#it will either fundamentally change me or make me want to cry

[blackjackkent]

Man, I really need to do some origin runs.

[sodaf]

[imaginesbymonika]

LOML- loss of my life | Prologue

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader

Plot: You knew him at a time when he didn't, and now he is looking for you...

Warnings: depiction of violence, angst, mentions of (perhaps) death, angst, fluff at the end (maybe), takes place after TFATWS

Bucky didn't like to think back to the years when he was working for Hydra. No matter how many times people named him a victim, an instrument - it didn't change the fact that he was operating for them. Going on those missions- slaughtering hundreds of people. Innocent fucking civilians. He couldn't possibly look past that. His therapist informed him that this kind of mindset is what's keeping him from fully recovering.

Maybe she was right about that.

Perhaps that was the root of his never-ending nightmares. The ones where he can still smell the blood whenever he wakes up in a cold sweat. Where he stares down at his hands, and for a split second he can catch a glimpse of their blood. Or maybe it is his blood. He lost track of that a long time ago.

A couple of months ago he had read a psychology book where someone argued that memories are primarily silent. And he couldn’t have thrown that book any faster against the closest wall. Because fuck whoever wrote that piece of crap. He’d be happy if for once he couldn’t hear the screaming of his victims, their begging and crying…followed by his metal arm making this eerie sound whenever it crushed someone’s spine into little pieces.

Bucky takes a deep breath. God, how he yearned and wished for silence. But then again, God has abandoned him a while ago.

His dreams only consist of flashbacks. Please, I have children waiting for me at home! Stop, stop, that hurts! Your work is fundamental for mankind! Oh my god, please stop! Make this stop, please! My oldest is 7! Please, don’t forget that you’re still human underneath it all. Bucky’s eyes open and when he sits up he can not stop gasping for air. Please, don’t forget you’re still human underneath it all.

He inspects his worn out features in the mirror. When had he started to dream of her? When did she manage to tiptoe her way into this hellfire of memories? What was her name again?

You slightly flinched when Pierce's hand made contact with The Winter Soldier’s cheek. The sound echoed through the empty corridors of the facility. And her gaze quickly drops to her clipboard. Everybody around her was silent, staring at either the long-haired man or the one in the suit. Pierce looked beyond furious before his eyes fell on you and he cleared his throat:” What are you writing down.”

Fuck. You took a deep breath, and quickly improved your posture:” I am just documenting the bruising, Sir.” The older man hummed and furrowed his eyebrows:” Let me see.” Out of nowhere, he snatched the clipboard out of your hands. You slightly groan at the burning sensation the plastic left on your skin. The entire time, you were able to feel The Winter Soldier's eyes on you. How you loathed this job. But you needed to remind yourself that you didn’t have much of a choice, whether or not you wanted to be there. For almost three years, you were one of the top physicians at NYC’s best hospital. Then one evening, while you were walking back to your car, you got kidnapped. You-

“Bucky?”, Sam’s voice brings him back into the present: “Are you still with me?” There is a playfulness to his voice. One that quickly disappears, once Sam notices the look on his friend’s face. And for a few seconds, the two men just look at one another, before Bucky shakes his head:” Yeah no. I’m fine.”

“You’re gone a lot these days.”

Bucky tilts his head and blinks in perplexity:” What’s that supposed to mean? We have been working on this case together since last week, we-.”

“Mentally, Bucky.”, Sam cuts him off and brings his cup of coffee up to his lips. And he can detect an emotion in Bucky’s eyes that tells him he struck a nerve. There is a heavy silence filling the kitchen before Sam speaks up again, his voice gentle and understanding:” Where are you going?”

[snakeautistic]

One of the reasons I believed I couldn’t be autistic for so long was due to a fundamental misunderstanding of my social struggles. This being that I am not by any means incapable of memorizing social rules. Through observation and direction I can construct a broad framework of ‘socially acceptable or not.’ For example, I’m well aware that making physical contact with someone without consent isn’t acceptable. Or that stating blunt facts in a way that implicates someone negatively isn’t allowed. I know to avoid interrupting others if they’re already talking, to not walk away when I’m in the middle of a conversation. Crying, being unusually quiet and frowning indicates sadness. Someone smiling at laughing at what you’re saying means they probably are enjoying their time with you. An increase in speaking volume indicates excitement- either positive or negative. Sarcasm is often indicated by someone saying something absurd that you know they would never say, or you know to be factually wrong.

The fact that I had learned these broad rules made me think autism wasn’t a possibility for me. But being autistic doesn’t stop you from obtaining and applying information. (I mean that’s why so many interventions that ‘treat’ autism do result in the autistic person being able to pass as neurotypical.)

The difference comes from lacking the subconscious nuances and exceptions that come with those broader rules. For example- when is it okay to actually be honest? Some people will not be bothered by physical intimacy- but how would I know this? How can you tell if a group wants you to join in with their conversation? How to tell if this person is smiling and laughing politely or genuinely? How to tell if someone who you know very little about is being sarcastic?

There are not direct, easy to apply ‘rules’ for this, and yet clearly there are ‘right’ options. When the appropriate reaction must be determined by subtle body language or small shifts in tone of voice, ones that are near impossible to teach- I become completely lost.

That’s something I always find lacking with the general social skills advice given. It’s helpful to a point, but the truth is everyone is an individual. People express themselves differently, and react to your same actions differently due to past circumstances or temperaments. There is no one set of rules you can use for everyone, unfortunately. The majority of neurotypicals, while of course having miscommunications and the like, can rely on their subconscious to parse out any subtle changes they might need to make to their demeanor for a particular situation. My brain is much less adept at focusing down broader experience/rules into unique circumstances. (This is actually something that extends past social cues for me and I might make another post talking about it because I think it’s interesting)

Anyway rant over but yeah this was a huge mental barrier to seeking out a diagnosis for a while because at some level I ( ironically enough) took struggling to understand social cues too literally…

[makethosenarratorsfight]

UNRELIABLE NARRATORS; THE FINAL FINAL

Shen Qingqiu Propaganda:

The entire series is told from his POV and the story seems like a comedy. The side stories from other characters POVs make the story sound like a tragedy. He thought that Luo Binghe hated him and wanted him dead while everyone else knew that Binghe was in love with him.

the whole book he’s using his OWN interpretation of the world to explain literally everything, not knowing that his introduction into the world changed it so fundamentally that his prior knowledge of it is less than useless. he’s like “binghe is being sweet to me because binghe is sweet to people that wronged him before repaying their slight a thousandfold, and he only adds their acceptance of his sweetness to his tally of their sins!! i have to run away forever or he’ll tear my arms and legs off!!!!!!” and binghe in reality is like “wow the love of my life my beloved shizun is scared of me still :( i should act sweet and nonthreatening so he’s not scared of me :(“ and he literally doesn’t have this corrected until the end of the book. but even when that one thing is corrected he still is like “haha okay but these other six things-“ bro……. cucumber bro………….. you homosexualized the world just accept it

He examines the entire reality he's isekai-ed into as if it's still fictional and his inner monologue ignores any "character trait" of the people around him that doesn't fit into his perception of "canon" despite everything he's done to change reality from the canon of the novel he first read. He routinely mislabels his own emotions as well as making heteronormative assumptions about himself and the people around him before he finally realises he's in reciprocated gay love with a man. It's a book that benefits being read twice, so the second time around you can focus on the implications Shen Qingqiu blatantly misses.

Transmigrates into a novel he “hates,” assumes he’s doing a good job pretending to be the character whose body he got stuck in, assumes other characters will stick to their original paths. Lotta assumptions, lots of rationalizing, lots of incredible feats of misunderstanding/misinterpreting things. His internal narration is also hysterical.

Lemony Snicket Propaganda:

(I would like to preface this by saying that Lemony Snicket is the author's pen name, not a real person, and he exists as a character in-universe as well as being the one in-universe who writes the books!) I'd say he's unreliable because he spent time collecting information about the Baudelaire kids and then... wrote books about it. He has no idea what any of their dialogue actually was, what they were thinking, or even the whole plot, he's just doing research into the incidents and then filling in the gaps to make it a story. What ACTUALLY happened to the Baudelaires? Nobody really knows for sure

While the Baudelaire siblings are in potentially life threatening danger, he will randomly start talking about his own life and just leave the siblings hanging. For example, once Count Olaf was threatening to kill Violet, and then Lemony randomly began talking about how he met the love of his life at a costume party. This man CANNOT stay on topic. Usually when a new character is introduced, Lemony tells us right at the start that they’re either going to die or that the Baudelaire siblings will never see them again. Foreshadowing is not subtle in these books. CONSTANTLY emphasizes how miserable he feels while writing these books. At one point he admits that he had to put his pencil down and go cry for a while because of how sad it made him. Once he filled an entire page with nothing but the word “ever” to emphasize how dangerous it is to put forks in electrical outlets. He also repeated a paragraph about deja vu later on in the book to give the reader deja vu.

[phagodyke]

doing the classic 'trying to open cards ppl sent but I have to keep putting my face in my hands and sobbing snottily bc I don't understand why they were so kind and it scares me so much'

back home and my washing is done and I need to eat lunch and do my ironing and then I've done all the tasks on my list and I can spend the rest of the day having a mental breakdown and then go straight to sleep woohoo

[bluecrocss]

Another Yap-sesh: PJO CASTING for Season 2 (Please read)

In light of the recent casting announcements, I just wanted to remind the greater PJO fandom (not that I should have to), THIS ADAPTATION IS NOT CONCERNED WITH "BOOK ACCURACY" WHEN IT COMES TO PHYSICAL APPEARANCE.

They are prioritizing personality and acting ability.

I shouldn't HAVE to spell this out, since none of the literal main characters have been book accurate, but I'm still seeing shit like, "Idc if annabeth is black, but Rachel BETTER have red hair", "Thalia HAS to have her blue eyes! It's so important in the book", yadda yadda yadda

If the main characters aren't book accurate, idk why y'all are acting like they're suddenly going to lock in with side characters based off features that y'all are pretending are more important than they are because in all honesty, you just don't like change (let's at least be honest).

Like... no, it doesn't matter that Rachel Dare's initials spell out R.E.D. The red hair, literally does not fundamentally affect her story arc in the original series (I know y'all are gonna come up with some dumb B.S. like "that's the first thing Percy noticed about her! Red hair is the ONLY thing that will make her stand out!" "We're losing redhead rep. Rachel is the only character that made me feel okay about having red hair!" blah blah blah lmao)

Listen, with the exception of characters like Nico, Bianca, Ethan Nakamura, etc. Where their ethnicity actually plays into the character or story arc, y'all need to let go of hair color, skin tone, eye color, etc.

The announcements that have been leaked for Thalia and Tyson are asking for actors of any ethnicity and have no mention of any particular physical features (just an age range, that Thalia will have a punk aesthetic and Tyson needs to look like a large teenager). So accept the following:

Thalia might not have dark hair or blue eyes

Either character may be non-white (that doesn't mean they'll be black, cuz I know some of y'all will automatically try to use this as an excuse to be anti-black [["Anti-woke" losers try not use black people as a scapegoat challenge, level: impossible]]. And also, they never actually described Tyson's racial identity lmao. Y'all just tend to default to white. I'm sure you won't be losing your minds about "book accuracy" when the actor doesn't have big, disjointed, yellow teeth either).

Anyway, I'm actually deviating from the point. I don't particularly have any aesthetic demands for the characters, believe it or not. I personally don't need either of them to be poc (but I will always stand by, that DEI is a good thing and white people can never lose "rep", since it's not something y'all were ever barred from), nor do I care about eye color or hair color. They could both be completely "book accurate" and I wouldn't have an issue with it (although, I kinda hope Rachel Dare won't be a redhead, so the last of the "book accuracy" as a shield for bigotry cry babies will finally drop this series once and for all, so the rest of us can enjoy it for what it is).

The point of the post is that there is a *chance* they might not be physically book accurate, and there is no reason for y'all to put another young actor through what you demons put 12 year old Leah through (feel free to read the pinned on my page, careful tho, I'm a yapper, to get a clearer idea of that whole mess).

Once y'all leave your little echo-chamber of false reality that is the internet, actors are working people who apply for jobs they are qualified for. If there are no physical or racial specifications for a role, these working actors, who are hoping for their big break have every right to audition (btw, it's not "race-swapping" if the auditions are open to everyone. Check my pinned). When they are given that role, that is the decision of Disney, the casting directors, and Mr. Rick Riordan himself. If you disagree, find the private emails of the people responsible and contact them yourselves. Harassing the actors for fairly earning the role, and complaining about their casting on public pages "(not based off their performance, solely on their looks), which will just incite more hate towards them for being a WORKING ACTOR and accepting a JOB, makes you a bigot. No two ways about it. It is just insane behavior.

What's that completely inaccurate adage about insanity, again? Something about doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.

Y'all have seen the first season. The author, show-runners, writers AND producers have spoken ad nauseam about the direction of this adaptation. The books have not been burned. They still exist in all their glory for you to read. If you need 1:1 book accuracy, this adaptation is not for you. Plenty of people have enjoyed it for what it is. Why are you making yourself miserable? Why are you making the fandom miserable? Why are you desperately trying to make the actors (most of whom are minors) miserable?

Nobody is holding a gun to your head. Simply, don't. Watch. It.

Cuz if they announce the casting for season 2, and y'all starting acting shocked that they're not "book accurate" and sending hate mobs to young actors and inciting racism and bigotry in the Fandom AGAIN... I think it'll finally speak to the true nature of this fandom. It was never about "book accuracy" it was always about hate. Whatever superiority complex the PJO fandom has been carrying over a certain *wizarding* series... y'all can just chuck out the window.

[raayllum]

by the end of s5, what do you think separates claudia and callum (if anything) from being a villain vs a hero?

Oh, there's plenty that differentiates them! This may not be as articulate as I want it to be as I've spent most of the past 3+ years pointing out / trying to convince people of Callum's similarities to Claudia and Viren (which S5 finally cinched for me, beautifully) than having to describe their differences, but I'll do my best!

Callum very much has both the best and worst of Viren and Claudia when it comes to dark magic, where he kind of borrows from each of them in distinct ways to be the most.... reasonable 'dark mage' in a lot of ways, due to 1) his views on dark magic and 2) his motivations for using it. So let's dig into it.

1) Views on dark magic

Unlike Claudia, to Callum dark magic isn't something frivolous (hi dark magic pancakes) or something to aspire after. He's far more like Viren (and even then I don't think Callum would ever consider dark magic "brilliant and clever" even if it is very much practical) in terms of seeing dark magic solely as a last resort since, as I've laid out before, Callum knows it's wrong. That it's a dangerous, slippery slope, for him in particular. Callum is also just willing to do something he Knows is wrong and see it to fruition anyway.

(Now, this also plays into the series' theme of how it's always Easier to play into / perpetuate the Cycle than it is to take the harder path of breaking it, but post for another day.)

Claudia has come closer to this viewpoint in some ways in S4 (crying as she explains what she had to do to bring Viren back) but ultimately, she doesn't think/see/know Aaravos is 'evil'. She doesn't think she's doing anything Wrong But Justified because she doesn't see anything wrong with what she's doing in the first place ("Humans were born with nothing, but we still found a way to do amazing things. That's what dark magic is really all about" / "The elves and the dragons did nothing. They judged us. They pitied us" / "All through history dragons have had the power while humans lived in fear. Well times are changing"). Callum is not that, at all, hence the guilt (even if I think more of it stems now in S4/S5 from what he knows dark magic allows - Aaravos' possession that then in turn also puts his immediate loved ones in danger).

Therefore, Callum's views on dark magic are far more akin to Viren's - powerful, dangerous, a necessity that chips away at you and you alone if you do it right, if you can successfully spare other people. Viren's comfort with dark magic goes further than that, and Callum's comfort with it is lesser than that, but they are more similar I think in their views of dark magic than either of their views are to Claudia's.

Like, regardless, Callum fundamentally disagrees with dark magic - he doesn't like or want to hurt innocent people/creatures if he can help it (again, big difference between him and other two mages, even if there are definitely areas where who Callum views as 'innocent' could be improved). It's a Last Resort, but it's a Resort. His aversion, those reservations, those lines, those morals? They exist (which is a distinction) but ultimately do not matter when Ezran or Rayla are threatened.

Which is, I suppose, as good a time as any to talk about

2) Motivations

Viren's hierarchy is the 1) the world (which his family is a part of), 2) himself, usually (because he believes he is uniquely positioned to be able to help the world & make the right choices) and 3) his family. We see this hierarchy play out pretty succinctly in 1x02-1x03 with Harrow, almost beat for beat. As Viren says there (and in S5) Harrow is his family and means everything to him... but Viren is not willing to reveal or relinquish the dragon egg in hopes of stopping the assassination, because he would rather have himself or Harrow die rather than put a weapon into Xadia's hands. This is also why he's willing to warp Soren into a cinder beast in 3x07. Not only is he personally pretty far gone at that point, but he is willing to sacrifice his family (gaslighting Soren to keep Claudia tethered in 3x03, for example + "I would've asked you to choose the egg over my own life, if it came to it"). In some ways, S5 is showing that he lost that part of himself and is now reclaiming it, making it true in ways it hasn't always been. Love is what made him Lose Himself but also how he ultimately Found Himself again (which bodes very well for Callum's S6 arc, but anyway...)

Alternatively... Callum says "I value those close to me more than Anyone or Anything" (Tales of Xadia bio) and he unequivocally means it.

Callum loves Harrow dearly, but he still knows the safest place for Ezran in 1x03 is to get the fuck away from the castle, so he goes. He breaks the primal stone after watching Rayla and Ezran mutually cry and console each other as Rayla blames herself for Zym's imminent death. As discussed, he'll do dark magic in 2x07 even though he knows it's wrong because it's Rayla's life on the line. He'll jump off the mountain for her. He'll threaten and demand answers from Soren before and after learning that Ez could be in danger, and run right into a trap. He'll do literally everything he did in 5x08 for Rayla, as we know.

In this way, he is very similar to Claudia, who would likewise Do Anything for her family and always mean it, particularly her father (after all, Soren 'walked out' on her, not the other way around; she was still trying to keep them all together). It is worth noting now, though, that Viren has now circled back, so arguably all three of them are sharing in this Motivation, and prime for Aaravos' manipulation if Viren still has a further role to play (although his curtain may have closed lmao). After all:

But yeah, Callum and Claudia are two characters who have always had a steady flow of parallels and a particularly brutal slant toward each other (because their selective loyalty is not and never has been to each other) and the easiest way to have an audience still remain sympathetic to an antagonist is to draw parallels between them and a protagonist, so...

Obviously in TDP there are 'good' guys and 'bad' guys but I don't think the series is that interested in a pure black-white good vs evil dichotomy. Almost every antagonist character is still sympathetic, developed, interesting, and we can understand where they're coming from. The protagonists make plenty of mistakes and have plenty of their own biases and contradictions; it's what makes them interesting too! People aren't necessarily Villains or Heroes so much as they are people stuck in cycles of grief and violence, and the series being an exploration of how and where and why they do or don't (or can't) break those cycles. At least, that's what I find is most useful from a meta perspective.

I think ultimately what differentiates Callum and Claudia in my head is, as mentioned, the different ways they view dark magic even if they have exceedingly similar motivations for using it, as well as Callum striking me more as the type to fight so hard to save his loved ones while they're still alive, but not quite as inclined to go as far as Claudia did and follow through on a resurrection spell the way she did. He's better at emotionally processing (although it's a low bar to clear for her) and better at letting things go, and more respectful of his loved ones' wants (most of the time). If Ez and Rayla both died in tragic/traumatic ways, I think that could (understandably) really warp him to something close to Claudia, but so long as one lived, I think they could keep him from going off the rails.

Claudia left the train station a Long time ago.

More metas that may be of interest (written before S4 and S5):

How Viren and Callum stack up flaws wise (S1-S4, screencap S5 update)

How Callum's initial view of Zym differs from Ez and Rayla (S1-S3)

Callum's morality (S1-S4)

TDP's Perpetual Trolley Problem, or How the Show Frames / Deals with Sacrifice and Exchange (S1-S4)

The Interlocking of the Cycle's Wheel with Viren, Claudia, Callum, and Rayla (S1-S4)

[riversofmars]

So I've finally finished listening to Echoes (yes I had this boxset preordered since it was announced, and yes I was incredibly slow to listen to it) and how do Liv/Helen shippers keep winning even when we've already lost (coz Liv returning to Tania at the end of Stranded)??

From episode 2: "Helen - she's my...she's everything I have left"???? I screamed??

Episode 3 where Helen went and got Liv's stuff from the TARDIS but also got her a book in case she can't sleep and a bottle of water and an apple???

Every boxset since Stranded has had Liv be ferally gay over Helen (and has obviously confirmed our favourite lesbian is in fact a lesbian ofc)

And I'm so confused by what Big Finish is doing playing with our hearts like this - but I will also gleefully, and gayfully accept whatever Liv/Helen we can get. Thoughts?

Honestly, I have no idea what Big Finish are thinking other than

Who knows, maybe they have realised that Liv/Helen sells??? And that they made a mistake with the Stranded ending??

But seriously... I hope there is a point to it all. It really does feel like they're doing it on purpose, it's SO SHIPPY! Albie's Angels was just... HELEN CHENKA?! Come on. And you're so right. How easy would it have been to have Liv say "Helen is my best friend!". Having her break off mid-sentence is a conscious choice and you can't tell me otherwise. And that scene where Helen brings Liv all that stuff and then offers to go back? ADORABLE. They're everything.

Now the way I see it... For the ending of Stranded to make sense, it can only be one of two things really. Either Liv and Helen get together and Helen dies... and Liv returns to Tania cause she can't face being with the Doctor without Helen and she tries to bury her grief that way. It would be horrible and unfair, but it would make at least a little bit of sense, because why else would Liv Chenka, brilliant med-tech from the 30th century, want to be in 21st century London where she will be bored out of her mind and never see her sister again?? It just doesn't make sense for her character unless something fundamentally changed her like the death of the woman she loved. BUT LET'S NOT THINK LIKE THAT OR I'LL CRY.

The other option, and I'll hold on to this, is that maybe they all get a happy ending and there are two Livs somehow. We already know from the end of The Robots that there is a Liv duplicate out there. While that duplicate would only have the memories of up to Escape From Kaldor, that doesn't mean that something like that couldn't happen again. This is Doctor Who after all! Think of Rose getting her personal Doctor. Maybe they send a duplicate back to Tania so she gets to be happy too (and the Stranded ending that BF may have realised was silly will still work) and Liv and Helen stay together.

Honestly, who knows! But I will also hang on every scrap BF throw us. The Liv/Helen ship is sailing strong as ever and I think BF may have noticed and decided to cater to it.

I imagine it will be a while for another set for them (though I am curious as to Hattie's role in the Time War one, that will be interesting!) and I don't know if we will ever get a resolution for them, but in the meantime, I say let's be vocal about the ship on socials, hoping BF continue to take notice and give us everything we want. It seems to be working at the moment :D

[lildoodlecat]

it's true I probably don't have the time/energy to get into smth new BUT if you have a pitch I want to hear it!! ^^ I've heard good things abt Destiny yet all I know is that the swords talk and Leon is pretty 😅

*does a lil stretch* ALRIGHTY sorry I left this in my inbox so long dolphiiin I greatly appreciate the prompt to pitch my interests your way but I knew I might have a lot to say and time isn't real ;0;

OKAY SO

Jay's Tales of Destiny Pitch

(typed while heating up my lunch lol)

First of all, Tales of Destiny for PS1 and Tales of Destiny Director's Cut for PS2 are fundamentally different games with two similar canons. The most obvious differences are with Leon, so we'll get back to that in a second

WHY DESTINY IS COOL AND AWESOME

Lovely cast!

Our main character Stahn is a very lovable idiot, he wants to help everyone and continuously reaches out to and believes the best of ppl. Maybe his kindness could be considered naive, but like. When you can believe in ppl and try to be friends with them no matter how prickly? C'mon now

Variety of dynamic characters with their own little arcs throughout the story!! These are much more fleshed out in the Director's Cut, but still present in PS1

Swordians

The consciousness of their previous wielder copied into a powerful sword!! A companion quite literally at your side :D they're pretty much their own characters, especially in DC

Don't worry abt the main plot. Like yeah the bad guys stole the eye of god (Atamoni in eng localization) which could potentially be a super dangerous tool/weapon that was originally sealed away after that last War(tm) that's distant history or whatever but Look at the little guys experiencing various agonies :33

The Swordians are also relics from the big history war but shhh

LEON

Your first meeting with him is when he kicks your ass during a battle and then arrests you

Only joins the party bc he's technically still your jailer keeping an eye on everyone while you go do a quest for the king

Brooding emo boy with daddy issues. No he will NOT be friends with you. Stop that!! (Bit of a tsundere lol but only bc of his uhh various issues :3)

most tragic little guy i cry abt him

Non-spoilery differences between PS1 and DC:

Since Director's Cut offers a character selection at the beginning of the game (similar to Xillia) you can either play the regular game from Stahn's POV (still changed from PS1) or you can follow Leon, but Leon's side is moreso for a deeper look into his character after playing Stahn's side, since Leon isn't always with the party

Leon's and Stahn's characters in particular are handled a little differently. Stahn's personality and history are a little different, but imo not really noticeably. Leon's relationships with the party are less.. distant? There's more explicit showcasing maybe. Especially with how his final separation from the party plays out a lot differently, and it changes/makes more obvious some aspects of his character (positively imo), but also leaves his fate more ambiguous than in PS1

--

Overall, similar to how I feel abt Zesty, I think the characters really bring these games to life!! Destiny PS1 I liked more for its scenery, dungeon design, and puzzles, while DC I enjoyed for its character depth via skits and cutscenes and its battle system

If you can tell I'm biased toward Stahn and Leon,, yeahhh but I do enjoy other characters like Rutee (heroine) and Philia as well ✨✨

Rutee especially is very relevant to some of my Thoughts since she's one of the more pivotal characters, being the heroine and all

Anyway!! I hope that pitch was okay lmao there's more I could probably say if I could actually remember the games better but it's been like a year since I played Destiny PS1 and months since I finished DC ;w;

In any case, tysm dolphin for indulging me :33

[best-underrated-anime]

Best Underrated Anime Group J Round 2: #J6 vs #J4

#J6: Students transported to bizarre new realities

#J4: Kids conquering dungeons to change the world

Details and poll under the cut!

#J6: Sonny Boy

Summary:

Thirty-six students find themselves and their school building suddenly adrift in a void-like dimension. When supernatural powers awaken in some of them, a sense of detachment begins to divide the group. Despite the student council's attempts to impose order, they clash with the students possessing special abilities, who rebel against their strict control.

This conflict leads them to discover that this world has its own set of rules—and following them is necessary for survival. After one of the students decides to take a leap of faith, the school switches dimensions once again. While they deal with the unique challenges and circumstances that each world presents, the students must unravel the mysterious phenomenon and find a way back home.

Propaganda:

Sonny Boy is one of the best shows to come out in recent years. The setting and plot is very fantastical, with superpowers and dimension travel, but fundamentally the story is about the characters. The character writing is really unique. Even the side characters feel like real people, not just cheap gimmicks.

But the main draw for a lot of people are the visuals. Sonny Boy looks like no other anime. The backgrounds are just absolutely stunning, and the realistic character design helps contrast the unreality of the world. There are these amazing visual sequences that just blow you away with how creative the writers must be.

I can't say much without spoiling but it's the kind of show you just have to experience. This is the kind of show where people either love it or hate it. If you are looking for clear, linear storytelling, this is not the show for you. If you're looking for a straight mystery where everything is solved in the end, you might be disappointed. If you want to cry, and feel something, and think about what it means to be alive, then I cannot recommend a better show.

Trigger Warnings:

Animal death - a bird died and is used as a metaphor

Flashing lights - many weird kaleidoscope effects and other sequences

#J4: Magi: The Labyrinth of Magic

Summary:

A Magi is a magician whose inclination toward magic is so immense that they can be said to shape the world. With their significant influence, each Magi chooses a worthy candidate to become a king, then helps them conquer strange labyrinths called "Dungeons" and acquire the power of mythical djinns within. Above all else, the Magi supervises their elected representative as they build a country that might one day bring the world to its knees.

Aladdin is a young Magi wandering the world in search of his true self. However, his journey is not a lonely one, as he is accompanied by his friend and mentor Ugo—a djinn he summons using his flute. On his travels, Aladdin also befriends Alibaba Saluja and guides him to a nearby Dungeon. With this newfound friendship, they begin an epic adventure across the world, witnessing various irregularities that seem more frequent than ever.

Propaganda 1:

Imagine characters from Arabian Nights/1001 Nights coming to life in an anime. Even though it is loosely inspired off of the tales, it is a unique time and place from most anime settings. It has action, humor, and deep concepts. One of my favorite parts about Magi is how well-developed the background characters are.

Propaganda 2:

This anime has a lot of philosophical takes on what fate is. Basically, is everything that happened to you caused by a force you can’t control or is it what you make of it? Is there something or rather someone pulling the strings on what should or shouldn’t be? Is the person you are because you were lucky or unlucky to be born in the wealthy family or not? Why are things the way they are? Why was I dealt with a shitty hand in life? Is it because I’ll never amount to anything, or is something doing this to me? Why are we here just to suffer kind of deal, but you know not the meme version, the really sad and real version. Then you have the side of the people who may have not had the best life, but found a way out of it. Why do some people get to feel the light when you went through the same thing, but still lost and in the dark?

Trigger Warnings: Partial nudity and slavery. One of the mains is a slave in the beginning, but the other two mains help free her from that.

When reblogging and adding your own propaganda, please tag me @best-underrated-anime so that I’ll be sure to see it.

If you want to criticize one of the shows above to give the one you’re rooting for an advantage, then do so constructively. I do not tolerate groundless hate or slander on this blog. If I catch you doing such a thing in the notes, be it in the tags or reblogs, I will block you.

Know one of the shows above and not satisfied with how it’s presented in this tournament? Just fill up this form, where you can submit revisions for taglines, propaganda, trigger warnings, and/or video.

[tosin-talks]

Tosin Talks about invalidation and its effects

You know when you’re really upset about something and someone tells you that you’re being a little dramatic? Has that ever made you feel less upset? 

I’m guessing it probably made you want to actually be dramatic or it completely broke your heart. You weren’t trying to get them to completely understand your experience and deeply feel your emotions—that invalidation only created another dilemma for you to have to deal with. Now you’re questioning if you really are overreacting about the matter or you’re thinking that person’s just an asshole that is sabotaging you or you’re afraid that maybe there’s something fundamentally wrong with you…

Notice how fast we spiraled? That’s how impactful invalidation can be. Constant invalidation of our experiences dramatically influences the way that we tell our stories to others. The story is no longer “I was hurt and taken advantage of”, it’s “this is why I’m dramatic and don’t know how to handle anything”. Sometimes the invalidation begins during our formative years and from the very first people we met when we arrived in this world. 

What’s that label that your family gave to you that you just can’t seem to get over? Crybaby, loser, weirdo, “the fat one”, “my problem child”, “the mean one”, “the one I don’t talk about”, etc. The creation of that label significantly changed how they talk to you, speak about you to others, treat you, and perceive you. Most importantly, it changed the way that you see yourself. Now you hold back tears because you don’t want the crybaby label to stick or you hold your tongue while they say things that disrespect you because you want to get rid of the mean label. The invalidation continues when you bring up the past to them and it seems like the only person that remembers the story even vaguely is you. Then you really start believing those messages that were said about you.

Did the invalidation actually make you stop feeling sadness, out of place, alone, unheard, misunderstood, frustrated, or whatever the original emotion was? 

When I was a young child enduring trauma, I wanted to tell someone about it but when I did, I was met with, “you talk too much”, “you say the wildest things” or “you’re being a baby”. I was no longer just feeling sad, unloved, unwanted, confused…I became sad, unloved, unwanted, and thought I was legitimately going insane. It was no longer just a traumatic experience, what happened to me had found a way into my personality. 

Had I not just experienced something devastatingly difficult? Did that event not hurt my feelings or cause me some sort of pain? Even if it was a minor thing and from the outside looking in, I was being a little dramatic…I still felt that pain, and telling myself that I shouldn’t have, didn’t make the feeling go away. 

I often wonder how things would be if I was adequately validated when something happened. I wonder if I would be better at managing my emotional responses or overcoming challenges. Because instead of the situation intertwining with who I was, maybe I could fully feel my feelings, validate them, and possibly move onto actually solving the problem. 

Nonetheless, the past is the past and I am now responsible for doing my best to end that cycle of invalidation.

It can be difficult since we become accustomed to belittling our emotions and the emotions of others. You hear “you’re such a crybaby�� for crying about losing something you really loved so often that it becomes easier to say the same thing to an actual child crying over losing their favorite blanket. It’s a skill that takes practice, I’m not always the best at it either. 

You’ll need to first become comfortable with acknowledging and identifying your feelings. I don’t know how else to explain this but you have to feel the emotions fully so that the emotions don’t consume you. If you feel sad, just feel sad and find a non-harmful way to express that even if it's bawling in bed or recording voice memos where you pour your heart out. Validate that emotion and the experience that brought it up. Now that emotion doesn’t feel as heavy as before and you might actually be able to combat the feeling with one that you’d prefer to feel.

We can’t change other people and their perception of us but we do have control over the way we speak about ourselves and our experiences. I challenge you to validate one feeling and experience that you have this week. And because I know you’re capable of doing difficult things, I additionally challenge you to validate someone else’s emotions and experience. Create more productive narratives about yourself and about those you care about.

[snixx]

one time after I accepted that I didn't want my ex best friend in my life anymore, I told another friend we (ex and I) were soul mates. that is one thing I still believe I wasn't wrong about. because we feel destined, like we share the same soul, we were meant to be, yada yada. the universe keeps pushing us together and if preordained soul mates exist, there's no way we aren't. we used to be so conjoint we were practically the same person. literally to the point where if you called me and I didn't pick up my phone, it would redirect to her. time and distance couldn't separate us.

but the thing about us being soul mates is that above everything, we make a case for free will. that love is mutual effort and hard work and trying and something you build. because yes, I believe we're soul mates, now more than ever, but I still need to let her go. we still can't be friends. not because we aren't fundamentally made for each other or whatever, but because nothing about your life is set in stone. you choose what you want to make of your life. you have agency and at the end of the day, you can fucking rewrite your story and make what you want of it. she's not my best friend anymore for the simple reason that she won't try. that she doesn't care. she doesn't think our friendship is worth shit and that's her choice to make and now it's a choice I agree with.

my current best friend isn't my best friend because we naturally fit together. unlike with my ex, we fought and made each other cry over and over and everyone told us we were just wrong for each other, for no fault of either of ours. but the thing is. it worked out in the end. because we loved each other and were willing to try and change into better people for each other. because I will always choose her, even if it's hard and doesn't come easily or naturally. and that's more important than fucking. compatibility or whatever. that's why I know I'll love her forever, no matter what. we aren't friends because it's easy or because of circumstance, but because we choose each other, over and over. and honestly? I'm much happier now.

[sequentialprophet]

I don't generally do personal posts on here, for various reasons, but I don't really have anywhere else to put this so, since this is the throw your feelings into the void website, feelings under the cut

This time last year my dad died. And it fucking sucked. And it has continued to suck. I wish I didn't know that when you plan a funeral for someone who didn't have a plan, you fight because the only person you want to ask these questions you can't. I wish I didn't know that coffins are incredibly heavy when held at waist height but weirdly light on your shoulder. I wish I didn't know what it feels like to be heart-hurt for an entire year with no reprieve.

I am not religious. I'm not particularly spiritual either. I don't know if it would help with all the nights I've laid awake this year wondering where he is. How can a person just be gone? I know what death is. That doesn't answer my question. I feel like it would be easier to bear if I could have one phonecall just to say hey, I hope you're okay. I know it doesn't work like that, and that's grief.

I feel too young to have lost a parent. It's agony knowing I'll never speak to him again. That he has another grandkid he will not only never meet, but never knew existed at all. Some days are a litany of he will never drink coffee again. He will never feel the sun again. He will never tell me to make sure my doors are locked because he didn't know how to say I love you again.

I am fundamentally changed in a way that I don't really understand and don't know how to navigate.

I wish I didn't have to put this here but my sisters can't talk about him without crying. Other people get uncomfortable because it's been a year so I should be silent about it now.

I talk about him more in every day life. I tell people oh yeah, my dad loved that. Oh yeah, my dad taught me that. I talk more like him. I tell people I love 'take it easy' when I leave them instead of goodbye, like he did. It hurts me to do it, but it hurts me more not to.

The other day I found a playlist I'd meant to burn on a cd for him because he loved to listen to music in the car, but refused to learn about streaming. Realising I'd forgotten felt like losing him all over again.

He died at work. It was sudden. No illness or indication. I've spent the last year debating with myself whether this was a better way or whether I would have preferred a long illness and a chance to say goodbye. I don't know what he would have preferred, but I do know the last thing he heard was my sisters voice and the last thing she heard was him laughing so really, what else can I ask for.

I am a naturally secretive person. It's my biggest flaw. I haven't told mostly anyone, about his death or how much I am struggling with grief. I've been difficult and more reticent than ever before. More absent whilst appearing more visible. Some people left, and that's both deeply understandable and very okay. Some people stayed, put up with my disappearing for weeks, my seeming disinterest or my brief but intense bouts of attention. All my love to them.

It's weird how quickly everyone's life returns to normal, meanwhile I'm just walking around blown apart and not acknowledging it. So this is me acknowledging it.

My dad died last year and I did a little bit too.

[aimbutmiss]

Saw this post of yours: https://www.tumblr.com/aimbutmiss/740229617026220032/maybe-this-is-just-me-projecting-on-buggy-because

and I have to say I love it sm?? yk what it makes me think of? The song I can’t help but wonder from epic the musical, where Telemachus and Odysseus (a father/son duo who haven’t seen each other in TWENTY years) finally meet again. And it’s like, giving Buggy and the ghost of Roger or smth.

https://youtu.be/gUAQvlCFm-g?si=4UJpB9jABhOMLMAI

First of all, thank you so much!! I'm glad you enjoyed it 😁 and oh boy this one's got a kick... You shouldn't have brought up greek mythology AND buggy like I won't shut up ever after this.

I actually cried listening to the song while thinking about Buggy and Roger. It just fits too well. I want to point out a few lyrics that I thought fit like a glove:

"for twenty years, I never could outgrow you" I think its safe to say that Roger's death in Loguetown affected Buggy on a fundamental level. No one could handle watching their father's neck get sliced live. Something like that could never not change you. From the 20+ years that have passed since then, at least part of Buggy is still that 16 year old standing in that crowd, crying. He never fully outgrew Loguetown, and for the record I don't think Shanks did either (I couldn't not bring him up I'm sorry) The main difference is that they experienced very different Loguetowns... Buggy still had hope that Roger would somehow dodge death like he always had, because unlike Shanks he didn't understand why Roger would willingly go to his own death. However, as the one who left, Buggy suffered a lot less after their fight. That's not to say it wasn't hard to leave, or he wasn't sad about it (he cried a lot as he ran away from Shanks) But Shanks suffered a different way, from the whiplash he had from seeing Roger die AND losing his best friend on top of each other. He only expected one of those, and we know which one that was.

"i can't help but wonder (...) if I have your strength in me." Buggy has always been a character with deep self esteem issues. A part of that certainly comes from having Roger's legacy behind him. Roger was strong and smart beyond words, and Buggy definitely felt insufficient, like he couldn't reach that ideal. That's why there's a deep rooted jealousy in him towards Shanks, because he sees so much of Roger in him. This also mirrors Odysseus and Telemachus perfectly, because the son never reached his father's level of intelligence and strength by the end of the Odyssey. However, it is implied that he is on his way there, getting better and better as the story progressed. We see this with Buggy too, with his amazing talent of failing upwards. (I have to say, I don't think all of it can be accidental. Buggy is actually quite clever in his own way) Roger's soul must be watching with pride, but not surprise. I have no doubt in my mind that Roger truly believed Buggy would make it big one day. The kind of trust only a parent could have in their children.

"used to say I'd capture wind and sky for you" Not much to say here but Roger would definitely say something like this. There's not a single thing that man wouldn't have done for his boys. I'm so normal about them haha 😅 ...Also more on the Roger and Odysseus parallels, there's just something so beautiful about a man who chooses his family over and over again, no matter how many good options keep presenting themselves. Like, nothing in the world could get in the way of him and his child no matter what. The similarity just hurts. And even though Roger couldn't live to do that for Ace, at least he experienced fatherhood with Shanks and Buggy.

[valkyrieandstrangeridingaragorn]

The problem is that MCU is willing to show the system is flawed but not willing to admit it's wrong. Either wrong in what the system did or does or that simply the system in itself is wrong in extending at all.

Few bad apples excuse. Say it needs to be better but never show how it needs to be fundamentally changed to stop the rot from spreading

It's like they think we're too stupid to understand complex storylines, and they have been doing this for a while now. TFATWS was the worst offender along with the Loki series as they had the audacity to demand that Bucky make amends to the victims as if he wasn't a victim himself. All that focus on his actions and feelings of guilt and not a damn second spent on trying to hold the government accountable for Hydra.

TWS did a part of it right with Steve deciding to take down all of Shield, but that story was quickly forgotten and CW even had the guts to try and paint the heroes in a bad light as if the government had any moral superiority here (it's still mind-blowing to me that Ross showed the NYC invasion and the helicarriers and those two were framed as arguments against the heroes and not the government).

It's super status quo-friendly which is a little insulting given that superhero movies should be the exact opposite of that. And it winds up hurting the characters as well: Steve wouldn't have left the Raft after getting his friends out, he would have done something about the prison itself. Loki would never feel amazed by the TVA, he's the god of outcasts for crying out loud, he'd be horrified by them. Sam would never tell Bucky to man up and go to the victims, he would have stormed the freaking White House to have a word with the President himself and tell him off for trying to blame it all on Bucky.

I get why we have that speech in TWS when Steve calls out to the good agents inside Shield and a lot of them stand up and fight off the Hydra shills. But damn... something should have been done regarding the "good" people who agreed with Hydra's methods without knowing it and let them grow strong enough to almost put 3 helicarriers in the air. Marvel wants us to believe those were all Hydra but that's not true... and that's the scary part!

Too bad Secret Invasion was too scared to go that route. Every single one of these movies and series are always the same: this new organization is super fucked up and all the agents are doing stuff that is shady af but don't worry, we'll kill the guy on top and everything will be alright 🤦‍♀️