#it wasn’t bad by any means!!!!!!
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I need to give it a few more listens, but regrettably Meeting the Master is not going to become my whole personality
#Greta van fleet#it wasn’t bad by any means!!!!!!#just not my favorite song they’ve ever released tbh#then again I don’t think anything will top the first time I heard my way soon#it did in fact become my whole personality#also it’s still giving wicked and this is a hill I will die on#ALSO#i remember them saying this album was going back to their roots and I really expected more FTF vibes#I ALSO DID NOT HEAR MY GUY SING 😤
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Wei Wuxian and Narrative Agency – Part Three
For Xiantober Day Five: Past and Present, in which the author gets very unhinged about what parts of the past are shown and how that’s affected by the present!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
The Power of Agency: Shaping the Narrative
When I've discussed Wei Wuxian's agency previously, I’ve talked about how what’s shown and omitted tells us about a character, and we’ve talked about the character himself. Though this is a niche topic, it’s not necessarily something out of the ordinary to analyse, and we can assume everything up to here has been in some way intentional.
This? Linking structure to a character’s in-universe preferences?
This is where we get unhinged.
Before I start, let’s quickly establish something which will be important later: although Wei Wuxian is the central character, MDZS isn’t strictly from his POV. While omitting events a character doesn’t like to dwell on and concealing things the character wishes to hide is common in books with only one narrator, MDZS has multiple narrators which it switches between relatively quickly. This includes Wei Wuxian, but it also includes nearly every major character that appears in the story, and omniscient narrator as well. As a default, this format doesn’t lead to this deliberate shaping and omission because of one character’s preferences, since we have many other sources of information and events – which is what makes Wei Wuxian’s influence over the narrative and structure so interesting. We could have access to a lot more information, and access to it at different times, than we do (and that’s not an insult, quite the opposite!).
To begin: we’ve established that times such as Wei Wuxian’s time on the streets, his three months in the Burial Mounds and his loss in the Siege aren’t shown because Wei Wuxian has little agency there. But that’s not the only special thing about them. They’re also the three most traumatic times in his life, and so moments Wei Wuxian himself either can’t remember, or doesn’t like to dwell on.
This is why discussing Wei Wuxian’s treatment of tragedy in his life was important. Firstly, it shows he doesn’t focus on the tragedy in his life, so the idea that the narrative not focusing on this tragedy relates to his character has merit; secondly, it affirms that this is not a passive trait, but a choice. Therefore, when the narrative omits events due to this aspect of Wei Wuxian, it’s respecting not only a character detail – which would be cool by itself – but also an active decision. One that shapes the story it’s made in.
In other words, its very structure is respecting Wei Wuxian’s agency!
Now, of course there are flashbacks to other moments of his past he probably wouldn’t like to dwell on, too. But within the structure, they’re only shown when Wei Wuxian is thinking about them (or when he has reason to)!
Wei WuXian hadn’t woken up yet. His eyes were still tightly shut, yet his hand didn’t let go either. He seemed to be dreaming, muttering, “… Don’t… Don’t be angry…” Lan WangJi seemed somewhat surprised. His voice was gentle, “I am not angry.” Wei WuXian, “… Oh.” Hearing this, as though he finally felt assured, his fingers loosened. Lan WangJi sat beside Wei WuXian for a while. Seeing that he was motionless again, he was about to stand up when Wei WuXian grabbed him with his other hand, hugging his arm and refusing to let go. He shouted, “I’ll go with you, quick, take me back to your sect!” Chapter 63, EXR translation
Which, of course, is him dwelling on…
Lan WangJi spoke one word at a time, “Go back to Gusu with me.” Hearing this, both Wei WuXian and Jiang Cheng were surprised. Quickly afterward, Wei WuXian laughed, “Go back to Gusu with you? To the Cloud Recesses? Why go there?” He immediately seemed to realize, “Oh. I forgot. Your uncle Lan QiRen hates crooked people like me. You’re his proudest disciple, so of course you’re the same as him, haha. I refuse.” Chapter 62, EXR translation
…the painful flashback immediately preceding this. The third set of flashbacks (which are also painful) are a similar case. Look at the contex:
He lifted the bottom of his robe, revealing a prosthetic leg made of wood, “This leg of mine was destroyed by you, that night in the Nightless City (…)” (…) “Wei WuXian, I won’t ask you if you remember or not. Both of my parents died by your hands. You owe too many people. You definitely won’t remember them either. But, I, Fang MengChen, will never forget! And never forgive you!” (…) “In the fight at Qiongqi Path, my son was strangled to death by your dog Wen Ning!” “My shixiong died by poison, his entire body festering due to your cruel curse!” Chapter 68 (immediately preceding the flashbacks), EXR translation
And Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts and words:
Wei WuXian looked at the cultivators before the Demon-Slaughtering Cave. Their expressions were the absolute same as those of the cultivators from the night of the pledge conference, pouring their wine on the ground as they took the pledge to scatter the ashes of the Wen Sect’s remnants and him. (…) Wei WuXian, “Now it’s time to ask just whom it is that treasures it so much. It’s like Wen Ning. Back then, some certain sects or so were scared to death of the Ghost General. They said they’d kill him on the surface, but behind their backs they hid him for over ten years. How strange. Who was the one that said his ashes had been scattered back then?” Chapter 79 (immediately succeeding the flashbacks), EXR translation
Once again, Wei Wuxian’s own thoughts relate to the flashbacks we’ve just been shown. And, as I previously mentioned, though all the events which are shown are tragic, they’re also events which Wei Wuxian’s own choices and actions shaped – which he has this to say about:
“The things I did, not only do you remember them, I remember them too. You won’t forget them, and they’ll stay even longer in my mind!” Chapter 82, EXR
Admittedly, this applies more to the third set of flashbacks than the second (which is still fitting as the third set was the most recent), as in the second, although he still had agency within and influence over his circumstances, the majority of the pain was caused by others’ actions (excluding, of course, the Golden Core transfer… which is something we know stays for a long time in his mind, albeit with a caveat we’ll soon discuss). But it’s still important to note – especially considering that otherwise, focusing on this very painful time in his life wouldn’t seem like something very in-character for Wei Wuxian to do.
Of course, this can all just be explained by good writing. It is best to insert flashbacks when they’re relevant to the characters and events in the present day! But it is interesting to compare these to the start of the (not painful) Gusu flashbacks, which open this way:
At a later time, Wei WuXian pondered upon the reason why his relationship with Lan WangJi wasn’t good. Getting to the root of the matter, everything started when he was fifteen, coming to the GusuLan Sect with Jiang Cheng to study for three months. Chapter 13, EXR
Again, considering the circumstances around which these flashbacks take place – returning to the Cloud Recesses for the first time since the lectures, and meeting Lan Wangji once more – it makes complete sense for Wei Wuxian to be thinking about these events*. So it does fit the pattern of Wei Wuxian dwelling on something, thus leading to the narrative dwelling on it, too (and being shaped by his thoughts)… but there’s another layer to this. Importantly, it is the only flashback where Wei Wuxian’s present thoughts don’t lead to this happening, with his thoughts at an unspecified future time leading to it, instead. I like to interpret this as the text saying that, since these events aren’t something Wei Wuxian wouldn’t focus on in normal circumstances, he can dwell on them at any time. Therefore, they’re free to come up in the narrative at any time as well, even if he’s not dwelling on them in the present moment!
So, to summarise: Wei Wuxian’s decision not to focus on the painful times in his life directly influences the narrative to not focus on these times. When painful times are brought up and shown to us, it’s in the context of him thinking about them in the present day, and even then, his most painful moments still aren’t shown to us. His agency in this regard is still respected by the narrative structure.
This is the main way his agency influences the structure of the narrative, but I’d like to talk about the revealing and concealing of information, too. For example, I said I’d talk about the Golden Core transfer – though Wei Wuxian does think about this many times, as evidenced by his internal narration in Chapter 103. But unlike everything we’re shown through the flashbacks, this is something Wei Wuxian is actively trying to hide from others. And the narrative respects this choice (Wei Wuxian’s agency, again), never reveals it even when it would be relevant in the flashbacks, and we find out not through narration, but through a character’s dialogue!
And to clarify – I know these aspects may not be in the book for this exact reason. Showing flashbacks in relevant moments is good writing, concealing an important plot point you want to do a reveal for is necessary writing, and MXTX has said she didn’t want to write about Wei Wuxian’s time in the Burial Mounds, due to not liking to write transformation sequences (and also because it would not be pleasant at all, which likely also applies to Wei Wuxian’s death). That doesn’t prevent it from also being intentional – MXTX’s intelligence is shown in many aspects of this book, and there’s nothing disproving it – but there’s no proof for either option, so I won’t pretend there is. I bring this up because I know this feels like I’m overanalysing, as I feel that way as well.
But, whether it’s intentional or not, it exists in the text, and I adore it – so, regardless, it’s something I’ll explore. Because taking this into account… We aren't just told about Wei Wuxian having agency, we aren’t just shown it in the text, we aren’t even just shown it through which parts of his past are shown and hidden in the structure of the text (as I talked about in Part One). The parts of the past that are shown and hidden also have an in-universe reason for being shown and hidden, this reason being the choices he makes! Agency is the ability of a character to influence the story they’re in, but Wei Wuxian’s agency, as a property of a character who only exists in-universe, shapes the out-of-universe structure as well! That’s how we’re shown its importance! How cool is that?
At The End Of The Road: Summary and Final Thoughts
In this essay, we’ve covered how important Wei Wuxian’s agency is not only to the events of the plot, but to the structure of the narrative as well. The narrative omits periods in which Wei Wuxian has little or no agency, in favour of showing us periods in which he does, even when important events happened in the former. This indicates that who Wei Wuxian is without agency isn’t important enough to be shown to the audience, and therefore that his agency is an integral aspect of his character in MDZS. We’ve discussed how both in-universe and out-of-universe, tragedy does not define him – out-of-universe, the tragic events in Wei Wuxian’s life are used not to build sympathy but rather to show his strength of character and who he still is despite going through them; and in-universe, he chooses not to focus on the negativity and resentment caused by his circumstances or others’ actions, instead staying true to his moral compass and enjoying his life in the present day. Finally, we’ve also explored how this choice is another reason for the omission of certain events from the narrative, resulting in his agency shaping the story in a very literal way – it affects the out-of-universe structure, as well.
It’s quite fitting, for a story whose essence is about defying a conventional narrative – that of righteous clans rising up and defeating a great evil – and about a character who defies many conventional narratives on his own – that of status defining how skilled you could be, that for a golden core being necessary for cultivation and other paths being unavailable, that of a tragic but complete story of someone killed for staying true to their moral code (instead, that character returns to life and has a happy ending) – to have its own narrative play a role in such an important and interesting way.
(Or, if an image would be preferable:)
Thank you for reading!
(Part One | Part Two | Full version on AO3)
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*This strong relation to the present day circumstances is another reason I love the flashback placement so much (and why I think it’s such a loss both screen adaptions altered it so strongly)!
#get ready for tag thoughts because there are a LOT of them#it’s for THIS reason that fanon wwx bothers me so much (didn’t want to get negative on the acual post)#bc so often all the changes are changes that woobify him!#self-sacrificial idiot wwx?? only doing things because… poor him he has so many internal issues and values himself so little-#-so of course he’d sacrifice everything before thinking of another option? woobifying#(whenever he sacrifices something it’s a deliberate choice to act on his morals because he values his morals so much – and he’s also very-#-capable and DOES often find ways for no people to get hurt!)#wasn’t aware that what happened to him at lotus pier was wrong and needs lwj to tell him that for him to have any idea if it?#woobifying (as we see in the lotus seed pod extra he KNOWS it’s unfair)#(he downplays it retroactively in his memory (links into not focusing on the bad things in his life))#(but that’s the actions themselves that are being downplayed not their fairness!)#he chooses to act! he is defined by acting! not tragedy – all the more impressive in the face of the amount of tragedy that’s happened#he could SO EASILY have been a woobie but instead he’s the opposite of one: defined BY his agency instead of the absence of it#that doesn’t mean he’s not impacted by tragedy or trauma – he is! but it’s not the most important aspect of his character (bc he doesn’t le#it’s also something that bothers me about the changes cql made#by making qq path and nightless city the fault of someone else it means he IS someone who’s more a victim of circumstance than anything els#he had no control over the tragedies of his first life at all#apart from ig his death being controlled by him? because he just leaps off the cliff during the nightless city siege?? but in THAT case it’#i watched that part recently (i’m getting through it very slowly) and yeah it reaffirmed my love for this aspect of the book even more#despite. having these exact thoughts for two years already#he also dwells on the past events a lot more than book wwx which adds to that version of him BEING defined more by tragedy rather than who#anyway over 7.3k words total (and 400 more in the tags apparently)... it'll be posted to ao3 in its completion this evening!#mdzs meta#my meta#wei wuxian#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#魔道祖师#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#gdc
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DSMP fanfic writers please do not let being “in character” consume your thoughts it destroys your writing TRUST ME
#I was looking back on old fics awhile ago#And as I was I realized that my old SBI fic that was like 3k words 2 chapters and made in like a few days was ten times better than any of-#-my work now#Like it was decently in character and the plot wasn’t bad#And I realized that the reason it was MUCH BETTER than my new fics is bcus I didn’t gaf at the time#I didn’t worry about in character and just wrote what I thought was good#Compared to now I barely write that much and a lot of my new fics r filled with me worrying about in character and memeheme#Long story short don’t do that#I mean worry a bit but like don’t over worry have fun#rambling#dsmp#dream smp
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Okay I’m going to say it, some of y’all treat the KOTLC tag like it’s a tumblr community instead of an organization system that gathers together everything people post and tag as KOTLC
#unless something has absolutely nothing to do with kotlc#no one is in their right to tell you to not tag something at kotlc. just so you know.#you can’t clog up a tag. that’s not a THING#no one talks about this in bigger fandoms. we only have this problem bc it’s a small fandom and people are used to going to the tag#to find the content they want#and if they aren’t finding the content they want too bad so sad.#like I’m not saying you can just tag whatever as kotlc#but if it’s about kotlc in any way. you are well within your right to tag it as such.#Im ALL FOR properly tagging. like don’t improperly tag. that’s just mean#and that DOES interrupt tags :/#but there’s no way for you to post too much about any one topic#the kotlc tag is NOT a curated space. it’s not a place of all these assorted kotlc posts in similar formats#it’s a space for everything tagged as kotlc#so unless you look at the post and are like ‘this doesn’t even mention kotlc or any of its characters???’#you can scroll along your merry way!#kotlc#it’s something that’s come up in both the right and wrong contexts#during tam cam people told ppl talking about just the identity stuff to keep it out of the kotlc tag and that was CORRECT bc that wasn’t#about kotlc. but also during tam cam people put in my ask box that there were too many tam cam meme posts and that they were clogging up#the tag. to which I say A) I was only making like a quarter of those and B) those have to do with kotlc so you can suck it up! in the end I#didn’t respond. but yeah. i get that there’s a time and place for us to be like hey that doesn’t belong here#but whether or not something belongs in the tag has NOTHING to do with how much you want to see it or how many posts are being made about it#thank you and have a nice day. and if you want a curated space of similarly formatted kotlc posts you should make a community#Ik our tag often functions like one bc we are a small fandom. but we are NOT entitled to that.
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i don’t talk about bridgerton on here but just to clarify. i will not be having ANY eloise hate on this account. i will bite.
#eloise bridgerton they could never make me hate you!!#addressing the normal talking points one by one to get them sorted:#- no i don’t care that eloise called pen some names after the discovery. she was devastated and furious.#she can apologise in the future but in the moment of course she said it#- yes pen did write about eloise as a way to save her but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t possibly ruined eloise’s life#- similarly: eloise isn’t (just) angry that she was written about. daphne also went through whistledown and it very much terrified her#so have many other women including marina#- eloise is betrayed because she told pen everything and is realising pen told her nothing#(and she’s probably thinking about any secrets she might have said to her best friend that could now be used against the ton and her family)#- as claudio said: being regency gossip girl isnt a moral girlboss thing its deeply harmful tbh#- pen did have reasons to become whistledown! that doesn’t mean that she’s innocent or right!#- eloise isnt now friends with cressida to spite pen lmao she’s alone and scared and cressida was the last person who offered her friendship#she has no idea how to manage society by herself#(and she needs someone to improve the reputation of her and her family)#- im also convinced she has other ulterior motives for befriending cressida. like she’s keeping an eye on her or smth#- eloise didn’t just ignore anything pen said and that’s why she only just figured it out. pen deliberately didn’t speak like lw to hide it#the moment she did eloise was like huh that’s weird she doesn’t normally talk like that. and THATS when she figured it out#- eloise just found out her best friend has betrayed her and been hiding this massive secret#but she hasn’t told anyone. not even her own family. im not hearing out any accusations of HER of being disloyal#- also pen clearly wasn’t that upset at writing about eloise bc the moment eloise and colin upset her she went straight back to it lmao#side note but no i don’t think the queen is going to name her the ‘emerald’ or anything because she’s suddenly in the spotlight#eloise is tbh the only debutante she actually consistently recognised (for good or bad)#a new dress is not going to be interesting for charlotte to change her whole tradition#tl;dr i love eloise and i will die on this hill#eloise bridgerton#bridgerton
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Not going to lie, I think the worst thing you can do to your narrative is build up to something and then not deliver it. It just devalues the rest of your story and leaves people going, “Then what was even the point of introducing this???”
#we created a world where a spell maintains the status quo#and not only does that spell actively harm some the oppressed residents of this world#it also is powered of the life force of living beings#veilguard critical#if you’re going to introduce prophecies and ancient beings having centuries-long machinations in the background#only to at the end go ‘oooop no’ we didn’t actually mean any of that#and expect people to go ‘oh yeah no we totally get it!’#and not ‘wait what??’#you’re going to have to work much harder than Veilguard did to create a satisfying narrative to fill in the reasons why those things#did not come to pass#and definitely better than ‘oh actually this ancient being asking for a reckoning to shake the very heavens#wasn’t actually asking for a reckoning to shake the very heavens’#in fact she wanted the complete opposite#and doesn’t want to preserve the old ways#lol our bad#the chant of light?#i don’t know her#Sandal? who?#BioWare was like#and the narrative ends up being “this is a good thing actually” this is how the world should be#even though the three previous games were all leading narratively to a—perhaps cataclysmic—change#but a change that the narrative warranted#because you know#the prophecies#and the narrative threads#god this game was so unsatisfying in that regard#and many others but this is not the post for that
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hello!
would you like to go off on more port mafia HCs?
anything you want, just have fun and #no pressure ask btw :)
All of the higher-ups in the mafia have body doubles
There’s this one part of Stormbringer where iirc Hirotsu acts as a body double for Mori— who’s idea was that. Do they not have an actual assigned person who actually looks like Mori who’s professionally trained in being a body double? Why was the head of the black lizard called in to pretend to be Mori?
Anyway yeah let’s just forget about that part of sb and collectively agree that the mafia is a professional, well-run organization, and it has professionally trained body doubles for anyone important.
#They’d work in the infiltration and espionage building#That one part of sb always annoyed me#What do you mean the pm is so poorly run that you don’t even have a professional body double for your boss??#Mori. C’mon. I believe in you. You cannot call in the head of your combat unit (who looks nothing like you) to be your body double#Very unprofessional I don’t approve.#Also side headcanon but wouldn’t it be funny if Dazai’s double was just. A normal guy.#Like the most normal guy ever. Who happens to look a lot like dazai#Girls confront him in the streets crying about him ghosting them#And he’s like “that wasn’t me I’m so sorry but that wasn’t me 😭”#Idk Dazai in general is just such a normal-looking guy (compared to the other bsd characters)#I feel bad for any tall guy with average length dark hair who happens to live in Yokohama#Pm Headcanon Series#Anti dazai asks
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I do think people love to hate on Madeline Miller just bc it’s cool (???) and bc they hate that she happened to inspire the wave of myth “rewrites” that came after tsoa but then it’s like. Her prose and her understanding of the mythos are not bad actually. Like she has an understanding of the context of the period. And she’s just doing her own thing with it. And it’s well-written enough. And it’s like. Literally fine. Like it’s fine.
#like yeah I didn’t love how she did briseis in tsoa. but then again it’s the song of Achilles.#and Circe is like. at least rooted in an understanding of the mythology and doesn’t try to make its heroine into some kind of modern#girlboss#saw somebody complain that Circe doesn’t Like Women Enough and it’s bad that the women don’t all. team up and help each other??#which feels. insane. when the whole point. is how the women around Circe. are themselves acting to uphold the patriarchy.#also Circe wasn’t ever even like?? marketed as a ‘feminist retelling’ or w/e???#I mean gender is a factor ofc but MUCH moreso it’s about Circe being torn between divinity and humanity#and how the gods are. in many ways. monstrous#it really does feel like ppl will literally throw a dart at wall just to find something to criticize miller for#like you certainly don’t Have to like her books but half the complaints I see never even make any fucking sense#anyway!
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Falling In Reverse is the new Panic! At The Disco
#hey dude where the rest of your band go#honestly I wasn’t listening to any new FIR for uh. obvious reasons.#but I heard a snippet of Popular Moster and I was like that doesn’t sound bad#and I gotta say for what it is it’s good#I mean I kind of feel the way about P!ATD too#for what it was (generic pop hits) it was good#like for what this is it’s good
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It came to my attention that I’d archived a bunch of chats on WhatsApp because I thought archiving meant deleting old messages to save memory and assumed that if a new message came in I’d get a notification and see it!
NOPE! That’s not what happens
And I went into my archived chats and I had a message from my (cishet Christian) aunt from early December asking me if I could donate any items for an art exhibition her university is doing for queer history month (which is February)
I did not see this message.
So she didn’t get a response.
She then sent me another message worried that she had offended me, apologising, and saying that she wants to be a good supportive aunt and asking if there’s anyway she can do that.
I did not see this message.
So she didn’t get a response.
She then sent me another message saying she was upset she didn’t get to see me round Christmas and hopes I’m well. (She visited the family but I had to work that day)
Again. Did not see it
Did not respond
…
I’m so devastated! I want to help her with this queer art exhibition but it’s probably too late now. And this poor woman was trying to reach out to me in a loving manner, accepting me as a queer trans person (the whole family is very religious so it was a little bit rocky to begin with but this particular aunt has always been lovely) and from her point of view I just ignored her! For over a month! Just said nothing. And she was worrying that she’d offended me by asking to be involved in art!! I love art! I always wanna be involved in art!
Ive just sent her a bunch of messages apologising and suggesting things I can donate if it’s not too late but she hasn’t responded yet (she’s probably asleep cos it’s quite late) and I’m stressing cos I’ve probably ruined her chance to be involved in this exhibition because I’m a fool who doesn’t know how WhatsApp works 😭
I need to sleep but I’m so upset about this situation I can’t. I just want her to message me back like:
“oh don’t worry! It’s not too late! I can create a work of art in 3 days and the exhibition still has lots of space and is taking pieces literally the day before it opens! It’s all good!”
*Edit*
Update!
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Oh thank funk.
#this is one of those: just needed to vent to myself posts#not expecting any grand insight or anything#I know it was an accident so I shouldn’t feel too bad. but I feel so guilty#like how many people can say that their 50 yr old religious aunt Karen wants to collaborate on an art piece to celebrate you being trans?#that’s awesome! I love her for that!#and I just- ghosted her#by accident#but still#she thought she’d upset me! 😭 and then I was out when she came over to see the rest of the family!!#I hope she didn’t think I was avoiding her#why am I just an old man when it comes to technology 😭#…#gosh dang it! why won’t my aunt respond to my messages at 11:48pm?! how dare she not make me feel after I ignored her for months#I really really hope it’s not to late for her to contribute. I mean#it will. February is like.. tomorrow#but I’ll feel so much better if she can get something together#ugh. I have to sleep. I hope she responds early tomorrow so I’m not stressing about it all day#I just need her to know it was an accident 😭#….#it’s possible I’m overthinking this#right. sleep.#update: it’s good. she was upset but immediately thought it was funny that I’m just bad at tech and said she was very happy to hear from me#I’m gonna give all my empty T containers and my medical binder from when I had top surgery#she’s very excited to have them#so so pleased it wasn’t too late and she knows it was an accident#massive sigh of relief
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sorry i’m so fucking normal about hivemind!decem being basically confirmed with the latest installment. do you ever think about how legundo’s greatest want in this prison is a friend. do you ever think about how the one request that he ever made of decem was that he not be alone next time. do you ever think about the noble saying she worries about him forgetting himself and the fact that he collects the “unique” (pink sheep) to try and have a friend in these worlds because it’s all he’s got. do you think about the noble saying she could make him thousands of his most desired companions. do you think about the fact that they want their brother back. cause i do. i sure do.
#space rambles#100 days multiverse#i wasn’t gonna maintag this cause it’s embarrassing rambles but. whatever. i want to.#cringe is dead we’re all minecraft fans#plus like half of the 100 days fandom is following me already so.#like i cannot stress how much i do not like decem. i cannot stress that enough#i think they’re shitbags#HOWEVER#i sympathize with legundo and as a side effect i sympathize with his terrible sibling hivemind#doesn’t mean i like them or think they’re the ‘good guys’ in any way#i just think they tell us the things they do because they KNOW it makes them sound sympathetic#but there is So Much they aren’t telling us#and that really only the warrior scientist+philosopher have given us hints of#philosopher because she seems to genuinely think One Big Hivemind is a good thing and we’re just brainwashed for not agreeing#warrior+scientist because they also seem to think it’s a good thing and because they kinda give no shits about doing bad things from what i#can tell lol. scientist will do unethical experiments to their heart’s content and warrior will destroy entire realities for fun. yknow#this got off topic#point is. fuck decem fuck one big hivemind#but i will admit your pleas for sympathy worked their magic on me
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the way digimon does conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: chef’s kiss <3
the way sonic idw handles creating conflict/drama between two characters who should be or are close: *wilting flower*
#keyword: adding#in digimon conflicts come about as a result of independent viewpoint differences#ie takuya vs kouji. taichi vs yamato#or (since i just watched 02:the beginning) lui and ukkomon’s conflict is SO GOOD#it BUILDS to something. lui and ukkomon’s disagreement builds up to: they need to communicate. they both come from a good-faith angle#ukkomon so desperately wanted to make lui happy and failed to look closer to see what WOULD - and lui didn’t know how to express#what he actually wanted to ukkomon. or try to reach out to ukkomon in turn instead of basking in his life finally going ‘right’#but then not as much in idw gives me that good feeling of ‘ahhh they built to this and it is so nice’#or when conflict is created it isn’t because despite best efforts people clash and have to work together#it’s when someone does a stupid and someone else has to pick it up#it means a lot when you see kouji driven to press takuya to the wall and see them shout at each other#because they both have to realize that with words they will never convince the other of their viewpoint.#even though they both think the way the other looks at things will get the group killed#and of course it makes sense that the group would follow takuya. he’s their heart. their core#takuya’s the reason tomoki stayed in the digital world and junpei and izumi find confidence being there because he’s there rallying them#and in this case that good trait winds up being wrong. he gets everyone captured by the enemy and thinks theyre all better off if he wasn’t#part of the group from the start. but THAT isn’t true either - he just needs a BALANCE of his excellent helpful determination and willpower#and seeing things as they are and not as he believes them to be - more like kouji#he WAS wrong but not for HAVING the traits he had - for leaning too much on them#or (also going to a media im currently engaging in) sundered star. things go bad between people a LOT but it’s not frustrating.#it’s SATISFYING/ENGAGING seeing feferi leave eridan and watching eridan go insane and give in to the horrorterrors. of course it couldnt-#-go any other way for them. eridan wouldnt change until he realized he could lose feferi and feferi wouldnt bring him any real consequences#-to make him consider that until she was leaving and would never come back. and it was never her fault that leaving eridan lead to-#-catastrophe and devastation. it just happened as a consequence anyway#anyways i guess. if i see the characters do their best and things still fall apart it’s better than#seeing an idiot plot or characters written to be worse than they were to make conflict happen#with takuya he wasn’t suddenly bad or misjudging everything. he just didnt have to deal with negative consequences for misjudging before-#-because they hadnt met someone like duskmon that they COULDNT eventually beat before. even gigasmon who wrecked them all at first-#-was beaten once they had beast spirits and were on equal footing. so takuya assumes the same for duskmon without realizing that#they arent on the same level. so the issue didnt come from nowhere - it just comes to a head now
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I was idly playing with the ends of my hair this evening and remembered the one and a half times I had done that in front of my parents when I was younger and how I had ended up getting yelled at (or at least harangued for fidgeting or) doing something so innocuous
It was electric, once I recalled that, I enjoyed* a flood of emotions and immediately put my hands back down at my sides
#*using the term ‘enjoyed’ is phrasing things diplomatically#like. I’m not sure what standards my parents were trying to get me to adhere to because a lot of times when I thought I was doing well#I was clearly being awful and bad and wrong even though I wasn’t aware that I’d been any sort of improper#idk it would have just been nice to be able to cry in front of my parents and be comforted for being so distraught#so it makes sense why if I were subject to some sort of rigid discipline etc. then I could finally fucking relax#at least in that venue…arena… there’d be some kind of rigid standards#you’d think my engineering professor father would be consistent in anything. HAH#we’re getting into it this evening#the fucking credentials both my parents have mean I should have been a stellar example of…something#and what their efforts (or lack thereof or dismissing the rare time I tried to express my emotions) yielded#was me#forthright even if it’s not tactful and someone with an actual spine and and also alcoholism 😙#personal#rant in tags
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someone really should be talking about how difficult it is to plan a wedding - a gay wedding - when both of your families fucking suck
#who is talking about this!!!! let me know#idk i have 0 expectations for my family but they still somehow always manage to let me down which#i was anticipating#and i didn’t think i would care because i have never cared before#but liiiiiike.#i wasn’t expecting to feel sad rofl but my family is so fucking flaky. again i KNOW THIS i know i cannot rely on any of them#it’s annoying when i have given them a year and a half to make plans and i have had so many people tell me they would be there#just to back out or ghost or come up with some excuse#like do you know how expensive weddings are 😭 JUST fucking be honest with me and rsvp no#anyway i was very intentional with the few family members i did invite#and specifically invited people i have a rapport with / had a good (ish lol) relationship with growing up#people i have bent over backwards trying to please!!! and dropping everything to help them out#and they can’t even be bothered to communicate with me lol it’s fine. like. i do feel like it’s internalized homophobia at this point#or maybe they have hated me this entire time which is totally plausible#but they KNOW how much ayesha means to me and knows that no one from her family is coming to our wedding#at the end of the day it’s going to be like. 5 people from my family 1 from ayesha’s (her brother) and like 30-40 friends#which i am so grateful for obviously#i sound like such a brat but it’s also like - watching your family continuously choose drugs/alcohol over showing up for you - lol#AGAIN i’m used to this and expected as much but i’m still feeling bad#just rsvp so i can move on with my life please. stop telling me you’re trying to make it work when we both know you aren’t#i have so much more to say but i’m going to sound crazy even though i knooooow it is homophobia like i Know it#i think there are certain people i will finally go no contact with for good after this#which is a freeing thought but i only invited v few family members to begin with. there’s abt to be no one left lmao#probably for the best#ugh whatever#again i can’t help but feel a certain way when they have done more/traveled further for relatives they hardly know#meanwhile i was forced to spend so much of my life living for these people and for them alone#AAAAAAAA i just want to scream#text
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started mia and me season 2 and im not rlly impressed so far. i am only on episode 3 so maybe it gets better soon?
i promise its not just abt the fact that the voice actors are different although i am disappointed bc i feel like their voices from before fit them rlly well (esp yukos) but i get that these things happen sometimes
but like idk a lot of the dialogue just feels so stilted and flat? and like don’t get me wrong the 1st season def had some awkward moments and cheesy lines but it’s just so much worse now, and probs more noticeable bc a lot of the line delivery has like barely any emotion
and another thing that bugs me is that the voices just feel out of place? i can’t put my finger on what it is exactly, like maybe the balance of the audio is off or something? but any time the characters speak it just sounds like it doesn’t fit with the rest of the audio
also there’s definitely parts where the dubbed audio just doesn’t fit with the mouth movements of the characters which also throws me off
i have issues with some other stuff but i’ll make a separate post for that
#trying not to be a downer but i’m a bit disappointed#the first season wasn’t perfect by any means but it was def better than this#i miss yukos old voice so bad actually tho#and one of gargonas lines was just so egregiously bad#like her face was moving and expressive and then the line delivery was so flat#like go girl give us nothing!#mia and me#mia and me season 2#posts from the ocean#rant post
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wanna try to stay up for at least 9 hrs today but it’s only been ~6 and im Struggling
#i’ve been second guessing if it’s my thyroid because my levels weren’t super bad at my last test#but they were still higher than the previous one so i’ve been assuming that’s it#but today i suddenly got shaky and RAVENOUS in a way that only my thyroid makes me. so#also didn’t play any dav yesterday and really want to today. im just uh. waiting until i have the energy for it.#which is also what i was doing yesterday.#like come ooooooon i already had to deal with this for a few months earlier this year. it’s usually at least a year before it happens again#this means i wasn’t treating it aggressively enough#the issue is that i should talk to my dr before increasing my meds again but that involves too many steps#don’t have the energy to see my dr.#i should just increase them anyway it doesn’t matter. better than doing nothing because i can’t do anything else#personal
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