#it could have been worse tho
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slut4thebroken Ā· 7 months ago
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Getting nauseas thinking about how I had a virtual fwb thing with this guy from highschool back in like 2018/19 ish where we would use snapchat and it never even occurred to me that he could/would have saved any pics or vids until I saw a video a couple weeks ago about what happened to Madison Beer šŸ™ƒ
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whats-it-mean Ā· 1 year ago
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Update on how coming out went !!
It could have gone better, it could have gone worse... The complicated thing with coming out at family events is that people have the tendency to stay quiet in the moment so its hard to read peoples reactions.
Nobody said anything outwardly rude to me and my three year old cousin hugged me and that was ADORABLE <333 but certain relatives got quiet and just didn't say much for the rest of the time they were at the event.
I'm lucky nobody said anything mean and im getting support from at least some people, but it does kinda suck knowing that i probably lost the good relationship i had with some people tonight
in the end i drew myself with kanata because hes my comfort character and i love him <333 not the best image quality but i am to tired to care so. you can even spot my kitty in the corner muehehehe
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b4um3pfl4um3 Ā· 7 months ago
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Having a bug on my bed was not on my bingo list for today
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What is that guy doing here? I want to sleep sir.
Worst part, he was apparently on my pillow because as I went to fluff it up I suddenly felt something flung against my food and low and behold it was this guy.
Because my room is dimly lit I was a little afraid it might have been a spider but a bug is honestly fine with me even though I don't really like them either.
That is surly a downside of having your bed stand right under the window but I am far to lazy to redesign my entire room to fix this.
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blueskittlesart Ā· 1 year ago
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Now that you're gone
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anony-mouse-writer Ā· 9 months ago
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stuff hermits have been excited about the mail system for
- spam
- sending each other tnt (doesnt work because shulker boxes dont light tnt)
- reaching impulse about his equine extended warranty
- licking hermits faces
- spam
- stealing other hermitā€™s mail
- committing mail fraud
- spam
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s-aint-elmo Ā· 6 months ago
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they could have been such haters together
(ID in alt text)
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inutiliacapra Ā· 4 months ago
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worm and salmon woodburning :))) šŸŖ±
eerrrm .. finally woodburning this piece... that i had sitting in my closet for 2 years... also uhhhmmm *dies* i almost died when i didnt take my meds for the last 3 days never fucking do that it was HORRIBLE but im glad to be back on them things feel better
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turtleblogatlast Ā· 8 months ago
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No but like every time I think about Splinter and what he had to go through just to keep the boys alive, my heart hurts for him so badly. Is he perfect? No not at all, but none of them are and by god does he love his sons.
The fact that all of them are alive, and grew to thrive despite the circumstances surrounding them is a testament of how much Splinter loves his boys. He raised four babies following the most traumatic time of his life, all alone with nothing but the sewers to house them (to hide them.) I feel like heā€™s not given the credit he deserves for all heā€™s done.
And I get that itā€™s easy to hold up his flaws and faults when it comes to parenting, I myself like looking into them because flawed characters are super interesting and said flaws make them more realistic and engaging, but he tries, and again, so many others would have given up on the boys or failed along the way but Splinter didnā€™t.
Heā€™s their father, for all his faults he did his damndest to make sure they survived.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt splinter#rise splinter#heā€™s not perfect as Iā€™ve said#and heā€™s got a whole slew of flaws and faults#but heā€™s a person - we are all flawed#he loves his sons dearly dearly dearly even if he struggles along the way to show that#parenting is not easy! especially as a traumatized mutant who is forced to do it alone#side note but I think this is one of the reasons why it kiiiiiinda ruffles my feathers to see so many people assign parentification to Raph#and in turn make Splinter out to be way worse and way more distant than he is in canon?#like idk I just donā€™t see what so many others see ig but maybe thatā€™s just me#i guess my thoughts are like- let parents have flaws without villainizing them?#theyā€™re still parents even if they mess up?#we can discuss the repercussions of a parents actions on a child while not casting that parent as an awful person#parents are peopleeee#I could go on but yeahhh#idk it bothers me seeing splinterā€™s efforts undermined when heā€™s been through so much#idk if ppl realized this by now but I love me some flawed characters#tho I do think in this fandom the ones whose faults are discussed the most are like#Splinter mostly then Draxum then Leo#of the main cast#and in Splinters case in particular his faults are made to cover his good qualities which makes me sad#because he is SO INTERESTING#theyā€™re all flawed characters and tbh so interesting because their flaws are ALSO their strengths in many aspects
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bloodydeanwinchester Ā· 5 months ago
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my two favorite versions of sammy are fucked up evil sammy and sooooooooo pathetic sick and haunted sammy
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fumifooms Ā· 2 months ago
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Makima, devils and self-fulfillment
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Dumping some Makima and CSM thoughts after a part 1 binge bc I think about her forever and ever. Iā€™m sure Iā€™m forgetting some devil lore, feel free to correct what i get wrong/whatā€™s been confirmed. On the table of contents thereā€™s why & how Makima got fixated on Chainsaw, her revealing liking for the country mouse and discussion of her nature & emotions & desires. Was the scorpion doomed to be a scorpion?
The most of this post was thought of during a conversation with @saccharineomens and I donā€™t think it makes sense to jump into the spiral it sent me on without first laying down the interesting groundwork theorizing she did:
"Thinking about how makima herself wants to be deified. I wonder whether she recognizes the difference between Love As Worship and the love that Aki, Power, and Denji had. She says she wants to help humanity by having Chainsawman eat the ā€œbadā€ devils, but why does she want to help humans? Because she was ordered to by the Prime Minister? No, her drive seems much more personal than that, it seems like she teamed up with the PM for contractual reasons. (In the most recent chapters we see governmental members wanting certain devils to be eaten, too. What was Makimaā€™s relationship with them? Sheā€™s too independent to just follow THEIR orders, sheā€™s Control.)
So is she wanting to better humanity for the accolades, or out of the goodness of her heart? She sees the big picture. She sees any small sacrifice as worth it for the end result, and sheā€™s ruthless. Perhaps she thinks that a more sedate human race would be easier to control? But Makima doesnā€™t loathe humanity. She never acts like she sees all humans as lesser. She loves humanityā€™s creations, like good food and movies. She just wants Good Things all the time
She says she prefers the country mouse BUT adds a story where she helps exterminate country mice like vermin. She likes the simplicity yet rejects the idea of being simple. Makima the complex individual you are"
~
The story itself seems to prefr the country mouse. Well- it strikes a balance, shows that a risk to live good & fully can be very worth it, but still that stability over ambition is preferable, proning having a simple happy life over fame, a simple job instead of a dangerous one, etc etc. And I do find Makimaā€™s answer on this so so interesting, she prefers the country mouse, but this preference isnā€™t out of affection or sympathy but because of how relaxing it feels to exterminate them when they cause problems.
Order satisfies her. Her order satisfies her. She likes the action of rooting out disorder. Maybe this is the devil part, like how Power especially wants blood and drinking it, I feel thereā€™s an itch to every devil, and for Makima itā€™s a very rigid world view/morality/standards & making things follow her rules and submit to her order.
And maybe this is why sheā€™s attached to humans too, why she felt it was worth it to stick with the government- because devils are chaotic by nature (itā€™s a whole plot point that hell is essentially a free-for-all battleground for example), meanwhile humans are the species that universally rule Earth with systems they invented and instilled. They made then enforced rules, complex and intricate webs of them. She feels alienated amongst devils but she understands the humansā€™ need for an orderly organised society, and now she wants to be part of it. Control and conquest require social dynamics after all, requires civilizations or groups. War is chaotic while peace is, well, peacefulā€” Makima resents her sisters for being death, famine and war, things that throw the world in such chaos. She wants a world of perfect order, no matter how much collateral damage there will be if the end result is control.
This is even more interesting if you consider that yes, Makima is untouchable of her own design, she deifies herself with her omnipresent amount of control and the sway over others that she seeks and encouragesā€” There is this urge to dehumanize her for it, that yes, she is the devil of control and that means she was never going to be any different, have any more feeling be any less uncanny. And I love part 2 so much for this, because it shows us the war devil and the famine devil and we see how frankly uncharismatic with poor self-discipline they are, Nayuta too, and it helps us realize just how much Makimaā€™s success was self-made.
She admires Chainsaw Devil, the Hero of Hell, because he had his own code and his own rules and he made Hell, the chaos pit, submit to them unfailingly. Wherever he goes he decides what he does and what happens to the people he encounters but does so consistently, he has his mechanism and his rules that he always obeys, and he fulfills them every time. Itā€™s still a mystery the why of Chainsaw Devilā€™s behavior back then and how it works exactly, maybe Pochita left hell because he was tired of these rules he lived by like chains, but still, he was a servant to his code. Makima would have been glad being killed and eaten by Chainsaw Devil because itā€™d have been becoming part of his design, his conquest, his domination, sheā€™d have been part of that ā€”hisā€” order. Through her death she would be shaping his world and be part of a conquerorā€™s making history. Like how she appreciates the country mice that die for the sake of order. Like how sacrifices must be made to herself, like listing the name of every person whose life was lost to the Gun Devilā€” All for the ~greater good~, for her vision for the world. Conquest always thinks its reasons are justified.
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And she does mention with the country mice thing that she goes out to a friendā€™s farm every year! She has a human friend?? That she visits yearly and she genuinely likes it?? Ultimately she lives a busy city life because of her goal and drive and her urge & satisfaction with overseeing shaping the world herself, but part of her, like so many characters including Angel and Aki and Reze, wishes she could live a slow peaceful country life. Moviegoing and dogs and mice in a farm- Wouldnā€™t it be so much simpler if Makima could find fulfillment and happiness in being a farmer, in keeping control of her own farm, getting satisfaction from exterminating vermin and expertly getting everything right, the right crops grown at the right time on the right soil? Here, too, in a way itā€™s trying to have full control of an ecosystem, but her goals would be easier to achieve and better, without ceaseless sacrifice or much pressure. But Makima wants grandiosity and her goal does matter to her on a fundamental and moral level, she does think she knows whatā€™s best for the world, and with the power to change it why wouldnā€™t she strive to? Visiting the farm is just a break, just something she does in fall to help out and just in time to see the vermin extermination. It calms her, then itā€™s back to actual work.
In capitalism, even the one at the very top of the ladder is ultimately alienated from others and often unsatisfied by their lifestyle, always wanting more and more power because surely thatā€™s the extra edge they must be missing to be contentā€” like how Makima thinks she wants to dominate Chainsaw Devil instead of being his equal. And she says it herself too, she likes humans the way humans like dogsā€¦ā€¦.. And she keeps so many dogs :( Makima prefers the country mice because theyā€™re calming to root out, maybe because she usually mainly deals with city mice. Itā€™s very easy to equate humans to the mice in this allegory because itā€™s pretty direct and sheā€™s already likened humans to lesser animals compared to her. Sheā€™s self-isolating by design for her design but she still craves relationships and contentment, and the dogs are the embodiment or her want for bonds and occasional simplicity because there is no possible ulterior motive, no way they tie back into her wider plan. Theyā€™re her personal lifeā€” something that feels so alien when speaking about Makima. Personality and individuality and likes and preferences and friends they visit every year. She likes how easily she can train a dog and how they become putty in her hands, at her beck and call, how much they love her and how much she enjoys their love. How simple and straightforward and easy it is. She keeps them because she likes being loved by them and loving them, and sheā€™s gotten and raised so many. A conqueror always wants more and more and more, is never satisfied.
Devils and agency
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Like Power the blood devil wanting blood and having a fixation on drinking it like with Denjiā€™s, or how it was shocking that the violence devil was pretty tame and nice and how he himself theorized it was because he was a fiend and possessing a human bodyā€¦ Thereā€™s something to be said about nature vs nurture with the devils. The way they reincarnate and always embody their fear makes it seem categorically like nature, that they always always end up fulfilling the role they were named after and born to fillā€¦ Outside influence theyā€™re helpless but to conform with. Like the humans accepting their spot in the social ladder and the shittiness of their living conditions and job under capitalism. Makima craved being equals with someone despite being the control/conquest devil, Angel Devil despite claiming to be a devil who likes to see humans dying was haunted by their deaths and wanted to avoid ones like Akiā€™s. The Ghost Devil being ironically haunted by Himeno, seemingly helping Aki in her memory out ofā€¦ Lasting affection? Or maybe it was less about being haunted itself and more about it recognizing how Himeno haunted Aki, and acknowledging that, with the memento, paying her respect to the ghost of her. Itā€™s Angel Devilā€™s devil nature that makes him like human suffering, so then is it his angel nature too to still care about their deaths? Is there truth to this or is that just personality, just our confirmation bias haunting every part of their identity like it might in their own view of themselves too? We do know different reincarnations of devils do have different personalities after all.
Yoru, war devil, is the most interesting one when talking about the nature vs nurture debate with devils. There is how through her we see the perhaps the most the consequences of a devil stopping being fearedā€” we see a horseman for a concept as universal and horrifying as war be reduced to some bird who needs a contract with a human to have any power even just on the situation when meeting Asa. And through the story we get to know her better, and it becomes clear that her goal is fueled in good part by simply wanting to be remembered and respected through fear. Liked, validated, seen a powerful. But what is more isolating than war? Or control? We also see Nayuta accepting othersā€™ house rules. If part 1 shows perhaps the futility of running away from the truth, with Denjiā€™s memory, with escapist coping mechanisms, with passivity and denial under a corrupt system and with abusive relationships- running away from your own feelings and from the reality of things and from all that you are, more complex than simply human or devil or both or neitherā€” part 2 builds upon the theme of cult of personalities, the chainsaw church, etc. The apocalypse is coming, but this celebrity superhero might save us all, or doom us all uh, dunno. The hero of hell reliving the cycle of pressure from responsibilities and expectations, maybe the part will end with Denji running away like Pochita did~
But yes, on the reverse, I think Famine is a very interesting example of how a devilā€™s namesake may be more innate than coerced by circumstances. One would think that a famine devil would only like inflicting famine upon others, not being famished itself, but Famine has a bottomless stomach that can never, ever be satisfied, sated. I struggle to find a psychological explanation for this, except that maybe instead of her being hungry itā€™s her feeling empty when sheā€™s not eating, tasting and having that high sensory experience that releases serotonin in humans, sort of like drugs? But I do take this as a step towards the compulsion theory overall, feels like a reach in the consistency otherwise. And compulsion does not mean itā€™s something that they like nor that itā€™s something that they fight against, pretty neutral, just a nature that nudges you towards one path. Maybe itā€™s even just their go-to for entertainment. Maybe itā€™s the only thing that makes them feel right and whole. But still the debate remains, what is it, a compulsion or an urge or an itch or an active desire or a conscious chosen want? Does it change anything in practice?
And because of all of this earlier, devils being self-fulfilling prophecies with their role is not in unsignificant part nurture, because doing their atrocities is how they stay rememberedā€” feared, powerful, knownā€” hell and devils are a very isolating place and breed after all, and we do see devils can want companionship. Existentially, itā€™s their purpose and how they justify their place in the world, in the terrifyingly vast and unknowable cosmos.
We still know so little of what makes Chainsaw Devil so special, why his carnage is so self-controlled. Despite a chainsaw maybe being possibly one of the most "nature" thing you can beā€” a tool to cut things, a human tool that can be helpful for many things, something to be wielding by another at their judgement on what they decide, but mainly something to cut, a tool suited for carnage, to hurt and to destroy. A blade with a toothed chain, spinning around and around and around endlessly on the same road at the same pace. Such aā€¦. Innately circular concept. And yet the Chainsaw Devil is his own, not driven by an urge or by chaos but his very own brand of order, his own unique assigned purpose, a "if you call iā€™ll come running to help" policy equalizing everyone. He chooses to withhold his destruction and interference otherwise, and then he chooses to be used. If itā€™s a choice, of course.
Maybe this is what inspired Makima so much, that Chainsaw Devil could decide what to make of himself despite expectations or innate role. Because even Hell he decided & managed to subjugate under his will and whim, with a precise vision and process. When Chainsaw Devil acts like Denji or is defeated, Makima clicks her tongue and loses her admiration and respect. Makima admired and liked Chainsaw Devil, but only as long as he matched her great image of him in her mind, as long as he followed he rules for what she thinks he should be like. She admired him for his unrivaled self-made success, but once he stepped out of that to truly embody self-fulfillment and agency, disappearing from hell to live on his own road at the beat of his own drumā€¦ Well. Surely that was a mistake she has to correct. However their second battle ends, the better conqueror will have prevailed and sheā€™s happy about that, all in the spirit of domination and subjugation.
Imo Makimaā€™s biggest tool, similarly capitalismā€™s most helpful effect for its own purposes, is complacency. Resignation and passivity helps uphold the system and go along the flow of the will of the people in power. Aki and Reze go along with orders even when knowing their job is trash, etc. In Angel Devil especially we see him go along with the flow uncaring about anyhing, and we discover it was in part due to Makima taking away memories that motivated him. If every devil decides this is just how things are and how things should be thatā€™s what theyā€™ll continue to be and do mindlessly, not pursuing a better life like Chainsaw Devil and Denj and not seeking to change the world like Makima. I think even Makima veils herself to a lot of things, she doesnā€™t like to think deeply about some things, like her desire for connection, or how making bad movies disappear is strenuous and unsustainable and requiring sacrifices at bestā€” how her judgement is as subjective as anyone else. How liking the country mouse and her friend back at the farm and her dogs could be not devoid of sentimality. Wanting bad movies erased is her one biggest show of selfishness, of pettiness and individuality, itā€™s about her tastes, simple as. About how she can have tastes, and cry seeing a scene of people hug, and want things that arenā€™t logical, her ideology and mind twisted into a pretzel to avoid acknowledging that she doesnā€™t live and breathe purely for the mission sheā€™s made a single-minded robot out of herself to accomplish. Nayuta is assertive and selfish and loud, Makima is manipulative and strategically both for her goals and for coping hollow.
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Everything in her plans and goals she says is for the greater good, necessary evil, manufactured happiness the way sheā€™ll have decided for peopleā€” and thatā€™s the thing isnā€™t it, like with War, itā€™s the crack that shows it was all truly about herself after all. Her self-made deification still had the flaw that a self made it. Makima is not omniscient, and itā€™s not Chainsaw Devil the not-so-fellow-kindred-soul conqueror who gets the best of her, but a city mouse, a dog, someone she would have never thought to respect, Denji.
#Fumi rambles#Chainsaw man#makima#analysis#meta#The goal is moreso me dropping thoughts than being flawless on every aspect of the lore so if and when i get things wrong b mercifulā€¦.#Maybe her liking of control is why she remembers the ww2 authoritarian fascists. I donā€™t want to say the word jic for tumblr search#Pity is never a factor When mercy is a sign of a talentless actor#And as you grow its hold on your throat starts to falter And once you go beyond pure humanity's border#You will come back like a dooooog šŸ˜­#Thisā€™d be a different topic but. I donā€™t think makima likes denji as much as one of her dogs. If so iā€™d say it was in the moments where#she brought him to movies but even thenā€¦.. i think she has more fondness for her dogs bc w denji it was indifference and derision#I love you please humiliate me / strip my dignity and laugh my honey#God. God iā€™m fine. Iā€™m so okay about csm#Makima has a cryptic but strong sense of morals?? That doesnā€™t align with ours obvi but#ā€˜Someone like you has no right to wish for a normal life do they?ā€™ What do you meannn what do you meannnnn#What is this contempt for denji. Does she see herself as moral or part of those that are city mice bc theyā€™re undeserving of a calm life???#Maybe famine only feels fed on humans and their blood šŸ¤” or their fear. man idk idk idk idk but i wanna see more of her quirks#And before someone says ā€˜but every demon likes to drink bloodā€™ power is especially fixated on it tho cmannnn#Did Angel lie when he said he liked seeing humans die?? Did his haunting thing become worse after meeting Aki?? Did he suppress it#because he feels like he doesnā€™t belong as a devil??? bc heā€™s suppressing his memories of the villagers he cared about??#Has he just been trying so hard not to care for so long. Passive bc he thought thatā€™s all he could or should be#AGHHHHH#Spoilers#Thereā€™s a lot more iā€™d have liked to touch on like the popular theory that Makima was *raised* by the government#and iā€™ve seen a take that the ā€˜my friend at a farmā€™ thing is all euphemism from makima about her troublesome human killing job ykyk#but i think the phrasing is too literal and natural for that. The snow and soil talk everything. Itā€™s a perfect allegory but it can be both
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quartzteph Ā· 3 months ago
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After wayyy too many hours spent printing, cutting, and glueing over the course of a few months, Iā€™ve finally finished my Hyde banner! (my printer is in shambles)
Iā€™m gonna make it double-sided so Iā€™ll post an update once the Jekyll side is done :)
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phantomsies Ā· 27 days ago
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getting all the education/degrees I can and planning so I can get the fuck out of this country >>>>
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opens-up-4-nobody Ā· 4 months ago
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...
#i never really thought about a person being a finite thing. you can see the effects of a person after they die. in the unfinished projects.#in the rooms of clutter. in abandoned closets. in pictures and in mermered phrases. and you can see time#chipping away at those things. eroding away the evidance that a person existed. clothes move into other people's closets. projects are boxed#away. and a person becomes confined to photos and memories. and thats existentially terrifying but its not a bad thing. time erodes away all#things. that's how life works. matter and energy transforms.#we arent made to last forever. i dunno. i guess im still just rattled from being home even tho ive been back a week and a half.#and my brain tends to fixate on the wrong things. nearly 27 years of knowing someone eclipsed by a visual sequence lasting less than a day.#bc i just cant get over how scary it would be to die like that. to start losing control of your body. to not be able to feed yourself or get#to the bathroom. to have your mind be overcome by the toxins building up in your mangled and broken body.#and it could have been worse. it could have been a lot worse. but its still not fair. theres no good way to die. i dunno. i guess i just#miss my mom in some abstract way but i find it more viscerally upsetting to think about the people that have to deal with her absence.#it makes me sad that my dad is alone now. i dunno. grief doesnt feel like i thought it would. most of the time i dont even know what im#crying about. its undirected. it doesnt feel like: i miss you. it feels like: youre gone. how can you be gone? why does everything feel the#same? and its not that it doesnt make sense. its that nothings changed. the terror of that.#and im walking around in an acumulation of my dead mother's clothes. and no one knows. theyll never know.#and there's nothing to be done about it. so it goes.#i guess im just sad. and its hard to breathe at the thought of returning to school at the end of August.#unrelated
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meep-meep-richie Ā· 1 year ago
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1/3 got their happy ending
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noah-of-ark Ā· 7 months ago
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I think what Watcherā€™s apology is a really great start. It doesnā€™t address the over production and over staffed business model or the homophobic preacher thatā€™s been discussed around Steven Lim but in general it was a mature response and a much better idea.
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slashthrashandcrash Ā· 3 months ago
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Nothing in this life can convince me that Susie wasn't a nerdy ass fandom kid who drew self ship art and had a 7 page list of headcannons and read ungodly amounts of fanfic
Rip Susie she woulda loved creepypasta, fnaf and Undertale
Susie would have fucking thrived being a cringe ass dweeb in the early 2010s. She would have had a deviantART and fanfiction.net account. Her myspace would be written entirely in o-0 ranDUMZ speak. She'd wear a GIR hoodie. She skipped to Act 6 in Homestuck.
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