#if you buy one of those i dont believe you have whatever mental illness its supposed to represent sorry not sorry

[fagutt]

if i have to see one more of those fugly ass 'ive never had mental illness in my life' design pIushie dreadfuIs im going to actually lose it

[misterbitches]

hi! this is long as shit i’m sorry. i hope it makes sense. i ahve adhd and like 5 million learning disorders so this is just word vomit cos there’s so many words in my brain. my b.

i’ve had such a tough day so thank you for replying and sharing! @yeedak​ 

i was thinking about what i wrote and i meant to clarify that as well. some cases are fine for both parties and it’s not like you weren’t consenting and it seems like you were happy! same with my friend who was dating a 20 yr old. if they���re happy you know i’ll clown on ‘em but yea. so for anyone that sees these posts your relationship with your partner who is older or whatever. i’m some dumb girl on the internet okay. ill side eye older ppl tho

i think a lot of people feel the same way you do now (me included.) it feels really good at the time but alter we can see the dynamics playing out. i’m 29 now and i think aging is just such a huge process. it’s wild how you at 31 are a totally different person, right?

and the US racism is probably some of the worst ever in its iteration because of slavery which started from europe etc but USA is so fucking unique bc of columbus bringing slaves here and displacing indigenous peoples or hispanola and because america is so influential the way it views race, particularly with black people as objects, has so deeply permeated into the current historical psyche globally. it’s fascinating to track how necessary anti blackness is to the flourishing of america but also the world at this point. also want to point out how fuckign scary sinophobia is here especially for covid. one is a straight historical line (black ppl + the US) and the other had to be manufactured and to continue to exploit the non-white americans and keep antiblackness in tact.i could go on about this all day. the pain of this place is immense.yet as bad as it is here, this is still the only place i truly feel safe as a black person. because of the unique experience we have in america and through the diaspora especially because we are veyr much ocncentrated here. it would be nice to like move to norway and have some alleviation financially or get free healthcare it’s just not feasible if no one looks like me. it’s fucking tough. 

i hope you don’t hate it here though and people treat you with respect. but as you know being a woman and jewish and an immigrant....shit is tough. the USA is a hellhole. :( america is so deeply tainted and desperately bad because it was founded on strife and blood and there’s no way to reverse that and what this country did in turn when it gained enough power and could capitalize off of the colonial forefathers. this is why we hsould all luv revolution!!!

HOWMEVERRRR 

boy oh boy oh BOY OH BOYYYYYYYY. well wlecome to the world of BL lmao especially as an adult with some obviously deep perspective just given your background. it is a fucking mess and it’s a hard mess to like but it pulls you in. i approach it like i do with soap operas since these are essentially telenovelas, you know? just like the drama at a billion. but the tricky part of that is like....what parts of it do we understand for critiquing? because so many of the shows are so bad at being like good pieces of things to look at just production wise and story wise. but i feel like these shows ask us to take them seriously, so why shouldn’t we take the content seriously? and this is being primarily peddled to young girls. 

i bring this up often but i read this thing about yaoi and the interest younger women/girls have in BL and its fascination with pederasty essentially. this component i think is key when we talk about who gets affected by these things the most. society in general is bad 4 girls bla bla we know lmao but in “more sexually conservative” societies it may be harder for these girls to feel safe even expressing normal emotions romantically and sexually and particularly with guys. some people hypothesized, and i think i agree with this hypothesis, that they can live through the casualness of BL. they don’t feel threatened because they can put themselves into the shoes of the other character. oftentimes, the more feminine or the younger. this was in conjunction with the age gap aspect (they say pederasty as well because there’s unethical age gaps that r gross and that is indeed what we would at least call a touch of sexual abuse if people dont feel like calling it an obsession with youth and power and uhhh young ppl and perhaps kids) where maybe girls could see themselves in these situations as the person being saved, loved, taken care of, and sadly also sexually active and penetrated. 

i think that’s just one aspect of it but i do think there’s validity in who gravitates towards it. i cannot imagine seeing this stuff and not getting enough information as a young kid, i sure as fuck know i didn’t!, and seeing these things and you look at it with 0 critique because you’re young and you may have no interest in it or you simply cannot understand what is wrong. no one is teaching you these things and these shows confirm it. and it is wild how intrinsic patriarchy is to BL although in its existence it also can’t be in line with patriarchy given the nature of two [cis] men!

it begs the question about the replacement aspect. is it just so girls can put themselves in these characters shoes? if so then that means we believe that gender is so interchangeable within our relationships and interactions and that doesn’t seem right. there’s more to lgbtq+ than just existing; it’s finding ways to communicate, finding a family, safety, your people, being a free person. there’s a lot to gain and a lot a lot to lose. and a gay man is also not a woman because those are also two distinct experiences.  especially in societies that have a more hidden aspect to sexuality (idk how to word this bc the BL industry would NEVER survive in america but in a way there’s a more “progressive” look at homosexuality but it’s still fucked up because we live in a Society, you know? at the same time look at what we are doing to trans kids. literally waging war so it’s bonkers how we all collectively have some real progress happening but at the same time not at all. the concept of ‘ladyboys’ and the frequency we see trans people in thai shows is wild and something that we absolutely do not see here in the US. still, none of these groups feel safe or are getting better material conditions in either place. we just show the ways we can try and tolerate oppression witout eliminating it imo)

to me it is clear: it’s money. which most things exist to make money so. but also who is the audience for these shows? and they have to market towards them. all that said all hope is not lost there are some decent shows. it’s just like regular media on TV though where it’s so fucking saturated as an industry that it’s literally sifting through garbage. and there are some days when you can handle the trash and others where it really fucking hurts to watch the violence, the rape, the manipulation, the violations, the stupid messaging. i have never seen more people trying to do mental gymnastics and seeing if things were “technically rape” than in teh BL fandom and that is so fucking sad.

i came into these shows at 28 with almost 0 clue of what as media BL was like esp as media that countries can use as soft power with the revenue. but i realize like...i’m 29 now and so many people don’t have a sizeable, though not huge, amount of life experience. and i wonder for people on the internet who are usually searching for something if they spend so much time on it like what a 15 year old girl thinks. what a 20 year old girl thinks. 

it is incredibly problematic and so awful but there’s also some rewards. if you haven’t i would definitely watch i told sunsset about you which i don’t think i’m going to finish and i doubt i’ll watch the second installment (watch this be a lie) but when i say some fucking impeccable storytelling and art? phew. now that is a fucking piece of media that works. it takes from moonlight heavily and you can see like...the artistic dedication is there and the story makes its world and sets up its stakes extremely well. 

i think because this is marketed towards much younger people too they know they dont have to try as hard. but they SHOULD because then you can have a fucking masterpiece like that. i think even this prolific gay thai filmmaker (who is like solidly against the government) who is so respected (and who i like a lot! if u wanna know i can tell u lmao but the films are very uhhhhhhhh “artsy”) would like i told sunset about you. i wish more people had budget like that and also just cared about the stories. it’s the fucking magic of art to figure out what you can do but there is very little incentive honestly. idk i am very pessimistic. there are days when it’s really a great pick me up and distraction but it is never a place i would love for to feel seen or heard but i’m more of the mind of i never trust the mainstream until they prove me wrong ;) 

or i never trust the mainstream and i still buy into it anyway and then cry when i don’t like what i see adn i yell “BOO GET OFF THE STAGE!” when an old man won’t leave a teenager alone

[druggedupdog]

major tw sorry. this is pretty graphic and long. please like if you read.

chris had it all planned out the moment he started talking to me. i was eleven. it was after school, i was trying to walk home and these kids from my class kept fucking trying to follow me and rile me up because it was apparently funny watching an obviously mentally ill child have a breakdown. and chris just. appears out of nowhere and tells the kids to fuck off and they leave and i INSTANTLY want to be his friend because HOLY SHIT someone actually defended me and i was just so desperate for company and honestly at the time i was already planning to kill myself. and i just. i just tell him everything. that same day, the same day i met this complete stranger, i just start spilling my life story. my dad's an asshole and beats me, my brothers think my pain is funny, no one likes me at school and thinks i'm weird, my mom's fucking dead, i live in a moldy delapidated house with little food because my family is fucking poor, i hate church and i hate school and homework and i just want to get away from my stupid town or die. etc etc etc. and he listens and says he's gonna protect me and stupid fucking me believed him. i set myself up, i don't even know if he knew about all this prior because i thought maybe he stalked me but no i told him everything about my shitty life and he used it for his advantage.

two years later he says i'm old enough to date him. but honestly prior to that it had been maybe a month of me knowing him and he was hugging me a bit too long, smelling my hair and clothes, touching me in suggestive ways, calling me baby names and other nicknames, always talking about how hot i was and how he couldn't wait until i was older and he could fuck me. but what the fuck did i do? absolutely nothing. because i grew up in a sheltered mormon home and didn't know jack shit about sex or love or anything. i just loved the attention he gave me because fuck at least it was "positive" and i felt like such a rebel when he would buy me things i wasn't supposed to have like alcohol and cigarettes and any illegal street drug you can think of. he very easily manipulated me and i fell so fucking hard for it because i have shit for brains. anyway the literal day i turned 13 he basically pushes on me that we're dating now and i was just like "lol haha okay! whatever you say! please don't leave me!" and after school he took me to his "parent's house" while they were "on vacation" because he was very obviously 16 and definitely not lying about it. then he took me to his bedroom, told me we'd play some video games for a while, gave me some alcohol and i got drunk as shit. he kept saying some nonsense about like... how i looked really warm from the booze and i should take my clothes off to be more comfortable. i don't remember it that well. i think i did it really half-assed and he ended up taking my clothes off for me and then he started cuddling with me and touching my dick and i kept trying to push him away but i was too fucking drunk to really do anything and i just. i just kept saying stop. stop please. please please please. and he kept going until he turned me over, pushed my face into the mattress and penetrated me. it hurt so fucking bad and i tried screaming but nothing came out. i started crying and he told me that everything was okay. it was supposed to hurt. i was supposed to be scared. and i still believed him even though every part of me found it hard to believe. i black out from the alcohol and the fear. the next day i'm awake in his bed, covered in his cum, trying to process what the fuck just happened and i'm freaking out but i don't know why because chris loves me and said it was okay so why do i feel like this. why. he made me breakfast and i throw it up when i get to my dad's and he screams at me for being sick and missing school and he asks me where i was and i don't say anything and he beats me. so i go back to chris's house that night to get away and this time chris has heroin for me instead of booze and he rapes me after i shoot up and start nodding off. i find out chris is 19 after looking in his wallet for spare money while he's asleep after getting off. i go back to my dad's house because i'm uncomfortable and i get beat by my dad again. and then i go back to chris's and get raped again. back to my dad's and get beat again. back to chris's and get raped again. the cycle repeats again and again and again. until i'm 16 and my brothers snitch to my dad that i like men and i have a boyfriend and my dad beats the shit out of me, raids my room while my brothers hold me down and force me to watch as he finds candid photos chris took of me nude and getting violated by him as well as all the heroin and other drugs and paraphernalia i had stashed and hidden in my room. he beats the shit out of me AGAIN and starts throwing all of my shit out of my bedroom window and when i run out to grab it all he locks the door behind me and doesn't let me back in. so i go back to chris's house and beg him to let me live with him and he obviously agrees.

so then i get raped for even more months but at this point i'm just conditioned to accept it no matter how much i hate it. then chris starts yelling at me for trivial things. then he threatens me. then he starts hitting me. then he locks me in the moldy spare bedroom with only a dirty old mattress in it whenever we disagree over shit and starves me for days. at this point i'm very deep in my heroin addiction, so he forces me into withdrawal whenever i'm locked up and i am in so much physical anguish. he only comes in to give me my fix and rape me. sometimes he only rapes me and i feel and remember everything so i actually scream during these times and he shoves his fingers in my mouth to shut me up and if i bite down he slaps me. this goes on for two fucking years. but i stay because i need the drugs and i need the love and attention and he really does love me he's just going through a phase he'll apologize and see what he's doing eventually i still see glimpses of it sometimes when he lets me out of the room and cuddles and kisses me and calls me his cute little boy. but then as i approach my 18th birthday i find out he's molesting another 13 year old. i dont do anything. when i'm 18 he tells me he's had enough of my shit and kicks me out. i beg and plead for him to let me stay. i promise him i'll do anything for him i'll let him rape me nonstop all day or murder me if that's what he wants to do. i tell him i love him so much we're meant to be together i want to marry him i want to spend the rest of my life with him and get high all day with him. he tells me he doesn't care. i'm useless to him now because i'm an adult. i'm a pathetic junkie and i was just an experiment because he had a fetish he really wanted to test out and i seemed like a good target. he's already found another child to lust over and torture the same way he did to me.

this post is long and i basically spilled my life story but i dont care i don't anymore i'm going to kill myself. i quit heroin but i regret it so fucking bad EVEN THOUGH IT REMINDS ME OF HIM ITS THE DRUG HE USED TO HURT ME AND TORTURE ME FOR YEARS AND YEARS I WAS TORTURED INA DIRTY ROOM FOR YEARS USED AS HIS CUM RAG. i can't get over it. i abused heroin because i was in so much pain. i didn't want to handle it all it was just too much. i need it again because the memories just keep coming back every time i lay down and close my eyes. i want it to go away i want the pain gone it hurts. it hurts all the time. i hurt everywhere all the time and i can't process it. why. why did he and my dad leave me so broken like this. wouldn't it have been less effort to just kill me? it would hurt me less, actually. it would have been more humane. i wouldn't have to suffer the memories, the nightmares, the panic attacks, the learned behaviors, the harmful coping mechanisms and self-medication, the mental anguish that manifests as intense physical pain, the nonstop crying and bouts of rage that make everyone around me fear me. i can't be normal anymore. i'm just like this now and i never wanted it and i can't be a useful contribution to society. the last actual job i had i lost because a coworker made a rape joke and i beat him over it. i'm some fucking animal i'm not human anymore. i don't want to be this.

so it's either go back to heroin again and possibly lose ethan over it or kill myself and i guess suffer the consequence of death and hurt ethan. those are the options because i can't do this shit anymore, sorry.

[sparklyandchic]

🦋 MINI MIND MAKEOVER 🦋

okay i started the idea for this mini little mind makeover when i broke up with my boyfriend in like january. instead of being sad or angry, i wanted to be grateful for this time and take it as an opportunity to make life better for myself. then quarantine happened, so some of these are related to things i’ve learned since that started. either way, these aren’t all concrete things to do for your mind; some of them are just ways of thinking or pep talks. but if you can find one little piece of information or thought that makes you a little bit happier for a moment, that’s all i can hope for!

5-htp: okay first off- please ALWAYS consult your psychiatrist or medical professional before taking a supplement! taking 5-htp with, for example, serotonin-increasing medications can lead to a fatal illness called serotonin syndrome. personally, i started taking it because i had been on 10 mg prozac for a few months. it definitely dulled a lot of my anxiety and had a lot of positive aspects to it, but it dulled them almost too much to the point where i felt apathetic and detached from myself and the situations i was in. i was in a very unhealthy relationship and felt like i needed my mental clarity and “overthinking” processes back in order to identify what i was feeling and how to deal with it. i felt a lot more “sensitive” after coming off it, which was actually really welcome for me at first, but then it sort of dropped off into withdrawals. i was having constant panic attacks and crying very often. after a while, i was debating going back on prozac, but remembered i had taken 5-htp before. 5-htp is an amino acid that is a direct precursor to serotonin being produced in the brain. when u eat turkey, tryptophan is converted into 5-htp which leads to your brain producing serotonin, thus why you feel calm and happy afterwards. after taking 5-htp for just a few days, ranging between 200-300 mg per day (again, do your research, ask your doctor, and start small) i stopped crying constantly and really felt this sense of calmness and wellbeing but without the detachment and apathy i felt with prozac. i could still think clearly but didn’t feel overly sensitive to every emotion which arose. personally, it is really a lifesaver and really does make a noticeable difference.

cognitive behavioral therapy: ive tried therapy a million times. well okay, like 5 or 6 different therapists. at its worst, therapists told me i needed to use my sexual power as a woman in order to get what i wanted from men, told me i’m bad at socializing and should do group therapy, said my mom shouldn’t have encouraged me to “be myself” when i was younger because it made me less likeable than if i had conformed to normal societal standards of dressing. i had gone to “therapists” who claimed to be trained in CBT, but when i told them about my experiences with dissociation, the only feedback i got was to “take more baths.” while going through a few unpleasant experiences in my personal life, i decided i should try CBT once more, but like the real kind. i found an ivy-league educated licensed psychologist (NOT a “licensed clinical social worker” who doesn’t even have a psychology degree!!) who SPECIALIZED specifically in cognitive behavioral therapy. just after the first session, i was so elated with my experience. as opposed to just telling me that i needed to be more normal or more kind or a better person, she tried to identify WHAT was making me feel that way about myself in the first place. she pointed out the positive things i do and reassured me i was kind, good, and deserving of good things. she pointed out many aspects of my situation that would have taken me days or weeks to come to on my own. i’ve realized my hubris isn’t that i’m not socially acceptable or not perfect enough, but its just that i tend to THINK that i am these things despite having no evidence of it. so, over time with therapy, my positive self image about who i am as a person has grown and strengthened and i dont just randomly feel like a bad human being anymore lol. moral of the story, if you wanna do therapy but it keeps sucking, dont give up. go to a legit psychologist, find someone who specializes in the type of therapy you’re seeking, and also be vocal during your sessions. stand up to your psychologist when they continually push a narrative onto you, and explain why you don’t agree with it. sometimes it’s their job to try different narratives to see what fits, and if you just passively let them say what they want to, you’ll never find the truth of your experience! it’s a communal effort! therapy isn’t usually a magic cure-all where one session fixes everything that goes awry in your brain. but if you find someone who knows what they’re doing they can in fact really help your thought processes become less twisted up and more clear and healthy.

meditation and mindfulness: a few weeks ago i felt anxious and overly driven to get things done to the point where i spiraled into a space of guilt or a panic attack over not getting enough things done. meditation can be so so helpful here. it’s better to spend an hour sitting and doing nothing, but doing it peacefully and then calmly moving on to doing something else, than to spend 5 hours stressing yourself over every single thing you need to get done and how much time you’re wasting. the things that need to get done will get done. another thing that i’ve realized and say to myself a lot is: “focus not on doing all things perfectly, but on doing the small things well.” by this i mean, stop thinking about the 20 things you need to get done and how it all needs to be perfect, but instead take your time with the task that presents itself as most beneficial right now and focus on enjoying it and giving your whole self to the process. for example, stop thinking about how you need to clean your room, your closet, donate clothes, take a shower, take out the trash, read, workout, etc. think to yourself; “which task would bring me the most joy right now?” if the answer is taking a shower, then take that damn shower. bring your speaker into the bathroom, scrub every inch of your scalp with shampoo, scrub your feet and behind your ears and your neck with body wash, brush the conditioner through your hair fully. you may end your shower with 19 other things to do, but god damn if you can’t enjoy a single one of them and be present for it, what’s the fucking point! go light a candle and bask in its glow, go make your bed and huddle up in your neatly arranged covers, go take a long bath or a thorough shower, and be proud of and content with that today. 

relationships, with others and yourself: okay, if you missed the memo, my ex-boyfriend sucked. like genuinely was a bad person. he was a drug dealer, so that’s red flag number 1 (which i ignored of course), he hadn’t graduated high school (he was 18, i was 20, he was supposed to graduate the last semester but refused to do the work and ignored me and his mother when encouraged to do it, which is uhh definitely red flag number 2 which i also ignored), he habitually did not show up for dates on time or lied about what he was going to do or what he did (literally everything he did was a red flag and i rlly ignored all of it). the worst part was how he responded when i worked up the courage to speak to him about it. if we had agreed upon a time for our date but he showed up literally 8 hours late, he would blame it on me because i “could have called” him, or that i was “demanding too much of” him, or that i “should have said something earlier so now [i was] just dragging it out because it already happened.” basically, whatever narrative he pushed at me, i eventually gave into. i’ve dealt with gaslighting in a relationship before and a part of me knew what was happening to me, but a part of me also kept having hope for him, kept empathizing with him, kept wanting to believe in him. after a bit too much time, i finally realized you have to trust yourself, empathize with yourself, and believing in yourself over anyone else. at first i felt bad for him not being able to graduate because i had my own struggles with high school and getting work done. i thought he may have issues but he deserves someone to be there for him because i wanted someone to be there for me. despite the pain and stress he was causing me, i sat around crying over him because i cared about him and tend to over-empathize with people close to me, whether they deserve it or not. my therapist told me something that at first i did not understand, but over time came to grasp in its entirety: “some people do not deserve your love or kindness.” after our first session, my homework was to “consider when you are being kind and when you are being taken advantage of.” this made me realize that what feels like your instinctual nature to be nice to others, can in fact be a self-sabotaging unfair action, depending on the other person’s response. i might be dishing out a lot right now, but bear with me. think of it this way: you regard an action as a “kind action”. you might think “kind actions” include: forgiving someone for large mistakes, putting someone’s needs over yours, sparing them some change when they ask for it, listening to the problems they are dealing with every day. BUT when their actions include not forgiving you for minor mistakes, not giving a sh*t about your needs or considering them, not caring how much money they take from you and how much money you need to have around, or habitually glossing over your problems because it doesn’t benefit them to care, THEN those actions you performed are NOT “KIND ACTIONS” anymore. the act of continuing to give them leeway is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of giving them money is now the act of being taken advantage of. the act of buying into their story at the expense of your sanity, is now the act of being taken advantage. basically, all i’m saying is START PUTTING YOURSELF FIRST AND TRUSTING YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SOMEONE DOESN’T HAVE YOUR BEST INTERESTS IN MIND. 

ending thoughts: i know quarantine is difficult right now. the desire to grow contrasted with the inability to move. maybe try and follow that old 2008~ quote; “bloom where you are planted”. you might not be able to reach the goals you thought you would during this time. you might not be able to run a marathon or make a bunch of new friends or wake up at 6 AM to workout or redo your bedroom or get a rhinoplasty or join a gym or get an internship. working towards productivity might be unrealistic right now. but you can work everyday towards becoming the woman you want to be, mentally. you can work on learning to be content, learning to make the best with what you have, learning to appreciate the little things, learning to slow down. these are all qualities that i for one want to have just as much as i want to be attractive or successful. if you can’t enjoy success, what’s the fucking point! life is on pause right now, take this moment as a gift and consider your internal world and what parts of your mind need a makeover. there are horrible things happening in the world right now, do what you can to help, but if you’re safe and healthy then be grateful for the things you can learn from this difficult time. take it slow, but keep moving forward! 

[stupid-aesthetic-bullshit]

The words dont usually come out right but whatever.

For the past 3 years all I've fucking done is try to be good to people. I tried to do things for people. I tried to make people feel loved and cared for. I tried to make people feel beautiful. I never fucking feel those things. I put on a mask and be what people need me to be. I dont have the kinds of connections with people where I can ask to stay over or vent to someone when I desperately need it. I've never had a functioning relationship and I can partially take credit for that. I'm strong in a sense and weak in most others. I'm fragile and short tempered. But that's just because everytime I really care for someone, like really care for someone they take advantage of me or just leave. In my experience theres always going to be someone better, and that's okay, right? Because if I really cared I'd want them to have better. I feel selfish for having these feelings but really isnt it normal to want to have people in your life who care? I'm just shitty I guess.

The people who really got to know me know what I mean. I've recently started to sleep around hoping I can maybe fill some of the void that's slowly made it's way inside me over the last 3 years but it just numbs it temporarily and then I'm left with the realization that I'm wasting my time with these pointless flings. I'm just hurting myself more. Its like when you go to a store and get a sample of something and you think "hey I should buy some more of this" but for some reason the guy just kinda says "nah no more for you" I doubt that's a good metaphor but whatever. I'm tired of falling with nobody there to catch me. Youd think by know I'd learn to catch myself or at least brace for the fall but I'm not there yet. I dont really know if I'll ever actually get there. I'm an overweight woman. Yeah whatever. I've lost weight, which is a real good plus to my health, and every day I'm fighting to bring that number down more. It hasnt really been an issue to my mental health since high school as I've dated off an on and had a few lasting relationships. But it does take a toll on making new relationships because people do get their impressions and that's fine. We all do.

I'm just scared that things will never change. That will be a slave to my illness forever. That everyday I'm getting closer to either an impulsive accidental death or just a mental breakdown that gets me sent away for good. I'm afraid of myself lately. I'm afraid of what I might say or do. I have nightmares that are literally me just rambling on to someone and them being annoyed. Silly right? Not to me. It definitely makes me aware that I talk to much, I overshare or that I'm just boring. Ever since the 3rd grade I knew I was annoying but I was just told "its nor your fault its your illness"

Is my illness who I am? Am i just a reflection of my parents bad DNA cursed to live a boring lonely worthless life? I fucking hope not but it's a scary thought that'll keep me up at night.

I dont openly talk about the fact that I have BPD to most people. But when i do they say they understand and care.

All i have to say to those people is, where are you now? Are you happier without me? I'm sorry..

Sometimes I sit awake until 8am just imaging fake scenarios in my head. I'm happy then. I feel safe in my head in those times. Almost as safe as I felt last year. Maybe this is all the bad karma catching up to me. Who am I to say? Can I keep up this act everyday? When will I wake up and just not be able to do my day to day things? I already cant fucking clean my own apartment, when will I stop going to work? Stop eating? It's happened before and I dont want to do it again. I want to be strong and believe that good things happen to those that wait but I dont really know when the last time a good thing happened to me. I guess if you want to count the people who are gone then maybe. Temporary happiness has helped but its not a cure all.

I just hope one day I meet someone who cares enough to stay. That's happy to see me and happy to hear me. I hope that person sees me for who I am and I can be myself and express myself without worry. I hope that person loves me the way I'll love them. And I hope that one day I will wake up and I wont be worried anymore. That my worries will be "what color should we paint the bathroom" or "what should we make for dinner"

I yearn for the simple things in life but in my experience I guess nothing is really simple. Some people just get a better hand at life. It's wrong of me to be jealous but I just cant help myself sometimes. I'd like a happy life. I'd like to be okay some day.

Maybe.

[one-shoop]

My mother actually admitted to a professional that she would "push us to face our fears" and "square up" or whatever when we were anxious. I don't know why this information doesn't make me happier. I have proof that she's the one who's been at the core of all my most complex mindsets -- like the "don't ask for help unless you really need it" and "am I hurt enough to be allowed to be sad" and "is this bad enough so I don't need to swallow it and search for solutions, or is this pain bad enough I can keep it". She literally admitted to doing all of that.

She's the reason I didn't ask for help in exams. She basically admitted to all the stuff she did as a mother -- her miraculously-unused scheme to push me off a bike so I wouldn't be scared of it anymore ("but pushing you nicely, so you don't actually get hurt, just to show you it's not scary" says mom like this excuses anything), all the times she talked about messing around with her students' rigidities and complex things (she called it "breaking them" like seriously) -- she'll "confront" autistic people or perfectionnists. She admitted to making sure the kid who hated losing loses at all games until he "learns to suck it up" and "accept things" or whatever, she admitted to messing up an autistic/rigid kid's meticulously arranged pieces of paper to "show them it didn't matter if they were messed up, it's the paper itself that counts", and doing that everytime they meet up, even going so far as pretending the kids actually like when she does that. How is this woman even a freaking orthopédagogue, I have no idea.

But she keeps "pushing them out of their comfort zones" and it's just not okay. And the way she talks to them, the way she behaves around them -- it pisses me off just thinking about it. And yesterday she confessed to her motives.

And -- this is a woman who said that the Roman Empire was justified, the murder of millions and all the crap was justified, that people were being stupid when they refused to have roman soldiers on their land -- this is a woman who said that "the tribes didn't want to be in peace, they wanted to keep fighting" and "Rome was keeping the peace". Someone who literally has no freaking reason to believe this crap -- seriously???? The Roman empire was garbage???? This is someone who said "well, if you see slavery as the limit, no civilisation ever was good" when I told her the goddamn empire worked on slaves' back, and refused to acknowledge how Caesar was a piece of garbage, how people watched prisoners of war get freaking KILLED in arenas like it was a fun thing to watch.

Like seriously???? She told me "homeless people should just work harder" and "it doesn't mean society is broken if they can't get jobs/housing" and "it's their fault -- and I know, I watched a documentary once" and "most homeless people are idiots, they don't want to get healed, they want to do drugs and they're childish, they don't want to get jobs, they don't want to work" and "we can't force people to do things they don't want to do, they don't want to get healed so leave them be" and "they basically want to stay homeless" and "they can't handle having a job" and "there are shelters in place, so if they don't go there, they're basically saying they want to stay homeless" like sure mom, this is a good mindset. Absolutely -- i so agree with the humanity of "they don't want to work, so let them starve" like this is forgetting that many homeless peeps are mentally ill? Or addicted? And they CAN'T GET TREATMENT much less any sort of respect from people???? And shelters are the worst??? If I base it on my experience at an Elder's retirement home, let me tell you social workers can be assholes and retirement homes can be a hostile environment to its patients. And also???? Some homeless peeps just leave because OH SNAP maybe they got THROWN OUT OF THEIR HOUSE and and since they're going they have fucking nowhere to go? Like -- ever hear of someone losing their spouse and having nobody ro turn to, so they spend a night outside, and then another, and when their boss hears they fire them so now they're jobless and penniless and BAM. And ever heard of the concept that maybe BEING ALCOHOLIC ISN'T CONTROLLABLE WITHOUT EXTERNAL HELP and do I really have to explain how buying alcohol/weed and being left to starve and freeze and get mugged all the time -- like seriously, there is NO REASON you should LET SOMEONE DIE.

Like ffs?????????? She said bombing an entire town full of civilians was a good move???? Since "they didn't want to surrender, they were too proud" and "they were too stubborn to give up so they had to be shown we wouldn't back down" like wow, minimalizing much??? We're talking about two whole goddamn towns being blown away -- imagine freaking Montreal just blown away like that. Those bombs were MASSIVE. Imagine the freaking KIDS. Seriously -- she can't bear to watch documentaries on the atomic bombs, it should be enough to make her realize that hey, maybe if something is too horrible to watch, you shouldn't DO IT TO PEOPLE? Nor excuse it????

Said that our country "didn't do too much slavery" and "WE were nice people, not like the English" and "we lived in peace" like seriously???? Remember all those times native people got sold as slaves??? Remember how métis came to be, with white people going in forests, stopping for a night at a tribe, and raping a woman there????? And then that woman would get expelled and her baby would be shunned for not belonging either with the white bastards or with the mother's birth tribe?? Remember how Montréal was built to be a freaking conversion thing for the native peoples thar lived near??? Remember how we had missionaries?

Remember that time she kept saying that in the Bible, the Jewish people were the bad guys -- the Romans were good? Defending the dude from the washing hands thing, saying he had no other choice to keep the people happy than to kill J-boy, and saying it was "the Jewish religious leaders's" fault for all of it? For "forcing people to hate him"? Saying the Jewish people were jerks like they didn't want to pay taxes to this guy who invaded their land, right??? Well apparently they're jerks for that???

Saying Sikh community people can never get into politics because "politicians are supposed to represent the majority of their people, and they're never part of the majority anywhere" and rolling her eyes when I say "what, so what you're saying is that if you're part of that community, you can't EVER get into politics? What if it was your dream??? Should you give up your religion to be allowed to compete?"

And apparently all of that is because of some "book" she read once about how to deal with anxiety in kids. How, apparently, this "book" was enough to spark all of this nonsense.

Like wtf mom

Wtf

Like for someone who keeps talking about "facing your fears" she sure is ignoring a whole lot of information back here. Like ever heard of someone dismissing the truth because it's too hard? Like if this was really your philosophy I'd think you'd be the first one to fall out bs propaganda and fight for a better place and a more compassionate view of others, and like -- her philosophy is supposed to be about confronting your fears to work on them like how tf can you do that without even admitting there's a problem???? She's making shif up for a shitton of historical shit that have literally no fucking data on all the goodness she pretends exists -- like seriously man just google literally any of those things and you'll have proof it happened -- even NOW we have literal places where every native person lives like some weird ghetto bht wirh government funding. Native lands aren't even legally recognized by our bs country, they don't have a fucking representative or their own, they don't even have their own province ffs they live in shitty places where poverty happens because SURPRISE when you strip someone of their land, their dignity, their culture, and their religion, and all their space to just freaking exist -- MAYBE it fucks them up. And just MAYBE being stripped of your integrity as a person and a clan is MAYBE stripped away and MAYBE you have nothing to really do with your identity. So MAYBE you should consider that when you pretend the shit our people did wasn't completely horrific. MAYBE you'd understand how desperatly something needs to be done.

And ALL OF THIS just doesn't cut it for a goddamn book about education or whatever it was. I dont know what this is but this just feels like fucking victim blaming. This can't be about "facing your fears", this is about dictating them, this is about making things up, about controlling the reality. This is about making the reality to be more pleasant for you to live in, this is about you controlling people to see things as you do. This is about you thinking people will never like you if you outright say you agree with the goddamn empire so you pretend there's some silver lining on it.

[detectivehole]

Go comic feral, i followed this blog for a rEASOn and it's bc i like to hear your random vents and rants and also you reblog cool stuff. But i digress, go comic feral i am hERE for it

fine

PETER PARKER BEING RICH IS STUPID  he didnt even ern what he has himself it was nt even himn he wasnt in his body maybe if i had got to see him start fron nothing to being a cool ceo or whatever id be able to stand it but nooooooo he just GOT is for nothing so it feels stupid like “ha ha what if like tony stark haha” its DUMB and i haven’t read a spider man comic for a long time

deadpool/spiderman crossover comic bad. feels out of character a lot. funny concept and full of funny jokes but as far as characterization its bad in my opinion- was made to capitalize off the hype of the ship and we all know it

don cates should be banned from writing comics bc he fucking sucks and ill never forgive him for what he did/tried to do to venom

deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good deadpool good dea

the venom movie was a lot of fun but it was very ooc a lot HOWEVER seeing some of the cut scenes and scripts you can see that it used to be actually fairly in character for the comics but a lot of scenes with eddie establishing himself as not actually the most nicest of guys (not that eddie isnt a nice guy deep down but he is a good amount fucked up with a big ol hero complex and a problem with ‘i can do no wrong” mentality sometimes) were cut and considering how the fandom for the movie treats him i can see why the cut those bits out bc i dont think movie goers would have liked him as much wich is a shame bc he is a good guy at the end of the day just fucked up

straight white male comic fans are the worst people in the world and breaking their fingers is a daydream i indulge in 

matt murdock is a himbo

foggy nelson is a good man who deserves better friends

i can tell what deadpool comics someone has read based on how they characterize wade in their fan works and i have a 80% success rate with it. the most common was the daniel way run but now its the spider-man/deadpool crossover series

soulda used miles for the mcu spidey instead of cannibalizing his story for parts like they did. dick move, Disney

mcu bad

i think just the idea of dc’s Red Tool is fucking hilarious but i dont like his character at all

batman and superman should fuck but they wont :/

matt and foggy should to but the comic industry is afraid of making long running characters lgbt bc theyre WEAK

deadpool need a canon bf they cant keep telling us hes pan and not showing us for reals- hell he could just go on one date or be shown having a one night stand or something- something beyond a damn joke

cable gay. no i will not listen to any other opinions.

im excited to read moon knight i have a book waiting i just have to finish my current one

SCUD the disposable assassin is the most underrated comic EVER and i LOVE IT however i think it ended stupid and bad however it went on fucking hiatus for like a decade and then was rapped up really fast so any ending is a godsend

i desperately want a long-form stand alone series abt wanda wilson bc shes the perfect foil for a good Feral Dumbass Woman comic. think abt it; shell sell immediately bc of recognizable brand, and then she can just go on violent stupid adventures without any of the other dp corps. it doenst have to line up with any canon i just want insane lady dp adventure comic. this is an unreasonable dream but mine none the less

i though that agent venom was stupid

tank girl is fucking amazing and i love it i never understand whats going on and i enjoy the confusion

reading early hulk comics feels like watching a weird, poorly produced old black and white sci-fi soap

there needs to be better, more easily accessed, official reading-order guides published and posted on the walls of comic shops everywhere

the 80s and 90s were the best time for marvel comics and no one can tell me otherwise. that was peak comic time

the worst time for comics was the 2000s and early 2010s

sometimes i am shocked by the art that gets the editors pass in comics. some of it is so bad and im not even talking about the disproportionate ladies

the lego marvel and dc movies are way better than the live action movies and im not even being sarcastic

seriously the 2000s made some horrible comics

i feel like committing acts of mass violence every time someone says comics arnt real reading/stories/implies theyre worth less of any value than a novel

i read the first deadpool comic i got so much that the art itself is so ingrained in my mind that people have shown my just the corners of panels and ive identified them correctly

i distinctly remember the first time the woman at the book store stopped asking me for parental permission to buy the comics i was getting (12yos) because i went there so often that she just remembered who i was and that the adult would say its fine

i refuse to talk about comics with people at cons because i am gatekept or flirted with every single time no matter what and there is no in between. and yea its because i have tits. youd think that eventually theyd learn but gross comic men never do and all the others have adopted the same policy as me so the closest i come to positive comic interaction at cons is standing in the same vicinity as another chick, looking at the same section, and the kinda smiling at each other

i think the avengers are boring. really really boring. the x-men are way better

i related to gwenpool too much when she first started and it scared/offended me so i stopped reading for a while until her character developed more and we stooped being so similar

i have spider-man bedding. i picked it out only a few months ago. its good it makes me feel cool in a very uncool way

watching spider-man as a kid made me wanna be a scientist. watching batman as a kid made me want to do martial arts. i ended up failing chemistry and falling on my face a lot instead.

i had a huge venom toy and a huge spiderman toy as a kid and while i did make them fight a lot i also made them hug just as much. i wanted them to be friends

on that note PETER IS MEAN TO THE SYMBIOTE NOW AND HE DONT EVEN HAVE A REASON NO MORE hes just such a dick about criminal reform eddie and the symbiote aint special with this- he says he believes people can be better but he really doesnt show it. he tends to think people are set in their ways and while this makes sense forthe most part considering how much hewas bullied as a kid/adult (that also contributes to his mild “i protect my own” mentality  tho at least he consciously fights that one) it stil pisses me off

i can think way more but i need to sleep i think

[spacephant0m]

cw for personal talk about religion/spirituality and trying to find myself. Srry for typos

I’m in my room on the verge of tears and switching between crying and having a blank stare, watching brendon’s livestream on my ipad while i type this. I’m trying to study witchcraft to some extent as I’ve never really read much of anything about it before. Specifically I was reading about christian witches. Now the thing is like, i grew up as a christian. And nowadays i still believe in God definitely, but i hate christian practices. I remember reading and studying world religions in college last year and absolutely loving it and being so sad because i never experienced such practices in my own faith that actually seemed..... like, fun, and super connective. Me bawling my eyes out at church camp and being “lost” was not exactly what i originally thought it was. I was just mentally ill and didnt know it. Deep down i always knew i had a connection with God that wasnt faltering over silly shit a kid does wrong. Kid sins. Whatever the fuck. As much as i fucken prayed and asked for forgiveness, i was fine. Christianity is always a race to be closer to God and its like.... how close can i get when im doing the same fucking exact practices over and over.... they never really taught us about meditation and becoming one with your surroundings and idk, letting your spirit free. They kind of talked about it sometimes.

But i just hate the entire setup of church. I miss the family aspect so much. Thats all i miss. I miss bible study but really i just miss the points where we talked about life. Thats usually what we did, we would have an entire lesson setup and it would become totally derailed by our conversations. And it was real and i had a sense of community that i cant get anywhere else. I havent been able to find it anywhere else. But i also miss my personal sense of spirituality. I love that word and i love that it has so many encapsulating meanings. I dont wanna be like a white man self acclaimed guru who’s like read this book it’ll help you change your life....... i feel like those guys really appropriate culture and commercialize it. Its kinda gross. I try not to associate myself with that idea but every time i think about meditating more and shit im like “ew im gonna be a gross white guy whos all at peace w himself and lives in the mountains and shit” AND IT MAKES ME MAD. I’m having a beer right now instead of a cup of tea. Probably a mistake. Tea helps me feel better but im filling my body w shit at the moment bc thats what happens when i get this sad.

Anyways i really hate the idea of practicing a religion. I made a post before asking for sort of an advice on this, like was it okay for me to like witchy things and not actually be one. I was told yes its totally okay. And im not disrespectful of anyone and i dont make fun of any religion. I just persoaally cannot see myself involved with having an actual religion. I dont even consider myself christian so how could i ever proclaim myself as a christian witch, idk.

I dont want to label myself at all. Maybe i dont need any of this. Maybe i just need to play dnd and live vicariously thru my character. Use that shit as therapy. I hear it helps a lot with mental health and social skills. That of which i am verily lacking. I’m just hurting and im pissed off. I dont know why exactly. I just want to do meditation and i wanna buy my crystals and start doing yoga again. This year i have been stretching more. Actually i started on the first of feb. i stretch every day and do vocal exercises to help my voice get more control and deepen it a bit (transmasc).

I am also just a bit overwhelmed at everything. I dont know where to start. All i know is i want to burn incense like i used to growing up bc it always made me happy. And that i only believe in like..... cleansing through these elements and a prayer to God. But i’ve always had faith issues because im so insecure, i never think God will actually help me because maybe i dont deserve it or maybe he just doesnt want to.

I’m also scared im gonna do something wrong or fuck something up. That something bad will happen or something because im dumb. I dont know if i could mix my own herbs that feel right to me, or if i should use a recipe. I feel stupid that i dont have as much faith in prayer as i wish i did, but i have faith that little rocks will help to cleanse negative energy and things like that.

I dont know why im crying, i guess because im so insecure? Or maybe life is just rly hard and i’m overthinking everything. I just feel kinda bad. Yet when my friends tell me theyre praying for me, i do have faith in that and it means the world to me.

I know none of this is a big deal to anyone, and maybe none of it should matter. But im like. Idk. Im very interested in plants and medicines of the earth and shit like i always have been ever since i was young i thought of myself as like. Awakened and shit LOL whatever that means @ 10 year old me. I dont want to feel like anything controls me or owns me, i want to feel like i am in control of my own life and that i could harness the energy around me to not only like bring me peace of mind but to help me through my journey of life.

But i guess my biggest issue is i have no fuckin clue where to start. I hate reading and all this research im trying to do to help myself figure out what i enjoy is just. Making me so fucken overwhelmed. I only read like. 1 blog post and 2 articles and im already losing it. I always grew up w the mindset that God will take care of everything but like. He already has. In my mind. Because he’s already given us all the tools we need. But folks just like. Wanna be lazy and wait for things to happen. Sometimes all u can do is wait but when it comes to like, being THE ONES IN CONTROL, “prayers for america” is dumb as fck.

Idk i dont know anything and its okay to not know right now but i want something more in my life but i want it to be like.... totally personal and i dont want it to be absolutely everything my life revolves around. I want it to just be something i do and that i love. I dont need a label for it. But idk. I just dont know what to do.

If anyone has any sort of advice or is dealing with anything like this i’d love to hear about it. My ask and msgs are open as well. I feel pretty alone right now. Im just patiently waiting for my paycheck tomorrow so i can buy these crystals i rly want. But who knows what it will take to satisfy my hungry soul.

Another problem i rly have honestly is just like. Spending a lot of money on a lot of hobbies. I feel shitty for having so many things i enjoy doing. I try to narrow it down. I havent started embroidery bc i dont wanna spend more money and i feel like i’ll never have enough time to practice. Im just. Mediocre at a lot of things instead of rly super good at one thing. I mean i think im pretty great at drawing but thats about it. But ive been doing that for 10 years so ofc im good at it NOW. But ffs. I wanna do so many things and its overwhelming. I work a minimum wage job and its. I dont have enough money for anything lol so most of my stuff is low-budge† which is fine i guess but. Idk. Im tired. Im sad.

I dont know how to be more spiritual i dont know where to start. And my mind is telling me to slap a label on it or its not anything of value. Which is bullshit. But y’know. Anxiety n shit.

[werewolfwilds]

i redid an ask meme that i had originally done ~3 years ago to see the comparison so for archiving purposes im putting it in a lil journal entry here ! i wanna start doing small journal entries again it was fun when i did that

new answers bolded

1) what images do you have set for your desktop/cell phone wallpapers?

my desktop bg is literally just…. a collage of kageyama manga screencaps a h a,,,, and my cellphone bg are drawings some gay drew me like 74724 years ago :v // my desktop rn is actually a background from one of the dmmd routes LMFAO..... idk which one it is but i’ve always liked those bg pics!! my cell lock screen is p5 art and my bg is leopika

2) have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

nooooope // nah

3) what was your last text message?

my phone is dead so i wouldnt be able to tell you lmfao i dont even remember // it was a gif from kelly lol

4) what do you see yourself doing in 10 years?

hopefully working a job i enjoy and making costumes and being happy!! // god i have no idea and it freaks me out... hopefully working,,

5) if you could be anywhere else right now, where would you be?

hoommee ((or at katsucon tbh)) // at the beach with friends maybe

6) what was your coolest halloween costume?

a white cat probably lmao // i dont think ive ever had a particularly exciting halloween costume but one year i was sharpay from high school musical and i think i peaked then tbh

7) what was your favorite 90s show?

uhhhh….. i didnt really… start watching tv until like… the 2000′s so i really cant tell you man lol // spongebob started in 1999 does that coUNT,

8) who was your last kiss?

(answer redacted) // :/ someone should kiss me so i can change this answer lmao

9) have you ever been stood up?

nope //  nah

10) favorite ice cream flavor?

vanilla w/ vanilla oreos ok u need to underst a n d // this hasn’t changed i haven’t had this particular ice cream in a long time but i still stand by it

11) have you been to las vegas?

nahh // nope

12) your favorite pair of shoes?

idk i have these black ones i wear everywhere lol // i have a pair of white sneakers that i refuse to stop wearing now

13) honestly, have you ever cheated on your significant other?

i wouldnt even consider it. // no bc i’m not a piece of shit lmao?

14) what is your favorite fruit?

hmmm…. pineapple orrr…. strawberries but only if they’re the really good kind like they have to be perfect // pineapple!!

15) have you talked to anyone on tumblr that you could see yourself  dating/having sex with? if possible?

….. ye s… yes. // in the past apparently so but thinking about it now nah lol

16) are you into hookups? short or long term relationships?

hookups arent my thing eh i prefer long term relationships altho i cant really say ive been in a “long” term relationship pffff // i don’t think hookups will ever be my thing, emotionally long term relationships are what i’m here for but i’m also a Very Impulsive Person so i cant tell you if this will stay a fact :’)

17) do you smoke? if so, what?

nope dont wanna // no thanks

18) what do you do to get over your anger?

usually talk to people or shout into word // i have to vent about it to someone probably a thousand times even months or years after it happens tbh

19) do you believe in god?

nahh // nah

20) does the person you’re in love with know it?

i aint in love with anyone rn so no? // i’m not in love with anyone.

21) favorite position?

………….. for w hat………. // oh honey lmfao... N/A

22) what’s your horoscope sign?

virgo/ox ovob // Virgo/sun, Aries/moon, Libra/rising and Cancer/midheaven

23) your fears?

literally everything i already named a few so ill name some others… ghh anything in… the ocean or lakes and stuff frightens me and i really dont know why bu tlike…. fish and crabs and jellyfish and seaweed cuz it’s evil and stu f f basically anything that’s not a mammal or turtles or penguins…. lo l im a baby // uncertainty is a big fear of mine and also people being mad at me lmao... as far as physical fears though i have debilitating fears of almost all insects/arachnids and lobsters/shrimp/crawfish :^)))))

24) how many pets do you have? what kind?

two cats and a dog!! // one cat one dog

25) what never fails to turn you on?

i dunno,,/////// // lol neck biting/kissing oof

26) your idea of a perfect first date?

im okay with mostly anything i just really like spending time with the person ; v ; // i’ve never really had an answer for this? thinking about dates has always made me so anxious for whatever reason but i’ll be happy to just spend time with them doing whatever honestly, i’m a super indecisive person aha

27) what is something most people don’t know about you?

i dont really know tbh lmfao // i’ve considered in the past looking into mental conditions (anxiety/bpd/etc) to see if i might have one or two but i never want to say anything about it because i don’t want to self-diagnose anything.

28) what makes you feel the happiest?

nice weather and nice conversations w/ best people u//v//u // nice weather and hanging out with people who are fun and easy to talk to

29) what store do you shop at most often?

does….. arda wigs count or… // does arda wigs still count bc mood lmao but truthfully now it’s probably target

30) how do you feel about oral? giving and/or receiving?

kkdkjsfkjkjfj??fsfj/// go for i t??? i have no problems with i t??? i dont think ill ever be willing to put a dick in my mouth though // these random sexual questions thrown in here are something aren’t they lmao. not going to disclose much but i will stand by the fact that i will not put a dick in my mouth lo l

31) do you believe in karma?

sometimes ye // i believe that people will eventually get what’s coming to them but i don’t believe in karma as a solid concept if that makes sense? like i don’t think it’s guaranteed

32) are you single?

yup yup // yeah it’s been wild lmao

33) do you think flowers or candy are a better way to apologize?

i think being sincere is the best way to apologize– if you truly mean it the person will know. you dont need to buy your forgiveness. // the best way to apologize is just to apologize sincerely and change your behavior if it’s applicable.

34) are you a good swimmer?

ehh??? im ok i guess– i took swimming lessons as a kid but i havent done legit swimming ever since then lmao,, ive always been best at the backstroke tho yea // i mean i have the ability to swim but i’m not olympic-worthy or anything lmao

35) coffee or tea?

ehhh im not big on either tbh // chocolate milk and you can fight me

36) online shopping or shopping in person?

depends what your shopping for i guess?? online is more relaxed i guess // online probably because shopping in person Gives Me Anxiety

37) would you rather be older or younger than your current age?

ehhh im happy where i am tbh // older

38) cats or dogs?

do not make me choose // cats and dogs* there i fixed it for you

39) are you a competitive person?

ahaa,,,,, oh god yeah,, // OOF yeah

40) do you believe in aliens?

i believe there’s life on other planets somewhere?? so i guess?? // i believe in aliens in the sense that there’s no way we are the only living life forms in the universe but not in the science-fiction way you feel me

41) do you like dancing?

i do but i suck at it lmao // i do but i: A- suck, and B- have no stamina

42) what kind of music to you listen to?

nearly everything tbh // i’m not picky when it comes to music but imma be real w u. almost all of the music on my phone is kpop. seventeen is my favorite group along with astro, and i also enjoy super junior, shinee, red velvet, etc among so many others,,, im pretty wide spread !

43) what is your favorite cartoon character?

i will never be able to pick just one // i’ll literally never be able to answer this

44) where are you from?

philadelphia uvu // philly!

45) eat at home or eat out?

hmmm at home. // at home

46) how much more social are you when you’re drunk?

i never plan on being drunk tyvm // i’ve never consumed alcohol in my life and to be Quite Fucking Honest i want nothing to do with it

47) what was the last thing you bought for yourself?

bracelets ! ; u ; // uh... excluding food and music... earrings i think

48) why do you think your followers follow you?

uhhhhhhh lmfao i have no idea i think… a good amount are for my cosplays at least?? or id like to think so lmfao but i really dont know pfft // my followers have just accumulated and hung around over the years... i know i gained a good amount from my snk days as arlert-the-troops and then through my haikyuu phase, whether it was for my cosplay or other posts that i made... whenever someone follows me now im not entirely sure what its for but i appreciate everyone who’s stuck around!

49) how many hours do you sleep at night?

it’s never regular man // 6-9 (lol) hours is pretty normal for me

50) what worries you most about the future?

everything tbh // the future as a concept worries me lol

[meme-sauce]

Hi! What are some other reasons you dont like thirteen reasons why? People tell me to watch it but idk im not really sure? Id love to hear the other side too. (Love your blog btw)

Hi! Thank you! I’ve gotten a few of these in my ask box so I’m officially answering this one, but it’s for everyone else who asked too. There’s a lot of anger in here but it’s not directed at you anon! Just the book. (Please keep in mind I have not watched the show, nor do I intend to, so most of these are based on the book. This will also contain spoilers.)

1) Hannah Baker is a selfish hateful bitch. I really hate the B word, but honestly, I dont know what else to say. All suicides are selfish honestly, but she killed herself out of straight spite. She even says that its for revenge. Yes, there were some god awful things that happened, but she destroyed her family, her future, and honestly herself just so she could get back at the people that hurt her. Pathetic. I had a friend who’s client killed themselves, and they were devastated. It wasn’t even a person in their family and they couldn’t get out of bed for weeks. I could never imagine butting my family through that just to get revenge, and make people feel bad for fucking me over. 2) Basing off that, Hannah blames everyone for her suicide except for her own damn self.  Every single one of the issues she talked about sucked, but they could have been solved in so many ways other that suicide (again, I can not believe someone would do that to their family and friends.). If she talked to the people, or went to a real counselor, or did fucking online schooling whatever, she could have avoided it. There so many options she could have taken to better her self, but she allowed what people had done to her to control her. She uses the tapes to show how other people caused her suicide, but her hand was always the one on the trigger. 3) Blame of other people brings me to my next point, which is basically the same as number two only more specific to the School Counselor. I honestly cant remember his name right now, Mr Porter?  I have no clue so Ill just call him SC. This poor dude. He’s just a school counselor, but suddenly he’s the most responsible for her death? She says on that tapes that he’s the only person standing between her and suicide. What kind of god awful burden to put on somebody?? Who fucking does that?? Tells someone they’re the only thing stopping them from killing themselves?? Gross people that’s who. And the real kicker is, she didn’t even tell him. She didn’t even tell him half of the whole story. She said there was sexual things that happened with a guy, didn’t tell him if it was rape or not, and when he offered solutions, she wasn’t open to them. The poor dude did his best, but when who you’re talking too won’t help themselves, there’s really nothing more you can say. He told her to move on, because she wouldn’t press charges or even talk about what happened, and she twisted his words into inspiration to kill herself. And in the book, they talk about how horrible he is for that!!! She tells him he can take the tapes to hell, Clay calls him awful or something. He did his best with what she told him!! And even then, it is not his responsibility to make sure she doesn’t kill herself. Yes, counselors should help, but saying he was the one thing standing between her and her death is???? Crazy??4) This takes me to my next point. Clay. Clay Clay Clay. This whole time, shes talking about people who wronged her, and Clay is wondering how he got on the list. So when it gets to his tape, I’m like “Okay cool maybe the Author will explore the grey areas in this book, and how even good people can do bad things, or about how people you expect to be good can really fuck up, accidentally or on purpose, or fuck maybe it’ll only be a little thing and the author can use it to show how even small actions can impact a person (I wouldn’t say to a point of SUICIDE, but just show the impacts)” but then the tape comes on and its “Clay you don’t deserve to be on this list. You’re the odd one out”. How, fucking, convenient. Our Hero Clay Jensen, who didn’t do anything wrong!! He is exempt from all of her hate so we can have a likable main character. Wonderful. I rolled my eyes his entire chapter. 5) OH Also! talking about Clay’s tape, let’s also talk about (again), Hannah’s absolute fuckery when it comes to dealing with her problems. Literally pushes away anyone who could help her. She doesn’t even want to be helped, and at this point, shes going to twist every damn thing someone says to fit her own self justifying agenda. She says people caused her suicide, but she caused it her self by allowing it to happen. She didn’t help herself, even when she could, and wont take responsibility. Also, she fucking traumatized this poor boy for the rest of his life by making him listen to all the awful things on a set of tapes “he didn’t belong on”. Fuck off Hannah Baker. 6) The book is plain unrealistic. This is less of a character thing and more of something I noticed the second time i read it and it just made me hate it more. First off, literally no one does that shit. No one gives a fuck in high school. if someone cares enough to tell everyone that Justin felt up Hannah on the playground, no one is gonna care enough to believe it. When was the last time you heard a rumor about a girl getting felt up and went  “ wow this must be true what a slut I hate her”. It’s also unrealistic in the sense of the way it portrays depression, which is very poorly and Ill get to that more later. When I’m depressed I can’t even get out of bed, much less orchestrate an entire guilt trip with cassette tapes. Also the fact that Clay knows every single person on those tapes and their backstories despite having very different social groups as them? I’m not buying it. 7) It’s portrayal of depression and suicide. It makes it seem like its this beautifully sad pain. No. False. depression is like,  not getting out of bed because you’re physically unable too. It’s not taking a shower for weeks. It’s crying at two AM for no fucking reason. Miss me with this “I began to see the beauty in giving up” bullshit. You want to show suicide? Show what really happens. the wreckage people leave behind. Jay Ashter or whatever his name is goes into it a little bit when he’s talking about how her parents left for weeks and how the school counselor looked when he found out, but thats about it. Mainly it talks bout why she killed herself and how other people caused it, but not a realistic version of what the aftermath actually entailed. People, especially young people,  might look at this without knowing the true consequences of suicide or impacts of depression and get the wrong idea; namely they killing yourself is a revenge tactic to make everyone see how right you are and feel bad about what they did. Depression isn’t romantic emptiness and suicide isn’t a way to get revenge. It’s a serious issue and it just felt so… empty.8) While I’m not 100% sure, I’ve heard that not only does the Netflix series show the suicide, but also a really long rape scene. Can anyone say Yikes. Lets create a show about mental health and things that cause it,and then not give a fuck how said show will impact viewer’s triggers and mental health. There’s more but this post is already long as hell so I’ll end it here. I’m not the best writer, so there are some concepts that may have gotten muddled and not thoroughly explained, So i apologize for any misunderstandings someone gets if my words aren’t clear enough. I think you get the concept though.

[thisisjustacover]

bc i cant sleep with these thoughts in my head

i was literally in bed but i came back alive because i couldnt sleep at all and my brain was just like buzzing over my spring semester schedule bc im a shithead and i dont ever plan ahead like fuck kat you made mistakes since you were a freshie but cant do anything about that now

problems when you go to a small ass school that courses are in rotation and are not offer every semester, even every year and im just like fuck if you missed your first chance you have to wait until two years later but if youre studying abroad during that semester then youre screwed and say goodbye to that class 

as of right now i have things figured out i think hopefully yes no

chinese poetry which is like wtf idek if im going to learn anything but anyway core is a requirement and i really want to take human rights and civil society in east asia its a shit ton of work and super duper hard class but like itll be worth it? yes omg but the topics are so interesting though and urban planning and built env’t bc im a urban planning geek like for real but i have doubts about this class whether its going to be efficient the professor is always almost like so amibtious and doesnt really have a structure and iim just like ehhhh and then piano i dropped social psych bc im really not that interested in that class im more like disorder/developmental psych kind of person i mean those others will probably help too but theres too many interesting classes to take and too little time and its so fucking hard im also going to drop calculus bc thats always going to be on the calendar anytime so ill take it when i dont have concentration classes to take aka when i come back from study abroad spring 2018 and then ill take whatever i want with photography ceramics finishing writing bio health and doing extra mileage on spanish and env’t concentration classes sustainable cities and maybe personality psych and senior year finally do disorders and developmental and i have no idea what env’t classes are offered bc they never posted it in the meantime i feel like i should do humanities classes too

okay im just going to continue ranting here because okay i really like psych and disorders and shit but then at the same time im really scared of going into that field of psychology and psychiatrist bc med school is scary as hell and i have not that much confidence to get into med school nor treat patients but knowing my personality well according to the meyers-briggs personality tests my career paths one of them is being a psych and psychiatrist and im just like i do but at the same time its a hard road and im just like fuck fuck fuck fuck so i opted out for optometry easy way out more easy way out but really all the same well maybe less mentally and emotionally stressful than psych so i need to talk to career counselor about that bc i need to get my shit together for the summer working and summer school and doing extra stuff that i can do while all still doing the things i love which is photography reading arting and farting jk it just rhymed so 

im still a little anxious about my spring schedule bc apparently im a turbulent type that gets stressed over all the little tiniest shits and honestly the only thing thats been helping me is my friends supporting me and im going to call my mom tmw and talk to her and also my dad i didnt even call him for cny fuck me im a shitty daughter and i have to worry about fucking plane flights for vacay and shit and im just like stawwppp i dint even know if i can afford to go but i must buy them cheap before they hike up like fuckkkk

theres just a lot going on and i feel like this spring semester its going to be just about all that and im going to be a mess everywhere and crying and stressing and screaming and dying but itll be worth it (?) yeah (?) yeah. Yes. yes. please. believe. in yourself. omg.

[skiasurveys]

What is your name? jen How old are you? 20, 21 in december  And lastly, where are you located? canada How do you feel about tomato sauce with chunks of tomato? barf lol Do people think you look like either of your parents? they usually say i look like my dad, which i do, but i think im really half/half

Does that offend you? no

What is your nationality/heritage? Canadian (born), swedish, Ukrainian and French Does it fit you? yes. I look very Ukrainian IMO.not swedish though lol Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? regular but i dont really care Are you more of a talker or a listener? depends on who i am with, but usually a talker unless im around ppl idk then a listener  Do you interrupt when people talk? no unless i have to Do you think its weird when people talk to their pets like people? no Where do most of your relatives live? Canada, or the UK. Is your weight proportionate to your height? i mean apparently im supposed to be 105, but im 130, but i look good. i dont really think those things are accurate because everyone carries their weight differently, i would look weird 105 pounds What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? colins place with connor i think..damn that was a long time ago Do you prefer leather or lace? lace  What was the manufacturer of the last vehicle you were in? Toyota  Would you ever buy a motorcycle? no. What is the most unusual thing in your reach right now? ruler Are you sitting by a window right now? yes. Does your door have to be closed in order for you to sleep? no Do you have anything other than posters or pictures on your walls? no What is the furthest you have traveled alone? no where Have you ever ridden a train? no How about a subway? no What is the last thing you measured? my paper for art class Have you ever done something you told yourself you’d never do? yes..weed lmaoooo What did you do on the busiest day of your life? school probably Have you ever traveled to another country? yes. Have you traveled to another continent? no What is something someone can say that always cheers you up? “wanna get food” Do you think everyone is born innocent? yeah i do Or do you think “evil” is predetermined? no, i do believe environment has a lot to do with that, and how you are raised too. Obviously there are some mental health issues too that can go along with it. Are you tattooed? no. Or does it freak you out? no, i want some! Are you pierced? If so, where? no. i had my ears done but i took them out for like 20 mins and they closed -___- Are attracted to or put off by people who are heavily pierced or tattooed? no, i like tats but there is a limit imo but whatever floats your boat Do you have any predjudices? not rly Have you ever been called a derogatory name? yes What was the meanest thing you’ve been called? a cunt, pathetic, waste of space, all said by my ex friend, thanks jennifer  Have you done anything productive today, anyway? not really.. Eaten anything delicious today? mcdonalds haha Do you have any pets? If so, what species/breed? cats. both siamese mix How did you acquire said pets? we got misty when i was 11 from a farm, and i got archer from my boyfriend, idk how he got him..i think from a friend or something Have you ever gotten a pet at a shelter? no Have you ever taken in a stray animal? we did when i was a baby Do you have or want children? i dont want kids  How do you feel about marriage? i would like to be married to my boyfriend lol Ever been close? to marriage? yes Are you confident in your appearance? not reallly Do you enjoy looking at yourself? no ….Do people think you are conceited or vain? no i dont think so Are you optimistic, pessimistic or “realistic” ? realistic/pess Do you enjoying taking pictures? yes i do Do you take pictures of THINGS, or are you just a camera whore? both lol Do you have a significant other? yes i do, 2 years strong <3 If so, what’s your favorite thing about this person? just him i guess, just him being next to me doing whatever, the way he makes me laugh, and how he can talk to me and calm me down bout stuff How long have you been involved with them? 2 years and bit Do you think they are “the one”? i think so, i really hope. i dont wanna deal with heartbreak and i dont wanna deal with meeting someone else, im really in love with him …Do you believe in “the one” or “soulmates”? i do, but i do believe we have multiple “soul mates” because of the butterfly effect, like if i never said yes to a date with my current BF, i could be with someone els and maybe think they were my soul mate, its weird to think about i guess haha 4 Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? no but i have liked someone just cus they were hot lmao What about dating someone simply because you felt too bad to say no? noooo. i could never date someone i wasnt actually into!! How do you feel about casual sex? its cool but i couldnt do it. ..Are you eating anything right now? no. Does it drive you INSANE when people chew with their mouth open? eh, as long as i dont see or hear it LOL What about when they talk with their mouth full?? doesnt bother me unless they do it all the time and/or i cant hear shit Does any food always make you sick but you love it too much to not eat it? eh, bad food does usually. How do you feel about alcohol? i like it but not as much Have you ever been drunk? yes. Do you like orange juice with pulp? no Or… do you prefer not chewing your juice? yes Do you scream for ice cream? i actually don’t really like ice cream. <--- same Which orange came first; the color or the fruit? the colour i would imagine since colours have always been, and im assuming thats why they named it orange cus of its colour  Chicken or the egg, really? chicken but it probably was a diff type of chicken ..evolution maybe Are you addicted to anything? attention..smoothies Do you tell white lies? i do actually not intending too sometimes i do, but not an everyday thing What is your favorite pair of shoes? my doc martens or converse Are you more creative or logical? creative IMO Do you know what people mean when they say “type A personality”? i think they means they like stuff a certain way, and more logical than feelings Are you in school? If so, for what? college and for visual arts What is your dream job? animator i think Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? no. Do you feel bad when bad things happen to other people? yes. Or, do you not care? i care If you don’t, do you feel guilty about that? - Do you laugh at things that aren’t supposed to be funny? yeah i do Is it only funny til someone gets hurt? ummm  Then is it hilarous? idk. Does your favorite shirt have words on it? yes If so, what does it say? guns n roses Aren’t you a little nervous about posting photos online? no not really Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? depression and ocd Have you ever stolen something? yeah when i was younger44444 What was the reason you washed your hands last? i pet the dog How do you feel about getting blood drawn? dont like it, but idc. What are you afraid of? losing connor Is there something you should be doing?

sleeping??

[the-yaoi-galla]

Your Weekend Horoscopes, March 31st-April 2nd: Don’t Act A Fool This April Fool’s Day

Some of you need to chill the fuck out, some of you need to sit the fuck down, and some of you need to turn the fuck up. Find out what the stars have in store in our Betches weekend horoscopes.

Aries

This is a week of new beginnings for you, Aries. As it is likely that your New Years resolution died out about four days into January, use the beginning of a new month (and hopefully, fucking spring) on Saturday to start over. April is totally the new January. Get back on that fitness grind now that the idea of wearing a swimsuit ever again in your life actual seems feasible. Dedicate yourself to school or work and actually, idk. try? Or maybe its time to take a chance on love and put yourself back out in the dating scene. Whatever you decide, make sure you go for 100%. Betches may be lazy, but were not flakes.

Taurus

Youve had a good run, Taurus. Weeks of productivity. Weekends of partying. Mornings when you dont think youre on the verge of death. Honestly, its been infuriating to watch you succeed so effortlessly. However, the new month and a new moon are here to stop you in your tracks. Idk how to tell you this but this weekend is going to throw you into a bit of a rut. Nothing life or death, but things will just seem to go wrong at every turn. Our advice? Avoid this at all costs by not leaving the comfort of your bed unless you absolutely have to. Come Monday the stars may be less shitty, but best to play it safe until then.

Gemini

Youve been through a bit of a rough patch recently, Gemini. It was shitty, as Im sure you remember only too well, but you made it through it because your friends were there to pick you up when you were down and pour wine into your mouth when it was open. Well, the time has come for you to return the favor and break out that shoulder for someone else to cry on. Comforting people is never fun or easy, but right now its non-negotiable. Go buy a few bottles, a tub of ice cream or two, and wait for the call. Believe us, its coming.

Cancer

The Cancer motto this weekend: new month, new look. Let the beginning of April and potential (but unlikely) return of the sun bring out a brighter, shinier, you. If theres been some big transformation youve been considering but are too scared to try, this is the weekend to do it. Chop your hair off. Dye it. Overhaul your wardrobe. The sky is the limit! Its time to come out of your winter cave stronger, fiercer, and better looking than you were when you climbed into it. Spring is here. Time to act like it.

Leo

I know what youre thinking, Leo, and the answer is a resounding fuck no. This weekend, for whatever reason, youre going to be tempted to hit up an ex. Maybe theyre in town, or you saw an ill-timed Snapchat, or youre just lonely. I dont know, but more importantly, I dont care. This is a time for new starts, not shitty backsliding after one too many Long Islands. You may think youre stronger than that, but Im here to tell you youre not. Give your phone to someone you trust, stay away from social media at all costs, and surround yourself with fun people that will distract you from yourself. We have faith, Leo. Dont let us down.

Virgo

Yikes, Virgo. Im not sure what exactly is going down this weekend, but I do know that its going to be shitty. Honestly, Im sorry that the universe so clearly has it out for you. It may seem like the world is ending, but this is where your friends come in with ample amounts of alcohol to assure you that its not. There is nothing more powerful than the will of a drunk girl trying to cheer up her sad friend. If science could bottle that kind of effort, the world would be at peace. Just sit back and try to keep your head above water; your friends should take care of the rest.

Libra

This weekend is a time of reflection, Libra. There have been a lot of moving parts in your life as of late, and now is the time to sit down and consider how you feel about them all. Maybe its time for a little spring cleaning, in every sense of the word. Clothes you dont need? Toss them. Friends you dont need? Toss them. Guys you dont need? Toss them (but save their numbers for when youre drunk. New month, new you. Dont let any of that shitty winter baggage follow you into spring. Let this meme be your inspiration:

Scorpio

A few words of advice, Scorpio: despite what you seem to think at times your words and actions do, in fact, affect other people. Crazy, right? Its almost like you arent the only person in the entire universe. Ill let that sink in before we continue.

While we are definitely champions of the you do you mentality, sometimes you need to take a step back and remember that there are other people in your life. People with thoughts andwait for itfeelings. Against their better nature, they care about you and the shit that you do. So maybe, just maybe, its time to return the favor, yeah?

TL; DR: Stop being a self-centered shithead and think about your friends and family before you do stupid shit. Way harsh Tai, but we know you can take it.

Sagittarius

I think my favorite part about Sagittarians is their undying optimism when it comes to other people. You, without fail, will go out on a limb for anyone and everyone, time and time again, no matter the consequences. Its awe-inspiring, in the way that its hard to not watch when a pack of lions just wrecks a baby gazelle on . In this metaphor, Sagittarius, you are the gazelle. This weekend, try and be a little more judicious about the people you throw yourself on the line for. I know its going to be hard, but you will come out the other end with your mental and physical health intact. Wild, right?

Capricorn

The nostalgia is going to be real this weekend, Capricorn. Something about the weather, the stars, the people will be taking you on a long trip down memory lane. For better or for worse is entirely up to you. If skeletons start to resurface, there is no shame in avoiding that shit like the plague. But if you happen to have a positive memory or two, try revisiting that and see what happens. Reach out to old friends just to check in. Youll be surprised by how much you still like people that knew you when you were 18. It can be comforting to go back in time and remember the people who helped make you the person you are today. Or it can be horrifying. Guess theres only one way to find out.

Aquarius

My dude. Aquarius. This past week has been a journey of self-discovery for you, and it is absolutely wild how different of a person you are compared to just a week ago. We, for one, are here for it. This weekend, move forward with this new mindset and implement it in every aspect of your life. After months of being put on the back burner, your mental health will truly thank you for it. Let your new self shine and dont let anyone dampen it. In fact, those that try are not worth your time in this new era. Cut them loose and let them know why. 

Pisces

Well, well, well, Pisces. I hate to say I told you so, except just kidding. I fucking love it. Youve spent the last few weeks working yourself down to the bone, and youre exhausted in every sense of the word. This weekend, please just chill the fuck out. Seriously. Turn off your phone. Lock your doors. Close the blinds. I promise the FOMO you may suffer will pale in comparison to the stroke youre bound to suffer any day now. The universe calls for 48 straight hours of unadulterated relaxation. Please, dont ignore it.  

Read more: http://www.betches.com/weekend-horoscope-3-31-17

from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/17/your-weekend-horoscopes-march-31st-april-2nd-dont-act-a-fool-this-april-fools-day/

[fangirl-with-a-shoulder-fettish]

Your Weekend Horoscopes, March 31st-April 2nd: Don’t Act A Fool This April Fool’s Day

Some of you need to chill the fuck out, some of you need to sit the fuck down, and some of you need to turn the fuck up. Find out what the stars have in store in our Betches weekend horoscopes.

Aries

This is a week of new beginnings for you, Aries. As it is likely that your New Years resolution died out about four days into January, use the beginning of a new month (and hopefully, fucking spring) on Saturday to start over. April is totally the new January. Get back on that fitness grind now that the idea of wearing a swimsuit ever again in your life actual seems feasible. Dedicate yourself to school or work and actually, idk. try? Or maybe its time to take a chance on love and put yourself back out in the dating scene. Whatever you decide, make sure you go for 100%. Betches may be lazy, but were not flakes.

Taurus

Youve had a good run, Taurus. Weeks of productivity. Weekends of partying. Mornings when you dont think youre on the verge of death. Honestly, its been infuriating to watch you succeed so effortlessly. However, the new month and a new moon are here to stop you in your tracks. Idk how to tell you this but this weekend is going to throw you into a bit of a rut. Nothing life or death, but things will just seem to go wrong at every turn. Our advice? Avoid this at all costs by not leaving the comfort of your bed unless you absolutely have to. Come Monday the stars may be less shitty, but best to play it safe until then.

Gemini

Youve been through a bit of a rough patch recently, Gemini. It was shitty, as Im sure you remember only too well, but you made it through it because your friends were there to pick you up when you were down and pour wine into your mouth when it was open. Well, the time has come for you to return the favor and break out that shoulder for someone else to cry on. Comforting people is never fun or easy, but right now its non-negotiable. Go buy a few bottles, a tub of ice cream or two, and wait for the call. Believe us, its coming.

Cancer

The Cancer motto this weekend: new month, new look. Let the beginning of April and potential (but unlikely) return of the sun bring out a brighter, shinier, you. If theres been some big transformation youve been considering but are too scared to try, this is the weekend to do it. Chop your hair off. Dye it. Overhaul your wardrobe. The sky is the limit! Its time to come out of your winter cave stronger, fiercer, and better looking than you were when you climbed into it. Spring is here. Time to act like it.

Leo

I know what youre thinking, Leo, and the answer is a resounding fuck no. This weekend, for whatever reason, youre going to be tempted to hit up an ex. Maybe theyre in town, or you saw an ill-timed Snapchat, or youre just lonely. I dont know, but more importantly, I dont care. This is a time for new starts, not shitty backsliding after one too many Long Islands. You may think youre stronger than that, but Im here to tell you youre not. Give your phone to someone you trust, stay away from social media at all costs, and surround yourself with fun people that will distract you from yourself. We have faith, Leo. Dont let us down.

Virgo

Yikes, Virgo. Im not sure what exactly is going down this weekend, but I do know that its going to be shitty. Honestly, Im sorry that the universe so clearly has it out for you. It may seem like the world is ending, but this is where your friends come in with ample amounts of alcohol to assure you that its not. There is nothing more powerful than the will of a drunk girl trying to cheer up her sad friend. If science could bottle that kind of effort, the world would be at peace. Just sit back and try to keep your head above water; your friends should take care of the rest.

Libra

This weekend is a time of reflection, Libra. There have been a lot of moving parts in your life as of late, and now is the time to sit down and consider how you feel about them all. Maybe its time for a little spring cleaning, in every sense of the word. Clothes you dont need? Toss them. Friends you dont need? Toss them. Guys you dont need? Toss them (but save their numbers for when youre drunk. New month, new you. Dont let any of that shitty winter baggage follow you into spring. Let this meme be your inspiration:

Scorpio

A few words of advice, Scorpio: despite what you seem to think at times your words and actions do, in fact, affect other people. Crazy, right? Its almost like you arent the only person in the entire universe. Ill let that sink in before we continue.

While we are definitely champions of the you do you mentality, sometimes you need to take a step back and remember that there are other people in your life. People with thoughts andwait for itfeelings. Against their better nature, they care about you and the shit that you do. So maybe, just maybe, its time to return the favor, yeah?

TL; DR: Stop being a self-centered shithead and think about your friends and family before you do stupid shit. Way harsh Tai, but we know you can take it.

Sagittarius

I think my favorite part about Sagittarians is their undying optimism when it comes to other people. You, without fail, will go out on a limb for anyone and everyone, time and time again, no matter the consequences. Its awe-inspiring, in the way that its hard to not watch when a pack of lions just wrecks a baby gazelle on . In this metaphor, Sagittarius, you are the gazelle. This weekend, try and be a little more judicious about the people you throw yourself on the line for. I know its going to be hard, but you will come out the other end with your mental and physical health intact. Wild, right?

Capricorn

The nostalgia is going to be real this weekend, Capricorn. Something about the weather, the stars, the people will be taking you on a long trip down memory lane. For better or for worse is entirely up to you. If skeletons start to resurface, there is no shame in avoiding that shit like the plague. But if you happen to have a positive memory or two, try revisiting that and see what happens. Reach out to old friends just to check in. Youll be surprised by how much you still like people that knew you when you were 18. It can be comforting to go back in time and remember the people who helped make you the person you are today. Or it can be horrifying. Guess theres only one way to find out.

Aquarius

My dude. Aquarius. This past week has been a journey of self-discovery for you, and it is absolutely wild how different of a person you are compared to just a week ago. We, for one, are here for it. This weekend, move forward with this new mindset and implement it in every aspect of your life. After months of being put on the back burner, your mental health will truly thank you for it. Let your new self shine and dont let anyone dampen it. In fact, those that try are not worth your time in this new era. Cut them loose and let them know why. 

Pisces

Well, well, well, Pisces. I hate to say I told you so, except just kidding. I fucking love it. Youve spent the last few weeks working yourself down to the bone, and youre exhausted in every sense of the word. This weekend, please just chill the fuck out. Seriously. Turn off your phone. Lock your doors. Close the blinds. I promise the FOMO you may suffer will pale in comparison to the stroke youre bound to suffer any day now. The universe calls for 48 straight hours of unadulterated relaxation. Please, dont ignore it.  

Read more: http://www.betches.com/weekend-horoscope-3-31-17

from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/17/your-weekend-horoscopes-march-31st-april-2nd-dont-act-a-fool-this-april-fools-day/

[lavendermiilk]

Your Weekend Horoscopes, March 31st-April 2nd: Don’t Act A Fool This April Fool’s Day

Some of you need to chill the fuck out, some of you need to sit the fuck down, and some of you need to turn the fuck up. Find out what the stars have in store in our Betches weekend horoscopes.

Aries

This is a week of new beginnings for you, Aries. As it is likely that your New Years resolution died out about four days into January, use the beginning of a new month (and hopefully, fucking spring) on Saturday to start over. April is totally the new January. Get back on that fitness grind now that the idea of wearing a swimsuit ever again in your life actual seems feasible. Dedicate yourself to school or work and actually, idk. try? Or maybe its time to take a chance on love and put yourself back out in the dating scene. Whatever you decide, make sure you go for 100%. Betches may be lazy, but were not flakes.

Taurus

Youve had a good run, Taurus. Weeks of productivity. Weekends of partying. Mornings when you dont think youre on the verge of death. Honestly, its been infuriating to watch you succeed so effortlessly. However, the new month and a new moon are here to stop you in your tracks. Idk how to tell you this but this weekend is going to throw you into a bit of a rut. Nothing life or death, but things will just seem to go wrong at every turn. Our advice? Avoid this at all costs by not leaving the comfort of your bed unless you absolutely have to. Come Monday the stars may be less shitty, but best to play it safe until then.

Gemini

Youve been through a bit of a rough patch recently, Gemini. It was shitty, as Im sure you remember only too well, but you made it through it because your friends were there to pick you up when you were down and pour wine into your mouth when it was open. Well, the time has come for you to return the favor and break out that shoulder for someone else to cry on. Comforting people is never fun or easy, but right now its non-negotiable. Go buy a few bottles, a tub of ice cream or two, and wait for the call. Believe us, its coming.

Cancer

The Cancer motto this weekend: new month, new look. Let the beginning of April and potential (but unlikely) return of the sun bring out a brighter, shinier, you. If theres been some big transformation youve been considering but are too scared to try, this is the weekend to do it. Chop your hair off. Dye it. Overhaul your wardrobe. The sky is the limit! Its time to come out of your winter cave stronger, fiercer, and better looking than you were when you climbed into it. Spring is here. Time to act like it.

Leo

I know what youre thinking, Leo, and the answer is a resounding fuck no. This weekend, for whatever reason, youre going to be tempted to hit up an ex. Maybe theyre in town, or you saw an ill-timed Snapchat, or youre just lonely. I dont know, but more importantly, I dont care. This is a time for new starts, not shitty backsliding after one too many Long Islands. You may think youre stronger than that, but Im here to tell you youre not. Give your phone to someone you trust, stay away from social media at all costs, and surround yourself with fun people that will distract you from yourself. We have faith, Leo. Dont let us down.

Virgo

Yikes, Virgo. Im not sure what exactly is going down this weekend, but I do know that its going to be shitty. Honestly, Im sorry that the universe so clearly has it out for you. It may seem like the world is ending, but this is where your friends come in with ample amounts of alcohol to assure you that its not. There is nothing more powerful than the will of a drunk girl trying to cheer up her sad friend. If science could bottle that kind of effort, the world would be at peace. Just sit back and try to keep your head above water; your friends should take care of the rest.

Libra

This weekend is a time of reflection, Libra. There have been a lot of moving parts in your life as of late, and now is the time to sit down and consider how you feel about them all. Maybe its time for a little spring cleaning, in every sense of the word. Clothes you dont need? Toss them. Friends you dont need? Toss them. Guys you dont need? Toss them (but save their numbers for when youre drunk. New month, new you. Dont let any of that shitty winter baggage follow you into spring. Let this meme be your inspiration:

Scorpio

A few words of advice, Scorpio: despite what you seem to think at times your words and actions do, in fact, affect other people. Crazy, right? Its almost like you arent the only person in the entire universe. Ill let that sink in before we continue.

While we are definitely champions of the you do you mentality, sometimes you need to take a step back and remember that there are other people in your life. People with thoughts andwait for itfeelings. Against their better nature, they care about you and the shit that you do. So maybe, just maybe, its time to return the favor, yeah?

TL; DR: Stop being a self-centered shithead and think about your friends and family before you do stupid shit. Way harsh Tai, but we know you can take it.

Sagittarius

I think my favorite part about Sagittarians is their undying optimism when it comes to other people. You, without fail, will go out on a limb for anyone and everyone, time and time again, no matter the consequences. Its awe-inspiring, in the way that its hard to not watch when a pack of lions just wrecks a baby gazelle on . In this metaphor, Sagittarius, you are the gazelle. This weekend, try and be a little more judicious about the people you throw yourself on the line for. I know its going to be hard, but you will come out the other end with your mental and physical health intact. Wild, right?

Capricorn

The nostalgia is going to be real this weekend, Capricorn. Something about the weather, the stars, the people will be taking you on a long trip down memory lane. For better or for worse is entirely up to you. If skeletons start to resurface, there is no shame in avoiding that shit like the plague. But if you happen to have a positive memory or two, try revisiting that and see what happens. Reach out to old friends just to check in. Youll be surprised by how much you still like people that knew you when you were 18. It can be comforting to go back in time and remember the people who helped make you the person you are today. Or it can be horrifying. Guess theres only one way to find out.

Aquarius

My dude. Aquarius. This past week has been a journey of self-discovery for you, and it is absolutely wild how different of a person you are compared to just a week ago. We, for one, are here for it. This weekend, move forward with this new mindset and implement it in every aspect of your life. After months of being put on the back burner, your mental health will truly thank you for it. Let your new self shine and dont let anyone dampen it. In fact, those that try are not worth your time in this new era. Cut them loose and let them know why. 

Pisces

Well, well, well, Pisces. I hate to say I told you so, except just kidding. I fucking love it. Youve spent the last few weeks working yourself down to the bone, and youre exhausted in every sense of the word. This weekend, please just chill the fuck out. Seriously. Turn off your phone. Lock your doors. Close the blinds. I promise the FOMO you may suffer will pale in comparison to the stroke youre bound to suffer any day now. The universe calls for 48 straight hours of unadulterated relaxation. Please, dont ignore it.  

Read more: http://www.betches.com/weekend-horoscope-3-31-17

from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/17/your-weekend-horoscopes-march-31st-april-2nd-dont-act-a-fool-this-april-fools-day/

[txny-archxr]

Your Weekend Horoscopes, March 31st-April 2nd: Don’t Act A Fool This April Fool’s Day

Some of you need to chill the fuck out, some of you need to sit the fuck down, and some of you need to turn the fuck up. Find out what the stars have in store in our Betches weekend horoscopes.

Aries

This is a week of new beginnings for you, Aries. As it is likely that your New Years resolution died out about four days into January, use the beginning of a new month (and hopefully, fucking spring) on Saturday to start over. April is totally the new January. Get back on that fitness grind now that the idea of wearing a swimsuit ever again in your life actual seems feasible. Dedicate yourself to school or work and actually, idk. try? Or maybe its time to take a chance on love and put yourself back out in the dating scene. Whatever you decide, make sure you go for 100%. Betches may be lazy, but were not flakes.

Taurus

Youve had a good run, Taurus. Weeks of productivity. Weekends of partying. Mornings when you dont think youre on the verge of death. Honestly, its been infuriating to watch you succeed so effortlessly. However, the new month and a new moon are here to stop you in your tracks. Idk how to tell you this but this weekend is going to throw you into a bit of a rut. Nothing life or death, but things will just seem to go wrong at every turn. Our advice? Avoid this at all costs by not leaving the comfort of your bed unless you absolutely have to. Come Monday the stars may be less shitty, but best to play it safe until then.

Gemini

Youve been through a bit of a rough patch recently, Gemini. It was shitty, as Im sure you remember only too well, but you made it through it because your friends were there to pick you up when you were down and pour wine into your mouth when it was open. Well, the time has come for you to return the favor and break out that shoulder for someone else to cry on. Comforting people is never fun or easy, but right now its non-negotiable. Go buy a few bottles, a tub of ice cream or two, and wait for the call. Believe us, its coming.

Cancer

The Cancer motto this weekend: new month, new look. Let the beginning of April and potential (but unlikely) return of the sun bring out a brighter, shinier, you. If theres been some big transformation youve been considering but are too scared to try, this is the weekend to do it. Chop your hair off. Dye it. Overhaul your wardrobe. The sky is the limit! Its time to come out of your winter cave stronger, fiercer, and better looking than you were when you climbed into it. Spring is here. Time to act like it.

Leo

I know what youre thinking, Leo, and the answer is a resounding fuck no. This weekend, for whatever reason, youre going to be tempted to hit up an ex. Maybe theyre in town, or you saw an ill-timed Snapchat, or youre just lonely. I dont know, but more importantly, I dont care. This is a time for new starts, not shitty backsliding after one too many Long Islands. You may think youre stronger than that, but Im here to tell you youre not. Give your phone to someone you trust, stay away from social media at all costs, and surround yourself with fun people that will distract you from yourself. We have faith, Leo. Dont let us down.

Virgo

Yikes, Virgo. Im not sure what exactly is going down this weekend, but I do know that its going to be shitty. Honestly, Im sorry that the universe so clearly has it out for you. It may seem like the world is ending, but this is where your friends come in with ample amounts of alcohol to assure you that its not. There is nothing more powerful than the will of a drunk girl trying to cheer up her sad friend. If science could bottle that kind of effort, the world would be at peace. Just sit back and try to keep your head above water; your friends should take care of the rest.

Libra

This weekend is a time of reflection, Libra. There have been a lot of moving parts in your life as of late, and now is the time to sit down and consider how you feel about them all. Maybe its time for a little spring cleaning, in every sense of the word. Clothes you dont need? Toss them. Friends you dont need? Toss them. Guys you dont need? Toss them (but save their numbers for when youre drunk. New month, new you. Dont let any of that shitty winter baggage follow you into spring. Let this meme be your inspiration:

Scorpio

A few words of advice, Scorpio: despite what you seem to think at times your words and actions do, in fact, affect other people. Crazy, right? Its almost like you arent the only person in the entire universe. Ill let that sink in before we continue.

While we are definitely champions of the you do you mentality, sometimes you need to take a step back and remember that there are other people in your life. People with thoughts andwait for itfeelings. Against their better nature, they care about you and the shit that you do. So maybe, just maybe, its time to return the favor, yeah?

TL; DR: Stop being a self-centered shithead and think about your friends and family before you do stupid shit. Way harsh Tai, but we know you can take it.

Sagittarius

I think my favorite part about Sagittarians is their undying optimism when it comes to other people. You, without fail, will go out on a limb for anyone and everyone, time and time again, no matter the consequences. Its awe-inspiring, in the way that its hard to not watch when a pack of lions just wrecks a baby gazelle on . In this metaphor, Sagittarius, you are the gazelle. This weekend, try and be a little more judicious about the people you throw yourself on the line for. I know its going to be hard, but you will come out the other end with your mental and physical health intact. Wild, right?

Capricorn

The nostalgia is going to be real this weekend, Capricorn. Something about the weather, the stars, the people will be taking you on a long trip down memory lane. For better or for worse is entirely up to you. If skeletons start to resurface, there is no shame in avoiding that shit like the plague. But if you happen to have a positive memory or two, try revisiting that and see what happens. Reach out to old friends just to check in. Youll be surprised by how much you still like people that knew you when you were 18. It can be comforting to go back in time and remember the people who helped make you the person you are today. Or it can be horrifying. Guess theres only one way to find out.

Aquarius

My dude. Aquarius. This past week has been a journey of self-discovery for you, and it is absolutely wild how different of a person you are compared to just a week ago. We, for one, are here for it. This weekend, move forward with this new mindset and implement it in every aspect of your life. After months of being put on the back burner, your mental health will truly thank you for it. Let your new self shine and dont let anyone dampen it. In fact, those that try are not worth your time in this new era. Cut them loose and let them know why. 

Pisces

Well, well, well, Pisces. I hate to say I told you so, except just kidding. I fucking love it. Youve spent the last few weeks working yourself down to the bone, and youre exhausted in every sense of the word. This weekend, please just chill the fuck out. Seriously. Turn off your phone. Lock your doors. Close the blinds. I promise the FOMO you may suffer will pale in comparison to the stroke youre bound to suffer any day now. The universe calls for 48 straight hours of unadulterated relaxation. Please, dont ignore it.  

Read more: http://www.betches.com/weekend-horoscope-3-31-17

from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/17/your-weekend-horoscopes-march-31st-april-2nd-dont-act-a-fool-this-april-fools-day/