#it took me years to learn you are a product of your upbringing

[cree-n-jewish-thoughts]

I remember the first time I had to answer this to a client...

I really like this video.

[cetaitlaverite]

I feel like I need to play devil's advocate and defend Freddie. Daniel's death caused a massive traumatic shock to Freddie, and as she herself said, it broke something inside her. It’s very understandable why she wants to keep everyone she loves close to her; she doesn’t want to miss any moments with them, good or bad. Also, can you imagine what it must feel like to immigrate to a completely different country, a different continent? By ship, it takes days to arrive in New York, and that's if the weather is good. The first commercial flight from London to New York happened in the late 1950s. The main way of communicating was through letters, which took days to arrive. When Freddie felt homesick, she couldn’t just FaceTime her parents; she had to write a letter or maybe call, but it still wouldn’t be enough.

I know she has Rosie, but it's not the same. You can't tell me that when you have a really hard time, you don’t want your parents. When she has children, she would definitely want her mother (please don’t bring up her age; people want their parents close no matter how old they are. Parents give their children a type of comfort that no one else can). She will have Rosie’s family, but it’s still not the same.You can’t speak to your in law family the same way you speak to your, no matter how much you love them.

Is she spoiled and selfish? Yes, she is, especially when she asked Jen to come to New York because Jen has her own life and everyone she loves is in England. So why should she move to New York just because of Freddie? But Freddie asking her parents to move to New York is not completely unreasonable. Daniel died, and Rosie almost died. Those two instances almost shattered Freddie completely. You can’t call her selfish and spoiled when she wants her parents close to her after everything she has been through. Imagine something happens to your family, but when you learn about it, it’s too late to even say goodbye. Does she need a fresh start somewhere far away from all the horrible things she has been through? Yes, she does! But she is not unreasonable in asking her parents to come with her.

i absolutely get what you’re saying and i do agree with you, in the sense that if i didn’t think it made sense i wouldn’t have had freddie ask her parents to come at all!! it’s completely understandable to me that after her trauma she would want to keep her loved ones close - i wouldn’t have written her with separation anxiety if it wasn’t!!

when i say she’s selfish it’s less because she’s asking at all and more because she expects the answer to be yes. she tells rosie that her parents have no reason to stay in england if she’s not there because her british grandparents are dead, which is a very self-centred perspective to take on the matter. her father’s job is there and her parents have been there since since freddie was 14 - that’s 11 years at this point!! - not to mention it’s the city where they met and fell in love. so they absolutely do have reasons to stay in england even if freddie’s not there.

she’s a spoilt character, it’s a product of her upbringing and her experiences. do i think this makes her a bad person? absolutely not!! she has a good heart, and it’s important that she doesn’t truly understand how much she asks of those she loves because if she did she wouldn’t ask. and moving overseas is a huge deal!! it’ll be such a huge upheaval for her!! but that’s why she shouldn’t expect everyone she loves to do it with her. she can ask, but the main thing that makes her spoiled is that she expects it. when her mother first says no her first instinct is to accuse her of not wanting to have freddie around instead of to understand why she might not want to follow her.

i can understand where you’re coming from with this, though!! and it genuinely makes me so happy you wanted to come and defend freddie - she’s my baby and i’m so glad you love her as much as i do!!! but ultimately we can love her and empathise with her and understand why she does the things she does without always having to agree with them. it’s understandable that she wants her family close to her, after everything, but she can’t demand it of them. the same way rosie had to let freddie make the choice for herself whether she wanted to follow him to america, freddie has to let her parents decide, too.

[cynical-sprite]

Billy Russo deserved better

Hear me out,

I don't condone the things Billy Russo has done, but I do understand why he did them.

Some people say Billy Russo was an evil person and such, but I don't really think that's true. Billy wasn't evil, I don't really think he was really "bad" as much as messed up and deeply traumatized. He's a product of what life made him, as the saying goes, "a product of the system", and it's sad. Maybe I'm in the minority here, but I honestly do feel sorry for Billy.

He came from a broken home; his own mother abandoned him, left him on the doorstep of a firehouse. Imagine the trauma of growing up with the fact that your own mother didn't want you. The line "I would have given you anything you ever wanted, if you'd only wanted me." when he was talking to his mother broke my heart.

On top of that, because his own mother didn't want him, he grew up in group homes, at one of which an adult he and the other kids trusted attempted to molest him. The only reason he wasn't successful was because Billy, an eleven year old kid, fought back, and even then, the guy got mad and broke his rotator cuff in three places! This is an eleven year old kid we're talking about! Can you imagine the trauma that comes with something like that?!

Then, add to that, all the trauma he endured while in the military and PTSD he likely experienced. I truly believe that was a huge part of where his "all that matters is whether you win or lose" mentality comes from. He was conditioned to believe such, and as someone who grew up learning no virtues or sense of morality (because where would he learn these things from), it was the only real virtue he took to heart, even just in life, after he left the service.

Billy is most likely a sociopath. He exhibits most of the signs/symptoms. This was most likely a product of his upbringing (or lack thereof) and the traumatic events he's endured in his life. He's not evil; he is a mentally ill individual who never received the help he needed.

-Sociopaths do not have a fully functional conscience and tend to be manipulative, exploitative, or even abusive towards other people. Other sociopathic traits include charm, impulsiveness, poor emotional control, and a tendency to behave in illegal, immoral, or violent ways

-Sociopathic traits & characteristics:

•Limited ability to empathize with others

•Limited conscience or remorse for actions

•Few close bonds and relationships

•Emotionally reactive and easily angered

•Reckless or impulsive decision making

•Willing to harm/use others for personal gain

•More prone towards exploitation

An important thing to remember; he served with Frank and was best friends with Frank and his family for a long time, 8 years, according to Frank, and during that time, even in being a sociopath, he lived a fairly "normal" life. As in, he didn't go out committing crimes and killing people. It wasn't until he met Agent Orange, who took advantage of him, that he started doing those things, and only because Orange essentially forced him to.

Billy was a broken, traumatized individual, and William Rawlins aka Agent Orange knew exactly how to prey on that. If anyone was true evil, it was Orange. He promised Billy everything he ever wanted, money, power, the ability to be someone, something that would appeal to someone who literally came from nothing. And once Orange trapped him with that, he had him under his thumb; he was (reluctantly) forced to do his bidding. When he told Billy he was just a tool for him to use, he was sadly correct. Unfortunately, Billy was in much too deep to get out by the time he realized it.

I believe Billy truly did care for Frank, more than he cared for anyone else in his life. When he says Frank was 'the only real friend he ever had', he's telling the absolute truth. You can tell, even now, that he still cares for Frank. But it all boils down to the fact that Billy is a sociopath; sociopaths have limited ability to empathize with others, limited conscience or remorse for their actions, and prone to exploiting others. In other words, no matter how much he cared for Frank, he was always going to look out for himself above all else. That doesn't, however, mean that he doesn't care for Frank, as much as he's capable of, of course. Because he does. In his life, if anything has been ingrained in Billy's mind through his life experiences is to look after himself above all else because he's learned the hard way that no one else is going to.

Remember also that Billy has been told by Rawlins and Schoonover that Frank was the source of the leak, his best friend, his brother, Frank Castle. He never got the chance to find out otherwise. He would most certainly see this as an act of betrayal from someone he trusted, just like when he was a kid, and an adult he trusted betrayed his trust by attempting to molest him. He was hurt because he thought Frank betrayed him. Frank never even attempted to tell him otherwise, like he did with Gunner. And, even then, thinking Frank betrayed him, he still refused to have anything to do with murdering his family.

The thing that bothers me the most is that Billy could have had a chance at redemption. When he finally realized just how unhinged Rawlins really was, he finally did the right thing by cutting Frank's bindings so that he could get free and kill Rawlins. This act could have marked the start of redemption for Billy, but no. I get that Frank was angry about his family, but he could have taken this into consideration, that, had Billy not done that, he'd still have been strapped to a chair being tortured by Rawlins, that Billy did side with him in the end. I mean, he knows Billy's past, that he has to be fucked up from all of that. This is someone he was friends with for years; he could have cut him some slack. But, no, he goes after him anyway.

I'm not even going to get into what they did to him in season 2 where his therapist, his doctor, who was supposed to be helping him, manipulated him even further.

[captainkurosolaire]

Hmm I dunno if this was asked before, but if Kuro wasn’t a pirate, what would his life path be like? 🤔

🤔 A puzzling question indeed, but most likely probably would resort to remaining a courtesan or entertainer still came up from Pearl Lane and his experience and actual upbringing is depicted in the version of Balmung's Quicksands... So we all know most likely would still be quite unruly and nothing too clean, maybe a ministerial. Without piracy and getting the right people to raise and teach him how to fight back, though he'd be in worst condition; The seas, many things that came to being a pirate, saved his life, outside all the scars, physically, mentally, everything carried a purpose and built him.

Would've most likely lost his only value and family keepsake, compass though from his mugging early days and that would've really left him blank without the aid of pirate's saving him. That one little string if pulled, could change everything. These are stuff I haven't lost an entire thought of. Especially with shards and alternative realities in theory, potentially, or relic's and things, always something I could probably find a way to weasel a story-line out of with that being a starting anchor. Let's see though... If he lost his compass after that, I could see him go different routes. Either he'd become a thief and follow the footsteps of what took from him in-order to get back what was his only thing of redeemable value. He'd forget it entirely, and remain in low-poverty in the slums and do the most he could there. Picking up refugee work. But without an outside addition, or someone else, I don't think he could of became or did anything remotely on his own. He'd most likely be dead unfortunately. That keepsake he even offered to give to the pirate's who saved him just so he could see and unlock more in the world. Because being stuck with the Brass Blades and Orphanage that you're unwanted even by guardianship, and nobody is your friend, and everyone sees you problematic, he already had a lot going against him. ---- Bonus ---- I created him to be very much a product of an environment type character. What is exposed too is most likely what will either destroy or make him. While being so open-minded and knowing he could blend with anyone's RP style and eventually, mesh into their setting. He's a character with a lot of attributes outside myself, but like this one year challenge, I like putting myself against things outside my comfort, it's where I thrive, the more pressure the better, despite it eventually being my downfall. X_X Lot of people have contributed and turned him into everything and became his empowerment, allowed him to survive and live through many difficulties that are very realistic, to the point he can write his own story if really wanted. I just keep trying to crush him all the time, between me as the Author, and him as the creator, I'm his grandest enemy. I don't like seeing him succeed, but his own personality and traits, charisma, energy, everything he became, had garnered the right people into his atmosphere, and if I squash it all seamlessly for no reason, it really disservices at this point the 7+ years of people, I used to RP hard when things were relatively fresh. And although I don't necessary like him, I still will support his existence and creation. He's a life too, anything outside that I've always fought for what he's done and experienced, why I don't retcon, I don't do anything that would take away, if I do anything that doesn't do him quite the representation, I still carry and just mold it over and make things more detailed. Truthfully there's some stuff though playing that character has brought a lot out of me and awakened stuff and made me even become a better person all-around by learning his mentality.

I've lot of antagonists that are also main characters and in my setting so there's going to be things that just seek to crush him. There's going to be days, he's going to crush them and overcome. Because quintessentially due to being a pirate, one who's had to overcome and learn the weathers, and as that being his tutor, and guide, make no mistake about it, even though he views himself unintelligent and carries himself like a brutish pirate merely, he's quite philosophical. So despite piracy being a thing that brought him many curses, that have folded him quite literally (Black Cat). xD It's been his absolute blessing and calling.

[strawberrystarcake]

brotherhood - c!crimeboys

summary: What do you do when a dead man comes to life?

tws: death, loss, blood, betrayal, war, murder, implied arson, nightmares, mention of hell

⁕ dsmp masterlist ⁕

Here is the thing: you know loss.

You aren’t a child anymore, although you are not old enough to be an adult and you still cry for parents who don’t exist. Oftentimes you think that you are something caught in between- a child forced to get older, an adult forced to stay young. You know loss because you lost your innocence to years of war and betrayal, fighting for a country that was always a tragedy by fate.

You know loss. You know it all too well, but you do not know this strange practice of return. The gods are regurgitating what they have taken from you- they must have decided, then, that they did not want it after all. But it has already been digested, and it leaves a sour taste in your mouth. You don’t know if you want it now either.

Your brother is dead, and he stands in front of you. Does that make him any more alive? Does that make him real? Or did they return to you a husk of the man who raised you, something to tide you over until they took you from the world too?

He looks at you and you hardly recognize him, or so you tell yourself. The truth is that you always will. You cannot see a villain in his sunken eyes; only a brother that you watched deteriorate. Only a brother that you lost.

“Did you miss me?” he says in greeting. His voice is rough from disuse, from overuse.

You think to yourself: well, did I?

You think to yourself: when I look in the mirror, I see you. It scares me how all I have left of you is myself.

You think to yourself: I missed you more than either of us will ever know.

And of course you don’t tell him any of that, because by now you have learned to keep quiet when it matters. Vulnerability has become something so dangerous you’re afraid of it, and you do not trust this version of your brother one bit.

(It doesn’t matter. You would follow him into hell and you know it.)

So you look him in the eyes and greet him hello, though you don’t think you ever really said goodbye. You don’t answer his question. He says nothing about it, you say nothing about it. There is so much that needs to be said, but neither of you can form the words. They lie at the forefront of your mind but you cannot grasp them, cannot string together a sentence that sounds right. Your brother’s eloquence has faded with death.

So you don’t talk. Not about the important things. You insult his appearance and he tells you you’ve grown, and you both bite your tongue on the truth.

.

.

.

By now, loss feels less like a world-shattering tragedy and more like an old acquaintance. It’s morbidly familiar more than anything- something you hate, something whose absence puts you on edge. You hate the sense of normalcy it brings. You hate how it makes you feel safe.

See, in the end, you are simply a product of your upbringing- raised on blood-watered grain and weaned on violence. No matter how much you might despise it, this war-torn wasteland has become a cruel sort of dwelling place to you. You lose and you lose and you lose and you can’t bring yourself to leave.

Your home was blown to pieces, once upon a time. In the rubble, you had found your brother’s corpse.

It had taken a while for the reality to set in, and perhaps that was expected. What brother immediately accepts the death of his own? What citizen immediately accepts the destruction of the country he had loved? But the truth of the matter is this: you’ve never been able to hide from fate. Loss came to visit you then as it so often does and it took with it things you thought you would never get back.

Did you cry, child of war? When you mourned, little soldier, did you mourn for him or for his façade, the image of him that caught fire in the explosions? Did you mourn for your countrymen or for yourself? Did you mourn for the land or the memories?

Now, your brother stands in front of you, lost no longer. You try to hide the way your body trembles, but he knows you too well for that. He is your brother, still, but you keep your distance and you don’t reach for his hand.

Perhaps in a different world, you would know how to trust him again. Perhaps in a different world, he would have stayed dead. Perhaps in a different world, you would have learned to move on.

(Perhaps in a different world, he never would have died at all.)

.

.

.

Funerals, you reflect, have become something of a family affair.

Perhaps they always were, but the definition of family has blurred and been rewritten so many times since you arrived on this world that you can’t really tell. And anyways, you’ve only been to a few funerals. You’ve lost so much, and so little gets laid to rest. It’s ironic in a way that makes you want to cry.

At the next funeral you go to, you sit beside your dead brother in the chapel you helped build and try not to watch your best friend grieve. Your eldest brother who doesn’t consider you a brother anymore is leaning over the casket and you didn’t even realize he knew your best friend’s husband, but you’re glad that he has people to mourn him. You’re glad that your eldest brother is capable of mourning someone. You know he never would have mourned you.

(That’s not true, a little voice in the back of your head whispers. Not never. He loved you once.)

(But I lost that too, didn’t I? you say.)

(The little voice does not reply. Another thing lost. You try not to think about it too hard.)

“Were you close to him?” your dead brother asks, as if you were strangers. You suppose that in a way, you are.

And you think to yourself: well, was I?

You think to yourself: those flowers on the casket are not alliums. He would have wanted alliums.

You think to yourself: funerals are a family affair.

To your brother, you say: “Were you?”

He considers it for a moment, rolling the question around in his mind. He tilts his head towards the ceiling of the chapel and distantly, you wonder if he likes the paintings.

“Well, you saw us,” he finally replies, looking back at you. “I wouldn’t expect him to trust me very much after all that.”

It takes you a second to realize what he means, and when you do you are momentarily filled with—something. Something white hot, something sharp, something that singes the edges of your soul. Anger, perhaps. Your brother is partly the reason the man in the casket is dead. Another thing that you can never forgive him for.

You manage to stamp out the fire before it burns you, before it burns him, and the next thing you realize is that he never answered your question.

You study at his face; his sullen eyes that you have lost the ability to read. Trust is not love, you almost tell him. Not really. If it was, then I would hate you.

(And that’s the problem, isn’t it? You could never hate your brother.

But he destroyed your home, you think to yourself. The home that he built for you.)

.

.

.

Funerals are a family affair, but mourning is something best done in solitude.

You know loss, and so you know this: your grief is quiet, unobtrusive. It’s invisible beside your explosive anger and your loud, colorful joy. People learn to ignore it. You learn to bear the dull ache alone.

At the dead man’s funeral, you don’t shed a tear. You stare solemnly at the casket- expensive, like the corpse. Expensive, like his life. Expensive, like his death. You wonder whether or not your best friend will have the same thing when he dies. You wonder whether you will.

You think to yourself: yes.

You think to yourself: no.

You think to yourself: pity the dead with no tomb to call home. Pity the dead trapped in gold.

The funeral passes without incident, and you leave just as the moon arrives.

Your best friend sees you out at the door like he always used to do- arms wrapped around your torso, standing on his toes to press his chin into the hollow of your neck. Neither of you say a word. He stares blankly into the arctic landscape and you leave him to his widower’s grief.

That night, you dream of better days.

.

.

.

The person you were all those years ago is a stranger.

You watch him on the dance floor and you nearly forget that you were him, once upon a time. He is younger and happier and he knows how to smile, how to laugh, how to live. You raise your hand to your cheek and wonder at what point you forgot.

He twirls a younger version of your best friend around and- well, for the most part, he fails. They collapse in a graceless heap on the dirt floor- you always took it for what it was, you remember. These tin walls that became unbearable in the summer, these oak tables kept meticulously clean to atone for their creaking limbs, these cotton bedsheets streaked with dried blood that could never quite be scrubbed away. It wasn’t opulent, but it was home, and you loved it more than you will ever be able to admit.

Your best friend pulls him close and whispers something in his ear that makes him erupt into raucous laughter, and you wish you can remember what it was.

.

.

.

You wander outside the camper van and your brother is sitting with his back to you, alive because he is a dream. This version of him does not know death in all its finality.

Leaning on his shoulder is the traitor.

Perhaps it is the residual fear that still curdles in your belly when you see her regal face, perhaps it is the sight of him, alive and yet intangible, perhaps for a second you thought you could save your brother from his fate. Either way, your heart seizes and you try to shove her away-

-your arms pass straight through her, and the traitor hardly shivers.

You look at your hands. Poor little dreamer, unable to change the past. The gods only grant you what they wish.

“What will we do?” your brother asks quietly, tiredly.

“Something. We’ll do something. It’ll be okay,” the traitor says, looking anywhere but at your brother. “I promise.”

You think to yourself: well, does she?

You think to yourself: they say that when one promises something, they must look their companion in the eye.

You think to yourself: I wonder why we believed her lies.

(The turning point: death. Each time, you lose more than just a life.)

(Trust.)

(Pride.)

(Autonomy.)

(The next time you die, you hope you stay dead. The only thing you have left to lose is yourself.)

.

.

.

But then there is your brother. Your brother who gave you a home, your brother who took it away. The brother you do not trust, the brother who you love.

What would happen, you think, if I were to lose him too?

And there’s a question you can answer. Because you have lost him, once and twice and three times. You’re familiar with the potent grief that comes with the loss of a brother.

Will death take him again when his borrowed time is up? Will she take you too? Two brothers, a matching set of dead men walking. You wonder if she will separate you in the endless expanse of her realm, condemned to an eternity of silence as compensation for the countless sins you have committed between yourselves.

There are worse fates, you think to yourself, and you turn your back to the memory of your brother.

.

.

.

You wake up to a silent van and a starry night, and you wonder if you had woken up at all. But your best friend is not curled beside you, and the wind does not carry your brother’s voice in from the glade. The tin roof hits your head as you get up.

Your brother is there when you step outside, sitting under the old oak directly across from the van door. His favourite spot.

“Hello,” he says. “It’s midnight. Why are you awake?”

“I could say the same,” you reply mirthlessly, sagging down on the grass beside him.

He shrugs, head tilted heavenward. “Nightmares will do that to a man.”

You give a noncommittal hum, but here is what you want to say: I know.

You know. He knows you know, because there has been many a time he’s had to wake you from agonized slumber.

Your brother is many things, but most importantly- he is alive. He is not the ghost of himself that did not remember wartime. You don’t know what this version sees when he looks at you, but you think that perhaps he only sees blood on an oversized coat, a bandanna stained with grime. A soldier boy killed time and time again.

You think to yourself: What do you see when you close your eyes? Do the same things that haunt me haunt you? Do you see-

a trusted ally with your blood on her hands,

a tyrant towering above our country on a podium we built with our own sweat and tears,

a brother’s axe coming down on the dirt, a centimeter from my best friend’s head,

a father leaning over a pool of blood,

a plume of smoke curling from the ashes of what was once a sturdy tree,

a man who never stops smiling, who once called me a friend,

and the unforgiving pits of hell?

You think to yourself: do you see something else? What happened behind closed doors that you never let any of us see?

You think to yourself: maybe one day, you’ll tell me.

And maybe one day, you will learn to trust him again.

taglist: @chaotic-queer-disaster @double-cross-my-mind @crystalias @astralrunic @abysslll @miirorange

[absolutelyfizzing]

I’m sorry, m’ love 

Professor Remus x Muggle!Reader (gn)

requested by @lehuntsworld- professor!Remus lupin with a reader that has tics and just kinda how they go throughout their regular days, and maybe a scene where the reader is tic-ing a ton and is super exhausted with it, but obviously can't stop. gender neutral reader.

Warning - unbearable fluff. not super accurate to the timeline. frustration and tiredness

Word count - 1600 ish?

A/N -  This takes place in the year that Remus teaches at Hogwarts but without much of the dark horrifying parts of the year. I made this romantic, wasn't sure if that was the intention from the request! it also wasn't a part of the request but I made this a Muggle reader! let me know if I should include a warning because I know focusing on tics can make them worse! This is based off of someone I know that has tics and their frustrations, I'm sure that they vary by person and if this feels really wrong or uneducated or anything, let me know.

MASTERLIST

You were thrilled Remus was back from Hogwarts, he had decided to spend winter break home so that he could spend time with you. He knew that it was hard on you for him to be away teaching during the year, only getting short visits and letters instead of having him home. It was hard on him too and he missed you especially during the full moons. He had also heard through your letters that your work had been rather hard in recent days. Your workload increased and you had to work unpaid overtime. You weren't having a great time with your coworkers and you really just missed Remus.

Thats why you were so thrilled that he would be home during winter break, even if you didn't have it off with him. It was the 2 weeks surrounding Christmas so there would eventually be a few days when neither of you were working. Today, however, was not one of those days. It was early in Remus' stay and you were sad to leave him for work, already anticipating a rough day ahead. Still, you savored the morning. You had tics, mostly just motor and there were specific ones that persisted. At any time in the day you might be twitching your nose, jerking your head, or blinking more often than you needed to. These would start in the morning but in ways that didn't bother you too much. It was just a part of your life and it had been for a long time. Recently though, with the increase of stress at work, they had gotten a bit worse.

Remus was the greatest with your tics. He knew not to mention them unless you wanted to talk about them and to try to help you relax when they got worse. You sipped on you tea, your nose scrunching up uncontrollably occasionally but nothing you couldn't deal with. You were moderately relaxed and not too stressed so they weren't bothering you too much. Remus sat on the counter across the kitchen from you and he smiled lovingly at you from there. You were catching each other up on any new updates within the order or about Hogwarts.

"Well, I should tell you that Fred and George have started to develop some pranking products." Remus muttered and you chuckled lightly.

"They are hilarious, I'm sure?" you questioned and Remus rolled his eyes but you could see the smirk still on his face.

"I suppose they would be funny to some but they are often not as fun for the victim." Remus spoke firmly but you could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"What do they do?"

"The newest one is a chewing gum that makes the chewer's words come out in a different language." He said and you both stayed silent for a moment before bursting out into laughter. Your eyes were watering and you nearly spilled your tea.

"Oh, I cant wait to see them use some of those." you laughed genuinely. You thought the twins had real promise in their inventions and you were excited to see what they would pull off in the future. You loved everyone in the order and you were fascinated by every witch or wizard you met. You were a muggle, as Remus would say, and you couldn't get enough of every part of the wizarding world that you could get your hands on. You were especially close with Arthur Weasley who loved to quiz you on your world and upbringing and was perfectly happy to answer the multitude of questions that you had right back.

Remus loved that you got along with the people he knew, they were very important to him but so were you. He often let you know how lucky he felt to have met someone as understanding and caring as you were. You had no issue with Remus' condition either, taking it all in stride.  

A glance at the clock on your kitchen wall let you know that you had to leave for work, your head jerked to the side quickly and you winced a bit at the pang that went through your neck for a moment. With a kiss goodbye to Remus and a final gulp of your tea you were out the door, hoping for a smooth day considering the great morning you had just had.  

You were, unfortunately, not given the joy of an easy day. Instead your day was filled with snide remarks from coworkers, extra work you would have to take home, and a notice that your request for a raise was not approved. You went home that night feeling defeated and it showed in your body. The stress of having this work to do once you reached the house had escalated your tics, your eyes now blinking largely and it bothered you. Your neck was slightly sore from the way that it had been getting jerked around today and your nose was even a bit irritated from how many times you had involuntarily scrunched it up.

As soon as you entered your home, Remus could tell that your day had not gone as well as you would have hoped.

"What do you need?" he just questioned quietly and sweetly, coming up to you and removing your coat while kissing your cheek.

"Could you make dinner and maybe make me tea, please?" You asked, you had learned that Remus actually enjoying doing things for you when you didn't feel well because it gave him something to do. It also made him feel better about all of the times that you had had to take care of him after full moons.

"Of course, darling." He muttered and kissed the top of your head before heading into the kitchen to get started on your tea and you moved toward the living room to get started on the work that you would have to do tonight. Just the thought stressed you out and you knew it was going to be a long one.

Nearly two hours later you were surrounded by warm light, a blanket on your shoulders, and tea in front of you that Remus continuously was refilling with more hot water. You were getting increasingly frustrated by the work that sat in front of you and your tics were really starting to bother you. Remus was sitting nearby reading, keeping a watchful eye on you in case he needed to take care of anything. He could tell you were exhausted and he wanted to make it better however he could. He thought you might even get done soon, the pile of paper in front of you dwindling, but he knew you were about ready to quit working for the night.

Your nose would not stop twitching and your neck HURT from the way it had been twisted during the day and through the evening. Thinking about it only made it worse and soon you could feel tears prick your eyes and you tried desperately to will yourself to stop. You'd tried this many times in your life but it had never once worked.

Remus caught on that you were about to break so he stood quickly and walked over to where you sat. He pulled out your chair and crouched in front of you, noting the tears threatening to fall from your watery eyes.

"Hey, love. Can I get you over to the couch?" He asked lightly and you nodded sadly. Remus knew that sometimes walking in a straight became more difficult when you couldn't keep your head looking forward so he gently helped you stand and led you over to your large couch. He sat first and then pulled you down to where you were sitting in between his legs. He held you around your waist and you curled into him, allowing enough space for your head to move freely so you didn't hurt it more. Your eyes hurt from how hard you were blinking and there were now a few tears streaming down your face.

"I just want it to stop long enough for me to get my work done." You whispered and Remus hummed behind you.

"I'm sorry, m' love. I know it must be frustrating" he mumbled. You had told him once that you didn't like when people tried to give you advice bout it. It wasn't something that you had any real control over and people trying to fix your tics made you feel like there was something wrong with you. There wasn't, it was just a little extra tiring and frustrating during your day. You took some deep breaths and relaxed into the calm man beneath you.

After what you guessed to be about 15 minutes your tics had slightly lessened and Remus was still calmly rubbing your back in soothing circles. You sighed in slight relief that your head was no longer getting jerked to the side and you were blinking normally. You turned your body so you were facing Remus and your moved to bury your face in his chest.

"I love you." He heard you say, the words sounding muffled from how hard your face was pressed against his chest. He chuckled a bit and just kissed the top of your head.

"I love you too."

[rebellionbeach]

The Usami brothers and whole family as a whole are really interesting characters.  Due mostly by the fact of how different Haruhiko and Akihiko are yet similar in many ways as well.  Let’s start with rabbit boy.

Not only is this man extremely sexy but he’s also one of the most popular novelists in Japan believe it or not (not in real life guys)  Akihiko is the presumably biological son of Natsuko and Fuyuhiko and younger brother of Haruhiko Usami.  Growing up, he had always yearned for the attention of his parents, wanting to impress them and make them happy.  Haruhiko had actually been introduced to the Usami household at the age of 12 so Akihiko was 10 at the time and significant development seemed to grow from this change.  As shown from volume 21, everyone had been cheering Akihiko on as the legitimate heir of the Usami family meaning to take over the family business however he had never gotten this support from his parents before.  As a young child he had believed that if he just tried harder and became good at everything, then his parents would finally recognize him.  However, this wasn’t the case unfortunately as shown in the same volume once a young Akihiko came home from school gaining full marks on a test, eager to show his father when he caught him telling Haruhiko that he truly intended to make him the heir of the family business.  This impact was further felt once his mother, who had also witnessed this, declared that she should have never bore Fuyuhiko’s child which in the eyes of a young child must have been completely shattering.  An important seed was planted however and I believe that it was at this moment that Akihiko had started to evolve into the person he is today.  He poured all his emotion, pain, loss, suffering into his notebooks, his stories, proclaiming it to be his entire world.  Overtime we see that Akihiko grows to be very adept at the talent, being one of the top-selling authors from debut which occurred while still in high school and becoming a full-fledged novelist.  Doing this, he completely rejected his family and any connections he might have had to take over the business.  

Looking as Akihiko today it is very clear the type of individual he is, independent and self-serving, he’s his own boss and does only the things he wants to do.  From the first episode of season 2 we see this as there is a key event that takes place between the two Usami brothers in which a confrontation between two escalates into a full-out argument over Akihiko coming back to, as I assume, take over the lead of the Usami company and or serve there.  I will note later on Haruhiko’s tone and content of his language but it’s Akihiko’s response which truly stuck out to me as he stated that he had no inclination of going back to that house and if that Haruhiko truly didn’t like being there then why doesn’t he just leave as well.

This point may seem entirely irrelevant but I actually believe it highlights an essential part of Akihiko’s character that not only serves as his strength but also a blind spot in that of his independence.  Akihiko is the type of person who is able to do the things he’d like to do and encourages the people he cares about, basically Misaki, to do the same such as in episode 2 of season 3 where he is actually the one who encourages Misaki to enter into Marukawa after Misaki dismisses those thoughts as just a fantasy.  This is a thing for his relationship with Misaki as he allows the man a different perspective and in a way allows him, or at least encourages him, to be more selfish.  However this can also be seen as a flaw of his character as it can be interpreted that the only reason he has this lax and independent personality in the first place is because of his more well-off family and the fact that he’d had connections from the start.  In all honestly though, this part of Usagi-san’s personality is one of the main reasons why I actually enjoy his character, along with his thoughtful nature, as I believe that it’s a pretty unique and well-suited trait.

Let’s get into Harry Potter or the eldest brother of the Usami residence, Haruhiko.  Haruhiko isn’t Akihiko’s direct brother as stated before but rather a product of an affair that Fuyuhiko had with his mother.  For the first 12 years of his life, Haruhiko had actually been raised by his single-mother whom he loved very much.  During these times he had been seen to be much more happy despite living in poorer circumstances.  This is a large aspect that is pretty big onto why he is the way he is today.  After his mother tragically passing on, Fuyuhiko took him into to live in the Usami residence.  Now this in itself is absolutely devastating, living with a father-figure that had never truly been there for you with a new mother-in-law that despises your every existence because you’re the proof of the infidelities of her marriage and a new younger brother who seemed lifeless from the rest of this.  Top it all off with the devastation from losing the only person you truly loved and was there for you and damn I’m surprised that Haruhiko didn’t full out lose it.  

Now going back to the scene originally discussed with Akihiko’s backstory, let us switch perspective onto Haruhiko during this situation.  Your new dad just stated that the person he had truly loved in his lifetime was your dead mother and that he intended to make you, a 12 year old child, the heir of their family company that you had just learned about.  Not only this but everyone around you is your enemy as shown through all the people cheering on Akihiko to become the true heir and saying that Haruhiko stole his position.  There is basically no one there to support you, similar to Akihiko, and unlike Akihiko he actually was not used to this new circumstance making the situation even worse. 

I’d like to discuss the scene stated before during episode 1 of season 2.  Here, Haruhiko is visibly angry as Akihiko’s lack of care for his role in the Usami residence.  This is something we’ve never actually gotten to see ever since with Haruhiko barely showing any emotion at all.  However, if you take in the full context of his upbringing and circumstance to that point, you can see a fuller picture of what the man has gone through to become the stoic chosen one we know today.  Akihiko, after being hoisted by Isaka to finally start publishing his works, his entire being, finally achieved success independent from the Usami residence, marking himself finally as an individual allowing him to finally see that he only needs himself.  I think this is what caused Akihiko to cut most connection from his family, despite the occasional visits, and totally puts himself away from the idea of succeeding and become the heir of his family’s company.  This leaves Haruhiko with the burden of shouldering the entire Usami company’s future, something he never truly wanted to today with architecture being his main priority.  What he see’s in Akihiko is this lazy, selfish person who only thinks of himself, abandoning all his familial duties to a brother whom he barely batted an eye to during childhood.  This is what he hates in Akihiko, but also envies.  A very interesting point that season 2 makes with the connection between the Usami brothers is the inherent jealously Haruhiko feels toward Akihiko, with him trying to steal things from him during their upbringing together according to Akihiko.  Even Misaki finally has this revelation during episode 8 I believe when he was distracting him from Kaoruko.  I think his jealously mainly stems from the fact that Akihiko got his independence while Haruhiko is still confined to the Usami gates.  With all of Akihiko’s absent-minded behavior and to quote Haruhiko, “having the eyes of a dead fish”, Akihiko in the end still achieved that sense of independence that Haruhiko could only dream about having.  Add onto the fact that everyone around you hates that you got this position, lobbying for your younger half-brother who barely gives in the effort to succeed you, then baby that’s a recipe for childhood resentment if I’ve ever seen one.  

So what does this all mean, well nothing since this is an over-analysis on a yaoi manga but in a reality I think it comes to show the clear dynamic Haruhiko and Akihiko have on one another.  In recent chapters it is shown that Haruhiko is more and more aspiring in his own pursuits in architecture, even accepting his position as lead of the Usami household and accepting the fact that he’ll never get Misaki, wanting to stay as his ally instead (which is a lot more than I can say for a CERTAIN manga author).

I love Haruhiko AND Akihiko, they both are really great characters and I’d think it would be nice if in the future they could perhaps reconcile their relationship and kind of start to get along.  The Usami household fucked up a lot of kids but they are still going strong and who knows, maybe Haruhiko might get a lover in the future (AKA Todo)

Thank you and now I implore you to go listen to Nelson’s After the Rain album, 10/10 made me cry.

[mldrgrl]

Broken Things 9/24

by: mldrgrl Rating: varies by chapter, rated R overall See Chapter 1 for summary and notes

He likes her more and more with every minute that passes.  In some ways she reminds him of his sister.  Samantha was such a determined and spirited little girl and he can see the same qualities in Katherine, though it’s clear she tries to suppress them.  He suspects that’s a product of both her upbringing and her previous marriage.

He’s excited to get her settled on the ranch and to have her there.  As a man raised by a strong woman of considerable influence, he’s missed both the female perspective and the companionship.  There is a different energy that women bring with them that has been inspiring poets and heroes throughout history.  Perhaps that energy is what Monica Doggett was referring to when she was talking about auras.

The ranch is alive with activity when he arrives.  Jesse and Jimmy are training in the corral.  Richard is mending fence posts and Trevor is moving the sheep from grazing back to the pen, with Queenie keeping the small herd in line.  Melvin is nowhere in sight, which could mean he’s getting supper together or tinkering in the barn.

Mulder stops the wagon just outside the barn.  He helps Katherine down and she waits to help with the unloading of her things.  He gives her the valise and insists on doing the rest even though it will take a few trips.

“Go on ahead,” he tells her.  “I’m going to see to the horses and I’ll be along in a minute.”

Trevor comes along as Mulder is unhitching the wagon and he takes the horses away to be watered and fed.  Before he unloads the packages he stops by the corral and checks in with Jesse and Jimmy on the training.

With his arms loaded with packages, he steps into Katherine’s room, but stays just inside the doorway to wait to be invited in.  She has removed her hat and has the valise opened and is standing before the open wardrobe.

“Looks like Melvin has been busy,” Mulder says, noting the vase of fresh wildflowers on the side table and the quilt folded at the foot of the bed.  The room smells of lemons and a feather duster has been abandoned on the side of the wash stand.

“He shouldn’t have gone to any trouble on my account,” she says.

“I’ll be sure to scold him later and send him to bed without supper.  Where would you like these?”

“I’ll take them.”

He hands off the packages to her and she places them almost gently on the bed and then touches one almost reverently.  He wonders when the last time she had something new and for herself was.  He hopes she got everything she needed and at least a few things that she just wanted.

“I need to take care of a few things with the horses so I’ll let you settle in.”

“I’d like to get started on my responsibilities as soon as possible.”

“You wouldn’t like a day or two to yourself before you start taking things on?”

“No, thank you, I like to keep occupied.”

“I’ll track Melvin down and send him to you.”

“I’ll put my things away then and wait here.”

Mulder takes a few steps to the bed and then twirls a bit of the twine knotting one of her packages around one finger.  “This is your home now,” he says.  “You are the lady of the house.”

“Are you trying to gently remind me that I should not act as a guest here?”

“Or reminding myself not to treat you like one.”

“Then I will find Mr. Frohike as soon as I have unpacked my things and have him show me what needs to be done.”

“As my lady wishes.”  Mulder smiles and then bows slightly.  “I will see you at supper.”

↭

She doesn’t have to find Mr. Frohike, he finds her, whistling as he enters the room and then stops when he sees her.  He’s carrying two oil lamps, one in each hand.  She has just finished putting her packages away in the wardrobe and is folding the paper and balling the twine to repurpose at some point.

“Mr. Frohike,” she says.  “Please, come in.”

“Pardon me for not knockin’, Madam,” he says.  “I didn’t know you was here.  And we’re not big on formalities, you can just call me Melvin.”

“Only if you call me Katherine.  Could I help you with those?”

“These are for you, actually.  I was just makin’ sure they were filled and the wicks were cut.  Got one for the table and one for the desk.  I can rustle up a few more, I think, if’n you want.”  He sets the lamps down where he said they belonged and then grabs the feather duster that was left behind and shoves it handle-first into the back pocket of his pants.

“No, I can make do just fine with these.  I’m glad you’re here, I was just going to come look for you.”

“Me?”

“Yes, I’m ready for you to show me what my duties are.”

“Duties, huh?  What kind of duties you after?”

“Cooking, cleaning, mending.  Or anything else you think I should take care of.”

“Oh, so Mulder brought you here to overthrow me, did he?”

“You can think of it as lightening your load.”

“Alright then, I’ll give you the rundown on who does what ‘round here.”

Katherine learns that Trevor is the youngest and newest hand on the ranch.  He’s sixteen, orphaned from a tender age, and came through town at the beginning of summer, looking for work.  Melvin happened to be at the sawmill that day for some lumber when he came asking.  He took one look at the boy and knew he was still too puny for hard labor, so he brought him to the ranch and Mulder put him to work seeing to the livestock.

The livestock, she soon learns, was also unintentional.  They started with keeping chickens for the eggs, but then Mulder started taking in injured or abandoned animals.  It was fairly common for folks to pick up stakes after some time and turn their stock out when they left.  And there were also folks who Mulder may have nursed a sick horse back to health for and they may have shown him their gratitude for his time with a pig or a goat.

“That old gal right there,” Melvin says, pointing out a grey goat mixed in amongst the sheep.  “She’s called Lucy, which is short for Lucifer.  Folks dropped her off with us and said she was the devil himself and they were either going to put her down or see if Mulder could tame her, since he’s so good at breakin’ horses.”

“She looks alright to me.”

“Oh, she is now.  Sweet as pie.  Mulder knew there was somethin’ bothering her from the start.  Said she was buttin’ and stompin’ because she was mighty afraid and just pretendin’ not to be.  Turns out, them chickens at her old place were harassin’ her and causin’ the terrible disposition.”

“How did Mulder know that?”

“He says he asked her and she told him.”  Melvin laughs.  “Likely he just observed that she got ornery when the ladies of the coop got to cluckin’ and put two and two together.  He moved the goat pen to the far end over here, away from all them chickens and now she’s got no worries as long as they keep to their end of the ranch.  The folks said we could keep her and so we’ve had her with us since.”

“He really cares for these animals, doesn’t he?”

“That he does.”

She learns that Jesse and Jimmy are brothers, the youngest of a family of eight.  Their parents have a sheep farm about fifty miles out on the way to Fort Worth.  Their two oldest brothers and their wives run the place now and Jesse and Jimmy figured it was time to set off and do for themselves.  A lot of mouths to feed out there and there wasn’t much of a place for them any longer.  Jimmy is the same age as she is, twenty-two, and Jesse is only a year older.  They’ve been working for Mulder for more than two years and spend most of their time helping with the exercising and training of all the horses.  At Mulder’s insistence, they ride out and spend at least one week’s end with their family every few months.

Mulder met Richard in Fort Worth when he was there doing some trading.  He was skin and bones and crazy whiskers when he boldly went up to Mulder’s wagon, opened the jockey box, and started tinkering with the wheels.  When Mulder asked him just what in the hell he thought he was doing, Richard shrugged and said that the pivot was loose and the pin needed fixing.  

Richard could fix just about anything, but he’d been kicked out of the army for arguing with the sergeants one too many times.  They don’t know nothing about nothing, is what he will say about that.

“He’s a bit of a lone wolf,” Melvin says.  “Set in his ways and nobody can tell him nothin’ when he’s tryin’ to solve a problem.  Got hisself a temper, but only takes it out on hisself too.  Got a wanderin’ spirit, and I think he would pick up and go sometimes if’n the streets hadn’t been so mean to him, poor beanpole.”

“What about you?” Katherine asks.

“I’ve been here from the beginning.”

“But, what’s your story?”

“Bah.  I ain’t got a story.”

“You don’t have to tell me.  I know that some things have to be kept inside.”

“It’s time we started on supper, let’s get on in the kitchen.”

Katherine follows Melvin into the house, noticing as he walks up the stairs that he has a hint of a limp.  He shows her where pots and pans are, where the dishes are, where the spices are kept, how to open the cellar door for the canned vegetables and salted meats.  She learns what the boys like for breakfast, what a typical noon dinner is like, and when supper is served.  

Melvin is slicing beef steaks and she is slicing potatoes when he starts to talk.  “I had a wife once,” he says.  “Eliza.  Her family settled near ours in what’s now called Lee’s Summit in Missouri.  She showed up at the schoolhouse one day with her sister Becky and I was smitten.”

“How old were you then?”

“Nine.  She was eight, but she was one of them kids that takes to book learnin’ like a duck to water, so teacher put her next to me to share my reader and work on sums together.  I knew I was going to marry her the day I met her.”

“And you did.”

“Yes, we did.  I was seventeen, she was sixteen.  I got a little plot of land to start a farm and she wanted to be a teacher.  We did good that year.  The crops were profitable and she was teachin’ at a nearby settlement called Blue Springs.”

“Excuse me a minute, I’m going to put these potatoes on to boil.”

“Almost done with these steaks here and I’ll help with the carrots.”

They move about the kitchen in silence for a few minutes as they tend to supper.  She checks the fire on the stove while he greases a pan and then she starts to chopping up carrots and he joins her.

“We weren’t too far off from Independence,” he says, continuing his story from where he left off.  “People were comin’ through all the time gettin’ themselves ready to head out to the Oregon territory.”

“I’ve heard tales about the journey.  They say it was long and harsh.”

“Yes, it was.”  Melvin stops chopping for a moment and looks off into the distance.

“You went to the Oregon territory?”

“Eliza had an adventurous spirit.  As a girl, her family come to Missouri from Wisconsin, and I think she remembered the trek with a child’s excitement.  All them folks comin’ through, eager for new land, new starts and the like, it caught her like a fever.”

“She wanted to go, but you didn’t?”

“I wanted what she wanted.  We waited until the followin’ spring, sold the farm, and then headed out to join a caravan up in Independence.  Our parents begged us not to go, said it was too dangerous and we ought to stay right where we were with our nice farm and all our family and our friends.  But, Eliza could not be swayed and so neither could I.”

“You were eighteen then?”

“Just turned nineteen.  We left the day before Eliza’s eighteenth birthday, the twenty-sixth of April, 1850.”

“I bet that feels like a lifetime ago for you now.”

“Several lifetimes.  You know, I just had a thought, if we peel up them apples Mulder brung in, we could spice them for dessert.  The boys will like that.”

“I’ll get them.”

Melvin gathers the carrots into a bowl to boil when the potatoes are finished and he checks the fire in the stove this time while Katherine gathers the apples.  It takes her some time to find the peeling knives, and she makes a few mental notes on how she’d like to organize the kitchen when she takes it over to maximize efficiency.  She’ll have to ask Melvin about it later so as not to cause any offense.

“What happened next?” Katherine asks, as they sit down to peel the apples.

“The first part of the journey weren’t so bad,” he answers.  Nothin’ real excitin’ to look at, but the journey itself was excitin’ enough, I think.  We got to Fort Kearney where people did some swappin’ and then we followed a river up to Fort Laramie.  I got a little worried because even in the summer it was so cold up there, but Eliza said it was nothin’ what compared to a Wisconsin winter.  And the rain was just...so many folks got themselves stuck in mud and we had to leave them behind and hope they’d catch up down the way.  We come close a few times, but I think I had the strongest oxen on the earth and they managed to pull us out.  I wish they hadn’t, though.”

“You wanted to be stuck?”

Melvin is quiet for a few moments.  “We carved our initials on this great big hump of a rock they call the Register of the Desert.  Soon after we made a slow climb up into the mountains and on to Fort Hall.  By that time there was only half of the caravan left.  Some folks just gived up a long way back and turned for home, some folks just died where they was because it was too hot or they were too sickly or it was just too dadgum tough.”

“Did you ever think about turning back?”

“All the time.  I think I knew it was a mistake before we even set out, but Eliza was as certain as I was skeptical.”

“What happened, Melvin?”

“They’re called the Blue Mountains.  Steep, hard to navigate, rough terrain.  I told Eliza to get on in the back of the wagon because I was afraid she’d fall off the seat, it was so uneven.  The oxen were slippin’ and I could tell they were tired, but we couldn’t stop.  I’ve never been so grateful for anything in all my life when we reached the top and I figured the way down would be easier.  It was just too narrow.  Too dadgum narrow.”

Katherine stops her peeling and puts a hand over Melvin’s.  He lays down his peeling knife and lifts one arm to wipe his eyes on the sleeve of his shirt.  She finds that her own eyes are wet and she doesn’t need him to say anything else to know the rest.

“I’m sorry,” she says.  “You don’t need to tell me anymore.”

“It’s alright.  It’s been thirty-six years, but it stays fresh in my mind.  The back wheel went off the path and I know them oxens tried real hard to pull it out, but the fact is, it was just too heavy for them and it happened too fast.  We overturned and providence saw to it that I landed with no more than a busted ankle, but Eliza was inside the wagon.  I always wonder if things could’ve turned out different if’n I hadn’t told her to go on and get in back.”

“I ask myself a variation of that question all the time.  I try not to think like that, but I know it’s harder said than done.”

“It pains me the most that I was spared, and not her.  I made it to Oregon with a family that carted me and my busted ankle in the back of their wagon, but she was the one that wanted to go.  I spent a lot of years after that feelin’ sorry for myself, roamin’ around this country and refusin’ to settle.”

“You didn’t go back to Missouri?”

“Not ever.  I couldn’t face Eliza’s parents after what happened.  Or her sister.”

“And you didn’t remarry?”

“There’s no one compares to Eliza.”

“How did you end up here?”

“Same way you did, I guess.  Or Richard, or them goats or the whole lot of us.  We was in the right place at the right time and we run into a collector of broken things.”  Melvin wipes his eyes once more and then lightly slaps the table.  “So, that’s my story.  Maybe one day you’ll tell me yours.”

“Perhaps I will,” she says.  Unlikely, she thinks.

[sukirichi]

hi suki! wanted to tell you this bc i have no one else to talk about it with ><

( you can answer this when the English chapter releases! i was able to read it because my friend bought the WSJ issue)

I was trying to udnerstand Naoy's character, so I was reding everything from CH138-151 again. I'm kinda sad at how people just calls Naoya a Toji fanboy (though true LMAO) and not realizing how Toji really influenced his persona. Like the admiration Naoya held for Toji is so deeply engraved in him that he, who was called a genius sorcerer as a child, looks up to a man who was called a failure. Toji is probably the only man in the clan that he respected, that's why toji's level of strength became his "picture" to follow. And I think a lot of who Naoya has become is because the Zen'ins literally groomed the decency out of him. Still, though groomed to be everything he is, he himself chose not to change anything about it.

(wait but also?? little naoya looks cute like he would guide old ladies on the ped xing so what the fuck happened after that)

I guess one major reason why he does not respect anyone else in the clan (besides his superiority complex) is because of the Zen'in's concept of what is marked as strong. Like, the way they see and treated him as if he's the best sorcerer in the making, yet failing to see Toji's powers and rejecting him fully. It's something similar to Mai when she said "Maki has talent that I don't. And the clan rejected that; that talent that I lacked", except Naoya is raised to be a confident (arrogant?) child, thus he takes it as a challenge instead and works to achieve it.

So, when Maki reached the level of Toji, I think his reaction wasn't simply stemmed on his "fanboy" antics, but his desperation of being part of that level of strength. I think he's more irritated in the fact that Maki, someone who he does not see anywhere near as strong as he is (though he does say Maki is strong in chapter 138), reached a level of strength that he hasn't; that he is trying hard to achieve. It's also the same with having your favorite superhero getting defeated. And Naoya's in denial that there is someone else who could be the same as Toji.

I like how he's an antagonist that was not build under the foundation of a sob backstory (though it was a v small sneak peak of his background and was mainly centered with his admiration for toji, plus I think people forget that Naoya is an antagonist), how he acknowledges that he has not reached that level of strength. Of course, I'm angsty about his misogynistic ideals. I get that he's from a very traditionalist clan so... yeah. I mean, no child is born evil. Children learn from those around them (I've seen many people say he's trash since he was a kid when he said that "i wonder what miserable face he has", but like he's a kid, he doesn't know what he's saying AHSJFJWJQ8QR he was either taught that or he just learned it from others. Funnily enough, he does say toji has a pretty face now LMAO). Maybe it stems from something else, maybe it didn't.

I'm not saying him trying to kill Megumi is forgotten (Though, the Jujutsu Society is a place where teens get executed for the simple fact that they are too strong, so im not surprised. Just like Noritoshi said, age does not matter in Jujutsu Society). I see now why he was really pissed about Megumi being the head, since Naoya has been promised the position since he was young, only to loose of a 15 year old who is the son of the man he admires :')) However, still, none of it excuses the shit he did. He still has a shitty personality, but it's nice to know a bit of a background.

Anyway, that's all for now. My English is bad so that might be all over the place •`,`• That's just my take on it so I could be wrong or maybe seeing him wrong since we still don't know much abt him. I'm always scared to talk about naoya because the last time i did (on twt) i got a backlash of hate (ppl really do get hate just from admiring someone's characterization). Your blog is like a safe haven for naoya stans, so i thank you for that hehe.

Have a nice day suki!! kisses~

(also this is a PSPSPSPS to a naoya childhood friends au fic pls 👁👁)

bestie omg I am so sorry, I found this deep in my inbox and I am *shakes* and yes yes let’s talk about naoya, I would be more than glad to and I’m sorry I didn’t see this any sooner!! more rants and simping under the cut

I'm kinda sad at how people just calls Naoya a Toji fanboy (though true LMAO) and not realizing how Toji really influenced his persona. Like the admiration Naoya held for Toji is so deeply engraved in him that he, who was called a genius sorcerer as a child, looks up to a man who was called a failure. Toji is probably the only man in the clan that he respected, that's why toji's level of strength became his "picture" to follow. And I think a lot of who Naoya has become is because the Zen'ins literally groomed the decency out of him. Still, though groomed to be everything he is, he himself chose not to change anything about it.

omg for this…I’m actually like…like I love the detail that naoya admires toji? as we can see from the panel of little naoya, it’s like people have already planted in his head that no cursed energy = loser, yet he ended up admiring him and I am,,,my heart is just soft! exactly! just think of naoya born as a genius sorcerer yet his admiration for toji, who is painted as the clan’s failure, helped shape him into who he is! idk but I just really love the fact that naoya, who is like born with the pressure and role of being clan leader, somewhat strays from tradition and ends up finding strength into toji and even strives to follow him or “stand by him” someday. for me, it just shows that perhaps naoya isn’t really half as bad as he should be in an honest sense, meaning that he’s evil or morally corrupt because he was born that way or because he chose to be that way. I do agree that perhaps he is the way he is now because he’s groomed to be like that, but of course, I’m not going to disregard the fact that somewhere along the way, Naoya could’ve matured to choose himself to not embody the misogynistic tradition of the zen’in clan.

This could just be me, but my interpretation of it is that Naoya seems more like the perfect product or embodiment of how the clan shaped him to be, blinded him with false morals and the patriarchy presiding into them. Rather than Naoya being just “a misogynistic arrogant man” in my perspective and my opinion, I see him more into the bigger picture of his toxic upbringing to begin with. Like, no child is born evil unless there’s like a predetermined curse deciding their fate for them, so its partly the Zen’in clan’s fault he’s that way. But Gege showing that Naoya admiring someone the Zen’in clan disregarded, it shows that he is capable of being himself without the clause of his clan enforcing things to him once again, like the whole “he’s gonna be the future clan leader” thing, though that is still heavily embedded within him.

(wait but also?? little naoya looks cute like he would guide old ladies on the ped xing so what the fuck happened after that)

OMGGGG PLEASE THAT’S SO CUTE, HE LOOKED SO INNOCENT AND ADORABLE BUT EVEN AS A CHILD HE WAS ALREADY CALLING PEOPLE A LOSER LIKE EYE

I guess one major reason why he does not respect anyone else in the clan (besides his superiority complex) is because of the Zen'in's concept of what is marked as strong. Like, the way they see and treated him as if he's the best sorcerer in the making, yet failing to see Toji's powers and rejecting him fully. It's something similar to Mai when she said "Maki has talent that I don't. And the clan rejected that; that talent that I lacked",except Naoya is raised to be a confident (arrogant?) child, thus he takes it as a challenge instead and works to achieve it.

Anon, is it just me or like…was his superiority complex also enforced on him by the Zen’in clan as well? Again this could just be me going all psychologist mode on Naoya but the nature of superiority complex is quite interesting, you know! As a psych student, I perfectly understand that superiority complex either stems from several things like a) wanting to live up to one’s or others expectations, b) masking it with a deep stem of insecurity, or c) it’s a coping mechanism. See, I could go on and on about but then I’d have to link all my past studies lmao so let’s just put it on layman’s terms that my interpretation of Naoya’s superiority complex is once again, influenced by the clan. Imagine being a kid born into a clan where people remind you again and again that you’re the future leader, that you would be the one to guide them or protect them or discuss the clan’s future and status once you grow, and you’re quite groomed for it.

For such pressure to be put on a child’s shoulders, it kind of strips off his youth and instead of him enjoying his youth, I can imagine that it took a toll on little Naoya, and the reason he grew his superiority complex is his way to cope and reach the standards and expectations that is given to him. Of course, he’s a kid, he might start to wonder, “Can I even do all of that?” but seeing as the Zen’in clan highly measures strength and growth based on abilities, cursed energy, and overall just to conform into the image they’ve held for years, it’s quite obvious that Naoya can’t exactly voice out his worries over this, so instead, he masks it with a superiority complex that absolutely boosts him to a higher level, thus giving him the confidence he needed to carry out his tasks and the reassurance that, “Yes, I am worthy and I will be the clan leader.” As for your theory that he takes it as a challenge, I can see where you’re coming from! I think Naoya is the type of person who definitely likes to challenge himself, but one of the reasons I love his character so much is because he’s not completely a brainless “head on straight to war” type of person too.

He knows his limits and knows which side he should be in, as showed when Yuuta came and mans surrendered easily. Idk why but to me, Naoya, who is such an arrogant confident man who has high trust in abilities, but at the same time can admit when someone is stronger than him (like him admiring Toji and Gojo) just makes him more human and a little more beautifully flawed. Like, he’s not perfect and he’s most definitely an irritating character, but the way he was written is just *chef’s kiss*

So, when Maki reached the level of Toji, I think his reaction wasn't simply stemmed on his "fanboy" antics, but his desperation of being part of that level of strength. I think he's more irritated in the fact that Maki, someone who he does not see anywhere near as strong as he is (though he does say Maki is strong in chapter 138), reached a level of strength that he hasn't; that he is trying hard to achieve. It's also the same with having your favorite superhero getting defeated. And Naoya's in denial that there is someone else who could be the same as Toji.

Yes, ah I really do love this theory that he’s more irritated because in his mind, he’s like, “I’m a genius sorcerer! I was meant to be clan leader! This is my rightful spot to be a strong one, so how come Maki, who is a woman, with no zero cursed energy has reached the level of the person I looked up most to?” again, Naoya didn’t say that and those are just my opinions and brainrot so don’t come at me for it uwu, but yeah I do think that he’s very aggravated that he didn’t react that level first. Because I guess you could say, he’s probably alluding that Maki reaching Toji’s strength = them being equals, and ofc Naoya wanted to be the one standing beside them. It probably hit his superiority complex that he wasn’t the one in Maki’s spot especially when he tried so hard to achieve it, and considering the gifts he was given (same cursed technique as his dad and him having cursed energy) it threw him off.

Yeah, Naoya is most likely in denial and becomes aggressive over it, although I don’t really mean physically aggressive because Naoya is actually quite calm and ‘composed.’ If ever he did go on a rampage, he does it in such a suave, calculated manner with this silent confidence that he will win. It kind of makes you root for him because he even fools the audience (by audience I mean ME) that he’s going to OWN that fight but whoop, he got his ass kicked. Plus ten points for confidence and a bonus thousand points for being sexy though!!! Yeah, omg he’s probably in disbelief that a woman of all people could be like the person he admired most.

I like how he's an antagonist that was not build under the foundation of a sob backstory (though it was a v small sneak peak of his background and was mainly centered with his admiration for toji, plus I think people forget that Naoya is an antagonist), how he acknowledges that he has not reached that level of strength. Of course, I'm angsty about his misogynistic ideals. I get that he's from a very traditionalist clan so... yeah. I mean, no child is born evil. Children learn from those around them (I've seen many people say he's trash since he was a kid when he said that "i wonder what miserable face he has", but like he's a kid, he doesn't know what he's saying AHSJFJWJQ8QR he was either taught that or he just learned it from others. Funnily enough, he does say toji has a pretty face now LMAO). Maybe it stems from something else, maybe it didn't.

OMG YESSSS ANON YES YES YES *slams down simping button angrily* That’s what I like about him too! Even though Naoya is cocky and wayyyy too arrogant for his own good, I also like that he acknowledges he’s not quite in a level he wants to be in yet. And hah, his backstory, it wasn’t totally sob because it’s obvious he was much too doted on, but I still hate how they made him like that. True, if he’s still carrying the same misogynistic ideals as he is now in an age where he has the mental capacity to improve and be different, then the belief has become more of a choice than something engraved into him, which I am really disappointed and not really into because of course, he’d be much better if he wasn’t like that in the first place. LOLOLOLOL yes yes he’s a kid, it sure as hell doesn’t excuse the way he is now but like just think !!

if a kid was spouting out such mean words and CLEARLY no one is correcting him, who really is the problem here? A child has a harder time deciphering what is right and wrong by himself without proper guidance. And he didn’t have proper guidance, they really just let him be like that and it’s because the clan!! sucks !! ass !! YEAH he probably called toji with a miserable face because he hasn’t seen him before but after seeing the iconic dilf, Naoya gone be like, “anyways, I lied, moving on—”

I'm not saying him trying to kill Megumi is forgotten (Though, the Jujutsu Society isa place where teens get executed for the simple fact that they are too strong, so im not surprised. Just like Noritoshi said, age does not matter in Jujutsu Society). I see now why he was really pissed about Megumi being the head, since Naoya has been promised the position since he was young, only to loose of a 15 year old who is the son of the man he admires :')) However, still, none of it excuses the shit he did. He still has a shitty personality, but it's nice to know a bit of a background.

yeah no of course, no worries! even as a hardcore naoya stan, I can admit this dude is TERRIBLE for so many reasons! yeah I mean that could be pretty irritating because he was born for it, raised to be clan leader, groomed and expected he’d have that role, but nah someone else took his throne. yeah I’m with you on that, naoya has a shitty personality and I would totally smack him if he was real because he makes my eyes roll to the back of my head, but knowing his background and theorizing (read: me going all psychologist mode because he’s the only character I ever cared about to apply my studies into) his character is quite fun. I wish we had more scenes with Naoya though, I really hoped he’d play a bigger role but he just…died, I guess, though I’m starting to believe that maybe he really isn’t dead! Gege did him dirty omg I’ll cry again if it’s really GENUINELY confirmed my baby is gone.

Anyway, that's all for now. My English is bad so that might be all over the place •`,`• That's just my take on it so I could be wrong or maybe seeing him wrong since we still don't know much abt him. I'm always scared to talk about naoya because the last time i did (on twt) i got a backlash of hate (ppl really do get hate just from admiring someone's characterization). Your blog is like a safe haven for naoya stans, so i thank you for that hehe.

ah no worries about your English, I didn’t really notice anything wrong with it tbh! And I understand, these are all just our opinions/theories/perspectives, we could be wrong or not, we don’t really know because we’re not Gege (⋟﹏⋞) NOOOO PEOPLE HATED YOU ON THAT? ISTG I’VE NEVER SEEN A FANDOM CANCEL SOMEONE AS MUCH AS JJK FANDOM CANCELS NAOYA AND NAOYA STANS LIKE – he’s just a fictional character omg, cancelling naoya is understandable because I would too but attacking his fans? or generally anyone who talks about him in a neutral or not in a way that goes, “yeah I would punch this mfer” is just?? doesn’t make sense to me bestie, people really choose to do that with their time yikes.

AND AWWW THANK YOU YES I PROTECT ALL MY FELLOW NAOYA STANS HERE, I respect who people simp for because if it’s what you enjoy and as long as you’re not hurting anybody, then it really doesn’t matter and it’s not a big deal! and you’re always welcome here uwu. have an even nicer day bestie and I’m sorry I didn’t see this sooner AAAA I really loved talking about this tho HEHEHEH I’m not actually too much of a JJK theorist since I’m not smart enough to pay attention or infer from all the details but NAOYA HMMMMM also childhood friends fic? hmu let’s hear it!! also ahh hmm idk but i get really happy whenever people talk to me freely about naoya bcos even tho i have been a naoya simp for like three months, it was not until recently that people came to me about him and i have just been simping alone (bcos people MADDDD) spsppsps okay rant over thank you anon i love you kith kith <3

[twst-kumi]

Lacrimosa

Warning : Mention of kidnapping, blood, abuse and death

H/c : hair color

E/c : eyes colors

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taken away from the sea they used to live in, Jade and Floyd looked at their kidnappeur. They young tail hit violently the floor while they growl trying to look menacing. A fishing wire tied around there bodies, they couldn’t do much. Soon enough, they were taken to a strange room completly white. 

“_No.... Let us go....”

The two young child started to whimper and wail as a group of human came nears them. Wearing what looked like a long white coat, they started doing whatever “test” they wanted. From a blood sample to a flesh sample to unknow product and potion. At some point, the two merfolk children saw their tails plit in two legs. Anything that reminded them of their origin suddently start to fade. The tail, the fins, everything. Now they looked like two human childs. Instinctively, and in order to protect them, they waited for the kidnapper to lower their guard. Now that they have legs, they could escape on dry land, Right?  So they waited. Actually it’s was Jade who planned their escape, and one night after they killed one of the guard, they escaped. Floyd and Jade runned as fast as their small legs allowed them. Once they were far enough, they tried to return in the see, but unfortunately they couldn't. They bodies didn't return to their original forms. Horror on their face, their understood that they were to survive as a human for now.

___________________

As day pass, the twins learned to survive in the road. They fighted and robbed to eat something. And sometimes, they couldn't find anything... Jade was laying on a pile of trash with his twins, they health were becoming worse. Floyd even started to loose consciousness. The rain pouring on them didn't help. If he don't find a way to save his twin then he will die, and he didn't want that.

"_F... Floyd..."

Suddenly, he did not feel the rain anymore. He looked up to see an umbrella covering him and his brother. He looked up and saw a young girl, she was more or less the same age as them. She had glittering e/c eyes and a long beautiful h/c hair. From her dress Jade could see her noble upbringing. She studied them before smiling brightly.

"_Don't worry!! I will take care of you!!!

Jade wanted to say something but loosed his consciousness. When he woke up, he was in a bed, warm and clean. Floyd was still sleeping next to him. He could see that the bedroom was definitely for someone from the high class. Sitting quietly, he tried to recall what happened. He suddenly remembered the young girl. It's was her who took them here right? Jade let a small laugh. It's was quiet ironic. All the adult human acted like they didn't exist and the beggars sometime beats them up for their food, but it was a small, young girl who reached at them.

"_Jade...

Hearing his twin's voice, he turn his head and smile at it. He was happy to see Floyd in a better health.

"_Thank god your better!!

_Where are we?

_I don't know...

Suddenly, they heard a little creak from the door. Turning their heads to the sound, the youngs eels saw a small h/c head with two big e/c eyes shining with curiosity. Noticing that they were awake and seemed to know that she was here, she giggled and opened the door wider. Revealing a beautiful big smile, she runned at them before jumping on the bed.

"_So you two are awake! You guys sleeped for a veryyyyy long time! I thought you were dead!"

She let another small laugh before patting their head. Taken a back by the sudden show of affection, the twins just froze unable to do anything. Then a maid rushed in the room to get the young girl out of the bed.

"_My god!! Lady s/o, this isn't proper!! You shouldn't climb the bed of a man like that!!!

_No one is here, it's alright Martha.

S/o brushed her nanny's concern off and turned her attention to the twins. Jade could see the disgusted look on the woman's face. She obviously see them as trash unlike her young mistress who took them in.

"_You seem to be a better now!! Are you hungry?

Before one of them could speak, their stomach did it for them first. It's been days since the last time they ate something. They both blush embarrassed by the moment before the girl just got out of bed. A confident smile and her hand on her hips, she stood in front of them trying to look strong.

"_Okey, let's eat!!!

The little h/c girl took their hand and dragged them into the dining room. Beyond famished, they grabbed and stuffed anything they could eat. Once they couldn't eat anymore, they looked at the young lady and thank her. S/o laughed before claiming that from now on, she will take care of them. Her eyes shined with confident and pride, she weren't going to back down on what she said. The twins could see and feel her intentions, she truly just wanted to protect them. Ever since they found themselves on this cursed land, no one truly tried to help them. Smiling at their tiny savior, they accepted when the nanny cut in.

"_Goodness my Lady, those... Stray thing can't stay here!!

_But... Why?? I already promised them...

_Well they can stay as servant... This is still a way of taking care of them.....

_Oh... Okey....

S/o looked dejected when she heard that they couldn't stay. But if they could work here then they could have a place to sleep and eat like the other servants.

Floyd and Jade didn't talk much but they could see the displeased look the old woman give them. It's was obvious that the nanny didn't like them. She even gone as far to call them "stray thing". Too low to be considered human but not completely to be seen as animals.

"_Since Martha said you have to work, I guess you will have to work then...

They glanced to Martha who threw them a disgusted look. That woman definitely wanted them gone, if not dead.

_______________________

True to her promise, s/o took care of them. Aside for their chores, they didn't have to worry for a shelter or food anymore. Thanks to the young pretty lady, they got three meal, decent outfit and a warm bed. And since their were around the age of the young lady, they also became her playmate. They even hear the master and the madam talking about making them her personal servant. The three childs fastly became inseparable and the twins showed a lot of talent. Jade was very intelligent and quick witted, he was also a very polite child. On the opposite, Floyd was more energetic and bright, he was also very athletic and good for for fighting. The two together, they acted like the best protection for the little girl. In fact, they were both very attached to her. S/o was they first and only light ever since they came in the dry land. They became protective of her. In fact they fell in love with her little by little. The more she showed those beautiful smiles to them, the more they didn't want other people to see it. And then one day thing became a little different. While the three were playing near a lake, S/o fell in the water. Panicked, they jumped to save her but this time something strange happened. Their ears and some part of their skins returned to their merman appearance. They couldn't help but fear her reaction.

"_Jade...? Floyd...?

They flinched at their names. What is she going to do? Will she scream? They felt like it was the end of their life together. Tightly, they closed their eyes waiting for her hurtful word to come.

"_So... So cooool!!

_Um... Could you keep it a secret my Lady.

_Of course I can!!! Hehe! So you two are... Like that story right? A... Um... Mermaid!!!

_That mean angelfish!!! We are men!!!! So it's should be merman.

_But the right name are merfolk lady S/o.

_Hehe! So cool!!

At this moment, they love for her escalated greatly. She was so pure. They sweared to protect her against anything.

"_But don't you guys have a home in the sea?

_We do

_Oh... I suppose you two want to return there... I too would be sad to be away from home for too long...

_We don't want to... Floyd and I want to stay we you... Forever...

_Even death can't do us apart angelfish

Laughing and hugging them tightly, she accepted their words without understanding the meaning.

"_Then let's live near the sea, so you two can go back and forth there.

But little did they know, death would soon hit them. It's was late in the night, when a scream distorted the peaceful silence of the manor. Flame engulfed everything around them. Instinctively, the twins hurried to Rose bedrooms. Seeing them, the little girl clinged to them desperately. They then took her hand and start to run toward the outside.

"_We're going to get out of there! And then we will live near the sea like promised!!!

Once they were outside, they cheered for their successful escape but they were only two voice... Looking around them S/o wasn't there. Ready to return in the burning manor, Floyd saw the young girl unconscious laying among the debris before the house collapse. Letting a desperate scream, they tried to reach her but it was to late. They couldn't do anything but whatch their once source of joy burn. Keep that sight and memories in their heart forever, they return to the sea.

_____________

Many years later.

"_Azuul~! I brought you some littles guppys~! They broke their contract~! Haha~

_Ah Floyd, that was quite fast...

_It's was fun~~

After the tragic lost of their first and probably only love, they returned to the coral sea. They tried to act like everything were alright and met the octopus like merman. Since then the three of them stayed together. When they became older, the three of them returned on the land. And in no time, they formed a powerful network on the black market. They were now on part with other illegal organizations. The great seven, that how was people named that groups of powerfuls organizations.

"_Please, if you give me just a little more time then I can get all the money!

_Nu-uh! The time is the time! Unless you found something to reimburse what you own the octavinelle you will have to pay with your life...

_AH... A.. a girl! We adopted a girl a long time ago, she is quite the beauty... She should sell well no?

_Oh a girl?

_Yes, she was amnesiac so we took her in... She should be at home right n-

Before he could finish, they hear some ruckus outside the door. They could hear a woman's voice clearly. Strangely, the voice made Floyd and Jade shudder from excitement and a bit of melancholy. They felt so familiar with it, but it's was still a bit different.

"_Please spare my father!!

A beautiful woman burst in the room. She was indeed a beauty. Her long h/c hair was tied in a messy bun and her lamb like e/c eyes shone with an enchanting light in them. Even after so many years, the twins could recognize her. It's was her. It's felt like the god didn't forget them and gave their angel back.

"_S/o.../Angelfish...

Jumping a little scared, S/o looked at the twins.

"_Hum... Yes? W... Wh... Who may you be?

_It's us, do you remember? We were always together when we were tiny~ I reallyyyy missed you Angelfish!!!

_I'm sorry... I've lost my memory nine years ago...

_Ah it's must be because of the fire at that time.

S/o stiffened a little under they grasp. True she felt a familiar feeling around them but she couldn't return the affection. But Floyd didn't mind it. She was there, this was more important.

"_Oya, Floyd you will make her feel uncomfortable. Her memory is still missing after all.

He came behind her, caging her between him and his brother. Their bodies were firmly pressed against her causing her to blush.

"_But worry not! Even if you don't remember, we will keep the vow and promise we did at that time ....

_ we will protect you~

_and take care of you...

_and even death can't do us apart my sweet S/o / my little Angelfish. We will be together... Forever.

[princessmadafu]

37 bleedin’ pages!

I have condensed them for you and left out most of the bits that the nasty evil British Press have already covered. Feel free to skip any boring bits.

Dax Shepard: Welcome, welcome, welcome to Armchair Expert's Experts on Expert. I'm Dan Shepard. I'm joined by Monica Mouse.

Monica Padman: Hi.

[...]

There follows some heavy marketing of towels and stuff...

DS: Now please enjoy Prince Harry. We are supported by Brookelinen. My favourite hotel quality sheets to get into and writhe around in the nude. [...] They're impeccable. They're decadent, they're soft, they're absorbent. Brookelinen was started to create beautiful high quality home essentials that don't cost an arm and a leg. They're so confident in their product, they come with a 365 day warranty. So give yourself that comfort refresh you deserve and get it for less. Go to Brookelinen.com and use promo code 'expert' to get $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com and enter promo code 'expert' for $20 off with a minimum purchase of $100. That's Brookelinen.com, promo code 'expert'.

Pretty ironic really, as Harry wades into fake news and how advertising algorithms are ruining us...

DS:...It's like the algorithms on the internet. You can't compete with that, a human.

PH: You can't if you have the awareness of what it's doing to you. And the fact that it's learning, which is scary. And advertising has been going on for hundreds of years, but done really responsibly. The difference here is targeted ads. If ads have always worked for companies, you can put on the TV, you can walk away, you can come back, your involvement is switching on switching off or changing the channel. Whereas now with algorithms is there, it's just feeding your habits. And it's also reading through your emails and everything else. So it's getting to know you, like, it gets to know the decisions you're gonna make before you make them, then it creates this echo chamber of no pushback, of no context of nothing. It's just perpetuating and feeding the bias and the habits that you already have inside of you, which is terrible.[...]

Harry needs to learn about AdBlock and Ghostery and VPNs and Tor and DuckDuckGo and Smartpage and all the other clever little ways the computer-literate have of ridding their lives of unwanted advertising. I haven't seen an ad in years. The only person feeding my habits is me. It’s called personal responsibility. Maybe Harry still needs a Nanny but most grown-ups don’t. Oh wait, I forgot, the “Meghan&Harry Show” fans are all kids.

PH: [...] It's a computer. It's like, who wrote the algorithms? You guys did? Probably all male and all white.

Oooh, let's be sexist and racist, Harry! Did you ever hear of these women or are they too scary?

https://biztechmagazine.com/article/2012/05/mothers-technology-10-women-who-invented-and-innovated-tech

Then they discuss Naked Vegas (this guy Dax has a thing about nudity) and Harry in Afghanistan. And discuss a calendar of naked men that DS and MP put together - their favourite male bodies. What a good job it's only gloating over naked male bodies and not naked female bodies. It's apparently acceptable, for some reason. Harry doesn't know who the guys are.

DS: Monica makes this for me every year and it's a calendar of all my favourite bodies of friends.

MP: And they're all men.

DS: They're all men.

MP: And they're all gorgeous bodies.

[...]

And is Harry nervous talking about mental health? He shouldn't be, he's been banging on about it for years.

PH: Yeah. Was I nervous? No. Not so much nervous. But I guess on this particular subject around mental health. Yeah. For me, it's always a, unfortunately, today's world is quite a sensitive subject, not just for the people who are sharing. But ultimately, the subject matter itself has to be handled with care. [...] It ends up getting weaponized by certain people.

Weaponised by certain people? Like him and Markle, for instance. Neither of 'em has any talent so they weaponise their mental health. Big big mental health bombs loaded with word salad to lob at their own families and cause huge distress. Not nice, Harry.

PH: That's how I've always felt when it comes to projection. I mean, hatred is a form of projection, right? [...] We're not born to hate people. So it manifests itself over a period of time. And of course, it can come from unresolved pain, or being hurt continually, as a young kid or through adult life. But ultimately, there's a source to it. There's a reason why you want to hate somebody else.

Like his dad, his brother...

PH: And actually have some compassion for them. Which is really hard when you're on the receiving end of this, like, just vile, toxic abuse. But the reality is, is you say, flip it. [...] Every single one of us wherever we are, wherever we come from, there will always try and find some way to be able to mask the actual feeling and be able to try and make us feel different to how we are actually feeling, perhaps having a feeling. Right, because so many people are just numb to it. That was a huge part of the beginning of my life, which was like, I rejected. I said, there's nothing wrong with me. I'm fine.

And now he's moved on to promoting his new mental health stuff with Oprah, The Me You Can't See...

PH: So if you are making that conscious decision to say: You know what, it's not self serving, but I want to share my story. I'm being asked to share my story to hopefully help someone or loads of other people. I'm probably going to get trolled. I'm probably going to get attacked by the same people that were doing anyway. If I'm willing to make that decision, surely that comes from a place of courage rather than weakness?

Or possibly naivety. Harry is only wanted for his money-making title and royal status; he has no mental health qualifications, he's not a mental health professional, he's not an expert, all he brings to the table is the glamour of being a prince of the BRF. Which he quite clearly hates. Markle is lining her pockets from their self-indulgent mental health whinge fest and he's too dim to see it. There follows the bit about the spectrum of upbringing that the press is covering nicely so I can skip the next few pages - the bits where Harry says he doesn't see that talking about his own issues is complaining, and “it's the job, right”, how he never wanted the job of being royal, and his therapy and how “massively self-critical” he is (yet still can't see that he's not being honest with himself), ooh and sharing his hatred of the British press - that's a good bit, let's skip to page 18:

PH I think the biggest issue for me was that being born into it, you inherit the risk, you inherit the risk that comes with it, you inherit every element of it without choice. And because of the way that the UK media are, they feel an ownership over you. Literally like a full on ownership. And then they give the impression to some of their, well, most of the readers, that that is the case. But I think it's a really dangerous place to be if you don't have a choice, but then, of course, then people quite rightly will turn around and go. So what if you didn't have a choice? It was privilege? [...] Page Six of the New York Post, they took pictures of my son being picked up from school on his first day [...] But I guess my point is the way that I look at it, especially now living here one hour outside LA. Like it's a feeding frenzy here. We spent the first three and a half months living at Tyler Perry's house. You let us stay. And the helicopter helicopters, the drones the paparazzi cutting the fence like it was madness. And people out there -Their response was, Well, what do you expect if you live in LA? It's like, Okay, well, first of all, we didn't mean to live in LA. This is like a staging area before we try and find a house. And secondly, how sad that if you live in LA and you're well known figure, you just have to accept it. The first security we had, I said, Well, where's the safest place? Inside. Just because I'm a well known person, you can't go outside anymore. [...] it's really, really sad. And of course, their argument is - the paparazzi and everybody else - is like all if you're in the public space, then it's absolutely fine for us to do it. So what is our human right as an individual and as a family, you're saying that if the moment we step foot out of our house, that it's open season and free game? What? Because of public interest?. There's no public interest in you taking your kids for a walk down the beach. Nothing...

And on and on it goes... He should've stayed in the UK then. The Cambridges are managing very nicely, thank you. They take their kids for walks on the beach, and we'd never seen them until they released their anniversary video the other week. Harry's clearly envious of William; Harry's mad wife is vitriolically envious of Catherine. Oh and I’m pretty sure it’s the mad wife who keeps phoning her go-to paps when she needs to be in the news again.

PH: [...] I believe we live in an age now where you've got certain elements of the media redefining to us what privacy means. There's a massive conflict of interest. And then you've got social media platforms, trying to redefine what free speech means. Why - I wonder why you're doing that. And again - so this has been happening for 15 years now. And we're living in this world where we've almost like all the laws have been completely flipped by the very people that need them flipped so they can make more money and they can capitalise off our pain, grief, and this sort of general self destructive mode that's happening at the moment [...]

He doesn't get how hypocritical this is, does he? The Markles are the ones capitalising on their grief, pain and the rest of it. And no-one would be interested in them without the royal bits because they have nothing else to offer. Failed actress and used-to-be-a-soldier wrapped up in festering bitterness.

Blah, blah... went shopping in a supermarket... saw lots of chewing gum... blah, blah... Archie on the back of his bicycle... girls want to be princesses... You don't need to be a princess, you can create the life that will be better than any princess or it's something along those lines... she said she expected [the press] to be fair... Pages and pages of how he hates the British press...

PH: [...] And especially when you can't defend yourself so yes, I think when you marry into it, especially when it's one Princess Diana's sons there is a certain amount of 'okay what I'm actually letting myself in for?' But very few people actually know - apart from the Brits - how toxic that element of the of the UK press is.[...]

We're up to page 24 now, if you're still with me. Oh here it is, Harry's unconscious bias... What’s the betting the mad wife has scripted this bit for him?

PH: [...] So going back to the whole sort of travelling around the Commonwealth, I thought I knew, right, having been able to travel that much and meet so many and such a diverse group of people. I thought I understood life. Especially bearing in mind most of the countries I was going to were, most of the communities are going to were people of colour. But then I was really shocked once I started doing therapy. And that bubble was burst. And I started doing my own work, really - a lot of work - and started to uncover and understand more about unconscious bias. And I was like, wow, I thought since I screwed up when I was younger, and then did the work. I thought I then knew. But I didn't. And I still don't fully know. It's like a constant working progress. And every single one of us has it. [...] Everyone has biases, of all sorts. But I think it's a really important point, especially now, after everything's happened in the last year and a half, like the world is changing, the younger generation are driving it. And you've got to like a multi-racial, cultural sort of movement happening, which has never happened before. But unconscious bias is the way that I understand it, is, again, it's not something that's wrong with you. Right? And you don't have to be defensive about it. That's the thing. No one's blaming you. But the moment that you acknowledge that you do have unconscious bias, what are you going to do about it? Because if you choose to do nothing you're continuing to fuel the problem, which means that you're then heading towards racism. Whereas unconscious bias is actually something that is inherent, unfortunately, in every single one of us. But that it is possible to educate yourself to be more aware of the problems and therefore be part of the solution rather than part of the problem.

Markle's got him well-trained on this one, hasn't she. I wonder if he's read anything critical of the unconscious bias movement, or just repeating what he's been told to. Oh and then he goes off about being in the army...

PH: I loved it. I love wearing the same uniform as everybody else. I love being treated the same. I love the expectation of if you want to get that job, or you want that promotion, or you want to finish this race, it's all on you. There's no special treatment, you're not going to get any help. If anything, you're probably going to get treated the opposite because everyone thinks that you've had an easy life. And everyone's always helped you get to where you are.

But...but...but, Harry wasn't treated the same, there was special treatment, he was helped to get to where he was. He scraped a couple of poor quality A Levels and got admitted to Sandhurst because he's a prince. Good old Wikipedia says:

In June 2003, Harry completed his education at Eton with two A-Levels,[22] achieving a grade B in art and D in geography, having decided to drop history of art after AS level.[23] He has been described as "a top tier athlete", having played competitive polo and rugby union.[24] One of Harry's former teachers, Sarah Forsyth, has asserted that Harry was a "weak student" and that staff at Eton conspired to help him cheat on examinations.[25][26] Both Eton and Harry denied the claims.[25][27] While a tribunal made no ruling on the cheating claim, it "accepted the prince had received help in preparing his A-level 'expressive' project, which he needed to pass to secure his place at Sandhurst."[25][28]

PH: And then suddenly, like - while I was at school, I hated exams. And I promised myself I'd never do exams again. Then I joined the army of which is full of exams. I still promised myself I'm never gonna do it and then I end up flying Apache [...]

Gods, it's getting boring. Even the interviewers are zoning out. Still ten pages to go. Wish I hadn't started this, I could be out weeding. Weather's nice, not too windy... Do I deserve a quick G&T yet?

PH: Or worse, was they turn around and say, right, because last week, you're out the front. This week, you got to carry his bergan, I'm like - what, 30 extra pounds? Nooo. But it was, it was the most normalising experience or job that I could have ever hoped for. And then going to Afghanistan twice [...] And someone said to me very recently, from the moment that you're born into today's world, life is trauma, so the sooner that we actually acknowledge that but but [...]

A-a-a-a-and he's back on the mental health thing, PTSD or PTSI,

PH: Post Traumatic Stress Injury is like: Well, that makes sense, because I just saw my mate get blown out. But the other piece of this is, what we need to remember is, the lot of the recruiting that we do in the UK, comes from certain cities and certain homes, where there's childhood trauma. So what we collectively have already got inside of us, the trigger of seeing something happen in Iraq, Afghanistan can be the trigger. So everyone goes: Oh, it's because they were on operations, and because they saw their makeup blown up. It's like, no. [...] So that's what I've been working on for years, for the last five years, which is like, and it started in therapy of like, I don't want to lose this thing, because I think it's, I feel so connected to my mum. [...]

They move on to parenting, which the press is rubbing its hands over... Harry blaming everyone but himself and his saintly mother - Charles, HMTQ, PP... "They f*ck you up, your mum and dad". But not the mum bit. He can't push his mum off her pedestal.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/48419/this-be-the-verse if you don't know Larkin's poetry. How much more? Nearly there. Monica loves The Crown and doesn't realise it's fictitious.

DS: [...]Well, Harry, I've really really liked talking to you. You're very charming. You're very intelligent. You're handsome, and I can't wait to see your torso.

MP: Thank you so much for coming.

DS: So I just want to remind everyone that May 21 on Apple Plus, you should check out Oprah and Prince Harry's 'The Me You Can't See'. I have to imagine it's similar to her book, which I just read, which is absolutely incredible 'What happened to you?' So everyone should check out 'The me you can't see' on Apple plus May 21.

And still Harry won't shut up... Shut up, shut up. Cut his mic. You don't have to read this last bit, they've already wound up the interview...He still won’t shut up.

PH: Yeah, we're moving from the physical to the emotional, right, physically. At the beginning of this pandemic, people were panicking. And there was that fight or flight like, ahh what do we do like lockdown, survival? Yeah. And now that the vaccines have been sort of, we're getting to the point where more and more people are being vaccinated, we're now in the emotional phase of what I read in the New York Times article was called languishing, which is really interesting. It's like the is the middle child between flourishing and depression. You just feel flat, and it's not depressed. It's definitely not flourishing. You lack the energy and the will, the motivation, all that kind of stuff. Because you're kind of sitting there going - Well, what happens next? And I think it's really important that we talk about languishing. And it was coined by someone I can't remember who but I think it was the journalist who wrote the story was Adam Grant. No, he didn't come up with it. Someone else came up with him, he wrote this, the most amazing article about languishing and the fact that how important it is to be able to talk about it because - look when it comes to mental health, we need to realise and accept that every single one of us have mental health. There's varying degrees, as we said, you've got the mental illness, and then you've got the sort of the awareness and the work that you can put in, like, Where do you want to be that we shouldn't just sit there and go: Oh, mental illness is once we are literally on the floor crawling around in the foetal position needing help. But for me, I don't think I need therapy anymore. But I wanted. And when I say therapy, I mean, actual therapy, sitting down having a discussion with someone. But I also mean like, nature, like going for walks, like throwing the ball for my dog down the beach and stuff like that. There are certain things around the world that are free, some you have to pay for, but ultimately go searching for the things that make you feel good about yourself. Like that's the key to life, get rid of the bad stuff, get rid of the hate, and just focus on the good. And your whole life turns around from that. I hate this idea. And I was one of them. I fell for it. Right? I didn't acknowledge that clearly what happened to me when I was 12 years old, losing my mom and all the other pieces that happened, the traumatic experiences that happened to me since then, I didn't acknowledge them, when perhaps - maybe I need to deal with this because if I don't, how the hell am I going to be a decent father to my son and my daughter? Like that awareness, I didn't have then. But again, we've got what - 40 experts as part of this series, and the Surgeon General, Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, she's absolutely fantastic. And she was talking about this concept of mental health being sort of public health, right. Because the services are so limited. There's not enough money. The problem is actually immense. How can we all help each other rather than this: 'Oh, once I'm broken, or once I'm suffering, I have to go here.' And there's not enough rooms or spaces for the amount of people or the for the need, when actually you can get ahead of it, and work on the prevention by sharing and being more vulnerable with each other, and being able to process this grief or this loss, or this trauma that every single one of us have experienced and will experience. So anyone who's sitting there going: 'I don't have a problem, and I never will have a problem.' Well, you probably are already contributing to the problem, because you probably got your blinkers on, you probably created your own echo chambers. So I think it's a that, that's certainly what I've experienced for my own process, my own journey, my family and my friends and everybody else is. Anyone who thinks, oh, we're fine. You're the one who's like, willing to talk about it. It's like, yeah, I'm willing to talk about it and talking about it. And the financial element as well. We're pouring money into on the downsteam, when it's like, Can we just focus upstream? Yeah, we focus on one thing, like to me listen to Oprah was what was one of the reasons that this whole thing started was two of the biggest issues that we're facing in today's world, I think, is the climate crisis, and mental health. And they're both intrinsically linked. Basically if we neglect our collective wellbeing, then we're screwed. Basically, because we can't look after ourselves. We can't look after each other. We can't look after each other, we can't look after this home that we all inhabit. So it's all part of the same thing.

DS: Prince Harry, I don't say this lightly. I love you. Thanks for coming. This was great.

M: Thank you so much.

PH: Thank you very much.

Wish I'd done my weeding.

[meandmyechoes]

I'm just gonna write down how I feel, then what I think about, the opening scene of TBB 1.10.

When I first see it, I didn't immediately connect to June Fourth. My heart skipped a beat as I thought of armoured vans and water cannon trucks. I was thinking, ah this feels familiar (derogatory), but this is star wars, just another example of the big bad empire. I was thinking, why am i not surprised they give the explicitly chinese-looking officer blue eyes.

On the second watch, after reading a few concerned accounts, I felt chills all over my body when the "tanks" march on the crowd. I asked friends who've seen and not seen star wars, and they all recognize Tiananmen in it.

Then I guess, perhaps I was suppresing some memories I don't miss, some scent of the air, some roaring of— water.

There are two things that I might offer a different perspective.

As a HKer, Singh's words sounds like the propaganda day after day since last year's implementation of National Security Law. To prosper under the new order. But it's also so surreal, I smile wryly. It's been so long since we've heard someone saying "human talk" openly, it… took me out of the moment too.

But Singh's departure. A tale relieved every day the past two years. Truth-seekers, either imprisoned or fled. From political figures to students to your childhood best friend, all chose to emigrate before it's too late. I think, it's confronting to hear Echo, my comfort character, to affirm a chance in tomorrow, as well. (his arc this ep is its own post.) Oh yes, this episode airs exactly one day after Hong Kong's 24th handover anniversary.

I'm not "Chinese", but also I'm not "not Chinese" as well; most importantly, I'm not "poc". I don't have the same upbringing and society as people you'll hear from on racism in Star Wars, whom I'm learning from as well. I have more than enough representation—privledge as the dominating ethnicity in my city. I'm blunt to racial issues having never been exposed to discrimination on that front.

The other thing I want to say, as a Star Wars fan this time, is how ultimately tired I am to come up with excuses for it. The writers/producers do NOT care about keeping a story straight. It's been a beef I've been roasting since Mando S2, but I think it's evident enough with Kanan's retcon.

I've known too much about Star Wars's bullshit to give it credit for "referencing" or "reenacting" Tiananmen Square consciously. Yes, it's super fucked up it ended up having this implication while it was not down to the last detail. I look at the AT-TEs and go No, turbo "tank" is another vehicle, these are "walkers". I look at the crowd and Yep, the same mix of extras that doesn't make any sense but to cut costs. So I didn't immediately jump to the yellow peril conclusion. It's the lack of foresight in creating a crowd of faux-diverse background characters coming back to bite them. Also, if you ask me, a Chinese totalitarian regime might've been a most convincing plot. Worst of all, it's not like they don't have Asian/Chinese/Taiwanese in the production staff.

The only reason an obviously-Chinese looking person is given blue eyes is because the design team is not thinking about it as well. They are just giving them what "looks good" subconsciously. They've done it before. I don't have the capacity to hold all the anger.

But I also don't understand the scene. Giving poc characters blue eyes (i.e. eurocentric features) is whitewashing, right? Then are they trying to whitewash Captain Bragg to distant her, and negative association, from real-life China? Is it a CCP fantasy to "surpass the USA"? I know I'm overreaching and Disney gives no shit about Star Wars animation, they do care about the Chinese Mainland market. But within the Great Wall, who dare to criticize that scene, when they weren't even aware of it? After being pointed out to on the local forum, I scout around the mainland one to read their reactions. To no one's surprise, I met my fair share of Empire enthusiasts. But really, I can never take that crowd seriously on any matter.

Around me, people who recgonized the scene other in June Fourth, or Summer 2019, felt uneased. But we also left it there, it wasn't harmful in a way we instinctively understand due to a different populace and influence of the franchise. Least of all, as a Star Wars fan, I've decided I'd never understand it.

[a-girl-must-have-a-new-name]

Best One Yet

Gendry choked as he opened the Tyrell’s front door and a fog of dried ice assaulted him. However he waved it away and gallantly held the door open wider so that Arya could slip under his arm and enter. 

“Wow Margaery really outdid herself again this year didn’t she!” It was more fact than question, one Gendry didn’t bother answering as they took in their surroundings for the evening.  Margaery Tyrell had gone all out this year and had decorated her house as if it were a mausoleum, if mausoleums were underground vampire clubs of course. Columns that Gendry was at least seventy-five percent sure hadn’t been there before, now lined the entrance  and into the ballroom  of the estate. Instead of twinkling lights or whatever it was that they usually used for parties it seemed like Margaery and Loras had acquired a couple hundred sconces to light the house in a flickering candlelight. Gendry hoped that when the eventual fire would start Arya and he would be long gone. Though it seemed as though Arya had no such plan, eyeing the “mood lighting” in absolute delight.  

“This is amazing! Robb had said Margaery had been going crazy the last week or so with planning, but even he has to admit it was worth it!”  

“I don’t know, I kinda like last years theme better.” Last year had been a pumpkin carving party with tons of alcohol involved. 

“That’s just because you enjoyed seeing Joffrey accidentally cut himself with a carving knife.”

“And you didn’t?” 

“Well lets just say I wasn’t boo hooing as his goons dragged him to the hospital for stitches.” Arya smiled as she thought back to Joffrey almost fainting from the sight of all his blood.  

“Arya, Gendry! I’m so glad you came!” Margaery Tyrell was on them in an instant hugging and kissing both on the cheek before pulling away to look at them. 

“Love your costumes by the way! Please tell me that you’ll both enter the couples contest!”  Margery spoke over the music. Arya looked up at Gendry coyly and shrugged. This year they had decided to go as Batman and Catwoman.  Not the most original costume idea they’ve had but one that suited them fine nonetheless. In fact Arya was rather proud of the look. Having decided to go with a more vintage looking Catwoman, taking her inspiration right from Julie Newmar. 

Arya had begged Sansa for months to make the costume and after promising to cover Sansa’s chores for the rest of the year. (As well as forking over the money for materials needed and a little extra for service) Arya couldn’t be happier! How Sansa had gotten the pattern needed and an almost exact type of fabric she couldn’t say but damn was her sister good at what she does. Sansa had even offered to help her do her hair and make up, styling it like Brigitte Bardot. 

Arya had thought Gendry would go with the Nolan batman costume or something of that nature. To show off his stature and muscles, also because it was overall just bad ass if she had to say so. However, to her surprise Gendry showed up to her house in the Adam West Costume eyebrow mask and all. Once Arya could stand up straight again after laughing too hard she asked him why the choice? 

“Who doesn’t want to be Adam West? Besides the other costumes made me look strange with all the extra padding sewn in on them.” Gendry did mention off-handedly, obviously a little embarrassed at the explanation but Arya couldn’t see why.  Gendry had a great fucking body, one that was constantly on her mind if she was honest. He was well built from years of sports and hard work, lifting and carrying car parts and tools at his job at Mott’s Garage. He wasn’t crazy muscular  like Dany’s Boyfriend was but he was still fit buff. In Fact with him wearing the batsuit she was reminded of vintage photos of American football players. 

Shaking away her thoughts she turned back to Margaery admiring her own costume choice,  Margaery had opted for a vampire look, befitting this year's theme.  She was wearing a long flowy black sheer and laced corset dress with black and red roses adorning her hair in a makeshift crown that ended up cascading strategically down the back of her hair in smaller roses. 

“Margaery your costume is great, I can see why Robb spent so much on his costume!” Arya 

“Hey from what I heard my costume didn’t cost anything near what  yours did. Hey Gendry what’s up? Batman nice!” Robb had joined the little group, greeting Gendry with their usual hug and leaned over to try and muss Arya’s hair who expertly dodged. Robb’s costume was very similar to Margaery's having an almost Victorian design with the same details sewn into the dress cape he wore.  The group talked a little longer but Margaery had to excuse herself having hosting duties and Robb being the ever dutiful boyfriend followed her.  Arya turned to Gendry eyed him up and down a glint in her eyes as she spoke

“Mr. Wayne would you care to dance?”

“Only if you call me Batman when we are out in public, Don’t want to have my identity known.”

“Purrr-fect.” Arya jokingly said as she grabbed Gendry’s hand and excitedly led him to the dance floor. Where a dark techno beat was blasting. For the next hour or so they danced. It was truly an eclectic set Margaery had put together. one moment it was a haunting waltz music which unsurprisingly for the group that had gathered all knew. (products of their upbringings) Gendry was a little nervous only having learned these dances later in life but Arya gently reminded him as they went and soon it was no problem at all for him, even surprising her once or twice with twirls and dips. 

There were also the songs where they pull each other closer, moving rhythmically to the slowed hypnotic beats. A growing frustration at wanting to be even closer to each other, often forgetting where they were and getting caught up in the moment. Only getting a warning  click of disapproval from Jon once, before his girlfriend Ygritte dragged him away.  

 While jumping along when rave music blasted.  After one final dance, one that was exceptionally energetic, Gendry pleaded for a break and both moved towards the refreshment tables. Gendry in search of food and drink for them while Arya looked for a place to sit.  

“Arya come sit at my table!” Sansa’s voice rang out clearly but Arya had trouble placing it until a wild hand beckoned her forward.  

“Sansa is that you?” Arya was shocked instead of seeing her normal long Tully red hair Sansa was wearing a short dark black wig. Styled in a classic men's side part. It was jarring to see her with dark short hair. Arya thought rather enviously that it suited her even better than when Arya sported a short cropped hairstyle all those long years ago. Sansa’s delicate features were highlighted even more. And was it possible that Sansa’s blue eyes looked even brighter  because of the dark color? Life was unfair.

However, Arya didn’t dwell on it like she would have years ago instead she smiled widely and  approached Sansa who for her part was lounging at the table she had acquired and was looking around the room from time to time.

“This is great isn’t it? I think it’s even better than junior year's Rocky Horror theme!”  Sansa exclaimed as Arya plopped down beside her. 

That year had been a karaoke party while the film continuously played on loop on one of the dance floor walls. Sansa had been dragged up to the mic to sing and pretty much stole the show.  Well at least she had until Olenna Tyrell walked down the stairs for a drink  and came face to er- Renly Baratheon's gyrating hips as he danced drunkenly on one of the tables.

 It had been a night to remember truly. Especially when Olenna surprised everyone and grabbed the mic from Sansa’s hands and with a strength that a woman of her age shouldn’t have possessed pulled Renly down from the table and had him singing along with her in no time. 

“That was a pretty great party.”  Arya admitted remembering Sansa’s scandalized face at the time.

“Hey Arya I grabbed a whole bunch of different things to eat! I even snagged a goodie bag for dessert. I figured we can grab a few more later. Margaery isn’t going to notice- Oh hey Sansa almost didn’t recognize you!  Great costume but I thought Arya said you were going as the little mermaid?” 

“Oh I am, however somebody made a better case that they should be Ariel” Sansa replied casually with a conspiratorial  smile forming across her lips as she looked behind them. 

“Sup Bitches! Gendry I love what you’ve done with your brows!” Theon shouted loudly as he placed two bottles on the table, a water for Sansa and a beer for him.

 Gendry who had taken a bite out of his cupcake  once again  began to choke, though Arya couldn’t be worried at the moment as she grinned wildly at Theon reaching over the table to give him a high five.  Theon had a long red wig on and a purple seashell bra that was slightly skewed. His bottom half Arya was happy to see covered by a mertail.  Which was connected to a stick so he could move it around. 

“Alright I give up, Gendry I don’t think we are going to win the costume contest.”

“That’s fine with me, if you guys don’t win it, the contest is rigged!” 

“Come on now, I think we’ve got a good shot to win this year” Ygritte's voice came from behind as everyone turned to look at them. Ygritte and Jon looked absolutely ridiculous in their Scoops Ahoy costumes. 

Jon had absolutely refused at first, saying there was no way he’d walk around looking like that. Contest or not.

 However, it was no surprise to Arya that, that evening as she was walking through the hallway she spotted Jon meticulously adjusting the sailor hat to sit perfectly on his locks. Jon having caught her looking only sighed defeatedly and shrugged his shoulders.  As if to say  “what can you do?”  

Everyone moved around so that there was more room at the table and Theon nodded his head regarding the newest members of the table looking them up and down  before his normal sly smile crept across his face.

“I’ll give it to you, you’ve got the upper hand in terms of popularity at the moment. But what Sans and I’ve got is pure classic nostalgia, and humor. Though I do have to admit Snow, those shorts are a riot!”

“Not to mention you really nailed the hair Harrington!” Robb joined the conversation plopping on the only chair left at the table next to Jon and ruffling his hair. Causing Jon to curse moving out of reach and adjusting the hat once more.

“Where’s Margaery? Sansa asked, looking around for her.

“She’s setting up for the runway right now.” Robb answered as he swiped Theon’s beer taking a sip for himself while Theon went to go get more drinks for the table.

“She got a runway for this?” Gendry asked in disbelief, rich people never stopped surprising him.

“Hey at least it’s not a haunted mansion like she rented three years ago.” Robb offered knowingly. Patting Gendry on the back.

“But Harrenhal was awesome. I want to go back!” Arya defended. Gendry looked visibly ill at the thought. That was back before they had become a couple, they had decided to go to the party with their friend Hot Pie. It was not a good night for Gendry who up until that moment had been able to keep his fear of jump scares and ghost to a minimum. It also didn’t help that some pretty boy named Jaqen had gone along on their group's tour, walking with Arya and laughing at the scare actors and tour guide as they went. 

The only thing that made the tour bearable was after one close call of Gendry nearly hitting a worker with his Thor hammer. Arya having realized what was wrong, left the front of the group to walk side by side with him the rest of the night. Taking his hand in preparation for the next scare, and squeezing it to reassure him before letting go again. At some point in the night Gendry just kept a hold of her hand. And within the week they were going out. So yeah maybe Harrenhal wasn’t as bad as he remembered.  But still the thought of the creepy burnt house and all the ghost and ghouls that were there was enough to keep him away for a lifetime

The rest of the night ended up staying for the most part at the table, laughing and reminiscing on Halloween’s past. Theon caused everyone to cry from laughter as he retold highlights of his tricks as a child. How he had successfully tee-peed old Walder Frey's house and never got caught. To which Robb added that he never got caught only because Robb was blamed for it instead. It cost Robb a month of cleaning and yard work at the man’s house to make up for it. 

Arya had moved from her chair at some point to sit on Gendry’s lap and leaned into the crook of his neck enjoying the feeling of his body laughing at her brother’s wild antics. It was nice to see the usually stoic man open up and enjoy other peoples company. But Arya  knew it was only because this was her crazy family and he’d known all of them just as long as she’d known him. He was just as much a part of the stories as anyone else.  

The group ate and drank the rest of the night, Robb having left half way through to go help Margaery once more, and soon the contest had begun.  The crowd cheered as each couple walked the runway.  Margaery and Robb walked first after having explained they wouldn’t be competing but still thought the costumes deserved to be appreciated. They looked like quite the power couple. Then after a while Jon and Ygritte had their turn. Both laughing as they walked, people screaming their character’s names and quoting the show as they went.  As they sat back down Jon winked at Arya.

“Beat that.”

“Oh trust me, we will!” feeling her competitive streak rise up Arya hopped out of Gendry’s lap and grabbed his arm dragging him along. After quickly consulting with each other on what they were going to do Arya ran back stage to hand her phone to Margaery asking her to play it on the sound system. By the time Arya got back to Gendry it was almost their time to walk. And as soon as the original batman theme started playing the crowd went wild. Gendry ran out on stage karate chopping and punching the air in wild broad strokes in time with the music. Meanwhile Arya waited until he was about two thirds of the way down the runway and then she was going. Thanking her parents for all the years of gymnastics she had taken Arya carted her way down. Twisting and flipping perfectly down the line. Before landing perfectly next to Gendry. Both grinned like idiots as they took a sweeping bow. Confident in their spot they hopped off the Stage Gendry catching Arya easily in his arms which added more fuel to the fire as the crowd laughed and cheered even more. Walking back to their table Arya eyed Ygritte coyly before asking.

“Still think you're winning?”  

“No, no we know when we’re beat.” Ygritte laughed.

“I just hope you know when you Are.” Jon said with a chuckle as he pointed to the stage where Sansa and Theon were alreadying posing. And once the regular music started once more. Both started to strut the runway. In tandem looking like ridiculous models. At some point Theon somehow was able to wrap the part of the tail that was attached to a stick around his neck dramatically like a scarf before ripping it free at the end of the walk. Sansa for her part pulled out a sword from a hilt and started brandishing it. Arya quickly realized it was her prized fencing sword Jon had bought her.  But couldn’t find it in herself to be mad. Instead she threw her head back wolf whistling as Theon turned “seductively” around showing the complete costume.  In the end it really was no contest. Sansa and Theon won by a landslide. And after a long winded and completely  unnecessary acceptance speech on Theon’s part. (which Arya was very sure she heard Jon muttering to himself that he wished Theon would actually lose his voice.) The party had drawn to a close. The group separated all feeling like the night wasn’t quite over. Gendry hummed in content as he and Arya made it back to his apartment. Having ditched the costumes for more comfortable clothes Arya was snuggled up on the couch in one of Gendry’s large t-shirts, as Gendry flipped through dvd’s before finally settling on one. Quickly putting it in and turning off the lights he sat on the couch as well, gladly letting Arya into his space as she leaned against him once more.  Arya laughed as the title menu for the batman show lit up the screen. 

“Not tired of it yet?”

“No way gotta pay homage to it right?”

“Right, and what better way than a marathon and candy?”

“Oh shit I forgot to get the goodie bags!” 

“I know, that’s why I swiped them, when you were asking Robb if they needed any help cleaning.”

“Why you crafty little thief there’s like 10 bags here!” Gendry laughed as Arya pulled her bag she had taken for the night out and revealed all the treats she had grabbed. Arya merely shrugged, pulling two out and tossing one to Gendry.

“ What can I say? I really wanted to pay homage to Catwoman.” 

This was hands down Margaery’s best Halloween party yet.

[caitybug]

Please could we have Snowbaz for 14? 🌧☔💖

Nena, you could have anything you want!

14. Kisses in the rain (with a twist).

(Thanks for letting me give it a fun little twist, I hope you enjoy the direction I took it in.)

You can read this ficlet (with the others that I promise I’ll slowly get around to uploading) on ao3 here.

(also, shoutout to @adamarks @motherscarf for looking this over for me before posting. The true MVP’s here.)

There’s soft noise coming through the doors as I stand on the balcony. 

Everyone inside is having a great time. 

It’s a good party.

(Truly, it is.)

Sometimes I just need to take a breath and separate myself from everything.

It’s also nice to be able to go outside without the fear of someone shrieking when they see me. 

(That happened once. Baz and I forgot about spelling my wings away the first night we moved in and the poor lady to our left saw us over her morning cup of tea.)

Thank Merlin costumes exist. 

(She still gives me weird glances in the hall though.)

“Doing alright?”

It’s Baz. He always knows I need some time at big gatherings.

(Frankly, he does too.)

 We love our friends, but we get drained after a while. It’s nice to be able to step away and get fresh air. 

Shepard is here anyway. He could always carry a party all by himself. 

Baz can tend to put up with more than me, people wise. (A side effect of his upbringing, I guess.)

“Yeah.” I look over the ledge at a group of people walking down the road. They’re slightly intoxicated, shouting about how this next year of their life is going to be the best thing ever. “‘M’alright.”

Baz’s arm comes behind my back and I feel his lips touch the top of my head.

“I’ll kick them out if you want me too,” he whispers. 

I snort. 

“Penny would kill you.” I lean into him.

He laughs softly.

Much softer than whoever is laughing back in the living room. 

(Penny, I think.)

“I’d bounce back, somehow. Short of her setting me on fire, I’d wager I could come back from the dead, so to speak.” 

I look up. 

He’s concentrating at a point on my forehead. Looking at me, but not at me. 

I start to wonder why, but he lifts a finger and brushes a curl from my face. 

“No amount of product you use will ever stop your hair being the way it is,” he says, finally looking down into my eyes. 

I smile finally. The first time since walking out here to escape the noise. 

Shepard shouts something about how he’s met Mothman.

Penny shouts back that Mothman isn’t real.

“I love you,” I tell him, putting my arms around his neck. “Any hopes for what this next year will bring?”

A group of people step out on the balcony above us, buzzing about how it’s almost time.

Must almost be midnight.

“Well let’s see,” he ponders. He purses his lips and looks up for a moment, pretending to be deep in thought. “I wouldn’t mind if my boyfriend learned to put his trousers away after finishing the laundry.”

He’s smirking, but it’s in jest.

(Doesn’t mean I don’t pinch his waist in response though.)

“I wouldn’t change much either,” I respond, leaning into his chest. “Maybe could do without the salt and vinegar crisp crumbs left on the table.”

He hums in response.

Not denying or accepting. 

“Okay, does everyone have one?” Someone asks above us. 

I hear people from inside start to count down. 

The people above start too (a bit off time, but close enough.)

“10…”

“Should we go in?” Baz asks.

I scrunch my nose.

“9…”

I look inside.

Penny and Shepard are shouting, both standing on the couch.

(I make sure Baz stays facing me. He’d be dreadful if he saw.)

“8…”

“I think they’ll make do without us,” I say, facing him again. 

He pulls me closer, our foreheads touching.

“7…”

We whisper the countdown now.

“6…”

It feels like it’s just us.

Me and Baz, against the world.

(Though we’re not fighting anything anymore.)

“5…”

Not really.

Unless you count the cable provider.

Baz got into it with them last Monday.

“4…”

He kisses my forehead.

“3…”

I kiss his chin.

“2…”

“I love you, Simon,” he whispers. His lips move against my own.

“I love you too, Baz.”

“1…”

We stay this in unison. The last number, the final moment of the previous year, and we press harder into each other.

I hear pops go off, maybe some fireworks in the distance. 

People on the street are shouting, praising the end of yet another horrible year.

Baz leans back for a moment. I open my eyes.

His hair has strips of something on it. 

He raises an eyebrow and pulls a similar one off mine. 

They’re floating all around us.

Confetti. 

I hear more pops from above.

“The neighbors seem to be having fun,” Baz jokes.

I hum, leaning up to keep kissing him while the confetti rains around us. 

Not every day of the year was great. Most were fairly painful if we are being honest.

But this, here.

Kissing Baz.

Feeling confetti hit our cheeks as we laugh.

Hearing Penny shout, asking where we are.

Only for Agatha to respond with: “Where do you think, Penelope? Making out on the balcony.”

She groans, but I don’t much care if I’m being honest.

It’s a new year, and I’ve started it by kissing Baz.

I could do this a million times more. 

[current-mcr-news]

Behind the Scenes: The Umbrella Academy - Episode 1

BRANDON JENKINS: In 1953, a 25 year old director named Phil Tucker had $16,000 and just four days to make his first sci-fi film. The plot? A creature comes to Earth with a death ray and wipes out all of humanity, except for eight people who are immune to the creature’s weapons. He called the film Robot Monster.

Movie clip: With the swiftness of a deadly cosmic ray, the Earth is inundated by indestructible moon monsters. Their ghastly mission? Death for all humans.

B: The film was so low budget, Tucker couldn’t even afford to get alien costumes, so he had the monster in a gorilla suit with a TV for a head.

Movie clip: What astounding technical developments are being made to protect mankind?

B: The release was a disaster. It was widely panned. Its lasting legacy would’ve been that it was one of the worst movies of all time. But in the early 2000s, a kid from New Jersey with a knack for drawing comics saw a picture of the Robot Monster and it stuck with him.

Gerard Way: I’ve never even actually seen the film, but I saw pictures of this creature over the years, and they’ve got a TV set, kind of circular space looking head, and they have a gorilla body, and I was like, “I want a superhero that’s kind of inspired by this.”

B: The kid’s name was Gerard. He’d been writing comics since he was 15 and was on his way to making it as a professional comic book artist.

WAY: I went to art school and I was an illustration and cartooning major, so comics were kind of like my major, and I was like this perpetual intern. I interned at DC, I pitched a cartoon to Cartoon Network, and then I landed a job as a toy designer at this place called FunHaus in Hoboken. But that’s like right when the band took off.

B: That band, Gerard’s side hustle, would become massive alt-punk sensation, My Chemical Romance. Seemingly overnight, My Chemical Romance and Gerard were making some of the most popular music in the world, getting spins on terrestrial radio, dominating music video countdowns, they were even nominated for a Grammy. But while he traveled across the globe leading a rockstar life, Gerard kept up with his first love - drawing.

WAY: So I really missed comics and we were in Japan and we did a signing at a shop, and one of the fans gave me a little marker set and it was Copic markers. They were like the greatest markers that I’d ever used before, and so I started to create Luther.

B: Luther, a superhero with a gorilla body and space helmet who lives on the moon was the very first character Gerard drew in what would become his hit comic The Umbrella Academy. I’m Branden Jenkins and this is Behind the Scenes: The Umbrella Academy. This season, we’re going backstage and inside the making of season 2. The first season of the show, based on Gerard’s comic of the same name, launched in February of last year and quickly became one of the most beloved series on Netflix. Now it’s back for its second season with bigger effects, bigger characters, and bigger drama. We’re going to catch you up on everything that’s gone down in The Umbrella Academy universe so far, and we’ll spend the next five episodes breaking down how the team shot the multi-million dollar superhero production across two countries, and how in the midst of a global pandemic, they managed to finish it from inside their own homes. But first, we wanted to take a look back and dig into the roots of The Umbrella Academy. So today, I’m catching up with the creators of the comic and the guy tasked with making the TV series. We talk about how the graphic novel was adapted for your screens.

B: Alright, so if you haven’t watched season 1, go back and watch season 1 on Netflix. For those of you who just need a quick recap: At 12pm on October 1, 1989, a supernatural event occurred. Forty-three babies across the planet were born to mothers who were not pregnant just seconds before. The world was confused, intrigued, and one eccentric billionaire wanted to find the babies and adopt them. He ended up with seven. Each baby had a superpower, and what do you do when you’re a billionaire with a group of kids with superpowers? You train them to become a crime fighting family.

Reginald: I give you the inaugural class of The Umbrella Academy!

B: When Gerard Way started creating the members of the Academy, he started with the most fundamental material. 

WAY: I created a list of all the things that interested me. It could be anything from ouija board, fortune teller, spaceman, gorilla body, just a list of stuff.

B: Then he drew from that list and started creating these characters. All in all, he would draw seven. The first, Luther, the half-man half-gorilla, was the team’s defective leader. He was also the child closest with their father. 

Luther: Just at Dad’s favorite spot. Allison: Dad had a favorite spot? Luther: Yeah, you know, under the oak tree. We used to sit out there all the time, none of you ever did that?

B: Next, he created Klaus and Allison, the boy who talks to the dead and the girl who can make people bend to her will with just a few words.

WAY: Klaus, he has some pretty serious addiction and addiction is something that I dealt with in my life. He’s also a little bit spooky and supernatural, and my personality in My Chemical Romance was very similar to that.

Klaus: I can’t just call Dad in the afterlife and be like, “Dad, could you just stop playing tennis with Hitler for a moment and take a quick call?” Luther: Since when? That’s your thing. Klaus: I’m not in the right frame of mind! Allison: You’re high? Klaus: Yeah yeah! I mean, how are you not listening to this nonsense?

WAY: He was kind of my version of Doctor Strange. I find Allison to be the one that is easiest to write and I put the most of myself into Allison.

B: Her superpower is that she can make you do pretty much anything she tells you with a few magic words.

Allison: I heard a rumor you want to be my friend. I heard a rumor that you like Bradley. I heard a rumor that you left me alone. I heard a rumor that you stop crying.

WAY: There’s a bit of a tragic nature that comes with her power.

B: Allison, out of all of her super powered siblings, is the only one grasping for a normal life - career, husband, children. In a way, she’s the most human. The fourth character Gerard created is Diego, a guy with an uncanny ability to throw knives. He’s also stubborn as hell.

WAY: I knew early on he was gonna be the one that was gonna be really difficult with the leader. I figured that.

Diego: You know, you of all people should be on my side here, Number One. Luther: I am warning you. Diego: After everything he did to you, he had to ship you a million miles away. Luther: Diego, stop talking! Diego: That’s how much he couldn’t stand the sight of you!

B: The fifth character, a kid who can travel through time and space, who simply goes by Five. Despite the other character growing up into adults, he has remained a teenager, sort of.

WAY: He was a time traveler who then got stuck in his young body when he traveled back in time because time travel is complicated. 

Klaus: Where are you going? Five: To get a decent cup of coffee. Allison: Do you even know how to drive? Five: I know how to do everything.

WAY: So then came The Horror.

B: The Horror, aka Ben, aka the dead sibling who only Klaus can see.

WAY: I imagined this character that had all these monsters living under his skin that came from another dimension. And he was very tortured to me. It actually kind of hurts him and it’s scary to him.

Ben: Do I really have to do this? Klaus: Come on, Ben. There’s more guys in the vault. Ben: I didn’t sign up for this.

B: And then finally, Number Seven, Vanya, who seemingly has no powers besides playing the violin.

WAY: I was at this cafe in Manhattan when I was living in Brooklyn, and it was called The Sidewalk Cafe I believe, and on the wall they had a white violin just as decoration. And I remember looking at that and thinking to myself, “That would be a cool superhero.” And Vanya was always kind of designed to be a character who wasn’t special, that was going to transform into that.

Vanya: Look, if I was special I would’ve been in The Umbrella Academy. I’m so sorry you got stuck with the ordinary one.

B: These seven adopted siblings forced together by supernatural events formed The Umbrella Academy. Both the original comic and season 1 of the show start at the funeral for the Academy’s patriarch, the eccentric Sir Reginald Hargreeves. We learn that while the siblings ventured away from home as teenagers, after years of fighting and a toxic upbringing, they’ve returned home, back together for the first time in years, and all their dysfunctions and old conflicts come bubbling to the surface.

Diego: He was a bad person and a worse father. The world’s better off without him. Allison: Diego! Diego: My name is Number Two.

B: When he started writing the comic, Gerard was focused on his own strained relationships. He saw his band as his own dysfunctional family at the time.

WAY: When you’re a baby band, you’re in this van and it’s like a submarine but it’s smaller. It’s like a closet that you're all living in and sometimes you’re going on seventeen hour drives, and you have very strong personalities. This dynamic starts to develop between all of the members and you really do kind of become a dysfunctional family. Like, there’s times where I felt like I was the mom.

GABRIEL BA: They know each other’s weaknesses.

B: Turns out, family dynamics was a theme with everyone who joined the Umbrella team, including the illustrator and Umbrella’s co-creator, a Brazilian artist named Gabriel Ba.

BA: And sometimes they say it to hurt the other intentionally and they do that a lot in Umbrella because they’re all angry at each other all the time. And even though I have a great relationship with my brother, I have that. We have a younger sister as well, so she’s very opinionated and she’s strong. I wouldn’t say we fight a lot, but sometimes we- I just know how to hurt her if I want to say something.

B: Family is present in Gabriel’s life more than for most people. He works every day with his twin brother, fellow comic book artist, Fabio Moon. But his work made him an unconventional choice for Umbrella.

BA: In the mid 90s, we moved away from superheroes. We, my brother and I, we figured the type of story that we liked to tell and wanted to tell was more real life, day by day life relationship, this kind of stuff. 

B: Gabriel grew up in Brazil and now lives in Sao Paulo. His brother had been making experimental comics for well over a decade.

BA: But The Umbrella Academy was a superhero book with this day by day life relationship drama, and that was really interesting for me.

B: What excited Gerard about Gabriel was his style. His characters weren’t macho. They didn’t have big ripped muscles. They’re the kind of comics you could imagine being drawn in the margins of a notebook. There's nothing stereotypically super about them.

BA: It was not a straightforward American superhero artstyle. It was a mix of European and more fluid, but also could handle action and crazy stuff. And also, I can’t deny The Umbrella Academy was my first paid job in the U.S.

B: Wow.

BA: For the first ten years of our career, my brother and I were making comics for free. Just for ourselves, just getting [?], if there were any. So when I got the invitation to get involved with The Umbrella Academy it was this whole package of factors.

WAY: Gabriel climbing on board was a huge thing for us because he’s such a fantastic artist. He brought these characters to life. The interesting thing about Gabriel,  he didn’t have to make Umbrella Academy. He was doing really well on his own and making really experimental artistic comics, but he liked the idea so much that he said, “I’m gonna do superheroes.”

BA: The superhero aspect of The Umbrella Academy is really just a layer in the story. I like the development of these characters, their struggles, their relationships, there’s romance, there’s deception.

Vanya: You are unbelievable, you’re trying to dig up dirt on a guy I like? Who does that? Allison: Look, I’ve had my fair share of stalkers and creeps, I don’t trust him! Vanya: You mean you don’t trust me.

BA: And it had the fun explosions and action scenes. So that’s the good mix.

B: The first book of the comic is called Apocalypse Suite. After their father’s death, The Umbrella Academy gets a warning from their time traveling brother that the world is going to end in 10 days. They don’t know how, they just know that it will. And now, back together for the first time, they’ve got to figure out how to save the planet and learn how to look past their differences. Which sounds dope, right? But when it first published back in 2007, it wasn’t immediately clear that people would dig it.

WAY: So one of the things I was dealing with when Umbrella Academy came out was a lot of people in the press before the comic came out saying things like, “Here’s a musician and he’s writing a comic.” They didn’t really know my background, they didn’t know that I’d written at 15, they didn’t know I went to art school. All they knew was that I was the singer in this rock band that a lot of teenagers liked. So, all I really wanted was a fair shake. I didn’t write The Umbrella Academy to become a TV show or a film. I wrote it to be an amazing comic. But we knew that first issue, and we knew it was good, and we knew that if you didn't get it by the first seven pages you just weren’t gonna like it, and I was totally fine with that. But then it came out and then the response started to happen and then reviewers loved it and people loved it.

B: The comic went on to win an Eisner award, which is like the Oscar of comics, and pretty quickly, Gerard gets an offer to turn the comic into a full length movie.

WAY: I got swept up in the Hollywood thing.

B: But it doesn’t pan out.

WAY: That’s actually one of the reasons why there was such a big gap between comics, is because I was really, you know, I was trying- at the end of the day, I was trying to be helpful. If this was gonna be a movie version of what Gabriel and I had made, I wanted it to be great so I put in a lot of time and it kept me away from the comics.

B: But then Netflix hits you up and is interested in making this into a series.

WAY: Right.

B: I guess I'm curious, as someone who just initially wanted to make just a really good comic, what about turning that project into a television show was interesting?

WAY: Straight up, I want to make a great comic and that’s all I’m really interested in. If I can write great comics, you’ll have great material to make TV shows. So let me focus on that.

B: In other words, Gerard wanted to focus on the comics and let someone else adapt it.

WAY: And that’s when Steve came in and he changed things and he ran with it. 

STEVE BLACKMAN: I’m Steve Blackman, I’m the showrunner and I’m executive producer.

B: Steve is a master at adapting books, comics, and film into television. Before The Umbrella Academy, he’d worked on shows like Fargo, Legion, and Altered Carbon, all of which originated from other sources. So he knew coming in that adaptation can be tricky work.

BLACKMAN: At first, I think Gerard and Gabriel, who co-did this with him, were very protective of the work like parents of their baby. And I think I had to prove to them initially that I would love and protect this child that they had worked on for so many years, so here I am, an outsider coming in and they were very nice to me, but I could see there was like, “Is this guy gonna totally screw up our baby here?”

B: Is it something that you can come to the table with Gerard and be like, “Hey, here’s my arsenal of adaptations, this is why it will work.”

BLACKMAN: Yeah, I worked on the show Fargo for three years. Fargo was obviously based on the Joel and Ethan Coen movie from 1996. I don’t think Gerard had ever seen my shows, I don’t think he watches a lot of television, so for him, it didn’t matter what I’d done before. It’s just what I was gonna do in the here and now on this show. I wasn’t intimidated by the challenge but I really did sort of have a sense of I know which direction I’m going.

B: What was your first initial reaction? Were you sort of like, “Oh, maybe I’ve never done anything like this, or this does feel familiar to other work  that I’ve done.” Or, “I can do this, this is right up my alley.”

BLACKMAN: Well, what I liked about it from the beginning was what I saw in the subject matter and I saw a dysfunctional family. But right away, I was very inspired by Wes Anderson’s work. The Royal Tenenbaums is one of those movies that really was always something I truly loved. So, I saw that in this show.

Five: An entire square block, 42 bedrooms, 19 bathrooms, but not a single drop of coffee. Vanya: Dad hated caffeine.  Klaus: Well he hated children too and he had plenty of us.

BLACKMAN: It was a family show, it was a very relatable dysfunctional family show that I wanted to tell.

WAY: Steve’s a great collaborator. Steve Blackman, the showrunner, he had a vision. I respected him and his vision. I realized it was gonna be different from the comic, and I let him run with it because he cared deeply about it.

BLACKMAN: My first conversation with Gerard over the phone, I said to him, I told him one of the words was subversive, we wanted to subvert the expectation of what a superhero show could be because there were many other shows, either on the air or coming down the pipe to be next, and we wanted this to stand out. And that was sort of the first hurdle with me, was to say to Gerard that I could do that and I could definitely make this thing feel special. And right away he said, “Okay, yeah. You get it.”

B: You’ve adapted something like Fargo which is a unique adaptation, right? You’re adapting from a different medium, like a feature film. Does that change the way you understand adaptation?

BLACKMAN: At a story point of view, no, I don’t think they’re that different. I think adapting a story, whether it's a graphic novel or the source material comes from a movie, a book, there’s a lot of care into doing it that the tricky thing is, I need to put my creative spin on it. I had Gerard and Gabriel, who lived with this for ten years, and then I have to come in and say, “Look, I’m going to honor you. At the same time, what is the Steve Blackman part of the show? How can I add my spin to it?”

B: For fans of the comic who’ve seen season 1 of the show, you’ll recognize some of that Steve Blackman spin. For example, the group who governs the laws of time in the comics, the Temps Aeternalis, in the TV show they become the Commission, an entire bureaucratic system running and adjusting linear time. Steve made some other changes too. 

WAY: One of the things that I thought was an ingenious idea was making Ben a ghost that Klaus could communicate with. I was most impressed by that change.

Ben: You know what the worst part of being dead is? You’re stuck. Nowhere to go, nowhere to change, that’s the real torture if you gotta know. Watching your brother take for granted everything you lost, and pissing it all away.

B: Perhaps the biggest change from the comic to the show is the diversity of the characters. Diverse in race, diverse in region, diverse in sexual orientation, these characters on screen look a lot more like what the world actually looks like.

WAY: It’s built into it. They’re all from different places, they’re all from different countries, so I think that’s really the biggest improvement on the source material, is how diverse it is.

B: Steve felt the pressure of both fan expectations, and Gerard and Gabriel’s trust in him.

BLACKMAN: There’s nothing worse than having pre-existing source material and having the fans dislike it. You want to make the fans feel honored and respected, at the same time I felt it was incredibly important that Gerard and Gabriel walked out of this thinking, “He did a good job.” If they hated it, I would’ve been crushed. If the fans hated it, I think I’d also be crushed. I knew I couldn’t make everybody happy, but I wasn’t doing a page for page translation. My adaptation wasn’t gonna be that.

B: The adaption worked. Season 1 was a massive success. In the finale of the first season, the Academy thinks they’ve managed to stop the end of the world from happening, but unintentionally, they’ve actually just initiated it. The moon has been destroyed and its remnants are now heading directly for Earth.

Five: We might as well accept our fate because in less than a minute we’re gonna be vaporized.  Diego: What’s your idea then? Five: We use my ability to time travel, but this time I’ll take you with me. Luther: You can do that?

B: The family, latching onto their time traveling brother Five, manage to escape the chaos. But we’re left to wonder where and when they’ll turn up, and that’s where season 2 begins.

Five: We brought the end of the world back here with us. Klaus: Oh my god, again?

BLACKMAN: It’s a pretty crazy journey this year and I think people will be hooked. I hope they binge the hell out of it and love every second of it.

B: Coming up in this season of Behind the Scenes, we’ll be taking you on that crazy journey with the people who make it happen.

“We hired meteorologists, we knew that snow was gonna come, but we had planned it. We went away for a day, we came back, and there was four feet of snow on the ground.”

“It’s 60s Dallas. Okay, so that’s a very different story for Allison. We have to talk about this somehow. Her experience is just different from her siblings.”

EMMY LAMPMAN: And a lot of people would come up to me and apologize for doing their job and I was like, “Please stop apologizing.”

“That was a wishlist fight scene that Steve had always wanted to do.”

“So we actually had our guys throwing plates up in the air and taking photos of them to try to get these UFO imageries.”

“You know, we have a new point in our resume: Can produce and deliver a show during a pandemic.”

B: Behind the Scenes of The Umbrella Academy is a Netflix and Pineapple Street Studios Production. I’m your host, Brandon Jenkins. Make sure to subscribe, rate, and review this podcast. It really does help other people find it. Thank you all for listening. 

[missholland]

Lan Wangji (mostly, his love)

LAN ZHAN! I read somewhere that this was said 102 times by Wei Wuxian in The Untamed. It feels like an understatement, cause I’ve watched the show so many times now I could hear ‘Lan Zhan’ being called in my sleep...

My first time watching the drama, I was full on Team Xianxian. I mean, who would not be? He’s the central character of the story, he’s the first thing you see within the first few seconds of episode 1, and who could resist his sunflower aura? I was not into Lan Wangji at all. I remember this clearly because I just found an old Instagram story in my Archive on the day I first watched this show: a screenshot of Wangji’s face in episode 3 and my caption was: ‘OMG how could Wei sunshine fall in love with this dry and boring man?’. And just like how Wangji eventually swallowed all of the statements he had made about the young Wei Wuxian (’I don’t touch other people’, ‘We’re not close’, etc.), I am not the same person on that fateful day tuning in the first episode on Netflix. I am now Team Hanguang-Jun through and through!

What I’ve been enjoying so much these days is watching random earlier/later episodes just to compare how Wangji’s attitude changed toward Wei Wuxian over 16 years-ish. It’s probably so obvious for everyone that he definitely falls in love first, even when the drama purposely made their early relationship a lot more intense comparing to the novel i.e. showing Wei Wuxian somewhat feeling the same way about Wangji in his first life, with the constant flirting and mutual pining (don’t even get me started...). Now that I kinda understand what the character is like, it makes a lot of sense the way he processed his feelings for Wuxian in his youth. I wonder how different he would have reacted without the push from the best brother/wingman in the cultivation world - Lan Xichen. Sure, Jiang Cheng had a lot to say about this too, but mostly out of a slight envy (I reckon) over Wuxian’s new subject of desire. But Lan Xichen sees through his brother, and has been pretty much WangXian fanclub admin since day 1. I don’t have a brother, but man, I wish Lan Xichen could be mine.

In my humble opinion, the fact that we were given 3 versions of Wei Wuxian throughout the series kinda gifts us 3 versions of Lan Wangji too in a way - the straight face, the confused heart, and the national boyfriend/husband. Considering the number of times I rewatched the latter half of the series i.e. episode 33 onward, I just want to write down all of my thoughts about the national boyfriend/husband Lan Wangji, and not just because that version seems to have the most lines comparing to the other two.

There are several details that were not explained much in the series (although shown on screen) so I have to read from the novel later on. But oh my god, the stuff I found... I never realized that the scene before Lan Wangji went to Mo’s manor where his guqin was playing behind him standing on the balcony referred to how he used Inquiry to find Wuxian. What Jiang Cheng said to him about having gone to a lot of places for 16 years and searching for someone completely went over my head in the first watch, and imagine how I scratched my brain revisiting that part. That plus ‘oh I’ve never seen you at a cultivation conference before’ in episode 41 - my goodness, because he was spending ALL of his time LOOKING FOR Wei Wuxian.

Another thing I hope would have been addressed in the series was the hot iron mark on his chest. I thought the story of him drinking wine and giving himself a mark identical to Wuxian’s was the prime work of a broken heart. He must have thought about their conversation in Xuanwu cave, about the mark staying on his skin forever and how Wuxian was convinced Mianmian would never forget him. Was that how Wangji was making a point of never forgetting Wei Wuxian? If that scene made into the drama, I would have thought Wangji’s character song Buwang to be play in the background. The lyrics fit the situation so much.

Personally, everything from episode 33 onward was perfection for me, finally getting to see Wangji embrace his feelings and ACT ON THEM toward the romance-blind idiot Wei Wuxian (yes, he totally is). All the caring touches and details played out so astonishingly. One of my favourite (which doesn’t seem to be a popular one since I have not seen many gifs of it on Tumblr) was when, after interrogating Huaisang, Wangji comfortably moved over the other side of the table and picked up Wuxian’s left leg to CLEAN THE EVIL SPELL - think of the level of intimacy this act is! Although that came after the romantic piggyback under the moonlight, I thought that speaks volume for someone who doesn’t even physically interact with his family members, and serves as a great follow-up right after he, again comfortably, pulled up Wuxian’s trousers to check his leg.

What I thought was always presented so beautifully is every time Wangji serves Wuxian liquor. The way he carefully picks up his sleeve, prepares the cup (I know they’re probably not called ‘cups’ but I can’t find another word), pours the liquor and slides it over to his partner is so well demonstrated and shows how much he wants to properly take care of Wuxian. Would you put so much effort in such a tiny mundane act if you’re not doing it for the most important person in your life? 

In a way, I feel like everything he does is making up for what he could not do the past 16 years, including remembering so many tiny details and keeping all sort of Wuxian-related things. My favourite Wangji keepsake moment, despite being a very short one, is the butterfly talisman at Yunping City which he gave to Wuxian to rescue Wen Ning. I don’t know why that moment makes me really really happy, probably because that was one of the earliest items Wangji could have kept hold of from Wuxian’s. That tells us how way long before he was developing feelings toward this little rebel. Not to mention, we did see Wangji even use this very talisman in episode 11 when he encountered Wen Chao on his way back to Cloud Recesses.

Yes, the ‘I knew he was Wei Ying all along’ while having all the swords pointed at you is highly pivotal as it’s basically the censored version of ‘I love you’. BUT, the moment all leading cultivators of all major and minor clans ran to Burial Mounds just to witness Lan Wangji standing proudly without flinch on the other side with Wei Wuxian makes me appreciate that whole arc a lot more than the big revelation in the last 3 episodes. Wangji ignoring his own Grand Master, Wuxian once again standing against every single person in the cultivation world but with so much confidence this time around - to me, is beyond satisfying. I love this arc so much so I wrote a separate piece about episode 44-45 - if you’re interested in more of my random thoughts, feel free to have a read here.

Thinking about all this, I’m absolutely in awe of how protective national boyfriend Wangji is to Wei Wuxian even before knowing he lost his golden core. They either have insanely accurate GPS, or just really good telepathy. Wangji’s constant attention to his partner (without having to verbally find out where he is) blows my mind every time. Remember how proud Wei Wuxian was having Lan Wangji come out just in time to fight Xue Yang at Coffin Town? That’s how much Wangji’s love and trust empowers Wuxian and makes him so so so secured, even when everyone was walking around in the fog hiding from the most notorious killer and his puppets. 

The one detail that pushed me over the edge completely (thanks a lot Lan Xichen) was the story of Wangji’s mom. Oh my god, baby Wangji sitting in the snow really messes with my head. I cannot believe it took 40 something episodes for us to learn about Wangji’s emotionally damaged upbringing and what shapes him into a stubborn lovebird as we know today. It adds A LOT more context and sadness to his famous phrase ‘bring a man back to Cloud Recesses and hide him’, as well as Lan Qiren’s statement ‘have you not learned from your father’s lesson’. I revisit the ‘bring back and hide him’ scene with a completely new perspective and can sense Wangji’s pain and confusion that Xichen described. The desperation in that statement of Wangji was a lot heavier in my eyes now that I understand the back story. If I were Wei Wuxian listening to all of that from Lan Xichen, I would probably have a meltdown right there at the doorsteps of the Silence Room.

Now we all know the source of inspiration of the infamous ‘I want to bring a man to Cloud Recesses. Bring him back and hide him’ in episode 25:

So after all of Xichen’s effort in telling Wuxian how Wangji actually feels about him through the tear-jerker story about their parents, Wei Wuxian STILL asked Lan Wangji WHY he was willing to seal Bichen and his own spiritual power so that Jin Guangyao would not hurt him. This dense man, of course, brought up the guilt card i.e. ‘Oh you don’t owe me anything’. I mean COME ON NOW YILING PATRIARCH! CAN YOU ACTUALLY BE THAT OBLIVIOUS WHEN IT COMES TO THE MAN THAT TOOK 300 LASHES ON HIS BACK FOR PROTECTING YOUR LEGACY? 

I know it went the other way in the novel, where the big confession happened. Maybe a bite from Fairy could do you some good, or just talk to Lan Xichen some more and then you can start appreciating your soulmate the way he deserves.

The silver lining after being deprived of an epic love confession is everything that happened in episode 50. It might have not been spelling-it-out clear as in ‘I love you’ ‘I love you too’ because of the government censorship, but it’s easily the most obvious yet emotional type of ending the production team has worked to hard to deliver. If you are still having trouble processing the allegedly ‘ambiguous’ finale, I can help with that - here. Just a heads up: it’s a happy ending. 

Good to know Wei Wuxian has the rest of his life making up to Lan Wangji. Everyday means everyday, because Wangji deserves THAT much!