#it sometimes even makes me too tired to do stuff i DO like doing because then they ALSO feel like work!! and i despise it!!
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🌧"Hm, we don't really have those kind of luxuries nor the necessity for them, so I just dive head in even if its pouring. I do enjoy rain quite a lot. It's refreshing."
🍳"Well, I'm not exactly the best, but I do know how to make the most basic of things. Sigh, I do wish I had the chance to learn how to cook something more cool and interesting, but oh well. Oh, surprisingly enough, I do. I used to hate any and all kind of chores before, but now it's just something you can shut off your mind for and do on autopilot. Mmm, probabaly omelets. No particular reasons, I just think it's neat."
🧼"It's not like we get much of a choice. In this economy, we shower whenever we can. I do enjoy showering, but I haven't gotten many chances to bathe before, so I can't really tell anything. Again, it's a miracle if we find gel in this situation."
❌️"Obviously I would. It does depend on who is telling me what, but just in general, I would. Hmm... Probabaly Crane. He's seen some shit and has a good base of knowledge about the world, more than me and Aiden have."
🏳️"Well, it's hard to say right now. I can't really imagine anything that would make me give up, but there's probabaly something. Like, maybe if I was in complete despair? I don't know, hard to say."
📖"Gosh, don't even get me started on books! I really, really love books. I've always loved reading books even as a child. I mostly favored fantasy and detective novels and sometimes romance I suppose. Queer romance specifically because. Well. Guess. I wouldn't say I have a lot of opportunities to read in that sense that new books that I haven't read are a rare thing to find right now."
⛸️"I'm not... too into sports, to be fair. Would parkour count as a sport? Probabaly not right now. Hm... I guess Carnage Hall fights would be considered a sport? In that case, I don't really follow that stuff at all."
😷"I have an average immune system, so I don't get sick too much. Well, 'staying at home' right now isn't exactly an option, however, when I get sick, I tend to not overwhelm myself with chores, but don't stay in bed all day either. Well, medical masks are surprisingly hard to find, and just regular clothing pieces won't do much, so I tend to stay away from people or be very careful around them."
🥼"No, I don't. Hm, what kind of uniform... To be fair, and don't quote me on this, but Renegade uniform looks sick as Hell."
🥂"Huh, I never really thought about it. I guess I just pat myself on the back or don't really acknowledge them at all."
🛴"Parkour. It's probabaly impossible to get around on a bike in this environment, but it would be nice if I could. Traffic rules aren't really a thing right now, so eh."
🕰"Hm... Now that I think about it, we don't do that too much? Or I suppose we just use the sun as our guide most of the time. Or Peacekeeper sirens or church bells if it's in Old Villedor."
🥰"There's many things that can make me... Well, not happy, but bring some kind of positive feelings for sure. As for loved... I don't know how to answer that."
🐇"I don't. I prefer to live in the now and here. Believing in this kind of thing would be an escapism method for me, and I prefer not to do that."
🎺"I'm getting tired of saying it, but there's not much choice we have nowadays. I'm starting to sound like my grandma... I think. But, if I had to chose from all the songs I know, my current choice would be that tape that Aide showed me recently. I don't know its name, but it goes like... 'Some people cheat, some people sin, but ohhhhh I play to win, tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-tu-u-u-u-u-u,' and so on. Sorry, I'm not the best singer. Mm, no, not really. Never had a chance to learn. Probabaly the violin. I heard it's a difficult instrument, which is one of the things that intrigues me about it."
💽"Yes! I like collecting books, newspapers from the 'old times,' audio tapes and stuff like that. Really to collect information. But especially books. There isn't a particular reason, I just enjoy doing it. Or I suppose the reason would be that I want to know as much as possible about Villedor and its life and how life was for other people in the hot of the apocalypse."
🧋"Tea. By God how much I love tea. Especially black tea with thyme. I can't even explain it, I just do. My second top tea is from a specific brand, but it's also black tea with apple and... and some other berry. I don't know its name in English. Oh, that entirely depends on the season and how I'm feeling. But generally, I lean more towards warm or hot drinks."
🌻 random in-character questions
an ask game where, instead of replying from your perspective, you answer as if it's your original character/muse/self-insert/etc. answering the question ��
🌧️ "When outside during the rain, do you use a raincoat, an umbrella, or something else? Do you enjoy rain?"
🍳 "Are you a good cook? Do you enjoy cooking? What's your favorite thing to cook?"
🧼 "Do you prefer to take a shower during the morning or evening? Do you like taking baths? What's your favorite scent of shower gel?"
❌ "Would you do something that someone told you not to do? Why? Is there someone you'd actually listen to more than everyone else?"
🏳️ "What will make you give up?"
📖 "What kinds of books do you read? Do you have a lot of time to read?"
⛸️ "What's your favorite kind of sport? Do you follow sports closely or don't care at all?"
😷 "How often do you get sick? Do you stay at home when sick or do you end up going outside to, say, get some groceries? If you go outside, would you wear a mask?"
🥼 "Do you have to wear a uniform somewhere? If yes, how do you feel about it? If no, what kind of uniform would you love to wear?"
🥂 "How do you celebrate you accomplishments?"
🛴 "What's your preferred way of getting somewhere - own car, public transport, a bicycle, or something else? How well do you follow the traffic rules?"
🕰️ "What do you use to check what time it is?"
🥰 "What would make you feel happy and loved?"
🐇 "Do you believe in other dimensions?"
🎺 "What kind of music do you mostly listen to? Do you know how to play an instrument, and if not, which one would you want to learn to play?"
💽 "Do you collect anything? Why?"
🧋 "What's your go-to thing to drink? Do you prefer cold or hot drinks?"
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Sorry for leaving this in your inbox, but I need to vent and ask for advice in a place where people won't mock me. What do you do when sex is super difficult because of your fat? I've recently gotten into my first relationship and. I thought I had a handle on my internalized fatphobia and self hate but this has made it worse than ever. We can't have satisfying penetrative sex (we've tried all the tips and workarounds. Nothing works. I'm larger than most of the FA community.), and recieving oral sex is also difficult for me. I also get tired and sweaty extremely quickly if I have to like hold up myself on mostly my arms or something, so he has to do most of the work. So sex is just. Mostly the one that works on repeat, and we don't have it very often because it isn't that fun for either of us, and it also makes me cry afterwards sometimes because of how disappointing it is & me beating myself up over it.
I'm genuinely worried my boyfriend is going to leave me for this. He's clearly very frustrated with the situation, even though he tries to be nice about it most of the time. Earlier today I tried to like be flirty and hint at stuff and he just. got a bit sad. and then said that clearly neither of us enjoy the sex we're having and that he has a lot of trouble staying hard.and that he doesn't see the point when we're both forcing it for no reason. I think he's going to break up with me soon. His ex is way lighter than me, so he's probably comparing the normal sex he had with her with whatever the fuck this abnormal shitshow is :/
All the work I've done on myself to be happy with being fat (including working up the courage to date, what a mistake that was lmao) is all gone. This has ruined my self-esteem so much. I feel like one of those fatphobic jokes but a person.
first and foremost, please try your best to remember this: your body is not the problem. one more time. your body is not the problem. I'm so very sorry you're concerned that your boyfriend would leave you over this. it sounds like he has a lot of preconceived ideas about how sex is supposed to go. I promise you that it doesn't have to be this way. if this is something that could really end the relationship, know that this person is not compatible or open to exploring your needs, rather than your needs being "too difficult." I promise it's him, not you. I know folks who are 600+ pounds who have excellent sex lives and partners who satisfy them and enjoy satisfying them. when someone starts treating your pleasure like a chore, that's just shitty. I know how much it hurts. it also does damage to your own openness to pleasure. when you're caught up in feeling like sex/your body is something that needs to be "fixed," nothing is going to feel sexy, because all that pressure puts stress on and takes you out of the mental state where you're able to experience pleasure. does that make sense? so many couples get stuck in this cycle.
there are so many ways to engage in pleasure without penetration or orgasm. there's a lot that goes into foreplay, setting a mood, making your partner feel appreciated and attractive. words and touch play a huge part in this. something as simple as exploring each other's bodies, not with the intention of reaching climax, but simply to be vulnerable and engage each others' senses. have your partner give you a massage. play with your hair. tickle your back with a feather. shower together. kiss you. compliment you. if either of you are into any kinks or dirty talk, that could be a great way to engage each other sexually without the pressure of "achieving" a goal. the goal here is just to feel good, close, and connected. societal messaging about sex has placed so much importance on orgasm instead of pleasure - when taking the time and space to relax and receive attention, is key.
feel free to check out my other posts on fat sex ed, there's lots of assistive toys that can make pleasure more accessible, but I think that should be a tool for later, since the biggest issue here is the pressure to perform. know that pleasurable sex can exist for you! but for now, I would recommend taking a break from sex altogether since it is not pleasurable for you right now. because pleasure is the whole point. forcing it is only going to feel worse. you do not owe it to your boyfriend, especially if it doesn't feel good and is taking an emotional toll. I hope you both are able to take a step back, reassess and communicate, and are able to reconnect and create a safe space to explore.
I understand why you're beating yourself up over this, I've been there too. but also know that it's just another societal standard that's been internalized (and it doesn't sound like your boyfriend is helping). like you said, you've done a lot to unlearn fatphobia. there's a lot of internalized beliefs we absorb from society surrounding sex, just like body image. I promise that there is nothing wrong with you. If your boyfriend takes his frustration out on you instead of making you feel safe to express your needs, then he's not a supportive partner. you deserve someone who takes delight in your pleasure and your body. believe me, we're out there.
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can you do Janitor!Jimmy and Nurse!Reader like they're both bullied by Anya Daisuke and Curly most of the time and they comfort eachother by midnight talks and tending eachothers wounds
A/n: This is the second time... Whats with the bullying stuff guys 😭 but I'll do these just to make you guys full and happy , mouthwash rlly did a great job 😦 but srsly i hope ur ok -
Janitor!Jimmy x Nurse!Reader
The Tulpar was always quiet at midnight.
Jimmy leaned against the rusted railing outside the medbay, a cigarette dangling loosely from his lips. His jumpsuit was stained with grease and blood—some his, some not. He’d learned to stop distinguishing between the two.
“You shouldn’t be smoking in here,” you said softly as you stepped out, clutching a first aid kit. Your uniform was crumpled, a dark stain smearing the corner of your sleeve where someone had grabbed you too hard earlier.
Jimmy exhaled a thin stream of smoke, his tired eyes flicking to you. “Don’t worry, Pretty sure a second-hand smoke’s the least of our problems.”
You sighed and set the kit down on a crate beside him. “Let me see.”
“See what?”
“The cut on your cheek. I noticed it earlier when Curly shoved you out of the cockpit.”
Jimmy flinched at the memory, his jaw tightening. “It’s fine.”
“It’s not,” you said firmly, stepping closer. “Please.”
After a long silence, Jimmy flicked the cigarette away and tilted his head slightly, letting you inspect the angry red gash on his cheekbone. Your touch was gentle, your hands steady even though your sleeves still trembled with exhaustion.
“Rough day?” he asked, breaking the silence.
You gave him a weak smile. “They cornered me again during lunch. Anya said I’m ‘useless dead weight.’ Daisuke laughed. Curly... just watched.”
Jimmy’s lips pressed into a thin line. “They’re all bastards.”
“Yeah,” you whispered.
For a moment, the two of you stayed like that—him leaning against the railing, you carefully dabbing antiseptic onto his wound. It stung, but Jimmy didn’t flinch.
“Why do you think they do it?” you asked quietly.
Jimmy let out a breathless laugh, dry and bitter. “Because they’re scared. Weak people hurt others so they don’t feel weak themselves. It’s pathetic.”
You nodded, your fingers lingering against his skin before pulling back. “All done.”
Jimmy studied you, his tired eyes softer now. “You should get some sleep.”
You gave a faint shake of your head. “Could say the same to you"
His lips twitched into a ghost of a smile.
“C’mon,” you said, grabbing the first aid kit and motioning with your head. “Let’s go to the storage bay. There’s an old blanket and a broken radio. Better than sitting out here.”
Jimmy hesitated before falling into step beside you. The Tulpar was dark as you walked together, your footsteps echoing through empty corridors.
The storage bay was cluttered with crates and dimly lit by a single flickering lightbulb. You dropped the first aid kit onto an overturned box and sat down on an old blanket spread over cold metal. Jimmy lowered himself beside you with a heavy sigh.
For a while, neither of you spoke. You just sat there, side by side, sharing the same fragile silence.
“You ever think about leaving?” Jimmy asked suddenly, his voice low.
“Leaving the Tulpar?” you asked.
“Yeah. Getting away from all this. Away from them.”
You thought about it—the idea of escaping, of breathing fresh air, of seeing sunlight instead of flickering LEDs. “Sometimes. But where would we go?”
“Anywhere but here,” Jimmy said, his voice cracking slightly.
You leaned your head on his shoulder, your exhaustion outweighing your hesitation. “If we ever get out of this... we’ll figure it out. Together.”
Jimmy froze for a moment before relaxing under your touch. His voice was barely above a whisper when he replied, “Yeah... together.”
Outside the storage bay, Curly barked orders while Anya and Daisuke laughed at someone else’s expense. But in this small corner of the ship, beneath the flickering light, you both just sat there together...
THNKS FOR READING!! REBLOGS W/COMMENTS IS APPRECIATED !! YOU CAN SUPPORT ME THROUGH MY KO-FI
#mouthwashing x reader#mouthwashing#daisuke mouthwashing#curly mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#mouthwashing angst#anya mouthwashing#jimmy x reader#x reader
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damn I yap a lot
tldr; im alive, sadly im still on hiatus, other stuff is fine now I just have new [physical] problems, you'll know when I'm fully back (give it another couple months) and comfortable, I'm in a [technically well-over] 3-month long ongoing depressive episode [not tryna do trauma olympics or make anyone feel bad btw it's all chill]
so sorry if I've left you hanging [with art or smth], I'll get to it in time, I promise [I may have unwillingly forgotten, likely not but there's a chance]
Hey, I'm alive, I have been for the.. almost 6 months I've been gone. Holy shit, I didn't even realise that it's been that long. I figured I should at least say something in case anyone is worried or wondering even though everything isn't solved yet, so, here. [under the read more so it's not flooding or anything]
Also, I figure I should apologise for venting on main and just leaving it up - this is all going to stay up because I need to keep it somewhere to aid with my memory issues - but, still, must've been a little weird
Absolutely not a good time to say all this [for me bc I haven't thought this message through] but I'm kinda half-back, just on hiatus from socials due to declining physical health. Really badly declining, I need help honestly
Originally, as you know, I was gone because I had a really bad fall out with my mother, but things pertaining to that have been solved now [except me not feeling 100% safe and trusting to my mother, that will never change. She's tried hard, I just wish I could find her reliable emotionally as well]. It's just that, since then, basically, all these physical problems that I don't understand have been royally fucking me up and messing with my mental too. It's messed with everything I love. I don't know what to do anymore.
Oh wait, where I was actually going with this, so
OK nvm I forgot but you'll see me around bc I've been talking to certain people trying to pretend like nothing's happened and I've made the kinda-silly decision to not fully come off hiatus or talk to other certain people before I'm okay again.
#so the post is for the practical stuff n the tags r for emotional btw [or at least I tried to do that]#[yeah just except the para starting with “originally” I'll keep that there despite being unnecessary]#-#genuinely. im so scared. im so scared all the time [most of the time not scared of anything in particular - I mean the physical problems#fuck me up by making me scared and sad and tired most of the time for no reason]#I have no energy and it's all up and down and even though I actually feel okay rn [not good but okay] after literally breaking down an hour#ago I still know this shouldn't be happening#nobody is going to believe me if I say I have high-functioning depression. who do I tell. well they will believe me but how would it help#and I'm so scared to tell anyone for no reason. I'm not scared mentally rn but no matter whether or not Im ok the emotion stops me from#taking action if that makes sense.#--#I don't understand what I did to deserve this why is this happening to me#why are these internal problems out of my control happening to me#I don't understand and it truly deeply scares me#---#I meant to out this at the start of the tags but fuck it I'm too far in and on mobile to go all the way back now#thank you if you read this far. truly thank you because I need someone to talk to and my irl's are not an option for all different reasons#if I reach out to you about smth random please talk to me as if I'm still not half-gone.#feel free to message me whenever about wtv despite the “hiatus” I need it#... if you have read this far for whatever reason please text me that my Rui loves me my brain is trying to guilt me and say he doesn't#[that just happens when I'm in a certain state even tho that's when I need Rui the most selfship mutuals u get it pls help me out]#he. he does love me right? I swear he does I just. can't seem to believe it right now#I shouldn't have pushed all that to the bottom when it was directly telling my mutuals what I need lol#I feel a little hopeless sometimes. that's not like me I'll be alright in the end. no not that. I'll be better than alright I can fix this#I can fix this. I just need help. god I need help.#at the very least I'll be alright
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//ooc posting: I NEED to find more fun/silly things to do with my two they are Not meant to be all agony all the time I swear- I just have a penchant for the dramatic and they're a little in the torment nexus o(-< but on god they will Have Fun too
#//ooc#even in the torment nexus there's spots of brightness!! I need to start playing with them too I'm not a grimdark writer I swear!!#I have ideas for softer bits and pieces. sibling stuff. cute things. I will get to it somehow hell or high water o7#T-E purrs!! they can do that!! it's part of their genetic alterations and I want to play with that too as well as the horrors!!#now don't get me wrong either The Horrors are one of my fav things to write but it's chiaroscuro y'know you need the contrast#it can't be a fight for personal autonomy all the time sometimes it needs to be T-E's huge kitty eyes or Helios being a dork#all this might be unnecessary I just get a little self conscious sometimes about how full-grit my writing can be wehh#holding my creatures in my hands. they are capable of such a beautiful joy. it's actually vital that they are#since I'm rambling anyways: huge part of what I want to do with T-E's pre campaign rp is start pulling them out of their shell#they start the planned game still stuck on their rules but it's talking to people that's gonna put them in a place where like#they know there's something else out there. they want it. they feel so much guilt for wanting it but it's the WANTING that's important!!#helios can't do that on his own because he doesn't know either. neither of them know jack about what exists beyond their narrow purview#making a HA clone to me is in part an examination of how miitary as industry will always result in steadily increasing dehumanisation#it's the commodification of a human body to ever increasing heights. soldiers to products to nothing but parts to be scrapped#military as an endless churn less for the sake of any kind of protection and more for the sake of resources. capital. money#it's part of what makes HA so fascinating to me y'know? the way it takes that concept to a far flung conclusion. how bad can it get#the other part is playing someone realising for the first time it's possible to break from what's expected of them#the wonder. the guilt. the disbelief. all of it carefully hidden. it's a huge part of what's so compelling about writing them to me#three huge cornerstones of T-E are: masking - military - the horror of having to exist in a body.#that last one is my taking the weird sensory relationship I have to Flesh/mind and doing horror with it dw too much about that njbkhjv#okay okay I think I'm done this got a little out of hand I'm just like#there's so MUCH about thirteen/T-E that makes me insane. alas I'm tired and it takes me like 4 hours to write a simple post sobs#anywaysss that's my ramble. I like them#helios too I like him. guy absolutely dead set on finding reasons to smile amidst the Horror
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I frequently feel completely isolated no matter how much I talk to people. So that's fun
#sorry if anyone sees these im tired of using my personal discord servet to vent. i always spiral too much#anyways i have an idea for a good poem to write for class because of recent events#ughhhh idk i just wish i wasnt so annoying about asking if i can open ip to people#or if someone would just ask if i was okay. i mean actually id probably lie i am not actually good at being open.#but like hey idk it feels nice to feel like people genuinely want to know#ughhhhfhfhf i do this to myself sometimes JSHSJSKDJDJD#welp its just how life goes. i feel lonely all the time and i soldier on#surely helping the next person will make me feel better! nope. surely helping yhis next person will make me feel better! nope. surely-#tgats me. thats what i sound like#yeah idk it feels like everyone is going through something worse than me so itd be a moral failing on my part#to ask them if i could just like. feel bad. noticeably#not even talk about it just look down and out of it for a day#yknow i emailed one of my teachers asking permission to go by a new preferred name#this is at like. a massive very queer and trans art school.#and i asked him permission to do this#and i was joking with my friends about how pathetic i sounded in it#and one of them patted me on the head and said “there there buddy” like very jokingly#but i almost cried because thats the first time in so long someone has like. really tried to comfort me#or shown me much physical affection#my mom gives me hugs and stuff but thats always about her. i dont blame her shes got a lot of stuff going on#but idk its really selfish of me but i just wanna have people see me and feel bad for me and it be about my pain for a little while#ill get over it im just being a teenager but shit god fucking damnit#i just want a break from feeling like my world is falling apart#then getting some footing#then it falling apart again#okay i feel a bit better now better stop the complain train JDJDJSKSJD#hey why do i never hear that it rhymes and everything thays so good#damn i gotta use that more#welp weve reached our stop sorry if anyone ever read thjs. hope you have a nice day tho lol
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Hi! I noticed you bring up fanfiction every once in a while, so do you have an ao3?
I DO
But the stuff I post here isn't actually written out and posted anywhere else, and my ao3 (posted stories) is pretty bare. Like, I only touch it to read other people's stuff at this point
Everything I do write is OC stuff though, and that's not everyone's jam
The stuff I do post here all comes from my notes for said fic ideas. They're all fleshed out enough that I can write them into proper stories. Like, the whole plot is figured out, I know where to end, character perspectives, all that jazz. I just don't write them out, since I don't have that motivation, and the stories would end up huge
I don't like posting the actual stories either. People have asked for updates on the new chapters I just put down, and I've run into a lot of copy-pasters. Even the few things I have on ao3 is having a mimic somewhere. So I otherwise keep everything to myself, or post little things here
I've been going through my past stuff lately to reorganize. It's fun. Even if they're old (some are over 5 years old), I find little gems that surprise me like these
(Unordinary; Re:Zero; BNHA)
Like- they aren't that bad. That's surprising. How old are these things???
#/THE FIRST ASK ABOUT MY FIC STUFF?!/#anon take this crown and commemorative sash this is monumental#ask#fic#my drafts are HUGE so writing them into actual proper fanfics would be. very big#the average is 150k words the low-end is 40k and a lot of them have too many words that google docs glitches#and ive had to make multiple drafts to hold everything#i tried writing one out once and ended up stopping because the glitching from all the words was making it impossible to continue#capped out at *checks notes* 103k words#the word count mentioned in the previous tags are talking about the word count for NOTES. i think an actual story would become abysmal#i like planning stuff. a lot#the biggest one is for a bnha resistance fic at *checks calculator* 260k words#but its really unmotivating to know people just want content and to take my words for their own#REPEATEDLY. even the small stuff is being yoinked#im serious. Actually everything ive posted as an actual story has been copied by someone else and advertised as their own. im tired of that#but i like writing so i do it in private. mainly away from the eyes of the internet#excerpt from an old unordinary fic#and a rezero fic where groovy gets hugged and is screaming like hes watching his firstborn be slaughtered before his eyes#my drafts surprise me sometimes because huh. this is not that bad for 6 years ago#an unordinary (webtoon) excerpt cuz i was organizing my stuff and ran into an old draft of it. now its trying to weedle its way to the ligh#thank u for the ask anon#if someone asked for more about the small things i /do/ show id probably panic cuz. no one ever asks. what do i say??? oh no im CRINGE#/lh#a lot of nonrom actually. most of it is. including that 3rd excerpt#all the excerpts actually#oc#out of context excerpts
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this is still true of me (that i am more sensitive around therapsychiatry stuff recently) and it’s. idk. it can get really isolating to be a psych survivor. it feels like there’s medication and therapy positivity everywhere sometimes. and I don’t want to begrudge that because I know it helps people—hell, it’s helped me immensely! but it hurts for it to be everywhere. it feels like there is a megaphone aimed at me going JUST KEEP TRYING. DON’T GIVE UP. MAYBE THE PAST TEN YEARS OF THERAPY AND MEDICATION HAVENT FIXED YOU BUT ITS JUST BECAUSE YOU HAVENT FOUND ~THE ONE~. well maybe i want to give up. okay? maybe i want to give up. there was a good post I saw recently about physical disability and choosing not to go to PT and I’ve been thinking about it a lot. but also just. idk. i had what i think might have been my first real FlashbackTM at about the same time as i made the above post. a week and a half ago I almost ran away impulsively to a different state bc I was convinced if i came home they’d be waiting with handcuffs to take me back to the hospital. since last august my life has been going incredibly downhill. negative spiral. I know why for some of it but I don’t know why I started getting more sensitive abt therapsych stuff in November. but what am I supposed to do with that when all the advice is “have you tried therapy/meds?” YES! and one of my biggest fears is trying them again!!! they fucked me up and— I can’t even say “you can’t make me go back” because it’s not true, it would be pretty easy to make me go back, but—I don’t want to. okay? I don’t want to. and it’s unfair of me but it hurts sometimes to see people who were uncomplicatedly helped. It’s all jealous resentful upset maybe even angry. I don’t want to call seven therapists who all turn me down for being too complicated a case for them and then the eighth I go every week and stare at the wall for an hour and come home in tears because im too scared to talk to them and then as soon as I open up they baker act me. I can’t do that again. Im tired of it being the only choice I have if I ever want to feel better or even just “not suicidal”. I don’t want to hear anymore about how helpful it is. I know that’s bad but I don’t care right now. Im tired of therapy and meds being everywhere and I can’t avoid reminders without also avoiding things that help me and/or bring me joy. Normally this is the sort of thing I put in private discord vent channels but for whatever reason I’ve been posting on tumblr today? So you all get this. I don’t know. I’m exhausted but I can’t sleep and I’ve been physically sick for a week and I’m not getting better so you all get my ventblogging. can someone invent a world that doesn’t have therapists in it
i've been....notably more sensitive and easily upset around therapsychiatry stuff recently and i am genuinely unsure why. i haven't been in therapy in significantly over a year now. it's coming up on two years since my hospitalization. today i got upset over three different things about this and i think this is to some extent me being more easily upset than normal and i don't know why. well other than "i've been more easily upset about literally everything recently". but it's been notably worse wrt therapsych stuff! my next post is gonna be another more serious and thoughtful post but first i just want to do a more emotional "idk why this has been more of a sore subject recently and i wish it weren't" :/
#therapists dni#tag is particularly relevant for once . lmao#psychiatry tag#i need to rewatch next to normal. i think this would fix me#Diana goodman literally gets it .
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mm i Neeed to go the beach
#just me hi#wauhuhh !#something about just drifting around in water that i am slightly scared of that really makes my brain whir happily lol :>#i am slightly scared of it for two major reasons: 1) fish. lord the fish why are they so scary 2) sometimes i think i'll drown and they jus#won't find the body. which is less rational than the fish so that's why fish is my number 1 fear at all times lmao#/i think out of all the animals on the planet i am the most scared of ordinary fish. not even the deep sea stuff hfbshv#cuz look they're so far down there you Have to assume they look funked. and also they prolly don't like human meat. so it's cool#but regular fish?? some of them eat birds. they eat birds dude. what would they do to me if they knew how to use harpoons??#also they for SURE eat corpses so we loop back to fear no. 2 really just being fear no. 1 hbfhs#/see i'm not even that scared of the animals my parents are determined on exploding. like man if i get eaten that was prolly bound#to happen anyway. i Know how that goes. i know what mauling is lol#i am the only person in this house who will walk around outside on a moonless light w/ no flashlight because if i was sposed to be dead i#can guaranteE there are much better opportunities. funnier ones‚ too#/just looked it up bobcats are SHY little guys. they are just shy babies. except for when they have rabies :)#shy rabies babies <3#/anyway back to the fish. i don't like how there are some that specifically like to eat human skin. mmm no i have never liked that ever not#one little bit. makes my skin crawl hghfsh#i don't care what it does or can do that is NOT cool lil dude ;w;#/hang on i'm googling 'weirdest things fish eat' because i want to scare myself i guess hbfhvbsf :'3#they're only showing me weird fish!!! no !! tell me about a fish that's living exclusively off of plastics!! or car tires !! come on !!!#these guys are just funky looking. and just Kinda funky looking. though this humphead guy is funny lol :)#he looks scary but with a charm that i can't deny#his forehead. and mouf. this guy is awesome#and of course he's endangered because the world is exploding. but it's so cool he exists :D#//anyway fish are scary. and miss humphead is Huge so goofiness aside he's also scary hhfbvs#also why do some of those motherfunkers swim close to shore and bite at you. those guys suck so bad#that's only happened to me so many times but enough for me to have a fear that has lasted for over half a decade lmao#//and anywho i'm running out of tag space lol :)#we're going ot the park!! i'm going to skate :DD !!#i wanna get good at my old stuff again hfsh - so bye! bye !! toodles !!!
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the stress of everything with my mom is slowly bubbling up to the surface bc I can't bottle my feelings away anymore and I hate it
#its combining with pregnancy rage sometimes and that is not enjoyable for people around me and i feel#so horrible after i calm down.#or my fiance and i were playing around and i about kneed him in the dick. which i laughed at bc im me but#seconds later that laughing turned to uncontrollable tears and sadness and pain#im having a hard time with this. because shes being so fake. and making it so hard#felix.txt#and im so tired.#i don't wanna even deal with that side of my family because theyre acting so. entitled.#like because im pregnant i have to do what THEY want its not what i want. and if i happen#to accidentally make something unfair? ww3. im the worst most disrespectful person ever#im tired of making stuff fair. ive had to do that ever since my parents fuckihg got divorced. im tired its too much
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Always hungry, always broke, and always having my mom toss a new catastrophe my way... but never actually being given control of the money despite the fact that I've been able to hold on to my stimulus checks all these years only spending them on emergencies, but she blows her disability and wracks up credit card debt
But see... she'd feel like a child if she had to ask for money for things... it's much better when she has full control so she can do things like spend $300 on microtransactions in a single month
Then my grandma gets mad at me for having to help with money cause I don't have a job, and if I just had a job it would be fine (and no doubt I'm pretty shit for not working despite not having anything wrong with me)
When I get stuff cleaned up my mom just uses it as a new spot to dump trash so... there's no point
I provide nothing to the world, I have no talents or skills, everything I do is wrong, and I'm just kind of a drain on the world despite having nothing stopping me from actually doing shit except my poor character
...kinda hemming and hawing on ordering this cause even $18 is a hell of a lot of money to spend on killing myself unless I'm actually gonna do it. If I get it and then keep putting it off... well then that money would have been real better spent elsewhere
...but on the other hand this can't keep continuing... maybe I can take the money I was trying to save up to buy a new mic so I can actually talk to people and spend it on this instead
#then there's the bathroom which both... I've asked plumbers to help with over and over when they've been doing stuff like#installing the water heater or installing my mom's new toilet... but they just... never do#and then... I've asked my mom a number of times to get someone out but she never does#and now I kinda can't even ask because like... ok; the pipe's got mold in it but I guess I can be like 'that's why I asked you here'#but also one of the cat's had diarrhea and decided to keep going next to the toilet instead of the cat box; which is probably my fault#but now... I can't fucking keep up with it and... I can't ask a plumber out with cat shit on the floor#but I can't fucking deal with it; I keep meaning to on trash day; but I'm always too tired and also only have 2 sponges left to deal with i#and I'm just such filth that I haven't even been able to bother changing my bedsheets in like a year#which honestly isn't even that abnormal; that's how it's always been even when I was little#I don't know... I'm just such a worthless fuck up#and people will sometimes offer money but it's like... money doesn't help; I've got that stimulus check sitting in the bank#these are systemic problems I need to fix#but I can't; it's beyond me; I give up; I need to die#nothing of value will be lost#people think it will; but they're wrong#and maybe I'm also just a selfish asshole like everyone's always saying about suicidal people#I don't know... I just keep getting worse; and then I adjust stuff to make it keep working; but then I get worse#I need to hurry up and die#and I finally have a method with a high enough success rate so... probably should bite the bullet and order it#especially when it has legit uses so there's a cover story#man I'm sick of being hungry; sick of being so fucking worthless and incompetent that I can't make myself food once I'm out of cheese powde#and even if I ask for help... well my mom's not hungry so fuck me#I need to die already; I'm so inadequate and never get a damn thing right#everything I do I fucking fail
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⠀⠀⠀✿ ⿸⿱⠀⠀𓈒⠀𓈒⠀🪼🫧 using dorky pet names with them
when you call your boyfriend a…different?? pet name pairing. enha x gn!reader genre. hcs, fluff, established relationships cw. nothing rlly…reader is slightly older than riki in his part!
HEESEUNG | “my honey bunch!” you called in a singsong voice as you approached heeseung who had been sitting on the couch. he looked up at you with a raised eyebrow, a confused laugh tumbling from his mouth.
“honey bunch…?” he asked, his arms instantly moving to settle around your waist when you settled yourself in his lap.
“yes, because you’re my honey bunch.” you replied before poking his nose and giving the man an innocent smile.
“why can’t i be…hot stuff or something like that…�� he mumbled which caused you to burst out laughing.
“hee, i was only joking. do you actually want me to call you that?” you asked in between giggles. heeseung became flustered immediately, avoiding your gaze.
“no…”
“it’s ok, hot stuff. you don’t have to be embarrassed.”
JAY | “dinner’s ready.” jay announced as you walked into the kitchen, the smell of different spices and sauces filling your nose. you smiled instantly, a small idea coming to mind as you walked up behind jay.
“thank you, my boo bear.” you said loudly, giving jay a wet kiss on the cheek. the man laughed and tried to dodge you, but you held on to his waist tightly.
“boo bear…?” he asked, turning to look at you with an amused smirk. you smiled wide and nodded your head eagerly.
“yup! that’s what you are.”
“then i wear that title with pride.”
JAKE | your boyfriend was honestly too adorable for his own good sometimes. it wasn’t even on purpose with his puppy- like head tilts or dorky things he indulged in. sometimes you just couldn’t take it and felt cuteness aggression toward the man.
“my honey bunny, you’re so cute.” you cooed, grabbing jake’s face with both your hands before placing small kisses on his nose. he giggled and shyly backed away from your touch.
“interesting pet name. i would rather be called your unbelievably sexy and hot boyfriend.” jake replied while raising his eyebrows suggestively. you jokingly rolled your eyes, before grabbing his face again.
“but you’re my honey bunny.” you pouted, making jake hide his face in his sweater.
“nooooo…”
SUNGHOON | your friends never believed it when you told them how clingy your boyfriend could be at times. sunghoon never tended to show his affection much in public, but when the two of you were alone then it was a completely different story.
the man was totally sleep deprived, clinging onto you as if you were his lifeline as he slowly drifted off to sleep.
“my cuddle bug is tired, hm?” you cooed softly, softly running a hand through sunghoon’s hair. he hummed in response, barley registering what you had said. but suddenly, it clicked and he began to lift his head from your shoulder.
“no, shhh, it’s ok go back to sleep.” you pushed his head beck down to your chest and suppressed a laugh. you knew that sunghoon would definitely bring the nickname back up the next morning.
SUNOO | “shnookums, come here!” you called out to your boyfriend who had been finishing his skincare in the bathroom. you had to hold back a laugh when sunoo looked into his bedroom with a bewildered expression.
“what did you just call me?” he asked, walking over to the bed where you were sitting cross legged.
“shnookums.” you replied, trying your best not to cringe from saying it out loud again. sunoo caught your guilty smile immediately and lightly tackled you onto the blanket.
“you’re weird.” he mumbled into your neck before placing a small kiss there.
JUNGWON | “my jellybean, i missed you!” you greeted your boyfriend as you tugged him into a tight bear hug.
“we saw each other yesterday. and jellybean…?” jungwon replied, his voice trailing off in confusion as he closed the door to his apartment. you honestly had no idea how to explain the pet name, it just randomly popped into your head when you saw the man.
“you don’t like it?” you asked, putting a fake pout on your face. jungwon’s teasing smile dropped and he grabbed you in his arms.
“no, ofc course i love it. if my favorite person in the world wants to call me that, then i don’t mind.” jungwon said, a small smile on his face. you smiled back at him before placing a kiss on his cheek.
“i love you a lot.”
RIKI | you didn’t have many pet names for your boyfriend, it just wasn’t something you had really thought about. but one day, one came to mind.
“baby boy, can you pass me my charger?” you spoke up, poking riki’s shoulder. he reached over to the side of the bed he was sitting on, unplugging the charger before handing it to you with a raised eyebrow.
“excuse me?” he asked, his expression almost comical. you stifled a laugh before fully turning your body to face him.
“i said what i said.” you shrugged before reaching over to grab his face. riki dodged your hand and pretended to gag.
“is it because i’m younger than you?”
“it’s a pet name, riki.”
“choose a better one.”
“nope! this one is staying.”
#enhypen#enha imagines#enha x reader#enhypen imagines#enhypen x reader#enha fluff#enha scenarios#enhypen fluff#lee heeseung x reader#heeseung x reader#heeseung imagines#park jongseong x reader#park jay x reader#jongseong imagines#sim jake x reader#sim jaeyun x reader#sim jake imagines#park sunghoon x reader#sunghoon x reader#sunoo x reader#kim sunoo x reader#sunoo imagines#yang jungwon x reader#jungwon x reader#ni ki x reader#nishimura riki x reader
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I'M SO STUPID IN LOVE!
·˚ ༘ ꒱ summary lovey-dovey things they'd do for you!
·˚ ༘ ꒱ characters isagi yoichi , bachira meguru , itoshi rin , nagi seishiro , mikage reo , chigiri hyoma , hiori yo , shidou ryusei , itoshi sae , michael kaiser , alexis ness .
·˚ ༘ ꒱ warning lowercase intended
·˚ ༘ ꒱ song inspo stupid in love - max ( ft. huh yunjin of lsrfm )
·˚ ༘ ꒱ isagi yoichi
you know how isagi’s brain is basically soccer, soccer, soccer? well, this man rewires his ENTIRE system for you. suddenly, every time he scores a goal, he dedicates it to you. like, mid-celebration he’s shouting your name in front of thousands of people. embarrassing? a lil. cute? definitely.
he’s also the type to leave you notes everywhere. you’ll open your locker, and boom: "i hope your day is as perfect as your smile. also, pls drink water. - yoichi 🩵"
or you’ll find random sticky notes around the house with stuff like: "you're cuter than my dog. and that’s saying a lot." ( i hc he's a dog person, fight me 🫠 )
"yoichi, did you seriously compare me to your dog again?"
"is that bad?? you’re both my top priorities!"
·˚ ༘ ꒱ bachira meguru
bachira is a walking ball of chaos, and it only gets worse when he’s in love. he makes you weird handmade crafts—like a necklace with your initials carved into a random rock he found because “the vibes were immaculate.”
he’s also the king of grand gestures. once, he showed up outside your window in the middle of the night blasting your favorite song from a boombox. and no, he didn’t think it through—he got yelled at by your neighbors, but he swears it was worth it.
"meguru, why is there a rock with my name on it?"
"because i love you. duh."
"…you couldn’t just buy a necklace??"
"where’s the FUN in that?? D:< "
·˚ ༘ ꒱ itoshi rin
soft tsundere energy incoming. rin doesn’t say much, but when he’s in love, he SHOWS it. like, he’ll memorize your coffee order, your favorite book, and the exact way you like your hoodie sleeves rolled up. you swear he’s psychic, but he’s just that attentive.
he also sends you texts at random times:
"don’t forget your umbrella. it’s going to rain."
"i noticed you like this song. added it to my playlist."
you’re 99% sure his search history is “how to take care of someone without being obvious.”
"rin, did you... did you learn how to make my favorite food?"
"shut up and eat it."
"you’re so sweet it’s disgusting."
"i said shut up."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ nagi seishiro
nagi’s love language? pure, lazy dedication. he may not seem like the romantic type, but trust me—he will move mountains for you... as long as it doesn’t require getting up too much.
once, he spent HOURS figuring out how to build you a playlist of all your favorite songs, complete with a cover photo of you two. he even labeled it: "for my player 2 🕹️"
"sei, this playlist is amazing!"
"mm, yeah, it was exhausting. now can we nap?"
"you literally just sat there and clicked buttons."
"exactly. so tiring.."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ mikage reo
reo goes all out for you—no budget, no limits, no second thoughts. one time, you mentioned how pretty cherry blossoms are, and the next thing you know, he’s flying you to a festival in japan. casually might i add.
but the sweetest part? he remembers the little things. your favorite snack? stocked in his pantry. your favorite flower? delivered to your doorstep every friday. he spoils you rotten but somehow makes it feel like the most natural thing in the world.
"reo, this is too much—"
"no, it’s not. nothing’s too much for you."
"you’re literally insane."
"only for you, babe."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ chigiri hyoma
chigiri is the definition of 💌romantic aesthetic💌. he writes you poetry and leaves it in random places, like your bag or your coat pocket. sometimes, you don’t even notice until hours later.
he also takes you on dreamy dates—picnics in scenic fields, long bike rides at sunset, and slow dances in your living room when it’s raining outside. everything he does feels like it’s straight out of a romance movie.
"hyoma, did you just quote a shakespeare sonnet to me?"
"maybe."
"oh my god, you’re so dramatic."
"and yet you’re still here."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ hiori yo
hiori is the sweetest, softest boy in love. he keeps a journal where he writes down all the little things you do that make him happy. once, you caught him scribbling, and he turned BRIGHT red.
he’s also the king of quiet acts of service. your phone’s always fully charged, your favorite snacks magically appear in your bag, and you never have to ask for help because he’s already two steps ahead.
"yo, were you writing about me again?"
"no... maybe. okay, yes."
"you’re adorable."
"please don’t look."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ shidou ryusei
oh boy. shidou is CHAOTIC in love. this man would probably fight a wild animal to impress you. he’s all about making you laugh, even if it means doing the dumbest stunts imaginable.
one time, he literally climbed a tree to get you a flower. it wasn’t even a nice flower. but hey, it’s the thought that counts.
"ryu, you’re bleeding. what did you do??"
"got you this flower. cool, huh?"
"you FELL OUT OF A TREE FOR THIS??"
"worth it."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ itoshi sae
sae is the definition of quiet but deadly romantic. he doesn’t show his feelings often, but when he does? damn. like, he’ll casually fly in from another country just to spend the weekend with you because “it’s no big deal.”
he also sends you fancy gifts out of nowhere. but if you call him out, he’ll play it cool like it’s nothing.
"sae, did you just buy me an entire designer collection?"
"it’s just clothes."
"just clothes?? this cost more than my rent!"
"and you look better than rent."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ michael kaiser
kaiser loves showing off, especially when it comes to you. he’ll buy out a billboard just to plaster your picture on it with the words "the love of my life 🩵."
but he’s also surprisingly sweet. like, he’ll carry your bag, fix your hair when it’s windy, or randomly pull you into a dance in the middle of the street just because he can.
"michael, did you seriously put my face on a billboard??"
"obviously. everyone needs to know you’re mine."
"you’re ridiculous."
"ridiculously in love with you, yes."
·˚ ༘ ꒱ alexis ness
ness is a total softie. he writes you little love letters and leaves them in your mailbox, signed with his initials like he’s a secret admirer. you obviously know it’s him, but you let him think he’s being sneaky.
he’s also BIG on cuddles. whenever he sees you, it’s like he can’t function until he gets a hug.
"ness, you know i know it’s you, right?"
"…you’re supposed to pretend you don’t!"
"why?"
"because it’s romantic!"
© txrully
do not copy/translate/plagiarize/repost my works in any way. ( i will find you 😶🌫️ )
likes + reblogs appreciated ‹𝟹
#isagi x reader#isagi yoichi#bachira x reader#bachira meguru#rin itoshi x reader#itoshi rin x reader#rin itoshi#seishiro nagi x reader#nagi x reader#nagi seishiro x reader#reo x reader#reo mikage x reader#chigiri x reader#hyoma chigiri#hiori x reader#hiori yo#shidou x reader#shidou ryusei#itoshi sae#sae x reader#michael kaiser#kaiser x reader#alexis ness#ness x reader#🩷⸝⸝ ��ʟʟᴋ ᴛʀᴇᴇ
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🦑 hwang jun-ho; headcanons 〇△□
content warning: gn!reader. fluff. mentions of death, coma and jealousy. pet names. no season 2 spoilers. let me know if i missed anything.
word count: 941
author���s note: well, my man is back, and i had to write some headcanons for him. the OBSESSION that i had back in 2021 needs to be studied, omg. anyway, as always, constructive criticism is welcomed, english is my third language, so i apologize for any mistakes. in case i don’t post anything else this year, happy 2025 everybody!! enjoy! 🩷
divider by @k1ssyoursister
〇 pre-games
best. boyfriend. ever.
that’s it, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk
🙃🙃🙃
his love languages are:
1) quality time
he may be a police detective, but he ALWAYS tries to make time for you
and see you every day, and if he can’t, he’ll save some minutes to call you
loves to hear about your day
big on communication, that’s key on your relationship
type of boyfriend that picks you up after work, or anything really
he just wants to see your cute face :3
takes you out on cool dates
to the park, to eat, to cute animal cafés
he’s okay with staying in too, just cuddling, talking, watching something….
and 2) acts of service
will drive you anywhere you need
you get ‘good morning/night’ texts every single day you’re not together
makes you breakfast
and has no problem with cooking for you
opens doors for you
pulls out the chair at the restaurant ☝🏻
he’ll simply do anything you need
loves coming home to you, it doesn't matter how shitty or overwhelming his day was, you just put a smile on his face
his favorite thing to do with you is eating
it may sound boring, but he loves to see you taking care of yourself, well-fed and happy
takes you to meet his family
his mom loves you
even his brother likes you
he’s a tease and enjoys seeing you all flustered
i feel like he’d be the type to have many pics of you on his phone that he goes back to whenever he misses you
you’re probably his wallpaper, perhaps even on his wallet too 🤭
some pet names like: “honey”, “love”, “beautiful”, “cutie”
would never cheat
a guard dog
not super jealous -a bit tho- but won't hesitate to step up if someone acts stupid
(picture that one scene in season 2 when that man mocked him and didn’t believe he was an actual police detective hehe)
shows you off 🤩
checks you out :p
his hand is on you in some way when you’re out
has good emotional intelligence
big spoon
reminds you to take your make up off before bed if you wear any -he may even do it himself if you're too tired
or to take meds
he is just really caring and supportive
doesn't like seeing you worried or anxious because of his job
absolutely hates to see you suffer
doesn’t mind that you may be struggling financially, it won’t change what he feels
will help you with whatever it is
just don’t hide it, he hates secrets and lies
i hate doing it, but there always has to be some 🚩
he’s the first one that would do it (lying and hiding stuff) to ensure you’re okay and don’t get worried
on a particularly overwhelming day, he will raise his voice at you
can get really overprotective
some days you may not hear from him, or at least not much
will sometimes struggle to open up about his issues or what’s upsetting him
△ during the games
after your sudden disappearance, worry and fear ate him up
while checking your house he found a weird card
and once he discovered the exact same one at his brother’s, he knew something was going on
heard gi-hun at the police station rambling about some weird symbols and immediately recognized the design
interrogated him about you, desperate to know about your whereabouts
as soon as he successfully infiltrated the games, he began your search
almost had a heart attack when he spotted you
had to make the effort of his life to stay calm and not run to you
would somehow manage to get you two alone so he can get you out of there (i wrote about this)
almost gets caught
feels betrayed you didn’t tell him and quite angry you’d risk your own life like this
but mostly relieved you’re okay (and still alive)
watches you like a hawk from the distance, ensuring your safety
constantly around, you continuously sense his presence close by
□ post-games (you died)
had to see your death and practically went numb
blurry vision, ringing in his ears, shortness of breath, sting in his throat
the worst thing tho, was finding out his brother had been behind everything
how could he have done this to you? you trusted him!
feels completely disgusted
after his coma, he blames himself for everything
your name was his first word after waking up
dreams about you
gets you a cenotaph given that your body will forever remain strayed
nevertheless, he still talks to you like you’re there
tells you about his recovery and his progress finding the island
you are his strongest motivation
he’s doing this for you, to provide the love of his life a much deserving peaceful rest
gets you new flowers every few days
he’ll never stop feeling guilty
〇 post-games (you survived)
has nightmares he failed and left you to meet your demise on those cursed games
always there when you have them, and so is his shoulder if you need to cry
reassurance king
hides the identity of his attacker from you
becomes even more overprotective
shared location on at all times
gets paranoid if you don’t text him all day
he swore to never miss a single detail of your possible struggles. not again
you can still tell he holds himself responsible for your time on that island
stays awake at night just watching you sleep safe and sound (will never say it tho)
babies you
bigger spoon
doesn’t let you go out on your own if it’s late, afraid that something may happen and those psychopaths will reach you again
#squid game#squid game 2#squid game season 2#wi ha joon#wi ha jun#hwang jun ho#hwang junho#squid game headcanons#squid game x reader#squid game x you#wi ha joon x reader#wi ha joon x you#hwang jun ho x reader#hwang jun ho x you#hwang jun ho headcanons#Spotify
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chirp
(long and silly rant in tags so maybe don't open them if you're scrolling at a leisurely pace)
#chirp#the photos aren't enough...#i say with 25 queued...#inane and sudden desire to become a gifmaker has overtaken me :0#would probably take a lot more time + effort than what i already do but i imagine most of these photos have been posted before...#so even if i've never seen them around i sometimes feel bad in posting them#i don't really watch many concerts though#whereas i read the interviews just to try and see what inspired the songs. good album recs from the band. so on so forth.#its worth it bc every few years they'll get an interviewer who's a total music theory nut#still love the guy who confronted thom about his use of pedal tones.... and geeked out about the creep progression. he gets me.#not to mention seeing all the people who interviewed them in their early days bring up stuff like pop is dead ten years later just because#and then there's the fun facts like nigel telling them they couldn't eat until they were done with 2 + 2 = 5. mad dog selway.#thom insisting 5 or 6 times so far that hail to the thief is a sexy record... why... but you get the idea#not sure why i'm saying any of this or what the Point of this set of tag ramblings is supposed to be uhh.#maybe i'll make gifs in the future but there are a lot more interviews to go... and lots of old ones i want to look at again...#and even more to chase down if they're not up on citizeninsane. so i might be all rh'd out (impossible) by then.#i'm also not reading the interviews For the photos or ''clout''... it's for the anecdotes. my doc for notes on them is literally the size o#a middle grade novel... Oops ! but yeah the photos are pretty recent. i've been at this since like december on and off.#and who knows maybe i will grow tired of the pictures or they will somehow cease to be entertaining!#or i will get a life and not spend hours a day reading interviews... it's not too bad an addiction. cause i'll be done soon.
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woo, my baby's got me all mixed up!
feat: logan howlett & wade wilson
contains: 18+ SMUT MDNI, fem!reader, swearing, a bastard doomed polycule, more of 'why have just one bf when you can two bf's and why have just two bf's when you can have two bf's that are also each other’s bf's???', p in v, double penetration, one (1) single use of daddy, creampie(s), fingering...kind of (fem!receiving), oral sex, face sitting, face fucking, straight up nasty porn w/ zero plot, no use of y/n.
nat’s note: this is a shorter one-shot but i can't not format it like a full fic i have to or i'll get hives. this is also just pure freak nasty gross actually probably the filthiest thing i've ever written that i thought up off too much nyquil pm last night. kisses!
wade gets to whiskin’ (and logan's there too)…
"You're killing me babe," Wade groans lowly, cheek pressed to the slick skin of your inner thigh. "If my balls didn't feel like they just got the shit beat out of them in a back alley I'd be as hard as David Hasselhoff watching David Hasselhoff movies."
His hand is at work between your thighs, thick index finger slipped into your sensitive, puffy pussy.
It should gross you out that he loves doing this so much. It should make your stomach twist with all the unpleasant feelings a normal person might get.
It should, but it doesn't.
The familiar stretch is lost from taking Logan and Wade at the same time, a rare thing in your sex life because of how big they both are. But you were in a mood tonight.
Your pussy still clenches around him, trying in vain to tighten up, not used to feeling so empty.
The subtle pressure of Wade’s finger toes the line between pleasure and the sharp burn of 'almost too much' as it swirls along the sensitive walls of your pussy.
The first time he did it you were too fucked out of your mind to do anything other than ask what the hell he was doing.
"Gotta mix it up babe," was his reply, as easy as anything. "Don't want the baby batter to curdle, if you know what I mean."
Your heart stopped, flames lapping their way up your body as Wade scooped the thin line of come trickling from your abused hole to fuck it back in, back where it belonged.
It was so filthy, so depraved that it made you go liquid between your legs.
Your eyes almost immediately slid over to Logan, ready to see him shaking his head in irritation like he usually did whenever Wade ran his mouth in bed. You found nothing, no deep grimace or raised brow in sight.
There was an unmistakable heat in his gaze that matched your own, the inky black of his pupils blown so wide you could hardly see the hazel of his irises.
The casual raise of his right shoulder when he met your eye was undermined by the way his cock started to harden where it laid against his thigh, effectively tattling on him.
It told you all you needed to know about how he really felt watching Wade between your spread legs. That alone was enough to get you ready to go all over again.
It sort of became a thing after that.
"I'm not even doing anything..." you mumble breathlessly, your voice barely above a whisper.
"Don't have to baby," Logan purrs from behind you, lips pressed to the top of your head. His hand skimming down the side of your body is enough to make goosebumps pebble along your skin, "Look perfect just like this."
It's been hours now, but they're still going. You're convinced that the two of them are the world's biggest horndogs, just once is never enough.
You lost track of tonight's rounds sometime after number five, not counting mouth and hand stuff of course. And it's starting to catch up to you, you’re tired, spent.
Wade curls his finger just right, brushing against the spot inside you that has a broken whine passing through your grit teeth. Your thighs start to tremble as a smug grin spreads across his face.
"Yeah, there it is," he teases, his voice low. He keeps the tip of his finger snug against that spot, rubbing firm circles over the sensitive nerves. "That's that spot ain't it, gorgeous."
"Wade," you mewl, hands fisting the sheets as you fight to keep still. You're worried too much squirming will make their come start dripping out around Wade's wrist, and you can't have that.
There’s a sudden silence to your right, the heaviness of it pulling at your attention. You shift slightly, catching the faintest rustle of movement from Logan.
His breath is warm against the crown of your skill, his strong chest still plastered to your back—but he's too quiet, too still. You tilt your head just enough to peek at him out of the corner of your eye, and the sight alone is almost enough to make you come on the spot.
Logan is leaning against the headboard lazily, arm that isn't circled around your waist snaking down his own with the hard length of his cock in his hand.
Your mouth waters at the sight of him, red and leaking pre-come all over his knuckles each time he twists his fist over the thick head. Your hips grind down unconsciously, a needy moan falling from your parted lips. The wet sound of it has your cheeks burning, eyes fixed on the way his heavy balls bounce with each rough tug, still so full.
"Fuck, that's it," Wade murmurs, slipping a second finger inside you while he presses a shit-eating grin to the soft skin of your lower stomach. "You like it when daddy jerks off while I'm knuckle deep in you?"
"Watch it," Logan mutters warningly, tone gone low and dark as spilled ink. His hand doesn't slow, the loose grip of his fist slipping up and down his dripping cock in time with the slick squelch of your pussy.
Your hips buck up against Wade’s hand, a loud whine tearing from your chest at the dirtiness of this whole thing. The familiar heat starts to stir in your belly, your pussy drooling more mess over his wrist the longer he plays with you.
Wade barely muffles his chuckle against your hip, dropping a quick kiss there before pulling his soaked fingers from your velvety warmth. You whine at the loss, but he doesn’t pay it any mind.
You’ll both get what you want soon enough.
"Alright, we should all know the drill by now people," he announces to you and Logan with a loud clap, pulling away from between your thighs to roll flat onto his back.
“Time to hop on the saddle, John Wayne,” he finishes, giving your ass a loving tap.
Logan snorts into your hair, dropping his cock to grab your hips and gently manhandle you until you’re situated directly over Wade’s face while Logan kneels in front of you. The jut of his cock bobbing inches away from your mouth.
Wade’s greedy fingers pry your swollen lips apart to watch the way his and Logan’s come starts to seep out from you, falling to drip onto his bare chest. He blows over the wet length of you, the cool air from his mouth has your hips twitching down in search of any friction you can get.
“Not so fast,” he scolds lightly, grinding his knuckle against the wet seam of you. Your nails dig crescent moons into his scarred shoulders, threatening to break the skin.
“You’ve gotta savor this moment, hot stuff,” he says slowly, leaning up to press a kiss directly over your throbbing clit. “You got the best seat in the house, don’t take it for granted–”
"Enough," Logan grunts, heavy hands falling on your shoulders to push you down on Wade's face, fully closing the gap. "Quit runnin' your damn mouth and make our girl feel good, red."
Wade's hands tighten their hold on your thighs, his hips bucking up off the mattress like he can't help it. His surprised moan rumbles against your clit, loud and shameless.
You cry out at the first drag of his tongue over your aching pussy, hot and wet as it slides through your dripping slit. You pitch forward, too caught up in pleasure to think clearly as you take Logan’s cock into your mouth. You take him all the way down to the root in one swift move, burying your nose in the dark hair surrounding the base.
"Fuck," Logan bites out, eyes twisting shut as he feels your warm throat enveloping him. He takes your hair in his fist gently, just holding it as you swallow around him.
Your hands move to rest on his thick thighs, nails scratching over the hair scattered along his skin. His breath shutters in his chest, his hips rolling forward ever so slightly, chasing the tight heat of your mouth.
The mix of your tongue tracing along the sensitive vein on the underside of his cock and the low, wet sounds of Wade devouring you has him pulsing in your mouth.
Your thighs shake on either side of Wade's head, the steady grip of his hands the only thing that keeps you from collapsing into a boneless heap on the mattress.
Your hips twitch the tiniest bit, rocking forward enough to grind your clit over the slope of his nose. He groans under you, squeezing the meat of your thighs in encouragement as he swirls his tongue through the mess dripping from your hole.
“That’s a good girl,” Logan praises gruffly, his hips speeding up. “Shut him up, baby. Make him fuckin’ eat it.”
You squeeze your eyes shut, dragging your pussy along Wade’s mouth faster. You moan desperately around your mouthful, brain going hazy around the edges.
The frantic pace you set only makes their come leak from you faster, dripping down Wade’s face faster than he can keep up, and there's just so much.
A steady, thick stream of it that feels almost never ending thanks to Logan coming like he busted a pipe and absolutely flooding your insides every single time.
Wade doesn’t seem deterred in the slightest though, swirling his tongue along you with a new sense of urgency. His hands grip your hips tighter, his blunt nails digging into your skin deliciously as he slurps and sucks with unbridled enthusiasm, chasing every drop of come.
He’s sloppy with it, come sliding down his cheeks and chin in thin rivers of white.
Logan’s rough breath hitches above you, his fingers tightening in your hair as you take him deeper, hollowing your cheeks just the way he likes. His growl sends a thrill down your spine.
"C'mon, Wilson," Logan grunts, his hips speeding up. When you peer up at him, you can see the goading smile that just barely tugs the corner of his mouth up.
“Spitters are quitters, you know that."
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#— 𝘯𝘢𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘢 𝘸𝘳𝘪𝘵𝘦𝘴 ♡#ᯓ★ 𝐧𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐨𝐥𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐞!#ᯓ★ 𝐧𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥 𝐰𝐚𝐝𝐞 𝐰𝐢𝐥𝐬𝐨𝐧!#natalia cant write anything under 1.000 words#no stop it#don't look at me#i'm trying some things out#usually hate writing bj scenes#but...#i felt that it was called for it#okay bye!#love you!#logan howlett x reader#logan howlett x you#logan howlett fic#logan howlett imagine#logan howlett smut#wolverine x reader#wolverine x you#wolverine smut#wade wilson x reader#wade wilson x you#wade wilson fic#wade wilson imagine#wade wilson smut#deadpool x reader#deadpool x you#deadpool fic#deadpool imagine#deadpool smut
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