You drive me crazy, you know that?"

You blushed, a soft smile playing on your lips. "Is that so?" you asked, your tone teasing.

"Yes," he replied, his voice serious. "But... if I hurt you, or if it was too much... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."

You shook your head, reaching out to gently touch his face. "You didn't hurt me, Hongjoong," you assured him. "It was... intense. But in a good way. I liked it."

A relieved smile spread across his face. "I'm glad to hear that," he said.

The storm outside couldn't touch Hongjoong in your embrace, where the rest of the world seemed to cease to exist. Your rhythmic breathing lulled him into a sense of peace and tranquility, your heart syncing with his in a comforting rhythm. You could feel the tension slowly leaving your body as you relaxed against Hongjoong, his grip on you softening. As his eyes fluttered closed, you traced patterns on his back with your fingers, a silent promise of comfort and safety.

After a period of blissful silence, punctuated only by your breathing, you posed a question that needed to be asked, "But Hongjoong... what exactly are you doing here?" you finally addressed the elephant in the room. "Not that I’m complaining, it’s just so… unexpected," Hongjoong breathed out shakily. He hadn’t figured out quite how to navigate the whole situation, what to tell you and what not.

"Well, if you're not complaining, then maybe we don't have to talk about it?" Hongjoong stated, causing you to furrow your brows in confusion. His words caught you off guard. Hongjoong was dismissing your feelings, trying to brush them off as if they were nothing.

"Are you serious right now?" You asked, your voice rising in disbelief. "I'm trying to have a serious conversation with you, Hongjoong, and you're just...just..." You pulled away from his embrace, and a wave of disappointment washed over you, causing your heart to sink deep within. You had naively hoped that this time things would be different, that the love you shared could somehow erase the pain of the past. But the harsh reality started to set in.

"Relax, I didn't mean it like that," with a swift movement, he reached out, his fingers wrapping around your wrist, pulling you in towards him. Your naked body collided with his chest. But Hongjoong's casual demeanor only infuriated you further.

"No, Hongjoong, I won't 'relax'," you snapped back once again pulling away from his embrace, your patience wearing thin. "This is important, and if you're not going to take it seriously, then maybe we shouldn't be having this conversation at all." He was silent for a moment, his eyes studying your face as if trying to understand your emotions. But what was there to understand? You were hurt, and you were angry, and you were tired of feeling like you were the only one who cared.

"I'm sorry," he finally said, his voice quiet. "You're right. I should've taken this more seriously. Let's talk." It was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. You let out a sigh of relief, a weight lifting off your shoulders. Maybe there was hope for you two after all. With his apology, the tension in the room lessened slightly, but it was still there, hovering in the air like a dark cloud. You took a deep breath, composing yourself before speaking again.

"Thank you, Hongjoong," you began, your voice steady. "We need to communicate better," you continued, meeting his soft gaze.

"Yeah, I agree, baby," he said, pressing a tender kiss to your temple. "Let's go out for dinner, and we can talk properly." You nodded in agreement, taking comfort in his words and the warmth of his touch.

"I'd like that," you replied, your voice barely above a whisper.

"Then it’s a date, but for now let me take care of you, what do you say? Should I run you a bath?" he suggested, and you hummed in agreement. Hongjoong nodded, as he captured your lips in a soft kiss before he stood up and walked towards the bathroom. You heard the sound of water running and you felt a sense of calm wash over you. Hongjoong returned with a glass of warm water, offering it to you. "Should I prepare some food for us while you bathe?" he asked. You took a sip, the warm liquid soothing your parched throat.

You glanced at him, your eyes meeting his. "I was kind of hoping that you would join me in the bathroom," you replied, a hint of a smile playing on your lips. A hint of surprise flashed in Hongjoong's eyes, quickly replaced by a familiar spark of mischief.

"Is that so?" he asked, a playful grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. You nodded, your cheeks flushing a soft pink under his intense gaze. "Well then," he said, setting the glass down on the nightstand. "Who am I to decline such offer?" He extended his hand to you, the implicit invitation hanging in the air between you. With a soft laugh, you took his hand, allowing him to pull you to your feet.

The tub was overflowing with bubbles, the water warm and inviting. Hongjoong pulled you into the tub with him, his arms wrapping around your waist as you settled between his legs. His fingers traced idle patterns on your skin, the simple touch sending shivers down your spine. With a soft giggle, you reached for the bottle of shampoo, pouring a generous amount onto your palm. Hongjoong took it from you, his fingers intertwining with yours as he worked the shampoo into your hair. His movements were gentle, his fingers massaging your scalp in a way that had you closing your eyes in pleasure. Every now and then, Hongjoong would press a sweet kiss on your shoulder, his lips lingering against your skin in a silent promise of love. You turned in his arms, your fingers tracing the contours of his face. You leaned in, capturing his lips in a sweet kiss. His hands found your waist, pulling you closer as he deepened the kiss. His fingers brushed through your hair, washing out the shampoo. As he rinsed your hair, you leaned back against him, your fingers tracing patterns on his thigh. His lips found your neck, pressing soft kisses to your marked skin. Hongjoong examined the hickeys he left on your skin, already a deep shade of purple. A sense of satisfaction washed over him at the sight, but it was quickly replaced by a wave of guilt. "I'm sorry, baby," he whispered against your neck, peppering the area with soft kisses in a silent apology.

You felt his breath against your skin, calming and warm. The sensation was a stark contrast to the pain of the marks he had created. "It's okay, Hongjoong," you reassured him, your voice soft and forgiving. You knew he didn't mean to hurt you; his passion got the better of him.

He pulled back and looked into your eyes, "Promise?" he asked, an eyebrow raised in concern. You nodded, giving him a small smile that seemed to put him at ease.

"Promise," you replied, tracing your fingers over the marks with a slight wince. The tension from earlier seemed to have dissipated, replaced by a sense of peace and contentment. You both sat there, lost in each other's arms, the water slowly turning lukewarm around you.

Hongjoong's voice broke the comfortable silence, his words soft against your ear. "I love you," he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. You turned in his arms, your eyes meeting his.

"I love you too, Hongjoong," you replied, your words echoing his sentiment. His lips found yours once again, sealing your words with a passionate kiss. As you both sunk further into the tub, the bubbles tickling your skin, you couldn't help but feel a sense of happiness wash over you. Despite everything that had happened, you were here, in his arms, and that was all that mattered.

ten

While you were still occupied in the bathroom, engaged in getting ready for your date, Hongjoong gently excused himself. With a certain apprehension in his heart, he reached for his phone that was still in his bag. His fingers rubbed against the cool surface, contemplating the action he was about to take. He knew it was time, time to call Seonghwa. The call he had been avoiding, could no longer be put aside. It was a call he had to make, a call to face the repercussions of his actions. The gnawing guilt had begun to weigh him down. Hongjoong took a deep breath, bracing himself for the conversation that was to follow, and dialed Seonghwa's number.

Seonghwa's voice crackled through the phone, filled with anxiety and disbelief. "Hongjoong? Oh God, what is happening? We're all sitting on the edge, waiting for any information. Care to explain?"

Hongjoong sighed heavily, his frustration palpable even through the call. "Well, it got out of my control," he admitted.

"Well, no shit," Seonghwa snapped. "Managers rushed us to the hotel and casually dropped the bomb that you're going on hiatus."

"I had no idea. I was on a plane when this escalated," Hongjoong explained, running a hand through his hair despite knowing Seonghwa couldn't see him.

"What do you mean, a plane? Where are you now?" Seonghwa's voice rose with a mix of confusion and anger.

"I'm at Y/N’s place," Hongjoong confessed quietly.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You told all of us she was in the past countless times!" Seonghwa's voice was a mix of betrayal and frustration, each word sharper than the last.

"Seonghwa, I love her," Hongjoong said, his voice soft but resolute.

"And clearly it does nothing good for you! Hongjoong, the media are already all over this. They're speculating you will leave the group," Seonghwa exclaimed, his intensity cutting through the phone.

"Relax, I’m coming back in a month," Hongjoong assured, though his tone lacked conviction.

"And you expect me to believe that? You'll be back for how long? Until she contacts you again?" Seonghwa shot back, his voice heavy with doubt and frustration. Hongjoong's silence on the other end of the line spoke volumes. Seonghwa sighed, his frustration giving way to a more pleading tone. "Hongjoong, this is serious. The whole group is worried. You can’t just drop everything every time she calls."

"I know, Seonghwa," Hongjoong said, his voice wavering. "I just... I needed to see her."

"Look, we all care about you. But you can't keep doing this to yourself. To us. The media, the fans... they’re going to tear you apart." Seonghwa countered.

"I’m aware," Hongjoong replied, a note of defeat in his voice. "I just... I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions."

Seonghwa took a deep breath, trying to calm his racing thoughts. "You need to make a choice, Hongjoong. Either you're with us, focused on the group, or you need to figure out your personal life first. But this back and forth... it's hurting everyone."

"I understand," Hongjoong said quietly. "I’m sorry. I didn't mean for it to get this bad."

"I know you didn’t," Seonghwa said, softening slightly. "But we need you here. We need you to be present. Can you promise me that before you come back you will sort this out once and for all?"

There was a long pause before Hongjoong responded. "I promise. I'll be back in a month, and during this time I’ll figure things out. I owe that to you guys."

"Alright," Seonghwa said, feeling a bit of relief. "We'll be waiting for you. Just... take care of yourself, okay?"

"You too," Hongjoong replied, a hint of gratitude in his voice. "I'll see you soon." As Seonghwa ended the call, he couldn't shake the worry gnawing at him. He hoped Hongjoong would keep his promise, for the sake of the group and for his own well-being.

Just as Hongjoong put his phone back in his bag, you swung open the bathroom doors. Your eyes were wide from shock as you looked at him.

"Hongjoong, what does it mean you're on hiatus?" you asked, showing him the articles you’ve just read. Hongjoong met your intense gaze with a practiced smile, hiding the truth behind his eyes.

"Well, I chose you this time," he lied smoothly, his words a balm to your insecurities. It was exactly what you wanted to hear, and he knew it. But deep down, he knew the reality was far different. Hongjoong understood all too well that you could never find out the truth—that he had no intention of staying for long before disappearing from your life once again. "I decided I need to be with you, to spend my time with you, so I asked the company to give me some time off," he continued, his words dripping with sincerity. With a wild smile stretching across your face, and a laugh of pure joy bubbling from your lips, you threw yourself into Hongjoong's arms. Your hands wrapped around his neck, holding him close as if you could never let him go. At that moment, the happiness of having him back overshadowed any doubts or suspicions, and you basked in the warmth of his presence, cherishing every moment together.

"You have no idea how happy I am," you murmured, your voice filled with genuine emotion. Hongjoong's heart swelled with warmth at your words, he held you close, savoring the feeling of having you in his arms, relishing the closeness and connection between you. In that moment, everything else faded away, and all that mattered was the love and happiness shared between you.

"Oh, I think I might have some idea," he replied, his voice barely above a whisper. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, time seemed to stand still. The room was filled with an aching silence, the air heavy with anticipation. His gaze was soft, yet intense, a reflection of the love he held for you. Slowly, Hongjoong moved closer, closing the distance between you. His warm breath brushed against your lips, sending shivers down your spine. Then, without another word, he captured your lips in a soft, tender kiss. It was a kiss filled with longing and affection, a declaration of his feelings that didn't need words. His lips moved against yours, gentle yet demanding. Hongjoong bit your lip gently as he pulled back from the kiss, a playful smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth. His eyes met yours again, now shining with an unspoken promise of love. They were so warm, so full of love, that you couldn't help but get lost in them.

With bated breath, you looked up at him, your eyes searching his for reassurance. "You won't leave this time?" you whispered softly, the question hanging in the air like a delicate bubble. It was a plea, a desperate hope for a future that was uncertain yet full of potential. He looked back at you, his eyes filled with resolute determination. The smile that graced his lips was gentle yet firm, a testament to his unwavering commitment to you.

"I swear, I'll never leave again," he declared, his voice filled with conviction that left no room for doubt. His response filled your heart with a kind of joy that was almost overwhelming. You could barely contain the happiness that bubbled up within you, a joy so profound it was almost palpable. You felt a rush of relief wash over you as if a heavy weight had been lifted from your shoulders. Hongjoong leaned in closer, his breath warm against your skin. And then, he pressed his lips against yours in a soft yet firm kiss. His kiss was like a balm to your worries, an assurance that he was here to stay, that he was yours. His words echoed in your mind, a sweet symphony of promises that painted a beautiful picture of what your future could hold.

"Get ready, we will be leaving soon," he smiled, giving your bum a teasing slap and gently pushing you off him. You let out a soft giggle, batting his hand away playfully.

"Alright, alright," you said, rolling your eyes but unable to hide the smile tugging at your lips. "I'll go get ready." You quickly slipped away from him, heading to your bedroom to change. As you closed the door behind you, you paused for a moment, leaning against the wooden surface. A soft smile spread across your face as you remembered his gentle teasing, the warmth of his touch still lingering on your skin. Despite the playful banter, you could feel a strange sense of anticipation building up within you. There was something different about tonight - a spark, an excitement that you couldn't quite put your finger on. As you began to get ready for the night, you couldn't help but feel a flutter of excitement in your stomach.

You sorted through your wardrobe and selected a simple, black strap dress and an elegant black blazer. You left your hair loose over your shoulders, hoping it would cover some of the hickeys that Hongjoong had left on your neck. The marks that were still visible were covered with concealer, which unfortunately didn't help much. You opted for minimal makeup, accentuating your eyes and finishing with your favorite lipstick. After putting on your shoes and grabbing a small bag, you were ready to go.

"Baby, I'm ready," you announced to Hongjoong, emerging from the bedroom. He was in the living room, awaiting your arrival. "You look...you look stunning," he murmured, taking your hand and spinning you around to appreciate your full appearance. His eyes sparkled with admiration, a warmth spreading across his face as he took in your appearance.

"You are so beautiful," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. He reached out, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his touch gentle and loving. "I can't believe how lucky I am." He continued to hold your hand, his thumb gently stroking the back of your hand as he looked at you, completely awestruck. "All set?" he asked, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. You nodded, unable to hide the smile that spread across your face. He offered his arm and you took it, ready to step out into the night with him.

"I was thinking we could drop by my place on our way to the restaurant, if that's okay with you," he proposed, his eyes eagerly seeking yours for any signs of discomfort. "Seonghwa and Jongho aren't home so you don't have to worry about running into them. I need to change into something more appropriate, and I thought I could pack some stuff as well so I could stay the night after our date." He let the suggestion hang in the air, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

"Of course," you replied, your heart fluttering at his consideration. A soft smile played upon your lips as you added, "That sounds like a perfect plan, Hongjoong." His face lit up at your response, the tension in his body visibly easing. He let out a sigh of relief, a smile mirroring yours gracing his features.

"But before we go, I need to tell you something," Hongjoong stated, and you swore your heart stopped for a second.

"What is it?" you inquired, a knot of apprehension tightening in your stomach.

"Because of the hiatus, I need to stay low," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. There was a weight to his words, a heaviness that filled the room.

Understanding his situation, you nodded. "I know, Hongjoong," you replied in an equally quiet voice. "I know it’s not the same as before. I mean, you are so popular now."

"I just don't want the media up our asses, especially now that everyone is speculating about the reason behind my hiatus," Hongjoong confessed, his voice tinged with frustration.

You nodded in understanding, feeling a pang of sympathy for the pressure he was under. "I get it," you replied softly. "We'll keep it low-key, just between us. No need to add fuel to the fire."

Hongjoong's expression softened with gratitude, his eyes reflecting his relief. "Thank you," he murmured, leaning in to press a gentle kiss to your forehead.

"We can go public in the future where it won't cause so many problems, right?" you asked, your voice filled with hope and uncertainty.

Hongjoong looked at you, his expression thoughtful. "I hope so," he replied, his tone cautious. "But for now, let's focus on us. We'll take things one step at a time and see where it leads."

You nodded, a sense of determination settling over you. "I'm okay with that," you said, your voice steady despite the lingering doubts. "As long as we're together, that's all that matters."

Hongjoong smiled, his eyes softening with affection. "That's all that matters to me too," he whispered, pulling you close for another embrace.

#ateez x reader #ateez angst #ateez fanfic #ateez au #hongjoong x reader #hongjoong x y/n #hongjoong x you #goes to waste the series #ateez x y/n #hongjoong smut #hongjoong angst

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mamushroomoracorn · 1 year ago

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Hey :] I would like some mutuals/friends in Sampo koski side of hsr. TLDR: I want friends in the Sampo Koski fandom, don't have to be mutual so please DM me to tell me about your triggers, I have basic rules but it is common sense, mild warning for my blog: did used to make mild dark content or interact but it is old + I don't anymore due to reasons below so it shouldn't be recent or reflect me, and blood(I don't consider blood much gore due to people warning them separately) is on there but isn't graphic but isn't much to little at all on my recent posts.

(I can't play the game due to devices not letting me but i still try anyways to engage)

I sometimes post art here, I don't really create separate blogs.

I will ask for DM because I want to know about you, mainly about triggers because I want to know about boundaries and I can clarify things of course.

Communication is key for my disability and I am willing to respond.

I do read DNI lists not skim and try to understand them but if they are too vague then I might accidentally cross a line.

Nothing wrong with you if I did, but I am autistic so I can't interpret stuff exactly and I feel horrible when I accidentally cross lines because plenty of people cross mine intentionally which of course cause me distress I don't wish that upon people of course.

So on my blog ✨

I do post political things that involes dark topics to bring awareness, and Mild blood

(no gore or excessive gore[I dont know what to consider blood is in gore exactly because it been debated]).

I used to interact with outright yandere content 2 years ago, never romanticized it. Treated like angst, Horror or AU topic but nothing to faun over.

I also use to make it kinda earlier in my blog when I mainly post twst content when I was 14-15(I am 17 now) that was some years ago because I was rather exploring horror topic then wanted that shit.

Now of days I don't because of issues I had relating to my dad actions towards my mom.

They also have a tendency to be racist towards POC characters, treat it as a cute topic rather than a disturbing story element and often a outwards kink that doesn't even have trigger warnings half the time.

-----------------------

I don't interact with proshippers, racists, transphobes, ableist or any bigot people to my knowledge.

I am a minor so I appreciate no sexual comments towards me or any character below 18(or 18 but undergrad).

Like I don't want that fr.

Outside of age, I don't interact with those people. Mainly due to the fact I am disabled, black, born AFAB at birth. But also I have friends who applies to other groups and in general I believe hate is unnecessary to people who is doing nothing wrong.

Also transphobia is rooted in colonialism.

If I did please tell me as I most likely wouldn't had known, I am very open to people telling me this.

Which by the way, when I say friends I ment people I talk to but you don't follow me or talk to me on Tumblr if my content that I reblog or post (like the political topics) is triggering.

So you don't see that on your FYP.

I made the mistake before interacting with someone, misinterpreted their DNI list, I got blocked.

(it is their right of course because in the end it is my mistake not matter what excuse damage been done on my part, like i have block people before so it isn't a big deal).

I just don't wanna do that again.

#sampo koski #hsr sampo #hsr #honkai star rail

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looney-mooney · 3 years ago

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Thinking about making an au where Sam and Max are Haru’s distant, crazy gay American uncles who she hasn’t thought about in a while. Until she starts seriously dating Legosi, after which she’s like “maybe I should contact Uncle Max, he’s been married to a vigilante canine for ages”

Details for the Insane Beastars/Sam and Max au under the cut

Max of course DEMANDS to see his niece and her crazy new wolf boyfriend, so they end up going on a trip to the Beastars version of New York City. Louis ends up going along and paying for the trip, because he was already headed over for a business deal so they might as well.

The Beastars version of New York City is obviously culturally different from the Beastars version of Japan, and Legosi ends up getting a new perspective (as he always does.) There are some bugs who can actually talk here (???), and meat isn’t considered taboo in the same way. Most people sign up to be meat donors in their driver’s licenses, because there’s a tax incentive. This move has considerably lessened the strain between Herbivores and Carnivores, so though there’s still definitely some tension between the two groups, those who vehemently insist that carnivores and herbivores shouldn’t interact or date or anything are generally considered right-wing bigots. Most people don’t even really see a separation anymore - carnivores can be meat donors too, and some herbivores here eat meat sometimes. Most Americans are just omnivores.

Systematic racism is still a thing, obviously, because America just Sucks Like That, but I’m White so I’m not even gonna attempt to map out the History of American Racism with Furries. Just know that most people in America have at least a little bit of mixed ancestry, and Legosi probably thinks that’s cool and fascinating while everyone else is like “you seriously didn’t know about the Great American Melting Pot? Bruh have you been living under a rock”

Max is part piranha and no I am not elaborating

They also don’t have permanent Beastars in the States. The closest thing they have to a Beastar is the President, which in this world is… basically the American Beastar. I’m having this be the case mostly so that President Max still fits in with the Beastars Lore ™

Geek exists, and is just a bit younger than Haru and Legosi. She’s probably in high school, but taking college classes at the same time, because Geek’s just. Like That. She’s probably a monkey. Haru isn’t sure what she thinks about Geek at first, but then they start talking and plotting mutant botany projects together and Haru decides that this is her favorite cousin actually

I think Sybil should be at least part fox. Maybe even kitsune-coded, since she changes careers so often? Doctor Mama Bosco’s probably either a dog or a sheep, maybe a sheepdog hybrid? Whatever she is, she started her cloning experiments with insects, which is how Sal and the other talking insects in New York came to exist. Bosco’s probably one of those experimental spider goats or something. The Stinkys are carnivorous seafolk of some sort, originally from the Hudson River but migrated to Land when the river got too polluted for their ancestors to keep living there exclusively. Grandpa Stinky was probably fascinated by land culture and particularly cooking as a young sea-land immigrant, and just messed with the art of cooking as much as possible, which led to the insane food he sells at his diner. I am not going to attempt to assign Abraham Lincoln a fursona.

Legosi spends a good chunk of the trip trying to impress Sam and Max, because these people are members of Haru’s Family and he wants them to like him, but then Legosi ends up star-struck by how well Haru’s uncles work together. He’s never seen partners quite like them in action before, and tries to get them to teach him. But these guys aren’t shonen anime mentors, they’re Sam and Max, so it becomes more of a “hey back off buddy just be yourself and maybe trust your partners a little bit more”

Max in particular really tears Legosi a new one, really gives him a nice good shovel talk. Like, Max likes the kid, sure. Legosi’s the BEST kinda crazy and also a really sweet guy and he seems to care about his niece a lot. But he’s really, REALLY annoyed by how much Legosi shuts Haru out of his life. Like, she’s Max’s kin, she’d be able to take care of herself, she doesn’t need you to protect her to the point of reverence, she needs you to let her in. And not just sexually! Though he has some health class tips and condoms if they wanna do that, cuz he’s the cool uncle. But if you wanna be her partner, you have to RESPECT her, kapiche? Stop treating her like some damsel in distress, she’s tougher than you think. I will end you if you don’t stop infantilizing her.

Sam and Max teach Haru how to fight at some point, because no relative of theirs is gonna go through life not knowing how to defend themselves! Max specifically teaches Haru how to use her hammerspace, and now nobody is safe from her wrath. They also taught her how to use a gun, while scolding Louis for never teaching her this incredibly important life skill! For shame.

Imagine Haru with a gun. The power she would wield. No wonder Paru nerfed her

Speaking of Louis, I’m sure he gets involved in the misadventure somehow, probably by getting accidentally tangled with the villain’s plot during his business deal. I’m sure it’s tangled up in the reveal that Mama Bosco was involved with the anthropomorphic insects, just cuz that’s the biggest and newest difference between these two cultures, and might also somehow nod to the systematic racism in America and how fucked up that is.

Might also address how capitalism is the root of all evil, and how the pressure to conform to capitalism in order to maintain a position of power in his attempts to make the world a better place while also giving Legosi and Haru the space to have their own relationship (while also forcing himself to maintain the charade of a heteronormative arranged marriage with someone he isn’t even remotely attracted to) has been slowly but ruthlessly breaking Louis in a terrible cycle, and how he’s spent so much of his life hiding behind masks that he doesn’t even know who he is anymore. And now he’s in a cage again, but this time he put himself there, with his own actions. And Legosi has to tell him that he doesn’t have to pretend all the time, that he’s his best friend and he wants to help. That he and Haru both love him, and they want him in their lives.

The whole adventure probably ends with Haru saving her boy’s butts, and ruthlessly affirming what Legosi just said. Demanding that they BOTH stop hiding from her, and BOTH stop trying to “protect” her. That she NEEDS them, and she wants them to need her. That they don’t have to be Beastars to be PARTNERS.

And then the whole family (yes I’m including Louis and Legosi in this family) beats the villains up and goes out for a celebratory meal or something IDK how to end things

#sam and max #beastars #long post #meta #au #legosi #Haru #Louis #legoharu #lougoharu #lougoshi #darla gugenheek #sam and max telltale #looney mooney rants #this went from ‘’what if Max was Haru’s crazy gay uncle’’ to an all-out hurt-comfort fix-it au huh #freelance beastars au

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yuu-the-pokemon-trainer-of-nrc · 4 years ago

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Consider supporting me on Ko-fi.

(Click for better quality)

I caught the Pokémon fever and I felt the urge to draw Yuu as a Pokémon trainer!

I kinda want to make a new AU where Yuu actually comes from the Pokémon world as well as update her BIO. Also I’m thinking of changing the color her school uniform’s vest.

Also, in this AU I think with her Pokémon by her side, she’s a lot more confident enough to think she would have no need to disguise herself as a boy. So this is what her uniform would look like:

Backgrounds I used:

Name: Yuu

Gender: Female

Age: 18 (I know I said she was 16 before, but now I want to change it 😖)

BIO: (It got a bit long, so I hid it under cut)

In the world of Pokémon, Yuu was originally from Opelucid City in Unova with her single mother. They were a poor family and her mother stressed day after day, trying to make ends meet while also putting up with the other responsibilities that came with being a parent. What set her over the edge was when Team Plasma attacked the city and froze it in ice along with their home. This made Yuu’s mother decide to put her in foster care in Castelia City in hopes another family would come and take better care of her daughter. That’s what she said, but when Yuu looked at her mother’s face she couldn’t help but see a bit of relief in her eyes. After that, Yuu mostly kept to herself, not really interacting with the other kids, blindly hoping that her mother would return once she’s more financially stable, but she never did...

One day, when she and the other foster kids were out and about the city (with adult supervision of course), enjoying their Casteliacones, a Patrat swiftly took Yuu’s remaining cone! She chased after it down in one of the alley’s, and hid around the corner and made a big discovery! The Patrat was actually a disguised Zorua! After hearing his stomach growl even after he scoffed the cone down, Yuu felt sorry for the illusion Pokémon and approached it. Zorua growled as Yuu settled down her backpack to take out her lunch bag and revealed it’s contents to him. “You need it more than I do. Take it.” She got up and left to return to her group, leaving behind a very confused Zorua. Oddly enough, Yuu met Zorua again shortly on the same day. After finishing most of her lunch Zorua saved an apple and followed her home to return it. (Disguised of course) But even with the disguise, she recognized the apple immediately and could see right through Zorua. Since then the two would meet when Yuu had the time and bring Zorua some food and she would chat and play with him. Sometimes she would talk about something funny she saw on TV, or go ranting about how annoyed she gets with grown ups pestering her about playing with the other kids when she wasn’t even interested. The only game she was interested in was Hide n Seek, but was then banned from playing it by the adults for being too good at it. And couldn’t even talk about Pokémon with the other kids without talking like a “stuck up know-it-all”. As well as talk about her dream of finally becoming a Pokémon trainer and go wherever she wanted without any kids or adults telling her what she can or can’t do. Zorua would then bark at her like he understood what she meant, and for the first time, she felt she finally has a friend/ally.

Then one day, one of the other kids leading a group traced back to where she had been meeting Zorua and found him, and by the time Yuu got there, she was horrified to find the kids circling and ganging up on a distressed Zorua - wanting to touch his ears and tail. At first, Yuu froze in fear, fear that now the kids know where her special meeting place with Zorua was, fear that Zorua might think she betrayed his trust by telling them about this place, but as Zorua cried out - Yuu snapped. Pushing all the other kids away, shielding Zorua, Yuu yelled at them to leave Zorua alone. It did not sit well with the biggest kid, who shoved Yuu to the ground, which angered Zorua! Zorua then used scratch on the kid and used his power of illusions to change into a Hydreigon! Not realizing it was an illusion, the kids ran away, crying and screaming. This greatly relieved Yuu, believing this event would make the kids think twice before messing with them again. However, that sense of security was short-lived ‘cuz shortly after it, she was confronted by the adults who run the foster home as well as a policeman, who was holding a struggling Zorua by the fur collar. Yuu was scolded for attacking the other kids while also making contact with a dangerous wild Pokémon that had a history of stealing food from tourists and local alike and now has attacked a defenseless child. Yuu tried to explain that Zorua was starving and how those kids were scaring him and the only reason he attacked was because she was shoved. But her explanations fell on deaf ears as the policeman said he’ll take Zorua somewhere far away from Castelia City. All Yuu could think of was that she was about to lose her only friend and will be left alone with kids who hate her. Not wanting to bear with that reality, she charged for the Policeman, kicking his shin which was enough to make him to lose his grip enough for Zorua to wriggle away free. And the two both charged out into the alleyways of Castelia City.

Since then, Yuu was a small child with a Zorua on the run. The police were frantic about searching for them, but thanks to Yuu’s cleverness when it comes to Hide n Seek and Zorua’s illusions, it made it all too easy to give them the slip. They were together, but unfortunately they had to steal food in order to get by. One of these thefts lead to a fateful encounter with a certain mad scientist by the name of... Colress.

While he was enjoying his newfound freedom from police custody at a café, Yuu swiped one of his pastries. And of course, it had to take one misstep to alert Colress that he was being stolen from which prompt Yuu to run as if her life depended on it. But as she regrouped with Zorua, they were suddenly surrounded by Colress’ Klingklang, Magnezone, and Porygon-2. With KlingKlang using protect from Zorua’s attacks, they had no way of getting out of it. But even then, Yuu refused to give up if it meant that she and Zorua will be separated. Seeing her bond with Zorua as well as her ability to give Zorua commands despite not even old enough to become a trainer, Colress’ interest was piqued and the gears of his mind started to turn. He held off his Pokémon’s attack, and met with Yuu at eye-level to ask her about her story with Zorua. At first, Yuu refused saying he’s just another adult who would never listen to her or give her the time of day, only for him to respond that it’s quite the contrary. Something about his eyes told Yuu that this isn’t something he would lie about and she reluctantly told him about her situation.

And Yuu didn’t know how (and was too afraid to ask), but somehow Colress was able to convince the people at her foster care to let him take custody of her as her guardian as well as convince the Police to let Zorua off. But one thing she did ask is why he decided to help her and Zorua out in the first place, his response was, “Because I firmly believe that someone should never be separated from a Pokémon they have a clear bond with. No matter what age they may be.”

And since then, Yuu and Zorua were always together. And though Colress was her guardian, he was never a father-figure for Yuu. Yes, he did provide Yuu and Zorua food and shelter, as well as Yuu’s education. But he never hid the fact that he saw the bond between Yuu and Zorua as a fascinating research subject. Sometime even testing how in-sync their brainwaves were. Yuu didn’t really mind either as long as no one dares to take away Zorua again and at the time she saw Colress as the only adult that was ever straight with her.. Zorua himself didn’t trust Colress and would always keep a sharp eye on him while sticking close to Yuu.

Hearing about the close community of people and Pokémon in Alola, Colress moved his lab there thinking it would be the ideal place for his research and took Yuu and Zorua along with him. At first Yuu didn't know how to feel about the change, but was surprised that compared to the kids she knew in Unova, she actually thought decently about her classmates at the Pokémon school that she was enrolled in. For one thing, they actually respected Zorua's space and hers which was a huge breath of fresh air. And her teacher, Professor Kukui, just let her take her time before getting to know them instead of pushing her to do things that made her uncomfortable. Later on, Yuu hears about how close the other students are with their parents, which made Yuu more aware of how different she is from them considering she doesn't exactly have a typical father/daughter relationship with Colress. Seeing her newfound sense of loneliness, Professor Kukui invited her to his lab to spend time with the Pokémon while also meeting his wife, Professor Burnet. It wasn't long before Yuu started having dinners with the married couple and started seeing them as parental figures.

(Now this has been going on for a little while now, so I’ll just sum up the next part shortly as the next part should be stories for another day)

When she became a trainer at the age of 11, Yuu decided to take on the Island challenge. Along the way she became partners with Primarina, Toucannon, Raichu, Mudsdale, Lurantis, and among others with those 5 plus Zoroark being her main 6 for Alola. And after becoming Alola’s first champion, Yuu decided she wanted to travel to experience everything the world has to offer, not only to perfect her battle-style further, but also to meet the Pokémon of every region as well as to grow deeper bonds with her Pokémon.

#trainer!mc #trainer!yuu #pokemon #twst yuu #twst mc #zoroark #primarina #corviknight #goodra #lopunny #shiny lopunny #luxray #twst x pokemon

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thenonbinarydetective · 3 years ago

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Hi! I saw your post about your favorite ridiculous moments in the Hardy Boys books and you mentioned how one of them was how they describe Ned Nickerson and I'd absolutely love to know more about how they describe Ned/your opinion/reaction of that if you don't mind?

Ok I realized Ned is only in three of the books I have, so if you want a part 2...give me money you're gonna have to wait until I can. It was pretty much a joke, but also entirely serious.

I don't have the Captain America reference that I specifically made a joke about, but I know that it's on Tumblr.

Overall, sometimes in the way that Ned is described is supposed to be like a jealous thing (When it's the Hardy Boys narrating), but it's really easy to not see it that way. Like they do like Ned and they are friends with him. Just wanna preface that because these can be read as either platonic or romantic. But also I'm slightly giving it the same treatment they give Nancy and the Hardy Boys, cause why should it be different? You know?

Also that personally I believe all of them are bi (I'm not projecting). Ignoring the sexist versions of the Hardy Boys (primarily Joe), they're way too good to be straight men. Also Ned specifically does not have that many Straight Man Traits™ and that he's entirely willing to be a damsel-in-distress. Ned's technically gender-nonconformative role is not really an important part of this conversation, but I think it should be talked about more.

Anyway I'm rambling. Here's what I'm calling evidence.

Shock Waves

First thing is actually sort of on Ned's side. Joe has a melted set of Iola's keys (remember in this spin-off she was fridged via terrorist bombing) that goes missing. Ned immediately starts looking for them when he sees how upset Joe is about losing them.

The (flirty) banter. It's written the same way banter between Nancy and Frank, Nancy and Ned, or even Nancy or Joe is written. Minus blushing. And the only reason I'm calling this significant because they write banter that's 100% meant to be platonic with a different tone (and adjectives). The Cousins interaction with the Brothers and the Alliteratives have a noticeably different tone (sometimes).

In Chapter Five, Joe found a gold coin and assumes treasure. Nancy and Frank doubt it. Joe tries to defend himself. Ned seemingly comes to his defense. "'I'm not so sure,' Ned piped up. Joe smiled "I knew somebody would have to be on my side'" Ned's response is kinda long but he jokes that Long John Silver was returning the coin to Davy Jones. Joe does not appreciate the joke, but jokingly warns them that if they aren't nice, they won't get a cut.

In Chapter Eight, Frank wants to drive the Oldsmobile. "'Good luck starting it,' Ned said. Frank smiled confidently. 'You just don't have the knack, Nickerson.'"

I should note, the last name thing is usually used in Files (sometimes Mystery Stories too) when couples are flirting with each other. I think like there's a few instances in sport settings where it's probably platonic. Here, questionable. There isn't much use of Marvin or Fayne. Drew and Nickerson on the other hand...

In Chapter Eleven, this may not be the best example. Frank gives Ned a "Thanks a lot buddy" when he and Nancy got separated from the group.

I only mention it because Ned returns the buddy later on when Frank "saves" them all from an explosion. "'We owe our lives to you, buddy,' he said with an admiring grin." If we're really deeply examining the words to find the slightest bit of homoerotic intent in an excessively heteronormative book, Ned's admiring grins don't go to many people other than Nancy. I would know.

While investigating a sunken ship, they all end up apart from each other. There's an explosion in the area where Ned is. The Hardy Boys (specifically Frank) forced Nancy to stay in the water in hopes that Ned wasn't caught in the blast. Nancy assumes Ned is dead, it's three explosions. Probably wouldn't survive if he was there. The Hardy Boys immediately search for Ned, once it's safe, in the hope that he was alive. He was obviously.

Throughout the entire book, I don't even think it's an exaggeration to say that the Hardy Boys spent more time with Ned than they did Nancy. Like a lot of the time they (intentionally) split up, Ned is always with them. Even without Nancy once or twice.

Which I find funny, because it feels like Frank is trying to get Ned's attention and not hers. Nancy's like I hope I don't make jealous because of the tension between me and Frank" and Frank is putting himself with Ned and like any opportunity. That may not be limited to this book, which is why it's last.

Dangerous Games

There really isn't much interaction between them in the book until the end

The Hardy Boys, primarily Joe, direct all the praise for saving the girls to Ned even though they all technically saved them because he was the one who discovered they were in trouble.

Seriously Joe does not waste the opportunity to praise Ned for his quick action. First there was, "If it hadn't been for Ned..." Followed by a "Good thing Ned was around" when Frank and Joe find out how the girls where locked in a burning building.

Again simple, but effective. People have claimed more with less, if we're being fair.

This last one is sort of on Ned's side, and I don't know why but the way he sort of like hypes on Frank a little bit when he and Nancy are talking about her mistaking him for Frank when he saves her from the fire. It just hits different.

"Frank Hardy's a detective. I'm not. Naturally, you thought he was the one who'd rescue you...You and Frank work so well together-it's like you're practically one person. He's a part of your detective life that sometimes take you away from me. I think maybe I resent that a little"

I know that looks like a pretty Francy heavy bit (and it is), but the second part of that speech makes me think a bit deeper. "Look, I can't change the way I feel any more than you can stop being a detective. Without that, you wouldn't be the Nancy Drew I know and love." Like that's a sweet sentiment and all, but English Major here I'm reading further into it. The way he compares Nancy and Frank as being so similar they are practically the same person, and then going on to say the qualities they share are one of the reasons he's attracted to and loves Nancy.

All I'm saying, is that if he finds detectives hot, what's stopping him from finding Frank attractive...Right? lmao

The Last Resort

Again there's not much interaction with the three of them because Ned only appear in the final chapters.

On the cover Frank is wearing an ugly snowsuit with yellow, pink, and blue on it. I normally wouldn't think twice about it, but considering it's so ugly it entirely matches the vibes of your bi (in this case pan) friend buying the ugliest oversized Hawaiian shirt and the thrift store and calling it the cutest thing they've ever brought.

I should mention that Nancy is also wearing a snowsuit featuring blue, pink, and yellow. However, her suit is not that ugly and therefore less noteworthy.

I'm not even sure if I'm counting that as a point or if I just wanted an excuse to talk about the ugly snowsuit and how I honestly want it for myself.

When Ned finally does arrive, after a little bit of an awkward exchange, The first thing Frank says after explaining that why he and Joe were there is, "Your being here is a real boost, Ned...This one has us all stumped" This could be seen as like a thing just to break the awkward tension, but I like to think there is some truth in that Frank does appreciate Ned's intelligence and his input on mysteries.

And if he didn't before, he would after this case because Ned kinda solves the entire mystery- or at least the important part they were missing.

The entire exchange of when Nancy suggests bluffing the villain, there's just something I love about it. May I suggest polyamory?

Ned: Nancy, bluffing can be dangerous. What happens if he doesn't fall for it?

Frank (grinning): But Ned, Nancy's a very convincing person.

Ned: I don't want her to get into trouble, that's all.

Frank: Me neither, but I think [REDACTED] will fall for a bluff. He's ready. Look at him, he's wound up like a coil

Nancy (touching Ned's arm): Ned, I don't see any other way. Do you?

I just like the two of them (mostly Frank) convincing Ned to go through with a dangerous plan. Also the way Frank is talking about Nancy to Ned, it's just like a vibe you know?

Moving on, I love any moment the three of boys work together to do something. Like combining their strengths to bust down a locked door and chase a bad guy in perfect unison with no prior planning. That doesn't have to be gay either, I just love them working together.

After a snowmobile crash, Frank does make it a priority to see if Ned's okay. Over a bad guy who was the only other person involved, but priority nonetheless.

Technically he tells Nancy to do it, while he sees if the bad guy is alive. But hear me out, Nancy (Ned's girlfriend) struggles to choose between seeing if Ned is okay or getting the bad guy. Frank (who is meant to be a love rival) thinks about Ned's well-being more decisively than Ned's girlfriend.

Que the "Nancy's a bad girlfriend" joke, I never really expected the punchline to be "Frank is a better boyfriend to Ned". I like it though.

This one is sort of a joke (as if all of this wasn't), but everyone either at breakfast or accounted for if they aren't besides Ned and Frank. They appear second to last (Joe is on the phone) together. I'm going to imagine they were alone together. Maybe that's why they seem to be in such a good mood.

That's all the moments that I'm calling evidence. Is it insane? Possibly. Do I care? No, this was mostly for fun. Also I kinda ship Ned with Frank. Like I've said, his entire character design was to specifically be the love interest to a detective. That accidentally makes him pretty compatible to multiple detectives.

Also a commentary on how somethings age to be somewhat gayer than intended. But it really isn't surprising for a queer like myself to find the slimmest of gayness in extreme heteronormative conditions.

Anyway, thanks for reading. I hope you enjoyed this!

#ned nickerson #frank hardy #joe hardy #the hardy boys #hardy boys books #nancy drew and the hardy boys super mysteries #nancy drew books #hardy boys #nancy drew #ned x frank #ned x nancy #ned x frank x nancy #this is too indepth I know #her interactive #clue crew

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erinptah · 5 years ago

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The Secret Commonwealth review: It was...pretty underwhelming, mostly

Finally got the audiobook of The Secret Commonwealth checked out from my local library!

(Here’s my review of its predecessor, La Belle Sauvage, if you want to start there.)

It’s 20 hours long. Whoof.

As for the contents…look, it was well-written prose. I didn’t get bored while listening. (Rereading that last review, I realized I’d written the same thing about the previous book, too.) But in retrospect, there sure was not a lot that happened in those 20 hours. Some notable action bits, in between a lot of padding.

And my reactions mostly consist of…complaints. Not “this is hideous, time to ragequit the series, this is an unqualified anti-rec” complaints, more a low-level churn of frustration.

(There’s one scene I know has made someone else outright refuse to read it, though, and I think it’s totally reasonable. More on that later.)

So I’m gonna try to unpack a bunch of it here. Hopefully in enough detail that, if you haven’t read it yet (and don’t mind spoilers), it can help you make an informed decision about whether it’s worth spending 20 hours of your life on.

Spoilers start here!

The Story

We open with Lyra as a 20-year-old student at St. Sophia’s, a women’s college in Oxford. She’s made some kinda-friends, including former booty calls that she’s still on good terms with, but she’s badly estranged from Pantalaimon.

Their rift is exacerbated by a couple of books she’s read that are popular with young intellectuals lately. One is a philosophy book, one is a novel, both of them seem broadly Ayn Randian in the sense that “teens/college kids get really into these books and decide it’s smart and fashionable to adopt their moral framework, ignoring both the logical failures and the ways in which this turns you into a horrible person.”

She’s been staying at Jordan between semesters, but political drama forces her to move, and that’s when Oakley Street swoops in to make contact. They’re the secret Magisterum-thwarting spy organization that Hannah Relf worked for in La Belle Sauvage. Employees now include Alice Lonsdale and Malcolm Polstead, who fill Lyra in on the events of the previous book.

Lyra crashes at Malcolm’s parents’ inn for a bit, but her fighting with Pan gets so bad that he takes off, leaving a note. He’s going to confront one of the authors of the fashionable/terrible books — who lives in Germany, so this could take a while.

Since Lyra can’t just hang around and go through the motions of a normal life while her daemon is visibly missing, she takes off too. First on a detour to the Gyptians, then on a sorta meandering cross-continental journey of her own.

Along the way, both Lyra and Pan keep uncovering new details about this ongoing side plot:

It turns out there’s a place, I think somewhere in the Middle East, where daemons can’t go — same as the area in the North that witches use for separation ordeals. If a human crosses that area, they arrive at the growing-place of a type of rose that won’t grow properly anywhere else, whose oil has the same effect as the seed-pod sap used by Mary Malone in the mulefa world — you can use it to make a Dust-viewing lens.

This rose oil can also be used to make all kinds of super-cool products, like the World’s Best Perfume and the World’s Best Rosewater, so it’s valuable for lots of reasons. But a few researchers have caught on to the Dust-viewing power, and the Magisterium has caught on that some dangerous research is happening with roses, so they’ve started destroying every rosebush they can find in the general region — wreaking havoc with the global economy in the process.

(They’re also trying to convince the general population that God Says Roses Are Immoral now. If this book had come out 5 years ago, I could’ve made some great connections with “there’s widespread successful Magisterium propaganda about how nobody should like or respect the work of botanists.”)

And there’s a related plot where Lyra’s uncle (she actually has one! Mrs. Coulter had a brother!) is playing a long game to re-consolidate as much Magisterium power as possible under a single individual. It gets us some good dramatic sequences…which I feel no need to break down here, because they’re exactly the ones you would imagine, with exactly the outcome you’re already expecting.

One of Uncle Wannabe-Pope’s employees is Bonneville Junior, the son of the miniboss from La Belle Sauvage. He’s a trained alethiometrist, but is more interested in his personal vendetta against Lyra than his actual job. Takes after Dad in that he’s not very deep or complex, just a straightforward fun-to-hate villain.

Pan eventually makes his way to the Terrible Author’s home, where he discovers that things are weird and creepy, but not very specific. Doesn’t achieve anything in particular, either. Disheartened, he sets off for the Region of the Weird Roses, with the idea he’ll meet Lyra there.

Lyra, meanwhile, has a notebook they recovered from an explorer who went to the Region of the Weird Roses. It includes a list of other (non-witch) people across the world who’ve been separated, because apparently they’re more common than you’d think, and have a secret support network. So she visits a few of these people along her trip, with an endgame goal of Weird Roseville.

Malcolm also makes his own journey toward Weird Roseville. I think it was part of an Oakley Street investigation into “what does the Magisterium have against roses these days?” In the middle of it, Bonneville Junior confronts him (Junior is having trouble finding Lyra, but has a secondary vendetta against Malcolm for killing his dad, so this is almost as good). Malcolm talks him down.

At last Lyra, Pan, and Junior all hit the same “creepy deserted town in the general area of Weird Roseville.” But none of them manage to interact before the book ends.

…In my LBS review, I said it had serious middle-of-the-trilogy syndrome, a whole lot of setup for no payoff. TSC spends very little time following up on any of it. To be fair, the Original Trilogy has happened in the meantime and this book also tries to address some of the events from that, but the vast bulk of it is even more setup for no payoff.

Complaints, Broadly Organized By Theme, In Loosely Chronological Order

Lyra at St. Sophia’s:

I really like how the opening sequence involves Lyra noticing a friend is in distress and helping her out! (Friend’s dad is in the rose-using business, and his company is going under.) And then…that’s the last we see of any connections with female friends her own age. In the entire book.

One of the Terrible Rationalist Books is spreading the idea that “daemons are a collective hallucination.” This is not a “rational” idea in this world! It would be like saying that faces are a collective hallucination!

And Lyra is the least likely person in this world to buy into it, because she’s visited a world without visible daemons, and got empirical proof (via Will’s and John Parry’s separation ordeals) that even under those conditions, they still exist!

I can appreciate the idea of Lyra and Pan being traumatized and scarred and having trouble, but this, specifically, is a nonsensical thing for them to argue over.

The book also gestures (not very hard, thankfully) toward the idea that Lyra is doubting the existence of magic in general. Which, again, is the equivalent of someone from our world deciding it’s rational to doubt the existence of weather.

Also, it seems like Lyra/Pan haven’t had any contact with witch society through these years. Why not? If anyone’s going to have sympathy and understanding and support groups for their separation-related trauma, it’s the culture where every single member formally goes through the same thing! And I’m sure Serafina would be delighted to see them! But they don’t even consider the idea.

Lyra and Malcolm:

Yes, they’re being telegraphed as a future couple, and yes, it’s just as creepy and unappealing as the internet has been saying.

And, look, I’m not going to say “20-year-old Lyra is too young to date anyone she wants.” Not after we got through all of Original Flavor HDM without saying “12-year-old Lyra is too young to go on an interdimensional journey with no adult supervision and save the multiverse.”

But he was one of her teachers when she was 16, and his POV includes remembering how he had to actively shut down sexual interest in her then, and here in the present Lyra still thinks of him as kind of a distant authority figure, and that’s weird, okay?

They only have a couple days’ worth of actual interaction before being apart for the rest of the book. That’s not enough time to believably develop their dynamic into something believably-potentially-romantic. So the narrative doesn’t try.

…but it still has multiple people ask Malcolm if he’s in love with Lyra afterward.

The foreshadowing on Lyra’s side is all in how she keeps thinking about how similar he is to Will. (Cat daemon, killed someone when he was a tween, etc.) Because that’s what we all want for Lyra’s romantic future, a knockoff Will-substitute, amirite?

Separately: Malcolm and friends tell Lyra the whole backstory about the magical boat trip from La Belle Sauvage, but it doesn’t seem like she tells them anything about “that time I went on an interdimensional journey, built a group of allies from multiple worlds and species including literal angels, killed God, and permanently rewrote the nature of death.” I feel like that should’ve come up!

General daemon stuff:

There’s a moment in the early chapters when Pan, wandering alone at night, considers eating some small critter (the kind that an ordinary pine marten would eat). It’s not like he’s going through a species-identity crisis, either. It’s just written as…a thing a daemon might do. So that’s weird.

In the original series, daemon separation is a major, improbable ordeal. Under normal circumstances, a human and a daemon being dragged apart past their distance limit will just kill them. At Bolvangar they figured out a severance method that would leave you physically functional, but dead inside. Witch-style separation only happens at this special daemon-repelling place in the North (you don’t have to be a witch to use it, see John Parry, but they usually don’t tell non-witches it exists), or on the shores of the World of the Dead. So far, so good.

In this series, we find out that there’s another place on this Earth with the same daemon-repelling properties. It’s also remote and isolated and associated with Cool Weird Stuff (the cities in the Northern Lights vs. the Dust-revealing roses). Again, so far, so good.

…And then we find out that random people can just kinda do a separation ordeal anywhere. Okay, it already happened to Malcolm in La Belle Sauvage, but now it’s all over the place. Lyra keeps spotting people on the street without daemons! Pan teams up with a kid who got dragged apart from her daemon in a shipwreck, and it didn’t kill them! It’s too easy. It’s unsatisfying. It undercuts so much of the monumental feeling separation had in the original trilogy.

It also makes it even weirder that nobody was able to hook Lyra and Pan up with a support group. Oakley Street couldn’t suss it out? Her friends among the Gyptians couldn’t catch an underground rumor and pass it on?

Related: when we saw daemonless kids in The Golden Compass, they were treated like horror-movie monsters. Like zombies, ghosts, bodies walking around without heads. But when people clock Lyra as being daemonless here, they treat it like it’s something immoral. Like she’s walking around topless and needs to cover it up.

There’s just a general pattern of rewriting HDM’s established rules about daemons, and not for the better.

And speaking of rewriting established rules…general alethiometer stuff:

There is a New Method for reading the alethiometer. It involves pointing all three hands at the same symbol, which already seems like a gimmick, not a useful way to frame a question.

And somehow, that gets you the answers in the form of…magic visions. No intuition or interpretation needed! The sights and sounds just get funneled directly into your brain!

The reason this isn’t a Plot-Breaking Hack is because it makes the user super-queasy. You can only use it when you’re in a position to be sick afterward, and people would rather not use it at all.

Lyra spends most of the story with the alethiometer, and without all the symbology books that go with it. She avoids using the New Method because of the nausea, but she also avoids using the Classic Method, on the grounds that it apparently can’t get her anything without the books.

She’s been studying these books for years now! Couldn’t she at least try to read it, and make her best guess at the interpretation? Maybe sometimes she gets it right, maybe sometimes she’s wrong and things go sideways and she realizes in hindsight which of the symbols she misread, maybe sometimes she gives up and gets depressed and puts it away without drawing a conclusion at all…but nope, she just flat-out doesn’t interact with it.

Midway through the book, Lyra gets a tipoff about a kind of truth-reading cards. That’s fine; we know there are other methods of truth-reading in the multiverse, including the I Ching and Mary Malone’s computer. Makes sense as a new tidbit of worldbuilding.

But towards the end of the story, someone helpfully gifts Lyra a deck of the cards. And she spends some time trying to infer answers from how the pretty pictures on the cards fit together. More time than she spends trying to infer answers from how the pretty pictures on the alethiometer fit together.

The alethiometer didn’t need a New Method or a total replacement in the narrative…but apparently it’s getting them.

And what was the point of Lyra dedicating herself to studying those symbols, for years, if she can get better and more-accurate data from a set of symbols she’d never seen before until this week?

Pan’s international voyage:

This all started when Pan got the idea that Terrible Author had “put a spell on Lyra and stolen her imagination.” Which sounds like a figure of speech at first, but no, apparently Pan thinks this guy is literally magic.

And yet, somehow, not magic enough to be dangerous, even for a single lone daemon whose only plan is “confront him directly and demand that he fix it”?

Most of the trip is uneventful, since it’s a long string of Pan successfully keeping out-of-sight.

There’s one clever part where, once he’s in Terrible Author’s hometown, he finds a school for the blind to ask for information. That way he can say “my girl is totally standing right over there, don’t worry about it, now, any chance you know where Terrible Author lives?”

…of course, the first person he asks has exactly the right answer and is happy to share. Convenient, that.

As mentioned, Terrible Author’s setup is suitably creepy and off-putting, but Pan doesn’t figure out anything about why. Doesn’t investigate. Didn’t come up with any kind of plan beforehand about how to coax Terrible Author into undoing his evil spell. Pan just confronts him, demands he fix Lyra, realizes this hasn’t fixed Lyra, and leaves.

There’s a bombshell much later on when Lyra finds out that Terrible Author is separated! And, although there’s a daemon who hangs around with him, they don’t actually belong to each other! This is fascinating and disturbing and would’ve been so much more satisfying if, you know, Pan had figured this out and was actively trying to bring the information to Lyra. Or, heck, if anything had been done with it at all.

Shortly afterward, Pan runs into this girl who just happens to be separated from her daemon, and is available and happy to team up with Pan, so they can head off to Weird Roseville together. Convenient. Again.

Lyra’s Bogus Journey:

Lyra has a much harder time staying out of sight than Pan, so she gets a lot more interaction along her trip.

Most of it is a long string of the same convenient “running into people who are helpful and friendly and have exactly the information she needs to move the plot along.” (More details on that below.)

When this happened in the original trilogy, it was the alethiometer deus-ex-machining her in the right direction, which worked! But here it seems to keep happening by accident. (She brings the alethiometer, but, as mentioned, she doesn’t use it.)

The Conveniently Helpful People also keep telling her (with minimal prompting, and what seems like total honesty?) whole backstories. All of which are more interesting than the actual narrative she’s going through.

They also occasionally mention God/the Authority, and Lyra doesn’t have much of a reaction. I wish, just once, she had snapped “it doesn’t matter what the Authority thinks! Or rather, what he used to think, since my boyfriend and I killed him when we were 12!”

The convenience also could’ve worked if Oakley Street agents were being cool and clever and actively tracking her journey in order to help. She does run into a few of them, but that seems to be by accident too.

And it could’ve worked if there was other magic steering her along — she keeps dropping the phrase “the secret commonwealth,” meaning the world’s hidden population of faeries and other supernatural creatures — but as of the end of the book, none of Lyra’s friendly helpers have been revealed to be anything other than human. (Some are modified in exotic ways, but they were human to start with, at least.)

Even farther towards the end of the book, after this long string of people being Conveniently Helpful For No Reason, she ends up in a train car with…and I wish I was making this up…a bunch of soldiers who are Inconveniently Attempted Rapists For No Reason.

That record-scratch moment your brain just did? That’s how it feels in the book, too. The attack comes out of nowhere, there’s suddenly a big action sequence with Lyra fighting back, their CO shows up and makes them let her go, and then she leaves the train and heads almost directly to the next bunch of Conveniently Helpful People.

If anyone wants more detailed spoilers, either to be prepared before reaching the scene or to decide whether you’ll read it at all, let me know.

To be blunt about one thing: from the in-scene descriptions I would’ve said none of these guys actually managed to get their dicks out, but a few days later we get the book’s first and only reference to Lyra having periods. And she doesn’t think “oh, thank republic-of-heavens, I’m not pregnant,” which suggests she knew it wasn’t a risk, but the whole Narrative Reason you write that in after an assault scene is because someone is afraid it’s a risk, so, what are you even doing, Pullman??

Okay, switching tracks.

Some of the people Lyra encounters, usually with personal stories that are way more interesting, and I wish they’d been [part of] the actual main plot:

A guy who meets her at a train station, says he has a friend who needs her help, leads her out into a maze of city streets where she explicitly thinks about how risky this is because she’s totally lost…but she does the mission and it’s fine and he leads her right back to the train station afterward.

The friend is a human who’s been modified by “a magician” to be some kind of fire-elemental person, and wants Lyra to help find his daemon, who was modified into a water-elemental form — a mermaid! This is cool and fascinating and scary and raises so many questions —

— and they get killed immediately after Lyra reunites them, and we never find out anything more about it.

The killer is the magician, who had been holding the water-sprite daemon captive. (And is possibly also the guy’s father? Finally, someone who can beat Marisa and Asriel in a “Bad Parenting Juice” drinking contest.) Which, again, is fascinating and evocative — how do you become a magician? Or are they born, like the witches? How many are there? What kinds of things are they doing in the world? —

— yeah, we don’t find out anything about that either.

Murderous Magician Dad just gives Lyra some helpful plot information, then sends her and the train-station guy off on their way.

A couple of guys who intervene when Lyra is being harassed at a bar.

They steer her outside, she’s prepared for a fight, but they hold up their hands and say they’re friendly, and also, they noticed someone steal the alethiometer bag off her earlier, so here, would she like it back?

They give her some helpful rumors, too. Don’t remember which specific ones, but they lead her to the next plot point.

A rich elderly princess who’s on the Daemonless International Support Group list, because her daemon fell in love (!) with another woman (!!) and eventually ran off with her (!!!).

Lyra thinks to herself that she’s seen other situations where a daemon and their human have different feelings about a romance. Just thinks it in passing, and then it’s gone. I want to see these situations! I want on-page exploration of multiple ways they can work! How do they correspond to the feelings of people in worlds where all the daemons are internal?

As for the princess, I already knew it was going to be a big scandal — two human women in that day and age could never be a couple, at least not in public, and A Literal Princess is a very public figure —

but then, in spite of the scandal, the princess moves in with the woman! And they travel together, they work together, they share a bed, she explains to Lyra that she played the role so thoroughly she made herself fall in love with the woman!

…and then it falls apart for some reason, and the princess leaves, but her daemon insists on staying. So that’s how they get separated. Deliberately walking away from each other.

There’s a brief reference to the idea of him wishing he was the other woman’s daemon, instead of the princess’s. How does that work? How do you get so disconnected from yourself, and in such a skewed partial-match with someone else, that you end up with that kind of yearning?

In case you can’t tell, I want to read this novel. I would trade the entirety of The Secret Commonwealth for this novel. No question, hands down.

Instead: Princess says “if you run into my daemon, tell him I’d like to see him again before we die?” Lyra says “sure, can do, thanks for the brunch.” And then, you guessed it, that whole scene is over and done with and we never get any follow-up on it again.

A pair of agents from Oakley Street, who say “hey, Lyra, have you considered using some basic disguise techniques, like dyeing your hair and wearing glasses?”

And then they give her a lovely haircut and a dye job and a spare pair of fake glasses.

This isn’t anywhere near the beginning of Lyra’s journey, by the way! This is more than 80% of the way through the book. There’s no special reason she needs it more after this point.

It’s like Pullman suddenly realized a disguise might help, wrote the scene at the point he had reached, and then never went back and edited to put it in a more meaningful location.

The stranger on a train who shows Lyra the deck of “exactly the same as an alethiometer” cards, gives her a demonstration of how to use them, and then leaves the whole deck behind for her to keep.

A married couple who don’t share any languages in common with Lyra, and don’t seem to have a lot of money…but feed her and let her stay at their house overnight, for free, even daemonless as she is. They also give her a free niqab so she can move around less conspicuously (she’s still injured from the fight with the soldiers).

A priest who invites her into his church, isn’t bothered when she takes off the niqab, helps treat her injuries, and gives her a motherlode of useful details about highly-illegal dealings he’s not even supposed to know about, but will unveil to this total stranger who just wandered in, because she needs them for the next plot point.

This when Lyra finds out that someone in this region has resurrected the Bolvangar method. But this time they aren’t kidnapping random children for it. No, they’re paying for it. If you’re poor enough, and desperate enough, and can’t spare any more kidneys, these people will buy your daemon to sell on the black market.

The city has a whole secret underclass of illegally-severed people working in the sewers.

Meanwhile, rich people who’ve been deserted by their daemons can purchase a stand-in. This is what Terrible Author did. Of course, it’s not a true replacement, but the dealers boast about their ability to make an excellent match.

There are also people who buy separated daemons for other scientific/experimental purposes. Details left to our imaginations.

This is a horrifying sinister mindblowing discovery, as much of a bombshell as the original Bolvangar was. I mean, it would’ve hit harder if Lyra had uncovered it by spying, or tricking someone into revealing the information, or anything more elaborate than “asking straightforward sorta-related questions and getting this whole sordid story infodumped by the first guy she asked,” but it’s still big.

So it’s gonna shake things up something fierce, right? Maybe Lyra won’t go full-on “calling in the cavalry to tear the place down” until Book 3, but this would be her new “stepping through the doorway into the sky” moment — where the horror of what she’s learned galvanizes her into making a pivotal decision, where she starts laying the groundwork for the revolution —

— no, of course not, this is where she starts going around to the hideouts of various undercover daemon-sellers and asking if they can help her find Pan.

Come on.

And this brings us to the end of the book. One of the black-market daemon-sellers guides Lyra to the creepy abandoned town where the final scene takes place.

In these last moments, the audience (but not Lyra) finds out that this guy has ulterior motives. Which would make it the first time in the whole book when “Lyra or Pan takes a Conveniently Helpful Person at face value with total credulity” turns out to be a bad idea.

(And, I mean, he’s a black-market daemon-seller. If anyone on that list was obviously an unethical scumball who shouldn’t be counted on….!)

Finally, a few things that don’t fit into any neat lists, but annoyed me enough to mention:

1) People curse in this book. Which is notable because they didn’t in HDM, and it wasn’t just the adults watching their mouths around tween Lyra — we got plenty of scenes that only had people like Mrs. Coulter and Lord Asriel in them. Those two would definitely be dropping f-bombs if it was a routine part of their world’s language, and this book reveals that it is.

So every time it happens it breaks your immersion, pointedly reminding you “this isn’t a real world, it’s a fake story where the author can switch the profanity-filter on and off at will.” Does it enhance the narrative in a way that’s worth the tradeoff? I don’t think so.

2) Before I read the book, I’d heard vague spoilers about “a character with a mermaid daemon,” and figured it was someone from a cool magical species — hopefully more expansion/exploration on the fairy from La Belle Sauvage whose daemon appeared to be “a whole flock of butterflies.”

But no, it’s a magically-modified human. His situation doesn’t get explored that deeply before he dies, or connect with anything else in the story. The fairy, meanwhile, does get mentioned when Malcolm tells Lyra about meeting her, but she doesn’t reappear or get any kind of follow-up.

In spite of the title, the only explicit appearance of any members of the “secret commonwealth” is some little glowing spirits, basically wights, that Lyra watches over the side of a gyptian boat one time.

3) There’s a scene where a bunch of people gather in a meeting hall to protest the Magisterium sabotaging their various rose-related livelihoods. A couple Magisterium reps are there. Malcolm is also there, and his POV basically goes “huh, looks like all the exits have gotten the doors shut. And barred. And suddenly they each have an armed Magisterium agent standing in front of them. That’s weird. Gonna keep quietly observing to find out what happens next.”

This guy is supposed to be a cool experienced anti-Magisterium spy! This is basically a giant neon sign flashing COMING UP NEXT: MASSACRE! (It is not a misdirect, either.)

And Malcolm sees it, but doesn’t read it, or take any action to try to subvert it, or even move to defend himself — it’s just like any cheesy horror movie where the audience is shouting LOOK BEHIND YOU at the unwitting character who’s about to get murdered.

Wrap-Up Thoughts

Whatever happens in the final volume of this trilogy, it might reveal things that redeem some of the problems in this book. But I’ll be honest, I’m not holding my breath.

And when I think about reveals that would address these problems, everything I come up with is stuff that should’ve just been in this book.

For example: let’s say the Fair Folk are directly involved after all, intervening to steer Lyra and Pan down the most convenient paths. In particular, the guy on the train who only appears long enough to give Lyra a set of alethiometry cards + a tutorial on how to use them — I really want him to be Fae. It’s so contrived and random if he’s not.

But the readers should know about it! Back in HDM, we would get scenes about the plans and activities of all the other factions at work. It might take a while to discover the exact details of (for example) the witches’ ultimate goal that Lyra was part of, but we knew they had a goal, and were supporting her in service of it. If the Secret Commonwealth is actively involved in the plot, we should’ve gotten that by now.

Semi-related: I feel like, if the rest of the book was better, then I’d have no trouble explaining a lot of the Lyra-specific issues as “she’s super-depressed, not in a place to make great choices or take a lot of decisive action.”

But it’s not like she’s drifting around in a trauma fog that hampers her ability to get things done. Her journey, while not perfect or threat-free, still comes together with improbable smoothness — as if the writing hasn’t noticed that she’s not being proactive and prescient and well-coordinated and overall super-competent about it. Meanwhile, other characters are underwhelming in the same way. (Looking at you, Malcolm “I Can’t Believe It’s Now a Bloodbath” Polstead.)

So it doesn’t seem like a conscious narrative choice to write Lyra this way. It just seems consistent with the complaints I have about everything else in the writing.

…let’s be honest, I’m almost certainly gonna read the third book anyway. I’m enough of a completist that it’ll bother me not to, I don’t have a lot of hard-stop dealbreakers that would make me bow out anyway, and, well, I do a lot of work that requires time-passing listening material. The Secret Commonwealth is nowhere near the most-frustrating audio I’ve used to fill that time.

But it hasn’t left me excited or optimistic or Shivering With Anticipation, either.

Mostly I just anticipate getting some useful stuff done while I listen, and then having a final set of reactions to work through in another one of these posts.

#His Dark Materials #HDM #The Book of Dust #The Secret Commonwealth #tsc spoilers #review

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uclaradio · 6 years ago

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Latinx Punks’ Style Against Societal Norms

Article by Samantha Garduno

Photographs by Karina Jaramillo and Kelvin Cerezo

In the United States, white supremacist and patriarchal ideologies create societal norms causing a struggle for survival among marginalized youth. Latinx kids from Los Angeles are currently trying to create their own space in order to openly perform their identities and ideas in an oppressive society. The punk genre is a loud and fast-paced form of music that speaks about the failures of society. Classism, Sexism, and Racism are all issues that limit the growth of marginalized youth. This genre encourages rebellious youth movements against oppressive social norms and government institutions. The punk scene is a form of spatial entitlement and sonic space among Latinx youth trying to survive in Los Angeles. The rebellious aspect of the punk scene is shown through Latinx fashion; their style is considered as nonconforming. The dark “edgy” clothes worn by these youth is critical in giving the space meaning and allows the representation of Latinx punk identities. Conservative adults look down upon Punk Latinx groups because they look intimidating and problematic. However, interacting with these Latinx Punks and hearing their stories it reveals how empowered they are by claiming a space that is rarely inclusive towards their identity.

The aggression and rebellion that is seen through Latinx Punk style is a product of marginalized kids’ creation of subcultures in order to help them survive discrimination and racism. Their styles showcase empowerment and unity among Latinx youth. They are able to separate themselves from mass culture to seek their own individuality. In the following photos, I will present some images from the OC Punk Fest of Latinx youth embodying the punk culture. At the fest, I asked them to introduce themselves, share their identities, and why the punk subculture is important to them. After hearing their stories, I learned that these Latinx punks are visionaries and want to present themselves through their fashion, ideas, and music. They are making an impact in today’s society by being themselves.

Left to Right: Jagger Age 16, Sydney Mendez Age 16, Rodrigo Hernandez Age 15, Daisy Gonzales Age 16, Andrew Hernandez Age 17 (Shot by Karina Jaramillo)

Sidney Mendez: “My name is Sidney, I'm 16 years old. I live in Placita. I’m Latina and Columbiana. Punk is something that has been a part of my life because it runs in my family. My mom was in a band when she was younger and so she taught me basically everything she knows about punk music. It’s basically something that I’ve been listening to my whole life and never got over it. Punk music is more than just listening and liking how it sounds, it makes me feel alive because of how my adrenaline rises. It’s a contest feeling of happiness for me and it brings me and my friends closer because we share the same interest in music.”

Left to Right: Aurora Zavala Age 20, Karina Perez Age 20, Leslie Mayorga Age 19 (Shot by Karina Jaramillo)

Aurora Zavala: “My name is Aurora Zavala I'm 20 years old I'm latina. The way I dress is inspired by some of my favorite musicians from the '80s and of course, I incorporate my own taste into it. It's important to me because I feel like it represents everything that I like.” Karina Perez: “Well hi my name is Karina Perez I’m 20 years I live in South Central Los Angeles. I’m Latina. Well for me it’s a representation of who I am what I like and it’s important to me because I’m representing the punk scene in some way since we are underrepresented and not really paid attention to an extent. It also represents us female since it’s very dominated by males and shows that females do exist in the punk scene that were out here changing the scene and representing it. And also it is a part of me and my style and who I am as a person.” Leslie Mayorga: “My name is Leslie Mayorga I’m 19 years old and I’m from Los Angeles, I identify as Hispanic. My style varies a lot it’s usually lots of black 80s-esqué garments like dresses, trousers, blazers, etc. I love jewelry too! I’ve made earrings and stuff like that. I feel like the reason I like to dress the way I do has a lot to do with how I express myself and want to physically project myself to others, a lot of times people stare at me and mad dog me and I know the reason for that is because of how I look (dress, hairstyle, makeup) and in a way making people angry or uncomfortable in that sense can be liberating because it’s obvious that if someone feels threatened it’s because they are looking at something they don’t know or even bother to understand/respect and I find it kinda funny and kinda sad how people can be so judgmental. Part of it too is that I just love putting outfits together and adding little details. Fashion and style can be very empowering.”

Far Right: Ramon Torres Age 19 (Shot by Karina Jaramillo) Ramon Torres: “Ramon Torres (19) Hispanic. My style is a mix of 90s grunge/punk/hipster style. It’s just a combination of all the things I enjoy listening to or things I find appealing to wear. Usually set myself apart from the general population that wears the new high-end brands while I just thrift most my stuff to save money and mix it up. My style is significant to me because it gives a satisfaction that I don’t look like everyone else and it gives me confidence. This is basically saying to everyone else “This is me, I dress weird and that’s okay.” I always had a sense of style, however, my current style was influenced by OC punk scene going on right now where punk is still seen as abnormal and crazy!”

Anai Mata, Age 19 wearing a distress Black Flag Police Story shirt and a cheetah print skirt (Shot by Karina Jaramillo) Anai Mata: “Anai Mata, age 19, born Chula Vista raised Moreno Valley, I am Mexican American, first language Spanish. My style has a lot of rock and roll roots, my dad was a metal head and I would see pictures of him; he'd talk about the music but in very little interest. When of course I was interested. He has the photo of him and his old friend and they're both in heavy leather jackets and hightop Nikes; I thought it looked badass. Anyway, music wise I started off listening to Rage Against the Machine when I was 5 years old and from there I built up a style, you know. My first punk bands were The Adolescents, Conflict, The Casualties, The Clash, and Circle Jerks. I always thought about the punk scene/music was revolutionary. The style itself was fucking everyone off right and it was an outcast thing. That's goes with me. My parents didn't let me dress myself under up to 5th grade and I would dress casual. At the age of 12 through 15, I was making my own shit(jeans, cut shirts and shit like that). I started attending backyard shows at 13 because my brother had this band, so therefore I was exposed to the Moreno valley punk/ska/indie. It was all mixed in from what I remember. Throughout high school I had my docs and patches I shaved my hair into a tri-hawk and would wear it up every day. My dad has beat me up because of the way I would dress and stuff. It wasn't cool but it’s important because it shows the ones that want to see you "normal" or "una pinche niña adolescente" like it’s a big FUCK”

Nathan Salazar Age 15 (Shot by Kelvin Cerezo) Nathan Salazar: “My name is Nathan Salazar. I am 15 years old and I’m from Long Beach, California. I am Hispanic and Guatemalan. My style isn’t exactly the same as everyone else; I like to dress in my own way where I feel comfortable. I like to paint my nails black and wear docs and tuck in my shirt with cut sleeves and wear a bandana around my leg. I paint my nails and wear the bandana because I hate the fashion now and everyone looks the same and it bugs me. I just try to do the opposite like painting my nails to show that I don’t care that “painting your nails is for females. ” The scene is important to me for many reasons. I’m glad punk rock is still thriving because if it weren’t I would be one bored mf but also it gives me a reason just to go out and be with people I can call my friends because we all feel the same about things and how we think people on the outside are. I’m thankful for the scene because how it brings us together in every way not just through feeling but through the love for punk rock and without the scene I don’t even think I’ll have my own band, The Neurotics, and it encourages me and my band just go hard every time we play because we can’t look sorry. I love the people in it yeah everyone’s not perfect but the people I’ve met I’m thankful for that people are really humble.”

#latinx #punk #punk style #latinx punks #punks #la music #los angeles #culture #ucla radio #college radio #other

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universal-kitty · 6 years ago

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Miwako captures my feelings the best right now, but honestly.... I think it’s time I brought this up. Cause my feelings towards the community of self-ship at large are kinda hitting a peak right now... Maybe it’s the fact I’m also super emotionally charged right now, but... I’ve had these thoughts before, so it’s not like this is a new thing.

Anyways, I’ll stop beating around the bush and get to the point...

Kinda thinking about separating from the community at large.

It started with the wave after wave of Discourse. Granted, it was fair these points were brought up and addressed, but I’m also a highly empathetic person; seeing other people distressed and upset or angry also is a harsh blow for me, who picks up on that energy. So there was one.

Admittedly, what also got me (and a few others) was the Age Discourse. Again, understandable in light of what happened, but I’ll finally say it: I don’t agree that aging up counts as being a pedo. I’ll agree that it’s questionable if you met a fave and wanted to age them up right of the bat (ex: me meeting Deku and wanting to ship, so I age him up/age myself down), but in the cases of- for example- me and Kurama.... I’ve grown up with him. I picked up Komaeda when we were same-age.

I talked with a friend about how my trauma makes me not want to let things go. I’ve moved around a lot, lost a lot of friends in the process, and generally have the feeling that nobody stays and- again- being as empathetic as I am, that hurts me deeply. So though a lot of people seem to agree that if you grow up and your F/O doesn’t, to drop them.... I can’t do that. It would upset me greatly to drop any of my F/Os because I’m tethered to growing up and their creators stopped them at 17 years, never to speak of them again.

It makes me look at characters like Kiba, who’s creators let him grow up, and would make me salty that didn’t get that for someone like Kurama.

It’s just who I am and I understand if it makes people uncomfortable. But this is also where I stress that “fiction =/= reality” for me. It shows in how I love characters like Handsome Jack or KnockOut or Kanato. They are terrible people who have killed and hurt others, yes, but I still love them... Again, largely because I’ve taken the time to understand my traumas and how they tie into my faves.

It’s because I’ve had a lot of events in my life that I didn’t realize were very traumatic until recently. It makes me crave the sweet, everlasting kindness some faves give me....but also the “they hurt you, I kill them” protectiveness from others. I need to feel loved as much as I need to feel safe and unable to ever be hurt again...which those “messed up” F/Os provide me.

I fully understand a person like that in real life is SUPER unhealthy. Yandere-types in reality would do nothing but mess me up more. Again, I know this; fiction =/= reality.

What’s also come to my attention, though... Is this is beginning to echo an old experience I had in the UT fandom. One where I made a bunch of friends, had a great time...but after a while, felt left out and abandoned by them. My words were never heard and jokes I had made were passed around casually. I mean, sure, suppose it’s a bit much to deserve credit for a group-upheld meme, but... It’s the need for validation, you know? We all have that craving to be relevant and important...

...And I never felt that way. To the point where the group was toxic for me, because I ended up desperate for attention and the need to be validated by people who didn’t care about me and had already put two other people on pedestals in the group. It wasn’t good for me and my mental health, so I left.

The self-ship community....gives me the same feeling.

The desperate need to be validated and recognized. The despair I feel that I can’t achieve that, that I’m useless if I don’t make content, that my F/Os are better off with other people, and so, so much more.

Self-shipping, I can’t stop. It means too much of the world for me to do. However, I think it’s safe to say I’d be better off cutting from the community as a whole and most likely ceasing following anyone who isn’t already a friend to me. Still open to interaction and making new friends, but... On the whole, being involved with the community has done nothing but drain me and make me feel like shit.

(Plus other drama, but... Look. Aside from saying that, I’ll leave it there. I’m tired of it, I wish it’d be dropped, but if people want to talk behind my back.... Fine. I’m so, so tired, man. Just leave me alone.)

...And that about sums it up. I’m tired, I’m expecting people to twist my words and call me shit, and I just want to be with my faves in peace.

Keep an eye out for “akitheshinigamia”. I’ll likely be unfollowing a good handful of people shortly, especially those I haven’t really talked with in the past. I just...am really not wanting to do much in the community and I don’t want to feed any more of my attention-seeking behavior, even though I know it’s natural. I just wanna be happy w/ my faves in my corner and- for the moment- depressed w/ them, too.

...Thanks for reading this, if you did.

#Aki speaks #my head hurts #vent post

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musicfeedsmysoul12 · 6 years ago

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Haven Raised Chapter 8

Summary: Harry's life is completely changed when his aunt and uncle are forced to take him to a funeral at a relatives. Now being raised by Primrose Evans, her sister Grace and the citizens of Havenfall, his life is going to be a roller coaster.

AO3 LINK

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Ron Weasley had never had a friend like Harry Potter before. Hell, he had few friends in general. Being the younger son of the Weasley family meant he tended to get branded the same as his siblings- though thankfully that hadn’t happened to him since he got into Hufflepuff and his disability was discovered.

Harry was a nice kid with what his mom would probably call a big heart. He loved animals, had a blast doing magic and like to chat with Ron about anything. He also had the habit of double checking with teachers about everything.

“When you say five inches Professor, do you mean that as a maximum or minimum?” He asked McGonagall one day during class when she was assigning a topic.

“Both Mr. Potter,” McGonagall said after a moment. “While I do like the enthusiasm of some students, I prefer you all keep your essays short for now. When you reach sixth year is when I would like you to go beyond the structure.” Granger looked horrified, eyes wide. “I would talk to the other professors about their own thoughts on how much extra they are willing to accept.”

That got some great news coming from the teachers- many students had been embarrassed by other students who wrote so much for their papers. Learning that most teachers didn’t like too long papers made everyone pleased.

“I do enjoy a good extra ten inches for third year and up, but I prefer my first to second years having only five extra,” Flitwick said to the class when asked. “In my seventh-year class, thirty inches extra is the maximum.”

Everyone else had similar thoughts- and while there was some backlash from people like Granger, most people adapted easily enough.

Harry was also interesting because of his family. He had this thing called a phone he usually kept hidden from people, as he didn’t want to deal with jealousy over it and because it technically was illegal.

“If you look at it sideways,” Harry said. “It is magically made in the USA, just also technically muggle to. So… yeah.” He used the phone to contact his family a lot- mostly his mom and aunt, though he did talk to his mom’s boss and coworker who Harry grew up around too. Ron even got to chat with Prim- she insisted on it. She was really nice.

Grace was funny too, and he compared her to the twins from time to time. Just… nicer.

All in all, Ron was happy to have a friend like Harry.

Even when dealing with crazy animals.

“I don’t mind it, but c’mon Harry!” Ron said, as they walked back from a morning of dealing with Hagrid and his newest rescue- a mean-spirited cat-like thing with two tails Hagrid said was once a pet that was abandoned. “We keep getting bit and everything!”

“It’s fun though.” Harry defended himself. Ron sighed.

“Yeah, okay. It’s fun.” It kinda was. He never really interacted with a bunch of animals before, and he really did enjoy it. Mostly cause Harry was in love with all of them and loved talking about it. He lit right up, this big grin on his face.

It was awesome.

“Were you two on the grounds?” asked a voice. Ron scowled as they turned to see Granger. She was so annoying- sure, not as annoying as he thought but still a know-it-all who seemed way to put out about the essay thing.

“The groundskeeper lets us help him with his animals. I wish to do something with magizoology one day and enjoy helping him out,” Harry said politely, adopting his normal formal tone.

“Oh.” Granger nodded. “That makes sense. I haven’t done much research yet on different magical careers…”

“I only did briefly. I really like animals.” Harry shrugged. Granger nodded and that was all they said, going their separate ways. The passed by one of the Patil twins who Harry shared greetings with in Hindi- the three of them had become somewhat friends given they all spoke it- and headed towards the Great Hall. “I wonder what my mother is planning on doing for Halloween this year…”

“Huh?” Ron asked.

“Muggles dress up for Halloween,” Harry explained as they entered the Great Hall for lunch. It was Sunday, so most people were treating it like a brunch. “My mother mentioned in her latest message that she and JD were talking about something…”

“Will you be alright?” Justin asked as the two sat down. “I mean…” he made a motion with his hand. Ron frowned in confusion but Harry seemed to understand.

“Perhaps it seems callous but I mourn what they could have been. And I have a mother, aunt and other somewhat paternal figures in my life,” Harry told Justin. “My mother and I mourned them the first year I was with her, but… well, I want to live my life. I love them, yes but…”

“I get it,” Justin said. Ron cursed, realizing what they were talking about. He should have remembered…

“Is one of them really a paternal figure given how you talk about them?” Wayne asked in amusement. Harry went red and everyone burst into snickers.

“I thought I would be safe from this.” He complained. “He’s cute and smart and nice, okay?” they just laughed harder.

It was really nice having Harry Potter as a friend.

-0-

Happy Halloween! The text said on Tuesday morning. Harry eagerly opened the pictures that had been sent as well, wondering what they were.

He burst into laughter upon seeing his mother dressed in leather, her hair dyed orange. She had thick makeup on and fake piercings. Meanwhile, JD was wearing a nice skirt, their hair combed over to look like it wasn’t half shaved, clear piercings put into the holes, and a very nice shirt and scarf.

“They swapped!” Harry laughed, showing it to Ron who laughed politely. “Just wait- you’ll meet them one day and see how crazy it is,” Harry told him.

“I believe you!” Ron laughed, the two going to classes. Most teachers seemed awkward around Harry who just sighed.

Of course.

At lunch, they overheard a few of the Gryffindor girls chatting.

“I can’t believe she ran off like that.” One said to the Patil twin in Gryffindor.

“Fay was really rude to Hermione.” Said the twin, her face twisting. “I hope she’s okay.”

“I think she’s crying in the second hall on the third-floor bathroom…” Harry frowned. That didn’t sound good.

“You guys hear?” Wayne asked them. “Dunbar called Granger a know-it-all with no friends and she ran off crying.”

“That’s rather awful,” Harry said, frowning deeper.

“Maybe she just needs a good cry? I think she’d friends with Longbottom.” Ron suggested. “He might go and look for her soon enough.”

“I believe so.” Harry Agreed. But come dinner time- after their herbology lesson which Granger did not attend- she was still not around. Harry frowned and Ron sighed, feeling guilty a little. He’d said a few bad things about Granger himself- mostly when he was still holding a grudge against her for the train but… well, it seemed it was too much for her.

“Perhaps we should look for her?” Harry asked Ron. “I know she isn’t in our house but it doesn’t look like the Gryffindors are bothering.” His voice was disdainful and even some of the other first years agreed, everyone aware of the situation.

“Alright,” Ron said, about to stand up. They had just finished their food and the Halloween feast was casual enough no one would care if they left early. “Save is some dessert yeah?” He asked Wayne who nodded his agreement.

The Great Hall doors burst open and their defense professor- a man named Quirrel who was extremely boring and had an awful stutter- came running into the hall.

“Troll! Troll in the dungeons!!!” He screamed. “Thought you needed to know.” He fell face forward and everyone was silent before the screaming started.

Harry felt his heart screaming as he tried to breathe, eyes widening. Barking filled his ears as Spot appeared in a burst of flame, sensing his distress. Ron was cursing and trying to keep Harry calm while everything was crazy around them.

A loud bang caused everything to fall silent.

“Prefects! Lead your houses to their common rooms or to the designated safe zones,” Dumbledore said in a loud voice. “We will go deal with the troll. Seventh years, I ask you have your wands ready.”

He and the teachers leave then, heading quickly out while Susie and a few other prefects all gather up the Hufflepuffs. Harry manages to calm down enough to stumble along with them- at the back of the group with Ron- when he breathes out.

“Granger,” Ron swears loudly and the two boys look each other in the eyes before they break off from the group.

“Know anything about Trolls?” He asks Harry who grimaces.

“A little. Enough to know that Spot will be our first time of defense. Very strong, not bright, head is a weak spot.” Harry recited. As they walked down the halls, Spot suddenly began growling. They froze, as a disgusting smell filled their noses.

An ugly site passed by them- a large gaint dragging a club behind him.

“Shit!” Ron said, the two ducking behind the wall, Spot following. The troll wandered off to another room and Spot began growling again.

“Oh no,” Harry said just as the screaming started.

“Granger!” Both boys cried out, running towards the bathroom. They got into the bathroom to find Granger cowering on the other side of the bathroom with the troll coming after her. Spot barked and attacked the troll. Harry ran over to Granger while Ron grabbed some debris to start throwing.

“Granger! We have to move!” Harry said, trying to pull her up but she was frozen in fear.

Ron begins them yanked out his wand upon seeing the troll try to go for Spot with his club.

He shouted the first spell that came to mind- a spell they had learned the day before in Charms.

The club was raised up, and remembering Harry’s words, he moved the club so it fell directly on the troll’s head.

The troll fell with a bang.

The three kids all stared at each in shock, while teachers came running in.

“What is going on here?!”

-0-

Minerva McGonagall was well aware of the fact that sometimes her Gryffindors weren’t the kindest children. She usually put a good stop to it- though she has to admit she had slacked before. Learning that Severus partially blamed her for never stopping her students and used it as an excuse why he joined the Death Eaters… well, it made her more aware of how bad it could get.

Still, she had never been aware of bullying inside the house!

“I have never been so disappointed in my Gryffindors,” she told the entire house. Fay Dunbar flinched as she was the reason Hermione Granger had been in that bathroom in the first place. And the reason the Hufflepuff students were refusing to let Hermione go back to her dorm, saying they didn’t trust the Gryffindors.

Severus has been too pleased by the fact that Minerva needed to face bullying problems in her own house. Child.

“I will be giving Miss Granger her own room. Head Girl Jacobson- you have lost your room for not dealing with this properly.” The Head Girl flinched and looked down. “Goodnight.” She left without another word and went up to her office where Pomona was waiting with whiskey. “You are a goddess.”

“I try.” The shorter woman laughed. “... do you think detention was too stern?”

“No, I believe they did disobey the headmaster and needed a detention. And us speaking to their parents.” McGonagall sighed, sipping her whiskey.

“This will be fun.” Pomona Said, shaking her head. “... was Severus too much?”

“Aye,” McGonagall replied, letting her accent deep through. “He’s gotta point bout me lettin’ to much go but…” She shook her head.

“A schoolboy with a grudge.” Pomona agreed. She sighed. “Albus blames himself.”

“Stupid men.”

“Agreed.”

“... do you know why Severus has a bloody leg?” Minerva asked Pomona.

“I assume he tripped or burned it with his potions. He’s always doing that.” Pomona shook her head in disgust.

“Really stupid man.”

“Agreed.”

-0-

Harry, Ron, and Hermione found themselves hanging out more and more together. With classes all different this usually meant they hung out in the library or Hermione sat with them at the Hufflepuff table.

Apparently knocking out a mountain troll together meant you were the best of friends afterward. Hermione even had some interesting ideas on animals and liked to go with them to Hagrid’s to meet all of his animals.

She and Ron found themselves often worried about how Harry seemed to adopt more and more of Hagrid’s love of dangerous animals.

“He’s a beauty!” Harry said, cooing over what looked like a bundle of spikes. That were venomous. Spot was panting by his feet, unconcerned about the fact his master was petting a ball of death.

“This is just weird,” Ron Said. Hermione grimaced. She definitely had to agree.

The door to the hut opened up to reveal Professors McGonagall and Sprout.

“Even in’ Professors!” Hagrid said cheerfully.

“Good evening Hagrid. Miss Granger, Misters Potter, and Weasley? Can you come with us please?” McGonagall asked and the three trades confused looks before doing so- Harry pouting about leaving the animal behind.

The three followed their heads of houses up a few floors in the castle, to an office that when the door opened up…

“Hermione!”

“Harry James Potter!”

“Ronald Bilius Weasley!”

All three students went pale at swing their parents, the group all glaring, except for Mr. and Mrs. Granger.

Harry winced as Prim strode forward. She was wearing her bowling alley uniform and she looked furious.

“You ran towards a troll!” She shouted as a similar conversation was taking place with Ron and two redheads he assumed were his parents. Hermione was being hugged by hers.

“I… we knew Hermione might be in danger,” Harry said softly.

“Why didn’t you tell someone or a teacher?” Prim asked. She sounded scared as she went to hug him tight. “When I heard the news I was so scared, Harry! I was terrified!”

“I… I don’t know any adults here well yet and…” Harry breathed heavily and hugged his mom tighter. Prim blinked and sighed.

“I really hate the Dursley family and all your old teachers back in Surrey,” she told him, pulling away. Harry has issues trusting adults at times. He had been hurt by so many before… it was lucky he trusted her and the others. “Next time please go to a teacher?”

“I hope there won’t be a next time but I will if there is,” Harry responded. The two hugged again. Prim stood up to dust herself off as the other conversations wound down, the redheads coming over.

“Hello,” said the woman. “I’m Molly Weasley, and this is my husband, Arthur.”

“Pleasure to meet you,” Prim said, shaking their hands. “I’m Primrose Evans though most do call me Prim.” She turned to the Grangers who smiled at her.

“Jean and Daniel Granger.” The man said, shaking her hand. “You look pretty young…”

“Harry is my second cousin. I took him in when his maternal aunt and uncle were declared unfit.” Prim said stiffly. The Grangers nodded and the adults began chatting while the kids gathered around each other.

“Your moms seem nice,” Hermione said.

“My mom is the best,” Harry said, grinning. Ron grinned too.

“My mum is amazing. Dad’s great too.” Harry shrugged.

“I have my mom. Don’t need a dad.” The group winded down a little and went back to collectively speaking to everyone. Kids included.

“So Harry, are you going to come home for Christmas?” Prim asked.

“Of course,” Harry said. “I would never miss the party at the alley.”

“Razi would miss you.” Prim teased and Harry ignored her firmly.

“Are you and dad still going to go see Charlie?” Ron asked his mom who nodded.

“We are,” Molly said. “Are you and your brothers comfortable staying here?”

“Yeah,” Ron said, though he felt a bit sad when Hermione said she was going home to see her whole family. Maybe if he was in Gryffindor it would be different, but he was alone in Hufflepuff.

“...How many sons do you have here at Hogwarts?” Prim asked Molly.

“Four, including Ron.” The older woman replied.

“Well, if they wish, they are more then welcome to come home with Harry this year. I don’t mind having more children around at all.” Prim shrugged.

“Oh! We couldn’t…” Molly hesitated while Arthur grinned.

“I think the boys would have fun! Though I insist we give you some money for food at least.” He told her. Prim nodded and it was hashed out between the adults while Harry and Ron cheered.

“As well, we can set up a Skype session for Hermione,” Prim said, nodding to the Grangers who beamed.

“Skype?” Arthur asked in interest.

“It’s a computer program that lets people talk face to face anywhere in the world,” Prim explained.

“Oh! Like a floo call!” Arthur nodded. Molly looked amazed.

“This is going to be the best Christmas ever!” Harry cheered happily.

Yeah, I did this because Christmas is coming up so we get a Christmas chapter up around the same time. We will have one extra chapter before then!!

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Hope you like and plot points: -Essay thing! Most teachers I know have a maximum and a minimum they prefer. I can’t see Hogwarts being different- with so many students, having no maximum amount of inches is silly. Harry asking is because he is used to there being a maximum. So yeah. NOT A DIG ON HERMIONE. Mostly this was done because I remember some kid being scolded for three extra pages for an essay. The teacher had three classes of thirty students. Guy had no time to do shit. He hated those extra pages.

-I grew up calling adults my parents were friends with- or my friend’s parents- their first names without Miss or Mr or whatever. I never heard anyone say differently until like… I was sixteen, reading fanfiction and found out it was a thing.

#havenfall is for lovers #harry potter #haven raised

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k-p-p-d · 7 years ago

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[EXCLUSIVE] A Year in Reverse: An Insight into the Beautiful Minds behind K.P.P.D

By: Admins Tia ( @kpopbrowniefics ), CL ( @smutfictionaddicted ), and Kia ( @pocinamedia )

KPopPantyDrop.

A name which promises sinful and sensual experiences galore.

But also a name which evokes feelings of inclusion, support, love, tenderness, loyalty, care, humor, sassiness, and pride.

The blog has been a staple to many kpop fans of color and other marginalized who aren’t always represented in the mainstream avenues fans use to connect with each other. What started as a spur of the moment decision has turned into, in some regards, a growing empire that centers around one very simple yet often difficult principle to adhere to: Diversity.

In a rare moment of vulnerability and candidness, we spoke with the beautiful admins who graciously opened up to us for this exclusive interview.

Tia: First off, ladies, thank you so much for allowing us to interview you. It’s rare we get a chance to have such meaningful conversations with all of you.

Soul: No, thank you for even agreeing to interview us! We’re each huge fans of the three of you so really this is quite an honor.

CL: Flattery will get you everywhere with me! [laughs] How about we get started with an easy question. What is the meaning of your nicknames?

Winter: I’m a loser that likes Game of Thrones and ‘Winter is Cumming’ is pretty iconic...in my completely unbiased opinion. Also wintertime can be soft flurries or can be a killer snowstorm, like me.

Syn: It’s apart of my first name. You are going to have to ask Lily why its “Syn” because I’m an angel.

Lily: It’s the inversion of the first half of my second middle name and I just really love lilies. And Syn, your name is Syn because all you drop is sin in the group chat.

Rosa: Well I just recently changed my name; it’s because I’m known as the ‘English rose’ of the blog, though I don’t really know why... But I didn’t want Rose, so I chose to go Spanish with it and picked Rosa instead.

Soul: The nickname comes from the anime, Soul Eater (promo, go watch it). Uh, I always felt like I could relate to it in a way so that's why it's my nickname.

Blossom: I love flowers very very much, but my favorite of them all is the cherry blossom and that’s where i got it, pretty basic. [giggles cutely]

Kiwi: I have no idea. I really don't, you're gonna have to ask the admins about this. I’d assume I'm sweet, but that'd be just a straight up lie. ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Winter: Issa lie.

CL: What got you into kpop? When was it? What was the first kpop song you heard?

Kiwi: Well I had a glimpse of it when I was younger...I don’t remember how. Then last year (my Freshmen year of high school), a friend of mine brought it up and I remembered the faces of who I saw when I was younger (it was BTS btw if you wanted to know the first group, the it was Beast my friend showed me). That’s how I got back into it and decided to catch up on it.

Blossom: The first Kpop song heard was Ringa Linga by Taeyang or Hello Bitches by CL (i don’t remember) about a year and some months ago; after that I kinda just drowned in the life and that’s about it.

Soul: For me, this happened in two separate years. The first one was when I was in 7th grade(so 2012-2013). I saw a reaction video to SNSD’s Gee. I grew to like them but I never got into anyone else before I stopped listening entirely. Then fast forward to late 2015 or so, my best friend got me into Big Bang and I found BTS and Got7 on my own and the rest is history!

Rosa: Okay so I’ve told this story before, but my first K-anything was watching Gong Yoo in Coffee Prince when I was 13 or so and I fell in love with the man. I got into kpop though, when I was looking through youtube, and it recommended SNSD’s “Gee” to me, when it was just released in 2009. I clicked it out of sheer curiosity, but I loved it so much.. And boom! I fell into the kpop hole.

Lily: I fucked up and watched Try Guys Take KCONLA. Eugene Lee Yang is my non-monogamous life partner, as Winter would say, so when I saw how excited he was over showing the guys and their viewers some of his favorite things about Korean culture and media--I laughed my ass off when he LITERALLY kicked Ned in the chest to demonstrate some common elements of kdrama fight scenes--I just had to watch it. So that was October 2015. The first song I willingly listened to (I don’t really count me hearing “Gangnam Style” and “Fantastic Baby” back in 2012 since those 2 songs were played on the radio nonstop) was Big Bang’s iconic anthem “Bang Bang Bang.” All it took was one electric fart and my ass was actual trash. That song and the rest of MADE series is probably why I’m such YG trash.

Winter: I honestly and truly don’t know when I got into kpop. My friends where I lived before moving back south who were Asian would add songs to my playlists that they thought I would like. So I’ve been listening to Kpop, Mandopop, Jpop, Jrock and Krock for nearly a decade; but I didn’t start paying attention to fandoms and learning members until a few years back. It’s funny because when I realized kpop was starting to take over my playlists, I sent a message in our Facebook group asking them why no one ever told me I like kpop. They then reminded me I’m slow and they told me years ago.

Syn: I got into Kpop out of sheer procrastination. It was fall of 2014, and a lot was going on with my college classes, I hated my major, I was hold on to some family issues and my mental health was deteriorating. I was in a very dark place and I just needed an outlet. So I went on youtube and one video recommendation lead to another and I found out about Eric Nam’s “Ooh Ooh”. He was doing an interview and I thought he was goofy and cute and had to find more music of his. That lead me to ASC and ultimately the world of kpop. I remember distinctly that I was watching a BTS episode for “No More Dreams” and seeing them interact with each other and the fans and smiling, goofing off; that episode made me simile for the first time in a long time. I would like to say kpop helped me get through that year and gave me motivation to finish what I started and just to get better overall.

CL: If you had to chose only one book, one song, one food and one movie, what would you pick? Just one of each!

Rosa:

Book: Oh Lord, I read a lot.. Erm, I’m gonna say The Vampire Diaries books, because I’m currently reading them again for the 100th time. And I’m not tired of them.

Song: Nah, I can’t choose.. I have many different favourites, from different genres. It’s impossible to pick one.

Food: Hot wings (i mean the dry, crispy ones) or Spag bol or Fried dumplings.

Movie: White Chicks. I’ve watched this film many, many times that I can quote pretty much every single line. But still I’m dying of laughter every time I watch it.

Lily:

Book: Crime and Punishment by Dostoyevsky. I love the story and I haven’t finished reading it all the way through yet so it’d keep me entertained for a while.

Song: I know this is really...depressing, I guess, but it’d have to be Mozart’s last Requiem, specifically “Lacrymosa.” I just love it SO much.

Food: Lasagna. It’s my love language.

Movie: Skyfall. As Winter can attest, I am a massive Bond aficionado (I’ve seen all 24 films and one of my goals in life is to drive or at the very least ride in a 1964 Aston Martin db6, my dream car honestly) and this to me is everything that a Bond film should be. I could watch it for weeks on end and never be tired of it.

Kiwi:

Book: Wake by Lisa McMann.

Song: “Clairvoyant” by MISOGI.

Food: Hot pot.

Movie: Coraline.

Winter:

Book: The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova; I’ve read it a few times now and I’m enthralled every time.

Song: Impossible, I couldn’t survive with just one song. That would be torture.

Food: Chicken and rice, maybe? Yeah, that’s always good. Or cheesy eggs and rice. YUM!

Movie: Cat on a Hot Tin Roof. NO! Cleopatra, mainly because it’s long as hell and I can break it up and watch it by sections when I need a distraction.

Syn:

Book: The Color Purple by Alice Walker. Unfortunately, I haven’t had time to leisurely read and expand my book collection but anything by Alice Walker is a classic and they way she writes is amazing.

Song: “Reflection” by Lea Salonga. Now truthfully I can’t choose, and if anyone asks me this question again it would change. But I love this song oh so much. It’s depressing af but it speaks the truth and it spoke to me growing up.

Food: My mom’s seafood gumbo. Just everything.

Movie: Disney’s Mulan. That was the first disney female character I could connected with. Like every movie I’ve seen before that was like ‘damsel in distress, prince come save me, I’m a princess but my life would be better with a man’. Mulan said, ‘EFF DAT BRUH.’ She said, ‘Eff marriage! Yeah I know I’m different. I’m gunna go into the army so my Father won’t have to. I’m just as good--if not BETTER--than these guys, killed the enemy, the bish SAVED China, the Emperor gave her props, AND STILL GOT THE HOT GUY AT THE END!! Just sayin….. Mulan the GOAT.

Soul:

Book: Piecing Me Together by Renee Watson.

Song: “Still Breathing” by Allison Iraheta.

Food: Pizza.

Movie: The original Halloween; I can watch it over and over.

Blossom:

Book: The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Song: Any piano cover. I love piano covers.

Food: Chicken wraps.

Movie: Howl’s Moving Castle cause I’ve only seen it once and it would take me awhile to get tired of it.

Kia: Based on who your Ultimate Bias is, what would be the ultimate first date?

Rosa: Hm.. This one's hard cause I have so many possible answers. But I’d say either me and JB would go to a concert.. Like one of those chill throwback r&b concerts, where a bunch of artists get together and perform their songs. Or we’d go to a theme park, ride a bunch of coasters and he’d win me a huge stuffed animal. Either one would be followed by, food.. Lots. Of. Food. We’d bring it to a open space somewhere, with blankets, lights, drinks, music.. just laugh, eat, dance and chill.

Syn: I have like categories of who my UB’s are and usually it’s person I fell in love with out of the group. When i think about it they all have one thing in common and is that they are silly, goofy, outgoing and fun. So I would love to go on a like carnival/state fair type of date. Play games, win prizes, ride rides (except roller coasters I don’t eff with those) , share junk food and just basically let our inner child run free. Cliche, but I would love it.

Winter: It depends since my Ultimate changes with the breeze. But I think a good first date would involve meeting, getting dinner/drinks/coffee and then just walking around and talking.

Soul: I have too many ults to truly answer this question, it changes up too much so it really depends on the specific person I'm into at the time.

Kiwi: I really don't know I don't think about this. I guess just a date with nature involved? Like maybe hiking???

Lily: Honestly, I’m horrible at these kinds of questions since I have far too many interests in general. And it certainly doesn’t help that Lay has just as many in common. So I think we’d have to keep it simple in order to truly enjoy each other’s company and really experience the other… I guess the best way to do it would be maybe a cooking class or we both cook dinner for each other together. Can hardly go wrong with great food and even better company.

Blossom: I feel like Yongguk is the type to take you out to a romantic dinner for a first date. Just imagining it is making my cheeks heat up! So cute!

CL: I actually have a follow-up for that! If your bias asked you out on a date, and asked you to bring friends for the other members of his group, who would you pick?

Winter: All the girls of legal age from our blog and sister blogs. [turns towards Soul, Blossom, & Kiwi] Sorry !

Syn: [nods head] What Winter Said. All my biases are at least 21 or older soooooo yeah, sorry y’all.

Lily: Well I’d bring all the girls! Duh!

Soul: All the admins; but if I had to pick one, it'd be Blossom of course.

Blossom: [hugs Soul tight] MY TWIN SOUL!

Kiwi: I'm just gonna bring all the girls so they don't fight me on why I didn't choose them.

Rosa: I’d bring all the girls. [turns to the rest] There’s 5 boys to choose from so yous can scramble over ‘em.

Lily: Kiwi, Rosa, and I are Switzerland it seems. [laughs]

Kia: So let’s say you were strolling down the streets of Seoul just being your fabulous selves. Or New York or Los Angeles... I don’t know. ANYWAY. If you were ever scouted for KPOP, would you go into training?

Winter: [pulls out megaphone] HELL NO!

Syn: Can I borrow this? [reaches over to grab megaphone] HELLZ TO DA NAW!! As much as I would love to wear the amazing wardrobe and to be able to perform I couldn’t handle everything that comes with it. The extreme criticism, the little to none creative freedom, barely seeing my family, the sasaengs, the blatant racism. Naw, they can keep that. I’m good.

Lily: I’ve been performing nearly all my life (whether it was band/orchestra, choir/show choir, plays/musicals). Actually, college (except freshman year) was the first time I wasn’t on a stage. So I’d say yes since I really do miss performing and I have such a passion for music. Granted, I know I’d face a shit ton of backlash and go through so much shit (discrimination, racism, you name it) but I think it really would all be worth it just to be on stage again. (Man, I’m such a sappy mess.) Plus it’s a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity and I’d forever kick myself if I didn’t do it.

Soul: Uh, I have mixed emotions on this. Personally, I think I'd say no simply because I'm not talented in that department. Buuut, I'd do it for the experience. There’d be so much racism and discrimination I'd endure but I think I could get through it.

Blossom: First of all I get home sick really really fast, second, I get angry pretty fast too and if i had to go through just 10% of what some idols had to deal with i would be burning my company to ashes and punching everyone in the face

Kiwi: [in her best Simon Cowell voice] It’s a no for me.

Rosa: I would, to be frank. I’d miss my family... Like a lot. But I can’t help but think of all the amazing experiences I would get, I would be able to learn Korean easier as well. Plus I would love to be on the stage.

Kia: Okay, well let’s say you worked for a company as a manager. If you could be the manager of any girl/boy group or KHH artist who would it be and why?

Winter: For girl groups, I want to manage Stellar or EXID probably. I feel like they could do so much more if they were handled properly. There are so many boy groups, but I would definitely want to manage HotShot, Cross Gene or Ukiss. They have so much talent but it’s not being shown as well as it could be.

Soul: For me, it'd instantly go to Oh My Girl or EXID as well. Both groups have such underlying talent that's too overlooked in the industry. They're both equally amazing in their own ways and I think I could make people see that.

Rosa: Boy Group? Hmmm... There’s two. First is Got7. Surprised? I didn’t think so. It would be so cool and fun to chill with them, discuss music with them, dance with them. I would literally do an album that was all smooth r&b tracks, that I know the boys have been screaming to do since forever. I would show all the foreheads, and allow them to actually let loose and do their thing with music/choreo. Literally their deepest musical desires, I’d help them fulfill. The second is Block B. Because I love them so much as well, I’d help them get all the recognition. Like you would never know. I’d up the exposure to 10,000, the whole world would know.

Blossom: TOPP DOGG! I would treat them right and let them finally go and blow people away with all their talent. They deserve BETTER. For KHH... NADA! She’s freaking amazing and beautiful and her flow is so good.

Lily: Hmm… For boy group, it’d definitely be--yep, you guessed it--MadTown. I think it’d be really fun to co-manage with their current manager Kevin because he’s just an adorable ball of fluff who really loves them and, of course, they’re my boys so I’d work my ass off to get them every opportunity possible to let each of them and/or all of them shine. For girl groups, it’d either be BlackPink or Red Velvet. I’m such a sucker for them and I’d constantly be hyping them up like the stage mom I know myself to be. For KHH, it’s hands down Jessi. The staff at her company--except for a select few, most notably her current manager who she adores--are so shitty and she honestly deserves better so you can bet I’d get her on every show I could that would allow her to fully express herself as an artist and person.

Syn: For one I wouldn’t manage any boy group just because I couldn’t deal with the crazy amount of fan girls that would be surrounding/following them. Love them but naw I’m good. For girl groups I would love BlackPink just because they seem like fun and energetic girls but also sweet and respectful. For KHH, anyone from AOMG because they are all foolish and I know there wouldn’t be a boring day managing them.

Kia: One last question from me and I hope you have your thinking caps on because it’s kind of hard.

Lily: Oh my stress.

Kia: Hush. Anyway. Say you were the head coordinator for the MAMAs what would be your performance line up. And what we award would you add? Take away?

Syn: [laughs] Dang this is a hard one. Mainly because I’ve only watched two full MAMA’s and clips of another one. I would love more collab stages of the artists/groups that are on the same level. Like rookies with rookies, vets with vets and that such. OH! I would love a BTS & EXO collab stage just because the fanwars are getting too ridiculous and I want everyone to share the love. I would add more KHH awards and also more awards for artists from other countries. Like it is called Mnet ASIAN Music Awards, why are they only focused on acts from Korea? Also get rid of the Netizen Popularity Award. Like we don’t need more drama than it already is.

Winter: Open with a rookie collab stage, close with the veteran artist that promoted that year. In with the future and show proper respect to the elders, yanno. I would bring back Best Mixed Performance so KARD has that locked down and--like Syn--get rid of the Netizen Popularity Award because that is just some bull that fuels fandom wars.

Lily: Hmmm… I’d also open with a massive rookie collab stage. But like a super dramatic one to really make an impact and let folks know this ain’t ya ordinary MAMA’s (think 2013 and 2015 MAMAs on steroids). I’d have different underdog groups perform between the different award presentations/awards clusters to show off their talents. As we go through the night, I’d have the bigger groups perform and work my way up to the veteran artists. For the final stage, I’d think it’d be really badass to have a collab stage with all senior-most veteran artists to collab together for a stage. Oh! I’d also love to do collab stages with artists of the same companies (groups from smaller companies would get mixed in with the groups from bigger ones). I would get rid of Netizen awards as well because let’s be real they’re kinda pointless and cause so much unnecessary drama. Like our focus should be on the music, not some pointless drama.

Rosa: I haven’t got a clue lol. I just wanna see a whole bunch of collabs, including rookie collabs. I want Got7 to actually have a proper stage to themselves for once, instead of performing like one song. [rolls eyes] I also want to see some of the veterans of kpop perform on their own, or even collabing with newer groups/artists. Netizen awards can burn.

Kia: So Netizen awards are officially canceled?

All: And deleted. [all laugh]

Tia: Oh man, I’m so glad I didn’t have to answer that! [laughs] You guys are such incredible writers but you are also relatively avid readers. What overused prompt for fanfiction is secretly your favorite? Jaebum is your brothers best friend, Grew up with S. Coups etc…

Winter: I think my favorite overused prompt is you bump into each other in public and you just have to have one another. Whether it be the club, a store or coffee shop. I just think it’s so ridiculous but hilarious.

Rosa: Well actually, I don’t read a lot of fanfiction, so i don’t see many overused prompts. [giggles] But ‘brothers best friend’ is one that I have seen more than once, yet I love it.

Soul: My favorite prompt would be childhood best friends. I don't know, there's something about the bond of people that grew up together that I can get behind. It's really cliche but I love it anyways.

Blossom: I like when they growing up up together and they gradually fall in love with each other, it’s so cute.

Kiwi: The best friends and they’re both oblivious, but everyone else knows they like each other. Some of the situations are just pure ignorance and it's great.

CL: If you guys had to pick your favorite fanfic writers, who’d make it to your list at the moment?

Syn: Too many to choose from but our sister blogs are my go-to’s.

Winter: You three of course! As well as @chanyeolspout and all the admins here. I don’t usually find and stick with one writer but I do with these ladies. I also don’t read any Reader x Idol stories if they didn’t write them.

Lily: Winter hit the nail on the head here! I also really love what Iris of @jeonjagiya creates (her Hoseok series “Transference” is INCREDIBLE) and I have a huge soft spot for Lu of @tayegirecs and Kara of @seokvie because they were two of the first fanfic writers I actively followed when I got into kpop. Off of Tumblr, it’d be seitsemannen (AO3); her GOT7 work “Playhouse” is a MASTERPIECE.

Soul: I agree with Winter as well. I haven't really had time to branch out on my own yet haha.

Blossom: I agree with Winter, all our admins and the lovely sister blogs!

Kiwi: Tayegi, @pjimims and the rest are what Winter said.

Rosa: I don’t really read fanfiction so I don’t really know... But I gotta say, tayegi with her "Equilibrium” series is great. Also, @please-baby-calm-down is good too; I love "Three’s a Crowd.” I need to catch up on both of these though! As you can see i love poly fics. [giggles]

CL: So let’s talk more about the blog. What motivated you to start this blog in the first place? Where does the name KPPD comes from?

Kiwi: It all started in the group chat we all joined. A couple of late nights later we had the idea and inspiration to make a blog together. I don't know the real inspiration though. I’d say we were all hyping each other up.

Winter: Good question! I don’t know...I wasn’t expecting this to be this big or go this far honestly. Like, we’ve been doing this for a year and have all these followers, an Instagram account and a merch store? BANANAS!

Soul: The motivation really just came from the group chat we were in. Everyone was on board to start a blog and it had such a good meaning behind it and I loved what everyone was bringing to the table.

Lily: I think it was Winter that came up with our blog name. We were just tossing out random titles and she said and no one could top it.

Blossom: Retweet Soul and I honestly don’t remember who came up with the blog name but I’m guessing Lily is probably right--she has a good memory.

Rosa: I didn’t want to join the blog at first, because I thought wtf I can’t write anything, so what am I gonna do on this blog? But I’m kinda glad I did. Nobody remembers [chuckles], but I actually came up with the name for the blog: We were spitballing names in the chat, and I put forward some stupid joke names, but then I said Kpop Panty Drop and everyone was cool with it. So that’s what we went with.

Lily: Please let the record show my memory has failed me and I shall never again speak without receipts.

Winter: I never thought this day would come...Lily, silent? A miracle. [snickers]

Tia: You each have different styles of writing but if you had to pick a niche of writing that you specialize in what would it be? Thriller? Fantasy? Romance? Suspense?

Winter: I think my niche is that I have no niche. As long as I’m interested in the genre I can write for it. I originally thought I would just be a smut writer and nothing more. But being able to challenge myself with other styles and succeed at them, in my unbiased opinion of course, is pretty awesome.

Rosa: I don’t really know.. I think I would love to do them all tbf. I haven’t written any fantasy yet though, but I would like to try!

Lily: I am more drawn to suspense and thrillers but I haven’t had a chance really to write those genres yet as much as I would like. I will say that I do enjoy writing drama though not necessarily romance and sometimes angst. I think for me romance comes secondary in a lot of my longer plots unless it’s smut in which a lot of times that romance has to be or have been established in those characters’ relationships. I tend to throw little sprinkles of fantasy in my writings here and there so I think it’s about damn time I actually write a fantasy story.

Soul: For me, I think its mix of everything. If I feel like it goes with how I'm feeling, then I'll write about it. However, there's usually romance and suspense in there.

Blossom: Lately i’ve been trying to write a little bit of everything! But no matter what there’s usually some type of romance, what can i say. I love love!

Kiwi: I really don’t know. I haven’t written in so long, but from past writings I think it would be suspense.

CL: Does anyone in your personal life know that you run this blog and/or write fanfic? If so, are they supportive? Did you tell them the contents of the blog or no?

Winter: My mom knows lmao. She actually read my SsamD smut, it was super awkward but she hasn’t read anything since. Since she’s my boss it kinda works that she knows about the blog because I’ll say I need time to work on something because I actually have inspiration and she knows how I am. My long distance bestie/sometimes friends with benefits knows. He helped me with Stalemate actually.

Syn: Nope! I mean they don’t even understand my kmusic obsession, they are not going to understand this blog. Plus most of my family is like super religious so if they were to find out I work on a blog called “KpopPANTYDROP” I would be shamed… *cue the Game of Thrones reference scene*

Lily: Nope. It’s not that I’m ashamed of the blog (I mean my family and friends have walked past me while I’ve been writing and adjusting things on the blog) but it’s just never come up in conversation and I’m the type of person that if you don’t ask me something, I won’t answer it because I won’t know to answer it. Plus my family and friends already know that I listen to all kinds of music so they never once batted an eye when they heard me listening to kpop because my tastes are just that eclectic.

Rosa: Nah nobody knows. My brother has read smuts on the blog but he doesn’t know I’ve written them or whatever. I’m cool with them not knowing too. I’m a very secretive person, and I keep myself to myself anyway so yeah.

Soul: This girl from school knew. All the admins know what I'm talking about lol. And my best friend knows, they were super supportive. I told my best friend what's on the blog, the other girl knew already.

Blossom: Yes, a lot of people know I have them blog with the other admins but they don’t know the content loll. Only like 2 people know the content and they are very supportive!

Kiwi: My mom knows I run a blog, but she doesn’t know what type of blog and I'm gonna keep it that way. Other than that my two close friends know about the blog.

Tia: Okay, now to get a little bit more serious. When it comes to writing what's your weakness? What do you think you can't do or needs improvement?

Lily: I get too caught up in the details which, ironically, really muddles up the images I’m trying to portray. I also get really hung up on technical things which can also impede the voice, flow, color of the story. There’s been so many times where I will write and rewrite a particular sentence just to get it right that by the time I’ve finished editing, I’ve lost a lot of motivation to finish writing for that day. I just have to step back and remind myself not to get in my way and by extension the characters’ way.

Rosa: Okay, I have a ton of weaknesses when it comes to writing.. So I’m gonna be lame and say everything is my weakness. I tend to waffle a bunch as well sometimes, and my fics make no sense.

Soul: It's all me. I think I'm my biggest weakness because I don't really like my writing all that much. Compared to the other admins, it's shit haha. I know I can be better at what I do, I just need the confidence to push myself.

Blossom: Self doubt, I worry a lot that my writing just isn’t good enough for the blog sometimes and that my spot as an admin is undeserved. Which is my why it takes me so long to write my fics and they’re so short. I put a lot of effort into my works but there's still lots of room for improvement. I want to be best of the best and I’m nowhere near close to that.

Kiwi: I can’t do shit. I’ll write, reread what I wrote, think it's not good enough, delete it, then take a long break. That's my process. I need to improve everything. (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)

Winter: My weakness is me. I honestly think my writing is shit, which I’m not supposed to say but I’ve always been my harshest critic and biggest anti-fan. Whatever I do it can always be better, I can do better.

Lily: For the record, I would just like tell all of you that you’re wrong and I will happily continue to aggressively compliment you until you believe it and in yourselves. That is all.

Kia: I second Lily.

CL: I third.

Tia: I fourth.

CL: Okay, back to the tough questions: As poc, what is your biggest challenge in the kpop fandom?

Rosa: Pretty much people telling me I shouldn’t like this person or that group or whatever, because of this drama and that drama.. Let me, do me. I’m an adult, I can look at things, and make a logical decision for myself. Don’t tell me what to do. Also, people telling me “I’ve let black people down, I’m a disgrace to my race.” No. I love Korean culture as in the foods and music, but I’m not out here bleaching my skin or denying my blackness so please tell me how I’m letting poc down? Plus if I were to cut off everything that offended me--colour wise, gender wise, religion wise--I would have to live on Mars, because it’s everywhere.

Winter: My biggest challenge is also people telling me to be angry. I hate it and think about leaving the blog at least twice a month when I see/read a “Why would you support this/them? Why aren’t you angry right now?” I have a LOT of anger in me from everyday stresses and I can’t afford a therapist to work through it. Music is my therapy, so I don’t go into it looking for things to be angry about. If that was the case I wouldn’t be able to listen to any music that was made...damn near ever. Appropriation, racism, colorism, sexism, all the -ism’s and just blatant stupidity is rampant EVERYWHERE. I’m not going to argue about someone when if something offends me I can simply, turn it off and listen to something else. My motto is one of RuPaul’s quotes: “If they don’t pay your bills, pay those bitxhes no mind."

Syn: Everything Winter said. Plus people that tell me I shouldn’t be listening to them because they take from black music. Like if you are so called “woke” then you would know almost every popular genre of music out there have was taken from Black people. Like so you don’t want me to listen to music at all?

Soul: we’re always looked at as problematic when an idol blatantly takes our culture and we shut they asses down. Sheer ignorance and it seems like your opinions don't matter.

Blossom: 1. People always look down on us 2. The colorism and ignorance 3. The unneeded drama

Kiwi: Being represented the correct way. Pure ignorance. They want the culture but not the lifestyle. Blackface (this isn't just kpop this is in general).

CL: You guys have endured a lot within this past year, most notably several plagiarism scandals. Have the plagiarism episodes changed you in any way? What would you like to say to people who do this?

Soul: It's made me more cautious. I haven't put out anything but it's given me a slight fear to do so. To the people who do it, have fun because y'all gon steal from the wrong one and y'all gon end up in court or jail. And originality is a thing, get some of it, it's free.

Lily: It has made us more...guarded I guess you could say. We’re all more hyper vigilant in monitoring activity on and off the blog. It still really--pardon my language-- fucking hurts and it’s incredibly disheartening to see your works stolen. For every 100 words written, there’s at least upwards of 3 hours spent writing and perfecting them. So a story--even a drabble--takes at least a day and in many cases several months to complete. But in a matter of seconds, all your hard work and effort you spent crafting this piece into something that you are actually happy enough with to publish is practically ripped from your hands and it’s really a slap in the face and a kick in the gut. I really wanted to stop writing altogether after each theft because I didn’t want to feel that pain and anger anymore but I kept on-- I keep on because it’s something that I love and I’ll be damned if I give anyone the satisfaction of breaking me.

Blossom: It just made me pay a bit more attention to things, look out more. To the people that do it...just do better hun! Take your time and your own ideas and inspiration will come to you! Remember the process of writing take a lot of time and don’t be surprised or act stupid when and original author and their followers comes for you.

Rosa: Nah, it hasn’t changed me much. I just think I care less now. To the people who do it, I just want to say that karma is gonna get them one day.

Winter: I’m more...meh now.

Kiwi: Karma is gonna have a great time in your next life ʕ•ᴥ•ʔ

Syn: What I would say to them? Hmmm..... Fuck you.

CL: I don’t know if I told you, but it was because of your answer to one of my anon question in your confessionary that I had the courage to write my Fat Fiction Series. You guys make such a positive influence on countless people (especially for marginalized groups) and I’m living proof. How do you guys deal with this amazing task? Do you have similar stories like mine (with you and/or followers)? And do you guys have your own personal struggles, like body or health issues, sexuality, etc and do they contribute in any way to your work in KPPD?

Blossom: Well cheese puffs… I didn’t know that and i never really thought of us having an influence on people. To me it’s usually just us saying how we feel and expressing our opinions on things people come and ask/tell us. We’re all young and still growing into ourselves. I struggle with my emotions and expressing them properly, anxiety, i have back problems, like the list goes on and on lol but i know no matter what it’ll be okay! I used to not be able to look at myself in the mirror and now all i see is beauty, i used to hide and not speak about my sexuality but now i really don’t care, I used to cry myself to sleep every. Night. Now my smiles are real and i have an amazing happiness surrounding me. I 100% think my personal issues and such influence my writings and contributions to the blog, many of my ideas are from real life events or things that reminded me of someone or something in my life.

Soul: I've always struggled with my sexuality. I've never know what I truly was or what I liked so I don't put a label on myself anymore. I was so afraid that no one would accept me for who I was and it truly got to me when I came out to my mom, I didn't hear what I thought I would. It wasn't that she didn't accept it but she didn't believe me. I'm over it now honestly. I never thought about our influence on people. I didn't think we were that kinda blog

Kiwi: I just don't like myself at all. Not the amazing story you were looking for unfortunately. As Lily likes to say, “Practice what you preach.” Never happens in my life, just my writing.

Rosa: I mean I don’t think I’ve had any part in creating positive influences on people. But I’m glad the blog and other admins are able to do it. I have many issues, many... It’s impossible to list. I’m not about to start a pity party, but I’ve always hated the way I look, and always hated my weight. Ever since I was younger and I can’t escape it, no matter how many people tell me I’m not fat or whatever, it’s just something I’ve accepted so yeah. Health issues? Ugh where do I start? I always joke and say hospital is my second home, but it’s the truth. I am always in hospital for something or another and don’t get me started on mental health. As for sexuality, that’s the only thing I’ve never had any problems with.. Erm...in regards to writing, I haven’t put any of my issues into any writings I’ve done. Just because I don’t really want to, ‘cause I wouldn’t know how to write it and I want to keep my stuff separate from the blog.

Winter: I never struggled with my sexuality per se, I just never gave a damn. And I have some health issues now that I, I don't want to say battle because my struggles aren't even that bad just inconvenient. But I still struggle with body issues. I've always been big. I've been 5’10” since third grade and that was hard to move to a new school and just be this random tall kid from the South. Then I got a few injuries and wasn't able to be as active so I started gaining weight when I learned to cook. I've never been too comfy in my own skin, so when we have someone come in and say they struggle with it I get it. But even though I struggle myself, I hate to see someone feel less than. I'm always told I need to practice what I preach, maybe one day.

Lily: First off Rosa, that’s a lie: You have contributed so much and influenced so many people in so many ways just by being unapologetically you. I think that goes for all of us, but for you especially. Okay now that’s off my chest... this is going to be really long but...

I think my biggest aim since day one has been to just make everyone who I’ve come into contact with--followers, mutuals, and admins alike--feel that they have an ally that’s always with them no matter what it is they may be going through. We each endure so much on a daily basis from any number of struggles and issues we may have in our lives and our individual struggles are just as valid as someone else’s.

Honestly, I’m the type of person who can endure the worst of the worst so long as it means I’m able to put on a brave face and be strong for someone else. I know it’s not the best thing for me to push my feelings down, but it’s just something I’ve done all my life. When I’m in a solid mindset and I’m alone, I unpack everything and process it then. I like to handle my struggles privately because I often feel that they’re not as important as others’ may be. Yes, I know that sounds really hypocritical and it is to an extent; but I do open up to the girls about things after I’ve processed my emotions and understand where I was in that moment versus where I am in this one. I think the first time I fully opened up to them was back in May and it was specifically about some very hurtful things people I had once truly cared for and loved had said about and toward me. It took me even more by surprise than them because I had done it so freely and without second thought and without any filtering. I just laid it all bare without any expectations of reciprocation or condemnation and really it was just so… The love and care they showed me in that moment is something I will be grateful for forever.

There’s a story--actually, there’s two stories I’m working on right now that haven’t been published that are very close to my heart because they’re the first time I’ll really be allowing some of the darker corners of myself be seen through the lenses of these characters.

Tia: If I may, I just really want to thank you guys for opening up about your struggles. It’s not an easy thing to do, but so many others--such as ourselves--have taken inspiration from your strength. You all have such beautiful spirits.

All: Thank you!

CL: I hate to ruin such a sweet moment with a little filth buuuuuuuut that’s what I’m here for! Writing smut can be fun, exciting and steamy, but how do you feel when the public only goes for the nasty? You guys voiced your discontempt with smut being the biggest (many times the only) expectation of the public before, did it get any better after the hiatus?

Winter: I am a pervert. You can ask the other admins, 69% of the things I say is sexual or I’m laughing at something my brain made dirty. That being said, I don’t really like writing smut anymore. Well, it’s not that I don’t like it. I just have zero confidence in it. I’m a kinky person in society’s eyes but I never knew my kinks were kinks until the admins pointed it out to me. So, I’m scared I guess that I’ll write something that goes too far. I never want to make someone feel uncomfortable or triggered. That being said I’m trying to accept that there are people out there like me who are searching for stories with kinks like ours. Not the same old spank me, bite me, pull my hair. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Soul: I think at the time, it was harder for me to deal with because I can't live up to expectations. It was draining and annoying but I love the way I write now and some people actually appreciate what we do.

Rosa: Um, to be honest, I’ve gotten to the point where I don’t care. I don’t care what people want any more. [shrugs] Sorry but it’s true. I think I has improved after the hiatus, because I posted ‘Rivalry’ thinking it wouldn’t go anywhere because it didn’t have any smut in it, but almost 600 notes later (I still don’t know why it has so many notes) I guess I was proven wrong?

Blossom: Because it’s a really good story, Rosa! But yeah. January 1st when we opened our requests we prolly got the most fluff and angst requests we’ve ever had, i think people understand a bit better that we’re not just smut writers, we do everything and each admin has their own specialty.

Kiwi: I understand, but at the same time I actually am not a big fan of smut without a plot. I have my limits meaning I don't mind it, but sometimes enough is enough. The admins are not some smut generator. I’m glad people are beginning to realize that and actually ask for other genres or ask for smut that has an actual plot.

Lily: As frustrating and annoying as it was (and sometimes is), I get it. We advertised ourselves as a sin bin for the longest time. I mean just look at our blog’s name. We just made the mistake of truly believing in our hearts that all our followers wanted from us is smut (which yanno is fun to write sometimes but not all the time) so we put all our other fic projects to the side and just focused on churning out filth, but our hearts weren’t in it so it was just really draining and created such unnecessary tension between us (former admins included) that shouldn’t have been there. But now I can say that things are a lot better between us which really reflects on the blog. We’re closer than ever though because of all we went through so that’s been a blessing.

CL: To all admins who worked on “Seoul Nights”: This is one of my personal favorite fanfictions ever and one of the first works I’ve read in KPPD. What do you guys feel about it? And as a fan, I need to ask: can we hope to read more from this universe in the future?

Winter: I feel like Seoul Nights is a hidden gem in the Kpop AU world. People see it and think, oh yeah another mafia AU great. In fact Lily and I spent WEEKS developing each character's personalities and quirks. We plotted them out down to the knives hidden under their designer suit jackets (as well as which designers they wear), even their hair color is a decision discussed between us. But it barely gets any attention and that’s kind of disheartening but at the same time I don’t care because I am so invested in each character's plotline and making sure they get a proper introduction and the story is as fluid as possible. You will read so much more about this universe in the time to come. You’re still in the introduction phase for this universe. I don’t want to give away what’s going to happen but I will tell you this. *leans closer* Seoul Nights connects with multiple stories on the blog, some have already been published and some are coming this summer. But this universe is vast and the rabbit hole goes deep.

Lily: There’s really nothing more I can add to this except... [crouches down to show off fake Timbs and claps] FACTS. It is our precious baby and while we would love for it to get more attention, we’re really grateful for those who have faithfully read the series and are keeping up with it. Plus, I don’t think there’s really anyone who is more excited for this universe than either of us as well as the other admins who are also contributing to it. So yeah. I would definitely encourage you to read the series again and again because when things really get rolling, well…

Kia: So what you’re saying is you’re about to kill us?

Winter: Maybe, maybe not~ You’ll just have to see.

Kia: I hate you.

Winter: You don’t but it’s fine. Because I know something you don’t know~

CL: I’m just going to go ahead and write up my will. Just in case.

Winter: Wise choice. [chuckles]

Tia: I actually have some questions for each of the admins individually. Who would like to go first?

All: We volunteer Lily as tribute.

Lily: Y’all suck.

Syn: Only for Papi. [winks]

Kia: Nassy!

Tia: Y’all are a mess! [laughs] So Lily, you are self-confessed trash for Zhang Yixing--

Lily: AN ANGEL AMONG MEN, WHOM WE DO NOT DESERVE!!!

Tia: --so I’d love to get your take on a couple things. Do you think that SM’s unfair treatment of Lay will ultimately cause a disruption in the group? On the off chance that SM decides that EXO can do without Lay how will you react?

Lily: I didn’t realize I was presenting my dissertation today. Oh, heavens, I’m so unprepared! [pushes glasses up nose and pulls out notecard while clearing her throat] Actually, I don’t think SM has treated Lay unfairly recently. Yes, it was incredibly disheartening to see that we wouldn’t have a full EXO comeback but instead EXO-XSBCCDKS (talk about a subunit name!), but we have to look at the facts: SM allowed Lay to create his own satellite studio in China; no other artist prior to him had been able to do that. SM also allowed him to self-compose and release a Station track in Chinese; it became the first (and so far only) Chinese solo station song and it broke several streaming records in China. Finally, SM allowed him to release his first mini album which he self-composed, arranged, and wrote as well as helped to produce in Chinese. The album shattered countless records in China, such as number of albums (physical and digital copies) sold and streaming records, almost daily just about. He single-handedly saved EXO’s reputation in China and became one of China’s golden sons with his appearance on the hit variety show “Go Fighting!” and through his roles in several TV dramas and films. He even got to co-host two of the largest festival broadcasts in the nation! I mean he isn’t called the Prince of Changsha for nothing, you know. Everything that he’s done over the past few years has been done with EXO’s benefit as well as his own benefit in mind. He has the most autonomy out of all the members because he wields so much power in China, which is a massive market, so he chooses and finalizes his schedules accordingly. Given both the recent ban on Korean anything just about in China as well as his high visibility, he undoubtedly decided it would be best if he stepped back from EXO promotions so they wouldn’t receive backlash from C-netz. Business stuff aside, there is SO much love between him and the members and he mentions them wherever and whenever he can. And what’s more is they mention him just as often (they even left a spot for him in the music video!). So all this to say: No, I do not think it will cause a disruption. I’ll continue to be the loyal XingMi/X’back that I am and support him wherever his career takes him. And I will still continue to support EXO because I love the other members as much as I do him.

Tia: Hmm, those are some very interesting points. Rosa, JB is your ultimate bias but with the problematic things he has done before (as most idols) has it changed the way you looked at him? Hands down what the best JB fic you've EVER read?

Rosa: JB is a problem in himself lol.. But honestly? It hasn’t. People have told me it because i’m infatuated with him, that’s why I can’t see his faults, but that’s stupid. I’m not infatuated with anyone, and believe me, I’m the first to call out and be pissed at JB for him doing his stupidity. I’m just able to forgive (not forget) and move on, because well i’ve been riding with him since day 1 and i’m not gonna cut him off like that. Hmm, I don’t have an answer for this lol.. I mean I’ve only ever read like 2JB fics in my life, cause i’m hard to please and i get bored or turned off really easily. So I haven’t read one that has hooked me enough to say it’s the best one I’ve ever read.. Feel free to send me some though.

Tia: I’ll definitely be on the look out for some for you! Syn, Jay can be soft and cute but he's also very daddy. Do you think he switches it up or do you think that soft side is really him? The outfit sets you create are gorgeous, how do you find the inspiration to create something new for each idol?

Syn: Thank you oh so much!! I appreciate the love I really do! Truthfully, it’s all about the picture of the idol and from the picture my imagination goes wild. Once I find a picture I like, I study it and ask myself a million and one questions. I also like to be situational, like what setting is the picture in? what is going on in the background? What are the colors? How are they lighting the idol? After I figure out that I come up with a story in my head base the outfit off that story or based on the colors in the picture. As for putting what with what I can’t tell you because I don’t know myself lol I just go and hope it looks good. In regards to Papi-- I mean Jay: I personally think both the daddy and soft sides are him. I think his soft side is him is like 85% of the time. As for his daddy side, I think only comes out when he is on stage; and in a more personal setting, someone has to bring is out of him (if you know what I’m saying..)

Tia: You meant Papi, but I’ll let it slide. [laughs] So Blossom, Youngjae is a tender sunshine, how do you think he is in a relationship? Would he have a hard time communicating his needs to his partner? What is your relationship communication like? Are you a straight hitter? Passive? Somewhere in between?

Blossom: I think he would be gentle but protective. No, i feel like he would be very open and express his feeling for certain things, but i also think he would hind things to try to keep you happy. I think the communication would be good for the most part, i’m definitely somewhere between straight hitter and passive, i can be very stubborn sometimes but i try to let things go if it seems to be affecting others or if it’s just someone i trust and care very much about i usually just passive.

Tia: Youngjae is such a cutie and you two would be such a cute couple! But your twin, as you call her, is equally whipped for the maknae of his group. So Soul: Yugyeom has shown us that his dance moves are truly sinful, but do his dance moves really correlate to bedroom prowess? How would you handle a man who is a virgin? First time sex wise.

Soul: Ah, this is my unpopular opinion but nah, I don't think it necessarily correlates. You can be the best dancer on the planet and still be hella inexperienced. Since I'm a virgin myself, I think it'd be a learning experience for the both of us. I think it'd be easier to take it slow knowing that you're doing it at your own pace and not trying to impress anyone.

Tia: Soul dropping some soulful wisdom! But I definitely agree it’s important to do what feels natural and best in the moment. Kiwi, you’re the youngest of the admins so it’s only fitting I ask you a couple things about your ultimate who’s also the maknae of his group.

Winter: And noona hunter!

Tia: Jungkook, the golden maknae. Do you really think he lives up.to that name or is he overhyped? BTS choreo or vocals, you can only choose one. Which is it?

Kiwi: Warning unpopular opinion: I think it's overhyped, but then I see him nail something on his first try and kind of go “good for him.” Still overhyped though. And I choose choreo for sure.

Tia: You’re such a straight shooter and I love it! Now, last but not least, to perhaps the most sharp shooting admin there is: Winter. Heechul is known to have a saucy attitude and a smart mouth. In reality could you see yourself being in a stable and loving relationship with him? What's a little fact about Heechul that makes you like him so much?

Winter: In reality I can’t see myself in a stable relationship ever, seriously. It’s gonna be twisted no matter who I’m with, but I’m okay with that. It’ll keep things interesting. Heechul and I would have a long and loving open relationship, if he would agree with the open relationship. The fact that Heechul is so comfortable in his skin and doesn’t care if people thinks he’s gay because he’s so secure in his sexuality. That’s admirable and attractive to me. Also, I like that even though he’s a sassy flirt he gets all shy and his heart flutters when he’s around someone he likes.

CL: I have some individual questions for you all as well! I’ll go in the reverse order Tia did, if that’s alright by you.

Winter: Oh Jisoos, I’m first.

CL: Yes, you are! 1) Where do you like to find inspiration in? 2) What do you think you have in common with Heechul? 3) What is the best 2pm era in your opinion? 4) Describe yourself: reason, emotion or both and why?

Winter:

I find inspiration everywhere the Cosmos allows. Books, movies, music, dreams, pictures, nature...just everything. I can be sitting there and see or hear something and all of a sudden, this is where I start to sound crazy but oh well, I hear dialogue between characters or I see an idol doing something in a different world or scene. It’s frustrating because I’ll think of this awesome new story but then I can’t write it because of time constraints.

Kim Heechul is my equal in petty, shady, tea spilling savagery as well as being a genderbending flirt.

The best 2PM era? Jisoos….GALAXY OF 2PM. Their Japanese release last year. BABY LOOK! BITXH! The hair, ugh. The suits, lawd help me. The overcoats, unnnnnnhhhhh. EMOTIONS PHOTOBOOK! I wanna know WHO THE FXXK HURT THEM TO HAVE THEM LOOK SO BROKEN!

I am ruled by emotion and reason. Most of the time I’m very levelheaded and I think things through. I’ll try and see things from all sides because I can’t stand when people take in new information and they let their emotions take over. But if I think on something or talk about something and emotions run high. There is no reasoning with me until I calm down and hopefully I don’t hurt anyone or anything before I calm down.

CL: So Kiwi: 1) What does writing means to you in your life? 2) Jungkook: a cinnamon roll or a sinnamon roll? 3) BTS’ best concept for you? 4) Describe yourself: introvert, extrovert or a mix of both?

Kiwi:

Believe it or not, I'm not actually a big fan of writing myself. But when I actually feel creative I will write. So I guess it's not that big in my life.

Sinnamon roll.

“Run,” hands down. Had a hoe in her feels for once.

Mix of both. I'm “extroverted” if I personally know you, but I lean more towards introvert.

CL: Soul on to you! 1) What is your work that you’re most proud of? 2) What do you think is Yugyeom’s strongest feature (not necessarily his talent)? 3) GOT7’s music video you think Yugyeom is particularly beautiful? 4) Is there something you always wanted to try or do but couldn’t?

Soul:

“Only Fools Fall,” hands down. That was the best thing I've written since the blog started. I think it shows what emotion does to people.

His eyes. He's such an attractive person overall but his eyes are what drew me in.

That's a hard question, but maybe Never Ever or If You Do.

Besides running a blog, I've always wanted to try and write a book. I can't really do it right now because I have no inspiration to do so. It's already hard for me to write on the blog without it feeling forced but yeah, that's what I wanna try.

CL: Blossom, you ready? 1) Do you have a favorite place to write? 2) Did you chose Youngjae as your bias or did he chose you? 3) Favorite GOT7 meme? 4) What do you think is your biggest strength?

Blossom:

I like writing in the library, i usually get a good bit done when I have the time.

HE CHOSE ME! When I first got into Got7, I never would have thought Youngjae would be my bias cause I kinda had a type at the time but after getting to know him and falling in love with his smile, his laugh, just his everything there was no way of turning back.

I don’t really have one since they’re all just walking memes.

Positivity is definitely it.

CL: Syn, let’s chat fashion: 1) You create such beautiful outfit sets and I personally drool over them. What is your personal dressing style? 2) As a fellow stan, I know this will be hard, but… Why Jay Park? 3) Favorite Jay’s album and favorite collab he’s made? 4) What do you think is your biggest flaw?

Syn: Thank You!!! I’m oh so happy you like them!

My personal style is depending situational. Where I’m going, how long am I going to be there, how I feel and depending on the weather. But usually I like to have a focal point or statement piece of my outfit and then everything else I put on will complement the piece. So not too flashy but not too simple either. I like everything to be clean and there for a reason.

Lawd! Girl! Why NOT Jay Park?? Lol but for real, he is just everything I love in a person. Like take they fact that his music is the bomb diggity and he is fine af. Personally, he is so kind, so generous, so caring, artistic, a goofy sense of humor, and amazing friend, son, and person in general. I love the fact that whenever he comes up he brings everyone with him. He always give credit where credit is due, and is always there to help out someone or give them a chance. I don’t know why more people aren’t stanning him.

I say I do love all his albums but my absolute favorite would be “Everything You Wanted”. I know that’s one of his newer albums and people are going to say “You ain’t a real jaywalker blah blah blah” but seriously if you think about it, all his albums leading up to that one has all been experimental. Take a deeper look, New Breed, Evolution and even World Wide has been experimental and trying to find his sound. With Everything You Wanted, he takes a bits and pieces from each album and figured out what worked and what didn’t and we had everything that worked in that album. The sexy songs, the slow jams, the meaningful songs, the bops, the electronic sounds, both in Korean AND English. Like it really was legit everything I wanted lol. That’s why I love the album. Favorite collab is a hard one just because he slays everyone song he’s on. But I would have to say his songs with ChaCha, “Feature” and “Forever” just because I wasn’t ready for singing ChaCha and I do think their voices work well together.

Biggest flaw would have to be, I don’t believe in myself as much as I should. And because of that I’ve held myself back on some opportunities that would’ve been beneficial in my life and I would be further along in the things I would love to do if I would just say “hey I know I’m good enough”. Example A: this blog lol I didn’t believe I could being anything substantial here that’s why I wasn’t on here in the beginning. So yeah something I need to work on.

CL: So Rosa, our lovely English rose: 1) What is your biggest difficulty when writing? 2) Why is JB your bias and what is the thing you like most about him? 3) What is your favorite GOT7 song? 4) What is your biggest dream, even if it seems impossible?

Rosa:

My biggest difficulty is finishing things that I’ve started because I either have no motivation most of the time or I just don’t have time to.

JB is my bias because I can relate to him: We are pretty much the same person it’s scary. We have a lot of things in common, plus he’s beautiful. The thing I like most is that he can be very serious, but the next minute he’s being extra and playful.

Oh Lord… I can’t. I don’t have one favourite so here are my favourites; “Stop Stop It,” “Sign,” “Prove It,” “Angel,” “Laugh Laugh Laugh,” “Magnetic,” “WOLO,” “Let Me,” “My Home,” “Eyes On,” “Shopping Mall,” and “A”

My biggest dream is to be able to set my family up, so there are no money worries and then to travel.

CL: And lastly is you Lilith! 1) When did you start writing? 2) Times are hard for a Yixing stan… Honestly, how are you coping? 3) Your favorite EXO lyrics? And Lay’s lyrics? 4) If you could change anything in yourself or in your past, would you? If so, what would be it?

Lily:

I honestly don’t remember when I started writing, but I think I was pretty young--maybe around 7 or so.

I’m actually coping pretty well. He’s been active a lot more recently in China and he seems to be very happy and well-rested, which really is all I want for him to be. So as long as he’s good, I’m good.

Um, my favorite EXO lyrics are actually an entire song: “My Answer.” It’s just such a gorgeous song! I know it backwards and forwards and I have to listen (and sing along) to it at least three times a week. The admins know that it has to be played at my wedding. It just has to. My favorite part is the bridge/breakdown before the final chorus. Gives me chills EVERY SINGLE TIME. Honestly, if I were to audition for a company, I’d sing this song. Ugh, I just love it so much.

My favorite of Lay’s lyrics? Again, my favorite lyrics are a whole song. While this one is a tough call, it’s decidedly the acoustic version of “MYM.” There’s really no way to describe it other than just stunning. I think it’s the song that best suits his voice, which really just shines since it shows just how well-rounded it is. And the guitar! C’mon! It should be illegal for a guitar to be played that beautifully. If you haven’t listened to the song, please don’t ever speak to me again until you do.

You know...There’s a lot in my life that has happened that didn’t go according to plan or anywhere near the plan honestly. And while I’ve made many mistakes and have been hurt by (as well as hurt) others, everything that has happened, has happened for a reason. I am who I am today because of it. So no, there’s nothing I would change. I live my life with no regrets as best I can so I just take whatever comes to me as a lesson and an opportunity to grow.

CL: One final question before you all go to celebrate your anniversary. What is the best thing(s) about running this blog? And the worst?

Blossom: Best: Seeing people's reactions to the things we do. Worst: Drama.

Kiwi: I can barely answer this because I’m never on. But I do enjoy when the admins get happy in the group chat because they're getting compliments on their writing. I hate when drama happens because everyone seems off and upset in the group chat. Becomes a dangerous ride.

Rosa: Best thing about running the blog is reading people’s reactions and comments about something I’ve written. It’s really cool, and I encourage anyone who reads fanfiction to not only like and reblog but leave comments and tags for the writers to read! Worst thing is obviously people saying mean, horrible things in the inbox.

Winter: Best thing is being able to inspire and interact with people from ALL over the globe. To see and find out we have followers in Germany, Australia, Brazil...WHAT?!? We’re just a bunch of weirdos and you guys actually WANT to follow us? I don’t get it lol. Worst thing is trolls coming at the admins, they act like I’m not a troll hunting anon slayer. Why would you even try? I don’t even see why people feel the need to say negative things to people they don’t even know. That takes time and energy I don’t have to spare.

Syn: Well I can’t say much sense I just started being active but from my observation I love seeing all the love everyone gets when they post their content. Like all the admin’s styles are different and seeing each one of them getting a like or a repost or getting messages from the readers is amazing and it warms my heart seeing that. The worst has to be what happened behind the scenes with that fallout. It sadden me seeing what was going on and basically being helpless and seeing a negative effect it had on the other admins. But we’re better now!!

Soul: The best thing would be to inspire others to start their own blogs, it's nice to know that we're a big influence in that. The worst would have to be all the drama and stress us admins have to go through on what seems like a daily basis.

Lily: I’m such a sappy heaux, but the best thing about running it is being with the girls. The love I have for them is so deep, it’s actually kind of ridiculous. A close second though is meeting such incredible people like our mutuals; like it’s kind of insane that I’m now able to call the very same people I admired my friends and talk with them nearly everyday. The worst is definitely all the drama that’s happened on and off the blog. I could definitely do without it. But a little bad always comes with a lotta good. C’est la vie.

Tia: Thank you all again so much for letting us chat with you! You inspire so many people on a daily basis and it’s really rewarding and humbling to be able to be as close as we are to you. I hope you all have a wonderful anniversary and even more wonderful times ahead!

All: Thank you all! We love you!

#kppd anniversary

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