#because i DO have other priorities and i chose them and im living my life! who cares that i pull 14h days??? i can do whatever i want witho

[patientiae]

the way my siblings test my patience at every turn needs to be studied. this morning my sister declined an invite for a family thing saying she's not in the country while she's joining on my trip with my friends????? but just now to my parents she can speak for her and my brother about something else??????? kind of sort of ignoring my involvement in anything everything always but clearly being in direct contact with my brother and coordinating things with him????? while not speaking a word to me about it ?????????

[ehh-is-the-name]

I ENTIRELY disagree with your statement that cobs and mephone are one in the same. They just arent!!! they arent!!!! it's comparing a person who Was Abused to their Abuser. And i think thats really dangerous, especially because cobs did things knowingly and out of ill will and is absolutely manipulating suitcase and knife in his speech to them, but also because mephone literally has/had no fucking idea he created the contestants.

theres something wildly different between creating a fantasy UNKNOWINGLY where everything goes your way (kinda- i'll yap about that later) and you have your contestants and your show where you can be the perfect host you always wanted to be!!... And creating Sentient Beings (who you know are sentient) and sending them off TO WAR only to physically and emotionally abuse one of them when he comes back with Only ONE of the children you sent him to steal. like. Fellow mephone apologist, he's not really that bad!!!! there is hope!!!

Back to the whole. 'everythign goes his way' thing- A key difference between Cobs and Mephone to me is that Mephone, not even knowing he created the contestants, doesn't force them to do anything. He's kinda... dumb? like, let's be real, his biggest threats come up to 'you'll be kicked off the show' and yada yada... Like. take Marshmallow.

He (UNKNOWINGLY) created marshmallow to be on HIS show. But when she chose to leave... he didn't stop her. And yes, he knew she left because of his confrontation of mepad where he expressly asks him 'why did you let marshmallow leave?' Mephone 100% KNEW. but he didn't stop her (nor apple, for that matter) from going off and starting a life of their own.

MEPHONE DOESN'T WANT CONTROL OF HIS CONTESTANTS LIVES.

Yes, he's a jerk, YES, He's absolutely terrible to his contestants sometimes, and YES, he will have to deal with the consequences of his actions.

BUT. He's not anything like cobs-- at least, not where it matters.

Cobs tried to kill mephone, multiple times, when mephone tried to start his own life. Mephone views his contestants as real, sentient people- Cobs doesn't! He sees the contestants as toys, if anything... And he sees his own creations as tools. Valuable tools.

So like. what im trying to say. Is uhhh sorry for yapping so long and i hope you have an awesome day!!! I've just seen this whole Mephone=cobs thing going around and it gave me a headache SO SORRY FOR MAKING YOU DEAL WITH IT </3 but i do hope thsi was informative!

First off- LET'S GO I LOVE II DISCORSE THANK YOU FOR RESPONDING THIS IS WHAT COMMUNITY'S ALL ABOUT!!

Anyway, I will say, that I'm giving you a hug and crying into your shoulders for bringing up the marshmallow thing- I completely forgot about it even though we literally just saw her again (I think it's pretty clear that my priorities are ALL over the place).

Rewatching the scene I get what you're saying.

I'mma be soooo fuckin honest this scene went right the fuck over my head, and by that, I mean I didn't know if Mephone was being genuine with his confusion or fuckin' anything actually. When I say ii 16 has killed me and left me rotting in a gutter, I'm so serious. Mentally I am in a gutter and your ask has at least rolled me back on the curb so I can breathe air instead of sewer water.

Literally reading your thing has made me remember other posts I have seen and taken to heart about this phone, like examples A and B. (They're both tumblr analyses that are kinda outdated 'cause of the bombshell but still pretty good imo). Mephone DOESN'T want to control the contestant's lives and, although he can be a dickwad at times, he still cares about them. Though is that just because they're his OCs in a way? I-

I say all that but I'm also like, I don't want to be completely throwing away everything Cobs is saying just because I feel ill every time he talks. You right, it's very clear that this whole thing is heavy with the manipulation but fuck man I think I'm just easily manipulated... I'm being so serious when I say I lost what hte fuck I was typing in the middle of this and I don't think it's coming back to me. I rolled back in the gutter, sewer water is my home I fucking guess.

Anyone who's listening to me at this point- I don't recommend it I actually don't know what the fuck is happening. I think I still have it in my head that Mephone knows about the whole "making the contestants thing" which makes it hard to fully embrace what you're saying. I should clarify tho:

Mephone and Cobs aren't the same, but the things he's indirectly picked up from Cobs (because of his abuse) are presenting harder than I thought originally. And I think that's what I really meant when I wrote the note. Or at least, that's how I feel now. It's been a couple days since I wrote the stuff in the blockquote. That's the best way to explain how I feel about the Mephone = Cobs situation—yes, but genuinely, in all honestly, no they're not the same.

And do not be ashamed of ranting, really, we love it here. Plus, my friend called this the 9/11 of inanimate insanity and yeah there's a lot of fallout and theories rn. Perfect time for discourse 'cause we're all going through the wringer.

[monstertidbits]

hi i loved this finale very much i love falin and im so happy shes back...... also im obsessed with the choice to make laios forever unable to indulge his monster autism, and making him king. ITS SO INTERESTING i love this direction even though it sucks for laios, maybe there is something to be said about how you don't always achieve the thing you want most in life and that's okay, and the life you live is still worth a lot.... and also it's so something to me that laios is being such an adult about this, like yeah he wishes he was having fun doing his own thing and he really doesn't want to be king, but SOMEONE has to and unfortunately for him he's the absolute best candidate (((PRECISELY BECAUSE OF HOW WEIRD HIS PRIORITIES ARE))), so he'll do it, AND HE'LL DO IT WELL, he'll be the awesome, competent and kind ruler, but he'll still be kinda sad and mopey about not getting what he wanted. LIKE HE'S SUCH A GOOD KING, he brought so much good into this world, but he doesn't get particularly high and mighty about it because he doesn't really care that much about being a king. HE'S SO CHILL ABOUT IT!!!! motherfucker really ushers in a time of prosperity and peace, and he's still just sitting on his throne thinking "man.......... the monsters will NEVER hang out with me........... what is this life......." I LOVE HIM SOOOO MUUUUUUUCHHHHH i love that his whole future thjng is not getting what he wanted at all but absolutely excelling at the thing hes doing (that doesn't really do anything for him). absolute icon and my personal hero

NONNIEEE YEAHHH!!! I remember back when i first read ch60 and i was like "wait... this feels wrong", not liking the idea of laios becoming a king bc i knew it wasn't what he "really wanted". but now, after reading how he actually got to that point, it makes sense. and it's still kinda bittersweet. because we know that his interest in monsters was amplified and became all consuming bc of his struggle to connect with other people, feeling alienated everywhere he went. so not being able to interact with monsters much anymore and being a king of other humans is actually forcing him to face all those fears and struggles he was running away from all this time, and learn to define himself outside of his expertise. watching the best and worst of humanity so very closely as their ruler, and finding his own place among them. but the thing is, he always had a home to return to in the few people he loved. and that's why, through all the hardships and pain, it's still worth it. he was ready to have something taken away from him and quite literally had to give up his most defining trait. so who is he now? can he manage without the comfort of monsters?

the answer is yes. he is not alone. and it may not be the most satisfying conclusion for him but it might be what he needed most. to learn how to live in peace with his own self, with the world surrounding him. and all being said, it was pointed out time and time again: how he wasn't really planning for the future, how he didn't have any strong conviction leading him. but it all changed after he killed his sister with his own hands. i think chapter 67 was a defining moment in laios's journey for many reasons, but especially this: for once, he chose not to run away. he decided that HE will be the one to challenge his fate and bend it as he wishes. otherwise, he could've given up on resurrecting falin long ago. but he didn't, not just for the sake of his sister but those people who put their faith in them and tried their best FOR them. it's ironic, how it was precisely inside the monsters' world that he was finally able to connect with the humans he despised so much in the most genuine way. and after facing the absolute worst, he can definitely find in himself the strength to deal with anything, king or not. so like you said- the man is gonna be fine somehow. i love him so much

[lokihiddleston]

Sorry, I just thought I might give an opinion. Though I do understand that this is sylki-central, so I apologise if it comes across as “bashing” or “hating” in some way, it’s not my intention. I understand there’s a lot of discontent about the way that sylki kind of took a step back in s2, and that’s because people really liked that relationship in s1. Other people must have all kinds of reasons as to why they’re not so bothered by that, but here’s mine:

To me, the closeness that loki and sylvie developed in s1 felt superficial. It was basically “fuck or die”, like literally everything was ending and they had just spent some time together and bonded over some similar traumas. When I watched s1, i was bothered by it. I was bothered by the fact that they didn’t give it more depth, by the fact that they forced them into an apocalyptic situation for it to grow, and i was particularly bothered by the fact that for Loki to have a love interest, who was actually a variant of himself, they had to make it a woman (my reading was — disney doesn’t have the balls to make it gay). What I did find valuable of Loki’s journey is that, regardless of what variant, he was driven to understanding that there was something far larger than himself out there. He was punched in the face by seeing infinity stones used as paper weights. He was punched in the face by learning that in a timeline where he wasnt taken by the TVA, he loses people he loves and is eventually killed by thanos. He’s punched in the face by a lot of things basically. And i think that’s what drives him to eventually grow… though it was not developed in depth either.

And in s2 i enjoyed the fact that sylki took a step back because it allowed us to explore those other things better. And it gave sylvie also a better opportunity to be her own person and make her own choices, not just Loki. The entire affair in s1 felt to me like something i’d do on a bender when i think im about to lose it all. S2 is me deciding — actually, is this real or was i just losing it? And what are my priorities and how do i achieve my goals? I think sylvie is ok as a character, but this is about our Loki. And Loki’s world and character development goes beyond his fling with someone else (even mobius, for the lokius crowd, because mobius’ importance as someone loki can trust is far greater than it is as a potential romantic partner). In my personal opinion the Loki show benefitted enormously from focusing on Loki and his journey rather than including a half-assed love affair. Sylki was fan-service of a sort (romance, check!). Whatever suggestion of lokius was mild queer baiting. And i struggle to believe that a Loki-variant that’s essentially an early version of the loki we know, but way more angry and vengeful, would give two shits about the other loki when she can instead choose to live her own life and do her own thing (and though im sure she cares for loki and is grateful for his sacrifice, i assure you, she’s hella glad he made that decision cause she sure as f wasnt going to). All in all, i think the narrative of the show improved tenfold by disregarding all romantic aspects in general.

And i apologize if this ask isn’t welcome! If that’s the case, i will take note and keep my thoughts to myself next time. I just saw there were polls going on and thought perhaps the POV of someone who doesnt particularly care about either sylki or lokius could give some perspective… in any case, i support everyone, in every ship, in any configuration. Like what you like, read what you like, write what you like, everything rocks! I just don’t agree that the show lacked because it chose not to further develop the romantic aspect, that’s all.

Thank you for your opinion. You see I will put it public, and answer you on your message. Parts of it are true, but despite everything Sylvie has had and will have an impact on him. No matter if it's a variant of himself, she brought him what he didn't see in himself. Or what he didn't understand about himself. He still felt he wasn't enough of this or that. He didn't trust himself, he put himself down too much even though he's very powerful. But Sylvie, very sure of herself and not afraid of anything, helped him to see himself differently. She helped him learn to love himself indirectly.

It's the fact that it's the end of the world that they've been able to say to themselves, nothing matters anymore, so I'm no longer hiding what I am. My fears, my pain, my feelings, we're going to die on Lamentis anyway. Sylvie is still like Loki in the Avengers, so she doesn't react like him.

I don't agree when you say that sylki is a "fan service", you don't create ANY basis for Loki's evolution. You don't say it's a love story in every interview if it was only fan service. Then, don't take these foundations from the last season. Even though, yes, indirectly he's doing this for her and his friends, they haven't even taken the time to make it official why he's doing it. The lack of communication is the big weakness.

Sylvie is a Loki, so she deserved her chance in this series too. Just like the others. There was crazy potential for all these variants, but unfortunately they never got to the forefront beyond episode five, which is a shame.

I don't see why the fact that she's a woman should be a problem. Why do we now always have to put two men together? Even though I know that same-sex sexuality is still very difficult today. There's a lot of content with male couples in series/movies. Why do I have to put it EVERYWHERE? And if you don't, you're necessarily against them. It doesn't mean that at all. They decided to enter a "woman" variant of him and that's fine. Knowing that they're "a bit of both" is a bit like saying she's just as much a man.

That some people like this season two is normal and by no means a problem. But if you've taken an interest in building this couple (as many have), never to see it evolve afterwards is disappointing.

[harleyification]

that swamp tribe korra au idea sounds g e n i u s

JSAIDOJSAJIODAS THANK YOU ANON!! YOU JUST MADE MY NIGHT!! here, have some more of my thoughts since I've been thinking of this AU non-stop and have been researching a LOT:

Korra's animal guide is still Naga, but I'm changing her species to fit Korra and the Swamp Tribe more! Here's a sketch I made a few days ago of Naga, the Wolverine-Deer!!

+ Some other sketches of animal guide ideas!

Naga's deer side is more inspired by the Sika Deer, since their adults tend to keep their spots! I chose the wolverine rather than the badger because wolverines are typically loner animals that can take down both predators and prey DOUBLE the size of them, which I think fits Korra's character more!

I've also been doodling around with Korra's design a little bit, since I don't think it would be a 1-to-1 copy of her canon design. Still, I haven't been able to settle down on anything just yet - especially since I've been trying to give the Foggy Swamp Tribe more of a culture rather than just being the Water Tribe's hillbilly cousins. I'm trying to combine both Native American tribes that lived in Florida and other wetlands with the obvious Vietnamese inspiration their tribe has! It's...taking me a bit, though, since I am researching multiple things at once while also being A Responsible Adult, skldjaldaja

So far, I'm settling down on these facts for my fic (cause I WILL BE WRITING THIS - SOMEDAY!!):

Senna is from the Foggy Swamp Tribe. Tonraq is still from the NWT. After his banishment, his ship veered off course and ran into the Swamp Tribe's delta, where he met Senna and decided to stay! He's not the chief, however, as I'm thinking that the most enlightened elders of the tribe are the elected leaders (maybe one has to meditate at the Banyan-Grove tree first before leading the FST?), and it is someone else at this current moment in time.

Sokka isn't dead! I headcanon that he died due to injuries in the Red Lotus attack, and..well...I don't think that goes exactly as planned in this AU, sjadkajdlade. Due to this, and thanks to him figuring out first that the water avatar was most likely Swamp Tribe, he has a bit of influence in Korra's life!

(Zukka will be in this btw, since I Love Them, but they won't take priority.)

Korra wasn't taken by the White Lotus when they discovered who she is. The Foggy Swamp Tribe is very protective of their own and who they see as family, loyal down to the bone, and when the White Lotus says that Korra has to go to their Southern Water Tribe facilities to be taught bending, they REFUSED it. I like to think that the family unit and community is INSANELY important to the Foggy Swamp Tribe, and just because Korra is the avatar doesn't mean that she needs to be taken away from her home.

So, basically, Korra grew up with her community and has childhood friends rather than being isolated like in canon! This changes a bit in how she approaches Mako, Bolin, and Asami when she meets up with them eventually. (AKA, fuck the romance triangle, I ain't doing that)

The entire plot of Korra has changed - due to Sokka being alive, Korra's stance on non-benders is different. Due to growing up in the Foggy Swamp Tribe, who teaches the ideals of everything and everyone is connected and that connection is important, Korra also goes about defeating Vaatu differently. Due to Tonraq never making it to the SWT, almost everyone thinks he's dead (mail can't exactly get through tall trees or extremely vicious animals), so Korra never even met Unalaq either...

That's all that I have thought of for now! Thank you for the ask, Im so SO HAPPY that you like my silly lil FST Korra AU!!!!

[honeymouthedtales]

by someone less problematic are we talking about Jn? something about him is a lot like dh (not self depreciating or insecure or kinda dumb - sorry not sorry dh). but rather in the sense that he's silly and if jmn so much as turned his way he would be giggling and making a fool of himself. (or maybe i misunderstood how you wanted to portray iotol jn?). but since we're confessing our controversial opinions I'd like to admit that I too, am i jaemwon shipper. Sue me🤷‍♀️. they were very cute before shit popped off. i also got the sense that chaewon is just a little jelly and deals with a bit of invisibility in a family of boys (please don't let me have forgotten some little sister) and her boyfriend (someone that was "supposed" to be for her only) kissed her brother (who's getting all the attention lately if not HAS been getting all the attention from the start.

With love,

an iotol jaemwon shipper

i'm going to publish your other two asks before i reply:

jaepropaganda asked:

naur naur NOUR! because when we actually analyse this situation! we've already established the fact that chwn kinda lived in dh's shadow (if not all the other boys). like you would think being the only girl (my goodness i really hope im not forgetting some little sister) would kinda make her the princess or whatever of the family. But looking back on the first couple of chapters she highkey fades into the background. Yes, we talk about her, and yes dh thinks she could be perfect for mark and kinda would like for mk to be with her (shtewpid boy!!!) if only mark gets to be part of the family (like tf😑) the fact that mk doesn't even see chwn like that and doesn't really regard her other than being the love of his life's little sister very much puts her on the side. for goodness sake mk prolly tutors chwn just to get a glimpse of his best friend (he's so pathetic lmao😭).

[1/2 coz im shy about how long this is getting🫣]

jaepropaganda asked:

[2/2] I kind of get it. her animosity. jmn refusing to stop seeing dh was kind of a slap in the face. idk if this has to do with jmn's dck weighing his brain down too much for him to think things through or just general teenage inadequacy but (and i get that you can't really control your boyfriend like that) (and also yeah, I guess good on him for choosing to leave bla bla choose yourself king🙄) imagine your boyfriend kisses your brother who steals the show (ik very unfair considering dh didn't choose this) and then says "Nah, I don't feel like not seeing him anymore". The insecurity, she already feels really inadequate, and now her boyfriend refuses to give her the reassurance that something like that wouldn't happen again. Coz obvi it wasn't Jaemin's choice. But she's probably thinking about this happening again (even if it would be an accident) and her not getting to be mad about it coz everything's fcked and still live with the feeling she's kinda sharing her boyfriend like she shares the attention in her family (look at me, once again doing a trauma analysis for one of your characters 🧍🏾‍♀️). Idk, I feel we need to apologize to chwn. Her and dh are siblings and yes her treatment of him sucks ass and she should apologize profusely and make amends but damn even her parents think she should get over it, and they prolly contribute to her feelings being misunderstood and overshadowed. When you think about the aftermath of everything she might feel like in the end everyone chose dh's feelings over hers and I'm sorry now I'm emo about it ☹️

You're very right in many of the things you said. chwn has many complicated feelings that stem from the fact that she's no one's priority in the family. Her little brothers are close in age and they're Alphas so they generally bond with each other and also they're younger so she doesn't want to play with them anyway. And also they probably look up to dh more because he's a boy, even if he's an Omega, while she's the stereotypical girl who likes girl things and makeup and boys, you know?

Generally in that family her role should be 'the only girl' and normally the only girl is a little spoiled, but her parents have always paid attention to dh because they didn't want him to think he was lacking something for being a male Omega, which means she was never the center of attention as the only daughter. Plus, dh is like very academically gifted, which she isn't, so he always outstaged her in that field too. So what did she do? She turned to the things that made her stand out from her brothers, as in being pretty and dating boys. Except even in that dh literally stole her thunder because she's a Beta and he's an Omega so even if guys are het they would still be attracted to him on a physical level. This was even before what happened with jmn. chwn has had a crush on mrk and has realized quite early on that she never stood a chance, but what happened with jmn was the last she could stand.

Still, I do believe the way she's behaving is quite wrong. The reason dh is always at the center of attention is that he leaves in a society where he's heavily discriminated and always made feel like he was wrong. His parents tried to overcompensate by supporting him completely, and even then they couldn't totally keep him safe because as you know he still developed a lot of self-esteem issues and internalized shame. Plus, no matter how we look at it, dh is an Omega who will never be able to have children. It might not affect his life too much but it's still a disability and something he'll have to live with for the rest of his life. Is it fair to chwn that she has to suck it up just because her brother was born like this? Nope, but at the end of the day if we put their problems on a scale, is having Donghyuck as a brother really a problem for her? Her parents are not really neglecting her, she's not forbidden from pursuing her passions, she has no less opportunities than any of her brothers to do everything she wants. The reason she's throwing a tantrum is basically because she's not in the spotlight the way she wants, but I'd say it's not that grave of an issue when dh has to deal with both mental and physical health problems, having to take medicines to keep his hormones in control, having a bad reputation because he sleeps around, knowing it'll be hard for him to find a mate since he cannot provide a family, and on top of that his sister slutshames him both in front and at his back. Like, grow up? At this point it's not that people like her brother more because he's an Omega, but because she's childish and a little bit of an attention-grabber, and there's nothing wrong with wanting attention, but it's a problem when you hate other people for supposedly outstaging you.

As for what happened with jmn, that was the best thing he could do. You're right, he could've coddled up to her and assured it wasn't going to happen again, but the fact that she wanted to dictate who he was seeing was wrong. The fact that she pulled a me or him was wrong. Jmn didn't break up with her because he prefers her brother, but because if he had given up on this he would've rewarded a honestly fucked up, controlling, and toxic behavior, and that's no way to be in a relationship. Chwn needs to let go of her insecurity in order to be someone who can be happy and who can make other people happy, but jmn is not her therapist and he should not be the only one shouldering her trauma. He would have, tbh. He would've stayed and he would've helped her, but she was the one who said we do it my way or not at all, and if that's the premise all the love in the world wouldn't make things work, let alone a few months old relationship between teenagers.

[ceescedasticity]

[Part 9: Gelion and Sirion]

Gelion

Of Mount Rerir, Thargelion, Estolad, Ossiriand, and Taur-im-Duinath

Likes: Noldor, Northern Sindar, Green-elves, Avari, Dwarves, courage

Dislikes: Dragons, poison, abandonment

Who are you most hoping to meet in Aman? "It would be good to see Denethor again… and Melian was long my neighbor under the stars… But mainly: Maedhros, Caranthir, Amrod, Amras, Celegorm, and Curufin. I'm aware that they have committed a number of serious offenses and chained themselves with a dangerous oath. That may have an impact on whether others will cooperate in my meeting them, but it has no impact on my hope to meet them. I could look after them on an island. In the meantime someone should speak well of them to Lady Nerdanel."

What are you looking for in your new location? "Ideally? Start inland, nice long course to accommodate tributaries, then out a pass or gap to the coast — any coast would be fine. Broad enough to have an island for safekeeping. However, there is some discussion about how much regrading is acceptable, and 'the necessary inviolability of the Pelóri', and it's quite possible we're going to end up feeding into an inland sea of some sort. Negotiations are ongoing."

Would you like to say anything about the fána you chose? "I would like people to keep in mind who I am hoping to meet here. Again — I could handle them. …Or at least set up a system to alert people if they're being irrational."

What else would you like people to know about you? "The Khazad called me Gabilan, past Ascar and the Falls. I have also been called Gevolon. I'd offer to let Little Gelion be just Gelion and I would take Gevelon, but people might get confused. —I should also say that I do not dislike the Iathrim. I knew many of them well under the stars. It is just that after the Girdle went up they never did me or mine any kindnesses or courtesies — except those Green-elves willing to go live as guests, and them I hardly saw again. So I do not dislike them, but I was not their priority and they are not mine."

Sirion

Of Eithel Sirion, Ard-Galen, the Pass of Sirion, Dimbar, Brethil, Doriath, Nargothrond, Aelin-Uial, the Andram, Nan-Tathren, and Arvernien

Likes: Elves, Men, the Sea, Beleriand, tributaries

Dislikes: Sauron, Melkor, miasma, werewolves

Who are you most hoping to meet in Aman? "Who don't I want to see might be an easier question… Fingolfin and Lalwen and Fingon — and their people, I owe the engineers of Barad Eithel a great debt. Melian and Elu. Finrod, both because he was a friend to me and because I had to watch him die. Olu and Nendili and all the others who left to go west so long ago. Idril, Eärendil and Elwing. Turgon — we were barely acquainted but I carried Ulmo's aid to him for many years. Beleg and Mablung. Just — so many Noldor, Mithrim and Iathrim and Falathrim. Gelion's boys, despite everything. I knew so many people. —I understand not all of them are returned to life. If they haven't before I'm ready to set aside this fána, I'll go visit them in the Halls of Waiting."

…You can do that? "I spent six hundred years trying to protect the Children from Melkor while under relatively stringent constrictions of the role I took, with little help from any Vala save Lord Ulmo, and he relied on me to deliver his help. I did their job and I was gutted for it. The least they can do is let me in to see the people who actually did their best to help me."

What are you looking for in your new location? "I thought it might be fun to go out under the Pelóri — new Gates! And it's no more a defense breach than a pass, I'd be constantly aware of it, and a dedicated spider could climb the Pelóri anyway. They stick to things. However, certain individuals are not yet convinced that this or any similar modifications are acceptable. The inland sea idea is considered even less acceptable, unsurprisingly given that without significant topographical adjustment it would swallow half the Gardens and Valmar would become an island. —Poor Taeglin will probably have a limited number of options with no ravines whatsoever."

Are you at all concerned the Valar may not agree to whatever disruptions are necessary? "They raised an island for the Edain for their service. If they can't house us comfortably here they can raise us a continent. Or else we can sit ourselves on the slopes of Taniquetil and weep until all the roads are out."

… "My apologies — you Vanyar live around here too, I don't mean to threaten to wash you away. We're all very appreciative of your efforts in the War of Wrath. My emotions are still a little wrought. We'd sit ourselves in the Máhanaxar and weep until we made a lake of it."

Would you like to say anything about the fána you chose? "It was more of an effort than I liked to get this much color, and I couldn't get rid of that last streak of gray. I am recovered from everything, mostly — but I'm marked by it. Mindeb and Aros suggested adding scars to drive the point home, but that seemed… tacky?"

What else would you like people to know about you? "Despite what some of the tributaries seem to think, I am fully recovered, mostly. My strength is completely back, thanks to Lord Ulmo; it's just that the memories linger and I feel the strain. Occasionally."

If you don't mind my asking, the River Lithir mentioned something about Sauron and Eönwë? "I'm sure they did. I'll have words with Eönwë about Sauron in due time. As for fighting, Lithir may want to speak to Rivil. Rivil and I both had a very intimate view of every single battle fought in the Fen of Serech, so while neither of us had any practice we both know a great deal about how to fight in a fána."

[Bonus: Alternative designs for Gelion and Sirion — they may have tried some of these out…]

[I went through a lot of versions of Sirion…]

(I may or may not finish up with a "draft chart of river distribution", but that requires making a bunch calls about Aman's unknown geography, so maybe not.)

Meet the Rivers of Beleriand!

After some recuperation time following their ordeals, they've put on fána and come to Aman to meet old friends and seek new homes in the Blessed Realm! They're waiting on some decisions of the Valar at Mahanaxar, but after someone accidentally washed out a road after a slap-fight with Eönwë on the Sauron subject in the meantime they are staying at the Palace of Ingwë in Valmar! Why Ingwë agreed with the Valar that the flooding would be less of an issue there is a fascinating question Queen Ilwen would love an answer to.

Meet the Rivers! (Interviewer: Ingwion Ingsuilo Ingwion, Fourth Prince of the Vanyar)

[Part One: Adurant, Esgalduin, Nenning]

Adurant

Of the Seven Rivers of Ossiriand and Dor Firn-i-Guinar

Tributary of great Gelion

Likes: Trees, pereldar, music

Dislikes: Orcs, getting pulled into the Sea when the subcontinent collapses even though your spring in the mountains is actually still there

Who are you most hoping to meet in Aman? "Dior! And Denethor — of the Nandor — I'd like to see him again, but Dior was my baby. —The other Ingwion said he'd sent for him. I hope he gets here soon."

What are you looking for in your new location? "I'm not sure! Somewhere with Dior or my Laegrim would be nice, but! I think I am uniquely qualified to be somewhere around Mandos!"

Would you like to say anything about the fána you chose? "It's reminiscent of a few of my favorite people, but I'm not making a statement. But I do think I'm doing better than average at not dripping on your nice carpets!"

What else would you like people to know about you? "Um, I'm not sure how much else there is to say about me! I was pretty lucky, all told — well, all of us in Ossiriand were lucky, and I was luckiest. My people got a lot of raids later on but it didn't touch me. I really could have stayed in Middle-earth, but… obviously things didn't turn out that way."

Esgalduin

Of Doriath, born of the Shadowy Spring

Tributary of great Sirion

Likes: Beeches, Holly, Grey-elves, Melian

Dislikes: Naugrim, Kinslayers, Men Invaders, dragons, spiders

Who are you most hoping to meet in Aman? "Melian most of all. We were close friends, I've missed her a lot. Also Elu, young Dior and Nimloth — Elmo and Galadhon — I have many, many people here. But I meant to go see Melian in Lórien immediately, except there were reportedly concerns about the roads."

What are you looking for in your new location? "I would like to dwell with my Grey-Elves — ideally with Elu and Melian as their King and Queen. If Melian needs me more than the Grey-Elves and means to stay in Lórien that is also an option, but I would hope she can anticipate Elu's return."

Would you like to say anything about the fána you chose? "It's modeled on Melian's fána, yes, except for the hair."

What else would you like people to know about you? "I have a tributary you won't hear much about — they fall from the mountains directly into Nan Dungortheb, and it… went badly for them, from quite early on. Their proper name is Nenbrass, though I'm afraid my people often said Esgalfuin. They have… some resentments. I'm hoping people will be understanding."

Nenning

Of Eglarest in the Falas

Likes: the Sea, Falathrim, ships, Noldor

Dislikes: Orcs, erosion, poison

Who are you most hoping to meet in Aman? "Many of my people are here, of course. And Brithon and I are both very curious about these Western Lindar. Though if I meet any individuals who objected to sending aid we will have words."

What are you looking for in your new location? "East of the Pelóri and directly into the Sea, definitely, though that may end up with less length than I'd prefer. I understand my people here have a settlement of their own, and either Brithon or I will pass by there. The other of us might go by this Swanhaven."

Would you like to say anything about the fána you chose? "I don't think there's much to say."

What else would you like people to know about you? "We were overrun and used as roads to attack our people. It was… distressing. But after we had nothing left to protect, when things continued to worsen — both of us, eventually, consigned ourselves to the Sea, and after that it was over. That wasn't a route available to to tributaries, and Sirion… wouldn't. —Also I apologize for the water. It should be less brackish now."

[aro-culture-is]

hi im really confused about who i am and it makes me nervous so ive found this account. Firstly im dating with a guy for a while but every day im thinking that am i using him?? cause he always wants to do some romantic things but i do not and i wanna do what im doing with my friends and wanna do sexual things (also we’re doing it too) and thats the problem am i using him?? but when we do the things what friends do im getting happier but i cant want any romantic things in my relationship and i think i never want it idk im so confused…

hi!

being an aromantic person in any kind of relationship is not inherently "using" someone, manipulation, abuse, or anything of that ilk.

what I do think is important to acknowledge is that if your relationship is not comfortable for you, it's time to consider your boundaries and priorities. if you aren't comfortable, that means that communication needs to occur. my number one advice for communication in situations like these is:

SAFETY FIRST. Physical safety - if this conversation occurs, do you have genuine concern that you may experience physical assault or in any way be blocked from accessing essential things like food, drink, sleep, or living space? if ANY of those are yes, please consider that your number one priority. I start with this over the concept of emotional safety because there's a few caveats there: as someone with a history of trauma, I know I have to spend additional energy into confirming if my expectation for emotional hurt is realistic or trauma-informed.

From there: what are realistic expectations and boundaries to enforce. NOT just discuss. Enforce. If you aren't comfortable with romantic actions in your (romantic)-sexual relationship, a good start is redefining your relationship - it probably isn't realistic to continue a romantic relationship with someone if you don't want romance in your relationship. Some relationships can be redefined as romantic on one side and not on the other, but in all honesty, I don't get the impression from your ask that you are emotionally in a place where that is likely to be a realistic expectation. I don't see someone who is terrified that their identity makes them manipulative being able to enforce their boundaries consistently.

Support network setup: if you can, try to make sure you will have ways to handle your emotions following your conversations and boundary setting, no matter how it goes. Consider what helps you process your emotions - is it other friends, therapists, trusted adults? Is it a soothing activity like playing/listening to music, making food, or crafting in some form? Is it mentally stimulating activities that force you to take a break from the intensity of your feelings, like sudoku or other puzzles, reading, or physical activities?

Next: talking time! Use "I" statements - "I've noticed that I feel weird when we have romantic interactions." is WAY better than "When you do a romantic thing towards me, that feels bad." One owns your emotions and encourages listening, the other encourages a subtle sense of blame towards the other and is likely to make them defensive. Speak on your own emotions, and allow and encourage the other to speak to their own feelings as well.

Decompress and process. However that conversation went, let yourself feel it. If you're upset, you can think "I feel upset. When I feel upset, these things often help me to feel better." I would encourage thinking "I feel" rather than "I am", as it helps you to not identify yourself as a feeling. Thinking "I am sad" can encourage you to feel stuck in that emotion, rather than acknowledging an emotion as a state of being. You are allowed to feel, and you are allowed to chose what to do with that feeling.

Overall... everything will be okay. It might not feel like it right now, but you will be okay. Drink some water, eat a small snack, ad try to rest. You deserve to have healthy boundaries, and every day that you can establish them will help to improve your life. I wish you the best.

[madfantasy]

I haven't seen you post in a while, I hope you've been doing okay? How is everything? Hope it's been a good year so far for you 💕💕

You're too kind, u & everyone who made inquiries, bless ur hearts.. im sorry for disappearing, but yeah, I don't have net— using my phone credit and hope this posts..

I tried to record my voice answering this, like I sometimes did on tik, suddenly ended up trying to muffle the floods of my burning tears, so now I have an awkward vid of me talking then weeping out of nowhere, which a good reason for me to keep up the no cry habit, heh.. but seriously, I suppose I'm fine till I be conscious of it.. its much easier for not to talk .. even tho I'm aching to be back in thy company, lonely in my foresight to catch on to the present that joins us, hand held out to reach like minded souls but shying from the fear of forgetfulness occurring..

I'm fine tho, did few new stuff, merely drowning in too muchness and nothingness as usual, this month I guess you could say I took an act of mad fury in search of any happy source because the echoing silence and the swarm of sadness nipping on my brain cells thickened, and the reasoning merged with the obscene. So instead of giving my guardians the usual of 3/4 of my earnings last month for net and groceries, I spent it all. Ya know, as it was told to me it mine to do as I please? As being prevented any chance of work if it was possible, 't was supposed to be spent on art supplies & measly delights craved for years ?

Before hand, I've been begging them to take me for months to get any clothing or whatever, be it the first time I ever see a shop, then just to drive around, then just me peaking to the outside when the front door is open, merely seeking change I suppose. They kept vaguely promising me until they refused point blank— getting tired of my nagging, then their car just stopped working till this day. Its in the workshop rn..

Anyway, befouled by despair, needing the mere basics of life and not granted, I was delighted when i found a site to buy from cheap & pretty, I pressed buy without any further considerations, or taking their permission and thrilled to be able get gifts for my siblings too. I say gifts but really they are deprived necessities too and not even much just one each cuz well, they are 5 of my babies and to start with the top of priorities; we all draw

I could already see it, they can't help themselves; heck seeped through the clenched gates of their mouths, trying desperately to poison me with undirect attempts this time, cuz I bought for my sibs they're out of the option of calling me selfish. I was upping the same trance like state of vague existence dealing with them, absorbing their insults and degrading just to make sure my shi arrives safe.

Unfortunate for me, the site chose the worst carrier in this country

I did everything in my power to make it into their convenience, by embarrassingly messaging the carrier daily, they took a week of promising to deliver and flanking so my guardians reached a heated level of threatening, waving their hands nd almost tossing shi at mE saying that they don't care if they came and if i dared to order something again they'll do this and that. Not allowing me to open the door for the delivery guy when he comes, blaming me for missing vaccination dates (they kept missing them even before)& missing going to important places(again, they just didn't go to for ages), made them loose sleep, etc etc— in turn, I seen red and regretfully blew up.

I screamed at them its literally the only time I ever did this, it BECAUSE it easier on them & I'll do what I want whatever anyway, & to stop interrupting me while I try to explain things , then they suddnly back done and be like I'm not mad at u I'm mad at the delivery ppl, that they are proud of me for being able to do all this, and such sort. I left them to cool in my room, Idk how I did it but must have slam-gripped something so hard it chipped most of my short nails & cracked one, was glad I didn't hurt my drawing hand but yeah, goofy mani

They robbed me of the joy of anticipation & the dissipation of apathy, I started to lose sleep again and my liberating dreams left me and I don't think I remember leaving bed.

But still, If not force myself to do things.. there'll be nothing for me if I don't.. at least I know im able of that

I got my guardians happy tho after another tiresome refusal, by trying out one of those Uber-eat like local apps here, since they have no car and being disabled & ill, I ordered McDonald's for the first time. Slythry behind their backs per habit, told them someone coming and they had that look again, but thankfully the guy came through and didn't steal my money, heh. For a big 1800 calories meal I suppose it was passable, the happy fam faces I got was the real treat..

Oh with that thing with the credit card stating I owe them money, waited weeks & nobody got back to us? They started taking from my guardian's account directly to pay it, saying oh we did send you warnings--- TO THE SHADOWY LINES OF THEIR POSTERIOR A.K.A NOWHERE. Thankfully the account is mostly empty nd just for random transactions, i alerted my guardians not to use it. And again, my god, another round of endless calls and promises started, and we wait again so they just don't act as if we owe them a frking 17k dollars that we don't have.. was panicking cuz I have nothing and but my guardians were weirdly comforting about it and told me not to worry

One thing good bout no net is it made me stop thinking about life in general, and stop the tiny unnoticeable prick of misery when I have no input to share, trying not to helplessly compare people just living, in inflated style or not, in media, to my isolated-most-of-my-life style and missing much of that organic "life experiences and chances", heh. At least, my situation would be favorable to me if it was ever possible for it to let me have peace, or have the simple knowledge I'm not virtually imprisoned and have never familiarised with nothing of this world but the surrounding walls.. its nice to have more time to be consumed by muse and day dreaming that flutters life through my dull being and sing chorus of inspiring means for art to flow and finds its way delicately onto my realised canvas.. but no, I continued drawing whilst sight blurred with salty droplets contradicting that happy tintin dance on tiktok I worked so long on just cuz I couldn't stop, not the tears or the mad scribbles of determined intention to visualise the mourned excitement I need, hating everything I make

Somehow the lilac dream still intrudes, visualising me friends, living, in a quaint home, maybe we roommate, arm in arm we go to make every fracture of fate's encounters a disgusting adventurous thrill, like building a maze of cardboard or chasing each other in the dark.. maybe getting that half bleached head and endless ear pericings ... then it dies and I totally forget it..

But what those awesome headphones helped me do, literally blocks all their voices listening to Sev losing it and I can Waltz around not feeling gutted to go and interfere or play the referee each time. But I can't wear them forever, gives me a bad headache, and honestly; I can't be too neglectful.. my sibs hates me for it already hehe

At least these clothing came true to their measurements, felt the new sensations on how everything I wore hugs me & learnt the baffling ways on how "gender" and region plays different tunes on the same measurements. Getting fitting things felt like suddenly there's hope to be, for myself to be me, and ease this severe disassociation between who I am, and what my body is .. from how little I see myself nd consider it worthy of anything because of how long it been living like a phantom among people.. to numb this dysphoria until it be gone one day

Saddened that the only site I can't order from again if they keep using that awful carrier

...

I missed our country's 91 national day, too. They made sales everything 91 riyal so.. but knowing the sellers here, I don't think most of em went true with their offers.. Horrible news tho on the celebrations, sigh

I turned this into a dear diary, guess bothered you enough today, sorry

So thankful to yous, Idk if I can be back, but I'll remain creating, and will keep the thought alive of being tickled when sharing my creations with your viewing pleasure somehow

'till then my precious dears, take care 💛🙏

26.9.2021, 8 pm, sleeping

[because-of-a-friend]

GuardianAngel!Jun

MASTERLIST

Thanks for the request anon! I really hope you like it!!! This was def a bit out of my comfort zone but in a really exciting way! Also I don’t keep up with absolutely all lore on angels/ guardian angels, so if I say something you weren’t expecting/didn’t really want or left out something you were expecting, I’m sorry and hope it’s still enjoyable anyways! (I DIDN’T MEAN TO MAKE THIS ANGSTY IT JUST SORT OF HAPPENED IM SORRY)

Warnings: Near death experiences (including almost drowning), mentions of injury and death, and angst

There are rules about being a guardian angel that are so obvious, they don’t need to be spoken

Obviously, if there’s a fixed point where your person has to get injured or even die, you can’t intervene

You can’t ever assist in a way that would get you spotted by your person

You can’t do more than simple guidance when it comes to matters of the heart and mind

And, you cannot ever meet your person and tell them who you are

Jun has always followed all rules to a T

He’s never gotten in trouble or anywhere even close to trouble

He’s an example to his peers

He always does his job perfectly

There’s never been a hitch

And then he’s assigned to you 

At first your life is as normal as anyone else he’s ever been a guardian to

But then things get complicated

It’s honestly like you’re trying to get hurt

Suddenly, there’s just a period of time where you’re constantly in danger

Jun will save you once and then immediately be running off to save you again

Boy is he stressed

He feels like his constant state of being is just standing there, bent over, hands on his knees, trying to catch his breath before you need him again

He’ll admit that he’d rather be assigned to you than someone who never required his help at all

He’d be so bored

But still, did you always have to be so... reckless?

One day it gets to be too much

And Jun slips up

You had already walked under an AC unit falling from someone’s apartment window and he had to send a gust of wind to push you out of the way

Then you stepped out into the street in front of a car speeding down the road

Jun was still in the middle of breathing out a sigh of relief from the first incident

So he didn’t have the time to think of how to save you from the next danger

In his panic he steps forward and grabs you

You feel the hand around your wrist

You feel the force yanking you back out of the street

You see someone out of the corner of your eye

But once you fully turn to thank them, no one is there

You’re turning around over and over to see who you could have missed

But there’s really no one

Jun is watching you from a few feet away, now invisible to your eyes, his heart practically beating out of his chest

He didn’t do anything wrong... did he?

Technically he didn’t get caught by you

Technically 

But that was close 

He needs to be more careful

You have a period of time where you’re just utterly confused about what happened that day

You’re constantly looking over your shoulder wondering if maybe it was something supernatural

You start to notice your close calls with injury/death

And begin to wonder what’s stopping you from actually getting hurt

Sometimes it’s a gust of wind strong enough to push you out of the way, or a loud noise to stop you in your tracks, or sometimes just the kindness of a random stranger who is suddenly overcome with the need to help you

It’s starting to feel impossible how many times you’ve crossed paths with death and walked away fine

You begin to almost... test the waters

Instead of accidentally running into trouble, you start purposely running towards it

Jun is unbelievably stressed

Why do you have to do this? 

He feels like he might die at this rate just from how much he’s stressing out about your safety

Then you put him in a situation where he really has no choice but to help you as himself

You’re walking by a community pool late at night after agreeing to help your friend that works there out by locking up for them so they could go out that night instead of being stuck at work late

There’s no one else there since it’s already closed

It’s dark and slippery

And with you being you, Jun is beyond nervous, so he follows behind you from no more than a foot away

It’s going fine and you’re almost done

So Jun is letting out a sigh of relief

But it was too soon

As you’re passing by to double check that the back door is locked, you slip on the wet floor

You tumble towards the pool and hit your head on the way down

Jun watches in horror as you fall into the water and sink straight to the bottom

He doesn’t hesitate even for a moment to jump in after you

He drags you out and sets you down next to the pool

You’re not waking up and he’s terrified

He begins to perform CPR

Finally you sit up, choking, water streaming out of your mouth

You saw him, you know you did

There’s a boy sitting in front of you even though you knew there was no one in the building besides you

He’s staring into your eyes with such great concern

“Are you ok?”

You nod slowly as he helps you sit up 

“You need to go to the hospital, you hit your head”

You nod at his words again, reaching up the rub your eyes since they’re blurred from the water

“How did you get in-”

You stop mid sentence

As soon as you’ve taken your hands away from your eyes, you look up and see that no one is there

You begin to search around but you really are alone

You’re spooked and also worried that maybe it’s just because you hit your head that hard and immediately head to the hospital 

The doctor discharges you quickly, telling you the hit didn’t do any serious damage and that you just needed to rest and take it easy for a few days

You’re still completely confused by the disappearing boy 

Was he the same person that pulled you out of the street that one day?

Jun begins to observe you closely after these incidents

He can tell you must be thinking about him

Most days when you’re not busy, you’ll be staring off into the distance, your mind trying to explain these strange happenings

And for the first time since he’s ever become a guardian angel, Jun really wants to tell you

Usually he had no issues hiding from the people he was assigned to

But you

He likes the way you live

How you speak to people

Your goals and dreams and how you work towards them

The hobbies you enjoy

He feels happy being your guardian

And while it can be stressful sometimes, he never hates it

It feels, ironically, comfortable to be your guardian

He’s honestly grown quite fond of you

Which is also a big no-no for guardian angels

You should never get too attached to your assigned person

There will come a time where they have to get hurt 

Or a time when their life must come to an end

If a guardian angel is too attached to a human

They may try to change what must be

But Jun hates watching you feel like you’re going insane over not being able to explain these instances 

He wants to be able to explain it all to you

In the end all it takes is one more brush with danger before you’re standing there, Jun’s hand locked around your arm, staring into his eyes after he’s saved you once again

He immediately turns to walk away but you grab his arm

“WAIT! Wait!”

Jun knows he should do anything, anything at all to leave you right then and there so he doesn’t get caught

But he also doesn’t hate the idea of that happening

“I know you!” you say. “You saved me the other day at the pool!” 

“I’m sorry,” he says, turning back to you, “but I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“It was you, wasn’t it?” you’re so sure this is the boy from the pool

Jun hesitates

Instead of saying anything, he just holds a finger up to his lips in a shushing motion before finally walking off

And you just stand there in awe

It was him

You go home immediately, beginning to study different supernatural creatures and happenings

You print out pages and pages of all sorts of information on any type of guardian creature you can find

You’re certain this boy is something other than human and you’re sure that whatever he is, he must be in charge of your safety

Now every time you almost get hurt or in trouble, you look around wildly, trying to spot the boy who you’ve only really been able to see twice

Sometimes you’ll catch a glimpse of a figure walking around a corner out of sight, or a being seemingly disappearing into thin air

This boy must be following you everywhere and you’re determined to catch him again

Jun, who is very tired after all of the saving you and then concealing himself moments, sort of just... lets you

One day you turn around after surviving another potentially dangerous moment, and he’s just... standing there

You can’t think of anything else to say, so you just blurt out the question, “Are you my guardian angel?”

Jun just smiles and nods at you, “Nice to finally meet you”

He walks you home that day

And you have a million questions for him

“Did you chose me or were you assigned to me?”

“What abilities do you have?”

“Have you been with me my whole life?”

“Do you have like... a boss?”

“Actually what is the system like?”

“What other supernatural creatures exist?”

“Do you have a name?”

He interrupts your next question by answering, “Jun.”

It silences you for a moment

“I like that name.”

Jun smiles brightly at you

You notice he sort of... glows

To say your relationship moves fast is an understatement

Jun knows your time together will be short

He’s heard what has happened to other guardian angels who have broken the rules

Someone will be coming for him

But he knows he’s in love with you

And wants to make sure he takes advantage of all the moments he has left with you

He’s very forward

But since your safety and comfort is his top priority, he always lets you set the boundaries beforehand

He’ll never do anything you don’t want him to do

But he’s definitely going to do anything and everything that you are ok with him doing

You feel strangely comfortable around him

Obviously you know he’s there to protect you and he’s been there your whole life

But it’s still strange how easy it is for you to just fall right into Jun

He holds your face in his hands and looks at you like you’re the whole world

And to him you are

Nothing has ever mattered to him as much as you

And all he wants to do is spend as much time with you as possible

He wants to go on all the traditional human type dates and do all the cliché human couple things 

The two of you celebrate every human holiday in like a week so he can experience what it’s like lol

On the day you celebrate Valentine’s Day he gets you every cheesy gift he’s ever seen humans get each other

“Jun how am I supposed to sleep with this many giant teddy bears in my room?”

“You’ll figure it out”

Then you two celebrate Christmas and he definitely sets up mistletoe on every doorway

You don’t miss how tightly he holds you at night

Or the way he looks at you like you’re about to disappear

Or the way he always needs to suddenly reach for you to make sure you’re there

You know something is off

Why would your guardian angel suddenly show up out of the blue to spend your life with you?

“Junnie, you’d tell me if I was gonna die right?”

“What? [Y/N], what makes you think you’re gonna die?”

He comes and kneels in front of you and takes your hands in his

“I don’t know, sometimes you just act like... this is all going to end at any moment.”

Jun knows he should tell you 

But he just wants the two of you to stay in your little bubble for as long as possible

“It’s just because I love you so much, and I just want to make sure you’re always safe and happy”

He clings to you even tighter the next few days

He knows he has to tell you asap so he wants to give you the best days of your life

He’s so doting

Makes you breakfast every day

Is always right there to show you affection

Wrapping his arms around you from behind

Resting his head on your chest and gazing up at you

Ruffling you hair

Pressing kisses all over your face

Letting his hands stroke up and down your arms and then all the way down to your fingers sending goosebumps across your skin

And then one day he gives you a gift out of nowhere 

It’s a beautiful necklace that looks like one single angel wing

“Oh Junnie, I love it” you say putting it on immediately

You quickly notice that he’s wearing a necklace with a matching wing

“[Y/N], I need to tell you something.”

He sits close to you and strokes your hands with his thumbs as he lays out the reality of your situation

His heart is in the pit of his stomach by the time he’s finished and he’s ready for you to run away and leave him behind

But when you assure him that you also want to make the most of every moment you have left

He’s so happy he could cry

So you start to take him on all the typical cheesy human dates

So that way the two of you have plenty of happy moments together while also getting to experience everything

The carnival

Picnics

Walks on the beach

Stargazing

And it’s honestly perfect every time

When he stares lovingly down at your face, stroking his thumb slowly up your cheeks then leans in to kiss you slow and sweet under the stars, you feel like you could fly

Your happiness is short lived though

You’re not even surprised when two men show up at your door asking where Jun is

Despite not being surprised, you are devastated 

The two of you put up a good fight

But the ending was inevitable

You watch helplessly as they drag Jun away from you

But before he’s gone completely he calls out to you

“If it’s in this life or the next, in this world or another, I will come back to you”

And as you see the look in his eyes during those last few moments

And see his expression as he says those words

You know that he will

[hellohels]

Life lately

For so long I haven’t really written down anything. Writing down my thoughts and feelings was an escape for me back then. I feel like when I am writing them, it somehow helps me cope with all the emotions I am feeling. 

I haven’t written down anything the past years, maybe because the emotions I have right now, isn’t something I want to escape from. It’s something I want to feel and let it grow in me. 

Last 2019, I got married. I got married so quickly, everyone was surprised. I was surprised to. I met my husband through bumble. When I used to use online dating apps. I do set my expectation that it will always be a fling thing. 

Don’t get me wrong, even thou I set that expectation to myself in the back of my mind. I’m still me, who is a sucker for kilig moments. I easily fall into traps. I met guys that are just into fun. I met guys who are loyal but doesn’t really go into commitments. It came to a point where I told myself, I am done looking for someone. I am done giving my feelings right away. 

So when I met Rupert, I wasn’t really expecting anything. (Hell I wasn’t expecting to getting married to him). It was one of the moments where I think oh, its another fun fling. 

The first time we saw each other, it was not the typical meet ups where you know it will end as just one hook-up. I met him with my friends. I just imagine how weird it must be for him, to meet someone for the first time and have their friends there. But honestly, the first time I met him, was the first time I also knew he was different. He didn’t really tell me to just reschedule because I was with my friends. He was okay with it. 1 green flag. 

The 2nd green flag im giving him. Was he never initiated that he wants a hook-up. I remember we had weeks of talking, meeting up to eat dinner and watching movies. From the North, he would go to BGC after my work just to spend time with me and go home. There was no intent of pushing me to go and sleep with him. 

I was very busy with my life when I met him. My out of the country trips. My career moving so fast. I have made big decisions with my life. And he was just there supporting me. 

2018 was when I first moved out from home. I moved to Pampanga for work. He would visit me in Pampanga, and go back to qc for work. I am sure, my first few months living alone wouldn’t be as easy if it wasn’t for him. 

2019 came, and my dad being himself of course has been bugging me that we should get married. Because he knows he stays with me most times. I thought, well, I am in this relationship not just for fun. I knew it was for the long run. So we decided, well. We don’t really have to wait. We got married a month before our anniversary. My friends told me to not do it. Hell I had doubts. 

I was worried that it might be too early in the relationship. But here we are, still married. I have to say it was not easy at all. Marriage is really something else. My priorities shifted. It was not just me that I have to think about. My decisions are not just for myself. I always have to consider him too. 

My life really changed. We have been married for almost, 3 years now. I know that’s not too long. But I am very happy with what I have right now. 

Coming from a very toxic relationship, I never knew this was the kind of love that I deserve. The love that I don’t need to ask for love, because it is given. Love that will not give you doubts because he never gave me a reason to doubt. Love that is not perfect, but will still choose each other. 

Now I understand that love is indeed a choice. That someone can throw everything away, because they chose to. 

The feeling of success is different when you have someone with you in the path you took. Having our own car, building our own house. I don’t think I can be able to do this, without Rupert supporting me. 

So to my husband (who doesn’t really know I write here), thank you. Thank you for choosing me everyday. For not letting me feel that I should doubt at anytime. Thank you for supporting me with all the craziness that I do. I know someday, all of our dreams will come true. And I wouldn’t choose anyone else to be in this road we’re on. 

I love you.

[smugraccoon137]

Supergirl Season 2 episode 8 Medusa review part 2

If your curious part 1 was just my breakdown of Kara and Mon-els relationship that got way too long. But as always SPOILERS AND GAY THOUGHTS AHEAD

Me and kel get so excited when Lenas in an episode. Like practically giddy. I can’t help smiling when shes on screen honestly. And yes Katie McGrath is beautiful, but beyond that such a pretty smile and lovely voice. I’m sure ratings started to spike when she joined the cast. Okay enough about pretty girls on to the review 

Tipsy fucking Alex though guys I can’t get over this mess of a person. 

Alex: if I have to come out to my mom then I choose to do it drunk

Kara: no your not *yoinks beer*

Alex: wait no my coming out juice

Kara Danvers sneaky sneaker extraordinaire can totally interview Lena and find out Cadmus things without anyone knowing. The confidence this goofball has is top tier

Underrated relationship: Alex and Winn though. I really really love Winn and honestly Alex is such big sister energy to both him and Kara. 

wow Lenas pretty in the interview scene. A touch of auburn hair from the sunlight really makes this shot and we never get to see her with her hair down. Fan service honestly, or maybe she heard a certain beef cake reporter was gonna come by and wanted to dazzel her.

Lena: hair up is for business. Hair down is for flirting friendship time with Kara

Poor baby thinks she falls short nooooo. Your doing your best godamn your only like 25 jesus. Kara give her a hug she needs love and affection

Kara thinks shes being so sneaky in this interview. Such a golden retriever, bad at sneakin. As soon as she toes the line Lena catches on and kicks her out. Really good acting in the scene, the subtle change in expression to show Lenas guard raising. Good job Katie.

Real quick Lena why is your office so ugly? How do you keep it clean? You spend 99% of your days in this place and its whiter than a hospital room. I hate it. Why is your desk an oval? and why does it have a hole in it? Kara cant eat you out in secret anymore damn. 

OOHHHhhhh noooo the fucking gas bomb in the bar what the fuck. EVERYBODIES DEAD JESUS WHAT WAS THAT

Poor Mon-el. What happened at the bar was fucked up, and he feels like its fault when its obviously not.

Love that he and Kara are having bro time playing some Monopoly. Oh no not Kara asking if he likes her. Honestly thought these two had good chemistry in this scene. Im a sucker for dumbass not understanding certain words and phrases. So Kara having to reiterate her questions and finally being like “You don’t want to mate with me do you?” was super fun. Omegaverse vibes mfs. Although I am confused by mon-els reaction “I mean have you seen the kind of women I’ve been attracting?” I honestly don’t know what this means.

Kara internal reaction though: Oh thank god

Wow Kara really just has no regard for her own life, huh? she just opens the door and possibly contaminates herself. It’s good to want to help people, but love you gotta care about yourself too

Good reveal with the fortress of solitude. Oof Kara gonna feel like its her fault all those aliens died and mon-els sick. They do a really good job of showing Karas relationship with her parents through their holograms. She wants so badly to see them again, to talk to them. And she can, but not really. They just aren’t real.

Lena cattily to her mother: im used to celebrating holiday weekends alone at my desk

me to Kara: please invite her to thanksgiving

Okay so Lena being adopted is another interesting parallel to Kara. Also the fact that both Kara and Lena fall into there families shadows, and are left behhind or forgotten. Really interesting how Lena and Karas relationship is so similar to Clark and Lex’s for obvious purposes. Though the CW queer coding the fuck out of their relationship in Smallville really only adds to Supercorp fever. Its always been Homoerotic subtext Harold!

Me watching Lena and Lillian trade verbal blows: Wow ya’lls relationship is fucked up. Lex and Lionelle would spar and fence but you two are on another level jesus

oooooof that last line. 

Lena: I know your lying

Lillian: and how could you possibly know that?

Lena: because you told me you loved me. And we both know thats not true

Who wrote this jesus fuck my heart. The PAIN.

Bonus thought Lena thinks Karas smart. Goofball beefcake sneaky sneakster who doesnt know the difference between flirting and friendship is smart she thinks. I love these idiots

Wow Kara just doesn’t wait huh? Oh cadmus is going to be at LCorp? Not on my watch. Lena’s there. I know this because I tune into her heart beat just to check on her cus she likes to work late. Don’t worry Alex it’s for friendship reasons.

That LCorp security guard got princess carried for .2 seconds. Best moment of his life.

God its like dark out. Lenas working on a holiday weekend into the night. I hate this, give her friends.

Lena looks so scared when Kara gets thrown into the giant LCorp sign

And then hurt Kara looking up at her with dread.

Kara internal: fuck don’t come out now. I came here to save you

God I love the protectiveness. Its *chefs kiss*. Hank throwing the beam at Lena and Kara even in her hurt state throwing herself in front of it. Sometimes self sacrifice is gay. But how Lena looks at her after wards like “I can’t believe I’m alive. I can’t believe she chose to save me”. Met with a gruff “Get out of here!”. mm yes this is my kind of content. Fight for me.

I was robbed an aftercare scene but I doubt it will be the last time. (*COUGHS* the “im leaving” phone call *COUGHS*)

Talking about the virus Eliza: what about Lena Luthor?

Kara: What about her?! (super defensive is also a super power maam)

Winn: Luthors can be pretty good actors

Kara: No, I looked into LENAS EYES. She doesn’t know anything about cadmus or her mother

J’onzz: Would you stake Mon-els life on that?

well I guess that really puts Lena and Mon-el right next to each other in priorities huh? Which one is more important? 

Wow Lena totally has a crush on Supergirl after that. Flustered dork. 

Lena: *laughs nervously* you know that doors not really an entrance

Kara: *upsettit stone face pupper*

Lena: :,) 

Okay but the way Lena just says “Anything” all breathless and helpful when Kara says she needs her help. Shes crushin hard

Kara tells Lena her mother is in charge of Cadmus. 

Lena: >:(

Annnd the crush is dead. That did not last long. Really love that Lena has such a different relationship with Kara vs Supergirl though, good dynamic having her reactions so different. Which I believe actually relates as a Clark and Lois parallel? Seeing as how Lois has two separate relationships with Clark and Superman. 

OOf the way Lenas throat bobs with genuine sadness because who she thought Supergirl was is wrong. Shes just like the rest of them. Thinks Lena is just another crazy Luthor. It hurts

Kara: I know what its like to be disillusioned by our parents, but Im a pretty good judge of character, and you are not like your mother. She is cold and dangerous. And you are too good and too smart to follow in her path. Be your own Hero.

Wow just what a good line. They are capable of some things here and there arent they? Melissa's delivery on this is excellent. And the way Katie McGrath is able to show such depth of sadness and bitterness even from a shot of her BACK is really cool. Great acting in this scene in particular. And I can see why the “desperation to be good” is such a highlighted part of these two relationship. Its the one thing in common between Lena and Supergirl, the place where they can meet in the middle. And the way Lena looks after her as she leaves! AHHH thats the good shit, the pining

Okay big Mon-el scene in coming so if you dont want to hear my ranting skip over this part. 

Funny how as soon as Kara has this big impactful scene with Lena full of tension and emotion the writers were like: shit we almost forgot Mon-els dying. 

Kara: *staring sadly back into Lenas office kind of wanting to go back in*

Writers: *cough cough* KARA He’s DYINGGGG

Kara: Oh shit right. Mon-el Oh no. My *looks at poorly written handwriting on her palm* romantic interest?

Wow Mon-el looks like shit, poor guy. Someone swaddle this pillow princess and get him some soup.

Heres a question. Kara is visibly upset that Mon-el is dying. Is it because she’s sad that the guy shes likes is dying. Because her friend is dying? Because her father created the virus thats killing him (what the writers want us to think)? Or because no matter what Kara does the people she loves keep falling through the cracks and shes helpless to stop it?

Her parents. Clark. Her adoptive father. Now Lena. Now Mon-el. Why can’t she ever do anything? Why is it always her fault? This poor kid has some deep seeded abandonment issues

Mon-el: you know you look beautiful with the weight of all these worlds on your shoulders.

I do remember my reaction here, cus I thought this was a weird line. A line that was obviously meant to be romantic and complimentary, but it felt unsettled in my stomach. Coming back and watching the scene it sits even more uncomfortably there. He obviously means well, but this line is kind of just shitty. Its a very selfish and unthoughtful thing to say to someone. 

Kara’s entire fucking life has revolved around other people and making sure they are happy and taken care of. But having “failed” at such a young age to do the impossible things asked of her (carrying on Kryptons legacy, raising Clark) she overcompensates. Any normal person would just make their life revolve around their family and friends, not healthy but it works. But Kara feels responsibility over an entire world of lost people and lives. So the amount she overcompensates is ungodly. She does have the weight of worlds on her shoulders. This is not a joke or hyperbole. Its just her life. And thats so fucking shitty. And to have someone actually see that and acknowledge it. To make it a reality so to speak. Then to have them say “yeah you look good like this” while you’re a shaking Atlas being crushed. It is just a little too much isn’t it? That pain to have someone see you finally, and then completely miss the point. For them to go “oh wow your so strong. your so brave” instead of “let me help you. you shouldn’t have to do this at all, forget by yourself. But now I am here”. 

I imagine this was the scene that crowned my darling himbo boy Mon-Hell? Which is so unfortunate. I hope Im wrong, but I feel that his character might just end up a big missed opportunity

I want everyone to know that me and Kel screamed through the entire enxt few seconds of the scene. We knew the kiss was coming from how they were building it up. But god was it painful, especially for it to be delivered after a line like THAT. But yeah very loud angry screaming

Also not to be that bitch but Kara and Mon-els scene was a total of 1:53 RT, and Kara and Lenas ran at a 1:57 RT. Just sayin...

No Lena don’t be evil thats too sexy...

Okay but the way that Lena just tricks Lillian is so good. Shes so clever. And added bonus she makes her ask for her help, which is nice actually. Lillian's obvious vice is weakness and that is often shown in embarrassment. A woman like this asking for help borders that line of weakness and its nice to see on such a dislikable character. Lena didn’t just get what she wanted she got a point over her mother.

Lena looks good in the purple coat. Repeat she is pretty

Love the mental chess game between Lena and Lillian. Lena offering help right off the bat and giving her the isotope free of charge. And then Lillian making Lena launch the virus to prove herself. Good stuff.

Kara appears: don’t do it Lena!

Lena: why not? im a luthor

Okay so obviously Lena switched the Isotope and the Virus won’t work. But thats what makes this line so perfect. Throwing it back in Supergirls face. Like “Yeah, Im a luthor. And Ill show you what im capable of.” But instead of mass death and destruction Lena saves the day. She saved thousands of lives, and its because shes a Luthor that she was able to do that. Really nice way to full circle that 

Wow Lillian really just starts booking it without Lena, huh? bitch

I really love the scene of the virus falling all around National City. The choice of an orangish snow falling was a really really good one. Paired with some excellent music for the mid season finale.

Its sad but I do love Hank just being ready and at peace with death. Im sure he misses his wife and daughters. 

Okay but Lena calling the cops is tea. Send your mom to jail honey. 

So we’re really not gonna talk about how Lena saved everyones asses? Like don’t you think Supergirl would want to talk to the woman that A) kind of tricked her, and B) saved National City. Thats just what makes sense??? But no we’re going to ignore that the DEO is a kind of shit at their job sometimes. And that the woman that they were accusing of having a part to play in all the xenophobic shit is the one who did their job. BY HER SELF. 

Okay rant over. This was a long one review dear god. Really really good episode though. I enjoyed rewatching all the scenes even if it was a mixed bag of feelings. Thanks for reading hope you enjoyed all the screaming!

[katsukisbimbo]

Bokuto Koutaro x Reader

✯pairing: Bokuto Koutaro x Reader

✯genre: strangers-to-lovers au!! with fluff, cRack aND!! smut!! slight angst too. uhh the several uses of the term “fat c0ck” because bokuto has a big dick

✯summary: meeting bokuto was a roller coaster you weren’t ready for, but you knew that if you had the chance you’d ride on it over and over again just to experience everything all over again

✯wordcount: 3.7k

✯note: hey guys i’m slowly pushing requests out so i hope you guys can bare with me!! this is for @gulfwanq​ who’s writing i absolutely love!! keep making great content love, muAh

you first met bokutou when you went to the local convenience store near your school

you really wanted some onigiri plus you didn’t have lunch

aNd onigiri miya was closed today

sigh

rUmbLe RuMbLe

gosh you were hungry

when you went to grab the last onigiri on the shelf you were surprised to see another person grab it before you

like huh

do i have to bite this stupid persons hand of-

you turn your head to look at the culprit and

your jaw DROPS

this man is gorgeous

and he looks like an owl

a really cute owl

owo

“if you could kindly take your hands off of my lunch i’d greatly appreciate it >.

and that’s the nicest way you could tell someone to fuck off really

but he just smiles and pulls the onigiri towards him and turns to walk away

oH NO YOU DONT BEEFY BOY

you jump on his back and try to choke him?? and steal the onigiri back??

and this dude is just laughing

what part of this is a JOKE to you HUH

this is LUNCH

LUNCH IS NOT A JOKE

you were not here to play games with cute boys

but you would make an exception if he played with your-

ANYWAYS!!!

the store owner sees the two of you fooling around and just kicks you both out

in the end neither of you ended up with the onigiri

“did you see what you did horn head? now i’m hungry”

and he just grabs your arm and pulls you into a different direction

“hEY- wHere are you tAking mE” you yelled exasperatedly at the random boy who was pulling you

“we’re going to get ramen”

oh ok

but like,, was he going to treat u or,,,

“i’m paying, come on”

wEll

who were you to turn down free food??

especially from a beefy looking dad-

aNYWAYS

“wait a minute,,, who aRe you?”

“hEY HEY HEY!!! dOnt you know me y/n??? i’m bokuto koUtaro!! i’m in the top 5 ranking of japan’s aces!!! i’m the best!!!”

his name,, did not ring a bell

nothing at all

“uhh,, ok,, how’d you know my name?”

ruh roh

bokuto started sweating profusely when you asked him that question

siri how do you tell your kouhai that you’ve noticed her ever since she was a first year but you were too pussy to actually talk to her or ask her out until you saw her trying to get the last onigiri at a convenience store so u say ‘hey why not steal her onigiri and make her fall in love with me’ so that’s exactly what u do

siri: here are the search results for “adult diapers”

sIRI THATS NOT WHAT I SAID

“ahh i’ve noticed you around before n i kinda thought you were cute”

take in bokuto didn’t even care that you didn’t acknowledge him before like he just cares that you’re talking to him now

n he was just avoiding your gaze but all u could think about was how cUTE!! he looked

wow

babie

and that was how you met bokuto koutaro

now he was almost leaving you

and through the months, bokuto had weaseled his way into life as your best friend, and in your heart, but as something more

it was easy to catch feelings for him

i mean,, who wouldn’t

you were currently in his bed, waiting for him while he showered

bokuto had graduated just today and you were gonna miss him so much :((

while you were thinking about bokuto, you didn’t realize that he had already exited the bathroom, sHIRTLESS

his grey sweatpants were hanging low on his hips, giving you a show of his v-line and delicious looking abs

wow

he turned to you and gave you a heartwarming smile

unfAir

he was too cute for his own good

“kouuuu come lay with me”

he dried his hair a little bit more before hanging the towel back into the washroom, then made his way to your spread out figure on his bed

he crawled on top of you and wrapped his arms around your waist while his head rested on your chest

your hands automatically made their way to bokuto’s head, massaging his salt n pepper locks just the way he liked it

he looked too pure right now

“kou?” “mm?” hummed bokuto

“i’m gonna miss you. so so much.” you forced out, feeling your tears starting to drip down your cheeks

bokuto immediately noticed the quiver in your voice and looked up, only to see his precious girl crying

“oh no bAby please don’t cry, please don’t cry i’m so sorry pretty girl come here” he cooed as he sat up and scooped you up into his arms, sticking you back in forth as you buried your face in his neck

but this only made you sob harder

“whyre you crying pretty girl? i’m not leaving tokyo, and i’m still gonna live here. you’re still gonna see me” he reasoned

he didn’t gEt it

he was going to go to a different school, meaning he wasn’t going to be with you all the time

and going to a new school means meeting other people

what if he meets someone and falls in love with them

and what if he just leaves you behind

you wouldn’t know how to deal with all that pain if that ever happened

you knew that bokuto was a busy man but you weren’t ready for him to leave you completely

like yeah you coUld come to his house to see him but you wouldn’t want to distract him from doing work or anything

you just weren’t read to let your kou go and that was okay

“i-i don’t want to be left behind” you sniffled

instead of comforting you even more, bokuto just tightened his hold on you and started laughing, letting you head the deep timbre of his voice

his laugh was so cute

“what do you mean pretty? im not going anywhere so how can i leave you?”

gOSH

did u rEALLY have to spell it out

bokuto looked at you expectantly as he lifted your chin to make you face him

you shifted your gaze to the suddenly interesting pillow at the foot of bokuto’s bed

“i’m scared that you’ll find someone better than me” bokuto’s eyebrows shot up in surprise and opened his mouth as he was about to interject-“i’m not the prettiest, or the smartest, or the coolest or the most athletic, but yet you chose me to be your best friend kou” you mumbled

all bokuto could do was watch as his love broke down in front of him, spewing all these lies about herself, degrading herself in front of him

honestly bokuto was pissed

who inserted all these negative thoughts into your pretty little head?

who made his special girl feel like she wasn’t enough for him, when it was him who didn’t deserve her?

she is kind, understanding, and loving. she is also vEry smart. which is why he couldn’t figure out why you thought you were less than what you were

he didn’t understand how you couldn’t see how wonderful you are

“i’m scared that you won’t return my feelings”

ah

there it was

bokuto pushed you by your shoulders, far enough to let you see his beautiful face, but not too far to the point where it seems like he’s doing it out of disgust

“oh y/n. my sweet girl, my special girl, you have absolutely nothing to worry about! y/n, i’m in love with you, i’ve been in love with you since you were a second-year. and i never doubted oNce that you were the one for me.” he stroked your cheek

“im so sorry if i didn’t reassure you, pretty. i just thought that you already knew these things. i’m kinda stupid, even for one of the top 5 aces in japan!!” he joked, causing you to let out a few giggles

you looked into his bright eyes, and cupped his soft, warm cheek, and slowly leaned towards his pink lips

“kOu!!! y/N!!! dinners ready!!”

goodamnit

you immediately placed your hands on his chest, planning to push him away and coax him to going down for dinner

until

he leans down and captures your lips with a heated kiss

your hands made their way into his still damp hair and tugged, making him groan into your mouth

your body involuntarily arched at his touch, letting you feel his bulge as he pressed into you

you started to rock your hips against his, wanting to feel the friction between your clothed groins

“k-kou— kou please‘ you whimpered into his mouth, not knowing what exactly you were begging him for

“shit babe i gotta stop or else i won’t be able to hold myself back,, and i want our first time to be special” he mumbled against your kiss bitten lips

gOsh

he was so cute :(( he wanted your guys’ first time to be special :((

mom :( i’m :( in :( love :(

“okay kou, lets go downstairs then” you suggested as you tried to push him off of you

“bUt pretty giRL—“ “no whining kou, lets go big boy, you must be hungry” you said as you finally got him off of you and sitting on the edge of his bed as you tried to pull his arm

“yeah i’m hungry just not for food tho” he mumbled lowly, not letting you catch it”

“what was that?” “nOTHING i’m starving haha let’s eat” “oh okay”

after the both of you made your way downstairs, bokuto i’d mom had immediately noticed your interlocked hands and started cheering

“I KNEW IT!! Y/N WAS GONNA BE OUR DAUGHTER-IN-LAW” she yelled in her husbands face as the both cheered while you and bokuto just stood there

“i’m so proud of you son, you finally grew a pair and asked her out after what? months and months of pining after her? ‘dAd how do i ask a pretty girl out?’ and ‘daD she’s so beautiFul i feel like i’m gonna pEe myseLf’”

“dAAD STOP EMBARRASSING ME”

any time spent with bokuto was never boring

after that day, bokuto had taken you on several dates, until he formally asked you out

and he was the best boyfriend you could ever ask for

he always had snacks ready

he always made sure to text you and call you to tell you whenever he was busy so that you wouldn’t worry

he always made you one of his top priorities which felt nice

and bokuto just gives you so much love

but one thing is that,,, bokuto is very jealous

he would get all mopey and dejected whenever a guy or girl would come up to you and ask you for your number, or if you wanted to hang out with them sometime

obviously you declined, informing them that you had a boyfriend

but the fact that people still wouldn’t leave you alone pissed him off to no end

he voiced his thoughts to kuroo, who just thought that he was being stupid

there was no way you are gonna leave him for anyone else

bokuto was stupid to not see how utterly and completely in love you were with him

all you had in your heart was bokuto and nobody else was needed

but there was this one incident, where someone had groped you in public, right in front of him

and he went ballistic

if it wasn’t for his friends and you who held him back, he would’ve certainly gotten arrested for assault

even though it would’ve been fair

sexual assault is a big no no

after that day, you made sure that whenever you sensed bokuto feeling down or jealous, you would insure him that he was the only one and will only be the only one

which usually got him feeling better in a span of 2 minutes

when bokuto had gotten into the MSBY Black Jackals, you were so proud of him

you were happy that he was able to do what he loved and made it into his career

he was really an excellent volleyball player

you would try your best to make it to all of his games and he honestly really appreciated it

he was so thankful for you for being as loving and supporting as you were to him, he honestly didn’t think that he deserved you

but let’s be honest

bokuto deserves the world

meeting some of his teammates for the first time was hEctic

they had all come over for a small get together at yours and bokuto’s condo

hinata wa stour favourite, just because he was cute and you saw how much he admired bokuto

and sakusa was very nice?? surprisingly you got along with him just fine?? which surprised everybody else

but miya atsumu

whew

this boy was something else

you lOved him!! honestly!!!

but he was just a little shit sometimes it made you want to rip out your large intestine and eat it

he would sometimes crash at your shared condo with bokuto, after a night of drinking with their team

and he’d let you clean up after him AND your boyfriend, as they were both drunk out of their minds

there was one night where you had to sleep in the guest bedroom because koutaro and atsumu had fallen asleep in your bed

while cuddling each other

wow

but all in all he was a great guy, and someone you loved as your brother

sometimes

phew

the first time you had sex with bokuto

you were afraid

bc of the fact that you were a virgin n it was your first time

but luckily it was kou’s first time too!!

which put you at ease a little

but you were still afraid that you might not be able to satisfy him?? like what if he says that it doesn’t feel good?? or if he says that you sucked at sucking dick??

that would be so sad

so you did what you had to do

you contacted all your female friends and asked them to teach you how to uh sex

which was a very awkward conversation between your friend group, since most of them were virgins too

they suggested to take it slow and not spring it on him all at once, especially since most days he’d be too tired from practice

so after practice, you made your move

bokuto had just gotten home and had gone straight into the shower after giving you a little peck while you were cooking in the kitchen

you decided that you were going to let him eat to gain some strength before you sucked him dry

after his shower, he excited the room with black sweatpants hanging low on his hips

kinda like deja vu

this was a scene that would never get old

you say him down and fed him, knowing that he liked being babied on some days

and you honestly didn’t mind, you liked taking care of your boyfriend

he was just too cute

after dinner, you washed the dishes and pushed him on your shared bed, face first

you sat on his bum and started lather his back with lavender oil, knowing that he loved the smell and how warm it made his back feel

you started to massage his back, slowly starting to press your thumbs into the knots in his back, making him groan at the feeling

it went like that for at least 45 minutes, you finished up after tending to each knot in his back, making you feel very accomplished

you flipped him over, only to see his blissed out face. his eyelids were drooping and he had a little dopey smile on his face

you put your hands on his chest and slowly made your way down until they reached the hem of his sweats, which you slowly pulled down

releasing his semi hard cock from its confinements

you felt yourself start to drool at the thought of gagging and slobbering all over his fat cock

he was barely conscious until you licked a fat strip from the base to the tip

which woke him up pretty well

“s-shit babe“

his large calloused hands tangled themselves into your hair and started slowly pushing your head back onto his awaiting dick

which you gladly took into your mouth

he stared with a slow place as you caressed his cock with your warm tongue as he pushed your head down, and suckled on his tip when he pulled back

you loved the feeling of his fat cock going down your tight throat

the feeling of your drool and his precum mixing made you clench your thighs, which didn’t go unnoticed by your boyfriend

“fuck, thats it pretty girl, take it down your throat. you’re such a good girl. baby’s gonna take my load right? you’re gonna be a good girl and swallow it all for me right?” he teased as he pulled you off of his dick

you coughed and nodded your head, moving your face near his crotch again, wanting to keep it in your mouth

he chuckled at the desperate look you had given him when he didn’t give you what you wanted

luckily, you had only been wearing your panties and one of bokuto’s oversized shirts

you loved wearing his clothing especially because you liked having yourself covered in his scent

he just smelled so nice

he pulled you up and pushed your hips to turn you around

which made your hips over over his awaiting mouth while your were faced with his dripping cock

you started to slowly give the head kitten licks, until those licks turned into long and hard sucks

he pushed your panties to the side and grabbed your hips, pushing your pussy into his waiting mouth

his tongue was relentless

alternating from roughly licking your clit to dipping his tongue in your slit, moving his tongue with vigour

his manhandling had made you work even harder, getting him closer to his euphoria

cuz you are the cause of bo’s euphoria🥺

yEah yEAh yEah yEah yEah yeAhhhh

anyways

once hit started to stroke your clit with his thumb

it was over.

you were done and creaming on his face while bokuto was releasing on your face as well

shiT

bokuto really do be hitting different

he gently pushed your body off of his and reached for a towel, gently wiping your face while whispering apologies

after he was done he gently kissed your lips and got on top of you once more, using both his hands to spread your legs to reveal your glistening slit

(psa sex isn’t really like this irl LOL i’m exaggerating it,, but if u find someone who cares enough about u then it might just be like how i describe it👁👄👁 my first time having sex was with a skinny weeb gamer boy who sold marijuana to the crazy people downtown so,,)

anyways

bokuto shoved two meaty fingers into your hole, spreading you out even more and scissoring you

making you arch your back off of the bed

shit bokuto felt like he was about to bust just looking at you

“i’m gonna make you feel so good pretty girl, you won’t even remember anything but my name.”

👁👄👁 ok den

one thing bokuto loved to do was go on late night drives with you??

it was surprising that bokuto had a license in the first place but after he had graduated you had forced him to get one, because obviously it was necessary smh

he had taken you to your guys’ favourite spot 

which was just on top of a hill that had a beautiful view of all the city lights 

his car always had extra pillows and blankets just in case you guys had a last minute trip to your spot

he immediately set up the pillows in the trunk and beckoned you to come over and sit next to him 

““i love being here with you kou, it’s like just yesterday i was still tackling you in the convenience market for the last onigiri” you reminisced 

he laughed and buried his nose into your hair, loving the smell of your fragrant shampoo

his large hands rubbed your sides, making you snuggle into his side even more than you were 

he was just so warm  and cuddly 

it was hard not to just bury yourself in him 

“i love you y/n. you know i’d give you the world if i could right?” ““i know kou, i love you too. you don’t need to give me the world because i have you, you are my world”

damn 

you never failed to fluster him, after years of being with each other 

you were so in love with this boy 

all you knew was bokuto 

he was your first everything, and hopefully your last 

he slipped out of your hold and stood up, admiring the view of the city as he walked a little, until he suddenly turned to face a confused you 

like y was he suddenly standing up 

until he wasn’t 

this was bokuto koutaro, the love of your life, down on one knee, as he held a white velvet box, which contained the prettiest diamond ring you could ever get 

you immediately felt tears starting to stream down your face, even though he hasn’t said anything yet 

“y/n,, i’m so in love with you. i don’t wanna be with anyone else but you. you give me happiness, love, faith, and courage. i want to be by your side until we grow old together. i have loved you since you tried to choke the shit outta me in that convenience store. you loved me at my worst, and my best, you are the cause of all good things in my life. you are the cause of my euphoria. no, you are my euphoria. pretty girl,, will you continue being my euphoria?”

you couldn’t help yourself as you jumped into his arms and started peppering kisses around his face while mumbling yes with each kiss 

he took your hand and gently slid the ring on your finger 

now he could show people that you were his, as he was yours

“i love you kou”

““i love you more, pretty girl” he mumbled as he kissed the top of your head 

“kou,,” “mm?” 

“i’m pregnant”

“wha”

[sugaryyangs]

you're my 't-h-i-n-g'

taeyong × fem!reader

warnings: mature language and themes

genre: floof but i think theres a good amount of angst shoved in there im really sorry im bad at these things dhvehej

tags: pining, bestfriend!taeyong, badboi(?)!taeyong, jellybelly!taeyong

characters: you, taeyong, yuta and johnneh make a brief appearance, seventeen's yoon jeonghan is mentioned like twice

words: 3.6k

Do you remember back when you were a child? Do you remember meekly holding onto the object of your affection and feeling safe, desperate for it to stay by your side forever?

Whether it was a stuffed toy or your parents' big, warm arms, do you remember the sense of security only your 'thing' could make you feel? Knowing that no matter what, you were protected against all the evils your brain could muster back then?

Well, I guess it would be presumptuous of me to assume that every single person would remember their 'thing', mostly because some people just didn't get to experience having one at all.

Lee Taeyong was one of those people.

He'd grown up in a place he never spoke about once in the four years I've known him. Not willingly, anyway.

It was almost at the end of our sophomore year of college when I had finally managed to push him into opening up about his past, and boy was I taken aback. Not to exaggerate or anything, but anyone who knew Taeyong had the basic idea about his background, and what he told me still managed to shock me out of my wits.

I understood after that why he didn't talk about his past. If I were him, I wouldn't either. I was surrounded by absolute guilt for making Taeyong relive it through his words and vowed not to ever bring it up again.

Another thing that made sense to me after that conversation was why it was so hard for him to commit to relationships. Not just romantic ones, just relationships in general. As far as I know, apart from me, he didn't trust anyone.

Well, apart from me and them.

Taeyong never really let me get close to the guys at the tattoo shop, now that I think about it. He kept me completely separated from his other friends the first year and a half of knowing me. Not even a mention about what his day was like at work. I was honestly amazed by how efficiently he could swerve around the subject for so long.

After a while, he started mentioning their names but that was pretty much it. He rarely ever did that, though. But it wasn't like he was cutting off another personality of his from me or anything like that. I had a general idea of what they did. Even if Tae managed to keep me completely separated from all of that the best he could, he still was the same Lee Taeyong to me. He was still my best friend, so he obviously couldn't hide everything from me.

The first time I ever interacted with them (that too, only two of them) was a few weeks ago, during my fourth year of knowing Tae. It was a... questionable encounter. Now that I think about it, the highlight of that day wasn't even meeting Taeyong's friends.

Whoever fought with him that day had probably put up a good fight, because he was so hurt that day that he had no choice but to come to my apartment for help; and he hated having to be seen by me when he was hurt.

I was utterly terrified when I saw him, to be honest. The slash on his arm was long and it looked really deep. He had a lot of bruises on his leg, and those, too, only the ones I could see through his ripped jeans. There were scratches on his face as well. Tae told me that he'd only walked for around five minutes or so, but I was honestly surprised he'd managed to make it to my place in his state.

After my frantic attempts to clean up his injuries in a mixture of panicked questions, teary eyes and messy bandaging somehow made the bleeding stop (not completely, I could see the bloodstains on the bandage), I demanded that we head to the hospital immediately.

He refused to budge, claming that he "didn't need to", and I was near punching him square in the jaw.

"What the fuck do you mean, 'I don't need it'? Are you fucking insane, Tae? We're going. Now."

Now, I may not be the scariest person in the world, but I do know how to take my stance when I need to. No way in hell was I going to agree to let him bleed on my fucking couch for goodness knows how long before he passed out.

I stood in front of him, my arms crossed over my chest. He was watching me intensely, his piercing eyes looking straight into mine. I didn't know why, but for some reason, they always managed to make me weak.

This might not be the best time to bring this up, but yes, I possibly had feelings for Taeyong which weren't exactly platonic, per se. And yes, it was terrible, because he depended on me for love and support. It was wrong of me, and I was trying to stop.

But at that moment, I wasn't going to cave. Hell if I wouldn't try my best to battle his gaze, no matter the way it made me feel.

"Get up," I said, shoving every bit of authority I had inside me into my voice. "Now."

He parted his lips slightly and held the tip of his tongue between his teeth. His eyes flitted down from my face. Relief bloomed in my chest. The fear of the possibility of Taeyong's injuries getting worse flickered away slowly.

A doctor will look at him and he'll be fine, I told myself.

That was short-lived, though. Not more than two seconds later, he looked back up to meet my eyes, with a much darker gaze this time. The way he looked at me was so intense that I almost lost my breath. And then the realization hit me.

I was in a dress. Tae knew I only wore dresses on dates. Tae liked to know about who I was going out with. I hadn't told him about this one.

The anxiety was ten times harder this time than the one I had felt before. I looked away from his eyes to the couch behind him and, seeing his jaw tighten through my peripheral vision.

He shifted closer to me so that our knees were touching, taking me by surprise. I looked down at his arm, concern clawing at my chest as I saw more blood seep through the white bandage wrapped around his forearm, probably because he moved so suddenly.

"Tae, let's— let's not do this right now—"

"Who were you out with?"

My breath caught in my throat. I felt awful doing this. I felt awful knowing that he cared so much. I hated that I hoped that he didn't just care as a friend. I hated that I liked Lee Taeyong, a person who sought comfort in me.

And that's exactly why I wanted to move on. I couldn't just cut him out of my life, so I tried to busy myself with other people. He made it so much more difficult, though. It was hard enough for me to agree to go out with someone without having my heart shatter into pieces at the constant reminder that it was Taeyong that I truly liked by itself. The fact that Tae rarely ever approved of my dates made it even harder. That's why I chose to keep Jeonghan hidden from him.

But being dishonest to him was what hurt the most.

"Tae, please. You're not listening, we— we need to get you help—"

He cut me off, opening his legs and shifting to the edge of the couch so that I was standing between his thighs.

"I asked you a question."

I could feel tears prick at my eyes. Sucking in a shaky breath, I tried to compose myself.

"That isn't our priority right now, please, let's just go—"

"I said I'm Fucking Fine. Will you answer the God damned question now?" He raised his voice and I flinched slightly. Slowly, I could feel anger bubble at the back of my throat. Why did he have to yell? I never got this mad when he went out with someone I didn't like.

"That isn't any of your business," I mumbled, taking a step back. His hand immediately came to stop me, palm resting against the back of my knee and pulling me closer. It felt warm against my skin, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"What did you say?" He spat. He sounded livid.

I felt myself get aggravated, too.

"I said that it isn't any of your business," I repeated, pushing his hand off. I looked into his rage-filled eyes, intimidating to the core.

But I wasn't going to back down. Tae had no right to be this mad at me for going on a date, even if he cared. It wasn't like I had ever stopped him from going out with someone. Besides, he hadn't been completely honest with me about his life either.

"It very much is my fucking business," He mocked my tone from vefire as he stood up, towering over me slightly. I looked up at him as he leaned down to level our faces. My heart went to beat fast again, but I didn't let that affect me. We were having this argument now, no matter the way he made me feel.

"Yeah?" I challenged. "How come I never get to hear about who you're hanging out with, then?"

He looked taken aback. I couldn't believe him. Did he honestly think I was never going to bring up his friends, or rather, the fact that he entirely hid them from me? I didn't know them personally, but I knew they weren't the best people. Not with Taeyong coming home hurt like this.

"That isn't the same thing."

I scoffed, looking away. "How is it not the same thing? You've known me for four fucking years, Tae! Four! You thought I wouldn't question you hiding what seems to be an entirely different world from me? For all I know, you could—"

"It isn't the same thing because they won't try to get into my fucking pants!" He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. "Those guys, that ask you out, they're — they're dangerous. All they want to do is fuck you, and they'll pounce on you the first chance they get-"

What the hell was he talking about?

"Then why the fuck do you keep your friends hidden from me? Don't you want to keep me locked away from them because they're dangerous as well? Like all my dates supposedly are?" I was shouting now, and I was sure my neighbor could hear me.

Taeyong rubbed a hand over his face in frustration.

"Fine. If you want to meet them that bad," he pulled his phone out and typed for a few seconds, before shoving it back into his pocket, "I called them over right now."

I stared at him in shock. If it was that easy, why didn't he just let me meet them before?

"W-What—" "Now will you tell me about this secret date of yours?"

He was still angry, it was obvious. But I calmed myself down, reminding myself that he was, in fact, hurt.

"Sit down first," I instructed. I'd managed to lose the ability to meet his eyes again. I took the glass he'd drank from when he arrived and filled it up with water, waiting as he settled on my small loveseat.

I tried figuring out a valid excuse for not telling him about Jeonghan. I knew it wasn't right for him to control who I dated, but I knew where he was coming from. He was Lee Taeyong, and this was his way to show that he cared.

I handed him the glass of water, motioning him to drink it, but he shook his head.

"You drink first. Your throat must be sore."

I complied, lifting the glass to my lips and taking a few sips. My throat felt a thousand times better. I filled it up again and went to sit next to Tae, watching the glass as if it were the most interesting thing in the world.

"Here."

I turned my head slightly to look at him while handing him the tumbler and I instantly regretted it. He was watching me again. I froze.

He took the glass from my hand and drank, strongly holding my gaze. The glass made a quite thud when he placed it on the table, reminding me that we still had to talk about this.

I turned my attention to his fingers which rested on his thigh. Slowly, I inched my hand closer to his until they touched. Tae instantly interlocked our fingers and I immediately felt better. No matter how much he might have been making my heart race, holding his hand always made me feel comfortable.

"Your arm," I said, "it stopped bleeding."

He smiled, squeezing my hand. "Told you I would be okay."

I didn't know what to say. My heart felt as if it would combust at any given moment.

"Tell me," he pleaded, tugging at my arm slightly. I sighed, trying to come up with something which didn't sound completely stupid and was somewhat honest. "It's just that you— I— you rarely ever like the guys that ask me out and I really liked him, so I just thought that— that it would be better not to bring it up and so I—"

"Calm down." He leaned down to whisper in my ear, "Tell me slowly, it's okay."

I paused for a moment, trying to calm myself down. "You know Jeonghan from the— that ice cream place downtown?" I felt him stiffen. His lips ghosted over my ear and he let out a short "hm". It made me shiver and I prayed he didn't feel it.

"We just, um, went to get dinner. Nothing special."

Tae suddenly pulled back, completely serious. "Would you go out with him again?"

My eyes grew wide. I looked at our hands again. "Honestly? No."

That wasn't a lie. Jeonghan had offered to go back to his place and "spend the night" as soon as we finished our dinner which had immediately made me uncomfortable.

He tilted his head, asking me to tell him why. I looked up at him to find an unamused expression on his face.

"You have to promise me you won't do anything to him." At this, he cursed under his breath and looked away, already knowing that whatever was about to come next would make him want to punch the guy.

"Promise me," I repeated. He looked at me and nodded simply.

"I want verbal confirmation."

He let out an annoyed grunt, but he promised me, anyway. I told him what happened and his jaw clenched.

"Taeyong—"

"This is why I tell you to not date them." He closed his eyes for a moment, before opening them and looking at me again.

"Is there ever a problem when you go out with guys I like?"

Yes. Yes, there is.

"I— well, I mean I guess not."

I didn't even know if he could read me like an open book right now or not, I was in a daze. I prayed to everything holy that I wouldn't accidentally out my feelings for him.

He looked at me, and his eyes softened. Suddenly, he pulled my arm and lifted my leg, positioning it so that I sat on his thighs, straddling him. My thighs were on either side of him and my dress rode up.

What was he doing? I couldn't react, nor could I move. He was way too close to me. Lee Taeyong was mere inches from my face and I was sitting on him.

"T-Tae—"

"Then why do you go out with them?" He asked, looking at my cheeks. I couldn't think, my mind had gone blank.

He pulled me closer to him. I could see the scratches more clearly now.

"Because I— I," I attempted to speak but I couldn't. Not with him this close to me. He looked down to my lips, his tongue coming out to wet his own.

"Can I tell you a secret?" He whispered. My heart picked up it's pace. His voice sounded different when he was this close. I just nodded nonchalantly.

He wrapped his arms around my waist, trapping me in his hold. "I like you."

My breath hitched.

Who said that? Did I say that? No, I wasn't in a state to talk, I couldn't have. Was I hearing things, then?

I blinked in confusion.

"Don't leave me hanging," he chuckled nervously, making me realize what just happened.

Oh. Oh.

Taeyong said that?

I couldn't understand. He looked uneasy but he still wore a small smile on his face. Oh, that smile. Was this even real?

"I—" Again, I fumbled with my words, trying to speak. I couldn't. Oh my god, did Lee Taeyong just tell me that he likes me?

"Hm?"

I couldn't say anything. I couldn't. The feeling in my chest was unexplainable and it had completely wiped out all of the vocabulary in my brain. So I just nodded.

Tae let out a small giggle, and my heart melted. Oh my god, this was real.

"What do you mean by that, baby?"

I swooned at the name. He'd called me that name once before, and that was two years ago when I had caught a really bad bug; but God, I could never get enough of him calling me that. I lifted my arms and gripped his shoulders, bumping our noses.

He hummed again, encouraging me to go on.

"I like you too," I blurted. I still couldn't believe it. I was in Taeyong's lap, confessing to him.

He beamed, lifting his head to kiss both of my cheeks, sending butterflies down my stomach with each. He went up and kissed my forehead, hugging me close against him.

"Thank you," he smiled, breathless. He lifted his hand to hold my cheek, and honestly, I could've burst out into tears right then.

"Are you two done now?"

I jumped. Scrambling off of his lap, I heard someone clear their throat. Taeyong clicked his tongue in annoyance, getting up as I smoothed my dress down.

Two men stood at my doorstep — one had an eyebrow raised and was having a staring contest with Tae, and the other, much taller one was tapping away at his phone.

"H-Hi," I said bowing slightly. Good God, the first thing Tae's friends saw me do was probably the weirdest thing they'd ever witnessed.

" 'Sup. I'm Yuta, nice to finally meet you." The one that was having a staring contest with Tae said, breaking his eye contact with him and stepping closer to shake my hand.

"I got the whole thing on video! The others are gonna' be so jealous that I got to see this in person." The tall one said, finally looking up from his phone. "I'm Johnny."

I looked at Taeyong in panic, and I saw him sulking and scratching the back of his neck.

"You what—" "Introduce us!"

Taeyong cringed, "Well, you two already know who she is, so—"

"Yeah, yeah, we do. Do you still need a ride?" Yuta asked, not seeming interested at all.

"Actually," Tae said, his eyes finding mine for a split second before he looked back at Yuta, "I think I'm gonna stay the night."

"Well, okay. John, let's go." Johnny kept making a weird face at Tae, and to be very honest, I was unsettled.

"Would you guys like some water or anything? You're welcome to stay and rest for a bit if you'd like—" "No you're not, go away—"

"Shut up, Tae. Anyways, you need anything at all?" I asked, shushing Taeyong. Yuta looked at me, and let out a laugh.

"No, thanks. We've already seen enough, we wouldn't want to interrupt anything el—"

I was about to pass out then and there, but thankfully, Johnny dragged his friend away before he could finish.

"oKay bye bYe, it was nice meeting you!"

They shut the door behind them and I locked it close. I heard Tae sigh.

"Your friends are weird." I turned to face him, only to find him walking over to me.

"Yeah, I know." He engulfed me in a hug, burying his head in my neck. "They're such weebs, I don't want the rest of 'em to meet you. You might turn into one of them."

I let out a laugh at that, wondering what he meant.

"I'm sorry I yelled."

I sighed, hugging him back. "It's okay. I yelled, too."

I felt him smile against my skin. "I promise I'll work on the yelling. And on not getting hurt," I let out another laugh. "You'd better." This wasn't a dream, was it? "Or you can go to your tattoo buddies for help next time."

"You're so mean to me," he whined. "Can we sleep now, please?"

"You don't want to change?" I asked, pulling away and leaving him to grab some of his spare clothes I'd taken from his place some time ago. He hummed, following after me.

"I've waited for non-platonic cuddles for four years, so please, hurry up." He said, coming up to hug me from behind as I took out a sweatshirt and a pair of pajamas from the dresser.

"What are non-platonic cuddles?" I laughed, and he mumbled something random as a reply.

There in his arms, after four years of knowing him, I realized that even if Taeyong didn't get to have his 'thing', he had become mine. And there was a feeling of utter joy, happiness knowing that he would be here for a while.

I smiled, scared to wake up the next day, and have it all be a dream. But it wasn't. This was real.

Lee Taeyong was my 'thing' and I hoped that somewhere along the way, I would become his.

[letusmeetagain]

First i wanna say i really like all your analysis and theories because you put so much effort into them and im really gratful we have someone like you who like i said again have wonderful theories that make so much sense so please i have a question for you regarding a certain well...very dragged topic so if you wouldnt like to awswer i will totally understand it just i wanted to hear YOUR opinion because i really do appreciate your analysis of snk anyway my question is regarding erehisu...not i dislike it but its just im so tired can isayama make em or eh canon already so this clownery end...BUT i really do believe eremika will be the endgame because of all the proof that we have in the manga but people tend to make it as if its a crack ship ugh...what do you think hisu's final role will be? What do you think eren awswered her? Though i dont believe hisu's question meant any romantic undertones what do you make out of her question to eren?

Hi anon!!

Thank you for your kind words T.T

Well... the question focuses on my opinion on which ship has more chances to become canon, right?

I’ve spent some time thinking about my answer to this question, how I could go direct to the point while giving enough arguments to defend my opinion. Prepare yourself because I couldn’t and this will be very long. Sorry...

1. Eren’s characterization + romance

First of all, there is a very important point about Eren that shipers (even me sometimes) forget. A friend that loves and understand Eren the most pointed this many times when I was starting to forget about it... I dare to say that nobody surpasses her understanding of his characterization.

Eren isn’t a romantic person. We all have to keep in mind that his priorities aren’t the priorities a normal person would have. He is like Rick from Casablanca. There’s the duty and then dreams and then, maybe, romantic love (If we take for granted that he knows what it is). Erwin loved Marie but he had a priority. (There’s me finding more similarities between Erwin and Eren). Eren’s current development is more about his mission than a romantic one. Although he plays with romance, he does it while being blatantly blind about it.

Eren got caught in the middle of his normal development from a child that gets annoyed by romance and has some kind of allergy against cheesy moments (for ex. in ch. 3 with Franz and Hannah) to a teenager that blooms to feel romantic love as something important and unavoidable. It’s normal for kids. But Eren hasn’t a normal life. There was always something more important than learning how to love, be loved and express it openly. It’s not that he isn’t able to love, more likely the opposite. He knows how to love and he has his own ways to do it... but the way the world is restricted his possibilities to live a different life. Even in the way EMA never got to communicate properly most of the times. Communication runs sometimes as a question, a statement and no back question (for ex. ch. 3). Eren asked about Mikasa’s reasons to follow him, about Armin’s reasons, where he threw that line about his death being meaningless. Nobody said anything, neither Mikasa nor Eren reacted stating the opposite. They usually don’t have the time nor oportunity to talk or even think about essential topics as feelings of love or labeling their feelings.

Given Eren’s lack of experience and maturity that we could see until Marley arc. Is it even possible that he developed a carnal relationship with Historia before going to Marley? No. No, because it would contradict somehow his characterization. Eren is depicted exactly as someone that took this decision because he lost every single deep bond that would have stopped him. This lack of understanding brought him to this point. The lack of value he places on life and a comfortable life with friends and family.

2. The baby

The whole baby plot point is from my perspective just about the curse and a new generation (maybe) free from being SoY but just normal human beings.

Historia choosing this way was also the safest way to oppose her destiny... strategically speaking. She could trick everyone without being called openly a traitor. So I’m agree with you. Her question wasn’t romantic.

3. The father and his meaning

The father is, as I pointed out once in my Twitter acc., the farmer. My reasons are that there is a meaning behind his existence. He was a boy that dared Historia to break the rules and stop being submissive. He is aligned with Historia’s current role as someone who stopped being the good girl that follows stupid and detrimental rules in disregard of her own life. He is also a man that decided to redeem himself by helping her with the orphanage without trying to get her attention at all. Being a normal person who enjoys a normal life and also redemption. I’m not saying necessarily that it’s about love, but he isn’t just a nobody. He holds a deep, positive meaning for the story. Isayama pairs usually a sinner and an “innocent”: Annie and Armin, Eren and Mikasa, Erwin and Levi, Ymir and Krista, Historia and the Farmer. Eren and Historia are the current sinners on the matter that both chose the rumbling... let’s say.

Why this kind of pairing? Because one has to contribute to the improvement of the other. Two sinners (with the same crime and perspective) can’t help each other. It’s opposition what will bring them to overcome their weaknesses.

4. Development of the couples

That being said, Eren and Mikasa as pair are in the focus. Isayama went through 10 years of development of most of the pairs to build up a support for EreMika. He build parallels with YumiHisu and Falbi and gave us hints to understand EM better. The vow he made to her was probably one of those moments when he started to be romantic without noticing.

5. Eren and Historia: their moments

EH interactions are, conversely, of other nature. Both feel related about the point of carrying a big burden. While Eren has to save humanity fighting, Historia has the role of a founder who has to assure humanity’s survival by having children and keeping the royal family alive. Both want to be free from that burden and end up being “partners in crime” by betraying everyone. I’m missing the romantic interactions to be very honest. It’s because Eren is so self-focused that he anchors here when someone who is alone and having the same problems and feelings appears. But... where did the fandom start to see something between them?

Two moments. The moment when he said “she is admirable” and the moment when he insisted to spare her life. That obsession that is so tricky to even be explained.

The first one made a difference between how Eren acknowledges Historia’s attributes and disregards Mikasa’s. The fandom uses this to point out that Eren likes Historia more. Well, no. His relationship towards Mikasa was characterized by jealousy. He won’t admit anything.

Regarding his “obsession” to save her... this started when he knew the existence of Eren Krüger, his thoughts and the whole story about Dina. It wasn’t before that. We must also admit that Historia’s safety was related to more characters than just Eren. Since the very beginning, her safety was conveniently displayed by Frieda, Ymir and Reiner, what makes me believe that her destiny was to give birth to this baby (aka. plot armor). Her role is to avoid becoming a titan by her own choice, that’s her arc. With Krüger we also knew the importance of a royal: they can give birth to more convenient instruments for war. Knowing that he was devoted to the mission, I believe that Eren is being influenced by him (I want to highlight the word “influenced” as something different to manipulated). So this is all related to the mission and the final outcome about Ymir, the curse, the power and the baby. Eren partly wants to grant her the chance to choose, but he also pushes her to do so based on part of her desires because of the mission as he did with Grisha.

Add here the fact that Historia was prepared to sacrifice his life at the cave if it was needed. That shows her priorities.

A lot of EH shippers claim that she saved him. Regarding her role as savior, I’m more objective and skeptical. She spared his life, but emotionally speaking, she didn’t really save him. The proof is that he was still low, thinking that he was a nobody. Carla’s words were the message with enough impact to relieve him and make him open himself to Armin and Mikasa and tell them about his sorrows. This shows the difference on the impact on him when it comes to Historia and when it comes to Carla... this happens again in ch. 131. He thinks about his mother instead of Historia who was the one reproving his plan. To me, Historia is his friend and inspired him to fight just for his sake against the system and rebel those who are over him and oppressing him. But his soft side is related to Carla, Armin and Mikasa: his family and those, who appreciate his life over his fate and urge of freedom and to be acknowledged.

Bonus: when Eren told Historia that she saved him was more like “You chose this path once and I’m sorry. I’ll be starting the rumbling and you contributed”. Historia’s face to that looks like this: “Oh no...I fucked up”. It doesn’t look like “Oh no... I don’t regret saving you because I love you and I can’t live without you”. On the contrary, that’s when she realizes that she was part of this since the beginning and that by saving him, she chose to let the rumbling happen once in the past. Then she goes along with the plan for her own reasons and because she hasn’t better options to choose either.

Summary:

Eren didn’t develop as a romantic person yet nor prioritized romantic love over his mission. It goes against a previous explicit development of EH before the trip to Marley. The farmer has a positive meaning as the father. EM is more developed and shows romantic undertones and common tropes. EH hasn’t romantic undertones and it’s more related to the mission to save the eldians.

So... that was it. Sorry again for the length and thank you for the ask!

[generouscoffeelove]

THE UNASSEMBLED WORDS

Things not always go your way they never even stay the same but you can make your mind to go with the flow u can make yourself to work within the things but sometimes it's hard to face the reality sometimes you are not ready to accept the situation, we all are never mature enough that we cant cry crying makes your mind healthy but overthinking only leads to depression and stress. People will say whatever will come in their mind but it's not always necessary to carefully listen to their opinions. 

When you are determined to achieve something and deep down you know that the path you chose is right for you then no one can divert our mind from those guts. People will depress you, they will tell you that u r wrong and their opinions are right bcz they can't see a person becoming more successful than they themselves. Nowadays no one is more sincere to you than your parents, not even your relatives.

Sometimes I think about the day when I will achieve my dreams but then what if I have no more plans to move on ? what if i get the person i love but what after that ? as i will be near to it i will forget the hurdles and all the things i lost on the path towards my goal. Man is greedy, his requirements can never be completed bcz he wants more & more. If u want to get to ur dreams u have to listen to yourself only u dont care about the people and even if u hurt them u have no problem but then comes the deceiving part where u think that following your dreams might separate your family from u this fear of losing someone really special in ur life makes ur way turn back. I think it's the law of life u cant live happily if the people around u r sad. A person like me sometimes thinks that leave everything and go get whatever u want but in the end u have to come back. U will never forget where u belong and thats how u feel the existence of love.

 The first love relations with you are of the same blood. But how can u fall for someone so badly ? How can you love someone out there in this world more than those people who raised you ? This love can be of two types. The love relation with Allah and secondly the other with one of his people. How weird it is to think that we pray to get someone else in our lives instead of praying to get Allah’s affection. To be honest, pray for it and you will get the things you love automatically even if you love someone so badly. First put this in your mind that excess of everything is bad. It's only Allah who will give u everything and will never upset u but the people around u can love u the most but can also give u the pain that u cant bear. 

Everything happens for good. Maybe someone in your past who deceived you was there by Allah’s choice to make you strong and to make you prepared that nobody is there with you forever. People will always stay in search to get ur weak points but staying close to Allah will hide all of those mistakes on ur side which u made unexpectedly or even if u knew u should pray to be forgave and he will forgive u try to pray from the core of your heart. Nothing is more peaceful than crying in sujood bcz that is the moment when u feel hopeless and u dont have words to describe the society around u that how u feel. I faced a lot of times when i was compared and i was insulted but all i used to do was to stay silent and secretly in the heart say “ Ya Allah u should answer them”. Sometimes its good to stay quiet bcz the silence makes the people go crazy. The silence is breaked automatically by Allah. He himself shows the people that u were wrong.

 Not always u have to stay silent but when u r being doubted for a wrong reason or the person saying is crossing the limits listen 3 times but the 4th time smack his face. Bcz they deserve it. From my perspective rules should be for everyone, and the strictness u faced should also be embossed on the coming kids. It's not right to scold or insult someone in the middle where everyone is sitting bcz it makes you stressed and this is the fact where suicidal thoughts start to enclave even a young mind. I dont why im even writing this but the point is that i really don't want anyone to interfere in our lives and not even to scold us bcz they dont live with us they don't face the things we are facing right now, they cant live a week with us but after all they are right and they will never like to meet a person with empty pockets. To every individual on this planet earth, money is everything and money can buy happiness even. People will embrace you till the day u have money but the day u fall a little they will not even ask that are u ok or do u need any help. 

Life will change so will the people but the real face of people can only be seen when you stand in a tough time and they turn their backs away from you. We lived a great past life, we went to restaurants, we ate mcdonalds and shopped etc. so what everybody does when they have money. People should really look into themselves and then say a word to other people. At the end i would like to share a small verse with huge meaning from Quran that:

 In surah alam nashra

            “Beshak har mushkil ke baad asani hai”

            “Indeed after every hard time there’s good time”

People will stay with you till you are useful to them. the day u fall in need of help, some will help u only those who were sincere to u maybe it can be those people whom u never even noticed or they were not even in priority but they stand with u, they come into your life as angels. Because you wanted them and they were to be in your life by the grace of Allah. 

As you grow up u learn through experiences u learn to stand after crawling but not at once u fall u cry and then u get up, u stand at ur own. As a kid, u are learning actually u are learning throughout your life; from people and mistakes. U are not living until u fail.

 U learn to live through love and failures. Love is the road which can give u the best memories to laugh and cry on, but the bumps can give u those bruises and wounds which will heal but the pain will last forever. The time is cruel after u lose someone u love, and even more when the loved one becomes part of your routine. U cannot live without food as well as love. It's easy to console the broken person but it's not possible to feel the pain as that person is feeling. During this time the emotions are at level best of depression and stress if u cant be nice to them then better stay away bcz they can even harm themselves.

Love is very important in life. If u love someone but can’t tell bcz of some fear.

The fear can be of being rejected or it can be the matter of pride. The matter of our reputation is very sensitive, especially for a girl. A small mistake can break the entire reputation which was made from long and hard work. But people will only bring up the flaws bcz they need a topic to talk on. More importantly,the thing that matters is peace with the reputation u hold, if u have reputation and money but u still feel alone u are not fine. 

The hardest part in life is to live without the person whom you cry for days and nights but you can't tell bcz u are afraid of losing the reputation u hold. It's not wrong but it's killing u deep inside. U keep smiling but its only breaking you. It's funny cuz u are ruining yourself. Less to be worried bcz u are being destroyed by love. The part that hits hard and it's all about fate. Being compared to a less experienced person is bad bcz u know that the person hasn't faced any of the circumstances as u did.

“A dream is a wish that your heart makes”

For loving someone you don't have to be perfect. U dont have to change yourself bcz u know that person will accept u no matter what. This is the belief that love brings into our soul. Love happens; it never asks you who I should be with. It's the beauty and the magic of eyes which makes u staring. A fact says that if a person misses you they appear in your dream and if you think about someone alot it means that person was thinking about you first. I believe a lot in these facts bcz they happen a lot. The real fun and peace in love is by burning in the fire of awareness. U keep waiting for the other person to make a move but what to do if the other person is waiting for u. 

Okay, I know I'm talking rubbish right now. It's currently 3:14 a.m. and I'm unable to sleep. I'm not in the mood to write in my diary so it's better to keep on writing to keep yourself busy. Life is not in the mood to study all i want to do is to explode up and cry i know why but tears seem to be dried and i no longer have emotions my mind just wants to fall into midnight in a deep conversation with myself or with a trustworthy my heart seems to beat for some reasons that keep giving me the same tensions which i want to remove. It feels like my soul is whirling like a storm. I don't know what to do to scream or to cry or to stay awake or sleep. Sometimes i just want to stay up and think about my future and the choices I'm making but i don't have leisure time. 

Hard times will not stay with you forever but at every point of ur life they will make u realize that don't forget where u belong and what u survived in ur past. U can never forget your past bcz ur weakness makes u strong. It's better not to expect alot from people. They can bring u disappointment only or a bit of what u were expecting. U cant eat when ur hands are tied u have to make a move to eat and feed your hunger nobody else is going to do this for you.

 Be independent. It's an easy sentence with two words to say but it requires all of your life to be courageous enough to face the coming hurdles. U are going to face many challenges .

“if ur life got harder congratulations !! u just leveled up”.

 Smile even if there are 1000 reasons not too but this time during these days it seems to me as if I'm the shining star alone in the sky where clouds are trying to dull my spark but i keep shining the clouds hide me but then i come back. The mechanism of nature also teaches you many lessons of life. If you think deeply, the sun teaches you that after every dusk there is dawn. The sky can't show the glitter of stars without night. The moon tells you it's good to go through phases. The black clouds teach u that when u are loaded after going through many stages its ok to let everything pour out through tears. The average rain can bring happiness to the beings on earth they will feel calm but if it rains more than normal it destroys the belongings of human.Similarly, if we cry normally it freshens our mind but the excess of it leads to depression and damage of internal conditions and peace.

“Excess of everything is bad”

I don't know when girls felt peaceful in their lives, enjoyed and cherished the most beautiful moments of their lives. All the time they have to worry about something even if it's health,dressing,family,friends or some sort of harassment. She cant feel free to live. Talking to a male about life and studies is a crime and is considered something related to flirting and to be feel ashamed on. Something for which the parents can't speak on if they want to. The people thinking in this way for someone's daughter should think that in future they will also have daughters and what if this will happen to them. If today you consider someone else your daughter or sister honestly u have a peaceful and beautiful future.

But if u see girls as some material to be used and thrown u were born to be wrong then even if u say urself muslim or human look at ur habits and inner person it is more worse than animal. You have to change yourself first to change the people around you.