#it’s always sad when it’s a mutual…
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Ohhh a recent mutual blocked me sksjska
#idk what I did but oh well 🤧#it’s always sad when it’s a mutual…#rambling#we didn’t talk like that anyone but eh#I just noticed that I haven’t seen them on the dash in a few days and went to go see how they are#was hoping that they hadn’t gotten deleted by staff since they’re trans and black and all but oh 🫨#sorry…#all of our interactions seems fine tbh I guess they just got tired or someone must’ve said something to them about my blog/ lied about me#being a terf since that’s happened before even tho nowhere on my blog would suggest any of that shit#oh well
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Very messy scribble of a comic because they were on my mind (I doubt I’ll ever clean it up so I’m just posting it now so it doesn’t rot in my procreate files LOL)
#genzen#zengen#demon slayer#genya shinazugawa#zenitsu agatsuma#kimetsu no yaiba#genya x zenitsu#tanjirou kamado#tanjiro kamado#I’ve been feeling a very special type of sad lately so I wanted to kinda project that a little bit on my silly guys#I don’t often think about them in universe it’s always usually just modern au#I like to think that they were on good terms during hashira training#genya apologized for hitting him after they met up again from sanemis training#they spoke a little bit to each other at that point but after that it was mostly just#existing together during group hang outs#the whole group was preexisting already#genya just kinda would stand back and silently watch them have fun and banter#he never really felt like he belonged together with all of them#zenitsu also struggles with feeling like he doesn’t deserve to be apart of the group as well and will sometimes sit back with genya#they laugh together at inosuke and sit in a silence of mutual understanding#he doesn’t really show it but zenitsu is genuinely very torn up about hearing genya death#he missed his chance to be friends with the one guy he had the most in common with#he never got to see the soft side tanjirou would tell him about#if only they could’ve met before everything turned bad#if only they could’ve met in a world without demons#maybe they wouldn’t have turned out so bad if they had each other#maybe he would still be here if he had someone#zenitsu will forever beat himself up that someone as bad as him died when he himself lived#he didn’t deserve his second chance at life just as much as genya didn’t
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Specifically thinking about long distance relationships today.
So tell me how you and your f/o would first meet online?
#I feel like Bakugou and I would meet in one of those online games he’s downloaded to mindlessly waste time between shifts#and he’s so foul at first because he thinks I’m weak but we play and he realises that I’m#actually whooping everyone and he’s like well damn okay#and now he’s messaging in the alliance chat and like getting excited when I’m online even tho he tries to hide it#and gets annoyed when other creeps in his alliance try to flirt with me#and then he’s asking for my discord#me and Sanemi get into a fight on discord the first time we interact#in some stupid big server I only joined for the emojis#but he’s a jerk so I tell him to shut up and a message later I find a msg notification and it’s him trying to continue the conversation😭#enjin slides into my dms on Instagram#he finds my post at a concert and hates the fuckboys that are commenting below#ends up messaging me to see if I’m okay but then immediately worries he’s one of those guys#Tamsy I feel like is that mutual I’ve had forever on twt and we like each others posts but we’ve NEVER talked to each other??#it’s not until I’m feeling sad at 2am and I post something self-deprecating that he drops me a msg🥺#and we end up staying up until 5am just talking to each other#Kirishima is ALWAYS the guy that responds to my ‘morning’ with a morning back! every day without fail#and I slide into his DMs one day and ask how he’s ALWAYS awake when I am??? like to say it back so quick#and he admits he’s kinda learned my schedule and he tries to be online for it because it’s one of the best parts of his day#and he likes saying it back😭😭😭 even if he’s off from a night shift and needs sleep he can’t without seeing me msg#Shindou blatantly flirts with me in a gaming discord and I think he’s an incel so I block him#he gets a friend to ping me to beg me to unblock him and I refuse#the friend then sends another message with a screenshot of Shindou basically begging me to unblock him😭#Dot and I meet in one of those AITA Reddit threads#and we end up borderline arguing over whether op is TA#so much that we get told to take it elsewhere😭😭😭#enjo#bakujo#eijo#but also catch me sending Dynamight sassy banter on his official socials😭😂
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#I don't usually write posts like this#But#Feeling so fandom sad today#Everywhere I look#Discourse discourse discourse#And it's not that I mind fandom critique#There should always be a place for it#But most discourse I see isn't critique#It's just factually inaccurate rage#Hypocrisy dressed up in preachers robes#As someone who usually traverses every corner of fandoms#Shipping and non shipping#Source material vs adaptation#M/M + F/F + M/F#You can see the big picture#And how people get lost in their own mythologies about fandom#And won't listen#I fear I'm going to have to start utilising the block button soon#And I hate blocking#Cutting an entire person from your life over one thing#When you could have myriad of othet things in common#Seems so damn stupid#But I'm so fed up#Anywho#Going to go play in the real world#Will probably feel better soon#Just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#Thank you for allowing me to vent#Hugs to my beloved tired mutuals who just come on here and do nothing but spread the joy#Windswept rambles
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just going about my day idly contemplating how some of the ways hawke can interact with a romanced anders are not at all unlike how they interact with leandra (and a bit of carver too, especially with a purple hawke), and then thought about my hawke in the timeline where he romances anders and was hit straight in the face with 'was he ever actually in love, or was he just desperately trying to renegotiate with his mother's ghost in any way he could' and now i need to lie down. this is the power of dragon age 2
#'you don't know my mother' haunting me through the years#dragon age#dragon age 2#hawke#On second thought let's not go to Kirkwall; it is a silly place#there are of course as many ways to do/read that relationship as there are players to interact with it haha and all valid!#but my personal version of handers is sooo fucked up and bad times for everyone involved and I love it haha.#this is a relationship neither of them should have been in and that made everything worse and everyone unhappy in the end#locked tomb levels of the horrors of love. i ship it but in the way that I want to make it sadder and more gutwrenching each time#to be clear this is a very mutual two-way kind of fucked up but I think varric in his loyalty and love would downplay hawke's side of it#for huge swathes of their relationship anders is not in a mental place to be a good partner and the emotional blackmail is Not Okay#(but it's just like how mother used to make it! hawke's soul cries sadly as it reaches for it hungrily)#which is in some ways fair enough no one could accuse him of not warning you ahead of time fjskda#but hawke is messy about it in a way only available to a covert people pleaser who has never had a millisecond of therapy#with some added stuff that my hawke is always acespec in some form and when he gets together with anders...#is the sex something he doesn't particularly care to have or not have but it 'makes anders happy'/he longs to feel wanted *and* needed#and also a way he gets out of ever being *actually* vulnerable (which I think he'd had to be with varric for example if he Went There )#'you want the hawke who's in your head so badly and I kind of wish I were that hawke too. so let's be collaborateurs with that fantasy'#(and then maybe if I do it right every time you'll finally be happy hawke says in his heart looking at this leandra-anders phantom form)#(and echoing stuff in varric's relationship to hawke but I think the important distinction there is that varric -- is a craftsman haha#he KNOWS when he's lying/making up a story he KNOWS the difference between what is and what he wishes the world was#(I think there's some deep longing there to not know; for it to blend together or have the power to change things. but he always knows)#which ironically leaves him in a better position to actually see and understand hawke the person#even as he is creating hawke the literary figure. almost to protect him in some ways? god da2 is so full of STUFF!!! I adore it)#and of course anders gets so disillusioned with hawke's inertia and lack of action (you all but married this man anders!#you should know this about him he's already carrying the whole family and city on his shoulders if you add a gram more he'll collapse!)#and hawke feels so desperately hurt that the promise anders seemed to make that he'd be enough -- that he could fix things for him --#('I'm the one bright light in kirkwall and that apparently doesn't count for shit so I'm just slowly turning to ash for you')#turned out to be untrue. anyway. sad now. imagine them meeting like twenty years on what the fuck could you even say to each other then#(I can't imagine Hawke ever physically hurting anyone he loves so he just tells Anders to leave at the end of DA2. they COULD meet again
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showing up to anti-zionist community rosh hashanah services tonight like "hello i am ready to weep & maybe do some arson. does anybody want to burn anything down"
#i am tired i am sad i am terrified#i am also having some big feelings about online leftist tactics of guilt/shame/condescension when speaking to their own base/potential base#i am constantly overwhelmed constantly feeling helpless i do NOT actually need to be told i am not feeling guilty enough#or i'm never doing enough. that i owe everything always including relentless emotional attention to global atrocities#because traumatizing yourself with a 24/7 feed of death & disaster is activism and/or penance for the crime of living in the imperial core#please fucking learn how to motivate & engage people via shared empowerment#get the words mutual aid out of your fucking mouth unless you are ready to actually build supportive coalitions#if all you want to do is yell & shame people into donating to something that is not mutual aid. it's charity#it positions your audience as powerful & owing money out of pity/guilt to an underclass#which is whatever. people in crisis just need money to survive. but stop pretending you're doing revolutionary politics#if you can't be assed to treat people like comrades
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i keep thinking there are people on here i would love to like. add on discord and actually talk to more. but then i think to myself well i should wait until i can get my meds so im actually feeling better and more up to being social. but at this point that's not happening for another few weeks at the least so uugghghghghhh.
#this is also slightly compounded by this being a sideblog like jskdjs i sure hope people know das me#but. ugh. yeah#debating if id want to make a server in which to lowkey hang out in a group setting or something.#or if i should just keep sitting here with sad wet pathetic beast eyes yearning for the days when i had the energy to talk to people more#like part of me wants to be like so mutuals if we've talked ever and you don't mind me being exhausted and often late to respond...!#bc i DO want to talk to friends and interact and be social. however the horrors (chronic illness) persist#SIGHS. anyway that's what's going on here re me being slow to answer messages and things on occasion + not always participating in stuff#probably tbd? just complaining at this point im a tired little man
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it's always sad to realize but people who never contact you first aren't your friends. i always let people into my heart very easily n it kinda comes around to bite me bc i always consider people friends even tho they aren't very friendly at all to me
#idk man like;;; i hang on like my life depends on it#not in a clingy way; more a 'even tho we haven't talked for 6 months' kind of way#but if i always Always have to start the convo#that isn't a friend yk??? i know that#in my head i know that#but i still have a really hard time letting people go#it's just sad bc i really don't require a lot of friendship energy either#we can not talk for weeks and i'll be just as happy to hear from you as when we talk every day#but like;;; idk at some point i gotta just let things go i guess bc#it just makes me really tired n sad#mutuals are great and all until they don't even treat you like#idK people dont owe others anything ofc#but i think it's the nice thing to do if you call someone your friend#ring ring
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constantly shaking q!forever and q!philza in my mind like a dog does with it's toys cuz why is their relationship so simple yet complicated
and that's the thing about q!forever's ships, you gotta be as delusional as forever
#qsmp#philever#qsmp philza#qsmp forever#there's like genuine moments of mutual care and then forever comes with the brunim steel chair#they make me insane. cuz Phil could give him an opportunity if it wasn't for forever's obsession with brunim#cuz that's literally all Phil talks about. he always has the “you're just a replacement” hanging over his head when he talks to forever#AND IT'S SAD. IT'S ANGSTY#Phil will indulge in forever's silliness for his own amusement but he knows he'll never fill the brunim hole. so he doesn't try#Anyway I love them very much they are so funny#sugarduo#caramelduo
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everytime i watch shameless I get hit with a jolt of sickness and remember how frank and monica stole fionas life from her and she'll never get it back because it never existed because she was a sister first her whole life (from the age of 4) and everything else second and its always just so casual in the show and normal and rarely touched upon but it's not normal at all and it's tragic
#another post made at 2am that i found in the drafts#but my god its messed up how frank and monica got to live their own lives and how the kids got to have aspirations kinda but fiona was just#always stuck with the feeling of being stuck#cause she was forced to devote a largeee chunk of her life to servitude#its so unbelievably telling of frank and monicas innate selfishness above anything else imo :#their willingness to fulfil their mutual desire to extend the feeling of things such as youth and excitement and fun#to the point that they stripped their own daughter of the ability to experience childhood#education#etc#my memory is hazy but frank definitely was in college and i think monica was too? either way they both got to finish HS / experience it#but not fiona!!! its the opposite of parents sacrificing so their children can have more#they had more than fiona did and didnt give a shit about the fact that they just took from her#(obviously im not saying they had rosy perfect lives as kids teens and young adults— far from it actually)#(but its shockingly clear that they had a great deal more than fiona...or at least less on their plates...)#like when frank speaks of being a boy in college#its like.. these opportunities he threw away while fiona would've loved to have them but instead she had to drop out of HS#against her will#like yes its complicated but bottom line is its just sad how frank and monica were both afforded with control over their lives to a degree#while all of fionas life decisions carried the weight of her whole family and she didnt get to have independent control over her life#like for example she didnt drop out of HS cause she actually wanted to#she just didn't have any other choice
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Alastor acts hostile towards Lucifer because many many decades ago Lilith kept Alastor as a pet and Lucifer would remind Alastor to not fuck with him or his wife if he wants to keep his pelt
Fast forward and Lucifer barely remembers Alastor and this fuels the sinner to throw microaggression upon microaggression at the King, feeding his malice and hatred into verbal abuse and pent-up anger Alastor had for Lucifer since the day he's been humiliated to serve under his boot
and Lucifer can't do shit (physically) to him because Alastor not only protected his daughter, there seems to be a powerful chain attached to Alastor that fills Lucifer with dread
so Lucifer tries to deal with 'it', ignoring Alastor and avoiding him at all cost
but Charlie, bless her idiotic heart, TRIES to get them to do bonding activities together
The fights are usually (always) broken up by her because she's the only one strong enough to rip them apart, hair/fur and feathers altogether
Lucifer did try to apologize but this only pisses Alastor off and resulted in the Overlord going Eldritch Horror on Lucifer's ass
Alastor won't forgive him, he can't. The damage is too great and Lucifer is at a loss, how do you make up for what you did all those years ago?
#Should I call this 'No Forgiveness' or something?#Honestly want to read a fic where Lucifer did some shit he isn't proud of#Like what's with these stories of him being innocent and constantly goofy?#I'm starting to get bored I'm being honest here#appleradio#hazbin hotel#I mostly see this as platonic and slow burn since this is not an easy fix#I'm not the type to write characters making out angrily or 'laugh it off' because... it's kinda cheap and overused#I'm sorry for those who like those things I always get this sad gut-wrenching feeling when I see fics resort to that#I actually want them to work it out or try to#I want them to start very small and climb up to being mutual#Mostly want Lucifer to work his way into being a decent person with Alastor after what he's done#PLEASE
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i’m listening to those literary demerit episodes on dirty laundry feeling like a klance scholar rn and also shaking my fist at the fucking sky because clearly a lot of klance fic was influenced by it and god.......i wish i could live in a different timeline......we gotta do better this time soldiers. give me in character fic im on my knees begging.
#the way that sad twink keith had a fucking CHOKEHOLD ON THE LONG FICS#im smacking it away from me i dont want it#this is why i think i like later season fics better usually#bc people write them as like serious and tired and it feels more real 2 me#idk i love the early season dynamic i just wish.......idk#every day i feel like i get on here and complain about the quality of the popular voltron fics im so sorry lmao#ive found some genuinely good short ones i just was always someone who liked reading long fics but i still. cant find. good ones.#also i feel like when i say in character i mean the versions that live in my head but erm im right so....#me and all my mutuals....we're right....#colleen thoughts
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ᯓ★
#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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I’ve updated my muse list & im going to slowly work on things in my drafts.
#I’m in the emotional trenches rn#partially bc I think I’m having an awful crash of just no spoons no energy#and maybe just it’s cold and the sads always come full force when it’s cold#I’ll pop out some prompts to see whose down to interact and play it from there#ily to all my mutuals and stay safe 💞#ooc.
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i don’t think we’re ever getting out of the “we’re just friends” “oh yeah those characters are such good friends (sarcasm)” “they’re not friends they’re gay” etc etc hole. we’re never getting out of that hole
#yes it’s bad when people try to erase gay relationships to portray them as friends and nothing more#that is NOT what i mean. i’m talking about when people do the Opposite Thing and decide that when characters are romantic togethr#then suddenly they’re not friends anymore! or if they say they’re friends they’re lying!#like … i was watching nimona with my friend yesterday and like. if you’ve seen the movie you know how obviously gay and in love bal and#ambrosius are. and then there’s this one moment where ambrosius says ‘i have lost everything the man i love my best friend’ and at that#moment my friend was like It’s sad that they decided to censor their relationship even though this movie is still rly gay :( and i was like#WHAT are you saying ? these two men are clearly in love with one another BUT they’re also best friends. Like those are things that can#coexist!! and DO coexist!!! there are many cases where people consider their romantic partners their best friends . or even refer to them as#their best friends more than just partner!!!!!! LIKE WHAT ARE YOU SAYINGGGG . does anybody get it#does anybody understand#i’m so sick of amatonormativity i’ll start eating drywall#yes i love making ‘oh they seem like really good friends’ jokes because i know how most people interpret those jokes. but to me it’s like#well. they ARE really good friends. they’re just also romantic/gay about it. ghhehghh#maybe one day friendship will stop being seen as something lesser maybe one day people will realize that most romance is also friendship#and your partner can be and in most cases is your friend or your best friend even#and maybe one day we’ll stop acting like friendship & romance are two mutually exclusive things#and maybe sure that gay character is calling their love interest their Best Friend because of denial and repressed emotions and whatever#but have u considered that it’s just true and they really are best friends ?? like when crowley calls az his best friend sure that might be#gay denial but they also literally Are best friends i don’t know what to tell you. and they will always be best friends#DOES ANYBODY GET IT !!!!!!!! js any of this making sense i dont know. I love complaining#crammerposting
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wait… sims4thehoes deactivated???????
#i always get sad when my mutuals deactivate#i hope you’re okay bestie :(#max’s thoughts#delete later
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