#it wasn’t a role assigned to him that he wasn’t in the right mental place for

[destielrotsmybrain]

Silly little snippets of scenarios based on this post that Dean accidentally became a freelance reporter during the Stanford era for @angelsdean

Prompt 14 – roots

Retired.  It was a good word, even if it made him feel 80.  But hey, after 40 years on earth and 40 years in hell, its maybe not as wrong as it could be.  Most of that was spent on the road, never really stopping anywhere until they found the bunker, but it was hard to put down roots in a concrete hideout. 

So the instant he had decided he was done, Dean had moved out to a small cabin that had plenty of space to grow.  But as much as he enjoyed working in his garden there was something missing from his days.  Reading the local newspaper one morning he found the thing he was missing.  An ad in the wanted section said that the newspaper was looking for someone to cover local events.

Dean pondered about the kind of things he would be expected to cover in a small town.  It would be nice to not write about strange happenings or murders like he had done for years.  To actually report on the true events.  So he wrote an application letter, and mentioned that he had a small amount of experience as he occasionally wrote under the pseudonym Dean Fletcher and sent the email.

It was less than 15 minutes later that his phone rang.  The editor was loudly excited, he’d been following Dean’s blog for years was Dean sure he only wanted this much less exciting assignment?  Stunned, Dean somehow stumbled through the rest of the conversation and agreed to come into the office tomorrow.

Two weeks later, he held a copy of his local newspaper in his hands and felt proud when he saw the byline on the front page article.  It said Dean Winchester.

[msbigredmachine]

TARGETS - 27 - In The Mouth of Darkness

Roman Reigns is an agent in the secret organization The Authority and one of the world’s deadliest assassins. When he crosses paths with a mysterious woman during an assignment, he makes a life-changing decision that switches his role from the hunter to the hunted.  (AU Espionage Story)

TARGETS MASTERLIST

--------------------

Roman leaned against the wall of the van he was ensconced in, staring dully at the heap of clothes in front of him, seeing them without seeing them. His mind was somewhere else, spinning with a million thoughts - all of them centered on his love.

It seemed impossible that six hours had elapsed since he had last seen Jasmine; six hours since she left Leona's house. Since then, he'd replayed their last encounter several times in his mind, reducing it to the fragmented haze of sight and sensation that all treasured memories seem to consist of. He recalled what she said before she left, remembered what she had been wearing - heck, he could still remember the warm softness of her lips beneath his as he kissed her, the determined look in her eyes before she walked out that door. If he'd known this would happen, that that psychopath would take her, he'd have barricaded the doors and kept her inside and in the safety of his arms.

That Corbin had Jasmine, frankly, terrified Roman. If that bastard had his way, he would never see her again. If he lost Jasmine today, he wouldn't know what to do with himself, he honestly didn't. But he could not allow himself to think like that. He knew firsthand that his girlfriend was a firebrand, a fighter. There was little doubt in the Samoan’s mind that she was going to survive Baron and be reunited with him.

Roman had hitchhiked on a laundry delivery truck, hiding out among the dirty clothing. It wasn't a problem for him, as he'd staked out in worse places for agonizingly long periods of time. He recalled his phone conversation with Dean and Seth a couple of hours ago.

"What exactly is the plan, Reigns?" Dean asked. "After this...after you rescue Jasmine...what are you going to do?"

"We're going to bring the Companies down," Roman answered him, "both of us."

"What?" Seth and Dean exclaimed, their voices so loud that Roman actually had to hold the phone away from his ear.

"Bring the companies down? You tellin’ us you wanna bring down F.L.O.R.A. and the Authority?" Dean repeated incredulously, "Have you lost your fuckin' mind? How the hell do you expect to bring down two groups of the world's deadliest assassins all by yourselves? And need I remind you that even if you do rescue Jasmine intact...Corbin would have done some serious damage, you know that. She may be in no shape, physical or mental, to do anything by the time he's through with her."

Roman wished he could explain himself further. He knew they both wanted in on the action. But he couldn't let that happen. He couldn't let them get in harm's way. Not for him. "There's a plan in place, don't worry," he assured them. "But right now, the less you know the better. And if Jasmine and I do make it out of this mess, we've got a one-way ticket to Jamaica. And if we don't make it..." He watched their eyes widen. "I've asked Leona to head there if she doesn't hear from me. I want you to do the same. Both of you."

"You're joking," said Seth, stunned. "You want us to run?"

"Not run. Walk away. Start over. Skip town and this God-forsaken life behind. You deserve better lives than this and you both know it," Roman replied fiercely. And the silence that followed proved him right.

"Still...Dude, let us help you. I can get Dean to turn the car around right now," Seth pleaded.

"I can't let you do that. This is my fight. I got into this mess all on my own. I can't get you involved any further and have them chasing after you for the rest of your lives."

"Meh, they know we're involved already. We’ll take our chances," said Dean, "Corbin won't be in that building without backup. You need us, man."

"I don't care how many people are in there; I'll kill them all for hurting her." He paused and swallowed hard, the emotion threatening to take over again. He finally understood why sentiment was outlawed in this business; the pain of losing someone you cared about was overwhelming, all-consuming, and almost impossible to recover. But the former Authority agent knew he needed to put that aside and focus on getting this done, like any other assignment.

"Remember, boys. Jamaica," he reminded them. "I will meet you there as soon as possible."

"Your ass had better be there," snarled Dean, "You got a week to show up, and if you don't, I swear to God I'll come right back to the States and take out your fuckin' ghost."

Roman nearly laughed at the threat. He was sure he meant it, too. "I'll be there. We’ll both be there. I promise."

"Good. It’s about damn time we met the woman that’s stolen our boy’s heart,” Seth said with a deep, resigned sigh. “Get rid of the phone the moment you can, alright?"

"Will do. I'll see you soon, boys." And with that, Roman had hung up.

-----------------

He sniffed the air, and was instantly taken back in time. He knew exactly where he was. It took a bit of effort, but he broke out of the laundry truck and jumped out, relieved that he hadn't hurt himself as he did so. Looking across the road, he was spot on with his calculations. Roman could feel his fingers itch with eagerness. Shaking his muscular shoulders, he set off towards the building. In other circumstances, he would have given more time for to scout the area, but time was something he was lacking right now. Every second lost took Jasmine further away from his reach.

His walk was somber, subdued but determined, and a reminiscent chill swept through him as he crossed the tarred road. Yeah, this was it. This was the very place where he'd first got involved with The Authority. Unfortunately the ‘meeting’ hadn't gone very well; He was a bystander then, a hungry punk kid fresh out of prison and finding his way around Vermont, looking for some food to get him through the day. The warehouse looked like a good place to start. He ended up stumbling on an active ‘interrogation’ and the sight of a man in a chair covered in blood. Kevin Owens spotted him. He remembered fighting for his life against Owens, remembered the helplessness he felt as Owens stood over him, a bloodthirsty look in his eyes, sadistic enjoyment practically oozing off of every word he spoke...

"Sorry, man; you're at the wrong place at a very wrong time..."

That night changed his life forever. But by the time all of this was over, they would wish they let him go. They would regret ever crossing Roman Reigns. Every single one of them. And he would start with Corbin. That was a promise.

He dragged his beanie hat over his tied-up hair, hands in pockets, looking like just another pedestrian. He watched as a hooded man slipped in through the lone door at the side of the building and shut it behind him. Locked, surely. Approaching the door, he began working on the lock, looking around a number of times to make sure no one was watching him. The door opened successfully after a couple of tries. The area was blanketed in darkness, stuffy and uncomfortable. Perfect conditions for him. He navigated inside, his eyes adjusting quickly to the darkness. He made his way quietly down a flight of stairs towards the basements, where he had deduced Jasmine was being kept. Just as he thought, there were people standing guard; two men and a woman. He recognized them all; former Authority recruits. One of the men, Trick, if he recalled his name, stood there at the bottom of the stairs, oblivious to the intruder behind him. Withdrawing his gun, Roman aimed it at the back of Trick’s head and fired, the silencer giving nothing away. He stepped over the agent's body and kept walking like nothing had happened.

He made quick work of the other two, Dijak and Jakara, the woman. Their presence meant that Roman was at the right place. Both had dark hoodies slung over their heads and guns in their grasp as they patrolled the long, straight corridor. Roman moved quietly, ensuring to remain in the shadows. His footsteps were silent, invisible to the naked eye or ear. He approached Jakara from behind, locked his hands around her head and twisted it brutally to the side. Dijak received a bullet in the head for his troubles. He confiscated their weapons and continued on his way.

As Dean had shown him, there was a long line of doors along both parts of the corridor. Roman resolutely picked open the locks of each one, his heart pounding with anticipation and hope. But each door produced nothing. Time after time, hope after hope was dashed. And Baron was still nowhere to be seen.

He had pushed open the very last door, almost certain that he'd been too late, when his gaze landed on the slender figure dangling in the middle of the room. He recognized the person instantly, and shock flooded his body.

Her red wig was gone. Her dark hair was limp and dirty and tinged with blood. She was suspended in the air, heavy chains binding her arms above her head, her feet off the floor with her legs shackled together. Her half-naked body exposed the cuts and bruises littering her skin. There were deep, nasty-looking gashes along her stomach and both of her thighs. Corbin had hurt her. Badly. And Roman would make sure he paid if it was the last thing he did.

Rushing into the room, he aimed his gun and fired at the chain holding her arms hostage. He caught her before she dropped to the ground. Gently cupping her head, a sob nearly escaped his throat when he took a look at her face for the first time. It was battered and streaked with blood, and her eyes were swollen shut. Roman placed a gentle palm on her cheek. "Jasmine, wake up. It's me. Please wake up, baby."

She stirred, a small groan emanating from her. Squinting through swollen eyes at him, she gasped with surprise. "Roman?" she whispered. Her voice was incredibly weak. Roman felt the tears sting his eyes. "Oh, thank God," he breathed, bringing his forehead to hers.

Tears filled her eyes. "You're here. You found me."

He pushed his lips against hers and stroked her lank hair. "Of course I did. I told you I would." His bottom lip trembled, and it was all he could do not to break down in front of her. He couldn't describe the relief he felt that she was alive. "I'm so sorry, baby girl."

"Don't be," A sad smile tugged at her full lips. "Just get me out of here, and hurry. I don't know where he's gone or how long for."

"I'm on it. Is anything broken?" he inquired, just to make sure.

"No." Jasmine winced and hissed in pain when she brought her arms to her front. She was hurting everywhere; her entire body felt like she had third-degree burns, and it didn't help that this was the first time she could move in over six hours. Roman came back in front of her and unshackled her legs. His gaze drifted to the spot on her thigh where the branding iron had struck her, leaving an ugly wound that looked like it was infected. As he gingerly touched the area, Jasmine violently flinched with another hiss, and he regretted causing her pain. He eyed the bruises on her inner thighs, and looked up tentatively at his girlfriend, already dreading the answer to what he was about to ask. "Corbin...did he…do anything else?"

Jasmine swallowed hard, tears of shame rising. "He...touched me…He…put his fingers inside me," she clarified meekly. The heartbroken look on his face made her want to actually cry. "I'm sorry...I tried to stop him, I swear-"

"Hey, hey!" His hand was back on her face, his lips on her bruised cheek, soothing her, assuring her, "It wasn't your fault. You hear me? He did this." Jasmine's head was bowed as she nodded. Roman trembled with fury and hatred. "And he gon’ fucking pay. I'll kill him," he growled. "I'll rip his fucking balls out and feed them to him."

"Not if I kill him first," Jasmine told him, and Roman smiled as that familiar fire of hers flickered again. "Come on, let's get you to your feet," he said. "I can carry you out of here. Can you move for me?"

"I'll try." She glanced up, her gaze immediately drifted to the door. "Roman, look out!" she screamed.

The sound of the gunshot echoed all around the room.

-------------------

Thoughts?

Credit to the owners of the pics and the gifs.

Please leave comments. I love comments!

[hihopelessromantics]

Through the Wall Chapter 1

Nanatsu no Taizai Fanfic 

Written for my mutuals because I could. 

A Fanfic Story Featuring!! : Pre Holy War, demons and goddesses fighting for some reason, TC Meliodas’s Questionable battle strategy, Zeldris being a literal brat (child Zel!) but a very smart one, the Ten Commandments doing their job well for once but behind the Demon King’s back, Fraudrin being forced into the role of NPC after he unfortunately finds himself as the smartest person in the room, the predecessors of the Six Knights of Black being even worse at their job than the ones the Sins beat in Prisoners of the Sky, the lack of goddess characters forcing me to come up with one on the spot, Ludociel not understanding the assignment (the assignmnent being ethics), (child!) Mael’s rebellious phase (hit me with some ideas for that), Bloodstained Elizabeth terrifying everyone around her by just being her jolly old self, humans cowering in the background, Indura, and a lot of dialouge. Also inspired by those pack mentality demon posts because please give the TC some sort of bond, how would they survive all alone how else would Meliodas not go insane as their leader. Can’t give the demons a society (yet) but I can give them Shenanigans. I don’t know how to change the font which is a bummer because I found special ones just for this. Anyway-

More than 3,000 years ago.

~~~Demon Realm. Demon King’s Stronghold. 

It was a terrible, no good, possibly dangerous idea to disturb the Commander right now. Fraudrin knew this. But right now, he was the only one familiar enough with the Ten Commandments to approach him. He would tell one of the others - oh, he wanted to - but they were spread thin throughout the Demon Realm defending major cities. Of all the times, why did there have to be a major influx of Indura activity now, when the goddesses had found another way to ambush demon settlements? Well. No use in complaining about nature. There was nothing left to do but kill them before they could wipe out civilian villages - but like with the goddesses, that was easier said than done.

Especially since the Ten Commandments’ absence from the front lines wasn’t … ah… approved explicably by the King, who had designated lower-level soldiers to deal with the Indura situation. It was Meliodas who sent the Ten Commandments out. Those of the demon army who didn’t know any better perceived it as him obeying the King’s specific instructions as he always (ha!) did. But Fraudrin knew protecting rural settlements was the furthest thing from the Demon King’s mind at the moment. He felt it like a stab of unease in his soul. In all his days of service, and all the days he spent being privy to the Ten Commandments’ business, he had never been so worried - the unsettling emotion made him feel even more ill- about the Demon Prince. Because with what news he was about to deliver, the hero of the demon clan might curse whatever prompted him to be one.

Even so, he couldn't hesitate to open the door to Meliodas’s personal study. He slipped inside and closed the door quietly as if this whole misadventure would stay a secret from everyone for long. He felt the Commander’s attention shift to him - felt the lack of politeness he was expressing so keenly he had to force his limbs to stay steady. Meliodas didn't turn to face him but sat perfectly still at his desk, no doubt questioning who would dare enter his personal quarters without permission.

“Commander.” It felt odd calling him that just now, despite everything dictating that he should do so. Because he knew this was more personal to Meliodas than anything. “I was asked to deliver a message to you. Information to be shared in confidence.”

Papers flew to the other end of the desk. Clearly, Meliodas wasn’t happy about this breach of privacy. “I would not come here, to this place, unless -”

Darkness shot out from around him, latching onto Fraudrin’s waist and yanking him forward. As his surroundings blurred together, turning black and purple before throwing him abruptly back into the world of color, he thought he was in for a venomous verbal assault. His body slammed against something - the back of the armchair? - but there was no pain. The darkness gently released him, sinking into the floor in the shape of a familiar sigil. Gowther’s invention. This was an invitation to speak freely.

Fraudrin relaxed somewhat, more than he should while standing inches from the demon called the Destroyer. “There was another full-blown attack near the southern portal to Britannia. The goddess forces were taken care of. I heard every one of the citizens was evacuated successfully, thanks to some timely intervention from...” Damnit, now was not the time for speculation! “Well... before they were asked to be discrete about the matter, they said it was His Highness, Prince Zeldris, who stepped in when the soldiers couldn’t.” He couldn’t see Meliodas’s face. Couldn’t decide if that was a torment or a mercy. “They left quickly to reinforce nearby cities without even noticing the Prince, so . . . regarding his whereabouts after that moment, according to those who were there... Prince Zeldris has been... he’s - ” Fraudrin choked on his own words and immediately cursed himself a thousand times over. Now was not the time to have zero eloquence!

“I assume the Six Knights of Black are dead as well if that's the case.”

Daring to look down, Fraudrin noticed Meliodas’ small hands were clutched together against his chest, tight enough to draw blood with his quickly forming claws. That tone like black thunder would have alerted even a human to Meliodas’s swift transformation into a more demonic state. Right now, he undoubtedly had every ounce of his power right at his fingertips. He would send this section of the castle straight to purgatory if he was so inclined, and at this point, the six aforementioned knights would have been reduced to a blubbering mess of nerves.

Fraudin, counting himself better than them, simply talked faster. “No. NO. Barely escaped with their lives, to come and tell you that he's been captured by a goddess. An archangel unexpectedly showed up after most of the goddesses were dead - they said it was Ludociel.”

“Can't even do one thing, huh. Or come tell me themselves.” His power exploded outward, dark tendrils stabbing through a wall to the left. At that, Fraudrin did flinch. And maybe grab the top of the chair to steady himself. The smaller demon rose from his chair just as his darkness retracted, carrying his signature coat and boots right to him. Not going to question that, thought Fraudrin. He stared at the wall that was a portal to hell knows where for a second while his commander donned his uniform. He chucked his shirt under the desk and raked a clawed hand through his golden hair, smoothing down the static frizz until he was content. This only messed his hair up further but the motion seemed to calm the demon. When he spoke again, the darkness writhing across his forearms had retreated back into his body. “Well. Well. Well. I'll be stopping by them anyways. Fraudrin. Where?”

With more concern in his hearts than there should be for the powerful demon prince, Fraudrin led the way.

~~~

Meliodas stood in front of the large door with his aura oddly relaxed. It was more terrifying than when the magnitude of his power forced warriors to their knees. “Come out.”

They did not. Understandably. The whole point of assigning a guard to the young, yet untrained prince was to make sure he never got close to actual fighting - or even worse, alerted anyone who would tell the Demon King he was doing anything besides wasting away under a pile of books or whatever it was the prince was supposed to be doing during the time he'd normally spend with Meliodas and the commandments. Did the Six Knights even pay attention to where they were going on this little adventure? Did they seriously think their task wasn't a big deal? Fraudrin feared the answers. They had failed a very important test - and even more unluckily for them, he didn't think they even realized what Meliodas would do if anything happened to his baby brother, their fault or not.

Needless to say, when Meliodas snapped the door open with his darkness and strode in without further preamble, he hesitated to follow. The door closed abruptly behind Meliodas- apparently, Fraudrin wasn't supposed to.

He waited in the silence. Taking the time to appreciate the thick walls that blocked out conversation, he stood unmoving and wished they would also block out the sound of his heartbeats. It was like that for a while - the silence and the standing and heartbeats and no, don’t look out the windows, just stare at the door. Waiting and waiting and CRASH. The sound broke the barrier of the walls.  A shudder ran through him like a shockwave as he worked to process what he just heard. He just heard a sound like...

Like... the outer castle wall had been...

Meliodas stepped briskly out of the room. The door clipped shut behind him. Fraudrin looked only at his Commander’s face, paying no attention to what could be behind him. Praying that Meliodas’s wrath was satisfied when he motioned for Fraudrin to follow him down the corridor. 

He could have left the door wide open if he wanted, displaying its mysterious contents to all - which he knew - but the eldest prince valued discretion in this moment. He did not remind Fraudrin of this. Not that he needed to, but... normally, he would. 

The possible show of trust wasn’t a comfort. Not today.

 As Meliodas strode forward, his gaze was directed straight down the hallway, to where the large windows displayed the full range of the soldiers’ training grounds. That calculating stare seemed to focus on a point much farther away, and Fraudrin felt sick to his stomach, knowing the young prince was out there somewhere. He quite possibly could not be saved in time.

With that far-off gaze indistinguishable from his usual calculating, Commander-of-the-Demon-Army poker face, Meliodas said, “I'll need a list of suitable candidates for a new Six Knights of Black. These ones seem to have found a taste for desertion.”

Fraudrin tried not to imagine what had just gone down. “Yes, Commander. And the recent skirmish - do you want a more detailed report? I can-”

“Oh, not now.” The Commander’s eyes locked onto his. “The commandments and I are heading out to the front lines in a moment- not that I need to be telling you. I'll be checking over that list of yours when I get back.”

Fraudrin made a face he probably shouldn't. A face that hinted at more emotion than the son of the demon king should be able to understand. But Meliodas could. (He learned long ago never to underestimate him.) Whether he would still chew him out for broadcasting uncertainty and doubt and disbelief in the middle of the goddamn war wing of the castle, well. That remained to be seen.

Fraudrin felt himself utter the words: “Commander, when do you expect to be back?” It was the only nonsuspicious question he could think of, but an audacious one of someone of his station.

Meliodas’s answering hum caught him by surprise. Even at times like this, with the castle almost deserted, he rarely spoke with any personality when there wasn’t rage to mask it. Or maybe he was just so enraged, he didn’t care what potential onlookers thought. That might be worse. “Welllll, that would depend on what the goddesses decide to counter with. If we don’t get into a major battle within the next week, we should be back to check on the realm soon. I don’t have to tell you and the soldiers on guard here not to slack off ‘till then- do I?”

“No, Commander.”

“Hmm. Well, I’ll believe you.” Switching to his usual no-nonsense tone, he ordered, “Fraudrin. Don’t concern yourself with what I’m doing. It’s above you. And if you get distracted and falter in the tasks I’ve assigned to you, you’ll regret you ever got the chance to speak to me face-to-face.”

He couldn’t repress a shiver of awe as he stared into Meliodas’s unblinking black eyes. Could he really resolve this situation before it escalated? Who knew? But if anyone could...

“I’ll look after His Highness the Prince while you’re gone. I’ll protect him with my life, my lord.”

“I’m sure you will.”

With that last pretense, Zeldris’s older brother strode off into the empty hallway, soon to leave his father’s domain for the wilds of the demon realm.

[i-hold-horrors-hand]

(This was supposed to be a tiny prompt, but it ended up getting longer and longer….you totally don’t have to read this if you don’t want too😭)

Alrighty, imagine that it was Copia’s first few weeks entering the ministry. The skittish man gets lost, seemingly finding dead ends, going everywhere, except where he is supposed to be.

It’s been like this for about a week and he’s still not fulling grasping the layout of the ministry. Always forgetting what door was his, what level he’s in, always tripping on that one little step on the stairs that gives him a mini heart attack. Not to mention he almost DID have a heart attack when he managed to stumble upon papa Secondo’s office. Seeing the papa just stand there, not saying a word as Copia immediately scurried away.

Copia wasn’t the type of man to ask for help. No. Never! He wanted to “prove” that he could do anything himself, wanting to present himself as someone who was independent, but in reality he was always too anxious.

It wasn’t until maybe towards the middle of the week, he was assigned to go out and deliver some paperwork to papa Terzo. He’s heard about this papa before, the most ‘flirty’ one and according to the rumors the most “sexiest” one. Personally, he didn’t care. He hadn’t met the papa yet, and he’s sure as hell the papa didn’t care for him. But oh…he was dead wrong…DEAD WRONG. In the meantime, Copia was mentally cursing at the person who assigned him the role. He didn’t want to be a mere delivery boy. And not to mention he was still lost and didn’t know the place well. With a sigh, he gathered up the paperwork and went to go hunt down the papa.

Copia really didn’t have any opinions on anyone, yet. And more importantly, he didn’t know anyone had opinions on him. He only thought that people either viewed him as a nobody, or that they didn’t even realize he was there. After about half an hour goes by and he still can’t find this fucking papa! He was getting frustrated. And as he was about to drop the ball and call it quits. He stumbled upon a room. It wasn’t like any ordinary room in the ministry, the doors were different, it was too…’fancy’ for the room to belong to a ghoul or a sibling of sin.

As he stepped closer he could see that the room was lit up. He took a breath and knocked a set of three times.

No one answered.

He knocked again.

No answer.

Again.

No answer.

He started growing impatient. Holding the doorknob, he turned it. To his surprise it turned all the way. It wasn’t locked. He took a breath and knocked while opening it. Speaking softly, probably saying something along the lines of “eh…perdonami, your dark excellency…but I tried to knock, however you didn’t seem to-“

That’s when his face grew a burning red mixed with pink. Staring at the papa right infront of him, jerking off. Moaning Copia’s name! HIS name! Copia never thought of the idea of sex. He knew that no one wanted him. So he never desired for it. So he didn’t know what to feel I mean, he didn’t even know the man, this was his first encounter ever with him! Once Terzo finally realized that he wasn’t alone he stared at Copia. But he never stopped jerking off, in fact he went faster. He loved the idea of getting caught. A smirk grew and he clicked his tongue, signaling the cardinal to come closer.

As Copia came closer, Terzo used his charms to seduce the cardinal, and it worked. Copia was bent over on the desk with Terzo pounding in on him. Before hand, Terzo explained how he’d had eyes for Copia ever since the man entered the ministry. He found it interesting how reserved yet devoted Copia was. And he found it amusing how he’d always end up lost in the hallways. He made sure to take his time and go slow with the cardinal, he was his first after all. Copia in a million years never would’ve expected THIS to happen. He never thought he’d have sex with ANYONE let alone a papa. He really thought no one desired him. With a bit of encouragement, Terzo made sure Copia remembered that people like himself desired the man.

Once they were done and all that jazz, Copia was sure that it was a one time thing. Terzo was a papa. He had other important businesses to attend to and a line of people he was going to share his bed with.

It wasn’t until, Copia found himself lost. Again. This time trying to find his room. As he was roaming around, looking like a freshman on their first day in highschool, looking for their classes. Strong arms wrapped around his waist. It was Terzo’s. Copia realized that after he jumped and turned around. The silly rat man…

Terzo chuckled and stared at the cardinal, offering some guidance, to which Copia was reluctant on, but with encouraging words, Terzo helped be his little chaperone. Helping him find his room. Once they made it. It was clear Terzo wanted more than just giving Copia some guidance to where his room was. So? They did it again. Which surprised Copia a lot. He had sex twice? With the same person? This had to be a joke!

However, Terzo’s touch was different. It was soothing and reassuring. Almost comforting. Every kiss, stroke, thrust was soothing. It was clear that Copia became attached. Once they were done. And once Terzo left. Copia didn’t last more than a week. He needed to see his papa again. And Terzo was happy to give his cardinal what he needed.

This turned into a daily thing. But they didn’t grow bored of it. It was always better each time they did it. It turned into simple sessions, to one night stands, then to more romantic sessions. After some time, they realized they didn’t want to be each others “one night stands” no no no…they WANTED each other. Terzo was the first to offer a real relationship opportunity to copia. Offering that they could be together, the can have sex, even share the same bed for MORE than a night.

Copia was quick to agree. Which was the smartest thing he’s ever done. And not only did Copia gain a relationship. He also gained some confidence. He felt comfortable with everything. And bonus: he finally memorized the layout of the ministry! He remembered what levels he was on! He remembered not to trip on that one step of the stairs, he remembered where Secondo’s office was and made sure to make a mental note to not step in there unless he wants to be scared shitless! And most importantly. He knew where his room was!!

It was nice. Very nice. He grew attached to the man, sneaking out of his room to go cuddle with Terzo. While the papa did the same. He never would’ve thought he would receive this amount of attention in his life. He never thought he could love someone like his life depended on it! And he most certainly didn’t think someone would love HIM like their life depended on it. But the rat man finally received that attention and he couldn’t be happier. Being with Terzo seemed to help put everything at ease. And he wasn’t going to let that go.

THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT!!!!!!!

[silverstarfics]

I am literally posting this on a train so here’s hoping the signal stays strong long enough for it to actually upload. 

Kayo’s day! And I mean that in terms of her birthday as well as @thunder-pride so of course I had to write her a fic. This is similar to the undercover gala fic I’m writing, I’ll be honest, except this is a short piece whereas that is becoming an entire monster.

AO3 link

This was not a date.

Kayo reminded herself of that very important little detail for what seemed like the hundredth time. In her defence, it was difficult to focus when Penelope was in that pale pink dress which hugged her in all the right places with just enough glittery embellishments to be elegant without outright drawing attention. It was a long, slinky number which reminded Kayo of the roses which grew within the Creighton-Ward estate or perhaps the dusky blush of the sky shortly before sunrise.

In other words, Penelope looked breathtaking which was proving to be an issue because Kayo couldn’t keep her head in the game.

This was not a date.

This was actually a job. An undercover job, to be precise.

They were here on a favour to one of Penelope’s associates. Their role was to keep an eye on a weaselly man whose list of alleged crimes was not only very current but practically innumerable. Kayo personally believed it would be far easier to drag him into an unoccupied room and get the answers out of him kicking and screaming if needs be, but Penelope had made her promise to stick to their assigned roles and so neither of them were allowed to engage the target.

The music swelled to a crescendo and Kayo snapped her attention back to the room. Penelope’s hand moved to her waist as she took the lead and Kayo focussed on not internally combusting. It wasn’t as if her feelings for Penny were a new development, so she wasn’t sure why they were becoming such a problem tonight. It wasn’t even the first time she’d danced with Penelope in an undercover setting. And yet.

“Are you feeling alright?” Penelope murmured, letting her steps carry her close enough to whisper in Kayo’s ear. Her eyes seemed a darker shade of blue than usual, shadowed by the low lights and the hunger in her gaze for justice. Kayo witnessed that look on every job they worked together and yet each time it grew more intoxicating. “Kayo?”

“I was just thinking.”

“About the case?” Penelope’s voice took on a teasing lilt. She flexed her fingers slightly so that Kayo could feel the faint pressure against her hip through the layers of her suit. “Or something else?” The corners of Penny’s mouth twitched with a carefully restrained smile. “Someone else, perhaps?”

Kayo lost her train of thought. She fumbled for words only to register a flicker of movement in her peripheral vision and mentally cursed herself as she realised she’d lost track of their mark yet again. He was somewhere behind her, but she couldn’t twist to spy him without being too obvious.

Penelope’s gaze hardened as she glimpsed their target over Kayo’s shoulder. “We’ve been spotted.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

Penelope didn’t falter in the dance, but a glimmer of unease crept into her posture. “He’s coming over.”

“To us? Or is he headed for the exit?”

Kayo read the answer in Penelope’s eyes. Okay, so it was time to improvise. She scanned their immediate surroundings in search of a potential distraction when Penelope leant in close and hissed,

“Kiss me.”

“What?”

“We need to hide our faces, now kiss me.”

Oh no, Kayo thought hysterically, I’m in trouble.

All thoughts promptly evaporated as Penelope delicately clasped her face and pulled her into a kiss. If it were possible to think everything and nothing at the same time, then Kayo was managing it. She hyperaware of her own senses; the scent of Penelope’s perfume, her hands, her own feelings fizzing under her skin, just… Penny. The rest of world didn’t matter. Their target could have been making a deal in the next room for all she cared.

“He’s gone,” Penelope muttered as she withdrew, hesitating as she spied Kayo’s face. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

Penelope caught her wrist and tugged her across the dancefloor into the empty corridor. It was cooler away from the crowd and Kayo slumped against the wall, tugging her shirt collar looser as she felt a furious blush work its way up her neck. It was just a hot summer’s evening, she thought desperately, wondering if Penny would buy the excuse.

“I’m sorry.” Penelope stepped back, worrying her lower lip. “I overstepped. I didn’t realise… I didn’t plan for our first kiss to pan out this way, but I had to react and it was the first idea which came to mind. So, I apologise. I shouldn’t have prioritised the job over our relationship.”

Kayo tipped her head back against the wall and tried to calm her racing heartbeat. Penelope’s words took a few seconds to dawn on her. She straightened up, unable to keep the breathless exhilaration out of her voice as she questioned,

“Our relationship?”

Penelope attempted to maintain a confident guise as if Kayo didn’t know her well enough to read her nerves from her posture and fretting hands.

“Well. We haven’t labelled it nor discussed it outright, but… I hope I haven’t imagined this…” She searched for the phrasing. “…thing between us. I like you, Kayo. More than might be considered proper and I don’t think I’m wrong in believing that you return those feelings. I thought we were on the same page. We haven’t defined it but we’re certainly more than friends.” She took an unsteady breath, voice becoming uncertain and small. “…Aren’t we?”

The background thrum of voices and music grew muted as Kayo reached across and knocked the door shut. For a few moments, they stood in fragile silence, reading one another’s tells but reluctant to assume those unspoken revelations to be the truth.

Kayo had never seen Penelope so unsure of herself. Her hair was coming loose from her delicately braided crown, yet somehow she seemed even more beautiful that way.

This was more than just an unlabelled situation-ship between them, Kayo mused. She had seen Penelope dressed in an outfit designed to disarm her enemies, prepared for a gala, but she had also seen her in an oversized t-shirt and PJ shorts faded by age yet every single time Penny took her breath away. Kayo wasn’t quite head-over-heels yet but she wasn’t far off either. It was a tentative, tender sort of love, just waiting to grow into its full potential as soon as she unleashed it. And now Penelope was offering her own feelings in return and Kayo wasn’t sure why she was hesitating.

Because really, there had only ever been one answer, hadn’t there?

“We’re more than friends.” Kayo swallowed the wave of giddy nerves, curling her fingers into fists to keep from reaching for Penny before she could finish speaking. “I really wish you’d told me that you felt the same way sooner though. I’ve been dancing around you for months, Pen. We could have- This is not how I’d have kissed you for the first time. I’d have had a plan. It would have been very romantic and you’d have loved it.”

Penelope’s smile grew wider. “You once told me that romance is overrated.”

“It is. But… not if you’re with the right person.”

“Well then.” Penelope tucked blonde strands behind her ears, unable to make eye contact. Her voice was hesitant, almost shy as she ventured, “We could always pretend this kiss didn’t happen. Call it practise for the real one. So, if you’d like – and I know I would like to – we could try again.”

Kayo let her grin creep onto her face. “I’d like that.”

“Really?”

“Penny, haven’t we already established that I am ridiculously, embarrassingly in love with you?”

“Actually, no. We hadn’t established that yet. Although it is a relief given I feel the same way.”

Kayo finally pushed herself away from the wall and offered a hand. “Come on. The target’s long gone, anyway. It’s sunset soon. Let’s go up to the roof.”

Penelope arched a brow. “The roof?”

“I promised you a romantic kiss, didn’t I?”

Penelope took her hand and entwined their fingers with a brilliant smile. “Lead the way, darling.”

[persephones-closet]

I have had so much mental abuse in my career.

In my first job, I was sexually assaulted by a manager, whom I unofficially reported to his manager. That catapulted me into transferring to a toxic work environment where I was seen as an “HR nightmare” as the only woman in the office. I was ostracized as a result, and ultimately laid off along with the entire shop when it went out of business.

As a contractor, I was horrifically abused. I was an engineer with 4 years of experience making $65k in 2017, which is below poverty in DC. My direct manager was a horrible micromanager who would chew out anyone for any mistake no matter how small. He would be sure to stomp to your desk at 8am and breathe down your neck about work. He did save my job once from a client, but I’m not sure why. I was making $65k doing the brunt of the job for 2 men who were getting paid over $150k! That is financial abuse, along with all the micromanaging. I remember hating my life every second of the day until I found another job… which led me to an even worse abusive environment.

2018 I was a subcontractor in Dahlgren. I had the worst manager I’ve ever had in my life. He would bait me into making inappropriate jokes, then started watching me closely. He recorded jokes that I would return, would purposefully give me assignments that weren’t necessary and then would tear them apart saying there was no value was added. He then would play favorites with people in the office and compare us to each other. He sowed hostility among us. He tried to get me to leave my fiancé for a coworker. He then changed a meeting time to earlier once to catch me in the act that I wasn’t at work by 9am (yes, I was late sometimes). He recorded everything about me and then reported me to my HR to get me fired right before he left the department. I didn’t have anything to defend myself, so I was shocked that he did that. The report came just a week before I left for a different position. I remember he had a huge problem with me the second I mentioned my father was an officer (his was enlisted).

Then I returned to my DC office to work as government. That was mostly great until last year, I got a new boss. He was also watching everyone and devolved very quickly from just a horrible person to work with (interrupting everyone, making everyone feel inferior, publicly embarrassing his own team on calls with other people) to the manager from hell (reporting everyone for everything from watching the Olympics while working, to not returning a call within an hour). He was trying to report me for time theft while I was transferring out of the org! That was nuts. He was breathing down everyone’s necks so I scampered off to yet another toxic environment:

Mean girls. I now work with these 2 math majors that are abusive to me and my boss. They reported him for working around them and such, which is a little extreme because you’re not going to change that about him. But holy fuck. They interrupt me when I try to speak to them. They are ice cold when I try to chat with them. They disagree with everything I say. I could say the sky is blue and they would disagree that no, actually, it’s more of a cerulean with light blue. They are super super insecure and have decided my place for me. But the worst thing they have done to me was recently, one of them told my boss point blank that promoting me and giving me radars would be “too complicated” for me, and advised him to exhaust all avenues to fill the open roles with more underpaid engineers rather than give me a promotion to put me on their level.

He’s now in round 4 trying to find a suitable hire for the job. Part of me doesn’t give a shit if I’m passed up and they find a good candidate. I’d try to be congenial and hopefully make a real friend. Meanwhile, they are telling me I should leave! Fucking why? I’ve been in the job about 11 months. Why would they want me to leave? I think it has to do with trying to stick it to my boss, but tbh he’s the nicest manager I’ve had probably my whole goddamn career.

Who knows what’s in store for me. I just know I’m in a comfortable, stable position in a volatile time so I’m going to honor my emotions, mental state and work through my anxiety, stress and sadness in this diary because if I ignore it, I’ll slip into a deep depression or hurt myself.

[liyawritesss]

ｈｅａｌｉｎｇ ｈａｎｄｓ

Pairing: Ekko x GN!Black!Reader

Genre: 3-Part Short Story ;; Part 1 ;; Part 2 ;; Part 3

Synopsis: A mission gone wrong brings to light some not-so hidden mutual emotions.

Warnings: Arcane 3rd Act Spoilers, some cursing, 

A/N: Final Part!!! I hope you all enjoyed this series as much as I enjoyed writing it!!!

    Firelights lit up the clearing while the children of the hideaway played in the moonlight. Their laughter and cheers of play were the only semblance of content in the air tonight.

    You handed Ekko a wooden cup of tea. He barely looked up as he took it, too into his own world. 

    You took a seat next to him on the platform below the mural, your feet dangling just above the ground. Your hand found its way onto his clothed back, rubbing soothing patterns into the coarse fabric of his shirt, in hopes of providing a bit of comfort after the events that had taken place earlier that day.

    The mission today had gone wrong. What was supposed to be a simple intel gathering assignment became an outmatched struggle for the FireLights that went with Ekko. And to top it all off, a certain blue haired girl was in attendance as well.

    Ekko always went on about how time was everything, that if even a second got away, a lifetime of change could be the result. It was why he always had that stopwatch with him, to keep track of the minutes and seconds that would pass, the constant click, click, click of the button to track progress of missions he mentally split into sections.

    You had assumed that Ekko had caught sight of Jinx, that he froze for that one second, one second too long. And that was why a FireLight member was in the medbay this evening, resting to recover from the wounds he sustained. It was clear that Ekko felt responsible for it, the guilt he tried to hide displaying itself on his face anyway. The outline of his jaw pulled tight against his skin was another piece of evidence towards the disdain he felt towards himself.

    You two stayed like that for a long time. At one point, Ekko began mumbling to himself, words in such a low whisper it was too quiet to hear. Some children left, more came out to enjoy the firelights that provided a soft glow to the clearing.

    “I was right there,” were the first words Ekko says loud enough for you to hear.

    You turn your head to your side to see the darker complexioned man, hunched over, eyes closed, brows knit together. The rim of the cup you had given him pressed firmly to his forehead.

    “I was right. Fucking. There,” he repeats with the added profanity, “One. Fucking. Second.” with each pause, there was a thump from the cup on his forehead to match it.

    It wasn’t often that Ekko would allow himself to feel his guilt around anyone, even you, despite how close the two of you were. He very much hated being vulnerable outside the role of ‘big brother’ to the children of the hideaway. Growing up in the streets of Zaun, being weak got you killed. He refused to show his weakness for the sake of those he cared about. Even if it was in front of the people he cared about.

    Your hand, which had left his back shortly after it was placed there, hesitantly found its way to the nape of his neck. You could hear him going back to his muttering, questioning the time it took for him to react, wondering what would have happened if more than a second had passed before he reacted. He could hear you calling his name, trying to get him out of his head, but he was too deep into the guilt of ‘what if’ that everything sounded muddled and foggy, even the sound of his own voice.

    It wasn’t until he felt the guide of your hand, lifting his head to face you, that he opened his eyes, deep brown irises glossing over. “You’re doing it again. Get out of your head, Ek,” You coaxed.

    “I was right there, (Y/N),” he repeated.

    “I know, Ek,” you replied, before Ekko succumbed to your pull, crumbling into the crook of your neck. The dampness that trickled down the side of your neck gave you an odd sense of relief; knowing that Ekko was allowing himself to release the overwhelming outrage he felt towards himself for allowing a trusted friend to get hurt, in a way that wasn't destructive, like he was taught to on the streets of the Lanes, but a way that was vulnerable.

    You let his silent tears fall, one hand carding through the mess of locs atop his head, the other holding onto his abandoned cup. You weren’t sure how much time had passed before the male pulled his head from the crevice of your neck, a sniffle following close after. Setting the cup aside, both of your hands went to cup his face, thumbs swiping soothingly against his high cheekbones.

    “They’re gonna be okay, Ekko,” you whispered. He nodded.

 

“You’re gonna be okay, Ekko,” You added on. He nodded again, and you dropped your hands, a soft ‘yeah’ leaving his lips as he wiped his eyes with his forearm like a child. Another sniffle and a wipe of his nose later, he chuckles. “I can’t smell anything but rose water now, thanks.”

“I will knock your ass out and make you cry again,” you retorted, evoking a much needed laugh out of the white haired boy, your own following soon after.

Your shared laughter died down, leaving just your eyes to talk. His deep, warm brown ones that shone in the moonlight bore into yours. It was silent, but those eyes spoke so much, yearning to do something but hesitant of a reaction. For a split second, your eyes darted towards his lips, face inching forward while doing so, then darted back as if to ask for confirmation on what was about to happen. 

You felt a comforting hand, large on warm, rest its weight on your knee. In turn, you rested a hand on Ekko’s upper arm, toned with muscle and determination.

And in the next second, you both fell into the comfort of one another, connected at the lips while the firelights continued their dance underneath the moonlight.

If you enjoyed, please leave a like, comment, and reblog for others to see! And don't be shy to send a request!

[psychewritesbs]

Chapter 160: How much of Yuji’s life has been orchestrated? + Megumi the stage-five clinger

Happy JJK-Sunday!

If I had to describe chapter 160 with as few words as possible, I would say: Oh f*ck...

My favorite moment was, of course, Megumi acting like a stage-five clinger. His interaction with Yuji in this chapter is especially ominous in light of Yuji being adamant of protecting Megumi from Sukuna.

A second favorite was Sasaki showing up in this chapter because of the implications moving forward.

Let’s jump right in. 

How much of Yuji’s life has been orchestrated by Kenjaku?

We start the chapter with Kenjaku talking to none other than Sasaki, one of the members of the Occult Club at the high school in Sendai that Yuji used to attend.

Of course, the bomb that Gege dropped on us in this chapter is when Kenjaku thanks Sasaki “for getting along with my son”. 

Like... excuse you?

Not only does this 100% confirm that Kenjaku used Yuji’s mother’s body to give birth to him, but this specific moment + some foreshadowing from previous chapters also opens an interesting can of worms about Yuji’s life: just how much of Yuji’s life has Kenjaku orchestrated?

For me, the implication is that Sasaki had an assigned role to play in Yuji’s life that would inevitably lead to him eating Sukuna’s finger. 

I am assuming this because although we don’t see Kenjaku’s interactions with the other people in Sendai, we get to see that, in addition for thanking her for getting along with Yuji, Kenjaku is incredibly kind to Sasaki. We also learn that she’s the only one who has received a special message from him (thanking her).

Ready to make this whole interaction more ominous? Someone pointed out that the kanji in Sasaki’s name means assistant. 

All of this brings us right back to Yuji’s free will--or lack thereof?

We already know that Kenjaku claims he made Yuji “ingest” Sukuna’s finger and that Megumi is rightfully concerned with this idea because he witnessed Yuji eat Sukuna’s finger “of his own free will.”

It’s also becoming increasingly obvious that Yuji was "created” solely for the purpose of becoming Sukuna’s vessel. 

What this new reveal about Sasaki does is that it makes everything feel like certain events have been part of Kenjaku’s master plan all along. While this still feels a little farfetched, it will come down to how Gege works this idea into the story moving forward.

Come to think of it, even Yuji’s grandfather’s dying words to Yuji take on a new meaning since we know Wasuke knew something was definitively up with Yuji’s mother.

Another possible bit of foreshadowing all the way in chapter 1: While the intersection in the second panel below could be ANY intersection in Japan, it sure looks like the Shibuya crossing:

A quick note on the importance of kanji meanings in JJK before moving onto the next section: knowing the meaning of Sasaki’s name tells us that names are important in JJK. If you haven’t, I recommend you read my break down on the meaning of Megumi’s FULL NAME. His first name is important, but so is his last name.

The plans moving forward

Going off to Tokyo Colony #2 are Panda and Hakari. 

As the strongest, Hakari feels like he should take on Hajime. As for Panda, it looks like his focus will be on hunting down Angel.

Side note: I love that Hakari is still calling Megumi names. Guess Senpai can’t help himself.

I must admit I was disappointed to find that Kirara will stay behind to report, but it is what it is. I am assuming Gege could see no use for Kirara and decided to leave the character out of the action for the time being. 

As for Megumi and Yuji, they’ll be heading to Tokyo Colony #1 to target Higuruma, everybody’s new favorite Law & Order boss. 

This brings us to Megumi’s current state of mind...

Megumi the stage-five clinger

I had a hard time coming up with the title for this section because what I see happening is that Megumi is starting to feel the pressure of the looming deadline for Tsumiki joining the Culling Game. What his behavior shows, however, is that he needs Yuji with him and is clinging onto him but won’t come out and say it--opting instead for aggression towards Yuji, the very same person he needs most. 

His behavior reminded me of how Megumi could be mean to Tsumiki even though he clearly adores her. Apparently that’s the meaning of being tsundere. I’ve read about the term tsundere before but it never “clicked” until this moment and I just love Gege’s interpretation of the trope through Megumi’s character. 

It goes without saying that it was REALLY interesting to me to see Megumi’s dynamic and interaction with Yuji in this chapter because it looks like Gege is letting us know Megumi’s state of mind continues to be one of desperation--remember that dogeza bow from chapter 157?

The thing about Megumi is that he looks stoic on the outside, but he’s actually an incredibly emotional person who doesn’t often show how he’s feeling. 

I hadn’t caught on, but in chatting with @justafrenchlondoner​ about the chapter, they pointed out Megumi’s behavior in his dynamic with Yuji appears nervous and aggressive.

Upon a second look I have to agree that Megumi is acting out of character and aggressive with Yuji when all that Yuji really wants is to protect Megumi from Sukuna.

And yes, let me go ahead and sound like a broken record as I remind you of Yuji’s rather ominous words from chapter 143 yet again:

And this is the part of the chapter that knocked the air out of me: Megumi telling Yuji to stfu about Sukuna but Yuji thinking to himself “as long as I’m around you will suffer” back in ch143 is so damn ominous.

Oh f*ck...

But this is what REALLY gets me about this whole interaction and why I’m calling Megumi a stage-five clinger...

Even though Megumi is calling Yuji selfish, in reality, the one being selfish is Megumi.

This is, of course, my own interpretation of the situation, but to me it feels as though Megumi is clinging onto Yuji’s strength for dear life. 

It’s almost like Megumi needs not just Yuji’s physical strength, but also his unwavering conviction or mental strength.

If you think about it, Megumi has only recently started fighting to win. Remember how unsure he was of himself when fighting Sukuna for the first time? It wasn’t until he went up against the Cursed Spirit from the Yasohachi bridge that he let go of his inhibitions.

Megumi’s battles during Shibuya were the pinnacle of his growth as a character in that moment. If I remember correctly, according to the timeline of events, the Shibuya incident happened around two weeks prior to the current chapter. You could say that although he is more comfortable in his strength than before, Megumi is still growing into his strength at this point.

The thing about Megumi is that everybody and their Divine Dog believes in him and sees his potential except for him. As Gojo tells him “you undervalue yourself.”

Looking back, the way Megumi asks begs Yuji for help in chapter 143 is very enlightening of how Megumi needs Yuji’s strength: 

I initially had read this to mean Megumi needed Yuji’s physical strength. Upon second look, however, Megumi has always seemed to have admiration for Yuji’s conviction.

With the looming deadline for Tsumiki’s vow to join the Culling Game, as Megumi starts to feel the pressure to make his plan work, who better to keep around than the person who will always go for the home run and whose strength he admires?

In other words, like hell he’s going to let Yuji leave his side. Which, again, only makes it more heartbreaking to think Sukuna is up to no good regarding Megumi and Yuji wants to protect him from that.

Oh f*ck.......

The panel below feels like a bit of a lighthearted and comical moment, but it’s also interesting to note that this is the second time they “fight”.

The first “fight” having taken place during the Cursed Womb Arc.

If you will remember, Gege used the Cursed Womb Arc and the Origin of Obedience Arc to show us how much our favorite trio had grown. 

Not sure Gege is going to parallel something here again, but just interesting to note.

Oh f*ck...

Ya, please excuse the French.

Despite the many words I’ve shared here, this chapter left me mostly speechless. 

I feel like I’ve been trapped in Gojo’s limitless domain expansion and all I can think is “oh f*ck” or “halloween” (if you catch my drift).

Chapter 160 was incredible because it looks like Gege has finally finished putting all his pieces into place and is ready to go for the kill by: 

Starting to unravel the story bit by bit, giving us all of the twists we both saw and did not see coming, and

Ramping up the stakes. Taking into consideration the estimates that JJK is somewhere around 60-70% done at this point, It’s not a matter of whether some of our beloved characters will die, but about who, when and how they will die

One last detail

I love the last four panels of the chapter showing Panda, Hakari, Yuji and Megumi all wearing their uniforms (barring Panda) and getting ready to become official participants of the Culling Game by entering their respective barriers.

Knowing that Gege is a very talented artist capable of showing and expressing emotions through his art, I feel like these panels tell us a lot about what the characters might be thinking and I thought I’d expand on that. 

Bear in mind this is my personal interpretation as an artist:

Panda looks excited and ready to fight, perhaps even confident. Panda is saying “bring it!” with his body language

There’s a hint of something I can’t describe in Hakari’s face. It’s almost like he’s coming face to face against how big of a challenge this is going to be and yet he’s resolved to walk straight into “the depths of hell itself”

Yuji looks focused, determined to go in and give it his best no matter what comes his way--that’s just who he is

And then there’s Megumi. I’ve been drawing Megumi recently, and one thing I noticed is that he has very specific micro-expressions. In his panel, he’s warming up his wrists as though he’s getting ready to fight, he has a focused look on his face, but the shadows around his eyes say he might be feeling like he is carrying the heavy burden of the uncertainty surrounding the situation he’s going through

With all that being said... the Culling Game is officially starting and we’re in for a one-way ride straight to hell.

Thank you for reading and happy JJK-Sunday!

What about you? What did you enjoy most about chapter 160?

[embermc]

"People improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold it against them when they don't?"

This is a quote from The Good Place (awesome show, by the way, check it out). It's a show largely about redemption, morality, and the nature of humanity. Very importantly, it's a show about how people aren't inherently evil at heart, and although they can hurt other people and that isn't okay, they can also be negatively affected by their circumstances, and a large part of what makes redemption and changing for the better work is "external love and support" from others.

I've alluded to this quote before in previous posts, but I think it really perfectly applies to c!Wilbur right now, in his current state.

c!Wilbur, as we've seen, has been stuck in a dark, cold Limbo for thirteen years. He has had barely any stimuli, nothing but a deck of cards for entertainment, a lot of lingering mental illnesses, and most importantly for the context of this post, barely anyone to be with. He mentioned c!Schlatt sleeping for a while, and we now have the knowledge that Schlatt was off being a realtor. Mexican Dream is there, but there's a good chance that it wasn't for long, since he was a relatively new death that was only added years in, and he wasn't around in Tommy and Wilbur's conversation. And then there's c!Tommy. c!Tommy was with Wilbur in Limbo for a brief period of time, a few months, before leaving again which, is good for c!Tommy and I'm glad he didn't have to spend more time there, but it meant c!Wilbur had to spend even more years in crippling loneliness and near total isolation.

When he died, c!Wilbur was already not in a good mental state. He was incredibly depressed, traumatized, paranoid, suicidal, and in general, very mentally ill. This lead to him lashing out and hurting others, and in general, being a very morally grey character that made a lot of mistakes. As confirmed by c!Tommy, this shaky mental state and these behaviors have not gotten better during c!Wilbur's time in Limbo. And, of course they didn't. Isolation and crippling loneliness have never been the solution to healing someone's mental state, and this is something that has been proven time and time again by the SMP. In fact, a recurring theme on the SMP is that companionship and the company of others, and having others to be around and be a positive influence on you, is the best way to heal and fix yourself. In turn, the themes of the SMP have also shown that isolation, whether it be self-imposed or forceful, are absolutely devastating for one's mental state and condition, often leading to them making a lot of errors that they wouldn't have otherwise made.

c!Wilbur is no different. (Explanation under cut).

Upon returning to life, c!Wilbur is in a state of clear desperation. He undoubtedly doesn't want a repeat of his bad mental state and his situation in Limbo, where he was isolated, and he's searching for a purpose, for things to do, a role to play (since he has always assigned his self-worth to a role). Above all, he clearly doesn't want to lose c!Tommy. This has been made apparent and true numerous times, as we see him be desperate for c!Tommy to stay with him and to protect c!Tommy, even when Tommy himself wasn't watching or listening in. c!Wilbur doesn't want to be alone. He also is desperately searching for a role, a position of power, a nation, a rivalry, a headquarters, anything he can hold onto in order to have a sense of self-worth or a purpose.

And yeah, in the process, c!Wilbur may not be the most morally pure. He was definitely trying to guilt-trip and use underhanded methods of persuasion with Tommy to get him to stay with him and choose him over c!Quackity. He was lashing out, yelling at others in heated, stressful moments. He was occasionally lying. A lot of his coping mechanisms for his trauma were unhealthy, both for himself and for others. But here's the thing...how could he possibly have any other coping mechanisms? After being in a state of isolation and loneliness for literal years, it makes complete and total sense for him to not be a perfect human being. It makes sense for him to not have the best coping mechanisms, to, in the process, hurt those around him (despite wanting to be a better person, and I honestly believe this). While c!Wilbur's mental issues are not the responsibility of anyone else, c!Wilbur has not even had the benefit to have somebody that's a positive influence around him to keep him company, to make him slowly realize that he doesn't need to keep using the same unhealthy coping mechanisms. He has been without any real love or support for so long.

c!Wilbur is terrified of losing c!Tommy, because he doesn't want to be alone again, and doesn't know what to do if he was alone. He doesn't know who he is, alone, without a role to fit himself into or somebody to protect who looks up to him. He doesn't want a repeat of Limbo, where he wallowed in self-hatred and mental agony by himself for years. So he's desperate to keep c!Tommy with him, so desperate that he's willing to use morally dubious tactics like guilt-tripping in order to ensure he doesn't end up by himself. It's not morally correct for him to do, and it's negative for c!Tommy's mental health, but it's not a super malicious action coming from some irredeemable evil person. c!Wilbur's genuinely scared, and having a traumatic response to fearing a potential situation where he could end up alone again, a response that ends up hurting others despite him most likely not meaning to.

And because he's been alone for so long, without any real support, any real companionship, any real love, he's latching onto coping mechanisms and behaviors that won't necessarily be good or healthy for anyone. He's doing bad things as a result of a bad mindset, and he hasn't had the opportunity to heal from this bad mindset because he can't do it alone. It's very hard to heal alone, and to fix an unhealthy mindset alone, which is again, a theme that's been shown to us time and time again. And again, c!Wilbur's mindset is nobody's responsibility, least of all c!Tommy, who is a kid with his own trauma and issues, but c!Wilbur has been alone so long that he hasn't even been able to benefit solely from at least having somebody with him to positively influence him.

This doesn't excuse harm or stress he caused to c!Tommy, and c!Tommy would be perfectly in the right to distance himself from c!Wilbur if he so chooses, but it does explain a lot of c!Wilbur's actions and show that he's not some irredeemable monster. He makes mistakes, yes, but he's been trapped in an unhealthy mindset, with unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms, for so long, without ever getting much external love or support to help him out of that dark place. It makes sense that he isn't going to change overnight, and it would be a long process where he would most likely make more mistakes out of fear, or trauma, or any other factor. But one can't act like he's evil, or irredeemable, because he's not. c!Wilbur is a scared, traumatized guy who desperately doesn't want to lose everything he believes he has left, and from that desperation, comes actions and behaviors that end up hurting those around him, as well as himself.

It's important to hold c!Wilbur accountable for his actions, yes, but, there's a good chance he can change when he gets external love and support, so we can't act like he's acting out of pure malice or evil when he hasn't, for so long.

[zemodaddy]

Hey so i finally completed the first chapter of the zemo x reader fanfic. Make sure to read the authors note at the end and i hope you enjoy.!

Synopsis:

Y/n is an ex-avenger who, after the blip was forced to work for the US government. You trained to be an assassin/spy and your gifts of wielding flames made you invaluable. When you were assigned to follow Bucky you find him helping Helmut Zemo escape from his prison cell. What is he up to? Should you stop him?

Warnings: violence, lots of swearing, angst, fluff and in later chapters extreme acts of hatred towards John Walker :)

Shades of Him

They replaced him. They replaced him with a random guy and stuck Steve’s shield on him. You were staring at the TV in disbelief. You thought of Steve like a brother and he definitely wouldn’t have wanted this.

After the blip you had no job, the avengers pretty much all separated and that left you without anything to do, and that meant no income and no income meant no home or food. You couldn’t exactly find a normal job because most people were afraid of you. A trained assassin and spy who could wield flames wasn’t really considered normal. That left you with no choice but to accept the deal the US government offered you. Do their dirty work and you wont end up homeless.

Your newest mission was to track Bucky to make sure he followed the rules set upon him for his pardon. You are close to him, like you were close to Steve. Hiding the fact that you were following him everywhere he went was kind of hard but you managed. You had to manage.

So finding him and Sam visiting a German prison kind of surprised you. Had this got to do with his therapy? Surely not. They left around an hour later and from then nothing more suspicious happened. A quick google search and a deep dive into some public records showed that a high security prisoner resided at this prison. Not just anyone. Zemo.

Interesting you thought. Later that night you followed Bucky and Sam to an old garage. You waited outside for 5 minutes before entering, trying to keep to the shadows of the room. The two men seemed to be in the midst of a heated discussion. “You want Zemo to help us?” Sam looks exasperated. Bucky looks a bit apprehensive as he says “Look let me walk you through a hypothetical, can I do that?” He begins to explain an elaborate escape plan for Zemo. Your mind was wizzing with thoughts as you tried to figure out your next move. He really isn’t in the right headspace, same old Bucky, you roll your eyes. “What are you guys doing?” You step out of the darkness. The two seemed to jump out of their skin, clearly not expecting you to be there.

“Y/n? What are you doing here?” Bucky asks. They both looked so shocked by your sudden appearance that you had to suppress a laugh. “I was following you.” He doesn’t look happy. “YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME?” He raises his voice. You weren’t scared because you knew he loved you really. Keeping the same tone as him you shout back “YES AND YOU’RE HELPING A CRIMINAL” “I SAID HYPOTHETICALLY DIDN’T I”. Sam looks like he could start laughing any moment. You weren’t even sure if you should laugh or arrest them. Suddenly your phone buzzes. “Then please explain to me why I just got a message saying that ZEMO HAS ESCAPED FROM PRISON?” Sam looks mad now. “You’re kidding me Bucky” he says. “Look we don’t have any other leads, we were at a dead end.”

You knew that the two were looking for information on the new super soldiers serum. “He blew up the UN, he killed king T’Chaka!” Before Bucky could reply to Sams argument, the sound of a door shutting sounds through the garage and guess who walks in. Helmut fucking Zemo. Your hand flies immediately to the dagger on the side of your thigh. “Woah woah woah” Sam starts walking towards him as Bucky tries to hold him back. Too bad he didn’t see you slip past them and push Zemo against the wall with said dagger against his throat. “Your going back to prison” you pass him a sickly sweet smile. He looked surprised by you holding him against that wall but didn’t fight back. Not with the blade in your hand starting to heat up against his skin. “y/n let him go” Bucky looks frustrated.

“He can lead us closer to the serum, just let him breath for a second” Zemo did start to look a little breathless. Good, he should be scared of you. Reluctantly you let him go. He starts to talk “if I may”. At the same time the three of you go “NO”. He looked a little displeased by the response but didn’t have any other option but to oblige. “Apologies”. After further debating and a lot of disagreements you and Sam finally agree to trust Zemo.. for the time being anyways. “Alright Zemo, where do we start”

You mentally set a reminder to always have an eye on Zemo, how could you not with a guy like him. He seemed to be sending you anxious glances in return, which to be fair you did nearly choke him to death. He leads you to a large warehouse containing numerous cars of different ages, sizes and colours. Probably stolen you think. After grabbing a case full with clothes for zemo you all head to an airstrip. In the middle of which was a private jet. You look at it in awe. “So you were rich all this time?” Sam asks. “I’m a baron Sam, my family was royalty before your friends destroyed my country”. Shit. Those cars weren’t stolen then..

The mention of his country makes you think back to that battle against ultron. You were very tempted to leave the avengers after nearly wiping out the entirety of a population of a country. But they convinced you to stay, where else could you have gone anyway? You think a little longer about the aftermath, when you helped after the battle with the injured, and loved ones finding their dead. It was one of the saddest moment of your life, until the blip. No one else helped from the avengers, they didn’t even visit the memorial..

“Y/n you coming?” Sam was saying from the top of the stairs. Lost in thought you were stood in front of the plane. Maybe I should stop getting distracted you thought. Entering the jet the seats on the right were already occupied by Sam and Bucky, leaving the only other seat opposite Zemo free. Great. As a gentle reminder you check your dagger on your thigh, almost like a warning that if he tries anything he’ll know what’s coming. Zemo swallows looking where it would be and ask his butler person for a drink. Was that his butler or the pilot? Rich people problems you thought. The plane sets off and you look out of the window daydreaming a little.

The other three talk lightly until the mention of Buckys list, which ends in zemo being choked yet again. You smile a little, enjoying the mini acts of revenge for the people he’s hurt and killed. You feel a bit sleepy but then they start to discuss where you were going. “Do we want to live in a world full of people like the red skull” Zemo shakes his head lightly “that’s why we’re going to Madripoor”. Confused, Bucky explains the place’s history in the Indonesian archipelago. “It’s kept its lawless ways but we cannot go in as our selves” Zemo says. Uh oh that can’t be good.

You were right. Zemo had handed you a bag full of clothes and a pair of heels. You stared at yourself in the full length mirror that resided in the toilets. “You have got to be kidding me” you say aloud. Your were wearing a dark purple silky dress that reached only just halfway down your thigh. It exposed most of your arms, shoulders and a lot of your chest. Thankfully there was a black leather jacket in the bag too, however on the shoulders sat a blanket of fur, similarly to Zemos coat that he took from the warehouse. Your heels were also purple. You thank the lord you took the time to train in heels too because you never know when the situation arises when you happen to find yourself in those monstrous shoes.

“This” you point at yourself “is not happening”. “Ah my baroness has arrived” Zemo says, amusement glinting in his eyes. You glared at the word ‘baroness’. “Here put this on darling, to finish it off”. He holds what seems to be a lipstick in his hand. You already knew what shade it was before taking it from him. “Do you have some thing for purple or is that just me?” Sam and Bucky both laughed.

You had to admit, the dress didn’t look bad, in fact it looked expensive. To say you were uncomfortable was an understatement, not necessarily for what you were wearing, but for the hand now draped around your waist. Zemos hand. He said that no matter what, you couldn’t break character. Bucky was playing the role as the winter soldier; you felt bad for him, the memories this must bring up. You can’t even begin to imagine. Sam however, wore an extravagant and abstract red suit that kind of looked like a dress. It was funny to see his reaction to which he comments that he looked like a “pimp”.

A car pulls up beside you and you all pile in. Of course you were sat next to zemo in the back. After around five minutes you arrive in lowtown. A place where you could apparently find a gall called Selby. That hand snaked back around you as you intermingle with the crowded streets. The high density of the crowd forced you even closer to Zemos side leaving practically no space between you now. You could feel his warm body against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. He looks down on you. His eyes seem to be softer now than they were before and he gives you a quick kiss on the temple as if to reassure you that you’re safe. You tried to keep yourself from shaking him off of you but as you carried on walking, you got used to him a bit more. Sam and Bucky followed the two of you, both with grim faces.

Finally, you come to a bar, most people around you watching carefully as you all enter. Zemo orders the both of you a shot and Sam gets his usual. This turned out to be something containing whatever the barman cutout of a snake. The sight of it made your stomach drop, and to your astonishment, Sam actually drank it. He looked like he wanted to be sick but, no matter what he had to stay in character. Bucky gave a slight nod, he didn’t get a drink, not as the winter soldier.

You had let it be known of who you wanted to see and as you waited a man came up behind Zemo and you. He immediately guided you away from this man so he was in front of you and Zemo in front of the man. He knew you could hold your own, you had made that clear already, but he wanted to protect you. For the act of course. “You ain’t welcome here” the man stated, placing a hand roughly on zemos shoulder as he turned to face him. “I have no business with the powerbroker, but if he insists he can either talk to me” Zemo points at Bucky. His hand then slipped to yours, holding it tightly. “Or bring Selby for a chat”. The man looks displeased and walks away. You had many things you wanted to say to Zemo at this moment, but sticking to your character was more important. As he continued to grip your hand, other men started to menacingly prowl towards you all. Zemo gave Bucky the order to attack and so he did. A fight quickly broke out between them all but Bucky was far too strong for them all. This ended in Bucky holding one of the guys that remained standing against the bar table. Finally someone called to say selby was ready to see your group. This was going to be interesting.

Notes

Okay i left this on a little bit of a cliffhanger but the next chapter should be out in a day or so. This is my first fanfic i have published so I’m interested to see what everyone thinks. If there’s any spelling or grammar mistakes then umm you didn’t see anything. I hope you enjoyed!

@killsandthrills @aisling1985 @booklover2929 @arianalilyblack @your-pixels-are-showing @kenna-1904

[blackbat05]

I need a break

Shangqi x Reader (Platonic) 

A/N: I feel like I’m loosing steam towards the end of my placement and wow I have never needed a break this badly before. Perhaps a short Shangqi x Reader imagine where they are both University students. Seriously at this rate I’ll just be solely a Shangqi writer HAHAHA. Doing this on my phone because I don’t want to open my work computer. Let’s see where this impromptu idea takes me to. Hope you enjoy it and as always like and comment if you wish!

Genre: PG-13

Warnings: None really, just friends supporting each other! I guess there’s an inaccurate timeline if you look at the MCU but hey this is an imagine plus if you look at some of the wiki pages, Shangqi is actually born in 1998/1999. So appreciate if you’re kind enough to go with the flow to read this comfort fic! 

‘Y/N!’ Shangqi rushes to catch up with you after class. You made an effort to conceal your tiredness but he saw it right through. ‘Gosh…you alright?’

You think to yourself. Were you really alright? The answer was pretty obvious. You were ten weeks into your placement and your emotions were a jumbled up mess. Having to deal with work responsibilities was one problem, school assignments were another issue all together. At this point, you felt like you were just getting through each week for the sake of it.

At first, you believed that what you were going through was simply a transition to becoming an adult. You thought that naturally, you would be able to persevere through the stressful periods by yourself. But of course, it has been hard.

You were a social work intern at a neighborhood youth centre, thirty minutes away if you took the train and bus. The work was fulfilling in it’s own ways, but recently there were self-doubts filling your brain, if you were really cut out for the job in the future. If you weren’t, what else could you do?

As you sat with Shangqi in the school’s student-ran cafe, you found yourself pouring out the exact same concerns to him. Credit to him, Shangqi never interrupted your monologue, he just simply listened. That’s what best friends were for. That’s what you did for him to when he ran into issues with his family.

Even then, he couldn’t deny that hearing you doubt yourself broke his heart. He had known you since high school. You mostly kept to yourself and one or two close friends. Despite joining the school’s athletic team where you were one of the main athletes, you preferred to stay in the shadows unlike some of your teammates. That didn’t stop you from going out of your way to help other students in need; like helping the girl who was in an arm cast to copy the social studies notes, even if it meant you had to do it twice. Or maybe just talking to a friend who was stressed out about their results.

Basically, you had studied your ass off to get a secured spot at this university who were only one of the few that offered the degree. He remembers you telling him the moment you got your offer, ‘I’m finally good at something. I don’t have to worry anymore!’

Shangqi wasn’t stupid. The pandemic had done some crazy things. And by crazy, it affected the self-esteem that you had been working so hard on by participating in various projects and events, with you being in charge of a drama production that was promoting on mental health. That was a big deal considering that you were a major introvert.

Online engagement was never easy. In fact he has heard some of your struggles that you’ve shared with him regarding this and it only makes him admire you even more. For someone who preferred to keep to themselves, stepping out of one’s comfort zone, to take on a role that wasn’t just simply about helping people - that took guts.

‘I’m sorry I’m just loading you with all this. I just feel…’ You trailed off, suddenly becoming emotional again. Again, Shangqi does not pry. ‘That I can’t do anything right.’ You emphasize that you had ended the statement for you were unsure that you could keep your cool if you had tried to continue on.

‘If I hear you saying sorry another time,’ he chides, ‘you’re paying for our meal later.’ Your lips curved upwards slightly before returning to its somber position. Shangqi decides that a meal won’t cut it. He needs to deploy ‘Operation Y/N’. Standing up with your buzzer to collect the food, Shangqi whips out his phone. There will be a few changes for today.

Food was definitely a cure in this situation, but it was only a part of the solution. After inhaling your ramen at light speed, Shangqi tells you that today will be a different Friday. ‘And you can’t complain! It’ll be a weekend tmr,’ he tells you. So why not? You figured that even if you went back home early, your head wouldn’t be in the right place to complete the essay for your English module.

‘Hold up! The VR studio that Katy was talking about?’ You look at the tickets inside the taxi that was taking you and Shangqi to the location. ‘How did you even, it was so hard to get these tickets!’ From the time Shangqi met you outside the classroom, he had yet to see you so ecstatic. Until now.

‘Well,’ Shangqi gives his best shrug. ‘I called in a favor from a friend. Said that it was for emergency purposes.’ He raised his fingers to make connotations in the air much to your amusement.

‘Wow… just how much do I not know about you Mr Popular?’ You teased. Shangqi decides to leave the fact on him having to persuade the Wakandan Princess in giving him free tickets.

‘Please! I swear whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it! It’s for Y/N!’

‘Ey well why didn’t you say so? If it’s for that nice friend, of course!’ Shuri leaves the entrance of the compound, an exasperated Shangqi trailing behind.

Yeah, the VR studio that Katy told them about was also funded by King T’Challa himself. With stunning life like visuals thanks to Wakandan technology, the VR studio was located in a middle class neighborhood. T’Challa believed that no matter where kids came from, they should have the right to enjoy and to explore the world. For now, he wasn’t ready to share that he was on the way on becoming a full-fledged Avenger yet - you just had too much on your plate. He’ll just have to settle with this white lie.

‘Is Katy coming?’ You were on the verge of vibrating off your seat. ‘She would love this place!’ Even when you were struggling, Y/N still manages to think about other people. Today, Y/N will put her needs first.

As if to answer your previous question, you can see an equally excited Katy waiting for the two of you at the roundabout. ‘HEL-LO EVERYONE! LET’S GET OUR FRIDAY STARTED IN PROPER SHALL WE?’ Her loud voice had attracted stares, some very displeased looks too but at this point in time, you didn’t give a damn. Katy was right, it was time to enjoy!

You wished that you could slow down time, or even replay it continuously when you needed cheering up because the only thing you felt was pure happiness - euphoria even. Your stomach was in knots for laughing hysterically together with Katy when Shangqi jumped in shock from a surprise scare from a zombie. ‘I’m keeping that for leverage,’ she tells you, quietly slipping her phone into her fanny pack. 

The Wakandans had really outdone themselves this time. Your favorite VR was the paradise VR. Slipping the headgear, you say goodbye to the smiles of Katy and Shangqi, whisking away to a beach that oddly reminded you of your dream destination - Hawaii. From where you were standing, you were surrounded by green and majestic islands. Despite their sheer size, you weren’t intimidated. In fact, you were healing. 

Your mind was no longer in the room of the VR studio. How could it when the sun kissed your skin, giving you the much needed energy that you were lacking for so long? In the room, the two sees you kick your shoes to the side, going barefoot. It may have seem strange, but with the monitor beside you, your actions were perfectly logical. 

As a kid, you used to despise the prickly feeling of sand in between your toes. But now, you grew to love the sensation that each grain of sand had on your skin. It made you feel grounded, that everything was going to be ok. You raise your virtual hand to touch your face - were you crying? 

‘She must have been really stressed huh?’ Katy whispers to Shangqi who nods in return. How he hated the fact that you were giving so much to your work but still felt underappreciated. Forget the Avengers with superhuman abilities, you were the true MVP. The VR ends and you remove your headgear. ‘I’m ok,’ you automatically reassure them despite the dry tears left on both cheeks. You step down the platform slowly, trying to regain sense of the real world. 

What you didn’t expect was the two embracing you in a hug, squishing you in between them. Maybe that had set off the waterworks. For someone like Katy, she had sage advice.

‘Life can be pretty shitty right? But I’m so proud of you fighting it Y/N. Just remember that it’s ok to be weak. I mean, I’ve seen worse from Shangqi,’ she jabs her finger towards his direction, earning a glare from him. That’s Katy, always trying to add a bit of humor to this grey world. Calming down, you let go of the both of them. ‘Thanks guys, for everything.’ 

‘Hey,’ Shangqi responds, slinging his arm over your shoulder. ‘We’re friends, so we don’t leave each other behind.’ Phone beeping, he retrieves it to check the message. ‘And look at that, nice timing. Who wants Korean BBQ?’ 

Trailing behind them, you get an amusing view of Shangqi bickering with Katy on how many Soju bottles she’s allowed to order later. As San Francisco welcomed the night, you were just thankful that you had the two of them to walk through this crazy maze called life. 

‘Last one to the shop is paying!’ 

‘Oh you’re on Mister!’  

A/N: I really just think that this was also an imagine for me to cope too. So I can only hope to finish my placement/assignments/exams well! To anyone who does studies and work simultaneously, I fucking respect you (allow me to use expletives for now, these people deserve the respect). If you’re going through a stressful time, I hope this brings the slightest comfort for you and remember… YOU ARE NOT ALONE! Again, thank you for reading! 

[moon-light-jukebox]

Learning Styles - [Reid x Reader]

Summary: Reader has worked hard to get to the FBI, but a misunderstanding has her feeling insecure. 

Pairing: Spencer Reid / Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.5k

Genre: Fluff

Rating: PG

Content Warning: Mention of normal criminal minds stuff briefly. 

A/n: I got these two requests and they were so similar I decided to combine them. I hope that’s okay, but I feel like the stories would have been almost identical. 

Requests:  - I have a fic suggestion. Reader pretends to be dumb but is actually really smart. I’m thinking of that quote about marilyn ”you have to be really smart to pretend to be dumb”. One day spencer realizes that reader is smarter than she lets people know.

- Hi! Can I request a spencer reid x reader fic where reader isn't great with numbers but brilliant with behaviour and humanities (i.e. literature, history, sociology, up to you)? Maybe a dash of insecurity to spice things up?

-- Learning Styles -- 

My favorite professor in college told me that everyone learns differently; what works for one person won’t work in the same way for another. We are all different human beings that are shaped in different ways.

I had always been oddly insecure about my intelligence level. One of my earliest memories was my mother yelling at me while I sat at the kitchen table when I was in first grade. I was the only kid in my class who still hadn’t learned how to read. I just didn’t understand. All of my friends were progressing so much quicker than me and my mother was losing patience.

It wasn’t until my grandmother stepped in that everything changed. My elementary school teacher was training children to read by memorizing sight words, a concept I didn’t understand. When my grandmother sat down and taught me phonics. I distinctly remember everything snapping into place.

I was in 1st grade and reading at a 7th-grade level by Christmas. Once I finally understood my learning style, I really began to thrive.

But no matter what I did, I could still hear my mother yelling at me, telling me I was stupid.

In my line of work, I see just how much the throw away comments that parents make can shape a child’s development. Luckily, those comments just made me a bit insecure, not a murderer.

Up until I was 22, I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to do beyond this desire I had to help people. SSA David Rossi had come to guest lecture in one of my abnormal psych classes during undergrad. After I heard him speak, I was done. I couldn’t have done anything else with my life. I had obtained my master’s in psychology before I joined the FBI.

It took some time, but I was finally assigned to the Behavioral Analysis Unit at Quantico. I was so excited on my first day that I remember my hands physically shaking.

Until they weren’t.

I can still remember my first day so clearly. SSA Hotchner had introduced me to the team, saving the “best” for last.

“And this is Dr. Spencer Reid,” he had said. “He’s our expert on…well, everything.”

Reid was my age and he had his Ph.D. I remember feeling awed by him.

Until I didn’t.

"I hold 3 Ph.D.'s in Chemistry, Engineering, and Mathematics. I also have BAs in psychology and sociology."

I remember my jaw almost hitting the floor. While I was impressed by him, I wasn’t insecure about my place on the team.

Until I was.

My grandmother may have helped me master reading, which opened the door to me mastering anything else I put my mind to…except math.

I was fine at statistics, luckily. You couldn’t get a psych degree without a ton of statistics work. But statistics was different, I could see the practical use of statistics. I just couldn’t wrap my head around calculus or algebra.

On my first case with the team, Reid had calculated some insane mathematical equations on the whiteboard, running down the probabilities and applying a mathematical formula to the unsub’s behavior.

It wasn't until later, after the case was solved when I was standing in front of the whiteboard that my confidence was hit. Reid had come into the room and saw me looking at his work.

“Don’t bother trying to understand it,” he had said. “You’d have to be a genius to understand what I do.”

I didn’t have a word to describe the feeling that settled in my stomach at his words, I wasn’t sure such a word existed. The feeling was cold and heavy, but also made my body burn with shame.

I had just offered him a tight smile before I left the room.

On the plane home I had made a decision. I was no match for Dr. Reid, I doubt anyone was. So, I would take myself out of the competition. I couldn’t get hurt if I wasn’t playing the game.

And that is how the next year of my life went. I allowed Dr. Reid to explain things to me that I was an expert in, never saying a word. I acted like I didn't understand concepts that I had written papers on. The only thing I didn't dumb down was my profiling skills. Those were necessary for my job and for saving lives.

I don’t think anyone realized what I was doing.

Until they did.

--

The team had been called to Colorado to assist in capturing a serial rapist.

All of our cases bothered me, every last one…but something about ones with this vile element really struck me.

We had the unsub’s name, Tyler Childress. He had spent time in prison for sexual assault and burglary. It seems while he was in prison, he spent time perfecting his methods; it was only by pure luck that we found his fingerprint inside the victim’s house, making him the main suspect.

When we paid Mr. Childress a visit, he had managed to get the drop on Prentiss and Morgan, allowing them to escape. Morgan was furious.

All of us were sitting around a conference table in the local prescient while we let Dr. Reid talk.

I was trying to be calm, I was, but my nails were digging into my palm so deeply I was worried I was about to draw blood.

“Guys,” the expert on everything said. “He has to have some sort of accomplice.”

Rossi just sighed. “But the profile doesn’t point to him being the sort to do well with others; he’s a narcissist.”

Reid wouldn’t budge. “I know that, but he isn’t intelligent enough to pull this off alone. He’s just not. He had an IQ test done when he was 20. He scored in the mentally handicapped range. I’m telling you he has to have help.”

“Are you sure, Reid?” Hotch asked.

“Positive. I have his results right here.”

“IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence on their own.”

I was so startled that someone had contradicted Dr. Reid that it took me a second to realize it was me who had contradicted him.

He turned to face me; his brown eyes wide. “What?”

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound. “IQ tests aren’t a good measure of intelligence.”

Dr. Reid laughed. He laughed at me like my comment was funny. “I don’t know where you heard that,” he began.

But I interrupted him. "IQ tests are classist and oftentimes racist. The man who invented the IQ test never intended for it to be used as a complete measure of intelligence. He regretted making the test.”

Reid sputtered. “You…it’s not racist!”

“Yes. It. Is.” I ground out. “If it wasn’t it wouldn’t be illegal to administer an IQ test to a black child in the state of California.”

"Wait, it's illegal to do that?" JJ asked, her brows drawn together.

"Yes. There was a court case in the 1970s over it. Teachers were using tests to separate white children from black children. The black children were put into special education classes they didn’t need to be in. Just because the teachers didn’t want those children in their classrooms.”

I should have stopped, but I was on a role. “They’re also inherently classist. How can you expect a child to answer a question about Romeo and Juliet if they haven’t heard of it?”

That had Dr. Reid scoffing. “Everyone has heard of it.”

I shot to my feet, unable to hold back anymore. “No, they haven’t. Children in underfunded schools that don’t have access to resources might not have heard about the most famous play in history because their school wasn’t able to provide the materials to teach them about it. There was a study done in a remote part of Russia right after the IQ test was invented. Every. Single. Person. Scored in the mentally handicapped range. Because they didn’t understand.”

I knew my voice was rising but I couldn’t stop myself. “Once the researcher took the questions and applied them to things they understood, they all scored as above average. They didn’t understand math as an abstract concept, but they understood it when it was applied to their businesses, to something they actually knew about.”

I cleared my throat. “The test isn’t fair, it’s not equal. Tyler Childress didn’t go to a good school and he didn’t have a stable home life. You can’t use one measure to calculate his intelligence. He’s gotten away with 7 assaults so far that we know of. He’s not stupid.”

The entire room was silent once I had stopped speaking. I couldn’t bring myself to regret it though. What kind of person was I if I played dumb because I was afraid of being mocked when a monster was out there attacking women? No, those women deserved to have me at my best.

And I’ll be damned if I wouldn’t give it to them.

Rossi spoke first, his eyes twinkling when he looked at me. “Took you long enough,” he said. “But y/n is right. We trust the profile; we don’t let personal bias cloud the way. That’s how we catch this bastard.”

--

Later that day, we were cleaning up the conference room while the local police processed Tyler Childress.

Pathological narcissism is a complex disorder, but we followed the profile and Rossi was right. Hotch set up a press conference in which JJ and Prentiss took center stage. They tore Childress’s ego to shreds on live television.

His narcissism wouldn’t allow that to slide. He got angry, he made a mistake, and we got him before anyone else got hurt.  

While the cat was out of the bag about my intelligence and that made me nervous, I couldn't regret any of it. I got to be the one to tell our last victim that we got him. I got to hug her while she cried because now that he was locked up, she felt like her healing could begin. I wasn’t sure if my rant about structural racism and the classism of IQ tests actually helped anything, but that didn’t really matter. There was one less monster in the shadows.

Today was a good day.

I was alone in the conference room, untacking photos from the evidence board when I heard someone clear their throat from behind me. I turned my head to meet the wide, honey brown eyes of Dr. Spencer Reid.

Oh boy, I thought. “What’s up, Reid?”

He shifted from foot to foot, his hands twisting in front of him before he crossed his arms over his chest. “I asked Garcia to look into you.”

My eyebrows drew together. “I’m pretty sure any nefarious things I had done would have popped up on my initial background check.”

“Right, I didn’t mean like that,” he mumbled, the apples of his cheeks turning pink. “I asked her to look into you academically.”

Shit.

He went on. “You double majored in psychology and sociology before you got a master’s in cultural psychology. She pulled your thesis. I just read it.”

“I see.” I turned my attention back to the board.

“You also guest lecture on cross-cultural psychology at Georgetown several times a year. And you’ve co-authored two papers since I’ve known you.”

Meh, it’s three. But that doesn’t matter. “Did you read those too?”

I took his silence as confirmation.

He was so quiet I almost thought he had left, but the crackle of energy I felt in the air told me he hadn’t. “Do you need something, Dr. Reid?”

"Why didn't you get your Ph.D.?"

I had answered that question many, many times. “I didn’t need a doctorate to do what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to waste time. Once I figured out what I wanted, I charged at it.” Which was a far more honest answer than most people got about that from me.

“W-why did you pretend to be dumb?” he rasped out, causing me to look back at him. “32 days ago, you let me explain the long-term effects of gerrymandering and the complex causes of poverty.”

“Of course, I did,” I said, frowning. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“One of the papers you authored was about generational poverty.”

“Just because I know a lot about something doesn’t mean I can stop listening to information. That sort of thinking breeds ignorance.” I smiled, unable to not tease him just a little bit.

Reid took a step closer to me. “You didn’t answer my question.”

I just shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t have a good answer.”

In all the months I had known him, Spencer Reid had never touched me, not even so much as a finger brushing against mine when he handed me something. That fact is why I was so startled when I felt his hand on my upper arm, turning me towards him.

He licked his lips, his eyes darting around. “Did everyone else know?”

I shook my head, my teasing mood long gone. "No. I mean, clearly, Rossi suspected but…No, I didn't tell anyone else."

“I just don’t understand. You’re brilliant.”

I scoffed. “No, I’m not. I’m decent a psychology, sociology, stuff like that. I can’t apply math to behavior to find patterns. I can’t even calculate how much something is gonna cost when it’s on sale without a calculator half the time.”

‘What do you…” Reid trailed off. “Wait. The very first case. You were looking at the evidence board.”

Goddamn eidetic memory.

The boy wonder was on a roll now. “I told you that you’d have to…is that why you didn’t tell me?”

What else could I do? I just nodded.

Those brown eyes closed, and he let out a groan. “I said that because I thought you were going to…I was worried…” He huffed out a breath and opened his eyes. “I wanted you to like me. I didn’t want you to think I was just a nerd.”  

Now I was confused. “Why?”

Spencer Reid’s blush went all the way down his neck. “Well…I just…Morgan said I should just talk to you. But I’m not…I’m not good at that. I panic, then I start to ramble. Like I’m doing now…”

“Reid,” I interrupted. “I’m not playing dumb now. I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“I like you,” he blurted out right before he smacked both of his hands over his face. “Oh my god. I sound like a child.” I thought I heard him mutter idiot under his breath. “Emily says that my IQ gets slashed to 60 whenever I see a pretty girl.”

Much like that moment all those years ago when I was a child, I felt everything click into place. Oh.

I couldn't suppress my smile any longer. I rose up on my tiptoes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Well, we've already gone over how IQ tests aren't a good measure of overall intelligence."  

With that, I quickly stepped away and hurried out of the conference room, leaving a stunned genius in my wake. When I turned back to look at him, I saw his fingers brushing over the place where my lips had just been.  

--

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[simpsiren]

the ukiyo standalone;

park jisung x reader

Jisung is everyone’s joy and prized possession. Being the youngest of his friend group and with his child-like nature, he’s certainly the one that everyone favours. He’s adorable, innocent, pure. You would think he’s well known in college but in actuality, he’s pretty hidden, living his life in the shadow of his friends. He didn’t mind it really. He didn’t need to feel the crowd prying their eyes into his business like his friends, which was why he actually isn’t seen with them often in the first place, he didn’t need to stand out.

genre. fluff, angst, emotional, heart warming aNd heart breaking 

word count. 20k~

description. In this current fast pace world, there was never really a time I could take a break. I did choose this path as a lawyer major knowing I would be drowning myself with papers every single night and pulling all-nighters for an inhumane number of days. As much as I want or even need to rest, I never could. This was the path I’ve chosen. And my pride was too high to let myself stop the grind. That is until I made a mistake of calling an unknown number who belonged to a guy named Jisung at the campus library. I thought he was a waste of time till I realised he showed me to slow down, not having to force my body to move with the world’s speed, to be my ukiyo; my floating world.

!as they should masterlist!

Jisung liked doing social experiments. It was practically his side hobby, something he’d do when there wasn’t anything important on his to-do list. He was simply interested at how the students at his campus would react upon weird occurrences around them. It got students talking whenever he did something, the fact that they didn’t know it was his doing is one of the reasons why he does it in the first place.

On this particular night, where Jisung was staring out of his window from his study table that was directly in front of it, giving the clearest view of the stars and especially the bright moon that reflected its light through his cracked open window and onto his study table, he was wondering about what to do next. What would get people to feel weirded out. What would get them to react a certain way.

When an idea came to mind, the light bulb hovering over his head switched on, the gears began to turn. It wasn’t the most brilliant idea, but it could go both ways. Either the students don’t bother even taking in their surroundings to notice it, or suffer the loss of not getting help. Jisung’s a dance major but he liked doing these projects for the fun of it so might as well. Jisung peeled off a random piece of sticky note from the stack with his other stationeries. Clicking his pen, he immediately went to writing.

When times you aren’t feeling fine, just call this number. I’ll try to be available 24/7.

Jisung frowned slightly and tilted his head. If he were to paste his numbers all over the school, he would probably be bombarded with calls every two seconds. It also didn’t make sense for him to be available 24/7. Clearly that was impossible. His frown deepened. He thought for a long moment, trying to phrase a sentence that was more suitable for what he wanted to do. With a smack of his lips and an unsure hiss, he grabbed a new sticky note and started again.

Glad you came to notice this note laying wherever you are in the library. Feeling stressed? Need someone to talk to? Simply need a friend? My number’s below. You don’t have to know who I am. I’m just here to help you out, mentally I guess. I’m available from 1PM-3AM. Call whenever you feel the need to. Have a nice day :D (don’t worry I’m not some stalker or whatever i’m just a bored student here)

Jisung clicked his pen against the table to close it, his eyes scanning over his words, which might he add was beautifully written, like calligraphy. Jisung couldn’t help but crack a small smile at that thought. He threw the pen off to the side and went to his printer with the sticky note, now moving on to making copies. He wanted to copy a reasonable number, not too little till no one noticed or too many till it was extremely obvious, but well enough for him to get at least a small chance of getting a response. With a number in mind, he began printing.

The next day, he went for his lecture in the morning. He preferred having the morning lectures just so he could spend the rest of his day doing whatever. And on today’s agenda was the pasting of his notes. With the weight of his bag pulling his shoulders and back down, he wished he could go back to the dorms right now and start of his assignment but he wanted to settle this first.

He entered the library. It wasn’t too crowded. Students were fairly spaced apart from each other in the study area, sparse. Some students were at shelves. With his hands still shoved into the pockets of his black Adidas jacket, he make his way over to a random study table. He needed to do this quick to avoid suspicion. But why would students notice anyway? They had their heads digged into whatever work that was incomplete.

Jisung slowed himself down and took out the a note from the small file he had in his bag along woth a large clear tape role. He had to put his bag down, searching for the scissors. He cut a reasonable amount of tape after placing the note in the bottom right corner and placed it over top, sealing the note onto the table. Jisung back away for a moment, taking a long look at it. It was small, but still noticeable. With a satisfied shrug, he went on to do the same for some other tables, even going to bookshelves and randomly pasting them anywhere he wished.

What he didn’t know, was that he was being watch.

I had my brain wrapped around this essay for who knows how long now. Hours, days. Having to redo my research for the fith time was about to have my head spinning till it lolled, out of energy and brain power to hold up. I stared down at the notes scattered all over. The table was a huge mess, loosing track of how many pages I’ve flipped and how many articles I read online, as well as time of course. I sighed quietly, leaning back and closing my eyes, wanting to rest them for a brief moment.

When my eyelids opened back, I couldn’t help but notice the person that had been hovering around the study tables for far too long. It was distracting, watching him move from table to table at the corner of my eye. And though my attention had been on my papers, he was still to be seen in my peripheral vision. I blinked my eyes rapidly and shook my head, refusing to let a small matter tick me off to the point where I wasn’t able to do my work.

I straightened my back and adjusted my shoulders. Closing back my eyes, I took in a deep breath, chest puffing up as I gave myself a determined nod. I shot my eyes back open and with full exhilaration running through my veins, I got back to work, shutting the world out so it was just me and my work, wanting to get it done and over with.

Again I lost track of time, but in a much more productive way than how I was in the morning. I didn’t have classes today, making full use of my free time on my work. I pressed the final key on my keyboard, ending my essay with an exhale of satisfaction. I leaned back into the seat, throwing my head back till it went past the backrest. I placed my hands on the arms of the chair, and it was then did I realise that the library was extremely quiet.

I took in my surroundings, slow scanninv my eyes over the library. It was already dark, some areas pitch black while other were visible with the help of the moonlight shining through the windows. It was only the light at my study table that illuminated the area around with a orange hue. I didn’t mind being the inly one here, but sometimes it felt eerily quiet, like tonight. I grabbed my phone that was shoved into my bag. Lifting it up in front of me, the lockscreen showed itself, as well as the ungodly hour blaring at me.

“Three in the morning? How did I even...” I tilted my head slowly in awe, surpised at just how time flew by when I was immersed in completing my assignment. I read through my essay, having to close my eyes halfway due to how bright the screen of my laptop was. I was scanning through the first paragraph when I immediately went to shut down, already too tired to have one last scan through and making the mental decision of doing it tomorrow.

I packed up immediately, the thought of my bed and sleeping now being the number one priority. I shoved all my things in my tote bag, slinging it on my right shoulder. I was already taking off, a mere few steps away from the exit when I saw something shining at the corner of my eye. I stopped and turned on my heel to the study table. Slowly, my eyes trailed to the bottom right corner where the source of my pause came from. Turned out it was simply the light reflected of a tape. But upon further inspection, I went closer noticing it wasn’t just tape, but a note.

I read it over, having to brush some strands of hair behind my ear that was annoyingly covering the note. I quirked an eyebrow in a questioning manner, leaning back to my standing form once I was done reading, yet my eyes were glued to the impressively written note. “Who gives out their number just like that?” I couldn’t help but wonder under my breath. Too tired to even register any more information, I let this weird occurrence slid out of my mind, continuing to make my way out of the library and back to my dorm where I instantly fell asleep with no second thoughts.

The next day I got up, the light shining through the small holes of my curtain blinding me awake. I searched for my phone under my pillow, plugging out its charger while I scrolled through my social media, specifically Twitter. The first thing that popped up on my timeline was a tweet from the campus’s very own account. No one knows who it was made by, but you can bet that whoever they are has their eyes everywhere around the school, tweeting about the latest gossips or news around campus grounds. Today’s one sparked a memory from last night.

Someone’s at it again stirring up the attention of our students by having their number out in the open for everyone to see in our library. Was there more to it than just wanting to offer help through call service?

I scoffed, glancing away for a moment before retrieving my gaze back to my phone. “Do they actually want people calling them?” I asked myself while scrolling my thumb up to look at the other tweets below. It did come to my attention that night, now picturing the note in my mind. I didn’t remember the number, but it was there, and something about it was drawing the curiosity in me to find out more. With a grunt I shot myself out of bed, getting ready to head to the library again to study.

I hadn’t expected how much time would pass by just from me studying. I’ve been in the library for almost a full day. I was being sent on an emotional roller coaster ride. Some hours being a breeze as I studied the easiest topics, while others had me wanting to rip my hair off my scalp from trying to shove all the information in my brain when it felt like it was at its full capacity. I wasn’t myself today. I kept looking at my phone that was a distraction, which was something I never did at all while studying. I was off the edge.

With exams coming up in a month’s time, I knew I was studying too much too early. But I always had to stick to my life motto. “Get it done and over with.” I muttered to myself. But tonight, at one in the morning, my body and mind couldn’t register any more information. I couldn’t. I was tired, exhausted. Drained. The stress came barreling in full force and I hated how I was making myself feel this way by always being on edge and doing things too fast to keep up with everything else in life.

Wanting to clear my head, I began gathering some of my notes, stacking them up to the clean the table that was in a huge mess. My eyes have grown used to this sight, but I was simply cleaning for the sake of procrastinating and putting off the desire to complete aoother topic. When I was done cleaning one section of the table, something struck my attention. I looked to the bottom right corner of the table. And there it was. The note that’s been in the hidden folds of my mind when I pushed them back to focus on studying.

My eyes went from left to right, specifically at the number since I’ve remembered the note unusually vividly. “Should I?” I whispered. I looked around, no one was to be seen. Weird, since I’d usually see at least one student here despite the late hour. I exhaled softly, letting the cold air that circulated around me in the night cool my skin while I picked up my phone from the table and keyed in the number. I wasn’t thinking about what I was getting myself into. At this point, I was already overloaded with my studies that I was malfunctioning, clearly not thinking straight.

I placed the phone up to my ear, leaning forward and letting my upper body rest against the table while I placed my chin in the palm of my free hand. The ringing went on for five times, and I was about to hang up when I heard the sound of the phone being picked up. “Hey. Who’s this?” It was a guy. Could it be the one that I saw lurking around that day? I gulped and cleared my throat, opening my mouth and letting out an “Uh..” while trying to figure out what to say. “Your number is here. One the study table at the library.” I simply said, wondering what he’ll respond with.

Sudden shuffles could be heard. It went on for a brief moment till he exclaimed, “Oh! Right, right. Hey! I’m at your service, what do you need?” His voice sounded dry and coarse, like he had forgotten to drink water before he slept. Was he sleeping and picked up while he’s half asleep? I ran a hand through my hair, adjusting to get comfortable. “A listening ear. That’s all I need.” I murmured through the speaker. I had to let it all out. And it came to the point where I’d rather actually talk to a stranger about my problems than anyone I knew. But that’s how we all are nowadays, right? Too self conscious and simply wanting to put on an act for the whole world.

“Go on. I’m all ears.” He replied back, sounding attentive and somewhat interested. I didn’t want to think much of it. He was clearly like this to everyone else who called for “his service”. Being receptive and responsive. Kind and willing. That’s what he sounded like. The first person to actually say something that felt like all those things at once, to me.

“Do...” I trailed off, shaking my head and wondering what I even wanted to say in the first place. I smacked my lips. “Don’t you just feel tired? Of like the whole world. Everything and everyone around you. You’re tired physically and emotionally.” He hummed in response. “Of course I do. A lot of people feel that.” I scoffed softly, biting my bottom lip. “Yes but, the other thing that’s making me tired... is myself. I have this habit of just overloading my brain with lots of things. It feel as if I’m making myself stress on purpose.” I couldn’t help but chuckle weakly as the words left my lips.

“I always wanted to the best I could be. And that led to me just grinding and grindinv everyday with no end. I barely get to sleep, and even if I did. I’ll wake up and the whole cycle will repeat itself. I fucking hate that I’m in this loop. But I chose to be here. I can’t break out.” My voice began to crack. It took me awhile to realise that I was crying till my tears fell on the papers and made its mark by crinkling the paper while it soaked up my tears. I blotched them off my cheeks with the back of my hand.

“Hey, if-”

“And don’t.” I cut him off instantly before he could even utter another word. “Don’t tell me other people are going through the same thing.” I shut my eyes close, heaving a slow and heavy sigh. “I know. Everyone in my major goes through the same process. I’m weak. Even though I try to act like I’m the best student. My tolerance level can go down the drain for all I care.” I paused for a moment, mentally telling himt to resume whatever he wanted to say but knew he couldn’t read my mind.

But from the pause he knew what it meant and picked it up quickly, clearing his throat. “I was about to say if you want to cry, you can. I can tell that you’re holding it in and I don’t even need to see you.” I sniffled, the feeling of wanting to burst into tears again came about, rising in my body and making my chest clench. “It’s okay.” As if on cue, I screamed, cried, poured it all out. I threw my phone down, the call still on as I wailed into my palms, pressing my face against them. I’ve never had such a breakdown in months, simply shoving it to the back of my mind and kept ignoring it till it came out like this. A full blown terror.

I wanted to talk, yet my mouth couldn’t form any words. All that came out were sniffles as I calmed myself down. “I don’t really have much to say on this. And you probably don’t even want to hear me talk but you should take a break. Really. Just one day. You need it. Because you seriously don’t sound okay.” I couldn’t help but breathe out a short laugh, a very weak and effortless one. “I never thought of that, Captain Obvious.” I rolled my eyes, a smile cracking through for a brief moment.

He chuckle on the other end of the line. “You thought of it but didn’t put it into action.” He stated, sounding slightly firm. “Yes.” I admitted dryly. A few beats of silence passed, I could hear his breathing, calm and soothing. “I think I should, um, go now?” It was suppose to be a statement but due to me trying to recover from my mess, it came out as a question. I could hear him licking his lips. “Yes of course. Oh and hey.” “Yeah?”

“Do you need help with that rest day of yours?” I didn’t reply, giving it a long throught. “I probably won’t even be doing it.” I said through a sigh, beginning to pack up my things to head out of the library. “But you should. Actually, you will. I want to make sure of it.” I couldn’t help but furrow my eyebrows at his unexpected tone of determination. “Don’t you have other people to attend to for your call service?” I questioned.

“You’re actually the first one.” I could tell he was feeling rather embarrassed, letting out a tight laugh after his statement. “And I don’t even know who you are.” I was now walking out of the library, phone still to the ear while I adjusted my tote bag on my shoulder. “For starters, I’m a dance major. I’d like to mostly keep my identity hidden for now. Unless you want to meet.”

I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly, somewhat in disbelief. “You want to meet?” I echoed his question back to him, head tilted mere degrees to the side. “Well I have to make sure you have that rest day of yours. How can I when I don’t meet you?” I chuckled softly, the corner of my lips perking up. “I’ll think about it. At least I have your number now.”

“Always at your service, miss. Have a good night.”

With that, the call ended. I didn’t realisd just how much time passed by simply talking to him. It went by so fast. It was already getting pretty late by the time I checked my phone for the time. I made my way back to the dorm, the cold breeze of the night kissing my skin gently and blowing strands of hair into my face that I had to brush off. I looked up to the sky, for once the world was quiet, at rest, and just for these few hours, I had always admired how I could breathe the freedom of mere minutes while I went to the dorm.

Yet, while admiring the ink black sky, the conversation I had with the call service guy resonated in my head, I laughed at how weird it was, pouring all that I’ve bottled up till now to someone who was of no significance to me. He probably won’t even remember we had this conversation, only passing it on as his first service call. He was also only doing his job, simply being there for me to talk. Why was I even taking this seriously? I could never rest. I could never take a break. I always had moments like these to treasure at heart before I awaken to everything going full speed yet again.

I walked to the lecture hall, watching students happily walking on campus with their friends with the sky a mix of blue and white. It was a regular day. Hopefully, if I didn’t have any assignment and I could focus on studying.

Just then, a whole ton of screaming could be heard, but it was muffled and drowned out due to how far I was from the source. But it sounded horrendous. As if a boy band had just entered the campus and send billions of fangirls to their way. I wanted to continue walking but the squeals of excitement got louder and closer to me. I turned my head to the back. “Ah... why didn’t I think about that?”

There’s the group of guys again. Too popular for their own good. Everyone was shouting their names, swooning over each one of them. I wonder how they didn’t find having to deal with that annoying. Or perhaps it was just an act. I backed away from the hallway to watch them strut by casually, the group of girls following closely behind. But just then, for a brief moment, a guy wearing a black adidas jacket walked past me, mutttering “I really shouldn’t have followed you guys today.” He rolled his eyes and went out of sight. I turned my head to the right, where I could now see his back. He looked petite yet lean, with orange hair of a natural tone, the under part of it being black. What stood out to me the most was his adidas jacket. Wasn’t that the one from the library?

“Do you guys actually go through that every single day?” Jisung groaned out finally taking a breath of fresh air as they entered the room, feeling as if he got swallowed by all the attention throughout their trip to the playroom. Mark picked up a basketball from the side and began bouncing it casually to the couch where the rest were getting settled. “Today’s especially crazy because it’s our group’s anniversary.” Jisung gave an unimpressed look. “Do you think I don’t know that?” He shrugged in a blasé, god-could-care sort of way.

“How’s your call service thing going? We know it’s was your doing. My timeline’s blowing up about it this whole time.” Jeno questioned. Jisung sat at the corner of the couch. placing his forearm on the armrest and leaning his body to it. “Funny how it’s all girls and they all talked about how they couldn’t get you guys to notice them. It always had something to do with one of you.” Jisung laughed carelessly, remembering back the calls he’d been receiving throughout today. Jisung tried his best to suppress his laughter to not sound rude. Even if Jisung found it ridiculous, he wasn’t in the place to say anything about it. His call service was meant for him to console the people who called, no matter the situation he was being told.

However, another thought that came to focus was the call that he specifically had late in the night. It was his first call. And whoever that girl was, she certainly made an impression on Jisung. How she was letting it all out, being free enough to tell someone like him about such deep feelings. It was raw and transparent. The conversation never left his mind. Jisung zinged back to attention when he heard Haechan scoff loudly. He turned to him, seeing him leaned back, shoulders and back relaxed and cool while he had his weight placed on his leg and his arms folded. He then clicked his tongue and said, “Not surprised.” nonchalantly, clearly showing that he was already used to the large amount of girls swooning over him through his voice.

“So are you guys free tonight? We could take a break and hang out.” Everyone nodded their heads followed by hums filling the room signaling that everyone agreed, except for Jisung. “Jisung, you in?” Renjun asked. Jisung took in a deep breath, glancing sideways and giving it a thought. He slowly shook his head. “Why? Are you busy?” Chenle asked quizzically. “Have an assignment.” Jisung blurted out, though he had other reasons.

The rest planned to head out together after spending time in the playroom. Jisung was left in his dorm, pacing back and forth from one end of his room to the other, eyes looking to his phone each time to turned. What was he waiting for? He wanted to ask himself, as if he didn’t already knew the answer. He was so drawn in to her. The way she spoke, the honesty in her voice. It’s as if he didn’t even need to look at her to know how she was moving and what she was doing.

Jisung scratched his head furiously and on the edge of his bed heavily, grabbing his phone and letting it sit in hand loosely. “She wouldn’t call again, would she? But I did imply that she could meet me if she wanted to. She might not even call again.” Jisung muttered to himself constantly, hopping from one possibility to another, raising his hopes up and bringing them back down. Jisung groaned loudly in frustration.

“Why am I even...” Jisung threw his phone to his bed and stood up again with a grunt, wanting to resume his assignment that was almost finished. All it took was one call to have him this tangled and have his mind wrapped around a simple phone call. Worst part is he didn’t even knew if he could ever see her. He could only depend on his chances and luck that she’d want to contact him again.

This time I decided to study in my dorm, too lazy to go down to the library. It wasn’t the best environment to study. My bed was literally mere inches away from my study table, constantly wanting to pull me into throwing myself on it and shut out each time I looked at it. It was a bad decision to have my room planned out like that, but I was too lazy to move it. I tapped the end of my pen against the table rapidly, my mind going black as I simply stared at a random spot on the wall. I wasn’t having the adrenaline to do my work today. I was simply doing it for the sake of doing it, not having a clear goal.

I turned to my phone, being a remembrance of my call with the service guy. I had thought about it the whole day, whether I should give him a call. But I was overthinking it. What if he’s busy? What if he had other people’s call to deal with? All sorts of questions popped up, but after giving it a long thought, I flipped my phone screen faced down harshly, shaking my head vigorously and tensing my hands on my scalp.

“Concentrate.” I stated out boldly to myself right smack in the face. I repeated the same word as I got ready to resume my studying. I couldn’t be thinking about a mere call. It was just a call. One time I let out my now spilled out feelings. I was empty now, so there shouldn’t be a need for another call. I could continue what I always did.

Jisung’s friends had been realising how he’s been zoning out more often than usual. And he wasn’t as outwardly as he had always been. They pampered him a lot and treated him like their own child. But there was something that made Jisung feel different around them. Jaemin nudged Jisung in the elbow, making him jolt to sit up right in shock and shooting his head to Jaemin. “Huh?” Jisung let out.

“Have you been okay lately? You seem to have something on your mind often.” Jaemin asked, his eyes scanning the room and seeing the rest of their friends minding their own businesses. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly and shook his head. “You sure?” Jisung puffed up his cheeks and let the air out through a sigh. “You know my call service?” Jisung began, he knew Jaemin would recognise the slightest change in Jisung’s behaviour. Everyone did, that was how much they cared about him. But Jaemin was the first one to bring it up so might as well. Everyone will know eventually.

Jaemin hummed in response. “My first call. It was very late into the night when. It’s a girl. And hers, was different than the rest I’ve received. As she talked, I felt that she was hiding nothing from me. That she was letting it all out for me to hear, not caring about who I was.” Jisung whispered. “I felt her desperation, her cries of help. Though she said she’ll manage it somehow, I got the feeling that she wouldn’t be able to. That she’ll crumble the more she continued.” Jaemin nodded his head slowly, processing Jisung’s words. “And so?”

“I mentioned to her that if she ever needed a call, she could do so. Or better if we meet. But she never called. And I don’t know who she is, which is what’s been on my mind. The frustration that she made such an impact yet I haven’t found out who she is.” Jaemin puckered his lips and looked upwards thoughtfully. “Did she mention anything about herself? Her major, or anything?” Jisung recalled their conversation that was etched in his mind. Jisung frowned and shook his head.

“What time did she call?” “One or two in the morning?” Jaemin gasped in disgust. “Who the hell-”

“Law and psychology students.” Jeno suddenly came into the conversation seamlessly and casually. Jisung leaned back and raised brows. “Really?” Jisung asked. Jeno scoffed and nodded. “They have tons of shit to study. From what Jaehyun tells me, they’re always staying up super late going through papers.” Jeno imitated a gag and a shiver in objection. “I could never.” He added.

“There’s so many students in those majors. How am I going to find her?” Jeno arched a questioning brow. “Find who?” Jisung sighed and motioned a hand to Jeno while looking at Jaemin, raising his brows for a moment. Jaemin waved a hand at Jeno when Jisung dropped his hand on his lap. “I’ll tell you guys later.” With that, Jeno shrugged mindlessly and went off. Jaemin adverted his attention back to Jisung, who looked even more discouraged than before.

“My poor baby. Listen, I’m sure you made an impression just like how she did on you. If she doesn’t call again, who knows. She might try finding you instead of giving you a call. Or you can just pray and gamble your luck. If you want, I’ll help you find her. You know my connections always come in handy.” Jaemin flashed a reassuring smile that Jisung didn’t hesitate to reciprocate, though it was smaller. “I’ll figure something out.” Jisung muttered, clicking his tongue.

I didn’t want to do this at first, but it kept bugging me the whole day, as if it was something that just had to be done by occupying my mind for almost the whole day. I walked out of the lecture hall, head scanning across the campus with my eyes wide open and attentive to find him.

From what I remembered, he said he was a performing arts major. And the only person I knew in that major was the one and only Ten, who I always saw lurking around the cafés on campus while I made my way back to the dorm. Luckily, I saw him sitting on a bench outside one of the cafés, munching on something while he played his phone. I instantly ran up to him, feeling a sense of hope rising while I accidentally poked Ten in the arm too hard to get his attention, causing him to wince. He looked up and recognised me, instantly flashing a welcoming smile.

“Oh, hey!” Ten shouted, his eyes forming a thin line while he waved at me with his chocolate croissant in hand. “Can I ask something briefly and perhaps even do me a favour?” I asked, slow and nervous with uncertainty. Ten raised his eyebrows quizzically. “Mm sure.” He simply replied. I exhaled and looked him in the eye. “I’m assuming you’re having your break now. Would it be possible for you to take me to your practice room? I know it’s random but I have something I need to check.”

Ten didn’t reply for a long minute, probably wondering why such a vague request came out from someone who would most likely have her time occupied almost 24/7. After waiting in anticipation, he finally shrugged and rose from the bench with a grunt. He proceeded to stretch his back, turning side to side and sighing in satisfaction. “Alright. I can take you there now.” With that, he went forward down the hall, walking as if leaving me behind. I stared at his back for a moment before quickly moving up to meet his pace.

We didn’t talk on the way there. Luckily I didn’t have to worry about us being awkward since the walk from the cafés to the practice room was only a few minutes. I was looking around when I almost bumped into Ten due to his sudden stop of motion and turning to face a door. I peeked inside and I could already see the full wall mirror that I saw dancers usually use. I turned to Ten, who jerked his head to the door, motioning me to open and enter the room.

The moment I placed my hand on the door handle, I couldn’t help but feel a sense of nervousness in me, wondering if I would even find him since I have zero idea on how he looked like. The only evidence I had was the fact that I saw someone wearing an adidas jacket who I assumed to be the one I was looking for. But that was such an unreliable assumption that I knew I couldn’t fully trust, but still try to find a way to use it to my advantage either way.

I pushed the door open, instantly bombarded with hard stomps coming from the people dancing. I felt the floor shake tremendously from the intimidating impact that created. The music was blasting from the speaker in front of them, along with a bottle which I assumed to be marked as the center of the stage. I watched silently, feeling Ten’s presence behind. With a glance over my shoulder, I could tell he was eyeing the performance with much concentration and intensity, eyes squinting as if analysing each and every one of their movements to a T.

I brought my focus back on them. It didn’t take my eyes long for it to focus on one person. The adidas jacket guy. One guy was wearing it. He was also wearing a black cap, blonde hair poking out from the bottom. His figure was small yet attractively lean. I couldn’t see his face at all. Yet, I was so drawn to him. Not just because he could’ve been the one I was looking for, but the fact that his dance was engaging, and nothing compared to the rest.

They got to a moment where everyone exited and it was just him alone in the center of the room while others waited by the sidelines. My mouth gaped open slightly, watching him go. His movements are seemingly perfect, every part of his body moving fluidly like water yet intricate and hard hitting. It was impactful, loud. He stood out, and I could picture the whole room going dark with a single light shining on him, and only him. I could tell he was expressing himself and giving his all. I didn’t need to have background knowledge on dance to see that in him.

The dance lasted for about five minutes, and I had my eyes locked on Adidas Jacket guy the whole time, too immersed to the point where I didn’t even feel Ten poking my shoulder. “_____?” He called out, making me blink my eyes rapidly upon hearing his voice and turning my head around. “Yeah?” Ten ruffled his hair. “They’re done. You can check whatever you need to check now.” I let out a soft, “Um...” while turning my head back to the front, eyes glazing over the room and looking for Adidas Jacket. I stood there frozen, not exactly sure what I even wanted to do in the first place.

I turned around fully to face Ten, adjusting my tote bag. “Actually, I think I’m good. I’ll go now. See you around?” It was more of a greeting than a question. But either way, Ten downshifted his head and moved his body out of my way to the door. “You too. Come more often if you’d like.” Ten smiled kindly. I simply reciprocated back the smile and walked out, not saying anything about Ten’s last comment.

At the dorm, I had my arms and legs spread out while I laid on my bed, blankly staring at the plain white ceiling while I tried to connect the dots, or even just simply having everything laid and mapped out in my mind. How was I even sure that could be him? His physique seemed to be similar from what I remembered, the jacket was another clue too. But how could I confirm it? I have yet to check the time the moment I came back, and I already knew hours had gone by.

“Who even are you?” I asked to the ceiling, directing it to the mysterious call service guy who had my mind hung up in him and having my busy life off balance.

“Who are you?” Jisung questioned silently, though it was loud enough that Renjun had to peek his head over the bunk bed to look at Jisung who was below. “What are you talking about?” Renjun asked. Jisung turned his head to the side, showing Renjun his side profile and closing his eyes with a quiet sigh. “It’s nothing.” Renjun shrugged and headed back to sleep.

Jisung had his mind on her the entire time, who could she be, how he could find her, and even where to start? He knew nothing about her. And that’s the thing. He didn’t know exactly what was making him think about her so much, it was just their call in general. He had zero information on her. And if what Jeno said was true, then he was probably thinking about going through such extend with his idea to get even a glimpse of her.

That very day once he ended his dance practice which was around evening with the sun beginning to shine brightly, he went to the library. What was his plan exactly? He wanted to wait in the library till he could find her. But how would he even know? He didn’t even know why he was doing this in the first place. He was simply placing his bet on faith and praying that the hours he was about to spend in the most dreadful place ever would not go to waste.

Not knowing what to do, he ended up huddled in a corner of the library, using the bookshelves on both sides of him to lean back and rest his head. He hated being in libraries, he hated anything to do with academics, which was why he chose to pursue his passion for dance. Though there was still dance theory, it wasn’t as bad as he thought it would be. But being surrounded by books that offered him no information he wanted to know about had him feeling dizzy and bored to death.

He checked the time on his phone, eyes widening at how late it was. He felt his stomach squeezing, a low grumble coming from it while desperately asking for food to enter his system. He face suddenly lit up, remembering how he had leftover bread from the bread store he dropped by during his break. He instantly took it out and ate, watching the sun come down through the windows and turning the sky from blazing red to ink black, welcoming the night with the moonlight shining in.

He has yet to notice anyone that caught his eye. He started to think that he could have possibly missed his chance. What if she was here but left when Jisung had his guard down? What if she wasn’t even here to begin with? Should he just leave and not waste more time? Jisung was desperately holding onto his last string of hope, that was already fraying and could snap in a matter of seconds. Too tired of staying in one place, he decided to take a walk around the library.

Jisung went to the study area, the spot where he stood from gave him a clear view of everyone in their seats. Fair enough, there were students who looked like they were about to stay the whole night here, which made Jisung sniffled in disgust. How could anyone even put up with that much studying?

He was roaming and scanning his eyes lazily over the books tucked neatly and tightly on the shelves, taking long strides while he walked. Suddenly, his phone vibrated in his hand. He brought it up in front of him, seeing an unknown number displayed. Picking up the call, and he greeted, “Hey! Always at your service. What do you need?” in the most cheerful way he could put out. Though the exaggerated sigh he let out while picking up the call might’ve been heard from the other end.

“Um hey. I don’t think you remembered me but I’m the first one to call. You know uh, stressed out girl? Need a rest day girl?” Jisung widened his eyes at the realisation. It was her. “Uh...” He stammered, quickly bringing his phone down to take a screenshot of her number before placing it back on his ear. “Hey! How have you been? Glad you called again.” Jisung turned around to lean again the bookshelf, arms folded while he looked down.

“It’s been fine.” She replied. Jisung could already feel the uneasiness in her tone, shining through her words. “You aren’t.” Jisung stated outwardly, unintentionally sounding harsh. “Have you taken your rest day?” Jisung asked out of pure curiosity. This was the moment of lucky coincidence, one that he had to make full use of so he wouldn’t let her slip out of his grasp. “Not exactly? I’m at the library again. Had to complete a project.” Jisung’s eyes widened again, this time till his eye ball could’ve fallen out of his eye sockets.

Jisung quickly and hurriedly made his way to the study area, where he last stood. And there she was. He could feel the hairs behind his neck standing upright like soldiers with goosebumps being sent all over his body. She’s the only student there, the orange lamp illuminating the small area surrounding her. Jisung could only see her back unfortunately. Jisung would’ve ran up to her and surprised her. But something in him made him want to just admire her from afar. “You seem to be putting that rest day off? Have it tomorrow. It’s a Friday either way.” Jisung mentioned, eyes narrowing down on her back.

Jisung watched as she sighed and a ran a hand through her hair quickly, somewhat in distress. “Can you force me to?” She whispered, lowering her voice. Jisung blinked his eyes for a moment. “You want me to force you? I don’t want you feeling forced.” She chuckled through the phone, sending a shiver down Jisung’s spine. “I know I won’t do it on my own will. I’m just like that. Like I said before, I’m basically driving myself into insanity trying to keep up with my work. Always grinding, always on the edge. And I can never slip off once.”

I called on impulse. My hands couldn’t keep away from typing in the same number now permanent on the bottom right corner of the table. As I hear him speak on the other end, I weirdly felt safe, and comfort. A sense of calmness. “I’m anxious that if I shut myself from the world from one day, I’ll miss out on a lot, and just stress over it while I try getting everything done to be back on the same level.” I gulped, laughing weakly. “I’m stressing myself for no reason.”

Jisung walked from the back of the bookshelves to shift his angle of sight, attempting to get a better look of her instead of just her back. He managed to get a better view, but the side of her face was covered by her hair as she kept looking down on the table, which only made Jisung frown. “Did you consider about the meet up?” Jisung questioned, peeking his head upwards and standing on his toes, trying everything he can he get a glimpse of her without actually approaching.

“Why do you want to meet me? Hasn’t there been anyone else that called you service? You are required to comfort them too. Why am I so important that you would even want to meet me?” Jisung left a long pause. He never expected such a thought. He didn’t know how to reply either. He bit the inside of his cheek, glancing sideways as he tried to force something out, knowing that she would have already suspected something from the long silence he gave. “If I’m being honest, the other calls were boring. Calls that have only been made once. You’re the only person who called back.” Truthfully, he had many other answers, but he all got blocked out when he narrowed his eyes down at her back.

“So me stressing over my life is much more interesting than the rest? I’ll take that as a compliment.” Jisung let out a soft chuckle, taking note to keep his voice low so he wouldn’t get caught. “Sure. Mm if you would escape to anywhere, where would you go?” She hummed in reply, most probably thinking long and hard. “I would...” She trailed, but it was followed by another longer pause. “Actually, I read about a Japanese term before. It’s ukiyo, the floating world.”

Jisung nodded his head, taking it in. “It when someone being detached from the bothers of life.” She sighed loudly through the phone, but Jisung could hear it clearly from the bookshelves. “I wish I could experience that floating world.” Her words grew into a whisper till it became inaudible at the end. Jisung saw her tilting her head down lower to the table, eventually using her forearm as a rest for her head. “Oh I have an idea.” Jisung replied quickly. “What if I become your so-called Peter Pan? Like, I can take you to Neverland for as long as you need. And that Neverland is just for you. It can be anything you want it to be.” Jisung suggested.

She laughed through the phone, a soft laugh that made Jisung’s already wavered heart skip another beat. “I’d love that.” Suddenly, she pushed her chair back, rising up from her seat. Jisung’s heart began to race, swiftly and silently turning his body to the back of the bookshelf. She was walking to the bookshelves a few rows down where he was at. He pressed himself up against the books in anxiety. “And what if I give you the free will to make Neverland? How would you want it to be? Because I know nothing about having a break.” Jisung heard her footsteps, one foot down followed by a few seconds of silence before placing down the next. It was slow and throwing Jisung off guard, thinking about what he’d do once she began to step close.

“I have two options. I’d either fill it with the things you love, or fill it with things I love and have you explore.” Jisung slid over to the nexy bookshelf ahead in fear, now keeping his voice lower than how it initially was. “I’d rather choose the latter. What do you like doing?” Jisung stared down at the floor. “Dancing, obviously. I like to hang out with my friends. Going out to the pet store just to look at hamsters.” Jisung and her giggled softly after hearing him say the last line.

“Hamsters? That’s cute.” Jisung took awhile to process the next part. He suddenly saw a pair of feet, inches away from his. He instantly shot his head up, seeing her standing in front of him. He tilted his head down a few degrees, realising that she was a lot shorter than him and needed to level the eye contact. For some reason, Jisung’s ribcage began to clench, suffocating his lungs and not letting a single grasp of air into his system as he looked at her. She wasn’t breathing either. The pin drop silence fill the small gap of air between them.

I brought my phone down from my ear, letting my hand fall to my side and my phone loosely hand by my fingers that wrapped around it. I glanced down for a moment before looking back up to him, he was extremely tall. “Wait you’re...” I tried to recall my memory while I took a close look at him, specifically his physique and body structure. It looked exactly like the one that caught my eye back at the practice room. “Were you the one dancing?” I questioned, not sure how to phrase it.

He tilted his head to the side and slowly nodded his head. “Um I’m always dancing?” He replied back with another question. But his head slowly tilted back straight, as if something had dawned on him. “You! Were you the one that came in the practice room that other day?!” He shouted, leaned back in shock as he covered his mouth that immediately gaped open at the realisation. I blinked my eyes rapidly and nodded my head. “Adidas jacket guy. It’s you.” I almost copied his posture entirely as I remembered.

The blonde hair, the thin yet lean body. It all matched. It was him. The cap didn’t give me a clear view before. But now, his face was right in front of me. And he was attractive. He had that baby face. All features of him were stunning and fit perfectly into his small face. He even had the looks to be an idol even, especially with those dance skills. “I’m Jisung. Park Jisung.” He finally introduced himself. In all honesty, I didn’t picture him to look like this while we chatted, his voice was low, and didn’t exactly suit the kind of build he had. “_____.” He hummed in response.

“This is...” Jisung broke his eye contact with me, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck while he breathed out a chuckle. “An unexpected way to meet. How’d you even find me?” I flashed a devious smile. “You weren’t hard to notice. I could hear shuffling right behind me then I heard your voice.” I shook my head. “What were you doing here though?” Jisung stammered, struggling to even form a sentence of reply. He looked like he was hiding the shakiness under his skin. “I thought I could find you by waiting here in the library.”

I squinted my eyes at his answer. So was he trying to find me all this time while I tried to do the same? “You actually waited here for hours?!” I couldn’t help but raise my voice a notch, too shocked when he downshifted his head. Why would he go through such lengths? Did he not think about the factors? Like how I would’ve not even come here in the first place? Or that I’d walk out and he’ll miss his chance? I had all those questions wrapped around my mind, but as much as I wanted to ask, all I could let out was, “So, Peter Pan.” I stated out loud, resuming the conversation we had on the phone.

Jisung smiled. It was a friendly smile. A warm one that embraced the space around them in the coldness of the dark. It also made him look a hundred times more attractive, with his eye smile that looked as if the world got brighter, and with his teeth showing. He kind of resembled a hamster, oddly enough. “Looks like I’m your Peter Pan now.” Jisung clasped his hands behind his back. “And my first order of business is getting you out of whatever hell hole you’re suffering from. And I don’t care what work you have to do. I’m not going to make you do it.” Jisung shook his head furiously, his bright orange-blonde hair swooshing as he did so, making it clear to me that it was extremely as light and fluffy as it looked to be.

“I’ll clear up my day. I have no lessons tomorrow so I’d usually study-” Jisung brought a finger up in front of my face, articulating it from left to right which a frown. “Nope. None of that. Being serious when I say you need a break. I feel like you have mental breakdowns like the one when you first called like once every week.” Jisung said, a soft hint of whining shining through his tone. “Wait do you?”

I bore my eyes into his, face feigned expressionless. “I mean, I had two mental breakdowns so far. That’s not bad, considering how many times I force myself not to.” I folded my arms, taking a step back to place my weight on one leg as I stood nonchalantly. “Yeah. But you still aren’t living your best life.” Jisung bent forward and smiled innocently, with eyes that looked into my soul and read my heart and mind.

“Pack up. You’re not studying anymore. Sleep. And I’ll meet you tomorrow at 2. Wake up at your own time. Don’t force your body into getting out of bed. Hear me?” Jisung began walking away, and I quickly followed, though I was struggling to keep up due to him taking big steps with his long legs. “Fine.” Was all I said, as we made our way to take our stuff from our separate places. We met back at the entrance, Jisung opening the door for me as I downshifted my head in thanks and went out.

“I watched you dance. It was incredible.” I suddenly let out, thinking about what else I could say about it. “It gave me a feeling that I can never pen down in words.” Jisung ruffled his hair and shook his head, adjusting his hair that looked messy. “Really? That’s nice to hear. But I know I can do better. I’m not the best.” When we stepped out of the library, I felt the cold breeze brushing my skin, too cold till I accidentally let out a shiver. “You seemed to be the best one there. I mean, the one that stood out to me the most.” Jisung raised both his brows, as if surprised such a comment came from someone. “Well I’m glad I was able to touch your heart.”

Moments of silence breezed through us like the cold air as we walked down the pathway. I didn’t know where Jisung’s dorm was, but it certainly wouldn’t be at my building. Was he walking actually wanting to walk me back? Either way, the silence wasn’t awkward. Jisung kept humming and nodding his head to the beat playing in his head, shoulders bobbing and making small movements. All I wanted to do was watch and smile. It made my stomach twist a knot, sending butterflies fluttering along while doing so. He would occasionally make eye contact and let out a cute giggle.

“Wait where even is your dorm?” I questioned. Jisung froze for a moment before quickly bringing his focus back on me to answer. “A few blocks down yours.” He simply said, bringing his index finger up to point in front. It was only now that I realised we were already at the entrance of my dorm building. “No wonder I’ve never seen you on campus before.” I muttered, nodding my head. Jisung adjusted the straps of his bag on his shoulders. “I’m not popular. Not like my friends. But at least my major mates know me.” I chuckle and blinked. “Of course they do. You’re talented.” I sighed and looked up to the sky, which was plainly a blank canvas with stars that could only be seen if you squint hard enough.

“I wish I had something to be proud of.” I whispered under my breath. Before Jisung could even say something back, I brought my eyes down from the sky and shook my head. His mouth was already opened and ready to speak, but he didn’t. “So I’ll see you tomorrow? Is there anything I should prepare myself for?” Jisung shrugged with a soft smile. “Nothing. We’ll just do the first thing that pops in my mind. I’m the type to be impromptu.” I hummed, saying goodnight to him one last time before going into the building, not looking back. Yet I felt his eyes glued to me, which only made me self conscious till I was completely out of sight.

One thing’s for sure, I already knew something that was different about us. I didn’t even meet him for long, but I could already tell Jisung was so laid back, relaxed, moving with his day like a breeze, no worries for the world whatsoever. He liked being impromptu, while I always had my days scheduled so meticulously. He seemed to be the complete opposite of me, yet he was still able to have order in his life. Curiosity spurred in me. I was having that urge to know him more, how he was able to live like that, how Jisung, was Jisung.

Funny enough, Jisung didn’t tell me about where to meet. Which was why I chose to seat the bench right outside my dorm building. I didn’t know how long I was waiting. I did follow his advice. I woke up quite late and stayed in bed watching Netflix shows. I took my time to get ready. And I actually went down a little over 2. I had my earphones plugged in, scrolling through Twitter since I had nothing else better to do on my phone. I didn’t have any games on it, or much of any form of entertainment. I never had time for those either.

Out of the blue, I heard something that resembled a buzz of some sort right beside my right ear. I instantly turned my head to it, leaning back and almost falling off the bench as I sent my bottom to the edge, shocked at seeing a drone flying right beside me. It wasn’t just an ordinary drone. It flew closer to me, and I squinted my eyes for closer inspection. There was a camera. It made me jump off the bench and taking steps back. And with each time, the drone flew closer to my face.

“Hey calm down!” I heard for a distance. My eyes adverted to the voice, seeing a small sized Jisung standing far from me. He tiptoed and waved his hand high, the other hand holding the controller of the drone. I could only laugh nervously as he ran up to me. “Good afternoon to you.” Jisung greeted cheerfully with a bright smile. I gulped and forced a casual smile, though I was still weirded out by the drone that was now circling in front of us. “You like me drone? My friend made it actually.” Jisung giggled.

I pursed my lips. “You chose to greet me with that?” I pointed my finger out with skepticism in my tone. “I’m sure you noticed the camera.” Jisung reached out for the drone, and held it in his hands. How can his hands hold something that big with so much ease? Or maybe the drone was small and his hand made it look big. “I was thinking we could record your day. If you were to actually have fun, you’ll have it on tape so you can watch back and remember the fun when you’re going through stressing times.” While Jisung was explaining, I couldn’t help but notice how brightly he was smiling. It was like the one he flashed at the library that night, but this time it was two folds of it, making the effect of butterflies in my stomach fluttering two fold as well.

“You really thought deep...” I whispered, leaning in to examine the drone while he moved it around for me to look at it from different angles. “It’s not so deep. I thought it only made sense for us to record a day like this. It’ll be fun, trust me.” I could only chuckle and stare down at my feet for a moment before looking back to meet his eyes and asking, “So, Peter Pan, where’s our first stop?” Jisung took out his phone and scrolled through it, I took a peek and realised he was on his notes. It had a list and it was labeled “TODO LIST FOR D-DAY” I giggled softly. “You’re making such a big deal out of today. I’m shocked.”

Jisung chuckled and ran a hand through his hair after placing the drone down on the floor. “Mm I like doing things like this. You know like, doing things out of the ordinary. This is certainly one of the time.” I furrowed my eyes at him while he had his on his phone. He probably felt my eyes searing into him, making him lift his eyes up and staring cluelessly. “So I’m out of the ordinary?” I questioned, tilting my head and feigned intimidation.

“What? No, no! I meant the fact that there’s someone who I need to plan a day out for. This kind of things don’t happen everyday.” Jisung leaned back and lifted up both his hands in defence, only making me laugh loudly and shaking my head. “Calm down. I was just teasing. I’m much for weird than I look.” Jisung raised both in eyebrows and jerked his head down to my phone. I blinked my eyes rapidly at his action. “I can already tell. Who has their timetable as their wallpaper?” Jisung faked a gag, which only made me frown as I glanced at my phone. “Nothing’s wrong with that!” I retorted, huffing and walking forward. I barely took a step before Jisung pulled me back.

“Peter Pan hasn’t even tell you the location, dummy.” He flicked my forehead with his finger, making me grimace. “Oh you dare to do that?!” I gaped my mouth open and scoffed in amusement, glancing sideways before retrieving my eyes back to Jisung. “I’m getting back at you!” I growled. “Till you do something that deserves the need to do it.” My voice grew softer with each word and my shoulders bobbed up while my expression turned into an embarrassed one. Jisung laughed out loud, he seemed to be enjoying himself, leaning back and holding his stomach from all the laughter he did for a full moment.

“Till I deserve it? Why are you so uptight?! Come. I’ll let you do it.” Jisung leaned forward, face meeting my level as he closed his eyes and a child-like smile played on his lips. I stared at him for a long moment. And when he didn’t feel any impact, he opened one eye in question. “Come on.” He urged, motioning his hand to his forehead. I chuckled at this, my hand being brought up like it had a mind of its own and flicked Jisung’s forehead with much force. He grimaced, but covered his pain with a sincere laugh the second after. “There aren’t any rules. Do what you want to me, okay? See, I can be your punching bag if you need me to.”

I gave Jisung a disinterested look. “Mm sure. Enough chatting just take me wherever already.” Jisung laughed at my impatience, sliding his phone into hus back pocket and getting himself ready to fly the drone. It flew up and almost went to my face. Luckily my quick reflexes allowed me to avoid it quickly, resulting in Jisung hissing and mumbling, “Sorry.” under his breath. He began to walk forward with me followed closely behind him as he played with the drone and letting it hover around as it recorded us from above.

We were walking quite a distance. I didn’t expect it to be this far. The sound the drone kept making was already imbedded into my memory. We were walking down a street I was completely unfamiliar with and the sun shining brightly above us wasn’t helping at all, only with occasional times when the clouds covered the sun for mere moments before it became blazing hot again. “Where are we even going?” I questioned, taking a look around my surroundings. Jisung finally let the drone come down from the air. He picked it up and motioned his hand with the drone to the building right in front of us. I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked up to the building.

“I thought about us enjoying the simple things in life. I didn’t want to take you to any fancy or high end places because well, I have no money for one. But it’s also because if you’re going to do this again, I’d want it to be something affordable. A place you can go to anywhere, anytime.” Jisung shrugged while he explained the reason of choosing this place which I still have yet to know its purpose since I saw no sign that gave me a single clue. “That’s deep.” I simply said. Jisung pursed his lips and nodded his head. “That was unintentionally deep.”

Jisung fiddled with the drone to turn it off and passed it to me for me to hold as he opened the door and gave me way. I downshifted my head and went inside. I looked around. It seemed to be a lobby. There was a small counter at the corner and in front was a deep hallway filled with doors left and right. What was this place? I felt Jisung’s presence behind me as he went to the counter. With a smile, the woman behind gave him a key. He went forward in front of me and tossed the key in the air for it to drop to the floor. I raised a brow at his action. I assumed he tried to expertly catch the keys again but failed to do so. I wanted to face but I kept my neutral expression. Jisung picked it up quickly and turned to flash a soft smile before proceeding to walk. I again followed behind.

While I walked down the hallway, I could hear different music coming from each door. Some rooms were silent while other were blasting music so loud yet muffled due to the door blocking out the music. There weren’t any windows on the door that I could peek into to see what was inside, which only made me more skeptical as I tried figuring out what this place was. Jisung abruptly stopped in front of one door, which was at the very end of the hallway. I almost bumped into him but stopped myself by placing a hand near his shoulder where I would’ve bump into.

Jisung slid the key into the keyhole and fiddled around for a moment for the key twisted and the door opened. Once again he made way for me to head in first. A gentleman, that was another thing about Jisung I took note of. I walked into a pit of darkness till I heard Jisung flip a switch and the lights turned on. I gaped my mouth open in awe and nodded my head slowly as I took unsure steps in. “Is this like...” I tried to form my sentence but I was mesmerised by the blank space of the wooden plank floor and the wall sized mirror that stretched from one end to the other entirely. “Your own dance studio?”

Jisung smiled softly and hummed, standing beside me while we both looked at ourselves in the mirror. “Wait. You aren’t actually telling me to...” I very slowly turned my head up to look at him, realising he already had his eyes on me before I even made eye contact. I brought my index finger up and swirled it around beside me to motion to the the dance studio. “Dance, right?” Jisung didn’t reply, only forming a sly smile for a split second before walking to the side while scrolling through his phone. Music began to play through the speakers from the top corners of the room. He placed his phone down and began moving his body to the beat while making his way back to me.

“That’s exactly what I’m doing.” Jisung smiled brightly and giggled, proceeding to close his eyes and continue grooving to the music being played. It was upbeat and relaxing, not like the ones played at clubs. It was chill and something anyone could move to. Except, I couldn’t. With arms folded and wrapped around my chest, I stared at him with a tilted head. Probably feeling my eyes on him, he fluttered his eyes open and looked at me with an innocent look. “Try dancing!” Jisung shouted, blinking his eyelids rapidly. I only narrowed my eyes in response. Jisung groaned and suddenly brought his hands out to hold my wrist, eventually holding my hands in his.

“You said we can do what I like. And I like dancing. It relieves my stress. I’m sure it’ll have the same effect on you if you actually try.” Jisung begged. He slowly brought my hands up, moving side to side, urging me to follow my lead. I was skeptical. This was never my thing. My body was as stiff as stone when I tried following Jisung. I didn’t know how he was simply so natural and fluid. He wasn’t trying hard at all, unlike me. “Hey.” Jisung suddenly whispered, leaning forward so his face was just mere inches away from mine. My breathing hitched in my throat. “You’re trying too hard. Loosen up. Feel the music.” Jisung’s advise was soothing, whispers that went in my ears and could stay in my mind for ages as he looked into my eyes and searched for the specks of uncertainty that he so desperately want to get rid of.

I closed my eyes and relaxed my shoulders. With Jisung’s large hands still with mine, Jisung slowly and naturally pulled me closer to him. I composed myself and tried to keep my cool as much as possible, putting my mind at peace and solely focusing on the music. Jisung hummed and tried to move me again. This time, I was slowly able to let my body loose, getting the beat of the song into my head and slowly bobbing my head to it. I couldn’t help but smile as I began to move however I want, being free. “You’re doing it!” Jisung shouted happily, letting go of my hands and allowing our bodies to dance.

I wasn’t looking at the mirror this whole time. But when I did, I grimaced in disgust, leaning back and sticking out my tongue. “Jeez I look so ugly dancing.” I sighed with a frown. Jisung laughed loudly and nodded. “Indeed. But that’s the whole point. No one’s here to judge you. I can be weird with you, if that’s what you want.” Jisung clasped his hands behind him and leaned forward again, flashing his cheeky smile. I scoffed. “Please, how can a great dancer like you dance weirdly? I mean look at you. Everything you do is flawless.” I huffed out, folding my arms.

Another song began to play. This time it was a slow one. Nothing sad or emotional, it felt like a song that was meant to bring yourself back down to earth. “I wasn’t even good last time. It took a lot of effort to get to where I am today.” Jisunv explained carefully, weary so that he wouldn’t sound like he was beinf boastful. Jisung suddenly looked up to the ceiling thoughtfully and after a moment he opened his mouth like a light bulb of thought above his head switched itself on.

Jisung immediately ran to the door, flicking the switch and turning the lights off. It was dark, but some light was still able to shine through from the cracks of the door, making me see Jisung’s figure, but not the details of his face only if I looked close enough. He went back to me and said, “There. With the lights closed, you can do whatever and I won’t see it clearly.” Jisung shrugged triumphantly. I chuckled and nodded my head in agreement.

After that, multiple songs continued to play. His playlist was probably on shuffle mode but they were all songs I could dance to. I could see Jisung and I moving in the mirror. Again, not obvious, but still seen. Out of nowhere, Jisung pulled me in by grabbed my wrist lightly. He pulled me hard till my chest bumped into his. “Sorry.” He whispered, chuckling awkwardly. Jisung was clumsy, yet cute i. his own way. Another feature of his I began to take note of. It took me awhile to realise how close we were. He could probably feel my breath on his skin at this moment.

I looked up from his chest, meeting his eyes. Suddenly, my surroundings blanked. The music drowned out into nothing and the darkness of the room got even darker. And at the same time, Jisung’s face began to be the only thing that was clear to me. I did notice how attractive he was. But this situation was only making it ten times harder for me to handle to emotions that suddenly spurred inside me. My heart was beating fast and my cheat began to clench tightly, giving me no air to breath in as I stood there breathless for a long moment. Jisung didn’t move either, his eyes wandering my face as if looking at every inch.

It was at this moment that got me to think that indeed, I was stress-free. I wasn’t thinking about the pile of books I had to read and analyse. I wasn’t thinking about what was due next week and what my schedule was. All I had my focus on was Jisung and I. The freedom and lightness I was feeling. It was something I never felt for so long. It’s as if I barely knew such a feeling existed. And all it took was doing something that I wasn’t even good at. Doing it with Jisung. It would be too early to say this, but he could very well be the first person that made me feel this way in my whole college life.

“That wasn’t so bad, right?” Jisung beamed at me as we made our way back to the counter to return the keys. I breathed out a light chuckle and sighed in satisfaction. “Mhm. It was actually... very fun.” I puckered my lips. Jisung went to the counter and leaned forward after placing the key down for the woman to take. He whispered something to her and she nodded her head. She went to the back and Jisung turned around to meet my eyes. “Got a little present for you.” The woman came back with the same key, or perhaps a replica of it. Jisung downshifted his head in thanks and handed me the key. I took it wearily.

I glanced down at it and trailed my eyes back to Jisung. “Why would you give me the key?” I questioned. Jisung took a step in and had his eyes on the key in my hand. He brought his hand up and closed the key in my palm. “I’m giving you access to my most private space ever. That’s because I want you to feel the same way I do whenever I’m in there. Carefree. Effortless. You can go in whenever you want, whenever you need. I don’t have to be there with you all the time. You don’t even have to dance. Just let the atmosphere of the studio calm you. Basically, do whatever. I just want you to be free.”

With each word his voice got heavier with meaning and sincerity imbued, and my heart grew lighter with each breath.

Days go by, and though I didn’t meet Jisung again, he’d occasionally call me late at night to check up on me. And every time I said I was doing work, he’d let out an exaggerated groan and force me to sleep. He sounded like those mothers that keep nagging at you. And with his talkative nature, Jisung and I could go rambling for hours on the phone till one of us sleeps. It’ll mostly be me since I could already drif off to dream land the moment my body hits the bed.

Today, I was feeling trapped in my dorm room. Something in me was feeling the urge for an escape as the walls caved in with every hour passing by. My brain was beginning to slow its gears and I wasn’t able to boost my motivation back up. I glanced to my phone where it showed the time blaring onto my face. “It’s only a ten minute walk.” With a shrug, I dumped everything I wanted to get done by tonight and headed out the door, not giving a single care to look neat and going out in my sweater and sweatpants.

I went into the building, it was dark with only the moonlight from outshine shining in through the glass entrance. I made my way to the dance studio, key in my hand that I already shoved into the pockets of my sweater on my way here due to the cold of the night. I unlocked the door and entered. I didn’t bother turning on the lights. Instead I switched on the small lamplight that Jisung told me he placed there in case I needed it. I silently thank Jisung in my mind as I began to unpack my things.

I took one look around the studio. It was spacious, the plank floors leaving the space wide open just for me. Though I came here to do work, my mind was slowly trailing off to Jisung. His figure slowly appeared, picturing him in my mind as I let his shadows dance in the dark. It was his dance that caught my eye and it was his personality that was making me crave to know him more. I was mesmerised, enchanted by every move he made. Every word he spoke, every clumsy gesture. It was all those things clumped into one that was sucking me in.

I startled out of my thoughts with a quick shake of my head and got to work. Quite a long time had passed by. Jisung was right. The atmosphere of the studio, silent, peaceful, nothing to disturb my serenity. For some reason, I didn’t think twice when I grabbed my phone to call Jisung at this timing. Before I could even press on his contact number, my eyes flickered to the time. 2:30AM. For one moment I thought he’d be asleep. But with remembering about his call service, I knew he’d still be up. My hopes filled me up with I called and placed the phone on speaker phone, placing my phone back down beside me while I continued to write.

Jisung picked up in a matter of seconds. “Hey! How are you?” I smiled softly. No matter the time and place, he never failed to sound cheerful and bursting with energy. It felt as if he was being like that just for me. “Nothing. Just work.” Should not have said that. “What?! It’s two in the damn morning? How are you even- no more studying. Makes me puke every time I hear that.” Jisung feigned a gag and I laughed loudly in response to his disgusted reaction. “I’m almost done, alright? I’m actually at the music room. It’s quite nice being here.” Jisung hummed and I leaned back, placing my hands behind me. “Oh you’re there? Want me to join you?” Jisung’s voice suddenly grew excited. The sudden burst of energy shocked me. How was he able to be so energetic in the dead morning?

“You don’t have to! I was just about to go anyways.” I squinted my eyes and formed a quizzical look on my face. Why did I even say that? I wasn’t even about to leave. “I don’t have classes tomorrow so I can stay up. I know you don’t have any either.” I raised an eyebrow, my eyes going to the screen as I saw Jisung’s name still flashing at me. “What are you even suggesting?” I questioned with a confused tone. Jisung smacked his lips. “Mm to have a night out with you? We didn’t go out for so long.” Jisung cried out. I gaped my mouth open ever so slightly and tilted my head a few degrees at his suggestion.

I leaned forward to my phone, my voice lowering itself to a whisper. “You... actually want that?” I blinked my eyes rapidly, waiting for his answer. Jisung breathed in once and said, “I just said that, didn’t I?” I frowned. “But I want you to rest and-”

“Already out the door!” Jisung ended the call. I sighed. But a smile cracked on my lips at the thought of him coming here.

“What is all this mess?” Jisung complained in disgust. Face scrunched up and nose crinkled at the sight of my books and papers while he helped me to slide it back into my tote bag. He grabbed a stack and placed it on his thigh. Flipping through. I could only see cluelessness in his eyes. “Jeez. This is so not to my liking. Or understanding.” Jisung shrugged and shoved it into the bag, making it the last stack.

Jisung stood up and carried it on his shoulder, instantly crying out as he leaned over to the side where he hung the bag, the weight of it pulling him down. “How do you carry these all day?!” Jisung shouted with utmost shock. I simply shrugged and made my way for the door. “You’d be surprised at how much my shoulder hurts every week.” I said nonchalantly due to the fact it was truly something I’ve gotten used to. I glanced over my shoulder, seeing Jisung bringing himself back up and trying to get used to the weight while walking to me. I opened the door and with a kind smile, moved my body aside to give way for him to exit, which he gladly thanked for with a whisper.

“Anyways, there’s a twenty four hour ice cream shop that just opened nearby. Are you in for a treat?” Jisung questioned, looking down at me. I turned my gaze from the floor and to him, glancing sideways for a quick thought before nodding. “Sure.” I simply replied. I could only follow Jisung, once again not knowing where he wanted to take me. I was familiar with the neighbourhood around campus of course. But I’ve been staying at the campus for so long that I never got the chance to find out what was new about it. Such as a new ice cream shop I never knew existed till now.

The walk there was comfortable silence. I took this time to look at Jisung’s outfit. He was wearing his signature black adidas jacket, track pants and a black cap. It felt like it was something unique only to him. A person I could identify instantly with what he wears. I like Jisung in it. It was a lazy look but he somehow managed to pull it off, naturally good looking. My focus trailed down to what I was wearing, and I couldn’t help but think about just how bad I looked at this time of the night.

Jisung once again abruptly stopped. I was able to dodge him this time and stand beside him. He looked inside the shop while I had my eyes on the sign that said they were open. “They actually do open twenty four seven.” I muttered, instantly realising that Jisung had already entered the shop when I heard the sound of the bells above the door ringing, the door swinging open. I quickly caught up to the door, making it just in time before it closed fully and entered.

I stood beside Jisung, the two of us scanning through the menu above the counter. “Is this your first time here?” I asked. Jisung bobbed his shoulders. “It is. You?” I shook my head. “I didn’t have time to be going out and trying out food that the neighbourhood has to offer. I stick to the food on campus most of the time.” Jisung scoffed softly and turned to me. “Which is practically convenience store food. How boring of you.” My jaw dropped and I breathed out an unbelievable chuckle, punching his shoulder gently. “And how rude of you to say that.” I feigned exasperation and looked up to the menu again after the two of us laughed softly.

I was the first to walk up to the counter, Jisung quickly following behind as I felt his presence being awfully close to my back. “Can I get three scoops of chocolate chip cookie?” The woman at the cashier nodded and turned her attention from me to Jisung. “You?” She questioned. I turned my head to him as well. Jisung squinted his eyes while he looked up to the menu again. He stuttered for a moment before responding. “I’ll just get two scoops of strawberry swirl.” The woman cracked a small smile, almost invisible as she keyed in our order. She told the price and looked at the two of us, waiting for the cash. When Jisung didn’t respond, I quickly took out my wallet. I glanced at hi for a brief moment, noticing that he was looking at me and didn’t hear the cashier. But before I could even slide out my dollar note, Jisung slammed my hand down lightly and took out his money in one swift motion.

“Thanks.” I softly whispered as the two of us walked to the side t wait for our ice cream. I folded my arms and placed my weight on one leg. Jisung sighed loudly, assumingly to break the silence between us. “Three scoops? That’s a lot.” Jisung mentioned. I frowned and waved a lazy hand at him. “Calm down I’ll pay for the three scoops. I’m just craving for it.” I breathed out, now feeling slightly bad that I spent a lot of Jisung’s money since the price was quite expensive. Jisung looked down on me, quirking up a questioning brow. “I didn’t mean it like that. I’m just saying it’s a lot. You don’t need to pay me.” Jisung quickly retorted with assurance imbued into his tone.

My mouth formed an ‘O’ at the realisation and slowly nodded my head. “We can’t be eating here, right? So where are we going to go?” Jisung ruffled his hair, adjusting the strands that laid naturally and nicely down his forehead. I was still able to see his eyes despite having it covered by the layer of hair. “Our spot.” I blinked my eyes rapidly. “Our spot?” I echoed back, completely clueless. 

Jisung flashed me a disappointed expression along with a sigh. “The studio. That, or we can just eat at the park nearby. Oh and don’t expect me to protect you if we get kidnapped. I won’t be strong enough to protect you.” I laughed at the joke, Jisung chuckling along with me. “You dance with such energy and you’re telling me you can’t beat a kidnapper?” I scoffed loudly in amusement. “You’re quite something.” I added on. Jisung looked down, somewhat in a shy manner and smiled before lifting his head back up. “I really am.” 

-Just how much was I missing out on

We walked out, ice cream in hand. Jisung seemed to be texting someone with his free hand while I simply looked down on my ice cream and be the first to dig in. The bite felt like a trip down memory lane. How was it that I didn’t enjoy simple things like ice cream during college? Don’t get me wrong I do still eat ice cream, but I never experienced one that tasted authentic, way better than the ones sold in convenience stores. “You seem to be enjoying it.” Jisung suddenly let out, making me head shot up to him and then to my ice cream, which I already noticed that I took more than just one bite already. 

Jisung slid his phone into his track pants and got to eating. His jaw dropped and his mouth hung open so wide that it could reach the floor. With the ice cream nestled on the surface of his tongue, he gasped loudly and looked to me instantly. “This is so good!” Jisung squealed with much happiness and excitement, taking another bite instantly and moaning in satisfaction. The two fo us ate in silence as we walked, allowing ourselves to sink into the ice cream’s captivating flavours like a bath. 

We entered the park. It was dimly lit, with only the lamps that lined the pathways and lighting the place with an orange hue. Jisung took quick steps forward to sit on the nearest bench. I sat down beside him, a small smile forming on my lips. All that we could see were the lights and trees that had its leaves and branches swaying in the gentle breeze. Jisung had his full attention on his ice cream, ow seeming to be taking small bites to preserve the ice cream and take a longer time to finish it. 

“One question. How long have you not come to this park? Or have you never?” Jisung’s question got my mind blank. I thought about it for quite some time, till Jisung had to hum to see if he even got my attention. “The only time I’ve been here was two years ago. For helping out at an event as a job.” Jisung moved his lips to one side. “Question two. Was majoring in law what you wanted to do?” I already knew this conversation was about to get deep. And at that moment, if I’m being really honest, I’m glad Jisung’s the one I’m having this conversation with.

“Yeah. At first I thought lawyers looked cool in those Korean dramas. My only goal at that time was to do any major that I seemed to be interested in and one that could get me rich. Those were my only two requirements that satisfied me. I was always hardworking but I never knew my work could get this overloaded. I wasn’t ready for it.” I took in a deep breath to compose myself, realising how real I was getting about myself. “I only started having breakdowns at the end of last year. Never bothered to take a break due to constant anxiety on how much I could miss out on. All because I want that simple goal of doing well in college for a job that’ll give me good pay. I didn’t even think about what I’d do with the money. I never bothered to expand my goal beyond that. And I think that makes me very low, and shallow minded.” 

I slowly tited my head up, wanting the cool air to cool my face. The sky was nothing but plain ink black darkness with only the small moon shining it’s moonlight on us. I closed my eyes, not really caring if Jisung responded to anything I just said. Letting it out for him to hear was all I wanted, all that I need. I kept my breathing steady and collected, the simple calmness of the quiet surrounding putting my mind at ease. “But have you ever thought that you don’t need to keep up with whatever’s around you?” Jisung whispered. I fluttered my eyelids open and brought my eyes down to meet his. We locked eyes, and Jisung reached out in front of me to grab my now empty cup, making my breath hitched in my throat. He always made me stop breathing whenever he got close. What was he, death?

“What do you mean?” Jisung puckered his lips, seeming to be deep in thought before replying. “I get that you want to do well. But you don’t always have to go at the speed this world’s at. It’s not always in the hustle.” Jisung whispered carefully. His eyes never met mine. And with each word and every one that was going to come after, could drive it’s words deep into my heart and soul, like he was seeing right through me. “Look around you. This place, the studio. You would’ve never discovered them if you were so focused. Slow down to see the prettier things in life. Isn’t that what they always say?” HIs words were definitely meant to bring an impact. And it did. My heart sank, not in a bad way. But simply because the realisation and reality was weighting my heart down. 

“Technically, you introduced me to the studio and park.” Jisung brought his hand out, as if putting his words on it and placing it in front of me. “Exactly. You wouldn’t even get to know me if you never took time to look at your surroundings and finding my note.” I licked my bottom lip that was extremely dry. My eyes absentmindedly went down to his lips, that still looked unbelievably smooth despite the dryness of the air. “I told you, didn’t I? I can be here for you. Whatever you need. So don’t always think college is everything. I mean, look at me.” I chuckled. 

But Jisung was right. I did took time to look at him as a person. He was doing something that wasn’t just interest, but what he loved and had passion for. He’s able to do well and not have to stress over things too much and too often. Jisung was able to carry himself how he wants to and be satisfied with life when I would be satisfied with mine long years down the road. He was the physical representation of ukiyo. The floating world that didn’t bother about the worries of life, and living it his own way, no matter what could appen to him. He was a ukiyo standalone. 

“Slow down to see the prettier things the life.”

Jisung might just be that prettier thing.

Jisung and I got close, real quick. It wasn’t a surprise. I already knew I’d want to meet him more often, wanting him to be my escape from the whirlpool of life. He was always a breath of fresh air, a sight for sore eyes. He never failed to make the time I spent with him meaningful to the last second. I quickly grew to realise that I needed to meet him on a regular basis. I needed to take my mind off work, and he was the only one who could do it for me.

I was just finishing lecture, carrying the heavy pounds of books in my hand with much struggle. I was trying to juggle my book on my forearm while the other tried to find for my phone in my pocket to text Jisung, saying I wanted him to come over to accompany me. With a quiet grunt I tried to type with one hand, which to me was an extreme struggle. Just when I decided to stop walking to get myself gathered together, I looked up from my phone, suddenly seeing a group of guys walking just past me.

Murmurs and whispers from different angles could be heard from far away, I raised my brow, watching their backs. One that caught my eye was the adidas jacket. I knew instantly from his figure and bright orange natural looking hair that it was Jisung. I instantly ran up to him, shoving my phone into my bag to just I could have a free hand to tap on his shoulder. “Jisung!” I screamed happily, after giving him a tap I placed a firm grip on his shoulder to stop him. The other guys surrounding him turned around, noticing how Jisung abruptly stopped.

“Who’s she?” One of them asked, his voice sounding arrogant and cocky from the get-go. Jisung gulped and looked left and right, glancing over his shoulder. He suddenly seemed anxious. Jisung blinked his eyes rapidly, sucking in his lips while he rubbed a nervous hand at the back of his neck. “I-I don’t know.” Jisung quickly replied. He stared at me for a moment, eyes cold and would probably feel like ice if I were to maintain it any longer. Jisung shoved away the hand I had on his shoulder roughly, only making me scoff loudly. “What the heck? Jisung you good?” I was about to reach my hand to punch him lightly on the shoulder, thinking that the way he’s acting was just a joke, but with him having quick reflexes, he got a firm grip on my wrist in a matter of seconds.

“Look. I don’t know you. Why are you treating me like you’re my friend?” Jisung’s words were meant to slice. And it worked. I was in disbelief, the large wave crashing over me and wiping me out and the words rolled hard on his tongue. Jisung slammed my wrist down, my whole arm swinging backward slightly from the strong impact before it fell down my side. I looked to my hand and trailed my gaze back to Jisung. I stiffened, trying not to shiver under his gaze. What was going on with him? Another friend of his placed a hand on his shoulder and jerked his head forward. Jisung pushed me off with his cold gaze one more time and turned around sharply to walk away. I gaped, eyes widened as the other looked to each with unsure faces and disappeared along with Jisung.

I stumbled a few steps back from Jisung’s impact. The impact in his words, actions. Why was he like that? He said he didn’t know me. I took a moment to head over to a nearby bench to place my books down and have a break, but it was mostly to think over about why Jisung suddenly acted different. He never seemed like that before. He looked... cold and unapproachable. That look in his eyes when he made eye contact with me, it felt as if he never knew me at all. What was with that sudden shield?

Later that day, I tried to text Jisung. Give him a call, sending multiple texts. He wasn’t responding to any of it. He used to always be free 24/7. Why was he suddenly not online, especially after what had just happened. I wanted to know why. This was the first time he ever acted like that towards me. And it was too odd. We would never meet too often. But without him texting me at least once a day, you could say I was falling apart again when he began to not get into contact with me for a whole week after the incident.

I tried to find him again. Seeing him on campus whenever, I tried to approach him. This time I walked up to him quickly and had a firm grip on his wrist. “Jisung? What’s wrong with you the other day? You acted as if you didn’t even know me.” I said with a nervous chuckle, wanting to seem like it didn’t bother but failed tremendously. Jisung looked at me blankly, expressionless. Like nothing went through his mind with that I said. Or even looking at me. Jisung bit his lower lip, glancing sideways as if he didn’t want to give a single care about my presence.

He slid my grip off his wrist. “I shouldn’t be talking to you.” Jisung said in a monotonous manner. He glanced to his left and right quickly, eyes meeting mine for a brief moment. And in that small second of eye contact, I felt something. His eyes looked sad, like he was feeling sorry. But that look disappeared as quickly as it appeared, and Jisung was out of sight once again.

I was in bed, eyes up to the plain white ceiling that gave me the free will to think about anything. Anything and everything, but it all lead to Jisung. I simply couldn’t shake it off. The way Jisung looked at me. I felt the impact of his push so vividly. I kept replaying the scene in my mind. It was just so not Jisung. It was so off from what he’s like. It seemed like it wasn’t Jisung at all. I turned to my side, phone right beside my face. I picked it up, instantly going to my contacts and clicking on Jisung’s name.

“What’s going on with you...” I said in a soft whisper, my mind trailing off yet again as I stared at Jisung’s name on my screen, so bright and so big. Yet it suddenly felt distant. Jisung, felt distant. A long while had past, and I still contemplated on whether to give him a call. I gave up doing so a few days back. Why did I still have hope? He didn’t seem to want anything to do with me. And I knew it wasn’t because he’s busy. He didn’t want to contact me. He’s ignoring me.

I closed my eyes, taking in a deep breath, slow and steady to calm my mind. I was beginning to jump to conclusions. And I really would never want to have that perception of Jisung. Never once thought of him that way, and never will. I would never. I groaned out loud, turning off my phone and placing it back down beside me harshly with the screen faced down. I curled myself up into a ball. It had only been a week. And I was already missing him. His voice, his clumsiness, his cuteness. The sudden change of his attitude, to the whole ignoring and growing distant thing. It was too much. Again I was falling, cracking at places where it got pieced together when I was with Jisung.

Unable to sit still, I got up and walked to my study table, slamming my body down and beginning to do work. I furiously began writing, doing whatever I can to suppress myself. I was growing mad, and if I had to let out my anger, I’d be doing it in the productive way. However, I was only able to keep that adrenaline up for a few minutes till I got to frustrated that I threw my pen on the wall in front of my and balled fists into my hair, screaming till my voice disappeared. I shut up eyes close, allowing the tears that had been welling up this whole time to finally fall, sending myself into a breakdown.

I cried and shouted with all my heart. I couldn’t beat it. I couldn’t do anything without Jisung. I didn’t know what to feel. Anger, rational, disappointment. Perhaps it was all those balled into one emotion I didn’t know the name of. I shook my head vigorously, running a hand through my hair and slamming both hands down on the table, wanting to swallow down my flood of emotions. I can’t be going through this. I had work to do. Jisung’s a waste of my time, and my energy. My feelings for him will not stop me from moving forward. I knew I shouldn’t have met him. He led me to this, to suffering even more on top of my large pile of other stresses I had to handle. He was once my ukiyo, but how he’s far from being one.

“I can’t fucking keep doing this!” Jisung screamed, pacing back and forth in his dorm. Luckily Renjun wasn’t here to hear his rant. He’d been stressed out about it for weeks. It’s almost been a few months. He couldn’t keep this up. He was this close to showing his anger if his friends were to ever hung out with him again. Jisung had one arm wrapped around his torso while the other rested and had his thumb grazing over his bottom lip. He was missing her. He wanted to see her. But he couldn’t. Not when his friends are around 24/7.

At the party later that night, Jisung had no mood for any of it. Not the drinking, not the games. He was at this stupid party just because his friends dragged him. Although he never said no to the offer. Jisung simply went with it to satisfy his friends. He was sick of the people around him reeking of alcohol, people bumping into him every which way, the loud music that could possibly bloa his eardrums. Just how many of these parties had he been to already? And he still couldn’t get used to this.

Jisung was standing by the drinks area, watching his friends on the couch and getting wasted. They’re finding their own way home somehow. Jisung knew they were capable, so there wasn’t any reason why he had to take care of them. He seemed to be so fixated on one spot that he didn’t even realise Jeno was standing beside him after he let out a, “You seem to be having fun.” Jisung came zinging back to reality. “Yeah.”

“I know you aren’t.” Jeno gulped down the red cup and placed it down on the table behind them. He leaned back casually, eyeing Jisung which intimidated Jisung just a little bit. “What’s been going on with you?” Jeno leaned his head forward and closer to Jisung, making sure his words could be heard over the loud music. “Nothing.” Jeno scoffed. “It can’t be nothing.”

Jisung turned his head to face Jeno, flashing him a look that read, “I really don’t care.” Jeno smacked his lips and folded his arms. “I’m the closest one to you. Even though they all treat you like you’re our own baby, I’m the one that knows you best. So spill. There’s no hiding from me.” Jisung groaned out loudly and grabbed Jeno’s wrist, pulling him to a room closed and isolated from this mess Jisung simply hated.

Jisung went in and slammed himself onto the bed, sitting on the edge while Jeno raised both his eyebrows in shock at the little man’a temper, closing the door behind him slowly as the music finally got drowned out. “So?” Jeno began, leaning against the door and placing one leg over the other. Jisung threaded his fingers through his hair, keeping his hand at the back of his head as he tilted upwards to find a way to say his feelings, as if the words were out there for him on the ceiling.

“I have this girl I like. We’ve been hanging out for a long while. But we stopped because one day I decided to be a prick and push her off when she saw me with the rest of us.” Jeno opened his mouth and clapped his hand once. “It’s that girl isn’t it?!” Jeno pointed at Jisung with surprise. Jisung wasn’t exactly sure if Jeno and Jisung were thinking of the same girl, but either way Jisung simply nodded.

“I don’t know why I did it in the first place. I guess I was embarrassed of you guys knowing her and you’ll keep bugging me about it all the time if you knew.” Jisung groaned out, the frustration expertly imbued into his tone though it took no effort to do so. Jeno narrowed his eyes on Jisung, a look that made him know that a long lecture was about to come for him. And he couldn’t escape.

As Jeno pushed his back off the door and walked forward, he said, “So what? You didn’t want us knowing you have a girl you like because you think we’ll invade your privacy? If you want to know, most of us guessed it already. You kept going out at such late hours almost all the time. Did you think Renjun wouldn’t have noticed?” Jeno tilted his head, making sure it was extremely obvious. “That’s why we were shocked when you did that to her.” Jeno added on. Jeno squinted his eyes and blinked them rapidly. “Then why don’t you just explain it to her?”

Jisung frowned, head slowly tilting down to cover his face. “Because I felt bad for doing it and thought she’d be mad at me and wouldn’t want to talk to me again.” Jisung sighed loudly for three days. “I didn’t-” Jisung inhaled deeply. “I didn’t want to face her because I didn’t want to feel the pain of having her get mad at me.” Jeno chuckled, the kind that was in disbelief. “Jisung! You don’t even know if she felt that way!” Jeno slammed a palm to his forehead. “Yes she’d be mad but you should be making the first move to apologise to her! She’s probably crying in bed wondering why you suddenly cut off all ties with her, you dummy!”

While Jeno was giving him an earful, Jisung fiddled with this thumbs, scarping at the hang nails and growing deep in thought. Jeno was right. Why didn’t he do anything to solve it? He simply backed off because he was too afraid to face her after what happened. He was caring for his own feelings more than hers. And now she’s definitely in a way worsr position than he was. “Fuck I’m dumb.” Jeno hummed in agreement, only making Jisung shoot a glare at him while letting out a ‘tsk’.

“Might be too late but talk to her. Right now she needs an explanation. No matter how long ago it was.” Jeno had his voice firm and advisory.

Jisung made his way to her dorm. He had a sinking, anxious feeling in his chest while he walked down the hallway and inched closer to her door.

I was at my table, still studying the life out of me. I knew I’d be walking out of this dorm brain drained and walking like a living corpse when I go for my lecture tomorrow. Just when I wanted to rest my head down, there was a knock on the door. I thought I misheard, but after a long moment the knocking came again. I quickly walked up to the door, swinging it open. Everything paused. My motion, my eyes. It was glued to the person in front of me, which was Jisung.

“Can I come-” “I have work to do.”

I tried to close the door, but Jisung stopped it with his foot. “Please. I owe you an explanation.” Jisung said, voice filled with softness and sincerity. I couldn’t bear to resist. I knew I never could if he came. I sucked in my lips, sighed quietly and opening the door. I walked in, sitting at my study table and turning my chair around. I watched Jisung close the door behind hIm, making his way to the bed, each step seemed to be weary and careful, watching out for himself with every move to make sure he didn’t do anything wrong.

Jisung and I locked eyes for a long time, silence circulating the air. I cocked my brow up in curiosity as to why he wasn’t saying anything. Jisung quickly noticed my change of expression and shook his head as if bringing himself back from a moment of deep thinking. “I’m sorry. For that day. I know I was rude. First I did that, then I completely ignored you.” Jisung bit his lower lip, now avoiding eye contact like he was too embarrassed to meet my eyes. “I did it because I was scared of what my friends thought of me having someone.” My quizzical expression became more prominent.

I sat there, not sure of what to think. Like I said, I never wanted to think badly of Jisung. But after hearing that, it seemed that my underlined feeling of anger became to surface itself after being forced to suppress itself for far too long. “So you did that to me then you ignored me. On top of that completely removing me out of your life like I was invisible. Then you didn’t bother to try and fix this sooner. All this because of what you’re friends would think of me? Of us?” I pointed to myself, my voice growing scarily louder with each sentence.

I smacked my lips and nodded. I didn’t need his verbal reply to know the answers to that. And it disappointed me. “I never thought I’d say this. But that was shallow. Very shallow of you.” I ran a hand through my hair. “Did you know how much I was going through when I couldn’t contact you? All those times I texted and called, you didn’t reply to any of them. And why? For your pride? While I was here balling my eyes out every night unable to do my work.”

I allowed a moment of silence to pass, though I could’ve continued without having to catch my breath. “You used to be my escape. Someone I came to when I needed to destress, be free. But now... you’re just the person that’s stopping me from my goal. Getting work done, it could be stressing yes. But if I’m unable to do work just because of my feeling for someone as low as you...” I shut my eyes closed, wanting to hold back my tears. My opened my eyes and forced them to blare at Jisung with firmness. “I don’t see why you should be in my life anymore.”

I stood up, taking slowly strides to the door. I held the doorknob, turning it and opening the door. I brought my free hand out, motioning to Jisung. “Don’t come back. I can’t bear to see you anymore without having these confusing feelings. It’s something I shouldn’t be spending my time worrying about.” I said sternly. I watched Jisung. He seemed far from stable. He seemed to be cracking at the seams, he was at the edge of tears. He didn’t bother to hide them, the tears seeming to be clouding his vision as it welled up in his eyes. He had his eyes glued to the floor the whole time. A long moment went by till he finally stood up and walked to the door.

Before Jisung left, he stood right in front of me. His eyes met mine, shivering with guilt and instant despair. It broke my heart to see him like this. But in situations like these, I had to choose. Either lose Jisung, or lose myself. “I’m sorry.” He muttered, almost inaudible. He blinked his eyes once and the tears streamed down his cheeks. I reached my hand out, slowly and shakil to place them on his shoulder. He looked down on it, simply letting it slide off when he went. He walked away, and I bit my bottom lip. That was the last moment I saw him.

Closing the door, I let my back lean against the door and slide down till I reached the floor. I thought I wouldn’t feel a single sense of sadness or regret. But at that moment, when I couldn’t even handle seeing Jisung’s back disappear as he walked down the hallway, the shell I had carefully built around my heart shattered, and no number of words of reassurance repeated to myself will piece it back together. I shook my head. If I kept my expectations low, I would stop feeling the throbbing. If I cut off all my emotions, I wouldn’t be so weak. And that was what I was determined to do.

Jisung felt every single word struck deep and low, like a bell toll that shook inside him. As the her hand fell off his shoulder, so,too, did the warmth. He began to shiver. Only cold and pain remained, sharp enough to numb everything else. All his adrenaline, gone, and with it, his sense of feeling. All his life, gone. The ground caved in, and he hit bottom.

Jisung walked away with a heavy heart. Everything he did for her. From the moment she unintentionally made that call to the last time they met, Jisung had it flashed in his mind like a movie tape. She was al the more right to be like this to him. He knew all too wel of the consequences. He had to bear this pain. It was the only right thing to do. He didn’t know how he’ll get over it. But even if he eventually does. he’ll never forget her. Not for a single second. Even if she would be shoved to the back of his mind, he’d dug up for it again. She meant so much to him. And how Jisung will be seeing her no longer.

“Jaehyun stop I swear!” I giggled loudly as Jaehyun continued to tickle my sides. He carried me away from the cashier with his arms around my waist. I laughed out loudly and beg him constantly to put me down. He finally did when I gave him a hard smack in the arm and made him wince.

“You’re laugh is cute.” Jaehyun said with a light chuckle. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. “Yeah well you don’t have to keep tickling me for you to hear it.” I feigned exasperation, leaning forward against the counter to place my chin on the palm of my hand. “Really? Good to know but I’d still prefer to tickle you.” I shot Jaehyun a death glare and all he did was threw back a playful wink to which I responded with a ‘tsk’.

Jaehyun got close to ruffle my hair. And when he had his hand on my head, the bell above the door opened, signalling that someone entered. I swatted off Jaehyun’s hand, him laughing lowly at my defensive act as I pat down my apron. “Welcome to-” My voice stopped in its tracks. I was frozen. The moment I looked up, I instantly knew the person in front of me.

“Park Jisung.” I whispered, voice growing soft. I gulped, wanting to swallow away any feeling that might surface before I even continued. Our eyes locked. And Jisung... he was suddenly bringing in the sense of comfort through his gaze. I didn’t know how he did it. We’ve never met for almost two years. Yet here he was, suddenly showing up in front of my face, with not a single thing of him changed and giving me the exact same feeling I had back then.

“I’d like to talk. Over some black coffee?” Jisung offered, slowly pointing up to the menu, his eyes never leaving mine. I blinked my eyes rapidly and took this time to glance at Jaehyun, who seemed to he confused yet didn’t want to question or interrupt whatever was happening in front of me. “Why? You have no reason to.” I said simply with a nonchalant shrug. That was clearly a fake move.

“Just a chat. We used to be friends, didn’t we?” Jisung questioned back, pushing his shoulders back and allowing his chest to puff up ever so slightly with confidence. I didn’t know where he was going at, why he was here in the first place. Either way, I didn’t give him a reply, simply turning around to start making the coffee with Jaehyun giving me space.

I went to the table where Jisung was seated, placing the two cups of black coffee on the table. I took a seat at the opposite side. Tight silence circulated us. It made me want to choke due to how awkward it was. I was running my finger around the rim of the cup slowly. “Have you been well?” Jisung asked. “I’m doing great. Got into university and I’m working here part time.” I breathed out. “You?” I asked back. I was genuinely curious.

As much as I was able to get over Jisung, his unknown well being got me to he on edge whenever I thought of him. That could be said with my buried feelings for him as well. “Got admitted into an art school. I’m apparently capable enough to start my own dance crew.” Jisung breathed out a light chuckle and took a sip of coffee. “Look. What I’m here for is...”

Jisung closed his eyes for a moment before opening them back and have it darted to meet mine. “What I’m here for is that I want to start over.” I gave him an expressionless look, mainly because I didn’t know what emotion to show. It was all spiralled into something unrecognisable. A mix of lots of emotions. I had no reply for Jisung, which only gave him a signal to keep talking.

“Every day I’ve carried the burden of missing you. And each day it grew heavier and heavier. I knew it was the weight of my actions, their consequences. And I miss you too much. You meant so much to me, and you still do. I was trying to not break our friendship but I only made it worse. Trust me I regretted it everyday after that.” Jisung’s eyes softened and I grew weak under his gaze. It was gentle and light, it made me fall in a matter of seconds if I didn’t care to put in energy to have a guard up.

“And on top of that, it wasn’t just our friendship I missed. I missed it all. You. I didn’t get to say this, but I’ve liked you. And I always have. It was a feeling beyond the mutual one. It was something more and I came here afraid of how you’d think. I came anyway. Because I’d do anything to get to start over with you again.” I swallowed. It took me time to allow his words to sink in. I wasn’t able to form a reply right off the bat.

I did have feelings for Jisung as well. Though it wasn’t prominent at the start, it began to grew the more time we spent together, which was why it made the situation two years ago far more painful than it really was. Apparently Jisung felt that way as well.

“If I allow it, will you be my ukiyo again?” I whispered, looking down to my cup that I have yet to drink a singe drop of coffee from. Jisung leaned in closer and, his face now inches away from mine. My breath hitched in my throat. He still had this affect on me. The ability to have me frozen and stiff with his gaze and actions. It was something only he knew how to do, the only one who could do this to me. 

“Your ukiyo, your Peter Pan. Please...” Jisung leaned forward to rest his chin on top of my head, tilting his head down slowly to place a soft, loving kiss on the crown of my head. One that made me feel as if he was touching something so precious and fragile, the most important thing in the world. “Take me back.” I closed my eyes and took in one deep breath. 

“Take me back to the studio after my shift.” 

[ask-the-gamekeeper]

Duo matches always made her nervous. She typically never played in them for the sole fact that so much could happen at once. She hated feeling the distress of it all, not only from her powers but also herself. And as most duo matches tend to be, they were short a player, so she had went ahead and filled in. Who were the hunters for this round again…? It was… Bonbon and Bane, wasn’t it…?

This felt like it’d be a difficult match.

In search of a cipher, she wandered the Eversleeping Town- or at least, the recreation of it. She isn’t sure how “real” it is. Nothing at the manor felt real.

@idv-ask-the-empath

Now, Bane did not like to go friendly. It was something everybody was sure to have realised by now, with how mercilessly he went about his matches. Really, why would he go friendly in the first place? The Baron had assigned him this role and he refused to fail the man twice. He'd learned his lesson about kindness long ago... Of course, sometimes his friends would try to convince him to go easy on the survivors, or to just go friendly. If it was because they themselves weren't feeling up to the match then of course he'd understand. He'd gladly just try to play well enough for the both of them to win while he let his friend rest. Convincing him to go friendly as well though...

It took a while, Bonbon relentlessly using every tactic they could in order to try and convince him. For a moment he was tempted to simply walk off to hunt the survivors himself! The robot was damn lucky he felt to be in a more agreeable mood... So it was with a sigh that he reluctantly gave in to the robot he knew wouldn't have given up in their quest. Hey, he'd thought, at least he could spend some time with Bonbon, right?

Wrong, apparently. Rather than hide away within a corner of the map like Bane would prefer, Bonbon was insistent that it would be more fun interacting with survivors. He'd have to tell Burke to schedule another maintenance check because there must've been a few screws loose for Bonbon to think he was even remotely willing to interact with survivors in a more positive way... Still, the robot continued their attempts, beginning to push him forwards and forcing him to stumble along lest he fall over. Tch... who cared if the survivors were left unaware that they were going friendly this round? So what if they were to be tense and uneasy the whole time just waiting and expecting an attack? It wasn't his damn fault and besides, if they didn't know then they'd continue on to escape as quickly as possible and thus allowing him to leave as soon as possible!

Yet alas, the robot didn't seem to care, simply making sure he walked through the surprisingly empty streets with him until eventually they found a survivor further down trying to decode one of the cypher machines. Instantly Bonbon ran after them as they bolted away, trying to show that they were friendly and calling for their attention as they did.

This just left Bane to wander on alone.... He'd just find some corner of the map to hide in, now that his pushy companion was gone. So onwards he went, wandering the streets in the search for somewhere nice to relax, gait more slowed than when hunting and hook still firmly attached to his belt. His head was tilted high, simply surveying his surroundings in a manner more suited for taking in the details rather than scrutinizing any and every shadow for a survivor. Silently he noted the details, forming a mental map within his mind as he went along.

Despite the current situation though, he hadn't quite expected to see any more survivors, taking pause when he turned the corner and found none other than that 'empath' walking along. For a moment he froze, fingers twitching and barely resisting the instinctual urge to send out his hook. He was friendly, no hunting survivors... A quiet sigh escaped him as he tried to force the alarm bells in his head to silence and the tension to escape him. What was it friendly hunters were supposed to do? Spin...? ... No way he was doing that. Huffing, he considered simply turning around and leaving while he could.

@idv-ask-the-empath

[little-mad]

Downsides of Thievery Pt. 5

~ Previous Part ~ Next Part ~

The moment Gavin stepped out of his cage, he felt ten times more vulnerable and exposed than he had previously. The fact that he was on the ground with everything looming up above him did not help in the slightest. Though the alteon wasn’t even standing at his full height, Rael looked like an absolute monument before him. Gavin felt more like an insect next to the giant than ever.

“Knock it off!” Gavin scolded himself mentally. “He may be insanely big, but I’ve got a bigger mouth.” He wouldn’t allow himself to be cowed just because his captor happened to be taller than a building.

“Hurry up,” Rael’s voice thundered from above, effectively forcing Gavin out of his contemplation.

The alteon looked down on Gavin with his usual level of disdain. He had to wonder how much of that was due to the fact that he was a convicted criminal, and how much was just because of how much he seemed to dislike humans. The criminal part, Gavin could understand, but not liking him because he was a human seemed pretty...was racist the right word? Or would the proper term be speciesist? Either way, Rael was acting like some kind of -ist.

When Gavin didn’t immediately start moving at his order, Rael seemed to grow even further agitated. “Why are you incapable of following simple commands?” he questioned sharply, leaning forward slightly as he glared down at Gavin.

This particular comment was very reminiscent of something Gavin’s seventh grade social studies teacher had said once. The cranky old bastard had basically had it out for Gavin since day one. Apparently Mr. Borgan wasn’t a fan of class clowns. Gavin had never really liked following orders from authority figures before that, but he was pretty sure that ass of a teacher had set him down his path towards crime. Mr. Borgan made him realize that just because someone was in charge, didn’t mean they were right.

And now, here was Rael trying to order Gavin around. Yes, Gavin had been placed in Rael’s custody and therefore was his responsibility. But that didn’t mean he got to order Gavin around like some kind of dog.

“Maybe if you tried asking nicely,” Gavin told Rael. Though he said it sarcastically, it wasn’t entirely untrue. He would be much more likely to do what Rael wanted if the guy would just try being a little friendlier.

Rolling his eyes, Rael shook his head. “I never asked to babysit a human.”

“Well maybe you’re being punished,” Gavin retorted with a bit more bite than he’d intended. Obviously he hadn’t really meant what he said, he had no idea what life was like in the “Imperial Guard.” However, the moment Gavin caught sight of the look on Rael’s face he knew he had said something he shouldn’t have.

There was a dark look on the alteon’s face as he glowered down at the human at his feet. Gavin took an instinctive step backwards. He was sure if his body came equipped with lights and a siren they’d be going off like crazy.

Before he could make another move, a giant hand was coming at Gavin in a flash. He stumbled and ended up tripping over his own feet and falling onto his back. The hand was an inch away from him. He braced himself to be grabbed, slamming his eyes shut in fear. But then a moment passed and he remained untouched.

Cautiously, Gavin reopened his eyes, and the sight he saw made his heartbeat stutter. Though no part of it made contact with him, Rael’s hand hung over Gavin. He was caged in by the appendage, his head sticking out between the massive index and middle fingers.

Looking past the hand, Gavin stared up at Rael’s face, which now hovered almost directly above him. The alteon’s head blocked out the sunlight that filtered through the canopy, and it was almost like his face was a moon that had eclipsed the sun.

Rael’s beautiful teal eyes were clouded with rage, his lips pulled into a snarl. Suddenly, Gavin felt like a mouse that had been caught by a vicious cat. God, what a stupid mouse.

-

Rael had never been particularly short tempered, or rather, he had never allowed himself to be. If he was ever going to be taken seriously as someone worthy of being a member of the Imperial Guard, he needed to prove that he was more than his peasant parentage. And so he played the role of the refined, even-tempered gentleman.

Perhaps it had been his tendency to constantly suppress his true emotions around others that caused him to snap so abruptly at Gavin Stone. Or perhaps it was just the human himself who had a unique skill for getting under his skin. Either way, Rael had found himself dying to put the little man in his place.

All it had taken was for the human to say something that hit a little too close to home. The fear that Rael had never been and would never be truly viewed as a member of the Imperial Guard had haunted him for a long time. He wondered whether the rest of the soldiers secretly whispered about him behind his back, poking fun at the peasant who dared try to play at being someone of any standing.

When Rael had been given the less than favorable assignment of collecting a human prisoner, the idea that he’d been purposefully given the task due to his background had quickly taken residence in the back of his mind. He had been trying not to dwell on it, to just do his job and move on. However, when the human suggested Rael might be being punished, it reminded him of all his insecurities.

The next thing he knew, he was pinning the human to the ground. His fingers surrounded the little creature on all sides. Rael couldn’t deny the sight gave him a rush. It was satisfying.

Gavin Stone was a thief who was willing to potentially put the relationship between the human and alteon realms at risk just to satisfy his own greed. “He’s a criminal, that’s why I dislike him so much,” Rael told himself. However, in the back of his mind he knew what really angered him about Gavin Stone’s insolence was the fact that he was a human. Humans were smaller and weaker than alteons. In the animal kingdom, would that not place alteons above humans?

“Remember your place,” Rael growled as he stared down at the human trapped beneath his hand.

There was no defiance in Gavin Stone’s eyes, just panic and fear. Perhaps this time the message would sink in.

Rael gave the human one last hard look before removing his hand and resuming his seated position on the log. Though he was still tense, he could feel himself beginning to come down from the sudden spark of rage he’d experienced. He took a steadying breath as he returned his attention to the human. The little man had yet to get to his feet, though he’d sat up and was staring up at Rael with wide eyes. “Hurry up and do your business before I change my mind.”

-

Obviously, Gavin had known he was tiny compared to Rael and the rest of the alteon dimension. It was pretty hard to forget. And yet somehow he hadn’t quite fully comprehended what it meant to be so insignificant to the world around him.

A part of being a thief was knowing that people, for the most part, were too absorbed in their own business to pay much attention to the actions of a stranger. Gavin could be a ghost, a nobody. Now take that concept and amplify it tenfold. That was how little of an indent Gavin made on the alteons’ world. And that had been what Rael seemed adamant on imparting on his captive.

As much as he hated to admit it, Gavin had been shaken by Rael’s outburst. It had been a harsh reminder of how easily the alteon could hurt him or worse. Laying there trapped under the giant hand, Gavin had felt totally and completely helpless. It was not a feeling he enjoyed in the slightest.

“How am I supposed to stand up to that?” he pondered as he pulled his jumpsuit back up over his shoulders.

Gavin had to wonder whether this was the kind of treatment he could expect from the Emperor. The alteon ruler had been diplomatic and peaceful with humanity as a whole, however, he questioned whether or not that would apply to a human criminal.

Gavin sighed. He really wasn’t looking forward to facing Rael again. He would much rather just stay concealed within the confines of the large bush he currently resided in. Of course, that would only serve to piss Rael off even further. Chances were, the giant would just reach in and snag Gavin if he took too long. He shivered at the thought of being anywhere near that hand again.

And so, quite reluctantly, Gavin exited his cover and returned to the clearing where Rael was waiting. He approached the alteon silently. For once he didn’t have anything to say--or more accurately, he didn’t have the confidence to say anything. Rael appeared as though he had calmed down at least somewhat, but Gavin wasn’t ready to risk incurring his wrath again.

He came to a stop in between Rael’s feet and stood silently. He kept his gaze downwards, unwilling to meet those eyes which had so recently stared at him with burning fury.

-

When Gavin Stone had returned, he seemed almost like a different person. Gone were the animated expressions that had lit up his face. He was quiet and passive. At Rael’s command, he’d gotten back into his cage without making any sort of fuss.

Now, Rael was back on the path to the city and the human was sitting in his cage without saying a word. It certainly seemed as though Rael’s show of force had been effective. So why didn’t Rael feel more happy with himself?

At the time, when he’d seen Gavin cowering under his hand, Rael had been quite pleased. However, for some reason the feeling had only been temporary. Now he almost felt...bad? “No, surely I don’t feel bad for a human criminal,” he tried to convince himself. Gavin had made himself a nuisance and Rael had corrected the behavior. It was the logical thing to do, right? There should be no reason to feel any kind of regret.

Rael glanced down at the human. The little man had his arms wrapped around the iron bars to keep himself secure. His gaze was focused down into his lap. He almost looked...dejected.

It had been obvious from the get go that Gavin Stone was far from fearless. However, he had seemed to bounce back from his fear fairly easily. It had only taken a few minutes after being grabbed, caged, and transported to a new realm for the man to gain enough confidence to address his giant captor. Now that Rael thought about it, it was kind of impressive.

But now, Gavin showed no signs of bouncing back. It was possible he would remain quiet and compliant for the rest of their journey. Rael should have been celebrating, and yet....

“Perhaps I just regret losing my temper,” Rael thought to himself. He was supposed to be in control of his emotions, and while letting loose for that moment had felt good at the time, he knew it was wrong. “Yeah, that has to be it….right?”

[chalky]

The Commodification of c!Tubbo

This essay is unnecessary but I think about it too much so here you go

At this point, y’all are probably sick and tired of me rambling about c!Tubbo, as this is about all my original posts are. But, I feel as though this is an important aspect of his character that is either swept under the rug or never given any second glance.

Whether intentionally or not, Tubbo has been constantly commodified by allies and enemies alike (don’t even get me started on the fandom, that’s for a whole other post). Like, throughout the entire story of the Dream SMP, Tubbo has been looked down upon as a yes man, sidekick, or extension of another character who is incapable of making decisions for himself, which is such a degrading thing to experience for so long and explains why his character values himself so little.

This is a long one, heads up!

 I want to break up this dehumanization and commodification into three categories:

Tubbo is either a pawn (something to be used), a trophy(something to be owned), or a scapegoat(something to be blamed) to others.

Tubbo Seen as a Pawn:

Wilbur loved Tubbo, but his treatment of him during the Pogtopia arc was definitely sad to see. (Note: Wilbur was spiraling and his mental health was in shambles. He couldn’t help his paranoia and he deserved way better than the ending he got, but that doesn’t absolve the effects of his actions on others). First he took Tubbo on as a spy, a very dangerous role that landed him dead, but throughout Tubbo’s service Wilbur saw him as an obedient pawn, while not a loyal one. A pawn ready to turn to whatever authority figure commanded him best. His remarks about Tubbo being a yes man back this up, and the way he warns Tommy that Tubbo will betray them erases all of Tubbo’s identity and reduces it to that of a spy (again, this is born of Wilburs paranoia, this isn’t his fault).

Dream made it very clear that he regarded Tubbo as lesser than a toy, so obedient and trusting that he wasn’t worth keeping alive because he was so boring to him. The whole speech about Tubbo being worthless wasn’t even directed at him despite him being right there. Dream only addressed Tommy as if he was the one whose opinion on Tubbos fate mattered.

Jack Manifold literally used Tubbo’s trust to attempt to kill Tommy, saying that he was a sweet guy but way too gullible. No better way to treat someone as a pawn to further ones own agenda than by literally using them. (Him talking about how he’d be there to comfort Tubbo after the assisted murder of his best friend still mildly disturbs me).

Quackity managed to talk Tubbo into going through with the Butcher Army, using Tubbo’s power to further Quackity’s agenda (which, by Quackity’s own admission, did not revolve around the protection of L’manburg.) Quackity didn’t care that Tubbo was against violence, and pushed his concerns to the side in favor of his own ideas and kept comparing Tubbo to Schlatt whenever he acted in a way he disagreed with.

Speaking of, THE CONSTANT DISREGARD OF HIS DECISIONS AS PRESIDENT. His Cabinet never listened to him and lowkey every stream they had together was a bit frustrating to me (I’m also a sensitive bitch). They didn’t respect him in any way and undermined his authority UNTIL THEY NEEDED HIM TO SAVE EVERYONE’S LIFE. (Elaborated on in Scapegoat Category).

Technically, as much as I am a Tommy apologist, Tommy’s constant insistence that the Disc War needed to involve Tubbo kind of fits under this category. As much as Tubbo was happy to help, his involvement wasn’t really necessary, but Tommy needed someone to help him. This involvement nearly resulted in his willing death.

The only reason Dream even wanted to kill Tubbo, on top of perceiving him as useless, was to hurt Tommy and give him something of a “hero origin story” like Batman and his parents or Spider-Man and Uncle Ben. So, literally by Dream’s definition, he wanted to fridge Tubbo.

We could refer to Wilbur assigning Tubbo to presidency as Wilbur using him to make the explosion of L’manburg hurt more, but that feels like a stretch to me.

This may be a stretch, but after Tubbo is executed and Tommy starts getting mad at Technoblade, Wilbur eggs Tommy on by saying “Think of what he did to Tubbo,” while Tubbo is literally right there. His emotions on the event doesn’t matter to Wilbur, only how it impacted Tommy.

Tubbo Seen as a Prize/Trophy

The constant referral of Tubbo as something to be owned by someone, like during Wilburs speech of “he’s your Tubbo!”, is a bit off putting though I don’t think it’s meant to be malicious. Very rarely is the sentiment reversed, seen when Ghostbur gave Tubbo the Your Tommy compass, furthering the idea that Tubbo is an object, something to be sought after and secured with little opportunity for him to own something himself. It’s always “Tommy’s Tubbo”. Also when Schlatt gloated about having “his very own Tubbo”.

Tommy shows more possessive behaviors when dealing with the discovery of Ranboo and Tubbo’s marriage, asking about permission and insisting that Ranboo stole Tubbo from him. I’m sure this is subconscious, I know Tommy values Tubbo as a person but he still reduces Tubbo to an object to guard because he treasures his friend.

Another more vague example would be the fact that Schlatt exiled Wilbur and Tommy, but kept Tubbo as his right hand man even though it was clear he was on POG2020’s side. It was a way to insult Tommy, a way for Schlatt to add salt to the wound by keeping his best friend.

The Dream Team captured Tubbo very early into the Revolution, keeping him in a hole and holding him for ransom (this could be played off for laughs, I just remembered it). They also burned down his base, unrelated really but I remember it.

We could also count the way that Dream kept threatening to kill Tubbo if Tommy didn’t return the disc, but this feels like a mixture of pawn and prize, while still dehumanizing as it compares his value to that of music discs.

Yes, I am going to take c!Tommy joking about killing Michael to get Tubbo and Ranboo to break up so he can get Tubbo back seriously. The way he glared at Michael while holding an axe was just for the stream to see, if it was a joke I feel like he would have said it out loud. Even if it is a joke, laughing about taking something Tubbo loves away just to ruin his relationships is a bit yikes and frames Tubbo as something to be won back. You can ignore this if you didn’t see that moment as canon, but there are plenty of signs pointing to this being in character. (Also to be noted, Tubbo didn’t want to show Michael to Tommy, so Tommy ignored him and asked Ranboo instead, who immediately showed Tommy to Michael despite Tubbo’s clear worries)

Tubbo seen as a Scapegoat

His cabinet flip flopped back and forth on the decision to exile Tommy every five seconds. Whenever they spoke with Tubbo, they were all “You’re right! We’re going to listen to you! We have to do what’s right!” and then they hear a half baked plan and completely switch up on what they already agreed to do. (This happened twice. One at the sit down meeting where Tommy revealed Spirit and the cabinet joined Tommy in his mocking, only to blame him for how the meeting ended. Twice at the exile). So when Tubbo had to follow the original plan to, you know, make sure their country wasn’t put under lock and key until every citizen was eventually killed, his cabinet acted so shocked and betrayed and he was Schlatt and a dictator. It’s very true that he went against their plan (THAT THEY MADE FIVE MINUTES BEFOREHAND AFTER HAVING ALREADY AGREED TO THE FIRST PLAN FOR DAYS), but the way they treated him afterwards, as if he was a vile person for keeping his country safe, heavily impacted Tubbo’s mental state for a long time after. What I’m saying is Tubbo was set up to be the villain in that scenario, accidentally by his allies, and purposefully by Dream.

Tubbo was blamed for the destruction of L’manburg by Dream and a few others (also himself)

TUBBO IS CONSTANTLY BLAMED FOR THE BUTCHER ARMY ARC DESPITE IT BEING COMPLETELY THOUGHT OF AND LEAD BY QUACKITY (This is predominately fandom based).

The full blame for Tommy’s exile has rested on Tubbo (I will never forget Tommy calling him a monster), despite the fact he was manipulated and backed into a corner by Dream. Even when everyone has come to understand that Tommy was manipulated by Dream, the same doesn’t go for Tubbo and he’s hit with “imagine exiling your best friend” jokes many times.

Wilbur puts the decision of blowing people up at the festival on Tubbo’s shoulders, absolving him of the blame.

Schlatt made Tubbo tear down the L’manburg walls and the important signs so he could have to deal with the blame (though Quackity took the fall for this).

This is more theory based, but I fully believe Wilbur made Tubbo president right in front of Techno to egg him on to attack L’manburg. Since Tubbo would be the president, he would take the full brunt of Techno’s wrath (and he and Tommy did), and the destruction fell onto him.

So! With my text evidence we can see a recurring pattern in the way that Tubbo has been used by many people over the history of the server without much regard for his feelings. There are very few times when people besides Tommy ask how Tubbo feels about a situation, leaving him to his dark thoughts without anybody caring. Even during the Final Disc War, when Tubbo was literally moments from death, nobody asks how he is. Nobody (except Quackity once) checks up on him, and he builds up his community by himself. Until Ranboo came along, and I am not overexaggerating this, nobody was with Tubbo to support him. He had no support system and nobody cared. They just assume that he is always fine and if he wasn’t, it isn’t their place to intervene. Tubbo is just not respected, feared, or acknowledged unless he has someone by his side, or unless he’s doing something bad in which case he’s unhinged and evil and sure to have a villain arc.

This is just something to find interesting:

The only few characters Tubbo is actively involved with that hasn’t looked down on him as a sidekick or an object has been Foolish, Puffy, Ranboo and Technoblade. You could make an argument of how Technoblade referring to him as “government” could be dehumanizing but I don’t think I’ve actually seen him do that in character? I could be wrong though. Really, Technoblade takes him seriously, but way more seriously than c!Tubbo warrants. Like, he’s looking for a tyrant to beat up and Tubbo is literally just a guy with a lot of issues struggling to keep a handle on his cabinet, which I find funny. But, jokes aside, Technoblade saw Tubbo as a legitimate threat during his presidency and is respectfully cautious of him and his nukes presently, which is surprising to me. Ranboo adores Tubbo and all of his chaos that people are unaware of because they don’t get to know him well enough. Puffy just wants the best for all the kids of the server and knows how to be respectful of their feelings, and Foolish is respectful of Tubbo, if a bit annoyed and intimidated by him.

The point of this essay is just to show that there is a pattern to these things. This is how Tubbo is treated, this is why Tubbo is prepared to die for whatever because because he doesn’t feel he’s worth anything while alive, and this is why it’s frustrating to see characters call him a follower, pawn, or yes man. And here’s the thing: I DONT KNOW WHY THEY TREAT HIM LIKE THIS??? Why him? I can’t really find out why this started to happen.

To sum some things up, no I don’t think every character who treats him poorly is completely evil. Again, some of this seems to be subconscious, some of this could be argued to be OOC, I just wanted to bring this pattern to light.