#it can't just be to motivate the player
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galadrieljones · 5 months ago
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In regards to Varric's flagged death
- he's getting up there in years. He's reaching toward the wise old mentor trope, and those don't usually survive
- it would be a pretty emotional opening and an immediate reason to be angry with Solas/Rook - especially new players
- his writer was let go from bioware
- Varric has always been willing to let others take the spotlight, but this time, he put himself in the most dangerous position possible to try to talk Solas down while Rook ran the slidelines.
And then there's this:
https://www.tumblr.com/corseque/753195522694774784/im-sorry-if-other-people-saw-this-already-but-i?source=share
Hmm, yes. I saw that post, and I reblogged. Just playing friendly Devil's Advocate here. I think most of this is interpretive. Killing off a "wise old mentor" takes a while longer. Varric hasn't really been a wise old mentor. I don't recall that really as his role at all in Inquisition. He's terribly reluctant, in fact, to be there. Plus, he's what, like fifty? Maybe I'm old, but that is not that old lol. And even if he is a "wise old mentor," wise old mentors, like Obi-Wan Kenobi, or Hershel Greene from The Walking Dead, typically die as self-sacrifices after having completed their narrative purpose in a truly meaningful way. That is not what's going on here with Varric. If he's just getting stabbed by Solas, then like, that's not meaningful at all.
Also, the writers really don't need a reason to rally us against Solas. If a player is so new that they don't know Solas, then they don't know Varric either, so killing him off would be largely meaningless to them and instead would just alienate older, more loyal players. Killing Varric in the first scene would feel very "The Last of Us 2" in that it would seem to serve no real purpose other than to create moral hardship for the player, in a way that has no connection to their choices. That's not really Bioware's style.
The writers have also expressed a lot of sympathy toward Solas. Why would they have Solas stab Varric?? Even if Solas was so far gone, he's just killing everyone left and right (the trailer doesn't communicate this at all, btw), why would Solas stab anyone with a knife? Solas can kill people with his eyeball lasers. We've seen it.
I suppose that if Varric dies, and it's an accident, then that is different; however, this would, I feel, betray his character in a way that would greatly disappoint me and many others. His writer being laid off is also not really a reason to assume they'd kill the character she wrote, too. If anything, I would think they'd try to preserve his integrity, unless we think they're just sadists, and if we do, why are we playing their games?? Maybe it's wishful thinking, and possibly it is, but killing a beloved OG like Varric on day one, with the player having zero choice in the matter, just to piss people off and also because Varric is getting a little "old" is illogical. It would, I think, betray their tendencies up until now. If it happens, it's probably a bad choice. Just my two cents, of course!
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thefirstknife · 1 year ago
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Since tensions and emotions are super high, I know people default to drastic measures and worst case scenarios, but I would like to remind everyone that there are still people working at Bungie.
A lot of comments online right now act as if there's no one there anymore and that it's totally okay to burn everything to the ground. But there are still employees there who are facing an incredibly difficult situation and they don't need the community to talk about it all as if they've all died.
It's not helping them or their laid off colleagues to talk about the game they work on as if it's gone and over. They still work on the game and that work will be difficult for them, emotionally and physically. I'm sure it's also not good to be the remaining employee and hear how your work is now worth nothing and "will suck" and be "soulless" because some of their coworkers are gone. It's literally the last thing they want to hear in a situation of complete demoralisation. It's not respectful to them or to the people laid off. This is a massive group project. There isn't a single person responsible for the soul of the game, all of them are. Some of them are gone, but many are not.
Many of the devs that we know and love are still there and will be still working on the game. We should respect their work instead of preemptively calling it soulless. Obviously the game will not be the same. That's not the main issue here. The main issue is that there are still developers who have jobs and who would probably like to keep those jobs and who still care deeply about their work and are passionate about the game and its community. So just be mindful of how you talk and engage with the situation. The remaining devs will have a tough time, especially with motivation and morale going forward; we don't have to add to it by labelling their efforts worthless. Most of all, they will for sure be overworked and understaffed and they don't need added difficulties and demands thrown on them.
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beeribas · 4 months ago
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randomszzz · 2 months ago
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"love has always been the world's best secret ingredient" -> "I'd rather just get rid of them" Joshua kiryu
"there's only one way to stay alive in this shibuya: Trust your partner" -> "in a way, he's been alone all his life" Joshua Kiryu
#twewy#joshua kiryu#ahisoaihih where am I going with this how to express it....#also like. Just the whole of day 5's quizzes#Joshua LOVES people Joshua LOVES shibuya Joshua doesn't want to erase it#He's not a misanthrope!!! He wants to believe in people SO MUCH!#but. he's about ready to give up. He doesn't WANT to. He jumps at the chance for megumi to prove him wrong#aio;iejaoij cursed with being inarticulate.#And. Joshua's love in no way moves him to 'protect'. Or even stops him from he himself harming them... wordshard#he's a lil screwed up (affectionate)#he rewards his proxies for making the choices he himself does not (can not? will not?)#Joshua's willingness to erase shibuya being motivated in part to protect the rest of tokyo/japan/the world#Also like. Sota and nao. A part me wonders#well watching endless failures of the reapers game may sap his faith and being able to see those two partially reignited it#BUT#Sota and nao also feel like they're supposed to be so unextradordinary#I can't believe they're so much better than the previous plethora of players so hmm they shouldn't be so foreign to him#hmmm hmmm hmm endlessly fascinating#Originally I was thinking: well twewy was made for the ds partnership is mandated by hardware and not so much meant to be reflective of the#in game composer. But then in interviews where they were like 'early twewy was also based on team concept' before slimming it down to duo#More is said about 'alone all his life' Joshua running a game about partners than his metaphysical status ever could
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ihaveaskeleton · 10 months ago
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If your Tav was a companion, would their personality get them routinely killed by the playerbase and why?
This is specifically about things they would do and say, not their demographic or tropes they fall into (i.e. "they are a gnome, so YEET" is a no, but "they wake the player up in the middle of the night to kill a horde of spiders they accidentally led to camp, so YEET" is a yes).
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seinaet · 3 months ago
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rewatched the dnd movie now after playing baldur's gate 3 and it's a lot more fun when you know the shit mentioned on screen
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sysig · 1 year ago
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The Sleepy Parable (Patreon)
#Doodles#The Stanley Parable#TSP#Inspired by a play session I had while I was Very sleepy haha#I forget if it was late or early but it was definitely Tired out while I was doing some replaying so I was a little lethargic#Lots of crouching and looking at the floor and not much looking around just waiting as the Narrator talked over elevator rides haha#And that got me thinking about - what if Stanley was Actually the sleepy one? How much of the player's intention carries over into Stanley?#Obviously Stanley can't Literally get tired - he can slow down or speed up depending on where he is and you can make him crawl around#But a lot of Stanley is also left up to interpretation ♪ So why not a Sleepy Stanley <3#And sleepy means pajamas! Haha#Was this all just my master plan to draw Stanley in a nightcap? Maybe :3c#I really was sleepy while playing but you know how it is with thoughts lol#I do like the idea of the Narrator being extremely callous and uncaring for certain things - like Sinister's arm for example#But is Stanley hydrated? Need to use the restroom? Well rested?#Oddly I don't think he'd care that much about food?? Lol I can just see Sin's blood sugar bottoming out and the Narrator like ''Ah''#The way the Narrator plays the Sims: Keeps all motives except Comfort and Fun maxed out at all time and gets annoyed with the sims complain#Also! Let Stanley into his bed in the apartment! Either of them! With no buckets pls just let him rest For Once#The last one is of him enjoying(?) a cup of coffee since there's just so many options of mug around the office lol#That's certainly one way to stay awake
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magdaclaire · 1 year ago
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someone tell me i don't need to write the father!jamie tartt fic that just sprung into my head whole cloth
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qsmprambling · 1 year ago
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If cookie access is going to be a big concern with holidays and such coming up, maybe it's worth flagging it with the admins. Maybe add some kind of banker to the bakery that only eggs can access and parents can give cookies to? Or just make it easy and have it that everyone's cookies are worth 1 point.
#Honestly I'm not a fan of the cookie system#and share the general opinion that it sort of takes away the opportunity for bonding that the previous system encouraged#but I also understand this eliminates the need for admins to track player activity#but with the amount of people away and off and especially with holidays coming up#the half-points from anyone but parents is going to put a lot of pressure on people to stock up for themselves and others#which involves them playing extra days#which reducing the checkmarks to 3 was supposed to help reduce#honestly they should just switch it back to everyone being able to do anyone's quests#because there are times parents simply can't help being away#and that puts a pressure of other islanders to save their kid#which takes a lot more work than it does the parent#Like it would take someone 6 days to save enough cookies for an egg that isn't theirs#what about their own?#what about multiple eggs?#There have been actual days where Bad has had to complete quests for 6 eggs AT THE SAME TIME#again I get this also encourages involvement from more people on the island#but the quests aren't even fun for people so the motivation to do them will probably fizzle out with time#and thus fewer extra cookies#right I'm rambling stopping again pfft#tl;dr interesting system but will need tweaks I think @_@#like before this people only needed to log in 3 times a week with their egg to keep them safe#and STILL there was at least one egg almost every Sunday doing their quest last minute with a babysitter#just making it so anyone's cookies will add up to 1 point will alleviate a lot of the stress I think#even if it does mean that 1 person can only take care of max 2 eggs a week (and half of another)#ramble
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adore-gregor · 1 year ago
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How being sick messes with your mental health is sometimes worse than the illness itself honestly 😕
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supercantaloupe · 2 years ago
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just occurred to me this morning as i woke up this morning why i'm (probably) so taken aback by people in orchestra being So Nice to me cause i saw some photos on social media posted by ppl i traveled to [redacted] with, people who only stood to even have a conversation with me as a last resort kind of social option. i have literally Never gotten along with groups of people, Ever, unless that group of people was also orchestra people. seriously
#i wanna talk about me#sasha speaks#i'd say it's kind of sad that most of my irl social life (and half of my online one) begins and ends with other musicians#and probably should've realized YEARS ago what that says about me and my dumb brain (a touch of the 'tism)#but at the same time like. idk i can't truly make myself feel Bad about 90% of my social life#being in the rehearsal hall for the past 7 years#cause i do love playing and i love being somewhere where people don't Fucking Hate Me#(or at least where i'm not constantly the last choice of person to interact with. sometimes below no interaction at all)#and if i convinced myself to hate orchestra on the grounds of it being My One Social Outlet i'd just. idk. die or something#cause i literally have nothing else lol all k have is music#idk maybe music people have an ulterior motive (want me to play good for/with them)#but that's better than not wanting to have anything to do with me at all right?#and anyway. some violist saying he'd rather see me playing principal on the concert than dan. he's got no skin in that game right#except for being nice and liking me as a player#and while i want to be liked as a Person too i'd rather be liked as a player over not liked at all#(i don't think he even necessarily dislikes me as a person. we just never interact outside of rehearsal so i've never really encountered#him in a different context so i wouldnt know lol)#just. agh. getting invited to sit at the lunch table with other people by a pianist classmate. man!!#they don't know that.jpg it means so much to me just to be invited to eat together
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valkyrien · 1 year ago
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... if you think Google has not already scraped Drive for numerous reasons relating to data theft, including AI, to various degrees, just because 'oh dear no, they wouldn't do that because there might be proprietary information and that might end in lawsuits' and 'not to worry, the original post on the matter was debunked and retracted' then... honestly, why would you think that?
Do you think that just because no insider source has verified such a thing, it hasn't happened? Do you think that just because Google isn't openly admitting to it, they haven't done it, not even a little bit? Do you think that the threat of lawsuits for stealing personal and proprietary information is some kind of bulletproof safeguard against such a thing?
This Google Drive AI scraping bullshit actually makes me want to cry. My entire life is packed into Google Drive. All of my writing over the years, all of my academic documents, everything.
I’m just so overwhelmed with all the shit I’m going to have to move. I’m lucky to have Scrivener, but online data storage has been super important as I’ve had so many shitty computers, and the only reason I haven’t lost work is because Google Drive has been my backup storage unit.
My partner has recommended gitlab to move my files to - it seems useful, and I can try and explain more about what it is and how it works when I get more familiar with it. I’m unsure if it’s a text editor, or can work that way. He was explaining something about the version history that I don’t quite understand right now but might later. I’m just super overwhelmed and frustrated that this is the dystopia we live in right now.
#There Is NO Reason To Trust Google's Word On Anything#WHY Would They Be The First To Admit To Having Done Such Things?#Also - Do You Think That Crimes Of This Type Can't Have Been Committed Until A Court Of Law Has Determined That They Did?#Does That Make Sense To You Really?#'They Can't Have Done It Because We Don't Know For Sure That They've Done It'#Really?#Because Bodies With That Kind Of Power Are Typically Reticent To Commit Wrongdoing On The Basis 'We Might Get Found Out'#Bodies With That Kind Of Power Are Exactly The Type Who Commit Wrongdoing Motivated By Potential Profit DESPITE RISK OF BEING FOUND OUT#Do Any Of You Understand At ALL How Little A True Deterrent It Is To These Massive Players That 'They Might Get Sued'??#Have None Of You Been Following The Pathetic Results Of What Happens When Such Players ARE Sued And How Little It Matters To Them?#If ANYTHING The Fact That They Have Access To So Much Personal AND Proprietary Information Makes It HARDER To Get At Them#IF ANYTHING THE FACT THAT LOTS OF PEOPLE COULD SUE IS JUST INCENTIVE FOR GOOGLE TO USE THEIR MASSIVE FUCKING POWER TO KEEP THAT SHIT HIDDEN#NOT INCENTIVE FOR THEM NOT TO DO THE WRONG THING#Let Me Be Fucking Clear - If You Know That You Can Make Billions Upon Billions Doing WRONG#And That NO SUIT Is Likely To Result In Fines That Would Prove ENOUGH To Put You Out Of Business#And That You Have Access To Information That Would Make It EASY For You To Interfere In Legal Proceedings Against You Or PREVENT Them#Then What Is The Deterrent?#Especially If You AS AN INDIVIDUAL KNOW THAT THERE IS BASICALLY NO CHANCE YOU'D BE FOUND PERSONALLY LIABLE AND IMPRISONED
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dana-chan-the-control-brain · 6 months ago
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TADC: Thoughts on Jax in Episode 2
Thoughts on Jax after Amazing Digital Circus Episode 2 Dropped.
Massive spoilers below the cut. Just watch the ep before you read.
Amazing Digital Circus had an amazing second episode as we're introduced more to what the adventures are like, and what NPCs are like and ofc the existential horror of being a living AI only created for a source of entertainment.
Also, I love the dream sequence at the beginning, because we actually get some deeper insight into Pomni's thoughts on Ragatha. Feeling like her helpfulness is the guise of like "man, you're not cut out for this like the rest of us" which is typically something a lot of people who have been bullied in highschool perceive genuine acts of kindness and engagement. (which I kind of suspect Pomni might have been, or at least, been a shut-in and didn't have a lot of friends in her human life. )
Jax wasn't really the main focus of the episode, but it wasn't really until the end of the episode I understood his behavior and what this episode is foreshadowing overall.
Since while Jax isn't the focus emotionally, he is definitely the plot device to push things forward. And I mean, a plot device in a very active and quite literal way. He's the one that causes Pomni to clip out of the map, takes advantage of everyone and is just... genuinely an unpleasant person.
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I actually really like this.
As, I know the first episode in the digital circus, many people (me included) could perceive or analyze Jax's actions as someone who is "helping" in a roundabout asshole way. Episode Two has none of that here. He just wants Bloodshed, And I love that we're getting additional context on his character.
It's hard to tell how much fan reception Gooseworx saw of episode one before episode two hit production, so I don't know how much of the fandom perception of Jax had an influence on the writing process, but I can't deny that might have been a factor in assuring us "no he's not secretly helpful, he's just an asshole" But I'm just going to assume that this has been part of his characterization from the start and it becomes way more clear as the episode goes on.
But there was something in his behavior throughout this whole episode that seemed off to me. Like Jax was taking up a majority of the B-plot, while Pomni had the A-plot. So I was wondering why Jax seemed to be the protagonist with the B-plot when Pomni was the A-plot when they seemed to be so disconnected with eachother in motivations and telling us things about the characters.
But then it hit me when the episode ended and the two plots merged together.
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"who... knows... what could happen..."
And then it hit me.
Pomni finds comfort in an NPC who is going through a similar experience to her and can emphasize, despite their being other humans who have gone through the same thing, due to her self-admitting to being a loner in her human life. Well, she didn't admit it outright, but from how she perceives Ragatha's kindness as an act, or patronizing, it seems like she doesn't have a lot of friends...
Meanwhile... Jax... He treats the adventure like a videogame. Why shouldn't he? He's trapped in a videogame, right? But it really goes beyond that.
The fellow humans that Jax is trapped with, he treats THEM like they're NPCs, while Pomni treats the NPC like they're human.
Jax says to Gangle "Aren't you supposed to be the suggestible one?" Which you wouldn't typically wouldn't say to a person, right? That's something you would say more about a character that you maxed out the dialogue trees in.
He calls Pomni "His Bridge" even.
They're his objects. His tools, his own npcs he's exhausted the dialogue options on.
Jax dehumanizes the players in a way that Pomni humanizes the NPCS.
These are two opposite ends of the spectrum but what really sold it for me was Jax's reaction to the funeral.
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And Jax is the one member out of the cast who doesn't even show up to the funeral. (aside from Caine and Bubble but they are AI.)
He does NOT want to think about the Players as real people. And showing that opposite perspective compared to Pomni I think is much as important going forward.
Jax was the plot catalyst of this entire episode, and served the thematic theme of the episode quite well, even if it didn't look like it on first glance.
I absolutely loved this episode and I can't wait for more.
Also... Poor Pomni can't have shit in Detroit
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dovveri · 2 months ago
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upskill from student to parent
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synopsis: one of your students has the most obvious crush on you, but you have the most obvious crush on his mother.
warnings: swearing? maybe idek AHAHA
w/c: 6.9k
a/n: kind of an homage to my fav person on this app @miinatozakiii ‘s first published work the kindergarten teacher sana 🙂‍↕️ happy late one year anniversary babe 🥰
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“alright kids, don't forget i'm seeing most of your parents tonight so if you want to make a good impression, you better start doing your homework because i know most of you don't!"
there are collective groans across the classroom as they pack up their things and leave, thanking you as they head out the door to their next period.
you giggle, recalling the days you were a student in their position, you rarely did your math homework as well.
"ms. l/n?"
you look up from your desk with a smile.
"i- um- i just wanted to s-say- thank you for this lesson. i was really- um- struggling with derivatives when you introduced them last time but you made it really clear this class."
you beam, appreciating the feedback, "that's great to hear hideki! if you have any more trouble in the future please be sure to let me know, i'll be happy to set up bonus small group classes or even individual sessions if you guys need the help."
"t-thanks ms. l/n. that's really nice of you."
"it's my job hideki." you smile, "did you need any help with anything else?"
he shakes his head shyly, hand at the back of his neck, "that was all! thanks again miss!"
"no worries, i'll see you tonight?"
he agrees happily, darting out the door with his cheeks flushed.
it wasn't the first time a student had had a crush on you. it was normally harmless. some of them had tried to confess to you over the years, usually waiting until after they graduated because they thought it’d be okay if you no longer had a student-teacher relationship. some of them would confess while you were still their teacher regardless, those were a little tougher because you had to continue teaching them and watch them pout and lose motivation to do their schoolwork and act awkward around you, no longer wanting to participate in class or ask questions if they didn’t understand something. you’d try to let them down gently, and if you noticed they were struggling with coursework, you’d pull them aside or ask another one of the teachers to check in on them.
most of the time though, they were just simple little crushes that would pass with time or after they moved out of your class. you didn't entertain them but it was cute seeing your students in their awkward teen years discovering feelings for the first time.
you stretch, yawning, but yelp when someone's finger jabs into your exposed armpit.
there's a burst of laughter and you frown, staring at the intruder.
"really nayeon?"
the english teacher rolls her eyes with a cheeky grin, "saw hideki on the way out. did he give you that confession note?"
"what confession note?"
nayeon hops a little, a hand covering her mouth, "oh shit."
you narrow your eyes. "tell me."
she grins, not really apologetic for having accidentally spilt her student’s secret, "saw him decorating a card and everything in english class today. his grammar was a little off so i just helped him correct it a little. oh ms. l/n. how i wish to be able to call you by your first name. how i wish to be able to hold you and-" she puts on an exaggerated romeo-like voice and pose, back of her hand coming up to her forehead.
you stand up, slapping her lightly with a blush, "why did you encourage him?!"
she shrugs with a laugh, "i'm an english teacher. gotta make sure the kids are using the language right even if it's for illicit love notes."
you huff, packing up your desk and getting ready to go to lunch, "can't he find a nice girl his age to be in love with? i'm sure he has so many options since he's the star player of the school basketball team and everything."
"something about you attracts the kiddies y/n."
you scrunch your nose, "ew. that sounds gross. i don't even like younger men."
"women?"
"no preference. just someone in the same life stage y'know?"
"wait should i be offended? how come no student has ever confessed to me? aren't english teachers supposed to be like a gay girl's awakening?"
you laugh, ignoring the woman's question, dragging her out of your classroom and to lunch together before you both have to attend to your kids again.
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you enjoyed your job, but parent-teacher interviews were probably your least favourite part of it. if you wanted to deal with parents all day you'd have become a primary school teacher.
there were all kinds of them, some who didn't show up, some who didn't care, some who cared too much, some who were clueless, and some who thought they could do your job better than you.
you rub your temples, grateful for the little 5 minute break you're afforded in between quick 10 minute interviews that would normally go on for longer than that. you blink around the room, the other mathematics teachers gathered in the same classroom, nayeon was down the hall with the other english teachers. you were the youngest of them all, there was a pretty big shortage of secondary mathematics teachers across the country, so it meant maths teachers were putting off retirement for longer so they can continue to support kids, but it still left a lot of gaps that could be filled to give your students the best education they deserved.
you've dazed off enough that you barely register hideki almost bounding in, still in his basketball uniform from after-school practice.
he grins, sliding into the seat opposite yours, "hi ms. l/n!"
you return the smile, "hey hideki." even though you knew about his obvious crush on you, he was still one of your favourite students, maybe it was because he had the crush on you that he was more eager to follow instructions and to prove himself and ask questions whenever he was confused that made him one of the easiest to teach.
and then a woman in a sleek beige coat next to hideki catches your attention. your gaze flicks over to hers. and it can't seem to break away.
she's the most beautiful human being you've ever laid your eyes on. her hair is dyed an autumn brown, wavy locks tucked behind ears, expensive gold jewelry adorning her neck, ears, hands. her eyes match the colour of her hair, a deep fawn brown you could stare into for hours. she's got the most perfect nose you've ever seen, you almost itched to measure it, find the angle of it, the way it led to her pretty lips, full and parted, inviting, pulling you in. and then you realise they're curling up slightly, and you snap your eyes back up to hers to see a mirthful glint in them.
you cough, blushing brightly, "h-hello mrs. hayashi."
"just sana is fine. minatozaki sana. i never married hideki’s father." her voice is silky smooth, there's a certain drawl to it too, it makes you want to listen to her voice on repeat, teasing out every inflection in tone.
you can feel your blush reaching the tips of your ears, "o-oh sorry! i didn't know i apologise!"
sana laughs, it's bright and airy, you don't think you've heard anything purer. "nothing to be sorry about. we broke up a long time ago. when hideki was still very young."
you nod, deciding you can't continue staring at her or you may just faint, so you look down at your files, shuffling them around with no purpose, just to give your hands something to do.
"so how's hideki doing in class?" you can hear the smirk in her voice, her attentive eyes watching as you fumble around.
"he's um- very good- he always makes sure to ask questions whenever he's stuck on anything, and he's probably one of my only students who keeps up with his homework."
"well that's good isn't it deki? what were you so nervous for?" sana teases her son as he blushes, mumbling something under his breath.
you speak up again, "nothing to be nervous about. hideki is one of my best students, he keeps up very well despite his extra curriculars."
sana snorts, "i wish we could say the same about his other subjects. it seems maths is the only thing he tries in."
"mom!"
"what? you heard what your english teacher said. you need to spend some more time editing your own work than you do shooting hoops."
you laugh, "i'm sure his english is alright. nayeon can be a pretty harsh teacher."
sana looks at you again with an eyebrow raised, you quickly look away. "just wait until you read some of his work ms. l/n. you'll be surprised."
hideki blushes again, deciding he won't be giving you that love confession note he has in his bag after all.
"is there anything else i can do for him then? any particular areas he may be struggling in or any recommendations of what we can implement at home to make sure his maths marks stay consistent?"
"homework really. maths is a very practical subject so the more practice he gets the better grasp he'll have. especially with strange or out-of-the-box questions exams may throw at him; it helps a lot if he's practiced with as many question varieties as possible, most people are going to get those 1 or 2 markers, but the bigger questions that really need you to apply the concepts you learn are where you'll start to see distinctions between the students that just study and the students that really have the aptitude and patience for mathematics."
"never was me." sana jokes.
you smile, still avoiding her gaze, your cheeks pink, "i'm sure you would have been a prize student ms. minatozaki."
"just sana." she has a teasing smile on her face.
"r-right. sana."
it's quiet for a few seconds, hideki looks between his mother and you, squinting a little in confusion.
sana coughs, beginning to stand and holding out a hand, "well it was nice meeting you ms. l/n. i can finally understand why hideki goes on and on about his gorgeous maths teacher."
"mom!"
you blush again, taking her hand, almost melting at how soft it felt against yours, forcing yourself to meet her eyes again to be polite. you have to bring your other hand to hold your wrist when you shake it, to support your jelly-like arm in her presence. "it was nice meeting you too sana."
she tightens her grip, smirking a little, "i hope this won't be the last i'll be seeing you. have a good night."
and with that she's off, hideki whining and complaining next to her about how she's embarassed him. it was a little funny considering their height difference, hideki was a basketball player so he had to be tall for his sport, and sana was just a few centimetres shorter than you, though her aura commanded attention, her posture was perfect, you're caught staring at the slight sway in her hips as she walks away, but you quickly reprimand yourself, blushing even brighter at having realised you were just checking out your student's parent.
god she had your mind a mess, and you had a feeling it wouldn't be the last time for this to happen.
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you were so out of your comfort zone. you barely knew anything about basketball. but nayeon just had to drag you to be co-supervisors for your school's basketball team since you didn’t have the funds for a real P.E. teacher. even worse, the parent volunteer just happened to be minatozaki sana, the parent you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about since your first meeting with her weeks ago.
nayeon noticed your odd behaviour immediately of course. so being the annoyingly loveable best friend she was, she made herself scarce, herding the kids away with every opportunity and trying to get you and sana alone as much as possible.
that’s how you were now stuck with the woman of your dreams, sharing a hotel room in the place you were staying for the duration of the games.
“are you sure you don’t want me to get another room? the individual room was originally supposed to be meant for you- i can’t believe nayeon let herself get sick and stole it from you.”
sana giggles, plopping down her weekend bag. “it’s alright ms. l/n. i don’t mind sharing rooms with a pretty woman like you.”
you blushed brightly. that was the other problem with sana. she was a flirt. every chance she got she’d make some sort of teasing remark on the way here, or brush a little too close than what was acceptable for friends, and you were barely even friends.
“j-just y/n is fine. i feel weird if someone my age is calling me by my last name like that.”
“how do you know i’m your age?” she smirks.
“o-oh! i just- i mean- i- i’m in my early 30s and you look quite young and but hideki is already 16 so i just assumed um-“
she laughs again, “thank you for the compliment. you’re right. i had hideki when i was 19. his dad promised to take care of him, provide for us, y’know… all the works. he couldn’t take it and left not even a year into hideki’s life. i ended up having to drop out of university and learn to balance work and a baby. my parents weren't any good either, said it was my fault for getting knocked up so early in my life and that i should've been prepared for the consequences."
you perch on the end of your bed, listening attentively while she unpacks her things, "i'm sorry you had to go through that."
she shrugs, "made me who i am today. and plus i have hideki now. and he'll always have me. what about you? any kids? partner?"
you blush as she turns back to you, copying your stance and sitting on her bed facing you. "no. i’ve always been around kids so there’s not exactly a ton of romantic prospects.” you joke.
sana laughs, “what about nayeon?”
you cringe immediately, “ew gross no. we’re just friends. there aren’t that many young teachers that aren’t already married and who aren’t spread all over the country so nayeon and i easily clicked because we’re similar in age and single. not that it’s difficult to get along with the older teachers there’s just some things that we’ll be able to do that they might not necessarily want to anymore… like drink or whatever.”
“are you looking for anyone then?” there’s a smirk on sana’s face that you know can only mean she’s up to no good.
“u-um- well- i mean- uh- like if it comes it comes i’m not actively looking for it. i’m happy with the kids even if i die old and alone because there’s always going to be more kids to teach so i’m never really going to be alone unless i quit or get fired.”
“i really admire teachers y’know. you can take care of a classroom of kids and offer them knowledge when someone like my ex boyfriend couldn’t even handle one child.”
while you were talking, you didn’t even notice that sana had moved onto your bed, sitting next to you, shoulders touching, eyes peering into yours.
you chuckle awkwardly, “w-well i’m actually not that great with younger kids.”
sana frowns, “don’t do that. bringing yourself down to defend a shitty man are both things i don’t want to hear. from what i’ve seen, you love your job and you really care about your kids. you should be proud of that. teachers don’t get enough of the appreciation they should.”
“t-thank you sana.”
“of course.”
it’s quiet after that, and more than awkward. you have no idea where to look, suddenly conscious of her body pressed against yours, fiddling with your hands, feeling sweat build up.
sana just watches you with a glint in her eye, observing all of your actions.
she breaks the tension that seemingly came out of nowhere first, “how do you feel about me?”
your eyes widen, not expecting such a straightforward question, “s-sorry?”
“you’re nervous. do i make you nervous y/n?”
your blush was pretty much permanently fixed on your face now.
“u-um-“
“it’s okay if i do. i just hope it's for the right reasons." she pouts. it's criminal. "you'd tell me if there was something else right?"
"r-right! yes of course yes-"
"good. so you're nervous because you find me attractive?" her pout morphs into a smirk within nanoseconds.
"um- i-"
"you said you'd tell me if it was something else remember?" and then she's straight back into a pout. it was giving you whiplash, the change in expressions, dizzying you.
"um- i- yes- you are- yes you are very pretty and-"
"so you want to kiss me?"
"um-!"
sana finally lets you go, laughing brightly and moving away to give you some space before you burst or melted.
"just joking y/n. i'm sorry you're just too easy to tease and your reactions are adorable!"
you can breathe again, the oxygen finally reaching your brain now that sana wasn't so close to you, and your lips turn downward, imitating her pout from earlier, "sana!"
she continues laughing, going back to unpacking her things while you collect yourself and think just how you were going to survive the two days away sharing a room with the potential love of your life who also happened to be a massive tease.
⋆✐ೀ⋆
thankfully, the rest of the night was pretty uneventful. you checked in on all the boys, made sure they had all had dinner and weren't planning anything irresponsible like a party behind your backs or anything. you also checked in on nayeon who in your professional opinion, looked absolutely fine, having ordered room service and was in one of the hotel robes with her feet kicked up enjoying a face mask and a bottle of wine all to herself.
sana also didn't try anything else when you retired to your own hotel room after doing the rounds on the boys' rooms again to make sure they were all in bed and getting the rest they needed before their game tomorrow. you're not sure if you were grateful or disappointed she didn't, but you quickly pushed her out of your mind, needing to rest as well before having to wake up early to take all the kids to the stadium.
you're knocking loudly on the last room you were meant to check on, annoyed the boys were taking so long, you were all meant to meet in the lobby 10 minutes ago for your bus to the stadium.
when you sigh, prepared to rap your knuckles against the door again, it falls away, revealing a distressed hideki and his roommate for the trip.
"ms. l/n! i'm so sorry we're late eric had some trouble um-" he looks behind him, "we're pretty much ready now! just got to grab some last minute stuff and-" he leaves the door open, continuing his ramble while you cross your arms, tapping your foot impatiently, watching the boys run around the room collecting last minute things and throwing them into gym bags.
by the time they're almost done, sana's snuck up behind you, peeking over your shoulder.
"deki! what are you doing? are you the one holding everyone up? what kind of example are you setting for your team if the team captain's late?"
you jump at her voice, not having noticed her standing right behind you. you turn, admiring her side profile, she's got her hair up today, but still looks as expensive as the first time you saw her.
hideki blushes at his mom yelling at him, picking up his pace a little and jabbing eric, telling him to hurry up.
sana notices you staring at her and turns with a smile, "hi y/n. missed you this morning."
you fluster immediately, snapping your eyes away, "u-um sorry! i uh- got up early and didn't want to wake you and decided to get breakfast early on my own before making sure all the kids were awake."
she pouts, "you should've woken me. we could've had breakfast together."
"s-sorry i'll remember for next time."
"next time? you planning on waking up next to me again y/n?"
you can hear the teasing tone in her voice without needing to look at her, "i meant tomorrow! tomorrow morning."
sana giggles next to your ear, relenting when hideki and eric finally finish up, slightly out of breath when they come up to you, hideki apologising to you profusely, almost bowing down in the hotel hallway while holding all his heavy gym bags before you stop him, embarrassed enough by his mother watching the interaction closely with a curious glint in her eyes.
by the time you get downstairs nayeon already has most of the kids on the bus, reprimanding the two late boys again before letting them go and telling them to get on the bus as well. she had claimed her sickness was miraculously cured overnight, and that all she needed was a good night's sleep in a hotel room by herself.
she had teased both you and sana, asking sana innocently if she'd want to change rooms again now that she wasn't sick, but sana had said it'd be too much work and she didn't mind sharing a room with you anyway. nayeon elbowed you making an exaggerated show of her eyebrows wriggling around when sana wasn't looking, winking and looking all too satisfied with herself. you ignored her, strutting ahead and onto the bus, crossing your arms and pouting.
sana comes up next, giggling at you and plopping down on the seat next to yours. thankfully, the bus ride to the stadium wouldn't take long this time, the ride here was almost 5 hours long, and sana had taken a liking to sleeping on your shoulder almost the entire way there. you were stiff and couldn't wait to fall into bed when nayeon pulled her sick move and ruined your plans of being able to relax, not possible in the presence of the other woman.
the kids are rowdy and energetic, hyping each other up on the bus. you have to tell them to quieten down a few times but you let them get away with most of what they do, smiling at the sight of them so eager for their game.
when you arrive, nayeon's the first to stand, using her loud voice and commanding attention, her voice that should've been at least a little hoarse from her apparent sickness yesterday.
"alright! remember you're representing your school district now! and you're sharing this space with other people so i don't want to hear you guys as loud as you were on this bus okay? i won't hesitate to bench anyone who fools around too much and that means you won't get to play and you'd have come all this way for nothing understand?"
nayeon really was strict as a teacher, but you knew she loved her job as much as you did.
the kids nod, determined to be good, adrenaline running from the excitement of almost getting to the court.
you step off the bus first, talking to the bus driver and letting them know when they can come back and pick you guys up to go back to the hotel. then the kids are hopping off the bus one by one, and you're making sure they don't run off or do anything stupid while waiting for everyone to assemble.
by the time the team is actually on the court and warming up, you're almost as excited as them, the atmosphere of the stadium hyping you up, sitting on the sidelines with towels and water bottles ready for their breaks. you had tried to study up a little on what exactly went on in basketball, the rules and the basics, the kids may not have a coach but you still wanted to be as supportive as you could even though your job only required you to supervise them safely between the venues and the hotel.
"have you come to a lot of these games?" you ask sana mindlessly, watching as the boys start doing practice shots and drills.
"yeah. i try to go to as many of deki's things as i can."
"that's very sweet. it's really good for the kids, when the parents show up to things they work hard for."
sana hums. "i try."
"he's lucky to have you."
"i think he may appreciate you a little more though." she teases, bumping shoulders with you.
you laugh, "he'll get over it. they all do."
"this has happened before?"
you shrug, "i swear i don't do anything out of the ordinary. maybe i'm just nicer than nayeon."
"so your type obviously isn't kids. what is it?" sana teases.
you blush, "i don't know. i don't really have one i think."
"oh come on. everyone says that. tell me the truth. i won't judge i promise."
you roll your eyes, smiling, "well... i think at this point in my life i just want someone who wants to settle down. i'm not that young anymore and i've already achieved what i wanted in my career so all i really want now is someone to share the rest of my life with."
"boring! c'mon gimme the juicy stuff. like personality, physical attributes." she pokes you with a grin on her face as well.
"fine fine. i guess when it comes to women i tend to like slightly older women, extroverted, good with kids obviously, i don't reaaaally care for all the physical stuff but probably someone around my height i guess."
"stand up for me."
you do as she asks, confused, then she stands up as well, stepping in almost eye-to-eye. you flush immediately. she brings her hand to measure the top of her head, knocking it against your forehead.
then she smirks, "so i'm pretty much your type then?"
you stutter, falling backwards and back into your seat, mumbling incoherently. sana giggles, sitting back down as well.
"if it's any consolation, my type in women tends to be slightly taller, good with kids, a little awkward, gets flustered easily, but loves her job."
you blink at her, still processing her words when the buzzer sounds signaling the start of the game.
sana winks, then turns her attention to the game, cheering on your school's team as they get in starting position. nayeon jogs over to join you both on the sideline bench, cheering as well. you put your muddled thoughts aside to focus on being there for the kids, but sana's confession? was it even a confession? never left the back of your mind.
⋆✐ೀ⋆
your school won. the boys are ecstatic, clapping each other on the back, streamers are thrown, the crowd is wild, loving the game they witnessed.
eventually, the stadium clears out while the boys cooldown. the janitors come and kick everyone off the floor soon enough, the kids still whooping and parading around their championship trophy, taking pictures with smiles all around.
you smile fondly as well, watching them leave the stadium, so proud of themselves. but then there's a cough behind you, and you turn, surprised to see hideki still there, not leading his team off on their victory lap.
"you okay hideki?"
the boy blushes, rubbing the back of his neck shyly, still in his team uniform, sweat running down his body.
"i um- i was actually wondering if we could talk?"
you frown, immediately concerned, "yeah of course. what's up?"
his eyes flit around, making sure the stadium is pretty much empty except for the janitors cleaning up after the game. and then he looks back at you, you're struck then how much he looks like sana, he has her nose, her eyes, you never noticed before but after spending more time with sana, you can start to see parts of her in her son.
he clears his throat again, obviously nervous, wringing his hands out, "u-um- so i promised myself that if we won this game, i'd finally be truthful to both myself and you. so um- ms. l/n... i think i'm in love with you!" he bows deeply with his confession.
you stand there, slightly in shock despite knowing about his feelings for a long time now. and then you feel terrible, having to reject him on what was supposed to be one of the highlights of his high school experience.
you tap his shoulder lightly, non-verbally asking him to straighten up, he flinches at the touch, eyes fierce when they meet yours.
"hideki... i'm sorry. i don't feel the same way about you. you're my student, i care about all of you equally, but never as more than a student."
his face breaks your heart, you see sana in him, it's almost like you made sana cry.
"is it my age? what if i graduated? would you be interested in me after i graduated?" he's desperate, reaching for any possibility where you could return his feelings.
you shake your head, offering a gentle smile, "i'm sorry hideki. i know you'll find the right person for you one day though. that person just isn't going to be me."
his head droops down, hair coming to cover his eyes as he stares down at his shoes, trying to hide his tears. "i understand. thank you for taking the time to listen to me ms. l/n. i'll get out of your hair now." and then he's jogging off behind you towards the exit.
you sigh, turning around, surprised to see sana there, frowning when she sees hideki in tears approaching her.
she looks between him and you in confusion, but hideki reaches her first. she cups his face, asking him what happened, but he refuses to speak, and sana brings him down into her hugging him and patting his back.
she glances at you then, still frowning. your heart sinks, not sure what sorts of conclusions she could be drawing, but knowing right now, it looked like you had said or done something that made her son cry.
she leads him away, you ache to tell her what really happened, but you know you should keep your distance for the sake of your student right now, you just pray sana doesn't think of you any differently.
⋆✐ೀ⋆
the rest of the day goes by in a blur. the boys go out for celebratory dinner. they notice their captain is a lot more down than usual, and they try cheering him up, playing games at dinner, laughing and teasing each other, but nothing seems to be working.
you couldn't help but feel a little guilty, and sana hadn't spoken to you since the game. you're not sure if it's on purpose or if she's just busy keeping the kids entertained and checking on hideki every once in a while, but not wanting to smother him with all his friends around. he doesn't seem to mind though, in fact he only responds to sana, even when his friends try and include him he stays quiet, picking at his food aimlessly.
when you get back to the hotel, you give a speech about how they shouldn't sleep too late even though you could understand their excitement still remaining from winning the championships, they still had to get up early tomorrow so you could take the bus back home. nayeon would normally give the speech since she was a little more threatening than you, but she was also currently wasted, having gone a little too hard on the celebrations with the boys. she was currently leaning on you, almost dozing off as you rattled off instructions and rules before sending them all off to their rooms.
sana's gone with them before you can speak to her, so you sigh, wrapping an arm around nayeon's waist and helping your friend back to her own room, setting her in bed and pulling the covers up, turning off the lights and leaving a cup of water next to her bedside for when she wakes up later.
you feel nervous going back to your own room, unsure of what sana thinks of you now.
you open the door, almost grateful to hear the shower on, indicating the other woman was cleaning herself up.
you anxiously start packing your things up, cleaning around the room a little and grabbing clothes for your shower.
the shower turns off and your heart rate increases tenfold. you still have some time before she comes out though, so you continue to busy yourself, cleaning anything and everything.
"y/n?"
you turn quickly at her voice, almost fainting at the sight of her wrapped only in a towel. you yelp, turning back around just as quickly, "s-sorry!"
sana giggles, padding up to her bed, "it's okay. i left my clothes out here."
you can hear the rustle of her towel being dropped and her starting to dress yourself. your face is burning up, trying desperately to clear your mind of thoughts of a very naked sana standing right behind you, probably watching you make a fool out of yourself.
"i'm dressed." she teases, plopping down onto her bed.
you turn with a sigh, but tense up when you realise her definition of dressed was a very thin camisole and shorts that really shouldn't be considered shorts.
sana smirks at your gaze, crossing her legs and watching the way your eyes follow the movement, drinking in the skin.
"so what happened with you and deki?"
your eyes snap back up to hers at the reminder, the guilt of it all coming back.
"i'm sorry- i didn't- i hope you know i didn't mean to-"
sana giggles, grabbing the towel to start drying her hair, "relax y/n. i figured as much. he wouldn't tell me what happened but i assume it had something to do with his feelings for you?"
you gulp, nodding, not trusting your voice.
"like you said at the game, he'll get over it."
"you're not mad at me?"
she frowns, "why would i be mad at you?"
"well i- i thought you were avoiding me at dinner and- i mean i did just reject your son-"
sana lets out a loud laugh, "i think i'd be more mad if you didn't reject him. and i wasn't avoiding you. were you looking for my attention y/n?" she teases, wringing out her hair.
"oh. i'm glad then. that you weren't avoiding me. i was worried." you mumble, ignoring her question, knowing she was just trying to get a reaction out of you.
she stands up, brushing her hair behind her shoulders, walking up to you slowly. "why were you worried?"
you focus on a spot on the hotel carpet, avoiding her gaze, "i didn't want you to think i was- i don't know- i just didn't want you to think of me differently i guess."
"why do you care what i think of you?"
you blush, "well- i mean- i- you're- you're a parent of my student."
sana hums, still moving closer at a painfully slow pace, "is that all i am to you?"
"uh- well- no... you're um- you're sana."
she giggles, now toe-to-toe with you. "i am."
you almost let out a gasp when her cool fingers touch your chin, tilting your head up slightly to look her in the eyes. her eyes search yours, then they move over your face, tracing your features. you lick your lips unconsciously, the tension between the two of you unable to be explained by a simple parent-teacher relationship, or even a friendship anymore.
"it's funny." her voice is lower now, spoken right onto your lips, there was no need for volume, you were only inches apart. "i almost wonder if my ex would've fallen for you too."
you're dizzy from being so close to her, mind playing catch up. "t-too?"
"yeah. hideki fell for you. i wonder if you could just have my whole family wrapped around your finger."
you gulp, not really following, just letting her do whatever she wanted to you.
she leans in even closer, eyes dropping to your lips.
"what about me?"
"w-what about you?"
"you rejected deki. how about me?"
you inhale shakily, "are you confessing?"
she smiles then, "was it not obvious?"
"no." you breathe out.
"why not?"
"you're too- you're unbelievable."
"what does that mean?"
"i literally can't believe you're real. that someone as perfect as you could exist."
sana giggles lowly at that, "there it is. do you know how long i've been waiting for you to just say how you feel about me?"
"w-what?"
"all that teasing, all the flirting, i paid nayeon to fake sick y'know?"
"you what?!"
she throws her head back, laughing fully now. your eyes follow the lines of her throat.
"deki talked about you all the time at home. i was curious to meet the maths teacher he was so obsessed with. and then i did. and you were just so adorable. i could tell you really loved what you were doing, and you really cared for all the kids. but i didn't want to ask you out in front of my son who has the biggest most obvious crush on you. so i resigned myself to thinking i probably wouldn't be able to see you again. and then you happened to be on this trip. so i tried everything i could to get closer to you, get to know you better, and you didn't disappoint. i can safely say i'm just as obsessed with you as hideki is, dare i say even more."
"y-you are?"
"mhm. and i knew you liked me too. you're almost as obvious as deki is." she giggles, "i was just waiting for you to do something about it. but you're too nice aren't you? didn't want anything that could be between us to affect your job and your relationship with the kids."
you hadn't even noticed sana had paid so much attention to you. she had picked you apart completely, you felt so exposed in front of her now, but it wasn't unwelcome, you were just embarrassed at the way you've acted around her, thinking how many times you've replied dumbly or said something stupid while she knew you had a crush on her. you cringe at the memories.
sana laughs again, poking at the scrunch in your nose, "so can you say it officially now?"
"say what?"
"don't play dumb with me. you know."
you whine, blushing still, but close your eyes, taking a breath again, "i like you sana. i think you're the most beautiful person i've ever seen and your personality and actions are just as consistent with your looks."
sana giggles again, and then all of a sudden, her lips are pressed against yours.
it's soft, sweet, she's curling a hand around your waist and the other around your neck. you weren't the greatest with words, that's why nayeon was the english teacher, but you try make up for it with your actions, pulling her into you deeper and wrapping your arms around her, smiling into the kiss.
sana returns the smile, reattaching your lips, kissing you easily, your lips slotting together with no rush, taking as much time as you wanted to explore each other.
that night, when you come out of your shower, you find sana curled up in your bed, patting the empty space next to her for you to squeeze into, making sure she had enough space so that she wouldn't fall off the edge. you find that she's a big cuddler, not that it should've surprised you, she was always a very physically affectionate person, and you were still getting used to being on the receiving end of all of it, but you adored it.
the next morning, you'll keep to your promise and wake sana up with a gentle kiss on her lips, brushing her hair out of her face and studying her sleeping features carefully, committing everything to memory, still in slight disbelief that such a woman felt the same way you did.
you talk over breakfast, finding yourself much more at ease now that you knew she knew how you felt about her. she still takes every opportunity to tease you though, loving the way you blushed and stuttered around her.
what's hard is deciding what to do after you get home. you still wanted to keep your distance from hideki so that he could get over you, and sana agreed, saying it would be best if the both of you kept your relationship a secret for now. she was almost excited, talking about how it would be exciting and fun to sneak around like kids again, having to hide your relationship.
she's right of course, but being with her specifically probably makes it ten times harder than it normally would. she'd come to your school with bunches of flowers and lunch, acting innocent and surprised when you have to hide her and find an empty classroom for you to spend the lunch date she springs on you. she'll never stop loving to tease you.
you finally tell hideki about 2 months into your relationship. he seems to take it okay, but when you're curled up in sana's bed later, she tells you he complained to her about how she 'stole his woman', and you both end up in a giggling fit, laughing at the turn of events. regardless, you're still grateful, grateful you were able to meet her, and somehow bewitch her into falling for you. you were the luckiest person alive, and only sana would disagree, saying that was only true for herself.
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writers-potion · 8 months ago
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Storyediting Questions to Ask
As You Read the First Draft:
Are there place that surprised you as you read your first draft? - Why do you suppose that is? - Is there material there you'd like to expand?
What are the character really doing in this story? - Might they have issues you haven't explored fully yet?
Look to the places that drag. - These might be scenes where you have avoided dealing with something deeper. - What are the characters really thinking in these places? - What are their passions, frustrations, and desires?
Imagine alternative plotlines. - How might your plot be different if ti headed off on another tangent from various points in the story? - You don't have to follow them, but they might suggest other streams that can flow into the main plot.
Think About Structure:
Does you story play out naturally in three acts?
Is there an immediate disturbance to the Lead's world?
Does the first doorway of no return occur before the one-fifth mark?
Are the stakes being raised sufficiently?
Does the second doorway of no return put the Lead on the path to the climax?
Does the rhythm of the sotyr match your intent? If this is an action novel, does the plot move relentlessly forward? If this is a character-driven novel, do the scenes delve deeply enough?
Are there strongly motivated characters?
Have coincidence been established?
Is something happeing immediately at the beginning? Did you establish a person in a setting with a problem, onfronted with change or threat?
Is the timeline logical?
Is the story too predictable in terms of sequence? Should it be rearranged?
About Your Lead Character:
Is the character memorable? Compelling? Enough to carry a reader all the way through the plot?
A lead character has to jump off the page. Does yours?
Does this character avoid cliches? Is he capable of surprising us?
What's unique about the character?
Is the character's objective strong enough?
How does the character grow over the course of the story?
How does the character demonstrate inner strength?
About Your Opposition:
Is your oppositing character interesting?
Is he fully realized, not just a cardboard cutout?
Is he justified (at least in his own mind) in his actions?
Is he believable?
Is he strong as or stronger than the Lead?
About Your Story's Adhesive Nature:
Is the conflcit between the Lead and opposition crucial for both?
Why can't they just walk away? What holds them together?
About Your Scene:
Are the big scenes big enough? Surprising enough? Can you make them more original, unanticipated, and draw them out for all they are worth?
Is there enough conflict in the scenes?
What is the least memorable scene? Cut it!
What else can be cut in order to move the story relentlessly forward?
Does the climactic scene come too fast (through a writer fatigue)? Can you make it more, write it for all it's worth?
Does we need a new minor subplot to build up a saggin midsection?
About Your Minor Characters:
What is their purpose in the plot?
Are they unique and colorful?
Polishing Questions:
Are you hooking the reader from the beginning?
Are suspenseful scenes drawn out for the ultimate tension?
Can any information be delayed? This creates tension in the reader, always a good thing.
Are there enough surprises?
Are character-reaction scenes deep and interesting?
Read chapter ending for read-on prompts
Are there places you can replace describing how a character feels with actions?
Do I use visual, sensory-laden words?
For a Dialogue Read-Through:
Dialogue is almost always strengthened by cutting words within the lines.
In dialogue, be fair to both sides. Don't give one character all the good lines.
Greate dialogue surprises the reader and creates tension. View it like a game, where the players are trying to outfox each other.
Can you get more conflict into dialogue, even emong allies?
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awakenedevildays · 6 months ago
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「bathtubs and requests」 Art Donaldson x F!reader
you can read the other parts here!
━━━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━━
"you should move in with me" Art's voice echoes off the bathroom walls of his apartment, it's all so relaxing: the heat of the water around your bodies, his chest pressed against your back and his arms wrapped around you are so comfortable that it takes a while for you to realize what he just said.
"what?"
"you heard me" he murmurs against your neck "come live with me" an incredulous laugh leaves your mouth and you try to turn completely towards him, but his arms clench tighter around you and prevent you from moving enough to do so.
"may I ask why you are asking this now?" you move slightly to the side to see his face emerging from the hollow of your neck.
"I feel like we're ready to do it" his eyes avoid yours and focus instead on his fingers as they start caressing your shoulder "and it's also the next logical step in our relationship."
"You think so?" this time, despite Art's protests, you turn towards him: your breasts press against the boy's chest and his eyes fall down quickly before being brought back to yours by the hand under his chin. The tease is evident on your face and Art feels his ears warm up quickly to the realization of being caught in the act.
"I know so" and kisses the smile off your lips to distract you.
"My answer is not a no, but how do we know that our relationship is ready for this?" you ask him and, without realizing it, the agitation inside you rises: how did you know if you were ready for this step? and if you break up because you went too fast?
The tennis player frowns "what do you mean?" and the sight in front of you distracts you for a second: Art sits back against the back of the tub to stand more upright and listen to you better, his arms, after moving his curly damp hair out of his face, leans on the edges of the tub, his wet and smooth chest shines and his legs are open and bent to the sides to give you more space between them. If you weren't so determined to finish the topic you are having you'd kiss him to death, but you're a woman on a mission and you can't get distracted.
"I mean, some of my behaviors might irritate you or we might fight about serious things and then we wouldn't be able to run away from our problems by going back to our apartment, we'd have to deal with these situations and be mature about what bothers us and-"
"love, you're getting worked up over nothing" he says and his expression relaxes into a smile: now that he understood that your reasons are motivated only by insecurity and not by the fact that you don't want to take the next step with him, he feels it will be easier to convince you otherwise.
"You see? this is exactly what I'm talking about! if we move in together we can't belittle each other's feelings and concerns like this. It wouldn't be healthy and-"
"love," he interrupts you again, and your hands that were gesturing in the air fall on his chest, your eyes avoid his.
Out of your mouth comes a small "…yes?" that makes the man in front of you chuckle.
"we're ready" his calm tone makes its way into your chest "we're 24 years old and we've been together since we were 19, we both have a steady job and we already know everything about each other, there's nothing you can tell me that will change my mind".
"what if we fight?"
"I can't promise you we won't fight, we fight even now that we don't live together, but it seems to me that we are pretty good at making up, if we fight we will solve it as always" it's true, you never went beyond a day without talking to each other, even if you were angry.
"what if we break up?"
"It won't happen," he answers immediately, his fingers move the locks of hair behind your ears and then rest his hands on your face, his thumbs gently caressing your cheeks.
His head lowers to chain your eyes together and you look up to facilitate his task "I won't let it happen", the security in his eyes makes you exhale a breath you didn't know you were holding.
Your eyes move around to look at the bathroom, "but I wouldn't be able to pay half the rent of this apartment"
"I don't care about that".
"but-"
"If you really want to pay something, we can split the bills," he answers hastily, at the moment Art doesn't care about how to split the expenses, he would pay everything if it meant he could spend the rest of his life next to you… he just needs your 'yes'.
Your face gets close to his, your lips a few inches away.
"okay" his eyes still fixed in yours
"'ok' what?" his smile gets brighter, he wants to hear you say it.
"I'll move in with you" you smile too.
"that's what I like to ear" he kisses you again.
Now he only has to ask you to marry him… but that will have to wait a little longer.
━━━•❃°•°❀°•°❃•━━━
Hope you guys will like it as much as I liked writing it! 🩷
(in this fic he still has long hair cause I said so)
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