#Feeling so fandom sad today
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#I don't usually write posts like this#But#Feeling so fandom sad today#Everywhere I look#Discourse discourse discourse#And it's not that I mind fandom critique#There should always be a place for it#But most discourse I see isn't critique#It's just factually inaccurate rage#Hypocrisy dressed up in preachers robes#As someone who usually traverses every corner of fandoms#Shipping and non shipping#Source material vs adaptation#M/M + F/F + M/F#You can see the big picture#And how people get lost in their own mythologies about fandom#And won't listen#I fear I'm going to have to start utilising the block button soon#And I hate blocking#Cutting an entire person from your life over one thing#When you could have myriad of othet things in common#Seems so damn stupid#But I'm so fed up#Anywho#Going to go play in the real world#Will probably feel better soon#Just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr#Thank you for allowing me to vent#Hugs to my beloved tired mutuals who just come on here and do nothing but spread the joy#Windswept rambles
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re last reblog I do see fanfic culture pushing/replicating a certain model of "what trauma looks like," "how trauma works"
this is a problem across all areas of society obviously, but transformative works are, well, transformative. they're about crafting and modifying narratives where the fan-creator sees a flaw or a lack -- often for the better! don't get me wrong, I've done my fair share of "I take a hammer and I fix the canon," it's the main thing that gets my creative gears spinning -- but what happens when that "flaw" is simply a narrative not conforming to popular expectations?
some people just don't get PTSD from events that sound obviously traumatic. they're not masking, and they're not coping; they just straight-up didn't get the permanently-locked stress-response that defines PTSD. they walk away from a horrible experience going "well, that sucked, but it's over now." some people do get PTSD from events most people wouldn't find traumatic. we don't really know why some people get PTSD and others don't. but fandom has an idea of events that must be traumatizing, of a "correct" way to portray trauma. you see the problems with this lack of understanding in e.g. fans pressuring the devs of Baldur's Gate 3 to add dialogue where the player character badgers Halsin about his own feelings on his abuse -- because he must be traumatized, and his trauma must fit a certain mold and presentation of sexual trauma, under the mistaken impression that anything outside that narrow window is somehow "wrong" and disrespectful or even harmful to survivors.
take, for another example, the very common trope of a traumatized character who hates touch or sex "learning" to like touch or sex as a part of their healing process. certainly that can be healing for some people; other people will never like, or want, touch or sex, because of trauma or because they just don't. the assumption that someone who doesn't want sex or doesn't like to be touched must be traumatized, must be suffering from this perceived lack, is seriously harmful -- to asexual people, to people with sensory issues around touch, and to people for whom healing from trauma means freedom to refuse sex or touch.
and there's a secondary trope, one that's slightly more thoughtful but ultimately repeats the problem -- that once someone has learned that their boundaries will be respected, they'll feel it's safe to soften those boundaries. once they feel safe refusing touch or sex, they'll feel comfortable allowing it on their own terms. but many people don't, and many people won't! many people will simply never want to be touched, and never want sex, and they are not suffering or broken or lacking because of it. the idea that proving you'll respect someone's boundaries entitles you to test those boundaries -- the paradox is obvious, and yet this is something i've seen hurt (re-traumatize) people i care for.
people are imperfect victims. people don't heal in the ways you expect. many people have positive memories of their abuse, of their abusers. many people hurt others in the course of their trauma, in ways that can't easily be unpacked in a 5k oneshot. very few narratives of trauma and recovery actually fit the ones put forward by popular children's media and romance novels -- which are the ones I most see replicated in fandom spaces, because they provide the clearest narrative and easiest catharsis, and so they're easy and soothing to reach for.
that's not necessarily a bad thing! i am not immune to goopy romance tropes. i am not immune to teary catharsis. not every fic has to grapple with ugly realities. but there's a problem when these narratives become predominant, when people think they're accurate and realistic depictions of trauma, when the truth of trauma is unpleasant and uncomfortable, and doesn't fit any single narrative, let alone one of comforting catharsis
#bird original#see also: the murderbot diaries#murderbot does not like to be touched. murderbot does not like touching other people#physical contact is an unpleasant necessity in emergencies or to feign being human (something murderbot also hates)#at one point murderbot uncomfortably offers a hug to someone it cares for because she's upset and needs one --#and she refuses. because she knows it doesn't really want to; she won't ask it to do something it hates for her benefit#& yet murderbot fic often has it learning that touch ~isn't so bad~ and maybe there are a COUPLE people it likes to cuddle with.#the differences between vash in the original trigun anime and trigun stampede --#tristamp!vash is your woobie who hides his sad and traumatized heart under goofy behavior;#who copes and avoids through silly indulgences#2011!vash ... is not that#2011!vash isn't coping or masking. he feels immense grief yes; he also feels immense joy; the two are inseparable#he pursues joy moment to moment because he knows how fleeting each moment is#he loves people so intensely because he knows that he'll lose them -- so he has no time to waste with them#his grief is real and profound; so is his joy#i find that much more compelling and i feel like that's not a character i'd see in today's media environment#anyway#fandom#trauma#fanfic#throwing a golden apple into the tags with this but fuck it we ball
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Thinking about Mass Effect, as you do, and how I'm kind of sad that the way it's been engraved in pop culture has more to do with the way internet reacted to it at the time than what the actual game is about. Yes sure, it's about romance (and not that much all things considered) and it's pulpy (but not solely because of hot lady aliens), but it's also intricate worldbuilding that touches on a lot of sharp ideas, and a complicated tug-of-war between a genuine and vulnerable belief in reconciliation and community VS post 9-11 US military propaganda and steadfast belief in heroic exceptionalism, and the melancholic yet energizing mood, and the daring narrative systems, and so so much more than the 'We'll Bang OKs" and the "There's No Shepard Without Vakarian" and the whole ME3 ending situation
It's all there, but I'm sad the impact of the series is often reduced to (what I think is) the least interesting parts of its sum
#mass effect#mass effect meta#and what I'm the MOST sad about#is how bioware internalized a lot of that I think#I think Mass Effect 3 and especially the Citadel DLC suffered from trying to pull itself in the shape of what the fandom expected#it's why I'm so ambivalent about Mordin's seashell bit --which I do find kinda cheap in its attempt at being an obvious crowdpleaser#and it's why a lot of the Citadel DLC jokes don't land as well as they could have for me#AND why I didn't react that well to Andromeda either#which to me forgot a lot of its strong worldbuilding foundations and sincerity#and ended up feeling so very... “liberal” to me --if you can forgive my semi-judgmental wording#as in: gestures at inclusion and would do pronoun rounds probably but will never lift a finger to criticize actual systems of power#it's “nicer” and people are more fun but the colonialist project is never sincerely questioned by the narrative#elon musk-like “genuises” are given a god-like aura#species become mostly tired and watered-down versions of their archetypes...#I don't know. I'm sure a lot of people will disagree but yeah I was thinking about this today
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Sora! 💕
#art#my art#doodle#anime and manga#sketch#kingdom hearts#sora#kh sora#kh#kingdom hearts sora#so ive been really sad today#hence the last drawing lol#but i watched a video about Sora today and ngl it made me feel better#i love sora so much. he tries to carry the burden so others wouldnt#his good intentions hurts him and now hes dead nice#im kidding lol but i hope to hear something about kingodm hearts 4 soon#i love kingdom hearts so so much#im also trying to be in more than one fandom thats not demon slayer
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some outtakes of vaughn that I never got around to posting. <3
#cyberpunk 2077#cyberpunk 2077 photomode#cyberpunk screenshots#cyberpunkedit#cyberpunk aesthetic#cp77#cp77edit#gamingedit#dailygaming#virtual photography#gaming photography#oc: vaughn leblanc#male v#my screenshots#I had no intentions on posting today but than I remembered I took these when I was feeling really sad#cos I missed him terribly and it reminded me how much he helps me through tough times#and I've been feeling really weird about being in this fandom lately but I don't wanna give up on my boy ever#so I will show his pretty face and continue to love him cos it sure heckin' makes me happy <3
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some people in this fandom are going to be really disappointed when winds of winter comes out.
you guys. you cannot treat the POV characters as stepping stones for other characters/other POV characters.
the POV characters must have a fitting end according to their character arcs, themes, foreshadowing, etc.
to clarify, the POV characters chapters are about THEM. their storylines are about THEIR journey. you cannot use their hundreds of pages of character development as a brick to build the castle your fav will live in.
this is especially true for the key 5 and for the other younger POV characters. their endings have everything to do with them, they do not revolve around your fav.
us readers out-of-universe reasons for wanting x or y characters deaths does not matter. what actually matters is if you can support your theories with textual evidence from the chapters of the POV character that you want dead.
#i dont think there’s anything in the books that supports a theory of a member of the key 5 dying permanently#i think you could make a case for dany temporarily dying like jon for her third death and rebirth. but that’s it.#maybe winds of winter will set up the permanent death of one of the younger POV characters.#but so far there’s really not enough evidence to be sure of x or y characters deaths#and if you want their deaths based on ‘feels’ or due to unobjective reasons then i’m afraid that you will be unhappy#wanting a marginalized characters death especially as they’re igniting hope/recovering from abuse/trying to make change is very gross#i want to say that i totally understand what it’s like to be put off from a character due to that characters fandom#(happened to me with the sansa stans on here. they’re real nasty)#but the best thing to do is to distance yourself from that portion of the fandom and to try to not let your hate color ur opinion#i’m acting kinda self righteous sorry guys 😞#just a bit sad cause i’m seeing a lot of jon hate today <\3#asoiaf fandom critical#asoiaf#a song of ice and fire
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Morph playlists are just filled with sad love songs and girlboss music and I am here for it
#also just sad songs in general#i feel like morph would totally listen to girlbossy (?) songs#xmen morph#kevin sydney#literally learned today that their name is kevin#though I have heard no one say it#not in fandom or xmen 97#maybe its their deadname and thats why they dont go by it (i have recently gotten into xmen and don't know much)#so plz correct me if I am wrong#morpherine#<- tagging that bc the sad love songs are about them
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Heyy! Here's my attempt of making...
VII - The Chariot - Flash Sentry
Not too excited about this one, honestly...
#doodle#mlp fim#enfp#mlp#mlp g4#sketch#mlp art#mlp friendship is magic#mlp fanart#tarot cards#the chariot#mlp fandom#rough sketch#not too excited about this one#the muzzle feels off#flash sentry#flash sentry mlp#mlp flash sentry#his mane Is too hard to draw TvT#oh my#drawing#musicals notes#🎶🎵🎼#kind of ugly#have a nice dayyy#hiiiii#heyaaaa#today I feel so normal#nor happy nor sad#it feels weird
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So it seems Jimmy Fallon heard Muse before JK did! JiminFallon is real!
Hi anon!
The ship we never knew we needed!
And for the lurkers, let me be clear.. this is only being said because of the way Jkkrs reacted to Jk saying Tae listened to Seven first. I think the competitiveness is a bit 😬 when in reality it seems like they all share different stages of their music to different people. Some is accidental, some is intentional.. I don’t think it’s a great way of measuring closeness.. we have better ways to do that.
#fandom shenanigans#i honestly feel as though i have to leave disclaimers for everything i post these days#i’m a tkk blog#I’m obviously going to post about things from that perspective#that was not for you anon 😊#i’m a bit annoyed and sad today#so yeah
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While I (not so) patiently await season 3...
I think being on Tumblr is gonna be tough this week: I've blacklisted sp*ilers because I wanna watch the new season with my mind as free as possible (like I did for the first 2 seasons) but it means that right now my dash is 99% empty, just an endless list of blocked posts 😅 So 1. it's boring and 2. the temptation to check these hidden posts is growing bigger and bigger by the minute >< I'm not entirely sure I can make it spoiler-free 'til next Monday... But anyway, I was just thinking tonight how lucky we are to live at a time when shows like Young Royals are being made, and well-made, and successful, and so so loved by so many people.
Earlier tonight I got struck by a faint memory of a scene from an old TV show I watched when I was (way) younger and so I went on a deep search to find it. It was an old French TV show that I watched with my parents growing up and it made me laugh to check some bits of some episodes: but I ended up watching a scene where a (secondary) character comes out to his best friend (a main character on the show) and it was awful. The best friend reaction was terrible and homophobic, but treated as if it was totally normal and acceptable. And it made me so so sad, because I grew up with that, I grew up watching that. And it's probably not the only scene, the only show, the only movie with that kind of message that I've watched when I was young. I grew up in an environment, a family, that was quite close-minded. The mere concept of not being straight, not being cis, was not at all something that I was aware of at the time. We didn't talk about that with my parents or at school. And the little representations I got on TV (like this one) were pretty awful. It makes sense that it took me so long to really realize that I was neither straight nor cis, to be able to actually put words on what I had been feeling my whole life (and I'm not even done questioning it all). But yeah, growing up then meant not being exposed to the amazing representation that we have now. And I am so so so happy that young people now can have that!! That we can all have that! I am sometimes incredibly frustrated by the idea that my life would have been so so different if a show like Young Royals existed when I was growing up, when I was a teenager... Where would I be now? Who would I be now? Most of the time I'm just happy and grateful that I still managed to get where I am today, but yeah, the frustration over what feels like wasted years can rear its ugly head sometimes...
Glee was my first "Young Royals", my first fandom, my first show with a good and real and strong LGBTQ+ representation. It's the show that will always have a special place in my heart because it made me see, made me realize things about myself. It's the show that pushed me head first into queer culture and told me to "look look here! Look at these people, look at this history!". The show that took me by the hand and told me I could be strong and brave and myself. And that I was not alone. Blaine and Kurt will always be the fictional characters who helped me the most, who made me start the process of becoming myself, who started healing me.
At the time I didn't participate in the fandom life as I do now with Young Royals, because I was quite introverted and not comfortable talking to people, and still trying to figure things out about myself. But Young Royals changed that. This show arrived at the perfect time, when I felt ready for more, ready to take a step further in my healing process. Anyway, such a long rant just to say that Young Royals is incredible. It didn't change my life quite as radically as Glee did, but it is making it incredibly better! Part of it is of course due to the show itself, and Wilhelm, and Simon, and the cast (Omar!!!!). But it is also this fandom, and the people I've met and chatted with. You all have no idea how incredible you've been, how happy you've made me. How healing you've been for me. I'm realizing that I've written a whole novel in this post >< Which was not really my intention! I was mostly just thinking about how awesome our little show is, how lucky we are that we're gonna have 3 incredible seasons to watch and rewatch. And how happy I am to be part of our little fandom family 💜
So I hope you're all enjoying the season 3 content that we've been getting today (even though I don't know what it is 😱) and I'm excited to be there with you all next week to be happy and sad and unhinged as usual about our dear dear show 💜💜
#Young Royals#Glee#L goes on a giant rant#you don't have to read it all#gonna put a read more so I'm not invading too much of people's dashboards ^^"#it's quite personal#just going down memory lane a little bit#and feeling sad and happy at the same time#representation matters#I will always say it and believe it#I'm happy to be in this fandom with all of you guys#(even though I cannot see a thing that you're posting today#because I'm torturing myself by choosing to not be spoiled further about season 3 😭)#it's a nostalgic kind of evening I guess#personal
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collection of old unfinished link arts-except the tp link one, that’s new-THAT ARE SO FIRE TBH ‼️‼️🎉 how did I conjure this up last year what was I ON😕 yippe
I love how it’s a different facial structure every time. 😞
Tomatoes
LA la la La I’d like to draw Cyclonus next but also I Magnus cuz I missed his birthday ( secretly Magnus is my favorite transformers charcater )
#Jusssst kidding perceptor and brainstorm are forever my favorite but I feel like Magnus is under apprecaited#Fantastic shoulder man!#Anywaaaaaay er I did the whole yiga quest thing in totk (I’m so behind) and that’s why I felt like posting Zelda idk#Zelda#totk#legend of zelda#linkus#u burned your FUCKING ARM OFFF???#if oot link chopped off his ears don’t u think he’d look like edward elric from his anime fullmetal alchemist brotherhood?#if ed put on some elf ears istg he could cosplay oot link#oot link#OOT LINK YIPPPEEEEEEEE#I love saying that out loud “oot” oot oot oot like ooooot#��the bidding for the perceptor figure I wanted ended and now I can’t get it I’m so sad#eeebeebeee I can’t believe the fandom I’ve been in the longest is transformers (I realized that today) idk why I’m saying all of this in ta#Bro when I was like 5 or 6 I used to PLAY transformers with some neighborhood kids and and#And I was bumblebee I ROLE PLAYED BUMBLEBEE heeehee#It was super fun! Or at least what I remember… and there was this big book with all the transformers and I’d look at the#OK IM DONE good bye I hope no one read allat#JESUS CHRIsT i wrote too much in the tags#I hope the neighborhood kids I played with never find this.
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come to think of it another reason I'm biased towards nine might be because we never reach such beautiful casual queer vibes as the doctor + rose + jack situation again, at least not as far as I've watched. like I'm honestly not that much of a shipper but that kiss scene DOES things to me. and part of that is how loosely defined the relationship seems to be, at least maybe from jack's perspective. I can't rightly say it was wholly romantic in canon, but it sure was something - yes, rose flirted with jack way more than the doctor did when they first met, but the doctor even just being chill about jack kissing him feels significant - and I do love a quasi-romantic loosely-defined Something.
#doctor who#falderal speaks#I have stills from the jack+rose and jack+doctor kisses because I'm. normal about it#and I think we avoid seeing the doctor's face during or right after because they didn't want to shock the viewers too much?#if we don't see the doctor's face or reaction it can be waved off as just a Jack Being Jack thing#and it leaves us this sort of... almost plausible denability almost ambiguity#and again that may just be the vibe jack brings to it#it honestly makes me a little sad that he feels so different in torchwood#because I almost wanna say that pre-torchwood jack is maybe just LIKE this with his close friendships#maybe he comfortably straddles/ignores the line between friendship and romance when that's safe and welcome#(or else just falls into that with rose and the doctor specifically)#and maybe he's just lived through so much by torchwood (or lived so long in such a restrictive culture)#that he just. doesn't do that anymore. can't.#those are my feelings on it at least!#I haven't strayed into the fandom at ALL I just grew up with the show so nobody read this as reacting to any trends in the fandom pls#anyway apparently I'm mostly feral about the relationships I can think about and ship in a queerplatonic way#which will be a surprise to absolutely no-one who knows me from fandom stuff#but I hadn't thought to think about these three that way before. and it's a treat.#drafted last night just posted today#(like this was probably the first queer character and queer kiss I saw on screen and it was a nationally beloved family-friendly show)#(I'm basically obligated not to be normal about it)
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i'll never forgive mnh making chungha wanting to give up on being an idol to the point she just wanted to go study abroad and get away from the industry and i can't imagine how bad they made her feel to the point that it was something she considered
#the fact that she didn't believe people were waiting for her#or that people were excited to see her teasers for the new company coming out#is so sad#i wish that company nothing but hell 😭#they are so evil it's beyond insane to me#that even we knew that even before the shit they decided to pull today#but if there's anything it made me realize is that#they tried to make her feel small and like#that she wasn't successful enough to keep going with her career#when so many people love her even outside of her fandom#and a fresh start is good but it's so upsetting to me#that even after she ended the contract#they are still taking things away from her#tris.txt
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#There are days when I tell myself I am tired of being sad#like that will make it stop#it never does#like today#i did all the things i am supposed to do#i took a walk outside#i made a healthy lunch#i showered and washed my hair after days of grief and depression building on my skin#i drank water and had some fruit#i even wrote#and none of it stopped the sadness#i am once again unable to sleep#because i am *too sad*#too guilty#too something unidentifiable#i feel unwanted and annoying amd a burden and forgotten and#god so many things#amd the worst part is that logically i know none of these things are actually true#logically i know i have a place with my friends and loved ones#and in the fandom communities i call home#but logic isnt enough and the sadness wins#sigh#its 1am and i am tired#sorry for anyone who follows me for fun stuff and is continually assaulted with my late night oversharing lol#i give you squeezes and apologies#gin speaks
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you ever go into a tag for a show or whatever and find several painstakingly created gif sets from interviews with the actors where they're just like. fully mocking fans? talking about them like they're the most despicable thing on this earth kind of bitter mocking. and on the one hand you're like, okay, i get it, fans can really be shit and get overly parasocial and think you owe them something beyond the work you created but on the other it's like. bro this makes me not want to engage with anything you do at all. ever. you don't have to sing your fans praises but you can do them the basic courtesy of professionalism and not ridiculing the entirety of everyone who both engages with your creative work and whose interest ultimately results in your paycheck.
#dan talks#dont expect this to breach containment but just in case locking it up#bcs there are like a million people out there who'll misconstrue what i said in a complaint post#theres just this air sometimes in fandom where actors etc go beyond boundary setting and into fanbase mockery#where ure supposed to nod along and mock as well bcs haha stupid fans but the whole time youre aware it includes u as well#ik this is a complex topic and a lot of stuff leads to creators getting bitter towards their fans#but oscillating between 'we love u give us money <3' and outright mockery just sits rly badly w me#creators i really love have started doing it too the last few months and its excruciating#to be clear i dont rly engage w anyone's private life ever and im lurker extraordinaire#i rarely know the actors' name much less care to watch their interviews and stuff thats meant to like give u a sense of peeking into#their private lives#and i have to assume those interviews are mandated?? so sometimes they provoke reactions not of their own volition and are thus bitter#idk lots of thoughts#i get it i rly do they're people too who get annoyed and do mean jokes about it like everyone else#but it gets a whole dif dimension when those mean jokes are public and get back to people they're said about#who are often not even the ones who did anything#the internet is not the privacy of ur friend group!! rules go both ways#managing your frustrations about being public and keeping to professionalism when you're online is a huge part of that job#you're a person too both means 'gtfo out of my house youre not my friend' and treating your job like it's a job and not a living room#gossip circle#maybe thats the thing??? that the comfort of a certain environment blurs the lines between professional and friend chat#just feel sad for those gif makers bro don't spend care and time on words that explicitly ridicule you#ok that's it for today thank you for tuning into dan central
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You ever sit in a fandom space for so long that now looking at it kind of makes you want to rip your nails off.
Yeah.
#feeling this with Omori#ill look at my recommended tags and see some shit and immediately think “thats enough for today.”#granted alot of the community is children so of course theres gunna be cringey posts and that's fine#but then theres times its just weird and i realise i am far to tired for this shit now#i wanted to try and get into fandom spaces to be myself more and open up but i have now just gotten tired#but ultimately this was also the point in my life i was having an identity crisis and i like to think i have changed alot over the last year#im tired of everyone being called out as a predator or twelve year olds fighting over stupid shit#id rather focus my energy into my real life problems and not the latest “blorboscimbosimp24” drama#christ sometimes i regret getting into omori which is sad because its a game near and dear to my heart#but everyday theres some new shit that happens that sends people fucking feral#and also omocat herself is just a whole can of worms i just cannot be assed with.#that's not to say i hate everything about fandoms. ive met and talked to some really nice people and i enjoy their stuff#but still i have so little patience for peoples bullshit#sorry for ranting but im done with everyones horseshit and people being predators and wether or not omocat is a creep#i dont know i sort of dont care because god knows i have far more pressing matters in my personal life that need my attention#also this doesn't mean im not talking or posting about omori. i still like it but fuck man sometimes it feels awkward saying i like it#rant#random rambles
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