#it never works everyone lied
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can i just be more interesting and not so boring and unlikeable where people actually want to be my friend have me in their lives like i must be one of the most boring uninteresting person
#i hate everything and i hate trying and doing activities and hobbies and trying to make friends with people with the same interests#it never works everyone lied#theres no advice for making friends that works if people just have no interest in you or anything you say
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“The Mechanical Puppet with the Borrowed Soul”
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No spoilers for the endings in the tags, please <3
#took a break from working on my assignment to sketch this out#i’m not even finished with my first run of the game and i have SOOOOO many thoughts on the relationship between Carlo and P#the tension between P and everyone who looks at him and sees Carlo and how it prevents him from getting to be his own person sometimes#as if being puppeteered by a ghost#through the borrowed soul of a boy he’s never met#yet was built in the image of#i fully believe P is his own person seperate from Carlo#whether he’s a puppet or a human#Ergo or no Ergo#and if there is an ending that tells me otherwise then i reject that reality and substitute my own#NONE OF YOU BETTER SPOIL ME IN THE TAGS OR I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN >:CCC#p#pinocchio#lies of p pinocchio#carlo#lies of p carlo#lies of p#lies of p spoilers#spoilers#lop spoilers#echosong971#art#digital art#fanart#lies of p art#lies of p fanart
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"the michael kandel translation of "the witcher" short story can't hurt you!!"
the michael kandel translation of "the witcher" short story:
#WE HERE IN K L O T H S T U R#the witcher books#[ Nobody liked that. ]#i like how the first two 'main' translations (like published for mass market circulation ones i mean)#were like 'no we can't call it a strzyga... no no...'#(maybe like: 'the english readers won't understand...')#and then when the game and book hit (i.e. both beginning with geralt fighting the striga)#everyone was like 'whoa that striga was really cool'#idk idk enough about it yet to say anything definitively#but my experience and all the other reviews and experiences i've read#from other anglophone readers with no prior exposure to polish or broader slavic myth or culture#has been just like: 'whoa i never knew about that... that's really unique and cool'#and on the flip side. originally witcher gained popularity in part because of the familiarity of the fairy tale#and so despite that witcher in general takes a lot of everything from across europe#if i may just summarize it really obtusely and without taking the precaution of nuance and all#although the first two translations were very much intended to feature polish writers and writing#in the way of the actual translation it feels like they tried to diminish its 'polishness' for the english reader#like for example in chosen by fate itself there are no diacritics (though idk maybe that was a lack of capability of the printing press)#it FEELS like that i'm not saying it was intentional but#for example when you don't say 'leshies' and instead say 'bugbears' that feels like diminishing it#but then later when the witcher's quote-unquote 'polishness' is allowed to come through clearer#then it actually is part of why english audiences were like whoa this is interesting i like it :)#you know real-life events are stories too. and i feel like this is a story with a good moral: 'be yourself'#this is also one of the prime subjects where i disagree with sapkowski lol#because re: 'death of the author' theory type stuff. authors cannot control how their works are interpreted by their audiences#works get interpreted on their own fortunately or unfortunately#so though i think it would be misled to engage with the witcher as if its ONLY good quality is its 'polishness'#i think that also it should be acknowledged how its unique take on culture made it appealing to both domestic and foreign audiences#i think where the problem lies is when we believe it can't be both polish and a blend of multiple cultures and traditions#because like yeah. author is an arthurian weeb
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I don’t have time to write up something properly on this topic this week, but here’s an incoherent ramble.
It’s so important to me how it was as an end point for Guy’s new52 character to be him as a Blue Lantern. The blue ring is about healing and faith (in yourself, the people around you, in things bigger than you), and is rooted in belief that things can always get better. That Guy gets to spend his future going around healing people in a universe where he didn’t get the opportunity to pursue that as a career initially is so rewarding.
His role as community leader/teacher/public servant is so integral to how he was first introduced. And through the ups and downs of his story arc in the years following, his ability to forgive people for anything, even to offer that forgiveness first, is what makes him such a good person. We see this most often in his relationship with his family and with Hal, but it’s definitely not limited to them.
There’s also something about Guy opting away from any of the rings that give him strength to do violence in favour of one that is powerful in taking down enemies in other ways. He still carries them with him, and knows sometimes he might need to use them to save people, but thats not his first instinct anymore.
Social worker Guy, psychology student Guy, the version of Guy that is gentle and timid and doesn’t like violence at all (that we only ever saw as a joke in JLI) would all be so proud of him for getting here in the end.
#Guy Gardner#the last three issues of red lanterns are 3 of my most revisited guy issues ngl#the world sucks and it’ll never be perfect but what can I do about it In This Moment and then he does that#bonus: can I talk about the parallels between blue lantern guy and spectre Hal?#two people who ultimately find their greatest opportunity to do go through redemption#the fierce belief that no one is past saving if you only give them the chance#Hal who resented Guy for reminding him of the things he found shameful about himself#and Guy who could never have a normal relationship with Hal because he reminds him of the older brother he could never live up to#and Hal having to eventually forgive himself and Guy accepting that he was never actually mad at his brother#and their relationship is so stupid and ridiculous and they’ll never talk about their feelings with each other#not properly at least#even if they can do it with everyone else#does anyone read this far into my tags?#I have thoughts but they’re mostly screaming#if I ever write something on them properly it’ll purely be because I want to read Hal’s spectre run again ❤️❤️#always thinking about guy self proclaiming that he’ll do the dirty work for everyone else so they don’t have to#but then having the dark side of green arc#about how actually no#he’s too human at the end of the day#and with that comes morals that he can’t shake even if he lies to himself about it
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decided to leave my job and i'm gonna fr gonna cryyyyy
#literally can't work with my new boss bc i can't trust her#she went to the head of the department with complaints abt me without ever speaking to me or giving me any indication she was unhappy#and various other reasons im not happy w management and the school in general#HOWEVER#i love the kids sm and im gonna miss them and worry abt them 😭😭😭😭#im literally scared for some of them bc it feels like the other teachers have no empathy for some of my favorite kids#one of them who is so so sweet and when he cries i'm the girst to comfort him bc everyone else thinks he needs to toughen up 😭#also my new boss sucks so so bad and is gonna be such a bad influence on him and all the other kids#and my main co teacher said she's gonna quit if i do so i cant even beg her to look out for my babies and take care of them 😭💔#and it would be unprofessional to mention any concerns to the parents but genuinely some of the kids would be better off elsewhere#like im actually worried about it#i dont want some of the really sweet sensitive kids to lose their sweetness bc they're being treated unkindly#and the worst bullies and spoiled kids are the ones the teachers dote on#so it encourages some of the sweet ones to act out for attention#anyway 💔#i really do need to go tho#and i'm sure i'll love the kids at my new job#but im so sadddd#also its unlikely i can find a well paying job w this age group even tho i love this age group#its basically impossible not to get attached to them at this age and i get to pick them up and hold and cuddle them and stuff#and you cant really do that with the older kids sadly#literally on the verge of tears even seriously thinking abt leaving#things have been p bad for a while due to management but i never seriously considered leaving bc i love the kids so much#but i literally can't see a future here#and my new boss clearly hates me and im worried she's going to try to get me fired#she already made up a bunch of lies about me and its only been three weeks#anyway i only make 15 an hour so hopefully i'll at least get more somewhere else and i know i'll still love the kids#its just really hard#which is why i've stayed this long#i was p unhappy before my new boss even started bc of the way they treated my old boss
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absolutely insane for jack to confirm you're losing me was written in 2021
#swiftie card gold plated#king of chaos#i never want him to stop working with her idc#g talks#taylor swift#jack antonoff#it was for all the bitches saying taylor lies about whats in the vault#everyone screaming she just wrote that song jack said SIKE
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just officially sent in my resignation for my fucking childhood dream workplace
#my boss always talks about her 'guilt complex' lmao. as soon as i have another job and dont need to worry about burning bridges#im sending this bitch a letter detailing exactly why she deserves to feel guilty for the rest of her fucking life#i hope she lies awake at night picturing my face. fully intend on letting her know how close i came to killing myself.#fully intend on intentionally continuously saying its bc SHE MADE ME anxious and SHE MADE ME depressed#since she doesnt believe she can make me anxious#i hope she has to attend therapy. i want to make her feel as guilty as she made me feel like fucking shit#fully just wish nothing but the worst for her for the rest of her lonely miserable life. i hope she realizes soon that everyone hates her#truly one of the people she considers to be a close family member also works in our department and hates her!#talks all the time about how awful she is and how horribly she treats all of us#i hope she feels that hatred every day of her fucking life and i hope she never sees true happiness as a result#until the day that my memories of my childhood refuge from abuse are no longer tainted by HER abuse‚ i pray she never knows peace
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drawing THE flimsiest of lines between these two but idk there's something about the way they both build lies around themselves and how Hayward rewriting the conception of Paige's god parallels Faulkner telling his part of the verses. the way they both attempt to tell their stories, as twisted as they are
#the silt verses#i've connected the dots/hasn't connected shit#i want these two to meet so bad they're the only two of the main cast who haven't#they way they rewrite these stories to be more palatable or forgiving#and also the way they're so goddamn genuine about the lies they tell#where it's never out of malice or intentional hope for manipulation#like the way hayward twisted the story is soooo sick (/pos) to me but I cannot blame him#like he's RIGHT. paige should have known what she was signing up for when she wanted to conceptualize her god#(but obv I can't blame her for not knowing the full scope)#to make a god signifying a sort of revolution but to be unable to really understand what that would entail#and hayward is doing damage control#and this is the fall out. the way everyone is twisting this god into whatever works best for them#i'm going on a tangent#anyway something something the way these two can weave a goddamn story
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#i have to let it out of my chest because today was fucking rough on here#it’s been for a few days actually because I’ve received much hate and I tried to ignore it as much as I could#between my blog being exposed by a huge other blog and getting dissed and then the controversy of my opinions on here#it was rough but I dealt with it. Today was different#i know I shouldn’t care about these things… I know it’s silly and all but#to read someone is ‘disgusted’ by my work and they wouldn’t read it because I should be ‘ashamed’ made me cry#i wont deny it lol I cried because… idk why would you be so nasty and cowardly send hate#not everyone has to like my story#damn not everyone has to read it#like i completely understand an historical AU with philosophy and slow burn is not everyone’s cup of tea#but like to be so nasty and make up lies only because you dont like what I said? idk#maybe I cant understand this behaviour because i would never in my life for the love of me#do this to any other person. not even the ones that I don’t like#but anyway i’ll be girl-reblogging any comfort content from Louis tonight#i know this won’t make any difference but it would be nice. it would be nice
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don't you just love it when people on here post the most hostile, bad faith takes and then when the post gets popular and people respond with nuanced opinions that the op happens to disagree with, they reblog it with that little "i forgot that we were on the piss on the poor website" so they don't have to acknowledge why their hostile post would receive hostile responses
#no fault ever lies with you you're perfect and everyone else is dumb#and the only people who don't have reading comprehension are the others and never you#like. i don't think some people even understand how flawed their view of others is.#but i'm not hostile and snarky so i'll never go viral#because virality requires disagreement#yes even on here where it's not an algorithm pushing takes that will make you mad and make you engage with the post#but just other people doing that work instead of an algorithm for you#personal
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i didn't know how to come out when i. came out. and i definitely didn't know how to tell my brother so when my mom was like "do you want me to do it?" i said "yes!!!!" and then like a week later he texted me (we live in different states) "congrats on being a lesbo 👍🏽"
#al talks#and i just know he was working on that text for hours#showing it to his gf like 'do you think this is good. like is it funny. is it good.'#i never directly came out to anyone i just lied badly enough until everyone was just like oh okay. i will do this for you. you are gay.#and i was like oh haha really? that's crazy! this is my gf btw i think im gonna marry her. haha. anyways.
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.Magenta.
#in a nut shell...#my whole team betrayed me minus 2#i was told and swore up and down that my absences related to disability were not an issue#come to find out that wasn't the case#there was resentment and everyone did a damn good job putting on an act and masking#i cannot begin to describe the kind of betrayal i am feeling#i believe in being transparent especially if you're part of a team of people who help others with mental health issues#i expressed many times that if my conditon caused inconvenience or problems then approach me and we can navigate around it together#i worked with these people for over 10 months and no one said a damn thing#i had no indication or inkling there was anything amiss even when i inquired before.#even my supervisor who was supportive and freely gave me and approved of time off lied to my face#and as a i handed in my belongings today everyone was ordered not to engage with me because on monday i utilized the chill space#aka the rage room after hours when the kids were gone because after getting interrogated by HR trauma from former work places came up#and with long covid stuff im still figuring out i needed a spot to vent#im not the only employee btw that used that room for personal raging everyone at some point has used it to either be contemplative#scream or toss punch and throw things so long as the kids are not on grounds we can do that#yet when i finally hit that point and want to decompress safely suddenly i am the dangerous monster#these people are supposed to be trauma informed#well trauma informed my ass#on a positive blessing i never have to work with these assholes ever again and i pray we never meet in public#its going to take a long time and a lot of healing before i think i will be able to trust people fully again#savage magenta#magenta is my vent word
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currently thinking abt the despair disease and the character analysis potential it brings
#literally the best motive in the whole franchise <3333#i regularly think abt how it affected komaeda. he got the fucking Liar Disease#why? because he is completely and fully sincere in everything he does#he lies occasionally yes but overall he is honest and hides nothing#he’s an incredibly earnest person. that’s what makes him so scary#and it’s also why the liar disease would be the perfect source of despair for him. makes a lot of sense#personally i don’t believe that despair disease gives you the ‘opposite’ trait#just a trait you would hate to have or is very uncharacteristic of you#i mainly think that bc the opposite of ibuki isn’t ‘gullible.’ but she probably doesn’t like listening to others (punk and eccentric)#so the gullible disease that forces her to always believe what she’s told is despair inducing#and akane! obviously she’s very good at compartmentalizing#she never seems to show fear. ever!#as such the coward disease is Mortifying. she hates being anxious and she hates showing it even more. literal hell i’ve been there girlie#so overall. i think it’s a great way to analyze a character#obvi with komaeda it’s an EXCELLENT analysis tool bc it’s basically a roundabout truth serum#if everything you say is a lie then all you need to do is reverse it and that’s the full genuine truth#so we get confirmation of things with him. like his desire for companionship. and his genuine distress when he wants to tell everyone to be#hopeful but all he can say is ‘despair’- he gets so worked up about it that he collapses#i also like to imagine what it would have been like with other characters#what would hajime have? i’ve seen an honesty disease. i’ve also seen a happy disease#both are great. i think he has a good few options#personally though i think the thing that would stress him out a Ton would be an affectionate disease#not in like a silly friend ‘i hug everyone’ way#but in a ‘tells everyone specifically what qualities he admires about them and is vulnerable to others’ way#i think he’d be MORTIFIED. haji’s a very blunt snarky person#and he does have a lot of affection for his friends but it’s mostly shown in a teasing manner#he’s also quite closed off about his own insecurities. AND he finds komaeda incredibly offputting#to wake up one day and start both genuinely making himself vulnerable and praising everyone nagito-style would actualky be hell for him#maybe call it the admiration disease. or affectionate disease depends on ur perspective#other character have interesting possibilities too (even dr1 + v3) but I Care Hinata so. he gets spotlight for a sec
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I went on a date with this fun art girl and turns out she's good friends with my ex best friend who was Unkind To Me and then told everyone at her uni that I was the spawn of the devil and long story short I have not had a reply from the girl since the date
#personal#essentially she dated this guy for 6 months then cheated on him with his best friend and continued to be friends with him#i then fell in love with said ex boyfriend and was very guilty until we eventually got together and she somehow guessed the same day#i thought she wouldnt be overly upset since ya know. she cheated on him with and then dated HIS best friend#and they were still pals#apparently no it didnt work like that and i was the reason she would never trust again and i ruined the one good relationship she ever had#idfk man i believed her and after she cut me off i like. TORTURED myself over it for about a year#till my friends were like THANK GOD YOURE NOT FRIENDS ANYMORE SHE WAS SO NASTY TO YOU WHILE YOU WERE FRIENDS#n she then told everyone at her uni about how i was an evil bitch who manipulated and lied to her and stole her ex#idk man IDK MAN SHE STILL SEEMS TO BE ABLE TO HAUNT ME
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That last post made me realize, everytime I think about micah i always see him as some kind of, mass murderer or whatever. But he really just kills 2 people max, he just does it many times (and most of the times its just LI, he almosts never kills Camila) and for some reason I remember that as A Lot of People. Misjudged by her own author, damn <\3
#hilariously they NEVER kill Tristán. the one person you would think he would take the oportunity to kill#they actually work together in one of the endings! its a bad ending for LI but its An Ending#they would never touch Mel. and he just fucks up Ae-Jeong's life by killing Camila but doesnt really hurt her physically#they just come to town and ruin everyones lives mostly. but just kills people in some of the loops#most of the times LI dies because of some bs soulmate curse that their universe runs by#actually i lied i think he also kills some douchebag side character. i just havent decided if i want him or not so i forgor#and LI also dies there so i just counted it as another LI death lol#and the times LI doesnt die because of bs. some of them are Micah mercy killing them#Micah's players in the story make him do a lot of fucked up stuff. even if she knows everything will reset he feels bad#about the state LI ends up in some runs. so he uses the small power he has of himself ending their suffering if she can#of course she thinks no one remembers...she just feels she owes it to LI#LI meanwhile thinks they r being killed for fun#this doesnt make any sense im just ranting with myself lol#micah (oc)#adding this to my micah apologist doc lol
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should i hold a grudge over my best friend selling me her tv after i moved out then making me give it back weeks later bc she "didnt write down" that i paid her for it
#999#i mean. its not just that if im being honest w myself#its the fact that i gave her money randomly all the time 4 covers#and that she was telling everyone we work with lies about me 2 make people dislike me#do i sound paranoid. am i paranoid is that what happened#no yeah it is never mind
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