#it just pains me man
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Misconception About Patton (SvS)
I think I've seen a lot of takeaways from this episode be that Patton pushed for what he wanted regardless of how the others felt. However, I believe this is ignoring first that he's a facet of c!Thomas and represents his core values and thus what Thomas ultimately believed was right as well, even if he wasn't happy about it.
Interesting quotes that I think get forgotten or removed from context about how SVS went down:
I find it interesting that people claim Patton manipulated the others, namely Roman. I dispute this because of the intent required for something to be manipulation vs misguiding someone and the word is thrown around carelessly. Janus, however, was the one to actually "manipulate" Roman to his advantage in the situation, and while you can justify it, I am simply pointing out that people do not get on his case as harshly for this thing they claim Patton did.
Patton is the product of c!Thomas's inner learned morality + his feelings, which makes the host as guilty as any of them for that representation of trying to break out of a learned mindset, which Patton is. He's changing as c!Thomas learns, and making mistakes such as not listening to the other parts of Thomas that may suggest he is not a perfect, "good" person by their original standards. Categorizing yourself as a "good" or "bad" person based on some scoring system is not something you want to do: people DO good and bad (and neutral) things, they aren't good or bad themselves.
Labeling yourself as "good" may just help you justify everything you do even when it's objectively bad because "well I'm a good person so this is good too". And labeling yourself (or others labeling you) as "bad" might just make you feel stuck and like you can never be anything more, and so you just become it with all your decisions. These are not the human experience. Nuance aside, everything is relative and you'll be picking apart every aspect of yourself trying to figure out "which you are".
Thomas is essentially trying to convince part of himself that it'd be okay to go against his morals for a beneficial reason. There was no right answer (going to the wedding or not) that would make everyone happy; Patton was doing what they asked and giving Thomas the moral answer based on c!Thomas's sincere priorities (like his friendships and being trustworthy).
(Pat's the emotional center AND the moral center of Thomas, which conflict more often than not, and are part of the reason this guy really struggled with separating the two while making his case-- he's unfortunately the holder of both.)
Where Patton was wrong was putting others first 100% of the time. Now, to be fair to Patton, he did agree that there are times when you should put yourself first, but they were circumstantial and in service to helping others more. This isn't healthy and is on the extreme end close to self harmful because you're prioritizing others even when you don't have the means to give, which can lead to burnout and neglect of yourself. The "opposite" end of this is only caring about your own means and using others as a means to an end. Both of these can lead to ruining your social and emotional connections to others.
And again, these are manifestations of the inner turmoil c!Thomas is having. These are his beliefs (read as "moral code") vs his wants battling it out and no matter what he settled on given the options, he'd have been unhappy. (note though: Roman did bring up simply asking Lee and Mary Lee about this directly and sometimes open communication is the best solution-- a lot of the time, actually)
At the end of the day in this part, Patton was defending c!Thomas ' character and relationships (which are important to them) while Janus wanted c!Thomas to not feel obligated to put his own goals behind the wants of others, especially with minimum benefit in both regards (Thomas's presence at the wedding was less impactful for them than the callback would have potentially been for Thomas, and it was a high Opportunity Cost).
Patton is essentially a representation of a religious upbringing sticking certain ideals in your core beliefs that even once you separate yourself from it, still for better or worse guide a lot about you. He's changing and evolving from that, and I do get why a character like this puts a bad taste in people's mouths and they associate him with that. That's entirely valid and I get it. This isn't about that-- I'm not over here arguing he did nothing wrong or that you can't hate him for whatever reason you want, that's not what I'm saying nor what I care about here-- I'm just clearing up what I've seen in canon versus how a majority neurodivergent fandom with certain life experiences might have warped the view of him in hindsight. This is not a malicious jerk trying to get his way and at the other extreme, he's not an innocent bean who wasn't ever in the wrong.
There ARE other examples of him pushing points associated with his roles and having to change throughout the series to this point. He just is the one looked at the hardest out of the sides (who all do this at some point in the series) because he's supposed to have all the answers when morality is one of the most difficult things you have to figure out in life. He didn't claim to have all the answers, but c!Thomas needs them from him to be the best person he can, and that will ultimately conflict and be more complicated than the black-and-white morality kids get taught and then have to alter as they grow up and see a complex world.
We all have to deal with that and it's uncomfortable to confront it. It manifesting in one character separate from yourself is easier than consolidating that that's a part of everyone, and one that isn't fun to examine all the time. I just really like how the show brings philosophies I studied into the next episode, but do think that a chunk of the audience did misunderstand / block out what Patton was actually saying/trying to do...I'm gonna rewatch the Redux episode and also keep an eye out for what people might be talking about when they specifically talk about his actions being problematic there, but I definitely believe the intent of this character (and how Thomas has presented him) does not get to the conclusion of him being willfully any more pushy or mistaken than the others at one point or another.
#patton sanders#ts patton#sanders sides analysis#it just pains me man#sanders sides#this is probably incoherent#i dont think i kept a linear train of thought but I am also in that neurodivergent crowd#i just really love all these characters and the genuine hatred I see for Patton just shocked me as far as in context for the show#outside the show IK ppl just don't like what he represents and that's chill#like and write about who/what you want#it's very cathartic#i'm just also gonna say something when people say it's supported by canon#and like-- i dont think we are watching the same series lolol#hopefully the finale clears some of it up#selfishness v selflessness
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People keep on asking for more Baby Robin and Papadile so here is more Baby Robin and Papadile. Now never ask anything from me ever again
#My art#One Piece#Long post#Sir Crocodile#Nico Robin#Alternatively panel 5 would've been a close up of Crocodile's face from Robin's POV where he looks like he's giving her a death glare#Not intentionally he's just a big scary bastard with a Resting Murder Face and Robin is a small traumatized child#But I wanted to focus on the silliness of the moment so you get the goofy version instead#IDK man there's just something very funny to me about the idea of Robin just randomly info-dumping about a subject she's read about#And Crocodile being like ''?????????????????????? The fuck you talking about??''#Robin leaves the ship's kitchen and Crocodile just stares at the tomato like ''...It's a fruit? Forreal?''#(Meanwhile Robin is sweating bullets like ''I called his favorite vegetable a FRUIT right in his FACE he's going to KILL ME'')#Robin grew extra feet from the bottom of her feet to reach the counter and that actually isn't me trying to explain bad art away#In the original Papadile comic there was a panel of Robin doing the dishes with extra feet to reach the sink but I cut it out#(It was a stress relief comic I did not feel like drawing a complicated background in detail) (BUT YES I THOUGHT OF IT)#Nico Robin Age 11 is *more* than capable of cooking Crocodile just does not trust her with his food. At least not yet#She did start doing the dishes unprompted and continues to do so (mostly out of fear). Croc told her she didn't have to but allows it#IDK a lot of people seem to headcanon Crocodile as incapable of cooking and like. Surely Mr ''I don't trust people'' knows how to cook#Like he doesn't have to be a master chef or anything but and maybe he enjoys not HAVING to cook (pain in the ass with one hand + knife/hook#But surely he can cook decent enough. SURELY#Botanists don't @ me I know the ''tomato is a fruit'' thing isn't fully accurate this is just a silly little haha comic
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He's so pretty, I want his Egyptian dick down my throat
(I already know, I suck at coloring but it's the effort that counts 😭)
#I just know he's an absolute ANIMAL in the sheets~ 😮💨😩#you're going to be waking up with painful bitemarks and scratches all over your body after one night with him#need him like i need air#animalistic and feral sex with this man can cure me of any ailment#anubis record of ragnarok#ror anubis#record of ragnarok#record of ragnarok smut#record of ragnarok fanart#shuumatsu no valkyrie#shuumatsu no valkyrie fanart#ror fanart#ror smut#art doodles
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all i have left
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#megumi fushiguro#itafushi#fanart#jjk fanart#fushiguro megumi#itadori yuuji#yuuji#megumi#hhhhhhhhh why angsty mood im hurting my me :((((((#go from megumi angst 2 dumb outfits then HARD pivot back 2 angst#u dont understand th clench in my heart i get drawing th sukuna scars on megumi i genuinely hate it so much#theyre such a Part of yuuji's design tht drawing them on megumi feels so viscerally wrong n it just hammers home that nothing is alright#had to listen 2 the cutesiest music possible while drawing this 2 keep myself sane#miku miku beam th pain away :)#real talk tho like. im really not one to b terribly emotionally affected by my own art. or to draw from my Own emotional state at all rly#i tend 2 keep myself pretty distant#but theres smth abt this one man this one pulls at th kokoro :(#suffering from success ig :/#created an emotionally poignant piece n it hurt. 0/10 wld not recommend. am going back to drawing boys shirtless >:c#gna draw something else so i stop feeling genuine human emotion
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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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a small silly comic for the pain sharing curse au before I throw the really painful comics at y’all
(I also didn’t feel like coloring this one)
also can confirm, my baby cousin once said I was super cringe and I haven’t recovered since :(
(wind apologizes later though since his grandma raised him right)
#linkeduniverse#linked universe#lu wind#lu wars#lu warriors#lu four#lu sky#lu twilight#wars cares about wind’s opinion of him cause that’s his baby brother#like twilight can confirm that looking cool and dependable towards ur younger siblings is super important#so when they get to that age when they no longer think you’re cool man that HURTS lmao#also STRUGGLING to draw four and sky they elude me so much#it’s why I don’t draw them that much but I gotta change that#wind thinks you’re cool and that ur scarf is pretty wars I swear he’s just being moody#like who wouldn’t in this situation lol#lu pain sharing au#miry's art
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Getting creative with recognition
uh not so cute/funny random drabble of the AU:
warning: not proofread and just me rambling, bad writing LMAO
#me: blind au is a delicate au with a lot of pain-struggle of a man of power that lost everything he needed-and#also me: hehe so what if *honk honk* bahonkas?#also idk why it looks blurry but i swear its good resolution once you click on it#alright this au begins i guess what a way to kick things off#also Price is a little shit he alr know it was Simon based on the quiet footstep and cologne#just wanted to fk with the big man who's also a mess bcuz what was Si suppose to do in the face of his lov- *gunshot* crus- *explode* BOSS#also i got lazy with signature and fucking got a transparent jpg for it#blind!Price#<- tag to find anything related to this au#i swear i'll work on it properly bUT UNTIL THEN.#gummmyart#doodle#ghostprice#priceghost#they're switch idc#simon ghost riley#captain john price
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Mdhm gang in bunads (traditional Norwegian clothing) because they’d look fancy
#Erika I love you but oh my god you were a pain to draw#this is probably only interesting to like me and the two other Norwegian mdhm fans#mdhm#mdhm alan#alan orion#mdhm stu#stu cassidy#mdhm erika#Erika Vivián Ramos#mdhm fanart#my dear hatchet man#not a hc just thought they’d look awesome sauce#bunad#Norwegian bunads#fanart#art
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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anyone else get occasionally assaulted by thoughts of holmes and/or watson dying in sussex? like, maybe one day, when they are both very old, holmes wakes up to watson in his arms and he knows right away. he genuinely believed he would be the first to go. he steps downstairs and lights up a pipe. he stands there for a long time. he writes a few letters and sends them out. he walks around the house, observing everything. then he goes outside to sit near the bees. he listens to their soft humming and passes away in the sunshine.
or, one day, when they are both very old, watson comes back from the village to see holmes asleep in his chair. he knows right away. he genuinely believed he would be the first to go. he sobs and sobs and sobs. he writes letters by candlelight. then he writes more. he writes until he has nothing left to say. then he goes out and sits by the bees, who are all silent. he passes away under the moon.
#LISTEN#I KNOW#I HAVE A PROBLEM#genuinely feel like i should trigger warning this because the impulsive thoughts should be giving ME trigger warnings#trigger warning: death#trigger warning: maximum old man yaoi angst#i am very sorry#i just need to exorcise whatever demon this is#also#i love pain#in shambles#sherlock holmes#john watson#acd holmes#acd johnlock#sussex retirement
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“you’re going to hurt yourself like that, my love.”
you startle at the voice over you, having been nearly asleep.
“—uh?”
you turn your head to see Nanami looming over your side of the bed. if you were fully conscious, you would see the tiny look of mischief in his eyes as they roam your body, but you’re not, so you take it as his tendency to mother hen you.
and then he’s pushing you to the middle of the bed despite your whining, climbing in beside you. you try to settle in and find you’re still being moved—he’s on his back, shuffling himself down the bed and pulling one of your legs over his chest. you feel him turn his face into your belly in a move that feels suspiciously like nuzzling.
“what’re y’doin,” you slur, a little petulant at being woken up like this, despite it being well past the time you meant to rejoin the living and despite your own desire to seek out the warmth he’s emitting next to you.
“you’re going to hurt your hip, laying like that,” he says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. he runs a hand up the back of your thigh and over your hip, and you sigh a little bit, comforted by the feeling of him.
“i don’t know how you sleep like that,” he continues, absentmindedly dragging his fingers over your skin, making you shiver every now and then.
“feels good,” you grumble, face shoved into the pillow. talking about your bizarre sleeping position and maybe also the way the rough pads of his fingers leave a trail of warmth in their wake. you think you hear him chuckle softly, and you feel him press a kiss to the skin of your belly, right above the hem of your sleep shorts.
it’s soft, chaste—and then it’s not, and you suck in a breath when you feel him kiss you there again, feeling the tip of his tongue drag along the skin that stretches over your hip bone.
and evidently he hears your sharp inhale, because you feel a strong arm sneak around your lower back, pulling you closer to him.
“was still sleeping, you know,” but it’s lost all of its bite and you’re a little breathless now, fixated on the way his free hand slides up the back of your thigh to brush over the sensitive spot just under the curve of your ass.
“go to sleep then,” he says into the soft of your belly, pressing another kiss, opening his mouth a little wider to catch the skin of it between his teeth. he’s turned into you now, and despite yourself, you drag your leg up from his chest so it’s over his shoulder.
he moves to rest his head against your thigh that’s trapped underneath him, and distantly you think that it is more comfortable like this— his head squeezed between your legs having alleviated some of the pressure against your hip from laying on your side. that thought quickly becomes muddled in your head when you feel him latch on to the skin of your inner thigh that rests against his face.
you whine, hips bucking weakly as you squirm under tongue and teeth—both leaning into and trying to get away from the sting of his bite.
“my sweet love,” he coos, running his tongue over the fresh bruise, placating you. you shiver, pressing your face further into the pillow to try to breathe—to ground yourself despite the heat that curls up your spine. he stops, then, and you peak down at him to find that he’s staring back up at you.
“hi,” you whisper, fighting another shudder at the way his lips pull at the corners into a smirk that looks absolutely sinful on him.
“good morning,” he drawls, deep and far too awake. he rests his chin in the space between your hips, pressing a quick kiss above your pubic bone. your hips buck toward him a tiny bit, and his smirk widens when he feels it.
you bring a hand down to run it through his hair, tangling in the blond strands and scratching at his scalp. he closes his eyes and hums, deep in his chest, nuzzling into your thigh. it makes you smile, and it makes you ache.
“want you, ken,” you murmur, squeezing him gently between your thighs and reveling in the groan he lets out.
“i know, sweetheart,” he coos, hands coming up again to grope whatever skin he can reach and pressing a tiny kiss through your shorts, “i can smell you.”
#i started writing this and then decided i wanted to stop#i am a side sleeper and it causes me much pain and strife but i feel that the solution is a large muscular man between my legs#just for pain relief purposes of course#now that i think of it. this is the second nanamin pain relief fic i’ve written#so i am projecting and you’ll all have to deal with that#we’ll call this a little milestone post#700 of you! that’s nuts!#nanami#nanami kento#jjk nanami#nanamin#nanami fluff#nanami smut#jjk fluff#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen#nanami kento fluff#nanami kento smut#nanamin it’s the little things#bwritesthings
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we should make Nico more fucked up, actually. enough woobifying him. that boy should be covered in blood and viscera
#pjo#riordanverse#nico di angelo#we've done ''nico ships where his partner coddles and takes care of him while he heals from the innumerable trauma''#now let's do more ''nico ships where his partner helps him move past his trauma and enables him to be gay do crime''#more nico ships where nico is having his big 3 kid force-of-nature moments and his boyfriend goes ''HOT''#whatever happened to ''Will and Nico's first date was killing a man together. also Michael was there''#even stuff like. [tsats spoilers] getting all your negative attributes physically ripped out of you and turned into immortal creatures#that perhaps could leave you Changed! give me Nico who had the darkness taken from him#and it leaves him just a little unsettlingly bright and empty like a partial husk of himself#give me Nico whose cacodaemons can reabsorb back into him like he's their walking nest to hide in and emerge from whenever they please#he's just left an unsettling host for shadow monsters of pain and trauma#that's just one avenue. Nico's the spooky guy let him be spooky!#im constantly rotating just normal Nico operating on underworld laws/logic/mortality in my brain#make him WEIRDER
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BABYGIRL YOUR SMILE GIV ES ME LIFE I LOVE YOU
#fionna and cake#simon petrikov#the fucking RELIEF of knowing it won't just be simon having a Very Bad No Good Time Q ^ Q#like do not get me wrong i was going to stay i was just gonna be in So Much Pain#i love you sad old man i love you i love you#clawing at my face climbing the walls ripping my pillow to shreds i
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i saw them in the cookbook pages and Immediately thought of this meme:
#barnaby: this is so nice. just me and my buddy whipping up a tasty treat#wally: *having six simultaneous crises*#anyway. huh?#this was a pain to scribble and i Dont Know Why#i had to redraw barnaby's face literally five times#but im trying to Expand my skillset by attempting more backgrounds#or background adjacent things... Props!#im very proud of the counter & flower vase off to the side!#and uh. Filters! those as well. i wanted to make this look somewhat like its aged...#scribble garnish#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#man. these two. squeezes them#halloween update made me love them all the more#name a better pair of best friendsssss you canttttttt#they are Top Tier and i hope they get torn apart one way or another#you see i live for the drama the pain the agony the devastation#i see my favorites and i want them to Hurt.#anyway thinking about them baking together melts my stony heart#theyre bonding 🥺#oh man why is that emoji So Fucking Detailed on my laptop. its scaring me. kill it kill it kill it
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Malevolent sometimes has me feeling like I'm insane, in part because I cannot view Arthur as pathetic even remotely. Like I see the vision but also at some point a part of my brain snapped and now I am unable to be anything other than Arthur's hype man. "Have you SEEN this guy!?" I shout, gesturing towards a bedraggled miserable little man curled up in a ball on the floor who is out of breath and in visible pain. "THIS IS THE FACE OF A MAN NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH"
#malevolent#Arthur lester#To me he is unfathomably powerful and brave#his pain and his sorrow and his whimpers are only more evidence to this#how can I not view a man who has hit rock bottom so many times and still managed to keep going#be it through his own will or the strength lent to him by others (a feat in of itself)#He is not just the universe's chew toy or its silly little guy#He is the universe's goddamn reckoning
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edwin is a better, stronger man than i, because i would be infinitely more dramatic and petty in his position when crystal enters the scene and charles starts paying attention to her. i would have comic!edwin’s reaction at least (accusing charles of choosing girls over him, storming off to solve cases on his own and deciding to do shit that will get him into trouble so that charles has to come rescue him, etc) but i’d probably take it a step further. i’d be like “i guess you want me to go back to hell then since i’m basically nothing to you 😒” and then i’d legitimately go back to hell JUST to see if he came after me. if he didn’t come after me then an eternity of torture in hell is nothing compared to the pain of rejection and being replaced. but i’m also incredibly mentally ill, so.
(james acaster once told a story about a christmas where he asked his parents for a spice girls cd. he found out whilst at the pool with his family that his sister was getting the cd instead of him. naturally, he tried to drown himself in the pool to make his parents feel guilty. that’s my vibe if i were ever in edwin’s position.)
#even charles is more pissy jealous than edwin is#like when monty enters the scene charles is SO MAD and incapable of being normal#like instead of participating in conversations motherfucker is just pouring and glaring at them whenever monty is present#it’s because charles never had reason to be jealous before until other males started being able to see and interacting with edwin#he’s like nooo i didn’t realise his autism rizz was irresistible to literally every man that lays eyes on him i thought it was just me :(#anyway watching crystal’s early scenes with them actually makes me feel ill because of my rejection sensitivity#i’m like oh this is my nightmare#dw i love crystal with all my fucking part it’s not her fault she’s in this position#crystal palace surname von hoverkraft#edwin payne#charles rowland#james acaster#dead boy detectives#dbdshow#save dead boy detectives#renew dead boy detectives#revive dead boy detectives#yeet my deet#yeet my deebd#payneland#paineland#edwin paine#dbda#dead boy detective agency#chedwin#the sandman universe#dead boy detectives comics#charles x edwin
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