#it is truly an all time low for me
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shit man he's downright POSTITNOTE'D
#ouma kokichi#kokichi oma#drv3#im so tired#good luck with may gamers lets get through it!!!!! (sleepiest voice imaginable)#i got nothhing else to say bye mwa#maiora draws#wait i do actually does anyone wanna see the bleedthrough#questionmark#*spooky bgm* there's a secret forurth kokichi that lives exclusively it the confines of other-side-of-the-page and a layer of varnish ooooo#its SO unimpressive <3 it's just there. buried under inappropriate use of material and postits#truly a nothing burger!!!#he just stares at me when i look throu the book. taunting.#you too can be haunted by the face of 'finish your fucking perspective studies maiora' for the LOW low price of asking nicely!!#as a gift <3#taunted#you get it#im babbling at this point all of this is in the name of a silly goofy time (mine) all is good#im v sleep deprived#i don't actually know english the more i think about it#i need to stop procrastinating im going back to stress time BYE HAVENICEDAY
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what is the theory that ivan manipulated the event where till and mizi met the wagyein?
It's not a theory, actually! It's confirmed that Ivan orchestrated the whole event. The true reason as to why however is still unknown. The information provides more context to this scene, though:
During the earlier times of ALNST the most rational explanation for this scene was that Till ran after a flower crown (presumably Mizi's) and Ivan followed him in out of curiosity. Now we know that Ivan was conveniently just standing there because he was waiting.
Side note, I find it heartbreaking (and maybe a little funny, sorry) that Till most likely didn't notice Ivan in this scene. That's just like him, isn't it. Always too busy running after Mizi while Ivan trails behind, an ever-present shadow.
I'm not sure how Ivan manipulated the circumstances for both of them to end up there, but it is confirmed that everything was intentional. What strikes me most is how they describe this particular scene:
I can't copy down what they said word-for-word (Patreon info), but they described Ivan watching "creepily" as Till and Mizi are faced with danger. We know that Ivan was familiar with the Cerberus wagyein beforehand, enough to touch its teeth and even to rest himself inside its maw. To Ivan, the wagyein is not dangerous, but to Till and Mizi, it could be. Ivan prepared the wagyein, led them there, and watched "creepily" from afar as Till fell on his knees, seemingly injured.
The closest I can get to making sense of Ivan's "scheme" is that he wanted to see how other children would react in a dangerous situation. Ivan's always been an observer, after all, and he's learned to survive by copying the more "normal" behaviors of his peers. This situation occured when Ivan was still young and had not yet developed his more charming mask, so perhaps he staged this encounter to study a situational response, to learn and mimic the emotion of fear. And what better subjects for the experiment than two of the most expressive and reactive humans of their batch? It helps that he was already fixated on Till beforehand, too. I think Ivan became irreversibly obssessed after this incident, especially since it's framed as a turning point in Ivan's life, comparing Till to the stars.
This is just my attempt at an interpretation, though. It could very well be for another reason. He most likely chose Till and Mizi specifically for personal reasons, not just for reaction. I'm still not sure on the purpose behind the whole thing.
The team wanted to capture Ivan's "dark emotions" through the shot of his stalking, which could relate to his more sinister intentions. His gaze can be read in a few different ways, though. Curiosity, interest, fear, etc. Maybe that's why they decided to redraw the shot in ROUND 6.
I think this better sells the feeling they were trying to convey.
#ivan u fucked up little guy.#also okay i just wanna clear this up#i know i make a lot of posts about ivans darker side and his more problematic traits#but this isn't me trying to villainize him or reduce him down to “toxic yaoi”#I HOPE YOU GUYS KNOW ALL MY TOXIC YAOI POSTS ARE LIGHTHEARTED.#i just want to clarify that ivan was always intended to be a darker and complicated character. even since his debut in round 3#the way i refer to ivan (“twisted” “creepy” “obssessive” etc) are literally the direct words used by q and v themselves to describe him#but despite that id like to emphasize that i don't see ivan as a villain or a completely bad person. hes complicated#there is no normalcy in this world they are living in. none of the characters know what being truly normal is#this isn't me condoning his actions#but it has to be acknowledged that alnst is fucked up in nature. we can't expect perfect relationships from people who are born to die#plus ivan has a lot more layers past the “dark” parts. he's constantly battling himself and his desires#especially at the end of round 6 where he performs a myriad of conflicting actions (kiss strangle peck smile)#thanks to the r6 production notes we now know that ivan was going through a rapid internal conflict#“sure and unsure at the same time”#there is sooo much to ivan. his low self-esteem. his desire and possessiveness despite knowing till will never love him#his VEHEMENT insistence that till will never love him vs his desperate persistence in trying anyway#uh i need to shut up i think#anyways sorry. just wanted to clarify my thoughts on him in case people think im. yk.#in short. hes a fucked up little freak and he fascinates me. this poor tragic child. i love him.#SORRY I GOT CARRIED AWAY#alnst#alien stage#alien stage ivan#alnst ivan#asks
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skwisgaar punished arc
#twirling my hair hiiiiii metalocalypse fandom#also sorry if i fucked up the boys' designs at all 1) this is my 1st time drawing any of them and 2) i didn't look up refs. lol#truly a fuck it we ball moment#metalocalypse#mtl#skwisgaar skwigelf#william murderface#toki wartooth#nathan explosion#pickles the drummer#skwistok#anyway i binged all 4 seasons in like 5 days. my brain has been hijacked by these stupid awful terrible horrible jerks. >:/#still need to watch aotd though smhing my head#they jacks off? they jacks off together but it ammenst homoskectuals? it ams more likelies than yous think!#also the straight floor is covered in crumbs. if you even care#see skwisgaar is pretty in that italian leather shoe type way that timothy chalamet is. like paper mache#anyway hope i didn't fuck up their voices too bad more content on the way whatever see ya✌️✌️#sigh. edit: i resized all the panels bc they were just like. cartoonishly small. they're a bit low res but eh. legible enough for me#i drew it too small </3 a mistake i won't make twice mark my freaking worms#skrunkart
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#fobedit#fall out boy#peterick#pete wentz#patrick stump#fob#zane lowe interview#anni edits#they're so funny to watch they're ready to just jump in and finish each other's sentences literally all the time#they truly talk as one person lol#also i love hearing so much about their process it's so chaotic#anyway this was the funniest moment in the whole thing for me.#i will KILL YOU!!!
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I like to think that on some level Shanks is just a little upset (Beckman knows the truth; that he is deeply, simmeringly, furious) at the unfairness and hypocrisy that is Mihawk still wanting to fight Zoro.
That he still thinks Zoro’s going to be his greatest challenger- the one to usurp his throne, that even though he’s down an eye, even though they are both “lacking”. Zoro is somehow still worthy of Mihawk’s attention when Shanks has been judged and found wanting.
Shanks lost an arm, and they still can’t talk about it, and Mihawk still won’t fight him, but he’ll fight Zoro. Trained Zoro. And he knows it’s not the same, he doesn’t even want the title, doesn’t want to be Mihawk’s “destiny”. He knows that he’s being childish but Mihawk started it and it’s not fair.
#was just thinking about this#my favorite Headcanon is that arguments about shank’s arm are the only time Shanks is truly heated enough to be mad at Mihawk#like he calls him childish and obstinate and all the things Mihawk low key knows he is but doesn’t like to her#honestly it might just be the level of dedication#Zoro is a swordsman tm#while although skilled Shanks is more in the guy that just uses a sword camp#I think that the lost arm was just kind of Mihawk’s wake up call#like - oh this isn’t as serious to him as it is to me#this isn’t his world#this doesn’t threaten to consume him whole kike it does me#But obviously Mihawk and his was probably raised alone on a mountain herding sheep emotional skills still hasn’t figured that out yet#dracule mihawk#one piece#hawkeye mihawk#akagami no shanks#throwing thoughts to the void#mishanks#op#akataka#red hair shanks#benn beckman
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Yall we are actually getting new phineas and ferb this year I just remembered and am feeling like. Giddy, 2010s era joy about it 🥺🥺
#I truly thought pnf was ruined for me forever I’m just so glad it’s not🥺#it’s nice :)#phineas and Ferb#pnf#for a long time I was low key using phineas and Ferb to like. gain ‘fame’ (in quotes lmao bc I am not famous)#to gain friendships/relationships and what not#I saw it as a means to an end#and friends that’s not healthy whatsoever#not that making fandom friends is bad I love it I cherish all my fandom friends dearly!!!#but like. people who use fandom and people and friendship just to get ahead and build their platform that is fucked up#and I alllomost got sucked into that#I’m very glad I did not I’m just content now to be here and on insta and vibing#and to keep up my friendships with people just for the sake of being friends !!! and collaborating and making cool art on occasion ofc#and to appreciate pnf for what it is and not how it can elevate me#like I don’t want to turn my love of pnf into content for the sake of making me look cool#I want to make pnf content bc I want to make good art and express myself :)#also let the record show this isn’t about mwca I did an mwca project last month!!!#I’m very grateful for the opportunities mwca gave me like. having my work in the same videos as pnf cast and crew is pretty fucking sick😅😅😅#and I’m grateful for those friends!!!!#this is me reflecting on my personal state bc that stuff is so cool and awesome but it doesn’t define me ya know?
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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Round 7
Round: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
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#detective conan#music#polls#detco posting#my stuff#ok in the process of making this post but i need to say this: butterfly core IS SUPER GOOD#and while i don't like the music video that much (too much CGI for me)#i still picked that bc VALSHE's look in is *CHEF KISS*#something about the energy reminds me of annie lenox in the sweet dreams music video#as in: HOT AS FCK#so there you have it#also only 4 songs into this round and full of bangers... well good luck picking everyone i would have already lost this round#god so many of these are such big BANGERS#shuffle is truly evil#but BUT......... i have to admit if mune ga doki doki gets a very low amount of votes i will be very disappointed... the original banger...#really hoping that it'll win... bc that is the banger of our nation isn't it?#(sorry revive and all the rest of you... mune ga doki doki is special all right)#have fun everyone!#also adding the links of the other polls#and i will do that for all posts#for easier access#just haven'T had the time for it till now
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omw to see a guy im not interested in bc he has my coat
#basically chat i am Not bi i truly tried i just feel nothing . and i went on a date w a beautiful butch and the way my heart went crazyyy#it rly confirmed it#however . this guy . ok so we went on 2 dates and he had some rly bad takes at the end of the second date out of nowhere#i alrdy felt nothing and by then i felt even more. nothing. BUT#in other ways hes like green flags all around except for those specific takes . anyway. i thrifted this coat in bordeaux and me and my#friend have joint custody over it like it is Our Coat and we share it etc etc it spends equal time at our houses#given those takes i fear if i tell him in advance that im not interested there is a very low chance he might like#not give me the coat back ? idk#anyway I WANT MY COAT BACK ik its unrealistic that hed do smth like that but . idk idk The Takes TM worried me#anyway idk how to break it to him. like . hi ik im in ur house and u wanted to cook for me but i rly want my coat back and also ur opinions#abt feminism and the military are Worrying and also goodbye im a lesbian
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@ alltimelow Sup, fools?
#perfect delivery everyone#I live for a good bit and this one does just speak to me it screams!!#truly fuck off if you genuinely call yourself ~elder emo you commercialized brain rot loser#people who beg for anniversary tours? also fuck off nostalgia sucks.#and one of my favorite things about this band has been trying so hard to lean forward not back 💙#Fool’s Gold tease on April’s Fools once again 👂 one day!#All Time Low#video#ig
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concert, cocktails and (lots of) crying 💙
#the evening was magical once again#the set list was surprising but amazing#bawled my eyes out when they started playing millionaires (my all time fave)#enjoyed a cocktail. got a new band tee.#before getting off the stage danny casually told us the entire show had been recorded and we'll be able to see it soon#my throat is sore and my back is tired but i feel so incredibly fulfilled <3#i didn't expect the band to continue after mark passed away two years ago so this was an incredibly emotional experience#it's gonna take me a couple of days to process and recover haha#seeing them perform live just means the world to me. these guys' songs have been with me through highs & lows for well over a decade#there's a reason they don't call us fans - they call us 'the script family'. that's truly what it feels like. a safe haven.#i put the shirt on the minute i got it and haven't taken it off (i slept in it too). gonna wash it tomorrow so i can live in it next week.#anyway. proud to be part of the fam :) wouldn't have it any other way#the script#the script family
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btw etsy is doing this incredibly annoying thing that, unless i add tracking to my orders - Which I Do Not Have The Resources To Offer And It Would Increase Shipping Prices Considerably - they're gonna hold on to a third of the money i make from sales for an additional 45 days after :') just because i haven't been using my etsy shop for a while, so it's "suspicious" - even though i HAVE used it in the past and never received complaints about my orders. haha!! what a user friendly platform!!!!!
not to mention all the recommendations like "you know, if you offer free shipping you'll sell better :)" "1-3 days processing time is worse for sales than 1-2 days processing time, you should REALLY CONSIDER going for that one instead :)" "you should add videos of your wares, it'll sell better :)" when i just. i just wanna sell my little pieces of paper i have been drawing on. i just want a convenient and accessible storefront and sell things in a way that is convenient and accesible to me. is it really So Much to ask for
anyway does anyone know if ko-fi store is any better to use? switching to a different storefront may be a hassle but i'm not sure how long my tolerance for etsy's bullshit will last
#i can wait 45 days for my money it's FINE <- through gritted teeth#any advice/experiences welcome#i do not have the time or resources to allocate to Selling Art on Etsy so i need things to be very low threshold and managable#all the post offices are really far away and i don't have a printer#and truly. what do i have going for me if not 3 dollars international shipping.#sending 1 envelope of mail is very nice easy and good i can do that so fast and so well#also i have made a total of like. 2 sales this entire month#one of which was my discounted pixie#does a little twirl and a wink. would u like a piece of Unique Original Art......... Belonging To You...............................#i know everyone is probably a little strapped for cash this month i Understand
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Nothing matters more to me than the fact that we got to hug Paimon.
#genshin spoilers#and i truly mean it#there were high highs there were low lows but we got to give her a big hug and i was in the audience cheering#overall this wasn't as messy as i anticipated because i am so easily placated by Anime Bullshit#show me the power of friendship and i will whoop and jump and clap every time#it doesn't beat fontaine#i never expected it to beat fontaine#but it was still a finale i had fun with#see you in... against all expectations not snezhnaya#see yall in nod-krai#and in case anyone was curious#i got 2132 people killed in the 3.1 war section#oopsies ☆#ray's records#genshin
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what is going on w my brain
#huge tag rant coming but dw about it#basically. if anyone here has known me on the internet for long enough yous will have gathered that i badly struggle w motivation and#fulfilling goals that i set for myself even if it's for smth i enjoy eg languages#it happens so often but especially over summer where my brain just goes Nope#“i have all this free time to do the thing I've been planning for weeks and i've been so excited about planning but now we have the time i#will be numb and sad and scroll“#i also have huge problems focusing unless every factor is perfectly balanced and even then it's still 50/50#i do have a bad attention span from being chronically online but even if you put me in a blank room w my task i'd be distracted by thoughts#external deadlines are some of the only things that can kick me into gear and i've been fine at uni so far#but i'm scared i'll have another a levels situation where my mental health was so awful i missed every essay deadline for french for 2 years#sometimes by up to a month#the only reason i got away w it is because i had a breakdown in front of my teacher and he was like “yeah take care of yourself the essays#are not that deep just get them in first thing after half term ig“#like that was v kind of him but if i ever have a situation that bad again i will genuinely fail uni cus you can't get away w that#where was i going w this (<- is aware of the irony)#right yeah this week i've experienced the epic highs and lows#highs of really enjoying my downtime and putting active effort into my hobbies instead of my downtime being “scrolling but i don't hate it”#but lows of realising how much time i 'wasted' in my teen years feeling sad and scrolling when i could have been developing skills and#having fun#and yeah i'm having a high rn and genuinely enjoying life but it's making me realise that my default state of being is just 😐#like even when i'm at uni where my mental health is so much better than at home when it's just me home alone or in my room i'm just 😐#not really having fun just existing v passively mindlessly scrolling waiting for the day to be over so i can see my friends in the morning#like not every day has to be amazing but surely there's more to life than just 😐 in 99% of your downtime#like i've struggled for years on how to answer “what do you do in your free time” cus i had to search for answers#i read and go on walks. which is true. but they were always things i did as phone breaks during weekends and not something i actively did#because i liked them#and because of past mental health issues reading and sports based hobbies have become tainted for me#i'm working on it but yeah#huge tldr. i'm finally starting to accept that i probably have a combo of undiagnosed mental illness and neurodivergence#because if it's taken me this long to realise how much it truly impacts my enjoyment of life then surely that's smth
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if it turns out that i’m unfit to donate blood i will actually lose it for good.
#it’s stupid but after going through the initial stages of preparing to give a stem cell donation#hyping myself up for over 3 months only to be told that i was not needed after all#my already low sense of self-worth took a pretty dramatic hit earlier this year#if i can’t even donate regular ass blood i will truly achieve worthless-on-every-level-including-physical#a lot of the requirements for donating don’t apply to me because i lead the most boring life imaginable#but i’m barely above the required minimum weight#and the constant fatigue could be anemia or it could be something entirely else that disqualifies me#also no medical professional has ever pointed out my self harm scars#but this seems like a situation where it could come up#i haven’t done anything in a while in part to fulfill the no-open-wounds-in-however-many-weeks criteria#but even if it’s not a hard exclusion criteria i might just die of shame if they ask about it#god i’m so fucking nervous…#going to an unfamiliar place for the first time and only having a vague idea of the procedure is nerve-wracking enough
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.
#so one half of the couple i'm house/dogsitting for had an unexpected medical emergency on their trip#which -- i won't go into details but it culminated in a pretty serious diagnosis and emergency major surgery#and now they're coming home today after getting medevac transport back to california#and have asked me to stay here for a few more days while they settle in#as the one who had the emergency needs 24/7 care during recovery but is being released from hospital to recover at home#and they need someone to basically keep looking after the dog/keep her from getting in the way while they figure out what care he needs#anyway i agreed to stay a few days like they asked#which means i'm trying to finish my coursework before they get back later this afternoon but man my focus levels are LOW#and honestly they have been for several days at this point because once again it seems that waiting to hear about medical stuff has become#somewhat of a panic response trigger for me since the extended nightmare of february this year with my dad#and mostly i've been able to compartmentalize but the energy that takes has truly wiped me out#to the point that i'm genuinely shocked it hasn't set off a fibro flare up (touch wood)#also i really don't know this couple very well at all -- they're mostly friends of my parents-in-law#i've looked after their dog for them several times over the past couple of years#but obviously that's been while they aren't home#and i've only had fairly brief interactions with them#so i do feel a bit awkward about being here while they're going through something so serious and personal#but they're nice people and they need the help and i'm able to provide it so i'm gonna push past that#anyway just a tag post venting thing
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