#is it obvious i did my final project on this in high school?

[ripmyfictionalfriends]

Cligés is the one where Alexander the Great is also randomly in it. And Fenice!!! Who is Cligés' uncle's wife! And she fakes her death just to get out of the marriage and go with Cligés!

me in 2020 apparently: ah yes chretien's four romances-- *is interrupted by a messenger who comes and whispers in my ear* what the fuck is a cliges

[luvonmes-blog]

Guilty

Y/N and Suguru were damn near polar opposites of each other. Y/N, a girl who wore her heart on her sleeve and gave and gave until she couldn't anymore. Suguru, a cocky dickhead who was spoon-fed opportunities and was given everything he ever wanted. how could the two ever make anything work?

Warnings - 18+ MDNI!! enemies to lovers! hockey player!geto, ice skater!reader, tatted!geto, pierced!geto, he gets bitched, getos a whiny little boy, smut, rough sex, sappy sex, daddy kink, breeding kink towards the end, some spit, sex in a public place, at some point Satoru walks in, Y/N kinda cries a lot (self-projection is real). i think theres more? lmk if i missed anything! w.c - 18.5k, not proof read. Song - Guilty By: TAEMIN

PSA - please do not compare this to Icebreaker. ik because of ice skating and the release of this book it’s the first thing you think of but, number one, that book sucks. number two, the book is supposed to have elements and revolve around muslim culture, the author obviously did not do enough research on what it is to be muslim and i hate it. number three, i actually spent time researching and even had someone help me make sure this was the best i can possibly make it, i’d like if my work was appreciated for being my work instead of it being appreciated because it reminds you of smt else. thank you!

all in all, DO NOT COMPARE THIS TO ICEBREAKER.

very special shout out to @r0ses4ndlilies for helping me use the proper ice skating terms!!!

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to say Suguru Geto was meant to be something - someone - important was as if to say the sun was meant to shine. obvious. 

from a young age Suguru knew he was special, gifted in academics and sports, the only person to rival him - his own best friend, Satoru. the boys were their hometowns' prized possessions. their families bragged about them, boys wanted to be them, girls fawned after them. being in their presence meant there was never a dry day but as they grew older, they grew more focused. straying away from others to pursue their dream careers. the dream was finally reached in their college years, being accepted into the prestigious university, Tokyo Metropolitan Technical College. as soon as they graduated high school they were offered full rides to the school, as long as they played on the hockey team.

they took the offer without hesitation, going to one of the highest ranked schools and getting to play the sport of their dreams? easy yes. that was almost four years ago, the boys are in their last year of college, still playing for the hockey team, almost ready to graduate. the team was the best it had been in years, only three losses since Suguru and Satoru joined the team. not only were they the best on the team but the most popular in their frat as well - Sigma Beta Chi, courtesy of Satoru dragging Sugura to join along with him. 

then there was you.

to say you had busted your ass to get where you were today would be an understatement. you poured your blood sweat and tears to get to the spot you’re in, captain of the TMTC ice skating team. as a child you’d always dreamed of becoming a figure skater. a video you had seen sparked your interest and since then you’d never let it go. it was hard, growing up your grandfather had tried his best to support you, going out of his way to pay for your skating lessons and even putting you into an after school program. he never told you of his financial struggles, he didn’t want you to give up on your dream but when you found out, you vowed to pay him back any way you could. you made sure your grades in school couldn’t be challenged, you took on many temp jobs, making money any way you could, while balancing the energy-draining skate practices you went to at night.

in your third year both upper and lower-classmen voted you as captain for the school's team and you were over the moon. you immediately called your grandfather to tell him the great news and he was just as happy as you, forever and always your number one supporter. since you became captain you’ve pushed yourself to and over your limit, challenging yourself in any way possible to make sure you were always at your best. many late nights were spent at the rink until your legs hurt so much you weren’t sure you’d be able to walk back to your dorm. you made sure the team was as best as they possibly could be, some members thought you were a bit harsh but never challenged you. after all, you had won them gold three times in a row for the first time in years. 

the only conflict you had ever had in your four years of being a student at TMTC was with the hockey team. ironic seeing as your sports were the most similar of any other sport on campus but the rumor of all hockey players seemed true, they were dicks. especially the co-captains Suguru and Satoru. they didn’t seem to take your sport seriously, always taunting you whenever they’d see you. snide comments about your figure when they’d see you at practice or remarks about the uniforms you and the team wore. you wouldn’t go as far as to say you hate them (that’s just not you) but you weren’t particularly fond of them. they constantly got on your nerves, their deep boisterous laughs making your eye twitch whenever you heard them.

they ground your gears so much you just tried your best to avoid them. it wasn’t that hard seeing as you all lived on opposite sides of campus and in the two classes you had with Suguru, you sat closest to the wall while he sat dead center with his loud friends. Suguru was smart, extraordinarily so, which is exactly why you didn’t understand why he was such an asshole. you truly believed you two could be great friends but he was so rude it turned you away almost immediately. you never understood why he was so mean to you. the first time you had met you were all smiles and kind waves, you went to introduce yourself to him and he shot you down.

the coaches of both teams had called a meeting for all new team members. it was a run down of the rules and regulations, anti-harassment, anti-bullying, non-discrimination. so much that has done for you. after the meeting was over the coaches gave you the choices of either leaving or the opportunity to mingle. you took the chance to mingle, forever a social butterfly, going up to many different people. some of the girls from your team were a little hostile but open to talking, the hockey boys well… if they didn’t try to hit on you they mostly seemed uninterested in the conversation. making your rounds you finally ended up in front of Suguru and Satoru. Satoru had looked you up and down before walking away, hadn’t even given you the time. holding your hand out for Suguru to shake, you smiled at him. 

“hi, i’m Y/N.” he stared at you before mumbling under his breath. you thought he was going to say something to you but Satoru had called after him, saying something about pizza. Suguru placed the cup he was drinking out of in your hand and walked over to his best friend. “o-oh…” he looked back at you, your face stuck with your mouth open and eyes wide, shocked. a couple of times after you tried to approach him, trying your best to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe he’s not so mean. time and time again he proved you wrong. you would bring in gifts for the team, snacks for practice, water, anything they’d need. everyone was always so grateful, Satoru had even said thank you maybe a handful of times. Suguru had never even muttered anything. 

you kept trying, ever the people pleaser, finding different ways to appease him, if you noticed he seemed to enjoy something more than another you would bring it in more. you would try to catch up to him after practice, spark up a conversation, he never seemed to care enough. you couldn’t understand why you were so obsessed with making him like you. maybe it was because growing up you always made sure everyone liked you, never leaving the house with a hair out place, always bending over backwards to make sure everyone was at least content with you. maybe it was because you couldn’t function if you felt like there was any sort of scrutiny upon your character. maybe you were so obsessed with making him like you because you had a little crush- no, no way. you kept up, trying so hard to get on his good side. it took up until one night, one night and the fixation fell. you were walking out after a long day of practice, he was in front of you, looking down on his phone. 

“hey!” you yelled after him, starting in a little jog to catch up to him. he stopped for a second as you stepped next to him. “hi.” you were panting a little bit, breaths coming out in clouds due to the cold air. the snow that was falling landed in your eyelashes, you were smiling at him, so bright and wide, you looked so cute. cuter than anyone Suguru has seen before. “um, i saw a spin you did back there when you were practicing. i was wondering if maybe you could show it to me. i’ve seen some other skaters on your team do it before too, it’s really cool and i was hoping i could take it back to my team and show them.” you looked up at him, hopeful.

“yeah, no.”

“oh. please? i’d really appreciate it.” you flashed him with that bright smile of yours. he was tempted to say yes, so tempted. if he did teach you maybe he could make you smile more. smile at him. 

“i said no.” you pouted, he was walking away before he turned back around to face you. your face lit back up, eyes sparkling, maybe he changed his mind? “and leave me alone, i notice the weird shit you do to get my attention. it’s annoying, stop.” your face dropped. he turned his back towards you again. after that day you did exactly what he said, left him alone. from that day on you’d begun avoiding him.

you’d done a great job at it too, for years you stayed out his way… until today.

it was another late night at the rink. wednesdays the rinks were always empty for mandatory deep cleaning, the captains would usually ask the manager of the building if they could borrow it on these nights to practice by themselves. there was a deal that the captains of the separate teams could have the rink every-other wednesday, tonight was your night. you were on your way into the rink, texting your friend Bri, she was telling you about how Satoru was staring at her from across the lecture hall. she was obsessed, it was odd seeing as you told her how much he got on your nerves and how he teased you in public. she didn’t seem to care too much. 

as you were heading to the locker room you heard clinking coming from the ice, you had assumed it was the cleaning crew, they’d usually be finishing up right about now. lacing up your skates you finally put your phone down, over Bri’s delusions, you were too afraid to cut her off as a friend, scared of the potential consequences. walking to the rink, your guards scuffing against the floor as you dragged your feet, already feeling the pain in your legs. you were just about to sit down and take your guards off before you saw him. the infamous number two on his jersey moving against his body as he moved the hockey puck around with his customized stick.

“hey!” you yelled out through the windows separating the bleachers and the rink. “what are you doing?” he stopped just as he was about to hit the puck into the makeshift goal he mapped out in the corner. turning around to look at you with low eyes.

“what does it look like i’m doing?” he answered back, snarkily.

“it looks like you’re taking up my time.” you were annoyed, he knows this is your time, you’d even specified yesterday. talking just loudly enough for the hockey team to hear from across the rink, you knew they were listening in, they always do. 

“your time?” he scoffed.

“yeah, my time.” you rolled your eyes. “listen, i don’t know how long you’ve been here but it’s long enough. i really don’t want to be mean or make this bigger than it is but i really need to practice. i’d really appreciate it if you left.” you gave him the kindest smile you could then sat down to take the guards off your skates.

“alright, princess, i was here first. that means i get the rink.” his arms were out at his side, gesturing to the rink. you shot back up quickly.

“no!” you exclaimed. “this is my night. you being here first doesn’t mean anything. and i told you to stop calling me that.” princess. the stupid nickname he had given you two years ago. you were leaving the rink after a meeting between the two teams, him and Satoru trailing behind laughing and giggling to each other. he’d tried calling after you, yelling your name a couple of times, you had ignored him, not wanting to deal with their antics. he yelled after you once more before the godforsaken nick-name fell from his lips. you stopped immediately, turning on your heels before telling him to not call you that. after that he made it a point to call you it whenever he could.

“first come first serve, princess.” your eye twitched. 

“Geto-”

“what’s up with the formalities? can’t call me by my name?” he raised an eyebrow at you.

“can you just leave?” 

“i already told you-”

“i know what you told me and i’m telling you, it’s my night here and i’d like to practice now.” your tone was stern.

“no.” he stated simply. you guffawed.

“no?”

“no.” you took a deep breath before turning away.

“y’know what, nevermind.” beginning to walk away you heard the sound of his skates against the ice.

“you giving up that easily princess!?” he yelled after you. you turned back around to find him at the door of the rink, coming towards you.

“can you just not? i’m not in the mood for this today.” turning back around and trudging to the locker room. he caught up to you quickly - the advantage of having long legs - grabbing your arm. you pulled away immediately, walking away faster. at that he put out his stick, knocking it against the blade of your right skate, harder than he intended. you hit the ground before you could try to catch yourself. your knees took the brunt of the fall as well as your palms. turning over to sit down you felt a sharp pain in your ankle. as you lifted to assess it you heard a snap, yout foot fell ungracefully. looking down, a piece of the blade of your skate lay next to your shoe.

“shit.” Suguru muttered under his breath. “i- i’m sorry.” you wouldn’t look up at him, staring at your broken skate. he heard your shuddering breath before he saw a tear fall and soak into your stockings. “um- here, let me-”

“asshole.” he reached to help you up but you pulled away. unlacing your other skate and ripping it off, you shot up, grabbing your skates along with the broken blade, stumbling before quickly limping away. “you’re such a fucking asshole.” sniffling and wiping your face, you headed to the locker room. he followed after. “just go away.”

“stop being such a bitch and let me help you.” you stopped and whipped around to face him.

“i’m being bitch?” you questioned exasperatedly. “you broke my fucking skate and i’m being a bitch?!” he had never heard you speak so crudely. you’ve called him an asshole on multiple occasions, him and Satoru but he’d never heard you say fuck. it’s like you refused. “look at what you did! you’ve been torturing me since junior year and i’m the fucking bitch! do you know how much these cost?! how much new ones will cost?!” you were damn near hyperventilating, pacing back and forth. 

“i’ll get you a new pair.” you scoffed and put your hands on your hips, facing the wall, the shoes in each one of your hands.

“you'll get me a new pair. you’ll get me a new pair?! do you even know where these came from?!” you were in distress, overwhelmed, Suguru seemed to have that effect on you. “you can’t just get me a new pair, Geto. i can’t believe you.” your voice broke. “i- i always knew you were a dick but i really didn’t you’d go so far to break my skates.”

“it’s really not that big of a deal.” he rolled his eyes.

“not a big deal?” you finally turned to face him, the look on your face did something to him, it actually made him feel… bad. “they were from my grandfather, he made them for me in junior year and the guy who made them closed shop the next year. you can’t get another pair.” shit. shit. he fucked up, bad. he was in too deep now, if he owned up to it now then that would means he’s wrong and Suguru Geto he never been wrong. well, not if you ever asked him.

“this wouldn’t have happened if you had just left.” 

“it’s my night Geto, you knew that!”

“yeah well i needed the practice.”

“what the fuck did you think i needed?”

“come on, we both know which one of us is more important here.” you were pissing him off, he was deflecting.

“you can’t be serious.”

“i am. nobody takes you fucking serious, nobody cares about watching you parade around on the rink in your small little fucking skirts.” you looked up to the ceiling and nodded your head.

“right.” you turned away from him. “you’re right.” you walked away, he heard you go into the locker room and he went back to the ice. eventually he heard the front doors open and close.

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for the next three weeks he had not seen you come into your wednesday practices. he purposely came to the ones he knew you would be at but you had never showed up. he would wait until closing time, staying until the custodial staff would kick him out, you never appeared. he noticed you were in and out of your classes as well. you had the same classes together everyday, civics and economics, some days you would be there but have your head down and constantly checked your phone. other days you weren’t there at all. he had asked your professors if he could have your papers, to make sure you were getting them but each of them had replied that you didn’t need them, you were all caught up.

you didn’t come to your teams practices either, luckily you had always taught them the drills you came up with way beforehand. if Suguru had ever cared to look deeper into who you are (which he’d never admit that he did) he would maybe, possibly, just maybe own up to the fact that he might admire the way you carried yourself. you’re a great captain, an amazing skater, and an even better student. you’re just up there with him and Satoru. he’ll never tell you that though. he oftentimes wondered what you thought about him. did you think he was smart? a good skater? do you think he’s attractive? he wants to know if you think of him the way he thinks of you. he’ll never ask. 

eventually you came back. two more weeks of not being there, then, he saw you again. you were in class, back at practice, running drills and laughing with your friends. but he noticed something different, you were more reserved, if you weren’t with your friends you weren’t with anyone at all. your smile didn’t reach your eyes like it usually did. after practice you left immediately, not waiting for everyone to leave like you usually did. you were out of the door before anybody could say bye. you weren’t you. Suguru looked after you, even if you weren’t aware, he did. he made sure when him and Satoru picked on you they never went too far. when he heard other guys on the team talk about you, he shut it down almost immediately. Suguru cared, he’d never outright show it or tell you but he did. 

even now that you’re back you still weren’t coming to your wednesday practices. at some point he stopped going for “practice” and would wait for you to walk through the doors. you never did. he got around to asking one of your teammates, Yari, where you had been. she told him you found a new rink, a better one. apparently you knew the manager well and he would give you the space for two nights a week. she had said you lucked out, the rink was spacious and had more to offer. Suguru thanked Yari by finger-fucking her in the back office. she walked out dazed with a blissed out smile on her face while he sat… disgusted. he didn’t even like her. he didn’t like a lot of the girls he slept with, he just did. building up a reputation of one of the best fucks on campus, besides Satoru of course. 

he’s always wanted one girl. he’s always wanted you but you’ve never paid him any mind. around campus he’s heard about you, the boyfriend you had in junior year, how much he hurt you and how you swore off relationships after. choosing to focus on school like you had promised yourself you would once entering the university. Suguru had a girlfriend, plenty of them. they never lasted, he couldn’t stay tied down to one girl. eyes always wandering. he broke up with them before it got too serious. he liked them enough to get with them just… not enough to stay. 

walking into class you were heading to, looking at your phone checking your grandfather's location to make sure he was home like you told him to be. stopping in your tracks when you came across big black combat boots. looking up he had an all black outfit to match, like usual. his hair was down in a low bun, some strands framing his face. rolling your eyes and breathing out a sigh as you looked at him.

 “what do you want?” sitting up in his - your - seat he sat down his pencil on the desk. 

“you weren’t here.” he shrugged. 

“so you took my seat?” he could see the annoyance bleeding onto your face. 

“it’s not like you were here to stop me.” you just looked at him like he was stupid. 

“fine.” moving away and three rows behind him, you plopped down into a random desk. he grabbed all his stuff and took up the desk next to you. you looked at him before looking away and to the window. your leg started bouncing up and down. “you just don’t give up do you?” 

“give up what?” 

“what do you want, Geto?” you turned towards him. “what do you want? you want me to cry again? you want me to grovel?” 

“no. i just-”

“then what?”

“i was gonna say sorry but never-fucking-mind.” 

“you were gonna say sorry?” you laughed in his face. “that’s a good joke, Geto.” for some reason that got on his nerves. 

“what? i can’t apologize?”

“it’s not that you can’t. you don’t.” you’re right. “i don’t care anyway. so even if you do, it doesn’t matter.” he didn’t know what to say so for the rest of class he sat in silence. when the bell rang you packed your things up and left quickly. it was the last class of the day and he watched the direction you went in, he knew where you were headed so he followed. when you walked into the rink it was completely empty. you stopped in your tracks. 

“all practices were canceled today.” 

“you’re telling me now?”

“you didn’t get the email?”

“obviously not, Geto.” turning to leave you push past him but he grabs your arm. looking up into those brown eyes of his you try to pull away but he grips harder. “can you let go now?” 

“why do you act like that?” you look at him confused. 

“act like what.” 

“like you hate me.” 

“maybe cause i do.” you rip away from him, heading to the doors. he quickly catches up and blocks you from leaving. you let out a huff and try to push past him. “move.”

“you don’t hate me.”

“why wouldn’t i?” you look up at him. “hm? you make fun of my uniforms. you always say my drills suck. you and Satoru make fun of my team and my sport. you comment on the way i skate. hell, you broke my skates. skates i can’t get back. so why wouldn’t i?” 

“hate isn’t in your vocabulary.” he states, simply. he’s right, it’s not but would you let him know that? 

“yeah? how would you know?” he stared at you, questioning whether you did hate him or not. you were right, how would he know? pulling away from him you turn towards the locker rooms, if practice was canceled here today you would go somewhere else. he watched you for a second, contemplating leaving before he followed after you quickly. grabbing your things from your locker you watched him walk into the women’s locker room. “you’re not supposed to be in here-” he rushed over to you and before you could finish your sentence, his lips covered yours. his kiss was rough, lips moving over yours hurriedly, teeth gnawing at your bottom lip. your arms stayed at your side and your eyes were wide. you pushed him away, making space between your bodies. “what is wrong with you?” you were panting, chest rising and falling quickly. 

he moved in again, lips back on yours, this time you didn’t pull away. your bag fell off your shoulders and your new skates fell to the ground. your lips met his harshly, your fingers tangling in his hair. you pulled him down towards you, hunching him over. his hands slid around your waist to grip onto your shirt. he pushed you back into the lockers, the metal clanging as your body met them, he quickly spun you around, your torso pressing into the metal. he sucked on your ear and trailed wet kisses down your neck, the metal ball of his tongue piercing trailing down your skin. he panted into your skin as he ground his hardening cock on your ass. 

“if you’re gonna fuck me Geto, get it over with.” you breathed. his hand wrapped around your neck, arching your back and resting your head against his shoulder. 

“is that how you should talk to me? i’ll leave you right here.”

“your loss.” you shrugged, pushing him away to grab your things. before you could stray too far he pushed you back against the lockers. he made quick work of unbuttoning his pants and tugging them down just below his dick then, he pulled down your sweatpants, they pooled around your ankles. he ground his cock into your backside and groaned into your neck. his precum dripped on your back as he humped your ass. “hurry up.” you grumbled. sliding his tip through your folds, he pressed into your hole, sliding in only the tip before slipping back out. he did this over and over again until you were huffing in annoyance. 

behind you, his face was beet red. he was panting, teasing you and himself in hopes of dragging this out for as long as he possibly could. finally over it, you stamped your foot down, ready to completely push him off of you. he didn’t give you the chance, stuffing his cock all the way into you at once, shuffling forward to press his entire body into yours. you yelped out as his entire length throbbed in you, shaping your ways to accommodate for every ridge and vein. he’s the biggest you’ve ever taken, so thick you’re sure your walls are stretched to the fullest and so long you could feel him in your throat. 

“oh, fuck.” he moaned behind you. his heart was pounding in over-exertion. he was focusing so hard on trying not to cum so soon. he gave you time to adjust and time for himself to calm down before he busted before he even started. he groaned into your neck as you clenched around him, trying to get used to his girth. 

“fuck, move.”

“you sure?” 

“please, come on, just move Geto.” he nodded his head. giving one exploratory thrust, trying to gauge how you feel, how he'd feel. he moaned as his cock moved in and out of you. he could already feel the coil winding up within his lower stomach, he wasn’t gonna last. he thrust again, a whimper escaping his lips. your eyebrows raised at the noise. he whimpered. he started to develop a rhythm, hips moving languidly against yours. his hands moved up your body, gripping your boobs through your shirt, you’re not wearing a bra. he pinched your nipples through your shirt and a noise escaped your lips. the prettiest moan fell from your lips. 

he angled his hips differently and he hit that certain spot in you just right. a louder moan exited your mouth and he whimpered at it. your moans are so pretty, so pretty they made his dick throb. little “ah, ah, ah’s” left your lips at each thrust, everything about him took over your entire being. all you could feel was his hands on your body, all you could smell was his cedarwood and vanilla cologne. you were drowning in him, every sense revolved around him. Suguru couldn’t feel anything else besides your tight walls gripping him. you were so tight around him his eyes rolled back. he’d never been so vocal before, let alone whined to a girl he was fucking. 

you brought something in him, something he didn’t know existed. a need. a need for him to express how good you’re making him feel. “faster.” he shook his head against your shoulder. “come on, Geto, faster.” 

“i can’t, fuck,” he whined. “i’ll cum, i’ll fucking cum and it’ll all be over.” 

“already?” you moaned out a scoff. “i’m not even close, Geto.” he thrust into you faster. his length continuously brushing over you g-spot. one hand that was gripping your boob moved down to rub circles over your clit. his fingers were nimble and quick but messy. the circles are uncoordinated but good enough to make your thighs shake. you're so wet it's dripping down your thighs and getting on his, his hand is soaked now. 

“stop calling me that.” he whined. “say my name.”

“that is your name-”

“no. my name please.” he sounded so pretty whining for you. 

“Suguru.” he moaned. “i’m gonna cum, Suguru.” you were the one whining now. 

“please.” he rubbed your clit faster, hurriedly thrusting into you. you met him thrust for thrust, moving with him. “fuck, just like that, princess.” the claps of skin on skin could be heard throughout the locker room. you pray to whatever God out there that no one is here. “i’m gonna cum, i need you to first.” he licked a stripe up your neck, leading to your ear before he bit at your lobe. his nose pressed into your ear and he panted into your skin, harsh breaths against you. all the stimulation was getting to you, his fingers rubbing at your clit, his other hand grabbing your boob, his mouth breathing heavily against you and biting at you. the final straw was when he moved his hand from your chest to your neck, squeezing slightly, just enough to make your breathing labored and make you dizzy. your head fell to his shoulder and you dear damn screamed out as you came.  

your thighs shook violently as you creamed around Suguru. the essence of your orgasm dripping down his cock. his mouth dropped open as he felt you clench and unclench around him. he moaned out as he felt his own orgasm creeping up on him. “pull out.” you whimpered. “Suguru, pull out.” he didn’t want to, God, he didn’t want to. finally building up enough strength, he pulled out. his hand wrapped around his tip, jerking his cock quickly, your wetness helping his hand glide smoothly up and down his skin. the first spurt of his cum landed on your back, the warm fluid dripped down your back. the rest came and he moaned with each one. his chest heaved as he came, possibly the hardest he has since his first time, maybe better than that. there was so much of it too, long thick strings painted on your back. he removed his grip from his dick and ran his thumb through the small puddle on your back, smearing it across your skin.

“that was…” he huffed out a breath, smiling up at the roof.

“yeah, let’s not talk about it.” you were quick to pull up your pants. 

“what?” Suguru followed after, pulling up his pants, buttoning them, and buckling his belt. “i thought- i thought it was good. you thought it was good right?” you gathered all your things and headed to the door. 

“it was fine.”

“just fine?” you were rushing to the front door. “come on, it was more than just fine. Y/N, look at me.” you kept going, not sparing him a glance. “come on.” he reached out for you, grabbing your shoulder and turning you to him. “look at me.”

“for what?!” you yelled at him. “for what? it happened. you can go brag about it.” 

“you think i’m gonna brag about it?”

“that’s what you do, Geto. you fuck some girl and go tell the team about it or some boy in your frat. next thing you know the whole school knows about it and that girls just some whore. i’ve gone this fucking long without being caught up in this shit and you corner me once now i’m one of them.” tears built up in your eyes. “at least give me the courtesy of not saying my name.” you walked away from him, leaving him to stand alone, stunned.

----------------

Geto didn’t tell anyone. it’s been two weeks and he hasn’t muttered a single word about what happened in the rink. he didn’t even tell Satoru, the only person in the world he tells everything. ever since it happened you wouldn’t even look at him. if he caught your eyes you would immediately cast yours down. you went back to avoiding him and he hated it, he fucked up. he still can’t explain what came over him that night, he doesn’t know why it happened but he can’t take it back now. he thought it would open the door for something, some way in for him. it didn’t. 

one of your friends, Reí, had noticed something was up with you. you were quieter, there was this awkward air to you. she approached you one day when you were leaving class. 

“hey, what’s up with you?” you were heading to the quad, it was lunch time and you had some extra work you’d like to get done, you figured fresh air would be good for you. 

“nothings up with me.” you chuckled awkwardly. you took a seat on a bench under a shady tree. the sky was a little muted today, the fall season in full effect, it wasn’t a bright day like it usually would be. the sky not a bright blue and the sun not shining as much as it would. it seemed as though the earth was reflecting your mood. 

“come on, Y/N/N, be honest with me.” she laughed. “what’s up?” you huffed a bit as you looked over your campus. a gust of wind blew past you, blowing your hair over your shoulder. 

“i fucked up.” you whispered. 

“you? you never fuck up.” Reí tried to joke. 

“i did, i do. i- i don’t know.” you began to pick at your nails. 

“what happened?” you sighed before turning to look her in her eyes. 

“there’s this guy.” 

“a guy?”

“yeah.”

“so… what about this guy? do you like him? is that it, you like a guy?”

“no. i don’t like this guy, that’s the problem.”

“well Y/N/N, i don’t think it’s that much of a problem. you don’t like him, it can’t be that serious. right?”

“we fucked.”

“oh!”

“we fucked and i don’t know what to do.” you sobbed, tears running down your face. Reí moved closer and pulled you into a hug, her arms wrapping around you and petting your hair. she shushed you as you cried into her neck. “i don’t do that type of thing and- and ever since J i haven’t done anything and then this one guy comes out of nowhere and just fucks it all up!” 

“it’s ok, we all have flings in college, it’s cool.”

“no! it’s not just a fling, Reí, i hate this guy.” your sentences came out in broken sobs. “that was never supposed to happen and now when everyone finds out they’re gonna think i’m some slut for letting it happen.” you pulled back to look at her, your lower lip trembling as you spoke. 

“why would anybody think that?” she tucked pieces of your hair behind your ear and wiped your tears. 

“cause that’s what everybody thinks.” you looked down and played with your hands. “everyone here thinks all the girls here who have sex are nasty.” you looked back up to her. “i don’t wanna be nasty.” you pouted. 

“aww, baby, no one’s gonna think you’re nasty.”

“yes they will.” you nodded at her. “you should’ve heard what they said when me and J broke up. he told them what we did. he told them i let him take my virginity and everyone called me really mean names.” you swallowed harshly. “it took months for everyone to forget about that, until the next thing happened everyone was so mean. i didn’t even do anything! i thought i was just being a good girlfriend.” 

“what do you mean?” she gave you a puzzled look.

“J wanted to have sex.” you looked into her eyes. “i told him i wasn’t ready but he told me everyone else was doing it. he said that we should too and i’d be the best girlfriend. i didn’t even know what i was supposed to do.”

“Y/N/N he didn’t… did he?”

“no. i told him it was ok but i regretted it after. he got mad i didn’t wanna do anything anymore so he broke up with me.” another tear trailed down your face. “he told almost everyone. all the girls laughed at me and all they guys called me a prude. said i wasn’t even worth it.” 

“he was a dick, Y/N/N. he wasn’t worth it and i’m so sorry that happened.” you shrugged at her. “but, what does this have to do with this guy?” she tilted her head, her pretty brown hair falling over her shoulder. 

“cause he’s a dick too. he’s a dick and i know he’s gonna tell everyone.”

“how long ago was it?” 

“like… two weeks ago?”

“well, i haven’t heard anything and y’know, most guys wouldn’t wait two weeks to start telling everyone who he fucked, right?”

“i guess.” 

“look, i know this is a lot to think about, how about we get your mind off it. let’s go get some lunch, on me?” she was hopeful, she didn’t want to watch you sulk, you’re one of the best and brightest people she knows. you shook your head. 

“i have some stuff to do.” you whispered. 

“ok. fine, ok. you want me to sit with you?”

“no. i wanna be alone if that’s ok.”

“sure. just- just let me know if you need anything, yeah? i’m always here.” you gave her a nod and she leant down to give you a peck on the forehead before she walked away. she’d always been a good friend to you. looking back out to the campus, you saw his familiar black hair, in a half up half down style now. he walked with some girl - Yari, from your team - he was walking her to the science building and once they reached the front doors, she turned around and smiled at him. they spoke for a bit before he grabbed her by her chin, pulling her to him and planting a kiss on her lips. once he let go she looked up to him, her eyes sparkling. 

your heart clenched. 

getting up and gathering your things you stormed off and towards your dorm. retreating there for the rest of the day. 

Suguru didn’t mean to get involved with Yari. really, it just… happened. he was upset about the situation between you two and she just so happened to be there. the only reason he’s stayed talking to her for this long is because in some way, she reminds him of you. the way her eyes light up when she looks at him, as if he’s hung the moon and the stars, it reminds him of how you used to look at him way back when. before he fucked you over. before he was so mean to you, how your eyes would shine when you looked at him. if he squinted just enough when looking at her, he could see you. ever since that night in the rink, he’s only wanted to see you. to feel you again, to hold you. his hands have been itching to grab for you whenever you two cross paths. not having you is like living hell. he hates it. 

finally leaving Yari, he turns around to head to his own class. making his way across the quad he sees a figure hurriedly walking in some direction. when he looks over at it, he recognizes it’s you. he wants to follow you, so bad. but he knows he shouldn’t, if he did you’d probably have his head on a stake. 

----------------

another week had passed before you started feeling somewhat like yourself again. Reí had decided to take you out a couple of days ago. she took you to the diner not too far off campus, you two talked over milkshakes and french fries. she didn’t pry too much but talking to her made you feel like you had a weight lifted off your chest. it felt great. practice was canceled again today, something about one of the coaches having a family emergency, so the rink was free for the day. 

you decided to take it over for the night. one of the custodians told you no one was coming in tonight so you were free to have it. you were trying to get one specific move down, the same one you’ve been trying to learn since freshman year. it was a move all hockey players used. a hockey stop, simple yet, you’d once seen Suguru spin and come to a full hockey stop. you’d wondered how he did it. while your sports were similar there was a clear difference between them. figure skaters were gentle with their movements and it took more agility to follow through with them. hockey players were more aggressive. hockey was about defense and brutality, the players were more up-front and they lacked flexibility. 

while you were a figure skater, you did appreciate hockey and had taken a liking to practicing their moves. you’d even introduced some into the choreography of your team, giving some contrast to the ensemble. the harshness of the hockey moves plus the gentleness of figure skating make for a beautiful scene. you’ve mastered the hockey stop, it’s an easy move but when you had watched Suguru do a complete 360 and come to the stop it was something you had wanted to do as well. while you’d seen him do it years ago it never really left your head and with the new choreography you were coming up with, you wanted to include the move. 

you were getting closer, you think. well, it was better than before. at first you had completely busted your ass, sliding along the ice and hurting your chin. now most times when you fell, you went down slower. able to catch yourself before you fell on your ass again. as you were practicing you fell again, sitting down and huffing out a breath. the ice nipped at your legs through your tights and you sat for a second, looking up at the roof before looking down to play with your hands. what you hadn’t noticed was a guest within the seats, watching you as you tried to ace the move over, and over again. 

“you’re putting too much weight on your back foot.” your head shot around quickly, turning to face the booming voice. you rolled your eyes when you looked at him. there he stood, 6 '2'' stature wearing all black, his arms at his side and his jet black hair falling over his wide shoulders. 

“can you just go away?” 

“can i help you?” the question was genuine, he wanted to help. and maybe spend time with you. 

“no.”

“why not?”

“cause i don’t want your help.” you deadpanned. Suguru got up and walked away, you thanked God he chose to adhere to your request. getting back up, you went to the other side of the rink, skating yourself across the ice. you turned backwards and put your left leg out, turning into a camel spin, both your arms placed straight out to your sides. bringing your leg back down for an upright spin, putting an abrupt stop to the turn you jut out your right leg for the hockey stop. just as you thought you had gotten it, you fell back onto your palms. sitting back down and heaving out another sigh, you were ready to give up for the day. just as you were ready to go, you heard the doors to the rink being opened. you turned to see Suguru walking onto the ice. falling out and splaying yourself along the ice you groaned quite dramatically. 

“get up.” he stood over you. 

“i told you to go away.” you looked to him, one eye closed as the light shined in it. 

“i told you i was going to help.”

“i don’t need your help. i’m done.” you sat up, getting on your knees to stand up fully. Suguru grabbed your arm pulling you up and into him. “can you get off of me?” instead of responding, he started skating to the opposite side of the rink, dragging you along with him. once you reached the corner, he let go. 

“show me.” he gestured to the rink. 

“yeah, i’d rather not.” you were going to walk away but he grabbed you and turned you towards the open space of the rink. 

“you want to get it down right? show me.” his voice was soft as he spoke to you. you contemplated for a second. you could leave and go home or you could get help from the person who inspired the move. going home seemed like a really good option. getting into position, you started skating before doing just as you had done before, camel into an upright spin and full hockey stop. once again tipping over and landing on your ass. “like i said, you’re putting too much weight on your back foot, that’s why you keep falling back. and you can’t just stop, it’s too much force, you need to build up some sort of momentum so there’s something to combat the weight of your body.” his arms were crossed over his chest as he spoke to you, muscles bulging even through his black shirt. you were staring at the veins in his hands before you quickly brought your eyes up to his then looked away. 

“sure.” taking up your spot next to him you did as he said, once again a camel into an upright spinning and once your right foot met the ice again, you gave yourself a slight push before coming into the hockey stop. this time you didn’t fall onto your ass, landing on one of your knees instead. slightly better. 

“you’re not compensating enough for your own weight, look.” Suguru started his own skate and turned into a spin, not exactly an upright one but close enough. as the turn came to a close, he pushed himself forward again, quite harshly, before stopping. “see, you need a counter for yourself. just stopping isn’t enough to carry you. now you do it.” this time when you did it, following through with an extra push, you didn’t fall. instead you had tripped forward and bumped into the wall. “now you’re putting too much weight on your front foot. you need to find a balance. do we have to run first year training drills?”

“i’m not some freshman, Geto. i know what i’m doing.” you snapped. 

“do you?” you stared at him quizzically before giving up. 

“nevermind. i’m done.” walking away you headed to the door. 

“wait.” you paused. “i- i don’t mean to be rude or anything. i’m actually trying to help.”

“you think you’re gonna help by demeaning my skill set? i’m captain for a reason.”

“i’m not trying to. i’m captain too, remember?” 

“we play two different sports.”

“yeah, and you’re trying to perfect one of my moves. let me help you.”

“i can do it by myself.” you turned to face him. 

“i’m not saying you can’t. but i know it pretty well and i can show you how to do it.” you stared at him blankly. “listen, if… if i help you get this right, you can teach me some moves from your team.” that got your attention. 

“really?” 

“yeah.” you slowly skated to him. 

“ok.” for the next hour, Suguru had shown you how to incorporate a hockey stop into your routine. you had finally gotten to a point where you didn’t fall at all. the move could use a little work but it was way better than what you had before. once you had finally gotten it, you were so excited you jumped with glee, somehow making your way into Sugurus arms. his large arms had wrapped around you as you hugged him. when you noticed where you were, you immediately backed out of his embrace. 

“sorry.” 

“it’s fine.” you began to slowly skate backwards. 

“i should go now, it’s pretty late.” your voice came out quietly and you pointed behind you. Suguru began to skate toward you. 

“or, we can stay, practice a little longer?” 

“i- um, i don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“why not?” he was in front of you. you had skated yourself so far back and somehow, into a wall. 

“cause.”

“because?” there’s a small space left between your bodies and Suguru had reached forward, pulling you into him, he leaned down, inching his face closer to yours. “because what?” he whispered against your lips. 

“cause- um,” he pressed himself closer to you, torso to torso. “cause-” you didn’t get to finish your sentence as he gently pressed his lips to yours. you sighed into his mouth as your lips met. you wrapped your arms around his neck, falling into him as you breathed him in. he deepened the kiss, parting your lips with his own and sliding his tongue against yours. you moaned into his mouth and he groaned against yours. suddenly, reality hit you and you pulled away.  “what is wrong with you?”

“huh?”

“don’t act dumb, Geto, oh my God. i- i can’t.”

“can’t what?” you pressed a hand to your forehead and began to skate away. 

“what are you gonna tell your girlfriend?”

“girlfriend? i- i don’t-”

“what?” you turned back to him. “she doesn’t have to know? don’t give me that.”

“Y/N, what fucking girlfriend are you talking about.”

“Yari!” you exhaled, exasperated. 

���Yari’s not my girlfriend.” 

“so you’ve been doing this with her too? what, you fucked her in the locker room like you did me? does your girlfriend know about her-”

“i don’t have a girlfriend!” he yelled over you. 

“then why do i always see you with Yari?!” 

“see me with her? i’m never with her.”

“yes you are, Suguru! you’re always with her! i see you parading around campus with her, walking her to class, sitting out on the quad with her. she- she comes to practice talking about you.” you began picking at your nails. 

“i-” he didn’t know what to say, you’re right, he’s always with her. it’s not his choice, she just follows him around everywhere. he told her to leave him alone last week but she swore they had something special, that she loved him and knew he loved her too. talk about delusional. 

“so i’m right?” you scoffed. deciding to exit from the conversation, you began to skate to the exit. Suguru quickly caught up, grabbing your hand, he turned you to him. 

“you’re wrong.” you just stared at him, a glazed over look in your eye. “she’s not my girlfriend. yeah, ok, we did something but that was it. i fucked with her for a while but i told her i didn’t like her, she just- she won’t leave me alone. i don’t have a girlfriend, at all. i don’t want one.”

“so what’s this supposed to be?” you gestured between the two of you with your free hand. 

“i didn’t mean it like that.” 

“then what did you mean?” 

“Satoru’s having a thing tomorrow night,”

“i don’t do parties.” 

“it’s not a party,” he rushed out. “Satoru said it’s just a little get together with some friends. can you stop by? maybe we can talk then?” you wanted to say no, there’s nothing to talk about but your mind didn’t have time to catch up with your body. you were nodding your head before a word could be muttered. “ok.” he let go of your hand, it was then that you realized your fingers were intertwined.

 when you finally got back to your room that night, you screamed into a pillow. every pent up emotion that was building inside of you from spending so much time with Suguru escaping as you yelled. you couldn’t believe you let him get to you, again. and you can’t believe you agreed to meet him tomorrow night. what was wrong with you. 

----------------

the next day flew by, your classes went by smoothly, Suguru staring at you from across the room in the ones you had together. practice was a little rushed, it was a friday and a break was coming up, everyone was excited to get out. now you sat in your dorm, staring at your phone as the time ticked by. it was 7:23, Suguru never gave you a time to show up. what time were you supposed to come? were you already late? would he be mad? you sat for another hour, finally leaving the comfort of your room and heading across campus to the frat house. 

walking up to the house, lights were flashing and music was booming. people were sitting outside, all huddled up because of the cold, passing around a blunt. “so much for a ‘small get together.’” you muttered to yourself. approaching the front door, you walked in and were immediately hit with the smell of a college party. sweaty bodies jumped and rubbed against each other, others were making out somewhere in a corner. looking over the area, you tried to spot his tall stature and black hair. when you didn’t see him you moved into the crowd. walking through the people and moving to the kitchen, you grabbed a water bottle before going back to searching around. after searching for a while, you gave up, finding one of his frat brothers instead. “have you seen Suguru?” he looked you up and down before responding. 

“you that crazy bitch?”

“huh?”

“you that crazy bitch?” he said, more pointedly. 

“what crazy bitch?”

“what’s her name? um, she’s on the figure team.”

“Yari?” 

“yeah! that’s you?”

“i’m not Yari.” he squinted his eyes before shrugging. 

“upstairs, second door to the left. knock.” that’s all he said before turning to walk over to a group of girls, they all looked at you weird before he approached them. going up the stairs, you almost made it to the top before you saw him. his broad stature leaned against a wall, hair tied back in a bun, his arms crossed over his chest as he spoke. he sat talking to some girl, eyes hooded as he looked at her, a smirk on his face. you stared at the two, her short brown hair falling to one side as she tilted her head. walking back down the steps, especially quiet so they wouldn’t hear you, you headed back to the kitchen. you leaned against the counter, gripping the sides. ok, if he wants to be all over every girl, you can be all over every guy. 

stomping out of the kitchen you looked around before making your way to the makeshift dance floor. you slipped in between the bodies, finding your way to the middle. settling into the people grinding on each other, you tapped the shoulder of some random guy, Haibara his name is, another brother of the frat, you asked if he wanted to dance. he looked between you and the girl he was dancing with before completely turning to you, letting out and enthusiastic, “sure!” you heard the girl mutter something before she walked away angrily. turning around, you pulled the boy closer to you, pressing your ass to his crotch, you heard a stuttered breath escape his lips. 

you placed his hands on your hips and swayed slowly, grinding against him to the beat of the song. you saw Suguru make his way down the steps slowly, one arm hanging over the shoulder of the girl, they laughed together loudly. out of spite, you dragged one of Haibara's hands up your body slowly. his breathing grew heavier behind you. you knew he was shy, one of the more reserved brothers of the frat. he only joined because Satoru and Suguru made Nanami join and by association, him. you felt bad, you weren’t sure what he was comfortable with and here you were making him feel you up. he didn’t seem to care though, pulling you closer and laying his forehead on your shoulder. Suguru saw you from across the room, eyes locking onto you and the figure behind you. you saw him whisper something in the girl's ear and she looked over too, she gestured to you and Haibara, Suguru kissed her forehead quickly and let go.

he quickly made his way over to you two. when he reached you, he grabbed your forearm and pulled you away from the brunette boy. “hey- oh! what’s up Suguru.” Haibara smiled. 

“nothing.” he dragged you along with him as he walked away, taking you to the steps. 

“let go of me.” you tried to pull away but his grip grew more firm. “Suguru let go-” he spun you around when you reached the first step pushing you up against the wall. people around stared for a while before going back to minding their business.

“Haibara?” he questioned, his nostril flaring as he breathed. 

“what?”

“i come downstairs cause someone told me you’re looking for me and i catch you fucking with Haibara?”

“why does it matter?” you rolled your eyes. 

“cause it fucking does.”

“but it doesn’t matter when it’s you though, right?”

“what are you talking about.”

“i go upstairs to find you and i see you laughing and giggling with some girl? the same thing with Yari. it’s cool when you do it, right?”

“some girl?” he stared at you for a second before he started laughing. 

“what’s so funny?” he continued to laugh, damn near hunched over now.

“aww, princess.” he stood back up, you glared at him. “you jealous?”

“jealous?” you said incredulously. “why would i be jealous of anything you do?”

“that was Ieiri, princess, my best friend.”

“oh…”

“yeah and i told you i don’t like Yari.”

“you don’t act like it.” was your quick reply. 

“ok.” he stepped back. “go upstairs.”

“for?” he stepped back into your personal space. 

“go upstairs, when i get up there i want you sitting down in just that pretty little set i know you have on for me.” he whispered in your ear. your face felt like it was on fire. 

“i- i don’t have on a set.” 

“i know you do, princess.” he walked away, going to the kitchen, before he passed the threshold he looked back to you, raising his eyebrow at you. you turned around and walked up the steps, going straight to his room. once you entered, you contemplated for a second, would you really do this? yes. you took off your shirt first, letting it fall to the floor, you fixed the cups of your pretty bra before unbuttoning your pants. you let them pool around your ankles before kicking them off. you sat on the bed, tucking your legs under yourself and placing your hands on your knees. you sat there for maybe two minutes picking at your thumbs. the door opened and you jumped a bit.

Suguru entered with two water bottles in his hands and something wrapped up. he smiled when he saw you sitting so prettily on his bed. you stood out against his dark sheets. the bright pale blue and pinks of your lingerie contrasting with his dark gray bedspread. “you look so pretty like that.” he sat the things in his hands down and walked over to you, cupping his hand under your chin and tilting your head up. he ran the pad of his thumb along your bottom lip, pulling it down and then letting it pop back up into place. he leaned down, pressing a kiss to your lips, it quickly grew messy, “open.” he murmured against your lips. you parted your lips, looking up to him with wide eyes. he let a glob of spit from his mouth fall into yours. “swallow.” he watched your throat bob up and down, you could taste the fruit punch he drank earlier. he tasted sweet. “sit back and spread your legs for me.” you looked up at him as he stood back up, leaning himself against his dresser. “you gonna do it or do i have to make you?”

you crawled up to his headboard slowly on all fours, he watched you, his cock twitching in his pants as he watched you ass sway side to side. he cleared his throat as you settled against his pillows. you spread your legs for him, watching him from across the room. “what do you want me to do?” you asked in a whisper. 

“i want you to fuck yourself on you fingers like you do when you think of me.”

“i-”

“what?”

“i don’t think of you.”

“come on, princess, we both know you do. why else would you get your panties in a twist when you see me with another girl?” you sighed, looking down at yourself. “pull those pretty little panties to the side and spread yourself open on your fingers.” 

“ok.” you whispered. your fingers twitched nervously, not sure what to do with him staring at you. 

“just pretend i’m not here, pretty girl, it’s ok.” you nodded your head. everything around you was so irrecoverably him, the sheets were soft against him and smelled like him, so warm. if you focused hard enough you could hear his breathing from across the room. closing your eyes you began to slowly trail your fingers down your body, hyper aware of your own touch. you dragged your fingers back up your stomach and to your chest, cupping your boobs through your bra. “take it off.” you obliged, quickly unclipping the offending garment and letting it fall off the side of the bed. “fuck.” you could hear the sound of a zipper and some shuffling. pinching your nipples you let out a soft sound, tweaking both of them between your thumb and forefinger. letting one hand trail down your body again, you dragged it down and began to run circles over your clit on top of your underwear. 

“Suguru.” you moaned softly. he groaned at the noise. you slipped your hand into your underwear, the stimulation sent sparks up your spine. dragging your fingers down to your hole, you circled it before slipping your middle finger in. you could hear a wet noise coming from where he is and the idea of him pulling on his cock to your fingering yourself pulled a moan out of you. slipping another finger into yourself, you moved them faster, the pads of them rubbing against your walls. 

“go faster. wanna hear it.” he panted. wanted to hear it..? oh. oh. he wanted to hear the sound of your wetness as you fucked yourself. your back arched as you fucked yourself faster. your other hand continued to tweak at your nipple. you moaned out as you felt your stomach clench.

“Suguru! i’m gonna cum!” your toes curled and you whimpered. you could hear his stuttered breathing and he jerked himself off. 

“let me see, pull your panties down.” he panted. your hand quickly moved to tug the gusset of your panties to the side. Suguru watched your fingers move in and out of you. his dream was finally coming true, the one girl he wanted was splayed out on his bed, fucking herself on her fingers, moaning out his name. his orgasm was building up quickly, he was going to bust everywhere from just watching you. you clenched around your fingers, mouth dropping open as you orgasm washed over you. you arched off the bed, moaning Sugurus name over and over again. he watched as you came, the way your essence dripped around and seeped through your fingers, how your chest raised and fell as you breathed heavily. Suguru groaned as he played with his tip, thumb running over it and you looked at him when you heard the noise. 

“Sugu,” you whined. “wanna see you cum,” his jaw dropped and a small noise escaped his lips. “please.” he came all over his hand and the floor. spurts of his cum falling from his tip and he groaned as he came. you’re gonna be the death of him. once he regrouped, he walked over to you, kneeling above you as he looked into your eyes. he grabbed your hand, bringing it up to his lips and taking the two fingers that were just inside of you and putting them in his mouth. you moaned as he sucked on your fingers and his eyes rolled to the back of his head. 

“you taste so good, princess.” your hand fell from his mouth back to your side. “wanna taste for myself, flip over.” you took too long to listen to him so he flipped you over himself. he had you on your hands and knees, back arched for him. he went behind you, watching your pretty pussy drip for him. “fuck.” he whispered to himself. one hand rubbed over your ass as the other pulled your panties down. you kicked them off completely and he sniffed them before dropping them off the bed. “count.”

“huh?” slap! one loud clap against your ass, you yelped out at the initial pain but it eventually turned into a pleasurable stinging sensation. 

“count.” he said more firmly. 

“one,” slap! “two,” slap! “three…” on and on he spanked you again and again. you counted all the way up to eleven before he let up. your ass stung from the spanking but the line between pleasure and pain was blurred. it hurt so bad it felt good. you whimpered when he circled his hands over your ass. before you could recognize what was going on, you felt a stripe being licked from your clit to your clenching hole. “Sugu!” you looked behind you to see him hunched over, sucking harshly on your clit as he spread your ass. another stripe licked up to your hole before he slipped his tongue in, you clenched around it, the cold metal of his piercing contrasted against the warmth of your walls and you swore you saw heaven. you shook as he fucked you with his tongue, falling onto your front your back arched perfectly for him as you pushed back against him. 

the sounds were obscene, you could hear his tongue working against you and him groaning into your pussy. you moaned when he landed another slap to your ass, he gripped and jiggled it against his face. “oh my- fuck!” you squealed. he tongue licked and prodded against your walls as he ate you out. your thighs began to tremble, toes curling as your legs shook. his mouth moved down from your hole to your clit and you felt two of his fingers prodding at your entrance. his thick middle and ring fingers stretched you open he slipped them into you. he sucked on your clit and pressed his long fingers into that one spot inside of you. you whined loudly and he fucked you open on his fingers. “S-Sugu,” you slurred. “Sugu i’m gonna cum..!” you squeaked. he continued to work at you and another orgasm was building up in you. you kicked your feet as you felt your orgasm approaching but this felt different.

the coil in your stomach wound up tighter, you felt a pressure on your bladder and you trembled. you reached behind you blindly, grabbing Sugurus head and tangling your fingers in his hair. you felt him moan against you as you did so. “Sugu s-stop, i’m gonna pee.” you whined. he kept going, he either didn’t hear you or didn’t care but either way, he wasn’t gonna stop. “Sugu, wait!” he sucked harder at your clit and pressed his fingers into your g-spot. your toes curled as your back arched and you screamed out. your eyes rolled to the back of your head and all you saw was white. all you felt was your body shaking and wetness dripping down your thighs. your legs trembled at the earth-shattering orgasm and you whined and trembled at every touch you felt. Suguru moaned and groaned behind you, getting absolutely soaked as you squirted all over him and his bed. “Suguru!” you cried out, your feet kicked as he kept going. 

“one more, just give me one more princess, i know you can.” you sobbed as he went back to sucking on your clit. another orgasm was building up quickly, your entire body shook as he sucked and prodded at you.

“Suguru,” you cried out. “i can’t.”

“yes you can, i know you can.” he muttered against you. tears were streaming down your face, you shook and trembled with every pass of his tongue. your one hand gripped his hair as the other gripped the sheets. the next orgasm came quickly and you cried out as it took over your body. his bed was almost completely soaked through because of you. the essence of your orgasm streaked down your thighs. he let go of you, sitting back on his knees and your body relaxed. you fell against the sheets, they stuck against your body because of how soaked they were. he watched you take deep breaths, your body slowly calming down. you could feel some shuffling behind you and hear the sound of fabric ruffling. you felt the weight of the bed shift, Suguru leaned above you, trailing kisses up your spine.

you felt his weight against your back as he laid on top of you. he kissed and licked at your neck, breathing into your ear. he took all his clothes off, he laid completely naked on top of you, his bare chest pressing against your back. you could feel everything, every outline of his abs against your back, you could also feel his cock pressing into your ass. grabbing his dick he ran his tips through your folds, collecting your wetness and smearing it along his cock. he pushed your left leg up, spreading you open for him and lifting your ass up so he could slip in easily. he pressed his tip into you, slowly slipping in your walls. you whimpered as you felt him throb within you. “oh, fuck.” he sighed. “you feel so fucking good.” he moaned, resting his head in your neck. you pushed back against him, pressing your ass flush against. he whined into your neck, “you’re gonna kill me.”

“move, please.” 

“i can’t.” you got a flashback to the first night he fucked you. “i’ll cum.” 

“please, Sugu. please.” you begged. 

“ok.” he nodded, “ok.” he thrusted once and whimpered. he built up a steady rhythm, small noises fell from his lips as he fucked himself into you. “so fuckin’ tight, you’re so fuckin’ tight.” he fucked into you harder, the sounds of skin on skin bouncing off the walls of his room. “so much better than those other girls.” your body jerked and you looked behind you. “don’t worry princess, i’m not saying it to make you jealous.” he chuckled. “never had somebody like you, so fuckin perfect. you’re perfect y’know that?” when you didn’t respond he stopped moving. “answer me.”

“yes daddy!” you whined. his eyes crossed and his cock twitched deep within you, he never thought you were one to call somebody daddy, never took you as the submissive type at all. he leaned down over you. 

“good girl.” he groaned into your ear. “good fucking girl.” he started moving again, fucking you deeper. his tip nudged your cervix each time from how deep he was and the pain added to your pleasure. you were damn near fucked dumb, any train of thought you had completely gone, all you could focus on was Suguru fucking you. you tightened around him, your orgasm building up in your lower stomach. “fuck, are you close?” you nodded your head. “you gonna cum for me, princess? make a mess all over me, yeah?” one hand trailed down your body, fingers playing with your clit and pushing you closer to the edge. you gripped the sheets hard, you swore you could hear the seams ripping. 

“i’m gonna cum, Sugu!”

“hold it.” you shook your head. “you can hold it for me, i know you can.”

“i can’t, i can’t!” you sobbed. “i can’t, daddy, i’m gonna cum, please let me cum.”

“i said ‘hold it,’ right?” your body tensed up completely, your legs locking around Suguru from behind. before you could stop yourself, you were creaming around him. you cried out as you came, eyes crossing and rolling to the back of your head. you squeezed so tight around him he almost slipped out. he groaned as you clenched around him, his face was completely red, eyes hooded as he watched you cum around him. “i thought i told you to hold it.”

“i couldn’t do it.” you sniffled. “‘m sorry daddy.”

“aww, it’s ok baby.” he tucked some of your hair behind your ear, looking at your face. tears stained your face, mascara running down your cheeks, he smiled at you. 

“want you to cum, daddy. want you to cum in me.” he groaned at your words, his cock twitched violently inside of you. he completely covered you, laying on top of you and matching his body up with yours. his arms wrapped around you, pulling you flush against him. he began thrusting into you again, building up a fast pace, chasing his own orgasm. 

“i’m gonna cum, right in this pretty little pussy and you’re gonna hold it all inside you. then, you’re gonna walk around the house with it all in you, let everybody know that i did it, let everybody know i’m yours.” let everybody know i'm yours. he wants to kill you. his pace began to falter and he gave a couple of more thrusts before stilling above you. he moaned into your ear, quieting himself by biting your neck. you felt him fill you up, rope after rope of his cum filling you up. you moaned with him, another orgasm taking over your body. Sugurus' body twitched as he came, he sighed out as his orgasm finally passed over him. he relaxed into you, falling on top of you. 

“you’re heavy.” he laughed at you, sliding out of you and laying down next to your side. you turned your head to face him, he was already staring at you with a small smile on his face. “what?” your voice was hoarse. 

“you’re so pretty,” he said quietly. you looked down before looking back into his eyes. 

“thank you.” you whispered. he got up quickly, pulling on his boxer briefs, you sat up, covering yourself with your arms. “where are you going?” 

“nowhere.”

“are you leaving?” you asked shyly. 

“no, Y/N/N, i’m not leaving.” he walked over to his dresser, grabbing the two water bottles and whatever was wrapped up in the foil. making his way back to the bed, he sat down next to you. “here, drink something, it’ll help your throat.” he opened the water bottle for you. you took it from him and sipped from it slowly. he unwrapped what was in the foil - a sandwich. “eat this.” you took the sandwich from him and ate it. he watched you, he turned over to his nightstand - it was then you noticed the dragon tattoo displayed on his back - he grabbed some wipes and began unpacking them. he wiped the smeared mascara off of your face and wiped some crumbs from the corner of your mouth. “can i?” he gestured to you. you raised an eyebrow at him. “wipe you?”

“oh, you don’t have to.” 

“yeah but i want to.” 

“ok.” you laid back and opened your legs for him, he got in between them with a new new wipe. 

“can you push it out for me?”

“thought you wanted me to keep it all in.” 

“just do what i say.” he looked up at you, he looked so good between your legs like this, you’ll have to get him between them like this again. 

“yes, daddy.” you rolled your eyes. sighing, you tried your best to squeeze all of his cum out of you. he watched it flow out you in thick globs.

 “fuck.” he leaned down, licking at you quickly.

“Sugu!” your thighs closed around his head. “don’t do that. ‘m sensitive.”

“sorry, princess, you just look so good.” he smirked at you. he cleaned you up gently, getting up and searching through his drawers for a shirt and passing you one of his old gray tees. he picked you up and carried you out of the room, you hadn’t even noticed the party had stopped. carrying you to the bathroom and setting you on the sink he grabbed an extra toothbrush and any other thing he thought you would need. “i’m gonna go change the sheets real quick. you can come back to the room when you’re done.” he pecked your lips before exiting the bathroom. you got ready to go to bed, brushing your teeth and washing your face. you dried your hands and left the bathroom. you trekked back into his room, there he sat on the edge of it, scrolling on his phone. he put it down at his side and gestured for you to come over to him. when close enough he grabbed your hips and pulled you to him. 

“did you um- did you dry the wet spot?” you asked, embarrassed. his hands rubbed up and down your thighs. your own hands played with the hair at the nape of his neck, his bun was looser now, more hairs framing his face. 

“wet spot?” he looked behind him. “oh.” he laughed. 

“what’s so funny?” you froze.

“waterproof liner.” you looked at him questioningly. “spilled some shit on my bed once, couldn’t get the stain out so i bought some waterproof liners. do you want to lay down?”

“um, no.”

“why not?”

“cause i should go. y’know, it’s late and i don’t want my roommate-”

“you don’t want to stay here.”

“what? no. that’s not- i’d love to stay.”

“so why don’t you?”

“cause i don’t want you to get tired of me.” 

“tired?” you looked down awkwardly.

“i know how this goes, Suguru. i don’t want to stay only to be embarrassed later.”

“i wouldn’t embarrass you-”

“you can’t promise me that.”

“yeah, i can. do you- do you not see how much i care for you?”

“care?”

“i don’t want anybody the way i want you. never have. you make me… you make me feel good.”

“oh-”

“not like that. yeah, you make me feel good.” he chuckled. “but i just, i don’t know, i like the way you look at me.”

“how do i look at you?”

“like you care for me too. i like that. it makes me feel like i mean something.”

“everybody thinks you mean something.” you rubbed at his scalp and he felt shudders down his spine. 

“yeah but it’s different. everyone cares cause they think i can do something for them, y’know. it’s fake but when it’s you, it feels right.” your face burned at his words and you looked down shyly.

“oh.” you giggled. 

“oh?”

“i didn’t think you liked me like that.”

“why wouldn’t i?”

“cause you’re mean.”

“i am. i’m sorry.”

“you’re sorry?”

“yeah, i just, i didn’t know how to tell you i like you.”

“so you were practically a bully?”

“i guess.” he shrugged and laughed. 

“how backwards is that?” 

“i’ll have you backwards.” he smirked. 

“what does that even mean?!” you laughed. 

“wanna find out?”

“huh-” before you could finish, Suguru wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you down to the bed next to him. you fell in a fit of giggles and he laughed along with you, silencing you with a kiss. the rest of the tight was spent with shared laughter, kisses, and fingers tangled together. it felt nice, you weren’t used to this side of him. he fell asleep before you, his head resting on his own pillow while one arm stayed on your stomach. you stared at him, watched his eyes flutter under his lids and the way his lips parted as he breathed. you tucked some hair behind his ear and pressed a kiss to his cheek, snuggling into his side, you let sleep overtake you and it may have been the best sleep you’ve gotten in a while. it just felt right to be in his arms. 

----------------

for the next week you were either in Sugurus' room or somewhere out on the town with him. he kept you fed, hydrated, and full of dick. there were marks up and down your body from him, bites, hickeys, scratches, you had them all. all the brothers of his frat gave you a knowing look whenever you left his room, always in one of his shirts. when he took you out, Suguru made sure to always take you to places you’d never been before. which was pretty easy seeing as you spent most of your time cooped up in your dorm or in the rink. you’d found a new favorite diner, they had the best fries and milkshakes. the first time Suguru had watched you dip your fries into your vanilla shake, he stared at you in disgust. you’d forced him to try it, he had a whole fit before you stuffed his mouth with the fries. he shut up after a while and agreed that it wasn’t that bad, he wouldn’t tell you he actually liked it.

eventually Satoru had found out when he just walked into Sugurus room only to find him balls deep inside you. Suguru yelled at him to get out, throwing a shoe at his head. Satoru quickly slammed the door but not before he let out a wolf whistle at the sight. you were mortified, vowing to never show your face to Satoru again. that was in vain as the next morning at breakfast he had walked into the kitchen and stared at you for a while before exiting and making his way back upstairs. Suguru made sure his best friend would never mention it to you again, knowing how embarrassed you felt to be found in such a vulnerable position. 

you sat in Sugurus bed scrolling on your phone while his T.V played a random show in the back. he laid next to you asleep, tired from running around from errands all day. he stirred awake, rubbing at his eyes and looking at you. “g’mornin’.”

“Sugu, it’s one p.m.” you snickered. 

“oh. good afternoon.”

“hi.” you giggled. “do you wanna-” there was a knock at the door. Suguru went to get up but you grabbed his bicep. “i got it, lay back down.” you went to open the door. turning the knob, a familiar voice broke through the threshold before you could get it all the way open. 

“Geto, have you seen Satoru-” Bri paused as she stared at you. “no fucking way.”

“oh. hey Bri.” you chuckled awkwardly. 

“you’re such a fucking hypocrite.”

“what?”

“i can’t see Satoru but you can fuck his best friend.” the anger was obvious on her face. 

“i didn’t- i don’t-”

“are we fucking serious right now? you’re gonna lie about it. i thought you were a bitch but this is low even for you.”

“i- i never told you you couldn’t see Satoru and we’re not just fucking-”

“just shut up. you practically shouted how much you hated the idea of me and Satoru together. were you jealous? is that what it was? you were mad because i actually had him and you wanted his best friend? when he’s over you next week, don’t come fucking crying to me.” Suguru jumped up from his bed and stormed over to the door. 

“watch your fucking mouth when you’re taking to her.” your breathing stuttered and tears built up in your eyes. “no ones fucking jealous of you, i don’t even know why she’s friends with someone like you. Satoru doesn’t fucking like you, he told you that but you keep coming back here cause you think you can change his mind. let me tell you something, no matter how many times you fuck him, it’ll never change.” he stepped closer to her. “all he sees you as is something to nut in, that’s all everybody sees.” her eyes flickered all over his face. “go some fucking where before you embarrass yourself.” he slammed the door in her face and turned around to you. he saw the tears falling down your cheeks and immediately pulled you into him, wrapping his arms around you. “i’m sorry. i don’t know what her problem is, she was out of line.”

“it’s fine. she’s right.” you sniffled out. 

“how is she right?” he pulled away from you. 

“i am a hypocrite.” you cried. “i told her you and Satoru are dicks and then she finds me with you. it’s wrong.” 

“hey, hey.” he cupped your face and made you look up at him. “it’s not wrong, you’re right, me and Satoru are dicks but that doesn’t mean she can just talk to you like that.” you looked down to the floor, closing your eyes. “look at me. she’s the one whose jealous. she’s jealous because she knows Satoru doesn’t like her and you’re here with me. she wants to be you, that’s it. don’t listen to her, ok?”

“ok.” you whimpered. 

“how about a nap, yeah. sleep and when you wake up we can get milkshakes and fries.” you nodded and let him pull you down to the bed. 

----------------

it took a while for you to cheer up after the situation with Bri. Satoru had stopped talking to her completely after Suguru told him what happened, he’d even apologized for letting it happen when it wasn’t his fault at all. now, you sat on the sides of a rink at a major competition. the TMTC figure skating team had won a spot in a regional competition, schools from four different states were coming to compete and whatever team won got a grant of 7,000 dollars to use to upgrade their schools ice skating rink, an unnecessarily large trophy that sat in a glass case across the rink, and the chance to go to nationals. your team had won the spot at the competition a while ago after winning gold against Kyoto college. while you belonged here, it was proven in the way you participated in the last comp, you were deep in your own head.

you made the team practice non-stop to ace the choreography, making sure everyone was on their a-game. you sat on the bench with your hands on your knees, hands tucked under your chin and one of your knees bouncing up and down. you were nervous, you’d never performed in such a large stadium before, let alone in front of so many people. 

Suguru sat in a chair not too far from the rink, close enough to see your features and how nervous you were. he wanted to go out on the ice and hold you, tell you it was ok and he knew you would win because he did. you got this far, you carried your team all the way to this comp, he had no doubt in his mind you would bring gold home. he hoped you knew that as well. your team was up next, two already went before you. it was your time to get ready and you led the team to the locker room. everyone was lacing up their skates in silence, the nerves bouncing off all the girls. once you finished tying your skates you stood in front of them all. 

“guys.” you started. “i know i’m not really good at the whole encouraging speech thing but i just wanted you all to know that i’m proud of us. we got all the way here, we made it this far because of our hard work. i don’t want y’all to put too much pressure on yourselves. no matter what we all joined this sport because we love it and it’s fun. we can have fun tonight, don’t let some competitions take the joy out of this. whatever happens tonight, whether we win or we lose, it’s fine. i won’t say i wouldn’t be disappointed if we lost but we got here. we worked our asses off and proved we belong. so when we go out there, i want y’all to show everyone who we are. we’re not just the TMTC figure skating team, we’re girls who all have our own personalities and joined this sport for different reasons. show them that.” everyone clapped and smiled fondly at you, standing up and huddling around. they called for your team on the loud speakers. “alright, this is our time, don’t take it for granted.” 

the team left the locker room and you headed out behind them. you all lined up along the ice and waited for your que. the song you had chosen began to play and one by one the line began to disperse. following the choreography you had come up with, the dance started slowly. every girl skated out into a step sequence, their movements following the tempo of the song. the music began to speed up and so did the moves, excluding you there was an even amount of girls on the team, so you paired them in twos. two girls were assigned to each other and executed the choreography together. they did a combination of moves supporting one another. you skated through them, sometimes grabbing onto their waists as they spun around to spin with them, crouching down onto your knees and tucking your head into your shoulders. 

the music became louder, the beat progressing and each of your moves becoming harsher, more restricted to display the emotion of the dance. you skated on one leg, through four of the girls, you placed one of your legs down, turning the move onto an upright spin and once you began to spin faster, two sets of hands grabbed your waist stopping you. your turn stopped abruptly, just as you stopped you broke free, skating away from them and towards one wall, just as you reached it, you fell to your knees, turning on them as the rest of the team approached you. they covered your body completely, all of their hands reaching to grab some part of you and just as they moved and light broke through the makeshift cover they made over you, they hoisted you into the air. not too high to the point you’d land dangerously, but enough so you landed and turned, one foot poured out behind you and hands displayed in front of you for balance.

the girls began skating to you quite fast, their moves harsh as they came at you, just before they reached you, they stopped. clasping hands and beginning the next part of the choreo you taught them. while everyone was distracted by their dance, you snuck off into a corner, sitting and waiting for your que. you sat for a minute before your que came up. the girls were lined up once again, like they were when the dance started. they all had their backs turned to you. the music grew again, reaching its crescendo. skating to them, one by one from each row they all turned to you, skating faster and lifting one leg in the air, you held your hands out behind you. bringing that foot back down and jumping, you turned in the air and landed on the opposite foot, now skating backwards, body swaying side to side. 

just as you saw the tip of someone’s skate just in your view - strategically placed for you - you brought that leg back down again, pushing yourself forward off the tip of your blade and turning around, you headed for the gap between the girls split directly in the middle. you began to spin again just as you reached the gap some of their hands began reaching for you but stopping the turn, you came to a full hockey stop, falling down into position for a hydroblade. four girls behind you fell dramatically onto another while others began to turn into a sit spin. you laid with your chest pressing against the floor, rising and falling into the ice as you panted. the music stopped abruptly, the rest of the girls falling out of their sitting spins onto the floor as well and for a second all there was was silence. all you could hear was your own breathing before the stadium erupted into loud cheers. claps could be heard all throughout the stadium, whistles and the thumps of people’s boots and sneakers as they jumped. 

relaxing and getting up from the ice you turned to the team, everyone was looking around the stadium at all the people clapping for them. from across the arena, Suguru yelled for you. he clapped so hard his hands were red. “that’s my fucking girl!” he goaded, he was so proud of you he felt like his chest could burst. he whooped and yelled for you as you and the team headed back to the locker room. he stood out against everyone else, 6’2” frame wearing all black with jet black hair cheering for some girl on a team wearing a bright pink tutu, it was almost comical. you and the team got undressed in the locker room, all dressed in TMTC tracksuits. you skated back to the rink to sit back on your assigned bench. there are three more teams after you. you had to sit through all of them before the results came in. 

the teams after you were so good, you clapped and cheered for them when they finished and it was finally the end of the night. the panelists had called for all teams to come stand in the rink as they announced the winners, the announcements began. people from within the stadium voted on who they wanted to win on the website on their phones, they picked who they thought belonged in first, second and third. the victors for second and third were announced and you let your head hang. you had at least expected third, your performance wasn’t like others, it took a more aggressive approach rather than the usual gentleness of figure skating. maybe you should have stuck to what you knew. preparing for the disappointment of a loss, you began slowly backing away from the team. 

“and the first place winner for this year's regional competition is…” silence overtook the audience. “Tokyo Metropolitan Technical College!” you paused, not exactly sure if you heard him right. the crowd broke out in applause, cheers damn near breaking the sound barrier. your team was already at the man with the trophy’s side. they watched you before they all yelled at you to come get your trophy. you skated over to them quickly, Reí held out the trophy for you to grab and as you took it, you fell to your knees. you cried as you held the trophy. the team stood over you, rubbing your back, thanking you for leading them this far. you cried harder.

leaving the large stadium with the large trophy on your hand, everyone behind you was yelling out proudly. some stragglers from the crowd congratulated you as you left. once you got to the parking lot, you saw Suguru leaning against his car. you tried your best to run over to him, placing down the trophy and crashing into him. his arms wrapped around you and lifted you into the air, your feet left the concrete and you wrapped your arms around his neck. “you did it.”

“i did.” you sobbed, so proud of yourself. 

“i’m so proud of you. i knew you were gonna win.” you cried into his neck. “you did so good pretty girl, you were the best.”

“you’re just saying that cause you’re fucking me.”

“no.” he placed you down, making you look at him. “that’s not why.”

“then what, Sugu?” he stared at you for a second before he turned around and opened his car door, grabbing something and hiding it strategically so you couldn’t see it. once he turned back to face you his ears were bright red and he huffed out a breath. 

“Y/N L/N, will you do me the amazing honor and accept me as your boyfriend?” from behind his back, he pulled a beautiful bouquet of purple and white flowers. your jaw dropped and you looked between him and the flowers. “you gonna answer?”

“yes!” you wrapped your arms around him again. holding him close to you. you pulled back and pressed a messy kiss to his lips, tongues and teeth clashing. “you’re so corny.” you whispered to him. 

“what can i say? you bring it out of me.” you laughed together. eventually he led you to the passenger seat, buckling you in and pressing kisses to your face. you stared at him as he got in the car. fondness all over your features, how lucky could you have been?

----------------

two months later you found yourself in the spot where everything started. back in the now improved locker room of your school, lacing up your skates to head to the ice. Suguru was waiting for you outside, sitting down staring out to the floor. approaching him from behind you tapped his shoulder. “come on.”

“what are we doing here?” 

“just come on.” you rolled your eyes. grabbing his hands in your own, you began to walk backwards to the ice, watching him watch you. now on the rink you pulled him closer to you, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him towards you. 

“what are we doing here?”

“why are you complaining?”

“cause,” he whined. “i wanna go back to my room and watch movies with my favorite person.”

“and who’s your favorite person?”

“Satoru.” he deadpanned, you hit his shoulder. 

“be serious.” he let out a hearty laugh. 

“ok but what are we doing here? it’s late.”

“you remember that one night you told me if i let you teach me the hockey stop, i could teach you one of my own moves?” he groaned and let his head fall back. 

“i thought you forgot about that.”

“i did.” you shrugged. “‘till i didn’t.”

“do we have to?” he pouted. 

“yes, now stop being a baby. it’ll be easy, i promise.” you led him to the middle of the rink and let go. “ok, watch me.” you began skating away, once far enough you put one leg out. eventually putting it down you turned back to your boyfriend. “easy, right?”

“sure.”

“now you do it.” he began skating forward but as soon as he put his leg up, he stumbled forward, quickly catching himself. you crouched over laughing. 

“it’s not funny, Y/N/N.”

“yes it is.” you laughed even harder, he huffed. “ok, ok, i’m sorry, try again.” he kept trying, sometimes stumbling. he complained a lot along the way, asking if you two could just leave. you wouldn’t let him give up, you kept pushing until he finally got it. 

“was there a point to this?”

“of course.” you skated from your spot to him, grabbing him and pulling him along with you. beginning to gain speed, you pressed your back to his and placed his hands on your waist. you leaned forward, kicking your leg out as you skated, Suguru watched and knew what you wanted him to do. he did just the same as you, your bodies lined up together and you skated around half the rink like that. putting your leg down to stop you looked at him. “see, i had a point.”

“yeah but my point is better.”

“you didn’t even make a point.”

“yeah i did.”

“then what’s your point?”

“this.” he grabbed your jaw between his hand and planted his lips on yours. he parted your lips with his own and slipped his tongue into your mouth, you moaned around him. cupping the back of your head, he slowly inched you down until you were both lying on the floor. he kissed from your mouth to your neck, unbuttoning your shirt slowly, he trailed his fingertips along your body. his hands ran along the hem of your skirt before he slipped it under the garment. his finger circled your clit and slid down to your entrance. he circled it and felt you flutter before he slid one into you, you moaned when he entered another. you were so wet, soaking his entire hand as he fucked it in you, he stopped just as you felt your orgasm approaching. 

“hey!” you whined at him. 

“i know, i know. i’ll make it up to you.” he began suckling small marks into the skin and trailing them down your body. leaving kisses down your body as you heaved at the affection. he licked into your belly button before looking at you. “you’re so pretty.”

“you tell me all the time.”

“just making sure you know.” he leaned down to unlace both your and his skates and threw them somewhere across the rink. his hand slithered up your thigh and he gripped the stockings you were wearing under your skirt. “these are so dumb.” before you could reply, you heard the loud rip of the fabric.

“Suguru!” you yelled at him, “i have to wear these out of here!”

“it’ll be fine.”

“they’re my favorite pair.” you pouted. 

“i’ll get you some more, ok?”

“fine.” he moves down your body once more, now coming face to face with the wet spot on your panties. he ran his finger over and pushed into your hole slightly, collecting more wetness on the fabric. he pulled your panties to the side. he breathed against your skin, your pussy fluttering as you felt it. he licked your clit, his piercing running over it quickly. he dove straight into it. wasting no time he began eating at you like a man starved. your back arched off the ice, fingers tangling in his hair, you pulled on it roughly and he moaned into you. you guided his head up and down in you, his tongue dragging over your clit, his piercing rubbing over it. he looked up to you and the sight above him was beautiful, your mouth was dropped open and your chest was arched off the floor. one of his hands began to run circles over your hole, he slipped two fingers in you. you moaned as his fingers rubbed your walls, his tongue piercing rolled over your engorged clit and your voice broke as you cried out his name. 

his fingers began to fuck into you faster and he went from licking your clit to sucking on it. an orgasm was building up quickly and you couldn’t fight it off. “Sugu, i’m gonna cum.” ever since the two of you got together, Suguru spent his time learning your body, learning what made you tick and twitch. your hips began bucking up in his face, his other hand came up to hold you down. his palm pushed you back against the floor, making sure you couldn’t squirm away from him. he sucked on your clit harder, your stomach clenched and your toes curled. “Sugu!” your things trembled and you cried as you came, you shook as Suguru kept sucking, his fingers stilled inside of you pressing into your walls instead.

“give me another.” he murmured softly, he began sucking on your clit again. you panted, gripping his head harder, pressing him more into you. you clenched around his fingers harder and before you could warn him, you were squirting all over his face. he gulped it down happily, drinking from you like he was a parched man and you a fountain. he sat up and smiled at you, your juices dripping from his chin. you sighed as he let up, body relaxing into the floor. “i love it when you do that.” 

“i don’t.”

“why.” he whined like a petulant child. 

“it takes a lot out of me. take your pants off.” he obliged, sliding them to the middle of his thighs.

“you’re bossy,” he joked. 

“you like it.” he nodded his head with a smirk on his face, he does like it, you’re the only person who can put him in his place. he lifted your legs and wrapped them around his waist, his body engulfed yours, wrapping his arms around and you cradling your head as his body bent over yours. he lined his tip up with your entrance. he groaned as he pushed into you, your walls fluttered around him and you took him inch by inch. you turned your head to him searching for his lips. “Sugu.” you whispered, he turned to face you and you pressed your lips to his. he began thrusting into you, your lips moved against each other, you sucked on his tongue and his eyes rolled back. his moan vibrated through your head, you took the ball of his piercing into your mouth, rolling your tongue over it and biting the metal playfully. 

“you’re so big.” you rested your head on the ice, your ass was pressed against it. the tights were ripped around your thighs, your panties pulled to the side rubbing against Sugurus cock as he fucked you. 

“you’re so tight,” he moaned. “fuck, i love you.” your eyes widened. that was the first time he ever said it to you. his thrusts slowed down and grew deeper, he went from slutting you out to fucking you passionately. “i love you.” he pressed his lips to yours, his hand that was cradling your head tangled into your hair, pulling at it to make you look at him. his tongue ran over your lips, opening them and sliding it into your mouth. you took a minute to kiss him back, your eyes stayed open as he kissed you. his pelvis rubbed directly on your clit and your eyes crossed. he cock continuously rubbed your g-spot, his tip nudged your cervix. you panted and moaned into his mouth, he breathed you in, soaking up every sound that escaped your lips. 

“i’m gonna cum.” you whimpered. 

“me too.” the kiss between you two grew sloppy, less of a kiss and more of a combination of tongues and slobber. everything was so wet, your face with his spit, your body with sweat, in between your legs with his precum and your arousal. “i’m gonna cum in this tight pussy, gonna fill you up. wanna watch you grow, watch your stomach get bigger causa me.” you moaned at his words, who knew Suguru Geto had a breeding kink? “tell me.” he bit your lip. “tell me you want it. you want my kids.”

“fuck, i want it.” you sobbed, back arching to his chest. 

“you want it? wanna be a mommy? gonna make me a daddy?”

“yes! gonna make you a daddy, want you to make me a mommy.” you slurred, words stringing together.

“you’re gonna be such a pretty mommy, princess, gonna have the cutest kids.” he lifted his face to look into your eyes. he gripped your chin, making you look at him. “look at me when you cum, keep your eyes open.” you tried but your eyes rolled back into your head. he landed quick gentle slaps to your face “open ‘em.” your mouth dropped open, you tried to tell him you were close but all that came out were garbled words. “i know, pretty girl, you’re so close.” he mocked. “gonna cum all over me? make a mess? let it go.” you cried out as you came, voice cracking from the volume. “there it is, let it out for me.” your legs shook with your orgasm, your back arched and fell with tremors. “i’m gonna cum.” his thrust faltered, one, two, three more before he filled you up. there was so much of it that you swore you could see your stomach expanding with each rope. 

“Sugu, there’s so much.”

“fuck, i know.” it seeped out around him, dripping from you down his balls. he pulled out of you, wincing as the coldness of the rink met his cock. he laid next to you, sprawling out on the ice. “i meant it.” you looked at him. “i know what you’re thinking, i meant it. i wouldn’t have said it if i didn’t.” you sighed with relief. 

“i love you too.” he smiled so wide you thought it would stick to his face. “did you mean the other thing?”

“what? making you a mom?” you nodded. “fuck yeah.” he laughed. “you’d look hot as a mom.”

“Suguru!”

“what?! you would. and i’d get to watch it. getting hard jus’ thinkin’ bout it.” 

“you’re gross.” your face turned up jokingly.

“maybe but it’s more than that. i want that with you, i want kids with you, wanna have everything with you.” 

“i want it too.”

“really?”

“yeah but it might be too early right now.” you turned on your side, laying your head on his chest. “how about… meeting my grandfather next saturday?”

“ok. is he gonna kill me?”

“probably.”

“fuck.”

----------------

THIS TOOK FOREVER!! i was supposed to have this out weeks ago but it's out now! i hope you enjoyed. likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated!

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[phas3d]

Fake Dating | Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: none

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

notes :: fake dating is the FUEL TO MY LIFE AHHH slightly inspired by "please please please" by Sabrina Carpenter because ofc it is

DRACO MALFOY

He's bullied you for ages, literally making your high school years hell

But after his father and mother pressure him with questions about a girlfriend

He gets sick of it and wants to shut up for ONE NIGHT just one fucking night

So he gets you to pretend to be his partner, because you're the only girl willing to say yes (because ur scared of him)

Corners you and threatens you, "If you don't give me an Oscar worthy performance I will literally burn all of your uniforms and books"

Now you're at his house, eating expensive steak under 3 chandeliers

No one knows why he has 3 chandeliers,,, not even his parents

But instantly, his parents love you for your nerdiness and cuteness

They see you as a sweet and innocent little partner for Draco :)

But uh oh... you were TOO perfect for his parents

Now Draco is asking you to go with his parents to Germany for a "little trip"

Except their idea of a "little trip" is a week vacation in the most expensive hotel and meeting German celebrities

You can't speak German, but Draco can so he helps answer any questions asked towards you

But for some reason, he gets super agitated as you keep attending parties and people keep coming up to you

He gets so mad on the second-to-last-day of the week vacation to the point he grabs some random guys collar and shouts at him

You pull try to pull them apart but it's too late...

Draco gets his ass whooped... Badly... Embarrassingly bad...

You leave the party early, going back to the hotel alone as you patch his wounds

That's when you ask why he was so upset

But he refuses to answer, saying it's just that the guy was annoying

It's obvious that he's lying, so you keep pushing him and pushing him

So he angrily blurts out: "Because people keep fucking asking for your number!!! GOD!!! You're so dense!"

He says as he lightly flicks your forehead before staring deeply into your eyes: conveying everything he's been feeling for you for these past weeks of "fake dating"

TOM RIDDLE

Mattheo is Tom's worse enemy, despite being brothers

Yet again, Mattheo teases and mocks Tom for being a loser with zero "rizz" or whatever that means

He's sick of Mattheo's stupid ass slang, everyday he hears "you're a beta" "ur aura is so low" "zero rizz bruh"

He's literally going to kill him

But sadly he can't do that, so he comes up with a different solution

He chooses you, a random kid he did a project with once, to pretend to be his new partner

You were hesitant but he then threw in an extra bonus, he would do all your homework for two classes of your choice

So obviously you had to take it

He had to prepare you for the worse: Mattheo

Tom forced you to visit his dorm to study how to reply to Mattheo when you finally meet him

He also made you study how to act like a couple in public

Which he knew nothing about... He was technically right about hand holding and matching clothes

But his version of hand holding was very uncomfortable, the type where you don't interlock fingers

And the clothes he picked were ugly as hell, no way you'd ever wear that stuff

So you had to help him a lot with learning how to act natural in relationships

When he feels that you're finally prepared, he lets you meet Mattheo

Mattheo is super sus at first but is too dumb to question harshly

But now, you're stuck as pretending to be Tom's girlfriend for the rest of the year

He's painfully unaffectionate in public which makes you slightly embarrassed because he makes you look like a clingy girlfriend

But in private, when he's teaching you what to say and doing your homework: he's surprisingly sweet

He gets better at being a boyfriend over time and even takes you on full dates, not just fake photoshoots to post online

But he's still insisting to keep this relationship as just beneficial, no string attached

You can't help but start to fall for him, it's literally impossible to not

He gifts you everything you've ever wanted, takes you to fancy places, making him chuckle under his breathe feels more rewarding than any A+ ever, and those small private moments where you can feel a soul behind his eyes instead of the ice cold make you love him

So you cut it off with him, lying and saying you don't need the benefits and it's too hard to keep lying

He accepts this and lets you go

You end up being really popular once you're single

And that pisses him off ENDLESSLY

He found you first! He basically made you! You're still his, he can't let someone take all his hard work

And for some reason,,, he felt hollow after you left - as if he lost something dear to him

He's not sure how you brought out these emotions, but he wants it back ASAP

MATTHEO RIDDLE

Oh my god double trope: because Mattheo started dating you because he was dared to

You're seen as a kinda bitch in Hogwarts because a group of girls said so

But in reality, you're really chill and grounded, which surprised Mattheo when he went on your first date

You made him laugh a few times (a lot, he's too cocky to admit it)

And you also were really similar to Mattheo, you liked the same games and shows

As he kept pretending to date you, he started to actually like you and your presence

But he's still not too attached because he knows he needs to break up with you in about 2 months

As the weeks pass by, you accidentally read a message for Mattheo

It was from Theo, saying "Jesus dude, you two almost seem like a real couple. You should try acting haha"

You froze but started to plot your revenge on him

You kept acting like everything was fine and normal, and then broke up with HIM

Mattheo was shocked, because not only has he completely fallen for you but he's also never been broken up with

He unsure of what to do, but all he knows is he wants you back

THEODORE NOTT

Pulling girls has almost never been a problem for Theo his entire life

He even pulled grown women while being 14 years old (he's a victim...)

But his main problem is pulling a girl that would be approved by his parents

Theo surrounds himself with heavy drinkers, partiers, and dumb jocks: meaning there's not many partners that are "marriage material"

So he asks you, the Head Girl of your house, to pretend to be his girlfriend for family events

You agreed due to the large sum of money he was paying you, it's insane how rich he is

Every time Theo had a family event, he would just call you up and BOOM his family loves you

But as you keep coming to these family events, acting as a couple becomes less and less awkward for you both

You both agreed to not kiss each other due to this just being acting, plus kissing at family events is weird

But God, Theo really wants to break that rule when you and him are alone on the balcony at night while you ramble about the struggles of being Head Girl

He never thought he'd fall for the super nerdy, responsible, and awkward Head Girl - but he did, and he fell super hard

Theo wants to straight up ask you to be his real girlfriend, but he's so scared

He's scared of making you uncomfortable for catching feelings or making you think he planned this all along

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

Enzo's best friend is Blaise, almost everyone knows that

But what everyone also knows is that Blaise has the FATTEST crush on your best friend, Pansy Parkinson

And even more well known is that Pansy liked him back

There was literally no reason for these two to not get together, they were just too scared to confess

Which is odd since they're both so head-strong and confident, you guess it's just because they're scared of rejection

So Enzo reaches out to you, asking you to help come up with a plan to set them both up on a date

You two are complete strangers, only ever talking once or twice whilst in a group

So you both create a lie: that you and Enzo are going on a first date and need them to tag along to make it a "double date"

Obviously, this works on them because they're great friends

So now you and Enzo are on an awkward fake date while your best friends basically make out next to you

The original plan was just to tell Pansy and Blaise that there was no spark between you and Enzo

But due to you both spending an entire 12 hours together with Blaise and Pansy, you guys got comfortable with each others

He makes you laugh a ton and you do the same

You both love really niche topics and shows, even sharing the same favorite sports teams

Your bond only grows stronger after Blaise and Pansy ask for another double date

But you and Enzo take it slow, having the most sexual tension for months because you both were just claiming to be "friends only"

You finally broke that after about 4 months, thank God

[kivino]

BIG GUY || SIMON 'GHOST' RILEY X GN!READER

my masterlist

ao3 link to this fic

Word counter – ~1,8k

Tags/Warnings – Fluff, a bit of miscommunication and jealousy, nothing much.

Summary – Ghost takes a liking to the nickname you give him, but struggles to understand just how much he likes it.

A/n – I’m still struggling with my school projects so wish me luck, I made this instead of making a video for my language class lmao, enjoy! i’ll add the ao3 link a bit later.

upd. link added for ao3 enjoyers!

It didn't miss anybody, the way Ghost seemed more easygoing and light-hearted on certain days, letting recruits get away with a bit more than usual. Coincidentally, it was right after various interactions with you, be it training or sparring together, doing reports, moving some shit around the base, or just hanging out in the common room. Nobody could just figure out what it was about your interactions that lifted Simon’s spirits so high, which was notoriously hard, courtesy of how gloomy or menacing the man usually appeared. But the answer was quite simple, really.

“Thanks, big guy. Always a huge help.” Simon catches your small smile as you pat him on the shoulder and nods, barely containing his joy, he’d hate to make it too obvious. He was wearing a balaclava after all, and the smallest stretch of the fabric on his cheeks and around his mouth could easily give away how joy spread itself in his chest at the affectionate nickname.

Big guy. Big guy. Your big guy.

Nickname reserved only for him, exclusively from you. Of course, Ghost knew he’d be larger than your average soldier, and that regularly got acknowledged by others, but something about you calling him like this made it different. That pleasant warmth inside, which reminded him of the sun, or that stupid fluttering in his stomach, was…unusual to say the least. It made his mood better almost instantly, an interaction he eagerly, but silently looked forward to each day. Something about you calling him a big guy made his head spin, swimming in the endless clouds. Something Ghost hasn't felt in a long time and didn’t think he’d ever experience.

It was easy to let down his guard around you, you stripped him of the metaphorical armor just like this, with an effortless joke and that godforsaken pet name thrown in somewhere in the conversation. And just like that - Ghost’s low laugh rumbled in unison with yours, heart missing a beat when he looked into your eyes that sparkled with something unknown and captivating. It felt…good. New. And so fucking warm, Ghost felt like he was about to suffocate.

You were the newbie, your reputation preceded you but Ghost didn’t pay much attention to all the rumors swirling around on the base, like some suspicious soup in a boiling pot. He had better things to do. Like following you similarly to a lost puppy, maybe staring intently right at you with his huge brown eyes, if he was feeling brave. Or lingering somewhere around, just to make sure you’re adjusting alright. After all, all of you soldiers have to look out for each other, right? Right. Definitely.

It felt good to finally be able to just laugh and play around with someone, who didn’t seem scared shitless by his presence, mask and, well…everything about him, that seemingly drove people away. Not that he didn’t understand the reasoning for that – quite on the contrary. But you were probably just built differently, drawn to the weird, unappealing, and scary. Maybe Ghost should feel lucky that you were like that. And truth be told, he did. He liked it and he liked you.

Ghost could only hope that he lightened up the things for you the way you did for him. To ask and dig deeper would probably be too much, Simon could still feel that caution and tremble at the mere thought of trying to grow closer to you and spend even more time together. Like he’ll put a curse on you the moment he decides to open up a bit more and show you at least some inner workings of his mind on a more intimate level than just some stupid puns, or gossip and discussions about the way you spent your day. Although they were certainly pleasant, with you giving him a subtle, understanding smile from across the table, while steam from your coffee mug made it seem so domestic and wholesome like Ghost was in a dream. So, Ghost kept what little distance he could, despite his wishes, and hoped that you take your time and be patient with him.

That is until he overheard something that startled him, to say the least.  

“Well, your jokes are a bit too much for me, big guy.” You say, letting out a clear, loud laugh, as you patted Soap’s chest. Scotsman straightened up almost immediately in front of you, a proud toothy smile beaming on his face. Now Ghost felt like he just got punched in the gut, for some reason. Annoyed and on edge in a split second. But why? He truly couldn’t seem to pin down the reason for the surge of anger and something bitter in his chest, bubbling right under his skin.

It was probably nothing worth his attention. Just something weird with his body, exhaustion from the training, muscle cramps...or whatever it could be. In any case, running headfirst into dissecting his mind for something so small and minuscule? Ridiculous, really. Completely unnecessary. Of course, Simon knew that both you and Johnny weren’t saints, two rascals more like, but he had no obvious reason to feel this bitter stinging inside of him, that slithered and slipped around, followed by tightening of his throat and bobbing of his Adam’s apple. He swallowed loudly, trying to wash down that gross aftertaste on his tongue hours after he saw that interaction. And the fact that he couldn’t get it out of his head was telling enough, that he was, in fact, bothered by something.

So, Simon decided to do what he did best. Bottle it up. But then it just kept sitting in his head, that nasty feeling still eating him from the inside out. It didn’t help that he started seeing you talking with Johnny more often, while Simon unintentionally avoided you, still buried deep in his thoughts and contemplations about what caused him to feel the way he did. Of course, he couldn’t help but eavesdrop. And there you were. Laughing with him. Calling him “big guy”. Again. This only caused Simon to become more cranky and unfriendly, taking his frustrations out on poor privates who’ve never ran so many laps in their entire lives.

The only people Ghost was outright cruel and merciless to were his enemies. He wasn’t the friendliest guy, of course, but everyone noticed when the lieutenant who usually would crack jokes and dumb puns at the expense of others at most suddenly started to get annoyed at smaller mistakes more, using harsher words and overall look like he was down in the dumps. Nobody dared to talk about the subject though, so Ghost was left terrorizing the privates and recruits, having lunches in his office and avoiding areas where he knew you’d be at certain times of the day from your long talks before. Which, of course, didn’t help him to understand what was wrong at all.

So, all Ghost was left with were his own thoughts. He didn’t feel jealous of you interacting with other people before. You were never his, so he had no right for that at all. But there had to be something else that pushed Simon to where he was now, tired, unsatisfied, and craving at least a passing smile and a short “Hey there” from you. So that the two of you could sit down somewhere together, and you’d talk about some irrelevant nonsense, and then you’d open your mouth again and call him “big guy”. It didn’t feel fair that Johnny got to be called that. It was Simon’s nickname. From you. Wait-wait-wait, hold on a second.

The sudden revelation as to why exactly Ghost was feeling that way when he saw you talk with the sergeant hit him like a damn bus. Fuck, that is childish. Weird. God, Simon feels like a damn creep. Getting upset because of a damn nickname, way to fucking go, you oaf. This felt confusing. Irrational. Absolutely fucking stupid. To think that something that simple threw him off so easily. That’s human relationships for you. Now it felt like he needed even more time. Not to make it complicated. Not to hurt you and himself.

Regardless of his wishes, he didn’t have any more time to think when he was soon approached by you, a concerned frown adorning your face, along with a look full of sympathy and understanding. Ghost already dreaded the conversation that hadn’t even begun. And he wasn’t even the one reaching out first. Which makes it even more embarrassing.

“Hey, Simon. I have something I want to talk about with you.” You, bless your heart, probably thought something terrible happened in Simon's life when in reality he was just running away from you and his feelings like a whole wildfire was chasing him. The only correlation he could think of is dumb teenagers, which is…remotely fitting with his recent behavior. “I’ve noticed you’ve been kind of…avoiding me? Did something happen, or am I just overthinking everything?”

“It’s stupid, really. Nothing you should be worrying yourself about.” Ghost blurts out before he can even think. Great, now he can only tell you the whole truth, without the options to back out or lie. But it was truly so unusual for him because Simon never expected to get attached to a nickname and to you.

“Well, let’s hear you out. I won’t judge.” Again, with your perfect reassuring smile and your calming presence. Simon lets out a deep sigh, his throat itching from what is about to ensue. He knew he was going to embarrass himself, but he just couldn’t bring himself to lie. Which would’ve been so much easier, instead of baring his true feelings in front of you.

“Well, your nickname for me…You know what I’m talking about.” Simon’s tone is deep and gruff as he tries to conceal that uncertainty in his voice. You appear to be listening attentively, your eyes trained on him, head slightly tilted to the side, which makes his heart melt. You give him a confident nod at the mention of the nickname, and Ghost continues. “I want you to call only me like that. And I mean, only me” He can see your eyebrow rising, your expression more teasing than questioning. There we go, now you’re going to mock him or laugh at him. Just perfect.

“Sure thing, big guy.” A shudder runs down Simon’s spine from your words, a sweet, saccharine feeling immediately blossoming in his chest. Oh, he had no words to describe how hard he missed it. All his worries lifted immediately. You didn’t find it weird. In fact, from what Ghost could tell by your satisfied expression, it was quite the opposite of the reaction Simon initially expected. Which was extremely relieving. He would hate to lose your intriguing relationship to the miscommunication of his own making. “Could’ve just said that you wanted it reserved just for you.”

Oh, it wasn’t just the nickname that did it to him. But it’s a bit too early to tell you that.

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[kagakuoniryu]

Part 2 of the alastor x reader I written when I wasn't feeling well at all

Summary : a new guest you knew from your past life arrive at the hotel, she was that one person who bullied you throigh high school, but she mooks too angelic to be guilty

Code : E/n (ennemy/name)

Tags : fem reader, etablished relationship, angst for the most part, there will maybe be a part 2, mentions of bullying, reader is TRAUMATIZED, english is not my first language, may have some inaccuracy about the show since I'm just projecting, and of course probably ooc characters

After that talk in alastor's room, you hardly left yours limiting contact with everyone...

Well, mostly everyone, nifty still passed by everyday to clean up a bit and chase the boug, you were thankful for it, she didn't treated you differently, she was the same sadistic, boys driven, bug hater lady you met, and you could talk her ears off

"Niff ? What do you think about E/n ?" You started warily, you never openly talked to her about it surprisinly until now

"Oh I hate her !"

Shocked you asked her to go on ; E/n, hated ? The E/n you knew...Well...she presented to others ?!

"Why is that ? Did something went wrong ? Did she hurt you ?!"

"She always interrupt my dead roack show ! She says it's weird and disgusting ! She even killed a roach before I could and that is an heinous crime"

You gulped, noting mentally that to stay in nifty's good side, you better let her kill the roaches herself

"But...isn't it weird how everyone like her ? And how they think she's genuinely nice ? Even alastor likes her !"

"And everyone likes alastor until they he shows his nature !" With that nifty finally stabbed that roach she was after

"You...have a good point...she's showing them what they want to gain what she wants...but...what does she wants...?"

"I don't know ! I have a lot of cleaning to do ! Goodbye !"

"Wait nifty !"

And the door was closed, you sighed, well...it was good for as long as it lasted you guessed...you needed a plan, but you couldn't think clearly in this hotel...you couldn't go to Rosie too...she ADORED E/n and they had their regular tea party...crashing to your friends place weren't use at all, one they adored her, two, it was still the hotel and three, since your words with angel you kinda ghosted them all, thinking they couldn't hurt yiu if you ghosted them before that ; your fiancee radio station maybe ? No, too obvious, and he spend all his goddamn time up there...and he isn't the exact definition of "privacy"...you thought for a second about mimzy, but that girl hated your guts for no reason...or well...maybe because alastor humiliated her last time...

Finally, a bell rang in your head ; alastor ! That's your solution ! He gave you a spare key of his actual house outside of the hotel, and he barely goes there since he is in his tower during the day and at the hotel at night !

Picking minimal stuff, just a few clothes, a notepad and a pencil, even leaving your proposal ring behind, not wznting to be distracted by alastor himself you rushed outside, surprising everyone in the lobby until you came crashing down into alastor

"My, my, my dear, someone here is in a rush"

"Uh yeah...I needed fresh air, you know, the old stuff, figured I could go camping ?"

Alastor's gaze darkened as he looked at your ring finger, well, lack of ring on your ring finger

"And does camping prevent you from wearing you ring ? Or perhaps you youngster has a different definitiln of camping that back in my day, because decades ago, men could hunt even with they wedding ring, and yet you can't sleep with it on ?"

"I just wanted some alone time, calm down al' if anything, send a shadow my way kf you don't trust me, I know you don't anyway for a few weeks now"

Without letting him finish you left the hotel, you almost feel pity to charlie, she'll have a very pissy alastor in her hands until you come back

Arriving at alastor's home you let yourself in, now you needed to brainstorm !

One hour...

Two hours...

Three hours...

Three hours and about 3 cups of tea in...you have little next to nothing for an idea...how the hell are you gonna show this pest real face ?! You needed a real confrontation with her, but she'll never gave it to you, and if she did, she would have a backup plan, just like when you were alive...alive...

That's it !

One of your imps friend that owe you one could go to the living world ! He could retrieve your phone and you could prove your point !

Getting everything ready, and after many days, the phone in your hands, you plugged it in for it to charge and once at 100 % your rushed to the hotel

"Guys ! I got my phone back I-"

Entering the hotel, they were all playing a board game together, not caring about where you went...but you've been gone for at least a good week or two now...did you mattered so little ?

"O-oh...Y/n...you're here ! We...uh...were playing monopoly ! You...wanna join us ?"

Charlie tried akwardly, chukling nervously at your empty expression

"No, I was happy to prove my point, but I guess it's no use, she is better than me anyway, charlie, I guess you can take an other sinner in...I quit the hotel..."

You missed the way her eyes showed her heartbreak at this sight of you, giving up, she really failed you this time ; as you went upstair to make your bags, the boarding game night was ruined, and alastor teleported right into your room

"Hello ma chère (my dear), may I know where you're planning on going ?"

"I don't know al, far ? You all won it, always pushing me to the side, y'all fucking won it"

"I believe such swearing isn't proper in a ladie's mout-"

"Well for once I'll fucking swear if I'll fucking please al ! Because none of you wwants to believes in me ! You knew me long her and you choose her ! Just...go and date her ! It's her speciality to just date whoever has been with me before anyway..."

"What do you mean...? Y/n...?"

No terms of endearment there, that was rare for alastor, even before you both started dating he was affectionnate and using pet names, he always does with women, just a way to make them feel appreciated

"What do you mean 'what do I mean' you didn't knew how my ex boyfriend cheated on me with her and that's why we stopped being friends ?!"

"No, actually...she told us the other way around, that she found her perfect someone...and that you tried to seduce him and flirt with him and when he exposed you you bullied her"

"Bullied her ?! She made my life hell before getting down here ! After I blocked her everywhere she used our common friend she turned against me or even her sister's social media to stalk me down !"

"Well, my dear, I do want to believes you, you know I love you, but I can't without proper proof"

Taking your phone's out of your pocket, and guiding alastor because of his obvious lack of modern technology skills, you showed him your call journal from that time, the recording, the screenshots, everything that proved you were in your right mind

"Well...my beloved, it seems I owe you an apology, with her honey words it seems I lowered my guard and lacked dicernment, could you forgive me ?"

Alastor put in hand gently on your cheek, lifting your face, you nuzzled against his hand before hugging him tight

"Apology accepted...and thank you...thank you so much for listening, even if it costed you to use modern technology"

"As long as you delete that picture I took by accident"

"I'll make it my wallpaper~"

"I'll rip this thing piece by piece"

Going downstairs with alastor was a relief, like a gentleman he offered his arms for you to hold onto as charlie jumped on you

"I'm SOOOO sorry to have neglected your feeling Y/n please !! I didn't mean to ! You were a good friend of all of us and would all feel awful if you were to really leave !!" She started, before being interrupted by alastor

"Well, my dear charlie, it seems someone is still leaving, but not our dear Y/n, someone who's suprisingly not that keen on getting redeemed it seems"

You saw E/n visibly tense as alastor grabs her rather forcefully

"Could you PLEASE tell all the others persons present here what happened between you and my lovely Y/n over here back when you were alive"

"I...I already told you didn't I...? She bullied me ! Y/n is just a mean bully and I always felt uneasy around her" E/n tried to defend herself, nervously sweating

"Really, care to explain this ? My dear best friend" you showed one of the most incriminating piece you had on your phone to the others, making their eyes go wide, and all fell into pieces, E/n wasn't trying to redeem, she was trying to ruin your life, all over again

She felt that for some reasons, many years ago, you were better than her, and that she needed what you had, by any mean and any ways, instead of finding her own hapiness she wanted to steal yours

Vaggie and alastor both kicked her out, charlie tried to say maybe she could be redeemed, but when alastor said that if he saw that girl put a foot near the hotel again he would turn her into jambalaya for everyone to eat...she was feeling rather discouraged

But that was okay, one bad sinners couldn't stray her from her dream ! Everyone in the hotel also apologized in their own way for not believing you and putting back through all your traumas all over again, and of course you forgave them

Alastor also made you a special contract this night, you could pet his ears, all night long, if the next day you didn't told the others about it

And of course you took the deal

~THE END~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, I don't know if this one was longer or shorter than the previous part, I went along with the random imp going back on earth as an easter egg of helluva boss and also because I was stuck in my story !

It's nice to have a catharsis like this to be honest, I don't know if I'll write request or just silly story in one or multiple parts for hazbin hotel you can still send some in if yoj feel like it, just know that I'd be delighted to write for alastor again, he's my all time fav of the show

I hope you enjoyed it !!!

[morganbritton132]

Idk why this popped into my brain but it occurred to me that Eddie was probably on those celebrity editions of game shows. Celebrity Jeopardy, Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire, etc…

And it just made me laugh so hard. The idea of Eddie Munson with Regis. Of calling Steve as a phone a friend for a basketball question and Steve being like Eddie I don’t know everything about basketball. But the answer is Larry Bird.

Just TikTok finding clips of Eddie yelling “suck it, Dan Cortese!” after obliterating them all at final jeopardy.

This fills me with so much joy! I love it so much.

Eddie does not go on Celebrity Who Wants to be a Millionaire by choice. He pissed off the band’s manager just enough that they signed him up for it without his knowledge, and he’s not doing it. He got the letter in the mail and it’s not happening.

Eddie ‘Six Years of High School’ Munson is not going on national television and making himself look like an idiot when he doesn’t even get to be in on the joke. No way.

“Dick move, man,” Gareth shrugs after Eddie put his foot down. “Even if you fuck the first question, they’re still gonna donate to your charity of choice. And like, maybe this is just the amount of money needed to cure cancer. Or epilepsy.”

“…You fucking suck, Gareth.”

“Yeah, I do!”

Eddie begrudgingly shows up and goes through the whole rigmarole to get mic’ed up, just ready to make a fool out of himself and call it a day. It turns out that he knows a lot more than he thought he did because he breezes through the first round of questions.

He knows enough about history, music, and the arts just from planning his D&D campaigns and reading about things he likes. He’s surprised by how much surface knowledge he’s gained from listening to the kids logic their way through their science and math homework, but sports are a bust.

He gets lucky on a few questions, but ends up using his Phone a Friend to call his partner, Steve. Steve and Eddie spend the first fifteen seconds arguing about how Eddie shouldn’t have wasted his phone a friend on Steve because he doesn’t know anything. And then once he hears the question, he’s like, “Larry Bird” and hangs up.

Eddie doesn’t win a millionaire dollars for his charity, but he wins quite a bit.

Afterwards when he’s still so hyped up about not being dumb, Steve’s just like ???? “Ed, you were never dumb. You just had trouble taking tests and none of your teachers accommodated your very obvious ADHD. You’ve always been brilliant.”

“Now everybody knows it.”

“Yeah,” Steve agreed. “Yeah, they do.”

Eddie signs up for Celebrity Jeopardy himself.

One of the first things that Steve and Wayne bonded over was a love for Jeopardy. Wayne has watched Jeopardy before he left for work for as long as Eddie has known him, and Steve was more than happy to sit with him when it was on. They both continued to watched even after Steve and Eddie moved to Chicago and sometimes they’d call each other if Final Jeopardy was “crazy.”

The band wasn’t touring as much as they used too and they’re all pretty much working on their own projects at this point. Steve’s finishing up his master’s degree while teaching full time and doesn’t really have a lot of time for him. Eddie is in between projects and creatively tapped out, and worst of all, he’s bored.

So when his manager passively mentions Celebrity Jeopardy, Eddie tells him to sign him up for it. When they accept his application, the only people he tells about it are Dustin and Nancy.

He only tells them because he wants their help studying for it because he wants to win this time. So, they study and it sucks. If Eddie ever sees another world famous Nancy Wheeler flashcard again, he’ll tear off his arm. He hates every second of their study sessions.

Eddie makes it through the quarterfinals and then he makes it to the semi-finals (knocking out Dan Cortese). He doesn’t win the tournament because he bets big on a Daily Double and gets it wrong, but he’s fairly close to the lead after Final Jeopardy.

It’s not bad for a guy that failed his senior year three times.

The fun part comes when it airs. He painstakingly sets up their camcorder so Steve won’t notice it before the show starts. The video he gets has a good five minutes of Steve fussing with a blanket up until they say ‘Eddie Munson.’

Steve looks up and then looks at Eddie, and then back at the tv, “Wha- what? Is that – that’s you! You’re on Jeopardy! Eddie, you’re on – oh my god, we’ve got to call Wayne.”

Before Steve can even do that, their phone is ringing and Steve answers it like, “HE DIDN’T TELL ME EITHER!” while Eddie is laughing his ass off.

When Eddie posts a TikTok about it like, ‘LOL remember when I was on Jeopardy?’ it includes this moment. It also includes footage from the semi-finales where Steve is just pacing the living room and repeatedly telling Eddie to just tell him if he won or not. Steve cheers like he’s at a football game when Eddie wins.

It’s just as tense when the video cuts to Steve watching the finale. Steve knows the answer to the daily double that Eddie gets wrong and is like, ‘This is why they should do Jeopardy Couples, we’d win so hard.’ Steve’s not even disappointed that Eddie lost, keeping the same enthusiasm through the show and then is like, “I’m married to a Jeopardy contestant. I’m so telling Janet about this at the staff meeting tomorrow.” 

[thesweetnessofspring]

Why do you hate epic? I've recently heard it and I don't like it also, especially when I googled his story. But why do you hate it?

First, no hate to the creator. Like, I heard he's a college kid doing a creative project and a lot of people like it which is great. And concept albums get tweaked. Maybe it's something he can salvage or rework in the future, but as it is, I just don't like Epic at all.

I'd listened to what was out about....six months ago maybe? And I wasn't particularly taken with it, but then back in like July I relistened to it and I just got so tired listening to it. I think a spin on that line from The Incredibles sums up that part of it well:

If all of the music is epic, none of it will be.

Even in big megamusicals like Les Mis, there's a variety of songs. You have the love songs, the reflective songs, the "party" songs, the exposition songs, and just a variety of tone and pace. In listening to what is now the most recent release, I got weary of listening to the same old video game music set to bad lyrics (we'll get to that). There's no variety, which makes the whole album flat. Halfway through I wanted to scream GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE FOR THE LOVE OF ZEUS!!! I don't think the idea of video game music works for musicals. They're completely different mediums and the narrative structure of video games (at least as he's presented them) also leads to a static story. If I sit down and play a video game with different bosses, then it makes sense. I complete a level and then take a break/live my life until I come back and work on the next level. There doesn't feel to be any forward momentum in the story because it's just "boss" after "boss" with a highly intense video game music soundtrack. It's static, it's flat, it's tiring. I cannot imagine sitting through a stage show of this. I'd be leaving early after intermission.

It is painfully obvious this is a TikTok musical, because the music can be good in short spurts but as a 2.5 hour stage musical? I wouldn't be able to do it. I barely did it when I broke it up over a few car rides.

Also the lyrics are mostly just bad, particularly in the rhymes. Like I said, I've listened to it I guess 1.5 times as the first time I listened they didn't have as many songs out as there are now. So I can't quote any, but it wasn't just a couple times. There were whole songs where I was internally (as I was driving) rolling my eyes at the awkward, hokey rhymes.

And look, I haven't read The Odyssey since high school, so I'm not going to pretend to be a scholar. I have read Odysseus as a character in other retellings of Greek myths, though, and he's a much more dynamic and interesting character than the boring, predictable hero of Epic. I remember when first being exposed to The Odyssey, it was my first foray into more complicated dynamics of Greek mythology instead of the more digestable/cleaned-up versions I'd heard as a younger kid, and part of that was Odysseus. He made decisions I just couldn't understand at the time. A big thing for me as a 15-year-old kid was I was so mad at all of Odysseus's affairs. Now I know that in Greece that wasn't so much a big deal for men to sleep around and was expected. Yet (at least with Circe) he's noble and fighting her off and it gives the impression that Odysseus hasn't had any sex in like 12 years. I'm sorry, but WHAT??? Odysseus loves his wife and he's a slut. C'mon. Epic Odysseus is so predictable and boring I'm not drawn into the story at all for him, either. When I finally got to the more recent releases, I was thinking, "Oh, wow what a surprise. Before he didn't want to kill people and now he's fed up and will kill people so he can get home. Ohhhh noooooo what will ever happen in the next part of the musical?? Is it possible he will learn that vengeance is bad???" To be fair this part hasn't come out yet so maybe I'll be wrong but ugh, it's not looking good.

To balance things out, I do think the opening number is good and I like the one with the winds "keep your friends close/and your enemies closer" is an earworm, and because it changed up the usual "video game epic music" thing. And like, as a student project it is impressive. But it's not a student project anymore, it's a concept album. Idk if he's planning on staging it at some point, but if he does, it has a lot of work still to do.

Anyway vote Hadestown. ✌️

[just-some-random-blogger]

Less Dire Situations | 3

Part 1 2

Peter liked you the moment he met you after moving in with his Aunt May. Unfortunately, he never got the guts to talk to you. The idea disappeared after grade school and high school graduation, so you can imagine how surprised he was when you answered his ad for Advanced Calculus tutoring. It felt like he could actually get a shot with you… and then you jumped off the Manhattan Bridge.

Peter Parker x Reader | 5k+ | cw: fem!reader, DD:DNE, suicidal thoughts/ideation, suicide attempt, themes of depression, social withdrawing, emotional masking, canon divergence, angst, hurt, typos, etc.

A/N: this is originally posted on ao3

Peter watches you as you finish the last of your meal. He nods as you conclude what you had to say about the latest show you watched.

You two stand and head to the door, minding Julia as you do. His heart tightens when you smile at the older woman. Your smile looked so bright, the lines by your eyes and cheeks added to it. Julia blows you a kiss in return. Peter says his own goodbye after.

Once you're outside the establishment, Peter takes your arm and leads you out of the way of the walking pedestrians. You walk close to him, body brushing against his chest. You both stand by the edge of the pavement, Peter speaks over the sound of the street, "you heading to campus?"

He watches as you smile and shake your head, "nope. I have some a project waiting for me at home."

He is half relieved to hear you meant to meet him, meet Spiderman. Or at least he hopes that's what you meant.

"Is it the hero project thing for Ms. V?" Peter asks.

"Actually, yes," you nod, "I woke up in a cold sweat thinking about it," you look away and shrug, mumbling, "amongst other things."

Peter doesn't know if that was a whole truth. He rubs your arm that he held, "let me walk you."

You look back at him, brows knit as you shake your head, "sir, campus is out of the way to my dorm."

"I don't mind," he releases his hold, "I want to hang out with you some more."

You chuckle and grin. You reach out to pinch his cheeks, "you're so sweet."

His heart hammers as you get close enough for him to smell the pancake syrup still on you.

"I don't wanna tire you, Parker," you pull away. You shove your hands in your pocket. For a moment, the mask, your smile, slips off. There is an exhaustion in your eyes that lingers for a prolonged second, and the speed in which you make it disappears haunts him. You say, "you should get proper hangouts instead of lousy walks."

Before it registers, he clutches your shoulders and shakes his head, "I'll take a thousand lousy walks if they're with you."

You gasp under your breath, hands coming to his arms out of instinct. You slightly lose balance as you look up at him. He can feel your pulse quicken.

Peter doesn't spare another moment. He drapes an arm over your shoulder and walks you both to the direction of your dorm. He acts like what he just did wasn't as intimate as it was. He points to a random building and says he bought an ice cream popsicles there once.

He knows it's the impending doom dangling upon your soul that makes him want to act and speak out. He knows it's why the urge to kiss you as after you bring an arm around his torso was so great. Never having a chance because you were dead was ten times more terrifying than being rejected, but of course, he wouldn't just force himself on you.

He finally withdraws when you get to your building. His hands can't help but brush against your shoulder as he does so though.

You stiffen. He notices. He clears his throat and looks around aimlessly, rambling about getting to class.

Peter walks away. You watch as he does so.

"Man, about damn time Parker made a move," he hears the guard, Arnel, speak under his breath.

If it wasn't obvious, Peter didn't actually have a class to attend, and even if he did, he would've gladly missed it to check up on you.

He changes into his suit and swings up your building, intent to wait there, though it was still pretty early.

He starts when you loudly open the door to the rooftop. In equal measure, you start when you hear his shocked curses.

He is bewildered by the state of you. A total 180 of what you were just moment ago.

"You're early," you mutter weakly, wiping your nose. You held a notebook in that hand. Your eyes were red and your cheeks were wet.

Peter flings himself over to you with a web. He lands in front of you and grabs your cheeks, "what's wrong, baby?"

You look at him and dryly chuckle through a sob. Your voice cracks as you say, "I am acting like a baby, huh?"

"That's not what I mea-"

"I know," you sniffle, "... but if you keep this up, I might fall for you."

He doesn't laugh at the joke. He wipes your tears away, "you already have," he pulls away and raises two fingers, "twice."

You release a soft chuckle. You sniffle and wipe your philtrum. You walk past him, "touché, Spoods."

His expression softens under his mask.

Spiderman trails after you as you head towards the ledge and flip through your notebook. He comes to your side as you place the object there and turn to him.

"I lied to Peter," you mumble.

Peter stares at you.

"I told him I was alright, but... ... I can tell he doesn't believe me anymore."

He takes a moment before responding, "is that why you're crying?"

You press your hands on your notebook, "... maybe? ... I just started crying when I got back," you look down and rub the paper underneath your hands.

He glances down and vaguely catches the doodles hidden behind your palms.

"I think I'm poisoning him."

Spiderman looks back at you.

"It makes me want to chug bleach."

"No, don't do that," he raises a finger.

You at him, eyes glazed with tears. It crushes his heart, so much so his insides scream to reveal just why he's so confident in what Peter thinks. He silently debates unmasking himself.

"I won't," you shake your head, "don't want to haunt the dorm."

He's about to say something but he doesn't when you point at your notebook. His attention is diverted.

"You're my hero."

Peter's heart skips. He sees a bunch of sketches of him, of Spiderman-- of him tugging his mask, of the back of his suit... of him swinging on the Manhattan Bridge. His heart threatens to burst.

"I have this... project... it's called A Study On Heroes..." you slowly turn to him, "I... I wasn't planning on doing it because... well, you know why. And... well... I was thinking since-" your shiver as you sigh.

Spiderman doesn't hesitate. He takes your hand and squeezes it. In this suit, he had the guts to do such things. He tells himself he'll learn to do it without the safety of his anonymity.

You squeeze his hand back but turn away from him, "since you-" your voice is wobbly, "you said you wanted to help, and I don't want to be a bystander... maybe this could be a reason to-" you choke "- to live."

He pulls you into a tight hug. He repeatedly kisses the crown of your head through his mask.

Before he could tell himself he went over the line, his throat tightens at the feel of you returning the embrace.

You wail into his chest. You dig your nails into his spine. The sound of you was gut wrenching; your cries were exasperated, hurt, and relieved, as if you had been waiting to be embraced.

Fuck, maybe you were.

He feels his eyes water.

You stay like this for a long while, neither of you loosening your hold.

Peter strokes your hair, "whatever you need... you got it, my love."

Eventually, you calm down. He waits for you to pull away because there was no way he was going to be the first to do so.

You press your cheek against his chest and sniffle thickly, "I..." you mutter through clogged sinuses, "I want you to be my study, if it wasn't clear... for my project."

"I'll be your study, sweetheart," he brushes your shoulder, "I'll be whatever you want."

You lightly scratch at his back. 

"I'll do live modeling for you. I'll do an interview. Anything. And guess what, I won't even charge you."

You chuckle then sniffle again.

He squeezes your shoulder, "I'll catch you, sad girl... just jump into me."

Your lips wobble. You sob as you retort, "thank you, Spider-Man."

I stand in front of a mirror, gawking at myself. Beyond my tear stained cheeks and my blood-shot eyes, there was a hollowness staring back at me. I looked vile. I looked wretched. I looked irredeemable.

This is what Spiderman saw when he looked at me? A lost cause? A pathetic joke of a woman?

This must be why he was so hesitant to leave me. This must be why he asked me 10 times if I would be alright by myself before swinging away.

I feel so guilty. I feel so sick for spilling out the darkness on the lap of someone so bright. What if I dim him out? What if he gets scared of me?

I force myself to suck air through my nose. It's painful. I walk towards my bathroom and splash my face repeatedly with water.

I hear a text notification.

I drag myself into my bed and collapse.

I hear a text notification.

I groan and roll, reaching out for the phone laid atop my bed side table. My brows quirk when I see it's a message from May Jameson.

Hello. This is Peter's auntie, May. He's not answering his phone and I have been meaning to speak with you. He mentioned having breakfast with you, and I was in the area. I am at your building's entrance.

I push myself up from my bed, panic and dread causing my spine to straighten unnaturally. Why was she here?

The next moment, I receive a call from her.

"Fuck, shit, fuck, FUCK-" I drop my phone and wipe my face. I clear my throat a couple times before answering. My voice still cracks when I say, "hello."

May Jameson's voice is as jovial as it was the few times I've met her. She says my name and tells me the same thing that she did in her messages.

"P-eter's not here," I lean into my hand, "he's, uh, he's at uni- I, uh, yeah... We had breakfast but he left."

"Oh, that's fine, dear," she says, "I was hoping he'd be here, but, oh well. I wanted to talk to you about something."

"... m-okay-"

"Peter mentioned that you do commission work. I was wondering if you would consider doing something for me."

I sigh deeply. "Oh... what kind of work is it?"

"Well, it's a poster. I actually have one with me right now. I'd appreciate it a ton of you'd be willing to look at it for me."

I stand from my bed and walk towards my mirror. I look shit. There's no way this isn't apparent. Fuck, what am I going to do?

"... Oh, gee... am I bothering you?"

"No! No," I shake my head and head to the door, "... I-" I grab a beanie and put it on, covering my face as much as I can without obstructing my vision fully, "- I'll go downstairs right now."

"Oh! Thank you. That would be wonderful."

By the time I get downstairs, May and Arnel were knee-deep into conversation.

She perks when she sees me, smiles, and waves. When I come over, she reaches out for a hug and so I hug her. It was awkward, but it seems only for me.

She strokes my hair, "how are you, my dear?"

"Mmm... good," I chuckle nervously as I pull away.

She rubs my shoulders and hands me a bag, "it's probably a bit cold now, but I figured I should sweeten the deal with some lunch."

I hesitantly take the lunch bag from her, not wanting to look at her and draw attention to my face. If she noticed anything, she definitely didn't say a word about it. I stare at the lunch bag instead and slowly feel uncomfortable when I realize just how... personal this was. She made this for me.

"Here's the poster we have."

I look the printed poster she unfolded.

"I tried my best on the computer, but it doesn't really look very compelling."

I examine the text, the Impact font, the odd cut off of the description, the colors.

"Volunteer?"

"Oh, it's for a senior home," she explains, "the place is government ran and lately, it's been falling short with it's facilities. It takes months for the city to actually do anything for it, and so the folks there have been relying on volunteers and donations."

I release a breath. Our government fails us again. I slowly nod, "can I take this poster?"

"Please."

"I'll do the commission and have it sent to Peter by the end of the day."

"Oh," she perks, "sweetheart, that's great, but there's really no rush."

"No, no, it's fine," I offer a smile, "and I'll only charge you lunch for it," I raise the bag she gave me.

"No, no, no," May raises a finger, "I'll pay you your rate."

I shake my head, "I want to help. Consider this my volunteer work."

"Oh, thank you," she pouts, "you know, one of the seniors is having a birthday party tomorrow. You should come. We'll have cake!" 

I chuckle at her exclamation.

"And why not take pictures of the geris?" She gasps in realization, "you can put them of the poster!"

Rather reluctantly, I find myself saying, "actually... that would be a good idea," but I don't really want to go outside...

"Great! Tomorrow then. I'll text you the details."

Before I can even say a word, she's waving me and Arnel the doorman goodbye.

May walks down the street and smiles when she spots Peter.

Peter straightens up when he sees his aunt. She immediately tells him the mission was a success. Peter breathes a sigh of relief, but tenses when he hears that his best friend had been crying.

"I'm glad you caught on to her," his aunt says.

Peter sighs deeply, "thank you for helping me, May."

She shakes her head, "I'm glad you're helping her."

He nods and hugs her.

I nervously chew on my lip as I glance at my phone, back up to the building down the block. The street was a bit filthy and I felt rather agitated over the idea of going there.

I shove my hands and phone into my pockets and walk down the street anyway. I clutch my satchel bag tightly once I stop at the entrance of a chain fenced property.

I pace around the front gate and pull out my phone. I scroll through my contacts, debating on calling either May or Peter. I settle for the latter and check my perimeter.

I tense when I hear a voice call out to me.

A middle aged woman in scrubs steps out of the front door, "can I help you?"

"Uh-" I shove my phone in my pocket, "I'm... I'm here to visit the senior home... I, uh... I'm working with May Jameson-"

"Oh!" she perks and walks towards the gate. She says my name and I nervously chuckle, telling her, that was indeed me.

She unlocks the gate and I thank her as I step in.

"I thought you would be coming in with her boy," she closes the gate, "he takes the back door to go inside."

"Oh."

"I'm Rhonda," she smiles, reaching a hand out for me, "nice to meet you."

I shake her hand. She and I walk inside. 

"If any of the seniors offer you a drink, say no, unless you want to black out and wake up with the worse hangover of your life."

My mouth falls open but I do not get to respond. The moment we reach the main room, the bustle of what was clearly a party overpowered my senses. It was rather a stark contrast from the setting. As much as the dingy outside matches the beige walls and the dated furniture, both felt out of place with the elderly men dancing around with boa feathers, geometric glasses, and party hats to country music. There were two women on wheelchairs loudly cursing each other out as they played cards. There were a bunch of people huddled by the food table, and the moment they spotted Rhonda, they immediately pulled away and dispersed.

"HEY!" Rhonda catches them nevertheless, "now I know you did NOT spike my agua fresca!"

The 2 men and 3 women cackle and fast-walk away from the scene.

Instead of chasing after any of them, Rhonda glances around the room and screams out a name, "Pamela Amalia Flynn Mosby!"

The old woman sat in a reclining chair reading the newspaper looks up, "what?"

"Oh, don't you act innocent-" Rhonda walks over to her, promptly leaving me forgotten where I stood.

"Hey kid."

I turn to my side and see an bald man with wrinkled skin holding a box of juice.

"You want some?" 

I shift in my spot and chuckle apprehensively, "I was told not to accept drinks if I didn't want to black out."

"Nah, that's only if you drink Pam's spiked punch," he nods his head.

I turn to where he motioned and vaguely hear Rhonda ask where she got her alcohol this time.

"My secrets are my own, kid," Pamela crosses her arms, making Rhonda sigh in frustration.

"You killjoys are killing my vibe," one of the dancing men tells them, moving towards the speaker, cranking the volume louder.

"Oh!" a voice says from behind, "you're here!" 

I turn and see May, walking in with a box of cake.

"Cake is here!" the old man beside me calls, making the room break into a cheer.

A buff man walks in after May. He smiles at me and I awkwardly smile back. He has some pizza boxes in his hand and follows after May who places her own box on the food table.

May mutters something to him and then turns to me, smiling. All the seniors flock to the food table as May approaches me.

"Thank you so much for coming," she says before giving me a hug.

I don't have the opportunity to hug her back as she's already pulling away. She points, "that's Jerry, one of the employees here. That's Rhonda, and then there's Tammy, and Bianca."

I turn to each of the people she mentions and nod, "Rhonda let me in."

"Tell her she can accept my juice box," the same voice from a while ago speaks.

I look to my right and see that the same bald man.

May chuckles and shakes her head, "did Rhonda tell you about Pam's juice?"

I make a face.

"Well, if you want some juice, feel free to get some from the birthday boy," May says, prompting me to turn to the man still offering me the juice.

I chuckle nervously. It feels like I have no other choice but to accept it at this point, "thank you..." I take the juice and place it in my bag, "and happy birthday."

He sticks his tongue out and blows a raspberry, "82 is overrated. Not as overrated as being whatever age you are though, kid."

I laugh at that.

He sighs and presses a hand on his chest, "she laughs! For a second there, I thought you were going to hang yourself with your bag."

"Rodney!" May scolds.

"What? The kid looked uncomfortable. But I mean, I don't blame her. I hate it here."

May shakes her head in disapproval, "I'll go get you some cake."

"One for me too," Rodney raises a finger.

"Actually, May, I'm good. I'll think I should start taking pictures," I pull out the camera in my bag. It was Peter's, actually. I had yet to return it after borrowing it for my last project. "Is Peter coming soon?" I ask.

"Oh," May says with an annoyed lilt, "he said he'd run a late because he's finishing something for a project."

"Ah," I set my camera and prepare to take a photo.

May walks off to get some cake.

Rodney shifts in his spot, "try not to make my portrait look like my burial image."

I bite my lip but cannot contain my snort. I snap a photo of him and pull the camera away. I show him the image I took.

"Ha. Not bad for a drawer," he says.

I knit my brows.

He looks at me like I was dumb then motions, "you know, cause you draw."

"Oh," I snort and shake my head. I chuckle, "animator."

"Pah," he waves me off, "drawer's more astute. I don't think you can animate the dead anytime soon," Rodney motions, "so, how'd a drawer become friends with a nerd?"

I hang my camera on my shoulders, "you mean Peter."

"Of course I mean Peter, you're using his camera."

I look down at the camera.

"I scratched the side."

I look back at him, "that was you?"

He shrugs, "I didn't know it cost that much. The kid left it lying around anywhere he could put it."

I chuckle. That did sound like Peter. "He was my math tutor."

"Ha. Makes sense ."

I press my lips into a smile, "but we also were classmates in highschool. I didn't realize that until he told me though."

"No kidding."

"Yeah. He was so sweet about it too. I felt horrible."

"I'm sure he knew it was nothing personal. Some people are just forgetful."

"Here you go, Rodney," May comes back with two plates of cake. Rodney takes one and May hands me the other.

"No, " I shake my head and step back, "I'll, uh, take some photos first."

May pouts, "you sure?"

I nod and step away.

For a few minutes, I go around taking photos of everyone. A lot of the seniors, once they realize they're being photographed, would pose for me. I would laugh each time, as they all seemed so happy. At some point I went off to the side and checked my photos. I had a lot of good shots, and there was more than enough content for the poster.

"Jaz, turn that up!"

I look around the room and see that everyone was now watching TV.

My lips part when I see news coverage of Spiderman saving someone from a burning building. I gasp with the rest of them when an explosion plays on screen.

"... He was able to save 7 year old, Kareem Mustafa, and his dog, Vader, before the building collapsed. Unfortunately, Kareem's mother, Zeina Mustafa, was found too late and had succumbed to asphyxiation before being found. Local authorities say that..."

The lightness in the air seemed to grow incredibly thick.

I feel my throat tighten as the news report ends and it goes to commercial.

I walk out of the room and head to the stairs. I sit the the bottom and put my camera down before wiping my face, "burning building..."

I pull out my drawing pad and begin to draw.

Fucking hell, dude... the universe has a sick sense of humor.

A burning building stares back at me. A few tears blot the page.

Spiderman must feel terrible for not being able to save that boy's mother.

"Hey, that's pretty good."

I start and turn to the railing, wiping my tears as I did.

Rodney was there, eyes glued on my drawing, "you know... I always wanted to do something like this. Be a drawer."

I lick my lips and gulp.

"I love the life I lived but sometimes, I wonder. Hm. Could I have won awards for drawing like I did for real estate?" He shrugs, "who knows."

I move to the side as Rodney circles around.

"Birthday boy's gotta get his beauty sleep. You don't get to 83 without it."

I watch him as he walks up the stairs. "...didn't you say you were 82?"

He chuckles, "I'm flattered you kept track. I don't."

I stand by the time he gets to the second floor. I put my things back into my bag and head back into the party. I thought everyone would be packing up, since Rodney already left, but it was as if the tense moment during the news never occured.

Everyone was making merry again, and I felt jarred as I did relieved.

"You should try some juice" 

The woman named Pam approaches me with her walker. She mutters, "never know when you're gonna die in a burning building."

I watch as she walks past me as exits the room.

I pull out the juice in my bag, put the straw in, and drink it.

"Hey, it's Peter. I can't really get to the phone right now, but leave a message or call again in a little while. You know what to do after the beep."

"Hey, Parker. I know you're busy with your school stuff and all, but I wanted to ask if..."

I gulp. Why was this so hard? Come on, it's Peter for fuck's sake.

I take a deep breath and shake my head. I remember that if I hang-up, this message will still be recorded, so I force myself to continue.

The grating idea of bothering Peter, of causing him concern, of distracting him digs into my flesh though. I mean, fuck, if he wanted to see me, he would have gone to the senior home like he told his aunt he would. If he wanted me to study with me, he would have reached out.

I take a few deep breaths before mustering up, "... y'know... if I could join you? You know... because I work better with some-"

Beep. The recording ends.

"Fuck."

I stare at my screen that displays Peter's caller ID just as the line is hung-up. A gust of wind blows across the building. I should really go inside.

I lean onto the ledge of the rooftop.

It was already 10 pm. I should be doing the edits for that poster. I shake my head and wipe my face.

Just as I turn around and head to the exit, I hear a rustle behind me, "hey!"

I look over my shoulder. He chuckles, "were you waiting for me?"

I stare at Spiderman, who now sat on the ledge of my building.

"I'm touched," he presses his hands on his chest.

Oh. That's why. How could I forget this was where I met up with New York's beloved hero? How could I wonder why the thought of going to the rooftop of my building felt so comforting when I spent the better part of the day drawing the reason for my comfort-- drawing Spiderman?

I turn back and open my mouth.

Oh... probably because he was also the source of my agitation.

I gulp and shake my head, "actually... I wasn't... I was... trying to clear my head, and I thought of going here."

The man jumps off the ledge and walks over to me. He crosses his arms, "aha! You internally wanted to see your best friend."

I turn to my feet. I think about Peter, "I do. I really want to see him... but he doesn't want to see me--" I look back at him, "or anyone for that matter, so I can't."

He relaxes his arms to his side. He tilts his head, "has something happened?"

"Yeah," I blurt and chuckle dryly, "the burning building?!"

He freezes.

"I mean-- fucking hells, it's not funny, but I-- it's so ironic we talked about burning buildings, and then it happens to you, and weren't able to save the mom, and I'm thinking how horrible that must be for you, and how I don't want to add to that when you can't save me because-"

"Woah, woah, woah, hold on-" he grabs my shoulders, "that's a stretch. A leap, actually."

"No," I begin to hyperventilate, "it's called a plausible outcome."

"It's called a misguided speculation-- hey," he clutches my cheeks in both his hands. 

I begin to sob. I grip his wrists.

"Sweetheart, hey," he wipes my tears and walks closer, "listen to me. I saved her."

My brows knit as he continues to rub my cheeks.

"I managed to save the mom, and her son,  and their dog. They managed to hook them up to an oxygen tank, but the mom... her heart gave out."

I shake my head, "which is why you can-"

Him speaking my name shuts me up.

I catch my reflection on the lenses of his mask.

"Would you have preferred I left her there?" he asks softly.

I involuntarily gulp. What horrible notion to present to me. I guess that was the point.

He sighs and pulls me into a hug.

I do not reciprocate

He rubs my back, "honey-"

"I'm not a mom. I don't mean anything significant to anyone like that."

"You are significant to me."

My throat tightens.

"Damn, why do you think I went here, when I could have gone home?"

I begin to sob into his shoulder. I reluctantly embrace him back.

He holds me tighter.

I don't know how long we stood there hugging, but it was long enough for me to calm down and feel exhausted.

I mumble against his shoulder.

"What was that, my love?"

"Do you want to go inside?" I pull away and sniffle, "I mean-- I just want to show you my sketches... it's fine if-"

"I would be honored to," he tilts his head, "stick you head out of your window, I'll web down to you."

"Oh... alright."

"Just for future reference, so I know what floor you're on."

I nod slowly at his words.

I do just as he says. I get to my apartment and stick my head out of my bedroom window. A few moments later, Spiderman slides down on a web, hanging upside-down.

"Hi," I wave at him.

He jumps onto my fire escape, "hey, sweetie. Miss me?"

I pull away and examine my bedroom. It wasn't messy, but I couldn't help but fluff my pillow and rub my sheets flat. I turn back to Spiderman and he points, "can I sit down?"

"Sure. Of course."

As he sits down, I grab my sketchbook, flip through the pages, and hand it to him, "I, uh... it's... it's... it might be a lot for you."

He takes the book from me and goes through the drawings. I chew on my lip as I watch him go through the pages, as if they were sacred.

"These are-"

"Dark and disturbed, I know."

"-vivid. So alive, and... gut wrenching."

He lifts his gaze up to me. I stand still in front of him. I feel my eyes begin to water under his scrutiny.

"You think so highly of me. You form me so beautifully."

I scratch my face, "I mean... you're a hero. It's not hard."

"Who's this?" he points to a man in a birthday hat I drew on the corner of the page.

"Oh. That was one of the seniors at this home I went to today. He was dancing with two other grampas. It was great," I chuckle softly, "it was a real party."

"What were you doing at a nursing home?"

"I'm, uh, making them a poster to help out with their funding, which reminds me... do you mind if I work on it while you're here?"

He waves a hand, "by all means."

I sit down next to him and grab my laptop, "I can't really bring myself to work on it. It sometimes becomes easier for me to work on something if I have someone with me."

"Do you want me to do something?" he sets the sketchbook on my side, stands, and grabs Peter's camera on my desk, "I can take selfies for you to use as references later."

I chuckle at him as he begins to pose. I shake my head, "I mean, if you'd like."

Spiderman plots back down to my side, "can I just watch you work?"

I shrug and repeat, offering a smile, "if you'd like."

As my screen loads up, feel him nudge my shoulder. I turn back to him and he tilts his head, "you do realize, you're a hero to them, right?"

I knit my brows, "what are you talking about?"

"If you see me this way," he take my sketchbook and shakes it, "then they can see you this way."

I sigh, "Spidey, please, I'm just making a poster. You saved someone from a burning building."

"I did something within my means, my love, which is exactly what you're doing now."

I turn back to my laptop. His pet name makes me feel funny. I know he means nothing but it, but the way he says it does something to my stomach.

"Denying it doesn't make it less true."

I move my mouse around.

"... that is, unless, your poster sucks ass-"

I snort and nearly choke on my spit.

"-in which case, I'm sorry, but you're a villain who deserves jail time for screwing over a nursing home."

"Damn!" I turn to him, "insulted in my own home."

He shrugs, "make a good poster then."

[wind-it-up-p21]

PSA this is going to be very long and I would post it on my own blog but I am not ready to talk about this without being anonymous yet since a few of you know who I am in “real life.”

As someone who grew up in a sport very similar to dance and had what seems to be a very similar experience to Dyllan here’s what I have to say (disclaimer my experience obviously was not exactly the same but I will explain how they overlap).

I was a part of a team that was and is still known to be one of the top teams in the country. If you wanted to make a name for yourself in this world my team was one of the places you would go to do that. Girls travel from all over the country to compete with them.

On my said team I was one of the “favorites” though I never thought of myself as one until I got older and I realized it again when I walked away and looked back on my experience and it became more obvious to me.

To start, my coach made it very clear to the rest of our team that me and 3 other girls were “the hardest workers” and that we had special relationships with her. Just to name a few things she did to validate this with me: She told me consistently that she loved me and that I was special, I was one of four students invited to her wedding, and she would put me and the other 3 favorites in groupchats or have meetings with us to basically tell us we needed to lead the team to victory and it fell on us to be the examples for the team. I could go on and on but you probably get the point.

I was apart of this team for the same amount of time that Dyllan spent with Molly. My last year on the team I was in high school and wanted to enjoy my social life as well as competition life. I was dedicated to the team, but I also wanted to maybe you know go to a school football game or two. The minute that my team wasn’t tunnel vision in my eyes my coach started to put such intense amounts of pressure on me, take away “privileges” I had, and threatened what I now realize was my status on the team in order to get me to forget my social life and eat/sleep/breathe our sport and team. She had done this before, but it was now on another level. My mental health was at an all time low and nobody but my parents knew. People would say that because I was one of the team stars there was no way I could possibly feel like a victim in this situation. I felt trapped and didn’t know what to do because this team was my everything and everyone knew how big of a role it played in my life, but I needed to get out.

It has now been many, many years since all of this went down. I have taken time to process what I went through and I still am impacted by the trauma of it all. When I finally decided to walk away after that last year, a ton of my teammates ended up following me. It was an exodus like the one p21 had. Meanwhile, one of the other favorites now works for the organization, but clearly suffers from anger issues and anxiety now. At least one of the other favorites has openly regretted not leaving at the right time.

All in all, everyone is gonna have different experiences on a team like mine or project 21s. However, if it’s a toxic environment for so many people it’s toxic for everyone. Some people may just not realize it. They have drank the kool aid and they’re knee deep in it. We can’t control who stays and who goes, so what we can do is support the girls who are there while continuing to validate the emotions of those who left. If Dyllan and so many other girls were so clearly negatively impacted by Molly and P21 there’s obviously some truth to it. With that being said it doesn’t mean we can’t root for the success of girls like Gracyn and Regan. They’re children, and they’re individuals. They are not the reason so many people have struggled at P21. I have a lot more on my mind regarding our support to them and P21 but I’ll spare you all of it considering this is already a 400 page novel.

This was so interesting to read and I really agree with everything you said! It really puts into perspective how someone might seem really successful at their dance studio or any sport but actually be really struggling mentally

[grucylover]

.………………………………………

So I wrote a fanfic (my first ever one). I’m writing others a lot longer with chapters but yeah. I was inspired by Margo covered in glitter and Gru in a pink shirt from the DM4 trailor. It nice to see them spending time together as father and daughter. I don’t think this would obviously ever happen but I just wrote it, never really wrote a fanfic before so I would appreciate if you could comment and let me know what you think. Thanks. ☺️

Like Father, Like Daughter.

On the way back from a grocery run to the safe house, which the family were staying in for their own protection, Gru went to pick up Margo from her 'temporary' high school.

When she got into the car, Gru noticed something was very different about his daughter and it was pretty obvious. 'Wtf happened'. He was a little horrified to be honest.

'Margo was covered from head to toe in...glitter?'.

"Hey hunny...how was your day at sch-...woah...um, Margo?, Why 're yu covered in de glitter?. Who did dis?, Do I need to freeze ray anybody?..", Gru said slightly in near panic and was just being the overprotective father we all know and love.

"Uh no Gru it's fine, just...a school project that went wrong...it was so embarrassing though..". Margo said now pouting and crossing her arms after doing her seat belt up so they could be on their way.

Grus moment of agitation softened. Atleast he didn't need to sort anyone out, for now atleast.

Gru and Margo shared a rare car ride alone together as father and daughter. It was quite unknown for them to spend any one and one time together anymore, as the 'normal family house hold' was always busy with the younger sisters and now Gru Jr, but when they could, it really meant a lot to Margo, and to Gru in fact. Margo was after all Grus eldest child and he almost felt like she was his first born, regardless of whether he had adopted her.

With the trees rolling by a bit gloomily outside of Margo's window, she had a burning question to ask her adoptive father that had been sitting in her mind for quite a while. It had been troubling her for a long time and she knew right now would be the only chance she'd ever get to ask him, so she took up the inhibition.

"Um Gru, can I..ask you something.."?".

'Uh oh! ..'.

"Erm yeah sure sweetie, anythink..".

"Do you ever think about sending me, Edith and Agnes back to Miss Hattie...?".

Gru frowned in confusion. Where on earth had this come from?. This was very unexpected or maybe Gru should have prepared himself for these types of questions to be asked one day.

"What?! No, no, no way! What makes yu think dat? I mean... even if I wanted tu, which I don't!, EVER! Do yu honestly think I would send yu gorls back to that crazed nut job? No, not over my dead body, no, NO WAY, case closed..", Gru said firmly gripping the steering wheel whilst still concentrating on the road ahead.

Oh wow!

"Well... it's just, I was thinking aswell, you have Gru Jr now and who wants three orphan girls after you get your own kid, ya know?...".

Grus eyes widened as he shook his head in disapproval. He also found himself gripping the wheel even tighter now that he almost felt like he could rip it off in an instant. Gru then, all of a sudden, slammed the breaks to a holt on the car whilst he parked up on a side walk. It caused the vehicle to jolt a bit and for them to both jump a little in their seats.

"GRU!..". Margo shouted.

Uh oh, had she pissed Gru off? Was this the straw that finally broke the camels back and he was going to send the trio back to that evil, dreadful place? I mean, did it even still exist? It shouldn't do under child protection anyway.

Gru could feel the temperature rising within him like a pressure cooker, though the anger wasn't directed at Margo, it was more of a 'protective dad thing'. He just never wanted his daughter to ever feel that way, EVER!.

Gru switched off the engine of the car and bit his lip so he could repress the emotions he was feeling in front of his her though he hadn't done that very well.

In his mind, he went back to when he felt he became the girls actual adoptive father at 'Super Silly Fun Land'. These three orphan girls had rearranged his home and everything suddenly lost its worth to him, he loved them more than anything he owned. Even proceeding to steal the moon at the time wasn't really appealing to him anymore like he was planning to do. These girls gave Gru the redemption he desperately needed and he couldn't be more thankful for it to this day.

Gru suddenly came out of his flashback and turned to Margo. She was looking at him a bit startled from his sudden stop of the car. He took a deep sigh of breath.

'Sometimes parenting really had its surprises and this was one of them'.

"Listen Margo, when yu become a parent hunny, yu will understand...though I don't want tu think of yu ever doing dat...EVER!...Anyway, it's not how it works ok. I love yu, Edith, Agnes and Jr all da same. Whatever dhe storm, whatever dhe cost, yu are my gorls and Jr is my son and like I promised, it was the worst mistake I ever made and I will never let yu go again...now... does that answer yor question sweetie?". Gru said softly. He hoped that had somehow reassured her.

'Wow!'.

"Yeah, I mean wow... I guess so". Margo said now bewildered by his answer, but another question was still consuming her.

"But...how can you love us when we're not even like...yours?".

Gru frowned in confusion though he knew what she meant. She wasn't his biologically and Margo knew biology now?, Well, one day she would have to, but she will always be twelve years old forever in Grus mind.

At the end of the day, the bond these girls had with Gru was unbreakable and mirrored any biological parents love, even more so in fact. Margo was his and Lucy's and would always be his and Lucy's child.

"Margo, yu are mine and Lucy's daughter and anyway...it's not 'bout dat, I just love yu three gorls, that's it, it's just love. Me and Lucy and even Jr couldn't imagine dhe house without yu three and.. Jr needs his big sistas. Now, do I have to be anymore cheesy, bleh". Gru said rolling his eyes now and nearly chuckling at the fact that he had to share he's, 'feelings'.

"Ok, ok Gru, chill. That was a little cheesy... even by your standards" Margo replied smirking.

It was so nice hearing her father say all these tender things. They didn't usually share these 'deep down feelings' with one another and maybe they needed to do it more often. 'Loves yous' were always expressed and actions that contained a lot of 'family fun days' together were shared as acts of affection, but not 'deep meaningful conversations' as this.

"V'ell I'm geettin' kinda worried myself now with all dhis lovey-dovey stuff... blegh, hehe...Seriously sweetheart, I couldn't imagine life without yu gorls and oh hey...Who else is gonna draw on my walls and stick girly stickers on the kitchen cupboards now, eh?!"..

"Well, that was Edith and Anges, not me by the way". Margo said pouting and rolling her eyes once again.

'Ugh teenagers'.

"Ehehe, blaming your sisters now...I taught yu v'ell. Hehehe...I wouldn't change you three for anything. Now, let's geet back to de safe house so we can try and clean this glitter garbage off yu...ugh!..". Gru said now starting the car engine back up again.

……………………………………………….

BACK ON THE ROAD

Now back on the road, a comfortable silence filled the air between them both for a few moments.

"You know...you are pretty embarrassing though Gru, when you were playing tennis with Lucy and when you waved at the neighbours in your pink shirt...". Margo said squinting her face at the very thought of it. They were embarrassing but adorable, loving parents and she couldn't ask for anything more.

A smirk painted Grus face and a relaxed sigh left his lips.

"V'ell...I'm ur Dad hunny, it's my job to be embarrassing... ehehe".

"...Gru, can you do me one favour?..Can you not wear that pink shirt anymore?, please?..."

"Are you kidding hunny?, I was thinkin' pink is more of my color, Edith's happy about it, heheh..but ok, just for you, I will stop wearing de pink shirt..".

Luckily, Margo and Gru had a mutual understanding of their witty sense of humours and where each other was coming from. Nothing could affend Gru in the slightest from whatever one of his daughters or even Jr ever said as after all, that was the job description that came with being a parent. Most of the time, you just had to deal with whatever your child asked or said with a pinch of salt, even if they spoke the most hurtful things.

"You know, I never told you Gru but...thank you for giving me, Edith and Agnes a home". Margo said now smiling gracefully at her adoptive Dad. She really was thankful to this middle aged man that wasnt even her 'blood' Father for taking the trio in and providing her and her sisters with everything they needed. Gru and Lucy were the parents the girls always longed for.

From the corner of Grus eye, he could see Margo almost beaming at him. It made him feel a sense of pride and he almost felt like he was doing a good job when it came to parenting, almost, no parent was perfection after all.

"It will always be yor home for yu and yor sistas..always".

"I do love you though...Dad". Margo said, over pronouncing the last word. She never really called Gru, 'Dad'. The girls never really did as they just always knew him as, 'Gru' since day one and Gru would never force them to call him the tittle, it was up to them at the end of the day but secretly, when they did, it always made his heart melt like butter.

"And I love yu tu hunny, to de moon and back...".

THE END

[samkiszkasfacialhair]

Amongst The Stars

Amongst the Stars (The Final Version)

Pairing: Jake Kiszka and Female Reader

Summary: A coming of age story about Jake Kiszka’s first love.

This is a one year anniversary republication of Amongst the Stars. This version includes revisions, edits, new cover art, deleted scenes, extras, and an alternative ending.

Warnings: Mentions and scenes of teenage drinking, marijuana use, sex, sexual situations, sexual acts, oral sex (m. receiving), the word slut, slut shaming, lack of eating and sleeping, vomiting, self hate, mentions of pregnancy.

Word Count: 50k

October 2013, Senior Year of High School:

“Project time!” your English teacher chimed out to the class. Groans and sighs erupted throughout the room. You didn’t mind though. School was school. Besides, English was your best subject. You’d always been relatively smart and once you got the hang of it, analyzing literature came easy to you. 

Your teacher explained the concept of the project and then continued with the instructions. 

“I’ll make it easier for you guys, I’ll allow you to work in pairs.” 

Everyone around the room started looking at each other. You exchanged looks with your best friend. You figured you’d work with her. 

“But I’m choosing the pairs,” he said in a somewhat sinister tone.

The groans and sighs from the class continued. You kissed working with your friend goodbye.

He started off on his list of names.

 “Jake Kiszka and,” he dragged out the “and” particularly long, “Y/N.” 

You knew it.

Jake wasn’t exactly the best student and since you were, it was an obvious pairing. You couldn’t blame your teacher for putting you two together. You looked at your friend from across the room and gave her a little frown. She returned the same face to you. 

You’ve known of Jake since you were little. Frankenmuth was a small town so everyone in your high school knew each other. Jake and his brother Josh were on your soccer team when you were seven. Josh was in your fourth grade class. You had a few classes with each of them here and there since middle school, but you never really cared too much about them. Josh was an absolute menace. He was a theater kid who did the morning announcements- pretty weird. Jake was always cooler, a little mysterious even. He had shaggy hair that perfectly covered his forehead and most of his eyes. You thought he was cute but you didn’t really have any reaction to having to work with him. It was what it was.

Class was dismissed and everyone was told to talk to their partners outside of class and have the project ready to present in exactly a week. You and Jake exchanged numbers and texted each other about when and where to meet. The two of you decided that you would go to his house to work on it. 

A few days later, Saturday:

Your mom dropped you off at Jake’s house at around 2 and you texted Jake that you were there. You and Jake planned to knock out the entire project in one day. It wouldn’t take long and you knew what you were doing, even if he didn’t. 

Jake opened the door and flashed you a smile as he greeted you. You walked into his house. It was cute. Very midwestern. Oak furniture was everywhere and pictures of his family lined the walls. You caught a glance at Jake’s school photos from throughout the years as well as his siblings’. 

He led into their dining room, which was attached to the kitchen, and you saw his school supplies sprawled out on the table.

“I share a room with my brothers so it’s probably best to work here,” he began. “But you’ll be happy to know that I actually read the book. Well I read most of it,” he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and looked down. “The last couple chapters started to confuse me so I just looked up the ending online.” 

You could tell he felt bad about not exactly knowing the ending of the book you had a project on. Kind of embarrassed even.

You let out a light laugh, “It’s okay, I made an outline of everything. I’ll explain it to you.” 

He exhaled a sigh of relief and smiled. 

You both sat down and got to work. You explained the parts he didn’t understand and as you did, he looked right into your eyes and nodded his head as he followed along with your words. Damn he was cute.

As you worked on the project, Jake showed that he understood and put in a lot of unexpected work and ideas. By the time you were done, it was a little after 4 o’clock and you were both satisfied with it. Your mom was set to pick you up closer to 5 so you had some extra time to spare.

“So, now that you taught me something, can I teach you something?” Jake asked, smiling at you secretively.

“Okay what did you have in mind?” You replied as you folded your arms and rested your elbows on the table.

“Follow me.” 

He got up with you following behind him and stopped when he got to a door leading out of the kitchen. He looked back at you with his hand gripping the doorknob.

“I don’t know if you know this, but I play guitar. My brothers and I, we kind of have a set up in here. Don’t laugh, okay?” he looked up at you through his hair like a little kid who was about to tell a big secret. 

You nodded your head as a silent promise that you wouldn’t laugh. He turned the knob and opened the door, biting his bottom lip nervously. His eyes watched you to see your reaction to his little secret.

It was a garage. But Jake’s family’s garage wasn’t an average garage. This garage was filled with music equipment. The concrete floor was covered in Persian rugs, wires, and extension cords. There were multiple amps, a drum kit, 2 keyboards in the corner, a bass, microphones on stands, and a red guitar that was propped up perfectly in the middle of it all. 

The walls were lined with the usual snow shovels, rakes, and tools. There were storage containers and cardboard boxes stacked up in the corners with labels. There was also a couch, TV, and refrigerator too, like it was an extra room in the Kiszka home- an organized mess. 

Your jaw dropped in awe. You had never seen anything like it before.

“Woah” you said as he let you walk in front of him. You looked around the room for a minute, silently taking it all in. 

You looked back at him as he nervously looked at you, breathing shallow, and playing with the skin around his finger nails.

“Soooo, what do you think?” he finally asked.

“This is really cool. You guys have a band or something?”

“Yeah, kind of. Josh sings, Sam picked up bass last year and he does the piano sometimes. Sam’s friend Danny just started on drums with us- he’s good.” 

He picked up the red guitar gently. 

“But this. This is my baby. This is what I want to teach you.”

You reached out to touch it, it was smooth but cold from being in a not well heated garage in the middle of a Michigan October. He put his hand over yours as your fingers glided along the neck of the guitar and as he did, you sucked in a breath. 

You could feel his eyes on you. You pulled your hand away from the contact and nervously put both your hands in your back pockets. You looked down at the ground as Jake put the guitar back on the stand and knelt down to open a black case.

“Now, before you can play that one, you have to get the basics down. At least that’s what my dad told me.” 

He pulled out an acoustic guitar and sat down on the carpet with it in his lap; legs open, bent at the knees. He smiled and motioned with his head for you to sit down with him. 

“C’mere you can hold it,” he said.

You sat down in between his legs and he lifted the guitar over your head and onto your lap. He scooted himself closer to you. You felt his warm chest against your back. He grabbed your wrists gently and placed the left one to wrap around the neck with a “One hand here,” and the right one on the side of the body with “and here.”

He placed his chin over your left shoulder, resting it there lightly. You could feel his breath on you. He smelled amazing, a little cologne smell. Not too strong. Just the right amount. Your heart started beating a little quicker as you felt the insides of his thighs lightly touch the outsides of yours. 

He reached to the table next to him and grabbed a little black pick and put it between your fingers. Jake took your left hand and moved your fingers where he wanted them to be on the strings. He took your right hand in his hand and moved it with his to strum, letting the sound of a chord fill the room. You looked back at him, smiling.

“Pretty,” you said as you turned your neck around to look at him. 

There was a pause before Jake spoke.

“Yeah. Pretty,” he said quietly with his soft raspy voice almost in a whisper, as his eyes darted all over your face.

You turned your head back around, fighting back a smile so that he wouldn’t see. Your heart was fluttering. You had instant butterflies in your stomach. Who would’ve thought Jake Kiszka of all people would be making you feel this way? 

You had to admit, you’d always thought he was a little cute but he never seemed to have much going for him in life. Or so you thought. 

Jake broke the silence after a few seconds by clearing his throat. “Um, okay so here’s another one.” 

He moved your fingers on the neck a little bit to show you another chord. 

He continued, “And these two you can go back and forth with easily when you get comfortable with them.”

He guided your fingers in place as you played the two chords. His right hand still held yours to guide the strumming. He let go gradually as he saw you were getting more comfortable with the placements. 

He let out a little chuckle, “That’s it. You got it.” 

His fingertips just lightly shadowed your hand, barely touching. 

With his head resting on your shoulder, you looked back at him again but this time- your face only an inch away from his. 

“You want to try on your own?” he asked. 

You nodded and he scooted back to give you space to get up. You got up and sat back down across from him. Both of you sat criss-crossed. He placed his elbows on his knees and his hands formed fists under his chin. His guitar rested on your lap and you put your hands and fingers where he showed you. You strummed the first note and looked at him. He was fully smiling with his teeth, waiting for you to do the next one. You went for the second one but your fingers missed a placement, so the chord came out wrong. Both of you let out a little laugh at the wrong note.

“Um,” you said, trying to remember where to put your fingers.

He got up on his knees, moved toward you, and adjusted your fingers to put them in the right place. 

“Try now,” he said, pulling his hands away but still kneeling in front of you.

You strummed and it came out perfect after his help. 

“Beautiful,” he said.

You look up from the guitar to see him looking at you. His teeth tugged at his bottom lip. Your eyes darted from his eyes, to his lips. They were little but they looked soft. You saw Jake’s eyes dart around your face and stop at your lips for longer than normal. 

He looked back at your eyes and asked, “Can I… Can I kiss you right now?”

His eyes turned soft and you could tell he was nervous by the way his breathing was hitching. 

You nodded your head and started to lean into him. He did the same and closed the gap between the two of you. The kiss was slow and soft but over way too soon.

You both opened your eyes and pulled away, searching for something to say or do to make this less awkward. He looked down and smiled to himself and then he looked back at you.

“Um-“ he started to say.

“Do it again,” you whispered.

Jake breathed out and took your chin in his hand. He pushed it up just a little and connected again. This kiss was longer, but still as soft as the first one. You both began to deepen the kiss- going for more of each other. His lips were warm and wet. His lips moved perfectly with yours and sucked you in. He moved his hand to the back of your neck, pulling you in closer.

All of a sudden the garage door swung open and your eyes met a younger boy standing in the doorway.

“Jake! Mom said dinner is rea- oh shit,” his eyes were wide and he started to close the door, leaving quickly. “Shit, I’m sorry!”

Jake breathed out heavily and pulled away from you. His face turned a shade of pink as his hands dropped to his sides. 

“That’s my little brother, Sam,” he explained as he got up from the floor. 

He reached for the guitar and you handed it to him. He put it back in the case and buckled it shut. Jake extended a hand and pulled you up to your feet. 

“Sorry about him. I don’t think anyone really knows you’re here,” he said, tucking his lips into his mouth as his cheeks returned to their normal color.

“Do you want to stay for dinner?” he asked, “my mom wouldn’t mind.”

You looked at your phone, “Thanks but it’s okay-  it’s 5 o’clock. My mom will be here any minute.”

“I’ll walk you out,” Jake said as he started to lead you back inside the house. 

As you entered the kitchen again, you saw the entire Kiszka family in the kitchen and dining room, all fixing and situating themselves for their family dinner.

“Uh you guys this is Y/N. We had a project for school,” Jake spoke, loudly, so they could all hear him over their conversations. They all stopped what they were doing to greet you. Josh waved at you, remembering you from his classes throughout the years.

“What kind of project?” Sam asked, raising his eyebrows suggestively and smiling.

“Shut up,” Jake replied sternly as his eyes shot daggers at Sam, silently letting him know he shouldn’t elaborate.

“Do you want to stay for dinner, Sweetie?” his mom asked as she placed a bowl of pasta on the table.

“Thank you but my mom is here. Smells really good though!” you replied as you followed Jake towards the front door. 

“Nice to meet you!” Sam called out and let out a cackle as Jake opened the front door and closed it behind the two of you.

It was dark outside, just past sunset. You saw your mom’s headlights in front of his house through the trees and bushes. 

“So, I’ll see you at school then?” Jake asked as he rocked back and forth on his toes with his hands in his front pockets. 

“Yeah, just don’t forget to bring the project file on Monday,” you said.

“I won’t. Thanks for helping me with it.”

“It’s not like I had a choice,” you laughed, “thanks for teaching me guitar.”

“Yeah,” he began, a slight smirk appeared on his face, “and I’ll talk to Sam. You know, tell him not to say anything.”

“It’s okay. It’ll happen to him one day.” 

You both laughed and he pulled you in for a hug. The warmth of his body heated you up instantly. He pressed his lips to your cheek softly. You pulled back from the hug, looked at him, and smiled.

“See you Monday,” you said as you walked down the driveway.

He waited for you to get in the car before he headed back inside. He turned around and smiled to himself while also getting ready to kill Sam.

November 2013:

A month had passed since the kiss. You and Jake have talked a bit here and there- mostly through texts. You would pass each other in the hallways with smiles and waves. Whenever his name popped up on your phone screen, you got butterflies. 

You liked him and you knew it. But you wouldn’t ever admit it. Besides, girls always liked Jake. You were probably nothing but a number to him. 

You were working on homework one Friday night when you got a text from him. 

5:47 pm: My parents and siblings just went out. Wanna come over?

Your heart skipped a beat. Every time he texted you, it was a casual, friendly message. But this seemed different. This seemed like an invitation for something else. It made you nervous. 

5:50 pm: Sure :)

That was all you could even think to say. You didn’t want to question him or have any other potential reply come off weird. Sure, this whole thing with Jake made you nervous, but you were also excited. 

5:50 pm: I can come pick you up if you want.

5:51 pm: Okay, see you soon.

You sent Jake your address and in 15 minutes, the headlights of a white Jeep shone through the darkness of the night. 

You told your mom  you were going out with a friend and she was surprisingly okay with that. You walked over to the car and he reached over to open the door from the inside. 

“You have your license?” you asked as you hopped inside.

“No. But I have a permit and a pretty girl in the passenger seat right now so as long as you don’t tell, I won’t,” he said with a smirk on his face.

You bit your lip and you looked down at your hands in your lap as he started the drive back to his house. 

As he reached the first red light, he looked over at you. You didn’t look back but you felt his eyes on you and you could see a small smile that he was trying to hold back appear on his lips out of the corner of your eye. You looked over at him and met his gaze. The stoplight illuminated his face and casted shadows over his nose and his tired, sunken in eyes. He was beautiful. His features were just a little more feminine than Josh’s, but also manly at the same time. He balanced the two perfectly. 

“You look really nice tonight,” he said quietly. 

You smiled at him and whispered, “Thanks.”

The light turned green and he turned his attention back to the road to continue driving. Occasionally, you caught him looking over to you to catch a glimpse. 

“Well, you look nice all the time. But tonight especially,” he corrected himself.

Instantly you felt your stomach flip at his words. Something about him complimenting you brought you back to that moment in his garage last month. It was how his words were just a bit hesitant and how his voice was just above a whisper. It reminded you that you were in fact going back to his house with him now. Alone.

“You look really nice tonight, too,” you replied. 

“I try,” he replied jokingly.

He moved his hand onto the center console and tapped his fingers to the song on the radio as he drove. You looked at his fingers tapping. The veins at the top of his hand protruded as his fingers moved. 

You remembered the way his hand felt on top of yours while holding his guitar. His hands were rough and calloused from the guitar playing. But they were gentle at the same time. Again, perfectly balanced. 

The sound of his voice speaking brought you out of the daydream you were having.

“Your Touch,” he said.

“Hm?” 

“The song,” he said softly, “Your Touch, by The Black Keys.”

“Oh,” you replied as casually as possible, “You, uh, you like them?”

“Yeah,” he answered, “One of my favorites. You ever listen to ‘em?” 

You shook your head.

“No?” He responded as he looked over at you and raised his eyebrows, “Hm. Good to know.”

He held back a smile and turned his attention back to the road.  

You couldn’t begin to explain how or why but in that moment, something took over you. It was almost like Jake was a magnetic force, pulling you in.

You slid your hand on top of his softly and stopped his fingers from moving. You held his hand there for a moment, not really sure what to do next. He flipped his hand over so his palm was up and he wrapped his fingers around yours. He rubbed your hand with his thumb with his eyes glued to the road.

You smiled to yourself and tried to control your emotions. It was hard. Jake made it almost impossible. But Jake was easy to be with. Even though he made you excited and nervous, he was also very calming. 

The drive back to his house was quiet, but never awkward. When he pulled into the driveway of the dark, ranch house, you both got out of the car and you followed him inside. He took your coat from you and put it on a hook next to the door. 

“Want anything to eat? Drink? We have beer,” he asked, making his way towards the kitchen, flicking on light switches as he walked through the house. He pulled a beer from the refrigerator and held it up.

“Sure,” you replied. 

Jake grabbed another from the refrigerator and took the caps off both bottles. He handed you one and extended his bottle to you. You clinked the bottle necks together and each took a sip. 

“So where is everyone?” you asked as you leaned against the kitchen counter. You were genuinely curious as to why he was the only one home on a Friday night. 

“Sam had some honors awards ceremony. I told them I had homework.”

“Since when does Jake Kiszka do homework?” you asked, smirking.

“Since I got an A on an English project a month ago,” he replied, smiling at you with his head tilted. 

His expression turned just a bit more serious and he continued, “But you know, with them gone for the next hour, it gives us some time to hang out. Uninterrupted,” he said as he took a swig of the beer and didn’t break eye contact the entire time.

“Hm,” was all you could say before he walked towards you. 

He brushed past your side, beer in hand, and leaned into you to speak.

“Come on, I’ll show you around.”

He grabbed your hand, pulled you out of the kitchen, and down the hallway.

You followed him through the house and eventually down a hallway. He gestured towards doors and told you what was behind each one. Living room (which you’ve seen from afar before), basement, his parent’s room, sister’s room, and a bathroom. He stopped at the final door at the end of the hallway. 

“And this? This is my room,” he said as he opened the door and extended his hand for you to go through first. 

He flicked on the lightswitch to reveal a medium sized blue bedroom with three twin sized beds. Two on each side of the room and then one farther away, in a little corner carved out on the other side of a closet.

“Me, Josh, and Sam,” he said as he pointed at each bed. 

You could see how they each decorated their spaces differently. Josh had film posters, sketches, and photos all over the wall by his bed. He had a shelf cluttered with trinkets and ornately decorated boxes above the head of his bed.

Sam’s was the bed tucked away in the corner. He had posters of a lot of older artists, and a ton of books; all neatly organized in contrast to Josh’s. There was a tall dresser in between Sam’s little corner and the closet with a record player on top and a stack of vinyls piled high.

Jake’s space was cool. He had posters of artists that were more modern and well known than what was on Sam’s wall, with a few older ones in the mix too. Soccer trophies were propped on a shelf above the head of the bed. And the acoustic guitar you and Jake played was leaning against a nightstand that separated his bed and Josh’s bed. 

Jake sat down on his bed and put his beer on the nightstand. “So, what do you think?” 

“It’s nice. It’s very…you,” you replied.

“And what exactly is ‘very me?’” he asked.

“You know, interesting, cool,” 

“You think I’m cool?” 

“Well, yeah…”

“For what it’s worth, I think you’re cool too. I like you.”

The phrase I like you replayed in your head for a second. He liked you. He just said it. No one has ever said that to you before, at least not in the way Jake just did. In a romantic way. 

You felt your heart warm up a little and all you could do was smile at him shyly.

Jake placed his hand on the spot next to him on his bed, looked at it, and looked up at you with eyes that said Are you going to stand there or do you want to sit here next to me?

You let out a small laugh and sat down next to him. He took your beer bottle and placed it on the nightstand next to his. You looked at each other for a minute. Neither of you spoke, but your eyes wandered all over each other’s faces.

“So, do you want to pick up where we left off?” he asked, putting his head down but looking up at you with his hair covering most of his eyes. Maybe you weren't the only nervous one after all.

“Yeah, like you said- uninterrupted. Right?” you asked, smiling. 

He took your face in his right hand and rubbed your cheek with his thumb. 

You heard him let out “Yeah,” in a soft whisper that was barely audible. 

As he held your face, his rough fingers contrasted with your skin. He leaned in closer to you and you could feel your heart fluttering. He was close to you and the anticipation was killing you both. You had thought about doing this again since that day in the garage. It was practically the only thing you could think about for the past month. But you would never tell him that.

“Just tell me to stop and I will,” he whispered. 

You nodded and connected your lips with his. You brought your hand to the back of his neck and pulled him in closer, deepening the kiss. His hair tickled your cheeks as his jaw moved. His tongue traced over your bottom lip and you let him in. You let out a sigh and you felt him smile into the kiss. 

His mouth tasted like beer, spearmint, and a hint of something sweet that you couldn’t quite put your finger on, but you liked it. Almost chocolatey. 

Jake grabbed your waist and lowered you down on his bed, hovering over you. Your hands traveled up the sides of his body and along his back until you reached the back of his neck. You gave it a couple squeezes and flexed your fingers through the hair at the base of his neck. He had one hand supporting his weight on the bed and the other holding onto your hip bone. 

His lips wrapped around yours perfectly with every kiss and his tongue teased yours lightly every so often. The two of you continued like that for a few minutes. 

He broke away and smiled at you before lowering his mouth to your jaw and neck, leaving a trail of kisses as he got closer to your collarbone. He slid his tongue along the thin skin of it and started working his way back up.

“Jake,” you sighed.

He stopped, picked his head up, and looked at you.

“Are you okay? Is this okay?”

You gave him a little smile, biting your bottom lip. His eyes were wide and filled with concern, but softened once he saw your smile. 

“Yeah, keep going, I like it,” you whispered.

A small, closed mouth smile crept onto his face.

“Whatever you say,” he said as he connected your lips again. 

His hands slid along your hips and up a little onto your stomach, pushing your shirt up slightly. His lips made their way to your jaw again, just below your ear. 

You tangled your fingers in his hair and ran your other hand up his back and in between his shoulder blades.

“Mmm,” you breathed out as he continued there, knowing he hit a sweet spot on you. You felt him breathe out through his nose and his lips move into a smile, almost as if he was laughing. He seemed to be very pleased with himself. There was no doubt he was going to leave a mark but Jesus Christ his lips felt too good to care.

You gave the hair at the bottom of his head a pull and he lifted his chin back up, making eye contact with you again. You both let out a little laugh and he sat up. He was between your legs, sitting back on his heels. Jake pushed his hair out of his face and looked down. 

“I guess we should stop before, you know…” he trailed off the ending of his sentence, lifting his head and tilting it to peek at the spot on your neck he spent a little too much time on.

“Yeah,” you said,  running your hands through your scalp and pushing your hair back. 

You sat up and leaned against his headboard, running your fingers through your hair.

You ran your hand over the spot on your neck and rubbed it out a little. He leaned toward you and grabbed your wrist, pushing it down gently. He placed his hand on the spot and gently rubbed on it with his thumb a few times before pulling away.

You picked up the beer bottles off his night stand, handing him his. 

“So,” you started, “do you have girls over here often?” 

Jake’s eyebrows furrowed and he looked at you, confused. “No, not really. Just the ones I like,” he smirked at you. “And like I said… I like you,” he said.

“What do you like about me?” you asked.

Jake laughed, tilted his head to look at the ceiling, and counted on his fingers as he spoke, “Well, I like that you’re smart. You’re pretty- that helps, he said, flashing a full smile at you. 

You looked down at your hands shyly and bit your bottom lip. 

Jake continued “I like the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you. I like the way your hair falls when you play with it. I like how you look down and bite your lip when you’re embarrassed. Kind of like what you’re doing now.”

He was good. 

You looked back up at him. His eyes were soft again. 

“Jake, I don’t know what to say,” you whispered, nervously.

“Say you like me back. I know you want to.” 

He was right. You wanted to. You wanted to more than anything in the world.

You put the beer back down on the nightstand and ran your hand through his hair, bringing your fingers down to graze his face. You held his chin and you could feel the tiniest bit of soft, facial hair poking through. 

“I like you, Jake.” 

Instantly, you felt the weight of the world lift off your shoulders. That little secret you’ve been holding in for a month- finally he knew.

A little, satisfied chuckle left his lips. He leaned in and gave you the most gentle kiss. 

When he pulled back you let go of his face and grabbed his hands from his lap and held onto them. 

“Can I tell you what I like about you?” you asked, looking into his eyes.

“Go on,” he said playfully, giving you that silly little kid look. 

You started, “I like your eyes. They’re dreamy.” 

Your right hand brushed his hair off his forehead to get a good view of them and then you let it drop back into his lap.

You started to play with his fingers and looked down at them as you spoke.

“I like your hands. They’re big, and rough. And I like holding them.” 

You looked back up at Jake to see that he was giving you the sweetest smile you had ever seen. You melted from that look alone.

“I like how you put your hand behind your neck when you’re nervous. I like how when I’m talking to you, you look right at me. I like how you know what you want and you go for it.”

“You’re what I want,” he whispered.

“You want me?” 

Jake nodded slowly with his mouth open just a bit as his tongue licked his bottom lip.

“You have me,” you replied in a whisper.

Jake brushed your hair away from your ear and kissed you again. Deeper. There was more passion behind this kiss than any other the two of you had shared. This one had meaning. 

You continued at each other for a few minutes until  you were interrupted by a ding of his phone. He pulled it out of his pocket and read the screen. 

“Ah, shit. It’s Josh. I told him to text me when they were about to leave. Can I take you home?” 

“Yeah no problem,” you said as you got up from his bed and followed him out of his room. 

The two of you started down the hallway back to the front door. 

“So, Josh knows I’m here?” you asked as you put your coat on and as he grabbed a set of keys off a table by the door. 

“Well, yeah. I trust him and I didn’t want this to end up like last time. You know with Sam and everything. Sorry if you didn’t want anyone to know. But I promised I would do it for him if the roles were reversed.” 

He was doing it again- grabbing the back of his neck and looking down. You could tell he felt bad. 

You grabbed his hand from behind his head and pulled it down in front of him, holding it with both your hands. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” you reassured him, “I don’t mind.” 

He looked up at you and breathed a small sigh of relief. 

You both left the house and he locked the door behind you. As you two stepped into the cold November night he turned around and stopped you.

“Does this mean we’re…” he trailed off.

“We’re what?” you asked, already anticipating what he was going to say.

“You know, like boyfriend and girlfriend? God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud,” he laughed.

You gave him a peck on the lips. 

“It’s not stupid,” you said as you kept your face just an inch away from his and smiled at him. 

“So, yes?” he asked, almost wincing.

“Yes,” you assured him with a smile. You pulled his hand to lead him to the car.

He drove you home and pulled into your driveway. You weren’t exactly sure how to say goodbye to him but before you got out of the car, he turned to you. 

“By the way, I’ve never had a girl in my room before. Until today of course. I mean- besides my sister. So you’re like, the fir-” 

Jake had a habit of over explaining when he got nervous.

“Shhh,” you said, grabbing his chin and bringing it closer to yours. You kissed him softly; and it took him a second, but he returned the kiss to you. You pulled away, both smiling.

At that exact moment, genuine happiness filled your entire body. Jake Kiszka. Who would have thought?

He watched you walk inside and drove away once your front door closed. 

Jake got back home just in time for his family to arrive back, unsuspecting of the events which took place that night. Except Josh, who spotted two beer bottles on the nightstand when he walked in the room to go to bed. He took them outside and buried them deep in the garbage can to cover up for Jake. 

December 2013:

You and Jake had been together for about a month now. He stopped sneaking you into his house about a week after you two made it official. His parents approved of the two of you. Yours did as well. He had gone to your house and met your parents and they really liked him. But your parents were home a lot, and his parents were more easy going. So you spent more time at his house. 

School had just gotten out for winter break. Typically, you would go home after school with Jake on days he didn’t have band practice. You usually did homework with him, and then the two of you went to his room to be alone for a bit. Sometimes Jake would show you music he liked, or he’d roll you a joint to share from the (terrible quality) weed he stole from Josh; and the two of you would smoke for a bit.

You did other things too. Like most teenagers, you and Jake started exploring a little more of each other’s bodies. It had gone just far enough to the point you were both comfortable with. You’d been each other’s first experience for a few things so far. 

It started with heavy make out sessions that quickly led to more. Jake asked if it was okay if his hands wandered, which it was. It was more than okay. You would guide his hands to where you wanted them and he’d do the same for you. 

What started as feeling each other above clothes turned into feeling each other under clothes, to say the least. 

You would each go further a little bit every time it happened, testing the waters on each other to see how far you were both willing to go. Jake never took things too far though. He knew you were hesitant about doing some things and he never took it farther than you wanted it to go. 

When Sam came home from school, you usually moved to the living room or basement until Jake’s parents came home from work. Josh respected the situation but Sam didn’t exactly understand it yet. You never did anything explicit in front of Sam of course, but it was awkward with Sam in the boys’ room doing his homework while you and Jake were doing couple things; or as Sam called it, “Tainting his innocence.”

You were on the couch in the Kiszka living room, laying down longways with your head in Jake’s lap as he played with your hair. You both listened to Sam and Josh debate the best way to decorate their Christmas tree. 

His brothers’ conversation faded in the background as Jake spoke to you.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” he asked as he rubbed your hairline with his thumbs lightly.

“Same as every year. My dad’s side of the family is coming over. It’ll probably be pretty boring to be honest.” 

“Do you want to come here? I mean, I’m sure your family wants to spend time with you. But, maybe for a little bit?” 

You smiled up at him and licked your bottom lip. “Okay, I’ll ask my mom.” 

Jake leaned his head down and placed an upside down kiss on your lips. With your lips still locked, you smiled into him, causing your mouths to separate. He poked your teeth with his tongue playfully. His shaggy hair fanned over your chin and tickled you, making you giggle.

“Get a room!” Sam yelled, bringing you both back to reality.

“I have one but someone doesn’t approve of me being in there with my girlfriend,” Jake snapped back.

“Because you guys do weird things in there! My poor virgin eyes have seen enough!” 

You laughed and Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Sam, you’re fourteen! Get over it!” Jake said.

“I will not!” Sam replied.

“One day you’ll understand,” Jake said, shaking his head.

“Yeah, maybe. But that day is not today!” Sam replied firmly.

You got up, held your hand out to Jake. He took it and you pulled him off the couch.

“Come on,” you said, “lets’ go make out on Sam’s bed.” 

Jake smiled a devilish smile and let a laugh out of his nose. He picked you up, holding you just under your butt, and ran out of the room with you. Both of you laughed as he carried you out of the room.

“No! Come on! Are you serious? Jesus Christ, no! Jake, I swear to God!” Sam’s voice faded away as Jake carried you down the hall and into the boys shared room, locking the door behind him.

December 25 , 2013:

You asked your mom about going to the Kiszka’s for Christmas and she agreed to let you go after dinner. The plan was that she would drop you off as long as Jake would bring you home, which he agreed to. 

You arrived at the Kiszka’s house at around 7:30 pm. Jake walked out to the driveway to get you. He greeted your mom and promised to have you home that night. As you both walked back up his driveway and towards the front door- you stopped him. 

“Jake, wait. I’m… I’m kind of nervous about this,” you admitted.

“About what? Meeting my cousins and stuff?” he asked.

You looked down at both your feet and nodded your head. He held your lower back and lifted your chin with his index finger so your eyes met his.

“Hey,” he began, “you don’t have anything to worry about. They’re going to love you.” 

He placed a gentle kiss on your forehead and looked up at you through his hair. 

“Okay? Breathe for me, baby,” he said calmly.

You closed your eyes, took a deep breath in, and let your shoulders relax as you exhaled.

“Good, Baby,” he whispered, “Come on, I got you,"

He let go of your chin, took your hand, and led you into the house. 

The six Kiszkas you knew were loud. That was a fact. However, a house full of thirty Kiszkas was a completely different story. There were people of all ages everywhere- drinking, talking, yelling, and running around.

Jake introduced you to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. They were all very welcoming and took to you right away. He was right, you really didn’t have anything to worry about. 

You and Jake hung out with his family for a while. His mom bragged about you. His aunts loved you. They wanted to know all about how you met and how you’re putting up with him. His grandmother called you “Honey” and told you stories about Jake when he was little. You laughed while he rolled his eyes and begged her to stop.

You talked with his cousins for a while too. A lot of them were close to your age and you discovered you had a lot of shared interests with them. 

Josh was floating around the room butting into everyone’s conversations, looking and sounding like he drank more than he should have. Sam and Ronnie were busy with their noses in the instruction manual of some electronic Sam had gotten as a gift.

Jake’s grandfather called him over and whispered something in his ear. Jake gave you a be right back look. He returned to his grandfather with two red solo cups and his grandfather poured scarlet liquid in them from a pitcher on the dining room table. Jake walked over to you, drinks in hand. He extended one out to you. 

“It’s whiskey, cranberry juice, sour mix, and a ‘secret ingredient.’ My grandpa makes it every year and he finally let Josh and I have it this year. My mom doesn’t know though, she would kill him. But it’s good, try it.” 

You lifted the cup to your mouth and instantly you could smell the alcohol. Well this explains Josh’s tipsy state, you thought to yourself as you took a sip.

The drink was strong, but it tasted good. Like cinnamon. It was a good holiday drink, perfect for the occasion. You smiled at Jake and he looked at his grandfather, giving him a little finger gun motion.

“Come here I have something I want to show you,” Jake said as he pulled you down the hall and into his room, closing the door behind him. 

The loud noises of the Kiszka family became muffled by the closed door.

He sat you down on his bed and he went down on his knees to reach under it.

“Close your eyes,” he said with one hand still hidden under the bed while the other hand held his cup. 

You closed your eyes and felt him place something in your lap.

“Okay… open your eyes.”

You looked down at your lap to see a small silver box with a little red ribbon on top.

 “Jake,” you started, “We agreed- no presents!”

“I know, I know. But, you mean a lot to me and I just- I don’t know. I wanted to,” he explained.

You put your cup on his nightstand and unwrapped the bow, looking at Jake before completely opening the box. Jake’s face in that moment brought you back to when he opened the garage door to you for the first time. He was excited but also apprehensive about your reaction. 

You opened the box to reveal a gold necklace with a charm of your first initial shining brightly in the dim light of his bedroom. 

“Jake,” you whispered.

“Do you like it?” he asked, still on his knees in front of you.

“I love it, it’s perfect. Thank you.” 

You leaned down to kiss him. Your lips joined for a minute and he stood up, never breaking the connection. You pulled away as he got higher and you were still sitting.

“Can you help me put it on?” You asked him. 

“Of course. Hold this for a second,” he said, extending his cup out to you and you exchanged the necklace for the cup.

With the necklace in hand, Jake kneeled on his bed behind you. He moved your hair to one side of your neck and draped the necklace over your head, clasping it in the back. His hands traveled down your back and around your waist as he kissed the exposed spot on your neck. 

“Merry Christmas, Y/N,” he said in his soft, raspy voice. 

His voice sent vibrations through your body and made you shiver in the best way.

“Mmm. Merry Christmas, Jake,” you replied with a smile spreading wide across your face.

He reached around you and grabbed the cup from your hand, drinking the remainder of what was in it. He got back to his feet and walked over to the nightstand to place his empty cup on the nightstand next to yours. He leaned against it and placed his hands on the edge of it.

“Want to relax here for a little? It’s kind of loud out there,” he said, motioning his head towards the door.

“Sure,” you began, “I really like your family though.”

“I think they like you too. I told you you had nothing to worry about,” he said with a little I told you so smirk and raised eyebrows.

Jake unbuttoned his flannel shirt the rest of the way, and pulled it off his shoulders. The warm light of his room casted shadows and highlighted the muscles in his back and arms. Your eyes trailed down to his stomach, his barely there ab muscles flexed as he turned his body to throw the shirt across the room. Above his belt he had just a little bit of fat that rested on his hips. His body wasn’t perfect, but to you it was. 

He undid his belt, kicked off his pants, and tossed both into a hamper by the closet. He opened the bottom drawer of the nightstand and pulled out a t- shirt and a pair of boxers. 

He held them out to you and said, “If you want to wear something more comfortable.”

You pulled your sweater over your head, let it fall to the floor, and threw on his shirt. Jake pretended to look away but you caught his eyes wandering a few times.

As you unbuttoned your jeans, you saw him do his nervous neck grab again, and caught his eyes peeking around.

“I know what you’re doing,” you giggled as you threw your pants at him and put on the boxers.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied with a sly smirk lighting up his face.

Jake has seen your body before. In fact, he’s seen more of you than this before. But for some reason, this little moment was different.

Maybe it was because it was Christmas. Maybe it was because of the alcohol. Or maybe it was because your feelings towards each other were growing stronger and you both knew it- but were just a little too shy to say anything.

Jake sat down on his bed, leaned against the headboard and stretched his legs out. You climbed in between his legs and sunk into his body. He was warm. His skin was soft. His body around you like this reminded you of the time in the garage. However, it was more intimate this time. You were in his bed, he was practically naked underneath you, and you were in his clothes.

You felt completely secure and safe in his arms. You leaned your head against his shoulder. He kissed the top of your head and pulled the covers over the both of you.

You closed your eyes as Jake traced patterns on your upper arm with his fingertips underneath his blanket.

“Don’t forget you have to take me home later,” you mumbled.

“Mmhmm,” he hummed, gently grabbing your head and pushing your hair out of your face.

You woke up the next morning with heavy eyes. You felt a huge weight on your back. You opened your eyes to see Jake, shirtless, with his arm draped over you.

You squinted your eyes as the sun shone through the window next to his bed and lit up the room. You picked your head up and looked over at him. He was fast asleep. 

“What the fu-” you start to say.

“Mmm, baby go back to sleep,” Jake answered in a deep, raspy voice. His arm that rested on your back pulled your body closer to his. 

You sat up on your elbow and looked at the clock on his nightstand. 

10:24 AM. 

Next to the clock were the two empty cups that were once full of liquor. You looked around the room. Josh was passed out with one leg dangling off his bed, his face deep in his pillow, and breathing with his mouth open. 

Sam was gone, thankfully.

You pulled Jake’s arm off you, reached for your phone, and sat up. Eleven missed calls and countless texts from your mom. Fuck.

“Jake, baby, get up,” you said as you gave his side a little nudge.

He breathed in deep and opened his eyes, blinking a few times. His normally tired eyes looked even more tired than usual as he fought to keep them open.

“You were supposed to take me home last night. My mom is going to kill me. And my dad? Oh God, my dad is going to kill you.”

Jake instantly perked up when he realized the situation at hand. 

“Oh shit,” he said, ripping the covers off himself and getting out of bed.

Silently, you both got up and started getting changed back into your clothes. He tossed your clothes onto the bed and reached into the hamper to get his from last night. 

You kept Jake’s shirt on and held your sweater in your arms. You looked down at your phone, thinking of how you could possibly explain this to your parents as Jake put his shoes on. 

The door to the bedroom opened and in walked Sam with a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. 

“Have fun last night?” Sam asked suspiciously as he walked over to his bed. 

He continued, “You know, Christmas is a sacred holiday. It is the day of Jesus’ birth. It is not a day to fu-”

“Oh my God! Sam, would you shut up already?” Jake yelled.

With the raise of Jake’s voice, Josh jolted in bed with a gasp. He relaxed when he opened his eyes briefly to see he was in his own bed. 

“It’s too early for this, go back to sleep,” he groaned in a tired voice. He rolled over, pushed his entire face back into his pillow, and covered himself up completely in his comforter. 

Sam walked out of the room with a towel on his arm and a smirk on his face. As if he knew some kind of top secret information. Like, Jake was going to be in big trouble. Based on Sam’s reaction, you wondered if Jake’s parents knew you were still there. 

Jake turned to you, “Stay here for a second, I’m gonna go see if my parents are around.”

He walked out the room and closed the door most of the way behind him. You heard a faint conversation between him and his mom coming from the living room.

After a few minutes, the door opened again and Jake came through, breathing deep and handing you a bottle of water.

“Okay,” he began slowly, “They know you’re here. But I told them nothing happened and I think they believe me. They’re not mad. They’re mostly pissed at me because I didn’t take you home last night like I promised.”

You got up from his bed and smiled at him.

“Well, you’re taking me home now, aren’t you? So you kept half the promise.” 

Jake smiled back and gave you a little kiss on the lips. 

“Come on, go say bye to my parents and get in the car. I have some explaining to do with your parents,” he laughed nervously.

You got home and explained the situation to your parents. Jake apologized and they accepted it. They were still pretty mad and told you that you couldn’t see Jake for the rest of winter break. You couldn’t blame them. 

However, you planned to text during the day and call each other every night to talk. The texting and calling helped but you still missed him. You missed the things you couldn’t get through a phone.

You missed his touch. You missed the way his hair fluttered around your face when he kissed you. You missed the way his eyes lit up when he talked about stuff he liked. You missed the way he looked at you when you explained stuff to him. But most of all, you missed the way he made you feel. Safe. And loved.

That night, Sam laid awake in his bed, unable to sleep. He whispered to Jake to see if he was awake. Jake replied that he was.

“So…how do you kiss a girl?” Sam asked shyly.

Jake laughed lightly, “I’ll explain tomorrow. Go to sleep, Sammy.”

January 2014:

Your parents warmed back up to Jake after a bit of time and allowed you to continue going to his house after school and on weekends. Sam grew to be more accepting of your relationship after a conversation with Jake about girls over winter break. Now instead of gagging noises when you two did anything in front of him, he blew little air kisses at you. 

It was Sunday and neither of you had responsibilities for the day. It was snowing outside and the area was expected to get about 10-12 inches so you were sure school would be canceled the next day. The roads were already covered with snow and ice. Your parents knew you’d have to end up sleeping at Jake’s house until the roads were cleared. Jake’s mom assured her that you would sleep in the basement and Jake would sleep in his room. Doors open. 

You sat on the floor of Kiszka’s living room with Jake. You sat a foot away from each other, throwing popcorn into each other’s mouths and giggling while Josh laid on the couch with his eyes attached to the screen in front of him.

“Are you guys seriously going to do that the entire time?” Josh asked, his eyes still not leaving the screen as he spoke.

“I’m sorry Josh, would you like to join us? We could all cuddle later if you want too?” Jake teased.

Josh rolled his eyes. 

“Very funny. Ha. Ha. You know,” he began, talking with his hands flailing around, “this film is absolute perfection. The film noir elements are so subtle, yet strong. Even for the time period, it really stands out as one of the most well thought out displays of cinematography to date. I mean just look at the camera work here! The shadows! The way it pans out! AH! SO GOOD!” 

His eyes went back to being glued on the screen, paying the utmost attention to his film and resting his chin in his hand.

Josh was in his element. His own little world. Film was something he loved. He could study it for hours. He didn’t plan on moving from that spot on the couch for the rest of the day.

“Want to go outside?” Jake suggested, raising his eyebrows at you. 

“Now? Isn’t it snowing?” you asked.

“What, you’ve never played in the snow before?” 

He tilted his head at you and started to get up. He lifted you to your feet, grabbed the popcorn bowl off the floor, and placed it in Josh’s lap.

Jake turned to Josh before following you out of the room and down the hall.

“We’re gonna go outside if you want to come,” he offered.

“Mmm,” Josh mumbled, waving Jake away, eyes not moving from the screen.

You and Jake walked down the hall, and into his room to get his boots and coat. As you entered, you stopped when you saw Sam laying on the floor in the middle of the room. His eyes were closed, his legs were crossed at his ankles, and his hands rested behind his head. A small smile formed on his face as a record of blues music played from the record player on top of the boys’ dresser.

Jake stepped over him and reached into the closet to grab what he needed. Sam had no idea either of you were in the room and he started humming and moving his head to the song. 

You looked down at Sam and smiled, seeing how content and at peace he was in his own little musical world. Just like Josh was in the living room with his film. If there was one thing Sam loved, it was music.

You both put on your coats and hats and walked into the kitchen to leave through the backdoor. Both Jake’s mom and dad were in the kitchen baking with Ronnie. 

“You guys going outside?” Karen asked, putting a tray of cookies in the oven.

“Mmhm,” you and Jake replied in unison.

“Have fun,” Kelly said as he wiped down the countertops and tossed the paper towel in the garbage.

Jake opened the back door and ushered you out. The snow had stopped falling momentarily and Jake’s backyard looked right out of a movie scene. Snow had stuck to the bare tree branches, turning them white. A perfect white blanket of snow covered the grass with some tiny squirrel footprints trailing across the yard. 

Jake walked across the deck with you following behind him. There was a path carved out from where his dad shoveled through earlier. 

“Be careful, this is where I cracked my head open when I was three,” he said as he hopped down the steps and out onto the snow covered grass. “I told you about that right?” 

“Ha, yeah once or twice,” you replied. 

Jake loved to tell you stories about him nearly dying during his childhood. There were many. His poor mother.

Jake held his hand out to you and you took it in yours as you walked down the steps, careful not to step on any patches of ice.

You stood on the last step and stopped to face him. His shaggy bangs covered his eyes and poked out of the bottom of his knitted beanie. Standing on the step made you a couple inches taller than usual and your eyes were perfectly even with his. His nose had turned a little red from the cold already and you kissed the tip of it. He smiled and repeated the action to you. 

“Hop on,” he said as he turned around, motioning you to piggyback him. 

You only had sneakers on and he had proper snow boots, so there was no way you could walk through 8 inches of snow on your own. You jumped onto his back and wrapped your arms around his neck. He wrapped his arms under your legs and lifted you up higher on him. You rested your chin on his shoulder and he started through the snow. 

You turned your face into the side of his neck just by his ear and pressed kisses to his skin as he continued to walk, slowing his steps as you got closer to the spot on his neck that made him weak everytime.

“If you keep doing that, I’m gonna end up dropping you,” he warned playfully. 

“I know you wouldn’t,” you returned his playful tone and continued sprinkling him with kisses.

He stopped walking and turned his face towards yours.

“What if I did? What would you do if I dropped you right now?” he smirked.

“Jake, if you drop me in this snow-”

“Yeah? What would you do?” he chuckled, raising his eyebrows. 

He knew you didn’t have any line of defense here and he held all the power in his hands. He could easily throw you backwards into the snow right now.

“I will kick you in the balls so hard, you’ll never have kids,” you warned. 

Part of you was joking, but the other part was serious.  

“Oooh, is that a threat or a promise?” he said suggestively.

You tapped him lightly on his cheek and pushed his face away, mimicking a smack.

He kept walking until he got to a picnic table in the middle of the yard. He extended one arm to push some snow off it, revealing a portion of the wooden surface. He turned around and let you sit down on it. Your legs dangled off the sides and Jake turned his body around to face you. He grabbed your face in his hands, cupping your jaw. He placed a soft kiss on your lips. 

“Can I tell you something?” he asked.

“Mhm, anything,” you replied, nodding your head.

He put his hand behind his neck. You knew he was nervous. 

“I…” he sighed, “Nevermind, it’s.. it’s stupid,” he stuttered.

“Jake, you can’t say you want to tell me something and then not say it.” 

“Nevermind, really, it’s stupid. I’ll tell you later. Not now,” he shook his head.

“Okay fine but promise you’ll tell me later?” you asked as you grabbed his chin. 

He nodded as his eyes darted all over your face- almost like he was searching your face for an answer to something he wasn’t sure of.

You both paused there for a moment, just looking at each other.

You broke eye contact with him and picked up some of the fresh, fluffy snow off the table and held it in your hand. You opened your palm in front of his face and blew it on him. His eyes shut tight and he scrunched up his nose at the sudden cold feeling on his face. He opened his eyes, his mouth hung open, and he let out a breath, shocked. 

You laughed seeing him caught off guard. A smile appeared across his face and his eyes grew wild with mischief. Suddenly, he nuzzled his cold, wet, face in your neck; kissing you with snowflakes shivering your skin. 

“Jake!” you playfully whined as you wiggled your head and shoulders to get his cold face away from your neck.

Jake placed one arm under your legs and the other arm around your back, swooping you up bridal style off the table. He started back towards the house with you in his arms.

“Let’s go, Baby. Back inside. No more snow for you,” he huffed. He kissed you on your temple as he hitched you up.

As he was trudging through the snow with his heavy boots, he missed a step and tripped with you in his arms. He still had you but both of you gasped and breathed out with sighs of relief and chuckles when he got his balance again.

He looked down at you in his arms, “Did you think I was going to let you go?” He questioned.

“For a second there, yeah!” you admitted, laughing.

“You’re lucky. You came close to going down,” he replied, smiling.

“You would let me fall?” you asked innocently, raising your eyebrows at him.

“What, like this?” he asked as he faked you out. He let you drop for a second before catching you again. 

You squealed and gripped his neck tighter. Jake was bending down with you hanging in his arms. Your body was a foot off the ground, and your hair was falling behind you. 

“Yeah? What are you gonna do now?” he said as he lowered you down further, your body now just a few inches from the ground. His smile lit up his face as he spoke and his entire body vibrated from laughing.

“You know what I said I’d do if you dropped me,” you smiled with your tongue between your teeth and raised your eyebrows at him. 

“Try me,” he whispered.

And with that, thud. He dropped you right into the snow. You felt the cold surround your body, shocking you slightly. Your jaw dropped as you looked up at him. Your body was frozen both figuratively and literally. 

His bright smile was huge on his face. His shoulders moved up and down as he laughed nervously. He wasn’t sure if he just made a huge mistake. 

Jake reached his hand out to you to pull you up and you took it. He started to bring you to your feet when you shot your foot up to his groin, and made contact. He let go of your hand, plopping you back into your spot in the snow. 

“Ohh!” He groaned as he grabbed himself and spun in a circle around himself, hunched over a little. 

“Hahaha! I told you I would!” you laughed.

“You’re gonna get it now,” he said, lunging towards you. 

“Jake!” you screeched.

He threw himself on top of you and laughed before he kissed you hard, pushing both of you down deeper into the snow. The area surrounding your body was freezing but his breath was warm against your face and his body was warm on top of you. 

He pulled away from the kiss and looked you in the eyes. His expression turned serious. His eyes were scanning your face again and finally he breathed out. 

“I…Y/N, I….I love you.” 

You sucked in a sharp breath at his words. Love.

His tired eyes silently begged you to say something, anything back to him. He held his breath and never broke eye contact with you as he waited for a reaction.

“Jake, I…” you began, reaching up and holding his cheek in your hand. “I love you too.”

The words came out of your mouth as if you had been holding onto them for years, even though it had only been a few months. It felt absolutely right. There was no doubt in your mind. You loved Jake. 

“Yeah?” he asked, blinking and raising his eyebrows.

“Yeah,” you said softly, reassuring him and giving him a little peck on the lips.

He flashed that big bright smile at you again and you did the same. He kissed you again. 

Deep. 

Long. 

Passionately. 

Your heart was exploding in your chest in the best way. Your head was reeling as your lips moved against his. You didn’t even care that you were laying in the freezing snow. Everything about this moment was perfect. It was like everything in life had come to a peak right here. You didn’t care about anything else in the world, except him. 

The snow started to fall again and Jake broke away from you, laughing. He sat up and pulled you up with him. There was no use in him carrying you now, both of you were soaking wet. 

You and Jake spent close to an hour outside together in the snow. You had snowball fights, made snow angels, and caught snowflakes on your tongues.

When you couldn’t feel your hands anymore and Jake’s lips started to turn a shade of purple, you decided to call it a day and you walked back to the house, hand in hand. 

You stopped him at the door and put your hands around his waist, clasping them behind his back and pulling him in tight. “Say it again,” you said softly. 

“I love you,” he said confidently.

“I love you,” you replied.

He kissed you and hummed into the kiss, “Mmm, God I love you,” he said smiling.

You bit your lip and turned the doorknob to the inside.

When you entered the kitchen, his parents gave each other a smirk as they cleaned up the remainder of the dishes. You could tell they were watching from the kitchen window. 

“Did you guys have fun out there?” Karen asked sweetly, even though she already knew the answer.

“Yeah,” Jake tried to say casually, hiding a smile.

“Go get out of those clothes and into something warm, now!” Kelly called as you and Jake exited the kitchen.

Jake met you in the laundry room with a pair of boxers, sweatpants, and one of his hoodies. 

You both took your clothes off, threw them in the dryer, and put the fresh ones on. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room. 

Now dry and warm, you stopped by the boys’ room to get your phone and you saw Sam- still on the floor, in the same position you saw him last. 

You and Jake went downstairs to set up the pull out couch for you to sleep on that night and as you passed the living room, just like Sam, Josh had not moved an inch. Both of them were still in their own little worlds. 

Jake helped you set up the bed and when you were done, the two of you went upstairs for dinner. You sat next to Jake and he held your hand and your thigh under the table the entire time. 

After dinner, Jake accompanied you in the basement for a bit. He knew eventually he would have to go upstairs and sleep in his own bed, as previously decided by both sets of parents. 

He laid on his back with your head on his chest, cuddled into him, looking at the TV. The two of you were watching a movie when you looked up at him. 

“Hey, what was that thing that you wanted to tell me earlier?” you asked.

“Oh,” he chuckled, “I already said it,” he replied.

“What, that you love me?” you asked with a smile.

“You like hearing it, don’t you?”

You nodded at him.

“Yes. I love you,” he said, leaving a kiss on the top of your head.

He was right. You loved hearing him say it. It was the way his soft, raspy voice practically sang the phrase. You couldn’t get enough. 

Jake’s hand lazily rubbed your back and you felt his heartbeat in his chest as you closed your eyes for the night.

Before going to bed, Kelly looked into the boys room to see Jake’s bed was empty and noticed that coming from the basement stairs was a dull glow of the TV and the light sounds of Jake’s snoring.

Karen came up behind him, resting her chin on his shoulder.

“You wanna tell him to get up here and go to bed?” she asked.

“No,” Kelly replied, “he’s in his own little world.”

February 2014:

As the cold, Michigan winter rolled on, you and Jake spent a lot of time together. After the initial “I love you” was off both of your chests, things continued to blossom between the two of you and you became each other’s best friends. You revealed secrets about yourselves that no one else knew. You told each other about your insecurities. He showed you the scar on his arm from when he broke it in middle school and you traced your fingers lightly on it. When he rubbed your legs, he kissed the stretch marks on your thighs that you were always self conscious about. You two were a real couple. Sure you were still only young, but everything about it felt right. You and Jake fit together. Being with him was like riding a bike or walking- it was second nature to you. 

You were in the Kiszka’s kitchen after school one day with Jake. It was just the two of you, no one else was home. His parents trusted him with you. In general, they were cool parents, but they also knew nothing would go on in their house that they had to worry about. 

You sat on the counter with Jake standing in between your legs. He put a cookie in your mouth and brought his face close to yours to bite off the half that was sticking out to him. 

“So,” he started as he chewed, “Valentine’s Day is coming up.”

“Mhmm,” you hummed as you chewed the cookie.

“Can I take you out?”

“Like, on a date?” you asked. 

“Well, yeah. We’ve never actually had a real date yet,” he reminded you.

He was right. The two of you never actually went somewhere together. All of the time you spent together was either at school, your house, or his house- mostly his house.

“Oooh, what do you have in mind?” you asked, smirking at him playfully.

Jake lowered his head and laughed, “You’ll see,” he replied, looking up at you through his hair. You loved when he did that. His hair was getting longer and he refused to cut it. He liked it like that. He said one day he wanted to grow it past his shoulders, like a “Rock God.” 

He pushed himself up on his tiptoes to give you a kiss and then lowered you down off the counter. He pulled you into the living room. He sat down on the couch, still holding onto your hand as you stood in front of him.

“Kiss me,” he groaned with his head tilting up and his eyes closing slightly. 

You straddled him and put your knees on either side of his thighs. He held your waist and you lowered your head to connect your lips. It started off soft but quickly gained passion.

Jake’s tongue started sliding along your bottom lip and entering your mouth. His hands traveled past your waist and rested on your butt. You snaked your hands under his shirt and you felt his stomach muscles tighten with the contact. You rubbed the skin of his stomach, feeling goosebumps rise on the surface of his skin.

Jake moaned into the kisses, sending vibrations through your body. You pulled back from him, and looked at him. His eyes were in a dreamy state. You gave him one last kiss on the side of his mouth before attaching your lips to his neck. He tilted his head back to give you better access, breathing heavily and closing his eyes as you littered his neck with wet kisses and sucked on that sweet spot just below his ear. 

He snaked his hands up under your shirt and rubbed up and down your back. His hands slipped under your bra strap, toying with it, teasing you. His calloused fingertips dug into the delicate skin of your back as he played with it. You grinded your hips down against him and he moved his along with yours. 

“Honey, I’m home!” you heard a familiar voice boom as the front door swung open. 

Jake opened his eyes and ripped his hands away from you. You turned your head and jumped off of Jake to sit next to him on the couch.

Josh looked at you both with a shocked expression that quickly turned into a suggestive smirk.

“I’m not telling you how to live your lives,” he said casually as he raised his hands as a sign of surrender, “but, no sex on the family couch. Anywhere else is fine though.”

“I thought you had rehearsal?” Jake asked with a confused look on his face.

“I did, but they didn’t need me much today,” Josh replied, “I have to go run my lines anyway. Have fun,” Josh said suggestively as he shot a wink at you. 

He kicked his shoes off and walked down the hall into the boys room, closing the bedroom door behind him. 

Catching your breath, you turned to Jake and combed your fingers through your hair.

“Jake,” you started, “Does he think that we…”

“We, what?”

“You know.”

“Know, what?”

“Does Josh think that we… have sex?” 

Jake coughed at the question and a shocked expression appeared on his face. He looked to the floor, trying to recollect instances that may have led Josh to think that.

“I mean, he knows we mess around. We’ve done almost everything except that. And he has. I’ve talked to him about some stuff. I mean, he’s my twin brother. And honestly it would make sense for him to think we have,” he answered. 

You sighed and looked down at your hands. Jake grabbed them and pulled them to his mouth, kissing your knuckles and setting them down on his lap.

“Hey,” he began, “you really care what he thinks?” 

You shrugged your shoulders. 

Neither of you had done it yet. But you felt like everyone else in the world had. Josh had and so had a handful of your friends. You wanted to and so did Jake, Jake more than you. But you were scared and Jake knew it. Usually when things got heated, one of you would call it off before you went all the way. You out of fear, and Jake out of respect for you. But, no matter the reason, you both didn’t mind though. It just wasn’t the right time yet.

“Look at me, Baby,” Jake whispered, “Don’t worry about what Josh thinks may or may not have happened. It’ll happen when it happens. When you’re ready. And I won’t talk about it to him again. Okay? I’m sorry, I know it’s different for girls,” he said calmly as he rubbed your cheek with his thumb.

“Okay,” you said softly. 

He grabbed the remote control off the coffee table and turned on the TV. He pulled you into his arms and rubbed your shoulder with his thumb. You both fell asleep and woke up when Sam and Ronnie got home with his parents. Jake drove you home and worked on his date plans that night. 

February 14, 2013:

The ring of the door bell made you jump. You looked down at your phone. 7 PM exactly. You gave yourself one last look in the mirror, grabbed your coat and headed downstairs. Jake had told you to dress warm, not fancy. He didn’t tell you anything except that. When you tried to get details out of him, he would do a little “zipped lips” motion with his mouth and fingers.

When you got downstairs you saw Jake at the door, talking to your mom. She turned around when she heard your footsteps. 

“Hi,” you said, smiling at him and biting your lip.

“Hey,” Jake said, his eyes scanning you up and down, holding back a full smile.

“Midnight,” your mom said sternly, looking Jake in the eyes. She did not want a repeat of the last time Jake was supposed to bring you back home at night. 

“Yes. Midnight,” Jake nodded. 

Your mom gave you a wink as she walked away, leaving you and Jake alone. 

“You look beautiful, as always,” Jake said, pulling you into a hug and giving you a small kiss on the lips. 

You pushed his hair out of his face, “Thank you. You look cute. You know I like it when you wear that hat.” 

He was wearing that same beanie he wore that day in the snow. The bangs of his hair poked out of the bottom and covered almost half of his face. 

“Are you going to tell me where we’re going?” you asked as he led you out the front door.

“Nope,” he said playfully, opening the passenger door to the white Jeep his parents allowed him and Josh to drive. Jake only had his permit, and Frankenmuth was a small town. Plus, his family knew a lot of the cops in town so his parents let him drive around town because they knew he’d never get in trouble. He just wasn’t allowed to go outside of town. 

Jake began the drive to his destination and you kept your eyes on him. As he drove through the main part of town, the bright lights from streetlights and storefronts illuminated his features and casted shadows over his eyes and accentuated his cheekbones. It reminded you of the first time you were in the car with him. You were nervous with him back then, where now, you were completely relaxed.

He slid his hand over your knee and traveled it up towards your thigh as he held back a small smile.  You rubbed your hand on top of his and held it there, giggling a little. 

“Remember when you first came over and I told you that I liked when you look at me when you think I don’t see you?” he asked, eyes never leaving the road as he pulled up to a red light. 

You giggled, “Yes?” you replied playfully.

“Well, now you’re starting to creep me out,” he joked. 

You smacked his hand on your leg and then picked it up to kiss his knuckles. 

He continued driving and you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign illuminated ahead. 

“Jake? you dragged out the A in his name. 

“Mhmm?” he replied, also dragging out the word.

“Where are we going?” you asked in that same tone.

“Not far, don’t worry, Mom,” he teased, giving your leg a squeeze as he drove under the sign and out of town.

Jake turned off the main road and started driving up a hill. The lights of the town were now far in the distance as he continued on a small gravel road surrounded by trees. 

He pulled the Jeep into a spot off the road in the woods, hopped out, and ran over to your door. He opened it and grabbed your hand as you stepped out onto the ground. He started walking you down a small dirt path through the trees. 

“Jake, if we get murdered tonight I will never forgive you.” 

“Aw damn really? That’s exactly what I had in mind for tonight. Sorry, I thought you’d like the idea of kissing me with my blood from an ax wound on your hands as you watch the light leave my eyes,” he teased, earning himself a light smack on the chest.

As you kept walking, you saw a light peeking through the bare trees. Leaves left over from fall crunched under your feet as you walked.

“So,” he began, “One day when we were like 12, Josh and I went too far out of town on our bikes. We ended up riding up here, thinking it was a way back home, and we thought it was cool. I’ve come back a few times since then. I’ve never seen anyone here though. Ever.”

You started to walk into a clearing that dipped off like a cliff- looking down on Frankenmuth with lights in the distance. Right at the edge of the cliff was a little campfire. Along with a blanket and Jake’s backpack on the ground.

He walked you over to the blanket.

“Have a seat, My Love,” he said. 

You sat down and he followed you, the heat from the fire warmed the two of you up perfectly. It was the dead of winter but you weren’t cold at all. He started digging into his backpack and pulled out two round glasses and a bottle of red wine. 

“Ooh, so romantic,” you teased.

He flashed a smile at you, “Don’t tell my mom,” he whispered as if there were other people around to hear. 

You held the glasses as he opened the wine and poured. You clinked the classes together and sipped it, looking at each other over the rim of the glasses. 

You placed a wet, wine covered kiss to his lips. You tasted the flavors of him and the wine mixing on your tongue. He pulled away and smiled at you with the light from the fire lighting up his face.

He leaned back onto his elbows and stretched his legs out. You did the same but you leaned on one elbow and turned your body towards his slightly.

“See those lights out there?” he asked, pointing to the faintest cluster of lights off the edge of the land. 

“Mmhmm,” you replied.

“That’s Detroit.” 

He pointed to another area of lights farther in the distance to the side a bit. 

“And that’s Canada. During the day, you can see Lake Erie.”

It was an absolutely breathtaking sight. You always felt kind of trapped in Michigan. But seeing the world out there, shining in front of you, made you feel like it was possible to get out and explore it one day with him. 

The sky was clear. You could see every star in the sky and the full moon was shining overhead. You loved the night sky and Jake knew that. It always made you feel so small. Like any problem you ever had was insignificant compared to how big the universe was. You both looked up to the sky, gazing at the stars and the moon. Jake looked for a little extra time, studying it closely. His eyes squinted and he was in deep thought.

“What are you looking at?” you asked him playfully, noticing his fixation on the sky.

He sat up and dug into his backpack again, this time, he pulled out a piece of paper. 

Jake pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“You see that star? The one just above that little string of four?” 

“Yeah, why?” you asked once you spotted it.

“Well, it’s yours.” 

“What do you mean it’s mine?”

Jake unfolded the paper in his hand and let you look at the document in the firelight. Your heart raced and your jaw dropped as you read the words on the paper. You looked at him. He was looking back at you with those nervous eyes again. 

“You named a star after me?” you whispered as tears formed in your eyes and your lips parted in surprise.

He nodded, his head turning to the side a bit to get a good look at you. His mouth formed a smile. 

You shook your head, “Jake,” was all you could say. You were speechless. 

With his thumb, he wiped a tear that fell onto your cheek and he held your face in his hand. He looked deep into your eyes and waited for you to say something. 

“I love you. I love you so fucking much,” you said. 

You barely finished the last word when his mouth crashed into yours. He leaned over you and his lips never parted from yours as he laid you down on the blanket covered ground.

You know when people say they feel fireworks when they kiss someone? You didn’t feel fireworks. You felt a volcanic explosion. Your entire body was electrified. It was a deep feeling, deeper than anything you’ve ever felt before. You wanted this feeling forever and you knew with Jake, you’d have it that way.  

You and Jake talked a lot about life that night. You discussed your goals, ambitions, and futures. It was one of the most serious and mature conversations you ever had. Not just with Jake, but with anyone. Period. You were growing up and becoming adults. Your childhood was fading quickly and although not knowing the future scared you, you had him to go through it with; and that made you feel a lot better.

Jake’s phone buzzed at 11:15. He set an alarm this time so he could get you back home on time. You packed up everything, put out the fire, and got back in the car. Before he put it in drive you leaned over to him, turned his chin towards you, and kissed him. 

“Thank you for everything tonight,” you said, planting more soft kisses on his lips. 

He held onto the back of your neck and pulled you closer. You moved your tongue into his mouth and he did the same. You continued like that for a few minutes, getting lost within each other. 

His hands traveled down your body as yours rubbed along his thighs. He pushed up the divider and you crawled up onto the seat. He moved his seat back so you were able to sit on his lap. You felt him through his jeans and he moaned into your kisses. 

You pushed his coat off of his shoulders and he did the same on you. His hands traveled up to your chest, under your shirt, feeling you over your bra. His thumbs rubbing the skin just above the cups. You unbuttoned his jeans and let your hands feel him up over his boxers. You unbuttoned yours and started to pull them off yourself. 

He pulled his mouth off yours and grabbed your wrists. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, pressing your lips onto his neck. 

He moved his neck for you to get off of him and shook his head at you.

“No. I’m not letting you do this. This isn’t what you want.”

“It is what I want, Jake. Come on, just do it. Get it over with.”

He pulled your jeans back up on you and buttoned his own. 

“No. That’s exactly why I’m not doing this with you right now. Get it over with? Are you serious?” 

You leaned back on his lap and looked at him with angry eyes and your lips pursed shut.

“Jake, I’m ready!” you said sharply.

“Yeah, well two days ago you weren’t!” he shot back.

You pulled your coat back on and sat back down in the passenger seat, arms crossed, looking straight ahead. You couldn’t see him but his jaw was clenched and his eyes looked down at your legs. You both sat there in silence for a few moments. You’d never fought before. It wasn’t exactly a fight- more of a disagreement. But still, you had never felt anger towards him. Secretly you knew he was right though. He knew you better than you knew yourself.

Jake was the first to speak.

“Baby, it’s not that I don’t want to. Trust me, I want to,” he breathed as he turned to you. “But this isn’t the time, and it’s especially not the place. I mean, come on, in a car?”

You looked at him, relaxed your face, and sighed, even laughed a little. 

“You’re right,” you said, reaching your hand out to him. 

He took your hand in his and rubbed the top of it with his thumb. 

“When we do it, we’re gonna do it right. And I’ll make sure it’s perfect,” he assured you, “I love you, you know that,” he said in his soft, deep voice. 

He closed his eyes and breathed in deep. While they were closed, you leaned forward to him, placing the most gentle kiss on his cheek. 

He opened his eyes and smiled at you. 

“Come on,” he whispered, opening the car door and getting out. 

“Jake, what the hell are you doing?” you asked as he opened your door and dragged you out by your hands and walked with you to the front of the Jeep. 

“Get on,” he said, putting his hands on your waist and lifting you onto the hood of the car. 

The coldness of the metal hit the backs of your legs. He climbed up and crawled behind you. He put his legs on either side of you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You rested your hands on top of his.

“Look at the sky,” he began, “don’t you always say you love looking at the night sky? Because when you look up, you feel small compared to how big it is out there?”

You nodded and Jake continued.

“Okay, now think of how big the universe is and how many people and problems there are in the world. What’s going on with us, right now? It’s nothing compared to what’s out there. There’s so much out there,” he said softly.

You turned your head to look at him. He always had a way of bringing you back down and making you feel so comfortable and safe. He felt like home. 

You closed your eyes and breathed deep in his arms for a few minutes, taking in the moment. 

“Jake?” you said after a while.

“Mhm?” he asked.

“Promise me that one day, we’ll see the world together. We’ll see what’s out there.”

“Promise,” he said, kissing the top of your head. 

You knew he would keep that promise.

“Come on, let’s get you home before twelve,” he said as he slid himself off the hood of the car. 

He extended his hands out to you and you hopped off into him. You both got in the car and Jake put one hand on the wheel and the other in your palm, pulling your hand up to his mouth every few minutes to kiss it gently.

The ride home was quiet, but comfortable. Jake pulled into your driveway at 11:58 PM. The living room light was on so you knew your parents were waiting. He walked you to the door and pulled you close before you went inside. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay? Night, baby,” he said quietly as he kissed your forehead.

You opened the door and smiled at him before you closed it. Jake walked back to the car and drove home silently, looking up at the stars the whole way home. 

A few days later, after school, you and Jake walked through the front door of the Kiszka home with fast food bags in your hands. When you entered, you were surprised to see two people on the couch. 

It was Josh and a girl in a very similar position you and Jake were caught in last week. The two of them continued at each other as you and Jake took your coats and shoes off. Neither of them realized you were even there.

“Josh, no sex on the family couch remember?” Jake said casually, causing Josh and the girl to jump up from what they were doing. 

You and Jake smiled at him and then at each other as you headed for his room with the bags of fast food and two joints waiting for you in his nightstand drawer.

March 2014:

You and Jake started going out more throughout the past month. He started making just a little bit of money from the bar gigs the band was playing. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for little dinner dates, ice skating, and bowling. 

Jake’s weekends also started getting busier. He would play a show on a Saturday night, not get home until 2 or 3 am on Sunday, and would sleep until noon.

Jake put all his focus on music. He had a lot of faith that his band would go far- especially now that they had Danny with them. However for every other senior in Frankenmuth, Michigan, end of the school year preparations were the focus. Spring break, prom, graduation, and college plans were the only things anyone could talk about. 

You had applied to a few colleges that interested you, mostly ones close to home. Michigan State University was only an hour away and had a good program for what you wanted to do. You were sure you’d go there. However, so did NYU. You applied to both in addition to some safety schools in Michigan and Ohio. 

You convinced Jake to apply to Delta Community College in Saginaw to at least try it out. He got in. But then again, everyone gets into community college. Regardless, his mom was happy to hear that he had a realistic plan for next year in case the whole “Rockstar” thing didn’t work out. 

Josh applied to Michigan State too. He wanted to study film making. He got his acceptance letter last week.

You sat at home on the computer, with your eyes scanning the screen. Jake laid on your bed with his feet up on the wall, eating grapes. 

“When are you gonna be done?” he asked, tilting his head back to look at you.

“In a couple seconds, I just want to check this last one.” 

You had been stalking the admission sites of the schools you applied to in hopes that your application status would go from Pending to Accepted. You would even take Rejected at this point. You just wanted to know. 

“Ugh, nothing yet,” you said as you closed out of the browser and shut the computer screen. 

Jake got up and walked over to you in the chair. He wrapped his arms around your neck and leaned close to your ear. 

“Why don’t you just wait for the letters in the mail like a normal person?” he asked with a hint of flirtation in his voice. “You know you’re gonna get in anyway.”

You sighed, “I don’t know, I just… I want to know now. Like, I just want to know what I’m doing with my life.”

Jake knelt down by your feet, looking up at you. 

“Why rush it? Time is already going by too quickly. Can we just live in this moment? Here? Now?” 

You bent down and wrapped your hands around his neck, resting your chin on the top of his head, “It’s scary, isn’t it? Growing up?” 

“Mhm,” he nodded. 

He broke away from your grasp and stood up, standing behind your chair again, and looking at you through your reflection in the mirror in front of you as he spoke. 

“You know what’s coming up that’s good though?” he asked. 

“What?” you asked sweetly.

“My show tomorrow. And you’re gonna be there,” he sang as he nuzzled his face into your neck, tickling you with his hair. 

“Yeah I’m finally gonna see you be a rockstar.”

“Don’t get your hopes up. It’s just a little bar gig,” he laughed.

“Well, I know I’ll love it no matter what,” you said, looking at his reflection. 

You turned your head and connected your lips with his. 

“Oooh, do I have my first groupie?” he said as he pulled back just a bit.

“Mmm, oh my God, Jake you’re soooo hot! Play that song for me again and do me in your dressing room!” you teased him in an exaggerated voice.

You both giggled at how ridiculous the thought was.

“No really. One day I’ll have groupies. And they’ll travel from all over to come see me. And they’ll throw their bras on stage,” he laughed and shook his head. “Heh. No, I’m just kidding. But imagine if that actually happened?” he smiled wide as he thought about it. 

Even though he was just joking, you knew that was what he wanted. That was the only thing he wanted. Jake was going to be a rockstar. No matter what.

When Jake left your house that afternoon, you noticed a pile of mail on the dining room table. You didn’t say anything. Jake had to get home for band practice and you didn’t want to dwell on the college stuff with him again. He had to focus on the show tomorrow. 

As you closed the door behind Jake, you eyed the little green MSU logo on one of the envelopes. You decided you would open it tomorrow. Jake was right- time was going by quickly and you wanted just one more day of not thinking about the fast approaching future.

The next day, you got to the bar around 9 so the band would be able to set up. You sat at a high top table with Ronnie and Jake’s mom while the guys prepared the stage. It was just a dive bar about 30 minutes outside Frankenmuth. It was dead at this point of the night. They weren’t going on until 11 so you had a lot of time to kill. Once the stage was set up, Jake came over to you with three beers in hand.

“For my ladies,” he said, putting them on the table. 

The guys played here often and the owner liked them so beer on tap was free for them. You looked across the room and saw Sam and Danny in the corner, filling up red soda cups with the beer. As two kids who clearly still looked like they were in middle school, they had to be a little more subtle about it than everyone else. 

Karen only allowed them one drink before the show and one after. But you knew better than her. You once saw Sam chug vodka from a bottle Josh had hidden under his bed. Who would have thought that little nerd had it in him?

“Thank you, Sir,” you joked as you took the beer from Jake and put the glass to your lips. You took a sip and held it out to him. He grabbed the glass and took one too, handing it back to you afterwards. Jake put his arm around your waist and kissed you on the cheek.

You put the glass down and snuck your hands around his waist. 

“Can we talk for a second?” you asked. 

“Yeah, sure,” he said as he backed away to let you hop down off the stool. 

You walked over to a quieter spot near the front entrance to the bar and held out a piece of paper to him. 

“Everything okay?” he asked. 

“Read it,” you said.

He saw the green logo at the top and then looked at you, worried. He opened the folded paper, his eyes scanned over the words, and he mumbled through the sentences quickly. 

His mouth opened slightly and he let out a breath, “You got in?” he whispered.

You nodded, biting your lip and looking up at him.

“Holy shit! You got in!” he said louder. 

His eyes lit up and he pulled you in by the waist and kissed you hard, you felt a small smile on his lips for the duration of the kiss.

You broke away from each other and smiled. He held you there for a minute more, just looking in your eyes. “Now you can relax, right?” 

“Yeah,” you sighed happily, “I’m gonna go tell Josh,” you said excitedly as you started to part from Jake.

Jake stayed where you left him as you walked over to Josh. As you spoke, he watched Josh’s face light up when you told him the news. Josh picked you up and spun you around, and then grabbed your arms and shook you around a little. 

Jake smiled bittersweetly to himself. He was happy for you and Josh. But things were changing. For someone who was always so sure of his future, he was starting to question himself. 

The bar started filling with more customers as the night went on. Some were regulars who talked with the bartenders and manager. Some were people who just came for a casual drink. The Wagner family was there and Danny’s parents and sister came to sit with you guys. You all talked and laughed until it was time for the boys to come on stage. 

Danny walked on first and sat down at his kit. Sam slung his bass over his head. Josh fiddled with the mic stand and wrapped the cord around his arm. Jake put his guitar on and gave it a strum, letting the audience know they were ready. You recognized the chord he played, it was the one he taught you the first time you were at his house. 

“Hello, everyone,” Josh began, “We are Greta Van Fleet, and we are honored to play for you this delightful evening.” 

Danny hit his sticks together in a 4 beat countdown and they began. 

They captivated the crowd the second they started. Some of the regulars were used to them, but even the people who didn’t know them looked impressed. They played a few songs, all ones you recognized from sitting in at some band rehearsals. Some were theirs and some were covers of songs they loved.

“This next one is a bit new. We’re gonna slow it down a little if that’s alright with you all.” Josh stated as he pulled a stool towards the mic. 

Jake took off his red electric guitar and swapped it for his acoustic one. 

“It’s called ‘Flower Power,’” Josh said, motioning to Jake to begin. 

Jake began to strum, looking down at the guitar. The song was cute and a  little folky, which you knew was something that inspired Jake a lot. 

You concentrated on the words Josh sang…

“It turns to night,

Firelight.

Star shines in her eye. 

Makes me feel like I’m alive” 

Then it hit you. This song. It was about you. 

You looked at Jake from where you were sitting. He knew you figured it out judging by how your hand was covering your mouth. His lips were fighting back a smile. He looked down at the guitar as he played, shaking his head a little. He didn’t want to break his hard rockstar exterior and he knew if he made eye contact with you, he would lose it. 

They finished up their set, took a break, and did another. Each time, they were met with a large applause at the end. Jake jumped off the stage and walked towards you. People patted him on the back as he walked by, saying “Good job, kid,” as he passed them. 

“I have to go take down the stage and load up in a second. But, what did you think?” he asked, leaning his elbows on the table.

“You were amazing,” you said, grabbing his sweaty face and giving him a soft kiss. You teased your tongue at him but pulled back after tasting the salty sweat covering his upper lip.

“Yeah there was a pretty girl in the audience I wanted to impress,” he smirked.

“I bet she’s a hot groupie,” you teased him.

“Yeah, she didn’t throw her bra on stage but maybe she’ll come do me in the bathroom,” he joked. 

“Shut up and go help your brothers,” you said, slapping his arm lightly. 

Jake walked away and left you with Ronnie at the table.

 “You guys are disgustingly cute,” she said, “I’m gonna miss you next year. I probably won’t miss Josh too much though. It’ll be nice and quiet without him.”

“Yeah it’ll be weird. But probably a little hard with all three of us being in college though.”

“All three of you?” she asked, eyebrows furrowed, head tilted to the side.

“Yeah, Jake’s going to Delta and Josh and I are going to Michigan State. But we’ll probably be home most weekends.”

“You sure about that? Jake told our parents last week that he’s not going and they can’t make him.”

Your mouth dropped open a bit, your eyes panned down to the floor, and you breathed out hard.

You looked back at Ronnie. Her lips were tucked in between her teeth. She knew saying that was probably a mistake. 

“He didn’t tell you,” she concluded.

You shook your head and got up, “Ronnie, I- I’ll talk to you later.”

You walked out the back door of the bar and watched Jake load the last amp into the van and shut the van’s back door. It was raining slightly and he was about to walk back inside but stopped after seeing you in the doorway.

“Hey, ready to go?” he asked.

You looked at him, expressionless.

“Are you okay-”

“When were you going to tell me?” you cut him off and crossed your arms. 

The rain started getting heavier. You both stood there, letting it fall on you. It was almost refreshing after being in the hot, sweaty bar for the past few hours.

“Tell you what?” 

“That you weren’t going to college?”

Jake rolled his eyes and scoffed. 

“Let me guess, Ronnie told you? It’s really not a big deal, I don’t even need it anyway.”

“Not even to fall back on?”

“What do you mean ‘fall back on?’ What, you don’t believe in me?”

“Jake, I never said that.”

“Well it’s obvious you’re thinking it. Tell me the truth, Baby,” he replied harshly. 

You sighed and dropped your arms to your sides, “Jake, I love you but this band thing- you really think it’s going to go anywhere? At some point you have to be realistic.”

He got loud, “I am being realistic! I’m not smart like Sam! I’m not creative like Josh! I’m stup-”

“You’re Jake,” you assured him, calmly, stepping towards him, “That’s all you need to be.”

You grabbed him around the waist and pulled him in. The rain caused his hair to stick together in wet clumps. His t-shirt turned a darker color with the water it had soaked up. 

His expression changed. His eyes softened. His shoulders dropped and he looked down to the ground. You’ve never seen him sad before. He looked absolutely defeated.

“Since when is being Jake something to brag about?” he sighed and rolled his eyes. 

You grabbed his chin with your hands and moved his face towards yours. The rain fell in between your faces, making it hard for you to see him clearly.

“Look at me, Jacob,” you said sternly with his chin in your hand, moving it up a little. He wouldn’t look you in the eye until you forced him. 

His eyes moved to meet yours. Rain droplets caught on his eyelashes, hiding the fact that tears were forming in his eyes. He was breathing out through his nose hard and his lips were quivering.

You let go of his chin and held onto his face lightly with your palm.

“Jake, I’ve never met anyone like you. The way you play guitar? You’re good. You’re more than good, you’re amazing. So yeah, Sam is smart. Josh is creative. But you? Jake, you’re talented.”

“I thought you said it wasn’t going anywhere,” he mumbled.

You sighed and closed your eyes for a moment.

“You know what I mean. Just promise me you won’t get your hopes up. Not everyone makes it. I’m not saying I don’t believe in you. I’m just saying-”

“I know,” he interjected, “I know.” 

Jake had wanted this for as long as he could remember. This was all he ever wanted. Music was all he knew. But as he felt his childhood slipping away and real life sneaking up behind him, he could see his dreams getting farther out of reach.

You pulled him into a hug and held onto him for an extra minute out there with your head on his shoulder. Neither of you cared that you were in the rain. You pulled your head back and kissed him gently on the lips. He pulled his hands from behind you and brought them to your face, wiping away the mascara that was running down your cheeks. 

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too,” you replied, “but, no more secrets.” 

He nodded, “No more secrets. Now, come on, let’s get out of here. It’s 2 in the morning.” 

Jake let go of you and led you back inside. You opened the door to see the rest of the group ready to go. 

Josh and Sam hopped on either side of you, linking their arms with yours. Danny followed close behind, holding onto your shoulders.

“So,” Sam began, “What did you think? Am I your favorite?” 

“It was amazing. But I’m sorry, Sam, I have a favorite already. You come in at a close second though. If only you were a little older,” you teased.

“How do you feel about twins?” Josh asked, raising an eyebrow at you. 

Jake pushed through them, wrapped his arm around your waist, and pulled you out of their hold. 

“Okay, enough! She’s my groupie and I’m not sharing!” he announced, placing a dramatic kiss on your cheek with a “mwah” sound. 

“I actually have a question for Josh,” you stated, smirking.

“Are you considering the twin thing?” he asked, jokingly.

“No,” you said with a laugh. “I just want to know… Who the hell is ‘Mama?’”

Sam and Danny threw their heads back and laughed obnoxiously. 

“Ohhhh Mamaaaa!” they both sang out in unison.

Jake pushed his body into yours playfully and looked at Josh, biting his bottom lip, waiting for his response.

“The world may never know!” Josh said mysteriously as he ran out the front door of the bar, into the rain, and dove into the backseat of the white Jeep. 

Jake drove you home with Josh in the backseat, rambling on about something neither you nor Jake really understood. It was something about getting sick from being out in the cold and rain. You just smiled, nodded, and gave him the occasional “Mhmm.”

When you got home, you went to your room and saw a large envelope on your bed that read “New York University.” You knew what that meant. Everyone knew what that meant. You opened the envelope with shaking hands. 

You read, “Congratulations! You have been admitted to New York University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

Fuck.

When Jake got home, Sam was already asleep and Josh ran into the shower. Jake paced around his room. He looked at the film posters and sketches Josh had taped all over his wall. He picked up the papers off of Josh’s shelf.

He read, “Mr. Joshua Kiszka, Congratulations! You have been admitted to Michigan State University for the Fall 2014 semester.” 

He put down the letter and looked over at Sam sleeping and looked up the wall just above his head. Awards and certificates from robotics club, junior debate team, and honor roll were lined up one after the other. He sighed. 

He looked over at his guitar sitting on his bed and smiled.

“Fuck college. I’m talented. I’m gonna make it,” he paused, “one day.”

April 2014:

Spring was finally here. All the snow had melted, little leaf buds were poking out of the tree branches, and the sun was shining warm for the first time in what felt like forever. 

You and Jake decided you were going to make the best of the warm weather. Jake’s favorite thing to do was to take you on hikes. He fit in perfectly with nature. He knew all these secret places in town with paths, hills, and cliffsides that he explored with you.

He would pick up frogs, take his shoes off and walk through creeks with you on his back, and feed deer that came close enough to him. One day, you were walking in the woods far behind his house. Jake was in front of you, in search of something that he wanted to show you. Once you walked far enough, you came to a huge boulder the size of a car. 

“Here it is!” he said, looking back at you.

“A giant rock?” you asked, laughing.

“No! Well, yeah,” he laughed. “But it’s not just any rock. This one is special,” he said.

It was as tall as he was, maybe a little taller. He expertly climbed up to the top of it and held his hand out for you to follow him. You used his hand to pull you up and then you both sat down on top of it with your legs dangling off the edge. Even though it was spring, the surface of the rock was still cold and you felt the chill of it through your jeans. 

“What’s so special about this rock?” you asked playfully.

“A lot of firsts happened here,” he began, counting on his fingers, “First time I punched Josh in the face, first time I threw up drunk,” he laughed and paused for a second, “first kiss.” 

“Ooh first kiss?” you teased, pushing him a little. 

“Mhmm, Madison Carter, seventh grade.” 

“You kissed Madison Carter?” you asked, kind of shocked at his choice of girl. She was not Jake’s ‘type’ at all. She was the definition of a stereotypical, mean, popular girl. 

“Are you jealous?” he teased, stretching the word while flashing you that full toothed smile and wide eyes. 

“Is Madison Carter here with you now?” you asked, your voice going up an octave with the question. 

“No…” he said slowly.

“Then no. I’m not jealous,” you stated matter of factly, “I know I could kiss you better than her anyway.” 

“Yeah?” he raised his eyebrows, “prove it.”

Slowly, you leaned your head closer to his and watched him close his eyes in anticipation. You closed the gap between the two of you, connecting your lips to his. He snaked his hand around your waist and pulled you closer. You grabbed the back of his neck and bit down on his bottom lip lightly, holding onto it with your teeth. You pulled your head away to break from him, while still holding his bottom lip in between your teeth. After a few seconds, you let go and watched his lip fall back into place as he opened his eyes.

His mouth hung open for a second and he looked shocked. Almost as if he couldn’t believe you just did that to him. His shocked expression faded into a smile as he spoke.

“Eh, I guess that was a little better,” he teased. 

You turned your body to face him, sat criss crossed, and rested your hands on his thigh. 

“So, what’s the ‘first’ that’s happening right now?” You asked.

“I’m with my first love,” he said as a satisfied smile spread across his face. 

You looked down and smiled. When you looked back up, his expression was serious. He looked at you and his soft, tired eyes had the most loving look in them. You looked deep into them. The sunlight highlighted the caramel and gold colors which bursted out of the chocolate brown base of his irises. 

He picked your hands up off his lap and planted kisses to your knuckles.

He lowered them down and continued, “It’s also a last, though,” he sighed, “My last day of being seventeen.”

You brushed the hair out of his eyes and dragged your hand down his cheek, rubbing the top of his cheekbone with your thumb. 

“Bittersweet, huh?” you asked quietly.

He nodded and started to get up, brushing off the back of his jeans with his hands as he stood. 

“But! I get my license tomorrow. I mean, if it all goes well, ya know?” 

Jake stood up on the rock and looked down at the ground below him. Quickly, he flung himself off it and landed on his feet with a thud. He turned around to face you and waved for you to jump. 

“Jake I am not jumping off this,” you warned.

“Baby, come on, it’s not even that high off the ground. This is a spot for first times! Jump!”

You shook your head at him quickly and smiled, biting your bottom lip.

“Would you like this to be the first time I break a bone?” you asked, jokingly but also seriously. 

“Here, I’ll catch you,” he said, taking a step closer and extending his arms out.

You stood up slowly, closed your eyes, and breathed out hard. You bent your legs, swung your arms back a little, and pushed your feet off the rock, jumping down to Jake below you.

Your body crashed into his. You felt his arms grab you tight around your back. His legs stumbled with the force of you crashing into him. He fell backwards onto the ground with you on top of him. Both of you laughed as you hit the ground.

“I thought you said you would catch me!” You teased him.

“I did, didn’t I?” He laughed as his shoulders moved up and down and his whole body shook from laughing. His eyes squinted into two little crescent moons. 

You sat up, straddled his waist, and leaned down to kiss him gently. 

He broke away from you and smiled, placing his head back down on the ground.

“You know, we’re sitting in the exact spot I threw up in,” he giggled. 

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed as you crawled off him and extended your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Together you walked back to civilization with him leading the way.

Jake didn’t know it then, but there was also another last that day. It was the last time he would ever go back to that spot. 

April 23, 2014:

It was Jake’s 18th birthday. You were getting ready to go to the Kiszka’s house to celebrate Jake and Josh’s big day when the doorbell rang. You went downstairs and opened the door to see Jake standing there with a huge smile on his face. 

“What are you doing here?” you asked, in shock, practically forgetting it was his birthday.

His eyes squinted as he flashed a little white card in between his fingers. 

“Is that what I think it is?” You asked suspiciously.

“Fuck yeah! I’m legal, baby!” He said, picking you up and spinning you around. 

He planted a deep kiss on your lips while lifting you up. 

“Happy birthday, Baby,” you giggled as he held you in the air, holding you under your butt.

He scrunched up his nose as you sprinkled his face with a bunch of tiny kisses.

He put you down and put his freshly earned license in his wallet.

“Come on, go pack a bag. We’re going on a trip.”

“What?” You asked. 

“You heard me, we’re going on a trip,” he repeated.

“Where?”

“So many questions!” he joked. “Get upstairs, go!” 

He smacked your ass lightly before turning you around by the shoulders and gently pushing you back into your house. 

He followed you up the stairs, down the hallway, and towards your room. Before you entered, you turned to him.

“Wait here for a second,” you said, sliding into the room and closing the door behind you.

“Are you hiding my present?” he asked from the other side of the door. He sounded like a little kid on Christmas waiting for Santa.

“Maybe,” you flirted.

You slid his present into your backpack carefully and slid the NYU acceptance paperwork into your desk drawer. You hadn’t brought it up to him yet. You planned to tell him after his birthday, when the time was right.

You opened the door back up to see Jake leaning against the hallway wall, arms folded, eyes closed, and a small smile spread across his face. You smiled at him and shook your head. 

“Get in here,” you said as you grabbed his wrist, and pulled him out of his trance and into your room. 

Jake still wouldn’t tell you where you were going or how long you were going for. You held stuff up to him and he would either say “yes” or “no” depending on if he thought you would need it or not. As he gave you his approval of things, you put them in your backpack. 

You held up a black bra and a matching thong, raising your eyebrows at him. You placed them on your bed in front of him. You watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. 

You spoke slowly and ran your fingers over the lace details of the pieces, “Do you think I-”

“Yeah you need those. You definitely need those,” he said as he nodded his head quickly with his eyes wide.

You giggled, put the set in your backpack, and looked back at him. He was looking down and you caught a glimpse of that little nervous smile on his face. 

After a few more approvals and disapprovals of things, he said, “Okay that’s good. Let’s go.”

It looked to be enough stuff for just a day or two. You went to the bathroom to get your toothbrush and some other toiletries. Jake leaned against the doorframe, impatiently tapping his fingers on the wall as you carefully put the items into the front pocket of your backpack. 

When you were done, you went downstairs to explain to your mom what was going on and somehow, she already knew, giving Jake a wink from across the room. 

“Did you…” you began.

“Why do you think I told you to get your laundry done yesterday?” she asked, smirking.

You said goodbye to her and Jake led you back to the Jeep in your driveway. He opened the passenger side door for you to get in and took your backpack and placed it in the backseat. You turned back to look at him as he moved things around back there, giving you a peek at a large case of beer that was covered with a blanket and smiling mischievously at you. 

“Since when can 18 year olds buy beer?” you asked, jokingly.

“I’m 22 according to the state of Georgia,” he said as he closed the back door and opened the front. 

He got in the driver’s seat, put the car in gear, and slowly backed out of the driveway.

After a few minutes, you saw the AUF WIEDERSEHEN sign which indicated you were leaving town. Now that he had his license, he could go anywhere he wanted. 

Today was his 18th birthday. He could be doing anything right now. He could be spending the day with his family- and his twin brother. But here he was, spending it with you.

Part of you felt like you didn’t deserve him. You tried not to think about the secret you were holding from him. Especially when just last month you made him promise he wouldn’t keep any secrets from you. But you put those thoughts in the back of your mind for the time being.

Jake drove on the highway for a while, holding your leg with his right hand the entire time like he always did and tapping his fingers on it to the music on the radio. 

“Do you want me to tell you where we’re going now?” he asked as he gave your leg a squeeze.

“Ugh finally! Yes, please,” you practically begged. 

You turned your body to face him, and his eyes never left the road as he spoke. 

“So, my family has this cabin up by Lake Huron. We go every summer for a few weeks. I’ve been wanting to take you there for ages but my mom said I had to have my license first. So now that I do, I can finally take you,” he said happily.

“You could be doing anything in the world today and you’re spending the day with me?” You asked, sounding a little guilty. “What about Josh? And your parents?”

“Baby, I have spent every second of the last eighteen years with Josh. I can’t remember a single day I spent without him. I need a break from him. Besides, my parents knew I would be leaving today so we did something last night,” he assured you.

Jake opened all the windows to the car and the fresh air blasted through, blowing wind through your hair. You felt a sudden burst of freedom you had never felt before. You and Jake were both officially adults. It felt weird. But it felt good. 

He extended his left arm out the window and let out the happiest “Ahhh” you had ever heard. There was pure joy behind it. Like he felt completely at ease and at peace for the first time in a long time.

After an hour or so, Jake steered off the highway and through winding back roads with cute little cabins and cottages staggered throughout the wooded area. He turned into a gravel driveway and looked over at you as he put the car in park. 

“This is it!” he said excitedly. 

It was a typical Michigan lake cabin. A two story house with wood siding, a front porch, and slightly overgrown trees and bushes covering the yard and blocking most of the windows. 

He jumped out of his side of the car and ran over to you, opening the passenger door and extending his hand to you. You hopped out onto the gravel driveway and he led you up the stairs and towards the front door. 

He jiggled the key in the lock and when he opened it, he bent down to pick you up. He grabbed the back of your legs and placed his other arm around your back. You held your hands around his neck and he kicked the door open, walking with you in his arms through the doorway, giggling. 

The walls were covered with wood paneling, framed paintings of nature scenes, and a staircase leading up to a balcony which looked down on the living room and kitchen. It was exactly what you pictured. 

Jake carried you upstairs into the master bedroom. He threw you down on the bed and you laid back, resting on your elbows. He looked down at you with love in his eyes and bit his bottom lip.

“C’mere,” you whispered.

Slowly, he came closer to you. Lowering himself on top of you and placing soft kisses all over your face. You connected your lips with his and kissed him hard. He teased his tongue against your bottom lip and you let him in. You repeated the action to him. He pulled away from your lips and attached his to your neck. His lips were wet, and warm on the sensitive skin of your neck. His movements gave your whole body goosebumps. The combination of him sucking, biting, and smoothing his tongue over the slightly bruised spots sent you into another world. 

“Mmm, Jake,” you moaned.

“Yeah, you like that?” he asked, as his voice vibrated against your neck, making you giggle. 

He continued at you like that for a few minutes. Both of you started teasing each other, tugging at clothes, and wandering hands up and down each other’s bodies, wanting more and seeing how far the other person would take things.

Finally, you moved your neck and pushed his face away. He looked down at you with those soft, tired eyes again.

“You okay?” he breathed out, looking deep into your eyes with concern.

“Yeah, just let me look at you for a second,” you whispered, cupping his face in your hand and rubbing his cheek with your thumb.

You wanted to get a good look at him. Something inside you told you to remember this moment. Your eyes scanned his face. He was different since the first time you kissed him. His face had less baby fat on it, making his jaw sharper. The acne that was once on his forehead had faded away. His hair was longer and straighter. His cheeks and chin were rougher with more facial hair poking through. He had little brown dots just above his lip from where he had recently shaved. 

For the first time, you saw him as a man.

“You’re beautiful,” you said, almost in a whisper.

Jake smiled.

“I love you,” you said.

“I love you,” he replied as he placed the most delicate kiss on your lips. 

“But,” he said, “we can't do this here. I’m pretty sure Sam was conceived in this bed.”

He had a look of disgust on his face and he looked down before continuing, “Actually, Josh and I probably were too now that I think about it.”

“Ew,” you laughed as you started to sit up.

Jake sat up and shook his hair out, regaining his composure after those past few heated minutes and his little epiphany. You sat up and grabbed his hands and pulled them into your lap.

“Do you want your present now?” you asked with your eyes glimmering.

“Okay!” he said happily.

You slid off the bed, bent over with your back facing him, and dug into your backpack.

“Close your eyes,” you said flirtatiously. 

“But I like this view,” he teased.

You turned your head around and gave him a “really?” kind of look. 

Jake reluctantly closed his eyes and you turned around with the wrapped gift. You placed it in his lap and allowed him to open his eyes. 

“Oooh,” he said, looking at the gift and looking at you. Judging by the shape, it was obvious that it was a vinyl record. 

He ripped off the paper and his eyes widened. 

“No way! Where the hell did you find this? I’ve been looking for this everywhere!” 

“I got a little help from a certain little brother of yours,” you laughed. 

He laughed, shook his head, and looked down at it like it was made of gold.

“Stephen Stills, the first one,” he breathed out, shocked.

“Do you like it?”

“Do I like it? Baby, one of the best songs of all time is on this album.” 

All you could do was stare at him and smile. He had a glow in his eyes. You recognized that glow anywhere because it was the same look in his eyes that he had every time he looked at you. 

“I love it, thank you,” he said, looking up at you and pushing his lips out for you to kiss him. 

You spent the afternoon and early part of the evening exploring outside with him. He took you places he explored with his siblings as a kid. And of course, he showed you yet another place where he cracked his head open. 

You sat on a hilltop and watched the sunset in his arms. He held you tight and hummed songs in your ear as the two of you watched the sky change from blue, to orange, to black. 

You felt completely safe in his arms. No matter where you were, when you were with him, you were home. 

You walked back to the cabin in the moonlight. When you got back, Jake ordered a pizza while you showered; and then he showered himself. While he was upstairs, you found an unopened bottle of wine and glasses in a cabinet. You took out two and poured some of the dark burgundy liquid in each. 

He walked down the stairs and into the kitchen. His hair was damp and he was wearing plaid pajama pants and a forest green t-shirt. The shoulders of the shirt were sprinkled with little drops of water that fell from his hair.

“Ooh, what’s this for?” He asked as he spotted the glasses on the kitchen counter.

“You, birthday boy,” you said, approaching him and pulling him in for a kiss. 

He held your waist and leaned back, looking at you up and down. 

All you had on was a big white t-shirt with a little black “Greta Van Fleet” logo in the top corner. The shirt was just see through enough for him to know what you were wearing underneath- the black lace set you held up for him in your room earlier. 

“Mmm, happy birthday to me,” he said as he licked his lips. 

He reached for the glasses, handing you one. You clinked them together and each took a sip.

He gasped quietly and whispered, “The record!” 

He pulled away, ran up the stairs, and came back down with it in his hands. He was skipping around a little bit as he walked over to the record player. You could tell he was excited. He took it out of the casing and held the sides with his fingertips delicately. He placed it on the turntable and set the needle on it carefully. 

The beginning of the first song of the album filled the air. He closed his eyes, tilted his head back, and smiled. He was in heaven.

He moved his head along with the song and walked over to you slowly. He extended his hand and leaned back on one foot.

“Dance with me,” he said. 

You took his hand and he pulled you towards him. He gave you a kiss on the cheek and then spun you around. He pulled you back in and sang in your ear as he rocked you back and forth,

“There’s a rose in the fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can’t be with the one you love, honey

Love the one you’re with, love the one you’re with.”

You spun out of his arms and faced him. You grabbed his hands in yours as he continued to sing. He closed his eyes and smiled the biggest smile you’ve ever seen from him. 

He started singing louder and he swayed back and forth, holding onto your hands lightly, spinning you around the kitchen as the song continued.

“Don’t be angry, don’t be sad

Don’t sit crying over good times you’ve had,”

He let go of your hands and pointed at you. 

“There’s a girl right next to you,

And she’s just waiting for something to do.”

You giggled and shook your head at how silly he was being. He looked absolutely adorable. 

Jake spun himself around on his feet and ran back to you to scoop you up again. You held him around his back and put your head on his chest. You rocked back and forth with him again as the song carried on.

He picked you up by the waist and put you on the counter. You wrapped your legs around him. 

“Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with

Love the one you’re with,” 

you both sang out, kissing each other between each line.

As the song ended and as the next one began, Jake pulled you off the countertop and into a deep hug. You rested your head on his shoulder and he rubbed your back. 

“I absolutely love you,” he said, “you’re my forever, you know that?”

You looked at him. His eyes were filled with happiness and love.

“Forever?” You asked.

“Forever,” he repeated. 

He kissed your forehead lovingly and held you there for a few more minutes until the pizza arrived.

The both of you listened to the rest of the record as you ate. He explained which songs were his favorites and why. You could listen to him talk about music all day. He had such deep thoughts about it. You never thought about music this way, until he came along. He showed you that music should make you feel something. It should spark something inside of you in a way nothing else ever could. It should set your soul free and make you feel at home. 

You and Jake drank a lot of beer that night, stayed up late giggling and messing around, and ended up falling asleep in the early morning hours on the couch with the fireplace going. 

You spent all of the next day together out in nature and in the little downtown area you stayed near, and then drove home at night. 

Jake took you home and when he got home, he showed the record to his siblings. 

“I tried getting this like a month ago on Ebay but someone outbid me,” he explained to Sam.

“Hmm, I wonder who that was?” Sam chuckled.

“She didn’t…” he said. 

“She did,” Sam replied, smiling.

Jake fell back on his bed, laughing to himself. He was absolutely, utterly, and completely in love and everyone around him knew it. 

Sam got up off his bed to leave Jake alone in his own world and before he left completely, he turned to Jake and said, “Stephen Stills 2 is better though,” with a huge smirk on his face. 

May 2014:

Senior year was coming to an end. There were just two months left of school and the kids and teachers had all given up. Each afternoon was dedicated to figuring out details for prom and graduation. 

You knew you were going to prom with Jake. He didn’t even have to ask you. It was obvious. 

You got to his house when the school day was over to spend the afternoon together. It was a Friday so your parents allowed you to stay there later. They were also okay with you occasionally sleeping at Jake’s house on weekends if it was too late at night for him to drive you back.

Jake opened the door and the two of you walked into the kitchen to get something to eat. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, walking down the hallway to his room. You heard the door close and open a minute later and the sound of his footsteps got louder as he approached the kitchen again. 

His hands were behind his back and he was breathing heavily. 

“What are you doing?” You laughed as you opened a jar of cookies.

“I want to ask you something,” he replied nervously.

“You’re scaring me, Jake,” you said. 

He pulled his hands from behind his back, holding a bouquet of a dozen red roses out to you. 

“Y/N,” he began, “Will you go to prom with me?” He asked, biting his lip.

You took the bouquet in your hands and looked at it. Each rose was perfectly blossomed and accompanied by tiny little babies breath flowers and green leaves. You smiled brightly back at him and looked down at the bouquet, admiring it for a moment. You looked back up at him to see that his face was still full of worry.

“Eh, I’m gonna have to think about it,” you joked.

“Shut up!” he laughed.

Holding the roses, you crossed your hands behind his back and pulled him in. 

“Of course I’ll go to prom with you,” you said, connecting your lips with his in a deep kiss. 

He grabbed the back of your neck and continued kissing you, humming into your mouth and going for more of you until you heard a coughing sound from in the doorway. 

It was Josh standing there. He made a gagging noise, walked over to you and Jake, pushed between the two of you, and hopped up on the counter, taking the jar of cookies in his lap. 

You put the bouquet of flowers down on the counter. Josh handed you a cookie and threw one at Jake. 

“So prom?” he asked, “are you guys officially going together, or did she say no?” he joked.

“Judging by what you just walked in on, I think you can assume she said yes,” Jake stated.

Josh nodded approvingly. 

“Are you going with anyone, Josh?” you asked.

“Kind of,” he shrugged, “the drama kids are all going as a group. We rented a lake house for the weekend after if you guys want to come.” 

Jake grabbed another cookie out of the jar and bit a piece off, talking with a piece of the cookie in his mouth. 

“No offense, Joshua, but spending prom weekend with a bunch of drunk theater kids isn’t exactly what I had in mind,” Jake laughed. 

You smiled at him and held back your laughter. 

“It’ll be fun but suit yourself!” Josh said as he jumped off the countertop and skipped out the room with his footsteps fading as he went down the hallway.

You heard the boys’ bedroom door shut and Jake grabbed you by the waist, closing the gap between you previously made by Josh. 

“Mmm, get over here,” he said, connecting your lips to his again, softly. You tasted the sweet flavor of chocolate on his lips.

You pulled back. His hands were connected behind your back and yours ran up and down his chest. 

“So what exactly do you have in mind for prom weekend?” you asked, as you moved your hands down to his stomach.

“I don’t know yet,” he said, “But I know I’m gonna be with you. That’s all I need to know right now.” 

“Well, I might have something in mind,” you said quietly, looking down, and playing with the bottom of his t-shirt.

He lifted your chin up to look at him. His eyes squinted a little, like he was trying to read your face for an answer to an unspoken question. You didn’t have to say anything. He knew what you were thinking. 

“Are you trying to tell me you’re-”

“Ready?” you interrupted.

He nodded.

“Yeah,” you whispered.

Jake breathed in sharply and held it in for a second. Even though he knew it was coming, he was still a little stunned. 

He breathed out slowly and let go of your chin. He put both his hands on your face with his thumbs resting on your cheeks, and looked into your eyes. 

“You’re sure?” he whispered.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my entire life,” you replied.

Jake swallowed hard. His eyes darted all over your face and his mouth opened a little. He didn’t know what to say. He always had a smooth comeback of something to say. But this time, he didn’t. He was speechless. You knew his thoughts were racing.

“Jake, say something,” you practically begged.

Before you knew it, his lips crashed into yours. He kissed you hard and passionately. The kiss was unlike any other you’d ever experienced before. It was rough and needy. It sent shivers down your spine and made the hair on the back of your neck stand up. He was going at you hungrily. You started laughing and broke away from him. 

“Jesus, Jake! I didn’t mean right now!” you joked. 

He laughed to himself, realizing he got carried away. 

“I know, I’m sorry,” he said, still laughing. 

He let you go and leaned against the counter next to you. He popped another cookie into his mouth and chewed, looking at you with a stupid smile on his face as his jaw moved up and down. 

You slapped him lightly across his chest. 

“What?” you asked, giggling.

“Nothing!” he laughed, “I just love you, that’s all.” 

You kissed the tip of his nose, “Mhm, love you too. Now, come on.”

You grabbed the jar of cookies and he followed you out of the kitchen and onto the couch. You sat down and he threw himself down next to you. He grabbed your legs and pulled them onto his lap. He rubbed up and down your thighs before digging his hand into the jar again. 

“You know this is so cliche right? Losing our virginities on prom night?” he joked.

“Keep talking and I’ll make you wait longer,” you warned him playfully. 

He closed his mouth tightly and looked at you through the corners of his eyes, holding back laughter. He put another cookie into his mouth and fought back a smile as he chewed. 

“How many of these are you going to eat?” you laughed.

“You’re right, I should stop. I have to watch my figure,” he teased, “You’re gonna see me naked soon.” 

Prom Night:

You sat at your desk, putting the finishing touches on your makeup. The bouquet of roses Jake gave you was sitting in a vase of water on your desk next to you. They had been slowly dying but you kept them anyway. 

Once you finished, you carefully put on your dress. It was a deep burgundy color that had sequin embellishments on the top half, a sweetheart neckline, and straps that rested just off your shoulders. It hugged your hips and flared out a little at the bottom perfectly. You ran your hands down your body, looked at yourself in the mirror and took a deep breath. Tonight was the night. You were ready. There was no doubt in your mind. 

You mom knocked on the door and poked her head through to tell you Jake had arrived. You gave yourself one last look of approval, and went to meet him.

As you got to the top of the stairs, you looked down and saw him standing there, talking to your parents. He was wearing a sharp black suit with a burgundy tie to match your dress. In his hand, he held a corsage. His hair was long and covered his forehead and the sides of his face. You had never seen him dressed up before. He looked perfect. 

Jake turned his head and looked up the stairs, smiling. The second he saw you, the smile he had faded and his mouth opened. His eyes never left yours as he watched you walk down the stairs. When you got to the bottom, he walked over to you and put his hand on your waist and moved it to rest on your lower back.

“You look,” he paused for a second, “absolutely beautiful.”

You smiled and looked up at him, “Thank you. You look handsome.” 

He gave you a light kiss and pulled away to take the corsage out of the box and put it on your wrist, a burgundy rose with black ribbons and dark green leaves. You pinned a matching boutonniere to his suit jacket. 

You took pictures and your parents hugged you goodbye. They knew you’d be staying with Jake for the night. 

Jake escorted you out to the car and opened the door for you. He helped you get in and leaned in to kiss you deeper, now that your parents weren’t watching. He stopped and put his hands on the seat, both hands rested on either side of your legs. 

“Seriously,” he began, “you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” 

You took a second to take in the word he used. Woman.

His eyes scanned your face and he shook his head as a smile crept on his face. It was almost like he couldn’t believe what he was looking at. 

The sunset in the distance highlighted the red undertones in his hair and made his eyes sparkle. His skin had a slight tan from him being outside recently. But other than that, something about him was different. He had a confidence about himself you’d never seen in him before. 

Jake got in the driver’s side and held out his hand for you to hold. You took it and he brought it to his mouth and kissed it. He rubbed the top with his thumb as he drove.

When you got to the venue, you met up with Josh and the rest of your friends. Josh was wearing a similar black suit to Jake’s, but with lavender details to match one of his friends. 

“You look radiant,” Josh said as he hugged you.

“Aw thank you! You look so handsome, Joshua,” you replied sweetly. 

“Save a dance for me,” he said as he winked at you and walked back over to his friends. 

You and Jake had a night straight out of a fairytale. You danced with friends and each other the entire time. And of course, you saved a dance for Josh, who you later found out was pretty tipsy from taking shots in the bathroom. Those theater kids really were wild. 

About halfway through the night, you and Jake went outside to get some air. You looked out at the field behind the venue. The sky was filled with what looked to be millions of stars. The moon was full and bright. 

Jake turned you around to face the sky. He held you from behind and rested his head on your shoulder. You rested your hands on top of his and tilted your head back onto him. 

“Can I just hold you for a second?” he asked. 

You nodded, closed your eyes, and breathed in deep with him. 

Jake was taking in the last few moments of innocence he had left. He knew after tonight, things would be different. Things would never be this pure and sweet again. He was saying goodbye to the last part of his childhood. He was about to cross the threshold into becoming a man. He was nervous. But he was ready. 

He closed his eyes and smiled into your neck, kissing it gently and tickling you with his hair. You pulled away and turned around, giving him a soft kiss on the lips. He held your waist and led you back inside to finish the night. 

 When the prom had ended, you said bye to Josh and your friends. Josh kissed you on the cheek and wished you a good night. Jake and Josh hugged tight and did that twin thing they do where they spoke without really saying any words.

You and Jake walked back to his car hand in hand. He stopped you before you got in, placing his hands on your waist and giving you the softest kiss on the lips.

“I had the most amazing time with you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah, me too,” he smiled, biting his lip, “you ready to go home?” he asked.

“Mhm,” you said quietly, nodding your head.

The drive back to Jake’s house was quiet. You both knew why. He was breathing deep in the driver’s seat, his hands were shaking as he held the steering wheel. There was a reason he wasn’t holding your hands or your leg like he normally would. He was nervous and one thing Jake didn’t do well was hide nerves. He got quiet, jittery, and zoned out a little. 

Jake pulled into the empty driveway of the dark house. Only the front door light was on. Sam was at Danny’s house and his parents took Ronnie to visit his grandparents for the weekend. They knew Josh would be away and figured you and Jake would want to be alone anyway.

When you entered the house, it felt like the time he snuck you in, in November. Back then, you were a little nervous. But this time, your heart was pounding and adrenaline was running through your veins like never before. What started as an innocent kiss in his garage had turned into something much bigger than the two of you.

Jake closed the front door behind you and pushed you against it softly as he kissed you. You grabbed the back of his neck and deepened the kiss. You pushed him back a little and saw his eyes still closed, lips wet, and a hint of a smile forming. He opened his eyes and blinked slowly, like he was in a dream.

“Come on,” he whispered.

He grabbed both your hands and pulled you off the door and down the hallway towards his room. You both walked in and he closed the door. He took a deep breath in through his nose and let it back out through his mouth.

The moonlight was coming through the window, shining on his bed. 

You stood in the middle of the room and took off your jewelry, placing it carefully on Josh’s bed. The only piece you kept on was the necklace Jake gave you for Christmas. 

Jake walked over to you, took his tie off, and tossed it next to your jewelry. He unbuttoned the top few buttons of the white shirt he had on and pulled you close to him, resting his hands on your waist. 

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, looking deep into your eyes.

“I want to give you something no one else can have,” you whispered. 

A small smile appeared on his face and then his expression changed back to being serious as he spoke.

“You tell me if you want me to stop, or if I’m hurting you, okay?” 

“Okay,” you assured him.

“You trust me?” 

“I trust you,” you confirmed.

“I love you,” he said softly.

“I love you too, Jake.” 

Jake took his time with you. He was gentle, sweet, and loving. He was everything you could have asked him to be. You knew he was nervous, but he wanted this to be perfect for you. And it was. It was absolutely perfect. He put all of his anxiety behind him to make sure you were comfortable. He had wanted this for longer than you had and he still made it all about you. 

You laid there next to him with your head on his chest and your legs tangled in his. His breathing slowed down and his heartbeat went back to normal. He rubbed your back and swirled his fingers along your spine. You looked up at him. The moonlight was shining on his face, highlighting his cheekbones and casting shadows over his eyes. The sweat on his face glistened in the faint white light coming through the window.

You sat up a little and reached your hand out to wipe his hair out of his face. The sweat on his forehead caused his hair to curl up just a bit. His eyes were calm and soft. The faintest smile spread across his face as he looked down at you. He was absolutely glowing.

“Thank you,” you whispered, rubbing your thumb over his cheek bone.

He lifted your chin with his knuckle and kissed your forehead. 

“I love you more than ever,” he said quietly. 

You didn’t reply but he didn’t need you to. He knew you loved him more than ever too.  

You thought you loved him that day in the snow. You thought you loved him when he took you to the cliffside and you watched the stars. You thought you loved him when he danced around the kitchen to his favorite song. But at that moment, after giving him the last of yourself, you loved him more than you would ever love him or anyone else.

“Go to sleep, Baby,” he whispered, putting your head back down on his chest and rubbing your back again. 

You fell asleep that night to the sound of his heartbeat and the rising and falling of his chest underneath you. 

You woke up the next morning with Jake’s leg on top of yours,his face nuzzled into your neck, and his arm wrapped around your stomach. The hairs on his legs tickled yours and the sounds of his light snoring made you giggle. You cuddled yourself against him and closed your eyes for a few more moments, taking it all in. You smelled Jake’s cologne on the pillow, which made your heart flutter with memories. 

You pulled yourself out of his grasp a bit to sit up on your elbow and look around. The events of last night replayed in your mind after looking at the pile of accessories on Josh’s bed, your dress on the floor, pieces of Jake’s suit thrown around the room, and a little silver wrapper on the nightstand. You turned your head back to look at him and smiled.

The whole “afterglow” thing was real and you could see it on Jake. The morning sun was shining on him through the window. The olive tones of his tan were coming through, and just a hint of pink appeared on his cheeks. His mouth was open slightly and his lips were a little swollen. He looked so peaceful. You brushed the hair out of his eyes and kissed his cheek. 

He raised his eyebrows, took a deep breath in, and blinked a few times. Smiling and letting out a sigh when he realized you were next to him. 

“Mmm, good morning,” he said in a deep, morning voice.

“Morning,” you replied sweetly.

He let out a hum and pulled you closer to him, tightening his hold. He kissed the side of your face and down your neck a little, softly.

“Sleep well last night?” he spoke into your neck.

“Mhmm,” you replied.

You and Jake laid there in a daze for what felt like just minutes even though it was closer to an hour. You could tell from his breathing that he fell back asleep briefly. When he woke back up, he sat up and scooted to the foot of his bed, pulling on a pair of underwear and kneeling at his nightstand drawer. He pulled out a shirt and a pair of boxers and handed them to you. 

“I’ll be right back,” he said, kissing your forehead, sneaking out of the room, and closing the door behind him. 

You put on his clothes, laid back down in his bed, and breathed in his scent on the pillow. He knocked softly on the door and opened it. He walked over to you with two cups of coffee. You sat up and he handed you one. 

“I put extra sugar in yours,” he said.

“Thank you, Baby,” you replied, smiling at him. 

He sat down at the edge of the bed and took a sip.

“So,” he began, “did you have fun last night?” He asked suggestively, giving you a playful smirk.

You giggled, “Shut up.”

He let out a laugh through his nose and looked at you softly. His expression turned more serious before he spoke again, “You okay?” he asked quietly.

“I have never been better,” you assured him. 

“Good,” he whispered back, kissing your cheek. 

You scooted over, he crawled into the bed next to you, and both of you leaned against the headboard and continued to drink the coffee as you talked for a little. 

“Could you tell?” he asked.

“Tell what?”

“Tell how fucking nervous I was?” He laughed.

“From your hands shaking the entire time? No, I couldn’t tell,” you answered sarcastically and laughed.

You leaned your head against his shoulder. 

“You were perfect,” you assured him.

He let out a sigh of relief and turned his face to kiss the top of your head.

“You wanna shower? You can go first,” he said with his chin rested on the top of your head. You snuck your head out from under him and turned to face him.

“What if you come with me?” you suggested.

He raised his eyebrows at you. “With you as in…”

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” you giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you into the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster. 

You spent the day with Jake at his house. Mostly eating, cuddling on the couch, and doing other things that you were both a little more comfortable doing after last night. 

Sam got home in the late afternoon, walking through the door with a huge backpack on his shoulder. His skinny frame struggled to keep it up.

“Hey,” he said as he kicked his shoes off and slid the backpack onto the floor. “How was prom?”

“Good,” you and Jake replied simultaneously.

“Good? That’s it?” he asked.

“That’s it,” Jake answered.

“Hmm,” Sam said, almost suspiciously. He pointed at the two of you. “You guys look different,” he said bluntly.

“That doesn’t make any sense, Sammy,” Jake said nonchalantly.

“Yeah, Sam, you were gone for one night. How different could we possibly be?” you added.

Sam’s eyes squinted at the both of you. As someone who was very intelligent, he didn’t like when he didn’t understand what was going on. And as the youngest child, he felt like that often. He knew something was up but he couldn’t put his finger on it. He rolled his eyes and turned to walk down the hall. His footsteps faded away and he got closer to the boys’ room.

As the door of the room closed, you heard “What the fuck?” from Sam in the room. You and Jake both looked at each other, wide eyed, when it hit you that you didn’t clean up the room from last night. 

When you heard Sam start the shower, you and Jake went back into the room and got rid of the evidence of last night’s events. You both decided it was a good time for you to go home, while Sam was out of the way. 

When you got home, you told your mom all about prom and how much fun you had, leaving out the explicit details of course. She saw how happy Jake made you.

You went to your room to put your things away and you looked at the flowers in the vase. All of them- completely dead. You pulled one out to save and took the rest downstairs to throw away.

“Flowers finally died?” your mom asked.

“Yeah,” you said as you smiled to yourself.

June 2014:

Graduation was in two weeks. Each senior had to turn in a sentence of their after graduation plans for the ceremony’s program booklet. You and Jake laid on his bed with a notebook open, thinking of what to write for him. Josh was on his bed, texting. He had already turned in his sentence. 

Jake stared at the ceiling with a pencil in his mouth. He was stuck. He didn’t exactly have typical post-graduation plans.

“What did you write, Josh?” he asked.

“I wrote that I was going to Michigan State to study filmmaking. It’s not that hard, don’t worry so much about it,” Josh shrugged.

“It’s easy to say that when you actually have a plan,” Jake said, rolling his eyes, “I can’t write that I’m not going to college so I can try my luck at being a rockstar.” 

He turned his head to look at you.

“Did you do yours yet?” he asked. 

You bit your lip, “Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Why?” he asked, looking back to the ceiling. 

You took a deep breath, looked over at him, and then looked over at Josh. 

“Josh,” you started, “Can you give us a second?” 

“Yeah sure. But if you guys start boning, I will tell the entire world about that one time when we were thirteen and Jake-”

“Okay, that’s enough,”  Jake interrupted, laughing.

Josh walked out of the room and shut the door behind him.

“I’m serious, Jake!” he called as you heard his voice trailing down the hallway, away from the door.

Jake sat up and smiled, “What do you want to talk about?”

You closed your eyes for a second and swallowed. 

“Please don’t say you’re pregnant,” Jake warned.

You sat up and laughed a little, “No,” you began, “It’s about this whole college thing.”

“Okay what is it?” he asked casually.

You grabbed his hands and put them in your lap. You didn’t know how to even begin to explain this to him.

“So, you know I got into Michigan, right?”

“Mhm,” he nodded.

“Well, I also got into NYU,” you added, swallowing hard.

“NYU? As in New York?” he asked. He had the most confused look on his face. 

You nodded silently.

“I mean, that’s great and all but you’re not actually gonna go,” he laughed. “You’re gonna stay here, right?” he said casually.

You bit your lip and looked down at his hands in your lap. He could tell that something was wrong because you weren’t looking him in the eyes. When you looked up, Jake’s face was full of worry. The gears were turning in his head as he put the pieces of the puzzle together. He knew where this conversation was going.

“Right?” he repeated, a little louder, with concern. 

“Jake,” you started.

“You’re going aren’t you?” His voice was full of sadness, with a bit of anger mixed in.

“Jake, please don’t be mad.” 

He got up off the bed, stood up, and looked down at you. 

“Don’t you have to commit to these things, like, months in advance? You knew about this for a while now, didn’t you? When did you find out about this? When did you decide that you were going?” 

As he rattled off questions, his tone got sharper. 

“March,” you sighed. You watched his face drop, “The night of your show,” you said quietly. 

“March?” He looked to the ceiling in disbelief.  “The night of the show where you told me not to keep secrets from you?”

You got off the bed, walked over to him, and grabbed his hands. He pulled them away from you and crossed his arms. His eyes weren’t soft and tired anymore. They were filled with anger and betrayal. His world was just flipped upside down by the one person he trusted the most. 

“Jake, I know you’re mad and I’m sorry. I should have told you earlier but there just wasn’t a good time. And your reaction right now is exactly why I waited so long to tell you,” you explained, “ I didn’t want to hurt you.”

There was a moment of silence and Jake looked to the ground before he spoke.

“You could’ve at least told me before I fucked you,” he said bluntly.

“Fucked me? Fucked me?!” You screamed as both your hands pushed into his chest and he stumbled backwards into his nightstand. The force of his back hitting it caused the entire piece of furniture to shake and things fell off the top of it and onto the floor.

His arms uncrossed and as he yelled he waved them around. “Yeah, that’s why you wanted me to do it, right? So you could get it over with before going to New York to get fucked by random guys like some cheap college slut? While I’m here, in fucking Michigan playing a bar gig once a week for two hundred fucking dollars?!”

Your jaw dropped and you breathed out hard. You could have sworn the world stopped moving for a split second. His words hurt you like nothing ever had before. It was as if he stabbed you in the chest and twisted the knife. Tears filled your eyes instantly and you looked at him with blurry vision.

“I can’t believe you just said that to me,” you whispered.

You saw the look of instant regret on his face. It was as if he couldn’t believe he just said that either. 

“Baby, I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean that. You know I didn’t mean that.”

He walked over to you and grabbed your hands but you stepped back from him, ripping away from his touch harshly. 

“No, you did,” you choked out, “you absolutely meant that.”

All he could do was shake his head and hope you would forgive him. He sat down, put his elbows on his knees, and rested his head in his hands. He was thinking. Hard. 

He looked up at you, his eyes begged you to say something. But you couldn’t. You were frozen standing there, there was a pain in your chest that still stung from his words.

He stood up and walked over to you. He wiped your tears and kissed your cheeks. You winced as he did it. You were disgusted by him right now and he knew it. You didn’t think he would ever hurt you the way he just did. 

He backed away from you once he realized he needed to give you space and explain himself.

“You just sprung this whole thing on me and I don’t know how to react to it. And then you tell me not to be mad? I’m losing everything I know. How am I not supposed to be mad?” he explained.

“How are you losing everything?” you asked, throwing your hands up in the air and letting them drop to your sides. 

He paused for a minute before speaking. It was just a second or two but it felt like forever.

“There’s two things in life I’m sure of. Music… and you. But now suddenly, life is telling me I can’t have either. And without those two things, I’m nothing.” 

His voice got shaky as tears formed in his eyes. He looked up at the ceiling and tried not to let them fall. 

“What makes you think you can’t have both?” you asked.

“I’m losing Josh, which means I’m losing the band,” he began.

“He’s going an hour away, it’s not the end of the world, Jake!” you cut him off as you tried to explain.

“This band is all I have!” he snapped.

“Okay and what? You don’t have me?” you shouted back.

“No, I don’t have you! Did you not just tell me you were going to go to New York?!”

“Baby, we could do long distance. We could make it work,” you suggested, trying to rationalize a plan.

“How could that ever work? For four years? At least? You realize what’s gonna happen right? You’re gonna get busy with classes and homework. You’re gonna make all new friends and have an entire new life. A life that doesn’t… doesn’t include me.” 

“Jake, you know that would nev-”

“No,” said softly and shook his head, “You know it’s true. We both do. I’m gonna lose you. You’ll forget me- and I can’t handle that. Might as well end it now. Save us both some time.”

He was looking down. He couldn’t even look you in the eyes.

Your jaw dropped in disbelief. You couldn’t believe he just said that. After everything the two of you had been through, he was just going to throw it all away like this? You knew he would be upset at the news you gave him but you never expected this reaction from him. 

“You really want that?” you whispered, praying he would change his mind. 

He shook his head, almost like he couldn’t believe the words coming out of his own mouth.

“I, I…” he stuttered. He couldn’t say it but you knew exactly what he was thinking. 

“You want me to leave? You want to end it now? Save you some time? Fine. I’m gone. We’re done,” you said sharply.

“That’s what I said! Go! You’re gonna do it anyway,” Jake said louder, motioning his hand to the door.

“You really want me to go?” you said. It was a question but at the same time, it wasn’t. You were confirming what he wanted.

“Yes, go! Go have fun getting bent over behind a bar by some rich New York guy. They love innocent little Midwestern girls over there,” he said, with rage in his voice.

Your eyes filled up with tears again as his words stabbed you in the heart once again. 

“Fuck you,” you said, looking at him through tear filled eyes.

“Yeah, fuck you, too, Baby. Have a nice life,” he said, lifting his chin and blowing you a kiss.

You shook your head at him in disbelief and walked to the door. You grabbed the door handle and flung it open to see Sam and Josh standing there, listening to everything. 

“Take me home, Josh,” you demanded.

He nodded quickly, looking at you with sympathy in his eyes.

Sam awkwardly walked away, not sure what he should do. 

Josh went into the room to get his keys and you heard him speak to Jake. 

“That was so fucked up,” he said. 

He met you in the hallway and left Jake in the room by himself.

As you walked down the hallway and towards the front door with Josh, you heard the boys’ bedroom door slam.  

Josh drove you home and sat in your driveway with you for hours while you told him everything. Everything.

He listened to what you had to say closely. He held you as you cried on his shoulder. He rubbed your back and petted your head, comforting you. His embrace was what you needed from Jake right now. But you needed someone, and other than Jake, he was a person you could trust.

Josh walked you inside and tucked you into bed. He made sure you were okay to leave alone before he left. He told your parents what happened so that you didn’t have to. 

You laid there, absolutely sick. You had a lump in your throat and your stomach was in knots. Your eyes and lips were swollen from all the crying you’d done in the past few hours. You didn’t even know your body could produce that many tears. Your heart was completely ripped out of your chest. 

You cried yourself to sleep that night. It was the first of many nights like that.

When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement with his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair. 

Every part of his bedroom reminded him of you and he couldn’t be in there. The smell of you that he loved, lingered on his sheets and made him physically sick to the point of him vomiting. 

Josh didn’t want to get in the middle of things but he knew Jake needed him just as much as you did. 

Josh let Jake get it all out and calmed him down considerably. But Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night. 

Jake skipped English class that entire week so you didn’t see him at school at all. You knew he was there because you saw his Jeep in the parking lot. He was avoiding you. You were glad he was though because you couldn’t handle seeing him. 

On Saturday morning, your heart stopped when you saw his name light up on your phone screen.

10:38 am: Can I see you? I can come to your house.

You sat there for a while thinking if you should reply or not. You wanted to see him. You needed to see him. You wanted him to hold you and tell you things were going to be okay and that he was willing to try. You wanted to feel his arms around you and his rough hands holding your face. You wanted to push his shaggy hair out of his eyes and see his smile shining bright. You had just the tiniest bit of hope that that would happen.

You took a deep breath and answered.

10:50 am: Okay

The doorbell rang shortly after and when you opened the door, you saw him standing there looking horrific. He had bags under his eyes and the color in his face had faded. His hair was a mess and his cheeks were hollowed out. You could tell he wasn’t sleeping or eating. You started to cry just looking at him. 

“Can we talk? Please?” he asked, practically begging.

You nodded and sat down on your front steps with him. 

He grabbed your hands and you felt his touch for the first time in a week.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” he began. 

“You should be,” you said quietly.

“I know. I just…I wanted you to be as mad as I was. I wanted you to feel guilty.”

You rolled your eyes, “Well then you got what you wanted, didn’t you?”

Tears formed in his eyes as he saw how hurt you were. He started breathing heavily and swallowed, fighting back the tears. He put his head down and closed his eyes.

“I don’t want you to leave,” he said as a single tear from his eye fell onto your hand. 

“Jake,” you began, “Remember what we said? About seeing the world? What if this is my chance?” 

“I thought you said we would see the world together?” he said, looking up at you.

“Jake, please,” you begged him. 

Things changed. You always thought you would stay in Michigan with Jake and support him and his music. Maybe one day he would become successful and you’d be able to see the world with him. But with you and Josh leaving, and Jake’s dreams becoming more and more unattainable, it seemed like the only one who would be seeing the world was you. 

You wanted to go. Jake knew you wanted to go. But the thought of leaving him behind broke your heart, and the thought of you moving on with your life broke his. He knew once you left, he would lose you little by little. And you couldn’t help but wonder if he was right.

“You really want to go, don’t you?”

You nodded.

“Then, I have to let you go,” he said, “I love you, but I have to let you go,” he repeated. 

He kissed your lips softly, one last time. You kissed him back and held onto the moment for as long as you could. 

The tears on both your faces mixed together, causing both your cheeks to be wet. He pulled back and held your face in his hand, wiping the tears with his thumb. You shook your head, crying. His eyes that were once full of happiness and love, were full of pain and sadness.

“You’re gonna go see the world,” he whispered, “You’re gonna love it.”

With that, he kissed you on the cheek and got up. He walked over to the car, got in, and drove away. 

He left you there on the steps, absolutely crushed. 

You ran upstairs sobbing. You threw yourself into bed and clutched his hoodie close to feel some sort of comfort from him. You buried your face into it, smelling him on it and letting it absorb your tears.

Jake, the one person who you felt the most safe with, just completely shattered your heart into a million pieces and there was nothing you could do to fix it. There was no changing his mind. You stayed in your room for a while, just crying and thinking about him and what just happened.

A few hours later, you heard your doorbell ring. You went downstairs and opened the door to see his Jeep turning the corner. You looked down to see a cardboard box on your front step. When you looked inside, you felt a deep pain in your chest. Your hands shook as you picked through the items inside. A bunch of pictures of the two of you, your corsage from prom, and some of your clothes, including the big, white, Greta Van Fleet shirt. It wasn’t even your shirt. It was his, but he knew it was your favorite. Finally at the bottom- the Stephen Stills album you gave him for his birthday. You expected him to give you your stuff back. But you never expected to see that album sitting in the box. You picked up the album and a piece of paper, about the size of an index card, fell out. You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. You opened them back up and read…

Go see the world. -Jake

The next day, you dropped off a box of Jake’s stuff and left it with Sam. Inside you put the necklace he gave you for Christmas, the document of the star named after you, his clothes, and the single dead rose you kept from his prom flowers. Sam took it from you and gave you a weak smile. 

“You know,” he began, “he really did love you. He still does. He just, he just doesn’t know how to deal with all this. I know you didn’t mean to hurt him. And he didn’t mean to hurt you. Maybe he’ll come around, ya know? Maybe he just needs some time?”

You nodded and gave Sam a hug. It was the first and only time you ever hugged Sam. He was small, and cute, and yes he was annoying. But, you grew to absolutely adore him. 

“I’m gonna miss you, Sammy,” you whispered.

He rubbed your back as he hugged you, “I’m gonna miss you too. I hope I get to see you again, one day.”

You smiled, nodded, and pulled away from him, giving him a kiss on the cheek. 

“My first kiss!” he gasped, lightly holding his cheek over where you kissed him. 

You laughed and said your final goodbye to him. You looked back at the house one last time to see Sam in the doorway, holding the box and waving at you.

Graduation day came and you watched Jake and Josh walk across the stage, one after the other. You saw Jake smile for the first time in what looked like a long time. He seemed genuinely happy. Seeing him smile like that made your heart break. That was the same smile he used to give you. Now all you could do was watch him from afar.

As he walked off stage with his diploma in hand, he looked over at you. He always knew when you were looking at him. Your eyes caught his for a moment and he gave you a small smile. You smiled softly back at him and looked away, heartbroken. That was the last time you ever saw Jake Kiszka. 

After graduation, you went home and looked into the program, curious to see what Jake eventually came up with for his plans. Tears came flooding back as you read…

“Joshua M. Kiszka: Michigan State University- Film Studies”

Jake’s name was supposed to be above Josh’s, but it was skipped in the program. Jake never submitted anything. A tear fell from your eyes and hit the second K in Kiszka, splattering the ink on the paper. You put the program in the box of your stuff from Jake and shoved it under your bed, where it would stay, untouched, for years. 

That summer, you kept in touch with Josh a bit. He would often ask you how you were doing, if you needed anything, and if you wanted to hang out. Even though you wanted to, you never went to see him because you knew it would hurt too much. 

He mentioned Jake was doing better and putting his pain into music as a distraction. It may not have been the best coping method, but it helped. Music was always Jake’s escape and it was the only thing he had at the time.

Your contact with Josh faded as the summer went on and as the band took off. A management company was looking to work with them, which led to record deal offers and album writing. They started playing shows all around Michigan and in the upper Midwest. 

Josh ended up not going to Michigan State as previously planned. He was going to put his dream of film making on hold to help Jake achieve his dream. 

While Jake went after his dream, you did too. You started college in New York and buried the pain of Jake as you got busier with school, internships, jobs, and life in the city. 

But through the years, you still felt him. Every time it snowed, you pictured him on top of you in the snow, wearing that beanie he loved. Every time the wind blew through your hair, your mind took you back to being on the highway with him with the windows down. The smell of pine trees made you think of his house on Christmas. Every time you ate a chocolate chip cookie, you remembered the taste of them on his lips. 

You went back to Frankenmuth on breaks and for holidays but every time you did, Jake was gone. Any time you drove past the Kiszka’s house, all the lights were out and mail was piled up by the door, indicating that they haven’t been home for a while. Every now and again, people around town mentioned they were doing well. You never looked into it though. You knew it would hurt too much. 

One day, you saw an advertisement that Greta Van Fleet would be the musical guest on SNL. A little voice in the back of your head told you to look them up and see what they were doing. SNL was huge and it was almost unfathomable that they actually made it. You knew they were doing well but you didn’t know they were doing that well. 

You listened to that little voice and searched. You felt instant regret but you couldn’t stop yourself. As you looked at pictures of them, there was no holding back your tears.

Danny and Sam got tall and grew their hair out. Sam’s braces were gone and his sweet, baby face chiseled out, with little specks of facial hair poking out of his chin. He definitely grew into his nose, too. 

Josh’s hair got curlier, and his clothes got even crazier, in the best way. It was so Josh and you loved it. He still had those wild eyes that were full of ideas and his warm smile that lit up rooms. 

You breathed heavily and your heart sank when you looked at Jake’s photo. His hair was long, past his shoulders, like he always wanted. It had a bit of a wave to it and it didn’t cover his forehead anymore. His clothes were cooler. He traded his sneakers and t-shirts for boots and shirts unbuttoned to his stomach. His body was more filled out. His muscles were more defined. You were looking at pictures of a grown man. He looked good. 

Out of curiosity, you watched a video of them. Jake’s voice was deeper. He still had that adorable smile and those deep eyes that sparked. You cried harder as the video played on. They were in a record store, talking about their favorites. Sam of course, was looking for something wacky and Josh was all over the film soundtracks. Your heart stopped when you saw Jake’s choice. The Stephen Stills album. He said he wanted it because of a certain song. Love the One You’re With. 

You closed your eyes and images of him flashed through your mind. You saw him in the kitchen of the cabin on his birthday; spinning around on his feet and singing the song out to you. You felt his hands around your waist and his lips on your cheek. He was so happy that day. That was the day he said you were his forever. 

You couldn’t take it anymore. You turned the video off and cried just as much as you did the night you had that argument with him, almost five years ago. 

For years, you had pushed the memories of him away. They were too painful to even think about. But now, they came flooding back with full force- knocking the wind out of your lungs and stabbing at your heart. 

Did he ever think of you the way you thought of him? He was your everything once, and you were his. Now he was nothing but a memory to you and you couldn’t help but wonder if you were nothing to him too. 

Jake was out there living his dream. Performing for huge crowds, traveling all over, and playing the music he loved. This was what he always wanted and now he was actually doing it. You were proud of him but your heart had a hole where he used to be. He was out there, exploring the world, without you. 

November 2019:

It was the day before Thanksgiving and your graduating class decided to do an unofficial 5 year reunion at a local bar since everyone would be home for the holiday anyway. You flew in from New York that morning and decided to go to the event. You hadn’t seen your highschool friends in a few months and you were excited to see what they were up to. 

You only had one thing that made you nervous about the event but your friends told you that you had nothing to worry about in regard to seeing Jake. The band was on tour in Europe at the moment so there was no way he could be there. 

Catching up with your friends was much needed. It was nice to get a break from work and the city and be back in your little hometown. 

You were at the bar, about to order a drink when you heard everyone inside get louder. You looked toward the sound of the voices and saw two figures. 

Brown curly hair, a striped jacket, tan pants, and little white sneakers.

Long dark hair, skinny jeans, boots, and a half buttoned black shirt. 

Your stomach dropped and your heart raced at the sight of both of them. It was like the world stopped moving. You were paralyzed. The bar was filled with people, but you only saw them. 

Your eyes instantly went to Jake. Him and Josh were talking to a bunch of people. Everyone wanted to hear their stories of fame and success. 

Jake’s eyes were gleaming. His smile was big and shone bright like it always did. 

Just as you were about to look away, he caught you. After all, he always knew when you were looking at him.

Your eyes met and everything around you suddenly stopped. His face dropped at the sight of you. He looked like he just saw a ghost. 

You looked away from him, shook your head, and walked out of sight, out the back door of the bar and onto the empty patio area. 

You stood outside, looking at the sky and breathing slowly to calm yourself. You heard the back door open and you closed your eyes. 

“I knew you’d be out here,” you heard a deep, raspy voice say softly. 

You turned around to see Jake standing there with his hands in his front pockets, looking up at the sky.

You turned your back to him and he walked up and stood next to you. He pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. 

“Care if I smoke right now?” he asked.

You shook your head, “No, you can.”

You two stood in silence for a while as the smell of cigarette smoke filled the air. 

“You did it. You became a rockstar,” you finally said, breaking the silence.

“Yeah well, someone once told me I was talented,” he looked over at you, smiling slightly.

You smiled at him and then looked back up to the sky.

“So, you’re seeing the world. What’s it like?” you asked.

He let a small laugh out of his nose and breathed deeply, “Incredible,” he whispered.

You looked at him with a funny feeling inside. You were happy that he was out there living his dream. But sad because he had a whole new life now, a life that didn’t include you.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, faintly smelling the scent of his cologne. It was the same one you used to smell on his sheets in the morning, and smell on his neck when you kissed him. 

“You know,” he began, throwing the remaining bits of his cigarette on the ground, “You’re with me everywhere I go.”

“What do you mean?”

“No matter where I am in the world or what’s going on in life- every time I look up at the sky at night, I think of you.”

He pointed to a spot in the sky. 

“There you are. Right above the four little ones in a row,” he said, “It’s almost like, it’s me, Josh, Sam, and Danny. And then you.”

You looked up and your vision got blurry as tears filled your eyes.

You turned to him and grabbed his hands. They were bigger and rougher than they’d been years ago.

“I’m really proud of you, you know that?” you asked.

He nodded, giving you a closed mouth smile.

You sat out there with Jake for hours. You told him all about college, work, and your life in New York. He told you all about his career, his travels, and what his brothers were up to. He told you about SNL, and that he thought of you the whole time he was in the city, hoping that maybe, just maybe you were watching. You told him you didn’t watch and you saw a small wave of sadness wash over him. 

It was quiet for a moment until you spoke again.

“I never forgot you, y’know?” 

“What do you mean?”

“That night. You said that I’d forget you,” you looked at him and then back to the ground, “I never did.”

He sighed and looked to the ground too. You could tell he was thinking hard. He was replaying that night in his head, just like you were. 

“Do you ever regret it?” you finally asked.

He nodded and sighed, “Everyday for years I wondered what things would be like if I didn’t let you walk out of my room that night. If I went after you. Or if I would have tried. But we’ll never know, will we?”

You shook your head and shrugged your shoulders, knowing there was no hope of it now.

He asked you if you were seeing anyone and you told him about some dates you’d gone on, none of them really working out. He told you he had a girlfriend, Jita. He showed you pictures, she was beautiful. He said he told her all about you.

“I’m really glad I got to see you tonight,” you said.

“Yeah me too,” he replied.

“If you’re ever in New York, let me know,” you said.

He nodded and looked down. He put his hand behind his neck and bit his lip. There it was, that nervous little movement he always did. Even though he was a rockstar now, he was still a little kid from Frankenmuth, Michigan deep down.

“Can I hug you?” he asked quietly.

“I’d like that,” you replied.

He pulled you close to him and held you tight, with one arm around your back and the other on your head. His body was warm, and bigger than the last time he held you. You rested your head on his shoulder like you used to. His hair tickled your cheeks again and the familiar smell of him filled your lungs. You closed your eyes and took the moment in. 

Even after all those years, in his arms, you felt safe, you felt at home, and most of all, you felt loved.

He pulled away and gave you a kiss on the cheek. He started to walk back inside and turned back around to you. 

“You coming back in?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you answered. 

You took one last look at the star in the sky. The little one right above the string of four. Tonight, it was right next to the moon. You let out a breath and smiled. You were with him everywhere he went. No matter where he was, or where you were- you were both with each other. Forever.

You turned to walk with him and he opened the door for you, letting you go before him.

“So what’s this about you being Sam’s first kiss?” he laughed as the two of you walked back inside. 

Epilogue: 

Josh sat in the conference room of the Greta Van Fleet management offices, typing on his computer when Jake walked in. 

“Hey, we’re gonna leave in a second? You ready?” he asked, leaning on the doorframe.

“Yeah,” Josh replied, “I’m just finishing up some stuff.” 

“Another screenplay?” Jake teased as he walked towards the table Josh was sitting at.

“Yeah, it’s not really my usual style but the idea just kind of came to me and I’m in the process of selling it to a production company.”

“Oh shit, what’s it about?” Jake asked.

“It’s kind of a coming of age sort of thing. It’s the story about a first love that falls apart, from the female character’s point of view. With brief insights of the male’s perspective.”

“Sounds cheesy,” Jake joked as he looked over Josh’s shoulder and tried to take a peek.  

Josh looked up at him to see Jake’s eyes glancing at the screen. He closed the computer quickly.

“I saw my name,” Jake said bluntly.

“No you didn’t!” Josh replied in a high pitched voice, laughing him off.

Jake paused for a second, looking down, and thinking hard. Then it hit him. He knew exactly the story Josh was writing. He squinted his eyes and looked at Josh. 

“Josh. I saw my name. I swear to God if you’re writing about what I think you’re writing about I will kill you.”

“I’m not!” Josh answered in defense, laughing nervously.

“Hm,” Jake breathed, still suspicious. He turned to leave the room, giving Josh a warning look.

When Jake closed the door behind him, Josh opened the computer back up and changed the name to Jack.

The End

October 2013:

It was the day after the kiss. You found yourself thinking about Jake throughout the day. He had always been a background character in your life. Barely a character at all to be honest. You never thought twice about him. But ever since that kiss, he was all you thought about. 

You saw your phone screen light up from across the room and your stomach did cartwheels when you read what was on the screen.

INSTAGRAM: @jake_kiszka has requested to follow you. 

You guessed it was safe to say he was thinking about you too. 

November 2013, Thanksgiving Break:

It was Saturday night and you and Jake planned to have a movie night in the Kiszka’s basement since the twins had the house to themselves for the next few hours. You changed in the bathroom and walked into Jake’s room to help him get the pillows and blankets from his bed and bring them downstairs. He was holding a pillow in his arm when you walked in wearing a tank top and pajama shorts. He was in a T-shirt and plaid pajama pants. You knelt down to put your old clothes in your backpack when Jake spoke. 

“Woah, Baby, you look hot,” he said as he looked you up and down.

You turned your head back around and stood up. Did he just say what you think you heard him say?

“What did you say?” you asked as you walked over to his bed.

Jake’s face dropped and a shade of pink appeared on his cheeks. “Uh, I said you look hot,” he answered. He had a little hint of panic on his face and his eyes widened a bit. 

“No,” you said, stretching out the word and grabbing a second pillow which rested on the foot of his bed. “What’d you call me?”

Jake paused. He looked down at the floor and grabbed the back of his neck with his available hand. He rubbed his neck and bit his lip.

“Nothing,” he replied shyly, looking up at you through the gaps in his hair.

You walked over to him and hit him gently with the pillow you were holding. “It didn’t sound like nothing,” you said sweetly.

He hit you softly with the pillow he was holding. “Well it was nothing.”

“Say it, Jake,” you teased. You hit him harder this time.

“No.” he smiled back at you and gave you an equal hit with his pillow. 

You raised the pillow at him, threatening to hit him with it again and he giggled, winding up his body with his pillow in hand.

“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” he warned playfully as he swung the pillow around your back and hit you on the butt with it. The force of his hit pushed your body closer to his and he pulled you in. 

He threw his pillow onto his bed and pulled you in by the waist, giving you little, light kisses on your lips. 

“Stop. Trying. To. Distract. Me.” you said in between kisses. You broke away from him and gave him a warning look.

“I’m not trying to do anything,” he whispered slyly, with a mischievous smile on his face. His smile faded a bit as he stared deep into your eyes for a moment. Holding his gaze longer than usual as his eyes seemed to get lost in yours.

While he was distracted, you quickly raised the pillow and connected it to his chest. The force caused him to stumble backwards and the backs of his knees hit the edge of his bed. He fell backwards onto it laughing. 

You jumped on top of him with each leg on either side of his torso and sat on his stomach. Your knees sank into his mattress and you threw the pillow out of the way. You grabbed his face with one hand and squeezed his cheeks together, causing his lips to part. With your other hand, you grabbed his wrists and pinned them on his chest. His whole body shook underneath you as he laughed. 

“Say it,” you sang out.

“If I say it will you let go of my face?” he giggled with his cheeks still smooshed together. His eyes squinted from smiling.

You let go of his cheeks and leaned down to kiss him, with your hands still holding his wrists. You released them and combed your hands through the hair covering his forehead. He brought his hands to your hips and rubbed his thumbs against the skin just above the waistband of your shorts. 

He looked into your eyes deeply. He had the calmest, softest eyes and the tiniest smile appeared on his face as he spoke. 

“Baby,” he whispered. 

Your tongue traced your lips and you looked down at him, smiling.

“Mmm, Baby,” you repeated.

His smile widened. You could tell he liked hearing your voice speak the word out to him. 

“Is that… okay?” he asked hesitantly.

“Yeah,” you nodded, “I like it.” 

One of his hands moved to the back of your neck and he pulled you in to kiss him. This kiss felt different. There was something special about it. You had just reached a milestone in your relationship together, one that would stick with the two of you forever.

You broke away from Jake and crawled off of him. He sat up and you pulled him off the bed by his arm, leading him out of the room.

The two of you went out to the kitchen to make popcorn. As you were waiting for it to pop, you saw Josh in the living room watching his own movie. 

“Baby can you get that big bowl from the top cabinet?” Jake asked.

Josh’s head spun around quicker than anything you’ve ever seen before. 

December 2013:

It was the middle of winter break. You weren’t allowed to go to Jake’s house after the Christmas incident. You hadn’t seen him in a few days but you talked through text every day. He said he would call you at night once he got home from his grandparents house. You laid in bed, waiting for his call. At around 9 pm, his name lit up on your phone screen and you picked it up instantly. 

You and Jake talked for a few hours but it felt like just a few minutes. You told each other what you did during the day and shared random stories from your lives. He told you he had a talk with Sam about girls and made you swear you would never let Sam know that you knew about it. You heard his voice get quieter as your conversation went on. You figured Josh and Sam had gone to bed.

“Tired?” you asked. 

It was getting late and you could hear it in Jake’s voice that he was about to fall asleep. 

“Mhmm,” he hummed, “But I missed your voice.”

“What else?” you asked, almost in a whisper.

You heard him shuffle around a bit and he began.

“I miss holding you. I miss playing with your hair. I miss your lips. I miss kissing you. I miss you kissing me. I miss how you smell,” he laughed a little, “I haven’t washed my sheets since you were here. I can smell you on them.”

You let out a small laugh.

“Mmm, that. I miss your laugh.” 

You could tell from his voice that he was smiling. You wished you could see him right now. You pictured his eyes squinting as his cheeks pushed up around them. Jake had the brightest and cutest smile you’d ever seen.

You sighed, “Okay my turn. I miss your smile. The way your face lights up when you’re happy. I miss holding your hands. I miss when you rub my back when I lay on you. I miss when you kiss my neck and your hair tickles me. I miss...”

You heard him breathing slowly and deeply on the other end of the phone.

“Jake?” you asked. 

“Hmm?” he replied slowly.

“Are you listening?”

“Mmm,” he replied. 

He sucked in a breath through his mouth that sounded like the little snores he does when he starts to fall asleep. You giggled quietly to yourself and listened for a few more minutes. The only thing coming from the other end of the phone was Jake’s breathing. 

You closed your eyes and imagined him next to you. You could practically feel his warm body holding you and making you feel safe and secure. His hands rubbing your back and tracing patterns on your skin. His legs finding their way on top of yours and the hairs on them tickling yours. His breathing and snoring noises being a lullaby to you and putting you to sleep.

You missed him more than you could even express to him. He felt like the safest place on earth. You were counting down the days until you would be in that place again. 

After some time of listening to him on the other end, you started to feel tired yourself.

“Night, Baby,” you whispered. You blew a small kiss to your phone, hung up, and went to sleep.

The next morning, you woke up to a text from Jake that read,

9:32 AM: You were in my dream last night, I’ll call you later and tell you about it. I won’t fall asleep this time I promise.

January 2014:

You and Jake walked into the laundry room soaking wet and cold from the snow. You took your coats off and threw them on top of the dryer. You pulled Jake’s hat off his head and he shook out his hair, giggling. Jake left for a second and came back with changes of his clothes for both of you. 

“You wanna change in here? I can leave if you want me to,” he said as he handed you the clothes. 

“Stay,” you whispered as you took the clothes from his hands and put them on top of the washing machine. You walked closer to him and wrapped your hands around his back. He put his hands on your waist. A smile crept onto his face and he leaned in to kiss you softly. 

“You wanna take this off?” he asked quietly, tugging at the bottom of your shirt. You nodded and raised your arms. Jake lifted the shirt up off you and over your head. He took his shirt off and threw them both on the pile on the dryer. 

He lowered his head and planted gentle kisses to your collarbone.

“I love you,” he said softly between kisses. 

His cold hands rested on the small of your back. The feeling of his cold hands mixed with the feeling of his cold lips on your bones gave you goosebumps all over. 

You giggled and held onto his head as his mouth worked on you. He pulled his lips from you and lifted his head to look at you. 

“Turn around,” he whispered. 

You turned around and moved your hair to the front of your shoulder. He rested his chin on your shoulder as his hands played with your bra strap. He snaked his fingers underneath and ran them back and forth under the fabric. He stopped moving his hand when he got to the clasp. 

“Can I?” his raspy voice spoke softly. 

You turned your head to look at him. Your eyes connected and you nodded slowly, “Yeah,” you whispered. 

He undid the clasp and pushed the straps off your shoulders. His rough fingertips slid gently down your arms. He rubbed the skin on your shoulders where the straps had once been. 

“I love you,” he said again, kissing your shoulder. 

You pulled your bra the rest of the way off and tossed it into the pile. You turned back around to face him and crossed your arms over your chest and rested your hands on your shoulders. You bit your lip and smiled at him. 

Jake undid his jeans, kicked them off his ankles, picked them up, and put them on the pile. The only thing left on him was his boxers. 

He knelt down in front of you and his eyes never left yours as he lowered himself to the floor. He put his hands on the button of your pants and you nodded at him. He undid the button and zipper and dug his fingers into the belt loops of your jeans to work them down. You held his shoulders as he pulled them off and you stepped out of them. The wetness from the snow caused them to stick to your legs a little. Jake grabbed the backs of your legs and ran his hands up and down them. He planted more kisses to each of your thighs with an “I love you,” before each one. 

As he played with the waistband of your underwear you sucked in a breath. You felt his hands shaking and his breathing becoming uneven. You could practically hear your own heart beating out of your chest.

You and Jake had done things like this before. You had taken each other’s clothes off before. He had seen you like this before. You had seen him like this before. But this time it was different. This wasn’t teenage eagerness driven by hormones. It wasn’t rushed and needy. This was slow and intimate. This was out of love. 

He looked back up at you, his eyes silently asked for permission. You put your hands over his and guided him as he put his thumbs through the waistband and pulled them down off you. You stepped out of them and he gathered them from the floor and threw them onto the pile of clothes. You placed your hands on the sides of his head as he kissed your hip bones softly.

“I love you,” he whispered again before and after each kiss. His hot breath on you sent shivers up and down your body. 

He started working his way back up leaving wet kisses all over your stomach, your chest, and your neck, and back to your lips. He pulled down his boxers and stepped out of them as he rose to his feet. His face was an inch away from yours when he breathed you in and connected his lips to yours. His tongue teased your bottom lip and slid against yours. After a minute or so, you pulled away from him and both of you started laughing, realizing you were standing in the middle of his laundry room, cold and naked. 

He reached for the dry clothes and you both put them on yourselves. When you were both fully clothed, he pulled you in close to hug you. You rested your chin on his shoulder and breathed in his scent. 

“I love every part of you,” he said just above a whisper. 

He turned his head and kissed your cheek hard. You leaned back, grabbed his hands, and pulled them in front of him. His eyes were calm and soft. He looked completely at peace. 

“You love me back, right?” he asked as a small smile formed on his lips.

“Forever,” you whispered. 

Jake smiled and kissed your forehead. He broke away from you and picked up the pile of clothes and tossed them into the dryer. Jake pressed the ON button before leaving the small room.

The Next Morning

It was pitch black in the basement when you felt Jake move next to you. Both of you were half asleep when Jake spoke.

“Mmm,” he groaned, “I have to go back upstairs,” he said as he adjusted his position.

“Stay five more minutes,” you whispered as you rubbed your hand under his shirt and up to his chest.

“I will. What time is it?” he asked in a tired voice. 

You reached over him and picked up his phone that was lying next to him. It had to be close to midnight. The two of you fell asleep pretty early. The bright light of the screen made you squint your eyes but they grew wide when you read 8:34 AM.

“8:34?” you said, confused.

“What?” Jake asked in a groggy voice, making sure he heard you correctly. 

You held the phone up to him so he could see for himself. He sat up and rubbed his eyes as he looked around, trying to see in the darkness of the basement. The only light came from the staircase leading up to the kitchen. Jake leaned over to peer up the stairs.

“Shh, the doors still open,” he whispered.

“Can you go up and sneak into your bed? Pretend you were there all night? You think your parents will know?”

“I can’t,” he shook his head and sighed, “They’re awake. I can smell coffee.” 

Jake bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at you. He was trying to think of a plan. But he was also hoping you’d have one.

“Okay, if I can be quiet enough, it’s worth a shot, right? If anything, I’ll just say I came to see if you were awake, right?”

You gave him a worried look and shrugged your shoulders.

Jake pulled the blanket off him and scooted off the mattress. You sat up on your elbow and watched him nervously. He started walking slowly towards the stairs, trying to avoid his feet making any noise on the floor.

He didn’t even make it to the first step when you heard “I’m not stupid, Jacob,” coming from Kelly on the main floor.

Jake looked at you in defeat and mouthed the word “Fuck.”

“Just be ready to get out there and shovel by 9!”

“Hahaha! Busted!” you heard Sam laugh from upstairs.

Jake rolled his eyes and walked back over to you. He crawled back under the covers and laid himself on top of you, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck and wrapping his arms around you. One of your hands held the back of his head and the other rubbed between his shoulder blades. He draped his leg over yours and the heat of his body on top of you warmed you up instantly. 

“So, five more minutes, right?” he asked as you felt him smile into you and you heard the basement door close shut from the top of the steps. 

February 2014:

You and Jake were on the couch in his garage. He had a space heater running close by and the garage door was locked. You had a lot of time to kill before the guys showed up for band practice. Sam and Danny were still at school and Josh had rehearsals for the school musical. And with you and Jake, what was the best way to kill time? Make out. 

Things heated up quicker than usual but things were still comfortable until you found yourselves one step away from going all the way. 

Both of your clothes were on the floor and Jake was on top of you with his lips planting wet, open mouthed kisses to your neck when it hit you.

“Jake, stop,” you said suddenly, causing him to pull his mouth off you and move his eyes to meet yours. 

He saw the worried look in your eyes instantly. 

“You okay?” he asked as he lifted himself off of you. 

You shook your head and he sat back on the opposite side of the couch. 

Tears started forming in your eyes as you sat up. “I don’t want to do this. I’m not ready.” 

Jake reached down to the floor and grabbed your clothes and held them out to you. You took them and put them on as he gathered the rest of the clothes off the floor and got himself dressed. 

When you looked him in the eyes you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore.

“Hey,” he said softly, “Shh, come here.”

He opened his arms up to you and you rested your head on his chest as he held you in a tight hug. He rested his chin on your head and rubbed his hands up and down your back softly, trying to calm you. He had a tight hold on you and he rocked you back and forth slowly.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered softly into his chest as your tears fell onto his shirt, leaving dark spots on the faded red fabric. 

He broke away from you and you sat up but you kept your head looking down. He held onto your face with both hands and lifted your head up, looking deep into your eyes. His eyebrow furrowed slightly and you could tell he was concentrating on reading your emotions.

“You don’t have to be sorry. It’s a big deal, I get it,” he said quietly, using his thumb to wipe the tears off your cheeks. 

You grabbed his hands and lowered them to your lap. You looked down and played with his fingers as you spoke.

“But I know you want to do it. Let’s just end it now and you can go do it with anyone you want,” you said. 

You stopped playing with his fingers after you said it. You were waiting for him to pull his hands away from you and break up with you then and there. 

But he didn’t. He put his hands on top of yours and held them still.

You looked up at him and your eyes met his. They were filled with sadness and confusion. 

“Okay, yeah I want to do it. But I want to do it with you. When you want to. When you’re ready.” 

You looked back down in defeat and embarrassment. 

Jake let go of your hands and sat back on the couch, facing straight ahead. He turned his head to look at you. He rested his hand on your knee and rubbed it back and forth. 

“Can I ask you something? And you don’t have to answer,” he began.

You looked at him and nodded slightly, silently giving him permission to ask what was on his mind.

“Why don’t you want to?”

You sighed and closed your eyes for a second. He deserved to know. He was too good to you about everything related to this topic. He always asked for permission before he tried anything or before he touched you. He always stopped when you asked him to. And he never pushed you to do anything. He deserved an explanation. 

“I’m just… scared I guess. Scared it’s gonna hurt. Scared I won’t be good at it. And, and scared you’re not gonna love me after.” 

Jake’s shoulders dropped and he shook his head slowly like he couldn’t believe what you just said. He turned to face you, grabbed your hands, and placed them in his lap. 

“Look, I can’t make any promises about the first one. And who knows about the second one. But I can promise you that I will never stop loving you. No matter what.”

He looked right into your eyes the whole time he spoke. He was serious. The most serious you’ve ever seen him. You knew he meant what he said. And he did. He never stopped loving you. 

Jake got up from the couch, sat with his legs criss crossed on the floor, and pulled his acoustic guitar onto his lap. He flashed that sweet smile at you from across the room.

“Now get over here. I have more I want to teach you.”

March 2014:

It was the first weekend of the month and the only weekend where Jake wasn’t playing a show. It was also the first weekend your parents actually allowed you to stay at the Kiszka’s house overnight, instead of it being an accident. 

Karen and Kelly went to a wedding out of state so it was just the four Kiszka siblings and you. No basement this time. Jake’s parents figured keeping the two of you apart didn’t work in the past so they might as well let you both sleep in Jake’s bed. As for your parents, what they didn’t know wouldn’t kill them. Regardless, it was certain nothing would happen with Josh and Sam in the room.

You laid on the couch in the living room, cuddled into Jake when the ending credits of the movie the five of you just finished started rolling. It was almost midnight and the majority of you were ready for bed. 

Josh sighed and got up off the floor, “You guys wanna have some fun?” he asked, looking around at everyone.

“What kind of fun?” Jake asked in a cautious voice as he adjusted his position on the couch. Josh��s idea of “fun” sometimes went to the extreme.

An evil smile crept on Josh’s face as he started to walk out of the living room, “Follow me.”

Josh led the four of you into the boys’ room and instructed you to sit in a circle on the floor. 

You and Jake leaned against his bed and Josh leaned against his. Sam and Ronnie sat on either side to complete the circle. Jake put his hand on your knee and you rested your hand on top of his, rubbing his hand with your thumb. You were all a little apprehensive as to what Josh had in mind- you never knew what to expect with him. 

Josh dove under his bed and reached around a little, finally pulling out a bottle of Smirnoff Vodka from a brown paper bag. 

Jake made a point that you all couldn’t just sit there and just drink it- there had to be something else to it. He and Josh got the idea of Never Have I Ever. You explained the basics of the game to Sam and Ronnie. The rules were simple. If you did it, you drank. 

Josh placed the bottle in the middle of the circle and rubbed his hands together as he began.

“Never have I ever crashed Mom’s car,” he said giggling. 

“No way! That’s not fair! You can’t single people out like that!” Jake protested, sitting up a bit and extending his arm out, pointing at Josh.  

Josh handed him the bottle, “You did it. You drink.”

Jake rolled his eyes and reached for the bottle, twisted the cap off, and put the bottle to his lips. His head flew back as he took a swig.

He pulled his mouth off the bottle and winced as he swallowed. “That shits terrible,” he laughed, placing the bottle down on the floor, in the middle of the circle. 

The game continued as each of you took turns. Josh got the biggest kick out of “Never have I ever used a hair straightener” and he sat there with the biggest smile on his face as the rest of you passed the bottle around and took your shots; that one in particular making Sam gag a little as he swallowed. 

The five of you started to feel the effects of the liquor soon after, causing the questions to get more secretive and dirtier, and causing you all to get more giggly than ever. The four of them started targeting each other and making scenarios specific in order to get the other people to drink. Jake took shots for you when you didn’t want to or felt like you couldn’t, causing him to get a little tipsier than you.

The alcohol also caused Jake to get more cuddly and touchy. He started running his hands up and down your thigh and snaking his hands under your shirt; pulling you in close to him and rubbing his thumbs lightly on the skin of your stomach. He was just subtle enough to not catch his siblings’ attention, even though you swear you saw Josh’s eyes wandering. 

It was Jake’s turn and he looked at Josh and smirked before continuing. Josh returned the same face to him. They knew what the other one was thinking, without saying anything.

“Never have I ever… gotten a boner watching Camp Rock,” Jake said, smiling smugly across the circle at Sam.

The four of you held in your laughs as you watched Sam’s face drop and turn bright red.

“What the fuck, Jake?” Sam shouted in defense.

“Care to explain, Samuel?” Ronnie giggled.

“Okay first of all, it was Camp Rock 2!” Sam protested, “And second of all- that’s not fai-“

Jake interrupted him, “It is fair! You just thought we didn’t know. We knew. Now, come on, take the shot!”

Sam rolled his eyes and brought the bottle to his mouth. Before he connected his lips, he stopped and smiled, “What if we make this more interesting?”

He placed the bottle back on the floor in front of him and pointed at it. 

“I bet you I can chug a large portion of what’s left of this shit. If I do it, you each owe me $5.” 

The four of you looked at Sam, confused and shocked at the same time. He seemed to be on the verge of death every time he had to drink tonight. There’s no way in hell he could pull off chugging straight from the bottle. 

“You can’t,” Josh laughed.

“Yeah, there’s no fucking way!” Ronnie added.

Jake got up and grabbed the garbage can by the door and placed it next to Sam, just in case. The four of you sat as Sam’s audience, waiting for him to begin. 

“Are you gonna do it or what?” Jake asked.

“Let me see the money first,” Sam stated. 

Jake and Josh both crawled up to their beds and pulled out money from boxes on their shelves. Josh put $5 in front of Sam and Jake put $10 to cover both of you. Ronnie went to her room and came back with 5 singles. All of it was placed nearly in front of Sam and he smiled at it.

He picked up the bottle and raised it in the air, “To Camp Rock 2 and the start of my manhood,” he declared.

Sam brought the bottle to his lips, tilted his head back, closed his eyes, and chugged.

The four of you sat there, in complete shock as Sam continued gulping down the contents of the bottle.

After some time, he popped it off his mouth, and winced as the last gulp traveled down his throat. Sam shook his head and opened his eyes to look at you all with a huge smile on his face.

The room erupted in chaos. Josh jumped on Sam and shook him around. Jake stood up and began screaming and cheering for him. You and Ronnie both fell back on your backs, laughing uncontrollably and holding onto each other for support as the room spun around you. 

The five of you got even drunker as the game continued on. You all made an unspoken promise to go easy on Sam, who was definitely feeling the effects of his little stunt. 

You learned a lot about the Kiszka siblings that night.

Sam sucked his thumb until he was ten.

Jake and Josh broke their mom’s favorite glass vase and hid it ever since.

Ronnie and Josh both had their first kisses when they were fifteen.

Jake was fourteen. Sam hadn’t kissed anyone yet. 

Sam cheated on math tests.

Jake and Josh accidently told Sam that Santa wasn’t real when he was nine and Sam cried.

Jake ate ants on a dare when he was twelve. 

Josh “borrowed” from Jake’s money stash to buy weed.

Sam had a crush on his third grade teacher. 

Jake slept with his baby blanket until he was eight.

They all fed their childhood dog vegetables under the table at dinner.

With about one shot left in the bottle and Sam significantly drunker than the rest of you, the game came to a close. Jake held out the bottle to Josh and said, “Never have I ever had sex.” 

Josh took the bottle from his hands and finished it off. 

“Okay, I didn’t need to know that. I’m going to bed,” Ronnie said as she got up and stumbled out of the room. 

“You won’t remember tomorrow anyway, Ron,” Josh replied as he climbed into his bed.

Sam crawled over to his bed and started to climb onto it slowly. He stumbled up to it, missing steps and teetering over as he got on. Jake stood up and tucked Sam into bed. He placed the garbage can next to him and rubbed his head. 

“Sleep it off, Sammy,” he said before turning back to you. 

Jake walked back over to you and held his hand out to you. He pulled you to your feet and led you out of the room. The two of you giggled as you stumbled down the hallway and into the dimly lit kitchen.

Jake grabbed a bunch of water bottles out of the refrigerator and handed one to you. 

“Be right back,” he whispered. 

While Jake was giving water to his siblings, you chugged the bottle he gave you. After a minute. you heard footsteps behind you and before you knew it, Jake’s hands were under your shirt, hugging you from behind. 

“Mmm gimme a kish,” he mumbled into your ear. 

You turned your body around to face him. His hands rested on your butt and you pulled him in by the waistband of his pajama pants. You kissed him sloppily, tasting the vodka on his lips and tongue. 

You had never been this drunk before. In fact, you had never been drunk, period. But, even though you were drunk, with Jake, you felt safe and comfortable. Even though the alcohol caused your vision to go blurry and your words to slur a bit, you knew you were in good hands with him. He was just as drunk as you were anyway. But regardless, you knew he wouldn’t do anything or try anything that would make you uncomfortable. And if anything were to go wrong or get messy, he would be there for you.

When you closed your eyes, you felt the dizziness hit you. You pushed him back against the counter and leaned your body weight onto him to keep your balance.

His lips on yours felt different than they ever had. They were wet and warm; and his kisses had an undertone of lust.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. You concentrated harder on kissing him. You tangled your hands through his hair and pulled at it as he deepened the kiss. 

Your hands traveled down to his pants and you teased the front of him with your fingertips. Jake hummed into the kisses and put his hand on top of yours, moving it to hit the spot he wanted. 

He broke away from your lips and tilted his head back. “Fuck,” he whispered, dragging out the word. His eyes rolled back and he brought his head back up. He blinked a few times and brought himself back to reality. He took a deep breath in and moved your hand off him. 

“We can’t do this right now, we’re fucked up,” he said slowly as his words slurred over each other ever so slightly. He moved your hand to rest on his chest.

“Mmm, you’re no fun,” you joked with your words also coming out a bit sloppily. You kissed him on the side of the mouth and he smiled a bit. 

With Jake still squeezed in between you and the counter, you reached behind him to grab a piece of cold, leftover pizza from the box sitting on the counter. He opened his mouth and you giggled as you held it out to him. He took a bite and chewed it with his mouth open, fully smiling at you as his jaw moved up and down. You alternated taking a bite of your own and letting him get a bite. You both giggled as you ate, trying not to wake up his siblings. And trying to be quiet, of course, only made you laugh harder. 

When you finished the pizza, Jake flicked the kitchen light off and you both went back into his bedroom. It was pitch black and the two of you laughed and shushed each other as you tried to find his bed in the darkness. 

When you found it, you hopped in and pulled him in. You both laughed as he fell on top of you. Jake dipped his head down to kiss you gently and settled next to you, pulling the covers up over your heads. 

He leaned over you and planted little kisses on your face and neck. You giggled as he continued and finally you broke away from him and kissed the tip of his nose. He returned a kiss to your forehead and lifted the blanket up off your heads. 

You felt yourself sober up as the cool breeze hit you and as you laid there with him for a bit. Your legs tangled together and he held you close to him as the two of you closed your eyes and gave each other little kisses now and then. 

You didn’t feel that dizzy feeling anymore, just a little lingering buzz.

The sounds of Josh lightly snoring began coming from the other side of the room and from farther away you heard hums and mumbles from Sam as he talked in his sleep.

“How do you sleep with them making all that noise?” you giggled. 

“Used to it I guess. Just like I’m used to you hitting me in your sleep,” Jake teased. 

“I do that?”

Jake laughed, “Yeah, but it’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Good. You deserve it because you snore way louder than Josh,” you retorted back to him playfully as you gave him a peck on the lips, and rolled over. 

You pressed your back into his chest and grabbed his hand, pulling it on top of you. You felt your eyelids get heavy and the last thing you remember is Jake kissing the back of your head and saying “G’night, Baby.”

Thanks to the alcohol, you slept like a rock that night. The next morning, you woke up to the sounds of Sam groaning and gagging into the garbage can. 

You and Jake both sat up simultaneously when you realized what was happening, a slight headache hit you as you got up and opened your eyes fully to the bright morning light.

“Hey, you okay, Sammy?” Jake asked, climbing out of bed and going over to him.

“I should’ve asked for more money. $20 wasn’t worth it,” Sam groaned with his voice muffled by the garbage can surrounding his head.  

~~~~~

It was the Monday after Jake’s show you attended at the bar. Jake wasn't in school and didn't answer his phone all day. You saw Josh at lunch and asked him where Jake was. He told you Jake was sick and stayed home for the day.

After school, Josh took you to their house and brought you to the boys room to see Jake. When you walked in, you saw Jake in bed, fast asleep. 

The floor by his bed was littered with used tissues and empty water bottles. He had a box of cold medicine, a jar of vapor rub, and half empty box of tissues on the nightstand. A half dranken bottle of Gatorade was sitting in his bed next to him. 

“Let me know when you want me to take you back home,” Josh said, closing the door behind him as he left the room. 

Jake was cuddled up in blankets and you sat down on the edge of his bed. His cheeks were rosy, his mouth was open just a bit, and his lips were dry from breathing through his mouth. You wiped his hair out of his face and slowly he woke up.

He was confused at first, in a post nap haze, until he realized what was going on. 

“What are you doing here?” he asked in a tired voice. His voice was nasally and hoarse.

“I missed you today. Josh said you were sick. I wanted to make sure you were okay. What’s wrong?” you said as you stroked the hair on his head back.

He rubbed his face and sighed groggily. He involuntarily let out a small cough as he sighed.

“I’ve had a headache all day, my throat hurts when I swallow, I keep coughing, and I can’t breathe through my nose. My mom said it’s probably from being in the rain on Saturday,”

He was being a giant baby. Zero pain tolerance. But you had to admit- he looked absolutely adorable all cuddled up in bed.

“Poor baby,” you said, half serious, half joking.

He smiled a little as he realized how dramatic he was being. Not to mention you being there made him smile too. 

You leaned down to give his cheek a kiss and he pulled back a little. 

“Don’t. I don’t want to get you sick,” he said.

“Jake, my tongue was down your throat two days ago and I was in the rain with you. I’m pretty sure whatever you have, will be mine tomorrow,” you said, as you lifted up his covers and crawled into bed next to him. 

You held him from behind and gave his shoulders little kisses. Through his shirt you could smell vapor rub on his back and you could only imagine how annoyed he was at his mom for rubbing it on for him. 

“Just relax, Baby,” you whispered. 

After a few minutes of silence, Jake spoke quietly.

“You know what would probably make me feel better?” he mumbled with his face half smushed into his pillow.

“What?” you asked. 

“Can I touch your boobs?” 

You let out a laugh through your nose at his request.

“Fine,” you laughed.

Jake turned his body around in bed. This time, he held you from behind. His hand snuck up under your shirt and bra and rested on your chest, rubbing his thumb on your skin.

“Feel better?” you asked sarcastically.

“Mhmm,” he said into your neck, smiling, “They got bigger.”

You smiled, rolled your eyes, and placed your hand on top of his. 

Within minutes, Jake’s hand was still and he was fast asleep.

April 2014:

“You’re absolutely disgusting,” you laughed, crawling off him and extending your hand to lift him to his feet. 

Before fully leaving the wooded area, you stopped him. 

“What if,” you began, “I gave you an early birthday present?”

You ran your index finger down his chest over his hoodie. A small smile formed on his face and his tongue traced over his bottom lip as he looked at you. His eyes squinted and scanned your face, trying to decipher what you meant. He was trying to read your mind but he couldn’t. He had no idea what you were about to do or say. 

You walked him over to the rock and he pushed his back against it.  

“You said this is a spot for firsts right?” you asked as you placed soft kisses to his cheek and jawline. 

“Yeah…” he said hesitantly.

You continued kissing his jawline and lowered your lips down his neck. You broke away and gave him a soft kiss on his lips before kneeling down in front of him. You felt the coolness of the ground on your knees and leaves left over from autumn crunched underneath them. 

You looked up at him and bit your lip as you smiled. 

Jake’s mouth opened and he started breathing heavily when he realized what your intentions were. You reached for his belt buckle and started undoing it. 

His chest moved as he breathed in deep before he spoke. “Here? Now? Fuck, Baby.” 

The two of you had talked about this before. It was only a matter of time before it happened. Jake had always wanted it and left it up to you to make the move for it. And at that moment, it was the perfect time, and the perfect place. You were surrounded by the privacy of the overgrown woods and you were far enough away from his house that you couldn’t be heard. 

“Mhmm, first times, right?” you said as you undid the buttons of his pants and pulled them down.

He nodded quickly and swallowed hard. As he did, his Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. His whole body tensed up, he tilted his head back, and his hands tangled themselves in your hair as you got to work on him.

When you were done, Jake brought you to your feet, pulled up his pants, and fastened his belt. He wiped your face with his palm before kissing you softly. 

“I guess that beats first kiss, doesn’t it?” he said, smiling. He had little pink and red patches on his cheeks and neck that faded as he caught his breath. 

“It better!” you laughed. 

He let out a laugh from his nose and said, “Come on, we’ve been gone too long. My parents are going to get suspicious.”

Together you walked back to civilization, with him leading the way.

May 2014:

You crawled over him, got out of bed, and started walking out of the room. When you got to the door, you turned around and looked at him.

“You coming or what?” You giggled. 

Jake jumped out of bed to follow you to the bathroom. You’ve never seen him move faster.

Jake caught up to you in the doorway and hugged you from behind. His arms wrapped around your waist and snuck around your stomach, squeezing you against his body. You giggled as the two of you walked down the hallway and into the bathroom. 

You brushed your teeth and Jake left the bathroom with a toothbrush in his mouth. He returned with fresh towels in his hands and placed them on the counter.

Jake shut the door behind him and rinsed out his mouth before pulling you close to him again. He started sprinkling your face with little kisses playfully, smiling in between each one. 

He broke away from you with one last dramatic “Mwah,” to your cheek and leaned into the shower to turn the water on. 

The steam from the water began to fill up the bathroom, causing fog to appear on the mirrors and window.

“Can I take this off?” Jake asked, his hands sliding along the hem of the tshirt you were wearing.

You nodded and lifted your hands up over your head as he pulled the shirt off you. He tossed it over by the door and pulled you close to him. You wrapped your arms around this neck and he held both hands behind your back. His eyes traveled down from your eyes to your chest as he fought back a smile. 

“Jake?” you asked, almost in a whisper. 

“Yeah?” he asked, bringing his eyes back to meet yours. 

“You know I love it when you ask before you do stuff. But, you really don’t have to anymore.” 

He looked into your eyes and nodded slowly. You could see him trying to make sense of what you just said in his head. 

“Okay. But just promise you’ll tell me if-”

“I will.” you interrupted, already knowing what the second half of his sentence was. 

You closed the gap between the two of you and pulled him in for a kiss. You tasted the mint in his mouth as you slid your tongue across his bottom lip. As the two of you continued, you felt a little bit more of Jake against your thigh. 

You broke away from his lips, looked down at the obvious situation in his boxers, and giggled. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it,” he laughed as his cheeks turned a shade of pink. He was definitely a little embarrassed but the cute smile on his face still made you melt. 

“I could take care of it for you if you want?” you suggested, teasing your hand dangerously close to where he wanted you the most.

“Yes,” he breathed out, “Please.”

You backed him up against the door and his body hit it with a light thud. The steam from the shower fogged up the entire room and as you pulled away from Jake’s face, clouds of water vapor separated the two of you. 

You took care of Jake and when that was done, he led you to the shower and slid open the shower door for you.

“Ladies first,” he said as you stepped in. 

He followed behind and slid the glass door closed. You got under the hot running water and let it relax your muscles for a moment before the two of you switched places. He let the water fall on his head, getting it all wet. He shook it out like a dog and droplets flew everywhere. You giggled and flinched as the water got in your face. 

He extended his hand out to the shelf in the shower and grabbed a bottle of face wash. You cupped your hand for him and he put a few pumps in them. You rubbed your hands together until they were sudsy and reached out for his face. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his nose as your hands massaged the soap into his cheeks. You pushed his hair back off his forehead, and rubbed your hands over his entire face. His facial muscles relaxed as you continued. With his eyes still closed, you turned him around to rinse it off and then gave yourself a few more pumps to wash your own face with. 

He stepped behind you and squeezed some shampoo in his hands. You stepped under the stream of water.

“Tip your head back for me,” he said as he rubbed the shampoo in his hands together. 

You did as he said and let the water run over your face, washing the cleanser off as you felt Jake’s fingertips massage shampoo into your scalp. 

You hummed and he let out a satisfied chuckle. 

“Feels good?” he asked as his fingers moved in little circles and worked their way to the base of your head. 

“Mhmm,” you hummed in response as he put more pressure on your scalp. 

“Good,” he said softly. “Just close your eyes and relax, Baby.”

His fingers dug into your scalp, scratching and massaging it perfectly. It felt amazing.

After a bit of time, he grabbed your shoulders and turned you around so you were facing him. He lifted your chin to tilt your head back as the water rinsed the shampoo out of your hair. Jake ran his fingers through your hair to make sure it was all out and when it was, you opened your eyes to meet his for the first time. 

The two of you stood there for a moment just staring at each other in silence- the only sound was the running water coming from the shower head above. You silently admired each other. You admired how you both took care of each other in different intimate ways. You each knew how to make the other feel good. You didn’t know it then, but you were both teaching each other and learning how to love. 

He squeezed shampoo into his hands again and rubbed it through his hair quickly. You switched places with him so he could rinse it out. 

He tilted his head back and opened his mouth, letting it fill up with water. He looked at you with water filled cheeks and the tiniest smile on his closed lips. Without warning, he opened his lips slightly and released the water out to you like a fountain.

 The warm water from his mouth hit your chest and you laughed out the word “Ew!” 

You snuck behind him, faced the shower head, and filled your mouth with the hot water. You turned to him with your mouth full of water. He turned his face to the side and closed one eye, anticipating what was going to come next. 

“I deserve it, go ahead,” he laughed as you spit out a stream of water onto his cheek.

He laughed and rinsed it off. He moved in toward you and grabbed you behind the back. He gave you a gentle but wet kiss on the lips. 

You grabbed a bottle of conditioner from the shelf and held it out for him. He raised his eyebrows at you. 

“Seriously?” he asked.

“You like your hair long don’t you?” you questioned.

He laughed and replied with a cautious “Yeah,”

“Then turn around,” you commanded. 

He turned around and you squirted a little bit of conditioner into your hands and rubbed it into the ends of his hair. You grabbed his shoulders and turned him around and out of the stream of the running water as you combed conditioner through your own hair. 

“Leave it in for a little bit,” you instructed him and he nodded. 

He grabbed two bottles of body wash from the shelf and held them up for you. 

“I’m going to assume you’d rather use my sister’s,” he laughed, handing you a pink bottle while he kept a black one for himself.

He picked up one of the fresh washcloths from the edge of the shower and got it wet. He held it out and you squeezed the pink soap onto it. He rubbed the washcloth around in his hand until it had suds and he brought it to your neck. 

He rubbed your neck and shoulders with it and the smell of strawberries filled the shower. He ran the washcloth down your chest and to your stomach, rubbing in circles and massaging all the right parts. He moved the washcloth to your lower back and you turned around for him. He moved your hair to one side of your shoulder and swiped the washcloth over your back a few times. He moved you under the running water, allowing you to rinse the conditioner out of your hair and the soap off your body.

You reached down next to him to pick up the second washcloth and ran it under the water. He squeezed the black bottle and green gel came out onto the washcloth. You rubbed the washcloth around in your hand until it was nice and bubbly. You then rubbed his chest and neck with it. The drips of bubbles trailed down his stomach and over the bumps of his ab muscles. You used your free hand to rub along his stomach and you felt his muscles tighten with your touch. He turned around and you got his back and behind his ears. 

You pulled him under the stream of water and let the conditioner and body wash run off of him. You wrapped your hands around his stomach and pressed your chest to his back, taking in the manly scent of the body wash on him and hugging him from behind. Just letting the water run in between you as you breathed in his scent. 

The two of you swapped washcloths and got the other parts of your own bodies until you were both completely clean. 

You rinsed and rung out the washcloths and Jake reached behind you to turn off the water. He slid the shower door open and stepped out first. He grabbed a towel from the counter and held it open for you. You walked over to him and he wrapped you in the towel, rubbing up and down your arms to warm you up. He opened the second towel and wrapped it around his waist. 

You dried yourselves off and changed into your clothes in his room. You towel dried your hair and threw the towels into the hamper by the closet. 

“You hungry? I’ll make you chocolate chip pancakes,” he offered as he threw a shirt over his head of damp hair.

“Is this your way of thanking me for getting you off in the bathroom?” you teased. 

“It’s part of it. Just wait until after breakfast,” he smiled, wiggled his eyebrows at you, and gave you a quick kiss on the cheek as he walked out of the room and down the hallway towards the kitchen. 

~~~~~

School was out for a four day weekend. Jake had saved up just enough money to take you on a getaway of your own. It wasn’t far and it wasn’t fancy, but it was you and Jake.

He booked three days at the Bavarian Inn in the main part of town. 

The two of you spent every second of the stay together, uninterrupted.

It was something you both had always wanted. You had a king sized bed, privacy, and room service. For two eighteen year olds, that was all you needed.

The trip gave you opportunities to learn more about yourselves and each other.

You learned more about each others’ bodies and what each of you liked and didn’t like.

You learned that you hated when he left the cap off the toothpaste and when he peed with the bathroom door open.

He learned that he hated how your makeup and hair products took up half the bathroom counter and how you didn’t turn the bathroom fan on while you showered.

But you loved every second of it. You loved putting the toothpaste cap back on and closing the bathroom door while he stood there in front of the toilet, smiling at you like an idiot.

He loved pushing your makeup off to the side so he could sit on the counter of a steamy bathroom and talk to you while you blew dry your hair.

You both loved the quiet. The privacy. The ability to say and do whatever you wanted together. The bed. The space. The fact that there were no siblings, no parents, and no needing to go home in a few hours. 

It gave you a taste of adulthood. A taste both of you liked a lot.

You laid in bed on the last morning of your stay, playing with each other's fingers and enjoying the quiet morning when you spoke.

“Do you think that one day, we could do this?” You asked.

“Do what?”

“You know, like, live together? Get an apartment or something, just us? Be able to do this every day?” 

“Yeah, we could, couldn’t we?” he said as he envisioned the future and realized that it was a realistic possibility. 

Jake needed that. He needed the thought of something realistic for his future. He’d been dreaming for too long.

June 2014:

Josh arrived back home around midnight that night. When Josh got back home, Jake was sitting on the couch in the basement, his elbows on his knees, and his head hanging low with his hands in his hair.

Josh walked slowly down the stairs, making just enough noise for Jake to know someone was there. 

“Go away,” Jake said, not even bothering to look up at who it was. 

“You really want me to go away? Because I’m pretty sure I’m all you have right now.” Josh spoke harshly. 

Jake looked up at him with red, swollen eyes and then looked back down. 

“Sam said you threw up,” Josh said timidly. He approached the couch as if Jake was a wild animal who Josh was trying to get to take food out of his hands.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Jake replied bluntly.

“You don’t have to. But when you do want to talk about it- I’m here,” Josh replied as he walked over to Jake and sat next to him on the couch.

The couch dipped down next to Jake as Josh took a seat. Josh waited there for Jake to crack. He knew his brother. He knew it was coming. He knew he was being stubborn and holding it in. Josh was tired and what he wanted more than anything was to go to bed. But he knew Jake was going to need him. The two of them sat there in silence for the better part of an hour until finally, Jake let it all go. 

All Josh could do was grab him and hold him close as Jake cried on his shoulder. The shoulder that the scent of you lingered on since you did the same thing when Josh took you home. Jake smelled it and the memories of you hit him, causing more tears and the holding back of gags. When Jake opened his eyes and saw your black mascara smudged on Josh’s shirt, he cried harder realizing how much he hurt you. 

After the worst of it was over, Josh pulled back from him and helped him catch his breath and breathe deeply. Josh calmed him down considerably and helped him get it all out. 

Josh sat in the basement with Jake for hours while he told him everything. Everything.

At that point, Josh knew it all. He knew about the big moments as well as the little ones. He knew about all the highs and lows. He knew about all the feelings of love as well as heartbreak. He knew secrets that you and Jake kept between each other. Josh planned to hold onto these secrets for years, thinking he would take them all to the grave. 

By the time Jake got it all out, it was almost 4 in the morning. Josh got up off the couch and reached his hand out to Jake. 

“Come on, get up. Let’s go to bed.”

“I can’t.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” 

“Everything in that room reminds me of her. My sheets smell like her. Her clothes are in the drawers. Her pictures are on the walls. I, I tried already- I can’t go in there. I can’t even close my fucking eyes without seeing her face. My head just keeps replaying what I said to her. I can’t believe I fucking said that to her.”

“Honestly,” Josh began, “I can’t believe you said that either.”

Jake titled his head back and stared at the ceiling. He bit his lip and shook his head, still in disbelief of the events of the night as his mind, once again, replayed the conversation he had in his bedroom with you, wishing he could turn back time.

Josh told Jake he’d be right back, went upstairs, took the blanket and pillow off his own bed, and brought them downstairs to Jake.

“Just try to sleep. And let me know if you need anything, okay? Love you.” Josh said as he handed Jake a bottle of water and made him drink some of it. 

Jake didn’t reply but Josh didn’t expect him to. Josh started walking up the stairs but stopped when he heard Jake call to him.

“Josh?”

“Yeah?”

“Can you just, can you make sure she’s okay for me? Please?” Jake asked, his voice cracked as he struggled to even get the words out. 

Josh nodded, “I will.”

“Thanks,” Jake paused. “For everything. Love you too.”

Josh gave him a soft smile, continued up the stairs, and flicked off the basement light.

When Josh got into his room, he grabbed the blankets off of Jake’s bed and laid down on his own bed. He was surprised when he heard a whisper coming from Sam’s side of the room.

“Hey,” Sam asked quietly, “Are they okay?” 

“Only time will tell,” Josh said before closing his eyes and finally getting to fall asleep. 

Jake didn’t sleep at all that night. He stayed awake for almost 3 days straight. When he did sleep, it was only short periods of time and all he saw and dreamt about was you. 

Jake slept downstairs for the next week. When Jake finally returned to sleep in his bed, Josh pretended that he didn’t hear Jake crying every night.

December 2013:

It was December 27, the day after the accidental Christmas sleepover situation. Jake and Josh were in their bedroom. Josh laid in his bed with headphones in, half asleep and listening to music. Jake laid on his bed, on his phone when Sam walked in slowly.

“Hey Jake?” Sam asked, leaning against the door frame to their bedroom.

“Yeah?” Jake replied casually, not looking up from his phone.

“Remember what I, what I, uh, asked you last night?” Sam said shyly. 

Jake raised his head to look up at his little brother. Sam was looking at his feet, too embarrassed to even look at Jake. 

“No, what did you ask?” Jake answered with a small smile forming on his face. He was playing dumb and they both knew it. 

“Don’t make me say it,”

“Sam, I don’t know what you asked me last night,” 

“Jake…”

“Sammy…”

“I asked you, how to, you know,”

Jake’s smile lit up his whole face and the light from his phone screen casted shadows over his eyes, making him look a little evil. He had been waiting for this moment to happen. He loved seeing Sam, who always had smart remarks, vulnerable and in need of advice on a topic that he didn’t know anything about. 

“How to what?” he asked. 

“How to,” Sam began and then his voice trailed off and he got quieter, “kiss a girl.”

Jake let out a laugh and sat up in bed. “Sit down, let’s talk.”

Sam sat on the edge of Jake’s bed and Jake began. 

“So, for starters, when you like a girl, you’re going to get this feeling. I can’t really describe it, and it’ll hit you out of nowhere. It’s like, every time you look at her, or even think about her, you’ll feel something inside you kind of light up. She’ll make you feel like you’re alive, more alive than you’ve ever felt before.”

Sam bit his lip and furrowed his eyebrows, “And you feel that with her?” he asked.

Jake sighed, “Yeah. Every time she looks at me I feel it. Every time I hear her voice. Every time I touch her. It never gets old.”

Jake looked down and smiled to himself before continuing.

“So when that feeling comes, I don’t know you’ll just have this want. A want to feel her in a different way. A want to have her close to you. A want to… kiss her.”

“Okay. But how do you actually do it?” Sam asked.

“When you’re ready to kiss her, you’ll know. You have to be ready, though. Don’t rush it. Don’t push it. And you have to ask her. You have to ask her before you do anything. Dad told you that, right?”

Sam nodded.

“And if you get the okay from her, you just lean into her, turn your head a little, close your eyes, and then kiss her. And when your lips hit hers, something will take over. I don’t know why and I don’t know how but it just will. You’ll know what to do. And if she’s the right girl, you’ll feel that alive feeling when it happens. It’ll start in your chest and then go through your entire body. It’s adrenaline I guess. Hormones and shit.”

“Were you nervous?” 

Jake laughed, “I have never been more nervous in my entire life. But the first one is always the hardest, ya know?”

Sam nodded and let out a “Hm.” He pursed his lips and looked down, somewhat in defeat. 

“Hey,” Jake started, “It’ll happen one day. You’re young, Sam. You have your whole life ahead of you to kiss girls, or guys, or whoever you’re into.” 

Sam let out a light laugh as Jake nudged him with his arm a little. 

“You have to make me one promise though,” he said. 

“What?” Sam asked.

“You have to stop with the jokes. And the gagging noises. And the grossed out look on your face every time she’s over and you see us doing stuff. Especially now that I know you’re not completely disgusted by it.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Fine,” he sighed.

Jake continued, “And you know you can come to me for anything, right? Even if I do tease you a little about it?”

Sam smiled, “Yeah. Thanks.”

Jake grabbed Sam’s head and messed up his hair as Sam started to get up.

“Oh, one more question,” Sam asked on his way out the door.

“Yeah?”

“What does a blowjob feel like?”

“Google it,” Jake laughed and picked up Sam’s phone that he left behind. He threw it at Sam and Sam caught it.

Sam laughed and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Jake laid back down and wondered the same thing himself. 

A minute went by and Josh spoke.

“It feels good by the way.”

May 2014:

Josh came home from prom weekend late Sunday night.

Jake was in the boys’ room by himself, laying in bed, texting, and eating chips straight out of the bag when the door to the boys bedroom flung open with full force.

“Hello Jacob,” Josh said slyly, giving him a suggestive smirk.

Jake looked up from his phone and met eyes with Josh who was walking towards his own bed. Jake’s eyes followed him. Both of them knew what eachother was thinking. 

Josh knew what happened. Jake knew that Josh knew. Neither of them told each other. But they knew. 

It was almost as if it was a contest to see who would crack a full smile first. 

Jake lost the contest. 

The second Jake’s lips parted and broke out into a smile, Josh jumped onto Jake’s bed and sat on top of him.

Josh immediately began making obnoxious thrusting movements on the bed, on top of Jake. 

“Oh yeahhh, Baby,” he teased in a deep voice as the bed shook underneath him.

“Oh, Jake, yes right there! Don’t stop!” he teased again, this time in a high pitched voice. 

“Get off me you freak!” Jake laughed as he pushed Josh off him. With the push, Josh rolled off of Jake and his feet hit their bedroom floor once again.

Josh grabbed the bag of chips out of Jake’s hands and threw himself on his own bed as both their laughter faded.

He dug his hand into the bag of chips and spoke, “Feel any different?” he asked, popping a chip into his mouth.

“Kind of,” Jake admitted, “It sort of feels like I’m in on this big secret now. I can’t really explain it,” 

Josh nodded. Josh knew what he meant, having experienced this for himself too. 

“Do Mom and Dad know?” Josh asked.

“Fuck no!” Jake answered quickly, “I think Sam knows though,”

“Sam knows what?” Sam asked, entering the room and walking over to the dresser by his bed.

“Nothing. Just that we have a gig next week, that’s all,” Jake answered quickly, covering up the conversation he was just having with Josh.

“Oh, yeah. I know,” Sam answered as he opened the top drawer of the dresser.

Sam dug around in his dresser quietly. Jake and Josh looked at each other silently, and then looked back at Sam, who was clearly trying to eavesdrop.

After a few moments of silence, Josh spoke again. 

“So was it good?” he asked with his voice just above a whisper. 

Jake looked back over at Josh with a smile slowly spreading across his face. 

“Amazing.” 

Sam turned around instantly and pointed his finger at Jake. 

“Aha! You did have sex! I knew it!” Sam called out, proud of himself for coming to that conclusion but also foolishly forgetting that the door to their bedroom was open. 

“SAM SHUT THE FUCK UP!” The twins both shouted in unison.

Jake rolled his eyes and mumbled something under his breath as he got up, grabbed the bag of chips from Josh’s hands, and laid back down on his own bed. 

Josh pulled out his phone and typed out a text to Jake, trying not to catch Sam’s attention.

JOSH: By the way, you should probably tell Dad.

Jake didn’t reply. He just looked at Josh, who was looking back at him with a serious expression. Josh began typing again.

JOSH: He’s not gonna be mad. I promise. 

JOSH: Just do it now. Before Sam does.

Jake looked at the messages and then over at Josh again and sighed. He got up out of bed and walked out of the room.

“Walk of shame,” Sam said, adding a little “tsk tsk,” after. 

That night, all three boys went to sleep close to midnight. 

The late night thoughts got to each of them.

Jake felt whole. He felt good. He felt like a man now. He wasn’t a kid anymore. He was able to have mature conversations with his older brother and father now. He could understand them. They could understand him. Plus, he knew he made a good choice with how and when he did it. The wait was worth it.

Sam felt curious. Still not even having kissed anyone yet, he wondered what his brothers felt. He couldn’t even begin to know. He hadn’t even taken that first step. The hardest one- and he wasn’t even close to it yet. He wondered if he would ever get to that step.

Josh felt conflicted. He was happy for Jake. Seeing his twin brother so in love made his heart fill up. But he was jealous. He didn’t get to have what Jake had. He hadn’t experienced “love” yet. He regretted his first time. Her family moved away last year. He didn’t even know where she was now. He wanted to feel what Jake felt. Usually, he always felt how Jake felt. But for the first time in his life, he couldn’t. He could see it on Jake though and he just wondered, would he ever feel that way? Would he ever have that? Ever?

June 2014:

Jake had been living in the basement for the past three days. He hadn’t slept. He hadn’t eaten. He hadn’t showered. All he did was lay there in Josh’s blanket, watch tv with a blank stare, and cry at night. 

Kelly and Karen talked amongst themselves and came up with a plan in an attempt to get him moving a little. They figured Josh would be the best one to talk to him. He could tell him things without really telling him things. Twins. 

Josh went downstairs one afternoon and sat down next to Jake on the couch. 

“Moms washing your sheets and then me, her, and Ronnie are gonna go out for a little. Dads gonna take Sam out too. So… if you want to do anything by yourself, you could, you know?” 

Jake knew what he meant. 

Jake nodded and turned his back to Josh, covering himself with the blanket again.

Josh went back upstairs and Jake laid there and waited to hear the sounds of two cars leaving the driveway. 

After a few minutes of silence, he sat up. He listened for any noise and there was nothing. For the first time since October, he was actually completely alone. 

He stood up and looked around himself for a second before heading upstairs.

The house was still and silent, which contrasted to its normal busy and bustling energy.

He peeked into his room to see that his sheets, blankets, and pillows were off his bed. He went into the laundry room and opened the lid of the running washing machine. He watched the soap and bubbles slosh through his bed sheets.

He grabbed some clothes from a basket of clean clothes and headed for the bathroom. A white shirt and black sweatpants. The clothes were Josh’s but he didn’t care. He’d been wearing the same clothes for three days and he wasn’t ready to face his bedroom yet. He knew what he’d find when he opened the drawers.

Jake walked into the bathroom and turned the shower onto the hottest setting.

He let it reach its full temperature and stepped in. He stood there with his head down and his eyes closed, just letting the water nearly burn his body. It hurt. He wanted it to hurt. He wanted to feel pain on something besides his heart. He wanted to hurt himself for what he did. He wanted to punish himself.

After a while, he couldn’t take it anymore. He turned the temperature down and properly washed himself, head to toe. It felt good. 

He spotted Ronnie’s pink bottle of shower gel. He looked at it and thought for a second. He shouldn’t. 

But he couldn’t stop himself.

He picked up the bottle and opened it. He lifted it to his nose and instantly regretted his decision. 

He felt his heart sink as the smell of the strawberry body wash brought back memories. She had used it a few times there before. It reminded him of her and how she smelled when she was with him at home. 

He let out a shaky breath and closed his eyes. It took all the mental strength he had to put the bottle back down.

A small wave of pride rushed through him. This was a step. A baby step, but a step nonetheless.

He finished showering and threw on Josh’s clothes. Before leaving the bathroom, he took the pink strawberry body wash bottle and tossed it in the garbage can.

By the time he was done in the shower, he went back to the laundry room to see his sheets were finished being washed. He opened the lid and peeked inside. The sheets were wet, but clean. 

He grabbed the detergent from the shelf above the machine and poured more in there. He hit the wash button again and watched the water fill up before closing the lid. 

He walked into the kitchen to see some of his favorite snacks conveniently placed on the counter. For the first time in days, he felt hungry. 

He grabbed a bag of pretzels and went downstairs. Right before opening the basement door again, he stopped. He looked down the hallway towards his bedroom. It was a straight shot down the hall and he could see his bed and area of the room perfectly from where he was. He closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Another day,” he thought to himself as he turned his vision back to the basement door and opened it, heading back down for the remainder of the night.

~~~~~

The next day, Jake returned to his bedroom with a cardboard box in his hand. His bed was made and his sheets were clean. But he was dreading what he knew he had to do next.

He stood in the doorway, hesitant to enter.

“You coming in?” Josh asked from his bed as he looked up at Jake. 

Jake walked into his room for the first time since the argument. He looked at josh and then looked over at Sam, who was reading a book in his little corner area of the bedroom.

“Get out,” Jake said bluntly.

Sam rolled his eyes, got up, and mumbled something under his breath as he walked past Jake and closed the door behind him.

Jake placed the box down on his bed. Josh already knew what Jake’s intentions were.

He got out of bed and stood next to Jake. The two of them stared at the empty box that was sitting on Jake’s bed.

“Pictures, clothes, anything girly you find,” Jake said.

Josh nodded and the two of them got started.

They worked in silence for a bit. Jake cleared his drawers of her clothes and stuff she had left behind, not realizing it was the last time she’d be in the house. Josh took pictures off the walls surrounding Jake’s bed. He took good looks at them as he peeled the tape off and placed them in a pile.

After a while, Josh broke the silence.

“I missed you,” he said quietly, not making eye contact with Jake. 

“Yeah,” Jake whispered, “me too.”

“You wanna do something later? Just us?”

Jake nodded, “Yeah,” he sighed, “Gonna go talk to her and give this stuff back so, after, okay? I’m probably gonna need you,”

Josh pushed his body into Jake’s, “I’m always here for you, little brother,”

“By five minutes,” Jake laughed. It was the first time Jake had smiled in days.

~~~~~

Jake continued to skip English class for that next week so he wouldn’t see her. He avoided her in the hallways. He went different routes so he wouldn’t run into her. He waited after school for her to leave before he left himself so he wouldn't see her in the parking lot. What he was doing was obvious. He wasn’t subtle about it. 

On Sunday morning, Jake laid in his bed when his mom came into his room and sat down on the edge. It had been over a week since the breakup and Jake was finally back in his own bed.

“I got an email from your English teacher,” she said, “you stopped going to class and haven’t turned in almost two week's worth of work. You’re failing.” 

Jake sighed and turned over, facing the wall.

“I don’t care,” Jake sighed, pulling the covers over his head.

“You should care,” she said firmly, “He said you won’t graduate unless you turn in that final essay. If you do a good job on it, he’ll let you pass the class with a D.”

The essay was due tomorrow, on a book Jake didn’t even read. He was supposed to start it last week with her right after they wrote out their future plans for the graduation program booklet. But obviously, that didn’t end up happening.

The book and the essay were the last things on Jake’s mind. He was decent at reading and writing, but stuff like this took time for him. There’s no way he could do a good job on it and turn it in by Monday.

That day, he tried to read the book. He looked up the plot online. He tried to find or think of an essay idea to write about. He had nothing. He couldn’t focus on anything. Every sentence in the book reminded him of her. He could associate every word in the book with her. He couldn’t even get through one page without starting to feel his heart drop.

He was going to fail. And since he didn’t have plans for next year anyway, who cared about repeating the grade, right?

On Monday, he walked into English class with his hood covering his head. It was his first time back in class after a week of skipping. He sat down in the corner of the room, opposite from where he normally sat. He crossed his arms and lowered his head so only his nose and eyes could be seen.

At the end of class, everyone was instructed to turn their essays in before leaving. 

Jake had nothing. 

He waited until everyone left the room and then walked out without turning in any work. 

“I can’t pass you, Jake,” his teacher warned sympathetically as he walked out.

“See you next year, Mr. H.” Jake said in a monotone voice. 

Friday was the last day of school. The final essays were being passed back to the class, one by one. 

Each student in class smiled and whispered as they all flipped their papers over to see their grades. 

To Jake’s surprise, a typed and stapled essay appeared on his desk, face down.

“I could only give you a B since you turned it in late. But you did a good job. It’ll give you the final grade you need to graduate,” his teacher said quietly as he passed his desk.

Jake looked at the paper on his desk and then up at him.

“I- I didn’t…” he stuttered. He couldn’t even finish his sentence before his teacher walked away to pass the rest of the essays out. 

Jake flipped over the paper to see his name typed at the top and a B+ written in the corner of the paper in red ink.

He skimmed the essay and flipped the pages quickly. It met every requirement. Three pages. Double spaced. Cited Sources. Everything.

The bell rang and everyone got up to leave. They all said their last goodbyes to their teacher before heading to their next class. Again, Jake waited for everyone else to leave before getting up.

Jake approached his teacher's desk and before he could get any closer, he stopped him and said, “Jake, I don’t know what happened and I don’t want to know what happened. But, she’s good to you. Don’t lose her.”

Jake bit the inside of his cheek, rolled the paper up in his hand, and looked down at it.

“I already did,” he whispered, starting to walk out of class.

“Good luck next year, Jake. Wherever life takes you. I have a feeling life’s got big plans for you.”

Jake gave him a small smile and waved as he left the classroom for the last time. 

As he entered the hallway, he looked to the right to see a shadow around the corner quickly disappear.

That night Jake got home to see two gray and red cap and gown sets laid out on the family’s couch.

He pulled out his phone from his pocket and sent a text.

6:45 PM: Thanks.

She got the text. She didn’t reply. 

It took everything she had in her not to reply. And she didn’t know it, but it took everything he had in him not to type “Love you,” at the end.

November 1, 2014:

It was November 1, 2014. You and Jake’s one year anniversary.

After the initial shock of you going to New York for college wore off, Jake came around after some time and offered to try long distance starting in the fall. You were glad that he was willing to try and glad that the relationship you had with him was still strong. After all, what couple doesn’t get into a fight here and there?

The summer you and Jake spent together was indescribable. You spent almost every day together. 

You rode bikes, went camping, got ice cream, and went swimming. Usually, you would stay out all day and all night with him and then sneak each other back into your rooms in the early morning hours for a few hours of sleep.

You went to his family’s lakehouse cabin with him and Josh a few times for a few days at a time in between his gigs.

He started playing more outdoor shows in Michigan and some surrounding states for fairs and auto shows. Sometimes, the two of you would drive a couple hours together for him to play a show for twenty people, and then you’d stay in a crappy motel for the night or you’d sleep in the car as he drove back home. You were doing it, you were seeing the world with him. Little by little.

The summer quickly came to an end though and before you knew it, your parents' car was packed with your clothes and dorm supplies, and you were set to head off to New York. Without him. 

The last time you saw him in person was outside his house at 6 am on an August morning. You were saying your last goodbye to him before you and your parents road tripped to New York to drop you off at school. 

That was the last time you hugged him. The last time you kissed him. The last time you felt him.

He hugged you tighter than he ever had before and you did the same to him. Neither of you wanted to let the other go. You knew it would be the last time you saw him for a while. 

You’ll never forget him standing there in the middle of his driveway, in pajama pants, wiping tears off his face as the car drove away.

He would have come for the drive if he could. But he couldn’t. You understood though. Sam was starting high school in a few days and the band had become busier than ever with shows, rehearsals, and writing and recording sessions scheduled by the little management company that picked them up over the summer.

As summer ended and fall began, the two of you had gotten busy. You with school, and him with the band. Things were picking up for them and you couldn’t have been happier for Jake. The dream he thought he lost forever was back in his grasp and he was achieving it slowly and surely. And regardless of your busy schedules, you always made time for each other where you could fit it. The two of you relied on texts, facetime, and phone calls to stay in touch. You mostly texted throughout the day and called each other when you both had a free afternoon or night.

Thanksgiving break was coming up and you planned to go home to spend the entire long weekend with your family and Jake. You had been counting down the days for weeks. 

You had just got out of class for the day and you were texting Jake on the walk back to your dorm. The two of you planned a little Facetime dinner date for your anniversary. It wouldn’t be much, but it was all you could do. Besides, your roommate already had plans for the weekend to stay with her boyfriend, who went to school in Brooklyn, so you had the room to yourself.

Yellow, brown, and orange leaves blew through the fall air and crunched under your shoes as you walked. The sun was just about to set for the night and it left a golden hue in the sky. New York City in the fall was absolutely perfect. 

4:47 PM: I just got out of class. I’m gonna get food real quick so give me like ten minutes.

He replied instantly.

4:48 PM: Okay, talk to you soon my love.

Your heart skipped a beat for a second at his words. My love. 

You smiled at your phone as your heart filled with warmth. In just a few minutes, you’d be able to hear his voice. And in just a few weeks, you would be seeing him in real life. You could practically feel him already.

You looked up from your phone and continued down the sidewalk. You turned the corner to see your dorm building in the distance. 

As you got closer to your building, you reached down into your bag to find your key. When you looked back up, you saw someone leaning against the building in a denim jacket and a knitted hat with a red and black flannel shirt peeking out from underneath. It seemed to be a guy with wavy, shoulder length brown hair that fell from the hat. He was looking down at his phone.

There was no way. 

You had pictured his face on strangers in the city a million times. You did double takes at guys with long hair you passed in the streets. There was no way it was him. Your mind was playing tricks on you again.

But then you saw it. 

He put his head down and grabbed the back of his neck. It was that same little movement he always did when he was nervous.

Jake.

You started walking faster until you got closer to him. You spoke loud enough for him to hear. At the sound of your voice, his head shot up and a smile lit up his face instantly.

“What are you doing here?” you shouted. You barely even finished what you were saying when he picked you up off the ground and spun you around in his arms. 

He placed you down on the sidewalk and held your face in his palms. 

“Hi Baby,” he whispered, giving you the sweetest kiss on the lips. 

You broke away from him and looked at him in disbelief. He looked different that he had the last time you saw him. 

You grabbed his chin to feel stubble covering it. You held onto his hair and felt the new length of it at your fingertips. It was almost touching his shoulders at that point. It was almost like you were feeling to see if he was real or not. And he was. He was a little different. But he was real. And he was Jake. 

“How did you? When did you?” you asked, barely even able to form a full sentence.

“My flight landed at 2, I took a couple trains, walked around a little, got lost for a second, and then boom- found it,” he explained as he looked up at your building. 

“You did this for me? I’m coming home for Thanksgiving in two weeks!” you said, still in shock.

“I did it for us,” he smiled, “Plus, one year is a big deal. At least that's what my mom said.”

“Jacob Thomas Kiszka. You are unbelievable. You know that, right?” 

He raised his eyebrows, bit his bottom lip, smiled, and nodded.

“Happy one year anniversary, Y/N,” he said softly.

“Happy anniversary, Jake,” you replied.

He smiled at you softly before placing a gentle kiss on  your lips. His lips were soft and his kiss was sweet, just like they always were. 

You continued kissing him and the two of you deepened your kisses. You grabbed him by the back of his neck and pulled him in towards you. He pulled you in by your back. You kissed him hard, not even caring that you were in the middle of the sidewalk.

The feeling of his lips on yours after two months was like none other. It was like no time had passed between the two of you. As you kissed him, memories of every single kiss you shared with him flooded your brain.

The first kiss in his garage. 

The kiss in his car after the two of you made things official. 

The kiss in his bedroom on Christmas. 

The kiss in the snow when he told you he loved you. 

The kiss on the cliffside when you watched the stars. 

The kiss in the rain outside of the bar you went to see him play a show at. 

The kiss in the kitchen of his family's cabin on his birthday. 

The kiss right before you gave him your virginity.

Every. Single. One.

He pulled back after a moment and gave you one more softer kiss. 

“Love you,” he whispered.

“Love you, too,” you replied.

You stood there staring at each other for a moment until Jake broke the silence.

“So,” he said as he held his hands on the small of your back, pulling you in towards him slightly, “I’m here all weekend. Show me around.”

You grabbed his hand and pulled him into your building, now extra thankful your roommate had left for the weekend already. Both of you knew what your first activity together would be.

After you and Jake had a nice little reunion in your room, you took him out to see the city you’ve lived in for the past two months. You introduced him to your friends and showed him all your favorite places around the city. You got dirty water hot dogs, walked through Washington Square Park, and you showed him Times Square. It was just a bit more of the world you were seeing together. 

At night you took him to all the bars that didn’t card and he judged the bands that played 45 minute sets of cover songs. The two of you drank beer and took shots until your vision got blurry. As you drank more, he got handsy and you got giggly; and to be honest, neither of you minded one bit. 

After the last call, the two of you ventured back into the streets and stumbled back to your dorm to squeeze into your tiny twin sized bed, just like you used to do in his room back home. He laid on his back and you put your head on his chest. You lifted your leg up and hitched it over his hip. He pulled you close to him and swirled his fingers along the skin of your back until his hand got too tired and he fell asleep.

For the past two months, you fell asleep and woke up to the sounds of horns honking and sirens blasting outside your window. But that weekend, you fell asleep to the sounds of Jake’s heartbeat in his chest and woke up to the sounds of his soft snoring in your ear. For just a second, it took you back to Michigan, back home.

You laid awake as Jake slept next to you. You stared at the ceiling of your dorm room and then looked over at him.

You were in the middle of New York City. You were a completely insignificant piece of the universe. But you were in Jake’s arms- the safest place on earth. You weren't in Michigan. But you were with him. And with him, you were home.

But that didn’t happen, did it? No. 

“Hello?” your friend called out from the other side of the table you were sitting at in the library. She continued, “I said it’s November 1st. You asked what day it was and I said November 1st. Are you okay? You blanked out for a minute,”

“Yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine,” you stuttered.

You looked down at your school work on the table in front of you and let out a breath. You shook your head and rubbed your face for a second.

“Please tell me you’re still not thinking about your ex. What’s his name? J-”

“Jake,” you interrupted. 

She nodded and took a sip of her coffee.

“Today would have been our one year anniversary. That’s all,” you said quietly.

“Sorry,” she whispered. You could tell she felt bad about bringing it up.

“It’s okay. But, I’m, I’m gonna go back to my room. Be alone for a little,” 

She gave you a sympathetic smile and nodded, “Text me if you need anything,” 

“Thanks, I will,” you said as you got up and packed up your stuff. 

You exited the library and walked down the sidewalk back to your dorm building alone. You approached your building to be hit with the reality that he was not in fact standing outside, waiting for you. 

When you entered your room, you put your stuff down, threw on sweatpants, and got into your bed. You opened your phone and scrolled to the very first photo in your camera roll. The one photo you couldn’t bring yourself to delete. It was Jake, smiling a full toothed smile to the camera with his cheek smushed up next to yours. 

“Happy one year, Baby,” you whispered as you clicked the delete button.

The End

Author’s Note:

I originally published Amongst the Stars on January 19, 2022. It was the first fanfiction I’ve ever written. The original idea for this fic started off as a silly little imagine in a group chat and I never expected it to come to life as a full story. Thank you to that group chat. Thank you to Chelsea for the original edits and thank you to Delani for the title. Thank you to so many of my friends for always listening to my ideas, helping me continue the story, and yelling at me for breaking your hearts. 

As this year has gone on, I’ve written more fics and learned so much. I never thought writing would become a hobby for me but this fic really started it all. Amongst the Stars has been and always will be my baby. I wanted to do something special for the one year anniversary of it. In addition to that, looking back, I saw where improvements could have been made and I decided to make those changes to give ATS a full Princess Diaries style makeover. I compiled the original fic (with edits and additions), the deleted scenes (with some additions as well), new cover art, new extras that took a look inside Jake’s world, and the alternate anniversary ending to keep it all organized and close the world of ATS for good. I guess we can call this the “Deluxe Edition” if you will. 

This story will always hold a special place in my heart. Thank you to anyone who has read it and has supported me along the way. Thank you to the friends I made because of this fic. And finally, thank you to Jake Kiszka and his emo phase. 

The story of ATS may be closed. But I never said anything about Josh and Sam’s first love stories closing. There’s small hints at the plots of their stories hidden within this story. Let me know if you find them!

As always, please let me know what you think in my ask or in the replies. Tell me all the parts you loved and the parts you may not have loved too! I want to hear everything you have to say! I love hearing opinions and feedback!

Playlist: 

(A fanfiction sponsored by Taylor Swift)

Train: Drops of Jupiter

Taylor Swift: You All Over Me

Taylor Swift: Sparks Fly

Taylor Swift: Back to December

Taylor Swift: You’re On Your Own, Kid

Taylor Swift: Invisible String

Taylor Swift: The Very First Night

Lizzy McAlpine: Apple Pie

Niall Horan: Still

Adele: All I Ask

Briston Maroney: Rose

One Direction: Night Changes

Stephen Stills: Love the One You’re With

Greta Van Fleet: Flower Power

Carrie Underwood: The Night Before (Life Goes On)

Goo Goo Dolls: Iris

Hozier: Like Real People Do

Boys Like Girls: Heels Over Head

High School Musical Three Cast: Right Here, Right Now

[xoxoxoz]

heyy :D it’s the jeemin anon again ! can i request again? really enjoyed the one you wrote for me b4 😞!! jeemin x fem!reader, fake dating into lovers tropes! soo your two friend groups dared the two of you to fake date each other because they’re the only one who knew that you both like each other >< !! (jeemin is the top! like u said not in nsfw way 😭) take your time writing this!!

THANK YOUUU 🩷

Hi Jeemin Anon! Thanks for another adorable request💘

Bang Jeemin x F!reader

⚠️: fluff, comedy, soft, cutiepatootie JeemY/n

Jeemin hated group projects for one reason only and that was people’s lack of focus on their task. Unfortunately, she was that person. Her reason?

You.

“If you want us to pass this stupid poster assessment, I suggest you keep your eyes on your laptop instead of Y/n” Yunah mumbled tiredly.

Moa, Jihyun, and Chanelle looked up from their laptops.

“How about opening your eyes Yunah? We’re not gonna get anything done with you sleeping all the damn time” Jihyun fired back, slapping a stack of paper into Yunah’s face.

“Ow! I wasn’t sleeping okay? I was resting my vision”

“You’re unbelievable. And Bang Jeemin, if you don’t stop staring at Y/n, I’m gonna stab these crayons in your eyes so you don’t have to ever see her again!”

Jeemin jumped at the threat and began typing away. “I’m sorry. She just looks really pretty”

“You say that every single time. She looks the same!” Jihyun exclaimed as all heads turned to your group’s table in the classroom.

Your group are known to be the pretty girls of the school, consisting of Funa, Minju, Moka, Jiwoo, and of course you.

Although Jeemin did find the other girls pretty, you caught her eye (and heart) easily the day you were introduced as the new student. Being Funa’s cousin, you fitted in and became very well liked by the entire school.

“Jeemin’s looking at you again” Jiwoo whispered.

You turned your head and caught the girl’s eyes just before she averted her attention back to her laptop like nothing happened.

“She totally likes you, Y/n. Just ask her out” Moka said.

“Just because she looks at me doesn’t mean she likes me. She has a line of girls going after her so there’s no way she’d pick me” you slouched in your seat and pouted.

“Y/n, I swear on my DPR Ian album that she likes you too. She looks at you like you put the stars in the sky, do I really need to go on?” Minju smiled but you shook the delusions away.

“You guys are just trying to make me feel better”

Funa pursed her lips and leaned towards Jiwoo. “I’ve never met anyone more oblivious than my own cousin”

“I agree. Didn’t you tell Moa to convince Jeemin in confessing? These two have been liking each other longer than I remembered, it’s killing me”

“Me too but Moa said Jeemin isn’t budging. Apparently Jeemin thinks Y/n and Minju are secretly dating”

Minju heard the conversation and her eyes widened. “What the—I like Jihyun! I thought I’ve made that obvious”

“Not obvious enough for her to finally ask you out on a date” Moka teased, earning a playful glare from Minju.

“What are you guys talking about?” You whispered.

Funa suddenly had an idea. “We were just discussing Jiwoo’s plan of going to the fun fair tonight!”

Jiwoo frowned. “We were?”

Funa pinched her thigh under the table and spoke through gritted teeth. “Yes. We. Were”

“OW—Oh yeahhhh. I think it would be nice for us to hang out after all these assessments”

You slowly nodded. “Oh that sounds fun”

Minju smirked at Funa and played along. “We should invite Jihyun’s group too. The more the merrier right Moka?”

The Japanese girl smiled cheekily. “Yeah so I can see Chanelle”

“Wait we’re gonna invite them? Oh my god, I need to shop for a new outfit. What’s Jeemin’s favourite colour? Sky blue right? Oh god oh god” You rambled and opened the Pinterest app on your phone for some inspiration.

The girls high fived each other before Funa stood up and walked over to Jihyun’s group. “Hey there”

All were surprised to see the pretty Japanese girl smiling at them. Moa felt her face go red.

“H-Hey Funa. What’s up?”

“Just wanted to ask if you were all free tonight?”

“We’re actually studying tonight—OW!” Chanelle hissed as Moa kicked her under the table.

“Yes we’re free. Why do you ask?” The Thai student chuckled shyly.

“The girls and I are planning to go to the fair. Some extra company would be great” Funa put on her best flirtatious tone and effortless wink towards Moa.

“Sounds good. We’ll all be there”

Funa chuckled and brushed her fingers under Moa’s jaw. “You better be. 6pm sharp. Don’t keep us waiting”

The group watched Funa walk away before sending a glare towards their Thai member.

“Moa seriously? We aren’t even halfway done with this poster” Jihyun huffed.

“Hear me out. Funa brainwashed me”

“Oh shut up” Jeemin mumbled.

“No no keep hearing me out. All your crushes will be there hello? It’s about time we stopped being cowards and finally ask them out! Especially you Jeemin—Hold on I’m getting a phone call” Moa awkwardly chuckled and took out her vibrating device.

“You’re seriously taking a call in the middle of class?” Jihyun pinched her nose bridge.

“Funa why are you calling me? You were just here a few seconds ago” Moa whispered, seeing the girl stare at her from the other table.

“I know I’m sorry but I didn’t wanna wait until lunch. We have a plan but make sure Jeemin isn’t listening”

Moa looked towards Jeemin cautiously, seeing that she was daydreaming again. Typical.

“What’s your plan?” Moa sighed.

“Y/n and Jeemin are the biggest cowards I’ve seen in my life. I can only think of one way to try and get them to finally be together”

“And that is?”

“Daring them to fake date. Now I know it sounds a bit childish but I’m sure it’ll get one to finally say something”

The Thai student massaged her temple. “If I didn’t like you so much, I would’ve found this idea silly. But I’ll trust your word on this”

“Did you just say you like me?”

“ANYWAYS how are we starting this plan of yours?”

“Make some space at your table. We’ll join you in a bit”

“Alright” Moa quickly responded and ended the call. “Scoot over everyone”

The group blinked with confusion but moved anyways as Funa’s group took their belongings and slid into the empty chairs across Jihyun’s table.

“Hi!” Minju waved directly at Jihyun.

“H-Hi?”

“Hope you don’t mind us joining. We need some inspiration for this project” Minju smiled sweetly that got Jihyun running laps.

“And also to talk about the plan tonight. I’m very happy you’re all coming with us” Jiwoo said, eyeing Yunah a bit longer than usual.

Yunah shifted in her seat uncomfortably.

“Hi Jeeminie” You waved at the taller girl.

“H-Hi Y/n! You look pretty”

You looked down at your uniform and giggled. “We’re all wearing the same clothes”

Jeemin face palmed. “You’re right but you just make it look better than everyone else”

“Aw that’s so sweet of you to say. Thank you”

“Yuck. This hurts to watch, but anyways, tonight sounds like a lot of fun” Moa commented.

Jiwoo slowly smirked. “But you know what’ll be fun right now?”

You looked cluelessly at her. “What?”

“A little game of truth or dare”

Jihyun leaned back and sighed. “We have an assessment due”

“And it can wait. This would be a good break for us”

“Well Jiwoo, since you asked for it, truth or dare?” Chanelle grinned.

“Easy. Truth”

“Is it true your pants ripped in front of everyone during P.E?”

“Fuck you. I pick dare now”

Chanelle wiggled her finger. “No no no. You have to stick to your first decision”

“Ugh yes it’s true! I don’t know why I got detention for it” Jiwoo crossed her arms, rolling her eyes the laughter from everyone else. “Moving on. Jeemin, truth or dare?”

“Uh…truth?”

“Do you find Y/n pretty?” Jiwoo asked and batted her eyelashes as a little tease.

“Of course I do”

“Then I dare you to date her—OW!”

Funa slapped the back of Jiwoo’s head. “That’s not how you play truth or dare, idiot”

“And you’re ruining the plan” Moka added within a whisper.

“Sorry Jiwoo’s old brain forgets the rules sometimes. Let’s continue” Funa flicked her wrist.

“Y/n, truth or dare?” Moa asked this time.

“I feel bold today so I choose dare”

“I dare you and Jeemin to fake date until the end of the fair tonight”

“What?!” You and Jeemin yelled in unison.

“Scared?” Moa mocked.

You straightened your posture and puffed out your chest. “No! That dare is gonna be a piece of cake”

‘If only I didn’t get a limited time’ You thought.

“And if Jeeminie is okay with the dare too”

The taller girl used her book to fan her face. “I don’t mind it at all. What do we get out of this dare?”

“You’ll see later” Moka patted your back.

“So Kim Y/n, will you be my fake girlfriend tonight?”

“I’d love to, Bang Jeemin”

(Time Skip cuz we need our JeemY/n content asap)

“What did I say about biting your fingernails?” Jihyun gently slapped Jeemin’s hand away from her mouth.

“I’m nervous okay? Do I look good?”

Jihyun took a step back to scan the outfit.

“You look great Jeemin, don’t worry so much”

“There they are!…Holy shit” Chanelle pointed, her jaw slowly dropping.

Jeemin turned around and almost went into cardiac arrest when she laid eyes on your beautiful group. Mostly you.

She felt the world go into slow motion as you approached closer in a sky blue sundress and a smile so bright that it put the stars to shame. The lights from the fair made you look angelic and Jeemin concluded that she didn’t need to know what heaven was like anymore.

“Hey guys!” Funa waved excitedly and clung onto Moa’s arm.

“Minju you look stunning” Jihyun breathed out with amazement, making Minju smile shyly.

“Thank you”

“Ready for a fun night?” Moka booped Chanelle’s nose who nodded enthusiastically.

“I’ll count this as our first date, Noh Yunah” Jiwoo winked and put her arms around the taller girl.

“D-Date?”

Jeemin still had her jaw on the floor which you laughed at. “Do I look that good Jeeminie?” You asked and did a little twirl.

“Good? You look so…wow. I feel so lucky to be your girl-FAKE girlfriend!” Jeemin quickly corrected herself, not catching the slight disappointment in your face.

“Yeah…fake girlfriend”

“I think we should all split ways and meet up at the food area just before the fireworks start” Jiwoo suggested, earning a approving nod from everyone.

Jeemin offered her hand to you. “Ready to make this night memorable?”

You held her hand gently.

“Lead the way”

Throughout the night, Jeemin managed to impress you with her amazing skills in almost every game, winning plushie after plushie that she had to get you a wagon to carry it all. She ended up dragging the wagon in the end after claiming that a Princess should never carry all her stuff.

You two shared some cotton candy, milkshakes, and made each other DIY bracelets that matched love heart charms.

As it was almost time for the fireworks to happen, you and Jeemin stood by the food trucks, waiting for the others arrival. The taller quickly took off her jacket and wrapped it around your shoulders.

“A Princess shouldn’t get cold”

“Aw Jeemin, you’re such a sweetheart”

The girl smiled before looking at her phone, seeing a message from Chanelle, Moa, and Jihyun.

[Jihyunnie 🍫: It’s now or never, Bang Jeemin. Tell her how you feel]

[Nelle🌙: don’t back out girl. This is your only chance]

[Aom 🍒: CONFESS YOU IDIOT!]

Jeemin felt the uneasy feeling in her stomach as she put her device away. “Hey Y/n, can I show you this place while we wait?”

“Yeah sure”

She took your hand again and led you to a hill that showed a great view of the entire fair underneath the moonlight.

“Wow” you exhaled at the beautiful scenery. “It’s gorgeous”

“Y/n, there’s something I want to tell you”

You looked into her eyes and felt nervous at how serious the taller girl had looked. A face you’ve never seen before. “What is it?”

Jeemin started hearing the 10 second countdown from the crowd for the fireworks. She held your shoulders and looked deeply into your eyes.

“First of all, I had an amazing time tonight, and that’s only because you were by my side for the entirety of it. I don’t think I can handle bottling my feelings anymore because it’s hurting me so so bad”

“Jeemin? What are you saying?”

“I don’t want you being my fake girlfriend anymore, Y/n. I want it all to be real. I love you so much that I can’t bear to imagine seeing you with anyone else”

Your eyes widened. “You love me?”

“So much Y/n. I’m sure it’s not the first time you’ve heard it from someone, considering there’s a line of people who want you just as bad as I do. But I completely understand if you don’t feel the same you know—“

You had to admit seeing her ramble was super cute but you didn’t want to waste any more time and there was only one simple way to shut her up.

You cupped her face and your lips melted into her soft ones. At the same time the fireworks had erupted into the night sky, coating it in a variety of beautiful colours.

Jeemin’s heartbeat was ringing in her ears as she finally comprehended that her crush was kissing her. After tears, daydreaming, and staring, she finally got you, and there was no place she’d rather be than holding you close as you continued to share a romantic kiss.

“We did it!!” Funa screamed, coming out from behind the bushes with the other girls.

They all jumped around and cheered.

You pulled away from Jeemin’s lips and became shocked at seeing all your friends. “What are you all doing here?”

“We finally got you two together!” Jiwoo applauded.

“And it took a long time” Moa scoffed and wiped the fake sweat from her forehead.

“Wait, you all knew we liked each other?” Jeemin questioned while back hugging you.

“Duh! The whole world knew besides you two”

“So you’re welcome” Chanelle chuckled, holding Moka’s hand.

“Let’s go eat more food to celebrate!” Jihyun yelled and dragged Minju with her to the food trucks.

The other girls decided to follow, leaving you alone with Jeemin again. You faced her and leaned your head on her shoulder. “I love you Jeeminie”

She kissed your head and swayed you gently. “I love you too. You just made me the happiest woman alive”

“You complete me”

She continued holding you in her warm embrace as the fireworks continued, leaving it as the best night of your life.

A/N: Jeemin anon I’m honestly not proud of this fic because I think I could’ve done so much better SO IM SORRY IF ITS NOT AS GREAT AS YOU WANTED IT TO BE T^T I can make you another fic as an apology🥹🫶🏼

[rugtopper]

August 1, 1984.

It was a good day. It was a scary day. It was a hope-filled day. It was a tearful day. It was was the day I ceased to be just another teenager with a mop of unruly hair to being a young man with an embarrassing secret.

I had spent most of the summer waking up every day with less hair on my crown and more hair on my pillow. This Wednesday was different. I was sitting in the barber's chair finally accepting my future. My barber had convinced me to get a slider. I was about to be fitted with a tiny hairpiece for my crown area. This might be an every-day occurrence for many older men. However, it is extremely frightening for a boy of 15. Here I was about to begin high school, yet I'm having to confront the adult nightmare of going bald.

My barber was a neighbor. He was a friend. He lived two blocks from me. I saw him often. I also knew that I was about to carry the same secret that he gladly carried. He wore a hairpiece. What's more important, he didn't care if anyone knew it. I wasn't that cavalier, yet. That would take another 20 years to achieve. I still have to get through the initiation into this unique group of men who need to cover the reality of being bald. I sat there while Jerry talked to me, instructed me, in what was about to be my fate for the rest of forever. I was scared and happy at the same time. Jerry was telling me that he was going to shave a small area in my crown area so he can attach my new hairpiece. I might have had a slight panic attack. I don't really remember. I only remember seeing the bald spot in the mirror just before Jerry attached my new hairpiece. Of course, in the ensuing 40 years, the bald spot became a bald swath!

My little hairpiece looked great! The color match was nearly perfect. The texture was also a great match. Now, that might have been completely false. I was seeing the image I wanted to project to the public every day.

School began without incident. No one said anything. I think it had more to do with the fact that no one looks at the top of someone's head. Still, I was always wary of something being said.

I even survived my driver's test and subsequent picture for my license. I still think it is funny that I have never had a driver's license where I wasn't wearing a hairpiece for the ID picture.

I managed to get through the tenth grade and part of the eleventh grade wearing a slider. However, I knew that eventually I was going to lose more hair. My barber, Jerry, convinced me to get ahead of it by getting fitted for a full toupee. That transition occurred during Spring Break in 1986.

Jerry had ordered my toupee for me during the Christmas holidays. Jerry shaved me to a Norwood 4 for my new toupee. I probably cried. I mean how many 17 year old kids do you know who are bald? Now, I didn't have any embarrassing rip-offs. That would have been almost impossible with the industrial, medical-grade glue used, which I really hated. I did, however, get tons of second glances and too many snarky comments about wearing a rug. I didn't care because it was far superior to the reality underneath!

My high school graduation was no different from any other high school graduation in America. There was formality. There were wonderfully uplifting speeches. There was great celebrating by families. Mine was unique in that there were three men in that auditorium who were wearing toupees: my barber, myself, and the father of a girl in my graduation class.

After graduation, that girl's father came up to me. He made sure that no one was around. He told me that he was proud of me. He said that my hair looked great. His toupee was very obvious. That was the first time I had ever had a conversation with another man who wore a toupee. It was an awesome encounter. I have had many of them over the past 40 years. Each has been such a joyful experience.

[hihello-pinky]

11 First Kisses

a record of eleven defining kisses you shared with Yeonjun

Non-Idol Choi Yeonjun x she/her reader! WC: 4.8k words Genre: friends to lovers to exes/strangers to lovers, some angst, some fluff, hurt maybe comfort? TWs: none (please let me know if I somehow missed any!)

A few disclaimers (?):

I know I’m supposed to be writing for Sight but I was trying to look for inspiration and I stumbled upon this in my drafts so...

I know this blog is for Haikyuu but please let me post here because I can barely manage this so I don’t think I can open a separate blog for TXT and also because this may be the first and last time I will write for TXT

ANYWAYs

here we go ~ kindly reblog and/or leave a comment if you liked it!!!!

-x-o-x-o-

Kiss #1

You both were fifteen, paired for a science project. You were sitting at the back-most part of the library, the tables near you unoccupied. You were busy explaining something Yeonjun couldn’t grasp and he could hear the frustration starting to drip from your voice since it was becoming obvious that he wasn’t listening. “Yeonjun, you’re not paying attention,” you said sternly.

“I am,” he replied, but his eyes were still trained on your plump lips as his head rested on his hand.

You dropped your pen and crossed your arms, facing him. With your eyebrows burrowed together, you whispered the threat. “I’m gonna ask Teacher Min if I can still switch partners.”

His only response was, “Can I kiss you?”

You were so taken aback by his question but after a few moments, nodded reluctantly. Yeonjun cheered internally – what he read in the books was right, after all! So, he carefully leaned in and gave you a quick peck. It was sweet with a faint taste of your favorite strawberry milk drink. You and Yeonjun’s very first kiss.

-x-o-x-o-

Kiss #2

His parents held a simple celebration for Yeonjun’s sixteenth birthday and he thought it was the best time to introduce you to his parents as his girlfriend ever since he finally asked you out a few weeks ago. You were nervous as he was your first boyfriend, you even stuttered while greeting them and you were so cute that Yeonjun committed the image to his memory. Who knew a meet-the-parents scenario would make the confident and smart L/N Y/N lose her nerves?

After the celebration, he snuck you into his room (after convincing you for ten minutes that you were not going to get caught and that if you did, it wouldn’t be a big deal, anyway) and as you sat awkwardly on his bed, he laughed and said, “Relax, we’re only going to kiss.” You visibly breathed a sigh of relief and you looked so adorable at that moment, sitting on his dark blue comforter, that he leaned in and kissed you. Your first kiss as an official couple.

 -x-o-x-o-

Kiss #3

Last day of summer before twelfth grade, Yeonjun and you were in your living room seated on the couch with a small distance between you two, watching Ouran High School Host Club, while a bowl of popcorn stood on the table in front of you. Yeonjun was starting to get into watching anime, all thanks to you. Your Mama told both of you that she was going on a quick grocery run for some salt or egg, he couldn’t recall.

As soon as the door shut behind her, you pulled Yeonjun closer towards you and he laughed a bit. He was surprised in delight because he was always the one initiating the affectionate acts between you. But that afternoon, after pulling him to your body, you turned your head in front of his and stole a quick kiss before focusing your attention back to the TV. He’ll always remember it – your first kiss that was initiated by you.

-x-o-x-o- 

Kiss #4

Your last year in senior high. Prom night. Yeonjun pulled you away from the dance floor, you struggling on your heels as he guided you towards the photobooth. Right before the camera shutter went off, he cupped your face and put his lips against yours. It was your first kiss captured in a photograph.

-x-o-x-o- 

Kiss #5

Your eighteenth birthday. The two of you were cuddling on your bed, your head on Yeonjun’s chest as you both looked at your ceiling decorated by the old glow-in-the-dark stars that everyone loved as children. Yeonjun had pasted his on random places but yours seemed to be arranged into constellations.

“And what’s that?” He asked, pointing to the five stars close to each other, which looked like they were the first ones to be pasted on the ceiling.

With his soft breath warm and comforting near you, you answered, “That’s Cassiopeia.”

“Like the calculator?” He asked innocently and felt your body shake in laughter.

“No, like the queen in Greek mythology. Did you not listen to literature class?”

Shaking his head, he looked down to face you and stared at your dark eyes. Before he could get lost in them, Yeonjun confessed. “I was bad in class because I was always busy watching you.”

You blushed, pink dusting your cheeks, and poked his nose. “Since when did you have a crush on me?”

“Seventh grade,” he answered without a second thought. “You were annoyed at me for checking your science quiz messily.”

“Crazy!” you exclaimed, almost hitting your head against his. “That was the moment I began to really notice you. Who would have thought I’d end up falling in love with the boy who can’t grade a paper properly?”

Yeonjun became silent as soon as you finished your sentence and he didn’t tell you then but at that moment, he was so relieved. He’d been dying to drop the L-word on you but was afraid he would scare you away. Could you imagine how he felt when he heard your slip of the tongue?

You realized what you have said and gently snuggled closer to his chest, your hair tickling his chin. In a whisper, you said softly, “I love you, Yeonjun.”

He planted a soft kiss at the top of your head before turning down so you’re face to face. “I love you, Y/N.” Staring into each other’s eyes, you leaned towards each other and closed the gap. Your first kiss after saying I love you.

 -x-o-x-o-

Kiss #6

You were crying. Not the tears-silently-running-down-your-face kind of crying but the messy-tears-and-runny-nose crying. It was time for the both of you to go to college and Yeonjun got accepted in the country’s top university for musicians and dancers. When you first found out the news, you were filled with pride because you knew how much Yeonjun loved performing. However, Yeonjun getting accepted into his dream school also meant he would have to move to a city four hours away from home.

His parents were kind enough to let you know you were welcome to tag along when they would drop Yeonjun off in his dorms but you declined the offer, not trusting yourself to bid a proper goodbye and besides, you wanted to give that moment to his parents.

So, you and Yeonjun set a date for the whole day before he moved and as you watched the sunset under your favorite tree, the fact that the day was closing to an end hit you like a brick and you weren’t able to stop yourself from ugly-crying at the thought that your boyfriend would be moving the next day.

“I promise I’d go home as often as I can,” Yeonjun said as he tried to wipe your tears away.

Instead of being comforted, what he said only made you cry harder. Yeonjun pulled you against him and let you cry until it felt like you ran out of tears. And when you regained your composure later on, he sweetly kissed your lips. “I’ll hold on to this,” you said after a while, smiling gently at him, “our salty first goodbye kiss.”

-x-o-x-o- 

Kiss #7

On your fourth anniversary, you and Yeonjun had a fight. You were both on your sophomore year in university. You were elated when he told you he’d be coming home for the weekend and you prepared a surprise for him. Yeonjun did come home, but he wasn’t alone.

Soobin and Taehyun were with him, his friends that he met on his first year. As it turned out, Yeonjun only went home to show them around your town, to let his family meet them. He didn’t remember what you were supposed to celebrate. So, Saturday came and it was your anniversary but you didn’t even get to see him until late at night when you dropped by their house.

When Yeonjun saw you, his face didn’t transform into that happy expression he always wore whenever the two of you meet after not seeing each other for some time. Instead, he said with a hint of surprise and something else in his voice, “I didn’t know you were coming.”

You replied with a nonchalant shrug. “Well, you sure don’t know a lot of things these days.”

At that, Yeonjun frowned before he grabbed your wrist and brought you to his room, his guests and family awkwardly trying not to look at the scene. Once he closed the door, he asked in a barely contained voice, “What the hell was that?”

And you knew you should have been calmer but instead, you retorted with, “Who the hell forgets what the date today is?”

Yeonjun’s budding anger was replaced with confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking… about.” The way he slowly trailed off let you know that he just remembered at that moment what the day was. “Shit. I’m sorry.”

You wanted to stay mad but the apologetic look he gave you – like a puppy asking to be forgiven after chewing something he’s not supposed to – made your heart melt. You reached for his hand and squeezed it. “You owe me one day where you’ll only be with me.”

Yeonjun laced your fingers together and raised it towards his lips so he could plant a kiss on the back of your hand. “Of course. And I won’t only give you one day, I’ll give you the rest of my life.”

You were glad that his lights were off because you were absolutely sure that you blushed like crazy at the implication of Yeonjun’s words. “Shut up.”

He laughed at you and leaned closer, your lips barely touching. “You’re not mad at me anymore?”

“No…”

A sigh of relief. “Thank you,” he lightly brushed your lips against yours. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” you replied.

As if to seal your exchanged words, he locked his lips with yours and the two of you shared your first make-up kiss.

-x-o-x-o- 

Kiss #8

Yeonjun’s twenty-first birthday celebration. He had come home after not visiting your town for a few months. It was the first time that you were nervous about him coming home because you knew there were a lot of things that needed to be addressed. During the past months you’ve been away from each other, you lacked communication and time together. You weren’t even sure how to interact with Yeonjun. But still, the smile he gave you as you arrived at the celebration his family threw for him was enough to reassure your heart.

You could name a lot of memories between you and your boyfriend which brought you happiness, and you were about to add that day to the memories but alas, it’s as if time just decided to tease you, letting you borrow joy for a quick moment. The whole celebration, you felt confident about your relationship and where you and Yeonjun stood in each other’s lives. But then came the announcement of his Dad.

“Yeonjun has grown into a fine man,” he began. “I’m very proud of my only child and since today is a special one, we want to share with you that he got accepted for a spring program focusing on music and dance in Singapore this coming break.” He paused as if letting everyone absorb what he just said. “On top of that, he also got chosen as one of the cultural exchange students in Japan for one semester.” Applause followed around the room, cheers and hoots of excitement from the guests and you felt bad for not being completely happy with the news.

The spring and exchange programs meant he’d be out of the country for six months. Half a year. Could you both make that work? And more importantly, you kept thinking about how come you had to learn about them that way? Did Yeonjun purposely not tell you or was he just too busy?

Yeonjun walked you home after the celebration and you were silent the whole time. In the past, any silence between the two of you was comfortable, basking in the feeling that you could tell what each other was thinking without words being exchanged. But at that time, it felt as if you were walking the streets with a stranger. You finally broke the silence when you stopped in front of your gate. “Congratulations.”

Your bodies were facing but you weren’t looking at each other. “Y/N,” Yeonjun finally said before reaching for your hand, gingerly enclosing it with his. You could feel he was staring at your face but still felt scared to meet his eyes. Instead, you looked down at your hands, your brows furrowing as you noticed the chip on your newly-manicured left pinky. “Are we okay?”

Maybe it was the way that there was uncertainty in his usually confident voice. Maybe it was the implication of what he asked; a silent acknowledgment of the things you’ve both been trying to ignore for the past months. Whatever the reason was, Yeonjun’s question made you burst into tears. It didn’t help that his fingers were quick to brush them away.

“I don’t know, Jun,” you finally answered after regaining a little bit of composure. “I’m not sure about us right now.” At that moment, you almost spilled everything to him: the fear, doubt, hurt, and longing that you’ve been feeling. But instead, you reached up to your face to wipe the stray tears left. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled you close to him, and the familiar warmth of his arms around you didn’t help in stopping your tears. You felt his lips on your forehead. “To be honest, I’m not sure as well,” Yeonjun confessed and then cupped your face, making sure you were eye to eye as he said the next words. “But this I’m a hundred percent sure of. I love you, Y/N, and I won’t give up on us. Okay?”

You nodded, badly wanting to believe that everything will be okay between you and Yeonjun. “Okay.”

A small smile finally found its way to his lips. He brought your face closer to his, brushed his thumbs against your lips, and leaned down. A kiss. A whisper of promises. With the dark sky littered by stars, it was a moment that you would later try to forget. Your first kiss with Yeonjun that didn’t bring butterflies to your stomach.

-x-o-x-o- 

Kiss #9

It was at an old friend’s wedding where you met Yeonjun again after several years. It was an unexpected and awkward reunion. The last time you heard back then, he was happy with his job in Japan, working at a dance academy that had sourced him when he was studying there. You remember how, after the exchange program, he only went back to the country to finish his last term in university and shortly after graduating, moved to Japan.

“Hey.” His voice broke you out of your thoughts, making you look at him. Now that he’s in closer proximity, you could properly observe him. He had grown his hair to barely above his shoulder, the black silky strands looking vibrant as ever. His body was well-defined. He looked different and yet the same. Those warm eyes looking at you intently. “I didn’t expect to see you here.”

You offered a friendly smile. “Shouldn’t I be the one to ask you that question?”

Yeonjun actually laughed a little and the sound brought a wave of nostalgia to you. “I moved back six months ago.” He rubbed at his nape – a force of habit you knew he had since he was younger. “It’s nice to see you again, Y/N. It’s been so long.” He took a sip from his drink and you couldn’t help but stare at his plump lips. You’re reminded of how they felt like against yours.

“Yeah...” You answered distractedly. Upon realizing what you’ve been doing, you quickly cast your eyes somewhere else. “How have you been?”

Yeonjun pursed his lips, contemplating on an answer before settling with a simple, “Great.” His eyes crinkled a little as he smiled at you. “How about you? You look dashing.”

You tried to not put too much meaning on his compliment. “I’m good. I teach kids in fifth grade.”

That made him smile. “As expected of you. You always loved to help others understand lessons they have trouble dealing with.” His words unintentionally brought you back to when you were fifteen years old, trying to explain to Yeonjun a topic for the project you were paired to work on together. That day in the library, when you both had your first kiss.

“Well,” you cleared your throat, setting your glass down on the table. “It was nice seeing you again, Yeonjun.” You hoped he couldn’t hear the hesitancy in your voice and the way your heart was beating loudly in your chest all because of him. It’s been many years since you last saw each other and yet, the moment you first saw him two hours ago, all the longing came back instantly, as if they were always there and were barely contained by a flimsy gate.

“Yeah...” Yeonjun replied awkwardly. He slightly fidgeted in place and it pained you that you could no longer tell what it meant for him. You could no longer read Yeonjun as easily as you were able to before. Still, he made no move to leave you. “Do you want to-”

“Y/N!” An excited voice joined you but immediately faltered once the person realized you were with someone he didn’t know. “Oh, hi.”

You smiled at the guy. “Kai, this is Yeonjun, the one who kept on putting all kinds of bugs and insects inside Beomgyu’s locker up until middle school. Yeonjun, this is Kai. He moved to our town a few years back and is the one responsible for this very event. He’s the one who introduced Beomgyu to his partner.”

The two exchanged greetings. “Oh, you really came! I’ve heard a lot about you!” Kai shared excitedly, making your eyes widen in panic. Realizing his slip up, Kai quickly amended with, “I always tease Beomgyu and he tells me how there’s someone from his childhood who always played a prank on him...”

Whether Yeonjun bought it or not was unknown to you, another reminder of the bitter reality that you no longer knew him as well as you did in the past. Before the three of you could continue your conversation, another friend who hasn’t seen Yeonjun in years called for his attention from a few tables down. He gave you a quick smile before reluctantly going to the said person.

After Yeonjun left, you gave your friend a pointed look and Kai quickly held up his hands in defense. “I’m sorry I slipped up!”

You rolled your eyes before mimicking him. “You really came!” An accusing look was on your face. “Did you know all along that he’s invited to the wedding?”

Like a deer caught in headlights, Kai only gave you a guilty look. “Hear me out, okay? I didn’t tell you because I knew you would be overthinking a lot on the months and weeks leading to this day. You so obviously still have feelings for Yeonjun and I just didn’t want you to... you know... think a lot about him more than you already do on a daily basis.”

“I do not think a lot about him on a daily basis, Kai.”

He scoffed. “You so do.”

You sent him a glare but it was in a friendly nature. Kai became one of your closest friends ever since he helped you get a strawberry milk from one of the vending machines in the school where he also worked as a teacher. He was also the one who tried to set you up on dates with other people, all of which miserably failed, which he attributed to you never getting over Yeonjun, your first love.

“Shut up, I’ve already moved on.” Kai only laughed at that because you both knew that it was far from the truth. He didn’t call you out though and the two of you continued to banter, passing the time, all the while unaware of eyes that kept watching you.

Beomgyu was a friend of yours who always gets back to people who have wronged him and it’s one of the things you oddly liked about him. But alas, you didn’t know the day would come when you would be a pawn in his revenge. Stupid, younger Yeonjun and his locker pranks.

As it turned out, Beomgyu, a dear old mutual friend of you and Yeonjun, oh-so-conveniently overlooked a tiny detail when booking the rooms at the hotel and resort where all the guests of his beach wedding would be staying. The mistake being, you and Yeonjun having to share a room with only one bed.

“This is so cliché,” you groaned out in frustration as you stood inside the room and heard the sound of the door shutting behind you. “Beomgyu is so unbelievable!”

Yeonjun quietly went towards the bed and it wasn’t until he was seated on the soft mattress that he spoke. “That brat.” A small shake of his head before looking to meet your eyes with a slight smile. “He never changed, huh.”

“Yeah.” The way he was looking at you made you feel things and suddenly, frustration was no longer your most dominant emotion at the moment. You cleared your throat, eyes not leaving Yeonjun’s as you carefully said the next words. “But I’m glad he didn’t. It’s comforting to know that despite all the things and people that have changed and slipped away through my fingers, some remained and stayed the same.”

Silence settled in the room but Yeonjun’s gaze didn’t falter. You hated how you couldn’t fathom what the look on his eyes meant. He stood from the bed and walked towards your frozen figure near the door and stopped when there was only a small distance between your bodies. “Y/N.”

“Yeonjun.”

It was a simple exchange of your names and yet, it felt as if there were so many words that were said between the two of you. Thousands of things left unsaid during the past several years when you were out of each other’s lives. Finally, he spoke aloud. “Do you want to talk, Y/N?”

You nodded almost immediately, your heart rioting inside your chest. “But can I ask a question first?”

With a slight tilt of his head to the side, he said, “Okay.”

For a split second, you were tempted to back out and change the question you were about to ask him. But you remembered how you’ve never been truly happy in the romance aspect of your life during the past years and so, with a deep breath, you decided to just go along, knowing your cheeks were flushed pink. “Can you please kiss me?”

His face broke into that handsome smile of his that was all too familiar, eyes turning into small crescents as he closed the short distance between you. It would always be special and you’d be forever grateful to Beomgyu for somehow making it happen.

Your first kiss with Yeonjun, ten years after the break up.

 -x-o-x-o-

Kiss #10

If someone would ask Yeonjun what his favorite day was, they’d probably expect him to answer with any of the following: the day he got accepted into his dream school, the day the dance academy in Japan offered the contract to him, the day he met the performer who was his role-model, the day he first kissed you. All of which would be wrong.

His favorite day would be the one where his younger self’s dream became a reality: him waiting at the end of an aisle of flowers, you walking down in your white dress and a bouquet of beautiful flowers in your hands.

The girl of his dreams looking as beautiful as always. As beautiful as the day you were annoyed at him for incorrectly grading your test paper. As beautiful as the day he first asked if he could kiss you. As beautiful as the day he first brought you to his room. As beautiful as that night he took you to prom and you spent the half of it complaining about how your feet hurt from wearing heels. As beautiful as the day you said goodbye to him before he went off to university. As beautiful as the day he broke your heart shortly before he flew to Singapore. As beautiful as the day he saw you at Beomgyu’s wedding.

In every single moment, you looked beautiful. Yeonjun couldn’t believe how lucky he was to be given a second chance of loving and being loved by you. And after you exchanged your vows and put the rings on each other’s fingers, he couldn’t help but shed a single tear for what you were about to share.

A core memory for him: your first kiss as husband and wife.

-x-o-x-o- 

Kiss #11

One hundred days after your wedding, Yeonjun was surprised when you came to him with an idea. Let’s record all of our important “first kisses”! He laughed a bit and told you that there was only supposed to be one first kiss. But you had insisted and asked (forced) him to think back to all the kisses you have shared and surprisingly enough, the both of you were able to come up with 10 first kisses that defined your relationship.

“Isn’t this cute?” You had asked him as you finished decorating the small scrapbook that you both were working on. “How sweet that it ends with us getting married. Ah, I’m getting all the feels from a romance book!”

He had agreed absentmindedly as his mind was more focused on taking in every single one of your features. The whisker dimples that appear whenever you smile and laugh. Your eyes that he could spend eternity getting lost in. And most importantly, your lips that he couldn’t kiss enough. “So, you finally agree that we stop recording at ten?”

You poked your cheek with your tongue and after a bit of contemplation, gave him a smile. “Yeah. I think it’s best to leave it at that.” You looked so lovely at that moment, and, unable to stop himself, Yeonjun leaned towards you for one sweet kiss.

------------------------------

Yeonjun closed the book and looked at the woman beside him. She always looked younger than her age and the only indication that she’s approaching her fifties were the streaks of gray hair beginning to peek out from her head. The woman looked at him, confusion written all over her face. “I don’t understand.”

He resisted the urge to tuck a stray hair behind her ear. “You don’t understand what?”

“I thought the agreement is to leave it at ten first kisses? Why are there eleven?”

A smile that was a mix of happiness and melancholia made its way to Yeonjun’s lips. “Well, it was supposed to really end at kiss number 10. But something happened that prompted a need for one more kiss to be recorded.”

She tilted her head in question, eyes full of curiosity and urging him to go on. Yeonjun inwardly sighed; this was usually the hardest part. “Y/N, five years ago, we got into an accident and it was pretty bad but between us two, you suffered more.” He watched for any change of expression on her face before continuing. “You suffered a lot, love. Severe global amnesia, you can’t retrieve past memories and you can’t store new ones. For a long time, at least. Your new memories can only last from three days to a week.”

“Oh.”

As usual, Yeonjun waited for the woman to say more but she just stared at the book on his lap, eyes squinted as if she’s waiting for something to happen. Was she waiting for him to break out in laughter and admit it was a cruel joke? However, what she asked next surprised him.

“I still don’t understand why Kiss #11 exists...”

For the first time in a while, Yeonjun let out a genuine laugh. “You see, Y/N, the recorded eleventh kiss in the book is just a placeholder.” He gently cupped her face. “Can I kiss you?”

She blushed, her rose-colored cheeks warming his heart. Still, she managed to let out a small, “Yes.”

And same as that time in the library all those years ago, Yeonjun leaned in to the only person his lips belonged to. “This is our real Kiss #11.” The kiss was gentle, soft but was full of emotions. He smiled at the love of life. “Our first “first kiss”.” The first kiss of many years to come whenever you would wake up not remembering again.

[sysinfodump]

We've discovered being a system multiple times from different perspectives. I feel like people don't talk about this as a concept enough lol.

Some of us started to suspect the idea of DID way back in high school when we got DID as a end of term project (I find this really funny). We got assigned it because we Didn't have the energy to care about our grade so we picked last after everyone picked anything else to avoid a disorder that lacked info. Some of us caught on then but most of us didn't think it could ever apply to us due to not remembering trauma. We figured any voices we talked to were just some id ego super ego thing which we learned of also in psychology.

The second wave of discovery tm was when we were in a horrible situation about 9 years ago and started to realize maybe it was messed up to not feel any concern or pain about it. But mostly what caused this one was also realizing we were depersonalized and unable to move. The host then looked up the feelings and DPDR was the best answer they could find. They got scared about DPDR more than the other things. And then some "imaginary friends" came to comfort them too and then some of us went "wait a moment"...

The third wave tm was really just my own- it's been a ride. After finally feeling safe enough to feel motivation and develop an understanding of my own emotions, I thought I was a singlet with no trauma except maybe recent things. And then stress happened from trying to mediate for some friends and support several through some things they were going through. And then I broke.

All of a sudden a small one is constantly in the back of my head crying. One of my friends happens to message me in a flashback and goes "oh so you're dissociating?" while I'm actively avoiding using such terms or trying not to make it too obvious. All of sudden I have severe ptsd. Go to therapy, it's a complex presentation of ptsd and some sessions are yeeted out of my memory. Can't figure out why I'm being triggered or can't comfort myself until I address the small one in my head who apparently also already talked to our T btw. All of a sudden it's just in my face and hard to deny. 😭

I totally feel you, discovering being a system multiple times is something that happens, it happens to us pretty often and it would be so cool to see more people talk about it

The first one is the first suspicious about being one, the second one is a more of direct contact with the idea but still the DPDR was the one who fitted the most at the time, the third one is the real facing, you can't deny it more long like that

This is such an interesting discovery path, and I'm glad at least the things end up good in a sense that you're healing and attending to therapy, tho it's a bid sad the way you face the facts was hard and not that good or easy

I hope things get better for you and the small one and that therapy can help

[duckprintspress]

Meet Aether Beyond the Binary Contributor S. J. Ralston

We’re entering the final week of the Kickstarter campaign for Aether Beyond the Binary, an anthology of 17 aetherpunk stories starring characters outside the gender binary, and we’re still going strong! As I write this, we’re $3,700 shy of our goal – an amount we definitely can raise, but the more help we get spreading the words about this project, the more people will know it exists, and truly that’s the single biggest barrier to hitting our goals: effectively spread the words. So, if you believe in this project, whether you’re a backer or not, we’d really appreciate you taking a moment to share/reblog/retoot/reskeet our posts about it!

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Thanks for all your support! Now, let’s introduce another of our contributing authors…

About S. J.: S. J. grew up in a distinctly weird, distinctly southern hometown, then hied out West for grad school before landing in Texas, where they currently work as a planetary scientist. They’ve been writing original works and fanfiction since they could hold a pencil semi-correctly, and continue to write both whenever possible (as well as still holding a pencil only semi-correctly). In their clearly copious spare time, S. J. enjoys hiking, tabletop RPGs, jigsaw puzzles, and enthusiastically crappy sci-fi.

Link: Personal Website | Tumblr

This is S. J.’s first time writing with Duck Prints Press. You can read another example of their writing by visiting their website to check out Anglerfish, a horror sci-fi story. 

An Interview with S. J. Ralston

How did you pick the name you create under?

It’s a line from the opening of the Aeneid that’s stuck with me ever since AP Latin in high school: “On account of the mindful wrath of cruel Juno.” It’s a synchesis, where the adjectives have been swapped from where you expect them to be; it’s Juno who is mindful and her wrath that is cruel, but rearranging them in such a way elegantly implies the relentless, vindictive onslaught that is to follow.

What do you consider to be your strengths as a creator?

Dialogue and dread.

What do the phrases “writer’s block” or “art block” mean to you?

The state of wanting to create but not having the intellectual raw materials to do it.

Are you a pantser, a planner, or a planster? What’s your process look like?

I would consider myself a plantser. Typically I start with an IDEA, writ large, center of the page. Then some key scenes will populate around it–dramatic moments, fun bits of dialogue, cool setpieces. At that point I get out my corkboard and red string and start trying to piece everything together, and if I’m lucky, the shape of the story will reveal itself to me. Sometimes it’s the classic parabola of rising and falling action, other times it’s been a ring, a tri-fold posterboard, a descending spiral, or a series of concentric circles. Then I fill in until the structure is complete and hope like hell that I can stick the landing.

What are your favorite tropes?

Found Family, Robots With Feelings, Enemies To Lovers, Destructive Romance, Kirk Summation/The Man In The Room

What are your favorite character archetypes?

Brooding Loner Secretly Just Lonely, Lying For Fun And Profit, Badass With An Obvious Dump Stat, Too Old For This Shit, Taciturn But Bizarre, Himbo

Do you like having background noise when you create? What do you listen to? Does it vary depending on the project, and if so, how?

I make a playlist for almost everything I write that’s longer than a few thousand words. Sometimes it’s for listening to while I’m creating (in that case, it has to be primarily instrumentals or I’ll get distracted), and sometimes it’s just for daydreaming to (in which case, the vibes must be correct, so I can construct AMV’s in my head).

Share five of your favorite books. (You can include why, if you want!)

Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett – Eerie, funny, and poignant in equal measure; a police procedural done right.

Piranesi by Susanna Clarke – Lush with joy, curiosity, and love, yet still remarkably dark, with an ending that will nestle in your brain forever.

Artemis Fowl: The Opal Deception by Eoin Colfer – Fourth in the series and the absolute pinnacle thereof. A master-class in shit hitting the fan. 

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation by Mo Xiang Tong Xiu – Everyone, down to the most momentary background character, behaves more like *people* than any I’ve ever read before and it’s *disastrous* and I *love* it.

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson – The classic of classics. The horror of horrors. The transgenderism of it all.

What are your goals as a creator? 

(1) To write something that’s better on the second read-through than it was on the first, and (2) To write something that stays with the reader.

What’s the best advice you’ve ever received?

When you finish a first draft and you *know* you’ve got something really good, put it down. For a month, six months, a year; until the glow fades, or you’ve fallen in love with whatever you’re writing next. Then come back and re-read that first draft. Take extensive notes, diagram the plot, profile the characters. Notice the holes, redundancies, missed opportunities, and inconsistencies. Then open up a blank document and *start over.*

S. J.’s Contribution to Aether Beyond the Binary

Title: Razzmatazz

Tags: bipoc, body horror, butch, character injury (non-graphic descriptions), classism, dehumanization, eye horror, horror, humans are the villains, mechanic, minor character death, misogyny, murder (accidental), non-binary, non-human character, past tense, sentient construct (magical), third person limited pov

Excerpt: 

The thing was damn near unrecognizable, not just as Marilyn Monroe, but as human. People had tweaked the proportions through the years—amateur artists who couldn’t put down the paintbrush. That kind of thing was bad enough on paper, but seeing it in person made Skipper’s butthole clench.

The dress and the curls were Monroe. The rest was something else.

“Shit my ass off,” Skipper said under his breath.

“Yeah,” said Charlie.

“This gets up and walks around?”

“She does.”

“Shit my ass off.”

Maybe it was a trick of the light, a too-heavy head on a too-thin neck, but the Monroe wasn’t staring across the aisle like the others. It seemed to be looking down at Skipper. It put out waves of dare-you-to-start-some-shit energy.

“Is it because they messed with the proportions?”

“Huh?” said Skipper, pulling out of the Monroe’s tractor beam.

“The reason she moves around so much. Could it be because of…” Charlie gestured to its whole body.

“Hell, maybe,” said Skipper.

The Monroe loomed like a landslide, just waiting for the rain. Skipper had a hammer on his belt. He felt like the Monroe was staring at it. If he broke the case, what then?