#i feel so aimless
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i’m so fucking irreversibly sad my brain is just made of toxic self hating sludge and i feel fucking horrible
#i honestly just want to die#i’m so over this i’m so#over everything#i’m a failure and unwanted and unloved#i’m unloved and unloveable and most of all just such a disappointment#it doesn’t matter how good i am or try to be at the end of it all i still remain this unloveable shell of person#i never know what i want#i feel so aimless#people my age are graduating this year and i’m not even close#it feels like the end is never in sight#i feel so lonely and alone#i feel so empty#most of all i feel tired#i’m just sick#i’m sick of it all i’m sick of my life#i want to escape the country and move somewhere no one knows who i an#and just disappear#no one will ever know me or think fo me again .#i could just sleep forever and evert and ever until i die#kendra talks
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"I'm the dog they put with cheetahs to keep them from going crazy in captivity" x "I'm the cheetah that is threatening to go crazy" 4 ever
(I make a webcomic about them)
#GODDDDDDDDDDD I love them#theyre so.....#I just.#good. theyre good#I need the comic to come back NOW...#no I dont. I havent finished enough yet#I've finished 7 episodes so I gotta make 3 more minimum but 8 more ideally. which is. a big gap..#anyways I got up early to draw this cause I couldnt sleep#and someone shared it in a server I'm in and I was like. oh I have to#but now I'm super tired and I can sleep#so good night. enjoy my beautuful art of my beautiful vampires#'good ngiht' it is 10 30 am.#sleep. she betrays me yet again.#anyways working on coming back working on kickstarter stuff working on book 4#working on commissions working on my patreon...#work work work work#trying to be forgiving of myself LOL working like 50-70 hours a week and still feeling like its not enough#imagine if I WASNT on meds rn. I'm focusing better and there's still just way too much sheesh#super need some support but also I'm chillin#I was assigned an editor and she has not given me a single note#so I'm like uhhh. rlly feeling aimless and lonely#I'm doing very good work its some of my best stuff#but...#yeah. idk. just a lot HAHAHA#but I got like 45 mins to do a quick drawing#for my mental health...#time and time again#adam and steve#ttawebcomic#adam
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I love that even with all the lengths Stronghart went through to hide Kazuma's identity (using a mask to hide his eyes and a cloak to cover everything else, banning him from even speaking), the minute Ryunosuke saw him for the first time he suspected it. From his posture alone, they knew each other for about a year and were separated for like eight months and Ryunosuke could still identify his bbf from the way he stood like... Kazuma lost his memory, his identity, his... everything and Ryunosuke still clocked it, even though he literally thinks Kazuma is dead, that the prosecutor's masked apprentice is the whole reason he's even there at all.
Literally what else could Stronghart have done to hide Kazuma's presence from Ryunosuke, he did as much as he could but still Ryunosuke felt it immediately. This feels gayer than most of the yaoi I've come across, this is a major plot point in a romantic drama, this can't not be a trope in one of the kdramas my dad likes to watch on Netflix.
#I feel like if Ryunosuke was like 10% less busy he would've figured it out completely#he just has things to deal with...#also i love how he really wants to be a lawyer now when at the start of the series he was Not Into It#he did it for kazumas dream and bc he didn't want to let susato down and ruin the trip for her#but now hes fully intending on getting his own lawyer certifications and planning to wear both his own and Kazumas armbands#he started out so aimless but now he's found the thing he wants to be and its so nice#anyway barok has homosexual feelings for that mad scientist guy and I know we're supposed to feel bad for him bc his brother was 'killed'#but i dont really feel it yet#he needs to be nicer to me#i do love how worried Ryunosuke was for him after the attack that was kinda cute#they have the opposite views being 'just bc you're an asshole doesn't mean I think you should die' and 'i wont mourn the wicked'#also Ryunosuke being so convinced about the reapers curse is fascinating to me... it gives me ideas for my phoenix!Naruhodos au#andromeda plays tgaa#andromeda plays#asoryuu
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I've only read the first volume of Dungeon Meshi but I'm convinced Laios and Marcille are both autistic but two EXTREMELY different flavors of autism, so much so it enables autistic PVP (one sided, Laios is unaware, possibly due to the autism)
#dungeon meshi#LIKE. WITH LAIOS it feels like a v obvious conclusion to come to hc wise but marcille.......#i vaguely know there's some stuff going on where i can guess at a few things (absorbed through osmosis) (as little spoilers as possible)#but to me she is so tryhard autism coded. getting frustrated w herself when she's slower/can't keep up w her peers/friends#physically limited. feeling the need to prove herself/scared of weighing down her allies. needs to do things 'by the books'.#stubborn streak. can accidentally say offensive things due to bluntness/overcompensation becoming an ego#she's even a picky eater.#meanwhile laios said 'hyperfixating isn't enough i need to eat it' and he fucking meant it.#honestly you could probably make an argument for any of them (main cast) being autistic. as with an hcs in general LMFAO#so much love for senshi as well. epitome of being an older dude w a niche interest and seeing an autistic young man#and going 'yeah okay. i can take you under my wing.'#all of this is so real and HAS happened to me (even being plucked up by an old man who noticed my aimless demeanor and put me to work)
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hey quick question to all our lovely askers out there: are we Trying to kill him?
#About ink btw#We still have an ask in the inbox that just says#“Can you shoot him with a bazooka please?”#or something along those lines#and i feel so aimless when i read it#like what am i supposed to do#i need to please the audience#but i cant just Kill that Guy#is that what you all want?#for me to kill him?#cus im following your recipe word for word#and fellas he looks more like roadkill every day#-mod kip#ooc#🦑
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some more time skip pauling
#tf2#team fortress 2#miss pauling#I’m gonna talk about my headcanons in the tags now ok#i think during the 7 year timeskip she probably took some time off work but eventually went into a similar line of work as before#maybe back to Mann co. who knows. either way i like to think that the whole ordeal with the administrator had left her pretty aimless#so maybe after a couple of years of trying to figure shit out she goes back to her old job trying to feel Useful again#smth smth bad habits die hard etc. i think her desperation to prove herself and work to the death needs to be studied under a microscope#this time around though with the admin gone she really does prove herself and miss pauling goes from loyal assistant#to something of an administrator herself!#i think miss pauling is the most capable and adaptable character in the whole series#so i really wanna see her get one win. one shred of recognition#and maybe she gets it from herself if anything. I’d like to think she’s the same ol gal#but with a lot more confidence and assurance in her abilities :]
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all fun and games having an oc hyperfixation and having to make all the content yourself until you lose the ability to make anything lol
#wrist issue has not improved#have a soft diagnosis of bilateral carpal + cubital tunnel and waiting on nerve testing to confirm rn#this semester has been the Tough Love From God semester and i’m kind of over it#if i have to put my comic on hiatus again it may not go well for my brainmeats methinks#vent#i guess#sparks speaks#such a petty complaint in the grand scheme of things but it’s weird to suddenly feel so aimless and purposeless#any time i think things are improving my hand is suddenly too shaky to draw for days
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my loves. what fucking show should i watch. i have been so restless because i can't find anythinh to sink my teeth into
#being unemployed is kind of cool but i feel very aimless. i want to Watch Something#also sorry ive been so offline ive been playing outside for like 5 hours a day its awesome#quincy.txt
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So I have consumed that whole SH2 remake James' mental illness and SA theory document and I gotta say.... It fits. I can really see it. My eyes are open. I wouldn't put it past a game like that to make suggestions in that direction.
Also printing the Silent Hill 2 novel off to read as we speak. I'm normal about that guy and his trauma I swear
#I feel like silent hill in general reflects all of a person's trauma and mistakes. So of course it would personify everything in James head#And it really makes sense the letters in the hospital would relate to him and his memories rather than be aimless world building#And I did always wonder. Cuz Eddie is a reflection on James murder. So Angela??#I can see that her story confronts James inner darker desires. Maybe intrusive thoughts. But now that I view it THAT way...#It makes sense she would be reflecting soemthing else. A similar suffering#And apparently the book touches on their similarities too. And it's official so#Anyway head full. Poor fucking guy. But also he's still a murdering selfish prick so. Yknow.#Just needed to vent my thoughts about it. Hyperfixation going through the motions rn#Nothing to do with the fact I also have complex and repressed trauma surrounding sex and SA.... Examining that guy so I don't examine mysel#Anyway I need to draw more silent hill
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Otakon's AMV contest allowed VHS submissions, and I knew I just had to submit the collab I edited with @astravis this way.
I hope it's clear why!
youtube
(It uses a lot of actual VHS footage.)
And I loved putting AMVs on tape so much that I quickly ordered a bunch of blank tapes online to compile all of my anime music videos this way.
(Short reel of a few of them.)
And, like, it's definitely far from perfect. My computer doesn't have an HDMI port, so I have to use a converter for that, and it's horrible quality. While that does add to the VHS aesthetic, it also makes some of the subtitles nigh impossible to read (as especially evident in the "First Time" video above). My digitization process also isn't exactly ideal, either.
But popping in a VHS tape of my videos and seeing that on the TV? Absolutely amazing. There is no other way I want to physically compile my AMVs. 10/10. MarshmallowGoop/MarshmallowGoop.
Would like to improve my process someday, but if anyone else is curious about how to make VHS tapes out of videos on your computer, I mostly followed this guide here!
youtube
#goop makes a (kinda) personal post#long post#eye strain#video#fancam friday!#in some places ^^;#been feeling a little aimless and unmotivated lately but found out i didn't lose my job today!#(wasn't *that* concerned about losing it because we're needed for compliance reasons but my department was maybe a little at risk for a bit#but that's definitely a huge relief#and one thing i have done semi-recently are these vhs tapes!#sadly 'poison tree' didn't make finals at otakon but will probably still be shown in one of the non-finalist blocks!#and the amv contest coordinator there let me know that if he got a vhs entry in 2024 that he'd be framing it 😳#so it was appreciated! even if it arrived late because i found out too late about the vhs allowance#hoping another one of my vids will be shown at anime messe babelsberg tonight/tomorrow too!#and the anime nyc amv contest coordinator wants to keep it a surprise so i won't say which videos made it#but *two* of my amvs made finals there!!#where there's also gonna be a screening of detco movie 25!#so absolutely things to look forward to :')#just wish there was more time in the day for all my ideas!#as always haha#anyway had a lot of fun with these tapes!#so neat to see 'poison tree' on a tape like the universe intended#Youtube
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i haven't posted any art in a long time. i still have a couple zine pieces i still wanna post but here's a mikotoba from doodling on drawpile with a friend today
ref i used and extra of us drawing on top of him under the cut
#he looks so good with the eyeliner man#tgaa#yujin mikotoba#the great ace attorney#dai gyakuten saiban#mikotoba yuujin#my art#aimless art#i havent drawn much in so long it feels weird. mikotoba ily ily ily.
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Two Flavors of Philipa J. Fry
#Fry Futurama#Philip Fry#my husband likes Futurama so this is for him <3#but I didn't feel like drawing normal Fry v_v#Futurama fanart#I tried to keep the 'sort of aimless slacker' energy with both designs#oh my god Leela it's soo crazy that we both have ponytails we should like go on a date or something - girls can do that in the future 'No.'#bea art tag#futurama#also beeeeegh I feel shitty -_ -got covid from caring for a member of my household. Let's hope it's mild!!!#my family member is feeling better at least!#fry on the right got a single earring bc she saw someone cool with it in a movie
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ennui
ID: a drawing of Alhaitham from Genshin Impact, upside down, looking at the viewer. He is lying down with his head and arms hanging off the platform. He has one leg folded and the other leg over the knee. Three simplified Chisel Light Mirrors are in the air, pointing at him. End ID.
#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#genshin impact#alhaitham#al haitham#genshin#genshin fanart#fanart#uhhh confession: this one felt kinda aimless bcs it...is#i saw 1 (one) pose while figure drawing -> it reminded me of another artist's work i liked -> insatiable need to see hthm in a similar pose#but i didn't have much beyond that so... it feels unfinished and aimless. BUT it's not bad so here it is#image description
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being a creature full of love and also being single sucks because all the love builds up inside you and then it makes you sick
#kostik speaks#i feel so aimless and sad#ive been talking to friends more evenly i guess ive had very brief exchanges with more people than usual#but i have no anchoring factor to really put my roots down into#i feel like a tumbleweed
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Conflict test..? Moe fucks up Badly test.
#feh#i'm ngl there's not a lot that's presentable in here. this sketchbook does feel like a waste tbh#like i just did not do a whole lot w it. lacks substance. i'm itching to just start over tbh.#sad!#anyways something i was trying to test here and that's been in the back of my mind forever#is moe offering a hand. literally. like it just does not know what else to do.#extremely picky about being touched. leads to it being extremely maybe overly cautious of touching others.#in a way remaining distant is its way of showing comfort. but that usually does come off as well. distant.#unreachable even.#and here i think alfonse is so hurt that he won't even accept moe's gesture. ouch! you fucked up big time!!!!!#i def get really in my head about presentation and how good anything is though like#i feel like i could nitpick the HELL out of this. BUT. BUT. IT'S JYST A CONCEPT. JUST A TEST#maybe i'll work on something else today...... idk idk i feel aimless but i wanna raise morale. somehow.#fe alfonse#moe tag#summoner oc#my art
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having swap au thoughts. *slaps roof of claus* there's so much mental illness in this guy. im gonna blow up everyone in the room and then myself
#what if you felt unbearable guilt because your brother went missing in the two seconds you were separated#and you feel like there mustve been Something you couldve done to prevent it#if only you had stuck together. if only you hadnt let him tag along on your basically-a-suicide-mission in the first place#but none of those things happened so you go through three years blaming yourself#continuing to search for him because maybe hes still out there. and maybe exhausting yourself on an aimless search is a way you can atone#and then you're pulled into this big destiny adventure so your searching is put on the back burner#you're so busy doing important things and meeting new friends and there are points in your adventure where your heart feels lighter#and maybe you open up just a little about the crushing guilt you feel. and your new friends say it wasnt your fault#maybe you start accepting that your brother is really gone but you have to keep living your life#saving your brother was a far out dream but saving the world is something you have the power to do#so you try your best. so you dont fuck up this time#your guilt becomes the fuel keeping you going#and then at the end of your journey#you find out one of the biggest obstacles on your journey#the human chimera that you felt kinda horrified at and a little bad for even as you fought them#is your brother you've been mourning and agonizing over not being able to save#so um. The Guilt is even worse now#now he doesnt just feel responsible for his death. he Now feels responsible for him becoming this Creature Thing under porkys control#and in a lucas dies scenario. hoogh i cant imagine how claus would feel after that.......#however the thing that spurred this post was thinking about the lucas lives postgame scenario (it just got a bit out of hand lol) so.#your brother is alive and back home again and youre so unbelievably glad#but the guilt still creeps up every time you see how much hes Changed. physically and mentally#you had just started to accept the fact youd have to live without your brother but somehow having him back is almost just as painful#things cant just go back to how they were before. youll never be the exact same happy family as you used to be#its strange adjusting to having lucas back and its strange trying not to step on each others toes with their trauma#you cant help but be clingy because you couldnt bear it if he disappeared again under your watch#but nobody wants to be watched all the time especially when youre recovering from your brainwashed identity as an army commander#FUCK I REACHED THE TAG LIMIT I WANTED TO RAMBLE MORE AUGH. THEY MAKE ME SO ILL. i swear its not all angst theres some lightheartedness in it#mother 3 swap au#mothfics
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