#intersex care

[pubhailey]

(Medical) Helicopter Parenting

Hey parents! I know we've all heard of helicopter parenting before: maybe you are one or maybe you had one. A helicopter parent believes that by staying hyper-vigilant over their child, they can keep them well-behaved and safe.

More often than not, helicopter parenting stems from a parent's own anxieties, rather than any real need to surveil their child. According to Parents.com, helicopter parenting can actually contribute to the onset of childhood anxiety, entitlement, and underdeveloped life skills.

But today I want to talk about another kind of parenting, something I'm going to call Medical Helicopter Parenting.

Medical helicopter parents are parents of intersex children who chose to have their child's genitals surgically modified shortly after birth. Rather than risk the uncertainties of raising a child with genitals that aren't quite male or quite female, medical helicopter parents make the drastic decision to surgically reinforce their child's sex.

While medical helicopter parents may believe they are making this decision in the best interest of their child, the reality is that their child has lost their ability to grow into their identity on their own terms. Furthermore, when that child grows up and learns that this medical decision was made without their consent, the odds that your parent-child relationship will be permanently damaged is incredibly high.

Follow this link to read about parent-child relationships in the wake of infant intersex surgeries:

The best thing that a parent of an intersex child can do is address thier own anxieties in the face of uncertainty and difference.

Lurie Children's Sex Development Clinic is a great resource for both children and parents to learn about intersex conditions and gender. They can help facilitate the development of a healthy relationship between intersex child and parent by including the child in the decision-making process and encouraging parental support.

Get comfortable with difference and find the support you need here:

If you have helicopter tendencies, just remember:

Don't medicalize... get therapized!

[tossawary]

This is petty fandom salt, BUT... I've been chewing on this phenomenon that I've been calling "Fandom's Darling". It is related to things like "Author's Darling" and "Mary Sue / Gary Stu" and "Protagonist Halo" and all that jazz, where one character gains a peculiar narrative weight in a story.

"Author's Darling" is when a writer has a favorite character, and the world and all other characters sort of get... warped to put the Darling in the spotlight. It's most noticeable in TV shows with multiple writers, when a character you personally like suddenly has their previous characterization destroyed to make another character look good somehow. Every other character might become weirdly incompetent. The Darling's feelings are treated as The Most Important Feelings in any given situation. The logic of the fictional world seems broken past suspension of disbelief in order to validate this one character's beliefs or skillset or some other fantasy. And so on.

"Fandom's Darling" is what I've been calling the pattern where a fandom essentially crowns a New Protagonist for their fanfiction stories (it's often a side character rather than the original protagonist, but it can also happen to protagonists). This character becomes the self-insert for all sorts of indulgent fantasies, gaining special powers or backstories, and/or becoming the focus of extreme whump, and/or hooking up with all the various hotties, starring in all sorts of tropey AUs, and so on. They're not always an obvious Mary Sue version of themselves, but the character's original personality and interpersonal relationships tend to get warped or dropped completely, and other characters tend to become a little flat around them. I call it "Fandom's Darling" because it's not just one self-indulgent fantasy fic (you do you! Have fun!) with characterization choices that I don't vibe with (I have neither the time nor the desire nor the authority to police anything, I am just venting), but rather a prolific mini-fandom of sorts revolving around this empty doll / fanon version of the chosen vessel character, so it becomes a little unavoidable.

I am salty about this (mildly frustrated) (imagine a soft sigh of disappointment before I just go do something else) because you are FUCKED if you actually liked the canonical version of this character and their interpersonal relationships. It's almost worse than liking an obscure character that no one cares about. There's about a thousand fics starring your fave, but maybe only about a dozen of them are actually rooted in any kind of recognisable canon.

[trans-axolotl]

one of the reasons it's really hard for a lot of intersex people when intersex topics are on the news cycle is because the public's reaction reveals how little anyone knows or cares about intersex people, including people who call themselves our allies. almost every time intersex topics are trending, the discourse surrounding them is filled with misinformation. people who only learned today what the word intersex means jump into conversations and act like an authority. endosex/dyadic/perisex people get tripped up over things that are basically intersex 101, with tons of endosex people incorrectly arguing about the definition of intersex, who "counts," DSD terminology, and so much more. i've seen multiple endosex people say today that they've been "warning intersex people" and that we should have known that transphobia would catch up with us eventually, which is an absolutely absurd thing to say given the fact that consistently over the past ten years, it has often been intersex people sounding the alarm on sex-testing policies and also the fact that many, many intersex people are also trans, and already are facing the impacts of transphobia. there is an absolute failure from the general public to take intersex identity seriously; people seem not even able to fathom that intersex people have a community, history, and our own political resources. instead, endosex people somehow seem to think they're helping by bringing up half-remembered information from their high school biology class which usually isn't even relevant at all.

and this frustrates me so fucking much. not because i want to deny the impacts of transphobic oppression--i'm a trans intersex person, trust me when i say i am intimately aware of transphobia. this frustrates me because there is no way we can achieve collective liberation if our "allies" fail to even engage with basic intersex topics and are seemingly unaware of the many forms of intersex oppression that we are already facing every fucking day. if you are not aware of compulsory dyadism, if you are not aware of interphobia, if you are not aware of the many different ways that intersex people are directly and often violently targeted--how the fuck do you think we're going to dismantle all of these systems of oppression?

if you were truly an intersex ally, you would already KNOW that this is not new, and would not be surprised--interphobia in sports has been going on for decades. you would know that we do have a community, an identity, a history--you would have already read/listened/watched to intersex resources that give you the background information you need for allyship. you would know that although there is a really distinct lack of resources and political education, that intersex people ARE developing a political understanding of ourselves and our oppression--Cripping Intersex by Celeste Orr and their framework of compulsory dyadism is one example of how we're theorizing our oppression. It's absolutely fucking wild to me how few people I've seen actually use words like "interphobia" "intersexism" "compulsory dyadism" or "intersex oppression"--endosex people are seemingly incapable of recognizing that there is already an entrenched system of oppression towards intersex people that violently reshapes our bodies, restricts our autonomy, and attempts to eradicate intersex through a variety of medical and legal means.

you cannot treat intersex people like an afterthought. not just because we're meaningful parts of your community and deserving of solidarity, but also because intersex oppression impacts everyone!!! especially trans community--trans people will not be free until intersex people are free, so much of transphobia is shaped by compulsory dyadism, the mythical sex binary, all these ideas of enforced "biological sex" that are just as fake as the gender binary.

it makes me absolutely fucking livid every time this shit happens because it becomes so abundantly clear to me how little the average endosex person knows about intersex issues and also how little the average endosex person cares about changing that. i don't know what to say to get you to care, to get you to change that, but we fucking need it to happen and i, personally, am tired of constantly being grateful when i meet an endosex person who knows the bare minimum. i think we have a right to expect better and to demand that if you're going to call yourself our ally, you actually fucking listen to us when we tell you what that means.

okay for endosex people to reblog.

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to all Oceanic LGBTQ+ folks.

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Take pride in it all. Your culture, your identity, it’s all so beautiful. Celebrate where you are from and who you are. It makes you you, and that is something to be proud of.

post for Middle Easterners, post for Asians, post for Pacific Islanders , post for Hispanics, post for Africans , post for Native Americans, post for Caribbeans

[mueritos]

a little strange to get dms from other trans people saying they agree with biden's dumb statemet that he doesnt want minors getting gender-affirming care. if you really think its such an epidemic that 13 year olds are getting their knockers blown off by surgeons every other day, then please point me in the direction of said 13 year olds that are somehow accessing gender-affirming care that literal trans adults can't even access.

like please be fr. we literally have privatized healthcare and insurance where not even people who go through the appropriate avenues can get approved for care they need to stay alive. what makes you think a trans minor is getting phallo or vaginalplasty. feel whatever you want about 13 year olds who want gender-affirming care, but dont parrot transphobic rhetoric that is based on no facts and a moral panic. they second they legitimize barriers to care for trans minors is the second they start finding ways to do the same for trans adults. dont be a buffoon.

[fixtheaxel]

terfs: How dare you use those extremely-rare barely even existent pathetic little disordered freaks as a cudgel for your idealogy!!!

tme/tma binarists: How dare you use those extremely-rare barely even existent intersex people as a cudgel for you ideology!!! (see, I'm not interphobic, i didn't call them disordered!!)

Me (an intersex person): So, hi, I don't actually view myself as cudge-

Both: SHUT UP AND STOP SELF-TOKENISING YOURSELF. I BET YOU'RE NOT EVEN INTERSEX!

Me: ...

[dreamyintersexouppy]

part of this is from quippy answers from stressed out transfems but if you think "affected by transmisogyny" and "Transmisogyny Affected" mean the same thing when speaking about transfeminist theory, you are not speaking about transfeminist theory you're making up semantics to argue over

[pubhailey]

As Common as Red Hair

In 2020, Lurie Children's Hospital set an unprecedented new standard for intersex care: "in intersex individuals, irreversible genital procedures... should not be performed until patients can participate meaningfully in making the decision for themselves, unless medically necessary."

Let's talk about what makes this stance so revolutionary, and what we stand to gain from banning genital surgery on intersex infants.

Read Lurie's full statement here:

What is intersex?

Intersex is an umbrella term that describes any individual who is born with sex characteristics that differ from textbook male/female physiology. While these conditions encompass a variety of physiological, hormonal, and genetic differences in development, Lurie's announcement specifically addresses infants born with intersex genital characteristics.

Check out this graphic to see just how "uncommon" a physical trait considered "different from textbook" has to be:

What is intersex care?

Prior to 2020, the standard of care for infants born with intersex genitalia was surgical "correction" of their physiology to an appearance that was more obviously male or female. These procedures were justified under the pretense that they allow intersex infants to grow up without the shame and dysphoria of being "different."

Why is Lurie right and surgery wrong?

Imagine a world in which brown and blonde hair are acceptable normal hair colors. Red-heads are still born, but something is assumed to be wrong with them because red does not fall within the brown/blonde binary of hair color. When a baby is born red-headed, doctors encourage parents to put their infant through hair transplant surgery so that they don't grow up looking any different from their blonde and brown-haired peers.

Now replace the hair colors in this allegory with genitals.

Silliness of this allegory aside, I utilize it here to demonstrate how arbitrary the cultural significance we place on physiological traits truly is. There are certain characteristics that we as a society have decided are acceptable (brown/blonde hair, penis/vagina), and take great pains to make those characteristics appear not just normal, but natural (at the expense of reheads or intersex folk).

The reigning standard of care for intersex infants is predicated on both fear of difference and a grave misunderstanding of sex and gender. Gender theorist Kate Bornstein disentangles these facets of identity (and in the process, the fear that stems from physiological ambiguity) with her GenderBread Person online tool.

Lurie's new protocol has opened the door to a revolution in the way we think about sex, gender, and children's autonomy within the medical field. By delaying sex assignment surgery (at least long enough to allow the child to be a part of the decision-making process), Lurie not only empowers children to have control over their own bodies, but facilitatates discussions between parents, children, and healthcare providers to try to understand sex and gender beyond the realm of medical textbooks and social norms.

Get to know yourself better by playing around with your own GenderBread Person here:

[ugly-anarchist]

Perisex people will do the most horrific fetishization of intersex people and use slurs and spread misinformation about what being intersex is and then when they're called out go "nooo don't be mean to me! I just didn't know any better 😞 I believe in human error and forgiving mistakes 🙏🏼 why are you so hell bent on viewing me as malicious clearly this is a you problem you should learn to be nicer to people 😡"

[transmaverique]

amab and afab, if they were used as shorthand for the actual full phrases that they signify, with emphasis on the "assigned" part, and an understanding that they are enforcements of normative (ie, dyadic and cisgender and binary) sex, would be like. really useful. but people took the terms and started using them as shorthand FOR normative sex instead of the ENFORCEMENT OF normative sex. so when other trans people (almost always dyadic trans people) ask for your agab they are almost always asking for your Original Genital Situation. your starting point, so to say. and the reason FOR asking is also almost always bc they are trying to also enforce a certain kind of normativity within queer spaces (which is stupid bc being queer is inherently non-normative but here we are). like, you cant be a lesbian if you're ftm, bc you ARE m, so if you ARE a lesbian, then that means you're lying about some aspect of your identity. does that make sense?

it is always always always incredibly.... i do not trust dyadic trans people that use cagab terms, even moreso than i do not trust dyadic trans people that just use agab terms. agab is also coopted intersex language, but the "coercive" part of cagab SPECIFICALLY refers to medical "intervention" of intersex characteristics, such as "corrective" surgeries and hrt. i am deeply fucking suspicious of any dyadic trans person that uses those terms exactly the same as described above, even moreso if they do so bc "all gender is coercive".

like. yeah. that's true. but you use these terms to erase and overtake intersex discussions on the medical abuse of intersex infants. and i cant help but wonder why you would feel the need to do that.

[the-beacons-of-minas-tirith]

Terfs really have no brain cells huh

“Intersex does not exist”????

Anyway:

From Ask A Biologist:

From Planned Parenthood:

https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/gender-identity/sex-gender-identity/whats-intersex

From the Intersex Society of North America:

TERFS/RADFEMS STOP BEING IGNORANT SHITS CHALLENGE LEVEL IMPOSSIBLE

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to all Pacific Islander LGBTQ+ folks.

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Shoutout to all Kiribati LGBTQ+ folks.

Shoutout to all West Papuans LGBTQ+ folks.

Take pride in it all. Your culture, your identity, it’s all so beautiful. Celebrate where you are from and who you are. It makes you you, and that is something to be proud of.

Post for Asians, post for Middle Easterners, post for Oceanic folks, post for Hispanics , post for Africans, post for Native Americans, post for Caribbeans

[trans-androgyne]

> Guy who claims to be a voice for intersex people.

> Still uses AMAB and AFAB.

I very much do not claim to be a voice for intersex people, that is not my place as a perisex person. I do try to be an intersex ally, and that is why I use amab and afab the way I do.

Whether any of us like it or not, most people do get assigned male or female at birth based on their natural body parts and/or coercive surgeries. And that birth assignment often influences the way others who know it treat us. But the way I use them is meant to make it abundantly clear that being amab or afab is an event, not a trait, and does not inherently imply anything about your body or experiences.

If intersex folks would like to critique the way I use them or provide me with another way to discuss folks' nonconsensual birth sex assignment and the impacts it can have, I would be happy to hear it, but the intersex folks I know use agab terms the same way that I do.

[shinigami-social]

Before you make a post about how “oh well Michael Phelps doesn’t get kicked out for his physical advantage of [insert trait]” please check if you are about to say something ableist about a man with very notable and visible traits of disability. Ask yourself if calling one of the most well-known people with a marfanoid physique “freak of nature” is a normal and non-ableist thing to do. You can point out that his physical differences give him certain benefits, and you’re right, he isn’t banned for them, but holy shit stop being ableist.

[evil-cryptile]

I have ocs and i ,like them

Tav (they/he) Demmy (he/him) Zuza (any prns)

[m00ngbin]

I feel like intersex people are only ever brought up as a way to get back at conservatives. Like people don't actually give a damn about intersex people unless we're helping them prove their point