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dreaming-of-barbi · 20 days ago

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I have finally come up with a backstory for my reagent oc! I am so happy with how they have turned out !!! Very very long lore outline thing below, copied from my google docs and written on my phone so there might be some errors.

Sugar & Bone(s) | The Demon and The Vessel – lore dump / outline

TRIGGER WARNINGS - not in order -

RELIGION, OCCULT THINGS, DEMON??, GORE MENTIONS, ABUSE??, DEATH, MAFIA??, DRUGS?? that's all I can think of

Description of Sugar -

About 22 years old when she reaches Murkoff.

5’3”, somewhat pudgy with blueish gray eyes and dark brown curly hair that reaches down to her hips. A large portion of her face is covered by a very sensitive, actively healing scar.

She subconsciously touches the scar on her neck and face, feeling how much it has healed each day. She avoids mirrors and also hides her face with her hair when she can. She removed the night vision headset and E.S.O.P within the first few weeks of being there as the Demon can see in the dark just fine and they don't use the rigs.

She tries to hide the screws Murkoff drilled into her skull. She doesn't smile often as it feels weird against her healing skin. It won't ever fully heal, forever leaving a nasty spider web like scar across her face.

Her teeth grew back sharper, some of her facial features being slightly altered because of the Demon.

Ages and timeline may change, especially as more lore for Franco comes out. It might be a little off with the ages but I tried to keep everything lore accurate.

Locations are kind of unknown, for now. Most likely within Louisiana, before finding their way to Mount Sinyala in Arizona.

Ever since she had been born, it was as though she was cursed. Labeled as a “demonic child” before her birth, she was already doomed to be nothing more than a scapegoat for whatever was needed.

The Demon found her at only a few months old, quickly latching on to such a sorrowful soul. How could something so young and small put off this much sadness? And this place? This was no religious commune, especially not when they could so easily step foot on these so-called “holy grounds”.

Shannon meets Franco at age 4 years old, very, very young at the time. Franco isn't much older, as he's almost three years older than her.

She witnesses him being screamed at by Salvatore and, guided by a simple thought placed in her mind by the Demon, follows him when he runs off after, finding him hiding himself away and crying. She sits next to him without ever saying anything and shares a small loaf of banana bread with him, being called away by her guardians not too long after.

Franco never forgets this gesture, recognizing her as he gets a bit older and starts learning more about his fathers… business. He sees her within The Commune whenever his father would bring him along in the following years, visiting sometimes to see how the operations were going.

The commune is a cult, as well as a front for money laundering, and providing another way to smuggle narcotics For Salvatore. Has ties to a “Freak Show” miles in the opposite direction of the city, which of course, also has ties with Salvatore. The cult buys and also helps distribute Salvatore's goods, earning a small profit for it as they use their ties with the Circus to keep production rolling through.

Who's going to question the little pilgrim-like Christian village out in the woods?

Circus’ and Freak Shows were hardly even being bothered with any more, less and less appearing across the country each year as people grew bored and tired of it.

With generous donations coming from Salvatore's companies, food and charity sent to both the Circus and The Commune, no one batted an eye at this tight knit circle. No one noticed them.

The perfect front.

It was a dying form of crude entertainment, the only thing keeping it alive was The exploitation of the gullible Commune members nearby, and the few people who visited occasionally.

A deal was made with the Commune’s “Elders” and the Ring Master of the show, using one of the “attractions” to strike the fear of god into the gullible members. In return, they are paid a good sum of money, and given a discount on Salvatore's… finest selection.

A small albino girl, with a genetic defect causing feathers to grow on her face and body, skin pure white as snow, with two tiny, flightless wings to complete the look. (She is my fiance's oc! teehee)

She was labeled the “Angle”, thanks to her own inability to pronounce the word. Anyone who attempted to correct it would be berated and attacked by the Ring Master in a drunken stupor.

Shannon was often taken with to the Circus, seeing the “Angle” trapped in her tiny cage, hearing the “Elders” scream how the members of The Commune lacked any real faith. Screaming as the small girl in the cage wept, demanding that they watch as she “cried for their sins”.

Shannon would sneak out sometimes to see the Angle herself and even spoke to her, forming a small friendship, though it was fleeting, as Shannon couldn't risk being caught by the Ring Master or she (and Angle) would have hell to pay.

She continued to seek Franco out in their younger years, despite him telling her to leave him alone for a while. He was fearful of both becoming close with someone but also fearful of what his father may do about it. Shannon was undeterred, Franco being the only person in her life who didn't treat her like an outcast, everyone else looking at her as though she was the devils spawn.

He slowly warms up to her, they get to know each other more, Franco and Shannon always being very sneaky about their friendship. Shannon was supposed to stay within The Commune, to cook, clean, take care of the chores. Play the mini housewife for them, as all the Commune Women were expected to, and only god knows what Salvatore would do about his son prancing around with a lowly, nothing girl from that Commune, risking the operation that was held there. They knew the retaliation it may cause if either ever heard of their affairs.

Franco and Shannon knew better than to risk the wrath of Franco's father and the Commune… right?

Franco had many mixed feelings for Shannon.

She would actively look for him, wanting to spend time with him, unlike the other children and people in his life. He was often very skeptical of why Shannon was always so nice to him, even when he got incredibly angry she never switched on him or treated him with disdain like most.

He was the only person who didn't treat her like a creature. All of The Commune members saw children as nothing more than easy, free labor, especially Shannon, training and treating her like a dog instead of a child. This would often translate into how other people treated her, as it was often encouraged to treat her this way by the “Elders”.

Franco did not do anything like this to her, not once. She could deal with his temper, the yelling. It was nothing she hadn't dealt with before.

She knew how kind Franco really was.

Shannon began sneaking out of The Commune at around age 10, usually walking for miles to get into town and visit Franco, bringing him sweets she had made.

Franco gives her the nickname Sugar (often Suga’ because of his accent teehee) sometime around when she's 11 - 12.

She makes him a dessert, accidentally adding too much sugar as she was distracted talking with him. He teases her for it, telling her it's “Just like you. Sweet as Suga’~.” the nickname staying as Franco keeps calling her such.

Franco began to flirt with her more around this time in their life, though he also often acted cold and harsh towards her as his own fears stirred. What was their “relationship”, if it could even be considered one? She would never be safe around his Father, around here at all.

The “Beloved Elder(s)”, as they often demanded to be called, soon began to… up the Villages dosage of medications. They had drugged the “villagers” into submission for years, but for whatever reason they had decided to raise the amount, and even began including the commune children.

Sugar often wandered her way to Franco in town, nearly nodding off, clearly under the influence of something.

One time Sugar appeared at his doorstep, about to collapse from whatever those bastards forced into the food. It was much worse than before, and He would stay with her, helping her ride it out. If only Sugar wasn't so naive, even as they talked of running away. Even as Sugar spoke of the terror the Commune Leaders brought her, she wouldn't hear his pleas to her that they were hurting her for such a long time, Franco trying to convince her for years that she was in danger staying within the commune.

She learns what the Commune really is, and what Salvatore really does at 16, finally witnessing it first hand at some point.

Franco knew the Commune was going to break her eventually, and his father would make her disappear in an instant if he felt like it… nothing was safe here, for her. For them.

They soon had begun to make more solid plans. Long nights spent talking about how they would run away together, Franco promising to keep Sugar safe many times. He had plenty of men he could get on his side if things ever went bad.

He wanted a new life and he could start it with her…

But yet… his father needed him here, helping with his work. He knew that.

His father was so proud when he blew that fuckers head clean off, even gave him his beloved Lupara.

He wanted to do good by his father.

He was being the man his father wanted him to be now, right? He hunted down scumbags for his father, he did the dirty work. He made his father proud.

He couldn't just let him down like this.

“What does this girl know, anyways?”

“Sugar didn't laugh at me…”

“Father didn't stoop low, not for no whores.”

“She never scoffed at a word I said…”

Conflict within his mind happened often, going back and forth. He would ditch this broad once and for all…

But yet, how could he ever forget…?

The way she never once avoided looking him in the eyes, how she smiled and laughed with him, never at him. Baking him things because she wanted to.

Seeking him out because she wanted to see him.

She called him “Fran”... how silly.

It really, truly is a shame. You never know when you have something so good, pure… precious.

Not until it's too late.

Maybe they had become sloppy, not covering their tracks as thoroughly as they usually did, distracted as their plans drew nearer.

Maybe it was always known, allowed to build and fester for years, until there was no denying it.

No escaping fate. Cruel destiny.

It was soon, she would leave this wretched “Commune” and live a free life with Franco. After the last time The “Elders” pacified the members, Sugar was almost unable to escape. She remembered how easily she could have died in that state. She nearly acted like a different person…

The many, many times of being screamed at by his father, barely acknowledging Franco unless it was to blame something on him, or use him for his business.

It often felt like there was another voice speaking in Sugar's head. These substances she was forced under were too much.

She was done. They were done.

They would get out of here, together…

She was 17 now. Giddy as she came back to the barbed wire lined fence of the Commune. He mind was filled with daydreams of running away together with Franco, a skip in her step as she made it back.

Only a few more days and they were free...

They slipped through a small hole in the rusted fence, hidden behind a shed in a long abandoned goat pasture, her typical returning route.

However, this wasn't the same. As she slipped through, she immediately noticed the bushes and grass usually swarming the fence had been trampled and cut down.

No one cleared the grass back here, no one ever came back here, and she made sure to keep the grass and plant life lush to hide her escape route behind the shed.

Her heart began to race as she took her usual route back into the middle of the Commune, trying to avoid being seen as she snuck back into her family's shed.

However, she was almost immediately grabbed as she stepped in, dragged out into the middle of the commune to The “Elders” by her “guardians”.

They screamed at her about her disobedience, how she betrayed god and walked amongst sin. Commiting crimes against the lord himself and how she shamed their entire community. How dare you risk allowing the devil to infiltrate their precious sanctuary. They had known from the start what a ruckus she would cause in their precious sanctuary.

They screamed that she was going to be punished, some of the other “villagers” being encouraged to throw rocks in her direction as they screamed and chanted for her to be punished.

Of course, Sugar had expected to be caught sneaking out at some point, and she knew if that happened it would result in her being in trouble… but her heart sank as she soon realized the extent of what the “Elders” really meant.

They would not risk someone from the Commune getting out, possibly risking their whole operation here.

She was just some nobody village girl. Not even her parents would miss her. They would have this solved. In fact… they called up some close friends to deal with the job.

Sugar was taken to the same abandoned pasture as the one she used to escape through, kicked down to the ground as The “Elders” gathered around her. Her fear kept her paralyzed in place, trying to think of a way to run and escape, some way to get out of whatever punishment The “Elders” had planned.

“You cannot be allowed to taint The Commune. You are a disgusting, filthy animal. From the moment you were born, you have defiled god, and now you have defiled us. This commune. Only god will judge you, now.” They taunted her, getting close to her face to say, once and for all.

“It’s too risky to leave you alive, after what you know. You should have known your place.”

As they step away, Salvatore steps forward and towards her, staying a few feet away as he encourages Franco to step closer to her with a push of his hand.

Of course Franco was the one chosen to do it. Threatened earlier by his father; “Kill that pest. She means nothing to you, or you will mean nothing to this family.”

Who else was better for the job, anyways?

A fitting punishment for both of them.

Franco held the shotgun tightly, his father commanding him to lift the gun and aim for her head. He obeyed, shaky hands raising the barrel and aiming it to her face.

Her gray eyes gazed up at him, no tears or reaction as he pointed the gun to her. Only her wide, fearful eyes gave away her terror.

He couldn't risk angering his father more, cocking the gun and placing his finger to the trigger. He swallowed nervously, not saying a word.

He had to do this.

For his father, for himself.

He didn't need her anyways, right?

His father had done this many many times.

So could he.

“I-it's okay, I forgive you, and… I love you, Fran.” Sugar said after a moment of silence, smiling to him the same way she always had, though it was weak and shaky.

As if he couldn't stand to see her anymore, he pulled the trigger with a panicked cry, the sound covered up by the backfire as Sugar instantly fell to the ground in a limp heap.

She was dead.

He had done it.

He stared down at her lifeless corpse for a long moment, watching the blood pooling around her in the grass, staining the wildflowers around her. Barrel of Lupara still smoking in his hand.

He could have sworn… she was staring right back.

And, just like that, Salvatore and himself were on their way home soon after.

None of the Commune members bothered with the corpse.

She could rot right there, away from sight.

Forgotten.

—

“Man… I don't remember Romeo and Juliette being like this.��

A voice?

What happened…? Why does it feel so cold?

Jaw hurts, body aches… it's completely dark.

No.. no it's not dark, there's a… projector? Playing a film on the screen in front of them.

It feels so familiar, the movie.

It was like watching through someone's eyes, seeing their point of view. They were climbing up a chain link fence. Why did the film playing look so familiar…? They've… seen this fence?

The haunting memories come rushing back as she is almost forced to remember what had happened, nearly about to lose it when sue was interrupted once more;

“Hey. Let's make a deal, you and I. You rest for a while and I'll help you. You won't die because I won't let you. In return, you be my vessel. How does this sound, hmmm Sugar…?”

That same voice again.

What deal? Well… Maybe some rest wouldn't hurt them.

They did feel so very tired…

The Vessel fell dormant within the mind, and The Demon began to make their way through the dark forest. It knew having a nose, jaw and neck were important for these human things but… it had been so long since they were one. What was it even used for, again?

Nevermind, it would heal back all the same. They'd get this poor, pathetic thing some help from another human.

Humans help other humans all the time, right? They're social animals.

This pity is such a weird feeling. What Demon shows mercy, takes it upon themself to help another? Following some random human girl until her untimely demise, helping her like this?

Don't they scheme, cheat and deceive? Only causing pain, tainting the land around them?

Sure, maybe some, but not all.

Demon is a species, not an evil.

First order of business, a plan they had kept since these miserable places had drawn them in so long ago.

The Demon had seen the state of the nearby “Circus”, near the Commune. They made their way to that dingy little fraud of a place, unlocking every single cage and releasing the “attractions” to run free.

It really had been too long since they had been around living beings, around humans. They didn't realize the chaos they would cause, possibly sealing the fate of a few of those poor souls within the circus…

Oh well, they were still a Demon, after all.

A few years had passed so far and They were nearly 22 now, the vessel's mouth and nose almost fully healed and regenerated thanks to the Demon. It had made quite an effort to keep this human hidden, like a fun little side quest, doing something… “nice” because they wanted to.

And how nice is keeping a human in this state alive? At least the mercy of slumber keeps the physical pain at bay, but what mental anguish would be left there after? Remembering her death, but never passing on?

However, that wasn't something on it's mind anyways, and soon, this human would be waking back up. The vessel was going to start needing things like food and water once more. There's only so much a Demons power can provide to a dying body.

No worries! They had found a flyer, with details about some kind of animal sanctuary thing for humans? The details didn't matter, it would be good enough. It promised things like food, shelter… a “purpose”? Whatever that means. Humans are weird.

Nearly a year later they were at the doors of a Murkoff charity facility, practically waltzing in.

The workers tried to chemically knock out the Demon for a very long time but eventually gave up as it was a waste of their product, and the Demon just… willingly went in anyway. Walked right into the cattle car full of people, tied up, burlap sacks on their heads, not even batting an eye.

It glanced around, clicking its tongue in amusement at the sight.

“Quite the ride. What's the occasion, you got a Demon Lord visiting town?”

Typical.

—

It's hard to say who ended up more affected by Sugar's passing.

Sugar herself… or Franco.

Salvatore nearly slammed him against the wall, demanding to know what he was thinking trying to get into the pants of some Commune girl, even making plans to leave with her??

Franco knew better than to risk his father's Business like this.

The ultimatum was given, either kill this girl and restore some sliver of respect his father might have for him, or he would deal with the girl himself, and make sure Franco meant nothing to their family.

Franco tried to tell himself it was fine, nothing unlike the women his father went through.

Many months went by and this thought only festered in his mind.

She was nothing, she had to be.

As the months turned into a few years, he started… exploring more. Branching out and refining his tastes, something to keep these pesky thoughts at bay.

This would have been fine… if she didn't haunt him every time he tried to even speak to another woman. He would try his best to push her thought away, but nothing would happen there, and those god damn eyes would be staring at him all over again.

She was dead, why was he still thinking about her.

Why couldn't he do anything?

He felt pathetic and it made him so fucking angry.

But… there was one solution.

His mind would cloud as he glanced to his Lupara…

A blinding rage would overtake him, once again seeing those terrified eyes staring at him. Forced to relive the undeniable rush that came from watching her body crumble to the ground so effortlessly.

When he'd “come to”, yet another victim would lay in front of him. Visceral scenes he cannot remember making left in his wake, the image of Sugar in the grass below him being the only memory he could recall.

Only… he really didn't care for these broads, and who would blame him if he… explored a little more?

He would take it further and further each time, seeing what could bring him the same rush he felt with Sugar, her name becoming another one of the things he would mutter to himself when he hunted anyone down. Her image, his memories of her would become more vague, partially tainted by his endeavors.

He was starting to be noticed by his father, as he didn't always try to hide these misadventures… but that didn't bother him.

Things were really becoming a blur for him at this point. He didn't remember when Angelina showed up, his fathers fourth wife, his most recent step-mother.

He didn't know when she suddenly took an… interest in him.

He was finding himself being hurt by her, she would push him down, forcing him to kneel below her. She made him feel something he had never known before. Helpless, vulnerable, humiliated, afraid, like he couldn't stop her. It felt so familiar, feeling that rush in a whole new light.

He tried to ignore her lurking memories once more. He didn't want to think of Sugar anymore.

She died.

Now, he wanted to focus on this, the closest thing to attention he's felt since her.

His father, of course, found out about the whole affair soon after.

Needless to say, Angelina disappeared, and Franco was lucky he didn't experience the same fate as Sugar that night, sent away to “help” in Miami.

His mind was a bit broken now, you could say. But, without the limitations and judgments of his father, he was free to truly explore his tastes while helping out “friends” in Florida with Cuba.

By this point, Sugar had almost faded from his memory, only remembering the rush he felt that fateful night.

When visiting Gator Hook Lodge located in Florida, he would often try to experience his cravings with the working girls, trying to chase that rush all over again, even when he barely remembered Sugar's name.

While in Florida he is noticed and taken and transported to Mount Sinyala, a little less than a year after the Demon finds that silly little flyer.

—

Sugar had gotten used to the routine here, going into a trial, trying to do what Murkoff instructed them to before inevitably being taken over by Bone to get them out of whatever deadly situation they had got themselves into.

The Demon drove most of the reagents away from its many… habits. Often found gnawing on a bone from one of the corpses around the trials, complaining that the corpses are better than whatever slop the reagents are fed.

It happened often enough that they were soon being referred to as Bone or Bones by the Murkoff employees and other reagents.

After almost a year of being with Mount Sinyala, they finally enter The Docks, to do one of the newest trials; “Poison The Medicine”.

They had only heard of the new Prime Asset in passing, this was their first encounter with them face to face.

They could handle it, right? How difficult could it be? Well, they knew the new Prime had a gun, so they would have to be extra careful going through these trials.

Maybe Sugar would sit this one out…

The Demon made their way through the new trial environment slowly, keeping themself low and quiet for the time being. They neared the small room they were supposed to enter as a man begging and pleading for their life hung above, strung up almost as if on display. The sight drew a smirk from the Demon.

As it entered the weird, rounded, rotating doors and into the small room, it took its time to take in the sight. The floor and furniture were soaked with blood, bits of flesh littered from the blast of a gun, corpses carelessly left wherever they died. This proceeded throughout the entire trial. Seems this Prime Asset certainly had been hard at work.

The Demon pranced its way up the stairs getting a nice, clear view of the pleading, writhing man through the thick glass. If only they could find a way out there… sadly they couldn't risk making Murkoff upset like that again.

The last time they derailed the trial, they were drugged and isolated for nearly a month! So boring. The Demon wanted to enjoy this new trial for a while before finally wrecking havoc.

They turned and looked towards the other side of the room a large glass window revealed quite the interesting sight.

A large expop corpse missing its head was propped up into a red chair along the corner of the room, with someone laying in their lap. They were happily suckling on the breast of the corpse, wearing a white suit stained with blood.

The Demon smiled, scoffing with astonishment. This place just gets better and better.

“When is it my turn?”

The Demon said aloud with great excitement before turning to press the button behind them, in front of the window displaying the strung up man. They noticed that the tank within the trial was now being lifted, and that same man was beginning to panic, writhing and kicking as he pleaded for his life even louder.

The Demon's attention was quickly drawn back to the room with the corpse, noticing that whoever had been in its lap had fallen to the ground.

He was starting to yell something as the Demon stepped closer, peering into the glass to look, drawing an… odd reaction from the Prime Asset. He stepped back, going completely silent and never breaking eye contact with the Demon as he opened the door and made his way out onto the balcony. He didn't acknowledge the hanging man as he made his way towards unseen doors on the other side of the balcony, eyes still glued to the Demon.

Sugar and the Demon stared right back, nearly in shock at the sight. They knew who he was, they recognized him. The gun he carried, barrel now sawed very short, his Lupara.

Why was Franco here?

They had him under some alias, something they didn't understand. How could they have known the new Prime Asset was Franco…? And now they were here, watching as he finally disappeared behind those weird Murkoff doors. Was he trapped in here, too...?

He looked like he had been hurt, terribly. The Demon felt nearly overwhelmed by it as Sugar's heart ached for him, but yet also trembled from seeing him again. A conflicting dance of affection and terror, a nasty but also quite expensive cocktail in the Upper ranking Hells. No one would believe they got this shit from the source.

They continued through the trial, doing the weird tasks Murkoff wanted them to, all while trying to avoid being stabbed. The usual, though this time it was certainly odd…

The Demon was no fool, these were real products they were placing into the cooker. They were doing real shit here.

What the hell was this place?

The stories they would have for their buddies at the tavern after this all…

Soon they were pushing some big, rusted, heavy, cart on a track over towards the other half of the trial. The Demon was having a good time, even as Sugar was practically bursting at the seems to know what was going on here. How was Franco here? Why was he so important here? …and how would she ever explain this to him… could she even face him? She felt so oddly terrified.

The Demon finally butted in, a little irritated at their own lack of thinking room from it all; “C’mon, you gotta chill out. I can't do this if you're panicking, I'm feeling it all.”

“But why is he here??”

“Hell if I know! This place is fuckin' crazy, and that's saying a lot. I'm sure you'll get to ask him soon–”

“No, I can't just talk to him! What if he's angry with me?”

“He killed you, sweetheart… at least, he thinks he did. He ain't gonna be mad at you.”

“But what if–”

Their outward conversation was interrupted as they stepped into “The Train Depot”, stopped short by a gunshot to the floor beside them, causing a small crater in the floor.

The Demon didn't jump, only turning to face him slowly before Sugar almost instantly overtook the Vessel.

The change from the Demon to Sugar was very quick and subtle, but it was clear to Franco that something was off about her.

Well… other than the fact that she was here and alive.

He watched her fucking body fall to the ground, he put a hole right through her pretty little skull.

Was he being tormented purposely by these doctors?

They already knew so much about him, throwing his past into his face at any possible chance they could. Those fucking bastards.

He stepped towards them, causing Sugar to step back a bit in response. Her eye flicked to the gun clutched in his hand. She hadn't forgotten that night, even after years had passed.

She could still taste the salty, metallic blood choking her as she laid there. It was so vivid, so distinct in her memory.

Franco looked irritated, frightened, angry. He looked her up and down with a scowl as he continued to approach her. Memories that had almost been left and forgotten were being dredged up just as he was enjoying himself here.

“Is this supposed to be fuckin’ funny or somethin’? You think this is a joke??” He demanded, nearly shouting as anger rose with each word he spoke. Guilt and regret gnawed away at him every day, as much as he tried to ignore it. This was the one thing this wretched place hadn't thrown back into his face, how did they even know about Sugar? Enough to impersonate her?

He was just staring at her for a long while as these thoughts rushed through his mind.

Was she even real? Who knew what these scientist fucks were doing to him, why wouldn't he be hallucinating?

He snapped out of his spiraling thoughts as Sugar spoke up, smiling at him despite the fear she felt, seeing that same gun held in his hand.

“I.. I've missed you, Fran.”

#the outlast trials #outlast trials #outlast trials oc #reagent oc #outlast reagent #oc artwork #art tag #my art #traditional art #traditional drawing #traditional sketch #outlast trials reagent

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stargirlie25 · 7 months ago

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i might be a Lucien Stan but unlike some people I don't want to see Azriel die for the sake of my ship.

Like y'all are vassiens but also say Lucien would lose in a blood duel?

Losing in a blood duel literally means dying.

The debate is so silly on who would win. They are both powerful. However Lucien has more advantages.

He has light and fire (both things that defeat shadows)

He broke free of the king of hyberns MAGIC leashes while the HL who killed Amarantha and Rhysands dad with ease remained leashed.

He is heir to the daycourt. Becoming HL means you have the HL beast form.

Helions beast form:

Amethyst light swirled around him. Helion growled at Rhys—an order

Leaving the commander and Helion Spell-Cleaver to go head-to-head. Spell to spell.

If Rhys was a flying terror crafted from shadows and cold moonlight, Helion was his daytime equivalent.

So what we know is that Helion using the high lord beast form, is equal to Rhysand. We know he ORDERS Rhysand in that form. ALSO the spells? In acosf Helion says he knows spells that even Rhysand does not. Lucien can easily learn from helion and use all kinds of spells.

No because siphons can never defeat a high lords beast form. The power the high lord already has is intensified in that form. Bigger. Stronger. More powerful.

LAST OF ALL the difference between Az and Lucien is that Lucien would actually be fighting for his mate. Its Lucien who feels the anger with the bond towards his opponent. It is Lucien who carries the rare feelings of the mating bond.

Anyways all I'm saying is Lucien would obviously win. Although he says in Acowar that he would ask Rhysand advice on how he survived knowing his mate loved someone else. He would sit back and watch if Elain fell in love with Azriel. Lucien would do nothing to stop it. He would just mourn after her for the rest of his life.

E/riels know Lucien is patient with Elain. They know he gives her space. So they think Lucien would be the one to entertain the blood duel. No. he. would. not. Why don't e/riels see that Azriel is the only one who entertained the blood duel?

I am fully aware lots of e/riels and gwynriels give the personality of Lucien to Az but now e/riels are giving his cons to Lucien.

They think LUCIEN has one sided beef with Az.

They think LUCIEN wants to kill Azriel.

They think LUCIEN wants to kill a man over a woman who said she is not a child to be FOUGHT for.

They think LUCIEN arrogantly states that he can defeat another man.

They think LUCIEN views Elain as a precious small docile flower.

This is seriously not an Anti Azriel post. Let's just say Azriel is not in his element when in regards to Elain AND Mor. He has the same negative reactions to both of them.

Coming back to the point of my post

Lucien would defeat Azriel

Lucien would not entertain the blood duel

Lucien would mourn Elain forever

Azriel is the only one who has entertained the blood duel.

Elucien>Smelriel

#pro Lucien vanserra #pro elucien #pro lucien #pro elain archeron #Elain archeron #Lucien vanserra #Lucien x elain #Elain x lucien #lulu is the solulu #anti e/riel #pro elain #anti smelriel

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ohmotherwhereartthou-if · 4 months ago

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More info about Ludovica's former husband? I want to know the lengths of his douchebaggery.

I am almost a whole year late on this one but here is what I got on the asshole, chief. 🫡

Also, disclaimer: This dude is absolute human garbage, dark subjects such as - (pedophillia, non-con, domestic/verbal abuse, child loss, miscarriage, under age drinking) below!

I don't honestly know if I have ever stated a official name for him anywhere yet. It's for the most part undecided because the greatest thing he ever did was die, giving him a name is so low on my list of priorities, so he will get one whenever he gets one.

He was in his early 40s when he all but purchased Ludovica from her parents in the form of offering a very large dowry for her. He saw her sing at one of her parents parties when she was a young teen (A underage teen I might add, she was close to 18 but not quite there yet), he was attracted to her voice and youthful beauty like an absolute creep.

Made his money by loan sharking lower class farmers and forgiving their debts in exchange for unreasonable amounts of their harvest. Leaving them starving and their daughters traumatized, it was from these encounters he developed his disgusting youthful taste in women. He then later made some pretty powerful connections that allowed him to rise in rank and social status, he hoarded his money and made a lot of smart short term investments.

He was always rather abusive and very neglectful, Ludovica was very lonely but greatly preferred his absence rather than him ever giving her any thought.

He would treat Vica like a literal object, coming and going as he pleased without ever really having a conversation with her. He had no need to ever tell her what he was doing, would only call her when he wanted something from her or when he wanted to show her off. Which he did a lot.

Loved to brag about his young wife; about how pretty she looked and how nice she sang. Would have her entertain his guests, who could be handsy at times. Ludovica would complain but he would tell her to shut up and keep sitting pretty; only intervening if someone was trying to push it too far. Not out of concern for Vica but out of his own pride, he would look weak if another man publicly was getting too cozy with his wife.

Vica would do her best to hide whenever he was throwing a party but he would drag her out of her room with an iron grip on her forearms. Definitely always leaving bruised but smartly only doing so where they couldn't be easily seen.

He found it funny how Ludovica would drink so much, seeing her drunk was the closest thing to him ever seeing her relaxed. He probably did know that she drank so much because of him and from her wanting to disassociate, but he really would care much so long as she didn't act a fool in front of his guests.

He figured Vica would get pregnant eventually and was pleased that he could start working on securing an heir for his legacy. Spoke a lot about how having a daughter would be useless until he got a son, he needs to have his lineage properly set up before he can later plan to wed daughters off to the highest bidders. Hearing him say that made Ludovica genuinely vomit out of pure disgust, lucky she was able to play it off as morning sickness.

When Vica had miscarried the baby he was more annoyed at her than anything, her failure to properly function as a female just set his legacy plans back by months. "Alas it is no great matter, we could just simply have another." were his exact words when he was no longer annoyed about the child's passing. He didn't even mourn the loss of the child's life for a mere second, treating it as if the life that was once growing inside Vica was absolutely worthless.

That is what I got for now, there is probably more but I gotta get to writing Ludovica's story to fully figure out everything this asshole did to her.

My poor baby Vica. 😭

RIP (Rest in Piss), bozo. 💩

#omwat #ask #ludovica #interactive games #interactive fiction #interact if #if game #if

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triflesandparsnips · 1 year ago

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I've spent a couple days now trying to find the right words for this, and I still don't know if it's quite right, but-- well, fuck it. I need to tell it in three parts, because I'm not sure it breaks down more easily than that, so let's start with:

Stede knew.

...that is to say: The more I think about it, and in light of what we're seeing so far in season 2 (though hey, the new episode drops tonight, who knows, who knows, but--)

--but the more I think about it, the more sure I am that Stede has always known that he's attracted to men-- and he definitely knew, all along, that he was attracted to Ed in particular.

It's been a popular (and very entertaining) theory that maybe he didn't know. There was certainly a lot of static on the line whenever the topic came up in season 1. He seemed to need help identifying "love"; he didn't respond to Ed's flirting or half-attempted moonlight kiss; he didn't, in fact, try anything that wasn't obscured behind ten thousand layers of plausible deniability to the degree that it was reasonable to interpret him as naive or innocent or completely unaware of his own queerness.

But I think... I think that's what it was. Obfuscation. Hiding behind the relative safety of a presumed ignorance.

Because it all comes back, over and traumatically-over, to that queer need for the language of safety.

Listen: Stede Bonnet grew up keenly aware that being the kind of person he was-- being soft, being gay, being different, being queer-- was reason enough for the world to beat the shit out of him even when he was just a socially unacceptable level of queer (picking flowers as a boy, staying unmarried as a man). In Stede's time period, being any more obviously queer than that, and being subsequently found out, could lead to literal death.

So Stede would have been aware that that sort of attraction wasn't safe-- or, at least, that acting on it wasn't safe in any but the most plausibly deniable of ways... unless, and until, he could be absolutely sure.

And that's the thing, that right there, that's the next part of this:

Stede knew, but that doesn't mean he trusted himself-- or Ed.

It's like this:

When you're somebody who's been punished before (socially and physically) for just the appearance of queerness-- god forbid the acceptance or celebration of it-- then you're going to develop a whole lot of ways to protect yourself from anyone getting proof that you're as queer as they suspect.

So if you're caught looking-- no, no, you were just thinking about a book you wanted to read, silly Stede Bonnet, head in the clouds--

--and if your hand is caught lingering too long-- no, no, that can't be right, because you don't touch anyone at all, see? Oh that Stede Bonnet, awkward as anything, barely knows where his tea cup is--

--and no, absolutely not, you can't be fooled into believing a friend might be something more, no matter how flirtatious his body, no matter how much he seems to cherish your regard-- because either he's lying to you (and you learned that one well enough as a child, didn't you), or... or worse, that's just how some men feel friendship, and you're the one making it strange, making it queer, and he wouldn't be like that anymore if you just stopped bothering him quite so much, toddle on back to your wife, Stede Bonnet, and it'll all be fine again...

The tragedy of the first season might really be, out of all that happened, that a man could kiss Stede Bonnet on the mouth and say he made him happy and ask that they plan a life together--

And Stede still doubted that Ed really meant it.

Stede knew, and he doubted Ed... but he was on the road to trusting himself.

I think Stede went to sea to come out.

I think becoming a pirate was a deliberate queering of his previous life, the first step in him trying to actually allow himself an intentional queer identity in a world where the rules, boundaries, and kinds relationships that were expected and acceptable were broad enough for him to finally exist.

And he was right! Because, like-- jfc, of all the reasons the crew wanted to mutiny, it wasn't because Stede was kinda swish. Of all the reasons Spanish Jackie was going to de-nose him, it wasn't because he was swanning around camp af. Calico Jack did some damage, sure, but he dropped it once his overall aim was achieved-- making it less about social punishment and more another way to needle Stede into responding. Hell, even Izzy's initial interactions with him (regardless of what extra ammo he brought to bear later, which tbh may need separate examination entirely once we get more of season 2) were bound up in Stede interfering in his business and somehow succeeding rather than anything having to do with Stede's queerness.

And when you consider it from that angle... my god, the man was a one-man pride parade and his love of Edward Teach was the float at the front.

He used coded language with Ed in the first five minutes he was conscious enough to fuckin do so ("Do you fancy a fine fabric?" --christ, watch Stede's eyes before he asks that question, the way he clocks Ed turning away to test the cashmere, and when Ed gives a safe response that's when Stede shares more, just watch him)--

He took Ed's silk, touched Ed's chest, complimented his looks-- and even if you trust Stede's memory of it over Ed's, where there was no half-gasp, no aborted kiss-- Stede did all that, and Ed didn't punish him for it. My god, when they went their separate ways, Stede turned back to look-- and so did Ed--

He draped his lace cuffs over Ed's bare wrists as they stood together at tea. He let himself believe Ed was committing to a life together when they agreed to co-captaincy. When he thought Ed had left permanently with Calico Jack he was explicit with Lucius about what it meant ("I think it's over")--

Look: Stede has, in comparison and in opposition to his previous life, been a reckless bolt of rainbow glory almost the entire time we've see him in season 1. It just doesn't look like it from the outside because... he's really good at the language of safety.

So all this to say:

It makes sense, Stede having no concern for telling everybody in the entire pirate world apparently about his love for Ed.

It makes sense for Stede to say "I should have told him how I feel"-- because he knew, even then, he was just afraid he was wrong.

And so it would make sense, to me, if Stede, back in proximity with Ed and with definitive proof that Ed felt the same way as Stede (or had, at least, at one point), proceeds to get absolutely weird with how much gooey queer LOVE he throws at Ed from the moment they're both coherent enough to form words.

BECAUSE:

Stede couldn't trust the straight world to be safe? Well now he's dead there, time to be queer af

AND

Stede couldn't trust that Ed wanted him the same way? Well babe just went around making the world burn and then promptly died trying because he got his heart broken by Stede, so Stede is going to be 100% insufferable about showing this very special boy just how much he is absolutely adored.

And I cannot wait to see what bullshit he comes up now that he finally feels safe.

#is this coherent?#no clue #I'm working on MINUS hours of sleep #cw homophobia #queer love #queer identity #Stede Bonnet has been a dark (weird) horse all along #hey can someone else make the connection to what #our flag means death #really means in light of my thoughts above #our flag means death s2 spoilers #our flag means death season 2 rampant speculation

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cass-foxx · 1 year ago

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Why do you love him? // Tywin Lannister & Masc! Reader

Little note : This is platonic as for this one, Tywin is more seen as a father figure :] Also sorry in advance for any mistakes, English isn't my mother tongue haha. Hoping this will do better than on w*ttpad 0-0 I always use they/them pronouns for (Y/N) regardless of their gender.

Also I only read the first book and watched the show some time ago, therefore I apologise for any innacuracies.

~~~

Tyrion was jealous of (Y/N). The young wanderer was sitting next to Tywin Lannister, joyfully talking while eating. The father Lannister was listening to him, amused by the witty remarks of the young boy.

Tyrion refocused his attention on his food. Yes he was jealous. Since his lord father openly showed the world that he considered the young wanderer as his child and took them under his wing, Tyrion couldn't help but feel contempt towards the boy. Contempt he felt ashamed about since (Y/N) has actually been the only one treating him with respect and friendliness.

Tyrion's gaze went towards (Y/N) again. The news of them being taken under Tywin's wing has been so easily accepted. And who could blame them? The 18 years old boy was everything like a Lannister. Often they did relevant remarks that helped Tyrion's lord father during battle strategy, showing great knowledge about the battlefield and politics. The crimson colour of the Lannisters fits them perfectly and even with their small height, they had a certain charisma that made people respect them. Their sword skills were unmatched, truly impressive for their age and they had green eyes where little shades of gold could be seen when the sun shined through.

There was just one thing that screamed that (Y/N) would never be a true Lannister outside of their blood. It was their hair. Dark charming brown hair that looked as an oak's bark.

When Tyrion saw his lord father trying to repress a smile to (Y/N)'s observations, he left the table, not feeling hungry at all.

It was cold outside the tent, wind howling greatly. Tyrion walked, letting his little legs lead him where they wanted, unsure himself where to go.

He found an oak - what a coincidence - and decided to sit nearby. Nobody must have notice that he left except (Y/N) perhaps if they weren't too busy entertaining everyone in the tent with their japes.

As if to answer his question, Tyrion heard light footsteps coming towards him. "I saw you leaving and thought you might want this" said a friendly voice that could only belong to the wanderer. They were holding a loaf of bread, a gentle smile on their face. "No thank you. I am not hungry" replied Tyrion but his stomach growled, betraying him.

"Reflex". (Y/N) threw the bread and Tyrion barely managed to catch it. No more words were exchanged but after a long eye contact, Tyrion decided to take a bite, reliving the hunger that was starting inside him. There was something behind (Y/N)'s green golden eyes that commanded Tyrion to eat.

After a moment where both men stared at each other, Tyrion decided to break the silence. "So what do you want?"

"Can't I just come because I wanted to provide you something to eat?"

"Yes you could but I can see that you want to ask me something. When it comes to hiding your excitement, you're not very good at it."

Indeed, (Y/N)'s legs were slightly trembling, betraying their intent as Tyrion pointed out.

"I was wondering if you have been able to guess what for." The boy sat down.

"No so please tell so we can be done with it."

"I want you to ask Tywin why he decided to take care of me"

Tyrion swallowed a piece of bread the wrong way and started couching.

"You want to do what? Do you seriously think that he will accept to tell me this?"

"He clearly won't but you're the only one who is intelligent enough to make Tywin admit something."

Tyrion could see a kind of desperation behind the wanderer's eyes. Yet pride was still seen throughout their expression.

"Well what do you want me to make him admit?" asked Tyrion

"I want to know if Tywin is taking care of me because he likes me or because he wants to use me."

This took Tyrion off-guard. He never thought of Tywin using the young boy for his own good yet it made much more sense than his lord father growing a heart. He realised how much his jealousy made him blind and felt even more stupid for it.

"I guess I could try to find out." He said slowly.

"Thank you Tyrion!" (Y/N) said joyfully. "Obviously this must have a price so tell me. What do you want to receive for such awful task?-"

"Actually... nothing."

"Naturally. Naturally... Wait what?" The boy looked at him in disbelief. Tyrion couldn't help but feel amused. It is not everyday that one can see (Y/N) taken off-guard.

"Nothing I said. I am actually curious as well." This was the truth. He wondered what the wanderer had that none of his siblings and him had to make his lord father grow so called affection.

"Should we do it now?" Tyrion asked

"Do it whenever you want. I can wait." They replied. They stood up and slightly bowed their head, a gesture that Tyrion had learned to understand over the months. It was their way to say thank you. The boy left and Tyrion took his time to finish his bread, not that excited to meet his lord father.

Once the bread finished, to what Tyrion made sure to eat slowly, he decided that what must be done must be done. He stood up and went towards Tywin's tent.

Inside, he realised how cold it has become outside. His father was standing there, watching a map set on the table. From the corner of his eye, he saw his son but acted as if no one came in. "Good evening father."

Tywin just nodded his head as a response.

"Everyone seem to keep talking about this wanderer. After all he is charismatic-"

"Witty and interesting." Tywin cut."Skip the compliments and go directly to your point."

"Aren't you worried that people may starts to ask questions?"

"Why would I? It's not like their opinions matter at all."

"One may wonder if you have soften over the years."

Tywin finally stopped looking at his map to directly stare at his son.

"One may wonder if Tywin Lannister softened so much to the extent that he should no longer be consider a danger to the others... Since, after all, he decided to show affection to a nobody."

His lord father straightened up, irritated. "Don't you dare-"

"Have you soften?"

"Shut up-"

"Have you gotten so soft that you started getting weak?!"

"Tyrion I told you to!-"

"Did the great Tywin Lannister had gotten so weak that he decided to take care of a random sheep-"

"It's because they remind me of your mother!"

Tyrion stopped, taken aback. He did expect many answers but that was not one of them. Tywin sat down, tired. Even when he looked like a tired old man, he still had this terrifying aura that commanded respect.

"They what?" Tyrion only managed to say.

"They remind me of your mother." Tywin repeated softer, done, as if admitting it have taken all his energy away. Tyrion sat down on a chair nearby, still not fully recovered from the shock. He still managed to crack a "That is disgusting".

"You know this is not what I meant" replied his lord father, irritated. He sighed before continuing "They have these little sparkles in their eyes that reminds me so much of her."

Tyrion listen attentively. He didn't know much about his mother and it wasn't every day that his lord father decided to talk about her.

He dared to ask "What do you mean by little sparkles?"

"They have this innocence and joyfulness. Exactly like her. They have this power to bring warmth to one just by speaking to them. Don't you dare say that this wrong because you know it damn well."

And indeed, Tyrion knew to what his father was referring to. (Y/N) was always able to make one feel loved. And this is why his lord father meant by the little sparkles. Because (Y/N) loves unconditionally. Unless you hurt them or the ones they care about, they will always treat you with respect and friendliness. A quality that usually means death but for some reasons, the boy has survived that long. This innocence to always see the best in others, even after seeing the worst of this world.

"I know it yes. Truly something rare."

Tywin didn't answer but his silence showed that he agreed.

"I like to believe that if she had been alive to be with you all...You would perhaps have the same view on this world than she did."

This was the second time that his father surprised him. This was a rare if not unique instance where his lord father seemed to have open his so called heart. It felt strange.

Tyrion decided that it was time to leave. He stood up and went towards the exit before stopping just in front of it. He then turned to face his father once again and said "I never, not even for one second, connected loving someone with being weak" before leaving the tent.

~~~

Hope you guys liked it and that Tywin and Tyrion weren't too ooc

#game of thrones #tywin lannister #tyrion lannister #one shot #asoiaf #my daddy issues made me love tywin for some reason #platonic #Father and son dynamic #x reader #tywin x reader #Putting x reader for more reach #When in fact it's platonic #house lannister #masc reader

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2n2n · 4 months ago

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another Little Nightmares 2 post

because the other was too long and too focused on just the dynamic between Six & Mono uhhh.. I want to share my personal thinkies about the Pale City!!! The devs are, pretty obtuse & vague & like to encourage novel thinking, so... these are just my rationalization of it (: based on what is out there & what we know in-game...

There are vague descriptions of the Pale City being based on a childish kind of perception/warping, that hyperbolic extremeness of a child's memory of something upsetting....

because the Pale City, & the Signal Tower's greater range of effect (which I do believe is ever-reaching-outward, already infecting the Hunter's island as well) is a result of Mono occupying the tower, I want to analyze it as an expression of Mono's perception of the world. I like to believe the Signal Tower cannot truly operate without a battery or power source, some person with some sort of emotional state & psyche to exploit & perpetuate onto the world. I like to think that, without any host, it is small & unassuming, & depending on its host, it can gain any amount of power gradually... and that Mono, is just an amazingly perfect beautiful host, of which the Tower is grateful for, allowing it to expand further and further, likely seeking to influence the entire world.

A bigger question I have no answer to, would be: was anything here even dangerous, before the Signal Tower? Did the Hunter kill Six, in the very first, original run? Did he mean her harm, or did he just trap her & Mono drew his conclusions? Did Six need to be saved, or did Mono merely believe she needed to be, and made it retroactively true? Our only hint is that Six is described as waking up in a world she 'does not recognize', which suggests this is not the world she used to inhabit. I would at least assume Mono has made it unrecognizable from what it was, however dangerous or safe it was before left to us to imagine.

Personally, I am a fan of Mono manufacturing all danger seen here, but also having perceived there always being danger, even before more catastrophic changes making it Nightmarish. Perhaps the world always felt like a nightmare to Mono, so he can't really understand that he's made everything want to kill Six, even things that did not before. If he believed Six was vulnerable in the first place, he could always feel like her savior.

The Viewers

Overall, I would say the tenure is that people... are helpless, stupid, mindless things. They are easily beguiled & drawn into meaningless distraction, which makes them not worth interest. I love the track title 'Disposable Entertainment' (the track for Pale City's reveal). I think that might describe well Mono/Thin Man's perception of 'people at large'. I think this sort of dehumanization... can be seen as Mono's sense of him & Six being Other, something more capable & nuanced than the world around them. & perhaps, he is not even wrong. This isn't really an uncommon way for a child to feel, by the way... it is kind of at the heart of 'chuuni' stuff, isn't it?

Something subtle that I really like in the game, is Mono's gradual increased carelessness for any of the Viewer's lives. After Six is captured by Thin Man, his desperate pursuit of her has him intentionally leading people off of ledges, electrocuting them, etc. I wonder sometimes, if the sheer number of people leaping off of building edges, while he attempts to reach Six again, represents something.... just how worthless they all are to him? No longer entertaining or distracting? A kind of coping mechanism? Like a kid throwing its toys in a tantrum....

I think the viewers are a kind of victim of Mono, suffering endlessly for the crime of being boring lol. The generalized view of Adults in the mind of a Child who perceives his inner world as more depthful.

The Hunter

I'll be playing Calvinball now here lol. When I think of what the Hunter could have once been (as much as the Viewers were surely once normal citizens), I think of how ghoulishly a child could perceive taxidermy, skinning animals, a man with a shotgun protecting his property.

One imagines the kind of nightmare a child could have, after spectating a man out in the boonies shooting raccoons & turning them into hats & mounts. A child could think, 'what an insane and violent, dangerous person, probably is actually a serial killer, only a serial killer could do such things, I bet he's shot people with that gun, he wants to kill me AAAAA' ... and that could escalate, further and further, a warping & warping perception, until the Hunter becomes a man who has killed & stuffed his own family, & now doggedly & obsessively maintains his territory, killing dozens of people for so much as nearing it.

One might imagine Mono's psyche contorts the world with the Tower's Signal, until it reaches a oneness with his internal perception. Perhaps each iteration brings it closer & closer to how he understands it, & further from whatever complexity it had before.

In older concepts, the hunter was to have more 'trophies'... but as it is, I really like them settling on him seemingly only having enshrined a single family. Thematically, that is more powerful.

There is a kind of duality in my mind to Mono's psyche, where it is this unwell combination of ... childish fears, perceptions, nightmares... and then, his own emotions, pathologically. I would like to think of the Hunter's territorial feelings, & his enshrining of his victims, as a sense of preciousness & preservation not dissimilar to what Mono feels about Six. I think representing one's own feelings as potentially monstrous, can be an aspect of such a nightmare. Seeing oneself in something terribly upsetting.

Of course what the Thin Man does to Six thematically parallels what the Hunter does to her, or how Mono 'finds' her..... in the same room, with a music box, behind the same door. A bookending of this loop ....................

A general theme of the game is described as 'escapism', and one could think of the Hunter enshrining his family in a scene of content normalcy, cooking & serving them meals, as a self-comfort, a delusion that evades guilt or recognition of what he has done. They are still here, they have not gone anywhere, and he will protect them from anyone else trying to reach his cabin.

The Teacher

it makes a comical amount of sense that a child would have a nightmare perception of a school, and personify a teacher as a cruel disciplinary force, and other children as antagonistic.

The Bullies as described, 'aren't tragic figures, no cruel parents to blame, and don't secretly crave your friendship. They are bullies, and they will get you if you don't get them first.' Which is an amazing dehumanization of other children! I like that it could be that Mono is just not that charitable to imagine any motivation, no sympathy here, even though he depicts the Bullies abused by the Teacher. They are just dumb & wanton, slovenly beasts, much like the Viewers, disposable & liable to be ruthlessly killed by Mono in pursuit of saving Six. Bad things happen to them, but we don't have to feel bad about it.

The cafeteria is such a viscerally reductive view of other children! I really like how brutal it is. I like that Mono does not see himself as comparable to this. I like how 'apart' he is from other children. It is pretty funny to envision your peers as like, banging-pot-on-head throwing-spaghetti level stupid .................................... Mono lol.... not my beautiful Six tho.

I think my favorite detail of the school, is the repetition of things like dissected frogs, anatomical models.... much like how Taxidermy/skinning could completely horrify a child on first sight, lacking worldly context, it's kind of funny to think of Mono as the kind of child very upset by an anatomical model, & thinking like, 'what if those are real organs, what if my teacher collects real organs, what if she's sadistic like that'..... it makes me imagine Mono as a paranoid kid with very fanciful fearful thoughts lol.

When I think of the 'escapism' theme, I would say the Teacher's avenue is maintaining 'normalcy' again, like the Hunter, though through the act of maintaining control, discipline, a system, a repetitive ritualistic 'job'. Again I do not think this is dissimilar to Mono, who seems to cope with his lack of control over Six's fate by controlling the entire City's fate, and performing a repetitive sequence day in day out.

The Doctor

it is again a no-brainer that a child would fear a hospital and have very ghoulish memories of a hospital stay (especially in this era, where we seem to perform electroshock therapy & double as an asylum & morgue????).... maybe even particularly ghoulish memories of prosthetic limbs stored in a closet. Like the anatomical models, it's kind of cute if Mono is just the sort of child who freaks out at the visage of fake body parts!!!! I like how EXCESSIVE the supply of prosthetics are, simply endless beds layered with them & whole rooms of shelf after shelf after shelf of them. It could have felt as if there were so many, to Mono, as a child... filled with a vision of a deranged doctor who is constantly cutting off limbs & replacing them, eventually cutting off the entire head....

Meanwhile, the dynamic described in the Hospital between Doctor & Patients is ah, oddly more charitable or pitiable than the dynamic between Teacher & Students, which is wholly about discipline/control. The patients are willing & desperate for help, coming to the Doctor to feel better, begging for more procedures to fix what is wrong... and the Doctor is ever-loyal, dedicated to them. Both his & his patients have a warped idea of 'help', is all.

While arguably the Teacher is more baselessly cruel, it is the compassionate Doctor who Mono both antagonizes & kills? One as a player would surely prefer to kill the Teacher but we do not get that kind of satisfaction, & she is even depicted kind of sympathetically with her melancholic piano-playing, as if she has a shred of humanity left in her. She's not really harmed by Mono.

Meanwhile, Mono switches the power off of a life-support patient to distract & distress the Doctor, then traps him in the incinerator to either be left to rot or burn alive.

It's kind of interesting that both the Bullies & the Patients are surely suffering, but only the Patients get a somewhat sympathetic narrative. I still think there is an oeuvre of 'they're dumb, they are mindlessly imagining procedures will fix something more complicated, they are only destroying themselves grotesquely' but, hmm. I wonder if Mono is just the sort of kid to mistrust the medical system & that kind of 'care'.... I'm intrigued that the relationship is mutually maintained but toxic. The Doctor isn't a sadistic freak experimenting on humans against their will, that isn't Mono's vision of a Nightmare Hospital. His vision is instead one where people have lost themselves in endless curatives ...

On the theme of 'escapism' once more the doctor seems to be maintaining 'normalcy' in his position, running his rounds, washing his hands, caretaking endlessly & obsessively. One could see his coping mechanism as caretaking, offering procedures over & over to 'fix', but dilapidating humans into monsters in the process, losing the plot more or less. As humans won't be made happy, they are made unthinking & inhuman, the only resort. It's really not dissimilar to Mono/Thin Man's predicament. Mono & Thin Man can't seem to agree on what Six needs... but Thin Man would see her disfigurement & sublimation as a monster as an OK compromise, if it means keeping her safe & content. Mono disagrees & will fight for Six's humanity & existence in the world outside of the Tower.... but Thin Man is a Mono with more knowledge of the entire timeline, so maybe he's right ... or is he a Mono with more warping & distortion of rational thought, so he's wrong? I don't think Mono/Thin Man can figure that out.

WELL!!!! I think Mono is of two minds about EVERYTHING regarding Six, escapism, coping, fixatives, and what is the best thing to do... I think, the entire world is wrestling with concepts of comfort & soothing VS defense & protection. Pacification & aggression. I think poor Six is at the mercy of Mono's inability to settle on a solution, for as long as she is made to participate in this loop, which is like an externalized internal argument ....

#avvy's LN

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that-one-i-think · 4 months ago

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Fudge it, I am still on my lore dumping! This time, this time, sad! This will focus on some of the punishments Liochant faced as a gladiator so tw ab*se. (Mostly so I can get back into writing Liochant cause I NEED TO UPDATE MY GODDAMN FIC *yelling at myself*)

Garroth may have better endurance and can take much more hits without getting hurt. Liochant doesn't have as great of an endurance, but he has a much better perseverance.

Losing in the gladiator pits didn't just mean that the person lost the battle. The hit to the person pride wasn't enough, sponsors of gladiators made bets on the gladiators, so if they failed, they were punished. Cause it wasn't just a loss to their pride, it was a loss of assets.

The most common punishment for most gladiators was starvation. Sponsors losing money meant that they "couldn't feed the gladiators" because it was too "expensive.". All gladiators (except a few privileged ones) faced this and Liochant was no different. If only this was the worst though.

Liochant was regularly subjected to beatings by some of his benefactors. His first benefactor was a soldier who participated in the invasion of South Tu'la, a man who felt immense regret for his actions as now having a 12 year old gladiator on his hands. So his first one was rather easy, incredibly hard on Liocahnt and went farther than what training should, but nothing more than bruises and maybe a day without food.

Liochants 2nd benfactor never punished him, but her husband did. He was a cruel man from O'khasis who betrayed his home for profit, so whenever Liochant lost, he would get beaten harshly. The first Ru'aunian words Liochant ever learned was hate from this man while he was being kicked. Liochant received several burns and broken bones, but nothing that couldn't have been fixed by a healer easily. No physical scars, only mental.

Liochant's third benefactor was truly evil, taking pride in the now 17 year old Liochant who is now a spectacle. He wasn't in the sponsoring business for the money, but the status and bloodshed. Which one might think is one less factor but no. A prideful man is much more dangerous than a greedy one.

Benefactor number 3 ran a trading company with its main dealings being in weaponry, so he has all sorts of tools at his exposure. Liochant rarely lost, but that didn't matter to him because if Liochant wasn't as entertaining, then he failed. He used Liochant's minor resistance to venom to his advantage, pouring it and various alcohols on Liochant's open cuts. He tested how effectively weapons would rip the skin whenever Liochant lost, smart enough to prevent scaring so Liochant could still be looked at but evil enough to make the wounds still linger.

Liochant's worst punishment happened when he refused to kill a shadow knight child in the ring. That is when Mr 3 made sure to leave scars and make the injuries permanent. After practically mauling Liochants back, he poured the venom of a scorpion labeled "skin eater" which caused the wounds to not begin to close for a year. The week after pouring the venom, he discarded Liochant.

Liochant's 4th and final benefactor, ironically enough, labeled the Scorpion, chose to not punish Liochant unless necessary. Scorpion was close to the former royal family of Southern Tu'la before helping in their assassination. He was their doctor and he poisoned them and in order to repent he helped fix Liochant up and sent him off to Ru'aun. Though in order for the ruse to work, a night without food and treating Liochant like arm candy hand to happen.

The majority of his Tu'lanian benefactors:

I am fine with abuse but I draw the line at preventing him from worshipping his divine.

#aphblr #aphmau #aphverse #aphmau mcd #mcd #minecraft diaries #mcd for my sunlight

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archonsbane · 1 year ago

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moot. the tags. your tags on the fatui harbinger found family post. they got my brain working. i am having thoughts and i think you might enjoy them. SORRY FOR RANTING IN YOUR INBOX BUT THE THOUGHTS....... they cannot be contained in the idea prison that is my brain

I AM HEARING YOU OUT. SO SO HARD. they are not like the bubu pharmacy found family, they are not like any of the mondstadt found families, they aren't even anything like nahida + wanderer's found family even though wanderer WAS a part of the fatui harbingers' found family at one point. they are not like any of those people. they are so much worse. because the fatui harbingers are so inextricably bound to one another by sin and anarchy to the point where even if they downright despise one another, there is nothing to be done about it, because they are the ONLY people on teyvat who understand one another on that grossly and uncomfortably personal level...... and they all probably hate it, but they also know it is 100% true. because there is literally nowhere for them to go, even if they wanted to leave (scara is the odd outlier; he paved his own way out i think) because there is not a single sane person on teyvat that would welcome them with open arms the way the tsaritsa and the other harbingers do. the fatui harbingers are so inextricably linked with sin and chaos that they can no longer separate themselves from that, especially the ones that seem a little less sane than the others (dottore pantalone signora arlecchino etc).

i think there are varying levels of dependency among the harbingers, like.... childe and pulcinella. it's one-sided, i think. childe relies on him but he does not rely on childe. pantalone and dottore, who make each other worse every day 🫶 i was talking about this with another moot and we agreed that they perpetually make one another more vile and awful. i think they consistently feed into each other's vices. pantalone funding dottore's experiments and dottore entertaining pantalone's heretical and conspiracist tendencies. and then scara and dottore. maybe sandrone and scara at one point. maybe arlecchino and signora before she died (i feel like they were close 🙏 women supporting women yk 🙏🙏). columbina and dottore! capitano, columbina, AND dottore. capitano and childe. there are a lot of dynamics to be explored.

but anyway.... teehee. i do think they have a dynamic of dependency, just with varying degrees depending on what pair you look at. the dependency can be discarded in some cases. i think childe could get over pulcinella if necessary. but in other cases, the harbingers are SO deeply intertwined that the dependency just cannot be dropped so easily.

tldr they are a genuinely dysfunctional found family in the most honest sense of the word 🙏🙏🙏 they destroy one another and they are all aware of that. and they may or may not be fine with that fact, depending on which harbinger you asked.

would they kill for each other? maybe. maybe not. would they die for each other? no LMFAO probably not, but they definitely have a twisted, messed up kind of affection for one another.

they know how to irritate one another. they know how to calm each other down. they know each other uncomfortably well and they cannot do anything about it 🫶🫶🫶

MOOT YOU'RE SO REAL FOR THIS. YOU GET IT. THEY'RE SO HORRIBLE WITH AND FOR EACH OTHER. THEY'RE DOING THEIR MESSY, CRUEL, AND (periodically) VIOLENT BEST. also oh my god no your thoughts are always welcome! i was actually delighted when i saw this HAHSHSHSH

also you're so absolutely correct on their dynamics. contrary to all the fanart i think childe and pulcinella have a sort of from-an-arm's-length relationship; it's implied that pulcinella is probably just showing affection to childe's family as a way to threaten/control him and childe — bless his heart — thinks he "seems genuine". keyword: seems. so while childe does display some level of trust he also doesn't completely take the plunge, y'know? i like to think that pulcinella is simultaneously looking out for childe but also trying to keep him on a leash. he is genuinely fond of childe but he also views him as the tsaritsa's attack dog. so yeah childe is kind of like. a pet LMFAO a really dangerous, potentially harmful pet that pulcinella can't help but be fond of but also knows that he has to keep him under snezhnaya's control.

you and the other moot are so correct on dottolone. i ADORE dottolone it's genuinely my favorite ship in genshin (notice how even in my x reader fic i couldn't help but include them LOL). toxic old men yaoi ftw. they're so fucking awful for one another and they do make each other worse but neither of them mind it. it is actively encouraged. with them it's a very twisted kind of love — the kind that consumes and devours until there's nothing left. the kind of love that requires you to give up all of you because there's no telling where one begins and the other ends. these bitches are married and thrice-divorced. they are on their way to another. they will become exes-with-benefits and then get married again.

also on the topic of dottore and scara. i'm not a big dottoscara person but i do admit that their relationship's got a little kick to it. not necessarily romantic but insanely co-dependent. both being rejects/outcasts?? longing for acceptance?? the amount of insane projecting?? tatarasuna in its entirety?? the give-and-take relationship during their time in the fatui?? what the hell was going on with them. ALSO 'you're still too naive if you think a few words will be enough to convince me to destroy the doctor' still boggles my mind. dottore was threatening haypasia, scara's first follower, someone scara shows a lot of possessiveness over (not to mention scara is already very antagonistic towards dottore even without knowing the truth. there is no love lost between them) and THAT'S his response??? bro.

i like to think there was a weird friendship between sandrone and scara. wanderer doesn't like her based on his voicelines but if he were forced to pick any harbinger to talk to it'd be her. still doesn't like her tho lol. i also hc arle and signora to be close! esp with how defensive arle was during her funeral. columbina and dottore are sadistic partners-in-crime. i'm not very big on dottobina but i do like them as a queerplatonic relationship. the top three (capitano, dottore, columbina) for me are like those kids in the honors class who've literally been stuck together repeatedly for years atp so there's a kind of strange camaraderie between them. they sit together at lunch. they (dottore and bina, i don't think capitano would) complain about how hard their jobs are but are the most efficient at it. i also think all of them are hundreds, perhaps even more, of years old (proud follower of biblically accurate angel columbina and abyssal monster capitano headcanons) so they've been stuck together for centuries. childe having a big fat crush on capitano is really funny and i love it. to add: pantalone going on tangents around childe like a particularly annoying uncle and childe just having to nod along is hilarious. i think there's a lot more to them than we know of? aside from that, childe is also heading debt collection which is adjacent to pantalone being in charge of snezhnaya's finances so. hm. the fatui women are all friends and have sunday brunch. i like chiscara too i think it's funny esp when psychological warfare and violence is used as flirting. arlebina is okay i don't really ship columbina w anyone bc she gives off aroace vibes. not even that really it's just that she's like a primordial being beyond things like romance AHDJEJDJWKA. pantalone and signora are two-faced friends who talk about each other behind their backs and (since they were married in the commedia) probably were fwbs at some point in time. scara showing the most miniscule concern for signora and warning her to not get herself killed was really interesting to me — and also how she so casually insulted him? hmm.

ALSO. GOD. they know each other's real names and each other's backgrounds. they are the only ones who do. i think it's fascinating that they canonically hit each other with the most brutal insults ("you're only number 6 because you can take more abuse than other humans" was so out of pocket like. SIGNORA. GIRL) and it's all brushed off without a care. i think in a way it's a comfort — what judgement could there possibly be from those exactly like them?

anyways. the fatui harbingers are a grotesque, co-dependent, and very toxic little found family and i adore them in their entirety. lord god i want to write a fic about them now 😭 i still have a bio midterm....

#— moots.#— rambles.#fatui harbingers

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canichangemyblogname · 3 months ago

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So, I've not watched 911, nor do I know anything about it beyond what I've been reading on your blog in recent months.

Needless to say, the recent "discourse" has me beyond horrified, not only as a parent of two young kids (and a decent fucking person), but as a survivor of CSA. I am beyond words at the mental gymnastics you, and others, have encountered by the people defending that fic. Like, you deal with that shit daily in this hellscape, but this is a whole new level.

If pushing back against CSA being broadcast on Ao3 as entertainment makes you an "anti", then okay, cool. Label me an "anti" too then. It's well worth it.

"Anti"-white supremacy 👍

"Anti"-TERF 👍

"Anti"-CSA 👍

"Anti"-government usurping control of a person's body 👍

Any and all levity aside, the sheer (and frankly deliberate, at this point) lack of reading comprehension and overall intelligence at the pushback you've received over this is mind boggling.

Hit dogs holler, indeed. At least you've been able to fortify your block list.

You're doing good work, Evan. As exhausting as it is, keep it up, my friend.

Steph 🫶

I hope you know that you are a wonderful human being who deserves nothing but peace and kindness.

I’m putting the rest of this under a cut for mention if CSAM and mentions of triggering bigotry:

The 911 fandom is a mess-mess. From “joking” that people should be allowed to publicly execute men for flirting with men in a way that gives them the “ick.” To arguing that queer men are liars and cheats who spread disease. To joking about queer men dying of AIDS. To routinely using either the mammy trope or “sassy black” trope to characterize the Black Women of the show. To routinely hypersexualizing—like—the token Latiné character or relying on the “sassy Latin” trope in their characterization of him, too. To defending ableism. To now defending CSAM and a literal pedophile who has written several fics featuring CSE (that are often mis-tagged, mis-described, mis-rated, and re-uploaded under new names to get people to accidentally read them).

And if someone’s response to “Hey, we should do something about this” is to go “Nooo! But my blorbo fan fantasies,” they need to log-off and go touch grass; spend several days talking to people in-person instead of through a screen. It’s about the most chronically online BS reaction someone could have.

As you said— this shit shouldn’t be broadcast for entertainment. And that’s what’s getting lost to people. These fics are very truly explicit material featuring sexual fantasies about children, and they’re being posted for arousing entertainment. The person may have claimed they were doing this to punish fans for supporting a (new) canon queer relationship, but given how they’ve expanded their tags to catch wider audiences, that is clearly not the case. They want you to read it and enjoy it.

Like… I understand that there are a lot of powerful men in important positions who uses moral affronts to CSAM to actually censor queer people or information on bodily autonomy. But assuming that anyone who claims to care about child sexual exploitation is actually lying and has nefarious motives is… dangerous. And fallacious. It is so-so important to actually analyze what an individual is saying and how. There’s a difference between “there should be a report function specifically for CSEM” and “we should shut this site down because the people who use it are porn-obsessed degenerates.” There’s a difference between “I don’t think this site should have an anonymous feature because it allows users to easily subvert a block, and protecting a block should be the responsibility of the site, not the individual user” and “this site is full of dangerous kinks that could give kids ideas, so all of it must go!”

But if you can just lump anyone who disagrees with you into one group and label them “bad and oppressing me,” then you don’t need to critically analyze your own gut/emotional reaction to what they said. And what they said might have actually been a fairly reasonable—and incredibly moderate—step forward.

All I suggested was more robust blocking and reporting mechanisms on a BETA site.

It’s telling that they only bring out the chronically online names and discourse terms when it’s about CSAM. Many (but definitely not all) of the very people going to bat for never, ever changing Ao3 because it’s “perfect” were also the same people who unironically argued that two adult fictional men over the age of 30 joking about a 10 yr or less age gap between them are “predatory” and “making light of incestuous abuse.” Although, IDK what else I could expect from people who “joked” that they hoped certain fans would kill themselves over fictional characters.

Something about the whole thing screams “I only protect power and its narratives.”

#asks #answered #Steph #TW: CSA

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buried-in-autumn-leaves · 4 months ago

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Heyoooo!! Another question. ('Cause your XOD rants are one of my favorite things.) Thoughts on Nate x Eve x JB & Pran x Eve x Jere, because those also float around?- Dynamics, romance, friendship: Yap to your heart's content!!

I LOVE BOTH OF THESE ACTUALLY OMG

I'm gonna put this one under the cut because it's a lot, but just to avoid confusion, I use she/her pronouns for Pran ! Which you probably know if you read the other posts but just as a general disclaimer 😭

I talk a lot about how Everett and Nate are just such a great dynamic, and I think people underappreciate Everett's part in it. Most of the content I see around them surrounds the idea that Everett is the only person Nate can show genuine emotion around, and while I do really love that, there's also so much to be said about how Nate is the only person Eve can truly trust to tell him the truth. He might be brutally honest, but honesty is something Everett does not hold himself to- It scares him. To have someone hold you so dearly that they want you to be a better person and they will stand by you even when you can't be is so important, it's a state of vulnerability that neither of them has known, living most of their childhoods in SSB.

This is why JB fits into their dynamic so well. She lacks a filter, and she doesn't entertain the fronts that other people put up. She's able to fluster Nate so easily because she gives him what he truly wants- A fight with someone on his level. Everett gets scared to be direct with her because he's used to only Nate doing that- Hence why he tries to backtrack when he asks her out in his confession ending. He THINKS she likes him, but how can he be sure?

SPEAKING OF EVE I AM GONNA START ON THE OTHER TRIO NOW I THINK

I never ever shut up about Pran we know this- Her character is so dear to me and I am forever thinking about the way she is to cope with the world around her.

I think at a basic level it's important to remember that the Jeremy she met as a child was OL:BA Step 2 Jeremy. He is full of anger a rebellion at the same time Pran knows nothing but fear. The Jeremy we see in XOD is one that has turned to apathy because anger did not fix his problem. I read this as them mutually deciding that it doesn't matter what anyone else says, does, or thinks. After all, they have each other now, who cares if they can't make anyone else like them ?

However I also need to stress the fact that neither of them are fully apathetic, despite the fact that others say they are. Jeremy is still angry. He shows emotion when JB flirts with him because she is the only person to be outwardly kind to him outside of his parents and Bae, both of which infantalize him. Pran, on the other hand, is still scared. She has always been neglected, she doesn't know any other way to be. When she and Jeremy go to SSB, she is there because her own family didn't want to take care of her. She feels like a burden, and blames herself for Jeremy's isolation from other people. It's not a secret that Pran is insecure with how intimidating she is. Even something as simple as a mention of her height will have her leaving a conversation without hesitation. This is why she distances herself from him. If she isn't seen with him, he can be normal.

And then, of course, there's Eve.

Eve, who isn't used to feeling actual attachment to people. Eve, who is bright and loud and everything Pran is not. Eve, who seems to genuinely WANT to be around her.

Eve, who treats the only person she has ever cared about like shit.

This isn't a difficult decision for her- She probably assumed Everett would tire of her eventually anyway, as everyone else had. Cutting him off early was just cutting out the middle man, something she is more than willing to do if it means not hurting Jeremy's feelings.

And now Eve is dealing with rejection. Whether or not he knows the reason Pran suddenly wouldn't be around him, Eve is mad. He prides himself on his charisma, people love him, or at least fear him enough to pretend. Someone like Jeremy, who is so similar to him, yet seems to not care about anyone else's opinions on him, upsets him.

This is something really interesting about Everett, he doesn't like people that are like him. He and Jeremy both find comfort in sarcasm. They're both pushovers, even though Eve likes to pretend he isn't. They're both wary around shows of genuine affection. Had the world treated them better, they likely could've gotten along just fine, especially considering Nate, much like Jeremy, was a very angry child.

There is a lot of healing that needs to happen before Eve can fit into the dynamic, either platonically or romantically. I don't often think about Eve and Pran romantically, because I headcanon her as a lesbian, but I DO think about Eve and Jeremy. Part of me does enjoy the hypothetical dysfunctional relationship they would have during highschool, but I also love the slow burn potential of them post-graduation. I think Everett is arguably a good person to help Jeremy become more open due to his stubborn nature. I also think Eve and Pran could be good friends once Pran works through some of her issues. I can see Eve being really teasing towards her, and her pretending she doesn't find it funny. In general I just adore the dynamics and story writing between the three of them and I think about it a lot <3

#The unequalness in like how much I talked ab one trio vs the other is so funny #our life #gb patch games #olba #xoxo droplets #our life beginnings & always #olnf #our life now and forever #Nate Lawson #Everett Gray #jb xoxo droplets #xod jb #Nate x Everett #Nate x JB #Everett x JB #Jeremy King #Pran Taylor #Jeremy x Everett #wifeposting

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donnerpartyofone · 1 year ago

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@brbnightmares it's especially bad with fiction and YA. It echoes the whiny complaints of how any depiction of a fat person is "glorifying obesity." I have definitely seen some anti-soc stuff represented in a way I don't like, but depicting it in a narrative is not an endorsement. I am not an anti content warning person at all, but people who call out for actual handholding in the narrative is ridiculous. very disappointing to see so many readers like this especially.

I'm gonna stop torturing people by reblogging my own post now, but I do want to liberate this stuff from the comments, so: Yes, you're absolutely right. Like considering the whole political history of gatekeeping around education and printed matter and everything, reading has become almost synonymous with personal liberation--I always think about John Waters saying, "If you go home with somebody and they don't have books, don't fuck'em!" And yet we still get young people who seem to love to read and write, but they crave to be regulated and censored; is it some kind of submission kink? That might be the nicest thing I can think about it.

Tangentially: When I was a kid my intellectual hippie parents were EXTREMELY anxious about my horror obsession. They were concerned about the grimy content of what I was interested in, and they were also concerned about the brain-rotting powers of screen entertainment. But, they would let me read anything I wanted, I think because they understood that reading is a good thing pretty much no matter what, and probably they also couldn't stand to imagine themselves censoring the written word. The funny thing is that since the word is free from the expense and complication of building special effects and getting past the MPAA, I read WAY more fucked up shit in pulp paperbacks than I could ever have encountered in 99% of all movies. But of course, it didn't turn me against my own moral sense vis-a-vis the real world, nobody's pets started disappearing in our neighborhood after I began spending hours at the library. What I remember about the experience is feeling things, not to be so corny; like fear, loathing, existential dread, and ambivalence may not be desirable real-world experiences, but books that challenge you emotionally make you grow. They literally change your mind for the better, even the bad ones can. And now it feels like there's this thing going on where people don't want to be challenged, they see adversity and unease as something contaminating and unfair, like we're all entitled to a frictionless, idealized existence even in the nonsense world of social media. Which I think wouldn't even be good for you.

It feels like we've gone from the dubious thing of people coveting the valor that is supposedly conveyed by victimhood and oppression, to people literally just wanting to be babies, and to be treated like babies. And I don't know, not to like waaaaay over-hyperbolize everything, but people need to remember that the reason fascism takes root so quickly and easily is that being told what to do, what to read, what to think, and to have every possibility of your life dogmatically restricted--to have all of your personal responsibility taken away from you and placed in someone else's hands--can be incredibly comforting.

PS I worry about trigger warnings re: *gestures vaguely* all of this. I will tag for types of real-life trauma and violence that I don't think are fair to spontaneously foist on unsuspecting followers, BUT: I often think of a time when this popular true crime blogger answered an ask where the person was asking her to tag her posts for needles. And like, I'm pretty sure the context was that she had posted the famous x-ray of sadomasochistic child murderer Albert Fish's colon with like twenty pins jammed up it. So the blogger very judiciously responded with something like, you know, "I'm sorry to have bothered you, but I'm not going to tag images of pins and needles. My blog is de facto full of disturbing and violent content, and the items you are describing are things that you might encounter in ordinary, benign situations in real life. If your aversion to them is so powerful that you can't even look at them, then frankly, that's something you're going to have to deal with privately, and you might want to avoid this blog in general." I loved her for that.

#tw: needles #har de har har

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most-definitively-a-human · 7 months ago

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Oh dear. It seems I may have made yet another character autistic without realising. We've got three now. (Most likely.) Yay!

I'm happy her experiences are different enough to mine that I'll still have fun. (I get bored when characters are too similar to me)

I'm seeking out the input of people who aren't as negatively affected by autism as I am to get a clear view of things. I'm disabled to the point where I can't drive or work by it, have a caregiver, and don't relate much to much of the autistic representation I see. My experiences with autism are predominately sensory, motor, and with executive function, but I don't struggle to make friends and Lumin's are mainly social and about routine, I think that's why I didn't notice for so long. In many ways we're complete opposites.

My experiences are a skewed and incomplete perspective of what the spectrum is, and something I'd like to rectify/add onto.

About Lumin

Lumin despises interruptions, experiences outbursts of rage whenever interupted, and follows a strict schedule (mainly due to being a workaholic but she does find it soothing). She prefers to do things together than talk most of the time (like sparring), has to excercise to deal with a ceaseless and restless energy, and doesn't understand people different to herself and assumes everyone is similarly oppurtunistic.

She communicates in a blunt, direct manner, with occasional vivid metaphor. She despises looping floral speech, abhors small talk and beaureocracy, and doesn't understand how to interact with others outside of intimidation or power plays as that was all she was taught.

Other people's emotions and sentimentality baffle her, and she's annoyed by their outbursts. She sometimes attempts to soothe people by saying things like "you have nothing to cry about" and "it could be worse" with genuine kind intent. She wishes she could find people who aren't so easily upset.

As a doctor, she is baffled by people who say she has a bad bedside manner. Why are they angry at her for failing to interrupt her duty to engage in pleasantries? Do they want her to be slow and incompetent? If you want pleasantries go elsewhere. You have a broken arm. Why isn't that your priority?

She couldn't bear working as a soldier since she hated being ordered about and 'being in the prescence of so many unambitious idiots' (I think she might also be overwhelmed by all the people but too proud to admit it) (she also hates turning her hobby into a job) (sparring is the one thing in her life that wasn't graded and she wants to keep it that way)

When she meets Asran (a small child of eight years) she decides to entertain him by reading out loud medical textbooks. This works. She does not have any other ideas for methods of entertainment other than "put him in a garden and ignore him" or "give him non sharp medical tools to fiddle with"

Most people dislike her, and she gave up on trying to be friendly long ago. She tries to seem as intimidating and unpleasant as possible because if she can't be loved, at least she can be feared.

She also has a strict moral code and is relentlessly adherent to authority figures she admires. She thinks it is sacriledge to question them.

Typing this out, it seems the main reason I didn't realise it is because she doesn't need a carer like me. She seems pretty obvious now that I type everything up.

I do have another few points of difficulty though.

Reasons why I'm uncertain

-Her inability to empathise is more due to her experiencing severe trauma and also being a jerk. She could understand others if she tried. She just doesn't want to because a) she has work to do and b) to her people are all the same anyway. No point in analysing them when the only important thing is ascertaining whether or not they're useful or a threat. (She would still have a naturally blunt style of communication without trauma - might be even blunter) (And would still be fixated on medical knowledge to the detriment of everything else.)

-She's an alien mermaid with a different set of instincts. She has a heightened prey drive and heightened instincts. Due to her species this explains much of the autism like symptoms, like the sensory seeking behaviour and love of schedule. In short, she wouldn't qualify for a diagnosis without being an alien so I'm not quite sure if she counts.

Personally I think her experiences will be very relatable to many autistic people, but I'm not quite sure yet due to the alien mermaid thing.

I want to make sure I'm describing her accurately. I'm not interested in changing her to be more in line with the diagnostic criteria - she's her own person and close to being fully developed as a character at this point. If she's subclinical that's great because people on the border between neurotypical and autistic get someone to relate to, and if she isn't that's also great. Either way she'll resonate with people, and that I'm content with

I just want to know how best to describe her and make no false promises. (Don't want to say she's autistic rep when she might just a more relatable than average ornery fish lady)

#lumin #legends of aurelia #autism #long post #sorry for rambling but I needed to give a complete picture #didn't even have time to talk about her arcs #ramblings

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thespacesay · 11 months ago

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it's official. I have fucking COVID. I hate customers. my sinus pressure is through the roof. I can literally feel it through my whole face and my ears. i'm pretty much cycling between restless sleep, and trying desperately to entertain myself through a persistent headache and earache.

nurse call line said she's worried my symptoms could easily promote a sinus infection, but we determined that based on the amount of time I've had symptoms, I might qualify for Paxlovid and my PCP's care team will discuss that with me tomorrow, but for the time being I should utilize Tylenol if my fever spikes or 'if I have body aches' (haha funny one, they're worse than normal but i'm resting so...) and take, and I quote, "Sudafed from behind the pharmacy counter, none of that off the shelf stuff", or Afrin.

I was once again advised to use a Neti pot, though it was in a different term I currently cannot recall due to Headache and Tired and Brain Fog. I don't know what about them specifically bugs me as a concept so much, but I gotta admit, they just freak me out. I don't find much in terms of science that does more than shrug and say "just keep 'em clean and use distilled or boiled water!" to support that ick. And yet.

It's irritating to catch COVID a second time as someone who never stopped masking, wears appropriate masks, keeps fully up to date on vaccines and boosters, and isn't particularly social. The first time was family exposure, and fairly "The risk I took was calculated, but man am I bad at math". I didn't do my best, though I did what I could for the situation (complicated!). This time... all I can say is either I caught it from an asymptomatic coworker, from a symptomatic coworker but with an unusually long incubation period, or a customer. My coworkers aren't great about masking, but if they're symptomatic they usually will at least use a baggy blue + stick away from me.

Customers, on the other hand. Bro stop digging hair out of your mouth and then handing me your cash. Stop licking your fingers to separate your cash. Stop covering your child's sneeze with a hand and then using the same hand to hand me cash. Stop sneezing and coughing in my face. I primarily work register because I make us damn good tips due to my fawning nature, but I only have so much time to wash my hands between cash orders.

#covid

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pensola · 11 months ago

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Just because I am bored, here are my various characters that I have played, am currently playing or plan to play:

Siova Tav

My first character, she was made pretty much just because I found it very funny to have a devil-looking character get powers from a god, so I chose the most good-oriented-sounding god from the cleric list... and somehow I ended up falling in love with her.

She grew up in the Open Hand Temple after her father was murdered and her mother left her there and never came back. I imagined her to be a lot like Tohru Honda from the "Fruits Basket" manga/anime, where she is not book-smart but has a lot of wisdom and kindness that makes people like her and feel safe around her. She has her long hair in a braid because her mother's family used to do that as part of a tradition, she dislikes having the hair free. Her eyes are also naturally darker, but got a glow after Ilmater accepted her as his cleric. She loves meeting people belonging to different gods and to learn from their point of view the world, but over time she is not afraid to stand by her own views of the world, life and divinity, which lead to quite a few arguments between her and especially Wyll, Gale and Astarion.

She romanced Wyll and followed him to Avernus to take down Mizora, although she does not want to adventure forever. Because I want the best for her, in my head she convinced/Command'ed the two opposing Prism-prisoners to cooperate, and used her Divine Intervention to save Karlach since I never had to use it in the story.

She is my main Tav, the other characters are there more for fun to make slightly different choices.

The Sad Surge

This is the Dark Urge of Siova's story. Technically she does not have a name, but because all my characters accidentally ended up having "S" first in their names, I call her Surge. She has selective eidetic memory with anything to do with death and blood (for example she can easily recall murdering Siova's father in all its gory details from a random urge to kill, but otherwise her memory is very blurry).

Surge and Siova never meet; while Siova was busy with helping people around her, Surge ran past it all in order to get to Baldur's Gate and take back her birthright. She was killed by Orin, and Siova found her corpse after defeating Orin.

I am making an "alternative" story for her where she does follow the regular Dark Urge-playthrough with companions and such, but still waiting to see where that goes. Apparently elves have a child name until they are considered adults in their 100's, so the idea then would be that she would finally make a true name for herself, if she went with a redemption story.

Sharin

The bard, a lover of colour, fun and freedom, Sharin is willing to help others around her, and takes everything with a laugh most of the time. Seems to be unbothered by almost anything with the exception of other people claiming her in any shape of form; she romances Astarion but him flirting by saying "tonight you're all mine and I'm all yours" was a big turn-off even if she knew what he meant. As such, she hates Raphael and uses every opportunity to make fun of him and insult him, because she was very provoked by the idea of selling her soul to him. Unlike Siova Tav who happily shares her past if asked, Sharin hardly ever alludes to it even if there are hints that there are more to her than it seems; she is a drow who has lived on the surface for a long time, she carries a lot of Lolth-sworn knowledge but has the look of a Seldarine, and sometimes has the bearings of a noble as well as an entertainer. She often jokes that she might embark on her own journey of growth when the Absolute is taken care of alongside Astarion.

Sharin angered the Emperor and was forced to take Raphael's offer, putting her soul on the line to save the world. Knowing this and her hatred of being owned, she asked to be made an illithid, and had Gale gather the Crown of Karsus before having Orpheus complete her transformation and killing her; the idea was that ceremorphosis destroys the mortal soul, meaning there would be no soul for Raphael to claim when she failed to give him the Crown. Thus she would save the world, free an old prisoner and give the finger to Raphael one last time (she never went to House of Hope, she had no idea it was there).

That is, that WAS the plan, but then Patch 5 arrived and Withers revealed that for some reason she still had her soul after the ceremorphosis, and she was met by a very angry Raphael.

Sissi

Sissi is a Paladin with the Oath of Vengeance. Having grown up as an urchin, then taken in by some noble people far away from Baldur's Gate that since were killed by and with their killeds in an explosive robbery, Sissi vowed to help give vengeance for those that deserved it. She is a "do unto others" and "ride and die by her friends" kind of gal; if someone is kind of her, she will be kind back, but if she has a reason to begrudge, she will carry that forever; only reason Wyll survived trying to attack Karlach was because Karlach vouched for him and Sissi would easier keep an eye on him, otherwise she would have killed him.

With her, I made her mostly for fun because I wanted an all-girl group (with the exception of Wyll because I am weak and Halsin because Sissi romances him; they are never allowed to be used), who were all tanks. Karlach and Lae'zel stay as their classes, same with Jaheira except she is constantly in owlbear mode if I need her, and Shadowheart was respecced to War Domain Cleric. She was also made a half-orc more because I wanted the colour differences. I am still playing Sissi, but with her I am actually thinking about having her attack Gortash first chance we get, just to see what happens and if I will be able to defeat him, the guards and the Steel Watchers, because again, ride or die, and Karlach wants him dead? That's reason enough to blast the ceremony. Also at first I thought to have her romanze Lae'zel or Karlack, but I read somewhere that half-orcs have a shorter lifespan, so I found it funny if she was only 30 but mentally 45 or the like, or at least that she was mentally the same place as Halsin, even though she does not have the same life experience, and so they ended up together.

Su'zan

This is Su'zan, who's bakground I am still not quite sure about since I have just started her. She is the Sorcerer of my characters, specifically a Wild Magic sorcerer; her hair, scar and eyes are results of Wild Magic Surges. She is going to romance Karlach, who will be a Wild Magic Barbarian. More than that I am not sure, I look forward to learning more about githyanki through her!

#bg3 #my characters #also yes there is a colour theme going on #I am not creative with my character designs ok #I am also looking to do a monk one day #as well as to do a run with one level in each class.

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outeremissary · 2 years ago

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9, 19 for Balthazar, and 4, 14 for Marcus!

My mobile browser invented new and exciting bugs to have while I was attempting to get the text of the answer into this post so it went from there being a joke about double checking the post Just In Case to true terror about what I am attempting to put in the post getting all messed up. Anyway. From this list, thanks for the ask :')

Balthazar

9. How would you describe your oc’s personality? How would they describe their personality?

How Balthazar describes himself depends on large part on who's asking the question. With most people, it tends to have a lot of what he gauges to be what they want to see built in. If he were to give an honest answer though... He'd describe himself as free-spirited and ambitious, someone who never gives up on his goals. An excellent planner, he'd call himself (lies), and a cautious, thoughtful person (lies). He'd call himself clever, charming, and socially savvy. He takes pride in the distance he puts between himself and others and would say that he's not interested in other people behind their capacity to be useful or entertaining. He's cold and rational, of course! A cunning, manipulative tactician.

Personally, I'd describe him as a bit of a bastard. A two-faced person who always tries to come off to people as what they want or expect to see, but underneath is conniving and mean. Despite a talent for empathy he has little compassion for others and is most interested in what they can do for him. He enjoys seeing people fail, especially in spectacular or interesting ways, and hates helping with... pretty much anything. He has a mischievous streak which easily runs into cruelty given opportunity and left unchecked. He's very confident, but paradoxically considers himself generally less competent and able than other people. His certainty in his own cautiousness and social savvy make him gullible with anyone he believes he has figured out- condescension coming back to bite. He's not so cautious either: he might hedge his bets most of the time, but he's brimming with ambition and leaps at risks someone less daring would give wide berth (such as, say, becoming the leader of an adventuring party when one has never done any significant fighting or wilderness travel). His emotions run high (even if it frustrates him) and he tends to make snap decisions based on instinct or feeling. When it matters most, he's heart over head. A sharp wit and that passionate nature do make him vivacious and charming. He's also very hard working if he's invested in a task. He doesn't /like/ to do it, but he /can/ grit his teeth through dull, frustrating, or difficult tasks if he decides to. It makes him a good self-directed learner- useful for someone whose teacher hated putting up with an apprentice. Persistence might be called one of his greatest strengths: when he sets his mind to something, he doesn't give up chasing it easily. Self-reflection and adversity have made him a very self-certain person- although he's quite blind to some aspects of himself, like a desire to be understood as who he is and to achieve genuine connection with others. He's also in denial about a tendency to be invested in others he perceives as having struggles in some way akin to his own. For those he's chosen to care for despite his mistrustful nature, he's fiercely protective. Despite his fickleness he can be a surprisingly committed friend.

19. Does your oc have any defining skills? How did they acquire/learn these skills?

Balthazar's defining non-magical skill is lying. He's socially savvy in general, but he excels in lies. It's something so simple it's almost hard to trace the origins of. He's always lied in some way or other with his father- he was a meek but unhappy child when he was very young, and that's an existence that involves a lot of white lies. As he got older he became more aware that people tended to assume the best of him, assuming until proven otherwise that he was trustworthy because of his celestial heritage, and he began to take advantage of that, slowly seeking the limits of what he could coax out of others for his own benefit. After moving in with the master he was studying under for his apprenticeship he took more audacious risks and refined those skills further, building a whole social identity for himself to conceal his origins and allow him to make influential friends (and of course to cover up the quotidian realities of being the apprentice of a pathetic, unreputable, washed out con man of a wizard). As he sees it, his life has always been built on deceit and performance. He's been a good child for his father, an acceptably obedient student to his master, a vibrant and fascinating friend to his old social circle, and now a benevolent and wise ruler. He perceives himself as weak and dependent on others: deception protects him and allows him to compel others to carry him where he struggles.

Marcus

4. Does your oc have a defining physical trait? What makes this feature unique?

The thing about Marcus is that he is supposed to be aggressively, boringly normal. Marcus is a character with a secret identity, but his facade is being a rich brat and his secret identity is being a broke accountant. He's bland, he's milquetoast, he's an absolute party killer, and he doesn't stand out all that much in a crowd. Our gunslinger, the lovely @bearvanhelsing's Aria, once referred to him as "the dullest man in all of Absalom." So his appearance? Similarly... uncompelling. He's got somewhat sharp features, but not in a handsome way. He's a little taller than the average human man. But mostly he doesn't stand out. I think his most notable physical trait would be the dark circles under his eyes. He's in a near permanent state of exhaustion from the stress of work, maintaining appearances to please his family, the wild adventures he has with the rest of the SEKS club (while lying to them about his home life), and the constant drain of his oracular curse (which is quite literally bleeding him dry).

14. Does your oc have any hobbies? How did they get involved in these?

Ah, this is something that's in a larger post still in a draft state because I got hung up trying to polish a Kingmaker question on it. Starting to feel like a definitive Marcus post with how many times I've gone "this Marcus lore... it's coming soon..." The short version is that Marcus doesn't really have a lot of hobbies because he just doesn't have the free time for them. His one notable interest he clings to is a fascination with occultism, particularly tales of the unexplained and odd pseudoscience. He has a collection of dubious periodicals on these topics and his single social club, the Society of Esoteric Knowledge and Secrets (or SEKS), is dedicated to discussion of the topic.

#for real these things posting wrong or me misreading a part of the ask is one of my Great Fears #especially since there tend to be uhh #formatting struggles when I use mobile browser for them #ask game #ask me emithing #balthazar lucienne #marcus de luca #mountainashfae #I linked one or two past asks that seemed especially relevant

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