#isn't it fun working through feelings?
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christ sometimes I just wanna. steal a time machine & go back & sit down next to my 9-year-old self and just like. let them pull out their pokemon card binder & gush about their holographic gyarados or whatever. I'd just smile & ask questions about motherfukcing bulbasaur & tell my kid self that I thought they were a neat person, & someday they'd find other people who thought so too.
like i'm a grown adult who honestly finds most kids stuff boring, but. damn if i could go back & hang out with my baby self & listen to them ramble...just so they knew someone was listening. i would in a heartbeat. thinking about u kid
#wouldn't roll my eyes or check my phone or get bored or nothing#I'd just listen to that little dork & smile & encourage them & let them explain how their favorite gameboy games worked#i was the kind of kid my adult self would find annoying & uninteresting but like#most of the actual adults in my childhood felt that way too. including my dang parents.#and ya know sometimes they showed it. a lot of times without realizing it. and that messes a kid up#if you don't make an effort kids WILL recognize your disinterest and lack of attention.#kids deserve to have caregivers who show interest and engagement#even when it's over stuff that adults find boring. especially then maybe#your kid doesn't have to be fun or interesting or easy or well behaved to deserve positive attention#they deserve positive attention because they are YOUR KID#if love is unconditional then DISPLAYS of LOVE and AFFECTION must also be unconditional#not something that must be earned#telling your kid that you love them is not enough. that is step one out of like a thousand#if you just tell your kid you love them but you don't demonstrate affection and interest and patience and warmth and etcetera#your kid isn't gonna feel loved! I Love You will just become a trite phrase that they regard with mistrust!#bitch you gotta FOLLOW THROUGH
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#spheal#i wish i could post circular images on tumblr. because this one is deserving of a fully circular PNG. i could technically just take a#regular square image and then make the edges transparent to make it *effectively* a circle‚ but like… would that appeal?#if that would appeal then i'll do it. i don't think it would be *too* prohibitively hard. i would be willing to make an addendum#with a circular transparent image of spheal staring at the screen if enough of you want it. either way#this guy rolls everywhere and i think tumblr is gonna like that. i feel like this is gonna end up being a well-liked pokémon amongst tumblr#as in. i feel like. it already is. because. of how it is. i just don't know bc spheal isn't like. one of my favorites#it's cute don't get me wrong but it's just not one i think about all the time. it's one that i'll like if prompted but not unprompted#i'm gonna stop before i dig myself into a hole. i beat totk finally. it was very good and i honestly had way way more fun with it than i did#with botw. i have my criticisms obviously. it's not perfect it's not pmd. but it was very good. and now i've moved onto the next game in my#backlog. which is very long but i'm steadily working through it. hopefully i can get it done before i graduate this december and stop having#any time for the rest of my life ever forever to play video games. dreading that day. but uh#until then i will game. and hang out with my friends. and go on tumblr. and do all these things i like to do. until i no longer can#wow this got depressing i'm gonna Stop here. enjoy spheal
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why do people think Yevgeny wasn't Mickey's son? in 3x06 there was clearly no condom used (not that Terry probably would have let Svetlana stop to get one), but there's no reason to think she wasn't using condoms with her regular clients. it's not Svetlana's fault that she was a tool used to rape Mickey—the sole blame for everything that happens in that entire situation belongs to Terry Milkovich and him alone—so why does it feel like it's just another way for people to shit on Svetlana for something that wasn't in her control? it's not as though she'd asked to get pregnant in the first place...
#stop giving svetlana shit just because terry was one of her clients—between him and sasha do you really think she had a chance to say no?#her attitude towards mickey is s4 is very easy to understand when you think about the fact that a) she's his age or maybe a year older#b) she is a person who knows she has to take what life gives her and make the best of bad situations#c) her entire future rests (so she thinks) on her and mickey making their marriage work and he was absorbed in ian (which the audience gets#but svet has no context for) and thus her feeling threatened is very understandable because mickey also won't stand up to his father#so yeah of course svet is gonna see terry as the one person who will put things the way they're supposed to be#but! it's after mickey comes out and he and ian fight everyone in the bar that she realizes mickey could be an ally to her#and she extends a hand in friendship because they're both stuck in this situation and yeah of course she wants him to stop being stupid#about yev—as she puts it “baby did not choose this either” which leads me to think she understands mickey's situation a little better now#but yev looks so much like mickey and has those big blue eyes of his (also evidence for baby mickey being blond)#I get that the whole child from rape thing isn't fun for mickey to have to deal with but women have to go through it all the time—like Svet#okay rant over I'm sorry I'm just...it puts a bad taste in my mouth whenever I see it in fic or meta that yev can't *possibly* be mickey's#mickey milkovich#svetlana yevgenivna#yevgeny milkovich#shameless
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I need a whole fic where the Cerritos is mistaken for the Enterprise by some type of alien with very high intelligence but very poor visual recognition, for whatever reason.
And Freeman either can't or is too scared to convince them that they're not the Enterprise, so she starts desperately assigning everyone to various roles. Boimler gets assigned as Data, and since he and Mariner are the only people on the ship who play string instruments, the captain orders them to put together some sort of "symphony" because the aliens have heard that that's a thing on the Enterprise.
And it's just Mariner and Boimler frustratedly trying to figure out how to combine her electric guitar skills and his traditional violin skills into something suitably "symphonic" (i.e. thematically trying to combine her more lax/modern way of doing things with his more strict/traditional way).
#star trek lower decks#marinler#lower decks#I NEED these two playing music together#also Stevens gets assigned to play Picard and is way too into it#goes a little mad with power and ends up being the episode's main antagonist#they forgive him in the end though#Ransom is Riker obviously#Mariner gets assigned to play Troi and has a fun time pretending to read people's thoughts and they just have to go along with it#Rutherford is obviously Geordi due to his implant#T'Ana plays Crusher on the basis that she is *technically* a redhead and refuses to elaborate further when questioned#Shaxs is Worf and insists that his nose ridges are forehead ridges#Freeman is Displeased (TM) about having to pretend to be a lower-decker since there isn't a part for her#Tendi works the duty-shift with her and ends up helping her work through her issues about not feeling respected as a Cali-class captain#basically pointing out that success is relative and that she didn't succeed according to her family's standards either#but it doesn't matter because she loves what she does#who knows maybe I'll write it one of these days
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first art post of the new year!!! granted, i don't share my art here that much anyway, but– shhh.
hehehehhhooo,, here's something i've been working on for 'bout a month,, albeit not consecutively– took a few,, very very long breaks in between working on this,, but i managed to finish it in the end! am i satisfied with it? .......ehhhh? not completely, but if this took any longer, it might not have seen the light of day, so like. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.
anyway,, made a little poster for my favorite fic, tommyinnit's services for villains, vigilantes, and various other vagabonds, by @scorpionoesit!!! it's really really good,,, and i've always wanted to make more art for it,, so i decided– poster! at least,, that's what it's mean to resemble,,, dkdmkdmdkd.
i will freely admit,, i'm... not the biggest fan of the fan-made logo i tried to design for it,, feels a bit boring, and could definitely have used a bit more pizazz, something to make feel more like the fic itself(what does that mean? you figure that out),,,, but– again, steam was running low,, dkdnksjs. graphic design is my passion. i do also have other complaints, but i'm afraid i already punched my one-use self-critique card,, oh well,,, dkdnkxjdkd.
regardless,, even with the flaws only i can really see,, this still turned out pretty okay!! hope you enjoy it, mx. scorpio and mx. alibi!!! and i hope everyone else has a wonderful new year!!!!
#my art#dream smp#services for vagabonds#tommyinnit fanart#tommyinnit#i don't wanna try tagging the rest of them so i'm just not gonna <3#anyway wrow i wonder who the skull guy and mysterious shadowy figure are....... could be anyone.#i was gonna try and fit in some sort of hero so i could check all the dots of everyone tommy's help#specifically either dr**m (derogatory) or phil#(was mostly leaning towards phil)#but 1) couldn't figure out a way to make it look good with the current set up#my first thought was to try moving the current characters around a bit; but then it would feel too crowded#my second thought was to have them appear from the smoke; somehow? a smoky figure?#but that only really looked good in sketch form and i didn't have the patience to figure that out properly#and 2) no clue what their designs look like. don't even know what their powers are; yet!#was also wanting to fit fundy in but it didn't work for the first reason#fun rapid fire character design facts: niki has a littol sharp tooth 'cause of the joker stuff!#i originally gave tubbo green eyes;; but i decided blue-green looked cooler#tech– [cough] i mean;; *orion's* cloak has a faint lil orion pattern on can barely see it but it's there i assure you !!!#(i tried my best for his design but i am. not the greatest at outfits;; especially hero/villain ones)#tommy has long hair bc it's *MY* art and *I* say he gets long hair. this definitely isn't canon to vagabonds i just like to do this#<- also why michael and tommy have freckles#tommy has a bit of green in his design(through the patch) due to a theory of mine :D#might have over-rendered the hair a bit but. fuck you i like it#anyway i think that's all i have to say about it? if you've actually read all these tags;;; have a cookie -> 🍪#pretend it's a peanut butter cookie#actually. no pretend it's both. you get two cookies. as a treat.#anyway have a good rest-of-your-day !!!!!!
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a friend who'd wait :)
#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops.#and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can!#and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol#finn's ocs#finn's art#i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me#and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun#i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here:#barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past#he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it#he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned#which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them#they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore#but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird#and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place#though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library#and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together#since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door#eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement#barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time.#barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate#but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd#he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself#but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done.#and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies.#and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them)#and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances''#from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov#sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3#but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh
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low/no empathy is Minorly Othering in terms of interests (in my experience) because almost everyone i know prefers fiction over nonfiction, because it's more interesting and easier to digest,
but prefer the opposite for the same reasons. nonfiction is MUCH easier for me to parse through. i stress myself out a lot whenever i try to imagine a characters thoughts and feelings, and i end up usually just misunderstanding entirely. oftentimes it's so frustrating i just put a book down and never try reading it again. i understand rhetorical devices, messages, themes, symbolism,,, i understand the book on a technical level when it comes to the artistry of how it's written. but i, for the life of me, in the moment, simply cannot fathom a character's thoughts and feelings
comics are only a little easier bcs they have added help of drawn depictions of thoughts and feeling, but even then it can still be hard. i just can't enjoy the same literature many ppl are into just cus i find textbooks n stuff more easy to read
#when i say it stresses me out i mean it REALLY works me up WAYY more than it ever should#makes me wanna tear my hair out and curl up and scream. i'll be like halfway thru a chapter and then i'll realise the atmosphere#& emotions the characters are feeling isn't x but actually y and then i have to read it all over again to attempt to interpret it correctly#while nonfiction texts are fun to read. the language is rarely ever boring. even in textbooks if you get through the first few paragraphs#of introduction to a topic ; the rest of the section's really fun to read#the information presented as fact is just a lot easier for me to understand#sometimes biographies are stuff are a bit harder. bcs they may describe their emotions during a particular time or something and go into#neigh-narrative amt of personal detail. and usually when i read i want to have Full Comprehension™ so i stress myself out understanding#those feelings. ESPECIALLY if they're feelings i don't really experience#no empathy#low empathy#autism#apd#npd#<- tagging bcs contributes to low empathy. not rlly an npd post tho
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Complete the 4 novels you're currently reading ❌❌❌
Start yet another novel because it seemed intriguing ✅✅✅
#orv is really good and i'm enjoying it a lot so far#but i feel like i need a little time away from it and contemplate on the tragedy of 1863#i ploughed through that arc a little too fast and the feels are catching up with me only now#jeweller richard has been really good too but i seem to be incapable of reading it unless i'm outside. it's like my. touching grass novel#to paradise is wonderful and i love the worldbuilding and cannot wait for hanya yanagihara to work her magic on me again#but i also wanna read it sometime when i can be free of any distractions and let it consume me body and soul#maali almeida was so much fun i loved the writing and i really wanna finish it because it's the first book i started this year#but i can already tell i won't be able to finish it unless i get the physical copy😔#anyway this new book isn't too long and i can finish it within 2 days if i try hard enough#wish me luck🫡#cina's stuff#🍀
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dude with the stink i saw everyone in the comments throwing about cyrus's death i thought the ruling on chromatic orb was what killed him. but it wasn't, it was getting attacked by the giant fucking spider afterwards. and like you can make the argument that "well if the chromatic orb hadn't hit he wouldn't have gone down" like y'all. the party was up against a literal god. "it was unfair blah blah blah" yeah that's the point. when mortals tangle with the gods they lose. the DM had so many tools at her disposal to get the outcome she wanted, one stray hit did not make a difference.
#cr3#like yeah its not the way cr is normally run#but like#it's meant to be a small breather to parallel the journey bh is going through atm#and underscore the themes of the larger campaign#sometimes. dnd isn't fair. and that's the point.#multiple dms in cr history have put the party in unwinnable scenarios but its suddenly a problem#“chromatic orb doesn't work that way” we literally just finished a whole arc where trying to cast sending caused psychic damage#show me in the PHB where it says that's how sending works#like idk it just feels like complaining abt every minor unfair ruling during the crownkeepers interlude is massively missing#1. the main theme of the entire campaign#2. the reason that interlude even happened in the first place#ppl are like “well why play dnd at all then”#because its fun and it would be silly to make everyone learn a new system for 3 hours of game time#because if the players just sat there and narrated the whole thing people wouldn't be any less pissed off#the fact that people think the DM was being unnecessarily adversarial even though other DMs have ALSO gotten playfully mean at times#like hm i wonder why it's suddenly a problem now#im not using names bc i dont want ppl to find this in the tags
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Shout-out to everyone who survived a "fun" easter with the family
#fucking hell#it started with finding out my dad smoked in my car when I picked up my sister#who was equally dreading the day#my mum turns into the world's tensest and judgemental presence. worsened by my aunt#then hell for autistic people (of which there are multiple present)#multiple deaf people means one uninspired conversation that isn't interesting in any way.#combinations of passive aggressiveness and people not saying a thing because they can't participate. voice volumes too damn high#weirdass food situations. Very full table. so many smells.#this goes on for over an hour. wishing for literally anything but being there. soul crushing.#then you still have to sit in that room for 2.5 hours. it just goes on and on.#my autistic deaf dad physically looks like how I feel. my mum and aunt keep piling on top of him to demand his mental presence#i leave the room once (to get my phone to show pictures to my uncle) and am immediately followed upstairs by my mum#who demands I don't leave the room (What's next. following me when I need the toilet?)#me and my sister are so bored we start throwing paper planes and fake fighting.#Which amuses the bored and the deaf#but of course my mum and aunt have opinions and this is not allowed. only soul crushing boredom allowed#they complain to each other over it while aggressively doing dishes#finally it ends because my mum and aunt start insisting my dad should go to bed if he's 'that tired'. *sprinkle on some additional ableism*#still sitting through a conversation about allergies one of my sister's friends has. my mum preaching that people should take that seriously#(meanwhile i had to cook for myself for 9 years because when my allergies were really bad no one bothered to check if i could eat something)#me and my sister go sit upstairs to discover our mum has made things we care about vanish in her room#and made things appear that should not be there#I've washed the interior of my car and hope the smell will go#you think it's over after that. but woke up with the realisation that even more things have disappeared from my sister's room.#i can't remember a time when things left outside of my room didn't disappear#I don't know why we do these family gatherings at all. no one has fun on days like that.#the housing crisis isn't making these things easy. my sister is losing her place to live again as well#she'll go hiking for a month and then work on a campsite over the summer#maybe I'll go house sitting again. idk.#can't make commitments a few months in advance like that because I'll cancel everything the second Sparks announces anything important
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it sucks that shitty fans have made it impossible to celebrate canon queer relationships that they don't like and seem to have an influence on which ones get attention on social media. it sucks that it seems like no matter how much tim says he ignores fandom, it stills get to him. it sucks that oliver refuses to stand up for his costars when they're being harassed. it sucks that antis feel like they have the power to ruin good things for other people because they don't gain anything from it. it sucks that we all already knew this would happen because this show never changes no matter what network it's on.
#going back and forth between if i should just take a break from this show again#my excitement has been completely sucked out after the break up sure but especially after the reaction to the break up#fandom isnt fun because the fans are fucking evil and annoying about everything. the show isn't going in any direction.#grrr idk I shouldn't have expected more but canon bi buck really made me feel like we weren't going back to the days#of one dimensional love interests and storylines that go in circles#we'll see if i watch on thursday. im off so i can tune in at any point.#i want to see buck grieve this relationship in a respectful way but honestly at this point would be be respectful?#would they give buck room to breathe and let him work through his feelings? or will he mention he's kind of sad once and move on#because interviews are bullshit like always so oliver referencing buck coping could just be one scene where he's a little down#they cant treat bisexuality with respect they cant give their characters what they need what the fuck can they do#i dont wanna stop watching this show because i've been here since forever i love it but if no one gets movement#what story am i watching? whats the plot? buck's story just becomes shallow and fans who like b/ddie and ONLY b/ddie#take it as a win because they can keep projecting their vision on to him because he says nothing to prove otherwise#so they just become blank cardboard cut outs of the kind of characters they actually are#i'm tired
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soulless sam was at his best when he was still being written as a version of sam, to accentuate parts of him that normally get held back, and not as 'guess he's evil now'. soulless sam when he's reflecting sam's tendency to lose sight of everything else in pursuit of a goal. soulless sam when he's just kind of rude without thinking about it without his filter on. soulless sam when he's equal parts intent on keeping dean with him and also happy to lie to him and keep him shut out of the things he knows dean won't like so that dean won't leave. soulless sam when he equally recognizes that he is a better hunter now, and also that he probably can't continue to exist without his soul. (you know. before they went along with making him just kind of evil.)
...soulless sam when he's begging for literally anyone to acknowledge his autonomy in this situation and not force him to take his soul back without knowing how much it could damage him and being ignored.
#i have normal thoughts about this man#i love the soulless sam arc actually until it nosedives#i love how it gives us a new lens to examine sam through#i love that soulless sam isn't even really! malicious! he's just exactly what he says: a better hunter!#like the most Bad thing he does is inarguably dean vampire transformation#but id point out that. that gives us even more fascinating stuff to analyze about him#like for one. sam knows not only About the cure but about how dean can't drink blood for it to work. right?#so what can we deduce from this: 1) he is not arbitrarily risking his brother. he is making from his pov the most logical decisions to kill#the vamps they're after. and 2) soulless sam without a doubt believes that dean will resist drinking blood. because otherwise the cure won'#work on him. and you can say 'well he doesn't have a connection to dean because soulless reasons' but. i mean. that's false. clearly.#even if all it is is leftover feelings of responsibility towards dean and familiarity and knowing that dean's a good hunter.#that's still a connection! dean *does* matter to him! and soulless sam believes he wont go for blood. that dean can't.#(sidenote if dean did? i dont think soulless would have killed him. this is sam & dean we're talking about.#soul or not. vampire or not. sam is keeping him around.)#anyway the point of this is that soulless sam is both Very Simple to understand and Very Complex when you get into the details of it#but on the basic level he is just sam's drive to hunt unattached from morality. he is just a better hunter.#i like that characterization far better than 'he is evil and wants to do murder and bad things'#oh and also he fucks people's wives. he's fun like that.#soulless!sam#spn#sam winchester
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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I haven't read the Prince Lestat books and to be honest I don't know if I ever will, but I feel like even book!Lestat's ending shouldn't have just been him 'returning to his former home in France to act out some would-be vampire hierarchy'. Not even because I consider him to be some sort of exquisite exception or special vampire in the way that Anne probably did, but because the notion of him returning to his old family home makes little sense to me at all, based off of what it represented to him. Namely his terrible upbringing on account of his family's neglect and abuse, that in spite of (but also because of) he returned to take care of his old father (while also verbally berating him when he could). He also can't straighten out his own life even when it literally depended on that, so I can't take the monarchy angle seriously at all.
#lestat de lioncourt (book)#the vampire chronicles#lestat de lioncourt#I saw an analysis post about the PL trilogy and really I feel like the biggest issues I have with it beyond#anne rice's insane writing choices; is the decision to have Lestat 'rule' in his old home??? the home he kept running away from#in every possible way?#and this isn't to say that the framing or character aren't warranted criticism#but I feel like when discussing the lack of logic in this overall writing choice#you also have to consider his history with his family in that place and namely the abuse he suffered under#like......it's why I can't even make fun of the fact that he went back to take care of his ill father#despite what he and Gabrielle went through with him#because it's too often the reality of how abusive familial structures work#no matter how much you try to detach yourself from your upbringing or your former self#be it through money or in Lestat's case a literal change of what you are#you can't run away from your past unless you detach yourself from it permanently#so really the whole 'him going back to his home' would sooner be a tragedy than an intro to them all playing castle#I feel like in Anne's obvious favoritism of him and in wanting to write out her fairytale-like fantasies#through these vampires she forgot what actual character development is
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no because can we please talk more about the whole concept of time loops and going back in time to younger you and all the other time fuckery related shit in stories and shows
my brain gets tickled in the absolute most right way with that stuff
like, yeah put that guy in scenarios, but do it A LOT
put that guy through the horrible option of trying to fix everything, but risking losing everything that matters to them at the same time
fuck that guy up when they get back to the age they were when they went back in time, and have time progress NORMALLY and plague them with the new found anxiety of not knowing what happens next
i need more stuff to absorb that has these kind of things, like these are such insanely creative and hooking situations to put the sillies in and i NEED more of it
ffs my little brain is going to start playing little bits in my head and writing little concepts down with these things in mind
#but like ugggg#why isn't there more of this kinda stuff i need more stories and shows that have these things in mind#i feel like there's such great untouched potential with this stuff like#i don't think you understand how much i NEED more of this#like even putting characters you like through these things would be so fun and such a cool way to deep dive into them on so many levels#anyways just some little rambles#im so eepy i just want to eep and work on projects#time loops#time travel#time fuckery#story concepts#tropes#<- i think that might have been the word for this that i was looking for?#writing tropes#time things
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thinking about kuroba going through the 5 stages of grief on repeat after remembering who karamatsu was only for him to hit them with a " it's a shame we were never in the same class together! :) "
#i'm working on something that's kinda related to this so it's on my mind rn#that man is not worth that much inner turmoil kuroba get the fuck up 😭#this isn't even getting into the resulting turmoil kuro goes through after kara doesn't remember they were in fact in the same 2nd yr class#( which isn't completely true he does have memories of kuro he just doesn't make the connection until someone else spells it out to him )#at the end of it they go '' whatever it's alright if he doesn't remember it doesn't change the relationship we've built now it's fine. ''#it in fact. was not fine#honestly figuring out kuro's emotions during that arc of their relationship w/ kara is interesting#i feel like i've only really portrayed them as being a chill kind guy so it's fun to show them being a little messy#they do acknowledge that the way they end up acting as a result of this situation ( like getting angry with kara while they were drunk ) ->#wasn't really mature of them and apologizes to him about it ( and basically confesses on accident but don't worry about that— )#okay that's enough rambling in tags goodbye * scampers off *#oc : kuroba#ship : kurokara#mj rambles
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