#it makes me want to kms. it feels like no one cares at all
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vent in tags. sorry.
#i need to get a therapist so i can say this all to them instead of whining to myself in the tags#but i dont have one. so.#im not a suicidal person but seeing how uncaring or hateful or indifferent everyone is#to doing the bare minimum of not playing that hogwarts game#it makes me want to kms. it feels like no one cares at all#and i know that isnt true but you know how the brain works. it only remembers and thinks about the bad stuff#or at least thats what my brain does#i cant even talk about this to my mom because she loves hp#maybe once i tell her about the shofar she'll change her mind#but. yeah!!! the fact that so many people are jumping to defend this stupid game#and make excuses just to play it#or play it because it has those anti semetic things in it#it really hurts#screw jkr screw the devs who put the anti semetic plotline in i hope they fucking die#you CANNOT deny they added more tropes to make it more anti semetic#the fucking shofar. are you KIDDING me!#and people are still planning to play it#i want to throw up#tw suicide#jic#delete later
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Oh to be Suzanne Collins and have little social media presence and to write a book regarding whatever current societal trend is bothering her at the moment.
#i am feeling. bothered. this weekend#i am hanging out with my wealthy cousins for their bridal shower--thank christ they are not asking me to bring anything--and tired#everyone always talking about their accomplishments and im liek... pls im wanting to go back to my boyfriend and cat right now#everyone asking what i'm doing for work--because that's all ppl seem to care about in this goddamn family--and i have to say#'i'm looking for something else'#like yoo i already lied a whole year about freelancing when really i was attempting to freelance but not getting anywhere#like i was all 'oh i make x a month just workig on my computer!' when really i was making diddly squat#end this fucking generational cycle of lying about yourself because you have to prove to everyone you are ok#i want the suzanne collins life where i can do my writing hobby without putting this fake social media persona on where i police my thought#and only post about cutesy happy things (since my genre is cozy fantasy; i have no intelligence to write anything more complex#and no passion to write anythign other than sf/f#BUT SHOUTOUT TO MY COUSIN'S HUSBAND WHO ASKED IF I READ AND MENTIONED THE WHEEL OF TIME SERIES AND MY NEURONS ACTIVATED LIKE 'HAVE YOU HEAR#OF PRATCHETT AND BRANDON SANDERSON AND GAIMAN? I CAN GIVE YOU RECS#but other than that i have to deal with my aunts bragging about their kids#one of my aunts is kind of colder and i always got this weird vibe from her like i had to earn her love which... ok. whatever. i also think#she considers me very dumb#the only bright side to any of this shit is im not in college anymore thank christ#all my cousins who are in college still have this... 'energy' around them#you know? that 'wanna kms low key but im pretending to smile and laugh' energy#delete later#tw family
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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mom stop commenting on my body challenge
#like please#no they didnt weigh me at the follow up appointment and frankly gaining weight from meds wont matter to me if they improve my life#and most of all let me not wear bras or binders if i want to#the feeling of the bra band makes me wanna kms so thats why i dont wear one i dont care if they hang all lose because i feel so much better#and im not wearing a binder anytime i get out of safety and also its not the most safe thing to be doing#how would you like the feeling of being hugged very thightly most of the day#so i dont care if you think i should wear one because were going away with gandma because i been doing this at hers as well and shes never#said anything about it so i assume its fine#but mostly i do this for me for my own comfort and i dont care because youll misgender me no matter if i wear a binder or not#so binders are only for going out in certain clothes#just keep your thoughts to yourself for once please
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starting to suspect the only person whose life would be affected negatively if i died is my mom ngl
#i don't really make an impact on people's lives i think. nothing good at least 🤔#or well. nothing substantial enough to justify all this. i can be very easily replaced yknow? if I'm even needed at all#ik ppl love me but would they be able to notice if i died. idk. it'll probably take awhile at least#even for my mom i do think my death would better her life on a material basis#it's just that she'd be too sad to do anything bc she's attached to me is all#like. i don't live for other people. i love ppl but I'm unable to care enough abt anyone to justify suffering#only one person made me feel like maybe i should give life a shot and they blocked me on every platform so. that bridge is burned 🤷♂️#so no one is really keeping me here. i SHOULD kms and do them all a favor really. wish i wasn't so scared of failing 🥲#vent#suicide //#i did warn y'all earlier that today is bad didn't i#and i also mentioned that i feel like everyone wants me dead. see af least I'm consistent!#at** fuck#:(
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Actually I lied I have more to say I’m going through it sorry
#people trying to reassure me I have people who care and I can talk to but where tf are they genuinely!!!!#not one of them had ever reached out to me for anything never made any kind of indication that they see me as anything other than somebody#who’s just around sometimes and we barely even know each other like I’m not going to just start telling these people that I want to#kms and why#nobody notices anything about my well-being until it’s affecting them and making them feel bad#and I know it’s my fault I’m hard to read I know I never really learned how to express emotions at all but my god I just want to feel like#somebody can see through that bc right now nobody noticed anything about me unless I’m actually going off the fucking deep end#but I don’t have that I have nobody to turn to I have nobody to reach out to and nobody’s going to offer any of that to me#sorry if you read all im extremely not coherent idk if that even makes sense
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I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.
#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world#but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that#man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection#but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever#and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw#bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call#home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway#so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms#whats even the point man#dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr#so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate#i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs#yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit#its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues#so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever#im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me#let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust#well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want#except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably#.vent#dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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the way my siblings test my patience at every turn needs to be studied. this morning my sister declined an invite for a family thing saying she's not in the country while she's joining on my trip with my friends????? but just now to my parents she can speak for her and my brother about something else??????? kind of sort of ignoring my involvement in anything everything always but clearly being in direct contact with my brother and coordinating things with him????? while not speaking a word to me about it ?????????
#suuuuuuure my life may seem like a breeze to them#because i DO have other priorities and i chose them and im living my life! who cares that i pull 14h days??? i can do whatever i want witho#and sure i could talk to them more#but i do reach out and sometimes it feels like they never do unless they need something and im TIRED#of feeling like im on my own in my f a m i l y#it is not normal that i was relieved that i had a trip planned this summer with friends when my family was planning their holiday!#but i know where criticism and real conversations go so lets go! let's go nowhere!#and most of all i hate how they make me feel like shit and ruin a perfectly good saturday evening#the way my brother offers to pass by my parents to drive them but pays me absolute dust while we live 5 km apart is ALSO a good one
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I want a cat. I want 5 cats. they'll help me actually live by being what I need to take care of so I have to take care of myself
#i just want to be less of an emotional and laborious burden on my family. i hate making them take care of me when i fall off on health#idk im sad and hungry#i still think it could be feasible to maybe turn the bedroom into a better use of space and we'd maybe all be able to sleep in it at once#and the whole other side house can belong to them and our side with us#idk. maybe they'd think it's not responsible enough to stuff our shit in one place but like#idk man i just want away from you people I'm tired of your voices I'm tired of your faces I'm tired of having to be around u worry about u#i dont fucking care i just don't ever want to see them again#idk i just hate how more and more i just get an anxiety response to them and it just gets worse over time#like its to the point now where like i dont even want them to talk to my children unsupervised. you dont get to influence them#like they fucking ruined their first and only attempt at having a kid im not fucking letting you do it again i dont trust you to ever#do any errands for me and my kids alone with them. like theyre not talking to them! sorry! you guys had nothing good to say in any emotional#level and anytime you guys have kids over all you do is make fun of them! so! you dont get to talk to my kids ever!#im genuinely so sad that its come to this but also like its not like theyve even done anything for me. its not like they know me#i dont fucking like them either like#i just want to never have to hear or see them ever again they bring me that much distress#i kind of just want to disappear in general because i feel like these thoughts r cruel so i may as well just kms bc im only gonna get worse
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If anyone is waiting for my AOS analyses pls know I was in mania when I started and will need to be back in mania to finish them
#the following is a diary entry bc what if someone needs to know#mixed-state moment 🤩#energized but also want to kms#only recently got my diagnosis so I’m being weaned off my old meds that didn’t work and incrementally put on new meds#but apparently they can cause a life threatening rash if I take the proper dosage from the get go so I’m not feeling anything until week 6#IF these even work/give me no side effects#also like… why do drs in the US keep ppl on meds that are giving them so many side effects#told my dr that one of my meds was making me constipated and he immediately took me off it#if I mention literally ANY se I get taken off the meds and then read online abt ppl staying on meds that’s se are making them miserable#all the while their drs have other options but just. dont prescribe them until asked#yall are paying wayyy too much for healthcare that doesn’t even care#at least when drs here are shitty all I’m losing is time AND I can complain abt them to my mp
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when my friend is at work so i cant cry in call with him !
#ngl i genuinely cant find the energy to cry . im just making issues again man its so fucking stupid . i should just kill myself#he doesnt love me and he never will and hes fucking busy playing games with other people because im constantly crying and upset#and its like he doesnt care !!!!!! who do i even talk to anymore bc this is . awful#im trying so hard . i really am but fuck when everything is going through my mind its just#i just want to apologise forever but i dont know how to show that im actually sorry#like at least my ex was straight forward with how to apologise ?? it was just 'send me photos of your cuts and i know youre sorry'#but obviously i cant do that now LMAO#maybe its better if i just message out my thoughts and send them to him but its also like . its so obvious you dont want to talk to me#me : *nearly crying and about to try and explain why im going to kms* him : awful timing but i need to leave haha i will call you back ???#like im sorry but dont even bother calling me back :)#ive been clean for 8 days . its so pathetic#i dont want to hurt myself but i literally have nothing else to help me#i dont want to be a burden im trying rlly hard to just stop how i feel and im trying to be a perfect girlfriend who is only happy#but i just cant . it is so hard when all im thinking abt is how he hates me and how i mean nothing and how im always going to be worthless#i unironically miss when it was him being upset and talking to me abt it because i wasnt the one being emotional and vulnerable#like i was just there to help and make him feel better lol#i think ill be better after i cut bc thats what happened last time so#whatever we ball#jamie.txt
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when you stay up too late and suddenly you're unloved :/
#i feel like i don't have barely any friends and the friends i do have always have a lot more friends than me and i feel really lonely#i feel like i only really have two friends and they don't need me as much as i need them#i'm always the one reaching out and G- at least has so many friends it makes me feel like a fucking hermit but she always says i'm one of#her closest friends but i don't feel like it. she barely even knows me. she posts with her other friends all the time and i know online#isn't reflective of irl but god there's so way she's as cripplingly fucking lonely as i feel#and neither G- or A- really get me anymore#we were better friends when we were kids#i can't believe i'm fucking saying this but i kinda miss middle school#i swear i was happier then. at least i kinda had a friend group and i could spend time w them#weird to try and join stuff and i feel like i'm always coming across as desperate#i'm so scared when i get to college i'm just not gonna make friends and i'll be even worse off#i'm so scared when i get to college i'm just#god i feel so lonely all the time and it's stupid because people /do/ care about me but i'm just shitty at all this#i think i'm good at seeming like i don't want/need to have a big circle but fuck i feel like i don't have anyone#and i know i have a girlfriend but. i feel like a horrible person for saying this but she's more in love with me than i am with her#i really do love her but i also feel like we don't even know each other that well even tho we've been dating for more than a year#and the thing is idk if i wanna be known by ppl. whenever i even kinda hint at certain stuff about me i freeze and wanna shut it down#immediately#it makes me scared i'm gonna be lonely the rest of my life and just hate existing but not be able to kms because of my family#idk i've had this weird sort of feeling i'm gonna die in my late 20s/early 30s so maybe i won't have to deal w it
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feelign weird
#i dont even know ehat to do about it i just want to feel normal#do i need to relapse? sleep? kms? i dont know#i feel like i ruin everything snd make everyone arounf me uncomfortable#i want to run away just get lost in the wilderness and die out there waiting to be foudn#i dont think anyone would even look but thats fine the goal isnt to be found#theres no reason to bother anymore nobodys goign to mourn nobodys going to miss me i am so easily replaced and itllvhappen Immediately#ibwould relapse when i get home but i want to really Dedicate myself to getting deep ones . so maybe not before work#i need to figure out how to get myself numb so i can work at things bc im sucj a fucking pussy all i have are cat scratches#maybe ill have a weak relapse today and then a real one tomorrow . ik if i do pussy shit its not going to satiate me so#man who fucking cares i jsut need someone to kill me
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omggg I love ur Lottie!reader hc’s! Could you do one where the reader acts like Tiana? A super independent, great cook and no-nonsense gal with good humor is someone I think the whole gang would rlly love
Gang w/ a Tiana!Reader ˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆
The Outsiders x Fem!Reader
୨୧ : Curtis gang with a reader who’s like Tiana from ‘Princess and the Frog’
A/N : Why does my theme mess up when I do requests kms. Once again, sorry if these are a bit short <\3 I have so many other requests I’m working on so bare with me
˖⁺‧₊˚ 🐸 ˚₊‧⁺˖
Darry
୨ IMO, he’d be the best choice for someone with that personality to be paired with
୨ The gang is terrified of pissing either of you off
୨ My ongoing hc/scenario of him = throwing flour at each other whilst cooking together continues to hold up
୨ He thinks you’re the perfect mix of sweet with a bit of sour
୨ If you have a little restaurant, etc; he’s always gloating about it
୨ He’s honestly a little shy about it like one of his coworkers asks abt you during a lunch break and he’s just like “Well….🤭🤭🤭”
୨ You guys both share your parents recipes with each other
୨ He’s the one who’s always cooking for his brothers/the guys, so it’s helpful when he gets a bigger range of things to make
୨ Also helpful that you offer to cook with him or just do it yourself sometimes
୨ He gets pretty worried when he notices you overworking yourself (ironic.)
୨ You both try to help each other through it and take some burdens off one another’s shoulders
୨ You’re both super independent; power couple
Two-Bit
୨ You love to cook, he loves to eat
୨ You’re his saving grace
୨ You also match his sense of humor which makes you the full package in his eyes
୨ He can’t compliment you without you brushing him off and he hates it LMAO
୨ He just wants to butter you up but you’re so humble
୨ Then again, he gets all shy when you start sweet-talking him back
୨ You spoil him with food constantly
୨ “Baby, you’re an amazing cook ‘n all, but I’m gainin’ a bit of a belly-” then you just shut him up by stuffing his mouth with more food
୨ You don’t gaf about his weight you just like coddling your funny lil’ handsome guy
୨ Like I said, he cannot stop complimenting you, like it’s impossible for him
୨ He thinks you’re perfect and feels the need to constantly rub it in other people’s faces that they don’t have someone like you
୨ Like he bagged a woman who can cook, is funny, nice, gorgeous, and stays humble about all of it????
୨ It will forever be his greatest achievement
Steve
୨ You keep him in check
୨ He can be such a smartass sometimes but he learned not to mess around with you fast
୨ Just sits and watches you cook sometimes because he’s so mesmerized by it
୨ He debates on stealing ads for your restaurant he sees around town since he’s so proud of you but then he decides it’s probably bad to lower your promo
୨ He says “There’s my favorite chef 😋” with the dumbest grin on his face whenever he sees you after a while of being apart
୨ If anyone dares to say something bad about you or your food, etc- his ass is NOT having it
୨ His smart-ness comes in handy in cases like that
୨ Like I said, you can handle your own and he’s lowkey giggling and kicking his feet on the inside whenever he gets to witness it
୨ He’s like yes!!!! That’s my girl!!! 😣😣
୨ Borderline moans when he tastes something new of yours and you can’t tell if he’s playing it up or being serious
Dallas
୨ You walk him like a dog I’m crying
୨ You’re really kind most of the time, but he loves that you’re also able to handle yourself
୨ Like going to Buck’s together and some guy is being weird, he thinks he’ll have to step in but you handle it just fine on your own
୨ He wanted you to have his children after that.
୨ Anyways, you’re also really caring over him
୨ Not to mention super loyal which he’s not used to
୨ You always clean him up after fights (not without scolding him tho)
୨ Once again, if you own a place yourself or at least work somewhere, he’s always showing up out of the blue
୨ He reluctantly agrees to be on his best behavior when he visits
୨ That being said, when he hangs out with Pony and Johnny, he’s always bringing them there for food
୨ He tries to flirt with you whilst you’re on-job and you do not have any of it
Soda
୨ He’s always ready to be a taste-tester whenever you try a new recipe
୨ He’s just so supportive I’m sobbing I love him
୨ You pack him lil’ sweets for him to snack on during his shifts at the DX
୨ He watches you passionately talk about cooking/your job with hearts in his eyes
୨ Whenever girls come into the the DX to flirt with him, he takes the chance to promote your business/the place you work LMAOO
୨ He worries a bunch when you start working more than normal
୨ He tries to get you to take breaks but then you’re like “?? You do the same thing with your job” and he’s just like “Ah.. well, you got me there.”
୨ Realistically though, he gets where you’re coming from about “the only way to get what you want is through hard work” and relates to it
୨ That still doesn’t stop him from pouting when you seem more tired than usual when you take longer shifts, etc
୨ You start helping him and his brothers out financially once you start making more money
୨ He cries.
Johnny
୨ You try to help him with his confidence since you’ve got a lot of it yourself
୨ You make him feel secure
୨ You’re also a pretty big inspiration for him
୨ He doesn’t eat great considering his living conditions other than when he goes over to the Curtis’, so he’s basically getting full course meals when he’s with you
୨ You encourage him to get multiple helpings/take a few bites before the food’s done but then scold the other guys when they try to LMAO
୨ “Oh, so Johnny can eat it early but not us??”
୨ “What- was I supposed to let him STARVE?!?! ����”
୨ You care about him so much and always make sure he’s away from his parents as much as possible
୨ You’re aware he can also handle himself the same way you can, but you’re still protective over him nonetheless
୨ You have confronted his mom before and desperately tried to keep your usual down-to-earth and kind demeanor, but it didn’t work. At all.
୨ You and Two-Bit are one in the same when it comes to that woman
Pony
୨ He is SCARFING your food down
୨ I’m dead it’ll be gone so fast, he can’t help it
୨ Loves that you’re so headstrong since he’s the same way
୨ Anyways, imagine he brings home a small box filled with something you made him from school & Steve’s like “Where’d you get that from?? 🤨” and he gets all smug about it
୨ He refuses to let him have even the smallest bite
୨ You get along really easy with everyone and he loves that about you
୨ You’re always sticking up for him if he’s getting made fun of at school, on the street, etc
୨ It makes his lil’ heart hammer in his chest
୨ He visits you during your waitressing shifts
୨ Like he studies and does homework up at the counter while you work and he takes glances up at you every now and then AHHHHH
୨ He also probably does yours for you depending on how busy you are
୨ You repay him with food on the house though 😊
୨ Darry’s always asking him where he’s been and he’s like “… the diner in town…🧍” and he’s still suspicious but he’s just glad he’s not getting into trouble
#the outsiders#the outsiders fanfiction#outsiders#the outsiders imagine#the outsiders x reader#the outsiders x you#curtis gang#curtis gang x reader#darrel curtis#darry curtis#darry curtis x reader#two bit x reader#two bit mathews x reader#two bit mathews#steve randle x reader#steve randle#dallas winston#dallas winston x reader#sodapop curtis x reader#sodapop curtis#sodapop x reader#johnny cade#johnny cade x reader#ponyboy x reader#ponyboy curtis x reader#ponyboy curtis#princess and the frog#princess tiana
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perfect strangers - l.dh
PAIRING ↬ doctor!lee donghyuck x fem! reader
GENRES ↬ smut (MINORS DO NOT INTERACT), romance, fluff, ballroom dancing, masquerade, strangers to lovers, forbidden love, arranged marriages, eloping lol…
TAGS ↬ the punch has alcohol in it (oh no!), one-night stand turned into something bigger, housekeeper is such a cockblock, they are both so DOWN bad for each other, doctor haechan!!!! also pink hair haechan i love him, idk how to tag smut this is my first smut guys i wanna kms, they just fuck how do i explain that
SUMMARY ↬ one night, you fell in love with a man who would come to you the next morning as your doctor. unfortunately, you were betrothed to someone else, but you wanted to feel what love really was. "whatever choices we make, just know that my heart is yours."
WORD COUNT ↬ 4.0k
AUTHOR’S NOTE ↬ baby’s first smut (kinda not really) fic ever! this is a gift for @lyvhie bc i usually don’t write such suggestive works, so pls don’t request me to write some 😭😭 took me a while to finish this bc i was so uncomfortable writing this, but i tried my best and now i wanna die… thank you so much to @galacticnct and @h-aechanie for helping me get through this i lowkey would’ve never finished if it wasn’t for the support from you two. <33
It all happened like a dream. You woke up comfortable, wrapped in your own soft bed sheets, and slowly sat up.
“Will you be getting up, Miss, or would you like to rest a bit longer?”
“No, I’ve slept enough. It’s about time I got up.” Your housekeeper nodded and pulled open the curtains. To judge from the sunlight streaming in the large balcony windows, it was close to noon already.
“It was quite the shock last night when I heard you’d collapsed after the ball and couldn’t come home until morning. You have to take care of your health, Miss Y/N, especially so close to your wedding. I knew that masquerade was a bad idea. How are you feeling now?”
“I’m alright… sorry for worrying you.” You started to get out of bed, before suddenly stopping.
“What’s the matter Miss?”
“Oh, nothing. I’m just a little thirsty. Could you get me a glass of water?”
The housekeeper smiled and shook her head, then left the room, closing your bedroom door behind her. You sat back against the pillows and hugged yourself tightly.
It wasn’t a dream. You could still feel that scorching heat inside you. His heat. The man with the dusty pink hair and pale brown eyes that burned through his mask…
The rising heat beneath your skin brought memories of the previous night rushing back.
The night before
So this was a masquerade ball…? It was an even more lavish affair than you were expecting. When the invitation came, everyone advised you not to attend so close to your wedding. But you had insisted, wanting to have the experience at least once in your life. You thought it would be interesting in sort of an academic way, but-
“May I have this dance, miss?” A masked man approached you silently.
“Oh, um, I… No, I’m sorry.” Unused to such occasions, you weren’t sure how to respond when people approached you. You retired to a quieter corner of the ballroom and sipped the punch handed to you by one of the servants circulating with trays. You sighed. I’m the picture of an overly sheltered child, aren’t I?
The ballroom seemed like a different world, guests dancing in their bright finery, their faces hidden, laughter ringing out. You’ve heard that all sorts of passionate affairs begin at masque balls. Perhaps you were even wondering if any fateful meetings had happened tonight.
Your family loved you, and the man they had arranged for you to marry had sworn to make you happy. But even as peaceful and loving as your home life was, in your heart of hearts, you felt something was missing. You wanted to experience a passion that burned like the sun. It seemed so wonderful to love someone with your whole heart and soul. To walk on air just at the thought of that person. To feel like the whole world is dancing around you.
You drained your punch absently as you daydreamed. Wait… this is pretty powerful stuff. Is this why people call alcohol liquid courage? Yeah… you felt all giddy and like you could take on the whole world.
Perhaps it was your sudden agitation that spread the alcohol so quickly through your system. At any rate, you were very much tipsy. You leaned against a wall, giggling. Someone tapped your shoulder.
“Hey there… Are you all right? Can I help? Just say the word.” You’d gotten carried away with thoughts of experiencing a hot passionate romance, and drinking the night away when someone came up to check on you. “Can I get you some water? Or would you like to take a rest somewhere?”
There was only one thing you wanted. “I want… to fall in love. I want to love someone… with my whole heart and soul.” Beware the truth at the bottom of the wineglass, indeed. No one was meant to hear that little secret.
The helpful stranger blinked at you in surprise, then chuckled, “I can help with that too, if you’d like. Why don’t you try loving me?”
“Huh? But we don’t even know eac-”
Something soft sealed your lips before you could finish. His kiss was sudden and heady, like the effects of liquor masked by the sweetness of fruit, and every bit as disorienting. “You’re not supposed to reveal your face at a masquerade, but nothing’s stopping us from getting to know each other’s bodies. You can have all of me, as long as you love me in return. Deal?”
He pulled you close, and you quickly agreed– It was exactly what you wanted.
After that you spent the night with him. The memory alone sent a thrill through you unlike anything you had felt before. His voice had been as sweet as sugar cubes. You could hear it even now. Pale brown eyes seen through his mask. His dusty pink hair that tickled your skin. The gleam of his piercings on his ears. He wasn’t wrong… You had gotten to know his body quite well. Even though you never learned his name…
Your chest tightened at the memory of that one sweet night with your masked stranger. He’s the only one who’s ever made you feel that way… and you don’t even know his name? You wished you could see him again, but how would you find him?
A knock interrupted your thoughts. “I’ve brought your water, Miss! And the doctor’s just arrived to see you.”
“But I feel fine now. There wasn’t any need to call a doctor…”
“No need to be brave, Miss Y/N. Besides, you still look all flushed.” Ugh. You couldn’t say that you just got drunk at the ball, or that your staying out all night had nothing to do with feeling ill, so… “Right this way, Doctor.” Oblivious to your conundrum, the housekeeper ushered the doctor in. Your breath caught at the sight of him.
“Lee Donghyuck, at your service, Miss Y/N.” Oh my god. The pale brown eyes and dusty, pale, pink hair. He was, without a doubt, the man with whom you had spent the previous night with. Were you actually dreaming now? “I’ll begin the examination right away. Madam, if you would step outside?”
“Of course, thank you Doctor.” Once she had left, the doctor seated himself in the chair beside your bed.
“Well then, if you’ll unbutton your nightgown, we can begin.”
“I…um…?” What did he just say? As you floundered for words, he snorted and began to chuckle.
“If you’re too tired to undress yourself, I could help you with the buttons like I did last night.”
Oh damn. Okay. You needed to hold yourself together. “I knew it was you! Did you know who I was all along? Is that why you’re here?”
“Not at all. I had no idea we would meet again until I stepped inside just now. I’ve made house calls here before, but I had no idea you were a member of this family.” As he spoke, Donghyuck got on with the exam in an efficient manner. “Your housekeeper was worried that you might have suddenly taken ill, but there’s no cause for alarm.”
“Thank you…”
Donghyuck looked at you as he closed his doctor’s bag. “You’re very well loved.” Indeed this was the case. So why had you said what you had said the night before? His direct gaze seemed to be asking yourself that same question.
You felt you owed him an answer to his unspoken question. “My family loves me… to the point of being overprotective. They’ve picked the perfect fiance for me. Everyone around me cares for me a great deal. But…” But you’ve only experienced love on the receiving end. At least… until last night. Your eyes were drawn to his; You couldn’t look away. Moving as one, we leaned closer, until our faces were almost touching. “Dongh– Mmf!?”
He wrapped you in his arms just as he had done the night before, and you felt the heat of his lips over yours. The flames he’d kindled in your roared back to life, and you threw your arms around him in return. “What’s wrong with me…?” Donghyuck’s voice was faint and breathless. “I’ve met so many people, but no one who’s captivated me the way you do…”
“I feel the same way…” You always wanted to experience a fiery passionate love. It was something you had only ever read about in books. What you’d imagined was nothing like the scorching feeling in your chest. This isn’t the sweet longing they write about in stories. Now that you know what love feels like from the other side, you might never be the same.
Donghyuck let out a tremulous sigh as your lips parted once again. He rested his forehead against yours. “Y/N, I want you to show me love the way I did for you. I’ve been searching for someone to love me. You’ve been wanting someone to love. We’re perfect for each other.”
“Hyuck…” Every fiber of your being was irresistibly drawn toward him. It was enough to make you believe in destiny. You hardly recognize yourself like this. It’s a little scary. It felt like you were standing on the edge of a cliff. One more step, and you wouldn’t be able to take it back. Even knowing that, the fall still called out to you.
“Y/N… one more…” His pleading tone had you leaning in before you could think better of it. His breath puffed across your lips and–
There was a knock at your door. It opened and your housekeeper came in. “How is Miss Y/N, Doctor?”
“Just a little overtired, that’s all. With some rest, she’ll be as good as new.” Donghyuck’s innocent act was flawless. You breathed a sigh of relief. That was really close. She nearly saw us too. “I’ll let you get your rest, Miss Y/N, and come back later to check on you. More stealthily this time.” He said the last part quietly enough that the housekeeper didn’t seem to hear, but your heart leapt into your throat all the same.
“Please do, Doctor. With her wedding coming up so soon, Miss Y/N needs to take special care of her health.” Those words hit you like a splash of cold water.
“Of course.” Donghyuck left immediately, so you didn’t get to see his expression. The housekeeper saw him out, and you watched from your window as he left through the front door. As you watched him walk away, he suddenly turned around. He was already quite far off, but he looked straight at you and gave you a small wave. Without thinking you ducked behind the curtain. Your pulse had just begun to slow, and now it was thundering in your ears again. We’ve only met last night, and we’ve barely spoken to one another… Can anyone really fall in love that quickly?
Last night’s events still remained on your mind. The blaze showed no signs of abating; in fact, it was growing so hot, you didn’t know what to do with yourself. You feel like you’re being burned up from within, but even if you were consumed entirely, this flame wouldn’t go out… Is this what it feels like to love someone?
The love you had experienced was warm and comforting. This feeling was a roaring blaze; something dangerous– even maddening. You were restless. All you wanted to do was run after Donghyuck.
You couldn’t do that. You’re engaged. To be married, and soon. The thought of your wedding seemed to pour cold water over the passion burning in your chest. This feeling you’ve just discovered has to die before your wedding. You remembered his pale brown eyes, and your ribs started to creak, your chest too narrow to contain the emotion within.
—
Later that evening, you heard a tap on your balcony window.
“Good evening, I’m here to check on my patient.” As he’d promised that afternoon, Donghyuck had returned. It’s only been a few hours, but it feels like you’d been apart much longer.
“Hyuck…?” You ran to him and threw yourself into his arms. We fit perfectly together, and the feeling of contentment it gave you defied description. “Hyuck, I know we only met yesterday, but the thought that I’d never see you again was awful. Today, just the few hours we’ve been apart felt too long. That’s strange, isn’t it? Maybe there really is something wrong with me.”
“If there is, my symptoms are even worse than yours.” You looked up as he cupped your face in his hands. There was desperation in his eyes as he gazed into yours. “The thought of you makes my heart so full it feels like my chest might burst. I don’t know what to do with myself. I can’t forget the way you loved me last night. One night will never be enough. I need more. I need you to love me. I need to feel your lips on my skin, breathe in the scent of your hair, explore every line and curve of your body… or I’ll lose my mind.”
Those sugar sweet words might have sounded like idle flirtation if it hadn’t been for the fire in his eyes. You had no doubt he desperately wanted you every bit as desperately as he claimed. Your reflection in his eyes looked just as hungry as he did.
As we struggled to convey by looks what words could not express, his arms tightened around you. “I wish I could spirit you away and keep you all to myself. At first, I just thought you were sweet. A girl with naive ideas of romance. But when you touched me, I could tell you were different from everyone I’d ever met. Your desire to love someone was real and pure. You had so much affection to give, a man could drown in it. I wanted to. You’re the missing piece I’ve been searching for, all my life. Last night, I knew. Say the word and I’ll take you away from here. I’ll give up everything to be with you.”
“Hyuck…” His clinging arms, his pleading voice, his entire being seemed to cry out for you.
“Please, Y/N. Keep wanting me. Make me yours and only yours.”
All you have to do is agree and the man you love–Donghyuck–will take you wherever you want to go. But that would hurt your family and everyone who’s loved and nurtured you? If you refuse, you can continue your peaceful life, surrounded by people who care for you. But you might never be able to see Donghyuck like this again.
“I don’t need anything but you. Do you want me, Y/N? Or…”
“Of course I do… Donghyuck… I want your body and soul. And I want to give you all of me in return. I feel the same way you do. I don’t need anything but you.” You can’t lie to yourself about what you feel.
Donghyuck’s wide, surprised eyes narrowed into a smile. “I’m so glad to hear that… Can I kiss you?” You nodded, and Donghyuck leaned in hesitantly to brush his lips against yours. If possible, the hint of awkwardness in his kiss only intensified the affection you felt for him. "Thank you, Y/N. Thank you for loving me. This is the happiest I've been in my entire life."
"I know... I've never been this happy, either.” You never imagined loving someone would bring you such utter happiness. We fit into each other's arms like puzzle pieces. Our heartbeats synchronized as if we were a single being. "It's so strange. Until I met you, I had no idea what love was, and yet.. I feel like this is how we were always meant to end up.” Maybe this is how destiny works.
"I think you're right. We were fated for each other." It was almost as if he had heard your thoughts.
"Haha, I was just thinking that.”
"You were? We really are two peas in a pod." We shared a look and burst into giggles.We shared a look and burst into giggles.
Our sweet reunion was interrupted by a sudden knock at your bedroom door. Without waiting for a reply, your housekeeper opened the door. “Miss Y/N? I heard some odd sounds, are you– Oh, my heavens!” There wasn’t time for Donghyuck to hide, we were well and truly caught. “Oh, you’re the doctor who visited this afternoon. What on earth are you doing here at this house? Don’t tell me you broke into Miss Y/N’s room for some nefarious–”
“No, no! Nothing nefarious!” You waved your hands not liking the suspicious look on your housekeeper’s face. “I’m sorry we startled you, I never intended for this to happen, but.. I’ve fallen in love with this man.” Your heart pounded in your chest, and your voice wobbled as you explained. Donghyuck pressed your hands between his which kept them from trembling. Bolstered by his support, you felt the courage to press on. “I know how awful this seems, but I have to be true to my heart. So I’ve decided I’m going to elope with him…”
“Oh, Miss Y/N, you can’t! I… Help! Someone, come quickly!” Looking like she had seen a ghost, your housekeeper turned and shouted down the hallway for help. As she raised the alarm, lights came on all the mansion. This was just going from bad to worse.
You looked up at Donghyuck. His expression was impossibly calm. ”Like I said before, as long as I have you, I don’t need anything else.”
“Nothing’s changed. All I need is you, Donghyuck.”
He flashed you a smile, then tugged on your hands. “Then, let’s go.”
“All right, Let’s run away, Donghyuck.” We could hear footsteps pounding down the hallway outside. Without a backward glance, Donghyuck lifted you into his arms and sprang out the window.
Our wild flight through the sleeping city led us, at last, to a small inn. “The staff are friends of mine. No one will find us here. It’s been a while since I’ve run that far. You must be exhausted.”
“No, I’m fine.” You were still riding high on the excitement of our escape. You caught a similarly wild look in his eyes.
“Glad to hear it. You don’t mind if I perform a physical exam on you, do you? I need to make certain your body isn’t at the point of exhaustion and can perform more vigorous exercises. It’s extremely scientific.” Donghyuck leaned in with a smile and kissed you.
“Mm… Well, I’d hate to be a difficult patient…”
Suddenly in a modest city, the two of us shed our clothes and fell into each other’s arms. It made no difference to us that he was a doctor and you were the daughter of a noble family. The two of you were simply two lovers brought together by fate.
“Do you know? I think we were born to love each other.” Donghyuck whispered as he brushed his lips over your flushed skin.
“I think so too. I was born to meet you, Hyuck.”
Donghyuck smiled with guileless joy. “I’m so happy. I’ve been waiting my whole life for you. Thank you for finding me, Y/N. And for loving me.” He enfolded you in a tight embrace and kissed you softly. “I vow to live for this love, now and for all time.”
Your heart soared. Loving someone can bring pain and confusion. But it’s also the source of the greatest possible happiness. Just being in Donghyuck’s arms filled you with the greatest pleasure you had ever known. You know this flame inside you will never go out.
—
Some time later, you and Donghyuck had acquired a small house for yourselves. He continued his work as a doctor and you became his assistant. Your lives were busy and happy. One day, a letter arrived.
“It’s from your parents, isn’t it?”
“Yes. I thought my father would never answer…” Once you were feeling somewhat settled, you had written to your parents. You thanked them for how lovingly they had raised you, and apologized for running away. You told them that you two were working hard to bring happiness to as many people as you could. You had done your best to explain your feelings and make amends for the people you had hurt.
It took some time, but your father seemed to understand how you felt. “It says here that the man you were betrothed to has gotten married and seems happy. Father says that Mother, the housekeeper, and everyone at home wants to see me… so I should come visit. Can I?”
“Of course.” Donghyuck leaned over the back of your chair to hug you. “I was hoping to keep you all to myself forever, but I suppose I’ll have to share.”
“Oh, Hyuck… my body and soul already belong to you. What more do you need?”
“I’m a bottomless pit of need when it comes to you. Indulge me?” With an impish smile, he leaned down for a kiss. Our one night of forbidden passion had grown into a deeper love. You thought of all the ways he made you shiver with pleasure, and reached out to touch him the same way. “Mm… Haha, Y/N, you’re being a terrible tease…”
You smiled, continuing with light movements with your fingers.
Donghyuck continued his lecture as he arched his back to press his already bared skin against your lips. “Be gentle with me… Ah That’s just the right amount of pressure… Yes, like that.” His bright eyes and quickening breaths made his pleasure obvious. “I’ll have to spoil you even more than usual as a reward.”
His clever fingers found their mark as they always did, and you felt yourself begin to come apart… As his kisses rained down over you, you realized just how parched you had been without his love.
“Let me hear your voice. Let me feel you.” His fingers played over your skin, making you moan and shudder under him, breathless. Donghyuck’s breath almost seemed to steam with the heat of his stored up desire. The flush on his cheeks lent an added wantonness to his expression. Seeing him like that kindled an answering fire in you. He had shown you the true depth of his desire, and it shook you, even as your body thrilled to his every touch.
“Hyuck… if you keep doing that, I’ll…”
“You’ll what?”
“I’ll lose my mind. It feels too good.”
“Might be a nice change of pace, after the last few days. Show me what frenzy looks on you, Y/N…” Your back arched, hips jerking, as his fingers sought out your sensitive spots. You could hardly keep up with him; your head spun with nonstop stimulation. You were on fire, you were melting, you were overwhelmed with his touch, and starved for it at the same time.
“Ahaha, sorry… I love your reactions so much, it’s easy to get carried away.” You were a bit overwhelmed by Donghyuck’s enthusiasm, but you certainly didn’t want him to stop. The desire in his eyes and his hands, the heat building between us… his love throbbed like a frenzied heartbeat through it all. Urgent yet tender, each caress made your heart beat faster.
"Mm..." He pulled off your shirt and tossed it away, impatient to get at your skin. Lips and tongue mapped your throat, your chest. It was more than physical, after the fear of losing him and the relief of his miraculous cure. Every sensation was heightened-- you couldn't restrain your voice. "Ahh... Hyuck..." You couldn't get enough of him; your need only grew with each touch. You clung to his shoulders and called out the name you loved over and over.
"Rather than take everything from you, I want to give you everything that I am."
"Haah.. Aahh!” Donghyuck lowered himself over you, and pushed inside you. Finally you were together, as close as two people could be. Happiness bloomed inside you like a garden where spring had come early. Tears pricked your eyes.
"I love you, Y/N. Let me show you just how much."
Every touch, every word fanned the flames of your passion hotter and higher, till nothing existed in your world but him. You gave him your heart, fully and without reservation. Of course, there had never been any doubt.
And although you two had only met as strangers, you knew for certain that this was simply destiny.
PERM TAGLIST ↬ @lyvhie @aquaphoenixz @galacticnct @h-aechanie
#nct#nct dream#nct 127#nct haechan#nct imagines#nct scenarios#nct x reader#nct dream fic#haechan x reader#haechan fluff#haechan#lee donghyuck#lee donghyuk x reader#haechan fanfic#haechan smut#nct dream smut#nct dream x reader#nct fic#haechan fic#lee donghyuck fic#haechan imagines#nct dream imagine#nct dream imagines#nct 127 imagines#nct hard hours#haechan hard hours#haechan hard thoughts#haechan x y/n#nct x y/n#nct fanfic
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