fagutt
you dont care, cause its all that you know
tell me why they cannot understand my heart
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i feel so sick with my deep deep hatred for the usa and its political climate. what the fuck am i supposed to do? i can barely afford to live here, there's no way for me to move to a different country. as if any of them are actually better anyways, everywhere is fucking rampant with transphobia and racism and misogyny. i hate that my rights could be taken away any day, they actively are in some states, or that i could get shot walking down the street and it wouldn't even make the news anymore. how am i supposed to want to fix my life when the second i sort myself out i'll just have to confront every fucking societal issue that surrounds me every day?
#this post brought to you by i just learned there was a mass shooting on valentines day#i'm so sick of it all i just want to make and follow through with a suicide pact at this point#snarls
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#girl help im being crushed by the thoughts of suicide#what even happened i was having fun why did the floodgates get opened#i hate this shit my head hurts sso bad
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if i have to see one more of those fugly ass 'ive never had mental illness in my life' design pIushie dreadfuIs im going to actually lose it
#if you buy one of those i dont believe you have whatever mental illness its supposed to represent sorry not sorry#saw someone showing off the anxiety one on the plushie reddit and its like ah you get nervous on the phone and call it debilitating anxiety#hope everyone that buys from that company actually gets afflicted with the illness they want to cosplay so bad and then dies from it BADLY!!#snarls
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im goi g to be #real i think things are at a critical breaking point in my life and idk how to Deal with it without just going crazy and killing ymself
lots of circumstances lining up in ways that are fucked and lots of being sick of every symptom and problem created by the symptoms
i dont know how to make any changes that are meaningful and i dont know how to fix the traumas that affect everything in my world so fundamentally
#whatever my existence is a meaningless blip and i will probably slip silently out of it soon#im so disappointed in myself#snarls
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i actually hate so much what ive let my life become like i guess i wasnt doing any better before i moved out i just had someone keeping me in check and now i dont keep myself in check so theres rot and clutter and i hate it i hate it so viscerally i feel gross all the time but i dont fucking do anything about it because just not killing myself every day is Too Much and im barely scraping by with that so ill just keep staring at the piles of dishes and eating with my hands off of paper towels
#i wish i didnt have executive dysfunction and severe dissociation issues but here we are im lucky i dont piss myself because i forget#snarls
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uncomfortable numbness
#feel like pure shit but am literally floating about 3 inches behind my body so i cant actually feel it#im so zoned out typing these sentences is about the hardest thing ive done all day#just doesnt feel too good#snarls
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when i remember this is my life and im actually living this i feel so weird
#i think i am constantly having an existential crisis but its so frequently blocked out by the also constant dissociation and numbness#so its like i have brief blips of consciousness where the reality of my horrible life hits me andni have to deal with it#ive thought about killing myself sooo much the past few weeks and i made liek a new active plan a few days ago for when i get money#but idk if ill be able to go through with it im such a pussy and dont know a good location either#it jsut hurts to be alive rn and idk how to make it better nothing helps haha#i wish i didnt feel sovshitty bc ivwant to lvoe my life so much i love my roommate and our cats and where i live and my future career#but theres trash everhwhere and theres ■■■■■ and ■■■■■ and everything fucked up in my brain thats constantly making everythingbawful#and i jsut dont know how im expected to survive it anynore#it feels like everyone ive met knows im goign to die before them like everyones acceoted im going to killvmyself soon enough#i dont know what to do anynore im so so sick of this being how i am just bc i got born severely disabled#i cant function at all eithout major support and im a financial drain and wnergy drain obviously i hte it#whatever fml i can barely keep my ryes open heres to more being useless smd unsble to function in a modern world tomorrow and 🍻#snarls
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unburnable the cold is flooding our lives, kaveh akbar. from calling a wolf a wolf.
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new uhhh pfp username
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I'm suffering in silence BTW just so you know I'm suffering but silently and without letting anyone know just in case you hadn't heard
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