#it just hurts. and its frustrating. and all i can do is just deal with it.
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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You ever confronted by how much fear is holding you back on even little daily things? ;-;
#rant#like i have adhd and im sure thats a portion of my decision paralysis and procrastination#but like... tax forms wouldnt be SO hard if i wasnt so terrified of filling out every little portion wrong#i am TERRIFIED of not understanding the directions and not knowing what to do next when i fill out a form...#i am terrified of calling my doctor and trying to Guess how to word my symptoms in a way which will result in me being helped instead of#dismissed. i am terrified that what i choose to eat will HURT bad and have days long consequences#(since i have gastroparesis so every fucking food decision risks me vomiting/being unable to eat for days if i fuck it up...#and you WILL always fuck up food decisions... if i wish to ever eat at a restaurant there will be random additives i cant check or forgot a#about... and sometimes they WILL hurt me)#and hell... with my chronic illness. there's days through NO fault or choice of my own... i simply feel WORSE#i can meticulously slowly cautiously make all my decisions. and STILL 'fuck up' and be in incapacitating pain for days#its so frustrating!#yeah i get afraid i'll write and make a mistake in a fanfic whatever. or pick a show im bored with.#but it's frustrating how much GENUINE fear i deal with on everyday decisions#if i eat the wrong thing? fucked up for days. if i choose to paint and my body decides it cant handle#sitting upright that long? fucked up for days#if i choose to go for a walk and my body decides halfway through it cant do it? FUCKED up for days#if i want to get myself a yummy food or drink from a restaurant to reward myself? random chance#it could fuck me up for days#choose not to eat at all? ....body for no predictable reason may choose it's upset and i... feel fucked up for days anyway#so many daily decisions feel like high probability i'll FUCK MYSELF UP FOR DAYS#and i do not like enduring feeling that bad. so of course i get scared to make decisions.#and then that anxiety seeps into ALL decisions#and suddenly i realize i feel scared just... calling my mom to say i'll come over#because WHAT if i start vomiting and im in immense pain and have to CANCEL my visit and she gets UPSET and#maybe i should have just NOT tried to see her at all because now i'm dealing with an upset mom just because i couldnt predict#my health bombing that day.#or what if i start my taxes... and i have a panic attack (because im SO scared of making mistakes) and then my roommate yells at me#for being too emotional or my boss yells at me for having to take a mental health day off#(because i keep hyperventilating and cant rationalize anything cause im having panic attacks) and then my work/pay suffers and house feels
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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realised recently i will not be able to convert for. well. i dont know when. but not right now. im somewhat at peace with it but i'm also furious. devastated. lots of other shit.
#idk idk. it just sucks bc ive been on this journey for so long and i really feel ready.#however i have completely disconnected from my synagogue and there are no antizionist synagogues in my city.#ive also heard the beit din here is v pro israel and it makes me so fucking angry. like there is just no avenue.#and i miss the community. there are several collectives that run events protests etc and i do try to get along to them#but theyre v secular and its just not the same.#it just hurts. and its frustrating. and all i can do is just deal with it.#been feeling some kind of way in the lead up to pesach. anyway. enough whining. maybe i'll just go dip myself in a river beit din be damned.
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ok as an artist i personally find traditional painting to be. really really annoying. like. i do not have the patience for it and i just find it to be really frustrating to set up and actually do and i end up not liking the results. i find that there's little room for mistakes and trying to fix them usually ends up with me making 50 other ones, paints can be so inconsistent and having to rely on availability and certain brands to continue making the paint is really inconvenient, not to mention expensive. spending a bunch of time trying to mix the right shade of paint, only for it to go down a completely different shade of colour and not being able to do anything about it is so frustrating as someone who likes consistency and having things just, y'know, not change colour as soon as it dries. plus, they all use different chemicals and can go off really easily or change textures and i am just not ok with having all my materials having an expiration date like food. lead and graphite pencils just don't do that and they can last for years, they're more reliable. every paint is drastically different and trying to find the right one is not only time consuming but, again, expensive, and i don't even see the point in experimenting when most of my materials end up not even getting used if i don't like using them. plus, i'm just.... really impatient. waiting for paint to dry sucks and is why i much prefer digital or just drawing something because i don't need to wait for anything, it just works. and then when i do want to take my time and work slowly for a better result, it dries too fast. it's kinda hellish trying to balance that time, especially considering how inconsistent paints are.
i like to use guidelines when doing art and i find painting straight onto a canvas to be really tricky because there's a lack of direction for me to actually paint. i'm at a complete loss at what to do when i pick up a brush because i can't map it out first without risking screwing up the paint. there's just so many things to keep track of and so much wet paint to avoid and i just do not have the mind for it. putting colours on a canvas and praying that it works just isn't it for me and requires a discipline that i just don't wanna involve myself with. painting is also just like... really exhausting and kinda painful. i got some pretty bad back issues and my arms tire and get sore easily and quickly when i'm standing in front of a canvas. it's a really physical activity for me and i just don't find something to be very fun to do at all when it's physically hurting me. i know drawing on a canvas has this issue too, which is why i prefer sketchbooks. sitting down and drawing something that doesn't break my entire spine every time i do it is much more preferrable than questioning if i should go to the doctor every time i make a brushstroke, lol
that's not to say that there's nothing i like about painting though! i can paint simple little things, and i like doing that. i like mixing colours with a palette knife and i find it fun and even a little relaxing. i painted some cute little chibi cardboard cutouts of the mario brothers one time and i found that to be really fun and i think i'd like to do that again! but apart from that, i just do not have the patience for it. i love the look of traditional paintings and i find many to be really beautiful, but i could never get into actually doing it myself because i hate the process. i'm content with just sketching and doing digital stuff because that's more fun to me and less stressful of a process to do. it's fun, it allows for more mistakes, it's easier to build up layers of shading and lines, not to mention using building up a figure with guidelines is super helpful with visualising what i want it to look like, and i can just erase something if i don't want it there or want to change something. it just makes sense to me.
tl;dr i dont like painting because it's inconsistent, expensive, time-consuming, directionless, frustrating and it makes my back hurt really bad. i'll just stick to drawing stuff :)
#vent#artist vent#i hate painting#i hate it so much and i just cannot understand it nor do i have the patience for it#i seriously had a crack at it and i just find it to be so annoying#there's so much preparation and i'd much prefer just whipping out a pencil and eraser and scribbling something down#to be fair though i do enjoy other art mediums that require more preparation#i find crafts to be fun and i really like working with air dry clay#using clay is just creating a little creature and i really quite like it a lot#making little cardboard guys is fun if not a bit tricky sometimes because my hands are so big compared to the tiny bits of carboard im usin#but it's very fun and cardboard is easy to get#clay is not so easy to get but you can get a lot of it and make many things with it#the only things i really dont like about clay is fingerprints and the fear of having your art literally explode when you fire it up#but other than that? fun!#painting? not fun!#paint is so messy and i don't like having goopy stuff getting stuck on me and all over my fingers all the time funnily enough#if i bump into something (which is very likely for me because i am clumsy) then oouuguh there goes all the paint its everywhere now#oh my god you know what i hate the most. i hate oil paints. i hate them so much.#the smell gives me bad headaches and makes me feel faint and it's hard to clean and dispose of and it's just more chemicals to deal with#it's just acrylic but more annoying#i don't think it's edible either which is. frustrating#it's also harder to clean out if you get stained with it (which is very likely because paint is messy)#i just dislike oil materials in general. they smell weird and they do not wash off. i still have oil pastel stains on one of my favourite-#-shirts despite the fact that it has been washed multiple times. and it took several days and so much fucking scrubbing to get-#-it out of my nails and off my hands completely. actual hellscape.#i know graphite and lead pencils would never betray me like this#pencils are so reliable and i love them <3#pencils and drawing equipment in general are just more reliable and don't expire or develop inconsistent textures (except erasers for some-#-reason) and they don't! hurt! my! back!#like i'm over here needing to do the riker maneuver to sit down after i paint my back hurts so bad
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#frustrated#bc#i want to help my parents and i also like#need to get weed#thats the entirety of the medical care i can give myself rn#that is pain management and anymore its the only reason i can eat#ik part of my appetite issues HAS to be all the stress#n we're dealing with actual like winter conditions so my body is so angry#my passive pain level hasnt been so high in a long fucking time#id have to just take the fucking bottle of ibuprofen for it to do fuck all for me and i have nothing else#so if im in a mood#im sorry im trying so hard to not let it affect me that much im just#i sat down for the first time after work and my everything hurts so bad i teared up#doin great out here tonight#itll pass#it will pass#i just need to bitch about it a minute
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being a student is always going so well until it Isn't .
#j.txt#vent#think i am going to drop this class that ive already had to put myself through and fallen short on twice. round three is looking Bad folks👍#I genuinely just. do not know what I am supposed to do anymore. it always seems like I understand the material and have vision of what-#I want to produce and then I go to execute and Bam. severe demand avoidance hit you like a knife in the ribs#I am simply So Tired of it. hitting my head against walls. being told I need to “experiment” without any explanation. having resources#offered and then never followed up upon. advice of I just need to buckle down and do it.being unmedicated lol. it's just Too Fucking Much<3#like its to a point that I am seriously and desperately considering changing my entire major. Over One Single Class. but I dont Want to not#be an artist it's the best thing I've ever been and I Know im good at it. just not. this part I suppose.#so funnie that im going to have to bring this up next therapy sesh and shes gonna go. this is a traumatic event that we should probably#deal with. like no yeah I realize trauma is for when things actually hurt you and this situation is so frustrating i could ***#but it definitely doesnt count because it's Me so yknow. we can just pack it up now and Not deal with it for yet another semester maybe<3#but like Whatever. academia is what you get out of it and all that and if nothing else we have tenacity etc etc o7
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#emotions make me so.fucking uncomfortable. all of them#so this genuinely feelsike the world ending and it shouldnt but i cant help but ceel that it is#im just frustrated bc i KNOWWW it isnt#and i know this means more money bc ill overwork myself as a way to deal w it#and save my cash bc i wont be apwnding it on shit like alc or . wtv it is i seemed to lose money on bc of him#i just . i feel so shattered regardless and thats so infuriating#that i can actually allow someone to maks ms feel like this even tho its not all bad#this is just the negstivr side of . it.#im not making sense and im yrying to make sense of how i fucking feel bc i dont rlly know !!!! im not gonna lie !!!!#all i know is my chest hurts Nd i cant stop xrying abt it !!! butbill be fine !!! bc i havw to be !!! i alwahs am !!!!#i elly thoughy i couldve done it this time lmao#but nope ! it ended the fucking same way like usual bc icannot keep my shit in check#and its EXHAUSTING trying to do that and i hate kmowing the damage i did#bc getting better is hard and at some point i just Stop trying bc it wears me down#like ik theres not supposed to be any rewars for getting better and doing better othsn than . ur own satisifaction#but my god . it fucking sucks when the only reward i got for trying so fucking hard was . exhaustion and the same feeling#and bullshit still continuing.
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BABY IT AIN'T REALLY CHEATING IF HE DON'T SEE ── BUECKERS⁵
how you can help palestine prequel part three
★ based on dope love by gucci mane. you have an annoying boyfriend who always seems to be jealous of paige. and you've never even given him a reason to not trust you . . . of course not!
⠀ ── ⠀warnings ;; nsfw under the cut, mdni. smut with a little plot, cheating (on irrelevant bf), asshole!paige, fingering, exhibitionism (sorta if that's what you can even call it).
⠀ ── ⠀word count ;; 3.6k
⠀ ── ⠀rylin's notes ;; requests are open for those who want to send them in :p
"you're embarrassing me," the words came out of your mouth, your tone annoyed as you glared up at your boyfriend. you couldn't believe that he asked paige for a 1v1 – and on top of that, he lost.
now he was acting all pissy, pacing back and forth on the court with his hands on his hips. paige, your best friend since forever, stood a few feet away, trying to hide her smirk. obviously, she shouldn't be intimidated by your boyfriend, who was supposed to be confident and supportive, not a sore loser.
"maybe if you hadn't underestimated her," you continued, your voice cutting through his grumbling. "you know how good she is, she's literally d1."
paige smirked slightly as she shrugged, taking a sip out of the red solo cup. "it's just a game, guys. it's not a big deal,"
your boyfriend shot her a glare, then turned to you. "why are you taking her side?"
"cus you're acting like a damn child," you snapped back. "it's not her fault you lost."
your boyfriend’s face flushed an even deeper shade of red. he stopped pacing and turned to face you, his hands still on his hips. the music and laughter from the party around you seemed to fade into the background as his eyes searched yours for any sort of validation.
"i just... didn't think she'd take it so seriously," he mumbled, his voice lacking its usual confidence.
paige chuckled softly, shaking her head. "i didn't take it seriously, man. it's just a game," she repeated, her tone light but her eyes sparkling with a hint of amusement as she glanced at you, licking her lips slightly.
"just a game?" he repeated as he glared at the blonde. "i just got beat by a girl! i'm gonna get absolutely flamed in the groupchat,"
"hey, she's also d1! you don't even play basketball," you retorted, feeling your frustration rise. "it's not like you lost to someone off the street. paige is amazing at this."
"whatever," he muttered, looking away and crossing his arms. "still feels like shit, specially cause you're my girl and shit,"
paige raised an eyebrow, clearly enjoying the interaction more than she should. "dude, it's just a game. and besides, who cares what your friends think? they'll get over it."
"easy for you to say," he snapped back, his voice growing louder as he began walking toward her. "you didn't just embarrass yourself."
you stepped between them, your patience wearing thin. "enough. you're acting like a sore loser and it's not a good look."
he glared at you, the hurt evident in his eyes. "why are you always defending her? it's like you take her side over mine every fuckin' time."
"because you're acting ridiculous!" you shot back. "paige is my best friend, and you're being unfair to her and to me. this has nothing to do with sides and more to do with you and your weird competition with her."
he clenched his jaw, his eyes flicking back and forth between you and paige. "weird competition? baby, it's obvious she has a thing for you, i mean jesus-"
you immediately let out a groan. "are we really gonna talk about this now, again? i told you-"
"i don't care, she obviously does!" he finally snapped. you grabbed his arm as he continued shouting about whatever he thinks is going on between you the blonde.
paige watched as you dragged your boyfriend to the side, letting out an amused laugh as she shook her head. she went back inside to get a refill, finding aubrey and nika.
"you gotta stop playing with him," nika stifled a laugh as she glanced outside, watching you and your boyfriend laughing. "i feel bad. we all watched him get absolutely obliterated by you."
aubrey laughed, nodding. "that was so fucking embarrassing, my god. i got an ick and i don't even like him."
paige shrugged, a smirk playing on her lips. "can't help that i'm good at basketball. and it's not like i'm doing it on purpose. he's the one who keeps trying to prove himself."
nika shook her head, still grinning. "well, he's definitely not doing himself any favors."
aubrey took a sip from her cup, raising an eyebrow. "you think she's actually gonna stay with him much longer? i mean, look at them."
they all glanced outside where you were still talking animatedly with your boyfriend. his face was red with frustration, while yours was a mix of exasperation and annoyance.
paige sighed, her expression softening a bit. "nah, probably. she deserves someone who doesn't get all insecure and jealous over nothing."
aubrey and nika exchanged looks, their faces entertained. nika spoke up, "paige we're not dumb, we know you've fucked before."
paige shrugged, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips. "yeah well... they were on break," she look a sip of her drink as she glanced up at her friends, their expressions unconvinced.
nika raised an eyebrow, her curiosity piqued. "on a break, huh? and does he know about this?"
paige hesitated for a moment, then shook her head. "nah, he doesn't."
nika let out a low whistle. "that's risky, paige. he looks like the type to not mind... you know, beating your ass."
paige laughed as she shrugged. "yeah and he's also like, 5'8."
"if he tried, he'd get humbled," aubrey glanced toward her blonde friend, a smirk playing on her lips. "again," she added.
paige chuckled, her confidence unwavering. "exactly. i'm not too worried about him. besides, it's not like it was a regular thing. it was a one-time thing."
nika leaned back, her expression thoughtful. "still, you should be careful. if he finds out, things could get messy."
paige nodded, acknowledging the risk. "yeah, but it's done, and i can't undo it, i just have to handle things as they come."
aubrey took a sip from her drink, her eyes glinting with mischief. "you know, if you play your cards right, you might not have to worry about him for much longer."
"yeah, i know," she smirked as she glanced at you, you were still arguing with your boyfriend. "i know,"
as they continued talking, you and your boyfriend reentered the house, your faces still showing signs of the recent argument. paige watched as you tried to shake off the tension, joining your friends and attempting to immerse yourself in the party's atmosphere.
nika leaned in, whispering to paige, "think she'll be okay?"
Paige nodded, her eyes following you as you made your way to the group. "she's a big girl, i don't think she cares as much she pretends to."
you approached, giving paige a grateful smile. "hey, guys. sorry about that."
aubrey waved it off, her demeanor light and carefree. "no worries. we're just glad you're back."
nika chimed in, "yeah, we missed you. come on, let's have some fun."
you felt a wave of relief wash over you as your friends welcomed you back with open arms. paige stayed close, her presence a steady comfort. the rest of the night passed in a blur of laughter and camaraderie, the earlier tension fading into the background.
⠀ ── ⠀
"and he's so damn clingy, it gets on my nerves," you resisted an eyeroll as you spoke, doing your night time routine in the foggy mirror. paige stood behind you, her hands on your hips and her chin on your shoulder, watching you through the reflection.
"yeah?" she mumbled as you nodded. her hair was wet from the shower, her eyes were red from the exhaustion of the whole day but right now – she didn't feel a tinge of weariness.
you sighed, putting down your toothbrush and meeting paige's eyes in the mirror. "yeah, it’s like he always needs to know where i am, what i’m doing, who i’m with. It’s suffocating."
paige grip on your hips tightened slightly, her presence grounding you. "sounds exhausting," she murmured, her voice gentle. "you deserve to feel free, not like you’re constantly under surveillance."
you nodded, leaning back into her embrace. "exactly. and tonight... all that jealousy over a basketball game? it's just too much."
paige pressed a soft kiss to your shoulder, her breath warm against your skin. "you deserve better than that. someone who trusts you and supports you, not someone who’s always questioning you."
you turned to face her, her hands sliding around to rest on the small of your back. "i know. it’s just hard. we've been together for a while, and i don’t wanna hurt him. but i can’t keep going like this."
paige's eyes softened, her thumb brushing gently against your side as her hands slid down them. "you have to take care of yourself first. it’s not selfish to want to be happy."
you smiled as her eyes dilated, her tongue sticking out to wet her lips. "he needs to trust you, cause... you know, you are," paige's voice came out teasing.
you let out a playful scoff as you pushed her away, a smirk playing on your lips. "gonna bring that up again, p?"
"what?" she laughed as her hands made their way back to your hips. "really gonna tell that i didn't rock your world? you were crying and everything, my ego's never gonna that go."
"i know," you felt your cheeks heat up, a blush creeping up your neck. "don't need to remind me every chance you get."
paige's laughter was warm and genuine as she pulled you closer again, her forehead resting against yours. "just making sure you remember,"
you rolled your eyes, but your smile widened. "how could i forget? you never let me."
"and i never will," you turned back around, continuing your routine. "i still think about it, you know?"
paige's smirk widened as she saw the seriousness in your expression through the foggy reflection. "yeah?"
"yeah," you repeated as you met her eyes through the reflection. "all the time."
there was a moment of silence as you continued your routine, paige was lost in thought as she zoned out. "does he fuck you like i do?"
the question came out of nowhere and you almost choked on the mouthwash. you spit out and paige watched your expression carefully. the air in the bathroom seemed to thicken as you processed her words, unsure of how to respond.
paige's gaze held yours steadily, her expression unreadable yet intense. she seemed to be searching for something in your reaction, her smirk fading into a more serious demeanor.
"no, he doesn't."
paige's smirk immediately came back with the answer, her hands pulling you into her chest. "yeah, i knew that."
she didn't any more of an answer, her lips found your shoulder as she began kissing up to your neck. as her lips found the sensitive spot just below your ear, your head spun with a whirlwind of emotions. the familiarity of her touch, coupled with the depth of your connection, ignited a fire within you that burned brighter than ever before.
paige's hands roamed gently over your back, her touch leaving a trail of tingling sensations in its wake.
her breath tickled your skin as she whispered against your ear, her voice husky with desire. "gonna do you so good, baby,"
as paige’s breath sent shivers down your spine, her words were a promise, igniting a flame of anticipation within you. you turned in her embrace, your eyes meeting hers with a mix of longing and uncertainty. paige's gaze softened, her fingers trailing lightly up your arms to cup your face.
“i’ve missed you,” she murmured, her thumb brushing tenderly across your cheek.
“i’ve missed you too,” you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper.
the tension between you was palpable, the weight of unspoken feelings hanging in the air. paige leaned in, her lips capturing yours in a slow, deliberate kiss that sent a rush of warmth through your body. you melted into her, your hands finding their way to her damp hair, pulling her closer.
paige's kiss deepened, her hands sliding down your back to grip your hips, anchoring you to her. the taste of mint lingered on your lips from the mouthwash, mingling with the familiar flavor of her.
with a gentle push, paige guided you back against the sink, her lips never leaving yours. her hands explored your body with a familiarity that made your heart race, every touch a reminder of the history you shared. as her kisses trailed down your neck, you let out a soft moan, your fingers tangling in her hair.
“oh p,” you breathed, your voice a mix of need and desperation.
she paused, lifting her head to meet your gaze, her eyes dark with desire. “tell me what you want, baby.”
“want you,” you confessed, your cheeks flushing with the raw honesty of your words.
paige's lips curved into a satisfied smile, her hands slipping under your shirt to caress the bare skin of your waist. “you’re going to have me, princess.”
with a swift motion, she lifted you into her arms as she carried you to your bed. her mouth claimed yours again, the kiss hungry and demanding. your fingers fumbled with the hem of her shirt, desperate to feel more of her as she dropped you on the bed.
paige broke the kiss long enough to pull her shirt over her head, her eyes never leaving yours. her bare chest pressed against yours as she kissed you again, her hands working to slide off your shorts. you arched into her touch, the sensation of her hands on you sending waves of pleasure through your body.
as your shorts hit the floor, paige's fingers found their way to your core, teasing you through the fabric of your underwear. you gasped, your hips bucking against her hand, craving more. paige's smirk returned, her thumb circling your clit with agonizing slowness.
she pushed you further up the bed, her body following closely as she settled between your legs. paige's eyes never left yours, her gaze intense and filled with desire. her fingers continued their slow, torturous teasing, making you writhe beneath her.
“paige, please,” you begged, your voice a desperate whisper.
her smirk softened into a sweet smile, and she leaned down to press a kiss to your lips. “love hearing you beg,” she murmured against your mouth before trailing kisses down your neck, her hands slipping beneath your underwear to finally touch your bare skin.
with a gentle but firm touch, she slid your underwear down, her fingers finding their way to your wetness. you moaned, your head falling back as she began to pleasure you, her movements deliberate and skilled. paige knew exactly how to drive you insane, her fingers curling inside you in a rhythm that had you teetering on the edge.
you let out a shuddering breath, your body arching into her touch. she set a steady rhythm, her thumb circling your clit in time with the thrusts of her fingers. every stroke sent waves of pleasure crashing through you, each one more intense than the last.
your hands tangled in her hair, pulling her closer as she kissed her way down your body. her lips left a trail of fire on your skin, each touch igniting a deeper desire within you. when she reached your breasts, her mouth closed over one nipple, sucking and nibbling gently.
the dual sensations of her mouth and her fingers had you spiraling quickly towards the edge. your breaths came in short gasps, your body trembling with the effort to hold back.
then, your phone began buzzing next to you. you let out an annoyed huff – you already knew who it was. you chose to ignore it, but paige had other plans.
"answer it, princess," she mumbled as she sat up, meeting your gaze.
you stared at her, bewildered, your body still trembling from her touch. "paige," you whispered, a mix of frustration and disbelief in your voice.
paige's eyes sparkled with mischief as she leaned in, her lips brushing your ear. "answer it," she repeated, her voice low and commanding. "want him to hear how good i make you feel."
your heart raced, both from the lingering pleasure and the audacity of her request. with trembling hands, you reached for the phone, your eyes never leaving paige's. she watched you intently, her fingers still moving slowly inside you, maintaining the agonizing pleasure.
you hit the answer button, bringing the phone to your ear. "hello?" you managed to say, your voice shaky.
your boyfriend's voice came through the line, filled with concern and irritation. "where are you? why haven't you answered my texts?"
paige's smirk widened, and she pressed a kiss to your shoulder, her fingers quickening their pace slightly. you bit your lip to stifle a moan, your head falling back against the pillow.
"'m... busy," you replied, your voice strained.
"busy? doin' what?" he demanded, suspicion lacing his words.
paige’s other hand moved to tease your nipple, her thumb flicking over it with expert precision. you let out a soft gasp, unable to hold it back. "just... with friends, we're at my..." you managed to say, your breath hitching. "apartment,"
there was a pause on the other end of the line, your boyfriend clearly picking up on the unusual tone in your voice. "you okay? you sound... different."
paige's lips curled into a wicked smile, her fingers curling inside you, hitting just the right spot. you couldn't help the moan that escaped your lips, your body arching into her touch. "oh fuck," you let out before you sighed, putting a hand over your mouth.
"i'm fine," you lied, your voice trembling. "just... having a good time."
Your boyfriend’s voice grew more insistent. "where are you? i want to see you."
paige leaned closer, her breath hot against your ear as she whispered, "tell him you're with me."
you swallowed hard, trying to focus on the conversation despite the overwhelming sensations. "'m with paige," you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
"paige?" he repeated, his tone a mix of confusion and frustration. "what the hell is going on?"
"nothing!" you shouted, the frustration overtaking your senses. "my god, let me fucking breathe. we're just watching a movie and we're tired, can't get a second alone,"
paige's smirk grew as she listened to your conversation, her fingers still teasing you, maintaining a torturous pace that kept you on the edge. she nibbled gently on your neck, her breath warm against your skin, and you fought to keep your voice steady.
on the other end of the line, your boyfriend’s frustration was palpable. “why didn’t you just say that? you’ve been acting so weird lately.”
You took a shaky breath, trying to focus on the words and not the intense pleasure paige was giving you. “i’m not acting weird. just need some space sometimes.”
“space? is that what you call ignoring my calls and hanging out with paige all the time?” he snapped.
paige fingers quickened slightly, pushing you closer to the edge, beginning to completely finger-fuck you. you bit your lip to stifle a moan, your hips bucking involuntarily. “’m not ignoring you,” you said through gritted teeth, trying to sound convincing. “i think i just… need a break.”
“a break?” he echoed, his voice growing louder. “what kind of break?”
paige leaned in, her voice a whisper in your ear. “tell him you’re taking a break from him.”
you swallowed hard, the words sticking in your throat. “think we need a break,” you finally said, your voice barely above a whisper.
“what?” he shouted, disbelief and anger mingling in his tone. “are you fucking serious?”
“yeah,” you said more firmly, finding your resolve.
he began shouting but you were too engulfed in her fingers, your breaths coming out in shudders. the phone fell out of your hand as you moaned, your back arching into her touch.
paige chose that moment to push you over the edge, her fingers and lips working in perfect harmony to send you spiraling into a powerful orgasm. you cried out, your body shaking with the force of it, the annoyed shouts still coming from the phone.
paige caught the phone, her eyes locking with yours as she brought it to her ear. "she busy right now," she said, her tone unapologetic and firm. "she'll call you in the morning,"
with that, she ended the call, tossing the phone aside as she gathered you in her arms. you were still trembling, your body buzzing with the aftershocks of your orgasm. paige's touch was gentle now, soothing as she held you close.
"you gonna call him in the morning?" she teased as you laid on her chest. you stifled a laugh as you shook your head.
"probably, he's probably crying right now."
she shrugged, "i would too if i lost a bad bitch like you,"
you couldn't help but smile at her words, a warmth spreading through your chest. "you're ridiculous," you murmured, nuzzling closer into her embrace.
paige's fingers traced soothing patterns on your back, her touch comforting and tender. "yeah, but you love it," she replied, her voice soft.
you sighed contentedly, letting the calm after the storm wash over you. "yeah, i do."
you stayed like that for a long time, wrapped up in each other, the rest of the world fading away. eventually, the exhaustion of the day caught up with you, and your eyes grew heavy.
"get some sleep," paige murmured, her voice a gentle lullaby. "we'll figure everything out in the morning."
you nodded sleepily, feeling safe and secure in her arms. "goodnight, p."
"goodnight, beautiful," she whispered, holding you close as you drifted off to sleep.
if you enjoyed, any interaction is greatly appreciated!
with love, rylin 𝜗𝜚
#paige bueckers#wcbb#wcbb x reader#paige bueckers fic#paige bueckers headcannons#paige bueckers x oc#paige bueckers x reader#paige bueckers smut#paige buckets#uconn wbb#uconn huskies#uconn wbb fic#uconn wcbb#uconn wbb x reader#uconn#uconn women’s basketball#ncaa wbb#wbb x reader#wbb smut#women's basketball#taurasiluvr writing
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i think the worst part about this bpd shit is that no matter what happens i am genuinely never going to heal properly like im always going to freak out over the tiniest shit & just crumble like it's so fucking exhausting
#my boyfriend is never going to understand that when i make a suggestion & he snaps at me bc he's tired im going to shut the fuck down#& it happens every time too like he just doesnt seem to get it at all#or he will eventually calm down & be sorry but it's like the damage is fucking done man & it hurts like#i know that it's an overreaction but that's the whole point. i can't help it & i need him to be more fucking vidulent with his words/action#the worst part is that i end up splitting & getting angry & shutting down bc i can fucking deal with it#he's also autistic so he can't help his frustrations & i keep trying to tell myself it's not about me but like#goddamn !!! im terrible at that !!! im fucking mentally ill & he is triggering me like crazy over & over again it's so exhausting & painful#& then i feel guilty like im not being understanding enough of his autism bc he genuinely cant help it either but like where is that for me#sometimes it just feels like he's not considerate of me until it's too fucking late & im already upset#like why do i have to get hurt or mad before he's finally like okay damn my bad#im just so frustrated & hurt and i feel like its never going to get any better#i just always have to lick my wounds in silence because i can never make people understand my pain or let them see how truly fucked up i am#bc god knows they cannot handle it clearly#text
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MDNI
Warnings: Accusation of Infedelity, heavily unedited writing (wrote this in a power outage in my notes app xx), fingering, eating pussy, dirty talk, dumbification if you squint REALLY hard.
One message is all it took for you to spiral.
Outrage was an understatement. A month, a single month, into Price’s deployment you had recieved a message from an unknown number. They insisted of Price having an affair with his so-called ‘receptionist.’ Being his wife, you didnt believe it. You and John had been married for years now. He wasnt that kind of man! (You hoped.)
Weeks passed and wheels start turning. Seeds of doubt had started digging into you. The late nights he had stayed at base before his deployment, only sending as much as a quick text of ‘Be home late. Dont wait up.’ Or the necessary secrecy between what happens at his job or deployment were starting to plant ideas in your head you wouldnt have ever had if not for that message. Youre being worn down, and its killing you. Its not like you could ask him; being thousands of kilometres away without any time to do as much as glance at his phone.
So the emotional resentment grew. You find yourself wondering how he could do this to you, crying in your empty home that housed the both of you not long ago. Before you even come to terms with it, Youve packed your bags and lawyered up, letting your resentment fester for far to long without any outside input.
On the third month of Prices deployment, you drive yourself up to base with one intention; leave the divorce papers on his desk to find when he comes back and to leave without confrontation.
Security on base knows you as ‘Price’s missus’ by now, offering a small wave and a smile as you walk by and into your husbands office. You put the papers on his desk, that frustration and hurt bubbling up all over again. He has your wedding photo framed on his desk and it only hurts more. What did you do to deserve this?
You turn to go, heading back towards his door when you hear muffled laughter and the sounds of gear being unzipped and dumped from down the hallway. Theyre back. You pick up the pace, praying you can slip out before he gets close enough to notice. You reach for the door handle, but the door opens before you can even grasp it.
Shit.
And there he is, your eyes drinking in the sight of the awfully more rugged version of your husband; beard outgrown and messy with tired eyes that light up at the sight of you.
That light dies as soon as sees just how mad you look.
“So youre telling me, one message is all it took to lose all fucking faith?” Price practically growls, fingers rubbing at his temples. Hes sat in his chair with you on the other side of his desk, just as furious. “Everything makes sense! The staying late at base, the short messages and lack of updates when your deployed!” You hiss, frustration bubbling over making anything small seem huge.
Price takes a deep breath, a futile attempt to calm his temper. “The shit I deal with doesnt sleep. Theres reasons i stay back that you will never know, love. The law itself, wont let me tell you. Same goes for messages. Im sorry i dont have the time to let you know im okay when im deployed, god knows i wish I did.” He scowls, his gaze so heated and intense that you almost look away despite your own fury.
“And what about this receptionist huh?”
Your tone has changed, soft and shaky. vunerable.
Price’s expression softens, but he doesnt say a word, simply rounding his desk to pluck you out of your own chair and putting you down in his office chair. He sinks to his knees in front of you, hands rested on your thighs. Blue eyes peer up at you, sickeningly sincere. “Love, I dont interact with her unless necessary. This isnt some romance movie bullshit.” Your heart is working overtime, lips parted as guilt bubbles. “You- you understand where my doubt is coming from, though…right? Everything lined up perfectly, and-“
Price simply tuts. “We’ve talked about that pretty little head of yours overthinking too much, havent we?” You freeze, throat drying. You nod. “Answer me, sweetheart.”
“Yes-“ you croak. “We have.”
Price grunts in approval, his hands now running up and down your thighs.
“Have you been feeling neglected, hm? Is that it? My sweet wife needs some attention?” Price rumbles, his large, calloused hands that have been marked by countless battles now playing with the hem of your skirt.
“You’ve got my attention now, luvie. No need to play these stupid games with me.”
Your mind is already growing hazy; your husbands words making you almost want to forget about this whole incident. A finger hooks onto the waistband of your panties, bringing you back to the moment.
“Stupid games? John i was prepared to divorce you-“ he shushes you, dragging your underwear down your thighs, then your calves and over your shoes before slipping them into his pocket. A cheeky smile graces his face. stupid muttonchops.
“Must’ve left you alone for far too long then, if you were willing to take it this far.”
He slings your legs over his impossibly large shoulders, making you squeak as your pulled forward on the chair.
“Wouldve come home and fucked those stupid thoughts straight out of your head if i had known you were having doubts about my loyalty, sweetheart.”
He presses a messy kiss to your clit, making you gasp. He grumbles something incoherent (“Me? Cheat? Silly girl.”), before licking a long stripe up your neglected cunt, causing your hips to buck. The taste of you after going months without has price groaning into your heat. He eats like a man starved, a mix of desire to prove his loyalty and that he finally gets to taste his wife after being away for so long.
Hes fuming, really. Toward you? No.
Towards whatever stupid bastard sent you that message. He’s glad you didnt notice him slip your phone in his pocket, because he knew you’d be against him hunting the fucker down. You just need a distraction to keep that pretty little head thinking too hard. And he’ll give you just that.
“Oh, my poor sweet wife…” He grunts, before sucking on your clit with a renewed fevor. He pulls off with a lewd pop, two thick fingers replacing his previous ministrations. You’re squirming in his office chair, mind hazy and hips bucking.
“Thinkin’ I was out here cheating on ya’… you know better, love.” He tuts.
His fingers curl so nicely into that spongey spot that makes you see stars. “M sorry-“ you’d slur, “I didnt believe it when I first saw the message I promise-“ you gasp as price presses his thumb against your clit, rubbing in small tight circles.
“Lovie, you stormed in here with divorce papers. Dont tell me you didn’t believe it.”
Your head tilts back as you pant, small gasps slipping past your lips.
“There we go.” Price coaxes, his fingers picking up their pace.
“Wouldnt even cross my mind to look at another woman when my gorgeous girl looks like that as I stuff her cunt full of my fingers.” He coos, watching your face intently as your release crashes down; intense enough to make you writhe and moan.
Price pulls his fingers from you, licking them clean before getting up off his knees. Your throat runs dry, bracing for whats to come even as you grapple your bearings. You’re mentally preparing for Price to be dissapointed, upset with you, maybe even mad.
He analyzes your expression, leaning back against his desk. His eyes scrape over your small form sat in his chair.
“Im not upset, love. That pretty little head of yours had months to overthink that message without a voice of reason.”
Price tilts your chin up.
“Lets just not have to do this again, hm? Then i’ll be mad.”
Its sounds like a threat, but it isnt. Price knows he’ll always be there to talk his beloved wife down from the edge.
#price x reader#price smut#john price smut#john price#call of duty#price call of duty#cod mw2#cod#price cod#john price x reader#captain john price#smut#im going insane#cod smut#angst?#captain price#price#captain johnathan price
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Haaah. Is it really too much to ask to have just one day (1) where I'm not achy and in pain?
#valid#diary#personal#chonic pain#haaah. its my hands today and my legs.#its bc i was working yesterday so im very sore. haaaah.#i honestly just wish i could have even a teny tiny bit of time where im not in pain#usually its not quite this bad but its probably been 3-4 days since i last felt mostly okay#ive just been in varying levels of moderate pain#probably between a 3-5 depending?#either way i just took an advil cold n sinus. bc i also have shit sinuses. which means ive also had a lot of headaches lately.#...they last so long bc i take Ibuprofen and forget to take advil cold n sinus instead bc that has ibprofen in it.#im really tired yknow? its not super painful or anything. but its super hard to do things i wanna lately.#my hands n body just arent moving as id like.#its really frustrating tbh. idk. i know i dont have it as bad as others bc i dont get dislocations rly.#but i just have chronic pain constantly. which makes it hard to function. especially bc im already so tired always.#in some ways id be nice if it was worse bc then id be or something.#it sucks being told all you can do for this crap is massage and physio and painkillers.#i dont think ive really ever been able to just enjoy shit. ive always gotten hurt so easily. theres always something fucked up#haaah. im really tired of dealing with my body. i wish it wasnt so ill.
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Metamorphosis | F.W. x Reader
Summary: Fred has been acting differently since he got hurt during the War. You're not sure how many more of his outbursts you can handle.
CW: established relationship, mentions of a head injury, TBIs, migraines, blood, being cut from broken glass, yelling, arguing, crying, not proofread
WC: 4.3k
A/N: now this one is a rollercoaster
based off this request! | f.w. masterlist | navi
Things had been difficult since May.
Voldemort was dead and the war was over. But everyone was dealing with the aftermath.
Things were quiet for a while, people were quiet. Distant but united at the same time. It took a few months for everyone to try and go back to normal.
Now it was November, and Fred was still dealing with the aftermath.
Of course, a head injury from being hit with a spell and a literal stone wall falling on him would have its long-term effects. You’d already read the list over who knows how many times.
Memory loss, light sensitivity, aggression, problems with multitasking, communication issues, irritability, mood swings, forgetfulness, etc. The list went on and on, you hated how long it was.
You did research on it, listening to his doctors and picking up as many books you could find on head injuries or TBIs.
You even got your hands on some textbooks that muggle medical students used.
George and you took care of Fred after he came back to your shared space above the shop. He spent his first week after being discharged from the hospital at his mums, due to Mollys demands.
Things slowly went back to normal after a few months. Most things.
Shops reopened all along Diagon Alley, including the twins, people felt safe to go out and chat with each other again.
Life went back to how it was before the war began.
The cold weather was getting harsher and so was Fred.
You knew that the irritability and mood swings would come along with the injury. You just weren’t expecting it to be so constant.
Fred had his bad days and he had his better days. Today was one of those bad days.
You could tell he was really struggling remembering what was in stock and what needed to be made more of. You sat with him at the counter as he wrote down on a notepad what was needed. Taking notes was one of the things that helped him nowadays.
You saw him look up, the cogs attempting to turn in his head.
“Peruvian Darkness Powder.” You said softly, it was the next thing that needed to be restocked.
“Right. That. Thanks.” He muttered out, crouching over to write it down, his hand shaky and handwriting a bit wobbled.
Frustrated with his shaky hands, he threw the pen down, putting his head in his hands, rubbing his face.
“I just don’t get why it’s so hard. I feel like I can’t properly do anything.” He groaned, the annoyance clear in his voice.
“Fred, it's what the symptoms of a-”
“I know it’s a fucking brain injury. I’ve heard it enough goddamn times. You don’t need to spell it out for me.” Fred spat out, ripping his hand from yours and walking past you. That was the fourth time he snapped at you today.
After closing that night, you sat on the bench right outside the shop. Elbows resting on your knees with your head in your hands.
You were really trying here. Trying your best not to get mad at him, to yell and spit at him as he did you.
He was still your Fred that you loved. He was just a bit different now, and that was okay, he was still your Fred.
The door to the shop opened, the silly tune of the charmed bell playing as a tall figure stepped out. Fred stood to the side of you now, his frame blocked out the light shining on you from the street lamps. The only light now being from the inside of the shop, illuminating his and your face once you looked up.
You breathed in deep, closing your eyes for a second, trying to keep any tears from falling. The cold wind wasn’t helping.
“Hi.” He gave you a shamefaced smile.
George had definitely scolded him and told him to apologize once you went outside. It’s not the first time he’s made him do it in recent times.
“Hi.” You sighed.
“I’m- I didn’t mean to snap at you when you were trying to help me with what needed to be restocked, or when you offered to sort the mail.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, suddenly feeling small. The feeling had become constant for him now.
“And before both of those, when you snapped at me in your office. Then in front of one of the cashiers.”
“I did?” He said softly, genuinely shocked. You nodded, brows knit together.
“Oh, I didn’t even realize. I don’t even remember that. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be so harsh.” Fred looked down, having the same expression as a kicked puppy.
“It’s okay, Fred. I know you don’t mean to.” You slowly nodded.
“I’m trying to not be so rude. I’m trying to be better, I promise.”
“I know, Fred. I know.” You sniffled.
The doctors said practicing patterns would help with cognitive ability. Patterning. So stocking the purple and orange mystery boxes in a pattern would be Fred’s practice.
He began to practice different patterns:
Purple. Orange. Purple. Orange. Repeat.
Then moved onto a bit more strange ones:
Purple. Purple. Orange. Orange. Purple. Orange. Repeat.
He was struggling a bit more than usual today, you watched as he did, and it broke your heart.
You sighed as you put your notepad away, pausing writing down the grocery list for now and making your way over to Fred.
You reached out, putting the next correctly colored box on the shelf for him. He grumbled out a ‘thanks’.
“I can do the rest for you. Go give your brain a break.” You breathed out a laugh, trying to be lighthearted as you picked up the large box filled with the remaining mystery boxes to be put away.
“No, it’s fine. I’ve got it.” Fred mumbled out, paying you barely any mind.
“Fred, I can tell your stressed enough just let me-“
“Will you piss off? I said I've got it!” Fred didn’t mean to yell, especially in the middle of a busy store, he was just frustrated.
Your cheeks heated up in embarrassment and anger due to all the staring eyes of confused customers looking at the both of you.
“Fine, fucking do it yourself then.” You shoved the box into his hands. Walking off, pissed off as you threw off your hat onto the counter.
George murmured your name as you walked by, trying to put a hand on your shoulder, you shoved out his grasp.
You hid away in the back stockroom. George followed, entering a tiny bit after you.
You sat on a wooden box, leaned over with your head in your hands.
“You know he doesn’t mean it. He got blasted pretty hard, it’s just one of the side effects.” George sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets.
You were so tired of those two words. Side effects. Yes, of course you knew what the side effects and symptoms were, that they wouldn’t be pretty or easy. But you were just so sick of hearing it.
You shrugged, lifting your head up.
“He's frustrated. With himself.” George sat down next to you, intertwining his hands into a ball. “He always feels bad after he gets angry.”
“I know, and I’m trying my best to help him out but it’s like he never fucking wants it. He refuses.”
“He’s never liked help, always wanting to be so damn independent and stubborn.” George let out a weak chuckle and shook his head. “It took him five minutes to accept the money Harry gave us. Even after that he tried to tell Harry he’d give it back if he changed his mind.”
“I remember, I was there.” You smiled a bit to yourself at the memory, Fred was so adamant about Harry keeping the money, or at least most of it.
“Chocolate?” He pulled a small bar off one of the shelves, you shook your head. “It’ll make you feel better.” You persuaded, you let out an amused sigh and took it.
“You stole that line from Lupin.” Unwrapping it and biting off a small chunk.
“Yeah, but it works doesn’t it?” You let out a defeated nod and smile in response, taking another bite.
“He’s not gonna be like this forever. You know that. He’s gotten a lot better since May. Just, his moodiness will stick around for a little bit.”
“I know. I’m just so worried about him. I can’t help it.”
George was at Angelinas for the night. It took him ten minutes to stop worrying and finally go, constantly reminding you if you needed his help with Fred, if Fred starts getting mean, to send him an owl and he’d come back immediately. You shooed him off and assured him Fred and you would be fine, that he should go have a worry-free night with Angelina.
It was going well, you watched a short movie and shared some snacks and cuddles on the couch. It was all going so nicely until you both decided to get changed and go to bed.
You slipped on a night shirt talking to Fred about the movie as he opened the top drawer on the wooden dresser. The one that creaked and occasionally jammed from time to time.
Tonight was one of those times.
He pulled out a pair of pajama pants from the drawer, his eyebrows knitting together when he pushed the drawer and it barely moved. You looked over and frowned disappointedly.
“It’s stuck again.” You sighed, thinking out loud.
“I know.” Fred muttered out under his breath, you didn’t catch it.
You watched as he repeatedly tried to push it, it wouldn’t budge.
“It’s just old, maybe tomorrow we could go window shopping for a new one?” You suggested sweetly as he didn’t respond, he just clenched his jaw as he continued trying to close it.
He used a terrifying amount of force as he slammed the drawer shut with one last push, causing the whole thing to ratter. The sudden movement and sound made you jump. You took a step back, Fred noticed. His expression faltered for a moment as his eyes scanned your body language.
“What, are you scared of me or something now?” He muttered, an attitude in his voice.
“No, I never said I was scared of you. You just…”
“What? I’ve just what?”
You were so sick of his attitude. You took in a deep breath before speaking.
“You’ve been acting up, you’ve been slamming doors, throwing things down when you’re frustrated, you yell more. At George and I especially. You’re unpredictable.” You let out quickly.
“Unpredictable? I have not been that bad. You’re dramatic.” Fred shot back, he was a bit hurt by your words, yet deep down he knew you were right. His actions had become surprising. But he was too damn stubborn and he was in the middle of a beginning argument, so he wouldn’t admit to it now.
“I’m not, you’re proving your point with how you’re being now. You’re being stubborn and defensive. You get angry and you yell at me. When I’m just trying to help! The doctors said-”
“I don’t give a shit what the fucking doctors told you! Or those stupid books you’ve been wasting your time on!” All this yelling hurt his head. But the words were spilling out his mouth like a waterfall of poison.
“Have you considered your not being any help? If you really wanted to help you’d let me do shit myself instead of acting like I’m fucking stupid! You wouldn’t be walking on eggshells around me! You’d let me be instead of being a pounding in my head!” His chest heaved, his face slowly being filled with regret as he saw you. Taking a step back with the most painful stare at him, astonishment and hurt written all over your face.
He watched as you brought your arms up around you, holding yourself as if it was a way of shielding yourself from his words.
“Is that really what you think of me?” Your voice went soft. A small crack in your delivery of words as you rubbed your upper arm.
“No! Absolutely not! I just- I’m-” Here comes the sputtered out apologies, the regret filling him up immediately, you just shook your head.
“Forget it, I’m done with this conversation.” You barged out the room. That look never leaving your face, it will haunt him forever.
“Where are you going? I thought you were going to bed?” He called out as you went down the hallway.
“I’m sleeping on the couch tonight.” You shouted back, more of a loud mutter really. Fred said your name disappointedly, leaning against the bedroom door frame. You didn’t respond, you didn’t turn around, you made your way to the couch.
He didn’t run after and stop you. Knowing you’d give him the silent treatment and refuse to get in the same bed as him. For tonight only. Hopefully.
Though you tried to muffle and hide your sobs behind your hands, Fred could still hear it all the way from the bedroom. Those pained sharp breaths in that turned into wheezes, the little hiccups and whimpers of sadness you made when you breathed out were far too loud to be hidden.
You cried for two hours until you finally got a grip of yourself. Getting up and going down the hallway, not to get back in bed, but to see if Fred was.
You peeked your head in just enough to see his side of the bed, he was laying on his back peacefully, his eyes puffy. Had he been crying also?
He was relaxed now though, resting. At least he was getting some sleep. You quietly sneaked back to the living room. Lying back down on the couch and using a throw pillow for your head.
You couldn’t get comfortable, couldn’t keep your eyes shut, couldn’t stop thinking, you couldn’t sleep. You missed him, you really just wanted to be next to him.
By the time the clock ticked to 2AM, you got up, tiptoeing back into the bedroom. Sneaking to your side of the bed, so carefully pulling back the sheets. You moved so carefully, so lightly, so gently as if everything was made of fine china.
You debated if you should snuggle up to Fred, not wanting to wake him. What if he got annoyed again? You really didn’t want to deal with another conflict.
You carefully scooted over to him anyways, testing your luck. You slowly wrapped your arm around his torso, ever so lightly laying your head on his chest. He began to move and your body immediately tensed up.
His arm hooked around you, circling your waist, the other arm reaching over, his hand softly placed on the side of your head. Your body went limp in happiness. You could start crying again from all the joy you felt in this moment.
This is how you knew Fred hadn’t become a whole other person than the one you knew before the accident. His hands on you, holding onto you so sweetly, just like he used to. There were still those little remnants of his true self hanging around. He was still Fred. He was still your Fred.
You woke up to an empty bed. The sunlight shining down on Freds side of the mattress.
You changed into more presentable clothes, hearing the chatter from downstairs and knowing the shop was open.
Going downstairs, Fred was nowhere to be seen while George was moving around helping customers and constantly casting spells to organize things.
Owning a joke shop was absolutely not a one man job.
“Where’s Fred?” You asked, looking around as you approached the counter. George was stacking cards.
“In his office. Another migraine.” He tucked in his lips, seemingly annoyed.
“Oh. Well, I’m gonna go out, probably window shop. Do you need anything?”
“Could you get some cabbage? And a few more quills and ink? We’re running low.” He said, swiveling his way out from behind the counter.
You may have stayed out longer than you meant to.
Thinking you’d be back before five, you got home at nearly eight instead.
You did some looking around in local furniture shops, and you picked up what George asked for. You mostly just walked around the quieter streets, needing to get away from all the noise.
By the time you got back it was a bit dark outside and there was a closed sign on the shop door. You unlocked and locked it quickly, moving upstairs tiredly.
The living room light was turned off, the moonlight from outside being the only thing that made the room somewhat visible. Fred was sitting on the couch.
“Hey.” You spoke softly.
“Hi.”
“Where’d George go?”
“He stopped by Angelina’s for dinner.” He said blankly. Everything felt so awkward.
“Oh. Have you eaten?” You asked as you set down the bags of supplies.
“Yeah, I had some leftovers.”
“Okay, well, what’re you doing in the dark? Get some light in here.” You giggled as you flipped up the light switch, overhead light brightening up the room.
Fred quickly scrunched his eyes closed with a pained expression, he put a hand up to shadow his face.
Fuck. Light sensitivity. He was already dealing with a migraine, that’s why he was in the dark, and you turning on the light made it much more intense.
“Shit. Sorry, sorry, sorry.” You blurted out as you hit the switch down, the room going darker again.
“Here, I’ll- I’ll get you a glass of water.” You sputtered out, running over to the kitchen sink and grabbing a glass, filling it up with cold water from the tap.
“No, you don’t have to.” Fred muttered out.
“Please, it’ll help. Just let me help.” You pleaded as you ran back over to the couch, sitting down and holding the glass towards him. He denied it again.
“Fred, just drink-“
“I told you! No!” He shouted, pushing your hand away.
The glass slipped out of your grasp. Hitting the floor and cracked into pieces, somewhere in the impact a small shard hit your lower leg. Nothing serious, it could be quickly closed up with a spell, but it was bleeding heavily already.
Fred realized what had happened once you felt the stung and winced, holding a hand over your small injury, crimson staining your hand and dripping onto your sock.
“Oh Merlin, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to.” He panicked as he straightened up, patting his sides for his wand, he had left it in his office. He saw yours on the coffee table.
“Here, let me fix-” He reached one hand towards your wand, the other laying on your shoulder.
“Don’t. It’s fine, I’ve got it.” You said as you reached across, grabbing your wand and leaned your shoulder away from his touch.
His stomach twisted, the guilt was eating him up. He fidgeted with his fingers, not knowing what to do with his hands now that you refused his touch and his help.
You said a quick spell, the cut swiftly closing, skin looking unharmed and the only evidence of what happened being the remnants of drying blood on your leg and hand.
“I’m gonna go wash off my hands.” You said so quietly, almost a whisper. Fred stayed silent as he watched you get up and walk away, he wanted to cry.
You returned to the living room with a packed suitcase, quickly walking past Fred on the couch and to the chimney. His eyes stayed glued on you the entire time. You didn’t look at him.
“You’re leaving?” Freds brows knit together in a sad way, he sat up straight from his spot on the couch.
“Yeah. Not for long. I’ll be back.” You spoke, back facing him as you put down your small suitcase.
“Where?”
“A friends place. For a few days.” You didn’t tell him who, he would most likely send letters apologizing.
George was the one who suggested it surprisingly. Once he came home as you were washing off the blood, he told you to go take a few days to yourself.
“No offense to you, you’ve been doing great. But I’ve lived with him for nearly twenty-six years. I know how to deal with him when he’s mad.” He held your shoulders.
“I know how to deal with him too, you know.”
“Of course I do. But I know you’re worn out as well. You need to take some care of yourself. Focus on you for a few days.” You really didn’t want to agree with George on that, it felt rude to do it. There was really no good way of saying he was wearing you down.
“I’m sorry.” Fred spoke out.
“I know, Fred.” You let out a heavy breath. “I’m not mad at you. I think we should take a break from each other.” You tried not to let your voice wobble.
“You don’t mean a break up, right?” He stood up from the couch.
“No. Of course not.” You finally turned around, looking at his gloomy face. “We just need to spend some time apart, just for a day or so. Okay?” You kept your voice soft and nurturing, hoping it would hide the way your own words were breaking your heart.
"Can I just get a hug before you leave? Please?" Fred took a few steps closer, his steps cautious. You closed your eyes and nodded.
You didn’t want to look at him for too long, both of your faces were threatening to deteriorate into tears, and you couldn’t stand to see it.
He pulled you into him nicely, hands slowly and carefully wrapping around you like you would crack if he moved the wrong way.
“I’m sorry I’m like this. I love you.” He said softly, sounding like it was a plea for you to stay.
“I know.” You mumbled into his chest.
Fred’s injury didn’t bother you. The forgetfulness of struggles with certain things didn’t bother you, you didn’t care if he struggled to keep track with things.
It was just his anger. His outbursts. His shouting. That’s what bothered you, it was nothing like him. Sure, he’s definitely gotten moody or stubborn or annoyed before like during Quidditch matches back at Hogwarts or when a much needed shipment arrived late at the shop.
But you’ve rarely seen him truly mad, yell like he does now, the only time you can remember him like that is when he had to be held back from helping George and Harry beat up Malfoy after a match in his seventh year.
“I still love him, of fucking course I do. But he’s changed so much. it’s like,” You stopped, clenching your jaw and trying your best trying to keep tears from returning. “It’s like sometimes I look at him, and he’s a ghost, he’s a completely different man I fell in love with all those years ago.”
“You’ve changed too.” Alicia commented, “You’re not as much of a hermit as you used to be.” She joked, poking you.
“Oh piss off.” You let out a breathy chuckle, face falling soon after. “I’m scared. What if he stays like this forever?” You whispered out, a small crack in your voice.
“He won’t. You told me already, there’s still that cheeky little Fred that you’ve always know still in him. He’s getting better day by day.” She tilted her head. “And fuck it. Even if he doesn’t, even if it takes a while, you gotta grow with him.” You looked at her, puzzled expression on your face.
“If you don’t grow with him, if you aren’t willing to go through that, then what in the hell are you doing?” She shrugged, laying back in her chair. “You’ve gone through these shitty times with him before, right? And you both made it through. What makes you worried you won’t be able to do it again?”
Alicia was right. You’ve gone through rough patches with him and made it out just fine. Casual disagreements, arguments and fights, yet you always made up. Leaving those arguments in the past and loving each other in the present.
“You staying another night?” Alicia asked you, taking a sip from her glass.
“No, I think I’ll go back. I’ll send an owl and tell them before I go.”
Once the green flames subsided and you stepped out of the chimney, dusting off your clothes. Fred came running into the room, a bouquet of all the flowers in his hand.
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“Feeling alright today?”
“Yeah. Yeah. Are you?”
“Yeah.”
God, you hated the awkward tension in the air. It felt like this every time you had a conversation.
“That’s good. Uh, these are for you.” He stuck out the bouquet nervously, hand trembling. You put down your suitcase and stepped closer. A small noise of adoration left as you looked at the flowers, it was all your favorites.
“I may not be able to remember much. But I remembered these were always your favorite.” He let out an awkward laugh.
The last time you told him what flowers you liked was in year five. You took the bouquet from him with hesitant hands, surprised by the gift. Fred swallowed his anxiety before he began to speak again.
“I didn’t mean to be so rude. I just get so frustrated with myself, I don’t want to act like that anymore. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t take it out on you, you didn’t deserve it.” He moved to cup his hands around your face, bringing your teary eyes to meet his.
“I promise you I’m going to be better. I swear on everything. I will be better.” He gave you a sweet kiss on your forehead, then pulled you into a hug.
You held on tightly to his torso, turning the flowers away to keep them from being crushed.
“I love you.” You said into his sweater, tears beginning to fall.
“I love you too. So much.”
tell me what you thought! <3
#fred weasley x reader#fred weasley#fred weasley x fem!reader#fred weasley fic#fred weasley fanfic#fred weasley angst#request#requests
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I think one of the biggest issues I have is just assuming that Im a back up friend to everyone
#dgmw! its never been a big deal I dont care much and I understand#and this is gonna sound edgy but i find it difficult to feel emotion that isnt really intense? if that makes sense#so i dont think i realise how lonely i am a lot of the time ://#idk. its weird.#I see people at school I would consider myself quite close to because in reality i have like one close friend#and seeing them be so close to their friends hurts a lil yknow?#not mad at them obviously just. around them#Especially when theyre dudes. theyll never understand how jealous i am of them#or that one friend i really enjoy spending time with who admitted to ditching me for their other friends after lying and saying she forgot#again i wasnt mad at her because I understand but. i cant help but feel like Im doing something wrong#im glad she was upfront and honest with me because thats all i ask but i just. UGH#And all the popular kids at my school are actually friendly and nice and funny#But all I can talk about is how to train your dragon and stare for way too long trying to figure out what to say#Its frustrating because I know its not their fault and like. thats the worst part.#All the people at my school who talk to me Im genuinely flattered that they enjoy my company at least a little bit#When I hit the age of 8 and realised I wasnt good st making friends and stopped trying I just. god.#I understand what I'm doing wrong but I dont know how to change without being thoroughly exhausted#and id rather have energy than be liked but#I dont know. I just wish people liked me.#Again I GET that people my age are just assholes and thats part of it. thats why ive never cared abt no one ever crushing on me because#i have a belly and arm hair and a flat face and cellulite and no jawline and thinner eyes and leg hair and a resting bitch face#and I find some of those traits endearing but i know teenage boys wont#its upsetting. i dont know.#all it takes is not being accepted by one (1) guy to be back to being four years old wondering if my dad wouldve stayed if i were a boy#.#Idk. Ill unpack this later (lie)#oversharing on main#rant#vent#apollo says stuff
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gunshots, gods, & getting fucked (b.e.)
warning: SMUT SMUT SMUT! gun usage, violence, bank robbery, mention of cops. fingering, oral, strap-on usage, pet names, praise.
your hands gripped the steering wheel tight, your knuckles were turning white. your eyes scanned the dark and empty road for any sign of flashing lights.
you were growing bored, but you had to stay focused.
the radio was playing the faintest of tunes, you mouthed the lyrics as you looked into the void, only being illuminated streetlamps.
and then there was an alarm.
your eyes flicked to the bank’s entrance as the car’s engine sprung to life. your eats started to hurt at how loud the alarm was.
you thought she was more careful than that.
you saw your raven-haired partner sprint out the doors, the duffel bag she was carrying looked like it was about to burst open.
she swung the passenger door open, practically leaping into it.
“drive!”
you didn’t waste a second before your foot slammed onto the gas. you drove off, your tires screeching as you took a hard right at the end of the street.
“what the fuck, bils?!” you asked her, frustrated. “you said you wouldn’t set it off!”
“yeah, look. sometimes things go wrong.” she scoffed, “anyways, i have the money. it’s up to you now, baby. get us outta here.”
you chuckled dryly. of course she managed to sweet talk you despite nearly butchering the whole operation.
“you look so fucking pretty behind the wheel.” billie grinned at you, she lowered the mask she was wearing and leaned over to press a kiss to your neck.
“enough, tiger. i need to focus.” you elbowed her softly, she laughed softly and leaned back in her seat. “save it for when we’re in the clear.”
it was like the universe was trying to be funny. just as you said that, you heard sirens getting closer to you.
“fuck.” you hissed, looking in the rearview mirror. you saw a cop car tailing you, you changed gears and the two of you jolted forwards as the car sped up.
billie leaned forward and popped the glovebox open, pulling out a pistol. she grabbed an ammo magazine from the middle compartment and loaded the gun. she pulled her mask back up and turned around to gauge what she was dealing with.
“hold on, we might not need it.” you warned her. billie tended to have, what they called, a trigger finger. she got a little too excited to sport the gun in her hand.
you saw her blow a raspberry as she slumped back in her chair. you found her cute like that.
you made a sharp left, turning into a busier road. you made risky swerves, cutting in between available spaces when you could. then you turned a random corner, spotting an alleyway.
you quickly parked in it, killing the engine. you signaled billie to be quiet, your eyes never leaving the rearview. you saw as the cop cars sped by quickly. you gave it a few seconds before turning the engine back on and reversing back onto the road.
you made sure to keep the car quiet as you made your way to the bridge that allowed you to get into the next city over.
three cop cars managed to spot you just as you entered the bridge, quickly speeding after you.
“jesus billie.” you groaned softly. “made yourself a bit of a threat there.”
“luckily, i have the best getaway driver ever.” she poked your shoulder.
“i can only do so much.”
you conquered any gap that you were allowed. but you saw in the distance that oncoming traffic was starting to slow down as more cars started to pile onto the lanes.
the three cars behind you managed to take over all the lanes, one on each. you couldn’t back out now. you started to sweat a little, worrying that you might not make it out fast enough.
and then you spotted it.
a huge semi-truck, it’s shadow was hiding the cars beside it.
you squinted slightly and managed to read its license plate.
BRT 365.
you almost called it a victory, but you weren’t out of the woods yet.
as you were about to make your move, one of the cop cars bumped into your rear. it sent you and billie forward a little.
you looked over to her to make sure she was okay, but she was only frustrated. you could tell she was getting close to scratching that itch, and you needed more time.
“hey bils.” you called after her, grabbing her attention. she turned to you and raised her eyebrows in anticipation.
“give ‘em hell.”
she licked the top row of her teeth, donning an almost sinister smile. she cocked the gun and rolled her window down. she elevated herself and stuck her head and arm out the window.
she pointed the gun directly at the cop car’s wheel.
“fuck you.” she said as she fired, hitting the tire dead on. you watched in the rearview mirror as the car veered off to the side and crashed into the bridge.
the driver of the car fumbled with the radio, most likely signaling that you were armed.
the other two cars were nowhere to be seen, hidden behind layers and layers of other cars. you saw your chance.
you lined the car up with the underbelly of the semitruck, spotting it’s mechanism that you & its driver built yourself.
“watch this.” you said to billie. you swerved into the underside of the truck, latching onto the mechanism.
the metal platform started to lift the car up into the truck, you turned the engine off to make it easier.
when you were completely inside and the bottom of the truck closed itself off, you exited the car.
“that was some mighty fine timing, charli!” you called out to the woman behind the wheel.
“thank me later, we’re nearly back at the safe house.” she said, her thick accent was reassuring.
you leaned against the car, your arms crossed over your chest as your girlfriend rounded the car, standing in front of you.
“look at you, pretty. proper criminal.” she said, her hands finding their way to your waist. she yanked you forward and connected your lips in a deep kiss. it was immediately heated, you knew successful missions like this turned her on like no tomorrow.
you giggled softly and put your hands on her shoulders. “nice shooting.” you pushed her backwards slightly, she groaned at the loss of affection.
you smiled to yourself, making your way to charli’s passenger seat. billie still set off the alarm, so you had to deprive her just a little bit.
—
you hopped out of the passenger seat once you reached the safehouse, smacking your hand on the side of the truck twice. you made your way back to the car as charli opened the back.
you drove out of the truck and parked the car in the garage.
“we’ll dump it tomorrow night, we just have to let the police cool down their search.” you said, shutting the car door behind you. billie took out the duffel bag and slung it over her shoulder.
she reached for your hand as she walked towards the back door entrance to your safe house. you jogged a little to grab it, intertwining your fingers together.
“i’ll see you guys next week. night, night!” charli called after the two of you, mounting her motorbike and driving off. you waved after her and so did billie.
as you two made your way to your shared bedroom, billie howled in excitement. she tossed the bag on your bed and unzipped it, turning it over and emptying it right on the bed.
“fuck yeah, baby!!!!” she exclaimed, whooping and turning to hug you. she lifted you a little and spun you around. you laughed and whooped just the same.
she set you down and grabbed your face with both her hands, “my fucking princess, you and your cars are a fucking supernova.” she said, smashing your lips together in a fiery kiss.
you wrapped your arms around her neck, pulling her closer. she set her hands on the back of your thighs and you jumped, wrapping your legs around her waist. she turned 90 degrees and set you down directly on the cash.
oh, this was interesting!
she nearly tore off your pants, not even bothering to take your other clothes off. she planted your feet on her shoulders as she knelt down in front of your already dripping cunt. you could head your heart pounding in your ears, this turned you on a little too much.
“fuck baby, does robbing a bank turn you on?” she chuckled, running a finger up and down your opening. “or was it the getaway?” she asked, tilting her head.
you nearly let out a whimper as you shook your head. “no…” you answered.
“no? what was it then?” her piercing eyes looked up at you from where she was.
“you shooting that gun… that was so fucking hot.” you confessed, your hips rolling on her finger. she let you continue that motion, you were the reason she got away. she had to reward you for that.
“oh really? you flatter me too much…” billie smirked, her gold teeth flashing in the light of your bedroom. her finger hit your clit, you hissed at the contact, your hips bucking upwards.
“billie, c’mon, please?” you begged her, you needed her to make you feel good.
“i suppose so, because you’ve been such a good girl. my fucking supernova.” she said, leaning down and diving into your pussy.
she pressed her tongue flat against your clit and shook her head quickly. you were leaking all over the cash, you knew it would ruin some of the bills. but you didn’t care, and neither did she.
you let out a sharp moan as she put two fingers in you. she was devouring you like she was a woman starved, lapping at your arousal like it was the only thing she could ever eat again.
your thighs tightened around her head, you could tell she was enjoying it. she loved being suffocated between your thighs.
her fingers pumped in and out of you quickly, she wanted to please you too. she curled her fingers inside of you, coaxing another moan out.
you felt a white-hot flush run through your body and settle in the pits of your stomach. it didn’t take long for you to give her a warning.
“billie— oh fuck, i’m gonna cum!” you cried out to her, your hands gripping the sheets and the bills that laid on top of them.
you thanked whatever otherworldly presence was looking out for you that she didn’t stop. she gave you silent permission with her eyes, those fucking eyes.
your back arched as you reached your climax, and she lapped everything up. she refused to leave anything behind.
when she was done, she walked off to the closet, and you knew exactly what she was after. she came out with a black silicone cock sitting perfectly strapped around her waist.
you felt yourself gush at her stance. you sat up, backing up into the bed and she climbed on it to hover above you.
the wads of cash followed the two of you, sinking into the mattress until it was under your back.
“you’re already so wet, don’t even need to use lube.” she said, mockingly. “does my cock make you this wet, princess?” she pouted, asking you.
you nodded quickly, your hands caressing her cheeks as she lined the tip of her cock with your hole. she turned her head slightly to kiss the palm of your hand.
as she slowly entered you, you let out a series of whines, trying to adjust to being stretched out.
“yeah, you can take it, baby. you can take it.” she said, pushing it further into you until the gap between your cunt and her waist was basically non-existent.
your eyes squeezed shut as you wriggled a little, allowing yourself a couple of seconds to get used to the size. you opened your eyes slowly to see billie’s empathetic ones, she was so sweet even in times like this.
even after all the crimes she’d committed, you had no doubt that she loved you more than the life she led.
“ready, baby?” she asked you as you met her eyes. you nodded in response because if you tried to talk, it would only come out as moans.
she thrusted into you, hard. pulling out almost all the way then bottoming out completely. you cried out in pain at first, but then it became pleasure just as quickly.
“fucking…” she mumbled, “good girl. fucking good girl, taking it so good for me.” she said through thrusts.
your eyes rolled into the back of your head as your mouth hung open. her hand found its way up your shirt, squeezing one of your tits through your bra. your back arched into her hand.
“oh my god, you’re so pretty. you’re so fucking sexy.” she said, studying your face of pleasure.
“fuck, bils!” you screamed out, your nails digging into her cheeks. she didn’t care about the pain, she just loved making you feel good.
she started to pick up her pace, her hand joining the fun as she used her fingers to draw circles on your clit. you squealed as your body jolted, your tits bouncing with every thrust.
“fuck.. fuck… fuck…” the curses stumbled out of your mouth with each thrust. that rush of pleasure went straight through your body again.
“gonna cum, princess?” billie asked, you started to tighten around her cock, making it harder to continue her movements. you could only whimper out a soft ‘mmhm’, but that was good enough for billie.
“okay baby, why don’t you cum for me like the good girl you are, yeah? c’mon, you can do it. cum like a good girl.” she coaxed your second orgasm out of you.
the pleasure was building up from everything she was doing. the hand on your clit, her cock fucking into you and making you see stars. your body tensed up,
and then you released.
“billie!” you cried out, your body relaxing as you came on her cock, your arousal forming a ring at its base.
she kept thrusting into you, helping you ride out the crashing wave of an orgasm you just had. and then she pulled away, plopping down on the bed next to you.
“hey baby?” she spoke to you.
“hm?”
“i’ll only ever fuck you like this now.” she said.
“what do you mean?”
“i’ll only ever fuck you like we’re gods.”
—
author’s journal
pooookie nation!!!!! it’s been a while since i came out with something for billie and i had this sudden burst of inspiration to write this.
this one in particular is for @dandelions4us <33 i told u i’d come thru with this babes!!
going insane for crime billie now WOOF WOOF BARK BSRK
& also i hope u all enjoyed this you filthy animals
kisses xx
#billie eilish#billie eilish x reader#billie eilish x female reader#billie eilish x f!reader#billie eilish smut#billie eilish fic#billie eilish one shot
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dad-to-be!Daryl absolutely pampering reader. She's just started experiencing Braxton Hicks contractions and she's scared about the real deal happening soon, so Daryl takes it upon himself to help her relieve some stress. Bathing her, making her food—or, well, trying to—painting her nails with some nail polish he got from Maggie or someone, etc. just sweet Daryl all around.
Love you if you write this, love you if you don't! Don't feel pressured at all, love 💜
In This Together
Daryl Dixon x fem!Reader
Summary: Starting to experience Braxton Hicks, your archer is more than adamant to be by your side.
Warnings: usual TWD stuff? fluff, pregnancy stuff, mentions of a injury and a fight, bit angst, protective!Daryl
Set in the beginning of Season 9!
Word Count: 3,3k
a/n: Here we are. Dad-to-be!Daryl! 🥰
Thank you SO much for sending me this, @dixons-sunshine ! I LOVED writing it! 🧡 I hope you don't mind that I, uh, drifted 'off-topic' a bit. The writing department in my brain just has its own mind... 🫣
EoH Masterlist °☆• Daryl Masterlist °☆• Masterlist
"So... This is nothing I have to be afraid of?" You asked hesitatingly; voice still thick with concern. Siddiq gave you a bright smile, which was a clear attempt to nip your worries in the bud. "No, Y/N, absolutely not. It's perfectly normal and important to experience Braxton Hicks. And besides it's an indication that my estimations are correct. You're about twenty-eight weeks along now, I'd say - in time frame for that to happen." You nodded; finding Siddiq's reassuring words truly helpful. "O-Okay... But there's nothing I can do about it, right?" "No, sorry. You just have to go through them." You gave the doctor another nod, "Alright..." and moved to sit up on the makeshift examination table; Siddiq immediately offering you a hand to help you up - which you gladly took. "Thanks." The man smiled at you once more and stood to his feet as well; placing a hand on your shoulder.
"Just remember, it's important for your body. It's practice." "Yeah," you answered; rubbing the back of your neck. "Won't change that Daryl's gonna be worried sick... Dunno if he knows what Braxton Hicks are." Siddiq chuckled; knowing exactly what you meant. He got to know the archer way better the past months, and knew what he was 'capable' of...
"Explain it to him like I did to you. He'll understand." "Mhm, yeah, gotta try." You offered the man opposite you a last smile, patting your thigh to gain the attention of your furry, four-legged friend and headed for the door; "Thanks, Siddiq!" Dog following close behind. "Sure thing, Y/N." The doctor watched you leave, before he returned to his work.
You made your way slowly back to the basement apartment you and the archer shared. It took you about two times longer now to head from the infirmary back home; due to the pregnancy and its side effects. Your feet were swollen and hurting, just like your back now and then. It could be quite frustrating from time to time, especially when your husband wasn't around to give you endless foot rubs and massages - just like at the moment. Daryl was stationed and working at the bridge since almost two weeks now... You missed him - a lot. The daily conversations over the walkie-talkie weren't just enough anymore.
Knowing he'd be away for at least a month, he left Dog with you; trusting the faithful canine to keep you safe. He did and seemed to understand exactly what his dad asked him to do. Dog was like glued to your side; never leaving. You thought it was adorable and utterly precious.
Closing the door of the basement behind yourself and Dog, you grabbed the walkie-talkie and plopped down on the sofa with a sigh. Since the sun had started to sink, you hoped that Daryl could spare some time for you now to talk. Sure, he always did, but you hated to keep him from important things. After all, he was an important figure in this whole construction Rick and everyone else had built over the years. Daryl wasn't 'just' a right-hand-man anymore... He was a leader - and you weren't just talking about the Sanctuary.
"Daryl?" You pressed the button of the radio and called out his name, before letting go of said button again; waiting for an answer. After a few moments of silence, you tried again. "Dar? You here?"
It took the archer another few moments to answer. "Yeah, 'm here," his slightly static voice suddenly sounded from the small device in your hands; giving you a little scare. "Sorry, sunshine. Been wantin' ta get away from that bridge first 'n into my tent." He paused for a short moment.
"Everything a'right with ya two?"
You smiled; already loving to hear his voice. Dog's ears perked up as well, before he quickly joined you on the sofa and snuggled against your left leg; head resting on your thigh. Your free hand immediately went to give the canine some well-deserved head scratches.
"Hey, baby. Yeah, we're good; just missing you..." An adorable grunt could be heard from the other end. "Don get me started on how much 'm missin' my girls."
Your heart clenched at his words; bottom lip wobbling dangerously. What you would give to curl up in his arms now...
Somewhat between a sob and a laugh was escaping your lips. "Baby, you gotta stop that, or you're gonna make me cry, what in return in going to make our munchkin even more sad." "Even more sad? Whaddaya mean?" Daryl asked; his attention falling on his unborn child in concern. You smiled sadly and started to absentmindedly caress your baby bump; letting go of Dog, who was dozing peacefully.
"She's very unsettled and... antsy. I can feel it. She kicks more than usually a-and well... I think it's because she misses her daddy. She's used to hear your voice, you know, and now it's not there. Over the radio isn't the real thing..."
All you could hear for quite a few moments from 'the other end of the line' was silence. You frowned and just opened your mouth to say something, when you heard his voice again. "'M comin' home," Daryl stated. Your eyes widened. That wasn't your intention... You knew that he had to stay. Rick needed him there, but his words were also so tempting... And the fact that he was willing to drop everything just to drive back to Alexandria in order to calm his unborn daughter caused your ovaries to explode.
But you knew better, unfortunately.
"No, Daryl. You gotta stay. Rick needs you." He scoffed. "But our munchkin needs me more..." Well, damn. That was actually the truth. Valid point. "I know, baby, but I got it, okay? It's only two more weeks..." "Yeah, 's two weeks too much," he grumbled in return. "I know, but look... After that is done you won't have to leave us again until the birth. Rick promised, remember?" Daryl sighed; remembering his brother's words.
You were sure you had convinced him with that; already celebrating your victory over his stubbornness internally, when your body decided to throw a wrench in the works... Hitting you with a Braxton Hicks contraction.
Of course, you didn't see it coming - how could you? And therefore left a loud hiss your lips, followed by a small, yet painful cry, before you were even able to stop it.
You knew right away that you were screwed now. That wasn't how you planned to tell him... Fuck.
"Y/N?!" His panicked voice instantly urged to your ears. And Daryl wasn't the only one worrying... Dog had woken from his sleep by your cry; ears perked. He was wincing and repeatedly nudging you with his wet snout.
"Y/N!" "I-I'm here, Daryl," you radioed back as soon as the mild contraction subsided. Taking a deep breath, your free hand returned to the canine curled up against your side; petting his fur. "I'm okay, Dog, I'm okay..." You reassured Daryl's animal companion.
"Wha' wrong?! Are ya in pain?! Please talk ta me, woman!" You swallowed; redirecting your attention back to your worried husband. "I'm good, don't worry. It's just... I, uh, started having Braxton Hicks..." "Braxton wha'?" "Braxton Hicks... Those are, um, mild contractions. It's something that occurs between the twentieth and thirty-fifth week of pregnancy. My body is, uh, practising for the birth," you explained; biting your lip, before quickly adding: "Siddiq says it's a good thing a-and perfectly normal."
There was silence on the other end for a long moment, before the click-clacking sound of the little device in your hand announced Daryl's voice again. "'M comin' home," he stated once more; now drop-dead serious. "Packin' my stuff right now."
Damnit...
"Baby..." "Nah. Ya ain't talkin' me outta this, Y/N. Yer in pain, havin' fuckin' contractions! 'M comin' home." You sighed; knowing that starting yet another 'discussion' would be most likely fruitless. You couldn't stop him. Not again. "Imma talk ta Rick first thing in the mornin' 'n leave as soon as I can." "I won't win another argument, will I?" "Nah, ya ain't."
You sighed again, but ultimately gave in. "Alright... I'll see you tomorrow then... Be safe and drive carefully, yes?" "Of course, sunshine. Don worry 'bout me. You stay safe, ya hear me?" "Promise." "Good. I love ya. Both 'a ya." "We love you, too."
With yet another sigh, you put the walkie-talkie aside; placing it on the small coffee table in front of you. You didn't want Daryl to cut this 'mission' short just because of a few cramps, but on the other hand, you couldn't deny that you looked forward now to see him again. Two weeks felt like ages.
You smiled; cupping your baby bump once more. "You heard that, munchkin? Daddy's coming home tomorrow."
Daryl had a hard time sleeping that night - naturally. He was way too worried, and therefore just decided to spend the rest of the night on watch; waiting for the sun to rise.
Once the other people in the camp had started their day as well and the place was literally bustling with members of all the various communities, the archer sought out his brother...
"Rick." Said man was currently talking to Cindy and Beatrice from Oceanside as Daryl approached. The former policeman's eyes travelled shortly to Daryl, before he ended his conversation with the two women and shifted his attention. Cindy and Beatrice passed Daryl by; giving the archer a nod, which he answered with a curt jut of his head.
"Mornin'," Rick greeted his brother; hands on his hips. "You good?" The leader was indirectly referring to the last remains of a fight his friend had with Justin - a Savior, few days prior. Daryl had clearly won that argument, but a very prominent cut above his upper lip was the price he had to pay.
The archer put Rick off; "'M fine." quickly dismissing the topic. "But we gotta talk." Rick nodded and gestured at the huge tent only a few yards away, in which everything else got usually discussed as well. Wordlessly, Daryl followed him; stepping through the flaps of the dark green tent.
"I gotta go back home." He didn't beat around the bush. Why should he? "Y/N's experiencin' those... fake contractions, 'n the baby's very restless; givin' 'er a hard time as well. She needs me," Daryl explained; biting the inside of his bottom lip. "I know ya need me 'ere too, 'n 'm sorry, but-" "Y/N and the baby are your priority, I know," Rick interrupted the archer and gave him a smile. "As it should be, Daryl. They're your family. Go home. We got this." He nodded; head lowered. "Thanks, man." Rick smiled once more and gave his brother a pat on the shoulder. "Be safe, yeah?" "Ya too."
Not even ten minutes later was Daryl kneeling beside his bike to strap his crossbow on the vehicle; ready to leave. The camp was bustling with people, and yet found him a specific pair of eyes...
"You're leaving?" Carol asked as she came to stand beside him; arms crossed over her chest. "Without saying goodbye? Shame on you." Daryl looked up, almost apologetically. "Yeah, 'm leavin'. Y/N needs me," he explained; getting to his feet. "But I was gonna say goodbye. I ain't jus' leavin' ya." A frown carved itself immediately in the woman's forehead. "Is everything alright? Y/N and the baby are fine, right?" The archer nodded. "Yeah, jus' some fake contractions 's all, but I wanna help 'er through this. 'Sides the lil' munchkin 's missin' me," he explained; shrugging his shoulders and moving to mount his bike.
Carol gave him a cheeky, yet happy smile. "I think you're the happiest I have ever seen you, you know that? It's good, pookie." "Pf," Daryl scoffed and grunted; couldn't stop his cheeks from reddening. "Stop." His best friend smiled even brighter. "No, 'cause it is a good thing. You deserve this. To be happy. You do." The smile he gave Carol then was nothing but sincere. He wasn't a man of much words, but the woman knew, of course.
Daryl started the engine and exchanged a last look with his best friend, before he drove off.
Since you knew that Daryl was returning sometime this morning, you decided to take on Michonne's watch. It took you all the convincing skills you had, but in the end gave your friend in. Some fresh air was always a good thing, right? And all you wanted was to see your husband approaching safely the gates.
You didn't know exactly how much time had passed, but you were pretty sure it had been a few hours, until you heard that familiar sound of an approaching motorcycle. Standing up from the comfortable camping chair Michonne had gotten up on the wooden tower only for you, you watched with a smile how Daryl drove up to the gates - which got immediately opened for him. The archer had seen you, of course. A short eye contact was enough to display the feelings exploding within the both of you. Especially happiness and love.
Well, it had been two long weeks...
Your husband drove past the gates; immediately turning off the engine and dismounting his beloved vehicle, while you moved to slowly climb down the wooden ladder - step after step. You were carrying precious cargo, after all. About halfway down, you suddenly felt two big palms settling firmly on your hips. "Careful, sunshine," the archer's deep, smokey voice urged to your ears. You smiled; his touch and voice sending a pleasant shiver down your spine. Planting both feet firmly on the ground again, you immediately turned to hug the man as tight as your baby bump allowed.
"Daryl...," you breathed; inhaling his scent and fighting the tears - kudos to your hormones. "Hey, sweetheart." He held you just as firm, before he pulled back to gaze concerningly in your eyes. "Wha' were ya doin' up there?" He nodded at the watch tower. "Waiting for you, of course." Daryl grunted in clear dislike. "Ya shouldn't be up there. 'S dangerous. 'Specially alone."
You appreciated and treasured his protectiveness, but in that very moment was the watch tower the last thing you thought about.
Rolling your eyes with a smile, you cupped your husband's cheek. "Shut up and kiss me." Daryl still wasn't entirely comfortable of displaying affection in public, even after all those years - what you didn't mind, of course, but in that very moment, he didn't give a fuck. The longing and the ache in his heart after having to be away from you for so long was taking over.
He grunted in fake annoyance, before he dipped his head to meet your lips halfway in a deep, longing kiss. "I missed you so much, Dar," you whispered against his lips and bestowed another sweet, short kiss upon them. "Missed ya, too, sunshine." You smiled; his cheeks still cupped by your hands, as your eyes roamed his handsome face. But your happy expression got quickly replaced by a frown as you noticed the small injury above his lips.
"Where did you get that cut, baby?" Daryl shook his head; hands squeezing your hips in a reassuring manner. "'S nothing, sweetheart. Jus' got in a fight a few days ago 's all." Your eyes darkened. "One of the Saviors?" He nodded. "Justin. He was bein' an asshole. Couldn't let tha' slip." You sighed; nodding. "Does it hurt?" Concern flamed up within you once again. "Nah. Not anymore."
You wanted to answer him, but another cramp shot through your lower abdomen; causing you to grimace. Daryl's grip tightened again on an instant. "Contraction?" "Y-Yeah..." You confirmed; luckily feeling the period cramp like pain subsiding again. "C'mon, sunshine. Let's getcha back home. 'M here fer ya two now. Ain't gonna leave again."
You weren't the only one being happy about Daryl's return. Dog was happy too; almost taking the bulky man off his feet with the force he threw himself on him; paws connecting with Daryl's broad chest. You only watched with a smile; hands supporting your baby bump.
Speaking of... The tiny girl living in your womb was ecstatic to hear her father's voice again. You could feel it. Once you had cuddled up with Daryl on the sofa, to catch up on the lost time of physical contact and conversations, you felt her move; recognising Daryl's voice and seemingly that the hands around her home weren't yours as well... Daryl was about to tell you about working at the bridge, when a tiny foot connected with the palm of his hand. "Was tha'...?" You giggled; nodding. "A foot, yep. She got super active within the last hour. She knows her daddy is back. Told you she missed you." A breathless laugh left your husband's mouth; his thumbs starting to caress the clothed skin of your stomach. "Hey in there, lil' munchkin. I missed ya too, ya know."
He received another strong kick in return.
"She's got bigger 'n stronger. I can tell." "Yeah? You think so?" You asked; turning your head to gaze at the archer over your shoulder. "Yeah. Can feel it. 'S different." You just smiled at him; loving how observing he was and cuddled further into his arms; enjoying every second of your reunion.
"Daryl?" You asked after a few minutes of pleasant silence. "Yeah?" You swallowed; picking at your nails. "Those Braxton Hicks I had the past days... They kinda, uh, gave me the creeps a little bit. I-I mean... I know now that the birth isn't very far away and that the real contractions will be way worse. That's... scaring." The archer nodded; biting the inside of his lower lip. "'M sorry 'bout that, sunshine.... Wish I could take tha' fear away, but... 'm afraid too. 'M scared of losin' ya or her, or hence even both 'a ya. But we gotta make this somehow, right? We're in this together. You 'n me. I ain't ever leavin' yer side."
To hear that Daryl had his fears as well was weirdly reassuring for you; knowing that you were truly not alone in this - in every aspect.
You laid your hands on top of Daryl's, which were still resting on your baby bump. "W-We gotta make it, yeah. You and me. Together." You felt Daryl nuzzling your neck; his goatee scratching your skin and his chapped lips aiming for a kiss. "Like we always do."
The following days and weeks were spent by the archer to help you through the Braxton Hicks contractions whenever you got hit by one, and through the pregnancy in general, of course. He was even more attentive and protective than in the beginning and was doing everything in his power to take away the stress and make you feel as comfortable as possible - which included pampering you. Endless foot rubs and back massages, running countless baths for you, getting you your latest craving - even in the middle of the night, and of course cooking food for you. The cooking wasn't always successful, but you loved the man for all the effort he put in. Daryl took you on walks around Alexandria regularly as well; making sure you'd get some fresh air. Certainly not outside the walls, but he'd accompany you everywhere you wished inside the walls.
Daryl even agreed on painting your nails, which ended in a mild disaster, but it definitely didn't fail to put a big smile on your face.
And when the tiny miracle inside you finally decided to see the light of the day and Daryl's hand was tightly locked with yours as you went through labour, you knew that everything would be alright, because you got Daryl and Daryl got you.
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