#it was for the bit but i dont think its for the bit anymore I think im just proud of this now.
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trashydez Ā· 23 hours ago
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like a phoenix. (2.7k words)
what if phoenix- instead of being virtually indestructible, actually wasnt? what if he was actually incredibly prone to death, but he justā€¦ never stayed dead?
(trigger warning for a multitude of causes of deaths!! some in detail and some not. other twā€™s include implied suicide attempts, implied child neglect, derealisation and thinking one is already dead. be warned! take care of yourself!)
at 9, he wakes in his bed after having a high fever and his mom ships him off to school hours after it began. he finds it odd, because last heā€™d checked his temperature (that morning, when he told his mom he felt like he was going to die and his mom had left to go run errands, barely sparing him a glance), his temperature had been at 107 degrees farenheit. that was definitely high, but after he slipped into unconsciousness, writhing and restless and in a lot of pain, he woke up to his mother checking his temperature and saying he was fine to head off to school. he didnt feel fine, but his temperature had gone down significantly enough that his mother felt like he had no excuse not to go. hes glad he went to school though, even as he shivered, sneezed and sniffled, because there he found a friend in a boy with a funny bowtie and a heart made of gold.
he crunches and chokes on glass shards and poison but doesnt die. the doctors dont find anything wrong with him, aside from feeling a bit ill, so he goes back into the courtroom and dollie is convicted of murder. hes happy his roommate is away for some theatre troupe thing, because the sickness eventually catches up to him and he throws up shards of glass, acid and blood. it cuts into his throat and burns his eyes and he swears, he swears he dies right then and there, freezing and shaking and everything hurts. but when he wakes up hours later, the sun having set and the only light source in his dingy dormroom the moon outside, hes amazed to not feel sick anymore. but the puddle of sludge is drying beside his face and he considers himself lucky, or maybe unlucky, because unlike dahliaā€™s other victims, he actually lives to tell the tale.
phoenix arrives early to the office, having been in the public library nearby reading a book on reincarnation. he enters the office and promptly has his skull caved into his brain. he does not see his assailant, but when he wakes, theres an oddly dressed girl crying, crouched over his bossā€™ cold body. he doesnā€™t think about the drying blood in the back of his head, or how cold miaā€™s body is (and why he can even tell, considering the fact he has not touched her corpse) or the chapter in the book heā€™d been reading that talked about quantum immortalityā€” all he thinks of is proving maya feyā€™s innocence.
as it turns out, being constantly anxious and terrified of mortal peril actually has its perks. maybe the fact heā€™s a lawyer whose only ever dealt with homicide cases definitely wasnā€™t benefiting his mental wellbeing either. in any case, its that fear of literally everything and constant feeling of impending doom that makes his body react before his mind does. taser! danger! maya! so, he gets tasered. and it fucking HURTS, but he feels more relieved than frightened as the searing pain shoots through him, because heā€™d been able to push maya away before von karma got to them both. wasnt a symptom of death by electrocution an overwhelming feeling of helplessness and imminent death? maybe he was going crazy. when he comes back though, its to his head in the lap of a crying spirit medium, so maybe a psychotic break isnt too bad if it means everyone else gets to escape with no damage to their own psyche.
its only after she stops screaming in terror- oh my god, nicks a zombie!! kyahh!!!- and nearly beating him with her bulky magatama necklace, that she tells him what she saw. (ā€œlike, there was a sudden bright light and then i realised it was coming from you! but when i tried to touch your glowing skin,ā€ she says it like its the most absurd thing sheā€™d ever seen, which really said something considering the fact she was from a family of people who could channelthe dead ā€œit was HOT! like, japanifornia summer hot! blazing! i was only able to check your pulse after you cooled down a bitā€¦ā€). maybe its this that makes him less alarmed by the way his skin glowed in the dark of his trashed bedroom, after drinking himself to death following a certain phone call from a terribly sad, newly bossless detective. he doesnt think he can bear the taste alcohol ever again, after that.
maybe the number of times heā€™s died of blunt force trauma to the head should be a cause for concern, even more so when he wakes up without any of his memories. heā€™s terrified, and doesnt even knows who he is, until he does, and is able to prove maggey byrde innocent. fun times! he should probably watch out to make sure his next death wasnā€™t to the head, lest he be as mentally impaired as a number of people liked to say he wasā€¦ (and he should probably also be concerned by the fact he was already thinking of the next time heā€™d die, but ah well, blame it on the concussion).
as it turns out, getting whipped to death was not on his list of ways he thought heā€™d die next, but life liked to mess with him like that, it seemed. still, dragging his delirious self to the bathroom of his office to try and save the infected wounds from killing him wasnā€™t all that fun, and heā€™s immediately reminded of his first death, slow and painful, alone and scared of what came next. he feels bad for feeling relieved when maya shows up and screams upon seeing the state he and the bathroom (thatā€™d heā€™d accidentally trashed when his legs gave out after he opened the door, a number of bottles fallen to the floor beside him) were in. he stops her from calling the police- there was no point, he didnā€™t have much time left. but when she asks what she could do, he goes quiet. (ā€¦justā€¦ stay here? i dont- he coughs up a distinctly red shade of spit. maya makes a noise between a choked cry and a whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck. but phoenix was shivering worse now, and hugs himself tigher. i dont want to die alone.) so she stays with him, on the cold bathroom floor, as his labored breathing eventually slows. when he awakens, he finds maya asleep leaning against him, and promises to get her burgers as a thank you.
who knew death by a monkey throwing a giant bronze bust of max galactica at you could happen? at this point, heā€™s almost glad he was basically immortal, because there was no way in hell heā€™d allow his autopsy report to say ā€˜cause of death: monkey manslaughterā€™! edgeworth would laugh himself to tears if he saw! not that he could see. or cry, because he was dead. and not coming back. damn.
so edgeworth isnt dead! yippee? he thought it was his thing to get reanimated after death, not edgeworths. when he saw him, standing in the middle of the police department, alive and breathing and very much not dead, he nearly started laughing. he mustā€™ve finally gone insane! curse the amount of times heā€™d died of brain related injuries, not that he knew how many of them there were at this point. he might actually have laughed a bit, because pearls was looking at him like he was losing it (he was) but he couldnt really bring himself to care as he had more pressing issues at hand, like saving his best friend from a crazy serial killer holding her hostage, and punching his other best friend in the face for faking his own death (because really, dying was his thing! not edgeworths!). and if he pulls edgeworth into a hug immediately after, throwing caution in the wind (you only live once, right?), the warmth- a normal, human temperature, unlike his burning hot when he came back from death- is enough to stabilise his harried mind for just a moment, before he has to return to his guilty client and his hopeless situation.
by some crazy turn of events, he actually doesnt die from having boiling hot coffee thrown at his face. it burns, and maya screams when she sees the boils on his face after that first trial with godot, but after throwing a wet towel over his face and putting him in timeout on the sofa for 12-hours, the burns go away as if they were never there. he fell asleep at some point, and after alot of back and forth debate, they eventually came to the conclusion that 1. his body heat rising to burning levels when he dies must have caused his body has to grow immune to heat and 2. since sleep was like a ā€˜temporary deathā€™, a ā€˜temporary woundā€™ would just heal like it did when he died of normal wounds, right? he didnā€™t want to dwell on it too much, because maya was looking at him like she wanted to test that theory for real, so he quickly changes topics before things got out of hand.
so their theory on the immunity to heat thing was correct! ā€¦almost. larry had tried to stop him, but it was fire and he was basically immune to heat, right? nope! his skin burned and boiled but he didnā€™t die as he tried to run across the burning bridge. even so, nothing hurt more than falling through one of the burnt planks and slamming onto the surface of the freezing cold rushing stream below. luckily the death was near immediate, but unfortunately he came to while in the water still, so he swallowed a sizeable amount of water before paramedics arrived. he hears the doctors find his survival miraculous, despite the scorching hot fever he was now under. he blacks out again, and comes to in the hospital, feeling absolutely terrible.
the horribleness feels familiar though, and when edgeworth walks in, he realises what it must be, when the man presses the back of his hand to his temple and quickly pulls his hand away as if burned. (oh. he thinks, tearing up despite himself. it must be the fever. iā€™m going to die like this again.) his internal monologue mustā€™ve been external though, because edgeworth balks (ā€˜again?!ā€™). but phoenix was crying in hiccups and sobs, feeling terrible and like he was nine years old again, wishing his mother were there to nurse him back to health like sheā€™d never done before. he faintly hears edgeworth sitting down on his bed and reaches out, gripping the mans waist like it was a lifeline. in a sense, it was. ā€œdonā€™t go.ā€ he whispers, gripping the man tighter like heā€™d disappear into thin air (again). ā€œplease, please donā€™t go.ā€ in his delirium, he nearly wails in despair when he feels edgeworth move, but he was only moving to readjust himself so heā€™s lying next to him, their bodies so close that it must burn, but the only sign edgeworth shows that heā€™s in pain is a wince and the crease of his brow. he allows himself to be cried on, curling a protective arm over phoenixā€™s burning body. ā€œi- i dont know whatā€™s going on, wright, but iā€™m not, iā€™m not going anywhere, okay?ā€ he seems to be attempting exasperation, but it comes out terrified and concerned, but phoenix is fading quickly, so it might just be his waning mind making up things that donā€™t exist. ā€œi am terrified. your body is life threateningly hot andā€” wright? wright!ā€
he comes to with nurses surrounding him, and a distressed edgeworth swearing on his life that that man was dead, his body was seizing and on fire and- and his heart stopped beating! but phoenix couldnā€™t dwell on it, because the mention of fire immediately brought him back to why he was in the hospital at all. and plus, it gave him the chance to use his best friends sensitive treatment of him afterwards to convince him to play defense attorney, so that was nice. still, he feels like he dies when he finds out dahlia had actually been iris and that godot was actually his dead mentors apparently not dead boyfriend. oh, and he was also a murderer. he also feels like he dies when dahlia- actual, serial killer and dead by execution dahlia, was exorcised from mayaā€™s body. but that had more to do with his soul leaving his body in terror rather than actually dying, so that was a nice change of paceā€¦ probably.
later, heā€™d had to have a conversation with edgeworth to give him an explanation on just what the hell heā€™d witnessed in that hospital room. although, apparently his re-aliving symptoms mustā€™ve started becoming more dramatic, because miles describes it as his whole body glowing as bright as the sun, and then his eyes opening for a moment to reveal nothing but white, glowing eyeballs with no irises. phoenix has to convince him to still board his flight the day after, that he was okayā€¦ probably. maybe not safe, but definitely okay. (still, edgeworth stays the night at his, and they hold eachother close, basking in the shared warmth of two alive bodies in heat equilibrium, listening to eachothers breathing and rhythmic heartbeats, no signs of impending mortality in sight, save for, what did the french call it? la petite morte? most of all, phoenix basks in the promise miles makes to him. ā€œiā€™m not going anywhere,ā€ he repeats, over and over like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was phoenix. ā€œiā€™m not going anywhere, i promise.ā€)
and when he loses his badge, he thinks he really does die, permanent and definitively. he feels far away from his body when the forger is called to the witness stand. feels like a ghost when the council walks out the room and past him, making no eye contact and answering the unanswered question on the tip of his tongue. feels his life crumble to pieces when a blonde man with a pleasent, almost saintly smile gives him the most maddeningly sympathetic look and tells him he is sorry for his loss, as if there really was someone dead. only, the only one dead mustā€™ve been him, because there was no one else there who had just lost their life. he couldnā€™t even hear himself as he laughed, which turned into sobs, as he excused himself and fleed to his bicycle. not one pedestrian bats an eye at the state he is in, so he must really be a ghost, cycling past speeding cars and large trucks and buses as if it couldnā€™t kill him, because he wasnā€™t there, he was already dead. when he reaches his office, freezing and quiet and dreadfully void of any human life, he passes by the window his boss had died at and sees his reflection, unkempt and red faced and badgeless. he wants to scream, but he couldnā€™t because no one would hear a ghost scream, so instead he just sits down in the spot his mentor had lost her life in, and mourns.
when two weeks later a warm, incredible alive life falls into his hands in the shape of a little girl with a too big tophat and a joy for being alive that heā€™d lost years ago, well, maybe he is glad that he couldnā€™t die for real, if only to be able to wake up to that beaming grin as his little girl tries to pull her daddy out of bed because sheā€™d made breakfast, and it only smells burnt because of the magic something sheā€™d added as a special ingredient. he eats it, char and all, because he canā€™t taste the burnt-ness of it anyway, but he could taste the love and care put into it, and that was more than enough to take his mind away readying himself for his next death. instead, he thinks of his daughterā€™s next performance at the wonder bar, and their next trip to kurain, and milesā€™ next visit. for once, he thinks of living.
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mackmp3 Ā· 8 hours ago
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ā˜•how the writers delt with river song
SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP THEY DID MY GIRL SO DIRTY there are so many. good river song moments. and there are so manythat make me want to tear a strip off steven moffat like every goddamn episode with her they have to make some obnoxious sex joke or some Honey Im Home type shit & i understand this is like. A Moffat Theme & i dont always hate it but goddddd its so reductive like there is so much!!!! that could be done with her character !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that is overshadowed by haha what if she was sexy like STOPPPPPPPPPPPP.
like silence in the library was a really good character lead in & i like her!!! as a character !!!! even the overly flirtatiousness unfortunately that would work on me but even aside from that. she is a good character let down but the sheer pull-it-out-of-your-ass writing of her backstory. like?? she could regenerate cos she was conceived in the tardis okay thats really cool much weirder stuff has happened when it comes to tardises & making babies but then WE SeE THIS FOR LIKE. ONE OR TWO EPISODES BEFORE THEYRE LIKE WHOOPS THAT DOESNT WORK ACTUALLY COS SHE'S DEAD UHHH SHE BETTER UHMM IDK SAVE TH E DOCTOR OR SOMETHING WHATEVER> COS HER ENTIRE LIFE HAS TO REVOLVE AROUND HIM. HASHTAG MARRIAGE AMIRITE like even the fact that her entire life was shaped around him isnt a Bad Idea it just feels like no one considered the tragic impies (implications) of this, & simultaneously doing amy so dirty in the process as well like??? she loses baby mels & then discovers she was her (never previously mentioned) childhood friend but then she uhhhh dies & turns into this woman you already know and them????? barely eveer mention it again???? holy shit?????????????????????? amy & river is a freaking horror story but one that the writers seem imcapable of dealing with because sOMEONE is too busy making obnoxious jokes about married life
a lot of thsi is specific to the General Vibes of the eleven era stuff as well which was in general so so weird about women & while its not like twelve or any of teh other doctors are expemt from this eleven is a massive dick to people quite a bit & a lot of this falls on river b/c he is seemingly (iirc i havent seen some of this stuff for a while though it Haunts Me) almost careless? with her? like a sort of 'welllllll she's here now so it was all okay in the end :)' sort of attitude ignoring that she went through A Fuckton Of Stuff before she was even a concious human(mostly??) being
even the husbands of river song is tragically guilty of some of that stuff like. she's seen some wild shit & she should have known it was twelve wayyyyyy way way quicker. like i understand why she didnt for plot reasons but she is in fact very intellegent like. she's allowed to show that. unfortunatley sometimes women cant be smart & have their boobs out at that same time I GUESSSSSSSSS
also the nine & river audios from earlier this year? i really like archipelago i listened to that a couple of times & i thought it was really powerful but AGAIN the writers make river So Fucking Obsessed With Romance like. you'd let it go by that point. nine had literally just proved he's the most aro guy in the universe (good for him) and shes stillllllll flirting at him. which. imo she wouldnt do anymore because, shock horror, she does actually like him as a person & values his company and you would think you would be friends wit hthe guy YOU ARE GONG TO MARRY OR WHATEVER. NOT THAT THEIR MARRIAGE WAS PARTICULARLY ROMANTIC EITHERIM GONNA BE SO REAL. obviously sex is important to her & good for her but yikes. it doesnt need to be mentioned so often.
like its the whole 'inherent tragedy of waiting for a time traveller' stuff which i do eat up every time meeting her in silence of the library & knowong that there is so much more there - VERY COMPELLING !! really good character intro augahagaauuaajaaajahhahahahhhh but nooooo her Entire Fucking Goddman Life has to revolve around being manipulated & The Doctor AS WELL AS !! the completely uncalled for ohhhh im a PSYCHOPATH ( <- unfounded & demonstrably untrue lowkey this is saneism right. thats an ableism there yes? ) thing they alllwaysssss have her say like well!! shes not !! theres 'youre talking about commiting a murder'/'no im not, i'm actually commiting a murder' which i like & is funny & she would say that and then theres teh vauge oooohhhhh im so Freaky & I Have A Gun or whatevr like augsugsaihuahahaouoauauoouauoauoauoauuo
also twelve & river had freaky t4t bi4bi aroallo sex after the end of husbands of river song but no actual dw writer is enlightened enough to see that because they have to flatten her into The Doctors Wife & she would have had a far better dynamic with 12 than with 11 (not that i'm biased) i wish they got more time togetherrrrrrrrrrr also you should listen to the bekdel test (diary of river song audio with missy)
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zom61eboy Ā· 20 hours ago
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unpopular opinion but i dont think mike and dustin were completely in the wrong regarding lucas wanting to be popular. lucasā€™ feelings of not wanting to be bullied anymore were completely valid but we see even him realizing that it was a mistake to try and change himself in order to fit in with a group of people that would never truly accept him. should have dustin and mike tried to be a bit more supportive even if they thought lucas was making the wrong choice? yes but i get where theyre coming from.
also hot take but i dont think will would have gone to lucasā€™ game. i think he would have had a similar reaction to dustin and mike. that being said, i do like the headcanon that he would, its cute.
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dorkicon Ā· 2 days ago
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G1 Wheeljack for the character asks? šŸ„ŗ
Send Me a Character
And I will tell you my:
First impression
well i liked jacky from the outset i guess. sometimes its enough to just have a neat design
Impression now
still like him. i love how...utterly goofy he is. i dont really talk about it enough, but i think the voice work in g1 does a lot to add character, and wj is particularly memorable to me for whatever reason. thanks chris latta!
and...this is a bit silly, but i like that hes not a nerd HAHAH...like its cool that he can be a super genius or whatever and still be rough and tumble
Favorite moment
when he and ratchet invented the dinobots for like no reason. another thing that makes me laugh is when they made buster a robo suit in the comics and prime is like ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIIIIIINDS
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this is also a very funny bit of animation to me
Idea for a story
ok . hear me out.
"His knack for creating wild new gadgets has earned him a "mad scientist" reputation and their deadly effectiveness has earned him the respect of friends and enemies alike."
^quote via his transformers universe bio
so. theoretical team up episode scenario where he works together with the decepticon science division (shockwave and the constructicons?) and everyones like. trying to play it cool in front of this guy they all really respect HAHAHAH yknow. even though theyre big bad decepticons.
Unpopular opinion
i dont care about wheeljack/ratchet in a romantic sense. sorry
Favorite relationship
eheh. well um. i drew a bunch of shockwave/wheeljack on instagram a good while back. i think its a shame you dont really see it anymore...boss its a good crackship...
Favorite headcanon
i think his light up finials have a practical use. they light up whenever he speaks so...i imagine he could use them while hes working on his projects yknow. for extra light. i like to image he hums or something to keep them lit.
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hinamie Ā· 3 months ago
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morning glory
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cozylittleartblog Ā· 10 months ago
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the piece i made for the @stillalivezine back in 2021
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isjasz Ā· 1 year ago
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[Day 39]
"I keep getting this feather in my face"
For the people that didnt watch the vods/streams: scar kept saying this bc the feather on his hat kept falling over, so i thought itd be fun to link it to a past moment :) (Grian is trying to use the feather to make him sneeze HAHJAKAH) (maybe the reason his feather keep falling over is a curse its grian haunting him its- [car runs over]
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oneday-yourside Ā· 6 months ago
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Harry's world/Bad end
Inspired by Christina's world by Andrew Wyeth
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ratmans-notebooks Ā· 3 months ago
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"transmascs have to embrace their femininity its healthy" no we do notšŸ–¤ hope this helps
EDIT because this somehow got a bunch reblogs immediately. Im not trying to start shit or stir discourse this was a mild vent post made in 3 seconds and does not encompass the complete nuance of my feelings on the whole matter. so just keep that in mind
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st4rstudent Ā· 3 months ago
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bugthinker but I just did whatever to him
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bonus slop
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puppyeared Ā· 4 months ago
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learning abt friendship decay and "not reaching out to your friends for months at a time unprompted is not neurotypical behaviour" has me feeling a certain way
#experiencing some BIG FEELINGS OVER THIS REVELATION#listen i have never ever been bothered abt not seeing someone in a while or making time to talk to them bc in my mind its like not thst muc#time has passed. i mean it with every fibre of my being that when im like 'oh its ok even though we havent talked in a while and have our#own things going on it doesnt mean we're not friends anymore since we left things on a good note 8 months ago' i sincerely believe that#and for the longest time i just thought everybody makes peace with it at some point and not automatically assuming the other person doesnt#wanna talk to me anymore or smth. my longest lasting friendships are with ppl who work the same way i just thouhght that was normal#whatever organ everybody has that makes them reach out to their friends and plan hang outs i probably dont have it#i was already hesitant to ask out Alex bc i spend almost every waking hour doing smth that isnt talking to ppl unless they happen to be in#the vicinity. and at first it was bc i planned on making sure i had everything set up so i dont get stressed out and do it one at a time#but then i find out theres a friendship decay mechanic? and after dating and marrying someone you lose -10 friendship points for every#day u dont talk to them?? actually ive probably been losing friendship points this whole time without knowing bc of this?????#and i notice a lot of my own habits are also reflected in how i play bc ive been avoiding getting close to pierre and marnie since its more#of a professional relationship. like i know theyre npcs but im approaching it the way i would in real life its fucking nuts#i think its a little relieving im playing /as/ a character than myself bc as im playing im just making up little interactions in my head#than approaching things the way i would myself so it takes a bit of the stress off trying to put myself in there as a spectator. but well#being in a relationship demands a certain amount of energy even more so when theyre things that already take up energy on its own#like making time to talk to your partner and make sure they know theyre loved. i dont always have energy to put all my mental focus into it#and this is true for real life so im not really bothered by not dating anyone. but when its a game and i want my character to be with someo#and i know its fully optional and i know i could just apply the same logic to this i dont /want/ to. sometimes i want to experience#the same things other people do at least to a certain degree without the same emotional andmental stakes#no offense krobus#yapping#stardew#stardew valley#puppy plays sdv#sdv#this game has me by the ankles man
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boydykedevo Ā· 11 months ago
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Fuck it. Taako fancam.
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fatedroses Ā· 2 months ago
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Zenos viator Galvus and him trying to deal with actually feeling things for once (Even if he doesn't really understand how to handle the comfort he receives from others for it)
I am also giving this man a dad that actually cares, because this brainworm have gotten me and there is no saving me from them.
#ffxiv#sketch#zenos yae galvus#adventurer zenos#durante#zero#local man learns how to feel again... and is regretting it immensely-#as his old habits of ā€œignoreā€ or ā€œshut downā€ dont work that well anymore#because#at least from what I've personally looked into#unironically zenos' method of reaper contract was the smartest way to go about- he wouldnt have had the context that they used to be people#but I also write Zenos with the thought that he would abhor becoming anything like Varis-#and I dont think he'd like being directly responsible for turning another person into a weapon or a tool like how he was- intentional or no#and I think its just a neat point of tension between adventurer zenos and zero#and it just ends feeding into what I write one of his main hurdles being#his resignation that he may never change- or that he isnt worth compassion because of the circumstances he grew up in#and him being so ready to take blame and resign the possibility of apologizing because (given context) i dont doubt#that Varis had constantly blamed him for Carosa's death#and it also just gives me a bit of reasoning why him being called a monster (specifically thinking of the scene with Krile) sets him off#I also just like the idea of Durante taking him in as a hesitant mentor and accidently bonding with him- even beyond the theories I have#(and this is totally me being biased because I ADORE durante as a character)#but I think helping Zenos and the way Zenos and Wol would later interact with each other would give him a measure of peace#of being able to guide someone and be there for someone like it seemed golbez was for him#I also think zenos deserves at least one warm fatherly hug#and who better than the strange old ass voidsent who could honestly probably rotate him any moment his guard is down
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wirelessmousegirl Ā· 9 days ago
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I want to be an input device, designed to fit in someones hands, to yield effortlessly to there touch, to feel and register every impulse and intent, to be not a toy but a tool, to effortlessly melt into an extension of them, to be the conduit through which there wants and desires are realized and achieved.
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velvetsssapphic Ā· 5 months ago
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Me whenever this scene comes up
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robingivesmemagic Ā· 6 months ago
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random old red hood doodle from like. 2022
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