#is this coherent? no but i TRIED I SURE TRIED

[fortunxa]

I gave myself some time to think after watching act III, and I can finally share my thoughts. Let me break it down episode by episode so it’s more coherent because I’m itching to talk about it. Buckle up because this won’t be short.

cw: mentions of sh, depression, borderline personality disorder, suicidal tendencies

episode 7 — Pretend Like It’s the First Time

This whole episode felt like pure fanfiction and fan service, and I genuinely can’t believe how Timebomb shippers are still standing after this. Throughout this whole episode, it’s been clearly shown how Ekko will only accept one version of Jinx—the easy to digest one. The one that hasn’t been traumatized. How can someone call it love? Love isn’t picking and choosing what you accept, you either love the whole person or you don’t. Alternate universe Powder is the epitome of the manic pixie dream girl archetype for the current timeline Ekko. Would Timebomb work in that alternate universe? Sure, but that’s because it’s their reality. They don’t know anything else—Powder doesn’t become the Jinx we know now. Alternate universe Ekko isn’t faced with Jinx’s mental health problems—he has nothing to pick and choose from.

Do I hate Ekko? No, I actually like his character, but he’s torn between reality and fantasy. Can I blame him? Also no, because we’ve seen his childhood. We can only imagine what damage losing everyone he loved and cared about at such a young age (and so suddenly) did to him mentally. I can’t fault him for holding onto the past (even if he denies doing so), but it is an issue that stands in the way of current timeline Timebomb.

To him, there’s only Powder or Jinx, but she’s so much more complex than that. It’s been shown repeatedly how Jinx is a part of Powder (the whole act I of season 1), and how Powder is still a part of Jinx (until the very end, no matter how hard she tried to get rid of her).

BONUS: The necklace Powder has speaks for itself. A blue rose represents, and I quote, “Unrequited love, a longing for the impossible. A yearning for someone out of reach or a relationship that cannot be fully realized.” Both Ekko’s and Powder’s side profiles aren’t on the same side of the necklace to begin with. They only merge once she spins it.

BONUS 2: Other than “Ma meilleure ennemie” by Stromae & Pomme being an absolute bop, some of you simply didn’t translate it, and it shows. Here are some highlights, specifically Pomme’s lyrics (clearly depicting Jinx):

episode 8 — Killing Is a Cycle

The episode that started to break me. We see Jinx, absolutely drained, sitting in that cell because Isha’s death was her breaking point. No one and I mean no one, showed that girl the love and acceptance she needed and deserved other than Isha. Not Silco, not Vi, not Ekko. Building that beautiful storyline for two acts straight just to rip it away from her in such a traumatizing way—a parallel to the explosion at the warehouse, too? Wow. They were setting the stage for Jinx’s breakdown since the very beginning of this season. Making us watch the hope in her bloom, find something (or someone in this case) worth living for again, be loved and accepted for who she is just to watch it all burn and leave her with nothing again—pure evil.

“I didn’t know your mom was there.” Can you hear my heart breaking even further? That brings me to my next point: Jinx in relation to Caitvi.

After watching all of what Caitlyn did this season, not only to the city but to Vi, and then still believing Caitvi is healthy? Are we watching the same show? Season 1 Caitvi stood a chance, but this? So shallow and underdeveloped. Cait became a whole dictator. She was Vi’s breaking point, too, and the reason why she hit rock bottom in the first place. Jinx saw that firsthand, and she still thinks she’s the one standing in the way of Vi’s happiness? The only person standing in the way of that is Caitlyn herself, who isn’t even being held accountable for her actions whatsoever at any point. “We can’t erase our mistakes.” but we clearly can pretend they never happened, right?

“She’s being held in the bunker while I decide what to do.” What exactly did Cait expect from that? Telling Vi, her apparent love interest—who knows what it’s like to suffer in prison, not even physically but straight up mentally—that she’s keeping her mentally ill little sister in a cell while she decides what to do? What’s there to decide? And who are you to decide?

“I’m giving you this one chance to account for your actions, all the pain you’ve caused.” Is this projecting I hear from Cait? Can’t even tell since she never did what she’s expecting from Jinx, having done far worse things than her by that point. She let martial law take place for fuck’s sake. She used the grey to gas the Undercity (which still boggles me that Vi agreed to it). She was ready to risk Isha’s safety (a CHILD) just to get to Jinx.

BONUS (while I’m at it): Caitlyn would’ve missed the final shot, no matter how much she believed that she wouldn’t. She missed the shot twice right before that: first, when she shot Jinx’s finger off, and second, when she accidentally shot at Vi. They gave us this shot of Cait looking crazed out for a reason. She was losing her mind.

She was blinded by grief, yes, but I was waiting for the moment where she finally admits to her wrongdoings (other than screaming “I know!” while tossing a boat figurine, that is). “No amount of good deeds can undo our crimes.” Sure, and a lousy sex scene can?

Let’s talk about it.

When Jinx leaves Vi in the cell, she’s clearly suicidal and mentally unwell—even more than what we’ve seen from her so far. The dialogue they gave her, again, making her believe that she was the issue all along was just heartbreaking to hear. Yes, it’s Jinx’s perception of herself, going back to her believing she’s a jinx and how everyone close to her dies, but that perception of herself shifted when Isha came into the picture. And like I said, they took that away, so going back to the topic at hand.

Vi just being ready to hear another ‘I told you so’ from Caitlyn when she finds her, and then they just end up having “sex” (or actually, just giving Cait the pleasure Vi deserved instead after everything she put her through). We’ve seen crumbs of unsatisfying communication between them about what happened, and that sex scene in the cell was the last straw for me at this point. What do you mean Vi saw her suicidal sister sitting in that very same cell (starving and self-harming herself, may I add) and instead of running after her, she pounces on Cait?

“But the parallel to their first meeting back in s1!” I don’t care. That’s just fucked up to witness. In what world would Vi—who swears to care about her family—do that? We see her as this family-oriented person, who doesn’t give up on Jinx despite it all, and this was just so out of character in the name of fan service.

episode 9 — The Dirt Under Your Nails

Starting off strong, we see depressed and suicidal Jinx right off the bat. How did Ekko manage to get through to her? Well, it’s not like he would’ve stopped either way. He would’ve kept using his z-drive over and over again until he finally got it right.

What do we gain from that? Hopeful Jinx again, yippee! Wrong. She’s back for her sister, and it’s beautiful to witness. “I’m always with you. Even when we’re worlds apart.” Fighting with and for her, ready to die for her—we saw time and time again how Jinx was never the true jinx she believed she was. She managed to fix things with Vi—and even Ekko at this point—and managed to find and bring joy. That was the true ending both sisters deserved.

What do we get instead? Implying that Jinx sacrifices herself for Vi. Other than the pure rollercoaster of emotions they put Jinx through, making a suicidal character kill themselves (or even implying so) is just plain insensitive. What message does that send? As I said in a comment section, the writers aren’t blind, and they’re not dumb either. They know how many mentally ill fans Jinx herself has. As someone who struggles with bpd too, I related to her character in so many ways. More than I’m willing to share in this post, so that finale just left a bitter taste in my mouth. Speaking with other people who are struggling with their mental health helped me see that I wasn’t the only one affected by it. Quoting my friend: “We need to normalize considering the effects of the narrative on the fans.” And this isn’t to say that every suicidal character should magically get better, this isn’t how the real world works. But Jinx’s storyline had no reason to end on that note by that point. Forced and rushed.

Dead or runaway, leaving her with the “everybody’s better off without me” narrative was just the wrong way to go about it. Plain and simple. It was rubbing salt into the wound, spitting in the face of her development. They decided to end the show with an underdeveloped Caitvi “endgame” when they spent all this time developing Jinx’s arc. And all of this for what? Such a disappointing way to wrap things up, with literal crumbs as hints that maybe she’s still alive.

And the bitter cherry on top of Caitvi’s messy relationship this season, other than the complete lack of communication—Vi comparing herself to the dirt under Cait’s nails. What a cute (not really) way to remind us of their differences and Piltover’s stance on Zaun for the majority of the show—seen as nothing more than dirt. When Sevika joins the Council after the war, she’s still being looked down on. This just makes me sick.

BONUS: No mentions of Isha in Act III was pure evil (no, the paint on Jinx’s new outfit, the bunny ears on the balloon or even Isha’s doll were not enough. I wanted her death to be properly acknowledged. No, I don’t think it was too much to ask for). We got this beautiful found family arc between her, Jinx, and Sevika, only for it to be completely forgotten the moment Jinx reconciles with Vi.

BONUS 2: Jayce and Viktor were the perfect example of bromance. A friendship between two men can be gentle, affectionate, and loving without them being gay. No need for the ship, but I guess that’s the least of my worries.

BONUS 3: If anyone brings up the “beauty in imperfections” monologue to defend the ending, know that I’m not listening. They had such a beautiful show going for so long. Imperfections aren’t the problem here, it’s the plain disappointment.

EDIT BONUS 4: Singed out of all people getting a happy ending was so disrespectful. What a cockroach that man is. Nothing and no one can get rid of him.

Media literacy is important. Thanks for coming to my rant.

disclaimer: this isn’t me saying that the entire season was bad. But damn, do better.

[heart-of-the-morningstar]

Lucifer x Reader - Nowhere To Run

Inspired by @nyx-umbrakinesis's short story

***WARNING: Elements of dubcon/CNC in a roleplay setting; please do not read if these subject matters are disturbing to you***

You laid your head against the pillow on your bed, on the verge of drifting off to sleep when suddenly, you hear the sound of your door creaking

Your eyes shot open and you sat up with a start to see a shadowy figure standing in the door frame

"H-Hello? Who's there?" You called out.

"The figure didn't answer; but he chuckled darkly as he closed and locked the door behind him

"Oh my dear, I can't believe you couldn't recognize me!" Lucifer spoke as he loomed over your quivering figure

"M-Mr. Morningstar, sir...why are you here?"

"There's no need for that, my little angel, you can call me Lucifer. I do hate formalities."

His charcoal hand ran down the side of your cheek; you wanted to flinch but remained frozen

"Lucifer...why are you in my room?...Is something wrong?"

His yellow eyes flashed at the question, enabling you to see the devious grin plastered on his face

"Yes, there is," he responded lowly. With a snap of his fingers, golden chains latched onto your wrists, your arms forced above your head as the angelic chains wrapped themselves around the bedframe

You were trapped

No matter how hard you pulled, your restraints wouldn't budge

You tried kicking your legs but they were met with the same fate; chains clinging to your ankles as they were forcibly spread apart and now latched onto the metal frame of your bed

"The problem, sweetheart, is that you're too alluring to resist anymore.~"

Lucifer’s hand traveled up your thigh slowly, goosebumps littering your skin as he did

”And I wouldn’t think about screaming, darling,” he threatened playfully “No one’s going to hear you. This room is soundproof, I’ve made sure of that.~”

“P-Please, I-I don’t…”

”Aww what’s the matter? Don’t tell me you don’t want this.~” Lucifer pushed past your nightgown, his fingers pressed against your already damp panties, “Seems to me like your body is telling a different story, my pretty girl~”

You couldn’t stop him as he shoved two fingers into your cunt with no hesitation

You yelped, thrashing around desperately trying to free yourself from this, but it was all in vain

Lucifer laughed at your futile efforts, continuing to pump his digits into you, faster and faster until you had to fight to form a coherent thought

“So much protesting and yet your body craves me, craves my touch…why is that I wonder?~”

”N-No…p-please…You can’t…”

”Oh, but I can, and I will.~”

Lucifer was relentless with his pace, stretching you out on his fingers

Lucifer’s smile never faded as he watched your body betray you

He pulled his fingers from you, running his long forked tongue along them

“Absolutely divine, perhaps another night I’ll be able to feast on your intoxicating taste. But for now, I think it’s time I claimed what’s mine.~”

In a flash, your nightgown was ripped from your body, exposing your supple flesh the the hungry demon king who hovered over you

“Absolutely perfect~” he whispered into you ear as he began kneading your breasts with his clawed hands

You shaking only made things worse as your body continuously made contact with Lucifer’s clothed erection

“Eager, are we?~” he teased. You shook your head, trying to protest; but your sounds were cut of as Lucifer’s lips captured yours before you could say otherwise

His hands traveled further down, making quick work of your panties, tearing them off effortlessly

“Lucifer…” you begged pathetically

A small genuine smile crossed his face for a brief moment, only for his eyes to flash red as he snarled,

After snapping his clothes away in the blink of an eye, he slotted himself between your quivering thighs

“You’re mine, do you understand?” he growled as he pushed just the tip of of his aching cock inside of you

You cried out as a response, feeling the rest of his cock work it’s way inside of you, stretching you out completely

“Tell me,” he commanded as he began to thrust his hips into you repeatedly “tell me who you belong to.”

“Y-You…” your breathed out weakly “I’m yours…”

“That’s a good fucking girl,” he praised you, the movement of his hips becoming more and more erratic with every passing second

He leaned down and pulled you into another searing kiss, his cock hitting your most sensitive spot over and over again, tears pricking your eyes

“I…I…” your voice was all but gone, desperate moans replacing the words you really wanted to say but couldn’t

“You’re close aren’t you, gorgeous? Does my cock drive you insane? All that struggling and for what? Just for you to succumb to the pleasure I knew you craved. Now, what do you say?~”

“T-Thank you…”

“You’re more than welcome, my sweet pet. Don’t hold back on me now. Cum on my cock, sweetheart, cum for me…Let me feel you come undone because of me.~”

Almost as if on command, your body spasmed as you came around him, squeezing his cock with your overwhelming climax, screaming as you did

“T-There you go,” Lucifer cooed, “So good for me. But it’s my turn now.~”

Lucifer pinned you down my your hips, holding your body still as he pounded into you relentlessly, chasing his own high

His ragged breathing revealed how close he was, the mask he had thrown was slipping fast as his orgasm rapidly approached

“Mine…minemineminMINE F-FUUUUUCK GAAAHHH…I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU

His cum filled your insides, spilling out of you, dripping down your thighs, his thrusts refusing to slow until he felt utterly drained of everything he had

Lucifer collapsed on top of you, breathing heavy and holding your close

He snapped his fingers, the chains disappearing immediately so that you could wrap your arms around your lover

“That was so good, Luci, I loved that.~”

“It was?” he looked up at you with his soft your eyes. “I didn’t go too far, did I? I wasn’t too harsh or mean or…”

“No hon, you were perfect. You played your role so well! I must say, you can be very intimidating when you want to be! You were very convincing.~

Lucifer beamed at you, burying his face in your chest

You kissed the top of his forehead, twirling his hair in your fingertips

“Thank you, love” he leaned up to kiss you. “Let’s get you cleaned up now, shall we?~”

[gassymasky]

The Gladiator: Part 2 (18+) Warnings: Rough sex, gay, power dynamic, alluding to punishment, angry sex

I sighed as Maximinus tried, once again, to tempt me into sleeping with him. The prince, noticing my lack of reaction, smirked and decided to step it up a notch.

"Fine," Maximinus says as he undresses. "I hope you don't mind if I join you. It's oh so hot outside." He slips into the bath and he obviously sat next to me. Brushing his pristine, smooth skin against my tan and scarred body.

I could already see he was hard through my Murmillo helmet. The prince, noticing my wondering eye, licked his lips as he went to pour the wine. Making sure to bend over wiggle his hips to show off his plump ass for good measure. He felt that if he just kept teasing he'd soon have me in his grasp.

"I do hope your thirsty," he says as he sit back down and hands me a goblet of wine. "It's from my personal collection. Now why don't you take off that stuffy helmet?"

As he reached for my helmet I gripped his wrist. Maximinus grinned at my reaction. He always knew how to push my buttons.

"Aw come one?" He teased in a sultry voice. "If you continue wearing this I might never see that pretty face." A wrestling match insues as he tries to wrestle my helmet from my head. If it were anyone else I would've killed him but this was the prince. Doing that would only serve to have ME killed.

Maximinus took the chance to rub against my body to distract me before getting a good grip on my helmet.

"Let go," I growl from under my helmet. "You first," the prince teases.

Eventually he manged to pry my helmet off and sending him falling into the water. As he stood back up and wipes the water from his face he sees it. My face.

From my shoulder length black hair to my shimmering blue eyes. My sharp features and stubble gives me a rugged beauty. A scar runs from my right cheekbone down to my chin. All this, combined with my tan muscle, made Maximinus lick his lips.

"Well," his voice low and sultry. "I hoped you be handsome but you've exceeded any standard I had. Now," with that he bends over the edge of the bath and wiggles his hips. "How about you please your prince, wouldn't wanna punish you now would we?"

In the anger and frustration of having my helemt ripped off I decide to give him what he wants. Grabbing his hips roughly before thrusting into him.

"Fuck!" Maximinus cries in pain and pleasure but I don't give him time to adjust. My thrusts snap forward roughly and slam against his prostate as I spank him.

"You like that?" My voice rough with anger and lust. "You like having my dick reshaping your slutty boypussy don't you?"

Maximinus couldn't respond as moans and whines stop him from speaking. The pleasure making it impossible to form a coherent thought let along string together a sentence. I chuckle at this as I rain spanks down on him. One of my hand shoot up and entangle in his hair to pull him back roughly.

This snaps him from his haze and he begins begging. "More, more," his breathy moans fueling me on. "Ruin me my champion! Claim me as your prize!"

My thrusts grow more erratic as my shaft throbs. The prince, noticing I'm about to cum, pushes his ass further into my thrust. With a final, hard thrust I flood his ass with my semen. I growl deeply as he whines.

After a bit I pull out of him and sit back in the tub. I watch as Maximinus reaches down and scoops some cum from his gaping hole and licked it up.

"Not bad," his voice hoarse and breathy from the pleasure. "We'll be doing this a lot more often."

[mythalism]

There’s a theory going around (what with DATV shut out of the game awards) that the writing sucks so hard because EA or BioWare forced an AI rewrite after firing a chunk of the writing staff. I won’t say I fully beleive it, but I will admit that quite a lot of the dialogue in Veilguard feels…off. It’s hard to really describe.

I know EA had mentioned wanting to use AI writing in their games, but I figured that meant future games. Any thoughts on this?

this is devastating to me but i hate to say... i can see it. and feel it, more importantly, which i think is the key with AI. a few things that make this seem plausible to me are that bluesky post from epler that has since been deleted talking about how he agreed with the biggest criticism of veilguard (without specifying what he was referencing) was something he agreed with, and trick and another dev chimed in and added that not only did they all agree, but they tried to fight it and lost. we are never going to know exactly what this was referencing, but i think it does allow us to infer that there was a significant amount of friction between EA and bioware. the kotaku article on vg's development from 2019 also has a rather telling couple of lines: "I kept hearing one interesting sentiment from current and former BioWare staff: They felt like the weirdos in EA’s portfolio, the guys and gals who made nerdy role-playing games as opposed to explosive shooters and big sports franchises. BioWare games never sold quite as well as the FIFAs and Battlefields of the world, so it never felt like they could get quite as many resources as their colleagues at other studios. High-ranking BioWare staff openly wondered: Did EA’s executives really care about narrative? Did they really care about RPGs? Those questions have always lingered, and still do today." so... yeah. that feels relevant to me with this.

the second is the datamined dialogue people have been finding that reveal what is frankly a far better written game and more in-depth dialogue. some of it is still cheesy and marvel-esque, but theres so much MORE of it that shows a much more coherent vision for the plot that for some reason is just.... gone? and i have no clue why. idk if we will ever know this for sure, and it is genuinely difficult to pick out AI from any other kind of profit-focused corporate writing other than just.... intuition. you can often feel the lack of humanity within it. and considering we know what bioware writing feels like and its the reason so many of us are here on this website yapping about their stories and characters... and how veilguard feels like something is just missing... yeah. i dont think its outside of the realm of possibility

[thenexusofsouls]

Nuada wasn't much better in the coherence and focus department right now. He'd had way too much to drink and his thoughts were fuzzy, his mind was swimming, and he likely wouldn't remember half of what he said when he sobered up tomorrow. Honestly, he was probably in for a complete bear of a hangover from all of this, since not only had he drank to excess, he was also not used to doing so. Nevertheless, he was being vulnerable with Mantis, even if he was rambling and she wasn't really getting what he was saying anyway.

"No, that is not... that isn't the point," he said when she said it was okay that he lost his purpose and his way. "My purpose was not... lost because I wanted revenge, it was lost because... because there's no more use... there's... no one needs... warriors anymore. They're safe now. My people, they're... they're all safe. So what need have they for... for a... for warriors now? That's why I haven't a purpose," he tried to explain, although he wasn't really sure if, in all his rambling, he'd actually made his point. Oh well. Good enough, probably.

"Y-you think... there is good in me?" he suddenly keyed in on, his eyes going wide, almost innocently so, as he turned to look at her. "Thank you, Mantis," he said with such deep sincerity as though she had just paid him the world's greatest compliment. "There are not many... who feel... who think that way... about me," he said through the thick haze of inebriation.

He looked down at her hand on his knee and then lifted his gaze to hers, finding her staring at him. Gods, she had such beautiful eyes. And a beautiful smile. She was beautiful. He stared back, a warm smile coming to his lips. "You are... very pleasant to be around, Mantis," he said. "And pleasant to speak with, and to look at, and to sit beside." Were he sobered, he might have said all of that more eloquently, but then again, had he been sober, he might have elected not to say anything at all on the subject.

The way she was saying he had something to offer, and that he could find a new purpose, that it wasn't too late... Nuada was much too drunk to let his usual defensiveness or pessimism ruin the positive sentiments flowing from her words. Instead, he simply felt happy in that moment, and that was something he hadn't felt in a long time. "Perhaps I shall..." he said, "...knowing that you believe in me that I can." With that, he moved to lay his head on her shoulder, something he never did with anyone, really, but again... he was rather drunk. A soft sigh escaped him and he reached to lay his hand over hers on his knee.

She'd said he had so much to offer. He wished he had something to offer her specifically.

Going Knowhere || closed with thenexusofsouls

She was home. Mantis was finally home again. Not because Knowhere was her home as a place, but because home was where the Guardians were.

It had been two years since Mantis chose to bid farewell to the Guardians, leaving to find her own purpose while Quill left to return to Earth. The Celestial siblings had stopped running from their past, and it was freeing, as scary as the choice had been. Mantis had taken the three Abilisks with her… and the green seed Nuada gave her, of course.

Moments after landing, Mantis was greeted by some of the residents that lived on Knowhere. She rarely wanted to draw attention to herself, but she knew the three giant Abilisks would attract a few looks. Drax was all over her. He had picked her up at least three times to hug her, tightly squeezing Mantis until her eyes bulged from her skull. Part of the reason why Mantis had been at peace leaving his side was because now there were other children, children who needed him, after he spent years protecting Mantis since she reminded him of his daughter.

“Okay, Drax, enough! I want to say hello to everyone else,” she exclaimed, patting his back until he finally put her down.

Nebula, Kraglin and Adam hugged her affectionately, but soon enough Groot pushed them aside so he could hug Mantis, as well as Rocket. Cosmo licked Mantis’ face and Mantis giggled, patting the dog’s head. Cosmo was still the best girl in the galaxy.

When Mantis asked where Quill was, Drax told her he was still on Earth, but he wrote to the Guardians regularly to let them know he was okay. They were family, all of them, and they would always be.

“I say we throw a party tonight,” Rocket suggested. “You’re back, bug. We've gotta celebrate. What do ya think?”

“That sounds good! Thank you, Rocket,” Mantis said.

“Abilisks!” someone cried nearby, and collective screaming followed.

After reassuring everyone that the Abilisks were with her, lest panic took over all of Knowhere, Mantis asked the Guardians if they knew where Prince Nuada was. She had left without saying goodbye to anyone but the Guardians, and she wondered if Nuada would be angry with her. Rocket and Groot offered to look after her Abilisks while Mantis looked for the Elven Prince.

Mantis walked with more self-assurance than before. She no longer held her hands in front of her body, letting her arms swing at her sides instead. She was more poised now, secure in herself yet more mellow. Confident – but not unfriendly. As if her two years of complete independence had allowed her to grow more than her several centuries with Ego. She wandered over to the spot where Nuada was, following the direction Rocket had told her, and a few bark children appeared to say hello. Mantis smiled and waved at them. She remembered taking them to Knowhere shortly after bringing Nuada's people, as well as Mr. Wink. She never wanted Nuada to choose either his people or his friends; he could have both. She tilted her head when she spotted Nuada, and offered a polite smile.

"Hello," she said, trying not to make things awkward. "Good to see you," she added. "Okay, I know I left without saying goodbye, but... I already said goodbye to my friends, and I realized if I stayed a little longer to say goodbye to everyone, I would not leave. I would just think about how much I would miss everyone and stay. The seed is fine, by the way! I have been speaking to it regularly and making sure it knew it was a good seed. My Abilisks would keep it safe when I couldn't, so... yeah."

@thenexusofsouls

[elegyofthemoon]

guess what 🎟️

YAAAAAAAAY 🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂thank you!!!

Honestly it kinda makes me sad that there isn't a lot of stuff on Kallen around (maybe i'm just not searching in the right place :<), but I just loved and adored her character on first sight ngl. When my friend had first showed me "Thus Spoke Apocalypse", I feel like that was already the start of the downfall because the moment Kallen showed up, I was like "👀? oh? pretty girl? hi? hello?" and then I found out she dies so ASLDJFALSKJH

Of course! I didn't get a chance to really get to know her until I picked up Elan Palatinus AND SHES JUST SOOOOO COOL I'm particularly weak for characters that act like Robin Hoods, and her story in Elan Palatinus is kinda like that, trying to protect the weak + fighting against the corrupted church that she had vowed to fight for. I think it's also interesting too that this has been a childhood dream with her childhood friend to "save the world!!" but the more she grows up, the more the dream starts to get strained, and she finds herself questioning it a bit more, but she's bound to her oath to protect and I just alskdjfaldh

Kallen also runs away from the church after stealing some big secret they had been hiding - some powerful weapon of sorts - and it's so wild to me that despite being a traitor in the church's eyes, somewhere down the line of history, you'll wind up seeing that Kallen gets called "Saint Kallen," probably thanks to Otto being the leader of the church (Otto being her friend). The girl that no longer wanted anything to do with the church now being revered as a saint for the same church for her sacrifice later. She never asked for that. I don't think she'd want that, the same way that she probably never wanted Otto to revive her later.

ANYWAYS, on that note: Yae village arc! So at least to me, when I was getting into HI3rd and reading in the recommended reading order, the way that I have Kallen in my head was that by the end of Elan Palatinus, she swore to continue on her lonely path of the Kaslana oath -- that she must always walk alone in order to protect humanity because no one else could ever shoulder this burden but her. Being betrayed by her friend, it's hard to trust anyone/rely on anyone else to do it (at least that's the way I read it but it's been a bit so that might be obscured). So to me, I think Kallen was very much stuck in this idea that she must be the only one to bear this weight to save humanity, and that plays into how I interpret a lot of Kallen and Sakura's interactions. Maybe it's also because I can't understand love at first sight as someone who is on the arospectrum, but Kallen wanting to fight alongside Sakura so Sakura is not alone, the way my brain seemed to register it as, "Is Kallen saying this because she cares for Sakura as a person? Or is this part of the Kaslana oath that she had sworn herself to?" So there's a little bit of balancing between true affection vs obligations to duty when it comes to Kallen's feelings towards Sakura (in my perspective - i'm stressing on this bc i'm anxious forgive me asldfjh). But by the end of the arc, I think Kallen turns around and actually realizes her own feelings towards Sakura in the end, but she's still dutybound and she must protect everyone, even if it means sacrificing (or well not sacrificing but locking away) Sakura in order to do so.... It's just,,, really tragic and it's just 😭😭😭😭Man......

Anyways, Kallen!! I love Kallen. I also love Kallen and Sakura. I have my own thoughts regarding Sakura's feelings towards Kallen but this was just meant to be a Kallen brainrot post myeheh <3

[tornoleander]

Nya has the best writing out of anyone in skybound an I will not hear otherwise

(this is just a rant but I will finish my argument with evidence soon but I was feeling like yelling at phone)

Just watched a video completely butchering her character.

I’m fuming about Nya’s treatment in general like RRRRR SHE IS LIKE THE BEST WRITTEN. Most people I see talk about her never tried to see Nya’s motivation.

And because she’s grumpy and won’t take bullshit treatment. And a large part of the audience Treat her like she’s a brat for it like…

Her ark against all odds is great. The only reason so many people don’t get that is ALL because of the awful framing and them focusing on Jay at all the wrong times I PROMISE YOU.

The audience is made to focus on Jay’s feelings in moments that should’ve been about her.

Nya always thought she would end up with Jay like she said later on. She always loved him She wasn’t trying to hurt or play with his feelings but she had bigger problems, and she simply didn’t want to be dating him. Because she hated how that would make her be perceived. Which was the issues that she overcame by the end.

She is frustrated by way she’s perceived by the city. They only see her as her gender. A self insert of sorts. (There’s a scene about it first ep subtle but boils my blood) Not a person. She HATES IT.

BRRRR

Nya has A lot more going on like it was never her Job to walk on eggshells around Jays feelings. She was having a lot harder of a time that first episode but more screen time was dedicated to Jays moping about her.

Just AAA ggghg

LIKE EVERYONE REWATCH SKYBOUND AND FOCUS ON NYA Specifically. Ignore how much the narrative drags you to look at Jay. I swear Nya’s struggle is shockingly the most well written bit

[antiendovents]

I've been following you for a bit and noticed how you said your system has NPD (at least I hope, our memories can get mixed up and such)

I want to know a little more about the disorder if that's okay. Mostly, how it appears for systems.

If that's okay, that would be nice. My system has recently been trying to find ourselves out a little more now that we are getting help, and we think we show signs of it. -Citrus

yes, we do have NPD ^_^ don't worry you didn't get it wrong

So for us our alters sort of display the different kinds of NPD, I guess. We're all affected by it at different levels, most of us are covert Narcissists but some of us are overt (mainly the symptom holders)

we have different levels of empathy and different ways of expressing the symptoms, so it was a little hard to figure out that we had NPD, but after looking at the criteria we found most of us do have them just presented differently ((I feel like I've said that tons of times now))

For example, our alter, Achilles, is a symptom holder. He's very overt with his NPD, isn't afraid to state he thinks he's the best, often gets extremely defensive if people criticise him, ect. But our host, zim, is very covert, rarely ever speaks up or says he's superior even when he sort of(?) thinks so, he reacts badly when criticised but instead of having an argument with them like Achilles would, he just withdraws himself.

I don't know if any of this is helpful, but I hope you at least found some answer to your question ^_^

[tj-crochets]

Hey y'all! One more weird question for you, then it's back to craft updates. Well, okay, one more post with a few questions - if you sleep wrong and wake up sore/in pain, is that soreness A. your whole body B. bad muscle tension/knots and C. does it cause muscle spasms D. unrelated to previous injuries - also, does that soreness last more than a day? - does eating an truly absurd amount of salt significantly reduce muscle tension for you? Basically I am trying to figure out if sleeping wrong and it causing like multiple days of bad muscle pain and issues is common, or if it's something wrong with me or my bed*, and if the ridiculous amount of salt fixed the problem or if it was just a coincidence of timing, because if it's a salt thing it tells me which doctor I should talk to about it (the endocrinologist) Wait wait one more question: do your muscles ever get tense to the point where they do not want to function correctly, like "legs buckle out from underneath you" tense? Okay I was wrong, one more. Do you get muscle spasms in your temples, and if so, do they make you dizzy? *I mean I know there's something physically wrong with me. Several somethings. I am just trying to figure out if this in particular is related or just happens to everyone

[definitelynotshouting]

Hey! Your Hunger AU has me Fucked Up and I was wondering if you have any more specifics on what (potentially) the Life Series might have been like? Plus any particular reactions of the Hermits afterwards (and Grian’s own feelings)? I know this has already been asked but please answer if you have any more/other details, this is the angst point point that my brain is Fixed On

Oh my gods okay first of all thank you so much for the kind words and your even kinder comment on ao3, it genuinely made my day when i saw it, it was so nice 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 i took a screenshot and shoved it in the folder where i put all my other nice comments and now it is immortalized Forever ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

SECOND OF ALL this has been sitting in my askbox for way too long because i truly wanted to give like, a really nice thought-out and detailed reply to your question but alas after finishing chap 10 my brain is SOUP so thats,,, not happening anytime soon,,,, auaghh 😭😭😭😭😭 about all i can tell you are the broad strokes that in my head what happened was he sorta snapped mentally, asked people to join a secret game during the world's worst fugue state, fucked with their memory codes so they couldnt remember how or why they were on this unfamiliar server, and fed on their confusion and fear until things spiraled and the game had them truly believing their final deaths were permanent. Lifers' Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Vacation type beat 😭😭😭💀💀💀

As for reactions, i know each time they came back from the games they were VERY freaked out and traumatized, and for a few months afterward they'd feel incredibly paranoid until it tapered off back into normalcy, only for it to eventually happen again. Rinse and repeat

Grian's own feelings were pretty much a mix of horror, guilt, and disgust at himself-- but also a little bit of relief for being able to feed properly for once. Which, ofc, recycled itself right back into the disgust and shame. Mans was not having a good time over here either

Dksnksndke okay thats kinda all ive got for you rn, hopefully i can come back to this soon and give you a FAR more detailed rundown of what happened, how it happened, and how that impacted everything going on in canon, but for rn thats all ive got 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 CHEERS AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE LOVELY COMPLIMENTS!!! 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[eddis-not-eeddis]

Every time I sit down to watch anime some minor disaster happens and I can’t even finish one episode. Either I’m cursed or the Lord is trying to spare me.

[skitskatdacat63]

Boy King Seb :D

[braisedhoney]

please tell me about the pigments i would love nothing more than to hear you talk about that one shade of red you like and the process it took too recreate it

... oh, op. you have no idea what you've unleashed.

alright. here we go.

OKAY SO THE RED PIGMENT. pr206. my beloved. my dearest friend. it was an absolute bastard to find because there are so many of these. however many you think there are, there are MORE, and that's only if you don't count the many many scenarios where colors are known to be multi-pigment mixes, usually varying in tone/shade/intensity depending on the brand and manufacturing style. some colors are more consistent than others, but there are situations where a color can be named the same and contain the same pigments and STILL look wildly different depending on the ratio, binder, and paper you use. and that's not accounting for the way the pigment is processed. some pigments (like pv19 for example) can come in so many shades it's frankly kind of ridiculous.

anyway, my quest begins when i am, admittedly, in an edgier phase. i want a blood red, but not specifically because of that—no, i want it because it is THE IDEAL COLOR (to me) for a perfect, warm, slightly muted but still intense shade to add to a muted autumn watercolor palette. and... if you look at my whole theme, you probably know how much i love warm colors. i want to paint mushrooms. i want to dim down some of the brighter greens to make them autumnal. i want the perfect red to put as an undertone.

the search starts in earnest.

the immediate issue is this: reds (and purples and pinks) have horrifically bad lightfastness. not all of them, mind, but many are NOTORIOUS for fading under uv light, which means they will also fade if exposed to sunlight even in passing should it happen often enough. and—in especially bad cases where they're essentially working with dye and not pigment—they can even fade inside your notebook. inside of a drawer.

so not only are we working with an unfortunate pigment base (i'm simplifying here, there's way more nuance to this but shh) but we are working with one that skews heavily toward floral pinks or oranges. the red i'm searching for is warm, but not orange. dries dark but not brown. is transparent, not opaque. that last part is agonizing, because i also desperately do not want a color that will fade on me or generally destabilize, and most of the stable dark red pigments are EARTH pigments like red ochre (pr101) or the like. which, while fascinating because of their historical usage in things like pottery and even cave paintings that last to the modern day, are VERY OPAQUE. this is an issue with my preferred style of watercolor painting specifically, because opaque pigments tend to lift easier off the page and limit layering.

the search continues. pigment after pigment breaks my heart for one reason or another, drying too close to the cooler purpleish-red tint of wine at best. i think i find it in perylene maroon, but the drying shift (the difference between how a color looks wet vs after it dries on the paper) is so extreme that it loses the luminosity AND it's more opaque than most. i languish.

for a while my search turns to creation. i try and mix as many of my single pigment colors as i can into something that vaguely resembles what i'm looking for—so i take quinacridones and mix them with napthols, with nickel azos, with dashes of ultramarines and burnt sienna. everything turns out either just a bit too opaque, just a bit too muddy (that happens with multi-pigment mixtures, and is why so many people swear by single pigment colors. it's personal preference, really, great art can be made either way.)

still, nothing works. failure haunts me. i sit before a pile of used up watercolor paper that is literally covered edge to edge in nothing but similar red squares with various gradients and blooms as evidence of when i tried and failed to convince myself my efforts were close enough. i admit defeat.

in the meantime i shift my focus. i try and appreciate different color palettes and profiles, experimenting with things like fully transparent palettes (personal favroite) to fully opaque ones that function more like gouache. but despite finding appreciation for it, i still think about the damn red that i could never recreate. it kills me.

and then one day, a youtube video. a pigment is being discontinued, and the watercolor community is distressed. this happens a lot, because pigments are actually not always popular because of artists—sometimes beloved colors are put out of production because larger markets like car companies no longer find them popular enough to invest in. this time, the casualty is pr206, aka brown madder, aka quinacridone burnt scarlet.

let me tell you a little about quinacridones. they are genuinely remarkable colors. they have their own cult followings because of how bright and abnormally stable they are under uv light. they're transparent. they're luminous. they come in mostly shades of red and pink and purple, though there are a couple oranges and yellows in there. (there are no quinacridone blues, as far as i'm aware, but the phthalo blues have that category covered.) they also rewet beautifully, so you can put them on your palette and let them dry and not worry about it turning into a useless little rock of color that you can't get any pigment from anymore.

quinacridone magenta (pr122) is probably the most popular of these, the most often used besides maybe quinacridone violet (pv19). a few years prior we suffered the loss of quinacridone gold (po49) and since then people have been On Alert when it comes to losing these colors. i am one of them, because i never got the chance to even see po49 in person, and now the tubes are so stupid expensive that even the student grade versions go for Ridiculously High Prices on ebay, and the professional brands are being hoarded like (ironically) gold by anyone lucky enough to have a tube left over.

but back to our main character. not me, the pigment. pr206. i have legitimately never heard of this one, which to be fair is probably because i try to limit the random colors i fixate on since the hobby can easily get VERY expensive if you aren't careful. but it's a quinacridone, and that catches my eye.

i open the video.

now, i'm sure any artist out there will be familiar with the fact that screens don't display color consistently. it depends on your device, but most can agree that something that looks cooler on one may be warmer on the other, it's just what happens. but i see this color being swatched, and my brain implodes.

it's almost a perfect match.

it could work. it could. years of thinking that same thought have left me bereft and mistrustful of this specific quest marker, but the thought refuses to leave me. probably because the 'discontinued' label flashes like a neon sign.

i resist for about six months, and then i cave. at this point i have genuinely been trying and failing to find this color for upwards of five years. i am desperate, and the color might not be available anymore soon anyway, and apparently i am weak to sales pitches. (note: the color IS now unavailable in some brands, but others bought a decent supply and should have it available for at least a little while, alongside po48 which is quinacridone burnt orange, a favorite of mine and probably one of the only oranges i use regularly. both are discontinued officially, but they'll still be on sale till those supplies run dry.)

the color arrives. i grab my favorite brush. i pull out my stash of paper that i save for special occasions.

it's almost perfect.

i mix it with quinacridone burnt orange.

the result is, i swear, a perfect match for what i have been searching for.

it's warm. it dries dark but not dark enough to look brown. it keeps its luminosity (thank you quinacridones). it's fully transparent (thank you quinacridones). i genuinely feel the urge to weep, but i don't because i am clinging at last to the dredges of my sanity and also salt makes watercolor pigments behave differently and i will not risk this glorious moment. finally, after all these years, bill cipher has a gun i found the goddamn COLOR.

i mix it with warm yellows and with my favorite blues. with the pinks, just to laugh. life is beautiful and i am painting its sunsets, and i do not care if they look ridiculously messy. i have won.

the moral of the story is to never give up. or maybe it's to remember you never actually know everything about even the fields you love the most, because this color totally blindsided me despite being much more common than i expected. or maybe it's that i seriously needed to chill out for a while.

but yes. that is the tale of one (1) of the colors that has taken up residence in my soul. i hope you don't regret asking now lmao.

[hum--hallelujah]

the duality of my Dr. Benzedrine is that he's incredibly effective and ruthless at what he does (saving lives, need not concern himself with the consequences as long as the subject/victim/patient is still alive by the medical definition of the term) and he's terribly smart and has a great sense of humor, but he's also a rather confused, genuinely brain-damaged individual. like. he's scary when he's in his element, but when he's not, he sometimes can barely string a full sentence together, has panic attacks over loud noises, etc

[stormyoceans]

AAAAAAAAAAAAA

https://youtu.be/cSGe16e5iys?si=Bc7jQzdhEhhYSit1

THAMEPO REALLY SAID WE'RE BRINGING CAPITAL LETTERS TELEVISION BACK ON YOUR SCREEN AND WE ALL SAID THANK YOU FOR IT

im kinda side eyeing parbdee a lot after what happened with the trainee so im trying very hard to keep my expectations in check, but i'd be lying if i said i wasn't incredibly excited for this show, and if possibile i actually liked the official trailer MORE than the mock one. i think the first one was great in showcasing william and est's chemistry, and it has some great moments i do hope they kept, but this one?????? IM IN LOVE WITH IT

it just feels SO immersive and evocative, and im not sure if it's gonna reflect the overall directing style of the show, but i love how many wide shots there are in the trailer, the spaces feel like they're breathing their own lives and are swallowing the characters whole, giving such a sense of loneliness and intimacy and tension in a lot of them, im so curious to see how they're gonna be used. also!!!! so many back shots!!!!!! not sure if it's gonna mean anything but there are so many characters showing their back!!!!!!

this is probably making me sound extremely pretentious ;;;;;;;; but if there's one thing im sure we're gonna get here is QUALITY because parbdee does not play around with that. im just hoping the story is gonna be as good, because while on one hand im really curious about the group's dynamic and how po is gonna fit in there, im a little worried about the drama that shows about idols and celebrities in general are going to bring up, but i know that william and est are gonna serve on the romance department so

as you perfectly summed up, anon: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[llycaons]

I must imagine prev post's previous tag means 'I got into a playful discussion bc my coworker didn't like a staple food' and not 'I got into a literal argument because an adult expressed a food preference I do not share' bc like how do you argue about that. as an adult