#its okay ill get there eventually
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asummersday · 1 year ago
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emotional angst is so. Difficult to write. its easy to beat up my little blorbos. but now i have to make them sit in a room and Not Talk About Feelings smh
anyway chapter 6 is actually killing me
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pixellangel · 4 months ago
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an oceanic siffrin for your viewing. a seafrin if you will
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max-iwtaco · 3 months ago
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thr the fuckinnnn they the guys the team the trio
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bluebellhairpin · 4 months ago
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"I think my selfships are full of love and a lot of effort is put in and that what makes them good and worth talking about," I say into the mic.
No one boos. The crowd is non-existent. I begin to walk off in shame, when a voice speaks and commands attention from the back of an otherwise empty room.
"She's right," they say. I look for the owner of the voice. There in the 5th row stands: myself.
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whomeidontknowthem · 2 months ago
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Eyes on me – an interactive whump story. Part 5.
Previous part. Masterpost.
Content: institutionalized slavery, imprisonment, dehumanizing language, it/its for an inhuman whumpee, pet whump, whipping, blood, physical abuse, withholding of food, training, torture, intimate whumper, carewhumper, mentioned pet death, tell me if i missed something
Lord Teelo didn’t strike. 
He lowered his arm, eyes never straying from holding the creature’s terrified gaze. The room reeked of blood, now streaming down the lord’s fingers in a warm waterfall. He worked hard on pushing his fury back, taking it under control as many times before. He was in control. He would show it, careful and persistent and levelheaded. He would make sure it remembered the lesson forever. The crop was not meant for punishments, it was too short, too soft – he hadn’t meant to punish it. He was going to be a kind and gracious owner. It had left him no choice!
He opened the door, finding the redheaded guard still in the corridor.
“Get a proper whip,” he ordered. “More chains – gods damned handcuffs, whichever idiot thought of leaving it like this?! And a knife, scissors – or whatever, something to file its atrocious claws.”
The guard stared at him, not in the face – at his arm. Lord Teelo felt it – the consistent drip-drip-drip of his blood. He didn’t feel the ache yet. Nothing but the quiet, cold fury he couldn’t wait to unleash at the world. Haltingly, the guard started, “Should I bring someone to take a look at–”
“I have told you what you should do,” his voice came out as a hiss.
“Yes, my lord,” the guard saluted and hesitated only a moment before running down the corridor. 
Lord Teelo closed the door with a loud crash. He paced inside, steps echoing around the room, as the pain slowly started to radiate out. He hated it. Oh how he wished he could slice the thing’s skin just this moment, not waiting for anything and anyone. He picked up the crop once more, stoped before the creature – it cowered to the very corner between the wall and its cage, never letting its eyes away from him. Oh, now it was looking. It dared to look! 
“You think yourself smart?” the lord hissed. “Think you did something good for yourself? Oh, no, you’re gonna regret this. You’re gonna regret this so much.”
The pain seeped into his consciousness with every heartbeat, radiant and nauseatingly familiar. He held a handkerchief to the cuts until it filled with deep red. He threw it away – it landed in a wet disgusting lump on the table, by the bowl of wet disgusting meat. Oh how the lord had tried to be a nice host, how he had tried to accommodate this, this– 
“Damned, ungrateful, hateful beast!” Lord Teelo roared. The glass of the bowl nearly slipped from his bloodied fingers when he grabbed it, and then shattered to thousands pieces to the side of the creature’s head. Its dinner fell onto the floor, useless. Oh, it wouldn’t get any, it would have to work, to beg for any crumb from then on – it would regret, regret it so much!..
The door slid open soundlessly after a short knock, letting in the heavy footsteps and the clanging of metal. The lord turned on his heels, facing the guard. “And why in the world have you not brought a damned healer!” he hissed. “Can’t you see I’m bleeding out!”
The guard blinked. “But you have–” 
“YOU DARE ARGUE WITH ME?!”��
He was struggling to breathe, chest heaving with effort. The blood was still warm down his arm, still bright on the broken glass and light wood of his floors. How could the idiot not understand!
There were chains in the guard’s arms and a leathery length of the whip. Lord Teelo snatched it and demanded, “Chain it up!” The guard hesitated, opened his mouth. “NOW!” 
He did. The lord watched as he came to the beast, careful with his steps, cautious of it. It squeezed itself deeper into the corner. Lord Teelo could see it shaking. He was delighted to see it shaking. The guard reached out, the first cuff prepared, and Lord Teelo watched from a step away as it lifted its hands up, close to its chest. Its teeth were bared, pupils wide and eyes wider. It tried saying something, but what came out was only a mess of sounds with no meaning. 
The guard squeezed its arm even as it tried to avoid it. It whined and fought back, tried getting out of the grasp, tried pushing him away, tried and fought and struggled as he cursed under his nose. Its claws went through the skin of his palm ripping out a sharp hiss. It managed to raise its hind leg as the cuff clicked around its wrist, its claws scratching against the metal in an effort that only delayed the inevitable. 
Lord Teelo had little patience left. He stepped forward, connecting his heel with the middle of the creature’s tail. It yelped, flinched backwards – its head connected with the wall, and before it could regroup the second handcuff was in place. After that, restraining its legs was only a matter of time.
“Turn it around,” the lord ordered. Chains clang as it fought in an ever increasing panic. “To the wall, yes… yes, just like that.” The locks rattled, forced closed. The guard let the key fall onto the ground, forcing the creature to kneel. It hid its tail between its legs, whining as its head was pressed into the wall. “Is the chain short enough? Will it be able to move?”
“I don’t think so, my lord,” the guard answered. 
Lord Teelo played with the whip, trying it out. “Good. Go fetch the healer– wait. I need – something sharp, something – to secure on its tail. See how it hides it? I need something it can’t hide from.”
The guard looked puzzled. He eased his hold in a test, and the creature threw its whole weight backwards, fighting the chains. They held. Kneeling, with its tail hidden and only back visible, it looked strikingly like a human. “Perhaps clothespins, my lord?” It wasn’t what he had in mind. What he wanted – it wasn’t that. Not this easy, tame solution.
“It would work,” he drew out. He would go to the smith when he had time. He had an idea, oh, that would be a genius idea. “Just this once."
He flexed his left arm and rubbed his right. It hurt as all deaths, but it had stopped bleeding. He failed to crack the whip the first time but managed it the second, inches from the creature’s back. The guard bowed, taking it as a sign to leave. 
The creature mumbled and mumbled more, sounds a meaningless mush falling from its tongue. If Lord Teelo was generous, he could see it as an apology; he would not even entertain the possibility of giving in to it, of course. 
The second crack was right by its ear. It flinched and curled up further but couldn't hide.
It wailed when the whip connected with its back – so loud, so quickly, taken by surprise. Lord Teelo bared his teeth in a smile and struck again, violent purple already flowering on the gray of its skin, and struck again without waiting – three, four, six, twelve hits in a row, as it flinched and writhed and cried out.
He paused afterwards, and saw as it tensed, first, its whole body shaking with the effort of breathing, hiccupping in what sounded almost like sobs. He waited, watching how it trembled more and more. He let it marinate in the anticipation, the fear coiling and coiling with no release, the stinging of its sore back growing as its patience ran thin. 
When it raised its head, just barely, as if to look, the whip snapped through the air again. 
It screamed out. He didn’t give it time to recover. 
The lord hit it with no pattern, pausing and continuing at his leisure, until his arm grew heavy with pain and the creature nearly silent. Lord Teelo could only hear its labored breathing, air forced out of its body with every strike. Its back bloomed with purple that gave way to red when the skin opened, the new lines covering the rainbow pattern in an unstructured, repulsive mess.
Oh, he nearly pitied it, trembling pathetically in the corner. Then he rubbed his arm and the sharp pain was enough to remember why he didn’t. 
He struck for the last time, lazily, with his left, and then a few more for a good measure. When a polite knock announced the guard’s return, he felt pleasantly tired, like after a good work out. He called out for the man to enter. 
The guard did and the healer, an old woman the lord knew for most of his life, followed in. She looked the room over with stony, unreadable expression, and Lord Teelo met her gaze with a nice enough smile. “You’ve got your toy,” she stated and that was all the attention the creature got from her. 
She made a quick enough work of the wounds: cleaned and bandaged them up after applying that miraculous numbing cream the lord appreciated since early childhood. The creature would appreciate it even more, he thought, glancing at the pathetic thing. It had shifted at some point, stretching its legs just a bit but keeping its head hidden. Its body shook violently, trembling so much it in itself looked tiring. 
“Should I look it over?” the healer suggested, all business. 
The lord huffed, “What would the point of a punishment be then?” 
The woman looked him over with that annoying, unreadable gaze. “Call me whenever you change your mind,” she bowed and left when he dismissed her. 
Lord Teelo tried the clothespins with interest, forcing the spring to coil and then letting it go softly around his finger, just a tad, until it started hurting. “Good enough,” he concluded finally and got up. 
The creature flinched when his boots stopped by its form but didn’t try anything. “Poor thing,” he drew out and crouched, ran his fingers along its back lightly, brushing fingertips over the painful ridges of future bruises. Its breaths hitched, but it didn’t make a sound. “And all you needed was to not act like a brainless brat to avoid all this. You have no one but yourself to blame, silly thing,” he told it. It didn’t answer, shivering under his touch but not attempting anything stupid. 
“But maybe you can learn,” he hummed and moved his hand down to where its tail started. It tensed even further, if it was possible at all. “Let’s just make sure the lesson sticks, huh?” It curled up even further as he tagged on its tail, releasing from under the creature’s body. He flickered it back and forth and rubbed between his fingers and was satisfied when it sobbed and shuddered but remained motionless otherwise. 
“Like this, yes,” he muttered. With the softest touch of his second hand, he stoked its head. “But look at me now. Eyes on me,” It didn’t understand. He caught a fistful of its fur and tagged. “Eyes on me.”
Too drained to resist, it lifted its head as he guided it. “Eyes on me,” he demanded again, and it either guessed or truly learned – its gaze settled on him, focusing to the best of its ability – and, oh, what a pathetic mess it looked, eyes bloodshot and wet in ways he’d thought only a human's could be, dark lines from where it pressed into the floorboards marking its cheeks. There was something red around its mouth – did it bite itself, the poor thing? 
Lord Teelo clicked his tongue, smiled softly and released its fur. It settled back instantly, curling up again. Its tail remained in his hands. 
He picked up the first pin. 
It must have assumed at first that he was just playing like he had been, – at least, it didn’t seem to tense up too much, nor expect the sharp pain when he released the spring around its tail. It shuddered, head whipping up, staring at him once again. He smiled. Picked up the second clothespin. 
It tried to get its tail free – oh, it tried as much as it could without hurting him, but he tightened the grasp and played with the pins as it couldn’t help a new whimper, and hushed it and urged it to sit still. “That’s for you to remember the lesson better,” he told it pleasantly. It must have cried, body shaking again, and tried to kick just once, the movement stopped halfway through by a short chain. 
Lord Teelo wondered how many pins would be good for it – should he go with the whole set the guard had brought? He settled on five, at the end, a nice even number not even halfway through what he had. He was feeling rather merciful and forgiving, and it sounded just so pathetic. 
He called the guard in to urge it into the cage when it was done. It didn’t even try fighting, following the man's tagging and pushing until it was inside, drawing its limbs close and curling up to fully fit. Nearly immediately, its fingers itched towards the pins, human-like thumbs ready to work on the problem. Lord Teelo snapped his fingers to get its attention.
“No,” he said, words dripping with finality. He reached through the bars and tagged its tail outside. “The clothespins stay here for the night,” he told it. It probably didn’t understand – there was so little thought in its eyes. He let go of it hoped for its sake it understood what he meant. He didn’t want to have to punish it so soon for their lack of common language. 
When he went to sleep, the shaky breaths and the rare clanging when it tried to settle more comfortable sounded like a lullaby to his ears.
In the morning, his arm stung mercilessly and unendingly, and no melodies of birds and gentle sunrays could make his mood better. He turned lazily, letting his eyes fall onto the cage. The creature was curled inside of it, eyes shut tight and ears flickering restlessly. Its tail fluttered too, freed at some point from the pins, one of its hands curling around it protectively. 
Lord Teelo felt stuck between endearment and irritation. He moved and the cuts on his arm ached, and irritation won. 
“Hey… you,” he called and realized he hadn’t come up with a name. He should think about it as some point, he decided grimly, and banished the thought of the last pet he’d named, back in childhood. That was a just a cat, a stupid spoilt creature with too much attitude. The lord remembered the way it looked, painted red and unmoving, after crossing one too many lines. 
The creature didn’t move at his call, either. He picked up an extinguished candle from his bedside table and threw it towards the cage. “Hey!” 
There was no reaction. With an undignified groan, he forced himself on his feet and towards the cage. He rattled the key across the bars, the way that always seemed to get the creature’s attention.
It didn’t react. It was outright ignoring him! 
Had it learned nothing?!
He reached through the bars and tagged on its tail, finally getting some response in return – it flinched weakly and grimaced. Slowly, its eyes fluttered open, but didn’t settle on the lord. They looked as if through him, unfocused and dizzy, and a pang of worry cut through the just rage when they closed back and its chest heaved, struggling for breath. 
Something was wrong.
He reached through the bars and towards its forehead, forgetting for a second it wasn’t a human. The skin under his fingers was blasting hot and sickly wet. It moved closer to his fingers, all but nuzzling against him. 
Something was terribly, terribly wrong.
Updates every 7-10 days (depending on how much time I have and how obvious the poll result is) (unless something goes wrong and it takes me too weeks to get myself to write something. I'm so very sorry about the delay!)
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unexpectedbrickattack · 1 year ago
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Hi. New ✨Pinned Post✨
• MINORS. DO NOT MESSAGE ME. NO DMS. NO INBOX MESSAGES. NO. I am not checking my activity and Every note to see if minors are interacting w my stuff but i WILL check if u directly try to contact me. I WILL block you. Please dont do that to me 😭 Likes/Reblogs are fine, just dont talk to me Directly please.
• This blog will have ns//fw stuff! Suggestive and Explicit! Please block [spicy hot], [suggestive] and [saucy] to avoid seeing these posts! Make sure to remove the brackets! (Gonna be changing [spicy hot] to [saucy] very soon so I am adding that in there as well)
• No, I do not want you to dub any of my art. Oh my god. Oh my god ! I cannot stop you but I do not want anything ive done dubbed and placed anywhere on the internet. Do not show me if u do this. Do not show me if u saw it on youtube or tiktok or whatever! I am existing with Blinders on and i would prefer to keep it that way!
• I dont rp! Please do not send me rp asks and dms ! I will NOT respond to them!
• Not important but if u see Dissociativekitten in ur activity, thats me :)
OKAY thats it for real bye
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luneariann · 4 months ago
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Sirkka..... save me Sirkka.......
The little blue dude in the last picture is @valverii s oc btw :3
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merioux · 3 months ago
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im gonna be honest nobody in the ostc fucking likes me asides from my friends since a little something happened and it somewhat crapped down my "reputation" i guess. i need to come over that aand accept that if it wasnt over my designs and art id be given a weird look 24/7. lol. someone tried ruining my chances of being a guest artist of something just because we dont like eachother and someone else ripped off my oc because we dont like eachother people want me gone ahhhhhhhh i wish i could completely migrate to the lisa fandom but im a bit too young for that rn, atleast in my own opinion. i dont want to risk it taking a toll on my mental health considering lisa is one hell of a game LOL. i love this game but id prefer waiting that im a bit older to make it the "only" thing idk how to put it in words??? im bad at explainig aghhhhhh; i genuinely cant believe the community of a game so life ruining has been way nicer to me than a community of trading fucking objects with limbs like pokemon cards. idont really care anymore but its sad ppl dont really like me alot, however im glad ppl like my lisa stuff though i feel happier focusig on that and my friends an drawing . ah
funny cat video
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ikanebula · 1 year ago
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old catboy jerma photo study from april, i don't quite like it now but maybe one of these days i'll repaint it or something.
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suckishima · 9 months ago
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im so glad i read the haikyuu manga
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thetangibleghost · 13 days ago
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I think we might have trauma tied to the literal feeling of falling asleep/waking up. Like we get nightmares that are just. The feeling of changing concousness but drawn out + adrenaline + terror
#this may be from sleep paralysis? because we also get that sometimes#also sometimes when falling asleep we get like a rush of adrenaline and if we're far enough along well get shot into sleep paralysis or#start half dreaming about being woken up from a coma or dying.#which like 99% of the time is what we want? but then these things hapoen and its like. huh. maybe i DO have a will to live#it feels less like me or another alter and more like the body literally things its dying.#this happens both sober and intoxicated but doesn't seems to happen more frequently when intoxicated which is interesting#if anything its usually easier to push through#but one time we were like super fucking stoned with my ex and i started flipping my shit because im chill like thag#and so he took me out to the car vecasue i was like “i cant be in the house snymore its not safe i cant be here”#and he leaves to go get something and im like terrified to fall asleep#it gets worse when im scared sometimes. like a certain type of fear its like horror feeling.#anyways so im trying ot to pass out and im convince if i do ill never come back and my ex enters the car and i start screaming. like bloody#murder. and then HE screams. so then were both screaming. and eventually one of us stops screaming. and i dont remember which one. and i was#like :( im sorry that was really embarrassing but also im still so scared im sorry#and he was like 'its chill.' and then he goes to get another thing later and hes like Dont. Scream. When i get back. Dont Scream.#and i was like . okay 👍🏼.#and then he got back and i screamed. but it was easier to stop that time#and then his mom drove us around the neighborhood and i convinced my self that the whole world was just a figment of her imagination#and that really helped for somereason#so.#this kinda got away from me but basically i had one of those drawn out consciousness change night mares last night#dream log
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voidimp · 14 days ago
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honestly as someone who never really got into lotr but independently also came up with the idea that the most sensible way to handwave everyone in a fictional setting speaking english & using terms that would have no reason to have originated in that setting is to just pretend its all a translation/localization of whatever language theyre actually speaking, it was such a relief to learn that tolkien also did that. like oh ok so im not crazy for wanting to do it that way. or like, maybe i am, but at least in the same way that a wildly successful fantasy author was, so i think im good
#like it just makes sense!! yeah you COULD go through & nitpick english so you take out all the loanwords & words with religious origin etc#anything that wouldnt make sense in the setting youre writing for. words relating to places that dont exist there. you COULD do that#(& iirc there are some authors that HAVE done things like that which is incredible i love that)#but its so much easier to just be like. well these are not the actual exact words they were saying. they were not speaking english#bc why would they be?? why would this fantasy world have english At All. even if u call it by a different name. u know??#why would they come up with the same sounds and the same alphabet and the same grammar and everything#it just makes more sense for it to not actually BE english to begin with!!!#i would love to eventually make up all the conlangs in my various settings but unfortunately i do not have the time & energy for that rn#so im just using real languages as stand-ins. which does mean i will either need to learn them or get someone to translate for me lmAO#but im fine with that. also learning more languages would make it easier to make a conlang anyway bc u have more knowledge of#language structures besides english & u can use that to add more variety..... maybe someday ill get to the point where i can do that#its always been something that interested me tbh i used to make up fake alphabets all the time but never really got much farther#they werent all exact 1:1 w a-z either like some combinations would have their own character or id omit some#god okay anyway i gotta go to work#oopsie i made the wrong word italic. i fixed it tho
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wojtekaneko · 3 months ago
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Agrhaghahsjkak i hate it when I can't do anything unless it's related to the things I'm obsessed with at the moment!!!! Like can I do what I'm supposed to do???? No??? I have to draw some characters first?!??? Yeah sure but its literally taking hours from my day aghhghh
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vampiremourning · 10 months ago
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anyway as soon as i pry myself off this couch im gonna share some screenshots of bg3 protags on my sideblog. just gotta like. reach the desk first.
#all i can think about is the shelves im gonna get installed here over the next little bit fdghj#yall dont understand its so hard to keep things clean and brain friendly when you just dont have anywhere to put stuff.#hellish#& then i get overwhelmed and turn into a massive bitch when i try to get it under control fdgh#instead its been like. 2 straight days of dopamine i fucking swear?? my body probably definitely wouldnt let me do this for a living#(my hip is screamingggg dfghgjj) but actually if i could & if i could work in a team then yeah. ykw i enjoy it.#organization go brrrrrrr#i dont think she was expecting me to work that fast either but ive been like a feral animal. skittering over clutter.#finding Spots for Things#okay i lied the flood was actually beneficial in one way to me specifically.#estranged father just forgot a Bunch of tool sets here & ive claimed them now fdghjk#that nail gun is MINE#she suggested i look out for an actual tool chest/bench thing (ykw the ones with wheels and stuff) for everything and i havent been that#excited for anything in months fdgh tools are expensive alright. too bad he took the table saw.#i dont talk much abt my Masc Hobbies as i call them lmao no real reason to but hoooboy i love to Build Things#give me that ikea desk ill have it done in an hour or less every time#maybe trade school is still on the horizon for me gfhj always wanted to Weld Stuff i think id be good at it#as much as i fuckin loathe yard maintenance i was a real garage sooooo bad its not even funny#shame i wasnt just inherently expected to know car stuff tm i feel like i would have loved it too#scarrier to learn on your own later in life especially with a lease vehicle but ill get there eventually#anyway yeah bg3! new mods. new ocs#have not done much with them yet but they Exist and theyre pretty
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phagodyke · 4 months ago
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yeah I'm not gonna talk abt it am I...
#well thats okay. eventually itll come up naturally. and if not well. it doesnt make me feel very okay. but its not a big deal#and i guess ill meet ppl in the future who will curate a different idea of me and maybe therell be fewer misunderstandings#<- coward who CAN communicate to save their life but not in any lower stakes situation for their happiness n quality of life#we <3 repression n insecurity. maybe if i keep digging at the corner of this bit of the labyrinth with my spoon ill get out someday 😌#anyway.. theres my daily vague vent post got it out of my system#wanted to do it earlier but ended up not having much time after work n then called friends which was nice :^)#also i never have signal at work these days.. my boss has said shell get me on the staff wifi tho cuz i do need it for work reasons#its rare to need it for work purposes bc we all use work pcs n stuff anyway and not rly supposed to use mobiles in the lab#but yeahh.. god i have so much admin shit to sort out also gotta text family back before i sleep i forgot to earlier#its all good.. also my memory foam pillows turned up so i no longer have to steal my roomies extra one for my neck pain <3#ik she was missing it... not to sound like a creep but it was nice that it smelled like her a little. just familiar innit#we're always around each other so its just what being home smells like to me.. listen i have a sensitive nose ���✋️#if we were a lot closer i would ask if i could sleep in her bed while shes away but we're not so it would come across sooo weird..#and i would feel rly weird abt someone sleeping in my own room without me there. well maybe not actually. as long as they werent snooping#<- guy whose mother used to go thru their shit all the time n struggles to not feel paranoid and distrustful when it comes to privacy#was thinking recently my ideal living situation w a partner would be separate rooms but we still share the bed sometimes#but not every night bc im a sensitive sleeper... but we can switch bedding so i can still smell them if i wake up in the night alone#like how new mothers trying to get babies used to cot sleeping each have a cloth or blanket and swap every night#so the baby is comforted by the blankets smell and sleeps more peacefully.. and momma finds it easier being apart from the baby too#sorry this is getting gooey and weird my meds have been wearing off the last couple hours im so sleeppyyyy 😭#well.... maybe everything can wait until tomorrow..... bed is calling..#goodnight everyone muah#.diaries
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lockedtowers · 1 year ago
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Because, I am one of them.
Ind. Sel. Headcanon based and multi canon influence, WILLIAM AFTON/PURPLE GUY/THE KILLER from Five Nights at Freddy's, featured on mendinggashes, a dual muse blog.. NOT SPOILER FREE. Please read pinned before following. Template Credit.
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