#also yes there is a colour theme going on

[pensola]

Just because I am bored, here are my various characters that I have played, am currently playing or plan to play:

Siova Tav

My first character, she was made pretty much just because I found it very funny to have a devil-looking character get powers from a god, so I chose the most good-oriented-sounding god from the cleric list... and somehow I ended up falling in love with her.

She grew up in the Open Hand Temple after her father was murdered and her mother left her there and never came back. I imagined her to be a lot like Tohru Honda from the "Fruits Basket" manga/anime, where she is not book-smart but has a lot of wisdom and kindness that makes people like her and feel safe around her. She has her long hair in a braid because her mother's family used to do that as part of a tradition, she dislikes having the hair free. Her eyes are also naturally darker, but got a glow after Ilmater accepted her as his cleric. She loves meeting people belonging to different gods and to learn from their point of view the world, but over time she is not afraid to stand by her own views of the world, life and divinity, which lead to quite a few arguments between her and especially Wyll, Gale and Astarion.

She romanced Wyll and followed him to Avernus to take down Mizora, although she does not want to adventure forever. Because I want the best for her, in my head she convinced/Command'ed the two opposing Prism-prisoners to cooperate, and used her Divine Intervention to save Karlach since I never had to use it in the story.

She is my main Tav, the other characters are there more for fun to make slightly different choices.

The Sad Surge

This is the Dark Urge of Siova's story. Technically she does not have a name, but because all my characters accidentally ended up having "S" first in their names, I call her Surge. She has selective eidetic memory with anything to do with death and blood (for example she can easily recall murdering Siova's father in all its gory details from a random urge to kill, but otherwise her memory is very blurry).

Surge and Siova never meet; while Siova was busy with helping people around her, Surge ran past it all in order to get to Baldur's Gate and take back her birthright. She was killed by Orin, and Siova found her corpse after defeating Orin.

I am making an "alternative" story for her where she does follow the regular Dark Urge-playthrough with companions and such, but still waiting to see where that goes. Apparently elves have a child name until they are considered adults in their 100's, so the idea then would be that she would finally make a true name for herself, if she went with a redemption story.

Sharin

The bard, a lover of colour, fun and freedom, Sharin is willing to help others around her, and takes everything with a laugh most of the time. Seems to be unbothered by almost anything with the exception of other people claiming her in any shape of form; she romances Astarion but him flirting by saying "tonight you're all mine and I'm all yours" was a big turn-off even if she knew what he meant. As such, she hates Raphael and uses every opportunity to make fun of him and insult him, because she was very provoked by the idea of selling her soul to him. Unlike Siova Tav who happily shares her past if asked, Sharin hardly ever alludes to it even if there are hints that there are more to her than it seems; she is a drow who has lived on the surface for a long time, she carries a lot of Lolth-sworn knowledge but has the look of a Seldarine, and sometimes has the bearings of a noble as well as an entertainer. She often jokes that she might embark on her own journey of growth when the Absolute is taken care of alongside Astarion.

Sharin angered the Emperor and was forced to take Raphael's offer, putting her soul on the line to save the world. Knowing this and her hatred of being owned, she asked to be made an illithid, and had Gale gather the Crown of Karsus before having Orpheus complete her transformation and killing her; the idea was that ceremorphosis destroys the mortal soul, meaning there would be no soul for Raphael to claim when she failed to give him the Crown. Thus she would save the world, free an old prisoner and give the finger to Raphael one last time (she never went to House of Hope, she had no idea it was there).

That is, that WAS the plan, but then Patch 5 arrived and Withers revealed that for some reason she still had her soul after the ceremorphosis, and she was met by a very angry Raphael.

Sissi

Sissi is a Paladin with the Oath of Vengeance. Having grown up as an urchin, then taken in by some noble people far away from Baldur's Gate that since were killed by and with their killeds in an explosive robbery, Sissi vowed to help give vengeance for those that deserved it. She is a "do unto others" and "ride and die by her friends" kind of gal; if someone is kind of her, she will be kind back, but if she has a reason to begrudge, she will carry that forever; only reason Wyll survived trying to attack Karlach was because Karlach vouched for him and Sissi would easier keep an eye on him, otherwise she would have killed him.

With her, I made her mostly for fun because I wanted an all-girl group (with the exception of Wyll because I am weak and Halsin because Sissi romances him; they are never allowed to be used), who were all tanks. Karlach and Lae'zel stay as their classes, same with Jaheira except she is constantly in owlbear mode if I need her, and Shadowheart was respecced to War Domain Cleric. She was also made a half-orc more because I wanted the colour differences. I am still playing Sissi, but with her I am actually thinking about having her attack Gortash first chance we get, just to see what happens and if I will be able to defeat him, the guards and the Steel Watchers, because again, ride or die, and Karlach wants him dead? That's reason enough to blast the ceremony. Also at first I thought to have her romanze Lae'zel or Karlack, but I read somewhere that half-orcs have a shorter lifespan, so I found it funny if she was only 30 but mentally 45 or the like, or at least that she was mentally the same place as Halsin, even though she does not have the same life experience, and so they ended up together.

Su'zan

This is Su'zan, who's bakground I am still not quite sure about since I have just started her. She is the Sorcerer of my characters, specifically a Wild Magic sorcerer; her hair, scar and eyes are results of Wild Magic Surges. She is going to romance Karlach, who will be a Wild Magic Barbarian. More than that I am not sure, I look forward to learning more about githyanki through her!

[sysig]

I can’t stop drawing tiny Watchdogs (Patreon)

[fairyprince7]

I love the pretty cures that are just named after their theme colours. best naming idea

[goddevouringserpent]

(all our yesterdays have lighted fools the way to dusty death.)

old art. but I still kind of like it

[moonlightcycle571]

Marvel making familiars for his loved ones

So I was thinking about Tawky Tawny (again). The thing about him is that he got so many different backstories or explanations on what he might be, but a common enough theme that we see is that he is a stuffed toy when he wants to be.

So here me out.

Tawky Tawny is Billy’s familiar and helps him adjust to his magic when he wants to use it in his small form. He was originally a toy given to Billy by his parents and later given life by The Wizard.

It came with more benefits. Tawny would eat his nightmares, be able to teleport to Billy’s location so that he could never get stolen or lost, protect Billy by going into his tiger form and all around be a constant warmth on his life.

So imagine Billy doing the same as The Wizard.

A lot of his friends aren’t magic users and don’t have the same magical protection he does, so maybe he gives them some enchanted clothing or pendants. A semi familiar (because without magic you can’t make a magical familiar pact with a living animal) where he just makes them familiars.

He would create stuffed animals, and weave in some magic to make them sentient. Maybe it would start with younger heroes, but when he realises his coworkers in the JL need the help as well, he absolutely would make some for them. They, like Tawny prefer to stay in stuffed toy mode, but will sometimes would want to stretch their paws and go into animal form once they feel like they are in a suitable environment.

Just picture it.

It all started with Raven, and the constant stress she might feel with having to constantly guard over Trigon. She can’t have a familiar because most creatures would suffer if give a link to her because her magic is not compatible like that. Captain Marvel decided to make her a companion. He makes her a little leopard wearing an elegant pink suit with a little top hat.

Raven: Is that a plush?

Cap: I heard you have trouble sleeping, so I got you a friend. I haven’t given them a name or pronouns, so that’s up to you.

Raven: … why

Cap: Trust me, they are for nightmares! Tawny *holds up his tiger plush* tells me they are fun to hunt and makes quite the sweet treat.

Raven: *holding the handmade gift* thank you 🥺

Cue shenanigans where she thinks he’s just trying to be a great den mother, and is a tad naive thinking stuffed animals actually work. Not that she isn’t holding little Ebony Darkness every night and is getting the best sleep she has in years.

Another thing to add is that insomnia and PTSD is a common sight within the caped community. And of course Billy notices that. So, after seeing more and more positive results of his plushies, he makes more and more. It becomes a trend. Younger heroes receive a small teddy of an animal and proceed to get attached to it almost immediately.

Nightwing almost cried when he got an elephant wearing a bow tie . Cap said that he seemed like the type to like them. Now Dick has given Zitka a little sibling to sleep at night with. But then that plush becomes fond of Zitka and gave the og elephant plush sentience.

Starfire absolutely adores her shrimp plush. Said something about being able to see colours together. Wally doesn’t know what to think about getting a turtle, but quickly gets attached, even putting little designs in the shell.

Jason also likes to put in patterns in his sting-ray, which Roy doesn’t get cause he thinks his jelly fish is perfect just the way she is. Lian gets a smaller jellyfish, which makes her happy because all the Outlaws get a sea animal.

All the members of YJ, even the retired ones, get a reindeer. They suspect he knows.

It gets back to the JL that Caps giving stuffed toys to their protoges.

Flash: Hey, Cap, how come we don’t get any stuffed animals?

Captain, exited his work is wanted: You want one!!!

Flash, can’t say no to that face: … yes I do

He gets all exited and makes plushies for all of his coworkers, that he pours a bit of extra magic in his work.

CM, fidgeting infringe if the door:

Batman: what is it Captain

CM: I made you something but then I realised that you wouldn’t really want it but then it could be cool if you did and I didn’t want to overthink-

Batman, stopping Billy’s rant: go ahead

CM, hands him a plush snake wearing spectacles: I thought you would like them. I haven’t named them so that’s up to you

Batman, not knowing where to go from here: … is the name important

CM, offended: It’s the MOST important

Batman sighs and keeps the snake. Naturally he does a billion different tests but finds it’s a snake plush. One that’s handmade. That must have taken a lot of time and effort. Batman keeps George Snaking. No he will not admit that having the snake wrapped around his shoulders is soothing.

And it just spirals from there. Hal gets a Sparrow in a poncho, Plastic man gets a kangaroo wearing the nicest boots, Wonder Woman gets a duck in a fancy dress, Aquaman gets a penguin in swim shorts, J’onn gets a lion in a toga … Guy gets a clown fish.

It has no rhyme or reason. The only common thread is that it’s an animal with some sort of clothing. Cap just says that of course they have clothing, they are distinguished and perfectly civilised individuals.

It all come to a head when the League faces some threat, and they are weakened, only for their plushies to fucking teleport and turn into massive version of their respective animals and saves the day.

Hawkwoman, starring at her bear: I- Mrs Snuggles?

Mrs Snuggles: *shrugs*

Shayera: … I could have been getting bear hugs this whole time

Guy: *looks down* Flippers?

Flippers: *flops on the floor*

Guy: ….

Guy: how come the others get bigger version of their animals

The League of Superpets aren’t that worried about competition. They tried to recruit the plush’s, but turns out they are just lazy. Like, they will beat a butch if necessary, but won’t actively go looking for crime to solve. They act more of a home défense.

The only ones who knew about the sentient plushies where Ma and Pa Kent (their Octopus is extent helpful around the farm), Alfred Pennyworth (he’s the one who actually requested hamsters to help keep the manor clean and keep an eye on his family) and Damian who’s instinct immediacy told him his fennec fox is alive.

Oracle got a capybara. The Capybara is the most powerful one Billy has made, second to Tawny. I don’t make the rules.

Constantine is the only one who never got one. Billy is still salty about him trying to steal his powers. Plus he would prolly sell it.

[minart-was-taken]

The wild references to Finland in Honkai Star Rail

Hello, in this post I'm going to go over the various references to Finland in Honkai Star Rail (Also touching a little on HI3) and explaining them the best I can so that non-finns can understand how hilariously delightful they are.

_

Starting with a funny one: Welt Yang.

The man is canonically 1/2 finnish, 1/4th chinese and 1/4th german according to sources I dont understand.

The way this is represented in Honkai Star Rail comes in one intentional form and one that may be an accident but I love it anyway:

1.

Welt's given name is Joachim Nokianvirtanen, a name that is utterly hilarious to a finn like me. Why? Well Nokianvirtanen is not a surname anyone here would ever have. Virtanen is a real surname, but for some reason Mihoyo decided slap Nokia in the front of it??

The name translates to "Nokia's rapids." Which adds to the funniness because yes Nokia is an actual place in Finland and not just the brand, but it is also very much the brand.

(Also Joachim is not a finnish name even if many finns are christian.)

This is the equivalant of naming an american character Jesus McDonaldslake.

2.

Welt's hair colour! A lot of people imagine blond and blue eyes when imagining a finn, but that's not actually accurate to the statistics. The most common hair colour here is in fact "Maantien harmaa." Translating to country road grey. Sometimes they leave out the word grey or replace it with blond. The colour is known as dirty blond or pale brown in english speaking countries 👍 This is less funny and just a cute detail.

_

Secondly we'll be going over Sampo Koski, a man many know to have a very finnish name.

BUT FIRST Fun backround info: I didn't know Sampo was in this game when I first started playing, so when he showed up and suddenly dropped finnish words at me I was utterly jumpscared.

Finland is very rarely referenced in media outside of our country, so most of us are NOT used to hearing anything about our home in media.

Furthermore there's actually a meme about this very thing that everyone in the country knows: Torilla Tavataan. This translates to "Lets meet at the marketplace" which is referring to the idea that when something massively cool happens we should gather together and celebrate.

The finns REALLY want to be acknowledged by the wider world lol

Anyway back to Sampo. His name is actually something I could totally see a real finn having, although his first name is a little out there.

Sampo is an item from finnish* mythology that was forged by a super capable smith with the help of his whole village. The item is golden with multiple spouts that produce valuable things like flour, gold and I believe... salt? You can find more about the item online.

Koski meanwhile means a river rapid. Uhm, lotsa water themed names here, huh!

Nothing that funny going on with his references to be honest. I can even say the voice actor did an amazing job pronouncing his name correctly.

_

Yunli's companion quest!

This is the newest batch of references I've ran into, but if I or anyone else finds more I'll be updating this list :]

In Yunli's companion quest we meet... Paavo. His name is Paavo--

This NPC introduces himself as a traveler from far away who's come to deliver a sword from his homeland back to the Xianzhou where it was originally forged. Here's why he made me giggle uncontrollably every moment he was on screen.

1.

Paavo is considered kind of a joke name, very comparable to naming someone Bob in america. The way NPC's referred to him sounded like "Mr. Bob" to me. It was so funny

2.

He is from the PLANET KALEVALA?? SAFlJ LJ ???

Kalevala is the national epic of Finland* and tells stories such as the one of Sampo's creation. The title does refer to setting of the story, but it is still weird to hear it as a name of a planet lol.

3.

Our food is really repetitive u right Mr. Paavo

4.

Paavo explains the sword he has come to deliver is called Miekka Kivessä. This is the finnish translations of "The sword in the stone." he proceeds to then explain the legend of the sword in the stone, which. It's not a finnish legend. We've never had a king, yet alone chosen them with a sword-- Not even in myths. Kalevala's highest ranking guy in the mortal realm is Väinämöinen who's an old wise man.

Also he says Miekka Kivessä wrong but that's to be expected, very funny, and also I admire the effort to at least try and make it sound natural.

5.

Finally, he later reveals his last name-- Which, why are we refering to him as Mr. Paavo if he has a last name...? Oh well! Mr. Paavo's last name is Kalastaja, which translates to Fisher. This is not a real last name in Finland. The english equivalent of this man's goddang name would be something like Mr. Bob Employee.

_

Since you've made it this far I assume you won't mind me rambling a bit more. I'm personally psyched to see Finland mentioned in non-finnish media and love the wonky but genuine attempts to include us!

I think considering how many weebs there are in Finland who've come up with illogical "Asian names" to sound cool online, it's only fair we got the same treatment back :P I hope they'll keep delivering and I'd love to visit planet Kalevala one day.

_

*It's worth noting Finland is a colonizer of the Sami people, and a lot of their culture has been annexed without any care or respect towards them.

Finland was also under colonialism itself for hundreds of years, and our myths have been largely lost to time with only some information left. It's super difficult to tell what is finnish mythology and whats the Sami people's mythology.

That's a fact that's deeply important to remember when discussing things like this, and I hope that the people reading this consider looking into how to help the indigenous people of the nordic region. Thank you.

[fluffylino]

Slow Down Bugboy

you're watching the news when you hear someone outside your window. is it a burgler? is it a ghost? oh wait, its spiderman?!

-contains soft themes (some injuries)

heavily inspired by that one scene from the amazing spiderman.

jisung is so spider coded🕸❤️‍🩹

enjoy~

keyboard clacking while you glued your eyes to the laptop screen. trying to make sense of the words and phrases you needed to write for an english assignment.

for some reason, you just couldn't focus.

maybe it was because jisung hadn't texted you since afternoon. glancing up at the clock to see it was an hour past 10pm.

your eyes now plastered onto the tv screen. the news flashing vividly. headlines popping up one after the other.

<Spider Man was seen fighting the giant reptilian>

<Who is this SpiderMan?>

the news anchor only raised more questions. dwelling into the details of this commotion.

you had mixed opinions on this so called 'man', who shoots webs out of his wrists. you'd rather call him

'weird insect man who crawls up buildings'.

was he a hero? i mean, he seemed like one. do you think you'd ever want to come face to face with him?

maybe? spiderman seemed chill.

anyways jisung!

right. where the hell was he?!

<ji, are you alive?>

.

<message me rn>

.

<are you okay? just mssg me if you're okay>

.

<JISUNG. HAN JISUNG>

.

looking away from your phone. you gulped down the lump in your throat.

was he accidently caught in the whole 'lizard incident' at the school...?

you didn't want to lose your friend. your bestfriend.

<i love you man, please tell me you're fine...>

"spiderman please...im really begging you to protect him if he's hurt" praying under your breath. heart pumping slower than usual while you took deep breaths.

the smell of your mom cooking a late night snack downstairs travelled up to your room. on any other occasion you wouldve eaten like a hog. but right now, you couldn't.

knock knock

soft thud

body taking a screenshot in fright. someone's outside your window. with how dark it is at this time of the night and only the moonlight, you think its a burgler.

That is until you see the silhoette of a masked man. the suit he wears is webbed, with colours of dark blue and red.

knock.

this time he presses his palm flat onto the glass, body slumping.

you throw your laptop on the bed, running to slam your door shut before making your way to the window.

"s-spiderman?" you mumble under your breath.

gasping as the man falls right into your arms. legs still dangling out. a catch a whiff of perfume that instantly makes your brain shortcircuit.

raising an arm to help him get the mask off. the mop of hair gives away his identity.

"sung..."

"han jisung! what the fuck happened to you?!" you exclaim, heart dropping when he rests his head on your shoulder. limply trying to hold onto you.

"i'm...uh s-shit" he mutters, grunting as you hold him up.

he plops onto the couch with a pained groan. you stand there dumbly. too much was happening. 

A heavy scent of blood filling the air. quickly shutting the window before kneeling down by his side.

"are you okay? what happened ji...please tell me"

cupping his face. his eyes widening briefly. shakily bringing his hand up to hold your wrist.

"lizard man VS bugboy...i hurt him more than he h-hurt me..."

even in this state, he finds the time to joke. laughing weakly until he notices the pain in your eyes. not just from seeing him bleed but also from the fact that you weren't aware that he was THE spiderman.

"i'm sorry for coming uninvited...t-there was no where else i'd feel safe"

jisung whispers, nuzzling his cheek apologetically into the warmth of your palm. you can't control your body or your thoughts.

carefully pushing his damp hair away from his eyes. theres a small cut over the bridge of his nose. his bottom lip is busted harshly. he's sweating as you caress him.

clean up his wounds. yes.

right now, what mattered most was stopping the bleeding.

"where are you going..." his voice trails off. puppy like eyes locked onto every little movement.

"sit up....as much as you can"

a soaked towel and disinfectant in your hands. jisung does sit up quietly. its surprising.

"baby it r-really hurts...mh" the boy whispers, staring at you with slight fear.

'baby' was a nickname he often used. but right now, it made your heart do a summersalt. without asking, he begins to take the suit off.

revealing his battered torso. bruises and cuts from the 'battle' he was in.

silence fills the room, apart from the soft hisses leaving his mouth.

hands weakly grabbing at your wrists to pry your hands away from the slash across his abdomen.  stomach muscles rhythmically tightening in discomfort everytime you applied a layer of medicine.

without much thought, you inch closer. feeling his heavy breath right next to your ear. along with a choked out grunt.

lifting your head up slowly, only to meet his gaze.

"i'm sorry for s-showing up like...this"

jisung whispers, scooching closer. your noses nearly touching. lips grazing against eachothers. you hum. far too out of it, to even get mad at him.

knowing he was spiderman put you at peace. knowing that he was safe was all that mattered.

injuries or not, you would take care of him regardless.

"say its okay" he whines softly, pressing his lips innocently onto yours. its too gentle to even be considered a kiss. you can't stop the grin that grows on your face.

realising how much your acceptance of him, mattered to him. sucking in a sharp breath when you peck him with more feeling. the subtle tangy taste of blood flooding your senses. his lip was still sensitive.

butterflies erupting in your stomach when he gently cradles the base of your neck. pulling you in for a deeper kiss.

"easy there bugboy..."

you tease, not letting him have his way. revelling in the toothy grin he lets out. laughing against you.

"i'm not going anywhere"

you reassure, threading your fingers through his hair. moving into his embrace.

"i want chocolate." he blurts out in a hushed tone.

"what-"

pecking you once more. and another time until he doesn't pull away. kissing you slow and passionately. pouring all his emotions out.

maybe spiderman wasn't so bad afterall...

.

.

.

.

.

teehee

[the-real-loser-otaku-girl]

Different fashions reddit user say is the same thing and why they are not

i cant believe this is a post i am making lol but ima clear up how these reddit users r wrong lol (pls dont harass anyone this is just for educational purposes)

Dark girly vs Jirai

Dark girly kei is a fashion that predates jirai (jirai is a lifestyle!!!) The only reason Girly kei is associated with jirai is cuz the girly kei style is what was trending when jirai became a thing. i go more in depth about jirai here

with the next sections i do not know as much sadly but i shall use the knowledge i do have and please feel to jump in!

Cutecore vs Jojifuku

cutecore 1 2

jojifuku 1 2

As we can see there is a lot of overlap. Cutecore is a style that emerged around 2020 (🩷) meanwhile jojifuku is from the 2010s (🩷)

Cutecore often has themes of spookier stuff (not always tho!!!)

Jojifuku (女児服) translates to girls clothing. the look of it is to look like youre wearing kids clothes.

(again i dont know much about these styles so feel free to correct me!)

Coquette vs Hime kei

Honestly I dont know what they are really talking about here lol. Hime gyaru? Hime lolita? Himekaji? So ill show how each one is different form one another

Coquette 1 2

Hime gyaru 1 2

Hime lolita 1 2

Himekaji 1 2

Coquette is a style thats super popular on this app (tumblr) and imo its recently gotten pretty popular. meanwhile ive seen styles like himekaji dwindle in popularity (at least from what ive seen) i think its pretty obvious to see the difference with just pictures so i wont go into a lot of detail (unless you would like me to)

yes all styles of similarities but they also have noticeable differences. Some similarities include 1. all being a more feminine style 2. all often having pink colours 3. all are fashions (and more) But some differences include 1. where/when they originate 2. the silhouette/certain parts of the look 3. the popularity (and more)

Kidcore vs Decora

kidcore 1 2

Decora 1 2

Kidcore as the name states is a more "childish" style. Its very colourful and gives off nostalgic vibes.

Decora is a style that is about decorations/accessories. You cant have a decora fit without them.

Cottagecore vs Mori kei

Cottagecore 1 2

Mori kei 1 2

I dont even know where they got the idea these were the same thing lol

Cottagecore is based around wildlife, farming, cottages, nature. it has a "rural and pioneer" vibe

Mori kei is is more earthy. The best way i can think to describe the difference without rambling is cottagecore is the ppl living in the forest and mori kei is the forest? idk lol.

Rococo vs Lolita

if anything its flipped. Rococo inspired lolita. Also there is so many different types of lolita. sigh.

If you take anything from this I hope its to do your research. And not just listen to the voices you agree with. Listen to the history. Listen to the people who know what they are talking about. Pls lmk if I can explain anything better and feel free to add on! have a good day! (also i am just one source pls go do ur own research!!/nf)

[russellsppttemplates]

They're my babies! (Lando Norris)

While preparing for baby number three, you start to notice just how grown up Matilda and Fraser are

Note: english is not my first language. I'm back and I'm not sure if I still know how to do this 🫣 Thank you for being so patient ✨️ I hope it's enjoyable to read!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm not actively taking requests right now, so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to send them in but know that I don't know when I'll be able to get to them!

my masterlist

Cw: reader is pregnant, mentions worries associated with pre-eclampsia, prematurity and themes associated with them

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog @hiireadstuff @c-losur3

"And where are my two boys going?", you inquired as you heard Lando tell Fraser to finish his breakfast so they could get ready to go.

"Daddy is taking me to get a haircut!", Fraser beamed as he ruffled his curls, "they're hindering me in the eyes", he explained.

"I'm getting my hair trimmed as well", your husband offered, kissing the top of your head after he set your tea next to your plate.

"Thank you, love", you whispered, "me and Tilly are staying in today, aren't we, princess?", you checked with your daughter. When you were putting her to bed the previous night, she asked if you could stay home for the day so she could help you with preparing the nursery for the arrival of your babygirl - the furniture was already in place, now you just needed to fill it with clothes bedding and all of the products you needed for your baby girl.

"Yes, I'm helping mummy with Lottie's things!", your oldest daughter smiled before taking a spoonful from her porridge.

"That's very nice of you, sweetheart", Lando praised, kissing the top of her head and getting the plates from the table to put in the dishwasher.

The boys headed upstairs to change while you and Tilly stayed back downstairs, giving her your undivided attention as she told you about what happened in school. With the approach of the baby's arrival, you and Lando made extra effort to spend alone time with each of your kids.

"Mummy! Tilly! I want to show you something, where are you?", Fraser called just as you were getting ready to go upstairs yourselves.

"We're heading upstairs!", Matilda replied.

At the top of the stairs, you were met with your husband and your son dressed in a white t-shirt and dark green shorts. Apart from the little cartoon Fraser 's t-shirt had, they were identical to the eye.

"Are you matching? Look at you two!", you cooed, stretching your arms so you could take him in and have the little boy close to you.

"I don't want to hurt you, mummy - I'm a big boy", Fraser mumbled as he set him on your hip.

"You won't, my love, I'm good", you assured as Lando also rubbed your back, "you two look so handsome".

"It's true, daddy and Fraser look handsome! Can we match today too, mummy?", Matilda asked.

Lando blushed slightly at the attention he was getting, hiding his face on your daughter's neck and blowing a raspberry there, making her let out a loud squeal followed by her melodic laugh, "that tickles daddy!".

"You look really beautiful, mummy", Fraser whispered on your ear, resting his head on your chest and playing with your hair.

"Thank you, baby boy", you kissed his cheek, "are you planning on giving me a new hair do too?", you joked.

"No, it looks pretty like this, but I just like to play with it", he mumbled.

The four of your stayed in the hallway for a bit before, just taking in the moment before Lando and Fraser really had to go, not wanting to miss their appointment.

Matilda helped you pick out a loungewear set that was comfortable and breezy before she went to her wardrobe to grab one of her lavender dresses, thinking the colour was perfect to match your own clothes.

"Where are we going to start, mummy?", Matilda wondered, sitting down on the rug inside the nursery and looking at all the boxes filled with unfolded clothes.

"These are all washed so we just have to fold them and organise them into the drawers - I'd you want to play or do something that you find more fun, you can do it, Tilly, I don't mind", you assured, hardly thinking folding clothes would be the funnest activity for your seven year old.

"No, mummy, I want to help you! Can you just put some music on your phone, please?", she asked, prompting you to play some of your favourites in your Spotify app.

"The top ones can be for the baby grows - we'll go through a lot of them so they need to be quick and easy to grab", you explained as you got the folded clothes from her hands.

"This one here is so pretty, mummy!", Matilda pointed to a babygrow you remembered her wearing when she was a baby.

"We got this one from uncle George and auntie Carmen when you were born", you smiled, unfolding the piece to take a good look at the embroidered stars on the piece. Despite having been worn multiple times by both Matilda and Fraser, the piece was still in good quality given the materials it was made out of.

"Me? Was I ever this little?", Matilda argued softly, standing behind the piece so she could see the difference, "wow, it's so hard to believe that", she mused.

Your emotions got the best out of you as your memory took you back to the times of newborn Matilda. You and Lando were first time parents and naturally things didn't fall into place right away - there was a lot of learning still and finding out what worked for your baby and your family despite everything you read on the books, but the newborn bubble was a time you cherished fondly.

"You were! I even remember this one being a little loose on you, daddy had to roll up the sleeves so they wouldn't bunch up on your hands", you recalled your husband doing so, holding her to his chest as he adjusted the fabric on the little one's body.

"I'm so much bigger now!", Matilda smiled before folding the piece again and placing it in the drawer.

"Yes, you are", you gulped, keeping the tears at bay as you watched your not so little girl independently carry on with her task.

A call interrupted you, Matilda handing you the phone from its spot on the chest of drawers so you wouldn't have to get up.

"Thank you, my love - hello!", you asked to the other side of the line, engaging in conversation with your sister in-law.

"Is it Nana Cisca or auntie Cisca?", Matilda asked when you put the phone on speaker so they could talk too.

"It's auntie Cisca, Tilly! How is my little princess?", she asked over the phone.

As soon as they talked about everything they needed to talk, and ending the call with a promise of a drawing session in the garden for when the weather looked nice, your daughter and you bid goodbye to your husband's sister.

"Mummy!", you heard Fraser call after the door closed just as you were plating up some snacks for you and Matilda.

"You boys got home just in time for snack time!", you called back, bringing the plates to the table before Lando and Fraser stepped inside the kitchen.

The sight before you could only be disguised as double vision. Fraser always looked a little bit more like Lando when compared to the physical traits he got from you, but right now, there was Lando and a mini Lando.

"Do you not like my haircut, mummy?", your son asked as a tinge of insecurity made it to his voice.

"Of course I like it, Fraser - I love it!", you quickly assured, picking him up so you could take a good look at his handsome face, "you look so handsome, my love! You and daddy look so much like eachtoher, that's why I was quiet for a bit", you explained.

Lando approached you, pecking your lips and rubbing your baby bump, "the hairdresser said the same actually", he mused as he sat next to Matilda and stole one of her strawberries.

"There's enough food for all of us, let me make some more", you smiled at their antics.

"I want to go down, mummy", Fraser asked so you could set him on the floor.

Lando took the opportunity to swap with the little boy, offering him his spot at the table and heading to stand next to you by the counter.

"And do I look handsome too?", your husband whispered on your ear as he circled your waist, his hands landing on your baby bump and feeling her move.

"The most handsome of all, although Fraser is serious competition", you giggled.

"He's one cute little dude, isn't he?", your husband stated, "what can I say? We make really cute kids, Y/N Norris", he kissed your neck, "and we're about to have proof number three of that - how has she been?".

"She's been well behaved today, although as soon as she hears your voice, she goes back to being a wiggly baby", you chuckled as you felt a particularly hard kick.

"Calm down, sweet girl, daddy is excited to be home too but we can't kick mummy like that, can we? You can't be a trouble maker already", Lando spoke softly, kissing your cheek one last time before he carried on helping you make something to eat.

"And that way, she always knew that she could count on her friends", you finished Fraser's bedtime story, tucking him in properly before setting the book back on the shelf.

"Good night, mummy", Fraser mumbled sleepily, "I love you to the moon and back".

"Sweet dreams, Fraser, I love you all the way around the milky way", you mumbled back, kissing his forehead and leaving the room once you turned off the light.

You could faintly hear some noise coming from Matilda's bedroom, knocking on the door softly before opening it and seeing Lando sat on the bed with Tilly on his arms, a finished book on his thighs as they spoke softly.

"Still not asleep?", you nudged.

"I wanted Tilly to show you this", Lando pointed to the drawing on top of her desk, "tell mummy what that is".

"This is our family, and we can use this to teach Lottie when she's born", Matilda clarified, "Nana Cisca has the same name as auntie Cisca, Lottie can be confused, mummy", she reasoned.

"That's very nice and thoughtful of you princess", you smiled, tracing all the lines on the paper.

You and Lando wished her a good night before leaving her bedroom, Lando popping into Fraser's room to kiss him goodnight another time and to check if he was asleep before meeting you in the bedroom.

"This morning, Tilly found the baby grow with the stars George and Carmen gifted us and she held it up against her chest and I have been a mess since", you admitted as Lando held out his arms for a cuddle.

"She's really grown up, isn't she? I have no idea how she thought about the names", Lando chuckled.

"Your sister called this morning and she wondered if it was her or your mother - she seemed to stick with the thought but I didn't think much of it", you shrugged your shoulders as you rocked in eachother's embrace.

"She's really clever, she gets that from you, that's for sure", Lando offered.

"Seems right since you managed to get rid of my little baby boy and bring back a mini you version from the hairdresser!", you scoffed as Lando looked at you with a quirked eyebrow, "don't act all innocent! Fraser was my cuddly baby boy this morning, then you took him to get a haircut and suddenly he looks like a pre teen! And he said he didn't want to cuddle me", you pouted.

"Well, I did take him for the haircut, but I didn't actually do it myself", Lando argued playfully, earning him light slap on his chest, "but I did tell him he had to be careful with you now that you're towards the end of the pregnancy", he nudged.

"Lando", you pouted.

"I didn't tell him to not cuddle you! I just told him that he needed to be careful with you carrying heavy things and stuff like that - he was the one to suggest that from now on he would only cuddle you when you were laying down!", your husband told you in his defense.

"He's still my baby! And Tilly is too! I want cuddles with my babies no matter what!", you stated, feeling Charlotte kick Lando's tummy since you were still glued together, "you too, my love, in due time", you mumbled the last part.

"I tell you what, tomorrow we'll have a cuddle session in bed, all of us and I'll make sure Tilly and Fraser are as close to you as possible", Lando smiled.

"That sounds good", you agreed, kissing his lips before you started getting ready for bed.

As you sat down after pulling the covers, Lando noticed there was still something that was leaving you unsettled.

"I can tell something is worrying you still - you have that frown line Fraser has on his forehead too", Lando nodded as he rubbed your feet and ankles since they had swelled a bit lately.

"What if I can't be a good home for this baby, too?", you asked as Lando quirked an eyebrow at you, "Fraser had to come earthside earlier because my blood pressure was a mess, and before that I spent days in hospital trying to make sure he had the least amount of deficits possible. What if I can't carry to term this time around either?", you whispered the last part, almost like if you said it any louder, it was bound to happen straight away.

"I'm scared too, my love", Lando spoke after gathering his thoughts, "but we are doing what we can to make sure this baby cooks for as long as she has to before coming to us - we're having extra appointments to check with everything, we're being active and healthy, I'm also travelling as less as I possibly can, and we have both of our parents coming here for help on a schedule so you don't stress out so much - I know you'll never admit it because you think it's a dirty expression, but those two?", he pointed in the direction of the kids' bedrooms, "they're definitely my children because of the chaos they cause and it's stressful. I love them to death - I'd do anything for them -, but, my word, is it hard sometimes?!", he giggled as you nodded in agreement, "I'd never want you to feel all the parenting stress on your own, it's not good any other time and it's especially not good when you're carrying our little girl", he smiled, kissing just above your baby bump.

"I just want to be a safe home for Lottie", you rubbed your babybump.

"And you are, Y/N, her first home and the safest of them all - and even though I'm not wishing for it, if it happens again, we know we can handle it and most of that is because your such a strong woman", he praised as he sat next to you and held your hand in his, "we're in this together and you can always come to me whenever these scary thoughts come around", he kissed your lips.

"Thank you", you whispered again, pecking his lips.

"That's not a nice greeting, I deserve better, gorgeous girl", he smirked, supporting himself on his arms while carefully hovering over you while he was still able to, "you deserve better, and apparently they say this can be very relaxing and lower your blood pressure, so you're in for a fine night, pretty mama", he said as he stole a proper kiss from your lips.

[zedecksiew]

DECOLONISING D&D

In 2019, after seeing yet another round of alarmist discourse in Xwitter about how Dungeons & Dragons is FULL of COLONIALIST tropes and patterns, and needs to be revised, SCRUBBED of its PROBLEMATIC FILTH---I rage-tweeted this brainfart:

"Decolonising D&D"

I've seen this thread round the community, since. Humza K quotes it in Productive Scab-picking: On Oppressive Themes in Gaming. Prismatic Wasteland quotes it in Apolitical RPGs Don't Exist. Most recently, it was referenced in a 1999AD post about Western TTRPGs (an interesting discussion on its own merit; one that already has a counterpoint from Sandro / Fail Forward.)

If folks are still referring to it five years later, maybe I should give the thread a little more credit? Perhaps the fart miasma has crystalised into something concrete.

In the interest of record / saving this thought from the ephemerality of Xwitter, here is the text in full, properly paragraphed, and somewhat more cleanly expressed:

+++

"DECOLONISING D&D"

Firstly: saying "D&D is colonialist" is similar to saying: "the English language is colonialist".

If your method of decolonising RPGs is to abandon D&D---well, some folks abandon English; they don't want to work in the language of the coloniser. More power to them!

For those who want to continue using the "language" of D&D---

Going forth into the "wild hinterland" (as if this weren't somebody's homeland);

to "seek treasure" (as if this didn't belong to anybody);

and "slay monsters" (monsters to whom?)

Yeah. There's some problematic stuff here, and definitely these aspects should make more people uncomfortable.

But! I think it is an error to "decolonise D&D" by scrubbing such content from the game.

That feels like erasure; like an unwillingness to face history / context; like a way to appease one's own settler guilt.

Do you live in the West? Do you live in any Asian urban metropole? White or Person of Colour(tm)---you are already complicit in colonialist / capitalist (yes, of course they are inextricably linked) behaviour. (I can't speak for urban metropoles elsewhere, but I bet they are similar centres of extraction.)

Removing such patterns from the TTRPGs you play might let you feel better, at your game table. But won't change what you are.

I think it is more truthful and more useful NOT to avert one's eyes from D&D's colonialism.

The fact that going forth into the hinterland to seek treasure and slay monsters is a thing, and fucking fun, tells us valuable things about the shape and psychology of colonialism. Why conquistadors in the past did it; why liberal foreign policy, corporations, and post-colonial societies do it today.

Speaking personally:

I write stuff that evokes / deals with the context I'm in---Southeast Asia. An intrinsic part of that is looking at the ways colonial violence has happened to us---as well as the ways / reasons we now, supposedly free, perpetrate it on others.

A long chain of suffering. Heavy stuff.

I also write for people who want to have fun / kill monsters / pretend to be elves, of course. But for those people who want to consider serious stuff like colonialism: I offer no FIGHT THE POWER righteousness, no good feeling, no answers.

Only discomfort. Because the truth is uncomfortable.

Here's a screenshot of the Author's Note for Lorn Song of the Bachelor:

"Any text inspired by Southeast Asia has to reckon with colonialism ... This text presents a difficult situation; there are no easy solutions. "... If I offered a mechanical incentive for you to fight colonial invaders, you wouldn’t be making a moral decision, but a mercenary one. "The choice you face should echo ... the kind of calculus my grandparents faced."

I stand by that.

Also: might we be more precise and more careful about using the term "decolonising", please?

Here I quote Tuck and Yang's landmark and (sadly) still trenchant "Decolonization is not a metaphor":

"Decolonization brings about the repatriation of Indigenous land and life; it is not a metaphor for other things we want to do to improve our societies ..."

+++

Further Reading

So this post isn't just me reheating a hot take, here are some touchstone writings from around the TTRPG community about colonialism as a subject and mode of play in games:

+

"Jim Corbett was called upon to hunt down another fifty maneaters over the course of the next 35 years. Together, those tigers had killed over 2000 people, for much the same reasons as the Champawat Tiger - injury, desperation, starvation, and habitat loss. Would you look at that. The root cause was British colonialism."

D&D Doesn't Understand What Monsters Are from Throne of Salt

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"Another effect of having colonizers in my setting would be giving players the opportunity to drive them away from the islands, their home. This maybe just be for the catharsis. After all, isn’t catharsis a big part of why we play roleplaying games?"

I’m Adding Colonizers To My Setting from Goobernut's Blog

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"When you have a slime boy and the other characters are a really fat lizard and one's playing Humpty Dumpty, it completely shatters the straight-faced serious authoritarian illusion of race, and replaces it with complete fucking nonsense. I love the idea of proliferating the number and types of "races" into absurdity, to the point where the entire logical structure of it collapses in on itself and race as a category ceases to become coherent or meaningful in any sense."

Interview with Ava Islam - Designer of the RPG Errant from Ava Islam / The Lost Bay

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"Perhaps most critically, the fundamental basis of power is not land or even money but manpower. That’s what local rulers fight over, and what Chinese commercial networks export, in return for unique island products. It’s what the European colonists really need (even if it’s not what they most desire). There is rich loot to be grabbed in the form of spices, Spanish silver, Indian gold, sea cucumbers (the Chinese love ’em), perfumes, dyes, cloth etc. so there’s ample opportunity for piracy, trade and smuggling, but the key to long-term success – the key to independent survival – is nakedly and unquestionably uniting people."

Counter-colonial Heistcrawl: previous high scores from Richard's Dystopian Pokeverse

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"They worked their own land—which they dispossessed from American Indians—or became small shop owners or opportunistic gold diggers or bounty hunters or itinerant ranchers. To me, substituting these situations for one ruled by industrial monopoly ignores that the Wild West is a perfect example of how capitalism operates outside of (or prior to) mass industry, instead being composed of self-employers and self-sustainers."

Fantastic Detours - Frontier Scum from Traverse Fantasy / Bones of Contention

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"... using the Western framing and D&D's baked-in imperialist and capitalist structure to get people earnestly participating in the experience of forming imperial power structures and the early roots of regional capitalism ... The PCs aren't the drifters on the train or the townsfolk watching with apprehension - they're the railroad itself."

An Arrow for the General: Confronting D&D-as-Western in the Kalahari from A Most Majestic Fly Whisk

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[loveisanimaginarydagger3000]

The Soldier Of Death (1)- Mission Complete

Natasha Romanoff X Super Soldier Reader 18+

Summary: Soldat Smerti. The Soldier of Death. You were the perfect weapon: loyal, obedient, and merciless, or so Hydra thought. What happens when these traits are put to the test? Your captivity in the Avenger's tower and the presence of a redhead makes you realise you didn't have to be a monster. The question was though; Did Hydra make you the monster or were you always one?

This fic will contains dark themes. Please read these warnings before starting any of these chapters: graphic descriptions of murder, violence, gore and torture, heavy angst, mental issues.

Please consider these warnings before reading

Word Count: 2.8k

General Masterlist | The Soldier Of Death Masterlist

Mission Complete

Chapter Warnings: Graphic Depictions of murder and violence.

The sound of heavy footsteps reached your ears as you stared straight ahead of you at the stone wall, the boots that crunched against the dirt littering the concrete floors gradually increasing as the men walked down the hallways into the room you were in. They grew closer, and closer, and closer until one of their hands met your shoulder, your body fighting against the instinct to abruptly pull away from the man's touch. He moved around your body, his fingers gripping your chin and forcing your head up to look at him, a cruel smirk plastered on his face.

"Soldat (soldier)," his tone sinister as he addressed you, his teeth on show as he grinned at you maliciously. His gold tooth reflected the light from the dangling, rusting light, the rest of his teeth rotting to match his awful personality. "Are you ready to comply?"

"Da, sare (yes sir)," your tone almost robotic, his smile only widening as he stretched his arm out for another man to pass him a file, tossing the paper into your lap, motioning for you to read it.

"That is Ulysses Klaue," his tone containing a little annoyance while briefing you on the mission. "He was supposed to be helping us with obtaining vibranium but the bastard tried to cross us," you flip through the file, noting that he was going to sell of the vibranium intended for Hydra to some other organisation who weren't even willing to pay as much, offering something else the man must have deemed more valuable in turn. "It's your job to make sure he is made an example of, do you understand?"

"Da, sare," you repeat, knowing he didn't appreciate people who felt they could dare challenge Hydra. There would be consequences of trying to make a fool of your general. "What do you want me to do?"

"I want you to make him suffer," he grits out, anger written across his face as he towers over you. He places his hands on the side of your head, pressing in slightly, your face remaining stoic as he digs his finger into your skin, "I want you to do this," he emphasises by pressing harder against you, "Crush him until he's not even recognisable, break as many bones as you can, do anything you want as long as he suffers."

"Da, sare."

***

The darkness brought a sense of comfort to you as you wandered through the isolated building, your steps inaudible to a normal human as you crept through the abandoned hallways. The lights would occasionally flicker on, indicating the building still had some life in it, while you walked through the twisting and turning corridors, walking until the steady beating of hearts became louder, the chat that was a low murmur now distinct and audible.

"We can have them to you by midnight," spoke a man with a heavy accent, your eyes counting the two men by either side of him, the guns strapped around their large, toned bodies also being noticed.

"How many of them are there?" Klaue asks, sliding a blue-coloured sweet into his mouth, the man who he was currently dealing with clenching his jaw in frustration.

"Twelve girls, eight women," he answers, one of his body guard's heads snapping to the side when you slip into the room, sensing your presence.

"Perfect," Klaue responds, rubbing his hand on the tattoo that covered his neck, offering the others a crooked smile, "It's a deal then."

Before they can even shake hands, coughing and spluttering can be heard, a mortified look replacing the annoyed one on the man's face as he watches your knife lodge itself in his guard's neck. Red splatters against the faded white walls, his large, rough hands grasping desperately at his neck as crimson stains his skin, oozing out of the gaping wound. No one has time to get over the initial shock when another is thrown into the other man's skull, the force of your throw easily allowing the knife to glide through the bone as if it were nothing, killing the man instantly as he slumps to the floor.

"What have you done?" The heavy accent laced with fear as the man scrambles for a gun, words directed at the tattooed man near him. Revealing yourself from the darkness, you grab his head, making light work of him by snapping his neck, letting him drop inelegantly to the floor like a rag doll.

"Well, aren't you a scary thing?" Klaue says in a humorous tone, unaffected by the gory sight, your fingers deftly pulling the blades out of the lifeless bodies, wiping them clean with your gloves before twirling one of them in your hand, the other sliding back into your pocket. 

He admires your stealth suit, the black fabric helping you blend in well to the run down building you were currently in. Your eyes were covered by tinted goggles, the emotionless and empty stare not visible to him while the lower part of your face hidden by a metal mask, Hydra desperate to keep your identity a secret. 

"Do you know what's scarier?" He asks, your body unresponsive to his question, his hands popping another sweet into his mouth.

You watch as he folds the wrapper in a delicate manner, twisting and turning the crinkling paper before throwing it back into the bowl on the small desk nearby, smiling at you and showing off his now blue coloured tongue, tinted by the sweet.

His unseriousness doesn't bother you, knowing he was trying to act calm and cocky when in reality his heart rate was exceptionally high, the relentless pounding against his ribs audible to your sensitive hearing. Your ears picked up how the beating of his heart would spike unexpectedly when you moved, fear radiating off his nervous form.

"Puffer fish," he answers his own question, your eyes internally rolling as he continues his rambling, stuttering a little when you step closer. "They are deadly creatures," he looks to his side subconsciously in his state of terror when you step even closer, the incessant beating of his heart ringing annoyingly in your head while he gives away the position of the hidden Vibranium by accident.

You block out his further words, deciding to ignore whatever pointless things spilt from his lips and waited until his fight or flight finally kicked in to make things a little more interesting. Soon, his prosthetic arm swung out with force at you, your hand easily catching it and twisting the false limb, tearing it off his body causing him to gasp at your abrupt show of strength.

Lifting your leg, you kick forward once having lined it up with his knee, the precise angle of the movement allowing your boot to shatter the bone easily. He cries out in pain, tumbling to the ground, the concrete not cushioning his fall.

"You don't have to do this," he manages out between sharp breaths, his hand clutching his splintered knee, your body stepping on the dislocated bone to make him scream in pain. The bone crumbles under the pressure of your boot, your foot twisting and grinding it down further, the once solid bones turning into mush as the blood and flesh of his leg are disgustingly blended with it. "I'll do anything Hydra wants," he pleads with you to spare his life, the decision not up to you as you grab the metal pole to your side, easily snapping it off the wall, his eyes widening with fear.

"Is it the vibranium you want?" Using the strength in his arm, he tries to crawl away from your predatory stance, pathetically sliding against the cool stone. "I can get you even more than what you wanted," your head merely tilts at his words as they were meaningless to you.

You didn't care about the vibranium. You didn't care about the cost. You had a mission to do. That's all that mattered.

The sounds of his ragged breaths filled the small room of the warehouse until an ear splitting scream reverberated around the cramped space when you brought down the metal against his other leg. There was a satisfying snap when the pole was violently forced down on his leg again, another broken noise being torn out of the man.

"Please," he begged, spikes of agony flooding through his body as he was left helpless on the floor, his body too weak to try and escape his inevitable fate.

The sheer desperation in his tone, the anguish evidence in his voice evokes nothing from you. No sympathy, no guilt, no regret, nothing.

Instead, you bring the blood stained pole down onto his last limb, aiming for his shoulder to prevent him from moving his arm at all, a shrill noise painfully ripped out of him. With your enhanced hearing, you could hear when each little part of the bone splintered off from the humerus, stabbing into the tissue that surrounded it.

When his voice begins to slur, mind fogged by the throbbing aches riddled throughout his body, you crouch down next to his immovable figure, your hands reaching for his skull.

Crush him until he's not even recognisable, break as many bones as you can, do anything you want as long as he suffers.

The order echoes in your head, your fingers pressing into his temples, eyes searching his face as his eyes squeeze shut, his jaw clenching through the pain. He's heard the stories of you, knowing what was about to happen as your grip increased, digging painfully into his head.

Due to the tinted glass covering your eyes, he's unaware of the sinister darkness swirling in them, the sadistic look taking over as your thumbs press in harder, feeling the skin and bone straining under the pressure of your hands.

Agonising cries are brutally torn out of him, the bone reaches its breaking point when your fingertips dig in further, harder, deeper. The crack of his skull is deafening in your ear, the bone caving in on itself as the life is drained out of his body,  gradually shutting down.

The squelch of his brain being squished under the bone as you forced it down even further indicates to you that he's dead but you don't stop. You can't stop. You grab as much of his mutilated skull as you can, lifting the base of his head before slamming it back down against the concrete. Revolting crunches echo around the room and your mind until you physically can't break anymore of his skull, your body heaving over his disfigured corpse at the strenuous work.

Crimson seeped through your suit, the blood that splattered leaving a streak across your masked face as you moved to stand above your completed mission, ignoring the warm liquid that could be felt against your cold skin. Your eyes were glued to the dismembered body, the command of 'not even recognisable' ringing in your mind as you ensured you fulfilled your order, stepping over the mass of flesh like it was a mere inconvenience to you.

The thought of what you had done didn't have time to settle in your mind, moving on autopilot as you reached the stone wall Klaue looked at. Your fist knocked against the wall, confirming that it was in fact hollow before your fist went through the stone. Your knuckles shattered with the force of your hit, the stone crumbling away as it was nothing compared to your strength. The bones in your hand didn't have chance to heal as you punched the wall again, and again, until the boxes of the valuable metal were soon revealed. 

Mission complete.

***

Fury's arms were behind his back as he stood with authority at the end of the table, waiting for Natasha and Clint to enter the room. The redhead and archer soon strolled in together, power radiating off them both as they were let into the confidential meeting room, Clint flopping into a chair with little dignity while Natasha took the more graceful approach of sitting politely. They both looked over to the man who was staring out of the window, his voice taking control of the room.

"This morning, we received intel that Ulysses Klaue was found dead," his tone was blunt as turned around, the scar peeking over his eyepatch. Clint's posture straightened at the sound of the familiar name, the director passing two files to his most trusted agents.

Once the paper file was flipped open, the room's atmosphere grew tense, confusion and shock taking over as they witnessed what had happened to the man. Natasha's fingers deftly flickered through the pages, her mind trying to comprehend what must have been done to cause a human face to look like that. Her green eyes held a concerned glint in them when reading about the perpetrator, a gnawing feeling bubbling inside her when the page contained little information, Clint sharing an unnerved look with her.

"It seemed Hydra wanted to make a statement," Fury continued, everyone at the table now on edge. "All we know is that they must be enhanced, other than that- nothing."

Clint went back to look at the images of the deformed face, looking up to meet Fury's gaze.

"An attack like this surely must have some sort of personal reason behind it?" he questions, Natasha's eyes glued on the mysterious figure a CCTV camera caught on a nearby building, blood smeared across their suit.

"That's what I thought until I saw this," Fury displays an extremely blurry video on the Tv in the room, the cameras within the building somehow still working despite their age.

With an abnormal interest, they watch as the figure effortlessly murdered the three other people in the room before carrying out the inhumane act on Klaue, the violence causing Clint to look away, eyes flickering back down to the file in front of him.

"There was no emotion behind it," Natasha speaks up, puzzled by the degree of violence you chose to use. "If it was personal, there would have been more tension in the body language but they seemed almost... relaxed? It doesn't make sense," Fury nods in agreement with her, pausing the video on the best angle they had on your front.

The agents noted your outfit, the black suit fitted to your body with a Hydra logo patched onto the side, signalling that it was definitely Hydra putting this message across. Their attention then went to your face, or the lack of, as you were completely covered, any sort of tracking software struggling to get enough of your appearance to search for a match.

"Could it be mind control? Brain-washing?" Clint's voice breaking the silence, the tv being turned off as Fury placed his hands on the table, letting out a sigh.

"It appears so," his tone lacking the confidence he normally presents. "If it is, it means we have another Winter Soldier on our hands to deal with."

The mention of Bucky's past makes Natasha tense a little, her experience with his Hydra side not being a pleasant one. Clint's gaze wanders to his best friend, noticing the change in her demeanour but she brushes it off, wanting to focus on the task at hand.

"What do you want us to do?"

"Research," Natasha's brows furrow at Fury's words, Clint's face containing confusion as they look at their director, expecting him to send them on a mission to look for you.

"What?" Clint's tone in disbelief, "You have just warned us about a deadly enhanced individual and you want us to do research?"

"Exactly," he stands tall again, "We don't know enough about them yet to engage. We need more intel before we risk anything, especially considering they are enhanced." It makes sense to them when they think about it but the idea of getting them two to do it stirs curiosity in Natasha.

"Why do you want us two to do it? You have plenty of researchers that would probably do it quicker," she raises her brow a little at the man, him just smirking a little at her.

"Something isn't right about this whole thing, I want people I can trust on the matter," he dismisses and she accepts his answer with caution, taking the file and sliding it under her arm.

"I'll send you what I can find," she says, standing from her chair when Fury dismisses them both from the meeting, her mind unusually intrigued by the whole situation.

Who were you?

[sysig]

Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)

[padfootagain]

Love in Verses (XXVIII)

Chapter 28: ‘You are neither here nor there, a hurry through which known and strange things pass as big soft buffetings come at the car sideways and catch the heart off guard and blow it open’

Hi! Here is a new chapter! Saoirse and Sean are back and… it’s an emotional one, so be prepared!

I hope you like this chapter! Tell me what you think!

****

Pairing: Hozier x fem!reader (professor!AU)

Warnings: slow burn, angst, hurt, hurt/comfort, tooth-rotting fluff in later chapters, some scenes in later chapters will have heavy sexual themes even if it’s not explicit nsfw description, so minors here

Summary: Your life seems perfect. You're engaged, your career is thriving as you become an assistant professor at Trinity College, and this Andrew Hozier-Byrne you're sharing an office with seems to be a nice guy you hope to call a friend soon. Life seems to be smiling at you... until everything goes sour. When your fiancé breaks up with you, your perfect world shatters. And when your colleague also gets his heart broken soon after, your shared office seems to be a curse rather than a blessing. But Andrew seems determined to mend your broken hearts... Will things finally go according to plan?

Word Count: 4226

Masterlist for the series – Hozier’s masterlist – Main masterlist

Postscript

And some time make the time to drive out west Into County Clare, along the Flaggy Shore, In September or October, when the wind And the light are working off each other So that the ocean on one side is wild With foam and glitter, and inland among stones The surface of a slate-grey lake is lit By the earthed lightning of a flock of swans, Their feathers roughed and ruffling, white on white, Their fully grown headstrong-looking heads Tucked or cresting or busy underwater. Useless to think you’ll park and capture it More thoroughly. You are neither here nor there, A hurry through which known and strange things pass As big soft buffetings come at the car sideways And catch the heart off guard and blow it open.

Seamus Heaney, The Spirit Level

“Y/N! Come on!”

“Andy, it’s fucking freezing!”

“It’s not! It’s almost spring, come one!”

“I hate you.”

“No, you don’t.”

He gave you a cheeky, toothy grin, the kind you couldn’t resist, that made your heart melt into a puddle.

Damn Andrew and his cuteness…

You heaved a sigh, started taking your clothes off. It was a bad idea anyway, that morning swim. Andrew claimed that he came to this spot often, that the sea was so nice there, that he had seen seals a few times, that the water wasn’t that cold, that it was good for you anyway to swim in cold water. You still wanted to go back to bed, it was barely eight in the morning, you were cold and wanted a coffee…

Why had you let him drag you into this anyway?

Oh, yes, of course, because you had a very silly crush on him, of course.

A crush you denied, by the way. You still intended to get Frank back, to get your life back. Andrew was amazing, but everything in your life was complicated enough, being with him would be insanity. And anyway, he probably didn’t see you this way at all… He was falling for someone else, remember?

You didn’t notice though, how Andrew stared at your legs as you took off your jeans, standing now in your bathing suit. You didn’t notice the way he gulped at the sight of so much skin revealed to his eyes, the way he looked at the circle of skin revealed on your back, the way he blushed at your cleavage.

Instead, you were gathering your clothes in a pile, getting your towel ready for when you would run out of the freezing water.

Andrew had turned around when you looked up again, and you couldn’t help the way your heart sped up as you stared at his naked back, took in the white of his skin gleaming in the sunlight, studied the dip of his lower back and the long line of his spine…

He took off his jeans and turned around, you blinked at the sight of his chest, of the hair that coloured his torso, the happy trail that disappeared under the fabric of his swimsuit…

You averted your eyes, busied yourself with making an ordered pile out of your clothes, hoping he wouldn’t notice that you had been staring…

“Come on! In the water!”

He took your hand to drag you towards the sea. An infinite of deep blue against the paler hue of the sky with accents of gold. Waves crossed the quiet surface, tainted it with the white lines made by foam. Elwood was already swimming in the sea, barking happily every now and then. The rough sand tickled your feet, made your toes ache a little as you tried to avoid sharp seashells, seaweeds and pebbles stranded across the beach.

You shuddered as your feet were covered by the cold water brought by a wave.

“Holy shite! Andy! It’s too cold!”

He merely laughed at you, not hiding his bliss at seeing you so riled up.

“Come on! It’s not that cold. We don’t even need shoes or gloves…”

“Only you can think that not risking to lose my toes and fingers to hypothermia is reason enough for me not to think the water is fucking freezing!”

“It’s gonna be fun!”

You mumbled some curses as you moved further in the water, but Andrew wasn’t dragging you onwards now. Instead, he was still holding your hand, standing by your side and waiting for you to move further in the water at your own pace.

You shuddered again as water splashed across your chest, but then decided to simply dive fully under the water. It felt like being stung by needles, but the feeling was electrifying too.

You emerged gasping for air, while Andrew was chuckling next to you. And then he disappeared under the surface as well.

Once you had begun swimming, the cold was bearable, the effort to fight the waves and the current enough to keep your muscles warm. You had to admit that you had a bit of fun, until the wind started to get stronger and your teeth began chattering.

Andrew noticed, frowned at the sight.

“Alright, I think we’ve had enough,” he said, and you didn’t need him to say it twice before hurrying to the shore.

You couldn’t deny that it felt good, that you had fun in the water with Andy, swimming and playing together, and splashing him with water. You were so cold now though, you hurried back to your towel and clothes, and tried to get dry as fast as you could.

“You’re alright?” Andrew asked, his tone worried now.

You nodded, although your chattering teeth didn’t allow you to speak.

“Christ, you’re freezing…”

You were too busy rubbing the towel against your legs to reply.

Even after you had changed back into your clothes, Andrew holding up towels to hide you as you changed and looking away with a soft blush on his cheeks, you were still cold. You were surprised when Andrew started vigorously rubbing your arms to warm you up.

“You’re okay?” he asked once more.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Just cold.”

“Didn’t know you easily turned into an ice cube!”

You didn’t think as you hurried into his arms. He simply seemed so warm now, wearing a green woollen jumper and a warm brown coat. He wrapped his coat around you, engulfing you into his warmth, holding you close.

You rested your ear against his chest, listened to the steady beating of his heart, although its pace was a little fast.

“You’re okay?” he asked once more, making you chuckle.

“Yeah, I’m okay. Don’t worry.”

“I’m sorry if you didn’t have fun…”

“I had fun. It was nice. Although, I don’t think you’ll turn me into a winter swimmer.”

“Apparently not.”

“I don’t trust you for anything else now, just so you know. You have lost my trust. When you say ‘fun activity’, I know now that you mean ‘trying to kill you with hypothermia’.”

He laughed at that.

“So… you won’t come to my place tonight, then? A shame… I’ve bought everything to make you a pizza.”

“You mean… you actually making a pizza from scratch?”

“Yep.”

“I will reevaluate my trusting issues because that sounds bloody delicious…”

He laughed, the sound bright and merry in the cold wind of morning. You didn’t know how he did it so often, coming here before work to swim several times a week.

You felt him resting his lips on the top of your head, but didn’t acknowledge the gesture, didn’t think about it too much. You closed your eyes, feeling much better already…

Until Elwood finally joined you, and decided to dry his fur right next to you, sending droplets of water everywhere.

“Elwood!” Andrew complained, but you merely laughed, hiding into Andrew’s coat for protection. ‘Christ… you have no manners!”

He started laughing as well, being careful to keep you close.

“What about we grab some coffee before heading to work?” he asked into your hair, the warmth of his breath contrasting with the cold wind.

“Oh yes! And I’ll buy a muffin!”

He chuckled at that.

“I’ll buy you one. My treat, for thanking you for coming with me today.”

“I hate you a little for how cold that was. But it was fun, and invigorating. I get why you like doing it. I will… let the swimming in the cold sea to you though. Next time you want company, I’ll simply wait for you on the beach and play with Elwood.”

“Giving up so easily,” he teased.

“Say that to my fingers, they’re still numb!”

He took your hands in his, you were surprised by his gesture. He made sure to fully enclose them in his hold to warm them up.

“Better?” he asked in a soft, tender voice.

When you looked up at him, his curls were still wet from the sea, droplets falling from them and catching the light of the young sun. His cheeks were flushed with the cold, or maybe with something else too, you weren’t sure. What was certain was that he looked so handsome like this, his lips reddened by the cold tempting you, while you wondered if you would taste the ocean on his mouth if you kissed him…

His eyes were fully green this morning, leaves caught in a midsummer sun. And his gaze was so tender when he looked down at you, you wondered if Frank had ever looked at you this way…

Slowly, you nodded, not trusting your own voice. But Elwood started barking, bringing you both back to earth.

You took a step back, freed your hands from his gentle hold.

And you tried very hard, but it was difficult to slow down the beating of your heart.

Saoirse was struggling.

H-B had proposed his students an exercise today. They had to analyse a text, and could use their laptop to make some research about it if necessary. They could work in small groups as well. At the end of the lecture, they would combine their ideas, and get their professor’s feedback.

And everything was going well at the beginning, so much so that their teacher had stopped wandering through the classroom and was now sitting behind his desk, clearly working on something else given how absorbed he was by his screen. Only, Saoirse’s group was now stuck and running out of ideas. Flann O’Brien really was kicking her arse. Even Sean was struggling, and he did better than her in this class.

Sean… Mary, that piece of shite… she was hitting on him so hard, it was indecent at this point. It made Saoirse nauseous. And Sean didn’t tell her to stop, that he wasn’t interested, which had to mean that he was, indeed, interested. In Mary? Really? She was stupid. The only conversation she could hold for more than two minutes were about like… two subjects. Besides, they had nothing in common. Seamus loved rugby and hurling, she liked basketball. He loved cinema, she hadn’t watched a movie in months. She loved fashion, and Sean didn’t care about clothes. She was a rich, privileged young woman when Sean didn’t have enough money to pay for a new pair of shoes. Last week, she had spent half an hour complaining about the temperature of the private pool in her house, because it was ‘too hot to stay in for longer than forty-five minutes tops’. She didn’t care about classes, didn’t study much and didn’t care whether or not she would pass this year, when Sean was studying all the time…

What could Sean find interesting in her?

She sent him another of her disgustingly sweet smiles, and Saoirse was this close from throwing up… or punching her in the teeth, both options seemed plausible reactions.

“I think we should ask H-B… I really don’t know what else we can get out of this section,” Phoebe sighed.

Saoirse looked up, but their professor was still absorbed by whatever task he was completing on his laptop, and had stopped paying attention to his students.

“I’ll go ask him,” Saoirse offered, happy to escape Mary for a moment.

What could Sean see in her? She was dumb, and pretty, and rich, and carefree, and funny, and…

Christ, would he go out with her? Would he have a girlfriend? Why did she hate that thought anyway? They were just friends, he could date whoever he wanted!

And yet her heart sank at the thought…

She stood in front of her teacher’s desk, but he seemed too busy to notice her. She couldn’t resist taking a quick glance at his screen…

… and she was surprised to find that he wasn’t working at all, but browsing in search of a projector. Why would he want to buy a projector?

“Erm… professor?”

Andrew jumped, looking up at his student.

“Yes, Saoirse? Is everything alright?”

He hurried to close his laptop, clearly embarrassed.

“We’re kind of stuck… can we have a little bit of help?”

“Of course… of course…”

He cleared his throat, getting up to walk towards the small group. He was blushing hard, and Saoirse couldn’t help but find the sight adorable.

With their professor nearby, Mary’s flirting subsided, at long last. But once the class was over, that Sean and Saoirse were about to leave to grab a quick lunch before going to the library, Mary was back at it again.

“Sean! We’re going to a restaurant nearby with a couple of friends. Want to join us?”

He looked at Saoirse, who merely kept on packing her stuff in silence. After all, Mary was not addressing the invitation to her. She clearly only wanted Sean to come.

“Erm… we have classes this afternoon…”

“Oh, come on! You can miss a couple of lectures! It’ll be fun! Besides, I’m sure Saoirse will give you her notes, won’t she?”

He frowned hard at that remark, and Saoirse thought that it was because of Mary’s offer to skip classes. But she was taken aback by his answer.

“Wait… you weren’t inviting us?” he asked, making Mary laugh.

“I was inviting you, obviously.”

He blinked, then gathered his things again.

“Sorry, but I want to attend our classes this afternoon,” he declined, and Mary’s face fell.

“You’re sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Hope you enjoy your lunch.”

He turned to Saoirse, who was slinging her bag over her shoulder.

“Let’s go,” he told her, and she nodded, following him outside the room without a single look back towards Mary.

“Sorry about that,” Sean mumbled under his breath while they started to walk down a flight of stairs.

“Why are you apologising? You weren’t doing anything wrong.”

“She was so impolite towards you… Christ, I knew she was hitting on me, but I thought she meant to invite everyone.”

“You could have accepted if you wanted to go out with her, I would have understood.”

“What makes you think I would want to date her? Have you ever listened to her? We have nothing in common.”

In her chest, Saoirse’s heart grew warm with contentment.

“Besides,” he added in a quieter voice, “I’d rather spend time with you, anyway.”

Her heart fluttered happily this time, and she pretended that their fingers grazing was just an accident as they both walked down the hall.

Dinner with Andrew was delicious.

The appointment with the tailor for Frank’s suit was approaching, and you were growing nervous, wanted to talk about it with him. Even if Andrew wasn’t so eager to get Sam back anymore, he still wanted to help you. You spent a long while talking about the upcoming wedding, about Frank, about Sam. By the time you had finished eating Andrew’s pizza and were slowly but surely emptying a bottle of red wine, your conversation had drifted towards other personal subjects. Your childhoods, your families…

You weren’t sure how you had found yourselves listening to one of Andrew’s jazz records, but you were now. You were the one convincing him to lie down on the ground to listen to it though. It heightened the experience, or at least, you claimed that it did. Elwood was unbothered by your antics, too busy playing with a plastic frog.

“I can’t believe you had to go through that.”

Andrew’s voice was quiet, barely audible above the saxophone of the vinyl playing. His ceiling had two long cracks running across its white, smooth surface. You studied their direction as you answered.

“Academic jobs are unforgiving for women.”

“They really asked you if you were planning on being pregnant in the coming months to accept you as a PhD student?”

You nodded, shuddering at the memory, at the humiliation that came with it.

“They didn’t ‘want to waste months’ if I got into the project and got pregnant. Also they considered that ‘if I wanted to have a baby, it meant I wasn’t prioritising work enough’. Of course, none of the male candidates had to answer any personal questions. I asked all of them. They were only interviewed about their knowledge in the field and their research project.”

“Fucking hell…”

“Yeah…”

You felt your throat tightening at the memory, at the sheer humiliation that came with being singled out because you were a woman, with being judged differently compared to men, with being reduced to a mother…

“What did you do?”

“I was too taken aback on the moment. I didn’t really know what to say, so I simply answered the question. I was chosen to get in. The same day, I had an interview with another team, one in Belfast. They were much nicer with me, didn’t ask me anything about me wanting to be a mother. So, I chose Belfast, left for Northern Ireland.”

“You were right to do so. Fucking pricks…”

He heaved a sigh.

“Did you report them?”

“They were the heads of department. They were the ones I should address the report to. What was the point? Besides, I was younger then, I didn’t know any better. I was worried about my career. I was scared.”

“The progress is too slow.”

“I can’t argue with that.”

“I’m really happy you didn’t give up, though. I’m really happy and proud to work with you.”

“Me too, Andy.”

You felt so vulnerable talking about this. And yet, you weren’t scared with Andrew lying next to you. The gentle music helped soothe you, open up pieces of your heart and soul that you longed to let out but had never dared to. Frank didn’t know about this story. You had cried so hard that night, on your own, and had never told him. You didn’t know why. Or rather, you did know why, but didn’t want to acknowledge that you shouldn’t have felt that way towards your partner.

You were worried he would not have cared…

“This is my favourite part of the song,” Andrew whispered, and you paid more attention to the music then.

There was such longing engraved in the notes, such nostalgia… you wanted to cry, or rather, tear your lungs apart, rip your heart out of your ribcage to make it stop yearning for a love you couldn’t have, one that you would likely never know…

On the cool tiles of the floor, you felt Andrew’s pinky finger brush against yours. You moved your finger to hold his.

There was a long silence, while you listened to the song. When Andrew spoke again his voice was shaking with emotion.

“Y/N?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you still love him?”

“What?”

“Frank. Do you still love him?”

You blinked, struggling to withhold your tears.

“Why are you asking me this?”

“I just… I just want to understand.”

“Understand?”

“Why he’s better than me.”

You frowned hard, turning to him.

“What do you mean?”

“Sam left me for him. You…”

He seemed to hesitate, change his choice of words.

“You still have feelings for him, don’t you? Despite everything that happened? I don’t really understand why.”

You set your gaze on the ceiling again, tore the words from your throat.

“You still have feelings for Sam.”

“I’m not so sure anymore.”

“Because you’re falling for someone else?”

“Yeah…”

“Who is she? The woman you’re falling for?”

He looked at you then, you felt his gaze on you. You kept your own eyes on the ceiling, though.

He didn’t answer. You heard him drawing a sharp breath, but then he closed his mouth again and said nothing.

“I don’t know if I still love Frank,” you answered truthfully. “But I still want the life I had with him.”

“You could have that with someone else.”

“I want Frank… I want my life back.”

Andrew’s stare disappeared, you felt it as he looked at the ceiling again.

“As you wish.”

“Andy?”

“Hmmm?”

“Do you think he could love me again?”

He didn’t answer, his silence spoke volume. You thought you would cry, but you didn’t.

“Someone else will love you, the way you truly deserve,” he spoke softly, his voice a little hoarse with emotions.

“The way I deserve…” you repeated the words to turn them in your mouth, taste their meaning and feel their weight, but he took it as a question.

“Deeply. Unconditionally,” he answered. “Religiously. Completely.”

“Do you really think someone could love me like that?”

He moved his hand to fully hold yours, intertwining your fingers together, and you let him.

“Y/N… I… I…”

He heaved a sigh. You heard him take in a shaky breath, but didn’t have the courage to look at anything but that crack running through the ceiling.

“Of course, I do, Y/N. Of course, I do. I know you are loved like that.”

Are…

You squeezed his hand, shuddered.

“I can’t wait to hear your poetry,” you decided to change the subject, feeling too vulnerable now.

“I’m so fucking nervous.”

“Don’t be! You’ll be brilliant. You were amazing that night, when you sang. You’ll be amazing at the reading too.”

“I’m really glad you’re coming.”

“I’m excited.”

“I hope I won’t disappoint.”

“You rarely disappoint, Andy.”

“That’s because you haven’t read my poetry yet.”

You laughed at that, feeling the atmosphere become lighter.

“I should go home, it’s late,” you reasoned yourself out loud.

“Hmm… or you could stay a little longer. We haven’t finished the album yet.”

You smiled, rubbed tender circles into the back of his hand.

“Besides… we might have a problem?”

“What problem?”

“I don’t think I can stand.”

You looked at him, at long last, frowning hard.

“There was a fight. My back vs the floor. The floor has clearly won.”

You started chuckling, but Andrew shook his head, although he was chuckling too.

“I’m not joking. I think I’ve thrown my back out.”

“Really?” you grew more serious.

“Yeah… really… I don’t think I can stand on my own.”

“Oh God! Christ! I’m so sorry, Andy.”

He chuckled.

“That’s alright, it’s not your fault. But… let’s not do that again alright?”

You got up, holding your painful back too.

“Oh God… are we really too old for this?” you joked.

“Imagine if you were my height?”

“I can’t, Treebeard.”

He chuckled, held out his hand.

“Please?”

You held his hand, carefully helped him up. He winced hard as he got to his feet, couldn’t stand straight.

“Alright, you should go to bed…”

“I’m okay…”

“Andy, you’re literally standing at a forty-degree angle!”

“I’m walking!”

“Go. To. Bed.”

“I was about to make a very dirty joke on that…”

“Thanks for sparing me.”

“You’re lucky I’m too much in pain to think of a proper comeback.”

He pointed at the kitchen.

“Third cupboard on the left. Painkillers… please…”

“Sure.”

You helped him to his bed, then went to seek his muscle relaxant and some painkillers along with a glass of water.

He was lying down again when you walked back into his bedroom.

“Stop feeling bad,” he admonished, reading right through you. “It’s not your fault. And it really isn’t too bad. I’ll be okay tomorrow morning. I just need my muscles to relax.”

“Alright…”

“Stop worrying. It happens all the time.”

“You’re in pain, of course, I’m worried!”

“You look cute when you’re like this.”

You looked away at his words, you noticed how he blushed before swallowing the pills.

“Do you need anything?” you asked him, but he shook his head.

“No… do you want to watch something with me?”

“It’s late, I should go home.”

“Oh… okay.”

He seemed disappointed, your heart grew warm at the sight, at the thought that he wanted you to stay.

“I don’t want to risk falling asleep behind the wheel.”

“You could stay. I have a spare bedroom.”

You pondered on the offer for a moment, but you yielded easily.

“Alright, I’ll grab your laptop. What are we watching?”

“Anything you want.”

“Something terrible then…”

“Why do you want to make me suffer? You’ve already broken my back…”

You laughed wickedly at him, but chose a nice movie instead.

An hour later, Andrew was less in pain, and you were fast asleep, lying by his side, in his bed.

He stopped the movie, grabbed his laptop, opened a word document. His back was still too painful for him to join you in Morpheus’s arms. Instead, he watched you as you slept, knowing that you would soon wake up again, apologise and be adorable in your embarrassment, and then you would get up and go to bed in the other bedroom; and he would regret feeling the bend of the mattress under your weight by his side, your warmth that spread through the sheets, the quiet rhythm of your breathing. But for now you were still there, asleep. Peaceful. Beautiful…

He could have said it. Tonight, he could have said it. Confessed it all. He hadn’t. He was about to let it slip between his fingers, but he was afraid to try to hold you and make you fly away instead. Just like a bird one would try to trap in a cage.

He stared at you for a moment longer, then set his gaze on the blank page before him.

He started typing.

I couldn’t utter my love when it counted…

[theresattrpgforthat]

How to Find Cool Games: Newsletters

Plenty of game designers and other folks in the ttrpg space are using newsletters to keep people updated on their work. Newsletters are a great way to talk about what’s fascinating to you, give people snapshots of the things you’re working on, and offer links to freebies or extras for folks who are interested in your work. They also remind folks that you’re out there, making cool things.

I follow a number of different newsletters, and they offer different formats depending on their focus and the platform they use. But here’s what you can generally expect from a newsletter:

Updates on a designer’s work. Designers and small publishers will release updates on what they’re working on, including snapshots of works in progress, updates on crowdfunding initiatives, and pieces of art they may have recently finished or received.

Musings on aspects of design and play. Some game designers and prominent bloggers may release newsletters simply to talk about pieces of games that they’re excited about or ruminating on; how specific mechanics elicited special moments at the table, emotions or themes they’re hoping to invoke in their game projects, or perhaps talking about elements of a game book that make it interesting or enjoyable to read.

Reviews. This might be after playing a game or simply reading it, but interacting with other people’s games isn’t just a fun activity, it often also sparks thoughts about what the author values or doesn’t value in play. These reviews might include a brief overview of a game’s rules, highlight special moments in play, or cover more practical issues, such as the safety tools on offer, or the way the game layout affects their reading experience.

-Talking about the gaming hobby in general. This might include various perspectives in the hobby, like how colonialism affects steampunk games, or common experiences people of colour might have in a gaming space. It might also include safety practices and why the author finds certain practises helpful or unhelpful. There might also be ruminations on the business of game design, such as how to learn layout, how to network with artists, and advice on how to deal with the crowdfunding process.

So, with that in mind, let’s talk about some various newsletters that I’m subscribed to, and what I’ve gotten from them!

The Indie RPG Newsletter. @indierpgnewsletter

The Indie RPG Newsletter is the current project under the pen of Thomas Manuel, who’s also the host of the Yes Indie’d Podcast, as well as a writer for Rascal News (which we’ll get back to later). Thomas uses this as a place to talk about what’s getting him excited in the indie scene, as well as provide links to other people talking about cool game things; every newsletter has a section called Links of the Week . This section points you to some fun conversations happening in various ttrpg spaces. I think The Indie RPG Newsletter is a great jumping off point if you want to see what else is going on in a number of different spheres, and Thomas also has some really lovely insights into various mechanics that he’s interacting with as he tries out a slew of games at his table.

Rascal News.

The newsletter for Rascal News isn’t really a standalone thing - it’s an arm of the website of the same name, an independent team of journalists focused on news related to the world of TTRPGs.You need to create a free membership with the website in order to get these newsletters, but it’s a nice little window into not just the hottest news off of the press - various newsletters also carry links to their Announcements section, which is for the most part free to read, and contains a lot of updates about new and exciting ttrpg projects - including crowdfunding campaigns, podcast announcements, awards ceremonies, and special sales or bundles on offer. Currently the Rascal Team consists of Rowan Zeoli, Chase Carter, Caelyn Ellis - and, as previously mentioned, Thomas Manuel!

More Seats at the Table

More Seats a the Table is an email newsletter dedicated to highlighting games made by game designers of marginalized genders. It includes not just roleplaying games, but occasionally board-games as well, and each issue contains links to current crowdfunding initiatives, as well as advertisements that have been submitted to the newsletter through their submission form. This newsletter is straightforward and to-the-point, showing you a few games with quick blurbs - no more, no less. If you want news about games without a lot of fluff, you might be interested in More Seats at the Table.

Indie Press Revolution. @indiepressrevolution

Indie Press Revolution calls themselves a “network of quality creator-publishers”, and works to make people’s games available both through their online website and at various conventions. They also partner with retailers in acting as a distributor, bringing indie ttrpgs closer to your hometown! However, IPR also has its’ own newsletter, the IPR Revolutionary, which includes featured products, news related to various tabletop events, pricing updates, pdf updates, new stores added to the network, and links to oodles and oodles of crowdfunding projects. If you want to know what you can get in on right now, this monthly list of projects is a great collection.

5. Individual Designers: a short list.

If you’re a big OSR fan, you might find something in the Questing Beast newsletter, which is fairly regular and includes links to sales, reviews, and ads for games from various sponsors.

The Jar of Eyes Game Gazette has some really really good advice for game designers in their archive. I haven’t seen a lot of recent updates, but if the author starts sending out letters again, I think my eyes will be glued to the page.

Watt, the designer of Cloud Empress, has a regular Cloud Empress Newsletter that’s mostly focused around Watt’s work - but in the tradition of various popular OSR games, the exciting thing about these kinds of games is that there’s consistently new stuff. Watt includes little freebies in each newsletter, from roll tables, to small expansions, and little pieces of art. On top of that, Watt is quite happy to showcase work by other designers, especially projects that they have small parts in, as well as highlighting things that are currently giving them inspiration, such as movies, video games - and tabletop roleplaying games.

Asked Questions by Hendrik ten Napel, dives into specific games and game experiences that are making the author reflect on how the games direct his play. Some of his recent letters include an examination of Under Hollow Hills, how to create dramatic triangles between characters, and a loving review of Old Morris Cave, written by Tim Hutchings.

Dinoberry Press, a collaboration between Nevyn Holmes and Julie-Anne Muńoz, has a newsletter that gives you updates on what the designers are up to, how their games are coming along, and highlights projects that they’re excited about. Yes, it’s a form of marketing, but marketing is how you get info about new games! I followed them specifically because I am interested in their latest game, Little Wolves. You can sign up for their newsletter at the bottom of their website.

You’ve probably heard of Dave Thaumvore if you’re looking at ttrpg content on Youtube, and his attached newsletter has various subscription tiers - but I just subscribe to the free one. He does publish some content related to D&D, but he also sits down for interviews with designers; you’re likely to find high-end games from bigger companies being featured here. The most recent newsletter features a review with the designer of the upcoming game Flux Fantasy.

Christian Sorrell’s Missives of the Meatcastle is a little infrequent, but his updates are professional, thoughtful, and full of goodies. He includes little freebies for subscribers, alongside updates about his own work - both his passion projects and the projects of others that he writes for. His most recent update, titled "In Defense of Fiction", was a really insightful look into the ways prose can make a game more readable, and therefore more enjoyable to anyone reading a game book.

Cloven Pine Games has a newsletter that is fairly infrequent, but occasionally sends out updates on things that they have a hand in making, as well as news about game-adjacent events that they are involved in - such as awards shows, or game conventions. Their latest issue takes about Root and The Between, which are two projects that they had a hand in designing.

CJ Tucker has a newsletter for @crackerjackalopegames, which includes a regular roundup of “Things I Liked This Month”, as well as various musings about the connections they’re making across games and various media. Some of their newsletters that stand out to me include a review of NASA’s TTRPG adventure, using Breath of the Wild as inspiration for world building, and the concept of a house as a character (which led to the design of their game, ABODE.)

Tim Hutchings Makes Games is a newsletter by the author of Thousand Year Old Vampire, a solo game about a vampire who has lived so long that they can’t hold on to all of their memories. His newsletters consist of updates on things he’s working on, and events that he’s participating in. I think these kinds of newsletters can be great for other designers to follow, because it’s kind of a sneak peek into all of the various ways you can get involved in the scene, as well as provide snapshots of the kinds of considerations you might need to make as you try to promote your game. You can sign up for the newsletter at the bottom of the website.

Also...

A number of ttrpg creators also have free Patreon tiers which come with newsletters, including Possum Creek Games, Goblincow (@goblincow), and Penflower Ink. Not all of these posts will be public, but the ones that are will get sent to your email. (And of course, if you pay into their Patreons, you get all the posts.)

Honorable Mentions

9th Level Games

The Twenty Sided Newsletter, a partner newsletter for My First Dungeon.

Monte Cooke Games

[xxblairexxss]

Ice cream date

Theme : Fluff

Thank you so much for your request, anon! 🩷🫶🏻 A short break from angst before I start writing for another angst request! I loveeeee writing for dad!charles soo adorable! 🥹

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“Charles?” You tilted your head to your side once your husband picked up the call.

“Yes, honey?”

You looked back facing your nail lady and pointed at the pastel lavender colour before bringing your phone back to your ear. “Can you pick up your little daughter from the daycare today? I don’t think my nail appointment would end in 15 minutes.”

“Yeah, of course. Don’t worry about her. Enjoy your day out with your friends, okay?Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you, honey! I love you!” You ended the call and went back picking different charms for your new nails.

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“Dada!”

“Hey, baby! I missed you.” Charles crouched down and picked up his baby girl into his arms and nodded as an act of acknowledgement and gratitude to the daycare worker as he turned away to make their way to the car.

“Sir, may I have a word with you?” He turned back and raised his brow in question to the sudden interference.

“Yeah? Yeah, sure. Is there anything wrong?”

Charles was told how his little girl was caught scribbled on her classmate’s notebook using her crayons. The notebook was actually used for kids and tutors for daily activities which required paper and pencils. Not only did his little girl scribbled on her classmate’s notebook, she also shred a few pages.

“We left the children a few minutes and came back to see the other student crying. And this is what she did.” She handed him the proof of crime and Charles was astounded. He had to continuously apologise on behalf of his daughter while Y/D/N kept on hugging his neck and giggling in his arms, completely oblivious to the informal parent-teacher meeting.

“Dada, I want choco this time!” She squealed in her car seat, elated for her daddy and daughter ice-cream date which had become a ritual every time Charles picked her up.

“No ice cream this time, baby.”

“Eh? Why? But, dada, I want ice-cream!” She stopped clapping her hands and caught Charles’s gaze on her through the rear view mirror.

“You were not a good girl today so you don’t get ice cream. We are going home and there’ll be no movie night for you too.” Charles saw she jutted her bottom lips out and whimpered.

“Did you say sorry to your friend?” Charles looked back into the rearview mirror and saw she was wiping her tears off with her arms. “Baby, dada’s asking you. Did you say sorry?”

She didn’t reply as she kept on sobbing but she actually nodded to his question but Charles didn’t catch that so he thought she was ignoring him.

“No cartoon after this and go straight to your room. I’m telling mommy what you did today and she will scold you even more.” He had always been very gentle with her before she was even born. He never had a sister nor any girls from his family members. When you told him you were pregnant with a girl, you knew right away he would make her the centre of his world.

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When you came home, Charles was in the bathroom while your daughter was nowhere to be seen. You usually would always came home with your husband and daughter cuddling on the couch watching Disney movies.

“Baby?” You had found her in her room with puffy eyes. Sitting on her little bed, you brushed her hair away from her face and she hugged your middle. “Who made you cry?” You cupped on her chubby cheeks and softly rubbed your thumbs across her cheekbone, wiping the freshly tears away.

“Dada hates me…”

“Who said that? He loves you so much, baby.”

She ended up telling you everything that happened, which made her cry again and you had to continuously wiped her tears and told her it was fine. You had learnt that she was upset because she was looking forward to her little ice cream date and was turned down by her dad without being told why. She was upset because she had never seen her daddy being so mad at her and she didn’t understand why.

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“I missed you.”

You were making dinner when Charles hugged you from behind and you could smell the scent of lavender from his shower gel when he dropped trail of kisses on your neck.

“Did you get into a fight with your other girlfriend?”

“What?” He broke the hug and went to your side, leaning against the kitchen counter with a frown. “Did she complain to you? Honey, she ruined her classmate’s notebook. How can I not ground her.” He stole a slice of mango that you were cutting and you slapped his hand away.

“Did you actually ask her what happened?” You raised your brows when he looked dubious to the questions.

“Did she tell you what actually happened?”

“Yeah, she did. And I think you are in trouble this time, honey.” You took a slice of mango and put it in your mouth, chewing it while looking very thrilled meanwhile your husband looked like he was going through every single possibilities in his head.

“Oh! Hi baby! Are you hungry?” You exclaimed when your little girl approached your little time with your husband with her fluffy friend, Mr. Boo.

“Baby, do you want to set the table with dada? Like always?” He crouched down and stretched his arms, expecting her little girl to come running as she usually did but she didn’t. She went to your side instead and hugged your leg, struggling a little when Mr. Boo almost slipped off her little arms.

“Oh, shit.”

“Language, Charles!” You glowered at him. “Baby, let daddy set the table alone while you helped me stir the soup, alright?” You picked her up as she shrieked with laughter, leaving a peck on your cheek and tried to grasped on the ladle, completely ignoring your husband.

“Can I get a kiss too, baby?” Charles went to her side and leaned in to kiss but she quickly turned her head away, hiding her face in your neck. “Honey, help me here.”

“Don’t involve me.”

Charles didn’t get a kiss and he stopped asking when your daughter got into a fit crying as she got annoyed from the constant bugging. When she walked to the dining table, Charles pulled the chair by his side, as she usually wanted to sit by her daddy but this time, she went straight to your side. You had to hold your laugh seeing your husband looked defeated with the constant ignoring game.

“Baby, say ah!” He cut the steak into a smaller piece and stretched out his arm that was holding the fork to feed his little girl but she shook her head without looking at him.

“No thank, dada.”

“Wow, I just got rejected over and over. Honey, can you–“ You shook your head without letting him to finish his questions.

“I can’t help you, Charles. Serve you right.”

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You had left your little girl alone in the living room while she got busy munching on her animal shaped biscuits as you went to the kitchen to hug your husband from the back while he was washing the dishes, your head leaned against his body.

“Did she make you upset, honey?”

You heard him heaved a sigh which made you chuckle. “You are so silly. Just go and apologise, she’ll be fine.”

“Flirting you was way easier. Ouch!” He winced when you slapped him on his back. “Honey, she’s 2! Where did learn how to sulk like a literal teenage girl?”

“She probably learned it from me.” You leaned away when he turned his body around as he properly engulfed you back in his arms.

“Why did you teach her these bad things. Where is she, anyway?” Charles slanted forward to try to look for Y/D/N and you pulled his face closer to peck on his cheek.

“She’s eating her snacks. Go and talk to her, baby. I don’t think she’s still cranky.”

“Wish me luck.” He tilted your chin and brushed his lips on yours, patting your bum as he left the kitchen.

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“Hi, baby. Can I get one?”

Her small hand was in a fist, full from grabbing the biscuits along with her little chubby cheeks. When Charles took a seat by her side and asked for one, she was contemplating, her other hand opening and closing as she looked on her little plate back to her dad. Once she came to a decision, she took two pieces of the biscuits and handed it to him.

“Can you feed daddy instead?”

She lifted up her hand and put the biscuits into his mouth, giggling when Charles tried to chomp on her hands.

“Are you still mad at daddy?”

“Not much. A little bit, I think. Is dada still mad at me?” She pinched her chubby fingers together and scrunched her nose while answering the question.

“Daddy’s not mad at you, baby. I’m sorry, okay? Can you forgive me?” He swept off the crumbs on her cheeks with his hand as she put another biscuits into her mouth.

“My friend ruined my book first, dada.” She wept the back of her hand against her cheeks and Charles immediately leaned in to stole a peck on her cheek. She looked like a little chipmunk, he couldn’t not kiss those little face.

“What else did your friend did, baby?”

“She threw my book away and I was upset so I did bad things back to her. But I said sorry to her.” Charles’s heart was swollen with guilt when he saw her little pout.

“Next time, don’t do that to others. Just let daddy knows if someone’s being mean to you, okay? Are we good now, baby?”

“I think so.” She wiped off her hands once she was done eating and grinned. “I finished!”

“Can daddy get a hug?” She pushed her little chair back to move closer to her dad and wrapped her arms around his neck. Charles stood up with her in his arms and began attacking her face with kisses, making her laughed.

“Oh? You guys are back to best friends now, I see.”

“Mama!” She ducked down and pecked on your cheek as Charles pulled you closer by his freehand.

“You got crumbs all over your face, darling. Did daddy say sorry already?” You brushed off the leftover crumbs on her face and fixed her bangs.

“Yeah, dada said sorry to me.”

“Dada owe you an ice cream date, right, baby?” You poked on his waist, causing him to twitch.

“I want chocolate ice cream!” She squealed with exhilaration, causing both you and Charles to chortle.

“Can mommy come too?”

Charles shook his head immediately and turned your daughter away. “Mommy can’t come. It’s only for us, right?”

“That’s mean!” You scowled and slapped on his arm.

✧.* tags! @i83andrew @cltrlne @karmabyfernando @ohthemisssery @ru-kru @tastebaldwin @aundercover

please let me know if you would like to be removed or added in the tag list!

[pumpkinghostbunnyy]

Cod characters x gothic gf at creepmas

Merry Christmas! And for those that don't celebrate Christmas I hope you still have the best month, cookies for you all, ghost themed is the cookie id choose-🎃

Price🥃- now for this I'm thinking sugar daddy price with his spooky little bat (or brat🤭), I feel like he's a classic Christmas man but he'd absolutely buy her gothic baubles to dot about the tree among his classic ones, I also think he'd get a little smirk from the skull one and would send a picture to ghost. (He gets left of delivered but ghost secretly is smirking) He'd spoil the living shit out of you, I'm talking all the perfumes, gothic scents he could find on Etsy, he adores his princess, he's not the type of man who gives half arsed gifts she'd never use, no no he has it memorized, all the things you want.

Gaz🪽- like I've said previously he's most likely known his love a long time, but even if he's not I recon he's so just excepting that he's not bothered, his girls putting up a black Christmas tree? well let him help get the baubles from the attic princess. Once again he's not giving half arsed gifts no no he's giving the most beautiful taxidermy, hand crafted gothic jewellery box and if it has a ring in it well don't be surprised .

Soap🧼- (first of all I'm feral for this photo OMFG) soap will fight you for the decorations, no begon satan we're not having a black tree, fine the bat can go at the BACK of the tree, he'd get you silly gifts, a mothman tshirt(i love love love mothman i want the build a bear sooo bad) and would wrap it in some colourful wrapping paper to be funny.

Alejandro🌿- I recon he'd spend his Christmas happily cuddled up with you drinking bourbon, he'd get you a raven teddy bear and he'd get you jewellery, I think he likes a cosy chill kinda Christmas.

Ferah🌞- I recon she has a difficult relationship with her family so she spends Christmas with you alone, she'll roll her eyes as she sees them in the store but she buys you the matching hello kitty pjs you've seen couples wear all over Pinterest, she's also getting you a kuromi plushy (I believe her gf is absolutely a sunny bubbly hello kitty girly) .

Roach 🪳- (I'm adding roach to my list of characters because he's a cutie) bugs bugs bugs. You're getting taxidermy bugs and he's definitely a roach duh but he's also get you cozy stuff for your home, blankets and a roach teddy for when he's deployed.

Horangi🍻- (I'm also adding him to my characters) his gift is a date to the poison plant garden and yes his rose screams she's so excited, he's just smiling the entire time enamoured with you.

Keegan 🔥- he gets his girl roses, dark red roses and a ring and necklace set, I'm talking vampire looking living room, black matching stockings and candles, this is not only his vibe but his beautiful babys.

Ghost 💀- he'd get you a black kitten, after months of you yapping about it and begging and him giving a firm no he'd get you one, you call it grim after the grim reaper and you cry when you go downstairs on Christmas morning to a little kitten with a coffin pet bed, and let's be honest he's absolutely the reluctant at first cat dad who babies and is closest with the thing by the end.

Konig🦋- (the fan art omg so cute I need to pet him please!) he's obsessed with his little one, absolutely lives in the woods with her so he buys her the softest warmest blankets and he buys her warm knitted jumpers, custom made from an elderly woman who lives in the Village, with krampas on it (the woman definitely thinks he's the devil when he shows up with his hood on but he pays double sooo).