#it makes me want to kms. it feels like no one cares at all
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ccliffjumperr · 2 years ago
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vent in tags. sorry.
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gu6chan · 7 months ago
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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ethernitty-2 · 2 years ago
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mom stop commenting on my body challenge
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daz4i · 1 year ago
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starting to suspect the only person whose life would be affected negatively if i died is my mom ngl
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eyecide · 2 years ago
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Actually I lied I have more to say I’m going through it sorry
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spectruff · 19 days ago
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something something aizawa ch 23 new pfp merry christmas
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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I love to talk but I rly do feel like we have to be talking for a minimum of 8 hours straight before I feel like I can even begin to rly broach things on my mind or that have been bothering me a lot that I actually want to talk abt without being vague or deflecting or omitting or lying and if the conversation takes a break at any point it resets back to 0 and its still nice regardless but.
#we're all just desperately chasing each other around for a semblance of connection in this cold bleak world#but unfortunately due to the relentless crushing pressures of capitalism we also have to work so no time for that#man. sorry just frustrated n miserable now. wish i was capable of feeling close to other ppl wish i could give other ppl that connection#but instead we're just ships in the night passing by or whatever#and i have to settle with not rly being known or wanted or important in other ppls lives and its forever. btw#bc even if ppl do think they know me or do want me around or i am important to them in some way.. the specific torture labyrinth i call#home is constructed in the most elegant and precise way that im incapable of believing them to be sincere anyway#so thats all on me! if I tried harder and made more of an effort to communicate with or trust ppl i wouldnt feel this way!#but i dont so better luck in the next life i guess! this is why i dont think abt this shit bc it makes me want to kms#whats even the point man#dont even worry abt me im fine just need to fucking vent bc i dont have time to allow myself to feel anything bc i have plans tmr#so i need to go to bed early. and ill just try my best to keep distracted forever so ill never need to face how pathetically desperate#i am for any kind of emotional intimacy whatsoever and also physical contact but im not normal enough to fulfil any of my own needs#yeah well. its my life that i have to live and im the one making it this way. digging my grave and lying in it innit#its fine tho bc they make repressed fictional characters that i can project onto instead of confronting any of my issues#so ill just be here in my labyrinth doing that. while everyone else gets to see sunlight and grass and whatever#im just so tired i dont want to do this i want to pretend i dont care and dont need it and maybe itll become true. its too much for me#let me know when they need me to pilot the jaeger and drift with someone and thru our mindmelding i can finally achieve intimacy and trust#well anyway. that was embarrassing. hope it works out for everyone else#hope my flatmate gets her ideal life w our other old flatmates and finds a convenient way of discarding me from that like they want#except im going to make it as difficult as possible for as long as i can for them to get rid of me bc im selfish and want what i want so.#my obligate parasite ass. or whatever. im going to throw up if i keep thinking so thats a good place to stop and go to sleep probably#.vent#dont interact im being stupid as fuck and dont care just leave me alone thanks
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itsalwaysdark · 4 months ago
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and also it doesnt even matter if i miraculously get a job tmrw bc we don't have a car . and im too out of shape to walk anywhere bc everything is far away . so i genuinely dont jnow what to do
#im not smart or talented or hot enough to have a source of income working from home.#i dont have a ged or a kicense or a way to get to work or much experience + ive got a steadily fucking growing gap in my employment history.#And i have essentially 0 social skills i barely Function half the time im dissociated or just crying. im weak and out of shape and#not pretty im like. unhireable i think . and again even if a place did hire me I dont have a way to fucking get 2 work#i might be able to walk 2 a place if i had been at work for a while bc if be more used to being on my feet and active again. its take a#while and id be in a Lot of pain but like. itd be doable. and once i worked for s bit i could get lyfts even tho Expensive also idk that#there as many drivers here. and wtvr. but if i did that itd be Less money to help my family and less money to save up toget my own place and#atp maybe its selfish of me to want my own place and i need to judt be more grateful im allowed 2 stay here . yk#idk. im so tired i just need like. idk. ik the only way is to just get through it and get a job and make it work but it feels so pointless#everything always does. i cant keep getting over hurdles man im so fucking tired of getting through hurdles#every single day is Difficult and every single day is the Same and any time j manage to have a good day ill just go right back to feeling#exactly the same. and even if it looks like everythings better for a bit it all goes back down eventually and ik im supposed to be like But#itll get better again after that <3 ups and downs are a part of life <3 we have to have the bad to appreciate the good <3 im just fucking#sick of the goddamn bad im fucking sick of it ive had enough bad i want good. ik other ppl deserve it more i want everybody to have good#days and be safe and happy i don't want things to keep getting worse but everything just gets worse and all the good parts r tempirary and#im so tired. I am not your strongest soldier bro !!!#idk. i just want to be atable i dont need anything crazy i just want my family to live comfortably and to have enough money that i can#donate i rly donot need much i dont need that much food 2 survive i dont need a ton of space i dont need a nide house i like. i just want to#be Stable and know that everything will be ok. yk. at least 4 my family i want them all to be able to eat and the bills 2 be paid and#hopefully for lamp and the kids 2 go to college. bc lamp and tag both want to go to college and itsy is 6 so he soesnt care#but i want them to be able to so bad bc i can't and i ws never gonna be able to and i dont get to be whiny abt that but like. they want to#and theyre smart and passionate and like. i want them to be able to achieve their dreams and get to have normal lives and be fulfilled and#happy. yk. idk. annie showed me her schoolwork the other day and since it wa first week at like. an alt school it ws a lot of personality#type stuff and mental health stuff and im not gonna get into it bc its not mine to tell but. their answers for one of the things made me so#upset bc it sounded so much like me when i was their age and even now and it makes me feel so guilty that like. i didnt make it better for#them. im the one whos supposed to endure it and then theyre supposed to get to be happy but im too fuckinf weak nowadays and i can't keep#any of them safe or happy and i feel so insanely useless. i hate it i just want to be useful idc anymore like. i want to be good i want to#be helpful i want to be cared abt and its so selfish bc a part of me is like. Ohh wahhh we shouldnr have to do all that to be cared abt wahh#and its dumb bc Yes i do its my job. it just fucking sucks rn bc like i have all the like. sorrow over this being what i have to do and this#is my lot in life but i also have all the guilt over how im not doing it bc km lazy and selfish and i cant just work bc im . Ugh
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patientiae · 6 months ago
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the way my siblings test my patience at every turn needs to be studied. this morning my sister declined an invite for a family thing saying she's not in the country while she's joining on my trip with my friends????? but just now to my parents she can speak for her and my brother about something else??????? kind of sort of ignoring my involvement in anything everything always but clearly being in direct contact with my brother and coordinating things with him????? while not speaking a word to me about it ?????????
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philosophicallie · 8 months ago
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I want a cat. I want 5 cats. they'll help me actually live by being what I need to take care of so I have to take care of myself
#i just want to be less of an emotional and laborious burden on my family. i hate making them take care of me when i fall off on health#idk im sad and hungry#i still think it could be feasible to maybe turn the bedroom into a better use of space and we'd maybe all be able to sleep in it at once#and the whole other side house can belong to them and our side with us#idk. maybe they'd think it's not responsible enough to stuff our shit in one place but like#idk man i just want away from you people I'm tired of your voices I'm tired of your faces I'm tired of having to be around u worry about u#i dont fucking care i just don't ever want to see them again#idk i just hate how more and more i just get an anxiety response to them and it just gets worse over time#like its to the point now where like i dont even want them to talk to my children unsupervised. you dont get to influence them#like they fucking ruined their first and only attempt at having a kid im not fucking letting you do it again i dont trust you to ever#do any errands for me and my kids alone with them. like theyre not talking to them! sorry! you guys had nothing good to say in any emotional#level and anytime you guys have kids over all you do is make fun of them! so! you dont get to talk to my kids ever!#im genuinely so sad that its come to this but also like its not like theyve even done anything for me. its not like they know me#i dont fucking like them either like#i just want to never have to hear or see them ever again they bring me that much distress#i kind of just want to disappear in general because i feel like these thoughts r cruel so i may as well just kms bc im only gonna get worse
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starmist · 1 year ago
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If anyone is waiting for my AOS analyses pls know I was in mania when I started and will need to be back in mania to finish them
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lovecrazedpup · 1 year ago
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when my friend is at work so i cant cry in call with him !
#ngl i genuinely cant find the energy to cry . im just making issues again man its so fucking stupid . i should just kill myself#he doesnt love me and he never will and hes fucking busy playing games with other people because im constantly crying and upset#and its like he doesnt care !!!!!! who do i even talk to anymore bc this is . awful#im trying so hard . i really am but fuck when everything is going through my mind its just#i just want to apologise forever but i dont know how to show that im actually sorry#like at least my ex was straight forward with how to apologise ?? it was just 'send me photos of your cuts and i know youre sorry'#but obviously i cant do that now LMAO#maybe its better if i just message out my thoughts and send them to him but its also like . its so obvious you dont want to talk to me#me : *nearly crying and about to try and explain why im going to kms* him : awful timing but i need to leave haha i will call you back ???#like im sorry but dont even bother calling me back :)#ive been clean for 8 days . its so pathetic#i dont want to hurt myself but i literally have nothing else to help me#i dont want to be a burden im trying rlly hard to just stop how i feel and im trying to be a perfect girlfriend who is only happy#but i just cant . it is so hard when all im thinking abt is how he hates me and how i mean nothing and how im always going to be worthless#i unironically miss when it was him being upset and talking to me abt it because i wasnt the one being emotional and vulnerable#like i was just there to help and make him feel better lol#i think ill be better after i cut bc thats what happened last time so#whatever we ball#jamie.txt
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heyhotbitchrs · 2 years ago
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when you stay up too late and suddenly you're unloved :/
#i feel like i don't have barely any friends and the friends i do have always have a lot more friends than me and i feel really lonely#i feel like i only really have two friends and they don't need me as much as i need them#i'm always the one reaching out and G- at least has so many friends it makes me feel like a fucking hermit but she always says i'm one of#her closest friends but i don't feel like it. she barely even knows me. she posts with her other friends all the time and i know online#isn't reflective of irl but god there's so way she's as cripplingly fucking lonely as i feel#and neither G- or A- really get me anymore#we were better friends when we were kids#i can't believe i'm fucking saying this but i kinda miss middle school#i swear i was happier then. at least i kinda had a friend group and i could spend time w them#weird to try and join stuff and i feel like i'm always coming across as desperate#i'm so scared when i get to college i'm just not gonna make friends and i'll be even worse off#i'm so scared when i get to college i'm just#god i feel so lonely all the time and it's stupid because people /do/ care about me but i'm just shitty at all this#i think i'm good at seeming like i don't want/need to have a big circle but fuck i feel like i don't have anyone#and i know i have a girlfriend but. i feel like a horrible person for saying this but she's more in love with me than i am with her#i really do love her but i also feel like we don't even know each other that well even tho we've been dating for more than a year#and the thing is idk if i wanna be known by ppl. whenever i even kinda hint at certain stuff about me i freeze and wanna shut it down#immediately#it makes me scared i'm gonna be lonely the rest of my life and just hate existing but not be able to kms because of my family#idk i've had this weird sort of feeling i'm gonna die in my late 20s/early 30s so maybe i won't have to deal w it
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fagutt · 2 years ago
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feelign weird
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lesbikaiser · 2 months ago
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Lowkey can you do j + ness, hiori, and isagi for the alphabet thing 😈🙏😈🙏😈😈🙏😈 PLSPLSLLSLLSLLS i love u goat
it's hereee! "goat" alr what if i kms what then !? seriously y'all are so dear to me <33
also last post for the nsfw alphabet game omg! i really didn't think id get so many requests, thanks babes <3
also, the game has ended but don't forget my requests are open right now! read here and here before asking though ><
[ j ] jack off
alexis ness
never ever jerks off! he thinks it's a sacrilege to do it when he has such a pretty little thing like you to take care of him. you're the only one who should make him feel good and he'll only masturbate when he's with you, because if you're watching him his hand is barely doing anything to pleasure himself, just to have you there with your eyes on him makes his dick push globs of pre-cum out of his slit – he'll do any and everything you ask him so if you want to see him touching himself, touch himself is what he's gonna do. it's the only exception, aside from that he never jacks off.
yoichi isagi
he's an ordinary guy, and masturbates as often as one. maybe once a week before he met you, to lose up a bit of all the tension before his matches, an orgasm is always welcome and does wonders for him so, why not? he's decreased the frequency after starting dating you though, having sex with you is enough for him and just being with you works like a stress relief, of course he still jerks off when he's too nervous and away from you, but it happens maybe 1-2 times in a whole month.
yo hiori
same as isagi honestly, unless it counts to have you jerking him off! loves mutual masturbation so it's not a rare thing to have your fingers wrapped around his dick while he's knuckles deep inside you, he thinks your hands feel so much better than his so there's no point in trying to replicate something he knows he'll never achieve. he'll only do it when really pent-up and with no chances of you helping him.
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anifever · 7 months ago
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omggg I love ur Lottie!reader hc’s! Could you do one where the reader acts like Tiana? A super independent, great cook and no-nonsense gal with good humor is someone I think the whole gang would rlly love
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Gang w/ a Tiana!Reader ˚୨୧⋆。˚ ⋆
The Outsiders x Fem!Reader
୨୧ : Curtis gang with a reader who’s like Tiana from ‘Princess and the Frog’
A/N : Why does my theme mess up when I do requests kms. Once again, sorry if these are a bit short <\3 I have so many other requests I’m working on so bare with me
˖⁺‧₊˚ 🐸 ˚₊‧⁺˖
Darry
୨ IMO, he’d be the best choice for someone with that personality to be paired with
୨ The gang is terrified of pissing either of you off
୨ My ongoing hc/scenario of him = throwing flour at each other whilst cooking together continues to hold up
୨ He thinks you’re the perfect mix of sweet with a bit of sour
୨ If you have a little restaurant, etc; he’s always gloating about it
୨ He’s honestly a little shy about it like one of his coworkers asks abt you during a lunch break and he’s just like “Well….🤭🤭🤭”
୨ You guys both share your parents recipes with each other
୨ He’s the one who’s always cooking for his brothers/the guys, so it’s helpful when he gets a bigger range of things to make
୨ Also helpful that you offer to cook with him or just do it yourself sometimes
୨ He gets pretty worried when he notices you overworking yourself (ironic.)
୨ You both try to help each other through it and take some burdens off one another’s shoulders
୨ You’re both super independent; power couple
Two-Bit
୨ You love to cook, he loves to eat
୨ You’re his saving grace
୨ You also match his sense of humor which makes you the full package in his eyes
୨ He can’t compliment you without you brushing him off and he hates it LMAO
୨ He just wants to butter you up but you’re so humble
୨ Then again, he gets all shy when you start sweet-talking him back
୨ You spoil him with food constantly
୨ “Baby, you’re an amazing cook ‘n all, but I’m gainin’ a bit of a belly-” then you just shut him up by stuffing his mouth with more food
୨ You don’t gaf about his weight you just like coddling your funny lil’ handsome guy
୨ Like I said, he cannot stop complimenting you, like it’s impossible for him
୨ He thinks you’re perfect and feels the need to constantly rub it in other people’s faces that they don’t have someone like you
୨ Like he bagged a woman who can cook, is funny, nice, gorgeous, and stays humble about all of it????
୨ It will forever be his greatest achievement
Steve
୨ You keep him in check
୨ He can be such a smartass sometimes but he learned not to mess around with you fast
୨ Just sits and watches you cook sometimes because he’s so mesmerized by it
୨ He debates on stealing ads for your restaurant he sees around town since he’s so proud of you but then he decides it’s probably bad to lower your promo
୨ He says “There’s my favorite chef 😋” with the dumbest grin on his face whenever he sees you after a while of being apart
୨ If anyone dares to say something bad about you or your food, etc- his ass is NOT having it
୨ His smart-ness comes in handy in cases like that
୨ Like I said, you can handle your own and he’s lowkey giggling and kicking his feet on the inside whenever he gets to witness it
୨ He’s like yes!!!! That’s my girl!!! 😣😣
୨ Borderline moans when he tastes something new of yours and you can’t tell if he’s playing it up or being serious
Dallas
୨ You walk him like a dog I’m crying
୨ You’re really kind most of the time, but he loves that you’re also able to handle yourself
୨ Like going to Buck’s together and some guy is being weird, he thinks he’ll have to step in but you handle it just fine on your own
୨ He wanted you to have his children after that.
୨ Anyways, you’re also really caring over him
୨ Not to mention super loyal which he’s not used to
୨ You always clean him up after fights (not without scolding him tho)
୨ Once again, if you own a place yourself or at least work somewhere, he’s always showing up out of the blue
୨ He reluctantly agrees to be on his best behavior when he visits
୨ That being said, when he hangs out with Pony and Johnny, he’s always bringing them there for food
୨ He tries to flirt with you whilst you’re on-job and you do not have any of it
Soda
୨ He’s always ready to be a taste-tester whenever you try a new recipe
୨ He’s just so supportive I’m sobbing I love him
୨ You pack him lil’ sweets for him to snack on during his shifts at the DX
୨ He watches you passionately talk about cooking/your job with hearts in his eyes
୨ Whenever girls come into the the DX to flirt with him, he takes the chance to promote your business/the place you work LMAOO
୨ He worries a bunch when you start working more than normal
୨ He tries to get you to take breaks but then you’re like “?? You do the same thing with your job” and he’s just like “Ah.. well, you got me there.”
୨ Realistically though, he gets where you’re coming from about “the only way to get what you want is through hard work” and relates to it
୨ That still doesn’t stop him from pouting when you seem more tired than usual when you take longer shifts, etc
୨ You start helping him and his brothers out financially once you start making more money
୨ He cries.
Johnny
୨ You try to help him with his confidence since you’ve got a lot of it yourself
୨ You make him feel secure
୨ You’re also a pretty big inspiration for him
୨ He doesn’t eat great considering his living conditions other than when he goes over to the Curtis’, so he’s basically getting full course meals when he’s with you
୨ You encourage him to get multiple helpings/take a few bites before the food’s done but then scold the other guys when they try to LMAO
୨ “Oh, so Johnny can eat it early but not us??”
୨ “What- was I supposed to let him STARVE?!?! 🙄”
୨ You care about him so much and always make sure he’s away from his parents as much as possible
୨ You’re aware he can also handle himself the same way you can, but you’re still protective over him nonetheless
୨ You have confronted his mom before and desperately tried to keep your usual down-to-earth and kind demeanor, but it didn’t work. At all.
୨ You and Two-Bit are one in the same when it comes to that woman
Pony
୨ He is SCARFING your food down
୨ I’m dead it’ll be gone so fast, he can’t help it
୨ Loves that you’re so headstrong since he’s the same way
୨ Anyways, imagine he brings home a small box filled with something you made him from school & Steve’s like “Where’d you get that from?? 🤨” and he gets all smug about it
୨ He refuses to let him have even the smallest bite
୨ You get along really easy with everyone and he loves that about you
୨ You’re always sticking up for him if he’s getting made fun of at school, on the street, etc
୨ It makes his lil’ heart hammer in his chest
୨ He visits you during your waitressing shifts
୨ Like he studies and does homework up at the counter while you work and he takes glances up at you every now and then AHHHHH
୨ He also probably does yours for you depending on how busy you are
୨ You repay him with food on the house though 😊
୨ Darry’s always asking him where he’s been and he’s like “… the diner in town…🧍” and he’s still suspicious but he’s just glad he’s not getting into trouble
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