#is sinister and the problem with how he's being written

[ofbreathandflame-archive]

Sometimes, I think about the absurdity of the UTM situation — but then, sometimes I think of it and it makes Rhys a much more sinister, albeit, more interesting character.

Like - the situation is this, initially:

Feyre is in her cell. She frazzled,dirty, but hasn’t quite had to experience any of the horrors of UTM, save for her bargained first trial. After her initial riff raff with Rhys, the guards are hypnotized to never touch Feyre, and she receives hot meals to her cell everyday. Rhys was also able to clean Feyre up multiple times as well. So far - excluding his other actions up to this point - we can characterize Rhys as opportunistic, cruel, but well-intentioned in these moments. I am not asking for him to be a purity princess, only that I can vaguely understand the motives to his actions, whether good or bad.

But then…

He then *willingly* chooses to take her out said cell, allowing Amarantha to remember Feyre. His only tangible reason for doing this was to…anger Tamlin. He already had explains that Amarantha has a shield that wards against physical attacks, so that explaination makes no sense. The only one that actually sticks is that Rhys is…jealous. There is no tactical explanation as to why Rhys would establish this safe-space for Feyre, only to immediately co-opt it. Think about it, at this point, Amarantha has forgotten Feyre even exists. If she was tangibly written, she could have played against Feyre’s time, allowing each trial to take place once every thirty or a fifty years. But I digress.

Anywho, Rhysand removed Feyre’s clothes, painted her, and gave her a linen scarf as a dress. The hot food be gives becomes inconsequential because the wine makes Feyre wretch up any all of the food she receives. She then has to sleep on the dirty ragged floor naked because those were all of the clothes she was given. And as Rhysand is breaking Feyre down, he also has the antidote. Now, Feyre isn’t surrounded by the quiet of her cell, or looking forward to the anticipation of a hot meal. She is anticipating (and more than not dreading) her eventual drugging SA.

The sinister part of this is that — Rhys becomes the author of all of Feyre’s sorrows, but then he also swoops in and provides solutions to the issues…he caused.

And it’s why the music scene is one of the most unromantic moments in this series if you stop and consider EVERYTHING. Feyre is sitting there, alone and naked. Exhausted after being paraded around by the Wraiths and having to bear info she has no power to stop. Rhys reads her mind, and then sends the music into her cell. But HE IS THE ONE who caused it in the first place. All of it. It’s so scary when you consider that Feyre was a human, with no mental shields. She was a legit open book and the book acknowledges that he read it alll. Like - even in Twilight - Edward could read everyone’s mind BUT Bella. She was a closed book for and that made her interesting to him. It built a sort-of boundary between them, which considering everything, was a good literary choice.

Rhys has all of this access, and knowledge of Feyre that she doesn’t even get the pleasure of telling him (or just letting him experience it). Like that moment where Feyre tells Rhys she was scared, and he retorts back “no you weren’t” is like…quite scary. Idk. It’s just so weirddd. And I’m not asking for these tidbits not to exist. I’m saying that the story never considers any nuance in these issues. Feyre is expressing that she felt these amalgamation of emotions upon seeing Rhys, but he just smiles and tells her how beautiful she thought her was. At one point, Rhys mad feyre so scared she pissed herself (or almost did - I can’t remember) and threw up. She was terrified, violated, and afraid. And Rhys knows this - and he never apologizes. I am not against the idea of Feysand, as many may assume, not inherently. My problem is, the sinister parts do not add nuance. There’s no discussion into Rhysand’s control issue, which is wrapped in a self-sacrificing package. His need to do everything is the exact same as Tamlin’s control issue - they are both very controlling. Rhysand cannot trust his inner-circle. He does nefarious things because he doesn’t trust them to do so even though they’re so supposed to be Prythan’s version of the Avengers. He makes Mor the queen of the CoN…but doesn’t actually trust her to do the job. What I’m saying is - instead of it leveraging Rhysand’s faults into a well rounded character, the book would rather just assume they don’t exist.

[headspace-hotel]

This year has, so far, been for me a series of rapid realizations of what I have been unlearning.

I went to the library. This was a couple weeks ago. I knew I needed to read a book, fiction. I hadn't done so in over a year and it was the longest period of time I had ever gone without doing so. I made a rule: I would only pick books I had never heard of, by authors I had never heard of, and I would not do any preliminary research or even bother to look at what the book was about. I would make my decision on whether to read or not purely on my impression of the title, cover and opening lines.

The book was The Connoisseur by Evan S. Connell. It was kind of a random selection. I sat down with it in a corner of the library and straight up devoured it. I tore through the book within a few hours, without taking a single break. I was captivated. I couldn't put it down.

It is a book about a guy who buys a Mayan figurine in a knickknack shop while he's on a business trip. and becomes obsessed with pre-Columbian sculptural art. There isn't really much of a plot apart from this. He goes to sketchy antique shows, has conversations with museum curators, wealthy art dealers and forgers, and seeks to learn how to distinguish a genuine pre-Columbian piece from a fake one. It was written in the 1970's, so the views on Native Americans are antiquated and sometimes offensive, and there is the troubling thread of the very concept of looting another culture's treasures and treating them as collectibles, though the book is not without commentary on this.

All the same, it was a completely intoxicating read. The vicarious experience of becoming fascinated with a topic and having it unfold a whole world for you was ferociously gripping, and so was the intrigue of the art collecting world itself. The frauds, forgeries, smuggling, museums, academics, aristocrats, auctions and seedy flea markets. Will he ever be able to tell if a piece is "real?" Does it matter if it's "real?" Why does he want to own and possess a piece of art, and how does its "realness" affect that desire? The book leaves you not knowing what to think.

It is a book about curiosity, portrayed in the narrative as a totally unreasonable lightning bolt that strikes a man who has never been fascinated by anything and changes him forever. Why? Why does a Mayan figurine, in particular, speak to him? Why does any piece of art, or any fascinating thing in the world, speak to anyone? It is unknowable.

I went to the library again. I picked a new book using the same rules. This book was Fragile Beasts by Tawni O'Dell. Just like the last time, I was totally captivated. I couldn't put it down.

Did I have a couple major problems with the portrayal of some important aspects of the story? Yes. (It would make the post much longer to discuss.) Was I completely captured by and invested in the story for the time I was reading it? Also yes. The book braids together several very different strands-- the story of a legendary Spanish bullfighter and a wealthy American woman that he loved, two brothers stuck in an ugly family situation after their father's death in a car accident, and a rich old heir to a Pennsylvania coal mining fortune and to the sinister underbelly of her family's business.

There was a lot about baseball, which I know nothing about, and bullfighting, which I know nothing about, and I certainly don't know anything about being a teenaged boy who resents and mistrusts his estranged mother, or an aristocratic old lady who lives in a mansion and eats fancy Spanish food. It was fun to experience so much unfamiliar stuff and to care about things I wouldn't normally care about. Once again I couldn't stop reading until I had finished it.

I don't know that either book was "good," though I thought they were both well written; I just know that reading them was like being hooked up to an IV of something essential and life-giving and feeling it reanimating my body.

It had been a year since I had read any fiction, but it had been much, much longer since I had loved to read. As I became an adult I had become picky and critical about books, and developed a highly sophisticated sense of my taste and the books I considered good- which were very rare. My taste in books became so sophisticated, eventually, that I didn't like books at all anymore.

I had almost withered away from deficiency of that essential nutrient known as STORY. I'd almost crumbled myself into dust from pretentiousness! I may have been terribly wrong about the kinds of things I liked to read, on top of it. And I certainly hadn't realized that story was such an essential nutrient.

"Just entertainment" the pretentious sorts of people might say of a book they think is useless-- but what is entertainment but to absorb your mind in something, and what is absorbing your mind in a book but to experience things you would never have experienced? It expands you and makes you more complicated. It is the study of human existence itself.

Now all I have been able to think about today is finishing my work and going to the library again...

[fairestbeard]

Something in the way she waits

I keep trying to flesh out the reason we, and me in particular, feel such a discomfort with the presence of Claire. And, yes, I have no problem with admitting that I'm biased against her because that is the truth. But I try to make my judgement based on the general flow and pacing of the show and how Claire kind of brings a mostly unwelcome disruption to it.

Now, just to be clear, there's nothing inherently wrong with just being there for someone or being "available". Some people read it that way but I don't. I think her behavior could work and even be useful with certain kinds of people (and who knows whether it's even written to work with Carmy) but it doesn't work with most of us. And it's deliberate in my opinion.

She gives that energy of I'm not going anywhere and not in a good way (to us at least). There has always been this feeling of going somewhere in the show and there's always movement happening. It could be break-neck fast, it could be a slow and easy flow but there's always movement. Carmy, especially, doesn't wait for anything and for someone who accuses other(s) of being impatient, he seems to be the most impatient person. So you would think that someone appearing to stop him in his tracks, as it were, would feel more becoming. But with Claire it feels more stall-y than taking a breather. Now, that's not her fault. I repeat, it's not her fault . She is who she is, but it's Carmy's interaction with that notion that makes it disorienting.

As a not so much of segue, one hilarious bit in their interaction on their initial meeting is this part where she declares, "because you're the bear and I remember you", it gave wanting to take it somewhere big. Somewhere ta-da! She looked like she was going for that aha moment from her body language the way I read it

but his reaction was the embodiment of and nobody moved...

I always burst out laughing anytime I get to this part because I've seen a lot of clairecarmy fans hail this moment as him being so deeply touched and even shook by that reveal of hers but the way his face screams

"the fuck does that even mean?"

After this bit, when she gets no real reaction from him, she awkwardly moves to the next goal- getting his contact info. In a perfect world, it would be more enthusiastic since she just rocked his world but here it just felt like painfully gnawing for somewhere to go. Then he gives her a fake number and we know the rest of the story.

BUT THE END OF THE SCENE... She finally gets what she wanted; his contact, even though she didn't know it was a fake one. Then she just... stays there! This was a chance meeting right? She did come there to get something or for her own needs right? So why does she just relax more in that waiting position like she had nothing else to do? Especially with the finality to Carmy's "okay" delivery which to me looks like a polite dismissal. In an ideal scene after she (or they) reach that point, she'd promise to reach out and go about her business- the business that brought her here in the first place, while he looks on or contemplates or whatever. But she just hangs there after what seems like a conclusion with that "bingo!" smile.

This image of waiting pervades every interaction they have. The way she, even though she's supposed to have a chaotically full life, seems to be developing her whole persona around waiting for Carmy to choose her, to go there with her. And there doesn't feel like where Carmy really wants to go? It's like that person that doesn't actively push you in one direction but does, in the sense that, they quietly wear you down with their presence till you choose anyway and usually what they want.

I've heard a lot of people say "if the roles were reversed" Yes! If the roles were reversed it would stick out as more grating and more sinister. Because if it's a man it should be more grating because it is more sinister. If the roles were reversed we would immediately fear for Carmy's actual life but we know in this case we don't have to in the visceral way we would. Nobody is expecting Claire to wait around a corner for Carmy with a scalpel in her hand or anything like that. And even if she did mention it and Carmy could be said to have taken it at least a little seriously (with the way he initially looked spooked by Sammy's appearance in season 3), no one is expecting her to actually sic the Faks on him. Not that these things can't happen but we don't expect it. Naturally.

But that doesn't make her any less annoying or unnerving. I always react to Claire scenes with a tired sigh or an eye roll or an exasperated laugh. She wears me down. She tires me out. She straight up bores me. No matter how much I try to watch her scenes with understanding, that coy, expectant gaze drives me up a wall. The way she always has different versions of that look, even in Carmy's panicked flashbacks.

For some reason, her whole presentation feel like a parody of something. Like a cheesy highschool romance flick you only see once. Like that cheesy highschool romance flick where the pretty temptress-esque classmate at the party gives a (usually more enthusiastic) naive plain boy sultry inviting looks, while he, enraptured, slowly follows her down a dark path to a corner where he is suddenly mercilessly gutted with a scalpel by a masked assailant and you quickly realize you were actually watching a horror movie.

(I'll circle back to this imagery in a different meta)

I don't think Claire was written to be taken seriously. And if we are watching her from Carmy's point of view, I don't think he ever took her seriously in any capacity. Because the way she seems to have no depth at all even though she's supposed to be this bad ass, big deal, life changing character in Carmy's life. The way she feels kind of like a caricature. It's almost unfair. But there's a reason she's there, and I don't think she was brought in just to scare the sydcarmies. I have a feeling she plays a bigger part in Carmy's story and we'll have to brace for it. It might even be interesting.

Hopefully it's not anything silly like an endgame.

[saijspellhart]

Things I liked about the Netflix ATLA and some critiques:

Before you read. Please go watch the series, take off your blinders and keep an open mind. It’s surprisingly good. This review has spoilers.

They reordered some scenes so that emotional moments would have a larger pay off. Like getting to see and experience Aang’s relationship with Monk Gyatsu, and seeing his tribe before it was destroyed. So when he has his breakdown in the air temple with Sokka and Katara later, you really feel and understand his agony.

Azula is introduced earlier, with a story running simultaneously with the Aang’s journey but not involved with his. So she has a chance to be more fleshed out and explored before she becomes a major threat. Only time will tell if this more complicated Azula comes close to the animated one. Big shoes to fill, but not a bad start.

Fire Lord Ozai plays a more sinister and oppressive role. Not a faceless boogeyman anymore. You get to see his machinations and the cruel games he’s playing with his family, and see the emotional abuse that warps them.

Appa is adorable as fuck, and so is Momo. So well animated, such gorgeous care put into them.

Kyoshi, Kuruk, and Roku make more of an appearance. With Kyoshi narrating the prologue. And if you loved the novels you’ll see they incorporated more of Kyoshi and Kuruk’s backstory from the novels than what we saw in the animated cartoon.

The acting was competent, even if a little wonky at times. I found Sokka very endearing, I loved the kid they cast as Aang and you can tell they really tried to find a balance between serious and playful. They didn’t always hit it, but the effort was there.

Zuko was great. I think they nailed him and he had great chemistry with the actor playing Iroh.

King Bumi was great, I love how they made his internal struggles more complex. He wasn’t just a crazy old man anymore. He was a crazy old man who was weary and worn down by the horrors of loss and war. A crazy old man who struggled to reconcile that the best friend he lost is the avatar and wasn’t there for him.

I loved the costume and set design. It was like stepping into the actual world of ATLA. Cities were complex and well constructed. Every setting was incredible and the attention to detail was intense.

Zuko’s boat is full of artifacts he pilfered from the Air Nomads while hunting for the avatar.

They changed how Aang got the bison whistle so it makes more sense and fits more seamlessly into the story. It never made sense why a random peddler would be selling a bison whistle if air nomads and bison have been gone for 100 years. Not impossible for a peddler to do, but not probable. The Netflix series actually gave more meaning for the artifact and changed how Aang received it.

Emotional points in the show are now more intense and brought me to tears.

Commander Zhao is more competent and conniving, and his presence felt more dangerous and less comedic.

Sokka’s outright sexism was changed from putting girls down, to just manly machismo, talking himself up. Not gone, but not degrading. They decided to let the sexism message shine more prominently with the northern water tribe, rather than tackle it twice with Sokka too. (Sokka’s sexism being solved in one episode was never well written to begin with. And the animated series quickly forgot about it and moved on to him tackling more important issues, like his being a non bender inadequacy, his leadership journey, his physical combat journey, and him finding himself as more than just the funny sarcastic guy.) For time constraints, it was better the Netflix series did not to tackle the same problem twice, especially when you might not have the resources to give both sexism issues the gravity it deserves. By focusing the sexism problem to the northern water tribe they were able to give Katara more attention.

We got to see Katara’s water-bending go from being ultra sloppy and weak to badass. It feels like they are spending more time focusing on her developing into a warrior rather than being the mom of the group. I’m honestly not sad about it. She’s still the hope ridden, emotional glue, but now it feels like she explores that warrior side a little deeper. It felt so earned when she got the title of master at the northern water tribe finale.

The actor playing uncle Iroh nailed the role. I couldn’t think of a better live action adaptation of Iroh. I love him so much.

The shirshu looks fucking phemonal.

Koh was scary as fuck and I love it. They really nailed his horror elements. Even if I’m a little sad that they changed some things about his face stealing. (He eats faces now to steal them, rather than stealing when someone shows emotion.)

The three actresses who play Mei, Azula and Tailee actually look appropriate for their age. Since they are introduced earlier, they are clearly younger, and since this show is intended to get more seasons, the casting choice made sense as we are intended to watch these girls grow up over the course of the entire show. These actors will get older, and the characters will get more menacing and sharper. It’s great. It’s thoughtful. I love it.

We get to see Zuko’s dynamics with his crew more. And find out that he did more than just speak out against his father at that meeting. His outburst at that meeting saved an entire squad of soldiers, and they don’t even know it. Zuko feels such disdain and bitterness because of the situation, and his crew doesn’t even know why. It’s so complex, you can see how the abuse Zuko endured causes him to take out his anger on his crew, and in turn they are bitter back. And it’s this cycle, that festers. But the crew also grows with Zuko, they change and evolve as he evolves. And it’s such a delight to watch.

They could have cut the Secret Tunnel minstrels altogether, given the time constraints and that the episode was mostly fluff in season two. A fun romp, but not necessary. But the creators knew people loved the minstrels so they found a way to use them anyway. Because they knew they were special. I am thankful for that, even if they show up waaay earlier than they should.

I was honestly more sold on Sokka and Suki’s relationship in the live action. It’s was so adorkable. Do I wish it had more time to develop? Yeah, of course I love a good slow burn. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t fun as hell watching the two flirt so badly with each other. Sokka being a buffoon, and Suki overstepping and being too rough, before realizing she was being too hard.

Some Critiques:

They reordered some episode storylines to happen at the same time, and while it does bloat some episodes. it’s understandable due the episode and budget limitations. In the cartoon, during the inventor episode Katara didn’t have a lot to do, and during the freedom fighters episode Sokka didn’t have a lot to do. So they ended up combining both stories into one hour long episode in the live action, so that both Katara and Sokka would be involved in something. Is it the best? No. But it makes sense. I get it.

Katara starts off bland in the first episode and it takes a bit for her to grow into the character.

The past avatars can be a bit strong with the doom and gloom, and I wish they’d toned that back.

Koh and Heibei (I dunno how to spell the panda spirit’s name) got combined to the same episode, and Koh stole Heibei’s spotlight. Again, I understand why these got combined, but I think it could have been handled a little better and Heibei should have gotten more closure.

There should have been a ninth episode, placed between the two episode Koh storyline, and the Northern Water Tribe storyline. Why? Because the Koh storyline was really heavy and intense. And it leads right into the season finale. An extra ninth episode should have been added with a more lighthearted tone. Something to ease the tension between the two very intense storylines.

Aang should have been using a glider to flit about the temples in the first episode. But it’s not something that ruins the whole show. It was a dumb that only happens in a single episode in the season.

I really missed Momo and Appa’s presence. They appeared atleast once in every episode, but it was still sad they weren’t more of a presence. Again I understand why. They were so beautifully animated that everytime they were on screen it (without a doubt) cost the production thousands of dollars. They were generous including as many of the unique animals and creatures as they had.

I still don’t think Sokka had enough time to develop a relationship with Yue at the northern water tribe. It was rushed and contrived in the animated version, and it was rushed and contrived in this Netflix version. There also wasn’t any of the chemistry like Sokka had with Suki to make the whirlwind romance work. I never liked the romance from the original, and I wasn’t a fan of it here. But that’s ok, because it’s such a small and insignificant thing.

In conclusion most of the changes I can see made were due to budget, and episode limitations. The creators were clearly trying to bring theater-cinematic quality to what was essentially an eight hour long film. And you cannot deny that this show is stunning. Absolutely breathtaking. Most of the episodes cut were filler, and while hilarious and mostly loved by fans, were stories not as necessary in the grand scope. You could feel the love and appreciation the creators included in this series. It wasn’t soulless, it wasn’t a heartless cash grab, it wasn’t a shot for shot (thank god) but it also didn’t butcher the source material.

I understand that the animated show creators had creative differences with the live action Netflix adaptation creators. But that doesn’t mean that the Netflix series completely failed. As every fanfic writer out there knows, the original authors are not going to love what you create based on their works. Tolkien hated every adaptation of his works, HATED them. But no one is going about saying that the Lord of the Rings trilogy movies were hot garbage. A creator doesn’t have to endorse a project for it to be good.

Netflix ATLA is good, it’s not perfect. And it never was going to be perfect. The cartoon it was based on wasn’t perfect either. But the ATLA cartoon was definitely some huge shoes to fill that set a bar very high. Any adaptation was going to struggle to be just as good.

I think the Netflix adaptation was a treat and a pleasure to watch. I think people should go into it with an open mind and see that it’s not trying to replace the cartoon. It’s a love letter to the cartoon.

PS: According to behind the scenes commentary on the Nickelodeon ATLA cartoon, the reason we didn’t get a season 4 was because the creators wanted a live action film. Nickelodeon offered the original cartoon creators the option to make season 4 or to spend the budget meant for season four on a live action ATLA film. The original creators chose the live action film directed by M. Night Shamalan. They wanted a live action for their show over a 4th season. They had no idea M. night would butcher their baby with his pathetic film all those years ago.

This show was a second chance after the M. night abomination. And you know what? It’s a pretty decent adaptation. And guess what? With a resurgence of interest in the series, we are getting more animated content for the original animated series. There’s definitely something for everyone on the horizon if this succeeds.

[808airsoftbros]

Obsessive Step Mother (Bae Suzy)

Author: A yandere oneshot I've written in Wattpad. Hope you all enjoy it and if you want to see more of my works do check out the Masterlist.

To whoever reads this,

I've completely lost count of how long it's been since my stepmother imprisoned me inside our home without any means to contact the outside world.

However, the only way I could eat it was with my stepmother Bae Suzy or her butler delivering me food, it was delicious and nice which helped make my prison more bearable but regardless, I'm always finding ways to escape.

But leaving this hellhole isn't going to be easy or simple as there are security cameras all over the manor and outside. All the windows and the doors are always locked and even if I managed to lockpick the door the alarms will go off as soon as I step foot out of the mansion.

I've learned all of this from my previous attempts of escaping and I was met with harsh punishment by Suzy. Consequences went from being locked into solitary or the basement, nearly starving me to death, and rape.

Yeah, my stepmother doesn't play games or joke around too much, Suzy and I go way back into my childhood days. It all started when my Appa and Eomma had officially divorced due but I don't know the reasons as I was too naive, Appa had decided to remarry and hooked up with Suzy.

What my Appa found bizarre was how addicted and attached Suzy was to me, she wouldn't leave me alone nor let me out of her sight for a millisecond.

At first, Appa didn't think too much about it for a while until I entered high school, and things started to get concerning.

My Stepmother had forbidden me from dating any girls or barely any freedom at all, of course, I kept on protesting and arguing but it all ended with severe repercussions.

My Appa finally had enough of it and attempted to file for divorce for such erratic parenting but Suzy had clever tricks up her sleeve and it turned out that Suzy had sinister plans in mind.

She hired a hitman to assassinate my Appa and inherit all of his income and the whole manor, thus leaving me in her care.

That's basically how I'm here trapped in confinement for a while, I'm currently about 18 years old and I thought being an adult would grant me freedom from this prison but I was more than wrong...

When I tried to start a new life from scratch, I worked at a local grocery store far from home but somehow her bodyguards managed to catch me and bring me back here.

That's all I have to say for today...

Y/N's POV

Concluding writing in my journal for today, I heard a soft knocking on the door meaning it was time for dinner.

The door slowly opens revealing my devil of a stepmother, holding a tray of food and drinks for the two of us.

"Dinner is ready, darling, I hope you're hungry~." She said to me before putting it down on the table.

Looking at the plates of food on the tray, it appears to be curry with rice, ramen, and Korean beef.

Each dish looked delicious and mouth-watering as my stepmother knows how to cook well, she places a towel napkin on my lap and tucked one in the collar of my shirt to avoid getting any crumbs or small spills on my clothes.

"Now, open wide~!" She instructed me as she scooped up some Korean beef and I did what she asked before she feeds it to me.

The beef tasted delightful as always just like the rest of her food, she continues to feed me like a delicate and fragile child.

With each bite I took out of her hand, she watched me like a predator eyeing her prey making eating unpleasant.

It was obvious she has serious mental health problems but I doubt she couldn't give a shit about it as long as I remain here.

After we were finished with dinner, it was time for my stepmother's special dessert, she called in the butler to pick up the dirty dishes on the tray, and once he had taken away the plates for us, he left us alone in my room.

My stepmother goes up to the door and locks it to make sure that I don't try to flee, she was wearing a black bathrobe and she gave me an evil smirk before slowly walking towards me.

"I hope you're not too full, honey because it's time for dessert~." She said to me before removing the bathrobe revealing her lingerie.

Her smooth and silky skin was literally to die for as she takes good care of herself just for her precious stepson.

"On the bed, sweetie and mommy will take good care of you~." She instructed me and I quickly got onto the bed by instinct.

Crawling on the bed towards me, she takes off all of my clothes leaving only underwear before cuffing me to the bed frame.

"You love how mommy takes control of you, huh~? Good, because I love it too~." She whispered to me before attacking my neck leaving hickeys all over it.

One of her kinks is to leave marks on her territory because of how lovesick she is but there's nothing I can do nor do I have a say in anything.

"Oh, one more thing, mommy has something to put on you~." She informed me before revealing a pink collar and my eyes widened in terror.

Putting on the collar around my neck, she latched on a leash as well putting her in a position that allows complete dominance over me.

Seeing no point in the handcuffs, she takes them off before tossing them aside in my room and she places my hands on both of her breasts.

"Now, shall we enjoy ourselves~?" She proposed to me and I nodded.

"I want an answer, baby boy~." She demanded me in a sweet but psychotic tone and I gulped.

"Y-Yes, mommy," I answered her and she smiled.

TIMESKIP

Last night left me all exhausted because of how sexually demanding she was and my legs are bloody sore.

My snowballs have been utterly drained out and I have bruises in places that I thought were impossible.

But I knew all the hell and torture is far from over, as my stepmother has more ideas planned in her agenda.

I have no idea if she was actually safe or not but I believe she would one day want to have my kids. Whether or not it's true.

Today, she was out for another business meeting in a foreign country leaving only her butler,  maids, and bodyguards to watch over me.

Once again, I tried to escape but of course, everything is sealed off and there are eyes in every corner leaving no options for a stealthy escape.

However, there were many tools and resources I can utilize thanks to my training in boy scouts as they taught me to be resourceful and I can make do with anything like ropes, tape, lamps, you name it.

Searching around the room, I found the handcuffs from last night, there was a lamp and drawers full of my clothes.

The door was locked but I had an idea as I looked in my closet to find a broken vintage fan, I yanked off one of the metal blades and used it to pry open the door.

Getting outside of my room, and rushed to the security office to avoid detection by the cameras as they rotate periodically.

Knocking on the door, the guard opens up and I ambushed him before going inside to shut off the cameras and security alarms.

Finally, I got to the front entrance when the coast was cleared and got the door opened with no problems but I was caught by one of the bodyguards.

"Mister Bae, please return to your room this instant!" The guard ordered me and I grabbed a vase.

Throwing the vase with all my might, it landed a direct hit on his head causing him to fall on the floor unconscious.

Walking out of this hellhole, I made sure that the tracker was taken off before I left the manor for good.

Finally, I was free from my stepmother and I begin a new life without her always breathing down my neck.

I grabbed some money from her office so I can buy some food and clothing to last me until I find a job.

Taking a taxi to town that is the furthest from the mansion, I stopped in the middle of a city that is unknown to me but I was excited.

When I thought everything is going well for me, I happened to spot a black luxury SUV parked on the curb beside me.

The window rolls down and I was surprised that I had coincidentally been caught by my stepmother and boy she wasn't too pleased to see me here.

"Y/N, get in the car... Right. Now." She coldly ordered me but I sprinted the fuck out of there and ran deep into the crowd where it will be harder to find me.

I can hear the guards chasing after me but I hear the chatter as they were having a difficult time trying to locate me but I was smarter than them.

Going into a clothing store, I bought some clothes and changed into another outfit to blend in with the crowd.

The idea had worked when the bodyguards had walked past me like I was a nobody to them leaving me free from my stepmother's grip.

From that point on, I started a new life without her by working at a big office building as an office clerk.

A few months passed by and so far everything was going great until I had gotten a meeting with a client.

"Hello, you must be Miss Bae, right...?" I asked until I had looked right at the woman making me freeze.

Getting a closer look at her, I realized that Miss Bae, the client I was supposed to meet turned out to be my stepmother.

"Hehe, thought you could get away this time, did you~?" She asked me as she stood up from the chair.

"Well, shit..." I muttered to myself.

[loveundrwrld]

(ex) bully x fem reader oneshot

i tried to make sure new readers could understand the situation, but you can read his intro here for context if you'd like.

(cws: stalking, yandere shenanigans, reader has been bullied by the yan in the past and struggles with some trauma from it)

you’ve been stalked for a while by someone from your past. and to your horror, he seems to be finally making the move to approach you…

you aren’t doing so well. every day you feel your skin crawling, feeling someone’s gaze on you.

you’ve always had issues with feelings of anxiety ever since high school. for a long time, you’ve been skittish and untrusting of people, especially men. you know that you can take something small and your mind quickly spirals, turning a small problem into something huge in your mind.

and initially you were concerned that this was what was happening now. that your brain was connecting small things from your life together into something a sinister pattern.

unfortunately, this time… you think you are right to be afraid.

lately, every once in a while when you look behind your back you can see someone following behind you in the distance. someone with their face hidden in a scarf or wearing a dark hoodie. at first you think its just a coincidence... but, the person is always looking in your direction. and in some way or another, they’re always disguised.

later on, you check your mailbox, and there’s always a letter there waiting for you.

you knew it was from your stalker. you didn't really have any friends, and nobody in your family had that kind of handwriting you saw on the envelope.

you didn’t read the letters at first, afraid of what could be in them. in your mind, it would only solidify your fears of what was happening. you could deny that you were being stalked, chalk the person following you as just a coincidence- but seeing it written out in front of you would make it all feel real.

eventually, though, you decide that you need to read them. when you did, you realize with a sinking feeling that your stalker was the very person you wanted to avoid the most.

it's tanner- the person who made your life at school a living hell for you. all of the details and context that he’s sprinking in make that very clear that it’s really him.

it's hard to read, and not just because you feel disturbed by them. they're almost incoherent, his handwriting nearly chicken scratch as he is clearly writing them quickly and desperately. the letters themselves also seem to be just stream-of-consciousness too. from what you can make out of it, it’s absolute insanity- ramblings about how he could hurt himself if it pleases you, desperate pleadings for you to please, talk to him.

you think he's likely trying to mock you or scare you with his words of praise and obsession. you doubt that he's genuine in his intentions- though you don't doubt at all that he's obsessed with you. he’s taunting you by letting you know that he knows, you’re sure of it. his letters are simply too well timed- and have too many… ‘coincidental’ questions that relate to what happens in your life. you feel nauseous with fear thinking of him coming back into your life and tormenting you once again.

you try to go to the police with what you've seen, but nothing happens. no matter what you say, the police seem to not be willing to hear you out. to them, you sound paranoid… even though you tried to show them the letters, they still didn’t think it was worth their time. "well, he hasn't hurt you yet, right?" they would say. it would take you being kidnapped or dead for them to care, you realize.

you tried your best to ignore the pit of fear and uneasiness growing in your stomach and simply went to work.

your shift at work felt long. despite trying to calm yourself down and think of other things, you still kept thinking about tanner. your mind reminded you that you probably would not even be able to recognize him from all the years it’s been since you’ve last seen him- memories tend to distort and fade after time.

what if he wasn’t only trying to stalk you from afar, but he was actively trying to get close to you? it could be possible, your mind reasoned. he could’ve been the grocery store cashier, the neighbor next door who said hello to you, anybody. he could be any number of the customers you see walking into the store you work at.

all throughout the day at your workplace whenever a customer surprised you by walking too close behind you, or tapped you suddenly on the shoulder, you were certain that it was going to be him.

but, in the end, nothing happened. and just as you did every day, you needed to head back home.

it's pouring outside, and you're walking back out of the subway station. you look behind you, and someone in a black raincoat is walking quickly behind you. he turns his head a bit to the side and you see a flash of blonde hair sticking out of his hood.

you start walking faster- it has to be him.

just like you remembered- blonde hair, tan skin, tall, and lanky.

he’s closer to you than he’s ever gotten, and you don’t like that he feels confident enough now to change up his routine.

you walk quicker, turning left. but he's still right behind you, walking close behind.

you see someone close by your apartment stairs, a tall man with a shaved head wearing a long coat over a suit- you rush near him, hoping that the prescence of another man would deter your stalker.

it does not work, it seems- he keeps looking at you with some sort of strange desperation in his eyes.

you grab the stranger in the suits arm. you look over at his shirt- seeing a badge for the nearby bank on the front of his shirt. a security guard who just got off work, you think- he’s perfect.

the man in the raincoat gets even closer to you now, his brows furrowing. he opens his mouth as soon as he sees your hand on the other man’s arm.

"you're the person who lives in room 509, right? i need to-"

"hi, honey- did you wait long?" you ask, looking up at the man in the suit with a nervous smile.

he freezes, looking at you with wide eyes. in a few seconds though, he calms down and returns your smile.

"no, i didn't," he says, looking down at you with a sweet look.

he turns and looks at the man in the raincoat with furrowed brows, his voice immediately dropping. "is this guy bothering you?"

you freeze, not expecting him to address him directly. but you simply tug on his arm, trying to direct his attention away from him.

"don't worry about him, honey, just come inside."

he gives you a warm smile and opens the door for you, closing it quickly. he laughs softly at an alarmed sound coming from outside the door. you drop your shoulders, relaxing now.

once you’ve calmed down you feel a bit bad that you don’t recognize him- you haven’t been the best at being friendly to your neighbors.

you give the man in the suit an appreciative smile, wanting to show that you’re grateful for him playing along with your story.

“thank you for helping me! i don’t know what i would’ve done if you weren’t there.”

he looks down at you and gives you a confused look, but he smiles brightly.

“you're a sweet girl. no need to thank me for anything.”

he moves towards the elevator and you follow him. he presses the up button for you, and looks back at you with a bit of a blush on his face.

you look down where he was looking, and you blush as well. you didn't realize that the rain had soaked through your shirt, causing it to cling to your chest. you adjust your jacket, buttoning it up.

you two wait for the elevator, and he shifts a bit closer to you.

“what happened, by the way?” he says softly, looking at you curiously. “you seemed shaken up. did he ever do something to you?”

you nod, hesitantly.

“something like that,” you say, a bit bitterly.

he looks down at you with a concerned frown, and you two walk into the elevator together. you press the “5” button on the keypad.

"you should be careful. he lives in the floor above you. room 609," he says to you, his voice dropping a bit, becoming low.

he puts his hand on your shoulder, and you flinch a bit instinctively.

“do you need me to do anything to him? maybe... pay him a visit?”

you look at him with wide eyes, becoming uneasy. you slowly shake your head.

"no... you don't have to do anything."

“no, y/n, i do. if anything happens to you, it’s my fault.”

you freeze, taking a step back instinctively. there isn't much room for you to move- your back hits the back of the elevator.

you’ve never told him your name.

“… your fault?” you say, warily.

“i should’ve been more careful. i don’t know what he did… but i should have been there. he must’ve gone after you after he got my letter to you by mistake. it’s my bad handwriting that got you into this mess.”

you remember now that the address of the letters… the messy “5” he wrote for your room number looked awfully like a “6.”

the elevator door opens, and suddenly the man- tanner, you realizes, turns to you. his guilty frown turns into a small smile.

“well, anyways, no need to worry about him. it’s a good thing that i was there that time, right, honey?”

[sweetshelluvaau]

Taking a break from doing Helluva Boss redesigns to do some Hazbin Hotel ones because my brain was screaming inside telling me to draw Lilith which ended up be deciding to drawing Lucifer as well! I Also finished up my redesign of Charlie but I'm gonna give them their own dedicated post

Like always, notes under the cut. Drawn in Clip Studio Paint and with Photoshop CS6 for final touches. Okay to reblog, Feedback is encourage.

About the canon designs and personalities:

Lucifer: Honestly, I don't mind Lucifer's design too much outside of the fact it falls under the typical Viziziepop's Twink she likes to draw. I do think overall, the Ringleader idea she was going for is there, sorta. That being said: I have it out for that top hat. Not necessarily the fact he's wearing one he's one of the few characters I don't mind wearing one more than the accessories with it. Between the stupid crown, snake and apple it just...doesn't work for me.

As for his portrayal in the show: I happen to like Lucifer in Hazbin I think he's a fun character even though I do have problems as I'm about to address. Jeremy Jordan seemed like one of the few voice actors that sounded like he was having fun playing his character suppose to just being there for a paycheck (I mean, he was there for that but still). I know people complain that he sounds too young which I do agree I do think Jordan could have gave him a slightly deeper voice along with his design looking as if he was a bit older; but considering that he's over, what? Eons years old with an angelic background, I'll give it a pass.

I'm iffy on his backstory, or at least how it's handled in the show. Lucifer being an 'innocent' dreamer with good intentions doesn't necessarily bother me too much and his punishment for giving humanity freewill has an irony to it so no problems there. However I do have problems with how as the character that's suppose to be the cause of all sin, the fucking Devil himself and the ruler of Hell; isn't treated like such. Yeah I know he misses his wife Tails, he misses her a lot but c'mon man, you're the King of Hell and The Sin of Pride! In the pilot he seemed to have a more sinister, or at the least threating presence from the little we saw of him.

Also, you took the Pride out of the Sin of Pride? Where's his bite? What are you doin' Viv!?

This is a problem I have with Helluva as well where the Sins, or at least the case for Bee and Ozzie season two onward is that the show is too afraid to make even the more lax, 'nicer' of the Sins not being threating or a bit of dicks sometimes Mammon withstanding because Vivienne is worried that she'll risk them coming across as unlikeable which is bullshit considering how people love asshole characters when they're written right or are fun. Helluva's Mammon is proof right there the fandom love him and Ozzie, as brief as it was in Season One had a banger of a 'villain' song where he and Fizz drag three of the main cast member's sex lives just because he fucking can and says he dislikes 'lovely dovey' crap which is a bit hypocritical considering how much he smitten with his Jester Boyfriend (You two were all touchy and that nuzzle at the end they aren't fooling anyone lol) why did you take away their bite and turned Fizz into such a wimp I miss my little chaotic gay gremlin man... but I'm getting a head of myself.

I don't mind Lucifer and by extension the Sins themselves NOT being evil; in fact I like the idea of them being morality dubious/having questionable morality along with them having a bit of 'humanity' to them, makes them more interesting as characters, but to take away their bite or having 'good' sins and 'bad' sins (ranted about that here) just sounds like a cheap copout and takes away any nuance to the whole idea of sin to begin with being how Hazbin is suppose to be a story about redemption and if a sinner CAN be redeemed. Granted a poorly constructed story that misses the mark horribly, but I digest.

Overall, I do like Lucifer as a character but I wouldn't have 'woobified' him if that makes sense.

Lilith: Her design is...meh. Her dress is pretty, sure; but it's like a normal ballgown. I like the idea of the horns.

...That's all I got to say honestly.

Since we don't know much about her personality in the show yet outside of hints that she 'thrived' in Hell and her and Lucifer were separated by the time the story happened, there's not much for me to say on this front. Prior to the show dropping (or maybe just the pilot), Vivienne hinted that they were gonna have a Gomez and Morticia dynamic going on so consider me disappointed that this ended up not being the case. Damn, would I have killed to have them be this happily married power couple because let's be real: You can't be a powerful badass King without your equality powerful badass Queen, am I right? XD I'd eat that shit up!

I honestly fear Lilith in the show is going to end up being Stella 2.0 which I hope isn't the case but considering Vivienne's writing I don't have much faith she'll be anything but. Maybe not as bad, but yeah...

Anyways, on to the redesigns and character changes:

Lucifer: I said before that I'm not really going with the circus theme in my rewrite/au. I do think on paper the "Hell is a circus' is interesting, fun concept but that's been barely, if at all utilized in Hellaverse outside of a poorly done aesthetic, but it's not the direction I personality want to go with. I may still play with the whole circus thing with the Happy Hotel itself, but otherwise...yeah, right, redesign.

I knew from the beginning I wanted to give him a more darker color scheme along with adding purple into his outfit because purple = Pride so I settled on a dark purple, red and gold/bronze combo. I was debating if I should have scraped his top hat or not being how Hellaverse made me me have it out agasist tops hats like almost every other male character has a fucking top hat there's other kinds of hats but at the end of the day I decided to keep it though he doesn't always wear it. I did draw him without the hat as well which you can view towards the end of the post. I kept the apple motif he has going and while I didn't do much with his cane, I did add a snake which yes, is alive. That's his pet Temptation and he loves her very much.

Outfit inspiration:

Personality wise it's very similar to what it is in the show but taken in a bit more darker direction. Think overdramatic theater kid meet rebellious somewhat edgy adult who hasn't grown out of his teenage years (that's not saying he doesn't act like an adult he does but he has that 'whimsical' nature to him where he sometimes won't take things seriously or refuses to take responsibility though there are moments where he does have to 'Swallow his Pride' so to speak).

I also made him much more Prideful because he's the Sin of Pride, duh. This man will fight tooth and nail to prove that he's in the right (a trait that Charlie also shares) because his ego and pride won't let him rest and he's not going to back down DAMN IT!!. Lilith and/or a few of the Sins (Satan, Beelzebub and Ozzie respectfully) have to reel him in so he doesn't do anything stupid and make an ass out of himself more than he already has.

However, just because he is a prideful prick a good portion of the time doesn't mean he doesn't have his moments of genuine compassion and love for those who are important in his life. He loves his family, daughter included despite how unsupportive and very passive aggressive in regard to believing that her plan is dead in the water and has no problem addressing those thoughts in a 'tough love' kind of way (or what he believes is tough love when it's reality he's coming across as him just beating her down and making them drift even father apart as if they already slowly weren't. As I said, he's very prideful when he believes he's right) and views most of the other Sins minus Leviathan as his firends/true companions though some are much closer to him than others.

I kept most of his backstory in the show the same where he had some good intentions of gifting humanity freewill but also at the same time did it out of rebellion towards his father (God) after falling for Lilith and believing that everything that made her...well her (her freewill, sprit, strength) should be given to every human only for it to backfire and bring evil and sin in the world annnnd we know how this story goes. (otr I have both Eve AND Adam eat from the apple and Lilith had nothing to do with the whole thing but was punished regardless for 'influencing' Samael regardless if she pushed him or not) There was still a Heaven and Hell war but that doesn't happen until much later in the timeline once Hell gains the power and means to declare such on Heaven, only for them to lose in the end. The Exterminations has something to play with the outcome of the war but that's a discussion for another time.

Lilith:

Putting aside I didn't want both Lilith and Lucifer to have the same hair color (one of the reasons why I didn't also make Luci's hair red after he fell, even if that was more canon biblically correct), I wanted Lilith to be a red head like she is in biblical stories. I also made her skin a bit darker. I was aiming for an olive skin tone but not sure if I successfully succeeded in that.

Lilith still has her horns but I made them much smaller. They expand/grow bigger when she's enraged or goes into her full demon form where her eyes also glow and her nails turn into long, sharp blade like talons. I plan on drawing her demon form along with the rest of the Morningstars later down the line. I also gave her animal ears which I may revisit later being that was a last second addition. I wanted to give Luci or Lilith hooves as well but I didn't think about it after the drawings were done. (likely will give Luci them)

Dress inspiration:

As for personality and overall character changes go: Well for starters, Both Lilith and Lucifer are a happily married power couple like we were lead on to believe and I WILL NOT TAKE NO FOR AN AWSNER!!

As I said earlier, we still don't know much about Lilith as a character in the show outside of the fact she thrived in Hell and influenced demonkind but never said of what that entailed. I'm still keep those elements of course, having her be a beacon for the Hellborn and establishing connections and business with a good share of the Overlords in Pride, especially with the more 'lesser evil' Sinner ones. Lilith is the one who normally engages with Sinners on large where Lucifer rather avoid them as much as possible with a few exceptions being how he blames them for why he ended up down in Hell to begin with considering he did believe they'd do good with the 'gift' he gave them, only to be proven wrong and him having to suffer seeing the worst of humanity as punishment.

Personality wise, Lilith is a strong willed, go getter who wants nothing but the best for her family, firends and citizens. She involves herself heavily in the politics of Hell while also hoping to inspire her people, Hellborn and Sinners alike. Soft but strong, caring but stern; playful but serious when she has to be, Lilith wears her title on her sleeve as the Queen of Hell and a mother and friend to those who look up to her.

Like Charlie and unlike her husband, Lilith sees the good in humanity. She was human herself after all, deemed the first Sinner but she's more indirect and hands off with her methods where Charlie wants to be more hands on and direct with her hotel idea. Lilith tries to guild her daughter the best she can but tries to persuade her that her plans for the Happy Hotel may not have the effect she hopes, even as supportive she is of her daughters' ideals.

Lilith has succubus like powers but isn't one herself; however she does work with Asmodeus to train those who do go up topside to spread sin.

Charlie may be the Hellish couple's first child but it wasn't the first time Lilith tried conceive; Charlie was the only one who made it fully to term.

Lilith is much taller than Lucifer, while Charlie is only slightly taller than her father.

I'm going to likely revisit their redesigns in the future because there are a few things I would like to change/add on to but overall this is the direction I plan on going for them. I know this post was long and if you happened to read though all of this: Thank you for reading~

Charlie's redesign will be next being I finished her for a while now I just need to write out my notes. Hopefully this weekend it'll be up.

Bonus, Lucifer without his hat:

[m-ayo-o]

Hi! Since I love your blog (I’m more like a huge simp for your works), I will submit a request for your “it’s written in the stars event”.

virgo + she/her + rational and methodical but overly sarcastic + smut scenario (hate sex picked from your list) + Urahara Kisuke.

Keep up the amazing work, thanks for blessing my dash with your masterpieces! Take care💜

i t s ⋆ w r i t t e n ⋆ i n ⋆ t h e ⋆ s t a r s ⋆

zodiac event : ♍︎ VIRGO afab reader x CAPRICORN KISUKE URAHARA ♑︎ genre: explicit smut! reader has a problem with kisuke wc: 1.7k note: hello thank u !! i kinda failed on the hate sex rq but reader has some complicated feelings abt him...

You've been busy unpacking all the deliveries and bringing them to the shop floor, finishing off with the chocolate and candies- your favourite section. You enjoy this part of the day- it's so early no one else is here and the shop doesn't open for a couple of hours. You placed the bars and packets neatly, organising them in rows, in a pretty display on the shelves.

But when he comes in, all of your work may as well have been for nothing.

"Oooo, you didn't tell me we had these coming!??"

He rifles through the neat rows of candy and finds his favourite flavour, leaving the rest in complete disarray.

"You ordered them." You give him a huff and a distinct eye roll, making it clear that he's already pissed you off, after being here for less than five minutes.

You wonder why you even bother showing up to work some days to see this irksome idiot. He grabs more of the candy and starts rummaging through the boxes at your feet.

"Hey-- just- put that back- ugh, Kisuke-!!!"

He drives you nuts.

Every fucking day you get closer and closer to losing your damn mind.

His nonchalance towards your meticulous and dedicated work grate on you, his whimsical and forgetful tendencies leave you picking up the slack, and the pervy comments and touches?

If you get one more you swear you're gonna level him.

He stands up with fistfuls of the new candy.

"Kisuke. Put it back."

However, he knows something about you that you definitely haven't come to terms with yourself.

Unfortunately, despite his outward stupidity, deep (and I mean deep) down, there's a part of you that knows how perfect he is. His happy go lucky exterior is see through to you now, and if you tell the honest truth, you like the mysterious and logical man underneath.

But you can't say it. You can't even think it. When you look at him, with his hoards of candy and that stupid grin, it makes you want to smack his face and push the feelings so deep that you'll never find them again.

And due to this ongoing battle, it's leaving you susceptible to his... flirtations.

So when he steps closer, with that wide smile still plastered on his face, and asks,

"What are you gonna do?"

You snatch a packet from his clutches and place it back on the shelf, organising them again. You turn back to take the rest but he has his hand held up with a hard sweet in his fingers. He's so close to your lips- he just smirks and tells you to open up, slipping the candy inside.

He watches your eyebrows furrow, but you accept the candy nonetheless. He swipes his thumb over your lip and traces over the corner of your mouth, then to your cheek.

"Hands off," you threaten, but he ignores you, bringing his thumb back to your lip to tease your mouth open.

"You like that flavour, too, don't you?" His voice is lilting and jovial, laced with something more sinister.

What is he thinking.

He slides his thumb over your tongue.

You grab his wrist and yank it back.

"Kisuke."

You've warned him about touching you like this.

But every time he does it just makes your feelings clearer.

You want him, and he knows. And the fact that it bothers you so much is very amusing to him.

"Kisuke, get your hands off me and help with this damn delivery."

But he persists, his palm finding your cheek with your hand still wrapped around his wrist, and he slides around to the back of your neck to pull you closer. You stumble over the boxes and trip forwards, your hands landing on his chest with a little yelp. You can feel his bare skin where his samue slips away.

"No," he wants you to admit it. He's had enough of playing the fool.

"Let's have some more candy."

He smiles and tilts your head up to his, squeezing your cheeks and leaning down.

Your eyes fly wide when he just keeps coming closer- you push back on his chest but he stills you with ease, bringing his lips to yours and licking the candy right out of your mouth.

"Kisuke-!! I swear- you're a fucking menace!! If you don't leave me alone I'm gonna--"

"What?"

"I'm gonna--"

Your mind goes blank and you see red.

You're not a violent person, you're not a violent person. You keep telling yourself before you drag a hand from his chest, pull back and swing your open palm at his cheek.

You have to close your eyes- your hand stings, but you can just hear him laughing.

"Haha, oh come on, you can't hate me that much?"

His voice turns all soft and you open your eyes to see that endearing smile, with a pink hand print over his cheek, and you suddenly feel very guilty.

You're overwhelmed by a rush of confusing thoughts and emotions- you look at his face and a tear steaks down your cheek.

"I hate you, you moron."

"C'mere, take it out on me, okay?"

He drags you to the back of the shop, that's still locked up, and lets you do just that.

Everything's happening so fast you can barely keep track- of his hands, his lips, his fingers.

He stripped you as soon as you gave him a certain look that told him your strong walls had finally been broken and that he was allowed to touch you how he wanted. How you wanted.

And now he's got you pinned against the wall with your legs wrapped around him your plans to tell him how much you despise him have gone out the window.

But the way he's treating you now, with his mouth finally closed around your nipple, is sending you to heaven and back.

And when he carries you in his arms, finding a chair and placing you on top, he tells you-

"Go on, fuck me like you hate me"

He pulls his pants down and lets you sink onto him slow and get your bearings, before you start riding him with deep and forceful thrusts.

He watches in awe, leaning back on the chair to see your body move. It's just how he dreamed.

"That's it-" he encourages you to get rougher until you're grabbing at the back of his neck and telling him to suck on your tits.

"With pleasure~"

That cheshire smile spreads again and his pale eyes twinkle before he follows your instruction.

"Harder"

"Hmm, hm whatever you say, darling"

"Ngh-- fuck... don't call me that-"

He bites and sucks on your perky nipples while your hand threads into his hair and starts tugging harshly.

"Oh~ oh Kisuke- fuck mee~"

He takes your expression very literally, grabs onto your waist and starts pumping his dick into you where he sits.

He is enamoured by your expression; with your mouth hanging open, definitely about to orgasm, and grabbing so helplessly onto the muscle of his shoulders till you can only whimper his name.

This brings him endless satisfaction.

"Don't hate me so much now, hmm?"

You frown and nod, afraid that you'll bite your tongue if you speak.

"Oh," he feigns a hurt expression with a pout, "you just love my dick then?"

You let out an annoyed 'mmmm'ing sound and try to take control again, but it's too late and he's got you starting to shake with his hard and constant thrusting.

You're about to cum, stuttering and telling him not to stop when-

"N-no- no fuck- "

-he starts to slow down.

"Tell me how you feel, sweetie."

His tone changes and he sounds all soft. He's not teasing you anymore.

But you just shake your head and press your forehead to his, desperately willing him to move faster again.

"I'll let you cum, 'promise. Just tell me what's in that pretty head of yours, hm?"

He coaxes you to look him in the eyes which are so wide and perfectly innocent. You've never seen him look like this before.

"Don't make me beg, come on- I'm desperate."

And he is. You can see it now- from the expression on his face to the way he can hardly control himself. He's the one who's supposed to be edging you... but his hips start moving again and he presses kiss after kiss to your lips until you open up and start to mumble over his lips.

"I- I like you, Kisuke- "

He moves a little faster now, still pressing you for more.

"I like you."

You say it again, hoping to appease him, but he builds up that intense knot in your stomach again and holds your back so gently when he says-

"We're not in high school, sweetheart. You can tell me more."

He keeps fucking you deep, now you're about to spill he smiles and watches you shake your head. You can't say anything else today, but he's sure he'll get more out of your pretty lips eventually. After waiting so long for this, he can be happy for now.

"Okay, okay," he coos and brings you over the edge softly, pressing his lips into your neck, "that's it, you can let go now- mmh- fuck~"

"I, I know I've never told you, but I hope you understand- how I feel about you."

You nod and a lazy smile covers his face as you watch his eyebrows screw up with pleasure and he bites his lip. He's not sure if he should say this next bit but he can't hold it in anymore.

"You know that I love you?"

"Oh- oh my god- Kisuke-"

You feel him filling you and you just nod and hold him so tight, pressing your lips together and feeling his warmth. He carresses you and holds you close to his body, letting you calm down and sink into his arms. And you sit there, on top of your boss, in the back of his shop, with the dim lights, and you realise it's nearly time to open up.

He takes you to the bathroom and helps you clean up before sitting you on the edge of the bath and telling you-

"About what I said-"

But you're quick to silence him with your finger over his lips, followed by a sweet kiss.

"I'll wait," he utters into the gap between your lips, "I'll be patient, ok?"

You nod and kiss him again and again, stroking hair and sinking into his touch one more time. You're afraid the shop is going to open late today.

bleach | m.list | zodiac event

[haleigh-sloth]

Alastor, the wild card

Okay, I have to get this out because it's driving me nuts not having it written down.

I watched Hazbin Hotel. I watched the pilot 4 years ago, immediately liked Alastor. 4 years go by and he gets put on the back burner, but now that the main series has begun, oohhhhh boy.

This is basically just me laying out everything I think is going on with/going to happen with Alastor--the seeming wild card--and then what I ultimately think his end game will somewhat look like. Alastor has a lot of different little plot points going on with him, that all point in different directions, but I believe will all end up pointing at one specific ending. I'll go through the different plot directions tied to him in a list but not in the particular order I think they will occur, because I'm really not sure of that yet other than the last:

Beef with the Vees, Vox specifically

Lucifer

His deal, in other words his "leash"

His relationship to the hotel and everyone in it

His relationship to Charlie

Not a long list but a lot of thoughts altogether so here goes.

The Vees and Vox:

I'll start here, but this ties into other stuff later. The Vees, very much MOSTLY Vox and Valentino, are problems. They're these media industrial overlords who own people (it's such a mystery what type of modern-day issues these 3 characters are touching on), and they exploit, take advantage of, and harm people. They're clearly antagonists, even if not the main ones at this time. Now for the sake of keeping this about Alastor, we're gonna focus on Vox, because obviously they have past beef. We don't know ALL the details of what it is (aside from Alastor rejecting Vox's offer), but we know it resulted in a fight in which he "almost" beat Vox. And it seems they were on decent terms at one point, evidenced by what looks like Vox's head in this torn out photo that Vox had pinned to his board in the finale:

Alastor has an ego. He's an overlord. A highly regarded one, and he's obviously strong. He writes off pretty much everyone around him. He doesn't seem to be afraid of anyone, or even remotely bothered by people who show up to attack him or the hotel. He only shows any kind of acknowledgement of someone else's strength when he goes to the overlord meeting in episode 3. But outside of that, he does not seem to give anyone else the time of day.

So that's really funny considering that when Vox starts trash talking him on TV, he takes the bait and gets competitive. He goes on the air, he trash talks back, he gets personal with it. And when Vox loses signal, Alastor continues sending a final, very sinister warning.

And he's not being his usual joke-y self. He's being serious. He's turning into his Wendigo-looking form, which is quite scary looking. We're supposed to take him seriously here because he's not writing Vox off. He is, for lack of a better way of putting it, taking Vox seriously as an opponent. He's being usually egotistical, but he's still putting more effort into this little social media battle than he has for (almost) any other opponent. And not to mention, Vox was shown in the pilot:

So, while this was pretty much shelved for the reason of season 1, it's coming back. And it's going to be an issue for everyone, including Alastor.

Lucifer:

This is going to be my second favorite section of this post. Because it's hilarious, and also somewhat endearing to me how he reacted to meeting Lucifer. I'm sure people noticed, but when Lucifer walked in and hugged Charlie, the frame moved up to show Alastor's face, and his eye was twitching in that moment.

Then a moment later they shake hands, and he wipes his hand off on his coat. And later Lucifer bumps into his arm when walking past him and he brushes his arm off-again. Clearly, Alastor does not like Lucifer. Now, I'm like 100% sure there are yet-to-be-revealed reasons for this that have not even been remotely touched on (Lilith), but there are some obvious guesses we can make based on what we now have in season 1.

There's the fact that Alastor's ego is present here. He points out Lucifer's height, in a condescending way. So that's a thing, but I think it goes beyond that. I'll dive into Alastor and Charlie toward the end, but I do think Charlie is part of the reason for his behavior in episode 5. Alastor is showing off his additions to the hotel, but he isn't really boasting about himself at this point. He's being very pointed about giving Charlie all of the credit, and he is very intentional about saying what an "impressive young lady" she is and saying how "VERY proud" THEY (meaning him and the others there) are of her. It's very odd and hilarious that he's pulling all of this out in front of her dad. I mean, I have my guesses, but given that Alastor then starts challenging her dad in a sing-off, saying he's a dud of a parent, and just straight up saying he could be her dad--I'd say Lucifer's lack of effort in Charlie bugs the shit out of Alastor. I'll explain more on that later, though.

The last point I'll make here to transition into the next section is that I'm sure Lilith has something to do with this disdain for Lucifer. However, I'm really not sure what side of Lilith Alastor knows. My guess is it isn't a good side though.

Which brings me to Alastor's "leash", the handler being Lilith.

I mean, this feels as on the nose as the Dabi is Touya theories. Alastor's been gone for 7 years. Lilith has been gone for 7 years. Vestial said he heard a rumor Alastor fell into "holy arms". We know Lilith is chillin in heaven (but other people don't..so again, mystery). Alastor won't tell anyone why he was gone. We know someone owns Alastor in some way right now. I mean....it's gotta be Lilith. It could be a red herring and be a complete surprise later, but it feels like something very obvious that we just won't get to see for a while and will have to wait in anticipation. Lilith is not painted in the best light right this second, but honestly it's impossible to tell whether she's actually Not Great or if there's layers to this. My guess is probably a little of both.

Alastor being involved with the hotel could be because of Lilith. That also feels somewhat obvious, though again, I'll dive into Charlie in a second.

Hazbin Hotel:

Things start to somewhat all tie together here.

Okay let's take this back to the pilot when Alastor introduced himself to the show. He said he views the hotel as an investment for entertainment, and a lost cause, and something to laugh about. He repeats this in episode 1 to remind everyone that he still views Charlie's vision as something impossible to achieve and something to laugh at. Howeverrrrrr--

We shouldn't ignore the fact that ever since he showed up to "help", under the guise that he thinks the hotel is a joke, he has given a lot more than he had originally stated he'd intended. For someone supposedly who enjoys watching others fail and fall into misery, he sure does put a lot of effort into something he considers to be a massive joke. And the funny thing is that he says in the pilot that redemption is impossible, but we literally KNOW IT'S NOT. Sir Pentious immediately brings Alastor's motive for involving himself with the hotel into question. Of course we have no idea how much Alastor actually knows about redemption, but we can't disregard the very real possibility that he's involved with Lilith (holy arms) and the very real possibility that he's aware of her whereabouts (heaven). We don't know all of those details yet. But what we do know is that all of Alastor's efforts are fueling something that is working. SO HIS EFFORTS ARE MAKING A DIFFERENCE..

So I guess that brings me to--what does he actually think of the hotel? Like reeeeaaallly think of it?

His behavior throughout the 8 episodes shifts significantly from the pilot and episode 1 even. He repeats it's a joke in episode 1. And then continues to put genuine efforts into keeping Charlie from giving up even when things get tough and she feels really beaten down. (I'll tie this into why I think he dislikes Lucifer in the Charlie sections).

I also am questioning his real vision of the hotel because it is certainly not something to be ignored that he put Husker and Niffty into the hotel--the hotel about redemption and salvation. Yeah, he's an overlord. He owns their souls. But he's forcing them to stay in a hotel that we literally already KNOW is going to save them in some way. Husker and Angel have their thing going, which will be a good thing. Niffty has a group of people who will protect her, evidenced by episode 6. So, again, Alastor's efforts are all leading to Charlie's hotel being nothing but successful (in the end). But yet he says it's all a joke.

And I think the biggest hint at there being something more here is that Alastor willingly put himself against Adam. And we KNOW that Alastor is leashed somehow. His wings are "clipped". And he ran off to go have a quick little break down in private about almost being killed because of this. Obviously his powers are shackled per his deal.

And yet? He still pit himself against Adam. Knowing this about himself. He also DID almost die for them--his friends, if we can assume he really meant that (I think later on that will be the case). This notion obviously bothers him, a lot. He went to his broadcast station and freaked out over the fact that he really did almost die for them. And then he still went back, knowing that they know he lost his fight. What a blow to his ego! He's the only one who lost and they all know it because they had to deal with Adam after he left.

I won't write off the possibility that he has to be there per some deal (assuming it's Lilith), but that doesn't negate the fact that his demeanor toward the hotel and everyone there changed from beginning of season 1 to the end.

We don't know yet what Alastor really thinks, yet. That's internal and won't be shown until later. But I don't think it's wise to take his word for it from the pilot and from episode 1, and then ignore everything that came after when it's obvious his behavior shows something else entirely.

Lastly, his relationship to Charlie ties everything together.

Again, this started off as a joke to him. He SAYS that he thinks Charlie is working for something impossible. And yet throughout the season he's been shown to be really endearing toward her.

I think my favorite part showing this was him telling her in episode 7 that "It's not like you've ever failed to inspire before." He meant himself. Because in that same sequence Charlie says she usually sings to get her point across but it never works. Except it did, because that's literally what brought Alastor to her doorstep.

That, plus Alastor's obvious disdain for her father that he shows when she isn't looking (the eye twitch), him trying to motivate her from giving up when she's all depressed, him singing about her with Rosie. I think he genuinely admires her and finds her inspiring, and genuinely likes her. Which is really interesting when you look at how he reacted to the presence of her father, and when you consider the very real possibility that he's very much indebted to her mother. Their dynamic is by far my favorite because Alastor is just very NOT easy to read.

However there is a problem that will come up later, and it's the deal he made with Charlie.

So now I'll try to tie everything together:

Alastor has this unsettled business with Vox. He isn't going to let it go. It's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor is stuck in a deal with someone, it's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor now has an unfulfilled deal with Charlie. It's going to be a problem somehow. Alastor hasn't made any vocal admittance that he doesn't view the hotel as a joke, so his front about it being impossible is still kind of there, and that's coupled with the fact that we know he's wrong. All of these things are obstacles to what I'm PRETTY SURE is going to be the hotel's final and biggest obstacle and success:

redeeming Alastor.

Before I go further I'm going to touch on the pilot here.

There are three very bold statements made in the pilot:

"Inside of every demon is a rainbow."

"Inside of every demon is a lost cause."

"He can't be redeemed."

Who is right?

Well, CHARLIE is the heart of the show. The core of what the show wants to portray--redemption and salvation. (Hams is probably right that she is a Jesus figure). I think the odds are in her favor. ALASTOR made a statement that we now have very solid undeniable evidence disproving, now that season 1 is over. So he's out. VAGGIE ended up having a dark and painful secret that she's done unforgivable things to Charlie's home. And yet, she's making the judgment call about Alastor? I think she's out. And also, her statement is the introduction to one of the biggest challenges in the show for Charlie. Because Charlie believes in the opposite of what Alastor and Vaggie are saying. And like I said, the odds are in Charlie's favor.

Now, Alastor obviously doesn't seem like the type to want redemption, or strive for that. Because I'm pretty sure he's not. For now, on the surface. There are a lot of negative things in his way. His beef with Vox and his deal shackling his powers that he wants freedom from. And I'd honestly bet money that those things will all stand in the way of Charlie redeeming him because he'll be focused on these things that keep him from wanting to do better and change--even though throughout season 1 he already showed slow but undeniable signs of changing, whether he wants to admit it or not.

But I think the point of his arc is to end up being someone who does want better. I think his obvious liking for Charlie is something that will save him from a dark and desperate place, a place we've kind of already gotten a peak into. And I think that at the end of the day, every ounce of effort he put into the hotel for Charlie, under the guise of it being for his entertainment, will all end up helping him the most out of everyone in the end.

And I'm very excited.

[kitausuret]

Flash Thompson Venom Recs

@vulpinesaint asked for some recommendations on getting into Flash-as-Venom, so I decided to put together a little guide. Mind you, this is geared towards already having familiarity with Eddie, and of course by extension the Venom Symbiote.

Now -- let me start by saying it may be helpful to see first where it all started going downhill for Eddie and the Symbiote (because we don't get to other hosts until after their breakup). Are any of those comics good? Not really!

But If you really wanted to you could check out Spectacular Spider-Man (2003, Jenkins/Ramos) #1-5 and Marvel Knights Spider-Man (2004, Millar/Cho) #5-12 or thereabouts, which will take you through the official breakup, Angelo Fortunato, and the introduction of Mac Gargan.

For a little taste of what the symbiote had been up to before Chosen Blond Man #2, I also recommend Dark Reign: Sinister Spider-Man (2009, Reed/Bachalo) #1-4 and Siege: Spider-Man (Reed/Santucci, one-shot, just because it's funny).

At the risk of being controversial I also rec the fabulous "New Ways to Die" arc (Amazing Spider-Man #568-573, Slott/Romita Jr.) for a peek at what's going on with Eddie during this time.

If you'd like a primer on Flash Thompson before you jump into Symbiote nonsense, you can check out Amazing Spider-Man #574, which is not a great issue but it is helpful to see what was going on with him. I also recommend the Amazing Spider-Man #622 B story "Stages of Grief" which IS really good and delightful.

Flash officially kicks off as Agent Venom in Amazing Spider-Man #654-654.1 (really -- there's a point-one issue). It's written by Dan Slott so it's not, you know, great, but if you've read Venom Inc. you know what to expect.

Venom (2011) is the real meat of Flash's time. He's kind of silly, as you can see, but for the most part I enjoyed this series. Does it have problems? Sure, but it's worth a read.. The first part (#1-27.1) is written by Rick Remender, and the second (#28-42) is by Cullen Bunn. The latter is, at least in my experience, better-loved for its introduction of Mania in #38, but they are both worth reading.

My personal highlights are: #2 (very good Flash/Symby at the end) #6-8 (Spider-Island tie-ins, you get to see what Eddie is up to) #13-14 (Circle of Four!!!) #17-22 (Savage Six, more fun with Eddie) #33-36 (esPECIALLY #35 oh my god #35 is everything to me. I'm normal don't look at me) #38-42 (Mania -- need I say more?)

I would also be remiss to leave out Superior Spider-Man (2013) #22-25 because while the story is.. meh..?? ...it does have some great Flash/Symby. I would live for them.

Agent Venom additionally appears in Secret Avengers (2010) and Thunderbolts (2013), but all I can really recommend here is the T-bolts Annual. It's a fun one.

And now we get into Cosmic Bullshit Shenanigans!

Flash and the Symbiote join up with the Guardians of the Galaxy (2013, Bendis) in #14, but are officially introduced in the Free Comic Book Day GotG special. My only recommendations here are #21-23, but they're big recommendations.

Once you've read #23, you can jump right into Venom: Space Knight #1-13 (R. Thompson), which is by FAR my favourite Venom series of all time and I'm not even joking. I can't even express how much I adore this series. WOMEN. I LOVE WOMEN. Just. Just read it. And then cry that it's only 13 issues

And from there, you know how it ends if you read Venom #150. Such was the end of Flash's time as Venom, but what a wild ride it was.

now we just need to get eddie on board with a third

If you're curious about Flash's story post-resurrection (he died, if you missed that from the Cates run) you can check out my little guide here, and also the most recent Carnage series by Torunn Grønbekk. What the future holds for Flash Thompson is up in the air (as it always is with Spidey's supporting cast) but I've got to have hope!

Happy reading!

[hsvh-hp]

what drarry fics would you recommend that are very in character?

Before I get into it, I’d just like to say that I started working on a fic rec sideblog last month. The posting schedule doesn’t kick in until April, so it’s blank at the moment. But, it’s there, if you’re interested in giving it a follow!

Anyway, two caveats about this: one, I read a lot of drarry fic and have a bit of a poor memory, and two, I'm not certain that what I consider in-character to be the majority consensus of the drarry fandom (for example, I don't like down and out Draco, soft Draco, Draco hating either of his parents, or Harry being overly judgmental or unforgiving (though that's not to say I haven't read those tropes and enjoyed them)).

In general, any fics from my ao3 bookmarks will meet my bar on being in-character, since I tend to hit the back button if I start asking myself, 'who are these people?'. I took a cruise through my bookmarks in spirit of the ask though, and I'll post a list below the cut of fics that stick out in my memory as having some of my favourite characterizations:

Twelve Months by dysonrules (14,840 words)

Hermione buys Harry a journal and he ends up using it to record his DEEP THOUGHTS. Not surprisingly, those tend to mostly involve Draco Malfoy.

This one cracked me up. Since it's written in journal form, we get Harry's running internal monologue about his life. And a lot of Draco, because of course we do. I also always enjoy a Draco who actually is up to something, but it’s for a good cause.

The Gentlewizard Club by Sophie_French (28,129 words)

Draco wants what Draco wants. And if he has to snuggle up to Harry to get it, well, surely, Draco can handle that. Problem is, not sure Harry can.

This fic starts with Draco and Harry as both friends and Auror partners. As friends, the high point of every day for Draco is when he gets to read (oft-times aloud, and dramatically so) Harry's fan mail as it's delivered to their office. As Auror partners, Draco is barred in writing their field reports because he sucks at it. He's very happy to put that work onto Harry, and Harry is happy to do it (because he's pining hard, okay?).

That Draco and Harry are Auror partners isn't actually important in this fic (although the sequel has a case that they tackle). Harry gets a letter about having been admitted into a club that Draco really, really, really wants to join, and he begs Harry to sponsor his admittance. Harry can't say no to him, therefore, commence operation fake relationship for a weekend getaway. I love the balance in Harry trying to give Draco what he wants while fearing that what he wants will only hurt him.

Martyred by dothechachaslide (82,004 words)

Harry Potter only wants one thing: to take care of the people he loves. After Teddy’s abrupt departure from his role as Andromeda’s caretaker, Harry decides it’s finally time to step up and handle the job himself. Castoff Manor, an old Black family estate, has never seemed as sinister as the stories make it sound, but it’s there that Harry stumbles upon ghosts, haunting family secrets, and a familiar, snarky blond gardener hell-bent on chasing him out. Maybe if Harry sticks around long enough, he’ll finally learn why all of Andromeda’s previous caretakers have fled without looking back.

Harry and Draco are in their fifties, in this fic. The summary about sums up Harry's characterization: he takes care of the people he loves, and a mystery at hand draws him obsessively in. As for Draco, I would consider him post-redemption. He took the consequences handed down to him after the war seriously, and has grown so used to the Muggle world that he lives there as comfortably as the magical world. He tends the garden at Castoff Manor to prevent anyone else being harmed in the role (part of the fic's mystery), and tutors Squibs in the nearby village.

One small detail that I love about Draco is how every time he gets uncomfortable, he hops on his bike and runs away. It's one of those things that, despite the rather far-flung future from the canon years, it's so absolutely in-character across time and space for him. He's changed so much, but there's still this degree of pettiness and cowardice deep down inside. It's just expressed in a less harmful way than it used to be.

Lethe by QueenieJinny (70,885 words)

A new form of vanishing sickness is sweeping across Britain. Healers Harry Potter and Hermione Granger are on the case. When Draco Malfoy is admitted to the isolation ward, Harry never imagines falling in love with him will be the easiest thing he’s ever done – and watching him fade away to nothing will be the hardest.

Like above, Harry again takes care of the people he loves and cannot resist a mystery to solve. He's a Healer in this fic, a line of work that suits him well for his compassion, and Draco ends up his patient. Draco is on the difficult end of the spectrum as far as patients go (are you surprised?). Watching their Healer-patient power dynamic swing toward equilibrium is wonderful. They fall in love, Draco comes to terms with his (temporary) mortality, and Harry goes as far as he possibly can for Draco after he's gone: finding a way to rescue him from where the vanishing sickness took him.

Draco Malfoy, Bloodsucking Fiend by Kbrick (23,198 words)

There are two things that Draco’s Auror partner, Harry Potter, must never know about him. One is that he’s a vampire. The other is that he’s been completely, pathetically, head-over-heels in love with Harry for years. But when the duo is trapped inside an old shop on Diagon Alley with no means of escape, Draco finds himself fiending for blood and unable to put even a modicum of distance between himself and the man he can’t stop lusting after.

There are 3 of Kbrick's fics on this list, and I could have honestly added more. All of her fics that I haven't gotten to yet are on my to-read list. I just love the way she writes Draco and Harry, okay?? I'm a big baby when it comes to angst and hurt/comfort (more on that further down), but I absolutely trust her to put the boys in a blender on the highest setting that I can personally handle.

Anyway, this fic in particular, I'm all about that pining and the feeling of a countdown being on. Draco is resisting on two fronts: his feelings for Harry and his need as a vampire to feed. Harry is perfectly balanced in his obliviousness and perception.

You See Through My Disguise by aibidil (9,666 words)

Bellatrix's knife flew across the room, but Harry leaped, pushing Dobby and Griphook to safety but stranding himself at Malfoy Manor. Now he and Draco are locked in the cellar with Wormtail's corpse and a rat, waiting for Voldemort to return and decide their fate.

The premise is on the tin. As for their characterizations, Harry and Draco are on a countdown to sort themselves out enough to make an escape from the dungeon at Malfoy Manor during the war. They can't help but poke at each other, so the fic is a compelling balance of ego and necessity.

Criminal by The_Sinking_Ship (83,497 words)

Things were going just fine for Draco Malfoy. He successfully conned and counted cards across Europe and America, amassing a small fortune, along with a lengthy rap sheet. That was until he made the grave mistake of returning to England for a high stakes card game and got himself caught – by Harry Potter no less. Now, Draco is stuck in England under Auror Potter’s guard with no friends, no distractions, and no escape. How the hell will he pass the time? And since when did Potter get so bloody fit?

I'd had this fic on my to-read list for ages before seeing it on a rec list for morally grey Draco. That's my favourite kind of Draco, so I decided to jump this one to the top. Also, like I said about Kbrick above, The_Sinking_Ship is another writer with whom I've either enjoyed everything I've read (recs within recs: Never Mind the Bullocks, Dwelling on Dreams, and Chasing Dragons) or I've simply yet to get to the rest of their work.

For this fic specifically, Draco's done the best he can with the shit situation his life was in post-war, and he's a lion in a cage when he gets legally stuck in England. He and Harry meet for check-ins, and the chemistry goes from there. Draco has some self-harm tendencies, and his want for Harry ends up (temporarily) going that way for him. Harry's in a rut in his life as an Auror. I love fics where he goes into the force and then becomes disillusioned with it. That feels very in-character for Harry, to me.

AITA for being "obsessed" with my childhood nemesis? by RainstormRadish (4,289 words)

Alrakis I [24M] attended a small boarding school in the UK. There was a boy in my year, a couple of months younger than me, and he became my nemesis after we developed an intense rivalry. My friend [25F] told me recently that our dynamic was "weird back then" and that "it’s even weirder" that I still think about him today. She argued that I talk about him all the time, but I believe the amount I talk about him is reasonable. AITA? prongymcprongface i completely get what you mean. i had a nemesis (like a school one, separate to my other nemesis) and we had a dynamic super similar to what you are describing. having a nemesis is a very cool and normal thing dw about it. NTA In which Draco asks the internet if he's being reasonable. Only one commenter is sympathetic. They start talking.

Draco and Harry cross paths on Reddit. Everyone else in the AITA thread thinks Draco (the OP) is absolutely nuts for his 'nemesis' situation. Except one, because of course that one person had a similar situation and it was totally normal, don't worry about it. I'm aware I basically just repeated the summary, but it says it all, really!

Rookie Moves by peu_a_peu (75,328 words)

Aurors Potter and Malfoy crack the case.

More Auror partners with a Draco that is unhinged. Tbh, I am very fussy on Auror Draco fics. I don't see Draco as someone to subject himself to much pain and suffering (like in fics where it's emphasized that he was subject to much bullying/pranks/etc during training, and he persevered regardless). He's too hedonistic, and I don't particularly think that the war would have warmed him to the Ministry or the means it possesses of authoritarian force. Fool me once, and all that.

In this fic, each chapter covers a job or case that Draco and Harry embark upon. It's meant to be funny, and holy shit is it ever. These two are such dumb cops. Even with the genre shift from serious to goofy, they get the work done. It's been long enough now since I read it that I can't remember specifically, but I feel that sometimes Draco and Harry being disasters helped them solve their cases. The other fics in the series Rookie Moves belongs to are 100% reading through as well. I cried happy tears in the end.

Timeshare by astolat (14,156 words)

“It’s not for long,” Hermione said. “By the time we get back to Hogwarts, the Unfettering Brew will be ready.” “Listen to you!” Ron said. “He’s got to get through a month with the Dursleys and a month at Malfoy Manor. With Draco Malfoy.” “Yeah, thanks,” Harry said, because he hadn’t just spent the last week contemplating just how much more horrible his summer holidays were about to be than they’d ever been before.

This fic has wonderful fuck/fight dynamics between the boys. I also like fics where the writer isn't afraid to let Draco be flawed with bigotry. Things like that he cannot fathom 'Potter's Muggles' talking to him and that he whinges the entire month he's at the Dursleys' house that it's too small, and the food isn't up to par, etc. As for Harry, he wants Draco despite all this, as well as despite how uncomfortable his month at the manor with Lucius and Narcissa is. I love when Harry is allowed to be flawed in that way.

Hey, Potter by SunseticMonster (16,024 words)

Harry returns to Hogwarts for his 8th year, determined not to let Malfoy get to him. But when the snarky teasing starts up again, Harry finds that returning the jibes with compliments has a far more interesting outcome.

This fic explores something that I've always headcanoned about how Draco and Harry got along throughout the canon books. We never see them have a single good or even neutral interaction (rather than Draco's part in their Madam Malkin's meet). They're always going at each other with their claws and teeth out, taking everything the other does in the most bad-faith interpretation. So, what happens when Harry starts killing Draco with kindness? I personally believe that if Harry did as such in the canon books, he would have very easily won Draco over.

Lumos by birdsofshore (41,476 words)

Harry never expected to spend eighth year listening to Draco Malfoy wanking.

I love eighth-year fics where Draco doesn't return to Hogwarts with his chin down and shoulders hunched. It doesn't feel in-character to me; he'd feel just as free as anyone else post-war, and I can't see him even hiding his relief and happiness for it to be over for the sensibilities of the other survivors. On top of that, Draco coming back to Hogwarts and immediately pushing Harry's buttons? 100% him. Harry playing into it every time? Also 100%.

A Convenient Impracticality by firethesound (38,540 words)

Somehow Harry ends up agreeing to a fake relationship with his ex-nemesis-turned-friendly-acquaintance-with-benefits, except for some reason it involves an awful lot of actual dating and, sadly, not much sex. Confused? Harry is too, but when has anything with Draco Malfoy ever been as straightforward as it seems?

More fake relationships! Harry and Draco fucking but not being sure what they are or what the other feels in return is so my jam. I can see both of them being attracted enough to each other to land in bed together, but the intimacy is more hard-earned because of their history. It's all the more satisfying once they figure it out.

Who we are in the shadows by Quicksilvermaid (99,714 words)

What happens when you’re forced to become the very thing you despise? Ex-Auror Harry Potter, tossed out of the Ministry for something he had no control over, has been looking for a way back to his former life. When he comes across Draco Malfoy in the criminal underbelly of Wizarding London and in need of protection, Harry figures bringing him in to face the Ministry's justice is his ticket back to everything he's lost. But nothing is exactly as it seems. Not even Harry himself. And as he gets drawn further and further into Malfoy's world of honour and deception he finds himself questioning everything he thought he knew—about his childhood nemesis, the Ministry job he misses so much, and most of all, about himself. What happens when you’re forced to see that you were wrong?

I wrote up above about loving a Draco who's up to something, and it's for a good cause. This fic takes that notion and turns it up to like, 15 at minimum. Draco's an investigative journalist, and he's going after some very dangerous people. He needs muscle, enter security agent Harry who's still adjusting to life as a werewolf. Harry tags along out of (hired) necessity on Draco's job, and they are a team not to be reckoned with. On top of their chemistry, this fic left me gasping for breath. Folks who've read it before will know what I mean when I say my heart was pounding out of my chest during the tunnel scene.

Star Quality by who_la_hoop (118,607 words)

Two years after the war, and Harry’s content with his life. OK, so it’s a little annoying that he keeps winning Witch Weekly’s Most Eligible Bachelor award, and he’s really not looking forward to the unveiling of an enormous gold statue of himself, but he loves his friends, and he loves being an Auror. And if he yearns for something more, something he can barely bring himself to think about, well, he’ll probably get over it. No one’s happy all the time, are they? But then everything changes, and Harry’s thrown into a new and dazzling world he’s not sure he can actually escape from. And as time goes on, he starts to wonder: does he actually want to?

Draco and Harry end up in such a wonderfully ridiculous situation in this fic. Harry wakes up in an alternate (Muggle) universe where Draco is a pop star. The Draco of his universe has come along with him, and he's a total shit about helping Harry get them back home. Harry's grumpy, Draco's having a blast. It's fun. It's them.

The Day Before the Wedding by Kbrick (39,419 words)

Harry's getting married to Ginny tomorrow. The problem is that he can't seem to get beyond today.

Time loops and Kbrick, my beloved (Turning Leaves is another excellent fic of hers with this trope). The summary says it all for the premise. Like Star Quality above, Draco is 'in the know' with Harry (though he doesn't tell Harry right away lmao). Harry makes some Realizations in the time loop. Seeing as it's a Drarry fic and Harry was meant to get married to Ginny, I'm sure it's quite plain as to what that might be.

Bad Habits by No_One_Special_01289 (70,509 words)

Circles can be tiring. They have no end. But sometimes, the path is set for a reason, as anything outside the circle is even worse than what's within. Harry is running in circles with Draco Malfoy, and no matter how hard he tries, he can't escape.

Another fuck/fight kind of Drarry fic. This one takes place through OOTP, HBP, and DH canon, as if Draco and Harry had a secret sexual relationship throughout. I love how they come together like two accelerated particles, only to scatter to lick their wounds or attempt to process just what the hell is going on. It has the explosiveness that I love to see in Hogwarts-era Drarry fics when the war is on and they remain on opposing sides through to the end of it.

Dwelling by aideomai (83,382 words)

Curses, James and Lily Potter ride again, several Ministry balls, a teenage Summer of Love, a grim young adult dystopian winter, a few different Draco Malfoys, secrets and the problems re: not having any, alternate lives, impossible lives, real lives, allusions to Dirty Dancing, and just because it's not called the Mirror of Erised doesn't mean you shouldn't know better.

Listen: I bawled. I'm going to try to say this without spoiling the big twist. The fic nails how Harry and Draco tick together twice. Whether it's in a No Voldemort AU or a canon post-war era, these two cannot stay away from each other. I love the solution Harry and Draco reach at the end of the fic - the only way they can fathom any sort of resolution for what happened to them, despite how turbulent their waters remain.

Lovesick by corvuscrowned (7,688 words)

People keep spiking Auror Harry Potter with love potions. Healer Draco Malfoy keeps having to pick up the pieces. But it's getting harder and harder for Draco to watch Harry fall in love with everyone except for him.

corvuscrowned is another writer I put in the same category as Kbrick and The_Sinking_Ship. I've either read their fics and loved them, or just haven't got to the rest yet. What can I say? I love a slow burn. For more excellent fics from corvuscrowned, I will also humbly offer Loverboys (their first fic I read, which blew me away) and Seeker's High for your future reading consideration.

For this fic, the premise is on the tin, and crow executes it perfectly for characterization. I love their Harry in general, how he has his own complexes and the Harry POV isn't just Harry witnessing Draco's character. This fic is Draco POV, and Harry under a love potion is great. So is Draco's pining. They're perfect.

The Matchmaker's Spell by Kbrick (20,859 words)

Thanks to a spell cast over all of wizarding Britain, Draco is forced to marry Harry Potter, who still hates him. But Draco refuses to live a cold, sexless existence, choosing to fill the emptiness in his life and his bed with a parade of lovers. And while Harry may not be able to stand Draco, he despises seeing him with anyone else.

Remember earlier when I said that I trust Kbrick to put the boys in a blender at the exact intensity I could personally handle? This fic is right on the precipice of that. It's so angsty and dark. Draco and Harry are forced to marry, and their journey is so turbulent. Draco cuckolds Harry to push his buttons, and at one point their marriage goes well for a little while before shit happens and they're back on the rocks. They almost had it! We saw a glimpse of their potential!! Also, Draco's lovers keep mysteriously dying? That's sure weird and coincidental. The last scene in the fic made me gasp out loud.

Salt on the Western Wind by Saras_Girl (60,549 words)

When the war isn’t quite as over as it first appears, a guilt-ridden Harry is sent to a mysterious safe-house. Among sandwiches, insomnia, and Mills & Boon, he discovers something quite unexpected.

This fic starts up right after the Battle of Hogwarts, where Narcissa demands the trio take Draco into forced hiding with them. This leads to Draco and Harry being accidentally bonded. Oops! I don't think I have to make the case for how well Saras_Girl characterizes the boys, but I think this one is my favourite so far of the ones I've read (also, obligatory Turn and All Life is Yours to Miss mentions here).

Recalibrate by Saras_Girl (20,921 words)

Sometimes, you need to step back and think about things from a new perspective. Other times, you’ve just got to open your eyes to what you needed all along.

Yay, more eighth year! I read this one a looong time ago, but I still remember reading this and thinking 'oh, this is so them' at so many points. I am overdue for a reread.

Actually, that's probably true of all of these, lol. I should reread them and give them their own post/shower of love on that rec blog I mentioned.

This list took a couple days to compile. I could never make a wholly comprehensive one, but I believe I answered your question, anon. 🤪

[onestormeynight]

The First Warning

Yousef Gruber had a history, and one he had been sure he was done with. His family was dead. His friends had abandoned him when his luck had gone sour. He'd fled the woman who berated and belittled him in the middle of the night and never looked back.

She had found him, though. Despite his constant moving, his use of ghost writers and aliases in his writing, she had found him. At first he saw her in his peripherals as he was out and about. Eventually she sat at a table next to him at his favorite cafe and he knew he could avoid her no longer.

He agreed to meet her in a public setting away from his house only to close the door forever. Once he thought he loved her; now he knew what real love was like. This skeleton had to be laid to rest for him to move on with Nellie. He would not let Christine plague Nellie's life they way she had his.

"You look good, Yousef," Christine said. They were both watching the sun rise in Brindleton Bay.

"You look healthy," he said. "What did you need, Christine?"

"I want you to come home, of course. I think you've been acting up for quite long enough."

"You cannot possibly believe I would leave with you." He rubbed his face. "I would think leaving silently in the night, cutting off contact entirely, moving to a different city, would be enough of a sign to you. It is over. I do not love you. I will not be manipulated by you again."

"You are being so dramatic right now. Look at you. You can't even properly dress yourself without me. You're a mess. Just come home, stop being ridiculous."

"It has been five years, Christine."

"Yes, I think I've been quite indulgent of this little temper tantrum of yours."

"Leave. Don't come back."

"You think you can just leave and humiliate me like this?!" She shrieked. Several birds were startled from their early morning perches. "You proposed to me!"

"No, I did not! Again you twist reality to fit your narrative and that is not how it is! Stealing my mother's ring and placing it on your finger is not a proposal! You stole that from me, you stole the opportunity for me to give it to the woman I do love and that is marrying me!"

Christine took a step back, shock written over her face. "You absolute bastard, you would cheat on ME?! I made you! I gave you value!"

"I am inherently valuable without you. It is not cheating. Your delusion is your own. I will marry her and you will leave us alone. Enough, Christine. Let me go."

"Mark my words, Yousef," Christine whispered, her voice sinister. "You will not marry this other woman if you know what is best for you. I'll give you time to break it off and come home where you belong."

"I will not."

"Then I'll solve this little dalliance problem of yours."

"Stay away from her."

"I will not."

((prev)) ((next))

[chaifootsteps]

Armchair Psychology Anon here (not a real Psych just seeing patterns)

I uh... hmm.

So Lilith/Eve is the true villian, wanting to destroy the relationship of Charlie and Lucifer?

Of course it is. (If true).

And her liking these tweets of Luci x Lilith lately makes a whole lot more sense. The fans are most likely not going to take this well if this leak is true. Also, it makes sense that her trading card crops out her face, gives her no last name, and makes her look sinister as hell. She also still has not yet had her VA revealed and no real good look at her.

I just... it's interesting as well that Alastor is secretly sent to protect Charlie. (Male character, too, of course. And seeing someone say he's also a father figure now makes sense as well.) I always liked the idea that he was secretly going to turn on the Hotel and Charlie (or just leaves) and be an obvious hidden antagonist. And it's interesting that Charlie DOES end up forgiving her. Viv mentioned spending time with her mom over the holiday, so it's clear that perhaps that they do have some sort of civil relationship at the very least.

And of course, the Root of Evil is a woman.

Chai, I say this as nicely as possible, especially after carefully analyzing and seeing the complaints of HB as a whole, and that recent interview with Brandon asking about how women are written, and about Ghostfuckers (whilst also knowing about the leaks of it). Also likes silly tweets about being depressed, and most of her main cast of Helluva consists of depressed characters. Especially Stolas (who is also rich, and Vuv defends like crazy (He's her self insert/her father rolled into one character). That one is not too hard to see. Most people are depressed these days (myself included).

Vivienne needs therapy.

She needs it if she hasn't already been getting it.

I understand that writing out trauma is therapeutic. I have author friends who do it. I do it myself. But I also see my own therapist every week.

She clearly hates women. She loves her own father and incorporates loving father/daughter relationships into her own work and clearly does not let anything get in the way of that.

That's why the main character is allowed to be woman. Because it's Viv and the relationship with her own father. Charlie is also bi... which Viv is apparently too.

Something else I've noticed is older bad dads.

Which is ironic because God punishes Lucifer (his son) and Luci wants to be good for Charlie.

I think it's quite possible that maybe her grandfather was not as kind to her father, as her father is to her. See Crimson to Moxxie (it can be assumed Moxxie wants children and would be a loving father). See Paimon to Stolas, and Cash to Blitzo.

But then, going down the line of the newer fathers being better to their daughters. Stolas tries with Octavia (doesn't try very well), Blitz REALLY tries with Loona, Millie's dad seems to have a healthy relationship with her. Perhaps her father has shared with her that his relationship with his dad wasn't great and that he wanted to be a better father to her and her sisters. And whatever her mother did to her/her father...yikes.

Her latest IG post also does mention being depressed about "plans changing" and that food from her dad helps.

I just... wow. Viv can be so easily read. She really doesn't leave anything hidden. And she can't stop herself from writing out her truth.

And that's not going to go over with the fans or public at all, I'm sure of it.

It is also interesting to have a male voicing Katie Killjoy. Hmm. Not that I have a problem with men voicing women, but when it comes to Viv... I don't have a good feeling about it. I've also noticed Brandon seeming a bit miserable in his IG posts and his HH ones don't seem very excited either.

I think his declining views on his own channel other than the 2 HB ones say a lot. Especially when he's clearly trying to placate Viv by saying he's "one of the worst writers of HB".

Chai... oof. I don't know what else to say. We'll just see what comes next.

Thank you for all of this, Armchair Psychology Anon. Your writeups are always fascinating to read, in a haunting sort of way.

I don't know what's going on in Viv's personal life and family history, but all this is pointing to something that demands a really good therapist. Viv being an awful person doesn't negate that.

[grayskyzephyr]

Hi there, you don't know me and you don't need to know jack shit about me I just feel like giving my take.. and also want someone else's take on it.

I'm.. conflicted on Adam as a character, on one hand he has a lot of potential to be a great villain.. on the other hand, he's a raging incel and that's all he's ever written as.

Now that isn't where I take issue. I take issue with the fact the writing had him be both a shitty ex to Blake (which is a whole bundle of questionable choices given THAT product sold by rt during Valentine's day- aka the one where it had Blake and Adam on it and some shit like "lovers quarrel"- but that's beside the point.) but also.. a major component to the white fang subplot, and unfortunately.. the show drops the ball on the combination.

It could have worked but it nose dived as soon as Adam entered v4 (with his fuckboy design- no.. need to be serious here) with it being more apparent the story was focusing on Adam being Blake's ex rather than.. anything to do with the white fang, and to be blunt I feel as if that's one of the big problems I have with Adam (and Blake) they have a lot of story potential (for Blake it's too much but that's my take.) and yet nothing is done with them.

Adam gets packed up by volume 6 and the white fang is dissolved immediately prior when he first got his ass kicked by Blake. (Which.. dear god I have opinions on). Overall he feels underwhelming.

Im not expecting a tragic anti hero but if the writers are gonna set him up as a threat it feels a little unsatisfying to have him go out with no spectacle, no grand ass whooping when against yang and Blake, no send off with Blake refuting his hatred for humanity, no scene where yang gets pay back for Adam slicing off her arm and giving her PTSD from it, he just gets killed and that's it.

It's disappointing and overall I feel like if I could, and had to keep Adam a villain I would have atleast given his dynamic with yang and Blake more time, id atleast try and make him more hateable because instead of meeting hating him for everything he's done, I just can't care.

I'm sorry this makes no sense but if it somehow does id like your take on it, I know Adam is very much a dead ram horse (heh.. I need to be more funny..) in terms of conversation because.. well he isn't a "character" he's just a piece of cardboard the writers liked to ignore until they decide to give Blake something to do... Or in the fandoms case argue about whether he was written well or not.

Have a lovely day.. imma go fuck off now.

Wow, I wasn't expecting a lengthy ask. I had to find time to answer lol

But yes I do agree with everything you said. I've made a post here taking my turn beating the dead horse on the whole Adam debacle, but it was more so geared towards the fandom's continued violent hatred of him. Reminder that he is a fictional character who does not exist.

I do believe making Adam Blake's "ex abusive boyfriend" was unnecessary, because it takes away the struggle Blake faces as a faunus in society and where her values in activism lie. But that doesn't mean it couldn't work alongside with it. It was so cartoonishly goofy when Adam walks in calling Blake "my love" in that cringe attempt to be sinister.

I really do hate how Blake is defined by being a victim of abuse and the fandom coddling her for it and not by her indominable spirit in wanted to fight for her people. That part of her has been tossed to the wayside along with Adam's corpse. And I do hate how we are not allowed to have a nuance discussion on Adam as a character because the fandom and crwby simply won't allow it

[blackbird5154]

As always, I thank @osiiiris and @van-goghs-smoking-skull for their help with the translation. What a small text and how many problems! Thank you for still being with me despite my pedantry! <3

Tags: 18+, Angst, Loss, Farwell, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Love, Foreplay, Petting, Manual stimulation, Mention of Religion

Characters: Papa Emeritus III x Cirice

Soundtrack: This fic is written under the impression of the song by Spiritual Front 'Choose Death'. Please listen to it, it's just amazing.

The stars go out at dawn

In late September 2017, on planet Earth, in the city of Stockholm, Sweden, in a hotel room on Kungsgatan Street, two people lay huddled together in a narrow single bed. White sheets bunched under and around them. The darkness of the fall night peeked through the curtains,  creeping up to the headboard of the bed, illuminated by the faint light of a table lamp. He lay leaning on his elbow, pulling back the hair falling from her forehead with his fingers, peering into her face. He was still in his makeup from the concert, and flecks of white paint were imprinted on her lips, her neck, her breasts, as the marks of his attention. She stared up at him, lying on her back, trying to catch a glimpse of a smile on his lips.

Always assertive and sinister at first, he became gentle in the middle of the night, as if the dark doom weighing on him receded for a while under the magic of mutual caresses. She saw how his eyebrows, perpetually scrunched together in thought, had relaxed for once, how the wrinkles on his forehead and cheeks smoothed out, and from behind the mask of the stern pontiff a wily child emerged, the one he let only her see. It had always been that way, but today something else flickered in the depths of his eyes.

"Will you be at tomorrow's concert, Cirice?"

"Sure. I didn't come on all this tour with you to miss the last show."

"Va bene."

He ran his thumb gently over her lips, parting them slightly, and leaned in for a kiss. She responded with tenderness, soaking up the softness of his lips, dissolving into the kiss. He took a deep breath and pressed closer to her as her hand slid down his shoulder, moved to his neck, lost in his raven-wing colored hair. 

After a while he pulled away, only to look into her eyes again. She said:

"Tonight's concert... Especially 'Deus In Absentia'."

She remembered how Papa had been pacing the stage at first, pressing his hand to his heart, then shaking his finger at someone invisible in the audience. And how, at the end, he had lowered his head, put down the microphone and stood like that for a while, in deep thought to the sound of the tragic chorale, before walking offstage.

It was the end of the Popestar tour. He had one last concert to play in Gothenburg. She could see the fatigue he hid in his eyes. He should have gotten some sleep now before the show, but for some reason Papa wanted her to visit him tonight. He'd called her a few hours ago, saying just three things: the address of his hotel, a number, and the word 'come'. She'd taken a taxi and was here in half an hour.

Through the entire tour, she caught his gaze in the auditorium. He searched for her with his eyes, lingering on her for a long time, as if he wanted to make sure she was there and not going to disappear. His left white eye looked at her piercingly and anxiously, while the right one, a soft, muted green, seemed to comfort and reassure that everything would be all right. 

What could go wrong? He was at the zenith of his fame, tickets were sold out, and Papa was better than ever on stage. On this tour he seemed to use all his charisma and artistry to conquer the already warmed up and enamored audience.

Ghost had just played a concert at Gröna Lund. The crowd roared, and Cirice cheered along with them. Only occasionally did she hear echoes of talk that Papa might be replaced soon. But he wasn't talking about anything like that, so those rumors only made her angry. Of course, she noticed how emotionally he said goodbye to the crowd at the end of each concert. "From the bottom of my heart," he said, "thank you," and something broke in his voice at that moment. She knew he was completely sincere. He lived for this audience, his whole existence was devoted to this cluster of twinkling faces united by one idea - his flock. It was no longer the idea of Satanism in its original version, but something that he had filtered through himself, reinterpreted, energized with light and electricity, and now sought to share with people. And maybe some small piece of his humanity-directed soul was given to one particular person - her. She believed it was a special piece.

"A man lies on his deathbed reflecting on his life," Papa said, looking away. It always amazed her how all those songs written by Ghoul Writer made sense in his head. How every word fell into place after his explanations. "And epiphanies of his end. Like Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane."

She pulled herself up and rolled onto her side, propping her head on her hand. Trying to catch his gaze, hoping to understand the new parable he was about to tell. She'd always been a good listener.

"Tell me," he continued, his eyes wandering somewhere behind her back, "if Jesus had escaped from the Garden of Gethsemane then. What would have happened? They would have found him and crucified him anyway," he reasoned, as if answering himself. "But then he would have died like a coward, abandoning the faith he served, abandoning the struggle."

"Terzo," she called him by the substitute name the fans had given him. A name that quickly caught on among fans and then spread to musicians. "You're talking about Jesus. What's going on with you?"

"He stayed in the garden. He stayed, knowing that Judas would come and bring the soldiers with him. If you were Magdalene," he said, turning his gaze to her, "knowing what awaited him, would you have told him to run or stay?"

She sighed.

"I've always been your Magdalene." She found his hand and intertwined her fingers with his. "You were the only one who believed in me when everyone else thought I was corrupted and mad. You said," she hummed softly, "'I know your soul is not tainted…'"

He brought her hand to his lips and kissed the back of it. Then he moved toward her, rolling her onto her back, resting her arm on the right side of her head and pressing it gently into the mattress.

"Maybe you're still a little corrupted, though?", he smiled with one corner of his lips. His skull-like face hovered over her as he studied her eyes. Then he leaned down to her neck, slowly tracing a path of kisses along it. She clenched and unclenched his fingers, feeling his grip grow stronger and his lips becoming more insatiable. A shiver seeped into her breath. Knowing how much it aroused him, she sagged, moving her whole body toward him. He slid his hand under her waist, pulling her tighter against him.

They'd been acting like a well-coordinated orchestra by this time, understanding and complementing each other, reading each other's thoughts and guessing desires. His hand slid down her thigh, traveling down and back up again. He moved his lips over her leisurely, gently, lingering in every inch, filling her crotch with throbbing desire. She moaned softly, biting her lip. She was the silent type - never one to show off in bed. It was a special pleasure for him to snatch the moans and cries from her, knowing she was sincere and unable to hold back.

He lifted himself slightly above her and found her eyes with his gaze. He held it a little longer than he should have, as if he were trying to memorize her every feature. Once again, she couldn't catch the essence of the strange expression, like a mist that veiled his eyes.

"Papa... You're strange today."

"I just can't get enough of you, dolcezza. You're so beautiful when aroused."

She knew her cheeks were flushed. He stared at her for a moment longer before pressing his mouth on the skin near her navel, making her tense and tilt her head back. He sought out the most sensitive spots, caressing the quivering skin with his lips. She crumpled her hands in his hair, arching with every breath, and he seemed to drink, never getting enough, covering her body with kisses from hips to collarbones.

"Did you see what I did at the concert?" he said, pulling away from his work. "During 'Cirice'?"

"Yes..."

He got close to her face.

"What was I doing?"

"You-" she breathed heavily, "-were stroking the microphone stand with your hands."

"And then?"

"You lowered your hand and flexed two fingers..."

"These?" he showed her a hand with his middle and ring fingers bent and made a few quick movements with them. She couldn't hold back a pitiful 'hmph' at the sight of it. "These fingers I've saved for you." 

He slid his hand along her body and she felt the pads of his fingers on her clit. Shuddering at the explosion of pleasure that pierced her nerve endings, she bit her lip again to keep from moaning.

"Open yourself to me, dolcezza. Show me how much you love your Papa."

She couldn't keep quiet as his fingers slid into her moist entrance. He quickly oriented himself, finding the spot that gave her the most pleasure. As she moaned and wriggled beneath him, he nuzzled her neck again, kissing the places she presented to him with tenderness and passion. 

There didn't seem to be a spot left on her that his lips hadn't explored that night. It was as if he had memorized every curve, every hollow, every erogenous that zone trembled in response to his touch, sang in the language of the body about love to him.

He finally pulled away from her.

"Look at me."

Cirice looked up. She had to make an effort to focus on his face, ignoring the sensation of his fingers massaging her from the inside. 

She was horrified when she finally recognized the expression hiding in his eyes. 

"Remember me. Please remember me as I am now", he said.

She could only let out an inarticulate moan, catching his gaze, reading the sadness and longing in it.

"However you'll see me later. No matter what anyone tells you about me. Remember me like this."

"What are you talking about?" she whispered.

"Don't forget. Remember me."

"Terzo..."

"Remember."

He stared at her so insistently and tensely, his fingers moving on a rhythm of their own, that she had to force herself to respond. Gasping, she whispered, "I'll remember... I'll always remember you... I promise..."

He lowered his eyelids.

"Va bene."

He quickened the rhythm, just enough for her to choke on her own breath. The orgasm came in a wave of realization so long delayed and denied, hitting her with sweet spasms. Her release sounded more like moans of pain than sighs of pleasure. When he finished, tears streamed down her temples.

Later - less than a day will pass - she will scream and tear through the crowd as two men will take him under the elbows to drag him off the stage. Catching his gaze as he will search through the audience and finally find what he was looking for. Fighting the security guards who will not let her backstage, trying to explain something to them, but they will not understand her over the roar of the crowd and will think she is just another crazy fan. Howling as she'll see the old man entering the stage and pronouncing: "A new Middle Ages is coming. "

But now she was silent, lying exhausted on her back. Papa's eyelids flinched as he caught her gaze again, empty and uncomprehending. With just his lips, he mouthed a silent 'Don't cry'. Then he buried his face in her shoulder, taking deep breaths, memorizing the scent of her hair.

The planet was spinning, night changing to day. The morning of September 30, 2017 was coming.

[Support on AO3]

[magicalyaku]

Hehe, while writing this, it's still 2024 where I live, so I'm still on time. After the excellent reading month of October, I decided to go back to a book I started in September and didn't finish. Turns out I didn't finish this time either. So next to three anticipated reads and two spontaneous picks is my only DNF of the year!

Fallen Thorns (Harvey Oliver Baxter): I started this on a 12-hour-flight and continued to slog my way through it the next two weeks in October and then another week in November and then I realized I still had about 100 pages left - and I just couldn't do it. I just did not care one ounce about the characters. It's so slow and tedious and while I think the writing and pacing is fitting for the protagonist's personality, I guess we just don't match. I didn't hate this book the way I loathe Saint Sinner Sorrow (which I read in September), mind you, there's levels between, I was just bored and there were passages written in a way I just didn't understand (like the one when the leader of the group puts down two captives and suddenly there's a monster. But where did it come from and why was is just one and not two and why was is written that way?) and other passages (from the 'other's' pov) that I just felt exhausted by. It's a real shame, though, because it's another book with an aroace main character this year that I didn't like. /D That being said, I do want to encourage you to take a look for yourself if you're interested in vampires, found family, some sinister conspiracy and a character grappling with his lack of attraction.

Don't let the Forest in (C.G. Drews): Well, this was wild. In a good and also a disturbing way. Andrew is so not okay (honestly, why did they ever let him go back without therapy or a councillor?). It's an interesting book and makes you want to know what's going on/how they deal with it in the end and if it's real or just some hallucination. Just that at some point, it was very obvious where the monsters came from and I wanted to shake the boys for not drawing the last conclusion. (There were still things I didn't anticipate.) It was still good and the writing with all its forest-related imagery is pretty. Fun fact: The cover illustrator went to art school with my best friend and they still talk once in while. When I told my friend about the books I wanted to read, she was like "Oh, I think Jana did the cover!" and I was like "Oh, that's fitting. This one has monsters!" (Because she's always been drawing creepy shit). Even if I only know her second-hand, I'm always proud when a fellow German artist is actually being successful. :D

Nox Winters and the Midnight Wolf (Rochelle Hassan): Another forest-book with more pretty forest-similes. It's a solid adventure story with good character growth. Nox is fun, because he is so grumpy (which I can relate to so much). Compared to the author's other middle grade book I probably like that one more, just because the twist of that one is good, but Nox is also pretty good and I enjoyed reading it. Thinking back to it, all I see is dark forest and stars and I like that.

Fall for Him (Andie Burke): Hmm, I was looking forward to reading this and then I almost forgot to add it the list of books I read. :'D I think it was good? Like very down to earth with money problems, work, nosy neighbors. A story that's probably easy to relate to. There's a bit of on and off between the characters while they sort themselves out, but ultimately everything does get sorted out. Yeah, it was good. Just for the love of cats, don't use names for your characters that spell so similarly. Even if the characters looks are different, I can't see them! I only see the written characters on the page and both start with D and have 5 letters in 2 syllables (Derek and Dylan) and that was actually really hard for me. For half of the book, everytime one of them spoke I had to take a moment to ensure which one it is. (Maybe that's also why it's so difficult for me to remember what happenend in this book. I'm trying hard here.)

They hate each other (Amanda Woody): I was sick again and thought, it'd be the right time for another audiobook from the library. Just that I really didn't want another adult romance with adult scenes. /D I was reluctant to pick this up, because the summary sounds incredibly shallow. They start fake dating to show their friends that they don't fit. Woah. Ugh. I wanted something easy to read, though, being sick and all, so I went along with it. The thing is, the summary is a blatant lie of omission. Because half of the book isn't even about the dating thing but about the family issues of the one guy. His mother is dead, his father an alcoholic and he has to care of his younger sisters, earning the money, next to keeping up in school. It doesn't go well and he is on the point of breaking. And then his estranged aunt starts poking her nose in. It's really tough, actually, and mean at times. Like when the aunt asks the (not so fake anymore) boyfriend to provide her with information when he doesn't really know her intentions and has to decide if he is ready to lose his boyfriend's trust forever over it. I liked that the book has an actual story that is not at all shallow but I still felt betrayed. xD

Fake Dates and Moon Cakes (Sher Lee): I picked this one up, because I read the author's second book Legend of the White Snake a little earlier and still needed something light, this time for traveling not being sick. But after the betrayal of They Hate Each Other, I ended up reading this a week before the actual travel. :'D What I didn't realize at first is, that it's another fake dating story with a rich guy. xD This one was fun, though. It did exactly what it promised and I really liked it. The author's shtick for giving a lot of background facts is in here as well, like about the Chinese calendar and the food. It's sweet, the protagonist is not an idiot and family is important. Fun fact: This is the third book with a Dylan in a row. Yes. And remember Fall for Him with Derek and Dylan? In here, there's a random girl approaching the protagonist Dylan and can't remember his name and asks "What was your name? Derek?" Not surprisingly I laughed out loudly. I'm not the only one mixing them up!

That's it for all the backlog!! (Finally!) As of writing this, I still have about 80 pages left of my last book of the year, so I'll get back to that. Happy new year!