#it sucks so bad to me and idk why
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Just to preface this post I am NOT here to attack anyone for dub vs sub please do not take it that way enjoy anime however you please this is just entirely my personal experience
But idk WHAT it is but i cannot STAND anime dubs like my god they make me want to strangle someone. Idk if its the tone or the lipsync or WHAT but the voices sometimes just do NOT match the characters and I hate it, it makes me want to tear the ears from my scalp I would rather a million high pitched japanese anime girl squeals than whatever dub is it HURTS like- PHYSICALLY HURTS to listen to and i dont know why Iām like this
But props to those who can tolerate dubs yāall are so much stronger than me but i am stickin with my subs
#personal#lifeblogging#negative#ask to tag#i accidentally saw a clip of a scene in one piece i had already seen but it was in dub#and i wanted to immediately erase it from my memory#my boyfriend and like- SO many of my friends watch anime dubbed exclusively#and i love them so much but i literally canNOT#it hurts it hurts it hurts#i hate it i hate it i hate it#i am 98% sure it has to do with my autism#but idk it just-#ALSO ITS LIKE- JUST WITH DUBS#like if the source is in english its fine#BUT THIS ALSO GOES FOR OTHER LANGUAGES#like- if the source is in chinese i still hate the english dub#like- if its a english dub of any kind and the source material is not original in english#it sucks so bad to me and idk why#i used to watch EXCLUSIVELY DUB too!!!#IDK WHAT HAPPENED#but one day- dub just started sounding like nails on a chalkboard to me#and i wish it didnt cause those vas are SO TALENTED and deserve the love#i want to be able to enjoy anime with my boyfriend!!!!#but its so HARD to do that#mild vent
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When you be disabled, making less money than the previous year and have the medical records to prove it and the government denies you insurance assistance because you donāt have kids ā¦. whaā¦.
#they said i qualified except for the factā¦ I donāt have kids#LIKE ? make it make sense ??? š#Iām not upset because I have treatment to stay stable even if o pay out of pocket every three months I can work with that for now#but the fact they denied me for that#also it looks like Iām not the only one#even people with tumors who can no longer keep up with full time jobs get denied if they donāt have kids#thanks America š¦
#no offense also but my uterus had me hospitalized for two years and on a wheelchair to the point doctors suggested just removing it#having kids would kill me fr#aside from being aroace i have a medical excuse for not wanting them š#but Les gooooo#les gooooooo!! yay!!#pix habla#Iām not upset Iām just shook š I swear#I had to share because itās so silly#the interview guy felt embarrassed telling me too and kept apologizing and I was like hey dawg itās ok man I get it itās not your fault#like he struggled to tell me the reason was the lack of kids and Iād hate to be in his shoes š hope heās ok#thatās why healthcare based jobs suck idk if Iāll even go back to that field of work >> the nonsense you have to say out loud sometimes is#so badā¦
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ninja turtles are here for projecting and processing grief, apparently.
i've seen lots of 'the death of future donnie' comics, most recently ofc being from @somerandomdudelmao (i went back and forth abt tagging but then decided i would, because this is directly their fault, /pos) and then, of course, all the fan content that was made in response to said comic... and i love seeing so many people make so much awesome work! but it's also really fucking sad.
so often in the real world, there are no goodbyes, no dying in the arms of a loved one, no heroic sacrifices, there's just... death. people just die and it sucks. especially because in real life there's also no cool storyboarder assuring you that there's gonna be a happy ending and you'll see them again. and so it's like... then what?
i dunno. i was just sad about it for a while, and i wasn't really sure what to do with that, but i guess this is my answer. sometimes you don't get to say goodbye or hold them when they leave you, and you dunno if you'll get to see them again. but you can still have the mark they left on the world and hang onto that. because no matter what, once upon a time, they were there, and you remember. other people probably do, too.
#this isnt really fan content so im probably not justified but whatever#directly inspired direct answer#i dunno why this is getting me so bad but for a while now I've just been like#damn death SUCKS bro i miss my dad and my twin#and im absolutely surrounded by content of ppl being like āNO LEO HIS TWIN HOW CAN HE BE W/O HIS TWINā#and im like#YEAH WHAT A NIGHTMARE HAVING UR TWIN DIE--#lmao#anyway this is really messy and loose but i just wanted to make it#and get it out of my head#and be done with it#idk#rottmnt#rottmnt leo#rottmnt bad future#rottmnt bad timeline#rottmnt donnie#disaster twins#rottmnt movie#f!leo#f!donnie#grief#death#the death of donnie#tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#fidgetwing#rottmnt apocalypse#rottmnt april#sibling death
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I hate it when I headcanon a character whoās canonically a girl as a trans man and make ships of him and a character whoās canonically a guy and I refer to it as a gay/mlm/guyxguy/whatever ship and someone gets mad. Like omg let trans people have FUNNNNN. Why are queer headcanons and genderbends cool until theyāre saying that the character is trans???
āOMGGG youāre so misogynistic I canāt believe you would erase FEMALE representation!!!ā
and like half of the characters in the franchise are women, and a total ofā¦ NONE of the characters are trans men. Also, my headcanon doesnāt change the source material. If my stuff upsets you, you can block me and go engage with the source or maybe every single other fanwork, since mine is the only trans man hc for this character that Iāve ever seen.
or when people are like āWTF??? this is so transphobic!!! how dare you imply that a character who looks like that could be a trans man?!?! do you think that trans men are women or something??? she uses she/her, and youāre misgendering her!ā
No, I donāt think that being a trans man makes you a woman or vice versa. Thatās why itās a headcanon, and the headcanon is that this character is actually a trans man and not a woman at all! Youāll never guess what pronouns most trans men had to use at some point in their lives, and you really wonāt like it when you find out about pre-(or no-)transition trans menā¦ or trans men who are in the closetā¦ or trans men who donāt know that theyāre trans yet.
āBut the character is a kid!!! Saying theyāre trans is sexualizing them.ā
Iāve seen this one from other queer people. Like did you miss when all of the homophobes said this about your identity, or do you think that bigotry is only bad when itās directed at you?
āWhy would you say ātestosterone could fix herā??? Are you trying to call her a delusional woman?ā
Why would your brain even go to that first? This literally has to be a bad faith reading, because thereās no way that someone could see what I said and get this unless they were specifically looking for something to be mad at me for.
(Note for anyone unaware: āEstrogen wouldāve fixed him!ā was a meme going around at the time I said this. Iām not sure if itās still super big, but this was a joke to the effect of that.)
āSo girls canāt be tomboys anymore? You just wanna trans everyone?ā
This is like actual real life transphobic rhetoric. This isnāt even just shitting on my headcanon, but in fact, sending transphobic hate to a trans man. Thanks š. Maybe you should go send JK Rowling another message about how much you loved her essay instead of bothering me.
#transgender#trans#trans man#transandrophobia#<- not all of it but the āitās misogynystic to be a trans man!!!ā part is. esp because itās something that people say about real trans men#is this inspired by a Tik tok about how making male characters women is empowering and making female characters men is misogyny?#(although that post was weirdly about genderbending gay ships? idk why thatās discourse going around ššš. I miss old fandom sometimes.)#not exactly. although the comments on it sucked. Iāve seen multiple variations of posts like that and all of their comment sections made me#feel like I was wading through raw sewage with how full of shit the commenters were.#I saw one violently threatening anyone who portrays a canon girl as a man (in stupid Tik Tok speak)#oh Feng Minā¦ oh Hilda PokĆ©monā¦ oh Y PokĆ©Speā¦ youāre all beautiful young men to me#nonbinary hcs also get you that last one super hard#I havenāt seen as much of this about hcing canon guys as trans girls other than posts where op says āname a girl character who (blank)!ā-#and then makes an addition that youāre an evil misogynist if you said a MALE!!! (even though Brock PokĆ©mon is a transbian to me </3)#which icks me out so bad. omfg. like sheās a girl to ME!!! so maybe thatās why Iām naming her under a post about GIRLS!!!#I imagine that most of the reason for not hearing much about it is because these types of headcanons justā¦ really arenāt common#so if you have a bunch of experience with headcanoning characters who are canonically men as trans girls and the hate that it gets you then#feel free to add on (and also please talk to me about your headcanonsā¦ there are so few of us. we need to stick together!!!)#itās not derailing despite this post specifically being tagged about trans men#thatās just bc thatās all that I talk about in my original post#this post has been in my drafts in different forms for probably like months#long post#I guess#anyone remember a while back when someone on this app got violently mad that someone put a character (canonically a guy) in the m/m tags on#ao3 bc the guy was hced as trans in the fic#and the post was like āgrrr the ao3 gender ship things are talking about GENITALS!!! not gender!!! Iām not transphobic though <3.ā#so now to imagine what itās like to hc a character whoās canonically a girl as a trans man just imagine that but itās worse and also youāre#getting it from other trans people too š
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#earn sanitada#orm kornnaphat#tsou#the secret of us#the secret of us the series#oh the kicked puppy look#i actually really like this look#not only the disheveled look because [twirls hair]#(okay why is she so attractive here Idk why)#but I'm saying is I love that Earn having more mode than just the super energetic puppy mode#she's so bubbly chirpy oui oui all the time#I'd love to see more sides of her when she has to face reality that ugh perhaps things kinda sucks sometimes#and her being upset is a strange concept for HER#that makes her more human#I love the idea that she ruminates over her action#perhaps she feels bad for reacting that strongly toward Ratee and she's like 'that isnt like me'#or perhaps she's the kind who takes major hit when she found out that people hate her sometimes#Idk but the idea of Earn ruminating over these things is nice#she's defo a deeply deeply flawed character and I want to see her reflecting on herself
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actually i'm still thinking about the moral orel finale.
he has a cross on his wall. do you know how much i think about that bc it's a lot.
a lot of stories ((auto)biographical or fictional) centering escape from abusive/fundamentalist christianity result in the lead characters leaving behind christianity entirely. and that makes complete sense! people often grow disillusioned with the associated systems and beliefs, and when it was something used to hurt them or something so inseparable from their abuse that they can't engage with it without hurting, it makes total sense that they would disengage entirely. and sometimes they just figure out that they don't really believe in god/a christian god/etc. a healthy deconstruction process can sometimes look like becoming an atheist or converting to another religion. it's all case by case. (note: i'm sure this happens with other religions as well, i'm just most familiar with christian versions of this phenomenon).
but in orel's case, his faith was one of the few things that actually brought him comfort and joy. he loved god, y'know? genuinely. and he felt loved by god and supported by him when he had no one else. and the abuses he faced were in how the people in his life twisted religion to control others, to run away from themselves, to shield them from others, etc. and often, orel's conflicts with how they acted out christianity come as a direct result of his purer understanding of god/jesus/whatever ("aren't we supposed to be like this/do that?" met with an adult's excuse for their own behavior or the fastest way they could think of to get orel to leave them alone (i.e. orel saying i thought we weren't supposed to lie? and clay saying uhhh it doesn't count if you're lying to yourself)). the little guy played catch with god instead of his dad, like.. his faith was real, and his love was real. and i think it's a good choice to have orel maintain something that was so important to him and such a grounding, comforting force in the midst of. All That Stuff Moralton Was Up To/Put Him Through. being all about jesus was not the problem, in orel's case.
and i know i'm mostly assuming that orel ended up in a healthier, less rigid version of christianity, but i feel like that's something that was hinted at a lot through the series, that that's the direction he'd go. when he meditates during the prayer bee and accepts stephanie's different way to communicate, incorporating elements of buddhism into his faith; when he has his I AM A CHURCH breakdown (removing himself from the institution and realizing he can be like,, the center of his own faith? taking a more individualistic approach? but Truly Going Through It at the same time), his acceptance (...sometimes) of those who are different from him and condemned by the adults of moralton (stephanie (lesbian icon stephanie my beloved), christina (who's like. just a slightly different form of fundie protestant from him), dr chosenberg (the jewish doctor from otherton in holy visage)). his track record on this isn't perfect, but it gets better as orel starts maturing and picking up on what an absolute shitfest moralton is. it's all ways of questioning the things he's been taught, and it makes sense that it would lead to a bigger questioning as he puts those pieces together more. anyway i think part of his growth is weeding out all the lost commandments of his upbringing and focusing on what faith means to him, and what he thinks it should mean. how he wants to see the world and how he wants to treat people and what he thinks is okay and right, and looking to religion for guidance in that, not as like. a way to justify hurting those he's afraid or resentful of, as his role models did.
he's coming to his own conclusions rather than obediently, unquestioningly taking in what others say. but he's still listening to pick out the parts that make sense to him. (edit/note: and it's his compassion and his faith that are the primary motivations for this questioning and revisal process, both of individual cases and, eventually, the final boss that is christianity.) it makes perfect sense as the conclusion to his character arc and it fits the overall approach of the show far better. it's good is what i'm saying.
and i think it's important to show that kind of ending, because that's a pretty common and equally valid result of deconstruction. and i think it cements the show's treatment of christianity as something that's often (and maybe even easily) exploited, but not something inherently bad. something that can be very positive, even. guys he even has a dog he's not afraid of loving anymore. he's not afraid of loving anyone more than jesus and i don't think it's because he loves this dog less than bartholomew (though he was probably far more desperate for healthy affection and companionship when he was younger). i think it's because he figures god would want him to love that dog. he's choosing to believe that god would want him to love and to be happy and to be kind. he's not afraid of loving in the wrong way do you know how cool that is he's taking back control he's taking back something he loves from his abusers im so normal
#i had a really big fundie snark phase a year or two ago so that's part of like. this. but im still not used to actually talking about#religious stuff so if it reads kinda awkwardly uhh forgive me orz idk#maybe it sounds dumb but i like that the message isn't 'religion is evil'. it easily could have been. but i think the show's points about#how fundie wasp culture in particular treats christianity and itself and others would be less poignant if they were like. and jesus sucks#btw >:] like. this feels more nuanced to me. i guess there's probably a way to maintain that nuance with an ultimately anti-christian#piece of media but i think it'd be like. wayy harder and it's difficult for me to imagine that bc i think a lot of it would bleed out into#the tone. + why focus on only These christians when They're All also bad? so you'd get jokes about them in general#and i think that's kinda less funny than orel and doughy screaming and running from catholics lsdkjfldksj#i think the specificity makes it more unique and compelling as comedy and as commentary. but that's just me#like moralton represents a very particular kind of christian community (namely a middle class fundie wasp nest)#you're not gonna be able to get in the weeds as much if you're laughing at/criticizing all christians. but they accomplish it so thoroughly#and WELL in morel and i think that's because it chose a smaller target it can get to dissect more intimately. anyway#moral orel#orel puppington#(OH also when i say wasp here i mean WASP the acronym. as in white anglo-saxon protestsant. in case the term's new to anyone <3)#maybe it's also relevant to say that i'm kindaaaaaaaa loosely vaguely nonspecifically christian. so there's my bias revealed#i was never raised like orel but i like to think i get some of what's going on in there y'know. in that big autistic head of his#but it's not like i can't handle anti-christian/anti-religious media/takes. i'm a big boy and also i v much get why it's out there yknow#christianity in specific has a lot of blood on its hands from its own members and from outsiders and people have a right to hate it for tha#but religion in all its forms can be positive and i appreciate the nuance. like i've said around 20 times. yeah :) <3#(<- fighting for my life to explain things even though my one job is to be the explainer)
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#a doodley#had such a horrible time trying to draw tonight how do i draw (faces) nearly every day and i still dont get it.#realized rn that ive forgotten how to draw like tops/backs of heads but i look at art from months ago and see that i never actually knew#i want to be more loose with my stuff but then it comes out looking Bad Bad instead of good bad#i dont get it and it never sticks and im so ashamed.....!#im so ashamed.... there's ppl making masterpieces in between studying to become doctors and im here#with all the free time in the world. from birth to present. and it's never gotten any better. despite any of it#everything i learn just turns to dust in time and idk how i want my art to look and i hate that it looks like me and has too much Me.#that's why it sucks i bet#im going to bed before i tear my hair out over not being able to draw#it's deteriorated so much more over the years bc now i overthink every little detail. how do i let go. AND make it look good.
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Hey. Grisps you.
#jesse pinkman#jesse pinkman fanart#breaking bad#brba#ooak doll#Jesse pinkman doll#ok ok. I know the likeness is meh. but in my defense#Aaron Paul has the most unique generic white guy face Iāve ever encountered#like you canāt tell when u first look at him#but u try to draw him and itās like fuck. what?#why doesnāt my Jesse look like Jesse.#heās just. hard to draw.#and therefore hard to paint#for me I guess. maybe itās a skill issue#anyways. I hate almost every single Jesse Pinkman figurine/doll Iāve seen#becuz none of them capture his likeness imo#(probs because heās just so hard to draw)#except for like one stupid expensive one I saw. and also a chihuahua plush of him#so I took a crack at it#my version of Jesse pinkman doll#and Iām decently happy with it. as a second draft (I made another 1 it sucked)#so here it is. maybe someday Iāll make a 3rd attempt idk#still have to stitch or paint his tattoos#but anyways. now I have my very own Jesse to throw at the wall and pet gently on the forehead#yippeee I ā¤ļø my autism swag#the obsession continues#important document of my descent into madness#cringe hours on the cringe blog#you have to find something you like and wallow in it with gleeful abandon ect ect#my shitass photography
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Someone killed my boss last night and he sent me this I'm so fired
god I can't wait to make this comic.
#not me making a prelaunch link so I can share it on art of them that I do and then immediately being like hm#feels kind of weird to link a comic that doesnt exist yet#HAHAHAHAH#theres just no pleasing me#oh well I'll stick to my guns. I thought about it a long time#and doing things that feel weird is kind of the name of the game when it comes to making art#we were legion#zagan#this is so funny to me#its like not even that funny but#I love him. idk I think because I know what the comic is gonna be like stuff like this is 1 million times funnier to me#he sucks so bad and it would suck to read if he were the only one in the comic but because luciel is also there#then its just funny. cause juxtaposition#I love luciel too but theyre less good for standalone drawings and memes without comic context#so my brains like erm... theres nothing there....#also my tags are bugging out when I type them on the ocmputer idk how to explain whats happening but its kind of annoying#jumping around all over the place. makes it hard to read while I'm typing them. its fine#if theres typos its cause somethings going weird with my computer#lately when I've opened firefox its just shaking all over the place#til I alt tab out of it and back to it. I have straight up no idea why#and my internet has been bugging out. the LAN connection keeps flickering and then going out...??#YES I switched the ethernet cable connecting the modem and the router NO I dont know whats going on#I dont wanna deaaaaaal wiiiithhh customer serviceeee its fine. I'll do it later if switching the coax cable doesnt help#uh. anyways none of that matters cause I can still make my fuckin comics babeyyy#as long as I've got my comics. I'm good. though it is annoying when I cant look up references or spelling of words cause I do that constant#but its fine!#love I can draw without internet I dont even notice when it goes out sometimes aughajkghagj#anyways I'm super excited about this comic and if you're intereted theres a presave link now so#yeay#I'll post places other than webtoon but I'm just doing webtoon early so TTA readers can switch over easier
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i fucking hate commentary youtubers. imagine describing a situation about a 25 y/o knowingly sleeping with an underage girl as 'cringe' like. get a fucking grip.
#its probably a series they do or smth but this. this why these people fucking suck#at least half of them are fucking despicable#none of you even tried to talk about this or even paid attention to it until The Video came out#then suddenly its all oh shit get a load of this guy haha š
we all hate him#ik some of them probably didnt know im willing to admit that but D'Angelo fucking knew. he fucking said smth#idk idk this whole thing pisses me off so fucking bad#cody ko
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tumblrinas when the disability disables you: oh wow that's so cringe. Stop doing that. Actually, I have disability too, and I can do it, which means you're just using your disability as an excuse. I'm morally correct therefore to mock you for being disabled and using tools and aids to help you. I'm not ableist, I'm just saying the hard truth š
#yes this was inspired by that one post#that was aiming to criticize ai by mocking ppl who#sucked at writing professional emails#like there are so many things u can criticize abt chatgpt#and other similar services#their unethical data harvesting their resource demands etc#but the only thing u can bring up is 'well everyone knows#how to write emails so the only reason one might ask#an ai to write one for them is that theyre lazy' ??#idk why i expect nuance from tumblr but i really hate that#we ended up at 'anything ai is bad' without a single critical#thought going into it#disability#disabled#tw ableism#neurodivergent#actually neurodivergent#autism#autistic#actually autistic#<- obviously could apply to other disabilities as well#this is just the one that affects me lol
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this is the face of the you make when you realize the bloodiest civil war in westerosi history was started over a misunderstanding the writers made up in order to give one single character something to do over the seasons
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#and donāt tell me this wasnāt done mostly in service of alicentās character#which is fine if we think of her character alone but why was rhaenyra involved in this bulshit#she had no reason to to trust alicent or think alicent could be reasoned with when she spent 20 years trying to put her son on the throne#ā¦and she ended up putting her son on the throne#if they wanted alicent to doubt her decision about crowning aegon they could have idk make her realize that he sucks#and he shouldnāt be anywhere near a position of power (something she already knows tbh)#or use her braincells to acknowledge that viserys would never do such a thing???? like?????#but no ig this makes so much more sense lol#tbh even if youāre a fan of rhaenyra and alicentās relationship this is still a bad decision#because a lot of the emotional punch is lost by having them reunite after 5 episodes instead of during the fall of kl#when emotions are much higher and theyāve both lost so much more#instead we got this lackluster scene that accomplished nothing and made rhaenyra look like an idiot#rhaenyra targaryen#anti rhaenicent#just to be sure#hotd#fire and blood#hotd spoilers#pam watches hotd#house of the dragon#hotd season 2
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the thing they don't tell you about most mlm romance books is that they fucking suck ass
#thinking about like. rw&rb. anything by that author that wrote boyfriend material. most anything on kdp. only one i fw was ari and dante but#even then the random transphobia at the end gave a real bad taste in my mouth#im just in a hater mood rn ignore this unless youre also a hater#but anyways that boyfriend material and the sequel husband material books fucking suck so bad#couldnt even finish the second one#felt like it was trying to make a comment on the queer community but in the most lame and het conformist way possible#literally having a boring lawyer character being like ' i dont feel represented by this#when hes talking about a rainbow decorated gay bar#like ok whatever man but why do we care? why is the author trying to moralize this? why does teh prose suck and why is so much casual#bigotry against welsh people in these books#like fr they call out british bigotry against the irish and then turn around#and every welsh character is bumbling idiot with no personality besides being an idiot and talking about being welsh#like. hello???#also i keep adding to these tags but anyways the author also tried to like#make the main character out to be the bad guy?? when his ex boyfriend exposed all his secrets to the press??#and the author like. portrayed the mc as the bad guy for being upset?? like that is what the second book is about???#its so stupid and victim blamely and utterly lame like these books are so uninspired and feel like the author was just. idk???#also dont get me started on how much i hated rw&rb and finished it#i think i have a post somwhere on this blog abtout it
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was trying to figure out why I feel so Wrong rn and I think it's because I didn't follow my usual daily routine like At All and now my brain is freaking out. woke up at a vastly different time, had entirely different tasks throughout the day, took a nap at a weird time (to make up for the fact I had about 3 hours of sleep last night), zero human contact for the past 15 hours, and ate different food from usual (various leftovers from social events/thanksgiving, instead of cooking for myself like normal). and before I really realized that these were all things that were Bad For My Brain I was just wandering around my house like "why do I feel like garbage?? I've literally been outside so much today my brain should be happy"
ANYWAY here's to me not remembering I have issues with unstructured living because my days have been so similar for the past 4ish years that I straight up Forgot that things being too different too fast makes me crazy āļø
#rye.txt#I'll be fine lol#the sudden shift in my daily schedule and my generally unhealthy eating today were the big things that made me feel Bad#so now that I am actually cognizant of this I can take steps to mitigate it tomorrow#god. what the hell did I even eat#leftover soup. that was breakfast (very out of my ordinary). uhh. a lot of pie (grandma made a ton for thanksgiving).#a tangerine that miiight have been on the edge of going bad#(thought I should eat a fruit. fruit did not improve status)#reheated āpopcorn chicken? that was not a good decision I felt so gross after eating that#hrm. ok my issue is that I feel like I Need To Eat These Leftovers So They Don't Go Bad#otherwise i'll be Wasting Perfectly Good Food#BUT. I don't want to eat it and eating it makes me feel generally unfulfilled and kinda blehg#ough. why can't I be normallllll#I'm also not dealing with the whole 'zero human contact' very well tbh. which is weird because I'm a deeply introverted person#and usually spend my days avoiding people like the plague#but idk. it's been literal years since I've spent and extended period of time completely alone#I don't knowwww i don't know#I'm gonna invite some friends over tomorrow and get them to help me eat these dang pies#ALSO. ITS BEEN REALLY COLD TODAY. AND I HAD TO BREAK INTO MY NEIGHBORS' HOUSE#(was not breaking in; I was trying to take care of their dogs since they're out of town)#(but their door code AND their garage door code weren't working#and I didn't have a physical key to use#so I had to push my way in through a back door that'd been blocked by a pile of boxes taller than my head#and squirm into their garage in order to get inside and take care of the dogs)#(was a very stressful way to spend my early waking hours)#i ALSO had to drive to the AIRPORT this morning which SUCKED. had to drop off family#which like I'm happy to help but also airports suck so much ass I hate them#anyway. today was sort of shitty#but mostly I only have myself to blame#did not structure my day well enough
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Fighting off cold and flu has always been difficult for me and it's only getting harder as I get older. I find the transitioning from being "sick in bed" back to "functioning person" can often be the hardest part, especially when it comes to congestion which can take days if not weeks to clear up, so even if I'm able to walk around, do basic tasks, etc. I'm uncomfortable the whole way through. At least when it comes to my back pain, that's something that I'm used to and can predict and accommodate; getting sick is none of those things.
What's making it even more difficult this time around, compared to every other time, is the fact that I went from being healthy and medicated to sick and unmedicated. So that transition back into "functioning" is being slowed further by my returning inability to focus, to push myself through the uncomfortable feeling of doing literally anything, to be at peace with boredom.
Every single time I want to do anything that isn't laying in bed, it's met with both "I don't know if I'm physically capable of doing that because I'm sick" and "I don't know if I'm mentally capable of doing that because I'm off my meds."
And it's incredibly exhausting.
#self post#update#off topic#idk sorry for whining on main#my brain just. feels awful rn#part of me thought āhuh i don't think being unmedicated is actually causing me issuesā#but now that i'm on my third day (???) without meds i'm not feeling so sure LMAO#and for anyone wondering why i'm not taking them#it's because i have to play triage with my meds and treatment#i don't want to be stacking decongestants - some of which are designed to make me drowsy - on top of concerta which is a stimulant#this would kill the liver LMAO and also my brain would become an even bigger mess than it already is#so considering i'm on bedrest i've just decided to forgo taking my concerta meds until i don't need to be hopped up on sinus pills#then once the worst of the sick has passed and i can get by without needing pain and congestion relief i can go back on concerta#thankfully i was only on 18mg anyways so the crash isn't as bad as it would have been if i was taking stronger doses#but it still sucks and it means i'm at war both with the flu and my ADHD u.u
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Kora Wolf & Zara Fairweather - a brief timeline
Aka, we got a lore dump on why these two hate each other, and now I'm (even more) obsessed with them.
Set 1: Cyrohime era, late teens. [they're just teenage nuisances who hate each other but end up very close. Era ended with a blood oath.]
Set 2: Dragonfly era, mid-20s. [when everything goes to shit, Wolf is first mate and Zara is navigator. Era ended with several murder attempts and a failed sacrificial murder that backfired terribly.]
Set 3: Captain era, 40s. [Both are captains in their own rights for ~20 years. Zara's captain era ended when Wolf has Rook kidnapped. Wolf's will end when Rook kills her.]
#ts4#the sims 4#sims 4 CAS#ts4 CAS#adventures in cas#my sims#cas#dnd sims#oc: Zara#oc: Captain Wolf#dnd extras#ts4 fantasy#sims 4 fantasy#ts4 pirates#sims 4 pirates#pirates#don't ask my why wolf is only ever referred to by her last name and zara is only ever referred to by her first. I have no fucking clue why.#that's just how they've always been referred to in my head.#also. the temptation to make a series of renders/edits to try and make a short show of their shared backstory is SO STRONG.#This is a TERRIBLE time to have this urge. I literally go back to school TOMORROW for my busiest semester I've ever taken.#I won't have time for this.#and I'm so terrified of never finishing the series.#which would piss me off so bad.#but idk. maybe if it haunts me for long enough I'll get it done.#it also sucks that I wanna post them in chronological order so I can make a chrono tag for the series and add prev/next links.#but the two I have clear ideas for are in the middle of the series.#dammit.#anyways.#please enjoy my two favorite badass bitches.#yes one of them is one of the worst people in the entire world but I kinda still love her. If only bc she's made things interesting.
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