#it doesnt have to be perfect; it just has to be done
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ok im going to try and parse through my feelings on the entire game in the hopes that expelling these thoughts from my brain will allow me to actually sleep because i am running on about 3 hours right now
i will start positive with the things i absolutely loved:
solas. whos suprised
just kidding i will elaborate further of course. genuinely, from a (mostly) objective writing perspective, he is the best part of this game. like hands down. his writing is bonkers insane. he has the best lines and the most complexity out of any character in the game (besides mythal perhaps). i was so so so afraid they were going to completely woobify him into someone who was right all along and never did anything wrong in his life blah blah to make him sympathetic to a new audience. they did not give a fuck however and i could not be more glad. he is exactly the dread wolf and bringer of nightmares of legend. he is so wonderfully in character, even if that character is not someone we saw in inquisition (we saw solas, not the dread wolf!). there are moments that solas shines through, like in his mentions of varric in the very beginning, when he mentions his love for the inquisitor, his convo with a rook he respects (which i do believe was genuine, even if he betrays them anyway. we know that he regularly betrays people that he likes and respects lol), the way he helps the shadow dragons and saves the dalish, and of course in his final scene with the inquisitor. he manages to retain that perfect back and forth, mask on and mask off, solas vs. fen'harel dichotomy with a different balance than the one we saw in inquisition. in inquisition, we saw solas with hints of the dread wolf peeking through. in veilguard, we see the dread wolf with hints of solas peeking through. ok i need to move on or i will talk about him forever. but they nailed the moral ambiguity with him. they nailed the theme of forgiveness being hard. i loved when harding said something along the lines of "there is no one who doesnt deserve forgiveness" this is one of the few consistent themes that this game was successful in exploring. ok ok moving on now i promise
i also loved mythal (fragment mythal, not morrigan mythal who was a flop). admittedly i am a mythal stan, but her integration into this story was a highlight for me. she haunted the narrative in such a great way. it added so much complexity to solas. hearing him GROWL at elgar'nan in rage "you have lost the right to say her name" made me scream in glee. i loved talking to her and having to prove my worth to her. i love that it was hard and she would kill you without hesitation if she found you unworthy. i love that if she does find you worthy she is instrumental in changing solas's mind. i loved her dragon appearance even if she was useless in the damn fight lol. morrigan mythal sucked tho but thats for later
similar vein but the main quests were fantastic, with a few caveats. but overall every main quest had me hooked, having so much fun, at the edge of my seat and screaming and flailing in my chair. weisshaupt was incredible, BLOOD OF ARLATHAN WAS INSANE (the solas elgarnan bitch fight will go down in history as a moment of all time for me) and of course the finale was some of the best writing ive seen from bioware. the way suspense was built was well done, the stakes felt high, and the twists were interesting.
choice and consequence was absolutely banger. i gasped when i went back to dock town after leaving minrathous to fend for itself and saw a gallows with bodies hanging from nooses and piles of bodies in the streets. i gasped when harding died. i gasped when bellara got blighted. definitely the best choice and consequence in the entire franchise and it was very satisfying. i feel motivated to play again to see different options play out.
the environments are fucking insane. genuinely insane giga brained genius. i have never been so gagged by a video game like this. not only were they beautiful but they were well-designed, interesting and diverse. i rarely got bored anywhere (except treviso lol) and i was regularly picking my jaw up off the floor. some highlights for me were the anderfels area where you first meet davrin with that amazing vista, kal sharok, the docktown catacombs, pretty much anything in arlathan, the deep roads, and honestly so much. absolutely beautiful.
this game felt incredibly cinematic and the direction was fantastic. the cutscenes were so well done and they transitioned so smoothly into gameplay. the animation was fantastic, and everything was so engaging to watch. my favorite cutscene has to be when solas is about to switch places with rook and you see him in the background out of the corner of your eye twice, though rook doesnt know. i was literally screaming it was so fucking cool. it genuinely felt like watching a movie a lot of the time
i genuinely enjoyed the gameplay loop of exploration. i had a lot of fun just exploring around docktown and arlathan, there was always something new to find, i loved the puzzles, and i loved finding codex entries. this is a crazy thing to say but it actually reminded me a lot of genshin impact LMFAO. which i know a lot of people would probably consider to be a negative but i thought it was engaging and fun.
combat fucks. it got a little repetitive by the end, mostly because i think i just wanted to find out the end of the story and fucking darkspawn were in my way, but it was a huge step up from previous games and i think action combat was a good choice.
this game has an incredible amount of genuine heart and soul put into it and you can feel it in every facet of the game. i can tell that the devs were passionate and their creativity was genuine. i could feel their love for the characters and the world. this game is unflinchingly sincere and not afraid of being cringe (though it definitely is cringe at times, i respect the commitment to it so i dont mind it). it genuinely does not feel like an EA cash grab, which is a huge win considering how likely it was for years that a cash grab was exactly what we were going to get.
i enjoyed the varric ghost twist. i knew something was up with him but i didnt fully call him being dead until right before the reveal. i get why people are going to be upset about it, its a pretty fucking crazy decision, but i think what saves it is the quote he gives rook in the fade about his choices being his own and still encouraging rook to try to get through to solas despite being KILLED BY HIM.... fucking crazy. it ties in enough to the overall theme of regret and forgiveness that i think it works.
ok time for the negatives
its hard to pick my biggest issue but i definitely have a top 3: the lore flopped majorly, much of the writing felt juvenile, and there was an overall lack of nuance to everything about the game except for solas's storyline that did feel very not-dragon age to me
i actually dont give a fuck about lore retcons, especially if they are explained well. i think they are often necessary and can be pulled off. but this game literally just pretended to answer decades long questions about the lore and then does not. which would be fine if we didnt have someone who knows all the answers to those questions hanging out in our brains and willing to answer them. we did not learn what exactly a titan was. we did not learn what they were like when they were alive and before they were blighted. mythal called them monsters. harding suggests they might have been violent like the elves. we literally dont know anything about them except for what solas and mythal did to them. i dont think anyone even actually gave a clear answer on what the blight is. ok it was the titan's severed dreams but what the fuck does that mean? it was their rage and pain? then why does harding say the red lyrium manifested by her rage and pain was not blighted, just red? if blight equals titan nightmares then that lyrium should have been blighted? so what the fuck is the blight that ghilan'nain cooked with? red lyrium? how did the original darkspawn get made? did she start injecting people with red lyrium? but we know what that does to people because we saw it in inquisition. it makes them red lyrium freaks but it doesnt make them darskpawn. WHAT ARE DARKSPAWN? WHAT IS THE BLIGHT? did i miss this in a codex entry or something guys im so serious. how did we play this whole game and not actually learn what the blight is. we also learned almost nothing about the forgotten ones, which is fine except we literally met one and all they really had to say about it was "evil spirit" ? ok. also um. where are the rest of the evanuris. ok they are gone but where did they go. we know where their archdemons went, but where did they go? ghilan'nain exists separate from her archdemon so its not like killing an archdemon kills the evanuris, it just makes them vulnerable. should they not all be still alive in that prison together, just mortal and archdemon-less? they literally just say "they're gone" and expect us to be like ok! WHAT THE FUCK??? WHERE ARE THEY?? WHERE ARE THEIR BODIES??? WHAT??????? also the explanation for archdemons was boring. it felt like the team literally did not know the answers themselves (and didnt feel like calling up david gaider) so they just gave us vague non-answers hoping we wouldnt notice. I NOTICED.
similar vein; we learned nearly nothing about elgar'nan and ghilan'nain, and they overall felt cartoonishly evil and one-dimensional. and this is a greater problem that ill talk about next, but they were afforded none of the nuance that solas and mythal were given, and it feels glaring in comparison. why was elgarn'nan evil? was he just born fucking evil? we know thats not true. he originated as a spirit, what kind of spirit? what was his relationship with mythal like? what was his relationship to the other evanuris like? he calls ghilan'nain "sister", were they always close? did they become close in their prison? what are his goals beyond tyranny? or do you actually want me to believe he is just full stop evil? if he was one of the original spirit born elvhen what virtue did he embody and what polluted him into something so terrible? why does ghilan'nain love the blight? why is she obsessed with creation? we only get a single codex about she and andruil (that i found). what was her and solas's relationship like before she ascended to godhood? he calls her "the best of them" but we never see anything about their relationship. neither of them has any nuance. they are just pure evil, corrupted by ???? something ??? power??? i guess. and we are supposed to just be fine with it lol. what are even their motivations? why do they want to cover the world in blight? what is their emotional connection to this pursuit??????? we get such an exploration of this for solas and just NOTHING for them. they feel so one-dimensional in comparison, literal comic book cartoon character villains.
similarly, this game lacks nuance overall. bioware is known for its exploration of grey morality on both personal and sociopolitical levels. this game has that only for solas and literally no one else. qunari antaam? evil (super fucking racist depiction as well). venatori? evil minions. elven gods? evil. forgotten ones? evil. meanwhile, crows? suddenly good. its okay. just forget the MURDER, child slavery and abuse. seriously its fine. caterina dellamorte is a sweet old lady :) dont worry about it :). every faction is good and every antagonist is bad. its genuinely insane coming from the studio who gave us dragon age 2 to now give us something so fucking boring and black and white. they got SO CLOSE with the wardens and isseya and in the end davrin still kills her. why does solas get a chance at redemption and no one else does? here we are with an entire story centered around this morally grey character, interrogating whether or not his actions are justified, whether his intentions matter, whether his abuse informed his atrocities, asking ourselves if he deserves forgiveness asking if he deserves to be saved, where do we draw the line? what is the point of no return? why do people do the things they do? its fantastic. and then you go and do a faction or companion quest and its just like, these are the good guys and these are the bad guys. dont ask questions. have fun! WHAT???? FROM BIOWARE??????????
this issue bleeds over into the companions as well. i genuinely liked all of them. they are likable. but holy shit they have no flaws. all of them are genuinely good people and their problems center around others rather than themselves. there is little to no complexity, to the point where honestly they did not feel like real people to me. harding is sweet and perfect and her worst trait is being *checks notes* TOO AGREEABLE? davrin's worst flaw is raising his voice at his pet too much. emmrich's only flaw is FEARING DEATH LIKE A NORMAL HUMAN BEING? neve is kind of cold. thats it. bellara never does anything wrong. lucanis doesnt sleep enough? taash is the closes they come to any sort of complexity and i did genuinely enjoy their identity struggle and i loved seeing their complex relationship with their mother. but none of those are flaws. like these characters are cookie-cutter perfect. we used to have companions who committed acts of terror and blood mages and mean jealous little brothers and did horrible things and said horrible things to each other and struggled with things like internalized racism and complacency in violent corrupt institutions and addiction and facing your fucking war crimes and they are some of the most beloved of the franchise because they feel SO REAL. like genuinely going from characters like anders and blackwall to these companions was so jarring and disappointng. i LIKE them all, dont get me wrong. but they do not act like real, complex fully fleshed out people, and the writing overall suffers greatly for it.
again connected, the writing in terms of literal dialogue but also what i mentioned above comes together to feel incredibly juvenile. i know some big reviewers beforehand said that the game feels like a pixar movie at times, and unfortunately i dont think thats inaccurate. a little harsh maybe, but there are moments that are truly written in such a way that it feels like the audience is children. and that doesnt mean its bad, because i am a lover of childrens media and most of my favorite media of all time is actually for kids (avatar the last airbender, fullmetal alchemist, etc), but this game oscillates back and forth so violently it will give you literal whiplash. it reminded me a lot of the way young adult fiction is written. GOOD young adult fiction, where its well-done, but its deliberately written to be simpler in both diction and theme and focuses on concepts that young people can identify with. this is how i felt during much of the companion quests during this game. again, it was GOOD young adult fiction, but it had the narrative styling and lack of nuance and complexity that is characteristic of such things, and that is just literally not what the game is supposed to be like. and there are great writing moments that do feel appropriately mature and complex, but they are mostly in the main quest and their presence makes the lack of maturity in the rest of the writing feel even more jarring. i have no idea why they wrote it this way.
morrigan's mythal flopped and was out of character. i missed flemeth's crazy ass. they literally nerfed her. i think this is connected to everyone being nice and good and perfect (no abusive mothers allowed!) which is crazy because the other mythal fragment got to be a crazy bitch. so what the hell
the lack of world states is still a major L. it felt like things were missing that should have been present and had no reason not to be other than just no worldstates. well of sorrows needed to be there ESPECIALLY considering the solas/mythal/lavellan dynamic.
this one is self-indulgence but solavellan could have benefited from better pacing. packing so much into act 3 made it feel rushed. i loved the scenes themselves, but there could have easily been more build-up with a few codex entries.
no fenris. i will never forgive
ok im running out of steam and actually feeling more able to sleep now (thank god). i know i said a lot of negatives but i actually believe this game is very, very good, especially within the context of its development. i think a lot of the issues likely do stem from their fraught development cycle, and overall they did a great job of identifying their priorities and pursuing them to the fullest. i dont necessarily agree with what they prioritized or what their vision was at all points, but i respect the clear direction that this game had. i do not believe it will stick with me the way the previous games did, and while playing i often found myself just missing the characters from 2 and inquisition that i love, and the writing that so often had me screaming crying throwing up and/or giggling and twirling my hair. however, this game gave me the #1 thing i wanted which was a satisfying solavellan conclusion, and though yes it could have been done a bit more... artfully, i think its incredible considering where we were just a few years ago with this game. i will play it again a few times, and the fact that it has sold well enough to guarantee bioware gets to stick around and make new games is a major win. 7.5/10 thank u for listening
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i'm afraid chapter 2 of icarus is going to be at least in part in comic format bc there's just so much stuff to describe and it's easier for me to draw it all than write it??
not that this is easy by any means (again: STUFF! so much of it! and character designs on top of that, and trying to keep it all consistent) but i've been having an absolute BLAST this past week drawing the characters, the clothes/uniforms, the space suits, even the environments and the mechanical stuff and now i don't *want* to stop.
all of this is going to be a bitch of a challenge, and only in part because i've never done long-form comics before. the biggest hurdle is going to be figuring out the most time-efficient way to stylize and shade and/or color stuff. because let me tell you, this shit takes ages. AEONS. FOR-FUCKING-EVER. and i want things to *look good* but i also want to get them done in a timely fashion. i'm gonna have to get good AND fast at the same time, and more importantly get over myself and accept that done is better than perfect and good enough is, well, *good enough*.
if you've made it through all of that, there's a treat for you under the cut :)
this is the most complete of the character profiles i've done so far. i'm currently working on the other main characters (pete, porsche, and kinn) and i'm also doing character profiles for the secondary characters. i've done six of them so far - vegas included - and i plan to draw a few of the minor characters too, mostly because some of them are ~alien species~ and trying to find a balance between their human and alien features is fun.
#i continue to create problems for myself#but at least im having fun!#no but seriously: i need to get over my perfectionism and my fear of Doing Things#and the only way to do that is to *gasp* Do Those Things!#spoiler warning its gonna be ugly its gonna be messy and all over the place#im gonna look at this a year from now and CRINGE SO HARD I TURN MYSELF INSIDE OUT#but i look at my old art *now* and do that anyway so why not try for MAXIMUM CRINGE a year from now? (its good to have goals)#it doesnt have to be perfect; it just has to be done#to quote struthless: perfection is not the way - its IN the way
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some misc scribbles <3
#mildly happy with the last one it was a pain in my ASS-#home bbg i love you but drawing buildings is the Bane of my Existence#ugh symmetry.... ugh Volume....#no oh god im looking at them and theyre looking wonkier and wonkier#it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be done it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be done it doesnt have to be perfect it ju#anyway two of these are teeny requests from a while back when i Asked for some#somebody asked for home & wally and someone else asked for an eddie hug#threw in two tiny wally doodles bc uh. runs away#scribble salad#ok 3 am gotta sleep gotta stop looking at these#the longer i look the worse it all gets just POST-
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with the power of art we can make our dreams a reality
I dont really have anything to post lately so i slightly cleaned up/slapped some colors on one of my thumbnails for an animatic im working on. This is going to be like only 4 frames of the animatic tho, so i want keyboard cat izutsumi to live on in a more permanent way
#izutsumi#dungeon meshi#delicious in dungeon#wtf no more dungeon meshi thursdays AUGH#my art#*scratching at the walls muttering to myself* it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be done
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#screenshots from my last stream#i thought it was pretty#i like to imagine oaimsey placing the camera behind them on a 10s timer and sprinting into position so it captures them against the light#and then retaking it twenty times because 'it doesnt look right'#but taking a picture of the night sky only once#because the sky is always perfect#and they will never get sick of the sky in the overworld#sleeping under the enderian sky is mundane to them now#but there are nights where they just stare up at the night sky in the overworld#counting the stars and tracing patterns#and#wait i just realised as i was writing this every one of my characters has an obsession with the sky#and the way in which the planets move and the stars and the sun and the sunsets#what have i done#continutity#is key#hahahaha#okay im done#sorry
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New OCs
(briefly, humans and supernatural beings have to team up for building better relations with each other and all the supernaturals can shapeshift and take on human appearances but also have their 'original form'.)
OK so I was GOING to draw fanart today - I had a fun idea and everything! But health anxiety (and anti-anxiety meds) wore me out so I kinda .... slogged through OCs as a treat to me. I am going to go to the doctor tomorrow so HOPEFULLY it's all okay.
#my characters#also kite is the worst socially and says things he thinks are surely fitting for a human conversation#but ends up insulting grady with 99% of the comments and that makes grady not fond of him#but then grady is like super pleasant to others and doesnt know how to act around kite and flubs a lot too#its a disaster and the twins are like oh no this is painful#mr tengu that was so tacky you cant say that to a human#mr tengu you cant DO that to a human STOP BEING LIKE THIS#while callum is just like wow this is hilarious thanks for bothering my younger brother its adding character to his life#and kite is stressed because thats the least encouraging thing to hear ever thank you v much hes TRYING to adapt#but also kite isnt his real name and he doesnt know squat about humans BUT he knows they have the internet#and so hes like well the problem is i dont want to actually say my name to you all because what if i am Online (TM)#and so he asks for a new name and then is like he should name me - the tiny one who wants to kick my ass should name me#so grady is like ....... nooooo...... dont............ and then suggests kite bc he's done google research#and kite is a type of bird and according to wikipedia has some familiarity to tengu so therefore yeah#and kite is like !!!!!! DOES HE ! KNOW THINGS ! and happily accepts the slightly researched name while the other humans#are like grady stop that is bullying the poor guy leave him alone pick a normal name!#anyway not drawn yet but there is a human guy partner for the twins and he immediately is like perfect#i know which is which lets go out and explore the human world for your research#and they dont understand how he knows them apart so fast and none of the other humans seem to tell em apart#but then none of the humans are shocked at the guy who knows so the girls are like sir howst do you know#and hes just v casual oh right yeah younger identical twin sisters - i have Practice ! and they are endeared to him haha#anyway if you read all those tags ty#and yes in his tengu form he does actually have the long nose please do not be mad#i just dont draw noses normally and im too tired to practice rn so#i only drew the second one today anyway - the first pic was done a couple days ago but i didnt wanna post on main#but then here i am posting on main#im sorry
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It doesn't need to be perfect it just needs to be done it doesn't need to be perfect it just needs to be done it doesn't need to be perfect it just needs to be done
#i just finished a spanish assignment that was 5% of my grade at the last fucking minute. turned it in literally 2 minutes before it closed#it was an essay. AN ESSAY. a full out researched and cited essay#and i didnt KNOW THAT#our schedule and lesson plan and etc just called it composición 1#and in previous spanish classes (all the way up through advanced spanish)#that always just meant that we would be given a random topic out of a selection of 2-3 possible topics#and we would be given an hour to just write about that topic#but this was like. you pick a topic and research it and write about it and cite your sources#if i had known that i would have started on this a WEEK ago and not AN HOUR AND A FUCKING HALF BEFORE IT WAS DUE#so it was. NOT my best work. i didnt have time to do an outline or do different drafts or proofread it or anything#i didnt even have time to fully read the articles i was citing i just kinda skimmed them#i didnt even have time to FORMAT it correctly 😭 and it was NOT the minimum required length#but. i did it. i turned it in. i turned in SOMETHING thats ALMOST as long as its supposed to be and is hopefully coherent#(and hopefully. hopefully. HOPEFULLY. has minimal grammatical errors)#and like. i would prefer an A or a B. i know i can EASILY get As on essays when i have time to do them properly#but even if its a C. or a D. or even (god forbid. doing the sign of the cross and knocking on wood and everything else here) an F#it will still be better than 0#i would rather lose 1% or 2% or even (god forbid) 3% of my class grade than a full 5%#it doesnt have to be perfect. it just has to be done. it doesnt have to be perfect. it just has to be done#it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be done and i DID IT#now lets GO GET HIGH#rambling
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okay sorry for having opinions on sonic shipping but . the more popular a ship is the more likely i am to be annoyed by it so its probably for the best that my favorite ship is one of the not as popular ones . but also the way sonknux gets talked about (or not talked about) as a result of it being less popular drives me up the wall . what do you mean it doesnt make sense. hes literally not staring at the moon and thinking about him💔
#theyre literally the sun and the moon and you dont even CARE ....#okay but ive actually seen random sonknux posts get a bunch of comments from so/nadow and kn/uxouge fans#along the lines of ''umm i prefer so/nadow :/'' or ''this doesnt make any sense so/nadow is better'' or ''nooo knuckles likes rouge''#like ohhhh my godddd shut UP#anyway theres so many things that sonic and knuckles have done that if it was sonic and amy or knuckles and rouge#or sonic and shadow doing it instead it would get labelled as peak romance#i know this to be true because it literally already happens sonic and knuckles do something gay and its cricket noises#then sonic and shadow do the same thing later. sometimes in the same show/comic/whatever . and it gets reposted everywhere . what#hell none of the other pairings i mentinoed even have to do what sonic and knuckles do they just have to stand near eachother#and people start freaking out ...#also im not saying youre legally obligated to like sonknux too if you like so/nadow or that you cant prefer so/nadow#but. if you think so/nadow makes perfect sense and have convinced yourself that its basically canon and every interaction between them#is a hint from sega that theyre secretly dating or something and you make the biggest reaches imaginable to prove it#while also thinking that sonknux doesnt make any sense at all and labelling it as a crackship or whatever#i can only assume that you arent paying attention to anything that happens in knuckles centric stuff#and/or being That obsessed with so/nadow has just heavily warped your perception of things. because how#and its not even just so/nadow .. knu/xouge is constantly overshadowing sonknux too#but at least so/nadow is actually okay its only crime is being too popular and having some annoying fans as a result#knu/xouge on the other hand is too popular and has a lot of annoying fans AND sucks . which is worse#but so/nadow is one i find myself comparing it to more often because its another gay pairing#and also people are obsessed with taking stuff from sonic and knuckles' relationship/interactions and giving it to sonic and shadow instead#and acting like knuckles doesnt exist and stuff that sonic and knuckles did first is exclusive to sonic and shadow or something#whatever . runs away
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im going to be so real i think im going to snap if i see one more person talking about how There Is No Objective Quality In Art because yes there is!! there arent strict rules about what objective quality is, theres no one size fits all metric, but high quality art is effective in evoking emotion and thought in ways that low quality art isnt. there are so many ways that people can choose to evoke certain feelings through art but the effectiveness of that Is a pretty solid means to determine quality in my experience
#avpswjy#i dunno man it just irritates me lmao#also something doesnt need to be perfect quality to be enjoyable.. youre allowed to like things that are mid or even outright bad#i just think its not only a good practice but actively enjoyable to figure out what artists are going for when they use certain elements#why do writers use certain words? certain sentence lengths? who is the pov from and why? what associations do they draw?#why does an artist use a complex or simple style? what colors do they use? where does light hit and what does it make you focus on?#if someones trying to write a serious horror story and it comes across comical its not good writing#if someones trying to draw a peaceful family scene and it comes across as ominous thats not good art#and again . it Is subjective but not in the same way as most ppl say it is#what people are going for varies! there is no single stylistic choice that is universally bad! but that doesnt mean tht quality doesnt exis#i have more confidence in the horror story i recently wrote than a lot of the work ive done in the past#specifically because i sent it to friends and their theories aligned with the overall vibe and themes i wanted people to come away with#sure some people will misunderstand it or dislike it but i think its pretty effective at what its meant to evoke#idk man. i think anti intellectualism has done a number on art and artistic critique as a whole#and i wish more people approached art (making or appreciating it) with intentionality and not a mindset of blind consumerism
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been making concepts for magical girl adukin au.. i am forming a semi-consistent plot & having fun.. i might draw some other characters in magical girl outfits even if ive sort of laid out what the "canon" magical girls are for the au, but idk who i would draw.. maybe fusakin and syumitaro because well. ones a balloon with a human body and the other is God
#ekurambles#i really like this au if i am being honest even if it is just for funsies.. been working on it inbetween doodles and requests#i have a lot of things jotted down on how adukin even like.. became a magical girl in the first place#& i definitely think it could tie into her feelings in the maingame after the events of mo3#with her feeling like she wasnt as good of a person as jack is but instead of getting manipulated by mdcr#she sacrifices her own selfworth to act more like a hero and force herself to be someone she isnt (“magical girl adu”)#rather than accept who she is and not try to live as a cheap copy of someone who already loves & cares abt her *for* who she is.#taking on a much more dangerous nightlife as a magical girl just to feel like she can amount to any of what jack has done#& that'd probably also lead into jack and his magical boy form where he just wants to help protect her even though adukin hates that idea#she knows she can protect herself and she knows jack isnt trying to say that shes weak (he thinks shes really fucking strong)#but she cant accept his help without accepting herself first otherwise shes just going to keep comparing herself to someone-#-who already thinks shes perfect as the foulmouthed yet kind numa that she is#+ the whole thing with bachikin being the villain shes trying to defeat even if she doesnt know that#because like. she loves bachikin. it is an adubachi-based au afterall#bachikin is only doing these things to create what she thinks is a perfect world#where it's just her and adukin and nobody can judge them or keep them apart#shes been an awful person in the past and she doesnt know how to handle these emotions shes feeling#so she thinks that she has to deal with it the same way that she's dealt with all of her problems in the past#taking what she wants (adukin) and not letting anyone else near her#and bachikin is completely unaware that adukin is the one trying to stop her from doing this#probably in part because she doesnt want to believe that adukin wouldnt also want to live in that idealized world shes created for them-#-in her mind.#...Ok i gotta shut the fuck up this is way too long.
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Ehehehe the NYC dollcon exclusive is a tiefling doll, and he's available in pink!
That means discount Shakespeare Mercutio bjd *will* be happening! He'll be a smaller scale than everyone else, but I guess that's ok given I impulsively ended up going 1/3 for Vanora and Faolan >< also then maybe he can chill on my desk with me sometimes. Not sure how I'll manage his hair since he has an undercut but that's a problem for future future me xD current me is just excited tiefling won that poll lol
#quill's bjd adventures#happy birthday to meeee#i still need to get bodies for vanora and faolan >< but the con exclusive preorder doesnt end until end of October#and i have the option to make a deposit and pay the rest in person#i could also just grt the head and then order a separate body since the resin is resinssoul colors#and they have the digitigrade ming body so he could have hoofies :3#dde also has a listing for hoofed feet for logandolls bodies though and they're pretty#but the ming body is cheaper....#also did more work on dollbei jun's earmods of soom this weekend and im calling it quits#they're not perfect and there's still some marks that i cant seem to sand out. but i give up#if i try to get them perfect they're never going to be done and tbh the only reason i havent fully given up#and just listed them for sale is because i don't think he'd sell well with the dyeing and mods#but I'm close to being frustrated enough by it to just do that anyway so better stop while I'm ahead#they'll be somewhat hidden by the wig anyway#and i can probably hide other flaws with jewelry or something
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you can do whatever you want forever you can do whatever you want forever you dont need to do colours or shading or clean up lineart or use multiple layers or write good or draw the character correctly you can do whatever you want forever you can do whatever you want forever-
#im trying to do an art and its killing me#perfectionist mindset has got me lads#im repeating this as my mantra to get this done#“you can do whatever you want forever” and “it doesnt have to be good just done”#and “its yours so its immediately perfect” and “you made something and thats amazing and more than nothing”#so what if i want a brown colour scheme im allowed to do what i want (BUT THEYLL KILL YOU) shut up i do what i want#its called vague posting FOR A REASON#moss' madness
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ive already rewritten the konoretsu fic once and now im thinking i want to reformat the entire thing. which will naturally require another rewrite
#Perhaps. ending first type fic?#bc with the current sequence i just cant get the transition into the final scene right#its flat and empty which. fitting in a way. but i dont like it#txt#sobs it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be done.......
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emotional angst is so. Difficult to write. its easy to beat up my little blorbos. but now i have to make them sit in a room and Not Talk About Feelings smh
anyway chapter 6 is actually killing me
#i am so aware it's almost been one month since i last updated ashfjsdkf#it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be done#PLEASE i just want to make progress 😭#its okay ill get there eventually#summer post#my writing#ataimw
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i'm just accepting that parts of the fic might be confusing with needing to use he/him pronouns for both of them. i've accepted it yall will hopefully figure out who i meant as it goes
#it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be DONE so my brain can move on#she speaks#she writes#ofc if yall think anything is super confusing LET ME KNOW ill change it
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random pages from my journal
#art#mental health#junk journal#collage#mine#shitty but kinda pretty#random#idk#my art#i force myself to create something when i feel crap#it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to be done
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