#it makes me depressed 😔
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I should draw Leland’s concept designs……
Especially him
I wish he was Leland finally choice 💙 I just headcannon that his accent his way thicker then now Leland’s and that he’s more unhinged…a literal fucking goblin of a man, spitting lewd jokes and inappropriate comments 💙💔 but I feel like he’d be a thousand times more racist like actually screaming irl slurs at th top of his lungs 😭😭
I want him so bad…
AND THAT RING ON HIS FINGER IS FROM ME! IM HIS WIFEY!! 🥰🥰🥰
#leland coyle#outlast trials#the outlast trials#daddys concept art#I want a#a ninesome 💔#i want him so badly#it makes me depressed 😔
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#helllloooo alll. I thought it'd be perfect to come back today#today is my bdayyy yaaay. ✨#its one of those melancholic ones#when u ponder your existence#but its okay#watched ai no wakusei since it was made in 2004 like me 😔💔#btw#i hope ill be able to ne more active here again#ive just been really busy w school n life and my mental health went 20000 steps down so yes. i hope itll just get better#this bday is always bittersweet#well since its the 19th#itll always be#honestly ive been avoiding subrosa even until now cuz my mental health is so shit i cant even imagine how subrosa will make me feel. but im#on it. i honestly miss all of u guys so much. ye probably not many of u care but still#i like this place. it feels somewhat like home. even tho i still feel out of place sometimes its still comforting being here. whatever lol#havent yapped in a while so im vomiting words. love you all. im hoping the depressive episode will leave my ass finally.#u know its bad when u havent watched bt lives since around mid november#but its okay ai no wakusei somewhat healed me. so im hoping for the best now (says this every month and ends up worse)#yeah.#🥰#buck tick#atsushi sakurai#ameoto ha Chopin no Shirabe#even if i cant come back yet im thinking abt all of u n love u. take care of yourselves and yes. do stuff you love. smell roses. look at th#moon that's been soooo beautiful lately 🥺 love#Spotify
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So I finished the Farewell Rayashki event:
Wow, what an amazing event. Probably one of my favorites in Reverse 1999. I loved watching the story of the townspeople of Rayashki fighting back against Zeno to protect their home with the help of a down-on-her-luck researcher unfold. This was probably the first event story in this game that got me feeling emotional. I think what contributed so heavily to my enjoyment and investment in the story was how we got to familiarize with the town itself, from it’s backstory, to the lives the residents that live there.
Back before 1.8 released on global, I never had much of an opinion on Vila. All I really knew about her was that she was a top tier healer mermaid who liked talking about freedom and stuff. But man, this event story really warmed me up to her as a character. She’s such a lovely teacher for the children of Rayashki, always encouraging them to be open minded and learn new things (kinda reminds me of teachers I used to have). Vila’s also such a brave leader for the people, not afraid to speak her mind on the unfair treatment Rayashki was facing at the hands of Zeno and rousing the townsfolk to band together to find new ore to support the town. I also really liked her relationship with Windsong and how she encouraged Windsong to not give up on her dreams. And that’s not to mention her backstory of being shunned and scorned by humans and rusalka alike, yet being able to find a place where everyone could live in harmony in Rayashki. Such a great character :)
Avgust was such a cinnamon roll. Just about every appearance he made on screen was a delight to watch. He’s got such an odd yet endearing way of interpreting the world around him and that made for some excellent chemistry for him and the other characters. He’s so strange yet so cute at the same time, it’s no wonder my sibling went for him on Vila’s banner (they got Vila but not Avgust btw).
Windsong was definitely the MVP. At first I assumed she’d be like Yelan from Genshin: cool, alluring, mysterious, all the typical tropes you’d expect from a woman like her in a gacha game. Turns out she’s almost nothing like I’d expect. Windsong at first was awkward, anxious, not confident that the study of ley lines will even make a comeback due to past experiences. She was on the verge of giving up, yet throughout the story she’s able to finally prove the study of ley lines can be a valid and useful field with the help and encouragement of the townspeople. Watching her become a teacher for the kids at the school was also heartwarming to watch. Also watching Windsong tell that Zeno guy where to shove it was also pretty satisfying, seeing her developing friendship with Vila and the rest of the town was sweet, watching her slowly helping the town achieve their goals and subsequently reach her own and finally coming to her own as a researcher was so cathartic aaaAAA-
Overall, this event was incredible, thanks in no small part to the excellent writing. I absolutely love this story, and I can’t wait for it to rerun :)
#reverse 1999#farewell rayashki#god this story was so good#Almost made me cry a couple of times haha#Oh yeah also the soundtrack for this event was full of bangers#Especially the main theme#I love how simple yet melancholic it feels#Fits the title extremely well#May or may not have been the reason I almost cried a couple of times but shhh don’t tell anyone#Kinda sad Rayashki’s gonna get stormed sooner or later#Because last time I checked its mostly just a normal town#Sure the main playable characters and the kids from school will be ok#Because they’re with the foundation#But what about everybody else???#man the thought of Rayashki getting erased makes me so sad :(#I don’t want them all to get thanos snapped after everything they’ve been through#Such is life 😔#Anyways enough depressing talk#go play the new event story you’re gonna love it#Thats all I got for now ok byyye
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old drawing from months ago from before i finished season 2 of monsters at work, but after i was spoiled that randall would return :'(((( bc i started this before i actually saw him or knew what would happen with him i got lucky that maw's s2 ending made it so this interaction could be possible ಠ‿ಠ
for some context, during the two weeks lia was waiting to transfer from scream industries to MI, the events surrounding boo happened, she found out about waternoose and randall's conspiracy, and that randall was reported missing and wanted by the CDA. the authorities would take lia in for questioning, and inform her about some of the things randall had been involved in
this confirmed her long-time suspicions that randall had been hiding something, however, at the same time, lia can't believe it; she knows of randall's disdain for sulley and knew randall was desperate to be on top of the scaring industry, but didn't know that he would go this far to achieve it. she feels confused, angry, sad, and hurt that he's been doing all these things and keeping so much from her, and now it's like he just vanished.
then, lia's life was further shaken when mi announced they were switching from scream to laugh power. she's a scarer, not a jokester, and she knows it. and she's worked too hard and too long perfecting her scaring techniques to just completely abandon them to go back to square one and learn how to become a jokester. lia considered canceling her transfer to mi to return to scare industries, even wondering if maybe she should apply to fear co. so she could continue scaring. between the time she has to make a decision, she looks through randall and her's apartment and discovers more information about the secrets randall's been hiding. with her research, hints she's seen and heard in their apartment when randall was still there, and personal knowledge of him, she suspects that the CDA has been covering things up and purposefully withdrawing information, and that some of the secrets lie within monsters inc. so she goes through with staying at MI under the guise of training to be a jokester, to have access to the building to search and find out clues as to what happened to randall and where he is (i think i'll spare some of the later story details for some time else)
it felt so unreal to draw this bc i would daydream about how i'd continue lia and randall's story after the events of MI like a decade ago, and with the existence of maw and randall's return, i can continue to develop their story and base it off canon media!
i was ready to change some of the story to fit in with whatever would happen in season 2, but i think lots of the post MI stuff can stay relatively the same as before. the stuff i wrote above is pretty much the same story i thought up years ago, and i'm content that the stuff until that point still works in harmony with what happens in maw. and i think the fact that randall was actually always closer than she thought all along adds a layer of drama
again i drew this before it was revealed that johnny saved randall immediately after he was banished (somehow), so i thought that this scene wouldn't be plausible but then randall broke out of custody so that leaves a good time for this to happen after lol
randall intended to remain hidden for as long as possible, having rather appear missing than face lia after what he's done; but with johnny now in prison and nowhere else to go, he finally decides to face her
i definitely have ideas of what would be said and what would go down but i think it's fun to leave it at this drawing and keep it open for now :)
#randall boggs#randy boggs#monsters inc#monsters university#monsters at work#lia boggs#liane boggs#lia rosario#liane rosario#oc#oc x canon#mi#mu#maw#disney#pixar#art#fanart#the cda would get a warrant to search their apartment and confiscate evidence but lia would've read or documented stuff b4 they take it awa#this is old i don't like how i drew randall here :(#just had to change the scar placement once i actually saw what he looked like#it was kinda therapeutic to draw this bc i've had these ideas for so long and now i can actually draw them out#i really REALLY wish i wasn't spoiled that randall would return#like after all these years?? i think i would've actually gone into cardiac arrest#like damn i was robbed of my reaction it makes me so depressed when i think about it 😔😔
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i just rememberd adhd meds exist and now im upset because i could have that if it wasn't for that freakin neurologyst we went to see that told us it was impossible that i could have adhd because i have good grades in school. literally the ONLY question he asked me and immediately said it was impossible. we spent like 5 minutes there. he could've at least... explained something???? anything?????? and now i'd feel bad about asking my parents to see another neurologist because that costs a lot of money :((
#now im just unable to concentrate on anything and feeling very worthless#ok gonna start rambling here a bit#vent? ->#i'm just not good at anything except drawing. everything is hard and i don't think i'm capable of getting a job and contributing to society#in any way except drawing. my self worth is being held almost entirely by my ability to draw.#but i'm also incredibly slow and unproductive and it's so hard sitting down and starting a drawing and finishing that drawing#drawing is the thing that makes me feel alive and feel good about myself so when i can't draw i just feel really awful#i just wish i could concentrate and work and be productive man. why do i have so much stuff going on in my brain. why is everything so hard#sadge 😔😔#ok gonna try to draw i hope something cool comes out or i'm throwing my computer out the window and playing videogames#oh also another neurologist once told me depression can't be caused by school#i'm pretty sure it can but idk im not a doctor#what is up with these neurologists man#i know it's gonna get better tho. life might suck but i *am* a teenager and it's only gonna go up from here.#im still learning about myself and stuff. also no school next year that's gonna be awesome#don't wanna end on a sad note bc life is good actually#and i'm fucking amazing at drawing
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happy late bday gakupookie
#shitpost#vocaloid#kamui gakupo#kaito vocaloid#megurine luka#meiko vocaloid#ok thats IT. NO MORE MAIN TAGS#sorry i didnt have time to do anything worthwhile king i was depressed 😔✌️💔#cause u think for someone who based their whole mainblog theme off him u'd think i would've. but nah#also rip in hell all the other vocas bdays i always miss but theres a select certain few i always remember bc they're particularly importan#to me lol. very obvious favoritism clearly... i never talk abt him but i do love eggplant man lol and i'd love to draw more of him tbh#but i feel my art style does not do him justice 😔 he is sooo hard for me to draw for some fuckin reason#one day i'll learn maybe and make him the gorgeous stunning beautiful man as he deserves to be... who said that. anyways.#my brother visibly recoiled in so much disgust when i said 'gakupookie' outloud LMAO win for cringe nation population me
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Maybe one day lucrecia will wake from her crystal (i'm fucking delusional 😔)
#ff7#final fantasy vii#ffvii#final fantasy#final fantasy 7#lucrecia crescent#she makes me sad#and depressed#😔#i'll never shut up about her
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can i get some criticism on my gesture drawings? I struggle with motion in my art.
while i was drawing these, i figured out what people mean when they talk about muscles flowing in the pose. I just just figured that out though so i would definitely like tips on how to apply that etc
Reference photos taken from line-of-action.com
#Art criticism#art#I think once i figure out gesture for realsizes and can visualize the whole skeletal structure well (rn i can only really apply the skull)#i could consider myself an intermediate artist#I bet that’ll take a year?#somewhere around there#i’m excited for that personal milestone#Also currently super depressed so im hoping throwing myself into my art will help. If i dont have hope for my future at least i can have—#—hope that i can make nice shapes in a few months lmao#My medication has helped me wake up earlier but it hasn’t made me any less sad unfortunately#i just started it 2 months ago though so that might change#sorry for oversharing 😔
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it's only night 2 of me having moved out of home for the first time and i'm already having a full-blown breakdown about it
#txt#sorry to vent post but i just!!!! wish i could experience any change in life like a regular person!!!!#and not fall into a depressive anxiety filled pit every goddamn time#also my friend that i moved out with has her girlfriend over tonight and it's making me ache for that kind of intimacy that i've never had#🙃🙃🙃#i just wish my anxiety didn't ruin everything all the time#also i miss my cat 😔#wish i was capable of feeling any kind of positive emotion right now
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talking to new people again is making me realize that (this is gonna sound dramatic) i haven't lived in five years but what i have done is watch a lot of movies and read a bunch of books and believe it or not that actually makes me an interesting conversationalist in some ways (?)
#and like i say: brf slt#they don't know i'm crazy and as long as you're normal about it having seen a lot of movies just makes you come off as someone who's like#interested in culture i guess. which i am. but it's fun#and the books thing too and also knowing a lot about sociology#i have things to say jokes to make so in two months they haven't even realized i haven't lived a life yet🙏#i didn't even do it on purpose the way it happened is in 2019 i was very depressed suicidal etc then i got better but i was focused on#like...idk. basically getting used to being okay with being alive again? then it was 2020 and we didn't have classes in person full time#until september 2021. that's how it was for university students here. i did hang out with people but no one i LOVED or actually became#close with and it's true that i could have tried harder but i didn't because guys i love being by myself😭😭😭#then three years went by and now we're here. it's fine it's just that i don't have a lot of anecdotes that aren't old because LITERALLY#nothing has happened to me. nothing#that's not true i did talk about something semi-recent to my bff on friday it was about my 'friends' who hated on everyone the same way i#did when i was literally 12 and about how anxiety inducing it was because after a while i was like is this how they talk about me when i'm#not around🤨 i actually talked about that then. january or february 2023#this has been in my drafts for a week and i talked about the post i talk about in that last tag last week when i talked about my mutual who#blocked me that's the post she replied to to give me advice😔#also it's funny i said they don't know i'm crazy and a guy asked me what my favorite tv shows were and i don't know why i actually gave him#my full list like it's funny because like i said they think i like like good movies and good television and interesting books and stuff#and i know the shows i told him made him reassess that (which is fine but it's just funny) and also i told him i'm watching gilmore girls#for the 18th time and he was like you're joking i was like hm...and then he was like no you're being serious because it's way too#precise...and THAT i could have not told him. i was like whyyy did i tell him that...but it's fine#HE HADN'T EVEN HEARD OF SUCCESSION? 34-year-olds...#i mentioned the sopranos a couple weeks ago and my future bff was like what is that and i was like ? then i asked two more people and they#didn't know the show either so i was like i'll ask him (34-year-old) i know he'll know the sopranos and he was like OBVIOUSLY i know#the sopranos it's supposed to be one of the best shows of all time and later i asked if he had seen succession and he'd never even heard of#it? crazy. i mean if it had been anyone else i wouldn't have thought it was crazy but i expected HIM to know succession
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the way Miguel conceptualises the alternate self and Gabriella is sooooooooo ahdhdjfj god he’s so mentally ill and emotionally isolated. like, he views himself and the other Miguel as functionally synonymous (“I found a universe where I was happy”) and thus sees Gabriella as essentially as much his own daughter as she was to the man she actually knew.
#miguel o'hara#miguel and spiderverse’s silence on our Miguel’s family life just leads me to think they’re either dead or the relationships he had w them#are so broken as to be unsalvageable#but man. MAN. he wanted that life so badly he considers himself to be synonymous with alt Miguel. And his attachment to Gabriella IS one#defined by him going that’s my daughter 🥺❤️ oh her dad is dead? I’m also her dad! and that life looks so happy and SHE is what makes it so#why can’t we both have that.#god. he needs therapy he needs ALL of the therapy and also like. a hug. dude. you’re so damn depressed my guy 😔#im thinking spiderverse the narrative doesnt dig into the whole. you didnt RAISE this girl miguel thing ik you love her but you're not her#father thing because theres already sm going on in the narrative and its more streamlined to keep his conflict solely on the canon conflict#but in world id wager the reason other characters dont dig into that with him is because like. how do you even approach a conversation like#that. for all the messy and fucked up moral complications theres no doubt that miguel SINCERELY loved gabriella. and considering timeline#wise this all went down a few months ago and everyone has been busy mopping up anomalies. ofc no one wants to have this conversation if it#doesnt look like it needs to be had <- miguel just slowly losing his emotional gourd in the corner over just. ALL of this lmao#tunes talks spiderverse
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He's the most beautiful person in the entire universe 🥹
#I have almost 20 screenshots from the ironmouse irl#He's just so...#There's not enough words to describe how he makes me feel#I love him so much#text post#about connor#I'm depressed and i need him#😔
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thinks "hm i'm craving some home made cake i should make some cake". gets up out of bed. agonizing pain. yet another way in which this wretched body of mine keeps itself from experiencing any joy..
#i woke up with the left side of the lower half of my body hurting to the point i struggle to like. even sit up let alone stand or walk#so that's fun! needless to say i stayed at home today 🥲 didn't even get out of bed beyond basic short stuff#i just simply forgot abt the pain after being in bed for a few hours...... then standing up it hit me again 😔💔#this is so annoying. bc. lying down is breaking my back atp. i'm doing it way too much lately#either bc of depression or other forms of pain that make it hard to walk lol 🥲#hate this body fr fr frrrrrrr i wish it was dead#vent#negative //#anyway does anyone know any tips for. i assume it's hip muscle cramps?? bc this feels like the core of it#it hurts more than regular muscle cramps but that may be just bc of what body part it's affecting idk.
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help. even if i make a character and think they are so very bitchin, if they exist outside of my head for more than like a week i become increasingly sure that they are actually the worst character ever designed and that i should be punched in the cooch for creating them in the first place. how fix
#i think i just need to stop thinking so much lmao#and comparing myself to others idk#its just hard not to feel insecure lfkfjdjs i don't feel like I ever measure up to anyone around me in any way#it is so depressing vlfifjd and i get so in my own head about it that sometimes i destroy my ability to enjoy things 😔#idk what happened. i miss not feeling overwhelming cringe about everything i make glfkfjfs if that was ever even a thing i experienced#*dykeposting#negative#delete later
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once again: wants to draw, is not fucking drawing
#setting up the pc is too many steps and moving is too hard 😔#also i have a headache looking at the screen is not good idea#i could draw on paper but it wont come out good and thats gonna make me depressed and i dont need that rn#waughhh#sopp being annoying
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Witness me and my Barbarian posting, Mars. WITNESS ME
excuse me, what in the actual fuck are you doing inside my house..?
#affectionately!#you know Im gonna rewatch 😔🫰🏻 but the depression got me rn#knowing whats gonna happen going in on a rewatch? yeah my ass will be SEATED#I want to make my parents watch it but how the hell do I warn them about THAT scene without spoilers 😭 theyre done for#mars answers
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