#it feels like the end is never in sight | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

snoopernatural · 2 years ago

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i’m so fucking irreversibly sad my brain is just made of toxic self hating sludge and i feel fucking horrible

#i honestly just want to die #i’m so over this i’m so #over everything #i’m a failure and unwanted and unloved #i’m unloved and unloveable and most of all just such a disappointment #it doesn’t matter how good i am or try to be at the end of it all i still remain this unloveable shell of person #i never know what i want #i feel so aimless #people my age are graduating this year and i’m not even close #it feels like the end is never in sight #i feel so lonely and alone #i feel so empty #most of all i feel tired #i’m just sick #i’m sick of it all i’m sick of my life #i want to escape the country and move somewhere no one knows who i an #and just disappear #no one will ever know me or think fo me again .#i could just sleep forever and evert and ever until i die #kendra talks

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hyacinthsdiamonds · 4 months ago

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I'm sorry but James Vowles criticising how Red Bull has treated their drivers in the past, only to go and then treat Logan far worse while pulling the exact same shit Red Bull did, ie the exact behaviour he criticised and called them out for, is so freaking infuriating like the sheer hypocrisy -

#f1 #formula 1 #formula one #james vowles #logan sargeant #best of luck to logan in the future & to franco #but james its on sight #rooting for franco because he's being thrown straight into the deep end #like Singapore of all races will be his third f1 race #and as i said when it was announced daniel was leaving mclaren & oscar was getting the seat #it's never the drivers at fault for a teams shitty behaviour towards a driver #the hypocrisy from james is just leaving a very bad taste in my mouth #edit: also infuriating that of the latest batch of rookies oscar & yuki are the last ones standing #zhou currently has no confirmed seat #they're the only rookies of the past 4 years left #mick has no seat #nicolas latifi has gone back to business school which good for you nicky i hope you're doing well #sorry but i went back to university in 2023 too so i feel a kinship with him lmao #less said about that nameless haas driver the better #nyck is the endurance championship now i think #i dont think I'm missing anybody

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year ago

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Thank you all for voting in the poll to decide who was going to be the leader of the band! It turned out to be such a close race!

#poorly drawn mdzs #better drawn mdzs #mdzs #madam lan #A-qing #Band AU #(Reminder that Madam Lan's design inspiration goes to Qourmet!)#Madam Lan may have been the winner per vote count but there were so many strong advocates for A-Qing!#I played around with a few versions of what the 'poll winner' art was going to be and ultimately decided I wanted them both.#As any good theater love knows though - The battle for leadership was a ruse. They *all* get a chance to be featured.#Cooperation was the real end goal! However I do think these two have the best frontman energy of the group.#Or at least 'crowd favourite' energy. I also really loved hearing what people thought their vocal styles would be like!#This was probably one of my favourite polls to do and I love drawing these characters a lot B*)#I'd love to spend a bit more time in this AU so count on me bringing it back.#One thing I keep feeling like I need to redeem myself on is Madam Lan's Translucent skirt. I have *not* done the concept justice yet.#It is such a crack-platonic ship but I want to think Madam Lan and A-Qing would enjoy each other's company.#Possibly also with JYL as well. They can be like mutually beneficial therapy dogs to each other.#Madam Lan never got to see her kids grow up into teenagers after all. She only had sons. Never daughters.#Even if she saw her kids once a month we do know she treated them with so much love and kindness.#She would bite the shit out of YZY for yelling at JYL. What a sight to see. A-Qing would also start biting (for fun).

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eightspringdays · 3 months ago

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Near in this chapter. Exactly.

#death note #nate river #he looks extremely good so cool apollonian even #ok but can you imagine mello being alive to see this?? the homosexual allegations would've never stopped #mello'd have shot light on sight and then furiously made out with near to show them all what a heart attack trully feels like #that's my ending idk what anime y'all saw or what manga y'all read #obata really put his whole penussy full with talentussy in him this chapter ngl he looks majestic

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sidereon-spaceace · 1 year ago

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torn between wanting to make all my ocs Specialest Little Guys and overpowered VS. the fact I just finished watching all three extended editions of Lord of the Rings and am deeply moved by the struggles and worth of the common man

#ramblings #the end of Return of the King gave me many OC Thoughts and now you're going to hear them #might veto the whole 'Funney Big Weapon Guy is also psychic' thing for Sid Sibyl #won't fully un-magic him just cuz i made it a common thing in the setting but like. i might still nerf him a little in that aspect #his whole schtick is that he is aggressively Just A Guy #he's very persistent. won't come back from a job until he found the last crate that fell off the merchant's wagon or whatever #very good at sword-fighting. cuz he trains and spars a lot and eats like a furnace to keep up his strength #his 'high pain tolerance' is something im self-inserting where i won't notice injuries until later. a bit oblivious. just keeps on truckin #an altogether formidable combo but. he is so much Just A Guy #no super strength no immunities no super-charged magic. not even a cursed weapon to give him a leg up #he finally visits his home again and it's confusing why it's not the same as he remembers it-#-when he should have much more in common with old neighbors and vendors at the market than with his cosmically superpowered friends #old sights and sounds and some friends that give him a warm welcome-back but... it's not the same. it's not home. not anymore #from the moment he chose his path he could never go back home #and I feel like the tragedy of that would be undercut if i gave him something like future-vision or a magical sword

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feroluce · 6 months ago

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So I went to the wiki page for the henghill Bullet & Brain mission of 2.2 looking for some dialogue I had missed and

a) I found something incredibly tasty that slotted into some other thoughts I'd been having, more on that on another day, and

b) I saw this super fun little trivia at the bottom, which!

I knew Penacony characters like Boothill took a lot of inspirations from old movies, but I didn't realize it was even in his and Dan Heng's relationship, that's so cool!!

It fits them very well, it's such a fun reference. "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" was an old buddy Western film (from 1969- nice) about a pair of outlaws. Butch Cassidy was the leader of a gang, and described as clever, affable, and talkative. Meanwhile, his closest companion, the Sundance Kid, was known as a man of few words.

Cassidy's original birth name was much more plain, but similar to Boothill, he took on a new moniker when he became an outlaw. "Cassidy" had been the last name of his beloved mentor, who taught him how to shoot and ride. And Sundance Kid was known as he was because Sundance was the name of his hometown, and it was the only place that had ever managed to catch and jail him, back when he'd been younger (also similar to Dan Heng, but ouch).

These two stick together like glue throughout the length of the film- through Cassidy's leadership of the gang being challenged, through a train robbery gone wrong, through being pursued by mercenaries, and even through fleeing to Bolivia and trying to start over together.

I don't want to say too much more, since the mission title is referencing one specific movie that I've never seen. I kinda wanna watch it now, though, just to see the inspiration that went into Boothill and Dan Heng and how they get along. I just think it's really sweet that these two were literally made to be the best of bros, how lovely is that. 💕

#honkai star rail #this can be ship or plantonic tbh yall are always free to tag my ramblings as you please haha #just! they're so sweet!!#FWENDS #i would love to see more of them being a dynamic duo further down the line ♡#i think the film moved things along a little quicker but the real life Cassidy and Sundance were actually in south america for a few years #they fled there to get away from pursuers along with Sundance's girlfriend Etta Place.#supposedly they managed to buy a small ranch and the three of them lived peacefully (and even lawfully!) together for like three years-#-until the law caught up with them again #at some point Etta Place returned to the US reportedly due to illness rather than not wanting to get caught like in the film #Sundance may or may not have escorted her back. but whether he did or not he returned to South America with Cassidy #the two of them eventually got into a huge firefight with authorities where Sundance was fatally shot and Cassidy chose to end his own life #that's the most common story anyway. some also say Cassidy snuck back into the US again where he lived quietly until his death.#but it reads kind of like rumors of Elvis Presley sightings to me BSMZKNSKS #the film ended much more happily with the two of them getting into shenanigans and a freeze frame of them in a hail of bullets haha #i wanna see Dan Heng and Boothill fight together too it would be so cool aaaaaa #they would be great at getting into shenanigans! as we've already seen!!#fun bonus info: Boothill's ult literally puts black bars at the top and bottom of the screen to look like a widescreen Western movie #fun bonus info 2: Cassidy was regarded with respect by some people bc he never stole from the poor he only robbed big companies #this is actually nicer than Boothill is in canon bc he openly admits he will rob someone blind if he doesn't like them BSKZKKZMSKDK #(although I feel like its implied he has more standards for this than he gives himself credit for.#like he makes it pretty clear he doesn't particularly like Argenti at first and thinks he's annoying as shit but I'm sure he didn't rob him #...would have been real fucking funny if he did though oh my god I would love to see him try that. it absolutely would not work BSKZKNSKSJS #hsr #henghill #bootheng #dan heng #boothill #hsr boothill #hsr dan heng

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du-hjarta-skulblaka · 2 months ago

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Some mild existential dread in the house today

#im just feeling reeeeally really drained #works taking a LOT out of me #like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up #and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life #except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit #and the time and the energy #and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting #and hoping #and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it #i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping #and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes #and have a bath and shave at some point #i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare #AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult #part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions #but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other #idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep #which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately #mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me #and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on #but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just #this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention #and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd #but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh

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solitary-star · 2 years ago

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This wasn’t intended as a Valentine’s post, but seeing as the holiday only just passed, you can take it as one!

(I also wasn’t originally intending to post this, so apologies for the landscape format.)

Wanted to draw some fluffy stuff with Sun and Moon and their heart—inspired, of course, by @naffeclipse’s Cryptid Sightings.

I just love them your honor. Angst my beloved, but also, it’s nice to draw them being happy every once in awhile.

Colorless version (excluding background) under the readmore

They’re so much fun to draw

#naff feel free to tell me if you’d like me to stop tagging you LMAO #I’ll never stop hyperlinking your work though. I will be a perpetrator of cryptid sightings propaganda until the end of time #on another note; the lineart for this is fairly old and so is the design #I may or may not have an updated design planned…..wink wonk #star’s art #cryptid sightings #fnaf y/n #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf daycare attendant #daycare attendant x reader

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sskk-manifesto · 6 months ago

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#Fifteen episode 2. Mmmmmmhhhhhh #The animation quality DOES get worse. This episode shows it lol #So many static frames stretching for so long... I feel so sorry for the animators.#I still stand by the fact that if studios can't provide enough budget or time to their animators seasons simply shouldn't be released.#But after all who am I to talk...#The scene of Dazai shooting at the soldier makes my blood freeze. Rimbaud throwing books in the fire is equally upsetting #Like I /know/ it's an anime about literature with constant metafiction references–#and that this too has a symbolic meaning and is *supposed* to be upsetting but that said.#Seeing whole books being thrown in the fire is such a disturbing sight that calls for such a visceral response in me 😭😭😭#The amv opening is nice! Makes me even more bitter about season 5 one lmao. Of the kind #“not only we had to get a amv opening (((while we deserved a wholly ss/kk focused opening)))‚ we even got a bad amv ending at that”#Mmmmhhhh I hateeeeeee how they handled the Sheep 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 Seriously this is just another bug instance of #“me and the author have WHOLLY different views of what human nature is like”#I just... Don't think... Children joining together in an hostile environment would act like that. I'm so much more of a t/pn kind of guy.#Children who come together to survive would protect each other and especially would trust each other. Why is there such a big lack of trust #Why doesn't Shirase trust Chuuya? Why doesn't Chuuya trust Shirase (with handling more information)? It's just dumb #It's dumb. It sounds stupid from the very plot aspect that Chuuya would act so shady and suspicious with the Sheep instead of being open–#about what his course of action is. It's like he was trying to have them turn on him. It's stupid of Shirase to mistrust Chuuya–#when in eight years he never gave them any reason to doubt of him.#And I know right as I'm writing this that someone is going to read it and think “you're completely missing on the unbalance of power that–#creates these dynamics of lack of trust” but the thing is exactly that I don't see why that unbalance of power would ever come to be!#They're all just kids. They're aware of that. If Chuuya never had malicious intentions towards Shirase‚ I don't see why he would ever fear–#his betrayal. Likewise‚ I don't see why Shirase and the other Sheep members would ever be so manipulative and disrespectful towards–#Chuuya if he's been nothing but kind to them (and we have no reason to think otherwise)?#It all comes down to: I think people are inherently good and willing to help each other. The author thinks not lmao. It is what it is #But I wish you could see t/pn. Where kids are constantly trying to outwit each other in order to OUT-SACRIFICE THEMSELVES for the others lo #I love t/pn it's my life... I miss it #random rambles #And if anyone would like to argue that Dazai specifically set them off to betray each other... Yes I DO understand that's what the story–#is suggesting. I just don't think Dazai - for how good. and infallible he is - is enough to scrape long-term relationships of trust.

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freebooter4ever · 9 months ago

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Ok, during lunch i was goofing off by browsing the dat*ng app and came across a profile who 'liked' mine that was some blonde haired pretty boy with this as a tag line: "looking for the sophie to my howl". My heart flew into my throat....was i about to live out some teenage fantasy? I got incredibly excited until i realized with dawning horror that this dude possibly meant movie!sophie...

Full offense to the movie but the artists shaved off all the harsh edges on both sophie and howl to the point of unrecognizability beyond basic plot points. So anyone who is searching for the soft, gentle, pleasant version of sophie in the movie absolutely could not handle the slightly manic cleaning lady who enjoys bullying fire demons from the book. Book sophie is quite literally a bit of an obnoxious witch(with a b). She gets angry and expresses herself by murdering weeds. She enjoys teasing howl mercilessly. She gets panic attacks and wears the curse around her like a blanket to protect herself from anxiety and uncertainty. Book sophie is a fully flawed three dimensional character in the same way that movie sophie is a picturesque daydream meant for someone more in love with the idea of being in love than wanting to actually be in love.

But it also just annoyed me because this dude was unwittingly buying into the exact flaw of movie howl. Movie howl was remade into the idea of what women want: he's perfect, he's courtly and an utter gentleman, he acts like a prince. Movie howl is what book howl pretended to be when he went off on dates.

And the entire point of the book is that it took these disguises coming off (howl's princely fake romance character and sophie's literal old woman curse) for these two idiots to fall in love. Sophie starts out as a shy timid mouse, too scared to even talk to howl - she literally runs away from him when they meet in the market. She's so insecure and unable to be selfish that the curse is a blessing in disguise for her. The minute she becomes an old woman she no longer has anything to lose, all her fucks are gone, she's for once in her life just being herself. And she marches into howl's castle looking for a place to sleep because she thinks an old woman would be safe from howl's heart stealing (womanizing) ways.

And howl, meanwhile, doesn't know anything about this crazy old woman except Calcifer likes her (and calcifer represents howl's true heart so it's essentially his gut instinct), and he sees through the old woman disguise before she sees through his but the point is he's still seeing the real sophie - not the shy timid one (movie sophie).

And sophie sees behind howl’s entire facade! The book emphasizes that howl's towering powerful ‘castle’ is hollow smoke - it’s really a tiny three room cottage. Sophie gets to meet howl's real family and find out his working class plain mouse-brown hair background from an unmagical unglamorous world. Sophie cuts up his fancy suits immediately when howl tries to put on his disguise and ‘steal hearts’ again. That was the entire theme of the book: real love doesn't need disguises and artifice.

THAT was the teenage daydream: struggling with insecurity and posturing and a whole bunch of nonsense to discover honest true love underneath. And the movie was about none of that.

Teenage me never wanted the stupid princely version of howl. Teenage me wanted the messy, vain, spider loving, too soft hearted, cowardly, loyal, andre aggassi, stubborn-assed wizard from the book. I will never never forgive the movie for taking all that and turning it into something some guy who fancies himself a handsome courtly prince can put into his d*ting profile.

Anyway if any wizards are in need of an old cleaning lady to befriend their fire demon let me know. Fire demon not required - i have my own, my blue teardrop of a car named Clacifer. And i have the spiders. And i have the facade of success thats on the brink of crumbling. And i keep heartlessly rejecting everyone who wants to date me. Shit fuck ive turned into howl. Except im also my own manic cleaning lady so maybe ive just hyper independently doomed myself to lonliness \o/

#Jrnlsht #I asked him if he meant book or movie #and he said movie and that he never felt the need to read the book #and i unmatched him immediately #i feel like the best example is when howl gets sick and ends up in bed #in the movie he's in this gorgeous and detailed bedroom ensconsed beautifully amongst pillows like a sleeping prince #in the book howl is both drunk and has the flu and is stumbling up the stairs swearing and miserable and collapses into bed #nobody is the sleeping prince if someone says they are the sleeping prince they must be lying or be so short sighted that they are #Unaware of their own times of being a stumbling mess who just wants to collapse into bed #Book sophie sees the stumbling mess (and laughs at him) but still thinks hes a prince (her prince) anyway #Im still convinced that the moment howl teased sophie back by wearing her magically oversized *mended* fancy suit was the moment #Sophie fell in love #They're idiots your honor #and im afraid a fellow idiot is the only type of person im interested in

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opens-up-4-nobody · 8 months ago

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...

#it's a strange thing to work in a store that never sleeps. like living in an organism. like forcing its blood to flow #youre there an not. mostly out of sight and out of mind. blinking into existence when something is needed #or at least thats how it is when you work on the back end. and its an oddly gendered workplace when i go in #before the sun is up. before the doors are unlocked. men and boys unload the trucks and sort the packages. women sort the clothing packages #so they do that on purpose? do applicates sort themselves? why do only women work in style?#i dunno. it feels like my 1st real job. its very strange bc there are alloted times and clocking in and out and forced breaks. ive never had #that. ive only had: every moment that youre not working is a waste of time. i worked 10 hour days 6 days a week while getting paid part time #so it's weird. its nice to feel useful. its nice to have my time filled with things to do. but its also like going to school k-12 bc its #like: oh god i gotta get up at 3am so i can go to work. so i dunno. we'll see how i feel after a full week. its also sorta physically #exhausting and maybe i should have said 32hrs instead of 40 so i can actually work on some stuff this summer but i guess we'll see #right now getting a government job sounds better than going back to school but i dunno. i dunno #ill have to start applying in earnest. ay ay ay. what a mess #unrelated

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dude1818 · 2 months ago

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Finished Shadows House. The pacing for the last three episodes was not the best, imo; I feel like you can only have a scene where the protagonists lose a fight, only to be saved by a deus ex machina that they had secretly prepared off-screen maybe once a season, and that happened at least three times in two episodes. The penultimate episode mostly being an extended flashback to Barbara and Maryrose's early years in the House also felt like another of the many tell, don't show moments, and I didn't like it at this point in the story

That said, I did like the escalation of stakes at the end of the second season and the set up of a proper confrontation between the children and the adults, and the Star Bearers actually coming around to Kate because she proved herself. I did expect Christopher to be dead the whole time, although not necessarily by suicide. I'm not ruling out that he faked his death and is still riding Anthony though, Cam/Pal-style

Quite frankly, my main complaint is that they didn't end the story. I know the show is based on a novel series so there can't be a third season for quite a while, but I think the story suffers a little for that. Some anime are fine being about the journey, where you get to dip into the characters' lives for a while and then move on, but Shadows House really feels about the destination. This story clearly has a beginning, a middle, and an end, and we're missing the end. I want exactly one more season where they defeat Lord Grandfather and free the dolls, and then it's done

#dungeon meshi not getting an adaptation until the manga was finished is the best thing that could've happened to it #otherwise you get a) stories that stop being interesting because they don't have an end in sight #or b) stories that feel compelled to have an ending but never felt like they needed one #and if you mix up what kind of story you're telling it sucks for everyone #shadows house

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lauraisakilljoy · 2 months ago

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obx spoilers ahead!!

I'm so conflicted about the season 4 ending because on one hand I get it. life is unfair, it's unrealistic to give all of your characters happy endings, especially if said characters are constantly putting themselves in danger. it makes sense that not everyone survives four seasons of near-death experiences like being held hostage, getting shot at, almost drowning etc. on the other hand I can't help but be bitter that the person who had been abused/mistreated their entire life and who was clearly suffering was the one who had to die. at the hands of his biological father, may I add. I’ve seen some people say JJ was annoying this season and I get where they’re coming from, but all of his impulsive decisions and everything that happened at/after the town meeting just made me sad. he was struggling so much that he didn’t care what happened to him or if he lived or died. all he wanted was a future where he could live with his friends in their own little paradise without a care in the world. with the money from the crown and shoupe’s promise, it seemed like he was so close to happiness and inner peace, but they didn’t let him have that. so yeah, I get why they did this, but that doesn’t make it less upsetting.

#yeah I know it’s not that deep and it’s fictional #I just wanted to put my two cents in ig #I know they all had issues with their parents #not one good parental figure in sight (except pope’s parents tbh)#but jj’s story hit me the hardest #I’ve seen some people say that he was suicidal in s4 #and I remember thinking multiple times throughout the season that he was depressed or at least extemely sad/hurt by. well. everything #so that’s what I mean when I say he was struggling (did this even need explaining idk)#there's also something to be said about the “realism” of this show lmao #rafe holding that giant cross by himself? sarah resurrecting after a fatal shot wound? sarah and jj not drowning in that storm?#those are just a couple of examples of how unrealistic this show is #yes it's entertaining but I think we can all agree that a lot of the shit that happened on the show would never work out irl lmao #so I feel like if your show is that unrealistic you can actually afford to give everyone a happy ending #also I just think that it would’ve been nice for abuse survivors/people with mental health problems to see that life can get better #but that’s a whole other tangent #also do not get me started on the fact that rafe was the one to bury him #obx spoilers #outer banks spoilers #outer banks season 4 #obx #outer banks #jj maybank #john b routledge #sarah cameron #kiara carrera #pope heyward #cleo anderson #abuse mention #laura yaps #I wrote this at night pls excuse any spelling/grammar mistakes I’m tired

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ken-katayanagi · 3 months ago

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It’s What’s Inside is a solid 4.5/5 for me because I actually didn’t play Cookie Run during it and I took out a piece of paper to write notes. - .5 for being mean to Brooke.