#god this game was so unsatisfying in that regard

[supernova2395]

Not going to lie, I think the worst thing you can do to your narrative is build up to something and then not deliver it. It just devalues the rest of your story and leaves people going, “Then what was even the point of introducing this???”

[sir-adamus]

One thing I love about RWBY is how it manages to thread that needle of, "That's a person" & "They have a reason for being this fucked up" without forgetting or failing to convey, "Doesn't mean they aren't still being bastard!"

See Adam, Ironwood, Salem, Mercury, hell even Jac got some of that treatment, as much as his narrative role needed and more than someone like him would usually be given.

In that regard though, it does always leave me vexed and confounded that people act like the Brothers will be some big exception. As though their issue is just that they are a little confused and don't understand some things, but once its explained and or they go home, it'll all be chill.

Like, sorry but if the woman they tortured for potentially millions of years still gets the "She's still being a bastard" treatment I cannot envision why the Brothers genocide would avoid being framed or treated as such.

yeah it's kind of weird how people have a blindspot for the gods being petty, arrogant assholes in the backstory; like it's been a weirdly common trend to see people making posts claiming it's fine for the gods to be assholes because they're gods (and therefore shouldn't be held to any kind of moral standard whatsoever), or thinking that post-volume 9, now the goal of the show is RWBY reuniting the relics to summon the gods because "the world is united" and the gods will deal with Salem.

like, the terms of Salem's immortality are made very clear, and these jackasses aren't gonna rescind on their punishment of her (which i need to point out was immensely disproportionate even before the mass genocide. "you need to learn a lesson, so now you can't die until you do" is fucked up) just because everyone else is on the same side.

and on top of that, the gods returning only means hanging a Sword of Damocles over humanity's head, because if they don't stay united, then it's just gonna lead to another disproportionate tantrum and Remnant getting the full scorched earth treatment. not to mention the gods dealing with Salem would ultimately prove her right and be immensely unsatisfying narratively (it would literally be a deus ex machina)

RWBY borrows heavily from Final Fantasy and other JRPGs, and a major recurring element in those sorts of games is that defeating the present big bad in the narrative is never the end of the story, there's always a greater scope threat that's usually either your dad or god or both. coupled with how Light and Dark are heavily influenced by mythological gods and how those are often petty, short-sighted and abusive bastards who cause more problems than they solve, and we've recently been outright told that the Brothers have completely misunderstood what 'balance' is and how that's factored into their conflicts and decision making, and how that then filters down to their treatment of Salem, demanding she understand something they don't and expecting her to learn it through the punishment they inflicted on her only ended up causing more damage

Salem's defeat has to be factored into ending her curse, and the end of volume 9 makes heavy implication that it's RWBY, not the Brothers, who are going to achieve that. but even with Salem then out of the picture, the Brothers are still a threat, they still wiped out the population of an entire planet for childish reasons and routinely abandon their creations; someone else could go for the relics to try and summon them, so there's the potential damage they could do to Remnant again, and who knows what same horrors and punishments the Brothers are inflicting on the worlds they've gone on to make and abandon since?

[rabbit-surfboard]

Fictional podcast recs

One of my friends got into audio drama and I just sent them a whole list of recommendations to go through, I thought someone who follows these tags might also appreciate it and perhaps have some more to throw in. I resisted the urge to throw in the little blurb about audio dramas as a weird little medium and their tropes that I wrote up. It was something to the effect of nodding at how the medium has rapidly been improving since Welcome to Nightvale started, also how a lot of the tropes that tie the medium together are products of the indie podcast scene being accessible and primarily based in audio. Also at how well horror works in the format. Those paragraphs went unsaved but writing first about the medium in general helped me to reflect on a lot of the things that make audiodramas appealing or repulsive to me for discussing each show in brief beyond just explaining what they're about.

All recommendations are tagged for the tldr.

Fiction podcast recommendations in no particular order:

The Magnus Archives

Horror

The biggest criticism I ever had of this podcast’s voice acting from episode 1 turned out to be a relevant plot point. This thing is probably the best of the best, but I would never recommend it to someone unfamiliar with podcasts because the listener only notices a plot hook somewhere between episodes 20-40 and that’s daunting in the face of a 200 episode show. Getting sucked in rewards you with 200 episodes of thoughtful content and a great explanation for most of the weird things this show chooses to incorporate.

Old Gods of Appalachia

Horror

Fantastic production quality on this ongoing show. Many seasons with interconnected lore and a hell of a narrator. It’s not my personal favorite but it’s quite excellent.

Red Valley

Found footage mystery

One of the newer shows I’ve gotten into, Red Valley is well-crafted. It becomes compelling very quickly with a rapid pace that slows down to land in a neat spot for a while so you can savor the cool parts. The production quality is excellent and the two main voice actors have excellent chemistry. The third and final season is currently being produced.

The Silt Verses

Horror

Often compared to American Gods, this newer podcast made by an experienced team is doing a lot of creative and fresh things at once. The magnificently fucked up religious system of The Silt Verses is both a neat plot vehicle and cleanly works as a criticism of late stage capitalism, where many podcasts like to jab at capitalism this one is much more pointed in its commentary. Episodes are long and very well produced. All the credits in the third season have been mostly diegetic and add flavor to the world.

Archive 81

Found footage horror

Slow to start but by season 2 the production quality and plot are among the best in the game. Unfortunately, on an extended hiatus.

Ars Paradoxica

Science fiction, historical

Very well produced considering its age, this is a highly regarded show among people who follow the medium. Excellent time travel mechanics here. The plot drags a bit by the end because time travel stories must violently contort themselves into a conclusion, but the first season or two are fantastic and it’s always nice to have an ending instead of interminable hiatus.

Caravan

Gay demons n stuff

Showed up, did magic and gay shit, disappeared and went on hiatus probably with some kinda unsatisfying cliffhanger seeing as I don’t remember the plot. Could I recommend it in good faith? Not until they at least cough up season 2. I don’t remember it being bad and that alone is notable for the medium.

Mabel

Gothic horror

This is the deepest cut on the list except for maybe Caravan. Lesbians pine at each other for increasingly complicated reasons, eventually devolving into them doing datura and then spewing cryptic poetry together for the rest of their days. The production quality is fair. The slow windup and creepy house are American-gothic af. This show has had a few hiatuses, but each time it comes back significantly more intriguing.

Welcome to Nightvale

Goofy spooky news broadcast

Old and iconic, not very consistent. Sometimes explores emotional, tense, spooky, or funny scenes well, but the show is really focused on being local news for an ooky spooky desert town because Cecil is damn good at his job. Don’t come here looking for plot, it’s a fun vibe and I don’t know that anybody’s ripped it off and notably improved on this classic. Above average production quality for its time which improved through the years.

Alice isn’t Dead

USA road trip, horror

Made by at least one of the Nightvale writers, totally different show with a lesbian trucker making wry observations of some magnificently twisted shit seen around the United States. The producers know how to run a show, so the production is pretty good.

Tanis

Found footage horror

Tanis is not good. However, it was the first fiction podcast to make me ask “Is this real?” and hesitantly believe it for a frankly embarrassing number of episodes. The stories in the first season were interesting and the lore is just some big-tent conspiracy style of cramming a bunch of fun Wikipedia research into what turns out to be an increasingly nonsensical plot. Every season after the second, I return to hate-listen and am gaslit into thinking the show might low-key rock a few episodes before the finale, which is routinely frustrating and makes sure to throw out any good plot points Terry Miles comes up with. The acting is routinely terrible, and the frame narrative allows lazy and frequent retcons, ruining what I think is a good premise. Also it’s incomplete.

The Black Tapes

Horror

Terry Miles started this show before Tanis began releasing about 5 months later. I think of it as one of his earlier works because it behaves like Tanis with an added layer of cringe from a time waster of an awkward romance(?) between the two main characters. I couldn’t finish this show. You won’t see this recommended as often as it used to be online because there’s many better shows now, but this used to be a big deal. There’s a bunch of memes making fun of the annoying cadence of the characters’ speech and iconic sponsorship reads in both this and Tanis. If you’re interested in some cringe atop your creepypasta podcast, the two are interchangeable.  

Rabbits

ARG investigation

Not as horror focused as Terry Miles’ other shows, the cringe is dialed down and the show is better for it. Tanis and The Black Tapes are more well known, I think the only reason more people don’t think about this one is because the first two don’t inspire trust in the production or narrative quality of this show, but I remember it being fine for a season. I have not gone back to catch up now that more is out.

Malevolent

Horror

Inspired by The King in Yellow, one man performs two voices and verbally abuses himself with aplomb. Having a blind main character with an extra voice in his head is a frame story I haven’t heard yet (unless it came up in the magnus archives and I don’t remember), the concept works out great for the frame of a podcast to deploy the environmental imagery that foley cannot communicate. It also prevents the podcast trope of lengthy exposition about visual surroundings from sounding awkward or potentially impacting someone’s character development to show setting.

Wolf 359

Comedy, science fiction

A crew of whacky characters is stuck in deep space, hanging out and researching a star. Since that’s not actually very interesting they crack jokes and fuck around for a slow burn until interesting stuff happens. Good but not great, this one is long and satisfying and a bit less heavy than all the horror this medium often focuses on. Decent production quality.

The White Vault

Found footage horror

I lost patience with this podcast even though the overarching story seemed very cool – it progresses very slowly yet appears to grow bigger and more confusing instead of deigning to answer basic questions for a frustratingly long drag through the first four seasons. I worry that this frustration may be the point and the Patreon gated stories are the drivers for this tendency towards the confusing patchwork of ideas this show communicates. The production quality is good though.

The Left Right Game

Found footage horror

Genuinely great reddit creepypasta got turned into an overproduced podcast – I say “over” in comparison to the voice acting quality because it’s kind of impossible to sell some of the lines, which makes sense considering the source. Brief, complete, punchy, interesting, and just a little odd to hear such a clean production but a creepypasta this fun deserves the effort.

Wooden Overcoats

Comedy

Surprisingly good production quality for its age, and also a refresher from the usual tropes of the medium. Just a chill sitcom about a funeral parlor in a small town. I haven’t finished this 4 season show yet but its good.

The Black List Table Reads

Movie script readings

Some movie scripts just short of making the cut to be turned into a full Hollywood production were well liked enough by a group of film nerds that sat down to act them out as a podcast. Half of the episodes are interviews with screenwriters, and the other half see a script read all the way through by actors. They’re all rejected for different reasons so there’s a pretty broad spread of genres. My favorites were Blood From a Stone and Balls Out.

[falmerbrook]

now I wanna know about Vivec and Sotha Sil too hehe

Vivec

First impression

Pretentious esoteric lore antagonist (his fandom portrayal made me assume I wouldn't care for him)

Impression now

I don't understand him fully but that's part of the appeal. He's almost like a real person in that regard. Most people don't get him either (and even less) but that's ok to me. My own interpretation is definitely not based very solidly on canon but he's invaded every crevice of my brain so I don't fight it. My beloved meow meow

Favorite moment

The conversation the Nerevarine has with him in Morrowind. I interpret the whole thing as the most honest he's ever been with the player (not fully honest, but more honest than we've otherwise ever seen) and I think it gives us the most clear picture into his character in a way that is really obscured (purposefully) in the 36 Lessons and his ESO appearance. I came to love him from his Morrowind dialogue so I'm just partial to it.

Idea for a story

I would love to see Nerevar and Vivec hijinks before Nerevar became king (sorry I'm tired so not that detailed).

Unpopular opinion

Now here's a character where I have a lot of them but the biggest are 1) I think folks lean way too much into the crazy weird metaphor stuff (and/or interpret his weird metaphor stuff too literally) when his actual in-game portrayal show us that he's actually pretty conversational and "normal" and 2) I personally headcanon that he died before Baar Dau fell rather than still being out there somewhere.

Favorite relationship

Obviously his relationship with Nerevar is one of my favorite to ponder on in the while series, but also his relationship with Almalexia and Sil as a trio. I wish we got some Tribunal interactions in general but I think unfortunately that opportunity is behind us now.

Favorite headcanon

Where do I even begin. The line between interpretation and headcanon can get blurry with him. To keep it brief (and I guess this isn't a "favorite" either but whatever) in terms of his identity as a mortal I picture him as intersex (but afab, determined by the folks around him as a child) a bigender (not that he would necessarily put a label on it however), dealing with dysphoria for most of his life and always feeling a little unsatisfied with himself over this issues with gender. Whatever he has going on as a god is way too complex to put a label on.

Sotha Sil

First impression

His Morrowind appearance inspired absolutely 0 impression on me other than "wow this is fucked up" so I got my first impression from the fandom: The woobified one. He seemed to get more attention (like, genuine interest, not meme attention) than Almalexia and Vivec so being a little contrarian a liked him a lot less.

Impression now

I want to study him under a microscope. Definitely one of the most interesting and emotionall engaging characters in the series and while Vivec is still my favorite, I get the hype. Although, also like VIvec, I am more interested in his character and how he got to where he is as a person than his philosophy or connection to the metaphysical world or whatever.

Favorite moment

Despite how much attention his character gets in ESO, I'm now realizing we don't actually see that much of him. I'd probably say the conversation we have with him at the end of the Clockwork City main quest.

Idea for a story

It's late at night and I'm too tired for this one rn sorry!

Unpopular opinion

Idk if this is actually unpopular but it is underrated imo. I like that the Clockwork City DLC portrays him as kinda fucked up in the way he rules. It's like a dystopian utopia. I'm glad that he also gets to be a little corrupt and fucked up like Almalexia and Vivec. All three of them screwed up in the way they ruled at some point, but all three of them also genuinely cared and tried at some point also.

Favorite relationship

I'm most intrigued by his relationship with Vivec+Almalexia and Nerevar. None of them are developed like, at all, but i want to know more and think about it a lot!

Favorite headcanon

He lost one of his arms in the attack on Ald Sotha, and throughout his mortal life continually built and refined prosthetics that started out very basic and over time got better and better.

[gear-project]

. . .

I still struggle with my attachment to some fighting games these days.

Living alone means that I don’t often have the opportunity to play others except online, and most often the online community is several leagues more skilled than I am at the games.

I recently spent several hours training by myself and sparring against the A.I. in Guilty Gear Strive. In a lot of ways, facing off against an unreasonable enemy has frustrated me a great deal.

Constant throw breaks, always using Tension to get out of close range, always harassing from a distance, always blocking perfectly, and always doing unreadable mixups and random attack patterns.

As you might imagine, facing a normal human being after that experience might seem like a relief, but unfortunately that is not always the case. I’ve fought players who will show even less mercy, and the only relief I get from the stress is just barely taking a round from their rampage.

Most often though, my biggest struggle is finding friends who are willing to stick with me for long sessions, even if only to vent my pent up energy. Random players tend to walk away almost immediately in the lobbies, and that leaves an unsatisfying aftertaste.

Furthermore it’s also hard to find players who consistently play certain modes of games, such as Co Ops in Granblue or Team of 3 in Strive.

So in that regard it is difficult to even maintain interest in fighting games, especially games with the bare minimum of offline content or single player features.

It’s why I find myself gravitating towards older games more and more these days.

If it was possible, I’d make a game that solves all the problems that leave a bland taste in modern games and create something that breaks all the conventional rules put in place.

I never really thought I’d say such about a game like Guilty Gear, but in many ways Strive feels like the Antithesis of what games like Accent Core and The Missing Link stood for: the freedom of chaos.

In its current form, while still playable, still entertaining on a basic level, there is so much that Strive is missing: character quotes and dice tossing from Xrd lobbies, soccer balls, Medals of Millionaires, EX Mode, Generations Mode, Color Editor, minigames and quizzes from Revelator, gauntlet runs, Gold Arcade mode, Handicap Settings, Extra Menu… and the list goes on.

So much of it feels incomplete, and yet I still hold out hope that one day things will be better, but even that hope tends to wane as I get older. I’m not the 16 year old who passionately bragged about this game anymore.

Maybe I am just in a lull right now, or maybe I am just looking for something else to fill the void.

Lately it feels like I’ve been playing the same loop of games, with the expectation that time will pass and suddenly a game I want will come in to existence.

These days it feels too hard to have fun, there’s no sense of casual play, as if games insist things have to be a challenge.

Where’s the God Modes? The Cheat Codes? The feeling of being overpowered, like getting 100% of the map and getting infinite MP for your efforts in Bloodstained.

I don’t want games to hold my hand, but I don’t want constant strain, either.

Older games let you bend the rules, and it was just as fun with friends as by yourself.

So where did it all go? Is it stuck in the past?

Anyone who can answer these questions by making better games deserves a Game of the Year accolade.

[yanderefairyangel]

It's interesting seeing all these people saying they refused to pull, because of the lead. All the other avatars are also about the same in popularity so it makes sense they're balancing them out. yeah? And yes some prefer the other gender it's normal to have a preference but they are about equal and that's why they try to treat them as such Alear as far as I know if very equal I don't know who is more popular. The girl is slightly more popular (Byleth) or the boy is slightly more popular (Robin) but it's close right? But *Corrin*? Girl is ten times more popular than the male and they will lose money if they backpack her to the male version, far more than Alear would have cost them, that one I'm very curious on what they'll do tbh will they keep the balance or go for the $$$

Well yes, see Anon the Avatars are all bound to popularity like others characters Kiran being the sole exception because they dont really have a canon appearance outside of the hood

If we take Mark for example they got only 1 alt because 1) Mark isn't really popular 2) Mark was meant to be androgynous and thus gender ambigious so designing alts for them is... well near impossible not to mention the voice actor

This is Mark in official art btw

The best we have is a sprite in the game and the alt duo with kid Lyn which speaking of

Look who's in front despite not being the lead

But that alt aside Mark never got a proper appearance and possibly won't until a long time since Kid!Mark is easier to make appear androgynous than Adult!Mark (not that IS really seems to care in regards to Kiran but still)

Then we have Kris

Since Kris isn't really popular because 1) New Mystery only came out to Japan 2) a lot of people seems to have passionate hatred for them because they weren't in the og and their inclusion's execution is lukewarm

So as a result they have taken quite some time to come back, much like Robin and Corrin despite being customizable IS prefers to use their default appearance for anything alt related

As of now they have only 1 alt, M!Kris seems to be more popular than his female counterpart and I think it's notably because of his ship with Katarina since they often appear in official material together and it's the Plegian alt

So before Robin it seems that Avatar characters weren't really popular and I mean... a good chunk of the fandom hate them and would rather have an non avatar lord but the Japanese fanbase tends to like self insert characters so I guess IS ended up trying one last time with Robin, they saw it worked and iirc they decided to make more Avatars

Anyway so the Robins

Male characters in Awakening tended to be more popular if I recall

M!Robin was third most popular male character after Chrom and Owain and before Gaius, Lonq'u and Inigo

F!Robin on the other hand was second most popular female character after Lucina and before Tharja

So the result in popularity compared reveals that they are fairly of the same popularity that being said M!Robin is more popular than his female counterpart

Male Robin has a total of 7 alts counting his legendary and brave alt, 5 if we count the seasonal/fallen/bride banner

Female Robin has 7 alts however she... well is kinda being used more than her male counterpart to promote Grima as she has 3 alts (legendary, rearmed and halloween) in her fell form while he has 2 (fallen banner and halloween)

This ... has made fans of F Robin unsatisfied because despite having a balanced number we all view Grima has a separate entity from the Robin so if we take out the grima alts this means M Robin has 5 alt whereas F Robin has ...4... and 3 seasonal... and she lost her legendary alt to Grima

So the take away is that even when the number is balanced there can be weirdness like this

Now unto the Corrin.... Oh God

Corrin is a weird case because unlike Robin who seems to be equally liked in both westerns and eastern fandom, most people in the western side seems to hate Corrin while the Japanese fandom loves them

Regarding their popularity, F Corrin was 1st place of the popularity poll while M!Corrin was...5 place after Jakob and before Ryoma

Now compared to the Robin you can see the disparity between the two

And thus Male Corrin has 6 alt whereas F Corrin has 7 alt one including her brave alt, otherwise 6 and both have 5 seasonals

So that's fairly balanced despite the huge gap in comparisons right ? Well... thing is that while in some bases such as Adrift, Ninja and Harvest they are both released at the same time, in other cases F Corrin gets an alt first and her male counterpart has to wait for quite a moment to get one, such was the case for their legendary

There isn't any Grima to hickjack the numbers but this time it's the time period that is unbalanced

Now unto the Byleths

If I recall correctly Byleth was either 4th or 5th place for the popularity poll after the lords, both of them

On the western side tho F!Byleth seems more popular but it also seems to be true as well in the east

M!Byleth has 3 alts and F! Byleth has 4 however... one of them is her brave alt so this means they have 3 alts each

What gets a bit muddy is that M Byleth like M Robin has an additional appearance in duo alt (Sothis/Byleth halloween and Chrobin valentine art) whereas F Byleth is part of the duo with Male Byleth

Now unto the Shez

Hopes was... kinda a bad sell after 3H but people tend to like Shez and they are equally popular it seems

They both have the same number of alt however F!Shez got a new one and for quite some time she was the only one with a Legendary alt

That said they both got their summer alt at the same time which... is quite a surprise from IS as every female avatar got their first seasonal to be a summer alt whereas male was either winter or new year in the case of Corrin

As for the Alear, they are rather equally popular : both got 1st place in the popularity poll which is the most popular an avatar can get

F Alear seems more popular in the west and M Alear in the east

F!Alear released first, then we got no Engage banner until the Brodian banner where Male Alear released

Then they both got their legendary but F Alear got her first

and then their seasonal but again F Alear got her summer alt first so having Male Alear being the lead make it balance

Now thta's for FEH for the outside material we have figures and amiboo : the smash release were even, all male avatars were the main and their female form was the alt

In Warriors, Male Robin and F Corrin were the main, the female and male form were to be unlocked

The female avatars got a figure first but Male Byleth recently got one that i recall ?

And finally we have the drama cds so for Robin and Corrin at least there is balance there as well but Engage didn't got one yet

In the manga's case, F Corrin is the one to be featured for the fates manga however... the protagonist is Leo... aka the most popular male character of Fates

So yeah popularity is a huuuge factor however the Avatar are more or less balanced and in the case of the Alear there is no real debate of "unfairness" or anything like that

(sorry for the long answer)

[endstar]

Well... 💙doug kept trying to maul Malak, and the more he learned about what that mortal was capable of... the more scared he got. He feared for his own mortality...

💙Doug is in-between being god and mortal... he currently has no regards for anyone's safety, and would gladly maul you the second he has energy.

[As for the god...]

Here's the opinions of mama bear of HIS timeline.

"well... when he first started acting strange it was... unnerving, and saddening to say the least... he acted like a child, not getting his way... he often cried... i think that might have been part of his programming. It didn't help with the effect i was said to have on mortals... like with everyone, once attached he always begged for us to stay... to not leave... to not abandon him.... once he was out of character, he desperately tried stay away from my babies. I guess he didn't want any more children dying on his conscious.... although my babies would just come back perfectly fine, in the moment he understood grief to an extent.... he was created as a father, trying to be a better person, and found out that he didn't know his own daughter. I've quite literally always existed with my precious babies, so i don't have a clue on how that even felt to him...

i still see him in a sad light, although i pitty him more now. He was... a child. He was created as a grown man, yes. But once he got out of programming, he had no idea on how to exist. Many of us struggled, but he was the first and had about as much character as the murder monkeys, or the dread duckies, if not less... each of his alters were "born" during his desperation to have someone, anyone, love him... he turned to bierce, who he knew would betray him, and he turned to all of us... knowing that we were created to kill him.... he tried to act like us, pretend to be like us, only for us to be ripped away... his alters helped him quite a bit, but they all share his abandonment issues... they just react very differently to being left behind... i see them all like my own cubs. They desperately need me to... especially Theodore.... he's the youngest mentally, and sees me the most as a mother... to think that there were playthoughs where i.... hmm..."

- Aware mama bear

So... the God was created with a purpose. His whole life was a lie, and he kept falling into the void after his discovery...

[The God wants to play, he doesn't want to be alone again...]

Hope this gives you a good idea on what you're dealing with....

Nurses, if you run into either, do NOT treat them like you would the average Joe that walks in. Treat em with genuine kindness. These are basically kids with trust issues that can kill you in ways you don't wanna think of.

Lucky, be a good sport to em. Play nice. Win or lose a game with them, as long as your alive it's a win. Also, penny might be a good person to talk with them, as long as she doesn't squeeze the men too tight.

Mama bear... these two suffered in different ways. 💙Doug had an abusive mother, while the God has fake memories of having one... these two, like I've said with Malak, need genuine love.

Be careful you guys...

They all look really uncomfortable •

💙Reaper nurse: “well… as long as he isn’t an ass hole i’m all right with it…”

( I’m sorry for the very unsatisfying answer personally if this happened to me I wouldn’t say anything lol )

[dani-of-the-cosmos]

*how the signs are acting during quarantine*

~with a touch of unsolicited advice: my venus in cancer’s specialty~

<3 pick your sun, moon, rising, mars, mercury, venus, or dominant sign <3

aries

overall, restless. the day seems to drag on and on, and they cope with it by playing video games and snapchatting someone every 20 seconds. self-hatred lingers in the back of their mind, because of all the time they have to analyze themselves. at random times (usually at night), they may be hit with big waves of profound emotions, where they just need to cry it out and acknowledge how lost they feel. may wonder what their purpose is, or where they fit in in the big scheme of the world. gets philosophical, but not in that condescendingly vague, optimistic way--they truly want answers, because the nothingness is just getting to be too much.

taurus

is actually doing pretty okay. is reading a lot about how they can improve themselves, and probably have a few google docs open with plans on how to upgrade their life. they’ve probably started a garden of some sort, or bought some plants to take care of. the day may seem to pass by quickly for them. they fill their time with watching movies and discovering new recipes to cook. has started getting more sleep, which makes their alluring eyes even more beautiful. the downside is that they may feel a bit groggy, or their head feels heavy, because even the most security-loving, routine-oriented zodiac sign needs some variety. 

gemini

getting really excited about all these new methods for self-improvement: exercise, mental health, new projects, clearing their skin, etc. is consistent with these newfound activities for a few days, then gets annoyed when they don’t have 45 inch hips, a 22 inch waist and graceful, 11-shaped abs after less than a week of the chloe ting hourglass program. talks on the phone as they sit on the toilet. watches youtube videos about how to achieve the glow-up that they crave, but can never commit to a single video’s advice. wants something exciting to happen in their life, so they lean into their big emotions and taboo curiosities to compensate for the lack of stimulation. on their phone a LOT.   

cancer

has gotten even more beautiful since the quarantine started. loves the simplicity they’re getting accustomed to, but also constantly worries if they’re “making the most” of all this free time. probably will scold themselves after all this is over for not being more disciplined during self-isolation. goes on walks outside a lot, and finds that connecting with nature significantly boosts their mood. observes the quiet beauty around them as a way to cope with the universal chaos of our world. since cancer tends to be a very empathetic sign, they may feel like a sponge for fatigue and suffering whenever they read the news. being aware of the world is great and necessary, but take care of yourself, cancer. know when to take a break from the news.

leo

is really excited about reinventing themselves--they want it all! new clothes, improved mindset, cleaner room, a kinder social circle, new hair--the works. they want to bust out of quarantine looking even more striking than before, with a wardrobe reflecting their new style. probably has either already done something drastic to their hair (like dying it, or the dreaded 2 am impulsive bangs cut), or is at least seriously considering it. really wants to get out of their house and camp out on the beach or something--they miss seeing their friends face-to-face, and try to make up for it by calling them to hear their voices. is irritated that they happened to be born at a time where the pivotal years of their life are being wasted by such an awful series of world events.

virgo

has upgraded their bedroom to look as aesthetically pleasing and soothing as possible. their social life has most likely downsized to 2-3 super close and genuine friends that they call, text, and/or facetime with daily. since virgo is a mutable sign, they’ve probably done a great job adjusting to their surroundings and are helping their family with domestic tasks. however, they may feel anxious, and unsatisfied with their current mindset and resources, so they feel the urge to expand their horizons and feed their genius mind as much as possible! it may be hard to find motivation, virgo, but the world needs a physical manifestation of your potential right now. if you have an idea you want to pursue but are too scared to, take the plunge. this sounds cheesy and cliche but, this is your sign to start!

libra

reminisces a lot about the past. thinks about how they would have handled past situations differently, and mentally shames themselves for it. is probably doing a lot of self-reflection, which is good for their sweet hearts and furthers the progress of their mental health, but also depresses them, as libra energy tends to be highly critical of itself. sleeping in too late and talking aloud to themselves at ungodly hours of the night. finds their mind going on the philosophical route more often than usual. might be posting passive-aggressive mood quotes on instagram

scorpio

is actually exercising pretty consistently like they said they would. their body has been getting curvalicious and toned, and to that i say WOOHOO GO SCORPIO! however, they’ve probably completely messed up their entire sleep schedule, and may be practically nocturnal some days. probably feels really emotional at the moment, and is overwhelmed with the amount of pain in the world that they wish they could singlehandedly stop. may be pretty loner-ish at the moment, and is probably not very active on their social media, because they’re realizing who their truest friends are. scorpio does well with transformation (they’re ruled by pluto, the planet of regeneration) so rest assured, they will emerge from quarantine new and improved! 

sagittarius

is eating too much junk food. sagittarius, if you’re reading this right now, PUT DOWN THE CHIPS BUDDY BOY. is probably finding ways to hang out with their friends in person, like yelling across the sidewalk to them while wearing a mask. has been super active on social media regarding current social justice issues. feels enormous compassion for the oppressed and has been signing petitions at the speed of light. probably getting in fights with their family and being a little feistier than usual. i can’t blame them though...sagittarius is a sign that needs entertainment, so they’re gonna be a little punchy in this stagnant yet catastrophic time. 

capricorn

has established a daily routine that keeps them feeling grounded and stable. they may realize how little they’ve actually prioritized their own joy in the past, and they’re using quarantine as a way to get to know themselves again. purchases luxury pajamas and is most likely drinking a hot beverage in a mug right now. probably on a health kick. is getting even closer with their closest friends, and basically forgets about acquaintances. cuddling their pets a lot (or fantasizing about adopting a pet if they don’t have one). misses putting on mascara and stepping into that cute skirt, because that sPeCiAL pErSoN isn’t there to see it lol

aquarius

thinking about ways they can make money. getting bursts of hyper inspiration to flip their life around and start working super hard for their dream life. is masking hopelessness, and finds themselves pondering the fragility of human life. may experience thoughts of nihilism that they don’t act on, and is increasingly worried about the state of their environment. is stuck between feeling motivated and believing in their ability to positively transform, and getting depressed and detached from their earthly obligations. 

pisces

probably painting their nails a lot. is finding ways to put a little spice of excitement in their life--like making a nice breakfast (at 4 pm, which is like an hour after they wake up lately), giving their pet a concert of them, naked, singing ski mask the slump god songs into a hairbrush they’re pretending is a microphone. stares at themselves in the mirror for too long, letting their insecurities get the best of them. has probably gotten in touch with their grandparents (or any other relatives they usually don’t keep in close touch with) over the phone. may be dealing with worsened anxiety and feelings of depression at this time, and sleeps a lot to try to escape it. their room might be pretty messy at the moment as well, which they’re overly hard on themselves for. pisces: you are such a uniquely sweet and tender soul. take it one day at a time and never underestimate the power of reaching out to someone <3

[annikasafternoonread]

Hello all! It’s been a few days (okay it’s been a whole ass week) -- I’m sorry for the wait, but I had a surprisingly hard time starting this wrap up. Part of that was just being busy with life, but I also just… felt like I didn’t know what to say. Or maybe I didn’t know how to say it. These books are deeply complex, which is part of what makes them so captivating, but it also can make it hard to describe or respond to or explain. So much is left unanswered or unexplored or unknown. How can I sum up something so multi-faceted, that I know I’m only scratching the surface of understanding?

So, Harrow the Ninth. I want to preface this post by saying I did enjoy this book a lot, and I’m glad I read it. Tamsyn Muir is a very talented writer, I love the characters and the world, and the story is really cool. But although I liked the reading experience as a whole… I seem to have a lot of things I wasn’t totally happy with in the book itself. 

Tamsyn Muir’s books are fascinating, but they are also challenging. I’m sure that description doesn’t come as a surprise to anyone who has read them. It is both a strength and a weakness, part of what makes these books so intriguing and surprising, but also something that I know can turn off potential readers. I remember shortly before I started reading Harrow the Ninth, someone told me that the book itself is really hard to read, especially at the beginning. I remember that during the book, someone else told me that they had read Gideon the Ninth and started Harrow the Ninth, but wound up not finishing because the second person was too confusing. 

Neither of those was my experience. I didn’t mind the second person, or the confusing nature of the first sections. It was what I expected from this book at this point, and while it was unusual, it worked. The world they exist in is incredibly complex, the writing style is quite unique, but none of that really fazed me. For me, the ending was what felt... a lot of things. Confusing, incomplete, unresolved… and for me at least, a little unsatisfying. Again, I get that it’s kind of the point, but I just… 😒 is the best way I can describe the emotion. Like, okay I guess, but also no. 

The good news is, this book as a whole answered a lot of my questions from the previous book. Not all of them, but a good few. We know a lot more about this universe, about the history leading to this point, about who and what they’re fighting against, about what Lyctors are and how they work and what they do. And we know why Gideon didn’t die from the gas 🤯 

This book also hit a lot of the themes I was hoping for, many of which are concepts I’m quite interested in. In my opening post, I guessed that we’d be seeing a lot of focus on the ideas of: identity, duty, loyalty, morality, and truth. Granted those are kind of generic and open-ended, but I think they were all pretty on the nose. Harrow’s identity shifts with her memory, with her sense of who she is and what she is supposed to do and be. We explore duty and loyalty through her relationship with Lyctorhood and especially with the other Lyctors’ actions. Morality is a constant undercurrent, never really brought to the surface by most of the characters (well, I guess with regards to becoming a Lyctor it’s explicitly explored, but with regards to killing planets and the BoE and such it isn’t really touched much) but always there and very intentionally so. The narration doesn’t engage with it because the characters don’t question it, but it’s clear that we the reader are supposed to. And truth -- well, there sure are a lot of lies on that ship. I was even spot on that truth circles back to identity, though granted not in the way I initially expected. 

But while this book answered a lot of the questions from last book, it of course introduced many more of its own, and many of those weren’t resolved either. Some of those I expect to be answered later, like: How did Mercy and Augustine connect with the Blood of Eden? Why did they want to break open the Locked Tomb? What’s up with Original Gideon (OG) and did he (or someone else) fuck with his brain? Some of these it makes sense to leave unresolved to heighten the drama, like: What exactly is God and why and how? What exactly is the Blood of Eden and what do they want and how much should I trust or distrust them? What exactly is up with the Body? Some of these are small but still bother the heck out of me, like: What was up with Ianthe’s arm after all? How did the Commander get into that sword? Did Harrow hallucinate before she became a Lyctor, or was that a false memory too, part of the dreamscape? 

But some of them are big. Some of them matter. Some of them feel like I’m supposed to think they’re answered, but I just… don’t. Like, why did Mercy and Augustine break with God? I get the surface level reason that they’re talking about, but it doesn’t make sense to me, there has to be more to God or Lyctorship or the Resurrection or something. Or at least, I have to believe that, because honestly if there isn’t, I think that would be more unsatisfying to me. I’m also deeply curious about how all the different souls and ghosts inside of Harrow interacted -- did they fight each other, layer with each other, influence each other, braid each other’s hair? For instance, who told Harrow to keep the two-handed sword close -- was it Gideon or the Commander or Harrow or some other reason? 

And then there was the scene with Camilla and Judith and Coronabeth. Like, I get that this scene served quite a few purposes -- introducing the idea of a River Bubble, letting us (sort of) meet the Commander, getting to see some of Harrow’s letters, setting up the next book (as per the epilogue), and let’s not ignore the value of getting to say hi to some favourite characters, but at the same time it just… it feels so out of place. Like a weird crossover, except these characters actually do go here? But they’re not supposed to? They show up once, their presence is not explained, and then they disappear into the plot of the next book. A cameo within their own world.

There were of course plenty of things I liked. This world is fascinating and we got to know a lot more about it, about history and necromancy, about how this society views death and destiny, about their conflicts and challenges and triumphs and fears. We got to see a lot of new party tricks. Like in the previous book, we got plenty of unapologetic queerness and enjoyment of titty fiction. The writing style is engaging and makes me laugh at the most unexpected moments. I love a lot of the characters and seeing how they think and interact. I want to know more about this world and these people and this story. 

But if I’m being completely honest, I’m not sure I’ll read the next book. Not because it’s challenging to read, but just… I don’t know if it’ll give me the payoff I want. Especially given the amount of effort and brainpower these books do take. I want to know I’ll get something back for my investment. Not eventually, when the series ends, but in the book I’m actually reading. Maybe the incomplete ending is supposed to cliffhanger me into desperately wanting the next book. But I don’t want to jump. I just want to land. And with this book, I guess I just don’t feel like we stuck the landing here. I don’t feel like we landed. I feel like we’re still in freefall. I’m definitely not ruling out reading it, I’m sure I’ll be drawn to it and like I said I do want more from this universe. But I just don’t know. 

I feel like this is one of my more critical wrap up posts, and I feel a little bad for that because I know so many of you guys love these books. And I’m glad for you! They’re great books! Well worth loving! If someone asked me if I recommended them, I’d absolutely say yes. I enjoyed them a lot, and my lukewarm response to the conclusion doesn’t take away from all that I did love. It just means I’m wary of that happening again with the next book. 

But that’s a problem for next year! In the meantime, I’m going to have to read something else :) The contenders for our next read are An Absolutely Remarkable Thing by Hank Green, Most Likely by Sarah Watson, or Wild Magic by Tamora Pierce -- any of them are still in the game, so let your voice be heard! I hope to start reading on Saturday, so see you then!

And as always, thank you for joining me on this journey. It means the world to have you along, and you guys make it so much fun. I love doing this, and I love sharing it with you. Thank you. I hope to see you on the next journey :)

[caffeinejournalist23]

Rewriting Pretty Little Liars - Part II

I didn't think my original post "Rewriting Pretty Little Liars would get as much interaction as I did (thanks btw! I'm not necessarily writing to get some kind of interaction as much as I'm writing to improve my own writing skills, but getting likes and "reblogs" helps me feel not so alone in the Tumblr community!) So, with that in mind, I thought I'd follow-up with a better fleshed-out explanation - with scenes! This post is gonna be a long one folks, so grab your popcorn and your teA, And pretend the unsAtisfying reveAl in the show never hAppened.

!! SPOILER WARNING FOR TV SHOW & BOOK PLL!!

Hate is not a vice; it's a coping mechanism. Lying is not a crime; it's a game. Mona is not a stable girl, but is her instability more excusable than the evil and torment Aria and Alison chose to exert on their supposed friends?

Allison got in deep shit with members of the N.A.T. club, along with pretty much everyone in Rosewood. The result? Mona hit Allison over the head with a shovel - and Melissa Hastings buried her. But Aria came to the rescue; Aria was planning to say goodbye to Allison before she ran away from Rosewood as Vivian Darkbloom.

"Oh my God are you kidding me?" Allison sulked, dirt staining her yellow top as she held her hands to the sore spot on her head. "Loser Mona?! She really thought she could just get rid of me like that - when I tell my parents our lawyers are gonna make the rest of her life a living hell -" "No, Alli," Aria interrupted sternly, gently wiping dirt from Allison's shoulders as they quickly sashayed through the yard between the DeLaurentis' and Hastings' households. "We can use this, we need someone to take the fall when we take our game for a test run." Allison rolled her eyes. "Jeez Aria since when did you find something to obsess over besides Noel?" Allison asked asked curtly, clearly annoyed. "Trust me on this Alli, this will work. It's what Doctor Sullivan calls 'Refocusing my rage into something productive.' And besides," Aria stared glassy-eyed into the stormy sky for moment, her eyes seeing fantasies she couldn't disclose to anyone other than Allison. "They deserve it," Aria continued. Allison scrunched her lips, not sure exactly what to think. "I like this side of you as much as the next bitch, Aria, but I'm starting to think maybe you're taking it too seriously - it's just a game, and yeah the other three aren't as cool as us but that crazy bitch Mona just tried to kill me!" Allison shouted. "And that bitch took my phone." Aria felt for the pink flip-phone snugly buried in her back pocket before she stopped suddenly and gently gripped Allison's arm, causing her to stop also. "It'll all go according to plan," Aria chided, "and it's gonna be so worth it." A dark car pulled up their street suddenly. Aria looked to try to make out the driver, but it was too dark for her to see who it was - perhaps the driver was wearing a hoodie or something. "Do we know this person?" Aria asked looking between the car and Allison. Allison smoothed down her hair a bit. "Not 'we' - just me; he's a friend," said Allison softly. She turned to Aria, who passed her the brown wig and red coat. "This is where we say goodbye," said Allison. "For now," added Aria with certainty. The two friends hugged briefly, Allison looking at Aria in a similar way she occasionally looked at Emily, then Allison entered the passenger seat of the dark vehicle. Aria watched the car pull away before heading back to the barn. She thought she saw another blonde in a yellow top dart behind the DeLaurentis house, but Aria assumed it was a delusion; she was starting to spiral in her head a little, like another episode was threatening to occur - maybe it was the alcohol, or the stress of watching a psycho loser hit her best friend with a shovel and then watching another friend's older sister bury said best friend. Allison's "friend" sped the car smoothly towards Radley sanitarium as Allison smoothed the brown wig over her throbbing head. "What took you so long Ezra?" Allison spat bitterly to the driver. Ezra Fitz swallowed nervously. "And good evening to you too," Ezra said; nervous and intimidated as he was by Allison, the sarcasm couldn't be helped. "Long night?" asked Ezra dryly. "I told you not to talk to me, Ezra; you do me this last favor, or I shove a sharp third-degree-rape lawsuit up your ass. Not to mention the obsessive stalking." Allison barked bitterly. She thought back to Aria and her obsession with the anonymous texting app they found; Aria had texted Allison a creepy "I'm watching you" message from the app last Halloween as a prank, and ever since Aria was obsessed with how someone could use the anonymous texting app for good or evil. Allison rolled her eyes and shook her head at the silly similarity. "You know, I have this friend - obsessive and a super writer geek. You two would be perfect for each other," Allison says scornfully. Ezra swallowed again. "I doubt she'd be as interesting as you," Ezra whispered, alluding to the book about Allison he had been drafting. Allison thought for a moment, her need to be on top competed with her curious feelings for her female friends. "People can surprise you," Allison shrugged.

So as we can see, Allison and Aria had a dysfunctional dynamic - I guess when you can't fight fire with fire, you make the whole town burn. Soon after Ezra helps Allison hide in Radley (pretending to be Aria), Aria and her family temporarily relocate to Iceland because Byron and Ella Montgomery are warned that the case regarding the death of Toby's mother in Radley has been reopened, and because the time and occurrence correlates with when Aria was there regularly before she convinced her psychiatrist that she's recovering enough to go back to school and "normal" life. Aria's psychiatrist Dr. Sullivan had been worried while Aria was in Radley; she thought that Aria's friend Allison seemed to be encouraging Aria's psychosis and erratic behavior. Meanwhile, Hanna befriends Mona at "fat camp," and together they coach each other to replace Allison - Mona is convinced Allison is dead, so she feels confident replacing her despite Hanna worrying Allison could come back any day. "There'd be hell to pay if Allison suddenly came back and just saw us trying to be her," said Hanna anxiously as Mona curled the ends of her hair. "That's 'if,' Hanna, why would she come back to this godforsaken town," Mona asks passively. "yeah, you're right," Hanna chuckled shyly, rolling her eyes. "I bet she just ran off to a boujie island or something with some hot guy." Mona paused in thought for a moment. "I bet she did." Melissa continues to work with the N.A.T. club - primarily to ensure there was no evidence of her burying Allison's body to help Mona. Mona continually annoys Melissa about it, terrified she will get caught - that it was just an accident and it just happened too fast. Melissa checks the N.A.T. club cameras - cameras secretly placed/tapped into several places throughout Rosewood, funded by Jason's share of the DeLaurentis fortune/stake in the industry company (I can't remember the name of the company, but it's the same one Cece claimed to have used as A). Melissa is certain she literally got away with murder, and fabricates a confession video for Spencer if the investigation got too close to her and she needed Spencer's help to cover herself. Emily continues to grieve for Allison, wondering if she'll ever be found, or if she just ran away with some guy - typical Alli. Spencer feels relief with Alli gone; less rivalry and competition, and the secrets Allison had on her couldn't be weaponized - right?

When Aria returns from Iceland, she's furious to find that the other friends had "moved on" from Allison; Hanna tried to take Allison's place and befriended Mona (who Allison totally despised), Spencer admitted she was relieved that Alli was gone, and Emily dated [that one guy] and disregarded her feelings for Allison. These conditions are the perfect justifications for Aria's torturous experiment; the girls need to remember Allison is still there - one day Allison will come home and everything will go back to how it was, and her friends will be who they used to be before Allison went away. Aria confronts Mona about the night she "killed" Allison, and threatens to bear witness against Mona unless Mona does her bidding. Mona agrees to do whatever Aria asks her to do. Now that "Allison's body" has been found, Aria promises Mona will never be caught for "killing Allison" if Mona uses her wits and skill in her plan to "remind the girls closest to Allison that she's still in charge" - and Mona manifests it into a game.

Who is Mona playing the game against? The N.A.T. club (and Big A). Aria and the N.A.T. do not exactly work together, but they know of each other and compete with each other through Mona. This is why later on the Halloween train members of the N.A.T. club try to murder Aria, as a means to play against the A(D) team (Aria, Mona, Cece, and Allison). Aria had killed Garrett after Allison texts her that Garett realized Aria was A, but Allison actually manipulated Aria to kill Garrett because Garett realized Cece was still feeding them (Allison and Aria) info from the N.A.T. club. Members of the N.A.T. club are slowly killed off by the A Team. Allison kills Ian for moving on to Spencer. Ian was going to make Allison the subject of a movie he wanted to make, but he moved on to Spencer/Melissa as soon as Allison disappeared, which infuriates Allison's self-absorbed ego. Jason is injured by Cece in the elevator because she's pissed he developed an interest in Aria, and he starts connecting dots together between Cece and Allison still being alive (around this time the A Team hits a fork; Cece and Allison versus Aria/Mona)..

Mona is sent to Radley sanitarium after being caught as A by Spencer; Mona thought she could reveal herself as A and convince Spencer to join the team, but Spencer refuses. When every other girl she gets tangled up with (Aria, Allison, and Melissa) is motivated by secrets, Mona assumed that the allure of secret info would be enough to convince Spencer. Mona continues playing the game while in Radley, but she realizes she rather be part of the group than win the game, so after she's released she starts victimizing herself by "A" (her accomplices Toby and Lucas). Aria finds out Mona went behind her back to recruit help for Mona's sake of winning the game and victimizing herself, and confronts Mona at the movies and whispers to her, "you'll never be part of the group, especially if they learn you killed their best friend" - which makes her cry.

After stealing Allison's diaries from Spencer (season 4?), Aria dissects the diaries and reaches out to someone recurring in Allison's diaries; Cece. Aria realizes through Allison's diaries and Cece that despite her unwavering loyalty, Allison kept secrets from Aria - and that just didn't sit right with Aria. Cece is still mad at Allison for jeopardizing her spot in the N.A.T. club - and her relationship with Jason (she was hoping to get a cut from his stake in the DeLaurentis fortune), which motivates her to spill anything she has on Allison to Aria - including Allison's secret relationship with Ezra. Aria visits Allison in Radley, who is anxious to go home, but when Aria confronts Allison about Ezra, she lies, which severs Aria's tie to her. Aria dissociates with her rage and tells Alison she'll never be able to safely escape Radley and go home. After this confrontation in Radley, Allison snaps and has a mental breakdown; she rips off the brown wig and insists she's not Aria but Allison DeLaurentis - the most popular "It" girl in Rosewood. Radley then treats Allison as a "Jane Doe" after confirming with Dr. Sullivan that Aria has been released, and Allison's body has been found so this can't be her. Allison is getting fed up with Aria for stranding her in Radley for years and works with Wren, one of the new hot doctors at Radley, to get fake IDs for her and Cece. Allison continues to pretend to be Aria and visits Mona, asking for all the info she has on the girls and the A game; Allison is ready to take over. Allison promises Cece a cut of the DeLaurentis fortune if she can help her escape. Cece agrees; Allison tells her about the A game, and if "A" kills Jason they can inherit his share of the wealth. Finally Allison can escape Radley for good and steal the A game from Mona/Aria.

Allison and Cece escape Radley and hide in New York [soon] after Mona leaves and steal the game from Mona/Aria. Allison recruits new A team members, including Shawna. Allison as A also inadvertently recruits Jenna, who has no clue A is Alison and Cece. Later, Aria realizes Allison and Cece came back are roaming around Rosewood in red coats and starts the fire in the cabin when she thinks Allison and Cece are nearby to kill Mona - yes, Aria used Mona as bait to bring in Cece and Allison and planned to kill them. She rescued Emily, Spencer and Hanna because to take Allison's place she needs them - the group; Hanna saw Aria in a red coat and an Allison mask. This is why Aria and Cece fight in the warehouse; Cece and Aria used to be chill but now Cece is team Allison (for the money obvi), and Aria tries to save Cece saying she can "be Allison" and give Cece the same money when she fully becomes Allison, but Cece slips and Aria leaves her for dead. Cece resents Aria for leaving her for dead and plays A against Aria.

Allison reveals she's alive to the rest of the girls but she can't come home yet; it's not because of A she can't come home, because as far as she thinks she stole the A game from Aria - she can't come home because of her mom and the family secrets. Jessica DeLaurentis did not want Allison to come home - by assuming Allison was dead she inherited Allison's share of the DeLaurentis company stake, and Allison blackmails Jessica when she learns of Mary Drake - Jessica's deranged twin. To free herself from the restraints her mother poses (she thinks her mother really would kill her), Allison kills Jessica as A. The group is still suspicious of Allison being A, and because she's running out of cards to play, Aria relies on these suspicions to get the game back from Allison.

However, Allison throws a curveball (to Aria) and convinces Cece to reveal herself as A to the girls; Cece is guilty of killing Wilden for Allison and of course Allison has proof. This lands Cece in Radley. Cece learns Allison killed Jessica through the N.A.T. club cameras (because she was allies with Jenna and [Allison's fiance (can't remember his name)] while in Radley), so she threatens to convict Allison with the video footage if Allison does not advocate for her release from Radley. So Allison fights to get Cece released by creating this narrative that they are deranged relatives/half-siblings. Cece is released but Allison hates that Cece has the footage of Jessica's death on her, so she kills Cece. Aria uses this as the perfect means to steal the A game back, but this time she plays it as AD; AD for Alison DeLaurentis, and Aria believes she is Alison DeLaurentis. They play the final game and Aria shoots Spencer near the heart because she's Allison now, and Allison was "heartbroken" Spencer stole Ian from her. Aria/AD abducts and tortures Hanna for trying to take her/Allison's place as HBIC. And the eggs with Emily? That was because Aria was jealous she and Ezra couldn't have kids, and she believed Allison and Emily were supposed to be together in the beginning anyway; Emily did nothing wrong, so Aria's rewarding her by getting her with Alison.

Damn that took me almost 3 hours lmao. Any unanswered plot points this rewrite fixed? Let me know your thoughts! Who do y'all think would've made the most sense to end up as AD? Thanks for reading this far lmao. Wishing y'all the best.

[hankwritten]

TFComics Rewrite

I am currently plotting an outline for a TFComics, and I want to get my thoughts about fixes to canon and possibly get feedback. Since this is a rewrite there’s really no *spoilers* or anything, so I’m willing to answer all questions about what I plan to do. Also some characters I’m not so sure about how I want to retool them, so if your have ideas for your fav let me know!

Disclaimer:

This rewrite is intended to critique the content/choices made in the construction and telling of the Team Fortress 2 comic series. It is not a personal attack on the artists/writers/directors or any of the creatives that made contributions to this series, nor is it meant to substitute or replace the official release. This work is transformative in nature, and relies on an understanding of the source material to be understood. TF2 and its characters belong to Valve.

TFCR is working on the assumption that the audience has read the original comic, and as such will skip over scenes and plot points that are unchanged from the original. I don’t think it needs to be said, but this fanfiction will not make sense if you are not familiar with the source.

I also recognize that there are strengths within the comic’s writing and weaknesses within my own. Namely, that Valve writers are gods in the realm of comedy, and I’d rather not try to match them in the regard. As such, I will state up front that these will not be as funny as the TFComics. That is not to say there won’t be jokes (either ones transplanted from the source or some of my own) or that the tone of this will be terribly grimdark, only that my focus will be on improving story structure and character development as those are what appeal to me.

 The Broad Strokes

The goal of TFCR is to give a more engaging story for all the mercenaries we know and love, as--let’s face it--the TF2 mercs are side characters in their own damn story. These are some of the planned improvements.

There will be reason for each of the mercs to actually be there. As it stands, the motivations for almost every character besides Pauling and Saxton Hale are vague and unsatisfying. We’d usually say something along the lines of “money” for hired killers, but clearly Scout doesn’t even know if they’re getting paid, and some of the other characters are even worse. The hunt for the Australium is, therefore, boring. MacGuffins usually are, but at the very least the characters should care about the item even if the audience doesn’t. This work aims to give each of the nine mercs a motive and a reason to be in the story instead of just replaceable joke dispensers.

Explain what “Team Fortress” means, and how it relates to RED and BLU. Long and short: the nine mercenaries we see on the team are not from either RED or BLU but rotate between the two, and were the individuals selected to fight the robots. That means all things do happen to all characters. As Valve pretty much goes with “whatever is funniest at the time”, it’s very hard to make a cohesive theory about “where the hell is BLU team?”, but I’ll do my damndest. We’ll also examine Team Fortress’s relationship with the other capital T Teams, and why they’re considered the “rejects” of the bunch.

Comics 1 & 2 will be removed from the timeline as they serve no purpose, only taking what needs to be known about the plot’s setup and jumping straight to A Cold Day in Hell.

We will introduce the Classic Mercs right away so they can generate threat and play against the TF mercs when they do actually meet head to head.

We will not be killing off Gray Mann. (Not preemptively anyway.) In fact, there will be more focus on him and Olivia as villains facing off against the Admin, providing her foil as the TF2 and TFC mercs provide foils for each other.

I considered waiting until the final comic was out to begin working on this, but that may never happen. Jay Pinkerton said he may reveal what plot they had in store eventually, but considering it took Half Life over a decade to get the “I was once a Valve writer but my NDA has expired and now I can go buck wild” treatment, I’m not holding my breath. The main reason I wanted to do this is that the Administrator’s motivations are not interestingly foreshadowed, to the point where there aren’t even any good fan theories out there. That said, WritingDispenser and Riddle of the Sphinx helped come up with a pretty fun one, which was actually the inspiration for me to get off my butt and start plotting this.

There will be no queerbaiting. This refers both to HeavyMedic (which has been simultaneously used as wink wink nudge nudge joke many times and as encouragement for fans to play their stupid hat game) as well as lesbian Pauling (since femme lesbians are the preferred method for front facing LGBT representation across almost all media, but video games especially). If you need to understand why lesbian Pauling is an issue, Sarah Z coined the term “queercatching” in order to describe word of god confirmations on characters sexualities that are not followed up on in the text. I recommend the full video on it.

Due to the importance of immortality in the theming of the comics, respawn will not be a thing. Deaths we think should have happened previously will be explained as close calls, or that Medic can heal a short time after death. Medic and Scout’s deaths will be cut in the story itself, as after Sniper died and came back, them doing the same thing kinda lost their punch.

Scout

There will be no ScoutPauling hints. It doesn’t make sense to give screentime to this relationship because Valve obviously doesn’t think it’s going to go anywhere so why make Scout turn down advances from other hot women? I mean I get Expiration Date was a Thing but it feels like Scout’s whole motivation shouldn’t be reduced down to chasing a girl who doesn’t like him back.

He’s here because he lost his life’s savings in bad investments and needs the money. That’s it. Which is still somehow more than his canon motive which is question mark question mark question mark

He, Soldier, Spy, Demo, and Pyro all start the adventure with Miss Pauling.

Engages with Heavy on a genuine level when they go to collect him, Heavy doesn’t blow him off when he tries to level about dead dads.

There will be no DadSpy reveal. The way Spy treats Scout has never been “deadbeat dad feels bad about abandoning his kid” but more “this is someone I would kill without a second thought if I felt like it” which makes his reveal in comic 5 feel very disingenuous. I don’t think Valve even had this plotline in mind until comic 3, as #2 still has Spy seeming only to care about Scout’s Ma and not Scout himself. It also makes “seduce me!” retroactively weird.

Uhhh hooks up with Zhanna. This one isn’t critical I just think it’s funny.

Soldier

Soldier is going to be the Ur example of the Admin not treating her people well, as we’re going to lean into the whole “Soldier was only mildly messed up until the whole lead poisoning” thing.

He’s here because he’s blindingly loyal to the cause. He’s actually going to very little from canon because of this actually.

Might be the reason Team Fortress has a reputation of being the lower tiers of the Teams, but that doesn’t mean he’s damn good at his job. Fatal flaw is that he’s unstable, and even though the courthouse plotline won’t be in this fic, it should be noted that he actually does cause problems for the other protagonists due to his short temper. He’s a risky asset, but still essential.

There will be a minor explanation for the WAR! Comic, but I think that’s better saved for Demo’s analysis.

Pyro

Pyro is the character you could cut entirely from the comics and have the least change. Now, they’re going to be Pauling’s right hand. Let me explain.

Engineer and Pyro are implied to live together, and Pyro doesn’t have anything better to do than go with Engie after Team Fortress is disbanded. Rather than having a reveal, we will see some of what is going on with the Admin and friends early on, and see what leads up to her sending Miss P the note that kicks off the whole plot. However, while Engie needs to stay and look after her, Pyro’s skills aren’t useful here, and they are sent as a direct messenger to help Pauling.

They’re loyal, and unlike Soldier rarely mess up orders. They’re also partially mute, making them ideal for handling sensitive info. Pauling trusts them to handle the burning of “Elizabeth’s” paper trail.

Will be using they/them in the narrative voice, but other characters will refer to them as he/him. I considered going with it/its because that’s bubbled up in popularity again, but ultimately I decided against it.

We’ll get glimpses to their train of thought, but like the comics they will remain virtually silent.

Demo

Demo’s role in the cast is going to be very similar to Spy’s. The events of WAR! involved him nearly dying and Soldier taking the win, and he’s very bitter that after all those events *apparently* mercs can just be switched around teams willy nilly and don’t have to kill each other anymore. (As the audience, we know this is because the Admin found out the “make them so angry they won’t ask questions” wasn’t a long-term viable solution, and instead brought TFI forward as a neutral third party that was pretending to mediate the gravel wars.) But Demo’s suspicious, and is only along because he really has been miserable since he lost his job.

This conflict will eventually come to a head, more on that in the Sniper section.

Is fairly forgiving with his teammates. Doesn’t like Sniper but I’m willing to drop a little angst during that submarine scene. Is glad to see Medic actually. Here to be some glue to hold this merry band together.

The Eyelander will not be forgotten after 2 comics because I love this character concept and I think it was underutilized.

Drunk jokes will be kept to a minimum. What I liked about WAR! and Bombinomicon was that it took Demo and showed that they knew how to make him funny without making him one note, which they sort of did in the early TFComics but stopped in the later ones in favor of him….being asleep for the whole plot. I promise 100% awake Demo in my rewrite.

Demo likes Pauling on a personal level, but has trouble reconciling her with his feelings on TFI.

Doesn’t get knocked out by moonshine because. Seriously? Poisoning the Demoman with alcohol? In what world does that work.

Heavy

Not too much to change. Scout doesn’t accompany him when he goes to look for the secret Australium cache, and he engages with Mags and Saxton (which will be when the audience finds out what they’ve been up to) and actually cares about what’s going on with them. He thinks Darling is up to something. Which he is, he’s attempting to unseat both Gray and Helen due to long family history.

Will at least mention Medic. Their reunion falls a little flat since it mostly relies on Meet the Medic for context, as they don’t really interact in the comic. There can be a bit of a flashback to what it was like as all these mercs broke up.

I know uhhh Valve seems to think found family is really dumb, and that these murderers could ever like each other is silly or something, but the mercs do? Like each other? For the most part anyways. 

Bronislava and Yana come alone for adventures, not just Zhanna. Again, no real reason, but sometimes I get to have tacky fanfic stuff in my own fanfic because I Wanna.

Engineer

Engie ruminates on his family history of allowing all this bullshit to happen and just kind of shrugging. Basically Moss’s analysis of the Conagher themes.

Has put a lot of time, sweat, and tears into BLU and now TFI, isn’t willing to let it fall now, even if Admin is basically living on borrowed time. He’s doing this because of the ‘ole sunk cost fallacy.

Also we get to see more of Pauling and Admin’s relationship through his eyes.

Medic

Congrats on being the one merc with an actual arc, Medic! As a reward, you will not be changed much.

I’m actually going to use Medic’s section to say that the Classic mercs will be referred to by their first names in order to differentiate them, and we’ll get little previews of what they’re like from Medic’s perspective before we actually see them fight Team fortress. The battle at the submarine will be more of a fight in this sense, working it out so it seems like surrender is the only option after Sniper is killed.

Final fight with Cheavy will be...not blocked so awkwardly. I mean this is now a textual medium so my work is already halfway done, but still the pacing is so weird. Shudder.

Sniper

These are the big guns. Most changes, even more than Demo. He’s been actually hunting for New Zealand/the Australium cache on his own, and doesn’t want Pauling interfering, saying for a he knows she could have been the ones to kill his adoptive parents.

(She hasn’t, but the Admin did actually order them killed in an attempt to stop Sniper because she thought she could prevent the exact thing that is going on right now which is that Sniper is considering trying to get at it.)

Sniper doesn’t know this, but Pauling, Demo, and Spy eventually convince him to share his findings and help them get to New Zealand.

Spy

Similar to Demo but is less conflicted about it. He knows just because he likes someone doesn’t mean he won’t have to kill them later. 

Spy knows about who killed Sniper’s parents, and tells Demo, sort of as a test to see where his loyalties lie. He also knows that Pyro is Pauling’s confidant for certain things.

Demo questions him about what he’s doing here, whose side he’s really on. But you know. Spy is Spy and he was never really on anyone’s side but his own. When it comes down to it, it might be exactly as Scout thinks: that he’s ditched them all and run off when he had the opportunity. But, big damn hero, comes back in the end.

He’s here mainly to “keep an eye on things.” Also maybe because his gf asked him to keep an eye on her son :)

[miscellaneousramblings]

The world is cruel and unfair. My thoughts about the end of SnK.

This is a post about my feelings re: the end of SnK. I try to mix a bit of analysis and express where, in my opinion, it went wrong.

I’ve only read the last chapter once for now. Managed to avoid every spoiler until the official release. What can I say? I think this ending is disappointing and unsatisfying, despite not being The Worst Thing I’ve Ever Read. It’s serviceable at best, which by default is underwhelming in a work that has almost always tried to go above what we usually see in comparable pieces of fiction. Over almost 140 chapters, SnK offered its readers genuine emotions, either positive or negative, and, until this final chapter, managed to stay true to its themes. But this final chapter is basically a 4/10 or 5/10 ending in an overall 9.5/10 story.

I hope that, after the initial shock of the ending, I’ll be able to look back on it, not fondly, but with a bit more appreciation for some of its (too few) genuinely good moments. I also hope it won’t sour the experience of reading SnK too much for me. Of course, I accept the ending, I accepted it literally the moment I read it even though I saw it go further and further from my expectations and understanding of the story by the second. And obviously, I respect Isayama as a writer and genuinely cherish some parts of this manga.

But I won’t ever think this ending was good, and am going to try to explain why.

First, something quite subjective. I think the chapter lacked genuine emotion. I didn’t feel much of anything, except a crushing sentiment of sadness and a bit of anger when I saw Mikasa alone by Eren’s grave at the end. A lot of what happened felt either incomplete or forced, and often both. For example, I had imagined the moment the curse of Ymir broke would be the most beautiful moment in the manga, but instead it just... happened? This was supposed to be the peak of this story, the miracle that all these terrible sacrifices were made in the name of. I keep thinking about the moment the curse breaks at the end of Fruits Basket (a great read btw) and how genuinely emotional this chapter is even though the genre is different from SnK’s. Considering Isayama’s talent when portraying emotions, I can’t help but feel terribly underwhelmed by his version of this moment, which should have made us feel like everything was worth it, but didn’t.

Second, the pacing in this last arc (and especially post 123) was messy. I know it’s easy to criticize as a reader, but objectively, spending 7 chapters on the alliance going from point X to point Y and not giving the main character the spotlight he deserves is a major mistake. I kept holding hope that all of the buildup since chapter 130 was going to amount to the last 2-3 chapters slapping extremely hard (like, say, the Grisha-centered chapters in return to Shiganshina, or the Reiner-Eren conversation in Marley), but for the first time, Isayama disappointed me in that regard.

While mostly uninteresting fights got dragged out, some plot points were almost forgotten. Some setups never got a proper conclusion. Eren barely got the time to explain his motivations or what he saw. Historia’s conversation from chapter 130 never got an ending. The parasite and Ymir literally disappeared even though they were the focus of the last two chapters before this one. Some memory shards went unexplained. We never got to see Grisha’s death even when this panel exists?

Regardless of the actual things I don’t like in the ending, I think it would have been more palatable if this last stretch of chapters had been given time to breathe, if only to expand on the characters’ motivations or give us more interactions (for example, Eren’s talks with Annie, Reiner, Connie...).

Third, characterisation and themes. Oh boy. My favourite character is Eren, and my other favourites are Mikasa, Armin, Reiner and Zeke. I think that among these five, the only one who got a true, complete character arc was Armin (and arguably Zeke as well, though the lack of resolution between him and Eren is a hate crime towards me, specifically). Reiner had a great character arc overall but his last appearance in the manga was distateful and a regression. I won’t expand on it.

Mikasa... my poor girl. My most charitable take about her ending is that Isayama wanted to portray her inner strength, the fact she can always live on in the face of adversity and cherish her own life despite the setbacks while remembering those she loves. Well, I guess he succeeded. But in a weirdly unsatisfying way, because this renders her character arc entirely cyclical. Those qualities have characterised Mikasa since the start. It’s established since the very first arc that she’s prideful, brave, and that she has the inner strength to live without Eren if he ever disappears from this world. But the way Isayama made it happen? Having her kill him and then cry next to his grave in the final panels of the manga is what her arc amounted to? I had always hoped that Mikasa could actually save Eren from himself and show him how to live and share his burdens with him (all things that have been foreshadowed in the manga itself, btw). I thought her tattoo would hold some significance, either by

A/ being transmitted to her potential child with Eren were he to survive (didn’t happen)

B/ foreshadowing a future political role for her as a bridge between Hizuru and Paradis (didn’t happen, and furthermore she’s the only alliance member living in Shiganshina and is deliberately separated from the rest of them)

C/ having some kind of supernatural power that would allow her to change the game, were she to enter paths or reach the coordinate (didn’t happen).

So what? In the end, Mikasa’s Big Choice amounted to giving up on her love (but also not really because she’s never going to be able to move on and isn’t allowed to feel anything else but pain), resulting in her losing her family for the third time and never being able to welcome Eren home. This is horrifyingly sad. I’m also frankly disturbed by the sort of ~parallel Eren establishes in this chapter between Ymir and Mikasa, about the topic of love. So the message of SnK was that... love is a chain? Everything happened because Ymir was too attached to the King and couldn’t leave this world, so Mikasa had to show her that she could give up on love for the greater good by killing Eren? I wish I just misunderstood this but that’s what I got from the chapter and I hate it. Also, I really thought Isayama was above the traditional “female character who sacrifices everything and never reaches happiness but stays quiet and endures for the common good” trope. I was wrong.

Mikasa might have been the centerpiece of the story, but she got the short end of the stick. At this point, the writing pretty much does the opposite of what it is supposed to by inadvertently justifying the validity of Mikasa and Eren’s “selfish” dream in chapter 138. Initially, I thought that their dream was wrong and not something truly enviable because in it, they led a life of guilt and regret while knowing full well that Eren would end up dying anyway, leaving Mikasa behind, alone. Naively, I thought that surely choosing the responsible path would be more rewarding for Mikasa, one way or the other. But as it turns out, the path of selflessness also led her to a life of solitude, except now she carries her burdens all on her own without having tasted happiness. Amazing. I genuinely do not know how I am supposed to root for this.

Finally... Eren. Oh boy. Oh, good lord. I’ll admit I wanted him to live, but I was also ready to accept an ending where he dies. But... not like this. I already said I don’t like the fact Mikasa killed him, but what I like even less is the lack of general resolution his character received. He’s the MC for god’s sake! But post-chapter 123, he has received second, if not third-grade treatment, save from chapter 131, which was brilliant.

Overall, his motivations are a mess, which I get. Him getting confused because of all his powers and memories is understandable. Him having conflicting motivations is actually appealing to me. He wanted to save Eldia, but was also disappointed in the outside world (when he says “I would have done it anyway”, I thought about what he said to Ramzi and the "scenery” in 131) , and wished for his friends to become heroes. I get it, it’s fine.

But Isayama went too far with the tragic aspect of his character. As in, there is no catharsis, just crushing pain. Isayama deliberately went overkill by stating that Eren killed 80% of humanity (what the hell), and, even worse, actually drove Dina to Carla. I literally couldn’t believe this. I have seen people theorize about this months ago and immediately discarded it by thinking it was ridiculous and amount to character assassination. To make things clear, I’m not discussing Eren’s actions in the last arc from a moralistic point of view, because this would be another topic entirely, I’m talking about what makes sense in the narrative that has been presented to us since the Paths chapters started and Eren’s plan was revealed. For example, however awful the contents of the scene was, Eren manipulating Grisha to kill the Reiss family was not only amazingly written and drawn in chapter 121 but also narratively motivated by the fact he needed the Founding Titan’s power. This scene also had other functions, such as revealing the Attack Titan’s premonition powers or making Zeke interact with Grisha and understand the truth about his father. Compared to this, the “moment” we have in 139, this abrupt, absurd revelation about him indirectly killing his mother is rushed and nonsensical. Even if this was to kickstart the whole story by awakening his hatred for the titans, I can’t help but feel shaken by how... gratuitous a “plot-twist” it is. What does it say about the attachment Eren had to his mother and her words to him? (”because he was born into this world”). This nullifies one of the most impactful scenes of the manga, because the ending makes it clear that in the end, existing as a human being by the simple virtue of being born wasn’t enough for him. It just couldn’t be, for some reason that I’m yet to fully understand. Instead, he endured and endured, and never got to experience the simple, humane existence Carla wished for him. So were these beautiful words a lie all along? Why did Isayama go to such an extreme with Dina? The only conclusion I can come to is that it’s because he needed Eren to be absolutely, totally irredeemeable. Eren needed, storywise, to be this unstoppable extremist who would get burned to ashes by his uncontrollable desires.

Because yes, apparently, Eren had to die. There was no escape. Worst of all, Eren died a slave. A slave to his desire for freedom. A slave to the destiny he saw at age 15. A slave to his titan powers. This is what I truly can’t forgive about this ending. I won’t stand for the “but he chose this” answer, because it was a choice made out of despair, and all the alternatives are presented as non viable by the narrative (are they really though? or is it just a cope-out to justify the last arc of the manga unfolding as it did?). In short, Isayama justifies this “choice” that was forced on Eren by telling us: his life was destined to be short, he had a violent side he just wouldn’t repress, Mikasa didn’t give him the answer he wanted, he was overwhelmed by what he saw, and their enemies were zeroing in on them. Canonically, all of this made him start the Rumbling. Fine. But I always thought that, at the end of it all, even if Eren were to die, this narrative would be challenged. That Eren would at least have a big cathartic moment, and that he would make another choice upon realising that the freedom he looked for was illusory, and that he would fight to the bitter end for what was right, what he truly wanted, before finally either going to rest or living on with the burden of his actions but the support of his loved ones. I wished for the perfect blend of bitterness and hope. The tragedy of irredeemeable actions completed by the powerful liberation of free will. The idea that change is possible.

But what did we get instead? Eren reaffirming that the Rumbling would have happened anyway while feeling tremendous guilt, as usual (living a life with regrets, and consequently, a death with regrets), refusing the support Armin was ready to lend him (refusing to even try to defy what he thinks is his destiny and pushing others away again) and erasing the memories of all his friends after having manipulated them into ending him against their wishes (going against the most basic concept of freedom). And because we as readers and he as a character have to suffer until the very end, Eren finally clearly expressed his wish to live, to stay with Mikasa and his friends. Only to die 5 pages later, for good.

The main character of this story truly died as a disembodied head, in a titan’s mouth, killed by the person he loved the most before being buried in a nameless grave. One of his mottos was “fight”, but in the end, he didn’t. He let fate happen. In a story about freedom, this is unfathomable. This is beyond the realm of sadness for me, and I’m leaning more and more towards indignation. Where was his dignity as a character? I know that Mikasa, Armin and the others know “the truth about him” but I’m sorry, this isn’t enough. Now, if I ever get the strength to re-read SnK, I won’t be able to look at Eren without thinking about all the things he sacrificed: love, friendship, happiness, humanity, morals, principles, justice, freedom, the lives of countless others, the peace of mind of the person he loves, and his own life. A sacrifice so great should have gotten us a reward as great, if not greater. But we only got the end of the titan curse, without even an apparition or a word from Ymir, the one who actually started all of this, and now Paradis is ruled by the Yeagerists or something. The wings of freedom defaced by two rifles. How great. How satisfying.

In the end, I can’t really fathom what Isayama wanted to say with this chapter. The story itself, the 138 chapters that preceded it seemed clear to me. The world is cruel but also very beautiful. But after having read 139, I don’t know where the freedom the characters chased is. I don’t know why love was portrayed as something so precious but also something that in the end was predestined to be discarded. I don’t know why characters such as Mikasa went against fate only to be crushed by it further down the road.

I never thought that SnK would go into this almost grimdark direction, but it did. I can barely find the beauty in this chapter. Mikasa’s last panels are heartbreaking, but even the strength of her love can’t shine through the countless sacrifices the characters - and especially she and Eren - made, for the sake of a future that already seems extremely compromised. I guess that all in all, the world’s cruelty overshadows everything, and those who make the greatest sacrifices also are those who never get repaid. The world is unfair. I know that, but it was my naive wish that reading a piece of fiction would help me take my mind off this reality by showing me there is also more to it.

PS: the best moment in the chapter was those panels:

Finally, even if it was too little and too late, someone showed Eren he wasn’t alone, and didn’t need to be. RIP, my beautiful boy. You truly did deserve better than what this story allowed you to be.

[thecleverdame]

Gods of Twilight - 11

Alpha!Werewolf!Sam x Human!Reader

Master List (posting schedule is there as well)

Summary: You marry Sam, The King of Lebanon, as part of an alliance between two lands. You soon discover that nothing is as it appears and that your husband is hiding a secret that may end your relationship before it can begin.

Warnings: smut, dub-con, canon-level violence, domestic discipline, spanking

Beta:  @ilikaicalie​

*This story is complete. All 27 chapters are available on Patreon. To get access to this and many other stories, subscribe for a pledge of 2.50 per month. CLICK HERE

-

You suspect Sam must have sent a rider ahead because by the time you return to the castle there’s a steaming hot bath waiting in the middle of your room.

“Let’s warm up, shall we?” He disrobes before you have the chance to think, your teeth are still chattering when he strips down and sinks into the water, eyes fluttering closed. His skin is littered with cuts and scrapes from branches and undergrowth, the telltale signs of his recent run in animal form.

Carefully slipping off your dress you watch him for a moment longer before joining him. His eyes pop open the second your toes touch the water.

“Sit with me.” He bends his knees, spreading his legs as an offer for you to get between them.

Taking a breath you turn around, painfully aware of your buttocks in his face as you sink into the water and lean back against his chest.

“You’re still shivering.” He’s suddenly everywhere, all around you. His mouth hot at your cheek, the scruff of his beard scraping delicate skin. His legs squeeze around your hips just as two strong arms slide across your belly. “Better?”

“Much,” you nod, clearing your throat as you pretend to be at ease, resting your head back on his shoulder.

The longer you sit in the water with this beast of a man wrapped around you, the more you relax. The minutes tick by and little by little you begin to let go, your senses dulling as the gentle sloshing of the tub and steadiness of his breath lulls you into a dream-like state.

“Would you like to accompany me again?” he asks softly.

Your now heavy eyes struggle to open, shaking your thoughts back into consciousness.

“I enjoyed being out of the castle grounds. And I enjoyed my time with you. But I felt...out of place. I’m not sure it’s appropriate for me to be there.”

“Did someone make you feel that way?” He scoops up a handful of water, pouring it over your chest and breasts.

“No,” you sigh, fingers skimming the surface of the water. “But what I saw felt sacred, a moment not meant for human eyes.”

“Perhaps.” His hand comes to rest on the inside of your thigh, just above your knee under the water. “There are always exceptions. I want you to understand the gravity of what I am. That was the most honest way I knew to show you..”

“Don’t think for a moment I am unappreciative. It was incredible. What I am trying to say is that I would like to know the human side as well. To have conversations, to know each other on an intellectual level.” Your breath quickens as his touch rises just a bit further up your leg.

“Intellectual?” He parrots with his mouth at your temple, turning into a half nuzzle that rekindles the vivid image of him as that gigantic white wolf in the woods.

“Well, yes. I’d very much like to know what you think of the world. What it’s like for you to be a king when it was your brother who was supposed to take the crown. You must have gone through so much to make you the man you are today. It’s that journey I am interested in.”

“You are very different than I thought you’d be, wife,” he chuckles, chest rumbling against your back. “Always a surprise.”

“May I ask you something?” Now is the time if ever there was one. “Who was that woman tonight? The dark-haired one? She’s very beautiful.”

“Ruby.” His fingers flex into the skin of your leg. “She is not important.”

“Perhaps she is not important to you,” you counter. “But you are to her.”

“How do you know that?” He goes stiff behind you.

“I do not need the cunning of a wolf to see the way another woman looks at my husband,” you snort. “She was very polite, welcoming even, but there’s no denying the fact she was unhappy with my presence.”

“You are free to come and go as you please as long you’re with me. You’re my wife, not to mention the queen. You do as you like, it’s not up to her to cast any judgment.”

“It felt as if I was invading her territory.” You pry yourself out of his grasp, turning around to face him, still between his open legs. “Who is she to you?”

He sighs, looking away for a moment, licking his lips in thought. “I’ll be honest with you if that’s what you want. But you have to make the decision about how much you truly-”

“I want to know,” you cut him off. “I need to know. I won’t look like a fool in front of everyone else. I need you to be open with me.”

“Fine. But to understand what Ruby is to me I must first explain another aspect of what I am.”

“I’m listening.” You sit on your butt, drawing your knees to your chest.

“Are you aware of the mating cycle of deer, when the bucks go into a rut?”

“Yes,” you offer. “They spar with each other and rub the bark off the trees.”

“Well, I go through the same thing, it’s a breeding cycle. All Alphas go through it.” The moment the words leave his mouth a sinking feeling settles in your stomach. “Twice a year, for several days a time, my cycle overtakes me. It’s a feral thing. Uncontrollable. If we don’t mate, or at least attempt to, it becomes excruciatingly painful, a fever sets in. If unsatisfied it can be fatal.”

“The stories I’ve heard about you, the women…” you flush, watching his eyes narrow.

“It took me a long time to find an Omega who was able to satisfy my rut. I hate to admit that I hurt more than a few before I found-”

“Ruby,” you confirm, swallowing anger and jealousy.

“Yes.” He nods, jaw tight. It’s clear he’s as uncomfortable as you are. “She was the last resort. She made her interest known, even before I went off to fight in the war. Before I became what I am and Dean turned her.”

“Why did you marry me?” you blurt out. It’s an honest question and all you can think of as he confesses this to you. “Why didn’t you marry her?”

“Because I have never had any interest in her beyond what is required. She’s a cold person, conniving, treacherous. She hides it well but there’s a darkness under the surface that I have no interest in knowing. I chose you.”

“Chose me?” You laugh, shaking your head. “You made a deal with my father. You chose an alliance. I was part of an agreement.”

“Y/N, do you really think I need Cuthert steel to win a war? I have an army of men who are nearly indestructible. Your father is an honest, ethical man, he would never have sold his steel to anyone wishing to wage a war with Lebanon or any other peaceful kingdom for that matter. You were what I wanted.”

“But we had never met before I came here to marry you. I don’t understand.”

“You wrote the letter your father dictated, the one where he asked for extra grain to supplement his failing crops.”

“Yes, I suppose I did. But what could you know of me from a letter about wheat?”

“I could smell you.” He nearly growls, eyes lighting up as if the moment is coming back to him in fiery detail. “Your scent was, and still is, like nothing I’ve ever experienced. You are one of a kind and I knew I had to have you. It is arguably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done. Bringing you here, marrying you without telling you who or what I really was.”

“I-I don’t know how to respond to that.” Sitting back in the water you stare at the tops of your knees. “Is there anything else? Because if there is please tell me now. I seem to be getting pieces of the puzzle incrementally but I’d prefer to see the whole picture at once.”

“That is all there is,” he nods, lounging back against the tub, both arms outstretched resting on the sides. One knee stays bent, the other leg sinking into the water as he relaxes with this latest confession.

You think about his words. The very idea that this was all an elaborate ruse with you as the end game seems unfathomable. All because he smelled your scent on a letter? But then again, he is a wolf after all.

“So,” you start, looking up at him only to find him watching you intently. Normally you’d be self-conscious but there’s none of that anymore. You’ve moved past trivial concerns, at least for this evening. “You do...want me then?”

“Very much,” he responds without pause. His eyes fall to the top of your breasts, your chest still covered by your knees.

“But, even when we were intimate you always left me. You never stayed. Is it because I wasn’t able to satisfy your needs?”

There’s heat in your cheeks now, but not enough embarrassment to keep you from asking the questions you need the answers to. If you are to be a wife to him, the kind of wife that he requires, then you require the facts in return.

“That was before. I wasn’t sure how to face you when you didn’t know my secret. I was constantly wrestling with the guilt of leaving you in the dark. I have made an attempt to be better in that regard, but we haven’t been together, not since I...punished you.”

You can’t help but bristle at the mention of the incident, all too happy to put it behind you.

“And do you still want me?” you implore, gravely serious as you search his face for the real answer. “Now that you know what’s like to be with me. To know that I cannot satisfy you in the way that - that another woman can?”

“It’s not even comparable.” He sits up, reaching out he grabs your hips, lifting you up and into his lap in one easy move. You gasp, placing both hands on his chest as he spreads your legs on either side of his hips. You can feel his cock, he’s hard, trapped between your bellies as you look him in the eyes, uncomfortably close. “I do not want her. But I do want every inch of you. It’s not that I’m unsatisfied, there are just certain things that we have not yet tried.”

“You’re talking about...knotting me?” you verify as his hands curl into your hips, the lukewarm water of the tub sloshing over the sides.

“Yes. You said you wanted to try.” His eyes trail over your face as he speaks, licking his lips as he fixates on your mouth. “Is that something you still desire?”

“It is,” you confirm, your hands slip up his chest to grab onto thick shoulders. “Will it hurt?”

“It may.” One giant hand slides around the small of your back, the other under a buttock, yanking you closer with a flex of his arms. The head of his cock pokes your stomach, a reminder of what’s to come. “But I think with time it’s something that you could become accustomed to. Perhaps even enjoy. The truth is I don’t know.”

“Sam,” you pull back, a thought occurring for the first time. “You said your rut comes twice a year. We’ve been married for nearly a year. Logic would dictate you’ve already been through at least one rut during our marriage? Were you with her-”

“No,” he interrupts. The hand on your back finds your jaw, his thumb stroking the corner of your mouth. “I’ve not been unfaithful to you. I had my brother cage me in the catacombs but it was almost disastrous. I came close to death. I can’t go through that again. I have too many others that depend on me, that need me. You are my wife, you’re the one I hunger for in those moments. And perhaps if you are able to take my knot, I’ll never have to look outside our marriage.”

You sit in his lap in silence, the bathwater growing cool while you study his face. He’s even more handsome up close. The fine lines around his eyes deepen when his gaze narrows, the scruff of his short beard is unruly. His wet hair covers his head like a wild mane. He is undeniably an attractive man, despite his many imperfections, maybe because of them. For all his talk of wanting you, you’ve never once vocalized wanting him in return, but you do. More now than ever before.

“I want us to be together, to be as normal as we can possibly be,” you whisper, one hand threading into the hair at the back his head, fingers sliding over his scalp. “I want to give you everything you need. To take your knot, to bear your children.”

Your words have an immediate effect. His impressive strength is once again demonstrated as he stands up, taking you with him. Water pours down as he reaches around, hooking both hands under your thighs to lift your legs around his hips as he steps out of the bath.

He stands in the middle of the room, naked and dripping with you in his arms as he kisses you for the first time. His lips take yours in a hungry assault, warm tongue sliding over yours. It’s a wonderful thing to taste him for the first time. A simple moan escapes your mouth, only to be swallowed as he plunges deeper, doing a wonderful imitation of another part of his body.

When his lips finally leave yours it’s only to drop you onto the bed as he crawls over you. He stalks up your body like the wolf he is, shoulders flexing as he places one hand on either side of your body.

You open your legs out of instinct, pulling knees up to your ribs as he fingers your cunt with gentle strokes, exploring until his thumb finds your bud. You nearly come off the bed in response.

“Do you enjoy when I touch you?” he asks with a smile in his voice as his mouth nips down your neck.

“Very much,” you gasp, rolling your head to the side as he sucks at the juncture of your shoulder. Your sex is throbbing, that elusive ache pulsing back to life as two fingers slide inside your pussy, sinking in up to his knuckles.

“You’re wet,” he huffs, slinking slower, sucking your nipple into this mouth. He sucks hard enough to draw a whimper from your lips and then releases it, letting the cold air make your wet nipple painfully hard. “This wet little cunt is going to open up for me, isn’t it?”

His filthy words bring to life a new level of desire as you roll your hips down into his hand, the fingers inside you thrusting slowly in and out as he spreads them wide, forcing your body to stretch for him.

“Yes,” you moan, nodding desperately, legs butterflying open as far as possible.

His hand leaves your sex to snake between you, his other arm supporting his weight next to your head. He kisses you open-mouthed and needy, grunting against your lips as he notches the head of his manhood in your cunt and thrusts forward.

His cock alone is enough to take the air right out of your lungs. There’s a tingle, a carnal excitement that starts between your legs and fans out, winding through your veins until your fingers and toes are vibrating with pleasure.

His open mouth trails down your neck, grunting and panting as he fucks you with long, firm strokes that work his cock tip to base with every thrust. You can feel his sack rocking into your backside with each stroke, and the wet squelch of your bodies coming together fills the air with breathless pants and wanton moans.

The insistence of his hips and the hard length of his cock remind you of the animalistic need to fuck, but the constant taste of his lips and hot mouth over every inch of skin he can reach, feel like something deeper, more connected.

His hand wedges between your bodies, his rhythm never slowing as he finds your clit and begins to rub softly. It doesn't take much, you’re already close to your peak and a few strokes with the pad of his thumb sends you over the edge.

“Sam!” you shout, his name followed by a frenzied wail. Your cunt tightens around him, gripping, sucking his cock deeper. The pleasure is warmth and energy, in short, overwhelming bursts that make you buck and twitch against him, arms reaching out as fingers curl into the bedding, desperate for anything to keep you earthbound.

He never stops moving, the even lunge of his hips into your body works you through the orgasm as you lie twitching underneath him. You’re boneless and soaked in gratification as he watches you with a grin on his lips. His cheeks are red, flush with exertion, hair dripping as he chuckles, reaching down to pull your legs back up around his waist.

“You are even more beautiful like this.” He empathizes the statement with a quick kiss. “I could die a happy man watching you cum like that.”

A wide smile breaks out over your face but you’re unable to find words at this moment. It’s almost unbearably sensitive between your legs, everything is wet and thoroughly used as he fucks faster and harder. Your breasts bounce with each thrust, in a matching cadence with his grunts which are growing louder and louder.

That’s when you feel it. The base of his cock feels wider, slipping back into your cunt with each press of his hips. With every stroke, it feels bigger. He’s moving at an incredible pace, somehow faster and faster as he buries his face in your shoulder with a long, loud groan. For a moment he has to work to get himself back inside.

You’re not sure he’s even going to fit but after an unrelenting press, he snaps back in, stretching your pussy wider than you ever thought was possible. For a moment you think that’s it, that it’s done.

Then his knot pops and everything between your legs screams in pain. He yelps in satisfaction, panting and groaning as he empties into your belly.

There seem to be a thousand sensations all at once. The weight of his massive frame pushes the air from your lungs. There’s the pain you first felt, a stretch that you’re afraid to know the extent of, but his cock is also trapped uncomfortably deep, so deep that it feels like he’s lodged in your stomach. And the amount of seed he’s pumping into you is not at all like when you’ve been with him before. This is something altogether different. He fills you until his cum is leaking from around his knot and over your backside.

You’ve been holding back but there’s no amount of self-control that can contain the sob that escapes your lips, an awful tortured sound that echoes off the walls. The guards can surely hear you crying out and you can only imagine what stories will no doubt be told in the dark corners of the castle. When you call out he turns his head into your neck, kisses the soft skin before lifting his weight off you.

“Shhhh,” he coos, eyes opening and closing, his mouth half hanging open, clearly still in the throws of his own release. “Shhh, it’s alright, breathe.”

“It hurts,” you sputter, screwing your eyes shut and gripping his back for dear life.

“I know, I’m sorry,” he mumbles, dropping his forehead against your breast in a desperate attempt to catch his breath and gain control of himself. He unconsciously rocks his hips forward, and you whimper, tears rolling down your temple.

“It’s too much.” You panic, trying to push him off you but he takes a deep breath, rising up on his arms, looking down at you with hair falling against your face.

“You’re alright,” his voice is softer now, and he lowers down onto his elbows. “Shhh, try to relax.” His lips find yours, kissing you again and again. One hand goes to your hip, fingers trailing over the curve of your leg and then up your side, stroking gently. “Don’t move, just try to calm down.”

You’re vaguely aware he’s fighting off his own pleasure to try and comfort you. You stare up at him, eyes locked on each other, using him as your focal point as you breath slow and steady. After a few minutes, the initial pain dulls and it becomes more uncomfortable than anything else. You imagine this is similar to what it would feel like if his fist was shoved inside you.

“How long will it stay like this?” you whisper, wiping what’s left of the tears from your cheek.

“Normally it’s not long,” he snorts, thumbing a rogue tear from under your eye. “But I’ve never felt like that before.”

“It was good for you?” You ask the question genuinely, you want to be able to satisfy him but if this didn’t do it for him you’re not sure it’s ever going to be possible.

“More than good,” he smiles hesitantly, caught between the intensity of his own fading orgasm and the pain you’re clearly in. “Better than any pleasure I’ve had before.”

“I suppose it’s not so bad.” You sniffle, hiking your legs up higher. The burn of the stretch has numbed, now it’s just a fullness beyond what’s natural.

“Does it still hurt?” he inquires, lifting up enough to look down to where your bodies are joined.

“Not as much. It’s more my hips at the moment. You’re heavy.” You offer a smile, small but heartfelt.

“Next time I’ll take you from behind,” he explains calmly. “It makes this part easier.”

You gulp, scarcely able to imagine the next time while your tender sex is throbbing around him. But you’ve done it. You’ve proven that you’re at least capable of giving him what he needs and there’s personal satisfaction in that.

“I cannot breathe.” You shimmy, trying to get into a more comfortable position.

“Here.” He grips your backside with both hands holding you against him, careful not to let his knot tug as he rolls onto his back, relieving you of his weight.

It turns out that he meant it when he said he’d never felt anything like it before. It’s the better part of an hour before his knot begins to recede. You’re laying over his chest, half asleep as he rubs your back in the dying light of the fire when you finally feel relief and he’s able to pull free.

Laying you delicately onto your back again you feel his seed spill over your buttocks and look down to inspect yourself. Nothing looks too alarming, there’s no blood or obvious sign of injury.

He returns with a basin of water and a cloth, letting you clean yourself before he attends to himself. Instead of turning away from you and going promptly to sleep, as he has in the past, he lies on his back and reaches out to you. You settle under his arm, curling into his side.

“Thank you,” he murmurs, voice thick as sleep creeps in.

As you’re trying to come up with a suitable response he begins to breathe deep and slow, confirming he’s already out.

-

In the morning you awake to the all too familiar sounds of the morning servant girl tending the fire. Blinking awake you see her and try to move only to be held in place by the Goliath of a man sleeping soundly, half on top of you. There’s an immediate ache from your lower half and you fuss, trying to wiggle free.

“I’m so sorry m’lady.” She squeaks, barely audible, looking worriedly from you to Sam’s sleeping form. “I’ll be quiet, I don’t want to wake the king.”

She’s shaking in fear and you’re reminded that not everyone knows of his secret. In fact, the majority of Lebanon thinks him to be some kind of terrifying villain.

The soreness from your sex is growing as you wake up, and you’re going to need something for the pain if you want to be able to walk.

“I’m glad you are here.” You speak softly. “Have Golda make me a tea of hollowleek and wormwood. I’ll take it as soon as possible.”

“Of course,” she glances again at Sam, looking more concerned than before, scampering out of the room.

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Movies and TV Shows in the Book

While the series is close to reality, there are a few movie and TV series that exist in the book’s universe. Here they are for all your background information needs!

The Handy & Ydnah Show

An odd show centered around two talking hands with googly eyes, one named Handy and another named Ydnah. Ydnah is characterized as being able to only speak in reverse and being the crazier and more unhinged brother, while Handy is the brains and the voice of reason. The two get into many comical misadventures, many of which rope in their friend and neighbor, the fairy cat Blue.

With its absurd humor, cheap-looking special effects, and goofy voice acting, the show has become popular with both children and stoners alike. Oddly, very little information about the production of the show is available anywhere, and nobody knows who even plays Handy, Ydnah, or Blue, let alone the numerous other characters.

The Journeys of Arya Mournblade

 A series of films starring  actress Maggie Fair that began in the early 80s. they are centered on the eponymous Arya Mournblade, a wandering warrior woman in the fantasy land of Urgonn. The following films were made:

The Lair of the Serpent King: Arya goes to stop a strange cult that wishes to resurrect an ancient and powerful serpent god. Despite its low budget, it managed to win over audiences with the cheesy script and solid special effects for the budget. Released in 1986, it has a solid 6.8 on IMDB.

Hellfire of Dagoth: Arya faces an evil warlock bent on releasing demons from Hell. Here it was noted Iris’ acting was greatly improved, and the plot was tighter and more original. Dagoth is widely regarded as the least interesting villain in the series in terms of characterization and motivation. His actor, Gordon Brand, makes a valiant effort to make up for it by chewing the scenery, but to no avail in the eyes of the fans. However, Fair’s better acting combined with the better effects and a decent supporting cast, including a beleaguered henchman and a sensual bard, helped to make this a well-liked movie. Released in 1988, it holds a 5.9 on IMDB.

The Ebony Tower: An evil overlord wages war on the land from atop a mighty tower, which Arya promises to scale, not knowing all the dangers inside. This one was the first critical darling of the series, gaining good reviews from critics and audiences alike. A big help was getting Dane Grayson of the Dick Kicker: Ace Detective series to play the villainous overlord Celsior, who is widely regarded as being the best antagonist of the series. The clear inspiration from kung-fu movies combined with the tightest plot to date and a cast of colorful oneshot assassins populating the titular tower led to this movie getting great reviews. It was released in 1989 and has a 7.4 on IMDB.

Starchild of Avalor: Beings from beyond the stars beg Arya to help them stop a coming invasion which threatens to wipe out all life on Earth. This is widely regarded as the lowest point in the series. The addition of UFOs and sci-fi elements really soured a lot of fans, with them finding it did not mesh well with the series. However, it is widely agreed the villain, Xendru the Conqueror is one of the most fun villains the franchise had to offer. The special effects in this movie were shockingly subpar, and the story was rather confused in a lot of parts. Still, the fun villain as well as Iris’ seasoned acting did end up being praised, and the movie does have a small cult following WITHIN the cult following, with most fans viewing it as a “So bad it’s good” movie. Released in 1993, it has a 4.9 on IMDB.

Marked in the Stars: Released in 1996. This entry was the first one in the series to go direct-to-video. It’s viewed as a step up from the previous film, which isn’t really saying much. It has a 5.8 on IMDB. 

The Final Crusade: Released direct-to-video in 2000, this was intended to be the grand finale of the series, but it was met with overwhelmingly poor reception due to its lackluster plot and unsatisfying conclusions. It holds the lowest rating of the franchise on IMDB, at 3.6.

The Demon’s Head: After a decade in limbo and Fair constantly talking about how she’d love to return to the role, the franchise returned to theaters with this first entry in the Arya Reborn trilogy, as it would come to be known, and it was a resounding success among fans. Released in 2010, it holds a 6.8 on IMDB.

The Wrath of Mouurnblade: While seen as a bit of a fanservice stunt as it brought back almost every antagonist in the series to fight Arya again, most fans agree the movie is a lot of fun and has great performances that redeem even the weaker villains. Released in 2014, it holds a 7.0 on IMDB.

With Strange Eons: The finale of the series. Arya must fight against the apocalypse as the Great Old Ones are awakened from their eternal slumber. This movie is the second film in the franchise to win great praise from both audiences and critics alike, and is widely hailed as a swords and sorcery classic. Fair is at the top of her game, and the story is excellent and finely woven, with the Lovecraftian influence working wonders after the divisive use of aliens. It helps eldritch horrors mesh better with fantasy settings than UFOs. The villains Ktulu, Yargog, Nephilethet, and Azeroth are some of the most frightening special effects the series had ever achieved, using all sorts of techniques from animatronics to stop-motion to bring the monsters to life. The film ends with Arya dying while sealing the Great Old Ones away forever, with Arya becoming a legend on Earth and having a constellation put in the sky, with the strong implication the gods granted her some form of divinity so she may watch over Earth for all time. It is widely considered the best film in the franchise. Released in 2017, it has a 7.9 on IMDB.

Dick Kicker: Ace Detective

A series of tongue-in-cheek hard-boiled detective movies from the late 60s/early 70s starring Dane Grayson as the eponymous private eye, a hardboiled badass who plays by no one’s rules but his own. Five films were made:

Dick Kicker: Ace Detective: The first film in the series. It featured Dick investigating the mysterious disappearance of a mayor’s daughter. Things were obviously not as they seem. It’s widely regarded as the best entry of the series, though most of the sequels have fans. It was released in 1968 and has a 7.5 on IMDB.

The Rain Falls Hard: A string of murders during a rainy spring rife with flooding, and Dick is on the case again. This one is seen as a bit of a step down from the first film. Released in 1971, it has a 6.7 on IMDB.

Time and Time Again: A rich, eccentric clockmaker is found murdered in his mansion at a dinner party, and it’s up to Dick Kicker to figure out who the killer is. This is the most highly regarded sequel of the bunch. Released in 1974, it has a 7.0 on  IMDB.

The Hardest Nut to Crack: A factory worker and union leader turns up dead, so Dick Kicker is on the case to get to the bottom of this. Very good ideas and a solid message, but the execution lacked any flair and some find the film hamfisted. Released in 1978, it has a 6.0 on IMDB.

The City Sleeps Tonight: A death during a severe power outage is investigated by Dick. Usually regarded as the weakest entry in the series. Released in 1980, it has a 5.8 on IMDB.

Mercenaries

A series about, you guessed it, a group of mercenaries. It is a trashy, crazy action series well known for two things: The immortal lines “There’s nothing better in life than the feeling of a woman’s tongue coiling around the tip of your dick” and “I’m going to make you sorry you ever slid out of your mom’s vagina” (both uttered by the main character, foul-mouthed Max Viper) and the single fight scene involving Venus Crowley (under her pseudonym Scarlet Love) in which she performed unscripted combat moves whilst riding a motorcycle. 

[xellevexom]

How to Make Hellfire Mushroom Rolled Cookies

This game has brought me purpose and life so, here, have some not wholesome juicy Luci content.  Also, this isn’t a recipe FYI Please ignore the spelling errors and grammar because I’m writing this on a tiny phone screen. I’m new to Tumblr so please be patient with my tags.

You heard a message notification from your D.D.D. the moment you stepped out of the shower.

After quickly wrapping your hair up to in a towel, you walked over the bedside table when the device was charging. You carefully picked up the device, unsure how waterproof it was in your damp hands. You pressed the button that automatically woke up to display who sent a message.

It was from Diavolo.

Diavolo? I wonder what he wants.

Not wanting to incur the prince of hell’s wrath by ignoring his texts, you immediately opened the messenger app.

Diavolo: Hey there, MC.

Diavolo: I have a small favor to ask.

Diavolo: It’s about what Lucifer made. You know what I’m talking about.

You took a hot second to recall what he was talking about before sending a prompt response.

You: The hellfire mushroom rolled cigar cookies?

After a couple of seconds, the pencil icon signaled that Diavolo was writing his reply.

Diavolo: Right, that.

Diavolo: You helped Lucifer make them, right?

You pumped the breaks when panic erupted in your body as you recalled last weekend’s memory. Your fingers trembled as you carefully typed in your reply, making double, triple, even quadruple sure that you were concise with your words.

You: Who told you that?

After suffering an agonizing thirty seconds by the seemingly taunting pencil icon, a message popped up on your screen. You froze, reading his reply.

Diavolo: Why Lucifer, if course.

“Lucifer, stop!” You pleaded as you took away the measuring spoons from his hands.

The first-born demon’s icy stare was cutting you through like paper, but you managed to ignore it as you sort out the mess he created.

“I don’t see how one teaspoon is enough to make this sweet recipe.”

You shot him an incredulous look. “First of all, this a savory recipe. Secondly, just because they’re cookies, that doesn’t mean they’re always sweet, and lastly, for someone who’s a stickler for the rules, you sure do get creative when it comes to following recipes.”

Lucifer folded his arms and glared down at you.

During dinner, Lucifer announced that the kitchen was off-limits to the entire household after dinner until breakfast the next day. Any one caught meandering in the kitchen’s vicinity was going to be thoroughly punished.

Everyone expected Beel to reject, however, it seemed like he was easily bribed with a dozen boxes of these devilishly delicious cheesecakes from this specific cake shop that only made limited quantities of their famous goodies. Beel was never lucky in buying them as they seem to be sold out even before the stores opened .

This, of course, piqued everyone’s curiosity.

Why would Lucifer go through such lengths of secrecy?

Of course, I was roped into Mammon and Levi’s curiosity as they attempted to sneak in the kitchen, blissfully unaware of the consequences. Naturally, we were caught.

Levi managed to slip away whilst Mammon and I were unlucky. Before Lucifer could enact any punishment, Mammon graciously threw me under the bus by claiming that it was all my idea to spy on him.

I thought Lucifer was above Mammon’s horse shit, but that demon actually believed Mammon. He spared the moron on the condition that he remains in his room for the remainder of the evening or else his beloved Goldie would be thrown into the ether.

“I still don’t think it’s enough,” he grumbled.

You squeezed the top bridge of your nose, a clear indication that your brain was running on fumes due to a certain demon’s stubbornness. You cast a tired but serious gaze at him with your hands in the work bench.

“Lucifer, do you want my help or not?” You sighed with exasperation.

The proud demon’s tight-lipped silence was all the response you needed to proceed. You quietly reached for the plastic mixing bowl and bag of flour. Unsatisfied by the measuring cup situation earlier, you asked if they had something akin to a digital weighing scale.

“What’s wrong with measuring cups?”

“It’s not really a big deal for others, but, for me, measuring cups tend to be unreliable. Weighing scales is the only way to avoid any discrepancy in cooking, have consistent results, and yields more product. Not to mention less dishes to wash and less messes to clean up.”

While you were busy prattling off like some TV chef personality, Lucifer regarded you with the same level of respect as he does when observing Barbatos skillfully operating the kitchen. However, you noticed his eyes were not the same eyes of respect he had for the butler. They looked warm, focused, and, dare I say, gentle. The glare was starting to make you uncomfortable.

“What?”

Finally realizing he was glaring, a flash of pink colored Lucifer’s cheeks as he looked away. “It’s nothing.”

Like hell it was nothing.

Lucifer was, after all, the Avatar of Pride and while the whole affair has left his pride swelling with the darkest of bruises, and my mere presence and earlier schoolteacher scolding was just adding salt to his wounds.

Not wanting to be distracted, you pressed on with your task at hand, quietly referring to the cookbook set on the book stand.

You could have easily done this by yourself, but you were in the Devildom after all, so majority of the ingredients were unfamiliar to you. You often asked Lucifer what the ingredient in question was which he gladly helped in identifying. His careful and gentle nature in explaining was something you weren’t accustomed to. You did your best to execute the recipe with little to no distraction.

However, that peace was disrupted as you took a cup of brown sugar.

“What are you doing?” Lucifer question Ed with narrowed eyes.

“Caramelizing some brown sugar?” you replied innocently, hoping he wouldn’t notice your slight departure in the recipe. He noticed.

“Nowhere in the recipe does it say that.”

“Yes, but if you look at the foot note, the author suggests that adding a texture similar to creme brulee would elevate the dish more.”

It was now his turn to have an incredulous look on his face.

“Now look who’s being a little creative.” Lucifer shook his head. “But that’s what you always do. Disobedience at every turn.”

You noticed the venom in his tone so you put down the saucepan with the brown sugar. You promptly unfastened your apron, but your weakened fingers and the tight knot just became an awkward shuffle for you.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lucifer cocked an eyebrow.

“I did not sign up for this,” you half-yelled as you struggled with the knot some more.

“MC, what are doing?” His tone was wrought with both shock and impatience.

“No, what are you doing, Lucifer?” You spit back.

Lucifer was taken aback by your tone, and you decided to take this chance.

“I don’t know why your even doing this! What even prompted you to do such an uncharacteristic task that you obviously can’t handle?”

“Excuse me—”

“No! No, Lucifer, no!” You cut him off, the frustrations grew worse with the apron’s unrelenting knot. “It’s your fucking pride, isn’t it, Mr. Avatar of Pride?”

“Is it pride if you want to make Lord Diavolo—”

“Oh my god!” You threw your hands up in the air and back at your waist .

“Don’t involve God in—”

“Diavolo this, Diavolo that, your nose is so far up his ass that I wouldn’t be surprised if your wings were shit brown instead of the beautiful black—”

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Lucifer bellowed, his horns and spread-wings hovered over you ominously, curtaining any light around you.

However, that only lasted a moment as he saw terror in your eyes. Lucifer promptly veiled his demon form and regained his composure.

“I apologize. I didn’t mean to frighten you.”

It was not the demon form that frightened you. If anything, it was the fire in his eyes that scared you, bringing a lone tear to your eye.

“I apologize—”

Lucifer leaned forward, but you froze. He paused for a moment, silently asking for permission to touch your delicate face. Your stunned silenced allowed him to take a a gloved hand off and wipe that one tear away.

The warmth radiating from his palm made you involuntarily lay on it, producing fresh tears.

“I’m truly sorry.”

His brows knitted in sorrow. He slowly circled his hands behind you, easily unknotting the apron in the opposite direction you were pulling, easily freeing you. He puts the fabric aside as he enveloped you in a sincere, warm, and slightly dizzying hug. His ungloved hand rested on your neck and the gloved one was holding you in the small of your back.

“MC,” he whispered your name softly. “Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to anger or frighten you. You’re too important to me.”

Sincere apologies always fixed the situation, however, Lucifer’s apology only made you sick to the stomach.

“Please don’t be upset with me,” he continued. His grip tightened on you and you could feel the his heart nearly jumping out of his ribs.

“You were right, MC, I can’t let go—”

“Lucifer, stop.”

You pushed yourself off him so that you could reach up and cup his beautiful face in your small hands. “I’m sorry too.”

“MC…”

“I didn’t mean those things. I was just upset that you would put so much attention on a person who doesn’t love you as much as—”

“You do?”

You mentally slapped yourself for spilling your own beans. The hellcat was already out of the sack, so you doubled down and, on your tippy toes, reached for a kiss.

You honestly expected Lucifer to taste like old paper and bitter tea, but his lips had a slight salty but minty taste. His mouth, however, was like expensive chocolate with a rich sweetness melting on your tongue.

You couldn’t imagine being able to reach his impressive height, but the fact that Lucifer bent over to let you reach him was all the confirmation you needed.

After what seemed like an eternity, he broke the kiss, planting a softer one on your forehead, then back on your lips.

“Lucifer…” was all you could say after the heady dose of kisses.

“I’ve never… I’ve never imagined that someone could stir up these emotions in me.”

You lingered in your bubble for a moment, the heavy tension dissipating in seconds. Fully aware of the growing arousal soaking in the air, you gently pushed him away.

“We should, uh, get back to the, um, cookies.”

Cookies weren’t exactly in his mind as you felt the bulge in his slacks poking your hip.

Before you could protest, he gently lifted you off the floor and your legs involuntarily circled his hips. A soft moan escaped your lips when your sensitive crotch made contact with his bulge threatening to destroy any fabric between you.

Lucifer was quick to cover your mouth with his, sucking every last ounce of your pleasured moans. He placed you on top the the work bench, obviously not caring in knocking over the ingredients and making fast work if your button-up shirt and pants while digging his hungry mouth on your collar bone and neck.

“Luci, wait, someone will see me—’

“Nonsense.” Lucifer lifted your chin gently to plant another soft kiss. “I would never let anyone witness how beautiful and precious you are right now.”

My cheeks flushed the brightest red. His compliment would have been more convincing if we weren’t in this very precarious situation.

“Are my black wings really beautiful?” Lucifer asked confidently, but his question laced with doubt.

“They’re the most beautiful thing I’ve seen.”

The memory of his deep kisses was not enough to distract the buzzing device in my hands. Diavolo had sent a string of texts.

Diavolo: …I figured that as long as he made them, I had a right to try them, didn’t I?

Diavolo: When I heard that Lucifer had tried this hand at one of my favorite treats, well…

Diavolo: At first Lucifer was reluctant to let me, but finally he gave in.

Diavolo: He let me have one bite…

Your stomach turned inside out. The steamy feelings of pleasure in your head has transformed into panic, fantasizing on how the prince of hell would utterly annihilated a lowly human for feeding him such garbage.

You: Are you okay?

Diavolo: I wouldn’t say I’m okay… 

Diavolo: In any event, MC, do me a favor, and never let Lucifer make this again.

Diavolo: Please, I beg you.

“What is he begging for?“ 

You nearly dropped your the device as a deep voice echoed from behind you. You manage to shut off the device before turning around.

“Lucifer!”

The fallen angel’s tousled wet hair slowly dripped water onto to his bare chest, forming seductive rivulets leading to his lower half.

“Are you hiding something, MC?” He folded his arms with eyes narrowed at you.

“I’m not sure what you’re t—”

When your gaze looked at his exposed body, fresh from the shower, you suddenly realize you were naked and, therefore, turned around and covered yourself.

“Can we talk about this lat—EEEEIP!”

Your arms covering your chest was pulled aside as he reached from behind you, cupping each soft bread in his hand. You could also feel a warm semi-hard mass lingering between your ass cheeks.

“Have we still not learned our lesson?” Lucifer whispered hotly in your ear, distracting you further. “Were you genetically designed to be this disobedient?”

“Luci, it’s… It’s not… It’s not what— ah!”

Your lack of coherent response prompt a firm nibble at the base of your neck. His hand wandered from your chest, leaving a hot trail on your ribs, stomach, and abdomen.

“It’s not what?”

“It’s not what you think!” You managed to blurted out before the teasing began.

Lucifer roughly, but gently, pushed you on the bed, crashing face-first into your pillows that smelled of this morning’s sweaty wake up call. Lucifer gently rubbed your now wet entrance, stimulating it further with the tip of his throbbing member.

“Being the Avatar of Pride doesn’t mean I’m not prone to jealousy, MC.” Lucifer announced as he teased you some more.

In essence, this text from Diavolo was a not really a big deal, but the jealousy play was massively turning you both on.

“I’ll take this secret to my grave.” You breathed hotly, anticipating Lucifer’s attack.

A playful smirk crossed his lips. “Very well then.”

end.

[electronicyarn]

NOT Live Blogging RWBY Vol. 7

Guess who has two thumbs and finally finished watching RWBY Volume 7? This gal! So I decided I’d post my thoughts on the volume. I’m kind of disappointed I didn’t get to properly live blog it, but I guess right now this is the best I can do.

(So is…is tumblr still a thing? Or has whatever company that owns it now finally run the site completely into the ground. Maybe the question I should be asking is: does anyone still follow my blog?)

I think in the interest of not rambling too wildly I’m going to organize my thoughts into broad categories. So, here we go.

Visuals

If nothing else, this volume was a feast for the eyes. I’m impressed that RWBY continues to noticeably improve its visuals with each Volume. Honestly, at this point I don’t see the need for further improvement. The character models are appropriately stylized, the backgrounds are gorgeous, and the last of the kinks have (finally) been worked out of the animation.

What I’m less enthused about is the costume design. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not bad. It’s just not great. Penny’s new design works. Ruby’s outfit is virtually identical to her last one, so she gets a pass. Weiss’s is close, oh so close. I like the basic design, but I think the colors needed some more tweaking. Blake’s outfit is…. Well, I don’t know. I think I’m going to call it mildly nonsensical. I’m digging the haircut though. (Same goes for Jaune!) Yang and Neo’s new clothes are so-so at best, and Cinder’s are downright awful. Strangely enough, it’s Team JN_R that wins the best-dressed award in my book. They’re new outfits look far better than Weiss’s, Blake’s, and Yang’s by a mile.

I guess I should count my blessings. After Neo and Cinder’s new outfits debuted at the end of Volume 6 I was afraid that everyone might end up looking like lampshades. Or maybe fetishists not fully committing to the part.

Story

Up until about Episode 10 I was going to call this volume the good twin to Volume 4’s evil twin. A volume of RWBY that lacked the high-highs and the low-lows that are so endemic of the franchise. The difference between the two being that Volume 4 was painfully mediocre, while Volume 7 was pretty good. But it turns out I was wrong. The entirety of Volume 7 was, in my opinion, nothing more than a build-up to the big finale. And what a finale it was! But maybe I shouldn’t get ahead of myself.

The first episode really won brownie points with me for basically doing the bad part of Volume 6 (Team RWBY spitting in the face of authority) except doing it right. It turns out that authority figures aren’t always “whimsical” caricatures masquerading as antagonists. (Sorry, I really hated Caroline, and not in a good way.) It also turns out that sometimes the authorities aren’t utterly incompetent. In many ways the Ace-Ops arresting Team RWBY reminded me of a less extreme version of the ending of the fourth Hunger Games movie. Specifically the part where Katniss and company decide to storm the castle and utterly fail. You know, the part where the movie transformed from an uninspired parody of itself to the absolute highlight of the entire franchise?

And then a bunch of stuff happened, some of which I’ll discuss in the next section. And then there were some really great fights. Oh yes, and then Salem shows up. Bye-bye Atlas! You. Are. Outta here!

Honestly, the only thing I didn’t much care for story-wise was Penny becoming the new Winter Maiden. It’s not because I don’t like the concept; it’s because it feels like they didn’t put any thought into the idea other than “let’s make Penny the Winter Maiden”. I’ll withhold judgment for now. It’s only fair that I wait and see where they go with it.

Characters

Believe it or not, I don’t have much to say about Team RWBY themselves in this section. Development-wise this volume was almost exclusively focused on other characters. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, although it wouldn’t be my first choice if I had my druthers. Honestly, Weiss, Blake, and Yang’s character arcs have largely been concluded at this point. Only Ruby’s left with outstanding issues regarding her mother. So…yeah. Maybe that bodes poorly for the franchise’s future now that I think about it? Or at least my own personal enjoyment of it? Eh, I’ll worry about that later. I should talk about all the other characters!

Team JN_R – I was a bit surprised at the lack of Jaune-related content this volume. They didn’t even deign to make him suffer much. But with a cast as big as RWBY’s, it’s not the first time we’ve seen a character take a volume off as it were. The big news here is that they actually attempted to give Ren a character and bring him into conflict with Nora. I…. Well, I don’t really think they succeeded, to be honest. As is a common problem in RWBY, there really wasn’t enough time to let the idea be fully realized. But I appreciate the effort.

The Ace-Ops – Oh, I had these guys pegged as the volume’s final bosses from the get-go. And I was not disappointed. As one-off antagonists, they worked. I can’t remember any of their names though. Except for Clover’s, and I’ll talk about him and Qrow in the section below.

Penny – It’s about time she came back. We all knew that was going to happen, right? And while I’m on the subject, Pietro was a nice side character too.

Oscar – He was there.

Robyn – I’m not sure what to say about her, to be honest. She was a good enough character, and played her role in the story well. But I never felt like she rose above her role.

Neo – You know who my favorite RWBY character is? It’s Yang, obviously. And do you know who the most strongly characterized RWBY character is? It’s the late Roman Torchwick of course. But do you know who takes second place in both of those categories? Neo. Kind of ironic for that second one given that she doesn’t speak. Neo did not disappoint this volume. She never disappoints. And I’ve said it before, on this very blog I think. In terms of raw-skill, Neo is one of the most dangerous characters in the RWBY-verse. Team JN_R vs. Neo? No contest. Although I am amused that Jaune got the only real hit on her. I’m even more amused that it somehow felt appropriate.

Cinder – Again I continue to really like post-Volume 4 Cinder. No matter how hard she tries, the universe just won’t stop kicking her in the teeth. And it just fits her character so well. Bravo Rooster Teeth!

Winter – Winter’s battle might not have been the most fun. That goes to Neo vs. some bush leaguers. It might not have been the most creative. That goes to Team RWBY vs. the Ace-Ops. But by God, no one put in more effort than Winter. She has my utmost respect.

Weiss’s Mom – Hey, she exists! Nice!

Dr. Watts – So much smarm. So much arrogance. I should hate him, but I really don’t. He’s just great.

Ironwood – And the best for last. Oh my. Oh my, oh my, oh my. His arc this volume was absolutely perfect. It was given enough time to be believable, amazing for a show like RWBY, and every step along his journey made sense. He’s become my absolute favorite kind of antagonist, the kind that believes what they’re doing is right. And here’s the thing, I can’t say that Ironwood is wrong. I don’t think he’s right, but I can’t say that he’s wrong. Give me an Ironwood over a Tyrian any day of the week. Please give me an Ironwood over a Tyrian.

The Gay Agenda

*singing* Qrow has a boyfriend….

Er…. Qrow had a boyfriend. And then Clover got Bury Your Gays’d. I’m kind of disappointed, but I’m kind of not. After all, the universe has long since ordained that it is Qrow’s lot in life to suffer.

To tell the truth I’m deeply divided on how I feel about RWBY’s take on the gays. The homoromantic subtext between Yang and Blake has reached levels equivalent to Season 3 of Xena: Warrior Princess. And Qrow and Clover were about there too. On one hand, I’m happily drinking it all up. On the other hand, I want to call Rooster Teeth a bunch of cowards. It’s not 1999 anymore. You can make characters gay. RWBY has made (side) characters gay. At best I’m expecting them to pull a Legend of Korra and only make things “official” at the very end of the show, a resolution I found deeply unsatisfying. But if I were running the show, would I do things differently? Well, yes I would. But would it be the correct decision from a revenue perspective? I’m assuming that RWBY is a, let’s say, important show for Rooster Teeth. I base this assumption on the fact that they announced three RWBY-adjacent spin-offs just after Volume 7 finished. Perhaps they feel they can’t take any risks with something so popular? Perhaps they don’t particularly care. Again, I don’t know how to feel about it.

Conclusion

Homoromanticism aside, (Never!) is Volume 7 the best volume ever? It might be. Only Volumes 1 and 5 can contend with it for consistent high quality. If I had to declare one volume as the best overall, this would probably be it. That being said, I doubt anything will ever supplant the Yang and Blake vs. Adam fight in Volume 6 as my favorite part of RWBY. I still can’t believe they paid that off so well. Three years of anticipation and they fulfilled my every expectation.

Wait, what was I talking about again? Oh yeah. Volume 7. It was good.