#bc i DO want to talk to friends and interact and be social. however the horrors (chronic illness) persist

[mamawasatesttube]

i keep thinking there are people on here i would love to like. add on discord and actually talk to more. but then i think to myself well i should wait until i can get my meds so im actually feeling better and more up to being social. but at this point that's not happening for another few weeks at the least so uugghghghghhh.

[complicit-rot]

i haven't been this social & talkative in Years someone drag me out back

[mrfoox]

Talking with Fabian and whooooooooo boy that was an conversation and a half...

[avonne-writes]

AH i would loveee to hear ur jealous bucky headcanons (hs au) bc like u mentioned that everyone knows they're together but what about before they do! and what about new students! and in university when they're in separate schools - i think bucky would get super touchy but also i can imagine him not even picking up on it or maybe gale is the one that doesn't pick up on it idk what do you think!!!

omg and what was their conversation like when they weren't 'out' but were like talking about the idea of being out bc depending on the vibe of their school it could be a big deal or maybe not what do you think!

Thank you so much for the question! 🩷 This got long, so I'll post about the second question separately. 😊

In high school, before they come out

This is the period of peak obsession. The only thing on Bucky’s mind is Gale. They're both 15, which is a moody age anyway, and they're not very good at regulating their emotions yet, so Bucky is jealous all the time. He's by Gale's side at all times and tries to gatekeep him.

He keeps asking Gale (none too subtly) what he thinks of the other boys Gale knows. At this point in their lives, Gale loves the possessiveness, because he never really had anyone who was this interested in him. So, he always teases Bucky a little ("he's fit, I guess", "I like his jokes"), before reassuring him ("but you're fitter", "but you make me laugh the hardest") and then reaping the rewards (kisses, cuddling).

College

Bucky's jealousy is less general and more targeted by college. He’s only jealous if he feels that his position is threatened. He doesn’t try to insert himself in all of Gale's social interactions, and he’s happy that Gale makes so many new friends.

If he thinks someone doesn’t even stand a chance (like George), he’s not actively jealous. Sure, he’ll passively assert that Gale is his, but not because of that other person, just because he likes to show it in general.

If he does feel threatened though (like with Alex in the first few months), he reverts to high school behaviour but nastier. He can’t stand not being there at any event or outing if Alex is going, he keeps prodding at Gale to know what he thinks about the man, he tries to gatekeep the deeper parts of Gale from him.

However, Gale doesn’t enjoy this behaviour anymore. He pushes back, tries to discourage Bucky from coming with him or doesn’t tell him that Alex is coming and fights with him.

Later life

Bucky's jealousy becomes less about possession and more about belonging. By that I mean, he takes more into account how his jealous behaviour will make Gale feel, even at risk of letting someone get closer to Gale than he likes. He just wants Gale to be happy.

That doesn’t mean he’s not going to be sour if someone gets too close. He makes a moody comment or two, Gale asks what his problem is, and he’s mature enough now to actually say he’s jealous. Gale always reassures him (even if he actually has a reason to be jealous, like with that one guy in Switzerland 😬).

In social situations, his jealousy only comes out in him being more physically affectionate with Gale than usual and his friendliness towards the threat might be forced. But thankfully, he grows out of the gatekeeping for the most part.

[smoothiedreams]

Bakugou/kirishima headcanons time!

I have nothing to do on my miserable life so why not

[This might include some relationships each character has on their individual daily routine, friendships are real, not only ship can u believe it? I tend to forget haha]

First of all, they train together, like on gym, Bakugou enjoy hitting things with all he got but he can be real moderate when training other exercises. While he is on the treadmill kirishima is training calisthenics, and while bakugou practices boxing punches and karate moves kiri is there lifting himself on some beam.

Kirishima likes bakugou's shoulders and arms a lot, he thinks they are maily attractives. Bakugou likes kiri's chest and belly, nothing more mesmerize than his boyfriend's tummy.

They usually take combat classes with uraraka. She and kiri are gym bros, eventually sato joined them and bakugou surprisely is very calm during these times. He does his exercises alongside them but doesn't necessarily exclude himself, they are all enjoying each other's company at these times of the day.

Bakugou and Sato end up forming a light friendship, they don't talk much but share interactions related to cooking frequently.

We can't forget that Bakugou's parents work with fashion, he inevitably ended up becoming a stylish person himself without noticing. He kinda have a streetwear aesthetic, a bit gotic sometimes. Kiri however likes clothes more colorful, he is a summer boy but also has his streetwear side.

Bakugou is gay, just it, simple as can be. He is demiromantic tho. Kiri is pan/bi.

They private times aren't just penetration, they like touch, intimacy, likes kisses and just rubbing up against each other or giving a helping hand. (I feel kind of weird having thought about this but it seems like I need to highlight my thoughts in this simplistic perverted world).

Abt positions, bakugou usually is topping - not because of any strange straight gender role u might think- he just find more joy on giving pleasure for his partner, and Kirishima is always more willing to receive this adoration ( he might feel powerful for holding confidence in having this relationship with bakugou ).

Kirishima is the big spoon. He always has bakugou grapping his waist and melting into his arms as he sleep peacefully against his chest, at least this is how they start the night, bc when they wake up bakugou has Kiri sprawled out, half-thrown on top of his chest, with his face aligned in the crook of his neck, and somehow Bakugou's arm is now the boy's pillow.

Bakugou is an introvert with limited social battery so is common to see he just chilling out on the couch with jiro, each one on the phone and listening music. Sero sometimes sit with them to just vibe.

Kiri despite having the bakusquad is usually seemed hanging out with momo, asui and SHINSO. Yes, our boy gotcha friendship with him! (someday I'II dissect my thoughts and understand why I want them all to be a small group). He and momo are extroverts dragging asui and shinso tho mostly watch their interactions, that don't mean they don't talk as much as them, they just prefer to add interesting and spicy comments or facts.

Kaminari jokes on being their third wheel, he is right.

Ashido helps kiri on insecure moments, encouraging him on his relationship. She is almost the mom friend, almost.

Bakugou likes chemical. Kirishima likes biology.

Bakugo's dad and kirishima go fishing sometimes. They both are terribly distracted by any conversation.

Bakugou's mom is flustered every time kiri is eating her food bc he always is praising her cooking skills. it's usually her husband who gets all the praise because she herself recognizes that his food is amazing, so he is the one who cooks usualy on the house, but she assures to be the chef when kiri is coming.

Beginning with: kiri has two moms bc this headcanon just makes sense. The two managed to win over Bakugou with their kindness and strong morals, he is extremely more restrained around them.

How and who confessed? It will be extensive.

They are partners even before being in a romantic relationship, so it was on one day that bakugou finds out how good is to them being in such a synchrony, imagine how much more easy it would be if they were more... them BOOM! Existential crisis with a sexuality crisis that lasts two minutes for him to come to a consensus that he doesn't care about falling in love with a boy, but rather wants to have a relationship with anyone. He struggles for a week and ends up agreeing that yes, he wants to stay by shitty hair's side, so he will take it as he has been taking it, just existing. If in any parallel universe Kirishima asked him to go out with him, Bakugou could take that opportunity, but he was fine with how things were. And then he wasn't. The class had just discovered that Present Mic and Professor Aizawa were a thing and everyone was excitedly talking about how good it was to have someone to lean on and share things with in the world of pro heroes. Kirishima, mina and uraraka were talking about how much they admired their relationship, and Kirishima lets slip that it's even a little envious of them by having the courage to get deeply involved with someone. He jokingly says something like "Bakugou, can you believe it? That maybe one day someone could be my significant other like that? Being heroes and everything else we aspire to." "is to much to ask for haha." bakugou replies, "you better think of harder wishes to grant shitty hair." Mina then is like, "Don't go throwing words like this because Bakugou might take it as a challenge", uraraka adds with, "He already think its to easy." THEN some defiant and provocative instinct of bakugou is activated and all inhibitions are thrown to the air without him realizing it, "STUPID EXTRAS! being by his side is something that I am already taking first place in, it isn't even a challenge!"

Then somehow..."Would u easily turn into my boyfriend as easy as you make it seems bakugou?" - "stop saying dumb things shitty hair"- "You said it first!" - "if u wanna me to take responsability u have to take courage to ask me out" - 'but we already went out!" "..." - " WE ARE DATING" - " WE ALREADY ARE"

I know this was long and a bit confusing but I hope you enjoyed my thoughts lol

[dilucqwq]

aaaa another diluc simp <3 can I request some general dating headcanons for him pls? I just know he'd be a total sweetheart as a boyfriend ;-;

ofc <33333 i love this man sm he’s adorable

Diluc Dating Headcannons

A/N this is my first time actually doing this bc i’ve been on and off of tumblr bc of school so plz excuse any mistakes!

This man is emotionally constipated I literally can’t lie

Ofc then there is beautiful amazing radiant stunning y/n who steps into his life one day ✨✨

Probably doesn’t catch feelings right away, you’ll have to develop a friendship with him first

After that bro falls so hard for you

Like, where were you in his life before??? When did you get so damn attractive in his eyes???

He’s a demisexual

He’ll want to confess but he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship he built with you

Due to the encouragement of his friends (or peer pressuring of Kaeya and Venti) he’ll eventually confess

(i have this personal headcannon that it was on Windblume bc i find that so romantic)

When y’all start dating he’ll be super protective (bc he’s made enemies and doesn’t want them to target you)

He’ll try his best not to be overbearing tho

He still does worry a lot and will need reassurance that you will be fine

Very shy about PDA, however will interlock pinkies while walking out in public

As the relationship develops he will start to hold hands and even hug/kiss you in public (if you’re comfortable with it)

Visit him while he’s working in the tavern! He’s gonna have this grumpy face while working when he’s stressed (especially with Kaeya and Venti around) but when you walk in all tension melts away

Thinks you are an angel sent from the heavens

At home, he will want cuddles from you, he needs to de-stress after a long day

Will do his best to have dinner with you every night, and he tries to let you know if he can’t make it

Never forgets important dates. Birthday? Breakfast in bed with his schedule cleared out so y’all can spend the whole day together. Anniversary? Flowers next to your bed stand and a romantic dinner later while watching the sun set

Speaking of breakfast in bed, this man can COOK (have you seen his specialty dish? I’d eat that man’s meat 😋 )

On special occasions like those, he will want to cook, it makes it seem so special <3

Doesn’t get jealous easily except with Kaeya

Will try to communicate about this (or any issues) but this man hasn’t really had any social interaction since his father died

He’s trying bc he doesn’t want you to be upset at him and believes that y’all can talk it out

plz be patient with him :(

If you do get along with Kaeya, he will do his best to mend his relationship (My ragbros heart </3)

Whispers “I love you” into your ear in the mornings

Says it sparringly, however, so when he does say it, it feels all the more special

Will always check up you when he can

Always gives you small trinkets that reminds him of you

Never throws out any gifts you give him (you found a cecilia flower you gave him pressed in between the pages of his notebook)

Does his best to always make you smile bc he doesn’t want to see you cry

Overall he’s such a sweetheart 12/10 would recommend <333

[fatuismooches]

Hello Smooches

What if I appeared in your ask box with family stuff again?😘 This time my victim is Pierro (I just need to cope w/ fact that hydro men hate me and I lost 50/50 to Jean)

So to be Pierro's child there are few variants on how you appeared. Maybe you survived Khaenri'ah with him (with your other parent dying there) or he picked you up after you were abandoned (like with Kaeya) or his current lover somehow, miraculously managed to convince him to start a family. Either way - after downfall of his homeland, Pierro is extremely protective of anything, what's close to him, so while he can't stay with you for long, drowning in endless work, you're always protected. Fatuus won't dare to disobey Tsaritsa's right-hand man (bc if they do there's a certain doctor or marionette waiting for them..)

Sadly, because of their father's status, child is feared as well. Most likely they grow to be very lonely, only really interacting with some harbingers and maybe Childe's family as well, because he felt bad for them and asked Pierro's permission to let them meet his family. Your father won't show it, but he's oh so happy when you return and tell him about how nice Childe's relatives were !! And you even made friends !!

As busy as he is, Pierro tries to make time for his child. He plays chess with you and no, he doesn't lose on purpose, what makes you think that? He also reads bedtime stories for you (either if you can stay awake until he return home or you come to his office specifically with this request). He has low and raspy voice, so you fall asleep quickly. Pierro will never forget how he was reading a silly fairy tale and a fatui soldier came with report, but he didn't notice them.. Talk about awkward

Speaking of awkward situations, very rarely you can end up on harbingers' meeting, when you fall asleep in Pierro's office and he doesn't want to leave you or you came to him before meeting and refused to leave, of course promising to stay quiet (well, these adults speak of lots weird and boring stuff, according to you, so you probably fall asleep rather quickly) or something else.. Harbingers are like ?? 🤔🤨😳?? the first few times, but then they get used to it

Another random thought, but imagine smol child hiding in their father's coat. Considering how lonely they grew up, they're probably shy as well. Or they just want to warm up, because it's too cold in Snezhnaya. Then, someone makes c/n a mini version of harbinger coat..

When it comes to studying, Pierro is demanding, but not to the point of making you know everything perfectly by studying endlessly. Child ends up very knowledgeable

Pierro genuinely tries his best at fatherhood. He can come across as cold, overly busy or too demanding and to some extent it's true. However if he was a father, he'd always manage to give you all the love and time that's left in his frozen soul </3

-🥀

WE ARE READING DAD PIERRO FLUFF TODAY PART 2 😤😤❤️ What if i gave you a little kith for providing me with this lovely fluff 🥀 anon?? 🥰

Only the most qualified and strongest agents are asked to guard you, it's one of the greatest missions and honors you could be granted as a Fatuus (which is kind of funny 😭) Some of them are just confused about why they're asked to protect a mere kid but once they hear it's Pierro's kid, they're like 😨 oh! So at this point even your own protectors are scared of talking to you in fear of upsetting you, and it's very hard for a Harbinger's child to make friends in general... :( there aren't much people your age in the palace too... but of course big bro Childe saves you! The ginger has seen you around only a few times, but he can't help but feel bad. A little kid who already looks so lost and lonely, it makes him sad :( If he has to set up some playdates with you and his younger siblings, then so be it! After that, Pierro genuinely thanks Childe, because social interaction is very important for growing kids... and he loathes that he can't provide it himself.

Poor reader, they're never gonna beat their dad at chess 😭 As soon as you think you got one of his strategies figured out, he's already on to another one! I imagine you got grumpy left quite a few times 😭 Ouhhh the bedtime stories... 🥺 you come to his office with a book in hand with the biggest puppy eyes and he can't help but give in! Reader infiltrating the meetings real 😭 You wanted to learn more about your dad's work too but then it got so boring... how can he listen to these people drone on for so long?! The Harbingers don't say anything but just give Pierro a knowing look.

YES. Reader literally just pops out of Pierro's coat out of nowhere and people usually get hella spooked. And when they try to speak to you, you just slip right back into the shadows. You love your tiny coat so much, because it makes you look like your dad :3 Pierro may not be the best dad, but he's certainly not the worst... he will put in as much effort as he can and that's what counts.

[djpachipikachu]

omgomg i’m so interesting in you usagi/tmnt iteration!!!

okok first what’s like.. the starting point/inciting incident of the story if there is one?

second what are the characters personalities/inerests like?

HAIIII excitedly kicking my legs

the start of the main plot is when usagi goes back in time and is forced into the tmnt’s era of time ,,, he accidentally comes across an ancient relic in the woods with spot (these woods are made of massive ancient trees with equally expansive entangled roots , like if the ocean itself had been a forest instead of filled with water it is kinda horrifying) and it takes him and spot back to the tmnt era , before the relic itself was even created

i do plan on making a comic for this so it wont start out immediately like that but itll have some like . oneshots/episodic comics of usagi’s adventures before that happens, similar to usagi yojimbo’s way of storytelling

PERSONALITIES!!!! WEEHEEE!!!!!

usagi:

most similar to usagi yojimbo, a mature but still like . silly kinda guy ! in the usagi era he takes joy in chatting with people he meets on his travels, incredibly polite, loves to tell stories of myths and gods to children

although most of his days are spent alone with spot , his steed (spot is like horse sized)

he tends not to attach to people or things very much because he knows how easy it is to lose everything, so as much as he enjoys talking to people, he keeps his distance.

he doesnt dedicate himself to being a hero or anything … he will help if he feels people need the help but all hes really trying to do is survive on his own

hes basically like a formless side character . forced bystander in this story

its for the character development i promise

leo:

cold

hes the leader/general of an army, a bit harsh in his personality, doesnt want to be approachable or get close with anyone

hes stern and quiet and kind of a workaholic, his brothers think he needs a life outside of being a leader and Only a leader

tired ! so very tired !

a lot of shit that he internalizes

however a very strong leader and strategist, he is well trusted by those who follow him and they know that his main priority is to get everyone out Alive, more than fight for their cause

he protects fiercely , just insanely bad at showing it . the worst at social things out of all his brothers easily

forced to be an adult at a young age so he never rly got the chance to form a personality outside of his responsibilities

she likes reading in her lonesome though

raph:

PASSIONATE ! ABOUT MANY THINGS !

theyre the sibling that goes out the most and interacts with people on personal levels the most out of everyone ! they have a good rep in the general yokai public !

they do have problems with anger but a lot of the time they channel it into training newbie recruits , the main motivational speaker , they know how to encourage and pump ppl up

a bit recklessly bouncy in how they fight, imagine rottmnt mikey’s energy with mutant mayhem raph’s enjoyment of fighting

the most down to earth out of all their siblings . arguably the most mentally stable out of necessity

they love feeding pigeons and they teach lion dancing to a children’s dance group in the city !

donnie:

obnoxiously gen z . good god . insanely chronically online . most similar to mutant mayhem donnie

he doesnt go out like whatsoever Partially bc he has chronic fatigue syndrome and its easier for him to just stay home, partially bc his brothers are over protective of him and dont want him fighting in the war

so he helps from afar, piloting drones, targeting firearms into battle, building gear for everyone

he likes engaging in arguments online . most exciting thing to him . little fuckass teenager this guy

kendra is his worst online enemy and rival but also like . his only friend . rly sad . joking is his coping mechanism

he loves researching and learning things, it takes up most of his time when he finds a topic to extensivelt research and take notes on

his main interests are the usual coding, engineering, etc As well as the inner workings of mystic power

mikey:

most sociable next to raph !! a very altruistic spirit

he’s most similar to idw mikey i think , most upbeat and relaxed kinda nature !

However . he’s not at all as emotionally aware as any other iteration mikey

he’s very strong in his opinions, stubborn about being right, can very easily fall into a black and white point of view about things, its hard to get thru to him

he loves to dance the most, its how he uses his mystic power

whew okay yeah they might not be the Most accurate bc im still ironing out the main traits but here they areee

[callooopie]

- welcome to the blog -

Do ppl do these normally? Anyway. I am Calliope (or sbubee via twitch & Twitter) :D, I write things and I hope to start extending my tumblr/social media reach w my twitch channel (that i MIGHT link) ….. Here are things I write for down below. I wanna be mutuals with all y’all. I wanna tweak out and be down bad and post bad fics.

I hope this doesn’t read as a lame ass plug for my socials. That is the opposite of what this is. This is just something I want to pin to the start of my blog as an introductory post 👇

CURRENTLY

I am packing for college. A lack of posting is happening. The drought will end soon pookies. I am sorry for the lack of posting 😪😪😪😪 HOWEVER I will keep the ask box open bc lowkey.. I like when y’all send me things xoxoxo I’ll also get to actual requests when the chaos of packing and moving is over so if you wanna send a request or just something to talk abt I will respond. That is for sure.

What I will write for or talk about👇

HOTD (I have not watched the most recent episode)

Peaky Blinders (I WATCHED THE SHOW TOO LATE THE FANDOM’S DEAD 😭)

Soulsborne (this one’s REALLY dead.. where my Messmer fans at)

Dragon’s Dogma (..hello? Where is everyone… 😭😪)

Star Wars(?) (I have watched a little bit of The Mandalorian. I have played through Jedi Fallen Order. I have seen the hot guy from the latest show)

Arcane (I can’t wait for the Viktor arcane skin to be naked and oiled up)

- links to other socials -

No it’s not a requirement to follow me. I was actually debating putting a lot of this here. I’ll only link the Twitter and the Twitch. I wanna make a chill community and be a part of a chill community. I hope we can all commune and interact together! I am cringe and I barely tweet but I hope to change.

Twitter 👉 @sbubeee

Twitch 👉 twitch.tv/sbubeee

I HOPE WE CAN BECOME GOOD FRIENDS

[vintagealloy925]

nerd!reiner - gn reader pt.2

some people wanted me to continue, so here it is! thank you guys for the love. pt.1 here 

the next lab, reiner tries really hard to make things normal. i mean really hard. like it is so incredibly obvious that he doesn’t know what to do, but he clearly cares.

the second he mentions some extremely obscure show that you said you liked, you knew he really was sorry. he’s just not sure how to interact with most people, so you try to be as normal as possible too.

after lab, he walks with you and tries to talk. you stop him and tell him that it’ll be okay, and you admit that you just thought he was attractive and wanted to get to know him better.

he’s stunned.

he’s not attractive? why would you say something like that? 

so he immediately assumes you mean as friends, even though he wants so much more. but you are just so beautiful, so interesting, such a lovely person, that he thinks you can do better.

but when you invite him into your dorm again, he won’t lose this opportunity. he comes in and immediately tells you what he considers to be the most embarrassing thing about himself.

“i’ve never had someone... pay attention to me before. i’m sorry if i don’t know what to do. all of the friends i have, i’ve known since i was a kid.” he says

‘he just wants to be friends’ you think to yourself. that’s fine, you suppose. maybe he already has someone special.

so the two of you just sit in your room, watching a movie. at an awkward distance apart. you don’t dare remove your eyes from the screen, but he can’t stop stealing glances at you.

every time you giggle or have some sort of reaction to the movie, he smiles. eventually, he decides to try something risky.

he does that stupid yawn and put the arm around your shoulders thing.

to his surprise, you look up at him and smile, lean into his, and kiss his hand. he thought you would push him away. you aren’t interested in him.

and you thought the same thing.

soon, you guys start talking over the movie, ignoring the epic fight scene on the screen. the conversation takes a turn, and suddenly reiner is listening to you talk about your last partner and how they were not that good to you.

on one hand, reiner wants to scream out that he could treat you better. he would buy you anything you wanted. post you on his socials every day. hold you hand everywhere he goes and never, ever, look at some other person. you are all he wants.

but he also knows that he has no idea how to act like a boyfriend. i mean, he’s never even kissed someone, much less been in a relationship.

but he is willing to try. for you.

he kisses your cheek, trying to comfort you, which leaves you both blushing and quiet.

he thinks he messed up, you can’t believe he feels the same way as you, but you know you have to do something about this.

so you kiss him.

he gets all flustered and his mind is running a mile a minute and can’t help it but to say:

“ireallylikeyouandiwantyoutobemypartnerbuti’veneverhadonebeforebutipromisei’lldomybest.”

how does he talk so fast?

but now he’s your boyfriend! and he is faithful to his promise

he got you your favorite coffee/drink the next day and brought it to you before your first class, almost making him late to his own.

the best listener in the world. like any time you want to vent or just ramble, he is all in

in your lab, he does all the hard work, not that you can’t, but he wants you to be able to relax.

you worked out today and your muscles are sore? massage time

buys you dinner at least once a week, and desserts like ice cream almost every day.

and he is trying to get better with physical affection

after the first kiss, he can’t get enough but also doesn’t know how to approach it

he will, however, not hesitate to play with your hair, no matter the length. if it’s long enough, he will braid pieces without thinking (yes he learned how to braid how bc of gabi, no he does not want to be praised for it don’t make him nervous)

he also loves cuddling together. any position is good with him. will have you sit on his lap in front of people. he does have a slight thing about claiming you as his ;)

but as time goes on, he finds so much comfort in you and your presence. you make him so happy, and he makes you happy too.

everything he does is in the hope that it will make you happy and proud

[crows-of-buckets]

finally deciding to make an about me post yippee yay!!

Hi my name is Crow! Most of what I reblog is fandom stuff, and I jump between fandoms quite frequently <//3 I have a few that I tend to come back to regularly however (Somehow I manage to have a dragon age obsession at least once a year. it is very consistent)

If I don't respond to something, it is either bc 1) I genuinely don't know what to say and social interactions terrify me, 2) I was too tired to respond to something when I saw it then I promptly forgot about it or 3) got anxious and convinced myself that the person who sent it hates me or something. Deepest apologies I'm just awful at stuff like that and have pretty bad anxiety I do try though <//3

I block very very generously! If you do end up blocked by me it may not be for any actually bad reasons, you could have just worded something in a way that mildly annoyed me, please dont take offense to it lmao. Me and the block button are madly in love, and I do not hesitate to press it. This is mostly just to curate an experience that is fun for me, and also to avoid me getting overly mad about random bad takes i see. Bigotry of any kind is not tolerated and you will be blocked.

I tend to ramble on about my ocs a worrying amount. As of right now, I am rather focused on my dragon age ocs, but i also have personal ocs and ocs for other fandoms

About tagging

Generally I try to tag things appropriately, although sometimes i am not the brightest and forget. If I do that's my bad I'll normally notice before too long

I tag all my art as "#my art". If you only want my art stuff, I have an alt that is solely for reblogging all my art. That is @bucket-of-crows

My rambling tag is "#crow rambles" half the time this is me yapping about my ocs, other half is me complaining about something lmao

I tag my ocs using "oc: *oc name*" as a way to organize stuff. I also use "worldstate: *worldstate name*" for dragon age worldstates, since I have a few. Any posts I make about my ocs/oc playthroughs is tagged "#my ocs"

While I don't tend to reblog sexual stuff, anything with excessive nudity is tagged as "#nsfw" just to be on the safe side

I tag all Dragon age: The Veilguard spoilers as "#dav spoilers" I will probably continue to tag this as spoilers for a while. I also tag anything critical of the game as "#dav critical" Anything critical of other dragon age games / bioware as a company is typically tagged "#bioware critical" or "#da critical"

About my ocs

Im gonna ramble about my ocs a bit, so I'll put this under a cut so this doesnt look too long lmao

I accidentally posted this instead of saving to my drafts so this section isn't done my bad

Aviae Surana

(she/her)

Aviae is my main dragon age origins oc, and I talk about her quite a bit. Shes specializes in spirit healing/arcane warrior/battle mage. Technically she also takes a little bit of levels into keeper, but I don't really consider it one of her canon class since I never use it with her like I do the others.

She romances Morrigan, and does the dark ritual with her. She puts Alistair on the throne due to her distrust of Anora. She feels guilty about it, but she would do it again in a heartbeat. Her closest friends from Origins are Zevran and Alistair, but she considers all of the people she traveled with dear friends. From the Awakening crew, Anders is practically family to her (they grew up in the Circle together, and shes always considered him like a brother), and Nathaniel becomes someone she ends up relying on. Her and Justice also get along very well, even if they butt heads on occasion.

For important decisions, she sided with the mages, made Bhelen king of Orzammar, made a truce between the Dalish and the werewolves, helped Redcliffe and saved Connor without Isolde dying. She kept Avernus alive (I'm still in the air about whether she allows him to continue his research), let the Architect live as well, and saved Amaranthine. Vigil's keep stood its ground with the upgrades she had provided it.

This is my girl! Sadly I don't have a better reference for her current canon outfit (she has an old outdated reference sheet though), so this will have to do.

In some of the older posts, I refer to her and Alistair as exes. Sadly, while this is a fascinating dynamic, it is not canon anymore. As much as I love Alistair, Aviae would not trust him enough to fall in love with him due to him having trained as a templar. Eventually they become close friends, but never more than that. She is part of my "Mage rights" Worldstate. I tag all of her posts as "oc: Aviae Surana"

Wolfe Amell

(he/him)

Lucio Hawke

(he/they) (probably) (its not like hes figured it out yet lmao)

Selene Adaar

(she/her)

Revari Mercar-Surana

(they/them)

Ena de Riva

(he/him)

Tyrian

(he/him)

Varamis

(she/her)

Other Ocs

Some ocs I either don't have a lot of content for, or dont post about enough to warrant me giving them their own section, so I'm going to put their tags down here. All posts about my ocs are tagged as "#my ocs". Some of these ocs may eventually get full sections if I get the motivation for it

Athiman Mahariel (he/him) (Dragon Age)- Morrigan romancer who made the ultimate sacrifice. Tagged as "#oc: Athiman Mahariel"

Veloura Mahariel (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Leliana romancer who got Alistair to do the dark ritual. Tagged as "#oc: Veloura Mahariel"

Viara Hawke (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Merrill romancer who sided with the mages. Tagged as "#oc: Viara Hawke"

Yvette Hawke (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Isabela romancer who sided with the mages. Tagged as "#oc: Yvette Hawke"

Zel (he/him) (Dragon Age)- Part of Selene's mercenary group. Has an au where he's Inquisitor, but that one isn't canon. Dorian romance. Tagged as "#oc: zel adaar"

Vashoth (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Part of Selene's mercenary group. Tagged as "#oc: vashoth"

Solmummer Adaar (she/her) (Dragon Age)- Josephine romancer. Tagged as "#oc: Solmummer Adaar"

Tyrian (he/him) (Pathfinder WOTR)- Tiefling, Daeran romancer, Lawful good turned Neutral good. Mystic path went from Angel to Legend path. I do actually have a lot of posts about him I just don't feel like writing a blurb about him <//3 I do adore him though. Tagged as "#oc: tyrian"

Uvara (she/her) (Pathfinder WOTR)- Dhampir, Arueshalae romancer, Chaotic Good, Azata. Tagged as "#oc: uvara"

Watcher Nyxtra (she/her) (Pillars of Eternity)- Pallegina romancer (the lack of a canon romance cannot stop me), tagged as "#oc: watcher nyxtra"

Arphae (she/her)

Grisvald (he/him)

Kaid (he/him)

Zayan (she/her)

[companionwolf]

Hello all! I've consolidated the responses so far to my call for 'core selfship / ficto experiences' in relation to my 'having a f/o' solo journaling ttrpg project-- I want to let you all see what's been offered so far and also explain a bit more about what a solo journaling ttrpg is! (:

That explanation and the ideas offered below the cut, because otherwise this is a long post. For anyone this post breaks on, please forgive me.

To start, what's a ttrpg? It's short of table top role-playing game, sometimes called a physical game. If you've ever heard of Dungeons and Dragons (D&D), you know what a table top game is!

For those who haven't, table top games are basically like if you took playing pretend and gave it some rules-- or didn't. The world of TTRPG games is vast and encompasses a wide range of games from super crunchy structured rules with Lots of dice and math to games that are less than one page and super loose and free-form-- some don't even use dice!

The difference here is that most people think you need a group to play tabletop games. And if that's the experience you want, that's true. However, clever gamers have made rules and ways to play games by themselves! Some people emulate the person who runs the game using a generator, while others do games more guided by prompts. This latter one is what I'm doing-- it's called a journaling game.

Journaling games have a basic core of the idea that you / your character journals their experiences as they play (or after, if you don't want to interrupt your flow). Usually the main mechanic is generating prompts off a list using dice or card pulls, but some of these games also include mechanics like ticking boxes off, gathering resources, and making choices.

I'm still trying to figure out what mechanics I want in my game. Obviously there will prompts, but everything else I'm workshopping-- right now I've been gathering data, in the form of looking at other solo games for how they handle their gameplay. Sadly none of the things I've looked at quite fit what I want, but they're useful enough that I've began a design document.

In terms of themes - I want to touch on longing, distance, intimacy (not essentially romantic), and self love/etc. I'm also toying with the concept of a eventual expansion that allows you to play as your F/O, but I need a base game first, so that's just an idea right now.

Anyway, here's what folks have suggested as ideas so far --

- longing yearning etc

- knowing there will never be physicality / hearing their voice / etc

- loving someone you cannot touch/etc

- the self love aspect

- imagines, headcanons, etc

- interacting with f/os source

- community or lack of

- dealing with feeling shame/etc or being picked on/etc for selfshipping

- dealing with jealously/difficulty 'sharing'

- aking things related to your f/o (example: wedding albums)

- easy source eod joy and comfort

- knowing songs and art f/o would like

- finding things that are stressful LESS so because talking about it with f/o would help

- the cute guilty pride of 'I like this character' 'me too I actually self ship with them'

- having a friend who understands when no one else is around (even if they are from media)

- daydreaming

- trying to get yourself to dream about them

- always knowing exactly what to commission someone for

- spending money on f/o related things (merch, other items that remind you of them, comms)

- selfship when the relationship is something you'd never want irl

- using selfship to figure out what you want (in a relationship for example)

- social aspect (assumptions people make, the selfship community)

- dreams about your f/o

- f/os helping against self negativity

- feeling like they're present in your life (and or imagning them with you)

- feeling insecure (bc you can't get confirmation f/o returns/would return feelings)

- freedom of headcanon and making S/Is

- becoming in a way part of another world

- never lacking someone to talk to

- the painful remembrance that f/o is not real and cannot really do X for you (X = have your back, for example)

- self generated serotonin

- becoming familiar with the shape of their face

- getting your daydreaming muscles back up to strength

- analyzing songs through a new lens

- feeling both love and loneliness in the community

- writing letters to your f/o (maybe even writing some 'back' from them?")

- buying clothes to say you stole from them

- feeling your f/o loves you no matter what and will be there for you always

- gaining comfort from your f/o on bad days

- being able to tell f/o anything, from interests others may find weird to traumas and beyond

- f/o helping you overcome anxiety and boosting self esteem

- creating because of your f/o (art writing etc)

- re above: selfship as a creative outlet

- the interplay of selfship and kin

- relating something mundane to your f/o and thus it becomes special

- using your f/o to motivate yourself ('f/o would want me to take care of myself')

- self made f/os aka OC f/os rather than media ones

- seeing your f/o get bashed or misinterpred

- fear of ridicule

- daydreaming but it becomes problematic (ie it interrupts getting important tasks done etc)

[eorzeashan]

Shae and Eight are a funny pair to me bc I absolutely think Shae stomped up to the Alliance and went give me all your best warriors and every head turned to Eight in the middle of eating a sandwich who then proceeds to make this face bc he was so close to having a long break from work

Also, since Echani are historically Mandalorian rivals, I feel as if the move to take on an Echani as an ally in the middle of a Mandalorian civil war looks very controversial as if Shae is willing to use help from anyone even if it's shameful because she's so desperate to win/have overwhelming strength on her side, even if it means selling out to old enemies. Shae however, is rather contemporary, so she doesn't care about how it looks traditionally--he's one of the most skilled of their ilk, incredibly effective against other Mandos, and from the Alliance and that's all that matters to her.

Eight on the other hand, does feel a bit out of place, but he gets to make his ancestors proud and slaughter a bunch of bucketheads, so he's more than willing to finally fight an enemy that wants to die like warriors. He's not doing it out of his own interest though--Lana definitely sent him to keep an eye on those "predators" and possibly assassinate either Mandalore if needed, but that's not a high priority on his list and he deferred to Shae mostly since she made it clear she just wanted a good hunting dog to accompany her. And that's what he does best: kill who he's asked to, and protect.

Even more dog motif! Funnily enough, Vizla is the name of a bloodhound breed. So they're both just barking at each other, wolfdog and bloodhound. This is why Eight hates talking though. Every time he speaks up, someone goes "I'm not listening".

As charged as it feels to have her as his temporary leader, they work well together, especially since Eight prefers a no-nonsense make-myself-clear person of authority to just use him without frills attached. The posturing and social game of the usual Sith back home was more than a headache, and her directness makes it easier for him to not have to make decisions where they're not asked for or needed. Unlike Lana, who makes so much effort to try to appeal to him that it annoys him that she'd pretend to be his friend instead of getting to the point. Which isn't her fault for wanting to be close to her right hand, but to him it feels very mixed-- that she can't decide whether to treat him like a person or a weapon.

On a tangential note, I really like the idea of Eight interacting with Mandos a bit more than I did my first run; I feel as if the shared history between them and his own people makes for mutual curiosity and his odd appearance really uh, shone in the midst of all the armor.

In other words, I think Shae's mando camp all started petting him en masse.

[aspd-culture]

so about some of the traits and behaviours related to ASPD that can be upsetting or harmful to others (eg putting yourself and others at risk, not understanding or regarding the rights of others, etc), how do you deal with that in relationships (whether friends, dating, family, work)? like, when their side of an argument is that you’re being disrespectful or putting them at risk, but your side is that those are literally symptoms of ASPD and you weren’t actively trying to hurt them? they’re not wrong for feeling hurt still, but you’re not wrong for existing with this disorder. i realise it’s generally considered difficult for pwASPD to maintain relationships, but like, somehow you have to live your life and that involves a lot of interacting with people, plus pwASPD don’t deserve total isolation that they don’t want, obviously. apologies if the wording is confusing.

/genq /intending this respectfully

I appreciate this question and especially the way you worded it was actually super respectful, so thank you for that as well.

For me and many people with ASPD our social circles tend to be smaller and usually within that even fewer actually know about the disorder, which can make this especially tricky if they don't understand why we're acting this way. In that case, I personally do my best to take a step away from the situation and talk to people I trust who *do* know about my disorder to ask them AITA or not.

If they agree with me entirely, I stand my ground with the other person or remove them from my life if I feel it warrants that (which, with this disorder, I more often than not do if it wouldn't take much effort to cut them out of my life).

However, if the people I trust to help with my moral compass feel that I was entirely in the wrong, I will try and process that as a logical fact, practice faking remorse by myself, and apologize. Even if I don't feel remorse and the thing I did wrong came from my symptoms, I can personally still accept that the facts are that undue harm was caused to them.

My apologies tend to sound insincere so I've been told, but people tend to appreciate that I accept full responsibility, acknowledge the harm I caused, and work to change my actions, so they tend to see it as me seeming insincere vs actually being insincere. After all, I generally *don't* try to hurt the people around me, but if I did it anyway then it's probably worth trying not to repeat, if only for the practical purpose those people serve in my life.

I try really hard not to be the type of person, regardless of my PD, who says "this is how I am, get over it" without at least considering if I'm in the wrong. It took me many years to get to this point though, and I am able to admit that I was a pretty crappy friend at some points bc of my refusal to try and see where I was wrong. I used to feel that if I didn't feel remorse I should not have to show remorse, but I'm in the process of learning that's not accurate.

Remorse is best delivered from a heartfelt perspective, yes, but if that's not available storebought is fine. It's ok to have remorse be a practiced set of words and actions that you do when people are upset, so long as your apologies at least come from a place where you intend to try to change. That change doesn't have to be not having symptoms, but it's reasonable for people to expect your symptoms not to constantly negatively impact them.

All that said, if it's something I truly cannot change about myself, my side of the conversation usually looks like this, with adjustments based on what exactly the issue is (feel free to use this as a script of sorts if you have trouble talking through these things with ppl in your life! YMMV, but I spent a long time formulating it, so it deserves as much use as it can get lol). Keep in mind a lot of this is gonna sound like I don't have ASPD and that is on purpose. In my personal relationships I prioritize apologies and times when others are upset as times I choose to mask. That is honestly more for me than for them except for my Exceptions bc it’s extremely frustrating for me to navigate what is and is not coming off as angry, dismissive, etc. so I prefer to mask heavily during these kinds of conversations. You do not have to mask if you do not want to; it should not be the expectation of NT people/pwoPDs that we mask for their comfort.

If they know about my PD: "I don't want to hide behind this or use it as an excuse, but what you're talking about is a symptom of my personality disorder. I put in a lot of work to avoid these symptoms affecting other people, but at the end of the day I still have a disorder and some things are just not able to go away. What I can do is find out how this is hurting you. If it's my tone and not my words, there isn't much I can do about it besides remind you that my tone is often non-reflective of my intention and emotions. If it's my words, we can work together on a phrasing that would be more comfortable for you in the future. It will come across as scripted, but that doesn’t change the fact that I mean it. I would just be using that phrasing because it’s important to me not to hurt you. If it's a specific action, I can try to not repeat it. But I cannot get rid of the disorder and part of being in my life is understanding that and trying to find ways we can both cope without me having to mask all the time. That is exhausting and unrealistic unfortunately. Can you explain to me what exactly was the issue with what I said/did and how it made you feel so we can understand each other better?”

If they don't: "I get that what I said/did came off differently than I intended and hurt you. I'd like to know specifically what about it hurt you in your own words so that we can come up with a solution to avoid this in the future. I know it may feel obvious, and I basically already know (sometimes with neurotypicals you just need to LIE) what was hurtful. I just feel if you explain it to me, we can target it together better and I will be able to be a better friend/partner/coworker in the future. If you don't communicate that to me, I might accidentally end up making things worse and I don't want to do that. Think about it this way, if what I said made you angry and I thought it made you sad, however I try to rephrase it is probably just going to make you angrier since I’d be looking at it in the wrong context and that warrants a different response.”

If something is 100% unfixable, resort to a gentle version of old reliable "this is who I am" speech: "I understand that you're upset and the goal here was not to hurt you. I don't enjoy seeing you upset and what I did/said wasn't intentionally malicious. But that said, it is kind of just something about me that I talk/act like that sometimes. If it helps to know it isn't anything against you, great. I can give you that reassurance any time you need, just ask instead of assuming ok? If not, I think it may just not be possible for us to see as much of each other or maybe be in each others' lives. I don't want you hurt and if a part of my personality is hurting you, then you deserve to be happy. I want you to be happy and I would wish you all the best in that."

The difference about saying that last one now vs when I used to is that now I am both using much gentler wording and only saying this when I honestly believe the only thing I can do to help this person protect their own peace is to not be in their life. Inevitably, people tend to push after this "no I can handle it, I don't want to lose you", and I usually try and discourage it once and say "look I don't want to be the reason you're hurt and have you bottle it up until you resent me and then lash out at me. I want to protect both of us." If that still doesn't work, gotta be honest, it's their funeral at that point bc you said you could handle it, you said it wasn't that big a deal, you're a grown person and it's your job to either mean what you say or take responsibility if you don't.

Sorry for writing a novel! This stuff is complex and it’s hard to explain my process concisely. I hope this answers your question though.

[twig-gy]

so the thing with the fic is it’s like. the only longfic i have left

the first one i tried to write was the cold you feel inside your lungs and you see. i had no plan. i had no idea what i was doing the whole entire time. so later i came back and morphed it into two. first there’s the one which kept orig title. this one is basically mind is alone but there’s no weird spiral thing he just goes through the normal grieving process and has to figure out how to live w/o heart and soul. and i kinda got stuck there bc grief is hard to write when you’re lucky enough to not have felt it. i might come back to it actually

the other half i split it into is what i call the social edition. so in this version mind has to live as whole and figure out how to society. i let him loose omg what will he do. the thing with that, though, is idk how to write social interaction. and also don’t know what he would be doing if i wanted to make the fic actually long. maybe i could try to make a oneshot out of it?

the next longfic is basically heart apathy and he is Really Trying to not feel anything or exist because of defense mechanism. i got stuck at a part and didn’t know how to continue though. that was more of a ventfic thing iirc

so the one i’m actually working on is the one that has the least of a title. basically mind finds heart doing [DATA EXPUNGED] and has to figure out like. how to exist with this new information/how to adjust their dynamic. (aka this incident [if you will] gives mind a more accurate view of heart, causes them to fix their relationship. in the long run ofc) so i’ve written a few parts with that and am tentatively optimistic about it not dying like every other project i’ve created in life. because i actually have a slight idea where i’m going? emphasis on slight. but yeah

so i finished the first part of that/probably the prologue which is mind sees the thing, and realizes that heart might not actually be gaslight/gatekeep/girlbossing his way through life. for more context, in this fic at least, heart doesn’t manipulate anyone. not really. it’s kinda a more heart-leaning thing because Heart Isn’t Faking His Emotions He’s Just Fucking Depressed Mind. i generally try to make it so they both have equal fault in the thing but in this one i could understand how mind seems like. more wrong. they still hate each other, they’re still argumentative, ofc heart is, it’s just mind has more misconceptions. well heart does too

heart thinks that mind is being logical to cover up that he’s just as fucked up as the rest of them. he pretends and pretends he’s better but he’s just the same. however, he sits on his throne, acting like he’s completely unbiased, even though he ain’t. that’s the main thing that heart’s angry about and he tries to ‘show mind the truth that he’s just as weak’.

Anyway the main thing about the fic will be them you know. trying to concord. trying to extend grace to each other. i am going to make them argue So So much like. they will slip up and it will take a lot for them to believe the other isn’t actually a malicious lil bastard. even when they’re trying this whole “”””try to think good of people”””” thing they’ll still have hiccups where they forget or are horribly quick to assume the worst.

but they will get better! because they are trying your honor. and mind will start it after some part of the truth is revealed and he concludes that maybe, Just maybe, heart is actually fucking depressed and not just trying to manipulate him. damn bitch this ain’t about you.

and then after soul notices the two of them are Not Fighting he’ll be very suspicious of them (ofc ofc) but tentatively try to interact with them a lil more. maybe they aren’t lost causes actually! maybe he can put some trust in them! maybe he can leave them alone for 5 seconds without them being at their throats! so with them concording he’ll talk to them more and more and actually try to be friends instead of…… whatever the fuck they have going on in cacophony.

fic is set just after shot/juno incident

hello i hope someone actually read that :) i have hope in this. i actually do. fr fr. so we’ll see ig

[panic-and-procrastinate]

honestly i love the jurassic movies, but i do have to say i hate that they got the carnivores and herbivores behaviour the wrong way around. most of the time predators don't rlly attack you unless their either a. hungry or b. threated. herbivores however? hippos will mow you down for sport. they'll crush you and rip you up for looking at them funny. and all they do is eat grass!!! they can't eat you at all but they'll still rip you to shreds. because people often percieve herbivours as less dangerous bc they wont eat you, people get too close and disrespect animals boundries. the same should happen with the herbivour dinosaurs. they should kill far more people than the carnivorous ones.

the t rex honestly had pretty good reasons. the first movie explained they had been in captivity and the dinosaurs were spoon fed, so they wanted to hunt, and this is expanded upon in jurassic world when owen says animals raised in captivity without social interaction makes them want to find out their place on the food chain. so the t rex killing everything in sight when it first gets out is sensible. and it killing people in the second movie bc its baby was taken in also sensible.

the third movie with the spinosaurus is curious tho. the spinosaurus' behaviour is never expanded upon, and is just a continuous antagonist with no real reason other than "big scar dino" that needs to kill people and specifically fuck with these guys. i don't like that.

but the raptors... i'm forever mad about the way raptors are portrayed. they really should have been like wolves more, they wouldn't have just attacked or hunted for no reason. in the first movie i understand, it was explained above. kept in captivity blah blah blah. but the second movie??? unless they were really hungry, they had no reason!!! they wouldn't have expanded that much energy on humans who are tricky to catch, they would have found easier prey bc saving your energy is super duper important in the wild.

not to mention they have a sense of EMPATHY bc they are PACK creatures. pack creatures (LIKE HUMANS) have a sense of empathy and care toward each other bc thats how they SURVIVE. in the third movie, they show this. Their incesant chasing makes sense, they want their eggs back.

IN JURASSIC WORLD HOWEVER

oh boy oh boy. they should NEVER have attacked owen or anyone who raised them. pack creatures that have a bond would not eat someone the moment they turn their back. (im talking about that introductory scene to owens character and relationship with the raptors when that guy fell in the pen.) you know how there are sanctuaries with wolves and lions an those animals are super happy and cuddly with their handlers bc they KNOW thats their friend? yeah it should have been the same. and not to mention they wouldn't just TURN on owen if the indominatable rex had a little chat with them, these guys are smart and know that owen doesn't want to hurt them, why would they do the same to the guy WHO RAISED THEM. THATS NOT PACK BEHAHIOUR. they would be wary of the bigger and more scarier version of them that wants to kill everything for sport. the animals would be afraid.

i'm sorry for the rant im just so mad about the way raptors were portrayed, i'm very passionate about pack behaviours an they did such a disservice to them.