#also god I love an unambiguous fucking ending like THANK YOU

[ken-katayanagi]

It’s What’s Inside is a solid 4.5/5 for me because I actually didn’t play Cookie Run during it and I took out a piece of paper to write notes. - .5 for being mean to Brooke.

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

reminder that there's actual stuff on the patreon once again, link in the pinned post :)

@capitalismdisruptedmybarbeque added an [image description] for blanket, thank you!

also thank you for all the boops, what a good website feature.

@optimus-jetpack asked: What is your favorite Kirby game? Probably asked before but I'm new to Tumblr and I love your drawings

my actual favorite is epic yarn, but if we're talking mainline only it's either crystal shards or forgotten land! I grew up with crystal shards and the design in forgotten land is super charming (as is the design in epic yarn lol). and thank you!

on [do not fuck with me] @nogoinghomegame said: roman reigns

how does it feel to be the funniest person on this website? I still think about this and it's been 2 months.

on [quicksand] @graycoin said: Yeah...that sounds like a rough day. :/ I hope all that leads to something better, at least.

thanks. I'll get the rest of the paperwork turned in this month and then we'll see I guess -n- (and thanks for all your other supportive words too)

on [pudding] @xurkitreeking said: I want to eat your art, i feel like it would make a satisfyingly cronch like one of those puffed air chip

omg that's so nice??? like puffed rice or something yeah, I can totally see what you mean

on [pudding] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I know things like spills are technically so small, but when you’re already at the end of your rope it’s fascinating how something like this can send you into a crying fit. you held it together so well for so long, and this was the straw that broke the camel’s back

ugh yeah sometimes when there's already So Much you just look at it and you're like. haven't I already been through enough. but it's like, kind of a "safe" thing to get upset about? because it's obvious to anyone there that it happened and that it's unambiguously negative, even if it is only minor, and it's also not like you're taking space away from someone else or whatever.

on [reborn] @ceylonsilvergirl said: I’m not allowed to watch any more, after I laughed so hard I gave myself an asthma attack

that's so tragic, this world is in shambles

they also did a delightful [expansion] of [outline] that's just so fun honestly, I love that every single object has the same gormless expression that kirby already had lol

on [bug] @theraphos said: me irl, literally i was about to clean the tub earlier and noticed this baby spider that was seriously just a fuckin. dot. i somehow managed to get it in a cup unharmed

whenever there's a spider in like, the shower, or the sink, I always worry so much about it going unnoticed and getting drowned until I know it's moved somewhere safer (we are a pro-spider household)

on [injection] @fakejtwelve said: I hope new meds work well for you 💜

thank you! so far I feel about as bad as usual except that my nose is finally not congested. which I guess is something. (it usually takes a couple months to really kick in so there is still grounds for hope!)

on [ghost] @11-eyed-rook said: this purple is a good purple thank you

there are many good purples in the world :)

anonymous asked: what is kirby's favorite swear word

honestly I think he's partial to "fuck", it's just got a good arrangement of consonants in it. easy to apply forcefully to a variety of scenarios.

on [eyebrows] @joekingv1 said: *asks baby what is their secret*

they definitely do not have a brown marker hidden behind their back :) don't bother checking you can trust them :)

on [pumpkin] @beardedhandstoadshark said: oh my god. Look at the lad. so round, so happy, so pumped (ha) to be here. no candles in and already glowing. happy halloween to everyone but especially this pumpkin (also as someone who can't cut circles for the life of me, let alone small ones, this seems genuinely impressive)

thanks! tbh my partner just handed me a steak knife and let me go, I smoothed it out some by just kinda like, jamming a finger in there to mush down any particularly jagged parts. it was a small pumpkin which probably helped.

@edgywithaheart asked: opinions on terminalmontages kirbo ?

excellent shape, excellent face. not all the jokes are For Me but clearly others enjoy them.

[howlingmoonrise]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

thank you for the tag @galvanizedfriend!!!!!!

How many works do you have on ao3? 45!

What's your total ao3 word count? 168,011 words

What fandoms do you write for? i'm an awful, awful fandom hopper :x but i write most consistently nowadays for petshop of horrors

Top five fics by kudos: 1) my dracula/barbie fic la petite mort is in first place, to the surprise of absolutely no one🤦‍♀️ 2) warrior, a post-movie shan yu/mulan oneshot 3) standing sentinel, an alien vs predator fix-it oneshot where lex goes with the predators and scar survives 4) surprising even me????? bonded, a soul eater soulmate au oneshot from 2014???? it has 8 comments total and half of them are my replies???? HOW. 5) not as surprisingly, in the woods somewhere, an ever after high cerise hood/daring charming au where daring accidentally ends up becoming the next riding hood. rare fandom/pair niche ftw!

Do you respond to comments? do you know when you reply mentally to things and then forget to actually do it irl? 😬 i have a really bad habit of opening comments on mobile, where i never type anything if i can help it, gush and draft the entire reply in my head, and then... yeah. i do eventually actually get to them all, but some will suffer through a year of no response before i pull up my sleeves and get to them. but dear gods do i try. the full answer is "yes, i do, and i absolutely love them all" but i feel very guilty about taking so long so i'll stick with "i try" 🙏🙏🙏

What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably see you soon, a voltron legendary defender shidge fic, or songbird, a petshop of horrors angelica/p-chan oneshot with a bit of an experimental style. i think they're probably only fics i have that have a 100% unambiguously unhappy AND undeserved ending

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? i usually try to aim for at least an ambiguously happy ending, so most of them? buuuuut that being said, i'm gonna point to my earlier fics in the soul eater or the yuri on ice fandoms, i was a lot sappier back in those. i've gotten a taste for a bit of a crunchier ending since then.

Do you get hate on fics? not really. i did receive hate for my voltron ships directly on the blog, but we all know how rotten that fandom was lmfao

Do you write smut? occasionally? i feel like i was in my smut-writing peak back in the soul eater fandom, but i was VERY productive in writing fic in general back in those days, and that no longer holds true. i feel like i'm a lot more self-conscious in writing smut nowadays and about how badly my writing in that genre would sound - the ideas are willing, but the flesh is weak.

Craziest crossover: i hate that my writer's block has cockblocked me from going crazier since despite wanting to write even wilder ships but. once again. my dracula/barbie fic la petite mort.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? not exactly. as far as i'm aware, no one has taken it ipsis verbis, but i have seen unauthorized and uncredited translations of my works floating around.

Have you ever had a fic translated? *side-eyes paragraph above* yep! my works seem to get podficced more than anything though

Have you ever co-written a fic before? i started writing one in my old, old days in the danny phantom fandom (hello, first fandom!), but our email exchanges petered out and it never got finished or posted anywhere

All time favorite ship? how the FUCK am i supposed to chose. my dude. why would you do this to me. it changes with the phases of the moon.

What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i am 97.89% made of wips. 😬😬😬 there's just. so many. the first ones that come to mind is a magicstone (magica de spell/gladstone gander from the donald duck comics) angsty-ass oneshot, and also a jane darling/peter pan fic from peter pan 2 return to neverland, both of which i only ever posted snippets for a wip ask game years ago 😭😭😭 i also very much want to finish my shan yu/mulan longfic to the victor, the spoils and i have every intention of doing it but then i look back and. it's been half a decade already. rip.

What are your writing strengths? uhhhh. i find interesting dynamics and ways of bringing characters together? i'm a rare/crack shipping bitch so i need to find a way of really selling what i'm writing so that people will read it, so i guess i've honed my skills in that direction. i also usually get comments complimenting my writing style, though my own taste for it varies wildly. i also think i'm good at adapting my own style to fit the source material one.

What are your writing weaknesses? apart from being in a semi-permanent state of writer's block and never finishing anything, you mean? where do i START. action scenes. comedy. not doing run-on overly-wordy sentences no one but me will understand. too many italics. FUCKING PLOT. why can't i write solely vibes and pining, WHY does plot have to haunt me while blowing raspberries at me for not knowing how to plan anything more complicated than a fairytale-level quest.

Thoughts on dialogue in another language? english already IS another language for me 😂 that being said, i don't generally like it unless it's an untranslateable pun term or plot-relevant, in which case footnotes are appreciated. exceptions are titles/honorifics/actual names of things.

First fandom you wrote in? danny phantom, all the way back in like... 2009? it was how i learned to speak/write english beyond the basics. it was very, very bad, but i'm glad i got to go through that and experiment so wildly in such an encouraging fandom.

Favorite fic you've written? cinq d'épées, my princess and the frog dr facillier/charlotte la bouff 15k oneshot LITERALLY EVERYONE IS SLEEPING ON. why do people keep gushing on the dracula/barbie fic when that fic is RIGHT THERE with far less views than most of my other fics and way better writing quality. i honestly hate reading my own writing and even i enjoy rereading that one, villain/heroine morally grey ships my beloved.

--

thanks again for tagging me!!! tagging @sandmancircus @acernor @nemainofthewater @produdfctititty @starfishride @malgraw @olderthannetfic if you guys feel like it!

[woodswolf]

3, 23, 24 for the fic asks?

end of year fic asks

thanks for the ask! :D

23. fics you wanted to write but didn't

answered here! :D

24. favorite fic you read this year

ohhh boy this is a tough one because there's A Lot. unordered list probably (actually ordered by approximately when i read them):

for Gravity Falls: Pseudomnesia by Greyingdawns. okay this one and this one only is unambiguously ordered in terms of favorites because literally nothing else comes close. i read this back in march and it's almost certainly in my all-time top 10. (do i know what the rest of my all-time top 10 are? i have no fucking clue my guy. like i definitely know some of the contenders but not the order.) genuinely INCREDIBLE fic (but tumblr killed my thoughts about how the brackets are absolutely amazing and create such brilliant inline poetry FUCK!!!!!!!!) and im probably going to be thinking about it for years to come. begging literally everyone to PLEASE READ IT!!!!

for Ninjago: tell it again by spinbitchzu. this one started as a tumblr post that i reblogged supportively and later got solicited in my inbox when the first chapter was up (lol), but hey im nothing if not a sucker for time loop stories and this is a really good one so far.

for Pikmin: the To Be (One With the Garden) series by MaideninOrange. To Live (As a Pikmin) was actually the first Pikmin fic I ever read, and the whole series is really good. i have some minor gripes with some parts of it, but where it hits it fucking HITS, and this is definitely the fic and series i re-read the most this year. similar to something else a bit later down this list, this very heavily inspired one half of my current wip, as a point of comparison.

for Pikmin: A Nightmare, A Dream by qwertycake. GOD this is fucking ough. REALLY REALLY REALLY nails the half-dreaming vibe in the simplicity and not-quite-sequitur of the thought process. OUGH.

for Pikmin: To Die (and be born anew) by Valkohai. where to start with this one honestly. really good execution of a well-trod concept, really good original ideas (the fucking puffstool thing HOLY SHIT), just really good all around. just like the To Be series, though, i have a lot of minor gripes with it, and it ended up heavily inspiring one half of my current wip. or, more accurately, i realized that i kinda really went off with my comment on chapter 7 and now we're 37k words deep. :)

for Pikmin: subterranean web, infest my soul by voidnight (aka you lol). really not sure what else to say about this other than that it's really really fucking good, i am Still thinking about it, and it in particular was really fucking ough. still debating on whether to list this as an inspiration for my wip when i get around to publishing it (which might be soon - first chapter is almost done, the reason it's taken over four months now was because i wrote all the way to the end of one of the halves before turning around to write the rest lmaoooo), but all of the themes (and dreams) of labor really helped crystallize some of my thoughts in a way that, even if it isn't immediately evident from the text, definitely helped ME to organize some things.

for Pikmin: the Protocol for Nonstandard Relations series by voidnight (also aka you lol). much more shippy than i usually like, but tons of really good world- and character-building that i personally can never resist. ALSO those labor thoughts.

for Pikmin: paulownia by mlkt. really good, short, mostly introspective piece. love me some really good, short, mostly introspective pieces.

for Pikmin (LAST ONE): Venus Flytrap by qwertycake. deliciously DISGUSTING vibes. literally LOVE that framing device too. just. OUGH.

for In Stars and Time: Bleeding in Monochrome by JustSalPals. just really love this writer's style and characterization.

for In Stars and Time/START AGAIN: a prologue: The Stars are Just Spotlights by JustSalPals. LOOP MY FUCKING BELOVED. love love love love love the way this writer writes them.

for START AGAIN: a prologue/In Stars and Time (but really just SASASAP): Half Masked by RuneSnap. simple but good.

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

OHHHHHH GOD DON'T MAKE ME CHOOSE

okay so i have a few (all from my current wip)

first up there's this bit from the second chapter, which is intended to be read out loud:

When they eventually come across the blackened shell, after an age of wandering through smoke — shattered and silent and still, softly smoldering, with shredded scraps and splintered shards scattered circularly aside it like a halo, both hallow and hollow — they finally separate, dispersing through the debris field to search for any sign. Thirty minutes later, they find the body.

so this was normal prose originally, but at some point i realized that "hm there's a lot of S sounds in here hmmmm" and rewrote it to be almost entirely S sounds. it adds a cool auditory component - the hiss and pop of dying flames. this is unambiguously the coolest thing i wrote that had a non-contextual reason to be cool.

here's a larger segment, from the third chapter, which i think rather speaks for itself:

His thoughts are spinning faster than they have been in days. His mind seems to be on the edge of panic. He drops the mirror-thing unceremoniously and hurriedly begins digging through his back-pouch. His hands are shaking when he pulls out his notebook, and he turns the pages roughly, firmly, like if he doesn’t hold on to them as hard as he can they’re going to fly away. He stops on a seemingly random spread and scans whatever he sees there, desperately, furiously, like it’s going to kill him. It does. Whatever he finds on the page appears to confirm something that’s simultaneously a worst nightmare and a wildest dream. His chest spasms like he’s going to be sick. He rips his gaze from the notebook and stares back up at the empty slot, tears flowing freely from his eyes, and he smiles like he wants to scream. There’s an utterly alien emotion consuming the entirety of his mind: blazing with the fury of a thousand forest fires, spinning with the fervor of a million hurricanes, bursting with the power of a billion suns, crashing with the apocalyptic tide of every drowned memory. They have no idea what it is, but they would not dare to call it hope. It feels like madness.

as for other stuff, it's harder to pull specific segments for, but in general, for a fic that's about "unintentional abuse as consequence of repeated failures of humanization" — or, to put it another way, "it's still/not your fault if the other person/creature is a dog" — it's just been really really REALLY fun to write the premise! just the number of really subtle phrasings to downplay certain events from the dominant party's perspective. there's a particularly good example in chapter 2, where at one point i had originally written "force" and soon after intentionally changed it to "make"; you get the idea.

there's also a lot of instances where the gap between knowledge and understanding is almost bridged, but not quite: reaching just far enough to understand that something is wrong, and that the dominant party is responsible for it, but not being able to pinpoint what exactly it is. and never understanding, not fully, but using that moment of "almost" as a guide to move forward, as an olive branch, as something worth forgiving.

and then, for a more specific scene, there's a section in the fifth chapter (out of six; the first and last function more as a prologue and epilogue, though, and are more tangentially related, so essentially the fifth chapter is the "finale") where i was able to do something very interesting with tenses. the entire fic is written in present tense, but in this specific scene, there's a moment where the dominant party is highly distracted, but something happens very very suddenly and unexpectedly. so in that scene, there's a cutoff —

(and then there's a subscene, entirely in parentheses, trying to reconstruct what would have happened while they were distracted, based on what they know of the situation. this is also written in present tense, but it refers to the current situation in past tense, as if the thoughts were interjected from a future version of themselves. it's also just really sad, because the reason this future version goes to such great effort is because they think it's important for them to know — and it is important, but they also don't understand how or why or even what is important. so it's just. turning it over and over like a stone.)

— and then the original scene resumes like all of that prior introspection did not happen, because in real time, it did not.

thanks again for the ask! :D

[spiltscribbles]

Im so excited!!!! Here’s a little “It’s always been you. You and only you.” sprinkled in with Green-Eyed Epiphany

~Notes: OMFG bubby!!!! You are so beyond adorable! Thank you So SO much for the sweetness!! I really hope you like this XS and fingers crossed  this fits the promptXS <3 <3 <3

.-

Prompt Smash Game  |  Send Me A Prompt💜   |  A Reblog Is Like A Huge, Warm Hug!!!

.-

~R: my mom’s working the night shift at the clinic👀👀

~S: Kinky😏

~S: I can be there in 15

~R: make it 20 and get Chinese x

~S: sometimes I think ur j using me for the food

~R: and bring henny😈

.-

It’s seventeen minutes since Remus sent the last text when the front door of his modest ranch house begins to thump with a familiar wrapping that’s three quick knocks followed by two slower ones, and he has to wrestle down the eager grin from his face when he swings it open to find one of his closest friends standing at the threshold in that customary  weathered, leather jacket that he found two summers ago when Remus had taken him thrifting for the first time, and an impish sort of smirk that definitely would look ridiculous on anyone else, but only makes Sirius all the more maddeningly attractive. 

“What took so long?” Remus asks mildly, pulling him indoors by the sleeve and gesturing for him to set the goods on the kitchen counter once they cross the small foyer.

“You wound me, Lupin.” Sirius retorts, quick-silver eyes flashing before he pins him against the island and puts his hands on either side of his waistline with more gentleness than Remus would’ve expected before they began this whole sorted affair— Okay, maybe that’s the wrong word for it?

It’s not an affair, or tryst, or carrying on or whatever the fuck else Lily says when she’s teetering on the wrong edge of tipsy and thinks it’s her right to call Remus out on his bullshit— on his stupid, beyond obvious crush he’s been fostering for one of his closest friends since junior high.

It’s none of those things— It’s not nearly as dramatic.

It’s just— Just that yes, Remus has been harboring a tiny infatuation  for Sirius ever since that first day of the seventh grade  when he had moved to this tiny, coastal town after his parents divorce. But how could he have not? Sirius is hilarious, and a genius, and so gorgeous that sometimes it feels like his insides are twisting up whenever he glances over at him. And on that first day, he had just caught Remus’s eyes from across the library shelves before classes begun, and smiled in that uniquely electric way of his, and asked if Remus could put slime in a very specific locker, (Snape’s), for a very specific reason, (Because he kept following Lily around like a creep), on account to no one suspecting the new kid. And yeah— Remus was lost on him an embarrassing amount from then on. 

Sure, it can be regarded as kinda pathetic on Remus’s end— kindling this nest of emotions so close to the chest— but also it’s not as if he’s been lovestruck by his crush, like it’s some sort of waterlogged scarf he’s got dragging him down. His attraction towards Sirius is like a soft melody that’s swelling in the backdrop of all their interactions, nothing overwhelming— not a flood plane, not yet at least. It’s warm, and it’s familiar, and it’s persistent like a flutter of a humming bird’s wings.  And Remus doesn’t mind pining over someone as fantastical as Sirius Fucking Black.

Graciously, in some strike of incredible luck, Sirius never caught on to Remus’s silly feelings, not until that night when they were watching an old movie in Remus’s basement while James and Lily were celebrating an entire year together— save for all their sudden stops and just as speedy starts— and Peter was visiting his grandmother in Tampa Bay. It was the first time they had been alone together since Remus broke up with Caradoc for the final time, and Sirius just looked so fucking good in that casual, white v-neck and his skinny jeans that make him look like some echo of James Dean on his best day. And Remus isn’t sure who exactly moved forwards first, or how the fuck Meg Ryan wandering the Seattle streets was some sort of aphrodisiac, or why Sirius— who could have any guy he would ever want— was actually humoring him, but one second they’re lying down on the sofa— Remus caged between Sirius’s expanse and the cushions behind them— and the next he’s tasting PBR on Sirius’s lips, and has got a fist full of his dark hair, and is thrilling at the feeling of Sirius’s thigh between his legs. And yeah— it just happened like those sort of things are want to do, and by the end of it they were sticky and breathless and diffident in ways they never been around one another, in ways Remus reckons Sirius has never been around anyone.

But the next weekend, when Sirius’s latest sorta— but not really— boyfriend had canceled on their dinner plans, Sirius wandered over to Remus’s bedroom window and it was another tumbling of frenzied hands and loosen buckles and thrusting hips. And then it just became an easy release— a sort of poetry, an understanding in all but name.

And that’s fine. They don’t have to talk about it. Remus knows that Sirius isn’t the type to settle down with a partner, to go bowling for a date, or texting countless messages that amount to nothing at all at the end of the conversation, or putting up with another dude’s parents taking photos of them before leaving to prom or homecoming or whatever the fuck else. And Remus is sorta sick of the idea of love, of trying so hard only to end up heartbroken and eating a gallon of Chubby Bunny in his favorite sweats and cursing John Hughes for pretending Hollywood romances can happen to ordinary high schoolers. 

So yeah— This thing they’ve fallen into with each other is good. They’re friends— best friends— and they have fun and they’re apparently really fucking good in bed together, and Sirius never looks at Remus with pity when he spots him gazing at his profile absentmindedly, and he doesn’t mind when Remus traces invisible designs against his skin when they’re soaking in the after glow, and he never treats him  any different. Sirius still slings his arm around Remus’s shoulders when they walk down the halls, and he still buys him his favorite chocolates when he feels poorly, and he still faces Dorcas's disapproving wrath when he drags Remus out of the library to have a little mischief— whether it’s smoking a blunt in the abandoned skatepark in town or playing some stupid prank on those assholes in their year. 

For all intent and purposes, they still behave the same they’ve always acted around one another, but just with the miraculous addition of mind-blowing and dulcetly ductile sex.

This is good, this is fun, this is completely untethered from the bull shit of romance.

And if Remus mouths against the juncture of Sirius’s neck a little too intensely— trying to pry off the memory of the hickey Sirius had been sporting after spending the weekend with Gideon Prewett— Well no one has to be any the wiser, and by the sound of Sirius’s hitched breaths, he seems not to mind even slightly.

“Except my apology?” Remus asks, more coy than he ordinarily acts as he drops his arms around Sirius’s neck, and leans on the balls of his feet to whisper against his temple.

“Oh, you’re such a bastard,” Sirius retorts, labored as all get out, kneading his fingers into Remus’s ass that’s only covered by the thin layer of his plaid pajama bottoms. “You are going to have to do a lot more for me to forgive the lip.”

Remus laughs in a stammering sort of way as Sirius tugs him along, walking backwards to his room that he’s become incredibly intimate with since the first time they did this three months ago. 

“Sirius, the spring rolls— they’re gross if we have to heat them up again.”

“I’ll postmate us knew ones,” Sirius insists, covering Remus’s mouth with his own with fervor. “C’mon babe, do not tease me like this.”

Sirius must’ve caught his mistake, because he suddenly goes as red as Remus feels— The pet name was to close for comfort considering their strictly friends with benefits nature, but Remus is already half hard, and he really does not want to end this, so with a sly wink, he returns to nipping at Sirius’s jawline, rutting against him in a very unambiguous way. “Fine, if you really don’t think you’ll need the nourishment for your stamina?”

The words have their intended effect, and Sirius makes a small growl deep in his throat before practically tearing off Remus’s shirt, and dipping beneath the waistline of his pants, scooping him up and racing to the bed.

And they get lost in one another beneath the pale glow of Remus’s lamplight and the moon spilling through the window, relearning each others every patch of skin for minutes on end that wax and wane like the delta of ocean waves, unspooling into something tangible and tantalizing with every kiss punctuated with teeth that Sirius trails across Remus’s collarbone, and the way Remus palms greedy hands up and down Sirius’s back until he gets the hint and undresses.

“Well come on, you’re not an invalid, Lupin.” Sirius jeers and Remus chuckles as he follows suit until they’re both finally, blessedly nude. And with an easy assurance of them having done this more than a dozen times now, Remus crawls into his lap and kisses him straight on the mouth, preening how Sirius moans against him— canting up wantonly and grabbing at his hips with a sort of intensity that will probably leave bruises in the shape of the pads of his fingers, and Remus absolutely adores the idea of that, feels something hot and needy and desperate unfurl in his gut as he presses their mouths more forcefully together, going buzzed when he gets to relish in the sensation of their tongues running against one another, and the taste of the ridges on the roof of Sirius’s mouth, and the slide of the soft skin of his inner cheek— gasping when Sirius pulls away abruptly, panting an almost reverent, “Mother of God, Remus,” and tackles him flat on his back before they commence, with the addition of both their hard,  leaking cocks thrusting against one another and Sirius’s hand in Remus’s hair pulling that bit more forcefully while his other one roams the dips and planes of his side— skirting against the divots of his stomach muscle before he wraps it around the pair of them and begins to pull in earnest, to the rhythm that Remus swears was strung from the heavens above.

“Oh— Oh, yeah— Sirius,” Remus breathes out in a haggard sort of way, words that he refuses to ever call a mewl even if they’re stretched out and crackle with emotion.

“Yes—, just say that again,” Sirius practically demands, his mouth completely covering his ear in a wet, hot heat— his teeth scraping against the soft shell. “Remus, baby, just say my name, tell me you want it.”

And God, Remus is feeling so heady— like he’s floating and he couldn’t possibly come back down— that he probably would’ve listened to anything Sirius asked of him, especially if he does that thing again, when he squeezes the slick length of them with a tad more force than they usually play at. “Sirius, Sirius. Sirius, please, I’m close,” Remus shrills in an unsteady staccato��� his normally smooth tenner going pitchy and pleading, and he can feel his toes curling, can feel the eminent release coming— What he does not expect is to feel something poking at his entrance, didn’t expect to be struck dumb by the sensation of the tip of Sirius’s large, dry finger poking right there, right against the fluttering hole, while he’s still pumping them in tandem, and the second it hooks inside Remus goes a startling sort of static , sees blasts of white blotching his vision and his head thrown back and his dick spirting out heavily against Sirius’s deliciously defined torso.

And he’s just breathing heavily now, during the come down, can barely make out anything  through the heavy weight around him, the one  cushioning his head— but he does graciously feel Sirius’s cock fucking into his own hand against Remus’s thigh and then idly the feeling of his come splattering him, but then after that he can just barely hear the distant padding of feed against floorboards, followed by a wet washcloth being dabbed against his skin. So when he finally forces himself to focus, he sees Sirius cleaning himself off, wrapping it into the pair of joggers Remus was wearing earlier and tosses it to the corner of the room. 

“Rude,” he scolds with no heat, shuffling closer to him when Sirius lies down besides him once more and circles an arm around his torso.

“THat’s what you get when you’re acting like a lazy fuck,” Sirius counters, smug as all get out while he threads a hand in Remus’s hair.

“Hmm, didn’t see that in the papers recently. Is it a new law?”

“Yeah, actually just past on the senate floor.”

“Interesting… Well considering that only one of us has a senator for a father, I really have to ask to see the power-point you shared with him to get this bill through the stalemate,” Remus’s head bounces against Sirius’s chest from the force of his laughter at the barb.

“Oh, stuff it, Lupin.”

Hiding his smile into Sirius’s skin, Remus does as told, and they both just lie there, as if everything’s gone suspended just for the pair of them, just so Remus can count out the beats of Sirius’s heart pulsing against his sternum, and can feel the way their legs tie into one another, and can feel Sirius mouthing against his temple, blowing his curls with every exhale. 

And Remus thinks that he’d do anything to remember this exact moment for every single day from here on out.

But then the quiet is abruptly and permanently punctured by the sound of his phone chirping, and he has to breathe in deeply before separating from the warmth of Sirius, and fishes down for the device that’s still crammed into the side of his bed from where he had hidden it after that initial text.

“Is Dearborn still on your ass to try again?” Sirius asks, a bit stilted.

Remus wonders if he’s just imagining the tension twisted in the question, but reasons that Sirius’s never been Caradoc’s biggest fan, so he just shrugs it off— really doesn’t want to get into some stupid argument about his asshole of an ex when he’s still feeling so content. “Nah, ’s James. Still trying to force me to go to the homecoming dance with you guys.”

“Oh,” Sirius retorts, lips pinched while watching Remus redress. “You should go, Marls is pregaming and you know she always gets the good shit.”

Remus shakes his head while puttering over to find a new pair of sweats and a sweater. “Nah, just not feeling it this year— Erm, you’re taking Gid I assume.” He’s not sure why he asks it, supposes he’s always a glutton for some pain and shitty feelings to inspire his playlists habit, but also maybe it’s him trying to sober himself. Trying to remember that despite this— despite everything they just did and  how easy it’s always been for them to fall into step with one another— Remus isn’t good enough to be seen with Sirius in the light of day. He’s probably not handsome enough or cool enough or something else that makes Sirius absolutely revolted from the thought. Probably that he’s beyond bookish, and looks painfully virginal and isn’t nearly as sly or snarky as his other conquests.

Truly, Remus should just be thankful that Sirius wants this at all, he shouldn’t be so crazed over the why nots of the situation— it’ll only kill him trying to be something he never could actually affect with any credence.

Schooling his features to something passably indifferent, Remus pivots to face him again, is startled when he finds Sirius still naked and staring at him with a burning sort of intensity in his storm cloud eyes. 

“He hasn’t said anything, but I guess he’s assuming as much,” he finally says, running a hand through his overgrown fringe, that familiar twitch of the corner of his mouth grabbing Remus’s attention. The one that tells him Sirius is actually irritated about something he’s not letting himself say out loud. 

“Erm, good? Gid’s a decent guy.” Remus mutters, head ducked once it gets to a point that he can’t stand Sirius looking at him like that— Not after how blissed out and ferocious he had been groping every inch of Remus only moments ago. “You guys are nice together.”

And it’s like the breath before the worst of storms when his words collapse between them, making the pregnant silence go suddenly suffocating.

“Right,” Sirius intones once Remus levels their gazes, hurriedly standing and collecting his own clothes, fracturing the moment completely. “Right. Whatever, yeah. I’ll go to the fucking dance with fucking Gideon Prewett. That’s good.”

“Sir—“

“No, it’s fine. You can just stay home, and mourn over that douchebag Dearborn some more, even though you ending it with that dick was the best decision you could’ve made, Remus, and I’m not even saying it just because I’m petty. He is a prick, and you need to finally get a clue how much better you deserve, damn it!”

Remus’s head feels like it’s swimming. Why is Sirius so angry all of a sudden? Does he not like Gideon? Why can’t he just cut it off like so many times before? And why the hell is he petty over Caradoc? The entire situation feels like someone’s just handed him a wedge of Swiss cheese and told him to knit it back together. 

“What is up your ass?” He decides is an appropriate enough question for his floundering, and shutters back only slightly at how fuming Sirius looks when he rounds on him— clothes disheveled and fearsome glower heavy on his face. 

“Whatever Remus, if you can’t see that Dearborn is bad news—“

“I’m not pining for Dearborn,” Remus interjects, really doesn’t feel like listening to one of Sirius’s ridiculous diatribes about him, not now. Not when he’s still so bewildered by everything else. “Why would you think that?”

The fire in Sirius’s eyes vanishes as quickly as someone blowing on a candle, and it’s his turn to gawk, gaping at Remus, shoulders dragged down and eyes wide. “Wait— You’re not?”

“No…. I haven’t even thought about him for weeks.”

“Oh.” Sirius looks contemplative for a moment, before the righteous anger that only he could ever wear with such conviction, melts over him once more. “All right, then what the fuck is this?”

Remus stiffens, feels his veins lace with ice, an his breath catch somewhere in his throat, really does not think he’s ready for this conversation. “This?” 

“Yes, Remus, this!” Sirius demands, sounding harsh in comparison to the barely croak Remus had spoken with. “Listen I don’t care if you want me to wait some more, if you need to lick your wounds or whatever. But why are you like pushing me on other people? Why do you want me not to be around? why do you  want me to go out with other dudes?”

Remus lies back on the chest of drawers now, feels beyond dazed. “What the hell are you talking about, Sirius?”

Sirius clenches his teeth right then, the hinge of his jaw going taught 

before he skulks closer, not letting Remus drop his gaze. “Is it me? Is it that you just can’t see me that way? Are you just stringing me along or something? Because I really didn’t think that was your style, but if it’s that, then Remus—“

“Stringing you along?” Remus asks in a voice barely above a whisper, just needs to feel his lips forming the absolutely risible words, even if it makes it so something dark passes across Sirius’s beauteous features.

“Remus, I swear to God! Stop repeating everything I’m fucking saying!”

“Then start making  some damn sense!” Remus snaps, suddenly heated as he straightens and pins him with a proper scowl. “What in holy hell are you going on about?”

“God! Do I have to spell it out!” Sirius barks, cutting the final step dividing them and grabbing for Remus’s shoulders with a tight squeeze. “I know you just wanted to fuck around with someone after Dearborn showed his extreme dickitude, and listen, I was so fucking ecstatic that you wanted me for it. But I can’t do this in-between shit anymore! I’m sorry, but I can’t! And I get if this is annoying, but I’ve been crazy for you for so long. And I just can’t keep myself at an arms length anymore, not now that we’ve really had each other, not after you let me actually touch and taste and fuck you and— Damn it, this isn’t coming out the way I wanted, all right! Damn it, maybe Evans was right and I should’ve made queue cards like some dumb ass— But then James pointed out how unromantic that was, and Marlene said—“

Gently, Remus puts his shaking fingers against Sirius’s lips, effectively killing off anything else he’s about to say. And slowly, everything is beginning to slot into place, and he’s so spiteful over how they’ve been such idiots this entire time— swears to put salt into Lily’s coffee next time he sees her. 

“I didn’t know you actually were into me Sirius.”

Stunned, Sirius’s dark brows hike up to his hairline. “How the hell didn’t you know?” He demands against Remus’s fingers, thunderous and insulted looking.

“Because you never fucking said as much!” Remus defends himself, feels a mangled sort of laughter squirming out. “God, we’re idiots.”

“We’re?” Sirius asks, hesitant and red faced before Remus moves his hand to peck softly against his mouth. 

“I’ve been half in love with you for years you absolute ass-wipe, it’s always been you! You and always you.” Remus tells him breathily, still fighting down the last remnants of his actual, god forsaken giggle— like he’s thirteen again and getting buzzed off his mom’s peach wine coolers. “I only never said anything because I never thought I’d have a chance with someone like you— Someone so— so— Someone so amazing.”

The smile Sirius favors him with right then is something absolutely incandescent, and his eyes shimmer with a very distinct sort of joy that Remus wonders if anyone besides him has ever witnessed. “Then you’re definitely the biggest idiot between us, Lupin.” Sirius declares, knocking their foreheads together, and lacing his hand into Remus’s own before squeezing meaningfully.

“Fuck off,” Remus snorts, presses forwards for another languorous kiss, not feeling in danger of being swallowed whole any more— finally letting himself drown and knowing that Sirius will be there to pull him back up no matter what. 

“Oh, I could get used to this,” Sirius smirks, snakes his arms around Remus’s waste that bit tighter.

“Hmm, there is the problem that I usually don’t put out until at least the third or fourth date,” Remus says mildly.

“Pff, ‘s fine, Lupin,” Sirius insists, grinning beatifically. “I like you being a hussy for me!— Oof, careful with the merchandize, you were speaking some real exaltations about that part of my anatomy not too long ago.”

Moving his knee from the point at hand, Remus sticks out his tongue at him. “See if you ever get any ever again, Sirius Black.”

When Sirius laughs, it sounds like the strike of lightening against unmarked land, and the honey cloaked side of a knife’s edge, and like everything splendid Remus has ever known. And he thinks that yes, he could get used to this right back.

.-

[ot3]

hi! i had some questions about the tarot spread in the 5th part of your ace attorney comic? i was curious so i looked all the cards up and looked up how a 10 card spread works, and i get most of it, but i had a few questions if you feel like elaborating? its fine if not though, whether for spoiler reasons or cant be fucked going through all of that reasons haha. anyway, if you feel like answering, the questions are below! thanks regardless! looking up the tarot has been super interesting, and i love the 6 of cups & king of swords paired for present postion/immediate influence... so obsessed. also page of cups for phoenix!! so good. and card 9, 2 of cups, is also just... god... so good... overall its all just so cool

mostly i was wondering what card 4, the 5 of clubs/wands meant. card 4 is distant past, and i was wondering what competition/rivalry/conflict was in his distant past?? unless it was dl6 which makes sense with the conflict bit.

i was also curious about card 5, ace of cups? its recent past events, so i assumed dahlia/iris, but it seems to be a fairly positive card? new feelings, spirituality, intuition, etc.

also unsure about cards 6 (future influence, 3 of swords, heart-break, suffering, grief) and 10 (final result, 10 of swords, faliure, collapse, major disaster) - surely one of them is about mia dying, but if one is, the other probably isnt, so i was unsure about which was which? and what the card that isnt about mias death means. this is probably the one that will have spoilers depending on how close u follow the canon storyline i guess

sure i don't mind at all! for the most part the events are gonna be very very similar to how they are in canon, QM has always been more of a character piece than a narrative piece. anything really divergent will most likely be confined to near endgame of the trilogy.

but actually, the order of the cards you're working with isn't the same as the order of the cards I was taught for the celtic cross, so you're a bit off! there's a few different variants of the cross. here's more or less how i learned it growing up

so in this setup, the 5 of wands there is actually in a future position, in this case, referring pretty literally to the courtroom antics to come. (funnily enough this is one of the cards i'm illustrating for the AA tarot project that's going on right now.)

then once again the ace of cups is not in a past position, but in a present position. the ace of cups is one of the rather unambiguously love-oriented cards, especially when paired with the two of of cups in a spread like it is here. in this version of the celtic cross this position is for the subconscious elements that are influencing your situation. for phoenix at this stage, that subconscious element is just How deep and severe his feelings for edgeworth are.

and that once again leaves the past/future getting flipped here. that three of swords is in the past - a past betrayal, here referring to dahlia's attempt to kill him.

mia dying is actually not represented in this spread because 1. she doesn't die in quantum meruit this has always been a mia lives au and 2. this spread is much more specifically oriented around phoenix's relationship to edgeworth than anything else. the ten of swords here is directly referring to edgeworth's future suicide nonsense at the end of AA1 because in a sense that's the 'final outcome' of phoenix's decision to become a lawyer to try and save edgeworth.

i'm glad you looked into it it makes me really happy when people take the time to dig through my comic with enough of a critical eye to actually go look up the damn tarot meanings ! hope it makes a little bit more sense to you now in full with the respective card position and meanings

[dying-suffering-french-stalkers]

For the ship game: prime numbers for Lupin x Jigen!

HERE YOU GO GHOST, THIS WAS FIVE PAGES IN A GOOGLE DOC AND TOOK ME SEVERAL HOURS

Under a cut, allegedly, though mobile has been known to just IGNORE THAT. Sorry in advance if this gets goofed for anyone.

2) Who is always horny and will have sex at any time, in any place?

Lupin, obviously (and canonically). Just the horniest man you ever did see. Jigen knows what he wants and when he wants it, but he has difficulty keeping up with Don Juan Triumphant over there. Lupin is also far less picky about locations and times than Jigen is. Jigen still has a FEW standards, thank you, and also a stronger sense of self-preservation. Lupin sometimes tries to start shit in public or during a heist and Jigen is like “I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE THE SENTIMENT BUT CAN WE NOT.” The closest to public anything Jigen will put up with is bar bathroom/back-alley hookups, and he doesn’t really tend to do that with Lupin or Goemon since they have secondary locations far more suited to such activity (or at least the damn Fiat, if nothing else). That said, Jigen is a spiteful bastard and gets a huge kick out of riling Lupin up over the walkie-talkie during jobs. He is more than happy to get jumped by his boss after they make it out and secure the loot.

3) Who is more into taking showers/baths together? Who tries to make it relaxing and who tries to make it sexy time?

Honestly, while I can totally see Lupin and Jigen doing this with their other partners, I have a harder time imagining the two of them doing this together and I’m not sure why. I feel like these two on their own both like the privacy bathing gives them, whether it’s to clean wounds or decompress from a job.

On the occasions when they do bathe together, I feel like it’s an unspoken kind of thing, where the other person quietly slips in the tub/shower with them and they just don’t bother protesting. I think Lupin is more likely to join Jigen in his bathing, but if Jigen is sleepy enough or lonely enough he might do the same. There is a lot of mutual appreciation of scars. They’ve definitely smoked in the tub before (Intricate Rituals™). Lupin is probably more likely to get handsy, because Lupin, but two can play that game if Jigen is feeling it, and also Jigen gives Lupin a run for his money in the staring department. No hat to hide behind now.

Lupin has also 100% done the whole “Hey Jigen, do you know if—stop screaming, it’s me—do you know if we have any more instant dashi? Goemon’s gonna slice up the sofa if I ruin soba night again.”

5) Who sleeps on the couch when they get into a fight?

Jigen, but to be fair, he canonically sleeps on the couch most nights (possibly to keep an eye on the door, possibly because he knows that place, at least, is always “acceptable” for him to occupy). It’s an odd night if you don’t see Jigen out there with a glass and a bottle of scotch and an old movie on TV. The main difference is that if he and Lupin have been fighting, he won’t bother with the formality of a glass and the TV will be playing far louder or not at all.

7) [A] Who said “I love you” first? And [B] who ends their arguments in a fight with “Because I love you”?

I hate to take the coward’s way out here, but I think the answers are A) either one - depends on the headcanon/fic/version of the characters I’m feeling that day, and B) both.

For A, they’re both the sort of people to show their love—true love/affection, not just flirtation/infatuation, LUPIN—in action, not words. Lupin is a man of many words to a fault, generous with his verbal and physical affection, so Lupin has to find a way to make sure Jigen knows he means it and how he means it. He may rightly fear that Jigen won’t believe him (or else believe him but take it platonically) if he says “I love you” to his face, so first he’ll show him through every little action he can. Jigen is a man of few words to a fault, so saying personal stuff like that out loud is both a last resort and the point of no return. Getting him to say it at all, unambiguously, and while sober is like pulling teeth. Once one of them finally spits it out, though, I think the other is quick to reciprocate (again, if they manage to say it clearly and under good circumstances and not ambiguously/while drunk or wounded/etc. They’re both idiots and selective cowards so this is a big if). The mutual relief is palpable and immediately followed by sex, because they’re both (horny) idiots and selective cowards who do not want to talk about Emotions and Personal Things any more than strictly necessary.

For B, ohhhh man, if it isn’t that same emotional avoidance coming to bite them in the asses! Looks like talking about deep emotions is strictly necessary after all! You know it’s a Big Important Argument for them if this is what it comes to. This is going to tie in somewhat to the answers for 11, 17, and 23, so stay tuned. “Because I love you” coming from either of them should give the other pause, but if they are angry enough, they’re both quite likely to storm off after that declaration anyway. They’ll come back and have a real discussion later, but the shock or frustration of that arresting declaration dropped in the middle of an argument is something neither of them are great at dealing with. Hearing that from Jigen might be enough to stop Lupin in his tracks, but Lupin might also be so dead-set on something that he’ll steamroll right over it even if he knows he’ll regret it later. Hearing that from Lupin probably only makes Jigen angrier because of his awful self-esteem (see answers 11 and 23), and even if he’s been working on that, his instinct will be to snarl “Yeah, right” and storm out the door. I like to think that one day they are able to get to the heart of the argument sooner (because this is almost always it) and work on the behaviors that worry the other so much, but alas, they are a mess.

11) Who makes fun of the other for having a crush on them, and who has to remind them that they are in a relationship?

Once again, either of them depending on the day.

As you mentioned in your JiGoe post, Jigen says it partly because he thinks it’s funny (“You have a crush on me, Boss? Fuckin’ embarrassing”) but also because he’s fishing for validation. His self-esteem/confidence in anything outside his shooting skills is shit and he still can’t quite believe that Lupin isn’t lying/he hasn’t conned Lupin into something. This is rather overestimating his conning skills and underestimating his many good qualities, but, well, genuine, lasting affection is kinda new for him. Much to Jigen’s annoyance, Lupin figures out exactly what Jigen’s up to after the first few times and answers him seriously (and positively) instead of continuing the “joke”. Lupin loses patience for this particular tactic over time but I like to think that Jigen finally begins believing in the affection, too, so it comes up less and less and one day Jigen might actually play the quip straight without the self-deprecation. Ideally he would just take the damn compliment, but it’s LupJig and banter is one of their love languages.

When Lupin says it, he typically is playing the quip straight and fondly giving Jigen shit for showing an Emotion and motherFUCKER I just realized Jigen could probably be considered a tsundere. I hate this. ANYWAY. Jigen then immediately snarks back that yes, Lupin, considering we’ve been travelling the world together and actively fucking for X years, it’d be damn awkward if I didn’t by now.

13) Who initiates duets? and who is the better singer?

Lupin absolutely initiates duets, or rather, he tries to; whether or not Jigen actually chimes in is another matter entirely. Lupin is also the better singer by far (when he’s sober). He loves singing along to pop and rock in the car (“This is the reason God invented America!”).

Much as it would please me personally to give Jigen a smooth operatic baritone, there’s no way in hell he sounds good after smoking a pack a day for twenty-something years. I think Jigen can carry a tune and he’s a decent hummer and whistler, but his singing voice isn’t spectacular.

Lupin occasionally succeeds in getting Jigen to join him in car karaoke, though as in all things, Lupin is much louder and more impassioned. Jigen frequently hums along under his breath, though, and Lupin loves hearing Jigen’s a cappella renditions of classical music (complete with hand motions).

When Queen starts becoming popular, car singalongs become much more involved because it’s MY silly headcanon and You Are Not Immune To Queen. Jigen cried the first time he heard “Bohemian Rhapsody” and he will kill Lupin if he ever tells Goemon or, God forbid, Fujiko. When the four of them are in the car it’s a full-on Wayne’s World headbanging party. (Pops is the drunk guy they pick up along the way. Also, seeing Payless Shoe Source in this clip dealt me psychic damage.)

Lupin and Jigen (and Goemon) are the living embodiment of the drunk friends singing “Sweet Caroline” post, and Jigen is specifically this version of “Sweet Caroline”.

17) Who is more protective?

THAT IS THE QUESTION, HUH, GHOST? Jigen’s job and, to a certain degree, raison d’être is protecting Lupin, but (to cheat slightly and quote your own DM to me), if you think Lupin won’t raze everything to the ground to keep Jigen (and the others) safe, you don’t know him at all. They are this meme to the deepest of faults. They are both so desperately afraid of losing what they have (and in Lupin’s case, this is tinged with a bonus, even more concerning “what is his”) that they will go full self-sacrificing, scorched-earth policy. This is, in fact, my favorite reason for Lupin to do the worst thing he does: fake his own death to protect his partners. Lupin never stops to think that maybe, JUST MAYBE, he should trust his partners to fake grief and keep the secret long enough for whoever’s on their tail to give up or let their guard slip. Lupin is willing to hurt them in an effort to protect them, so in that way, I suppose Lupin is the “most” “protective”. Jigen’s self-abasement to the point of unhesitating and perhaps even hasty sacrifice is painful, too, but Jigen would never dare go to the same level of deception (except in Goodbye, Partner, apparently? But 1) I haven’t watched it yet and 2) while awful, I still feel like fake betrayal pales in comparison to very convincingly (AND MAYBE REPEATEDLY) faked death).

19) Who drives and who has the window seat?

They split driving duties, but Lupin genuinely loves driving and Jigen is more than happy to prop his feet on the Fiat’s dashboard and smoke or sleep the hours away.

23) Who thinks they are not good enough for the other’s love? and who’s more afraid of losing the other? Who thinks they keep messing up, only for the other to tell them they don’t need to worry?

HERE WE GO AGAIN!!! I think the answer to all of these is ultimately Jigen, but that’s not to say Lupin doesn’t share the exact same worries.

Jigen has a very difficult time believing that his partners’ love is genuine, and since Lupin is the one he knew first, that’s where it first manifests. Jigen has had very, very few good romantic connections in his life (if any). He doesn’t know what Lupin could possibly see in an older, prickly hired killer with a drinking problem and a head full of demons. He’s willing to believe that Lupin keeps him around for his skills, for protection, and for sex, sure, but anything past that? Doubtful. This ties into the other two parts of the question: Jigen is afraid that if he fails in his sharpshooting or his protection, he will be cut out of the gang, or worse, Lupin will end up dead because Jigen slipped up. As mentioned in question 17, Jigen cannot bear to lose Lupin and he would never forgive himself if he believed it was somehow his fault. Accordingly, Jigen takes “failure” that exceeds his usual margin of error very seriously in the early days. Later, he is better about this, but the worst-case scenario still stands.

Lupin, on the other hand, has had plenty of romantic connections, some good, some bad, though it is perhaps telling that Fujiko is his longest romantic relationship other than Jigen. He is afraid that if he doesn’t put on the world’s greatest show at all times, no one will give a rat’s ass about some scrawny grandson of an old French thief (or the perhaps unwanted/disliked son of a ruthless crime lord, because I love that fanon for Lupin the Second). He must live up to and indeed surpass the previous Lupins, he must shower his partners in money and adventure, he must always, always come out on top no matter how south the plan goes, or else what is the point of him? It takes time for him to turn his persona off for more than a few seconds, to let the quieter, sometimes contemplative side that slips through the cracks come to rest out in the open. Years down the road, Jigen finally gets up the courage and the words to tell Lupin that he would love him no matter what he did or where he went, even if that was nothing and nowhere. And again, see question 17 re: losing Jigen.

29) Who does some crazy stunt to try and impress the other and who ends up driving them to the emergency room after it backfires?

Lupin is by far the most guilty of this. He’s constantly pulling dumb shit, whether that be for World-Renowned Gentleman Thief reasons or just He May Be Stupid reasons. Case in point: the tunnel scene in The First, after which Jigen was duly impressed. Fortunately for Lupin, Lady Luck must be head over heels for him because the bastard keeps surviving, but sometimes even she can’t save him from medical consequences. Jigen bulk-ordered “Stupid Hurts” band-aids specifically for Lupin. Jigen’s bad choices are more likely to literally backfire on him, but Goemon more than makes up for Jigen’s slack in the Crazy Stunt department.

[morwensteelsheen]

for the character meme: faramir and cassian

yaaaaaaas thank u 👑👑👑

Faramir

How I feel about this character

Oh boy. Yeah. So I see in Faramir what I wish I were — not just the good stuff like the pacificism and the intellectualism and the romanticism, but what I wish my flaws were too. It’s hard to not treat him as something of a literary patron saint of historians for all the incredible exposition work he’s given throughout the books, y’know? Like he has this incredibly historically-minded perspective on things, yet instead of taking it and behaving (as I tend to) in a sort of deeply pessimistic, confrontational, and defeatist way, he uses it to enable his (over)confidence. And I think that’s really brilliant and something I wish I could do. Yeah. God. I feel a lot of things about Faramir all the time, constantly torn between gender envy for him and normal, slightly furious envy lmao.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

lol whoops it’s just Éowyn lol. I am very much pro he and Aragorn shagging, if I don’t think too hard about it, but there are basically no other characters in the book who have forceful enough personalities to act as a countervailing force to some of his, uhhhh, Extremes, and I think Éowyn ends up being his [David Duchovny voice] human credential, which is lovely.

I guess I’m also partial to the Faramir-As-A-Sloppy-Bitch hypothesis which has him behaving like a bit of a fuckboy, but that’s not really shipping so much as character development? I guess?

My non-romantic OTP for this character

I’m buying him one of those awful one man wolfpack tshirts lmao, my dude absolutely does not have pals. I think he’s got loads of decent working relationships with people and is definitely charismatic when he wants to be, but outwith that……. lol

My unpopular opinion about this character

looooooool, I feel like the Faramir Is Not A Crybaby one is well trodden ground at this point, but one of my favourite unpopular opinions is that I think he’s, like, 15% more cynical than everybody gives him credit for. I think a lot of what he does can be construed as very obviously, uhhh, putting the moves on, I guess? Like I think he’s not making grand statements to Éowyn because he’s Magically Compelled To Do It, but because I think he absolutely 100% knows it’s stroking her ego. And I think playing one man good cop/bad cop with Sam and Frodo isn’t him rapidly changing his Take on the situation after getting new information, I think he’s very purposefully trying to unsettle their psychological defences a bit so he can get a better sense for what’s really going on and whether these two guys are going to end up handing Isildur’s Bane™ over to Sauron.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

Actually nothing super significant. I guess I think the one kid shit is nonsensical. Even without turning on dumb horny shipper brain that says 0% chance he and éowyn weren’t fucking loads, I genuinely refuse to believe that any self-respecting feudal lord would not at least go for the And A Spare, if not And Several Spares, especially if you’re Faramir and your entire family got obliterated leaving you — Man Who Was Not Meant To Hold The House Down — the sole survivor.

Beyond that Faramir gets exactly what he ought to out of LOTR (though I would have loved to have read about his misery life in the Fourth Age), and I can’t really complain? Maybe a line or two at the trothplighting in Rohan? A chat with Galadriel? idk he really did fine for canon appearances imo

Cassian

How I feel about this character

There’s no way to say this without sounding slightly unhinged, but the scene in R1 where he shoots the injured informant on the Ring of Kafrene is genuinely one of my favourite moments in all of Star Wars. It threw down the gauntlet for visceral depictions of the unfeelingness of the GFFA in a way that hadn’t really been done before. Both the OT and the PT make gestures at it (the destruction of Alderaan is a good example, as is the slightly-bungled slavery subplot in TPM), but neither really show how fucked up people can get when they’re living in a fucked up world and they never show good guys doing things that are of ambiguous morality. Cassian ends up making a (surprisingly, given it’s a Mouse™ production) sophisticated argument for how the Real World works once you get past the golden boy heroes. Yes Luke blows up the Death Star, and yes he brings Vader back to the Light — both things that are unambiguous moral goods — but the reason he’s able to do that is because there’s someone like Cassian out there taking the karmic/emotional/spiritual/whatever hit to enable the Golden Boy behaviour. And I think that’s a really beautiful, really exciting bit of narrative development for SW generally, but to also do it in the context of Cassian — who actively defends his choices? That fucking rocked. I’m bracing for impact with the new show but R1 Cassian is absolutely one of my favourite SW characters, lovely wee man.

All the people I ship romantically with this character

Literally just Jyn. Actually funnily enough he’s very much like Faramir to me in that I think if he didn’t end up with Jyn, he wouldn’t have really ended up with anyone at all. Not in a weird comphet or soulmates way, just in that I think sometimes people need a very specific kind of personality to wear down their defences and sometimes it’s a very specific kind of personality.

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Okay in a fix-it AU I like to think he and Hera would get along fabbo, but from a great distance, as I think each of them would prefer it. Otherwise, I’m sorry to say it but my guy absolutely does not have pals lmao. Cassian no mates rip

My unpopular opinion about this character

I don’t think he’s actually repentant for the fucked up shit he’s done. When he tells Jyn that he’s had to do stuff he isn’t proud of, he’s not saying that because he’s seeking absolution or a chance to do penance or whatever, he’s saying it because it’s objectively true. He has done some stuff he’s not proud of, but contextually I think it’s pretty clear he’s able to justify it to himself well enough that he’s not looking for redemption or whatever.

One thing I wish would happen/had happened with this character in canon

I feel like I need to whisper this so the monkey’s paw doesn’t curl in advance of the show, but it would be genuinely very interesting to see him try to build an actual espionage network for the Rebellion. SW: Rebels touched on the notion of industrial sabotage (actually Mando did too, didn’t it?) and I think it would be especially interesting to see them try that out in a resistance/rebellion framework via Cassian. Let him do some covert ops organisation of workers to undermine Imperial production/supply lines or whatever.

Give me a character xxoo

[benisasoftboi]

Unorganised thoughts on Trails in the Sky: The 3rd

I had a twelve hour marathon session to finish it yesterday, why no, I don’t have a social life, why do you ask?

What an ending!

That horrible thing happened where I find a final boss really hard and then I look up the game afterwards and everyone’s going on about how easy it was and I’m like :/

I’m not good at video games

I can’t believe the game starts with Kevin SPOILING THE END OF CARNELIA, damnit it Kevin, I never read it because I missed some chapters in FC and was planning on reading it when I replayed

I read it in the garden. It’s pretty good 

I love the doors thing so much. The main plot was like... fine, as an excuse to have a game, but I would honestly have bought this if it were nothing but just a bunch of these little vignettes. Shows how good the characters are

Really enjoyed Schera and Estelle’s Moon Doors, and the Star Doors about Olivier, Julia, the one at the banquet, Zin’s (surprsingly, as I’ve always found him kinda dull), the Ravens (MY BOYS), Campanella breaking the fourth wall, and Bleublanc. 

I hated all of the minigames except the quiz. I like quizzes

I did not finish the Nightmare Arena. I kept a save if I ever feel like going back and trying, but I probably won’t

Special mention: Fucking hell Star Door 15 do I have to say more

I figured that at most it was going to be an abusive, or maybe negligent parents thing, not... 

I take back my previous comments about not caring for Renne

I resent the ‘win x battles’ doors because I’m the kind of player who skips encounters whenever possible, so I ended up having to grind in Abyss for hours - and the reward is very little, really >:(

I guess I have shipping opinions now?

Joshua and Estelle are still good and I like them very much

Kevin and Ries as friends, thanks

I had kind of jokingly been shipping Maybelle and Lila already, but Star Door 9 has made me militant

Am I the only person who ships Kloe and Josette a little? It would be cute!

The game pushes Olivier and Schera, which I don’t hate but like. She’s way too good for him. Her Moon Door kind of made me like her with Aina, actually, more than anything else  

Speaking of Olivier, I don’t necessarily ship him with Mueller, but one thing I noticed about them that I thought was very sweet is that despite Mueller’s usual frustration at Olivier’s flirtations, he doesn’t seem to take any issue with Olivier calling him ‘love’. It’s a nice, subtle indication that there is mutual affection there, really. I don’t know. It made me smile

I like Mueller and Julia together as well. Except for the fact that their names sound awful next to each other

They had a lot of time to hang out on the bench...

So, uh. Tita and Agate. Why. Like, in the first two games it was very much a pseudo-sibling relationship, and then we meet Erika who seems pretty convinced it’s something far... worse, and you know what? That’s understandable. If I had a thirteen year old daughter and I’d been informed that in my absence she had become close friends with an adult man I didn’t know, I would be pretty damn concerned

But Anelace?!? Who knows Agate and knows he’s a good person and still seems to think their relationship is romantic?!? And she’s supportive!?!

‘She just has a dark sense of humour’ I whisper into my paper bag

I mean, not to Age Gap Discourse, but no. Bad. What the hell. She’s unambiguously a child

The saving grace is that, at the very least, it seems like this is just everyone else’s misunderstanding of the situation. Which is good, because I really, really like Agate and wouldn’t want to have to start despising him (perhaps a case could be made for Tita having a crush. As far as I’m concerned, that’s perfectly fine - as long as it isn’t reciprocated)

Anyway rant over

It’s so weird how every chapter is pretty short and supplemented by doors, except 6 which takes approximately 15 years

I do like how blatantly Falcom was wringing every last bit of usage possible out of all the old assets 

I started yelling GILBERT everytime he appeared, god he’s such a loser I LOVE him

I loved being able to play as Richard so much. He’s genuinely my favourite antagonist in the whole series so far. He just had the most interesting motivations to me (and I’m a huge sucker for redemptions)

I wish it had been clearer that I wouldn’t be able to do a team reshuffle for the final boss, because I took my four best characters (Kevin, Estelle, Joshua and Richard) and made them Team Leaders, with the intention of then using them all together for the final fight. Which I of course couldn’t do. So I got stuck with underequipped glass cannon Tita in that final arena. Remarkably, she survived

I didn’t tear up at the end you can’t prove it

So Crossbell is of course next, but after a few hours of messing around with translation patches and corrupted zip files and that one doujin website where you can buy it but it’s all in Japanese, I have come to the conclusion that I’m not going to be able to play it unless we get an official localisation 

But what I have found is a Let’s Play! Which is definitely not ideal, but it’s that or no Crossbell at all for me. So my plan is that I’ll watch that, and also play the first two Cold Steel games concurrently, as I’m told that’s okay. Should all be interesting 

[ckret2]

A while back you said “Generally I like to imagine Zim/Membrane as some kind of psychological/paranormal horror story (with most of the horror, of course, being on Prof Membrane’s end)” and I am intrigued. Care to enlighten us on what a darker Zimbrane might be like?

Well, this is the second time I've gotten this exact ask, so sure, why not. I tried to put in a read more and tumblr DELETED IT so i'm trying to edit it back in but if it doesn't stick, I apologize for the long post, I tried my best.

So let's rewind to episode 1 and start off with a full AU. Zim lands on earth and decides not to disguise himself among mere schoolchildren; instead, he does, like, five minutes of research on the planet he's just landed on and decides that the most useful place to infiltrate will be the scientific labs of the planet's greatest genius, so he can properly assess the planet's pathetic technological advancements and defenses and counter them accordingly.

So cut to Membrane labs and that was the last time we're gonna be in Zim's perspective. From now on it's all Membrane, all the time. And what he knows is they've just got a new recent grad ("graduate at what level? bachelor's, master's..." "I am the master of ALL!!" "master's level, cool") working for them. He says his major was in "everything that is known of the sciences on this filthy planet" and that his alma mater is "a university SO advanced you haven't even heard of it!" and like, with credentials like that, he's clearly going to be a great asset to the lab. And he asks so many questions! Clearly he's preparing to work on his doctorate and is prodding around for interesting subjects to write on. Membrane supports this ambitious fellow completely.

But something's odd. The first time his son visits the lab and sees their newest hire, he starts screaming about how he's an alien. Membrane always knew that Dib was a bit... obsessed with his fantasies—hunting for things that don't exist—but Membrane had always comforted himself with the knowledge that claiming he's looking for cryptids and claiming he's found cryptids are totally different things. This... this is a disturbing new development. He's starting to really worry about his son.

Thankfully, New Guy Zim takes it in stride—says he gets this all the time thanks to his skin condition, humans can be sooo gullible. His work isn't disturbed at all.

And wow, what work he does. He sees potential flaws in their lab work and inventions long before anyone else does. Lots of the other employees think he's an obnoxious little know-it-all, but Membrane recognizes his genius for what it is and is constantly amazed at his insights. He's basically the only one who can always keep up with Membrane's latest inventions & creations, understanding the science as easily as though it were elementary to him. And Zim is constantly expressing surprise that Membrane keeps up with his work, which is kind of weird, since Membrane has been doing this a lot longer than fresh-out-of-some-master's-program Zim has. But maybe it's because he's never actually worked in a lab doing REAL SCIENCE before. He's astounded to be around his peers. That's clearly it.

At one point Zim irritably shoves aside another inventor trying to get some doohickey working and with thirty seconds and some crap he pulled out of his backpack he gets a device working that they've been tying to get to function for the better part of a year. Membrane praises Zim effusively. (The inventor, who at this point is sick of Zim's crap, quits on the spot.) And Zim's little eyes light right up.

Suddenly he's inventing new things so fast Membrane doesn't know when he has time to make them—it's like he's just pulling them fully formed out of some closet he's got them all tossed in at home. Membrane is over the moon. His lab's never been this booming. And Membrane's got to confess: when someone is that good at science—possibly better even than Membrane himself—that's... kinda hot. Kinda super hot.

As a bonus, Dib's making more excuses to hang out at Membrane's lab. Membrane is sure that it's to "monitor the alien," but if it means he's exposed to more Real Science, ultimately it's gotta be good for him. At least Dib's hostility toward Zim has cooled somewhat—"I thought he was here to try to take over the planet, but, I dunno, it looks like he's just sharing the wisdom of his alien society with us? Which doesn't seem so bad." He's still totally convinced Zim is an alien, though. Ah, well. And he's determined to convince Membrane, too: "You know that energy absorbing creature thing he pulled out today? Do you have any idea what research he based it on? Like, is this a creation that naturally progresses from any of the current science we've got? You'd know, Dad, you're on top of every new development. So what's this one based on? Isn't it weird that you don't know? As if he's—oh, I don't know—sharing the end product of a field of scientific research that's centuries, if not millennia, farther along than ours?"

And Membrane's got to admit: he has found it weird. He has wondered how Zim just leapfrogs over gaps in their scientific knowledge to seemingly create things based on discoveries no one has made yet. Membrane's assumed that he's just using his own research—research he hadn't shared—but maybe...

No. No, that's crazy. Membrane would be crazy to think it. Zim is just a talented, gifted, genius, normal human.

Who is absolutely ravenous for Membrane's praise.

And thaaat's about the point they start dating.

First it's lamenting about the recent difficulties in the lab together. (They've has a lot of resignations lately, wonder why. But no problem, Zim's had some great success automating the more menial tasks with robot labor...) Then it's hanging out discussing Science, because that's definitely what scientists do in their spare time. Then it's occasionally grabbing dinner together. (Zim's got some weird dietary restrictions, probably due to his skin condition, but Membrane can adapt.) Then it's going to scientific conferences together to save money on hotel rooms but oh no the only room left has only one bed so Membrane's sleeping on the very edge of the bed staring at the wall in the dark going oh shit oh fuck oh hell this is an opportunity here but does he like me like me or does he only like me I am a sweaty hormonal 15-year-old experiencing a first crush and don't know what to do with myself because we've never actually discussed whether we're dating or hanging out

(Membrane sleeps in his full lab wear, minus boots but still in socks, under the blankets, like a monster. Zim spread eagles to take up as much of the bed as possible and stares at the ceiling all night because he's not sure what's involved in human sleep besides lying down and being still.)

Things are going great! They're going great. Except the more time Membrane spends with Zim outside of a lab setting, the more strange Membrane realizes he is. Not in a bad way—it's a very attractive strangeness—but more and more he finds himself wondering...

And then Dib admits he snuck into Zim's house (he snuck into Zim's house?!) and found evidence that actually he is here to take over the world, Dib doesn't know why he's handing over so much of his species's technology but it's got to be a trap of some kind, dad, dad, you've gotta believe him, they've gotta do something—

And then Zim escalates the flirting to the point where it's unambiguous. Like, "hand job in the office when the door is closed" escalates.

Hard to misinterpret that.

At that point it's a torrid, very weird love affair, and Membrane is finding himself increasingly and alarmingly unsure whether Zim is actually into him, or is trying to pump him for information on what work is being done at other major global scientific labs—he can't tell whether Zim likes Membrane or just wants Membrane to like him—but whatever the case, Membrane does like him, even if he's finding him increasingly unnerving, and he's constantly getting the impression that even with all Zim's shown off to him, there's even more he's holding back. But how can that be? How can there be more? It doesn't make sense unless Zim really is...

But he's not, he's not. That's crazy, that's crazy, that's crazy.

At one point in bed (they're in bed now—Zim doesn't like to take his clothes off, doesn't want to be touched between his legs, only gets satisfactions from strange touches and strange actions and Membrane isn't actually sure whether he gets off or not or if he's getting something else out of it, and sometimes he doesn't want to be touched at all, sometimes he just touches and watches—)

At one point in bed, Zim hisses a confession that sounds so true and so sincere that it makes every other thing he's ever said sound a bit more untrue by comparison; he says never in his life has he been appreciated like this, never in his life has he been admired, not once until he got here, never, ever, ever—Membrane's not sure if Zim's trying to say he's grateful, trying to say he's flattered, trying to say "I love you," trying to confess some kind of childhood trauma—because he doesn't say anything more than that. But just from that little bit, Membrane is Deeply Moved.

But also unnerved. What did he mean, "until he got here"? Here from where? Did "here" mean Membrane lab? Did "here" mean Earth?

Because as Membrane is trying to deny it, and as hard as Zim's been trying to distract him (oh, god, is that what Zim's been doing, has this all been an attempt to distract Membrane after Dib broke into his house?), the truth is there's a very large part of Membrane that now, after spending a whole lot of personal time with Zim, now thinks there's more evidence than not that Zim is, in fact, an alien.

This horrifies Membrane. Because there's only two possibilities: either he's wrong, or he's right.

If he's wrong, then that means he's gone nuts, he's let his own son suck him into his delusions when as the father it should be his job to help guide his son's mind, help his son tell true from false; and it means he's in no fit mental state to do REAL SCIENCE, he's in no state to be running a lab, he's probably in no state to be raising his own kids, like he's not sure if "does the parent believe one of the people closest to them is an alien" is a criteria for determining whether a child should be taken from the parents but Membrane would certainly not trust that such delusions wouldn't seep into their parenting and for the sake of his kids he has to hold himself to that same standard; and it means that he's wrongly suspecting his own lover of not being human, which, god, what a cruel thing to think, and over what, a skin condition and some odd behavior quirks, it's the twenty-first century equivalent of conflating mental illness with demonic possession, and is there any possible higher injustice he could do to the man he lo— Does he love Zim?

Is Membrane in love?

But if he's right, if he's right, then it means Zim is an alien. It means Zim is an alien masquerading as a human. It means Zim is not some eager young scientist showing off his brilliance, it means he's... what? Is he here to take over the planet, like Dib says? If so, can Membrane trust anything he's ever done or said? Is he flooding Membrane's lab with new inventions because if he replaces human technology with his own then he can control it? Is Dib wrong, is Zim a benevolent alien sharing his technology? Has his relationship with Membrane been a very dedicated ruse to get close to his resources? Or to distract him from the truth? Or to manipulate him into assisting in his alien agenda?

Membrane doesn't know which possibility is worse.

But he can't go on not knowing.

So he goes to Dib and says, you want me to believe Zim's an alien. Here's your opportunity: prove it. Do your very best. Membrane's listening. With... a reasonably open mind, but not so open his brain falls out.

Dib's over the moon.

Membrane's not sure whether he dreads the possibility that Dib's going to pull out a cork board coveted in unrelated conspiracy theory articles and strings connecting them or the possibility that Dib's going to pull out incontrovertible evidence more. But what Dib says is okay it's infiltration time. Wear something stealthy. Lab coats aren't stealthy, dad. Membrane's like oh good great we're breaking and entering now. Well, if he's going to be entertaining mad theories, then he might as well go absolutely off the deep end with it.

So they break into Zim's house.

The underground base is compelling evidence but maybe he's just... he's just got... a really advanced home lab... Membrane's home lab is pretty advanced too. Dib's like dad PLEASE. Look, on that computer over there he's still got the window open for the order page for that new "invention" he showed off at work last week. He bought it on the internet! The ALIEN internet!

While Membrane's still reeling from that, they run into Zim. Sans disguise. Zim's face goes through about twelve emotions in two seconds, starting with Shocked Beyond Words and ending with Time For A Villainous Monologue. He's like SO! You have seen my TRUE FORM!! You're going to try to STOP ME?!?!?! and membrane's like uh I uh I well uh erm that is, if Zim happens to be planning to take over planet Earth in order to hand it over to some kind of alien empire, then no, Membrane isn't going to let him do that. And Zim's like THEN WE ARE ENEMIES!!!!!!! and Membrane's like oh.

A dumb fight is had. Membrane's sort of in over his head, mainly because he's still reeling from the disbelief that he's been dating an alien. It ends with Zim kicking them both out (rather than, say, killing them—which seems a little odd for an alien hellbent on world conquest, doesn't it?) and then crowing "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ZIM!" and packing up his base and vanishing. He's just gone. Surely he hasn't left Earth, but he's relocating to god knows where and they're gonna have a hell of a time tracking him down now.

Membrane needs to go home and go to sleep. (He doesn't get any sleep.)

So that's phase 1 of the story. Phase 2 is Horrified Membrane and Gleeful Dib teaming up to stop Zim. Membrane gets hauled into the Swollen Eyeball and hates it. ("Where do you work?" "NASA Place." "Oh thank goodness, a fellow man of science! What's your field? Astronomy? Engineering?" "Janitor." "Oh.") Zim encounters are far more sparse because all the How To Human knowledge Zim picked up at the most advanced lab on Earth and while trying to convince Membrane one-on-one that he's definitely a normal human have made him much better at evading detection. And every showdown is... emotionally fraught.

Turns out Zim was suppressing half his personality while pretending to be human. This new real Zim is a lot more maniacal. Maniacal Zim is... unfortunately also hot.

Zim doesn't act like he feels anything for Membrane now. Is that because it was all a ruse, or is he concealing his emotions the way he once concealed his true alien self? Is Membrane really picking up on hints of suppressed attraction and yearning and frustration under his efforts to stop Membrane & Dib from thwarting his efforts—or is that just wishful thinking?

When Zim extends an offer for Membrane to join him, is that to throw him off his game, to manipulate him, or due to a sincere desire to not fight him? Is the offer he makes mid battle between one maniacal laugh and the next different from the offer he makes in the dark two inches behind Membrane's ear in the middle of the night when Membrane thought the house was locked and secure?

Did Zim make any of the wonderful toys he used to so impress Membrane? Is he actually an inventor, a scientist, in any capacity? Is he actually scientifically inclined, or was the vast knowledge he showed off equivalent to kindergarten stuff for his species? (And if his knowledge is extraordinary for a human but ordinary for an alien, is it wrong for Membrane to still find himself drawn toward considering Zim extraordinary anyway?) Is Membrane mistaken, or is Zim even now trying to show off with new toys? Is he wrong, or is there pain under Zim's anger when Membrane accuses him of having imported his weapon of the day?

When he insists that they don't need to fight, if only Zim gave up trying to conquer the world they could have productive SCIENTIFIC EXCHANGES between their species, it doesn't need to end with one of them eliminating the other... is he imagining that Zim actually listens for a moment?

Is he imagining that Zim seems reluctant to permanently harm him?

Is he imagining that Zim still flirts with him mid-battle?

Or is it manipulation? Or is it petty cruelty?

Or is it a wishful delusion?

[somarysueme]

WicDiv Thoughts, some overly personal

stiiiiiillllll can’t really put together my feelings about the end and epilogue.  I will say that I liked the ending and epilogue more than I expected to*, and the longer I sit on it, I find more things to like about it.

(* Except for everything about Baal and Mini)

That said, there’s still that huge, unpleasant gap between what I wanted/expected this comic was supposed to be, and what it actually intended/was. I wrote this post after 43 (the “everyone does the thing” chapter), using bits of a half-written reaction to 39 ("Laura did the thing” chapter) to talk about that gap. I decided to sit on it til everything was said and done Just In Case, but I mostly still agree with what I’d written. 

So Here Are My Thoughts

The full pantheon abdicating! This is basically where I expected us to go. Since 39 it seems like the natural place for the story to be headed. Laura’s revelations, along with the Daddy Forgive Us special made it clear that the only way out of the game was not to play it. I was kinda luke warm on that concept, but it made sense for where the story was at that point. I was waiting to see how it actually played out before getting fussy about it.

I give him a C for execution here. Maybe a C+. 

I thought Dio’s moment was great. Jon’s was beautiful. Inanna’s I definitely could have gotten behind if he’d actually gotten to have any of that arc on the page instead of getting put on a bus 30 chapters ago. 

The rest range from “meh” to “yikes.”

I could have liked this, I wanted to like this. Given how much “OKAY” has been miles more thoughtful than Mothering Invention, I was genuinely hoping to like this. I would have loved to see these kids find something more important than godhood to live for. But that’s not what we got.

We did get them realizing that being a god is not worth dying for. Which is good!  And essential! And basically the central conceit of this comic! 

But.

But...  

I really wanted to see our cast value their lives period. And while there was some of that, there was far more of seeing them be humbled. We saw them beaten down until they had no choice but to admit they Were Not Special (or at least, were not as special as they thought). I was hoping for them to find a capacity to value their lives because their lives have value whether or not they are special, but instead it was a story about being humbled, and I guess to me, I just can’t see that what young queer artists need is help being humbled. They need help being valued as people, they need the internal presence of self to command that value be respected, and they need the external support to give them a fighting chance at that.  And not to be That Fan, but that fighting chance doesn’t come from individual actions. It comes from worker solidarity and respect for labor as labor.  It just doesn’t work for me to have a series around the exploitation and consumption of young talent and leave anything material about money and labor practices out of the material.

(McKelvie’s My (6000 F) pantheon has unionized joke, but unironically.)

Anyway this comic was all about Don’t Let This Happen To You.  And that’s a good start, but I was hoping for it to be so much more than that. It could be that this is me looking at WicDiv and wanting it to say something broader about specialness and creativity and mental illness and exploitation. 

(There’s a lot to be unpacked wrt presenting itself as a story about the whole world through all of human history, while also intending to be  psuedoautobiographical for a very specific set of circumstances. But that’s not this post.)

It’s weird because like, Fandemonium already delivered masterfully on Laura learning to value herself outside of godhood.  Laura’s last pre-apoptheosis soliloquy about “I can’t save any of them, but I can still help them” was one of those wham moments that really cemented this book’s place in my heart. Living through Fandemonium and realizing that the gods were people, and needed actual love and support from people who cared about them as people, and that just being a decent friend is something worth living for, fuck!! That’s good shit!! That’s fucking excellent!! 

And for the rest of WicDiv’s run, I was always waiting for the story to get back to that place, but it never really did. 

 (ETA AFTER 45 IS OUT: ok fine I fucking love that Laura saved Luci. Big Gay Hero Girl drags naughty non-devil out of hell and they kiss, fucking A+. But “can’t save but CAN help” is still something I wish the comic had followed up on more. The friendship thing got touched on a little bit too,  but never in a way I found as satisfying as Fandemonium.)

So anyway Luci going Full Diva. Her future is this and her future is nothing.

The longer I chew on it, the more I like it, and the more it seems like the inevitable place for Elanor Rigby’s story to go. It’s a good continuation from where we last saw her have any scrap of agency, but also frustrating in that “the lat time we saw her have any scrap of agency” was basically the entire comic ago. It was jarring to have her go from [One Sassy Line Per Issue] to [Maybe I’m The Final Boss]. Her story suffered deeply suffered from all the time she spent off screen. But despite all that, I’m very much really looking forward to whatever the fuck Laura Wilson’s going to do about this. 

I’m trying not to get my hopes up for Talk Her Down ending. It seems perfectly in line with this series to end with the moral of “sometimes, no matter how kind or brave or caring you are, people you love pick their addictions over living.” That’s a song I’ve already heard live and in person, and I don’t really want or need to hear anyone else’s studio cover.

Uh final thought on 43 is.... Minanke DOES seem to count herself as part of the 12, which still lines up with my Emily Was Also A Fake God theory (Fauxmaterasu theory? Nokami hypothesis? Amaterasuspicion?) but it does seem unlikely to actually be a Thing between now and the epilogue. shrug.

(ETA AGAIN: I had to write out my feelings on 39 and Laura’s own abdication (unpotheosis?) to properly respond to 43. So here’s a draft of another unpublished post that I fleshed out.)

I have extremely mixed feelings about chapter 39. 

First Feeling: thank fuck the pregnancy plot is over. 

Second feeling: establishing abdication as an option established a nice overarching shape to this book. Things have felt directionless for many chapters, but this does make it seem like we are back on some kind of track.

Third Feeling: kinda liking abdication as a general direction for endgame.  For most of the series, I was hoping the whole that there actually was Something Important about the recurrence, but since it's clear now that it’s basically all lies, I like this this angle well enough.

Strongest Feeling: hell fucking yes to Laura’s shaved head. 

(Tangential Feeling: buzzing your own head is good and you should think about doing it. Doing it for catharsis in a moment of crisis is A-OK, but I did it once just because I felt like it and it was fucking great. banishing your high maintenance hair does not cure depression, but it does give you back an hour of personal upkeep every day and the fuzzy head is wonderful to touch.)

Contrary to most of the fandom, though, I absolutely loathed Laura’s monologue here, and the context that it puts around her not-choice. There’s a lot of shitty Hot Takes out there about how mental illness and addition and creation intersect. A lot of people will suggest that being unhealthy makes you a better artist, and what’s more that being a better artist is worth being unhealthy.  This series is unambiguously and steadfastly against that message, which is one of the absolute best and most important things about it!  I don’t want to diminish that.

But that all said, seeing Laura alone in the dark describing “an addicts moment of clarity” was... jesus it was all kinds of personally painful and upsetting. It hurt real bad, and not in the way I though I had agreed to be hurt. And I’m not sure how to spell out why.

I have thousands and thousands of words on why it struck such a sour cord in me, but a lions share can be summed up with “fuck absolutely every story where a Troubled Girl just needed to get traumatized/humiliated/humbled enough to Realize How Bad She Was Being.” Double fuck this one in particular for showing the girl getting over addiction/mental illness by literally sitting alone in the dark thinking about how much she fucked up.  That story is tired, and cruel, and dangerous, and thank Christ I encountered this comic at 30 and not 19 because I would have swallowed it down with all the other poison that Helpful Adults fed me.

But yeah though, her shaved look is fucking adorable as shit.  Neither she nor Britany made any hair mistakes.

ETA ULTIMATE: That last bit is the one thing in this post I don’t quite still stand by. By the end, it’s clear that the above wasn’t at all the story this book was trying to tell at all. I thought WicDiv was trying to tell some Epic Truths, Hard-Facts-About-Human-Nature shit. But despite the sweeping setup (All Across The World and Through All Of History) the book was using a complex allegory for a very specific situation (Selling Your Soul and Name and Life To Creative-Industrial Machines), and that made it muddy.  

(Insert Principal Skinner meme here “Am I out of touch? Was I simply interrogating the text from the wrong perspective?  No, it’s the original creators who are wrong!”)

I’m from a family of mentally ill, addiction-prone, recovering-Catholic artists.  Laura is in my blood. Half the people I love are Laura.  I have Laura’s painting on my wall and her books on my shelf. I’ve sat with Laura’s mother a few years after Laura’s death, as her father now slowly dying in the next room, and listened to her music for the first time. (It was good. It was really good.  And I never even knew.)

These experiences colored my read, but how could they not?  

I do now, I think, understand what Gillen was trying to say- the addiction he was talking about was to stardom, the attention and accolades, and free pass to make your own shit be everyone else’s problem. I understand now that the “art” that the gods made was always supposed to be Not Real Art, that there was no true “message” from their songs- all noise, no signal. It was never about Laura’s art, or even Laura as an artist.  And that was unpleasant to reconcile.

Because when you're Laura, or Elanor, or any of them, life doesn’t have to grant your ill-advised wish before it fucks your head and kills you. Sometimes you fight as hard as you can with every fiber of your being and you’re still in Hell. Sometimes you’re doing all the Meetings and self-reflection and therapy you can manage and you’re still a Destroyer. But the shit you create while you’re down there is worthy of creating. What you do with your too-short, too-fucked time matters. A fucked up life was still worth living because it was your life to live. And... I guess, from the story presented in Faust Act and Fandemonium, I sort of thought that this was what WicDiv was supposed to be talking about. I thought it was going to be about doing something good even when life is fucking you. But instead it is a cautionary tale that  that suggests you could have stopped getting fucked at any time if you had just gotten over yourself and said the magic words.

We spent half the comic watching Laura drag herself through the mud. Half the comic was focused on Her Mistakes, when so little of her circumstances were actually her fault. “Punish Ophelia until she gets over herself” is not at all what WicDiv meant to be about. I imagine the creators would be aghast to hear that’s what I got out of it. But the text is what the text is.  While it is intended (and successful!) at being many other very good things, this one really bad thing is still part of that mix, and that sucks.

Maybe I should have picked up on the discrepancy between my read and the intent sooner. Probably I should have just done myself a favor and stop reading once I did.

2016, 2017 while my life was going a bit to shit, this comic was exactly what I needed. Being in the fandom made my life better and helped me meet cool new friends and get through some of the hardest shit to happen to me since I was a kid. Then in 2018, it slid into source of frustration and soured promise. Now at the end I have no idea if I liked it or not. 

But that’s fine, now that it’s done. The ink is dry, the ritual is over. It’s just a comic book now.  Some pictures I still love and some words I don’t always agree with. A lot of noise, arguable amounts of signal, but not a song I want to play on loop anymore.

I have no real conclusion to draw here. I respect at how firmly WicDiv rejects dark and unhealthy parts of being a professional creator- especially unhealthy things that are generally just accepted as Common Wisdom. I don’t think it took enough care in spelling out what it was rejecting, though, and I do think it was remiss in not finding good healthy things to embrace as an alternative.

All of the above notwithstanding, I have to give it credit for delivering almost exactly what I wanted in terms of lesbian nonsense. That ain’t nothing.

I give this series ?????/∞ and am happy to be safely clear of Kieron Gillen’s Wild Ride

[land-of-brains-and-chocolate]

god it WILL NOT stop bothering me until i talk about it. the way we got here. it’s not just about the book anymore, not at all, and it’s certainly never been about “shipping”, at this point it’s how helpless the tactics of the guy make me feel.

step one: refer to people who have read previous venom books and noticed the trend throughout the nineties to portray eddie and the symbiote as a man and an agender alien in an ambiguously or not-so-ambiguously romantic relationship, which was picked up on and completely unambiguously canonised in the very last run, consistently refer to these people as “shippers”, lovingly condescend to them, do not ever treat “the ship” as existing beyond their imagination

[I LOVE THAT YOU GUYS EXIST]

result: make people forget that this is a complete misrepresentation and he has received no criticism whatsoever for “not making a ship canon” because that is not what he did, he decanonised it and then denied doing so and painted everyone it ever meant something to as essentially deluded - and, considering that that’s all they are, he’s being awfully kind and accommodating, isn’t he?

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step two: actively seek out these no-good shippers on tumblr! tell them that you’re watching them! read their detailed posts in which they express their grievances about your comic book to their friends and misrepresent their points on your twitter so your bajillion followers can affirm that Those People are categorically wrong about everything!

[EDDIE IS CODEPENDENT]

people are mad at him because he said eddie was codependent! not because he’s reframing the extremely rare story of a troubled queer relationship that was ultimately still a redemptive force in these characters’ lives as an unhealthy compulsion that corrupts, hm, what a fresh and unfamiliar take, no reason why this would strike a nerve - and, recently, of course, as something inherently abusive, every bit of hope and change for the better vile and fake.

literally just start vaguing about people’s personal tumblr blogs on your professional twitter account with the little, little blue checkmark and everything, use that to make passive-aggressive references to people’s posts! why not!

[LOVE EACH OTHER]

people talk about how they like a symbiote and its host getting along (and they did, that very night, talk quite a lot about ngozi)? that is so dumb and lame.

[EVERYTHING IS AWESOME]

people get sick of edgy shock factor writing that throws one dark theme after another at them without treating any of them with the consideration they deserve? people expect some moments of levity in a venom book?

they’re asking for stories with no conflict where nothing bad ever happens! but it’s okay, he knows better, he knows you just don’t know what you want! it’s not like endless sadness is just as likely to be dreadfully boring or unintentionally hilarious as endless happiness!

result: o w n e d god he sure is shutting down every point no one has ever made

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step three: literally get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only boil their opinions down to THE SHIIIIP but literally say that their opinions don’t matter because they literally would never say it “to your face” literally because it’s “easy to be brave on tumblr”

literally

say these words

[IT’S EASY TO BE BRAVE ON TUMBLR]

call people chicken shits for NOT talking to you directly! and then! BLOCK everybody who talks to you directly! or quote retweet them so your followers can descend like vultures! actually acknowledge that it takes bravery to interact with you if you’re in the Tumblr Demographic, you know, one of Those People, and frame yourself as in the right for it???

am i losing my mind???

[SIX PEOPLE ON TUMBLR]

get so mad at people on tumblr talking about your comic that you not only claim they’re the only people ever to talk badly of it but imply that you’re one step away from namedropping the specific perpetrators. that’s not ominous at all!

it’s an age-old question: how many times does one of marvel’s top writers with legions of fans have to imply his antagonistic awareness of your specific existence before you’re on a first name basis? and also paranoid?

result: stir shit. be a shit stirrer. faint when your shit stirring does in fact stir shit. you can’t go “you would never” and be surprised when people do, you... can’t...

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step four: whip out your ally card... to whip the people you’re supposed to be allied to with it. try to use your knowledge of queer issues to shut down actual queer people.

[I DON’T THINK IT’S APPROPRIATE TO ASSUME GENDER]

either that, or straight-up make a “did you just assume my gender” joke. i can’t find the original tweet anymore, so it’s possible it was that and he deleted it because it was too blatant, lol.

result: MAYBE YOU GUYS WERE THE PROBLEMATIC ONES ALL ALONG

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes!

step five: remember that interview where he outright stated that he just wants to, just to be the definite venom run? just to put the biggest dent in canon he can? just to break everybody’s toys and emerge victorious as the one person with the valid take on venom?

yeah, those things become more noticeable in the actual book, over time, and acceptance of that is, uh, not universal? not everybody’s up for him spending several issues in a row on e s t a b l i s h i n g  d o m i n a n c e by having eddie sit around as other characters tell him that a ton of stuff other writers from michelinie to thompson to costa to kaminski to slott to jenkins have done actually sucked and was wrong and fake and never happened? through retcons that make no sense, like, factually don’t fit?

people don’t like you walking back character and relationship development to further your end goal of recasting the symbiote as the personification of addiction and abuse instead of itself a survivor of extreme abuse who has been constantly denied personhood in a way that is frighteningly resonant and who has been going through a genuine redemption arc for years now?

people don’t like you acting like eddie never had a reason for being who he is before and you had to make one up? one that doesn’t fit the character at all, which you didn’t realise because you apparently thought the character had no characterisation before you came along?

you can imagine how these things might spark nerd rage?

and you can probably imagine who this nerd rage was blamed on, yeah?

these criticisms inherently require knowledge of venom canon, because they’re largely about disrespect for it, these criticisms are not related to shipping of any kind - but of course the only thing people could possibly be mad about is the "ship", the only ones making a fuss are those “shippers”, those casuals, Those People who only care about One Thing and don’t understand the real gritty reality of the, god you get it i’m making fun

[I KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT]

you’re the only one, don. it’s true.

and i know, i know for a fact, that he’s been aware of criticism from other groups all along, that he was, for example, witness to this livestream that spends like a solid hour a month mercilessly dragging him through the dirt, and you know what the extent of his response was?

thanks for checking the book out.

that’s it. that’s all. this guy hasn’t gotten any less loud about criticising him, either. wishing for his book’s cancellation and retconning. but nothing more. he gets to keep to himself. he is #valid.

people have been taking the piss out of him on youtube, on reddit. only tumblr ever earned his ire. only tumblr gets namedropped at convention panels.

and now, now more than ever? you better believe your regular run-of-the-mill nerds, straight, male, utterly uninterested in the icky stuff, everything, are mad. almost everyone who’s truly tits deep in venom lore is mad.

and so he’s said he’s received threats. and i’m sure he has. i’ve received threats. you’ve received threats. it’s never okay. it sure as shit never helps to send them.

he’s gotten a lot of fucking inappropriate personal vitriol! lots of it actually “ship”-related! i’m categorically against contacting the guy for any reason!

but who is to blame? who do people accept as being to blame? who do news outlets report on as being to blame? when, i presume, not every single one of them actually went “i’m doing this specifically because i’m a (thunder clap) shipper”? when large-scale retcons are literally always met with nerd rage? when a shipper-less fandom probably still would’ve had threats?

[THIS IS INSANE]

[IT’S THE SHIPPERS]

result: if all criticism = “shippers”, and “shippers” = harassment, then everyone who has no actual idea of what’s going on but who doesn’t like “shippers” is automatically on his side and nobody who isn’t a “shipper” wants to risk the association by criticising him.

get this stuff out to his followers, to news outlets, to people completely uninvolved and contextless, and watch the bile run over everywhere because lots of people are ready to accept this narrative in comic book spaces.

have people in the replies and comments eagerly discussing how this is more proof that c+o+m+i+c+s+gate was right and they’re the only reasonable ones. how disgusting and crazy "shippers” are. how donny should keep doing his best to trigger the gays. there’s no pushback against these ideas.

and i’m so fucking stuck between wanting to defend the man, wring my hands and apologise on behalf of the other These People, because i don’t see anything justifiable in their actions, and in being... just... just so frustrated... with everything... with throwing everyone out to the dogs... and claiming that he doesn’t mean to... when he has this whole history of belittling "shippers” specifically... of making sure their public image is that of people who just don’t know what they’re talking about and are in no way worth empathising with... of only drawing attention to the aggressive ones and blocking the reasonable ones

when he literally only stands to benefit from doing all this. 

this is massive amounts of free positive pr.

this makes him essentially immune to criticism of any kind.

evaluation: a reason to harass him? no! really kind of manipulative? yes! 

i forgot! somewhere along the line, he did do something very good and disavowed association with co/mics/ga/te!

[C0M1C5G8]

why the fuck am i censoring? tumblr search stopped working decades ago.

anyway, it should come as no particular surprise why these people assumed he would side with them. not that any high profile writer who values his standing would, really. are there any? maybe there are, i’m not up to date on this drama.

i just think it’s funny - genuinely not his fault, but hilarious - that this was apparently enough to inspire a “boycott”? and it was a fart in the wind?

which is the least surprising thing ever because there is actually nothing whatsoever to hold these people’s ire to be found in venom? excluding aliens, there has been one real and present character who isn’t a white guy in 11 issues? it is actively less queer than it was before? donny has never caved to the essjaywoo pressure in any way, shape or form? what were they... thinking? it’s almost like these people are dumb?

all they've done is ensure that, without it actually doing anything, venom gets the commendation for being A Comic The Gators Don't Like?

anyway.

what do we do moving forward? i don’t know. nothing. not harassing anyone. keep being salty on tumblr. do not engage him. i think i’m more about stalling the chain reaction he’s caused than the man himself. if you’re not a “shipper”, of course, keep posting your criticism, maybe stand up for “shippers” who are being dogpiled over genuine criticism, don’t let people say This Is All Proof Of How You Can’t Have Queer Content Because Queers Are Crazy.

and be nice to mike costa.

[sage-nebula]

Okay, so after the commentary I made last season despite being in Japan at the time (how I miss that), I feel like I have to say something about this season, so:

In a nutshell:

This show has been racist for a long, long time, but they really amped it up this season. Between Acxa telling Zethrid that mixed race people like them just have to “let go of their anger” over everyone in the fucking universe discriminating against them and just deal with it, to the fact that the one version of Voltron where Princess Allura is a woman of color also happens to be the only version of Voltron where:

She doesn’t end up with the male lead, but is instead given to the comic relief Nice Guy because he’s “good at winning prizes” and

is killed off for real The racism in this show surpassed even my expectations, and my expectations were pretty low considering crew and cast likes to casually toss around the word “half-breed” like it’s nothing. Allura was made to sacrifice and suffer time, and time, and time again. Each time it was supposedly in the name of showing how selfless she is, and yet not only was she never justly rewarded for all that she went through, but the fact that a dark-skinned girl is made to be the sacrificial lamb for everyone else and is supposed to do so with a smile ties into some pretty racist tropes about how black girls are expected to take on the burdens of others. I’m not black myself so I’m not an expert on any of this, and apologies if I’m speaking out of turn here, but to me this entire thing smacks of racism and I have a strong feeling that Allura wouldn’t have had to go through all this nonsense had she been white as she was in previous iterations. And also? It says a whole helluva lot that Dreamworks refused to allow them to kill off Shiro, a light skinned man (because yes, he’s Japanese, but his skin is still pale), but they were perfectly okay with Allura, a dark-skinned black girl getting the ax. Hmm. Hmmmmmm. Colorism, thy name is Dreamworks.

One of the few parts I actually did watch were the Lotor flashbacks in ep 2. I enjoyed them immensely despite how heartbreaking they were. What I’ve enjoyed significantly less is the sheer amount of people who are somehow just now realizing that Lotor was an abuse survivor at the hands of Zarkon, Honerva, and Dayak. Where was this common sense when you were all vilifying him and calling him a sociopathic monster? We’ve known that Lotor’s true goals were peace and that he was a sympathetic person all along. I’m not impressed by people who only just now realize that Lotor was deserving of sympathy. If you didn’t appreciate him at his “the universe can no longer doubt our strength; each ally gained only makes us stronger” then you don’t deserve him at his, “please, father, I’ll do as you say, please don’t punish the people for my actions.” 

That said, JDS and LM continued their proud tradition of spitting in the face of abuse survivors, because even though they actually showed on-screen that Lotor was abused in his childhood by both his parents and his governess, they later “redeemed” said parents (because of course Haggar wouldn’t have abused Lotor had she known he was her son! no mother would ever!! those of us with abusive mothers are making it up, so says virtually every piece of media out there!!) and had Lotor go to “happily” live with them in the afterlife or whatever the hell that was. I’ll admit, I didn’t actually watch that part, I’ve just read spoilers and seen caps, and I’m furious about it. It doesn’t surprise me, given the “abuse survivors will turn out exactly like their abusers (evil) unless they have a good parental figure to steer them right” garbage they’ve spewed previously, but it still goddamn hurts and I’m so angry they did Lotor like this, again. (And also that they left the girls still on the “he used us omg” bent, when no, he didn’t. Complete garbage and nonsense.

I’m glad Ezor and Zethrid were un-buried. It’s also great that Shiro got to be married on-screen with a kiss between him and his love (whose name is apparently Curtis?). This is the first time we’ve had a mlm couple in a children’s cartoon like this, so it’s monumental and I’ll acknowledge that. However:

Zethrid, as can be expected, was written absolutely terribly. It was proven in season six that the girls would just go wherever the plot demanded they go and had no real characters or arcs of their own, so it’s not surprising, but the fact that they turned her into a complete yandere who wanted to pull a murder-suicide (death by cop style) because her girlfriend broke up with her is a travesty and disservice to her character, especially since earlier seasons showed how thoughtful she could be (such as how and when she decided to turn on Lotor: “Sorry, sir. It’s nothing personal”). 

I think they were supposed to be dead originally, but this was a last minute reversal done after the backlash last season. I also think the only reason why those two are together is because a.) Narti died, b.) Acxa joined the Paladins sooner and had a bond with Keith, and therefore, c.) They were the only two of Lotor’s original squad left on their own for a while. a.k.a., Pair the Spares.

Shiro never got any time to develop with his love interest. It’s still representation and representation is important, particularly when it’s unambiguous representation like this (and I wonder if they added this as a response to last season’s backlash as well), but it still sucks they couldn’t develop this relationship on-screen, and proves that they should have never killed Adam to begin with. If they had truly planned Shiro to be the LGBTQA rep from the start, then how his love story should have gone is:

When Shiro and Keith talk outside of the shack in s1e1, one of the first questions out of Shiro’s mouth is, “How’s Adam?” Whether they broke up prior to Kerberos or not, they were once so close they were going to be married. Shiro was away for a year and some change. There’s no way he shouldn’t have been wondering how Adam was doing.

When Shiro had his whole “you’re not worthy of being a paladin” breakdown with Sendak, since that whole thing is coming from his head, one of the things thrown at him should have been “how could Adam have ever loved you?” to cement the fact, way back in season one, that Adam and Shiro loved each other and that this relationship was still an emotional point for Shiro.

Keep mentioning Adam throughout the remaining before-Earth seasons. Little things like Shiro mentioning that he and Adam saw potential in Keith; Keith getting frustrated at one point and saying that Adam didn’t deserve Shiro, and Shiro quietly saying that Keith doesn’t understand, there was more going on than that. Someone flirting with Shiro and Shiro turning him down and, when asked why, he said there’s someone else he needs to move on from first, et cetera. Or even, since we have to do the clone plot that I just remembered, have Keith mention Adam at some point and Shireplica doesn’t react and that twigs Keith’s attention that something’s wrong.

When squad returns to Earth, Shiro and Adam reunite. Adam runs in for a hug, but then stops himself and goes for a handshake instead. He’s near tears. Says it’s so good to see Shiro again. Shiro is awkward, hesitant, but says that yeah, it is. Adam asks if they can talk privately later. Shiro says yes.

Adam apologizes for the things he said before Shiro left for Kerberos. He apologizes for not acknowledging how important Shiro’s dreams were, explains that he was hurt and that his pain and worry made him angry, but he’s regretted all that he said for the past several years. Shiro accepts the apology, and also apologizes for not acknowledging Adam’s own feelings more, for the life they could have had, for not being open to seeing where Adam was coming from. Both apologies accepted, they sit in silence for a moment until Shiro makes a half-hearted joke, saying, “Well, you said you wouldn’t wait for me, so who’s the lucky guy?” Adam just smiles a little, though he looks hesitant as well, and says, “He’s sitting right beside me.”

From that point forward it may or may not be ambiguous if Shiro and Adam are back together or not (probably wouldn’t be right away, but at least old wounds are cleared away). Adam plays a bigger role in the story, and doesn’t get killed off. He ends up joining the crew of the Atlas.

In the epilogue, Adam and Shiro get married. They kiss. Fin. It would have been that easy, but instead of actually allowing a mlm romance to happen on screen, they went with this instead. Which, again, it’s representation regardless and it’s a nice thing that it exists, but it would have been so easy to make it better, and they did this instead. Smh.

On a related note, it’s not queerbait if one character is explicitly stated to have raised the other in canon, they’re referred to as brothers (both from their perspective and others’) multiple times in canon, and you’re even shown that one met the other when one was a young child and the other was an adult. Ship it all you want, ignore canon in your fanworks all you want, but you can’t cry bait when you get “thank you for raising him to be the man he is today” in canon dialogue and it’s not denied by any of the characters in question (but rather is accepted), particularly not in a show aimed at kids that has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. That’s not bait. That would be like if someone said “this is a red velvet cupcake” and you took it from them, ate it, and then got mad that it wasn’t funfetti. You weren’t baited. That ship sank in s6 along with every single Lotor ship to ever exist. That’s just the way it be.

I’m glad Kolivan made it through that entire hellscape alive. Gods bless my man Kolivan.

Literally none of them even really tried to stop Allura from sacrificing herself, though. In the very end, Team Voltron proves once and for all that they’re all terrible friends who have no chemistry as a team and no real bond. Eight seasons and they couldn’t even give anyone that, smh.

I still can’t believe that after all that they made Altean Lance canon.

Final thoughts:

VLD is trash, it has always been trash, I’m shocked it took everyone so long to catch up but I’m glad you’ve all made it here, and now we’re all free from this godawful nightmare and can put it behind us forever. Also, one more thing:

Do not reblog this post or so help me I’ll delete the post and block you. I do NOT want discourse over this. I just wanted to put my thoughts down since I felt that, after I commented on the fiasco last time, I should do it now as well. If you try to start Discourse™ about any of this or act like little demons, I’ll just block you straight off, thanks.

[ultraericthered]

Anime Update 86

The Day I Became A God - At first I thought "Crap, this is just going to follow the same formula I'd been complaining about last time, isn't it?", but this episode surprised me in the best possible way by instead shifting the focus to Izunami as its protagonist. Both she and her father were given spotlight as they were both made to finally come to terms with the fact that Izunami's mother is no longer in their lives and recognize how she'd want them to go on existing from there. While Yota and Hina, and Izunami Sr. when he was with them, provided comedic relief, it was a surprisingly very moving and sincere story. I remember not really caring for Izunami at the start since she seemed so stiff and detached, but that really did serve to make the progression she has made as a character that much more impactful. I also have to appreciate that Yota, in the end, chose not to be a scumbag Nice Guy who’d soliciate a relationship with Izunami out of her as a reward for being such a helpful friend, even though Hina clearly advocated it and wasn’t happy about this outcome.

Dragon Ball - Got through the first section of the final round match between Goku and Piccolo Jr. Can’t say much about it except it’s GREAT. Toriyama is fond of the Goku VS Piccolo fights for a reason.

Your Lie In April - And we have at last reached the episode that damned the rest of this anime and made it pretty unsalvagable. Due to Kaori being a no-show, Kosei has to play alone and with a set piece that was originally composed as a violin-piano duet rather than a solo piano number. Hiroko gave Kosei some good advice on how to approach this, and it seems to be going well until his mind once again drifts to his childhood abuse by his perfectionist mother and the trauma it inflicted upon him, to the point where he had stopped hearing notes and could not fully enjoy making music anymore despite how much of a liking he had for it. This is retreading old ground enough, but it's when Kosei really dives deep into his own psyche that we're treated to a truly insidious display of abuse erasure and apologism. He remembers Saki as the kind, loving mother she'd been for a time back when she was starting him off on his musical career, and we're shown Saki's delirious final moments as though we're being asked to feel sorry for her even after being very vividly shown how horribly she'd abused and traumatized her child, including in this very episode. (Now from this point on, I will be substituting the word "mother" with "abuser" every time, because that's how you really see just how fucked up this is.) And then, as the dying Saki is still talking and boo hooing about her abused son she's leaving behind, we even get to see child Kosei embracing his abuser, representing how present day Kosei is coming to terms with the memories of his abuser and embracing her inside his own heart, just as he embraces piano rather than simply play it. He internally declares that he and his abuser never stopped being connected, because his abuser isn't a bitter ghost watching him judgmentally from afar and out to punish him - she exists within him. She's a part of him that lives in his heart and in his music-making talents, now and forever. And yes, this is unambiguously portrayed as a positive thing. The phantom Saki he'd seen before was, in his words, "a shadow I created. A personification of my weakness...and my guilt." Finally, he thanks his abuser for setting him on the path of being a pianist, giving him a life where he's met so many great people and gained so many great things, and for having always looked out for him and wanted what was best for him...and he can now at last say a proper goodbye to his abuser, who remains connected to him.

.....There are no words. It'd be one thing to acknowledge that Kosei's feelings for Saki are and will remain complicated, and for the narrative to take a nuanced, realistic approach to child abuse and its' harmful effects on its victims. But that is not what we got here. Kosei flat out says that having lasting trauma over the abuse he'd suffered as a child and exhibiting behaviors derived from and reflective of that trauma was "weakness." That not seeing how much Saki loved him, wanted what was best for him, and did her damndest in raising him as both a son and as a musical prodigy, and ending his relationship with her on bad terms before she died, is something he had to feel "guilt" over. That just because he found some positives along the career path that his abuser put him on, his abuser is owed his love and gratitude for putting him on that path...even though it was the path that spawned his abuse and trauma. Even when we're shown that simply the act of finishing this recital in a way that would've made his abuser proud and forgiving of him is enough to make him break down in tears, we're expected to approve of Kosei honoring his abuser (while simultaneously victim blaming himself for his own PTSD and years of passitvity and inaction) as being the right thing for him to do, the thing that he NEEDED to do. I just felt angry and disgusted as I watched this episode play out. And to top it off, it ends with Hiroko openly floating the idea that losing Saki was ultimately necessary for Kosei's growth as a musician, but still not quite enough for "the muses", so Kosei now needs to lose someone he's grown close to yet again as the next sacrifice on his endless road as a pianist. That someone being Kaori, who's been committed to the hospital and looking much paler than before, meaning she's pretty much a goner now. FUCK OFF, Your Lie In April. FUCK. OFF.

The sole redeeming value in the episode was Emi and the reactions she had, in the audience and outside of it. She can do no wrong.

Date A Live S2 - In this one we meet the Spirit known as Diva, who spends her days moonlighting as a human pop idol sensation named Miku (Hatsune Miku references here, please), voiced by the always great Jad Saxton. Apparently, we will be contending with her for the entire rest of this season, as well as this Jessica Bailey person from DEM. Since Miku transfers into Shido’s school, as Spirits are known to do, Shido has to do his typical “get her to date me” thing in order to seal her powers...except he runs into some pretty huge problems. First one being that Miku doesn’t like men - she swings the other way. So Shido has to crossdress and pretend to be a girl named Shiori in order to win her over, but then runs into the next big problem - Miku’s Spirit powers are not some out-of-control threat, she has full control over them and uses them in ways that could lead to the loss of lives without giving a single solitary fuck. Leading us to our final big problem - Miku is a cold, cruel malignant narcissist who can manipulate girls with her vocal powers and make slaves of them. Even when compared to someone like Kurumi, this is the first Spirit who has legitimately repulsed Shido, so he, as Shiori, makes that known to Miku....and it makes Miku want “her” for herself even more. So Miku challenges Shiori to a competition at the upcoming Cultural Festival wherein the loser has to offer herself to the winner as a sex slave. Let us pray for Shido’s luck now - he’s really going to need it.

Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion -  We got a high energy rescue mission of Kyoshiro Todoh that Lelouch and the Black Knights lent their services to, with Lelouch even convincing Tohdoh to join the Black Knights. When Suzaku inside the Lancelot comes to try and stop him this time, Lelouch is able to predict its movements and plan a counterattack that he has Kallen and Tohdoh execute, but when the opponent’s cockpit is damaged it exposes Suzaku within. This comes as such a shock to Lelouch that he actually freezes up and can’t give out any orders on time before Cornelia’s Britannian reinforcements come in, causing the Black Knights to make a hasty retreat. During all this time, Euphemia is the VIP guest of honor and judge in an event at a museum’s new art gallery dedicated in Prince Clovis’ memory, and she gets to watch all this go down on live TV reports, so when Suzaku gets scorned by Britanians due to his Eleven nationality, Euphie brazenly and defiantly declares that she will be making Suzaku her knight. As the word of this is getting out, Lelouch can do nothing but break down into uncontrollable maniacal laughter over how fate has pit him and his own close friend against each other, in a moment where Johnny Yong Bosch just knocks it out of the park and leaves me with chills. Bravo for that, my good sir!

Sound! Euphonium - Following SunFest, this one was spent mostly on tuba auditions and didn’t really stand out in my memory so much. There were some good jokes and interactions here and there, but the most memorable part in the episode is when Kumiko realizes that Hazuki has never actually had the chance to play her tuba with others in ensemble, so she, Hazuki, and Midori decide to play "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star". Kaori Miyazano would be so proud.

Magic Knight Rayearth - The title of this one is fittingly “Calm After The Storm”. where things ease up and the stage is set for the final third of the series. Eagle has been taken prisoner following his failed attempt to invade the castle, Cephiro’s best forces are on the watch for monsters and other attackers, and the Magic Knights get to just chillax and hang with the children in the castle, with Fuu even getting to sing a great musical number for them. The best parts are what’s going on with Hikaru and Lantis. After seeing a vision from Lantis’ past that he’d shared with Zagato and Princess Emeraude, with all three having a shared understanding of how unfair the Pillar System really is, Hikaru starts to get ideas. A new challenger for the position of Cephiro’s Pillar has emerged, and it’s Hikaru herself - she’s resolving to become the Pillar in order to use the power she’d gain to end the Pillar System. Meanwhile, Lantis has a talk with his old pal Eagle about why Eagle would even want to be the Pillar, and God, the amiable sort of friction between these two just gets me so damn invested any time they interact. The English cover of the first OP theme song returning was also a great touch. However, now that Lady Debonair is fully manifest, she intends to pull out all the stops in breaking Cephiro completely so that she may reign over it all as the Anti-Pillar, but for this she needs her “daughter” Nova to play her part. So at the end, Nova intrudes on the Magic Knights good time!

AMC: Bakugan Battle Brawlers - The appropriately titled “Runo Rules” was all about Runo, and maybe it’s because of this that the episode turned out so weirdly comical at so many points (I mean c’mon, Runo’s heavily Canadian accented voice in the dub is just inherent comedy in of itself). Like at the start, Dan calls his chat buddies “my boys”: said chat buddies consist of three girls and only one boy who isn’t even particularly masculine at a glance. Hilarious! But then it gets better when Dan is enticed by his mom into going to the market to get beef loin tips, a favorite of his, while at the exact same time, Runo is also enticed to go to the same market for liver kebabs. And this comes complete with both Dan and Runo singing to themselves about these foods for whatever reason, before the two of them literally bump into each other at the market, meeting face-to-face in person for the first time, as it turns out they never actually lived that far from each other. Then of course we have Masquerade setting another poorly voiced acted local bully up to be a proxy opponent for Dan, except Runo gets the challenge message instead so she gets to be the one to Brawl against this punk, even as Dan inserts himself in there but only as a bystander/support for Runo due to an exchange that I swear had to be pure Gag Dubbing, where Runo whines “Masquerade set this up and he’s the one who stole my Bakugan from me. I wanna have my revenge, Dan, I want it! I know it’s no big deal to you, but it’s the whole entire world to me!” And THIS is what gets Dan to agree to let Runo have the match instead of him. But Runo does prove surprisingly sharp, strategic and resiliant in that match, only losing one Bakugan at the start of the match during a water-testing round but then absolutely dominating the Brawl in all rounds afterwards. And she and Dan still get time to bicker over their meat dishes afterwards. So I find myself totally sympathizing with Drago: I don’t understand these humans either!

[thefudge]

TLJ thoughts, post-viewing

sooo, i have a lot of feelings about a lot of things. also the subtitles didn’t prepare me. for a lot.

this movie is made up of many quiet, non-verbal moments and rian johnson lets those moments sink in and dwell with you and that’s great

rey exploring the workings of the force, for example. there’s a really cool sequence where she’s trying to find out who her parents are and she lowers herself in the embodiment of the dark side and it’s very trippy and cool. it’s not rushed and it’s v atmospheric. she gets the incentive to do that thanks to kylo. his revelations about luke and his general aura of “troubled darkness” inspire her to dig deeper.

i think what i liked most about reylo was its sense of gratuitous intimacy. what i mean by this is that they seemed to connect without effort, without having to manipulate the plot to make it fit. they seemed be in their own little movie, dealing with things beyond the usual surface level of star wars ‘good vs. evil’. kylo’s philosophy about letting the past go is definitely flawed, but the way the movie frames reylo, they do seem to “let go” of their surroundings and circumstances when they’re together. it’s sort of timeless. 

i will say, i don’t think the romance was that "romantic”, if that makes sense? and i think it’s a good thing. their bond is very real, but it goes beyond “romantic drama” and your usual hero/villain trope. it has shades of that, ofc, and there is palpable sexual and romantic tension, imo. but i sensed something more mature and interesting between them. it could go either way. do i want reylo to have a future in ep 9 and after? yep. is it possible they won’t? also yep. mainly because kylo let rey down. and here’s the kicker: it’s not rey that really rejects him. it’s him that rejects rey. because she tries quite a few times to bring him over to her side, and i think her anger and sadness stem from the fact that, ultimately, kylo didn’t choose her, and ergo the light. he’s still v much conflicted and i think she can sense that. but rey is hungry. she wants all or nothing. she can’t have half of him. so she doesn’t reject him as much as tell him straight up that she won’t stand for being second. for instance, she expects him to fold to her side immediately after taking down snoke. when he doesn’t, she’s quite literally in tears. this hurts her on a deeper level than “oh no, the dark side won and the resistance lost an important ally.” no, this feels like her parents all over. leaving her, deserting her. that’s how i read it, tbh. 

and kylo does some reprehensible shit in the latter quarter of the movie, lol, like i won’t woobify him, since i like my antiheroes to be antiheroes.  but he's not quite villain level?  if u look at snoke, if u take that cool, collected snarky asshole - that’s a villain. he knows who he is, and what he wants. kylo is hopelessly confused and always looking for validation. he tells rey that she’s the one always looking for father figures - but oh, benny ben. it’s actually you. he wants someone to really see him, and that’s why he’s drawn to rey. but just to clarify: he doesn’t have it in him to kill his mother. he has an open, unambiguous chance and he stops. he is willing to destroy her when she stands behind walls and is shielded by the resistance. yet when she’s in the open, no. that was my read on it. 

his fight with luke is...very much one-sided. luke appears as a force-hologram to fight him and kylo just wants to obliterate him for very, very personal reasons. kylo is not the cool, collected new emperor who is going to “kill the past”. he lives so much in the past that he doesn’t even realize luke isn’t even there. 

and btw, kylo doesn’t kill luke, though he wishes he had. early on we get this foreshadowing. when the first force-bond happens between him and rey, he goes “no, you’re not doing this. the effort would kill you.��� meaning that, to transport yourself through space via force (without a bond) takes a looooot of energy. luke goes on a suicide mission, basically. he knows using the force like this will kill him. he’s almost having fun toying with kylo at the end. 

when kylo realizes he’s a force-hologram, luke smiles and says “see you around, kid.” not exactly anakin vs obi-wan, if u know what i mean.

and then back on the island, we see luke peacefully give himself over to the force and vanish. it’s v tranquil and quite satisfying and the original star wars theme is used so well, imo. do i think we could’ve had more of luke? sure. but he went out on his own terms. that’s the whole point - kylo didn’t kill him. he killed himself.

again, i want to emphasize that kylo is still very much an antihero, dipping his toe into villainy (and failing - which makes him more angry, which only makes it harder to be the villain he wants to be haha). he’s not a Good Guy. many posts will crop up in the tag about what a poor, lost soul he is. yes and no. rey actually understands him when she closes the falcon door on him. she knows him and appreciates him. he will never really be ben solo and that’s a good thing. trying to be ben solo so hard is what got him in this mess. he isn’t supposed to be a Good Guy. so no, i don’t want him to “turn” (see my thoughts on “turning” below). i want him to truly move beyond the past and reform himself on his own terms, just like luke. because hey fam, luke isn’t a Good Guy in this movie either AND THAT’S GREAT. anyway, i certainly won’t be romanticizing him (kylo). he’s a compelling antihero who definitely has baggage and trauma (luke did try to kill him as a boy, though he has a wildly dramatized version of the event lol) but he is also someone who has to help himself. ultimately, rey’s goal isn’t to “save” him but to push him to save himself. honestly, if kylo had followed her and “turned” and reluctantly joined the resistance, it would’ve been a total let down and a betrayal of his character. him “turning” wouldn’t help him. he’d still have that darkness and that anger inside of him, multiplied. boy needs therapy - aka working through his issues, not ignoring them and joining the Good Side. 

Other things I liked: 

- admiral holdo’s arc - beautiful, well-done and surprising. laura dern kills it. 

- benicio del toro!!!!! no small parts with this man. he is delightful. imagine rick from “rick and morty” but way hotter lol. he was probably my favorite addition, after rose. he’s the middle-ground guy, he’s more han solo than fucking han solo. he doesn’t believe in good guys vs bad guys and he shows both finn and the audience that the two sides err because they believe their path is the only path. he perfectly encapsulates the very real contradictions in modern-day ethics and how our “pure and wholesome” activism often shields us from some terrible truths. he does have a semblance of a heart underneath his cynicism but i love that in the end he doesn’t suddenly discover the power of friendship with finn and rose. he’s a jaded asshole with shades of good, who’s probably seen some rough shit. BUT, he has this super cute moment with rose before things go to shit regarding her necklace and it’s !!!!!! it shows how much he understands human nature. i kinda ship them. aaaanyway. i definitely think he will return, his arc is not done. 

- ROSE TICO SMILING AND BEING HAPPY. ROSE TICO RIDING THAT KANGAROO CREATURE AND ENJOYING LIFE. i treasured those scenes a lot. she’s a great combo of feisty and childlike, tough and innocent. gosh, she reminds me of bonnie bennett so much ;___;

- general hux. yall, it’s true. it’s all true. hux may have won me over. hux in TFA was just a lite over-the-top villain imo. but here??? he’s such a fun, dynamic character, rian gave him a lot of fun, humorous moments. and honest to god, he’s also given some humanity. when kylo takes over, he is genuinely affected and disturbed by his level of aggression. and he’s....idk, much less evil in this one. probably because of the humor. he just seems like a man dead-set on fulfilling his mission, brainwashed to the core. and underneath the brainwashing, he seems to be your average overwhelmed white dude. i don’t think he’ll be redeemed or anything but...it’s weird how at the end of TLJ he is probably the MOST reasonable dude from the first order???

- there’s this great little message about failure. i think here TLJ was inspired by Rogue One. because a lot of the characters in this movie learn to let go and accept defeat. you can’t always save everyone, you can’t always fight back. sometimes, the brave thing is to retreat and treasure the ppl you love. so i def liked that.

- GODDAMN GHOST YODA. i honestly thought i’d hate it because...gimmick, amirite? but that scene with luke was SO emotional and also funny and visceral and just - i was a bit teary-eyed, ME, THE GRINCH. i was suddenly nine again, watching star wars for the first time. ANYWAY. 

- luke skywalker deserves a separate entry. mark hamill did so much with this character in the last few scenes. also some of the stuff he says about the force in this movie is legit beautiful and i love how he criticizes the vanity of the jedi - because this was what was missing from the prequels. anakin fell because the council was tone-deaf. the jedi are often responsible for their own doom and so they must always be vigilant - which is a goddamn thankless job. i love that luke acknowledges this. 

-luke/leia moment. GAAAAH. HE KISSES HER FOREHEAD GOODBYE AND SHE KNOWS HE’S NOT COMING BACK FROM THIS. I DIED.

- in that order of business, leia finally FIIIINALLY gets to show off a bit and use the force in a pro-active manner. it’s also clear to me that episode 9 would’ve been the story of her and “ben” and i think she would have been the catalyst for his eventual development. but sadly, we’ll never see that ;____; 

-there is some gorgeous cinematography and visual direction in this movie. particularly in the third act, on that salt planet? the red trails? shivers. 

-i didn’t hate any of the new creatures like i thought i would??? probably because they were used sparingly and with a sense of humor.

Stuff i kind of didn’t like:

- phasma. phasma, phasma, phasma. WHAT was that??? like tell me that wasn’t anticlimactic as hell. she was, sadly, a pointless character. unless she somehow survived the fire and destruction, which i doubt, i really don’t see the point of casting wonderful gwendolyn christie just to stand there in armor. 

- MAZ KANATA. is barely in this. i call bullshit. 

-sigh, okay so i loved rose to death, but her arc revolved way too much around finn. on the one hand i get it, on the other hand.... i was hyped because ppl were saying she gets this big moment to shine. and granted, imo, she shines every moment she’s on screen. but i think her climactic scene was... *fart noises*. it’s completely centered around finn. she saves him basically, and it’s definitely heartfelt and lovely but also...it’s finn’s moment 100%. because it’s him who has to learn about his own worth. i do think they make a good team and i ship them a little bit, but the one-sided kiss was not satisfying and i’m tired of having to watch my darling woc give their love and devotion freely, only to be  tertiary characters in their own story. like, imo, it should’ve been rose who flew straight into that cannon and tried to take it down for her sister. she should’ve been the one determined to take it down. and it should’ve been finn to save her and tell her they must find meaning in other things. finn definitely cares for her and in the last scene we have of him, he’s tending over rose and waiting for her to wake up BUT. will rose ever be number one for anyone, like the white girls, i wonder? eh, i’m probably just grumpy old aunt. she does get to have an internal world, she’s a believable human being, she matters. the thing is, white girls in these movies can bend their little finger and they’re considered worthy and complex. rose has to jump through hoops to be seen the same way. anyway.

- i liked poe dameron’s arc, which is “hey, maybe i should stop posturing and listen to women more lol” which is “learn when to retreat and stand down” but...honestly, you hire gorgeous oscar isaac who can give you real emotional weight and you just...kinda under-utilize him. yes, he did a lot of stuff, but he...didn’t take time to internalize it. this dude feels like he’s got a lot of demons and conflicting desires and a rich inner life, yet we only skim the surface of that. like, he’s aways in go-mode, we rarely get a quiet moment with him. like pls fix this, episode 9. 

-luke’s reaction to han’s death is pfffffffffffff. maybe we’ll get more in a deleted scene? 

- also....can we stop pussyfooting and legit talk about han as a dad? because they keep hinting he wasn’t a good one, nor a very good husband to leia. but...it’s very unsatisfying to keep hearing about it without good storytelling to back it up. 

- the world-building & the origins of the first order. i had problems with this in TFA and, big surprise, i still have problems with it here. basically, why has the first order taken over the new republic? how did they gain support? were there remnants of the old empire that survived and thrived as the first order? what about the knights of ren? luke mentions kylo took some students with him when he destroyed the jedi temple, so....what about those guys? like, this very fraught and war-torn landscape doesn’t have a solid history. how did A become B? why is every corner of the galaxy oppressed? why are some planets thriving more? are they all arm-dealers??? i find that hard to believe. yeah, we have the expanded universe for that, we have books and comics etc. but i need these movies to give us a sense of their own universe. i’m...still not convinced. 

-lolol, snoke dies like a bitch. and it’s so anticlimactic and duuuumb. dude, a five-year old coulda seen that coming but your ancient super powerful ass couldn’t? laaaame. he’s like “oh, yes, i sense no more conflict in you, kylo ren. just a deep certainty”. YES FOOL, because he’s decided to remove u, because he’s confident he wants rey, and not you, by his side. it was soooo lame. but i guess we had to remove him to make the audience think kylo was turning good for a second there.

-which reminds me... and you probably saw this coming, i hate the idea of “turning”. rey keeps talking about ben turning to the light. and this verb annoys me to no end. it’s made clear that they both already have a lot of light and darkness in each other. it’s about finding balance. where’s my grey jedi??? episode 9 pls????

Extra Reylo stuff i didn’t see mentioned which i adored: 

- during their first force-bond moment when they sense each other, kylo ren runs out of the medical unit and into the corridor like a goddamn luckless teenager, expecting to see rey pop up in a prom dress.  it’s precious. i love awkward!kylo. also rey tries to shoot him bc she thinks he’s actually there and kylo bends down, thinking he was shot. it’s a rly cool moment. and it doesn’t feel malicious like, he doesn’t expect anything less from her. 

- there’s so much charged electricity between them and it’s not all sexual. it’s kinda mystical and i dig it. i’m weirdly reminded of xavier and magneto??? as in two enemies who have such a rich history and whose bond transcends human morality. 

-OKAY. i saw no one talking about this but THAT GODDAMN SNOW WHITE SCENE. so rey decides she’s going to turn kylo to the light because that’s their one hope of defeating the first order etc. luke tries to stop her, but she’s like i’m going after my man. okay. she gets on the falcon, then she puts herself in this casket-like pod and AND. we get this lovely, breath-taking sequence of her arriving at the first order base, slipping gently into the hangar in her casket. and she’s def nervous. AND THEN. she looks up through the glass and there’s steam at first and through the steam we see kylo’s face, looking down at her wistfully. IT’S SO WEIRDLY FAIRY-TALE WTF. and then ofc the guards come in to shackle her. BUT JESUS. the prince looking into the casket to find snow-white WHAT ARE THESE AESTHETICS. it felt like a nod to the infamous scene in TFA where he carries her bridal style. it’s very fairy-tale-esque. 

- i love that in the scene with the multiple reys, when she reaches through the mirror to see her parents, the shadowy figure who appears and touches her hand seems at first to be kylo and then she realizes it’s herself. i also love that she talks to kylo about that experience. GAH. 

- i just rly loved that there was so much humanity in their interactions.

Reylo stuff which sort of bothered me/left me wanting more: 

- like excuse u rian,  during the praetorian guards fight, i needed more moments where kylo looks at rey and is worried for her sake. i needed that fight to be a bit more visceral and about the two of them and their survival. they do fight together and it’s great but then...they’re sort of separated and carry their own small battles (i did love how rey saved him with that lightsaber throw)

- the whole “you come from nothing, you are nothing.” yea yeah, he’s a dummy who doesnt know how to express his feelings, he’s mr. darcy x 1000 of faux pas. but i still think adam driver’s acting went a little much there. the way he delivered that line was a bit off for me. ofc, he follows it with “but not to me”, because he’s basically proposing to her, but i needed a bit more, an extra line from him confirming her importance. or maybe no extra line, but a bit more feeling. did i mention i love wrecked!kylo? the “please” killed me haha. 

Final thoughts:

- enjoyed it more than i expected to, and it does operate with way more nuance than TFA but it stiiiill fell short with some characters. it didn’t have the weight of rogue one for me, but it’s more lighthearted and entertaining, which i appreciate, cuz it reminded me of my childhood. and ultimately, whether we like it or not, disney does operate on nostalgia. all in all, it’s a worthy star wars movie, 8/10. rian deserves an A-. (he also wrote this thing and whoaaa...i wonder how much more ambiguous and dark this movie woulda been if he’d been given full non-disney freedom)

[scientia-rex]

So this thing I'm not writing

This epic Sports Night fic I am definitely not writing because I have lesbian ballerina spies to worry about and then an actual book deadline. Something I've noticed about particularly older fics in this fandom is that they have this tendency to acknowledge early on that Danny and Casey are both super fucked up. Danny's got the obvious anxiety disorder. (Generalized? Social? I can't say for sure, but from the questions Abby asks I would have to guess social.) Casey occasionally gets written as the golden retriever perfect boyfriend but thank God most people at least seem to NOTICE that he's also a rigid, neurotic mess. The general misogyny goes unremarked. It was an era where if there were Strong Female Characters (TM), the kind Sorkin writes, we were content. We made jokes at our own expense. God, look at women! So clingy and crazy! Always expecting men to respect our essential humanity when we know they have more important and manly things to do! So writers write Sally and Dana and Lisa and Rebecca the way Sorkin saw them, which is a shame, because all of them deserved better. Especially from us. But writers will acknowledge that the male leads are fucked up. Often write a decent scene where they behave like the kind of spoiled giant children they are. Convinced (like Sorkin) of their inherent specialness and greatness. And then--then they will get into the Romance, and suddenly they're both masterful communicators who know exactly what to say to make it all right. And my suspension of disbelief falls apart like wet tissue paper. Because that's not how these guys, who are CLEARLY both fucked up, who struggle with masculinity, would be about emotional communication. Watch them! Casey barely even grasps that Dan HAS an anxiety disorder! Dan sulks! Casey pouts! They have petty, vengeful moments on a nonstop basis! They would literally rather drink than talk about any feelings whatsoever! They are BAD AT THIS. Communicating in relationships is a skill. It must be honed. Neither of them have ever honed that skill in their lives. If you think for two seconds that, of all pairings, THEIR denouement would involve them rationally discussing things and then venturing hand in hand to the bedroom to have very enlightened and unambiguously consensual safe sex, which they would have already cleared the air about re their emotional expectations, you are FUNDAMENTALLY MISTAKEN about these jerks. And I love them, they're great characters, but listen to them TALK, especially about women! They ARE jerks! So anyway, I'm not writing this. I'm not writing about they met and then Lisa and Casey's marriage dissolving while Casey grasped at straws with vulnerable and emotionally naive Dana and then we get to the show and then we follow Danny's nervous breakdown and the show's near death and miraculous resurrection and then eventually Casey in particular grows the fuck up and learns to treat Dana with some respect and understands why exactly the dynamic with Sally was so bad and meanwhile Danny slowly learns to live with his anxiety not like a black cloud hovering over him but as a chronic medical condition he can manage, and in the end they're still huge dorks who in their middle age shack up and Charlie is like, okay, whatever, I guess Danny definitely can't be said to be trying to replace my mom, and they have a semi functional blended Jewish-Protestant family. ...I'm not. Yet.