#insurance will see it as something you don't “need”
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wagegang is kev rad rick n streber so adding dexter would be like. wagegang+ yeah thats what im calling it
anyways. wagegang+ driving / car headcanons. very long so its under the cut. also this takes place in michigan because i live there lol viva la midwest
kevin has a license but doesn't own a car. He wanted to pay for it himself instead of his parents so right now he's stuck on a bike since I don't think there's much public transit in a small town like that lol. Not bad since his work isn't too far of a ride (one of the reasons he chose it), but it gets kinda dicey on grocery runs. When he can't fit everything in the front basket or a backpack he hooks a milk crate to the back. As for driving, he's a very cautious driver. Maybe too cautious, being on the highway makes him hella nervous, especially in inclimate weather or when people are going fast because some people do not know how to behave on the highway. in michigan if youre on the highway youre probably gonna end up going like at least 10-20 miles over the speed limit or else people will get mad at you and kevin is gritting his teeth the whole time. Always does his best to go the speed limit and always uses turn signals, less out of fear of the law and more out of fear of crashing. Would tell you to put your seatbelt on because he doesn't want you cracking the windshield with your face, that costs money. Once hit someone's bumper while trying to park and got so worked up over the idea of having to pay someone's insurance over it that he had to get out of the car and sit on the curb for a few minutes to chill the fuck out. Strongly opinionated on the roundabout vs four-way intersection debate. When someone pisses him off on the road he fumes and growls about it under his breath for the next ten minutes. Keeps a little travel bottle of hand sanitizer in the cupholder. road trip snacks of choice are hi-chews, andy capps cheddar fries and an arizona tea (either raspberry or arnold palmer).
streber got a hand-me-down dark grey ford focus from his parents in high school and has been driving it since. named it sheila. plays ferryman for the gang when theyre going somewhere, and sheila bears the scars of it. despite barely passing drivers ed as a teen hes surprisingly probably the safest driver. Sometimes makes illegal turns at intersections because he doesn't wanna go around. very particular about the "driver gets radio privileges" rule. will full-body lean over someone in the passenger seat if he needs to and will not announce that he is dong this before he actually does it. once yelled at kevin to get in the car while leaning over to the passenger window and snagged one of his belt chains on the center console / gear shift and they were almost late to the event while he tried to untangle them. glovebox and center console are full of extra napkins from fast food places, if you spill something or sniffle a little he'll toss them at you from the front. if you eat something in his car he'll hand you a napkin, and if you refuse it he'll ball up a few of them and throw them back at your head. will tweak out if you leave crumbs in his car. rad got him one of those little vampire rubber duckies and he keeps it on the dashboard. becomes incredibly distraught any time he sees a dead animal on the side of the road and will slam on the brakes if a deer looks like its about to cross. When someone pisses him off on the road he yells in the car and hits the horn but tries to get it together afterwards. will talk shit about drivers long after. mean mugs people at red lights. road trip snacks of choice are sour gummy candy, those tins of flavored almonds, and a faygo (usually either redpop or cream soda).
radford got a permit but never actually completed the hours to get a full license. calls shotgun any chance he gets, and almost always tries to fuck with the radio. keeps getting put on navigation duty since he calls shotgun, and is pretty good at it until he gets distracted, at which point he completely loses the route. champion of calling out an exit or turn as they're already passing it. has left many a mark on streber's car. the list includes stupid anime stickers he stuck to the rear window and then couldn't get off, baby on board bumper sticker he got as a gag, stain on the back seat from trying to steal a sip of kevin's slushie after a gas station run and spilling it all over both their laps, and a different stain from the time they picked up his little brother from the fair and he threw up because he ate way too much funnel cake and got convinced by his friend to ride those shitty whiplash-inducing mini coasters like five consecutive times. amongst many other incidents. behind the wheel he's an alright driver, but has a bad tendency to miss turns or almost hit stuff. offered to drive robert to school to get hours on his permit and almost immediately hit a curb and busted the tire. accidentally break checks people with some regularity. hangs air fresheners in the family car but never takes off the old ones, so they collect into a massive swinging cardboard flail weapon. first time he tried to do a Michigan Left he almost caused an accident. if a window fogs up he'll draw on it with his finger no matter how many times he's told to stop and that it smudges the window. it takes a lot to piss him off while driving as he usually laughs off mishaps or bad drivers, but if he gets mad enough he'll try to roll down the window to yell at / flip off the person, in which whoever else is in the car has to remind him he needs to keep his eyes on the road. points out a deer crossing sign or a road work ahead sign every time without fail. road trip snacks of choice are a pack of twizzlers or those sour punch straws, fritos or bugles, and a lemonade.
dexter has a license through some sort of miracle, seeing that he had to retake the test like five times from fumbling it so bad. not because he's a totally bad driver, hes actually pretty good behind the wheel. other than not using turn signals, most of the time he doesnt use his turn signal and just goes for it. the main issue is his absolutely godawful road rage. anybody having sub-optimal behavior on the road, inclimate weather, traffic, most things will piss him off. once he gets pissed he gets reckless, curses people out loudly and flips them the bird, hits the horn and steering wheel, punches the dashboard and hits his head against the seat headrest, break checks people and tries to cut them off, etc. in any other seat hes fine, but the moment he's put behind the wheel he loses all composure. not allowed to drive streber's car anymore under most circumstances after scratching the hell out of the passenger door trying to cut someone off on the highway (unfondly remembered as The Pontiac Incident). As a passenger he's more toned-down, at least to the degree dexter possibly could be. points out roadkill every time he sees it despite the fact that it makes streber upset. has a bad habit of slouching down in the back seat and putting his knees against the back of the passenger seat with the seatbelt resting near or on his throat. streber had to stop hard at a light once and it choked dexter so hard he was coughing for minutes, now does the slouch somewhat less or just opts not to wear a seatbelt. will shit talk other drivers for you whether you want him to or not. forgets to kick the snow / mud off his shoes before getting into the car unless directly told. incredibly good with navigation, but rarely volunteers or overrides radford's volunteering. His mom has an old beat-up car, but he doesn't really use it because he doesn't want to mess up his mom's car (he knows he has road rage issues, he just usually doesn't care about the consequences unless it's his mom. if he has to drive his mom somewhere, he does his best to behave for her). somehow always manages to leave cat hair on streber's car seats and it pisses streber off so bad. road trip snacks of choice are warheads / toxic waste / other stupidly sour candies that burn your taste buds off (which he always tries to convince radford to try them and thinks its hilarious when he reacts to the sourness), bag of beef jerky, and a gatorade (usually red, green or orange).
rick has a license simply because his family made him go get one the moment he hit 16, but he rarely ever uses it and by this point it's probably expired. he doesnt drive because he doesnt like to lol, not only because its a lot of effort that he doesnt like putting in, but also because there are far too many things to focus on at once and if you whiff one people start getting mad at you, at which point he just quits lol. his preferred and favorite seat is the back seat on the left by the window, if its available he will take it immediately without saying anything. everyone knows thats rick's spot so they let him have it every time, even when its inconvenient, because if he cant have his spot he lowkey quietly sulks and it brings down the energy in the car. never suggests places to go or things to do but if you ask him to come along he'll usually say sure and get in the car because being taken somewhere "fun" with the minimal amount of effort is something he's capable of accepting lol. number one champion of putting on his headphones and staring out the window quietly until they get somewhere. When he's actually behind the wheel he's... fine, it's serviceable, but it is also kinda nerve-wracking to put the depressed guy in michigan driver traffic lmfao. can follow a map fine but forgets to actually announce the directions and / or doesn't care enough to actually bother so they rarely put him on navigation duty. the guy who prefers the car trip to the actual location (he is real for this). he doesn't road rage out loud, if someone does something stupid on the road he's just silently pissed off and sighs and white-knuckles the steering wheel till hes out of that area. go-to road snacks are whatever is cheapest, saltiest, or sweetest (he has little to no preference).
if any of these headcanons don't make sense its because i dont have a license and have never done drivers training yet lmfao
#go go gadget my hyperspecific headcanons#spooky month#spooky month wagegang#spooky month wagegang+#spooky month kevin#spooky month streber#spooky month radford#spooky month dexter#spooky month rick
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So, here's the thing - I know you're trying to say that this is a slippery slope and that if he can decide to kill someone he doesn't like, anyone can, but the problem is that that's already what's happening.
CEOs like Brian Thompson are in the position to be deciding the fates of thousands, if not tens or hundreds of thousands, of people. People who need their insurance to cover their life-saving care. And the majority of the time, they are denied.
That denial often directly leads to these people's deaths - deaths that could easily be prevented if they got their medical bills covered. You've said before in previous posts that police violence is justified if the person they're perpetrating it against is going to or is currently harming other people. By that logic, Mangione was justified in enacting violence against Thompson because he (Thompson) was hurting vast multitudes of people every day. Or is this only the case when the state does it?
That's another thing - this issue isn't partisan, or woke, or anti-work, or anything on the political spectrum - it's American. This was going to happen at some point because this is what America set itself up for.
From practically birth we are spoon-fed a narrative that America was born from a desperate revolution against an evil empire, that we only exist thanks to brave men on the battlefield. Time and again, we are told stories of America beating back the bad guys with violence. We stopped slavery with violence. We stopped Hitler with violence. Our movies and tv shows are filled with heroes violently defeating evil empires who oppress their people. If you're christian, which is highly likely if you're american, you're told that the world is constantly against you and you will one day need to rise up and defend your freedoms. That we are only free thanks to the constant battles of our military.
Then we grow up.
We realize that we are not free. We are made slaves by the need for food and shelter, commodities held for ransom by those who hoard them. We are forced into back-breaking or humiliating work for most of the week, sometimes even more than a week, with little respite between days. We exhaust ourselves to be able to live, while the people we work for live in luxury. They feast on rare delicacies while we starve, they own fleets of cars and yachts bought with the money we give them, and then when we ask for a little help, the help they promised us, in order to continue living, they deny us and leave us to die.
I don't know about you, but to me, that sounds like an evil empire. And overthrowing evil empires is what America is all about. At least, it's what we like to tell ourselves it's all about.
Truthfully, I wish I could wholeheartedly condemn this murder. To say it was injust to take a father away from his wife and kids. But how can I, when he has destroyed countless families the same way, the only difference being his weapon of choice is bureaucracy? And worse, how can I say that violence is not the answer when it clearly gets results?
After Thompson was shot, there was an entire day where everyone who filed a claim with United Healthcare got approved. Every. Single. One. They could have done that at any time, but only did it at that point because they were afraid. Because they knew that people are getting fed up of being oppressed and abused.
Like I said before, America is built on the idea that violence is the solution to oppressive regimes. We see this throughout history; if you want something done, get a weapon. Get violent. Get mad. Make life take the lemons back. I don't want violence to be the best option, but if it gets results, it's only a matter of time before more people take up arms.
Cyan: OSP does not condone violence. Or at least not murder. And usually not violence. Blue: OSP condones sending a message!
Ultimately, I don't think it's fair to condemn a majority for celebrating the death of a man who has directly caused so much pain and misery. To call them insensitive is to ignore the many lives that Thompson has taken, however indirectly.
“Do you understand what I'm saying?" shouted Moist. "You can't just go around killing people!" "Why Not? You Do." The golem lowered his arm. "What?" snapped Moist. "I do not! Who told you that?" "I Worked It Out. You Have Killed Two Point Three Three Eight People," said the golem calmly. "I have never laid a finger on anyone in my life, Mr Pump. I may be–– all the things you know I am, but I am not a killer! I have never so much as drawn a sword!" "No, You Have Not. But You Have Stolen, Embezzled, Defrauded And Swindled Without Discrimination, Mr Lipvig. You Have Ruined Businesses And Destroyed Jobs. When Banks Fail, It Is Seldom Bankers Who Starve. Your Actions Have Taken Money From Those Who Had Little Enough To Begin With. In A Myriad Small Ways You Have Hastened The Deaths Of Many. You Do Not Know Them. You Did Not See Them Bleed. But You Snatched Bread From Their Mouths And Tore Clothes From Their Backs. For Sport, Mr Lipvig. For Sport. For The Joy Of The Game.” --Going Postal
By: Colin Wright
Published: Dec 23, 2024
A new study from the Network Contagion Research Institute (NCRI) has revealed an alarming surge in anti-civil activity online following the assassination of UnitedHealthcare CEO Brian Thompson. The NCRI study, titled “Killing with Applause: Emergent Permission Structures for Murder in the Digital Age,” highlights the profound societal implications of this event, showcasing the disturbing normalization of violence against corporate figures and the role of social media in amplifying such narratives.
While the specifics of Thompson’s murder are shocking, the NCRI warns that the broader cultural shift it appears to be facilitating may be even more worrisome. The data reveals an evolving “permission structure” online—a system in which social media platforms amplify narratives, and susceptible individuals provide justification—resulting in the normalization of violence on a scale previously confined to small extremist communities.
The murder, which occurred outside a Manhattan hotel during an investors’ conference, has sparked a wave of online glorification, memes, and merchandise celebrating the shooter, Luigi Mangione. The NCRI’s findings expose an unsettling trend: mainstream social media platforms are becoming breeding grounds for rhetoric that not only justifies violence but also facilitates its transition from the digital realm to the real world.
Public Opinion Reflects Shifting Norms
The NCRI’s research reveals a major societal shift, highlighting how public opinion has veered dangerously toward accepting violence as a legitimate response to perceived systemic injustices. Nearly half of Americans surveyed (44 percent) believe that Thompson’s murder was at least somewhat justified, reflecting a growing openness to violent means of addressing grievances. This finding is particularly alarming as it indicates that support for such extreme measures is no longer confined to isolated groups but is increasingly mainstream.
The data shows that social media plays a critical role in shaping these attitudes. Among heavy social media users—those who spend more than 5.4 hours per day on these platforms—the justification rate surges to 64 percent, starkly contrasting with just 23 percent among low-use individuals (0-1.3 hours per day).
Even more concerning is the generational divide: a staggering 78.8 percent of respondents aged 18-27 expressed at least partial justification for the murder, signaling a profound shift among younger demographics toward endorsing “targeted violence.”
The younger generation’s overwhelming approval for violent actions suggests a troubling cultural normalization of aggression as a tool for addressing grievances.
Platforms of Concern: Bluesky and Beyond
One of the most striking revelations in the NCRI study is the role of mainstream platforms like Bluesky in fostering permissive attitudes toward violence. Bluesky, widely lauded by political progressives as a kinder and friendlier alternative to X/Twitter, now exhibits the highest justification rates for the UHC CEO’s murder (78 percent), surpassing even extremist platforms like Gab and 4chan.
Bluesky’s user base skews younger and more tech-savvy, demographics that the NCRI study identifies as particularly susceptible to violent rhetoric. The combination of algorithmic amplification of extreme views and a vulnerable audience creates an environment ripe for the proliferation of violent narratives. This grim reality was recently illustrated when Bluesky users called for the murder of journalist Jesse Singal, en masse, due to his fact-based reporting on pediatric “gender medicine.” Users even posted what they believed to be his address and photos of his apartment door online.
Across social media platforms, including X, Reddit, and TikTok, there has been an alarming increase in content justifying violence. Viral hashtags like #EatTheRich and “Free Luigi” dominate many online discussions, and moderation efforts often lag behind the pace of content creation and dissemination, allowing violent rhetoric to flourish.
From Memes to Real-World Impacts
The transition of violent rhetoric from online spaces to real-world actions is perhaps one of the most troubling revelations of the NCRI study. Viral memes, fancam edits, and merchandise such as “Free Luigi” t-shirts have commodified his image. Events like the “UHC Shooter Lookalike Contest,” held in Washington Square Park, reveals how online rhetoric is influencing real-world behaviors. Participants, many of whom were dressed to mimic Mangione, gathered to celebrate and parody the assassination, demonstrating an alarming erosion of societal norms.
On social media, fancam edits and viral videos glorify Mangione’s actions, framing him as an anti-establishment icon. According to the report:
These videos frequently feature romantic or hyperbolic captions, highlight niche cultural affinities, or focus on his physical appearance, further amplifying his image and fueling narratives that glamorize his actions. This glorification fuels permission structures that could inspire others to perceive violence as a legitimate form of activism.
The hashtag #EatTheRich has surged by over 500 percent week-over-week, accompanying calls for violence against corporate figures and circulating “CEO Wanted” posters and executive “hit lists.” These posters, which feature “mocked-up mugshots of healthcare executives,” promote vigilante justice and represent “a deliberate attempt to provoke fear and destabilize corporate leadership.”
According to the NCRI report, “The murder of Brian Thompson appears to have catalyzed a dangerous feedback loop, where glorification, humor, conspiracy, and targeted harassment create an environment ripe for further violence.”
This blending of online rhetoric and offline action reflects what the NCRI describes as an “emergent permission structure,” which they describe as “a framework that justifies previously unacceptable beliefs or actions, with a clear division of labor: Social media platforms provide the amplification, while psychologically susceptible individuals provide the justification…” Taken in concert, these elements form a system that normalizes and even glamorizes acts of violence.
The Lionization of Luigi Mangione
Luigi Mangione’s transformation from an obscure figure to a symbol of anti-establishment resistance has been meteoric. Within days of his arrest, his social media following exploded from 5,000 to over 400,000. The slogan “Free Luigi” was posted 47,000 times in 48 hours, generating nearly 800,000 engagements across X and Reddit.
The commodification of Mangione’s image extends beyond social media. T-shirts, mugs, and other merchandise featuring his likeness are being sold on e-commerce platforms, trivializing his actions while profiting from the controversy. New cryptocurrency “memecoins” such as $LUIGI have also emerged, turning a deadly act into a speculative financial opportunity.
Psychological Drivers
The NCRI study identifies three key predictors of support for the murder: authoritarian tendencies, heavy social media use, and diminished personal agency. These factors interact in a synergistic way, with social media amplifying authoritarian predispositions and fostering the normalization of violence.
The combination of authoritarianism, an external locus of control, and social media’s amplifying effects appears to be a perfect storm for radicalization. These factors interact in a way that makes violence seem rational and even heroic to those who might otherwise feel marginalized or voiceless.
The interaction between these psychological drivers is particularly pronounced among younger demographics, who are both heavy social media users and more likely to experience anxiety or disillusionment with traditional systems. The NCRI study reveals that among users aged 18-27, those with high authoritarian tendencies and heavy social media use were the most likely to justify violence.
A Call to Action
The NCRI study concludes with a warning:
As digital platforms become arenas for ideological conflict, the consequences extend beyond individual incidents of violence to threaten broader public safety and societal cohesion. This transformation underscores the urgent need for strategies that address the root causes of digital radicalization and mitigate its impacts.
The challenges we face require a comprehensive and collaborative response. No single entity can address the complexities of digital radicalization alone. Policymakers, educators, platforms, and community leaders must work in unison to restore the moral boundaries against violent extremism.
The study concludes:
The spread and scope of justification for murder have significantly eroded what was once the monopoly of fringe communities in supporting violence and glorifying shooters online. This shift underscores the urgency of initiatives aimed at reinforcing the bonds of civic trust and restoring civility. Such efforts are essential not only in countering the tide of extremism but also in fostering a resilient society where dialogue and mutual respect prevail.
==
EDIT: Wow, this managed to attract the murderous psychopaths. I hope you'll be just as understanding when someone kills someone you care about and justifies it in the name of nebulous "systemic" somethingisms.
If there was ever any doubt about Colin's premise, it has been proven by the insanity of those cheering it on in the reblogs.
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Everyone is suggesting stocking up on morning after pills in case they get banned. And Yes! do that! But also if you do not plan to bare a child in the next few years look into long term birth controls.
Even Missouri never banned long term birth controls. They just make you take a pregnancy test before being prescribed it. So as long as you are not currently pregnant and want to avoid having a child during the next 4 years get on long term birth control.
Call Planned Parenthood today because the wait list is usually a month out for the earliest appointment. If they plan to attack abortion and birth control options day one you want to get prescribed them before jan. In case they make it incredibly hard to get prescribed it. But one doctor visit and they can prescribe you the Depo shot for a year. Depo is the least invasive option. If you go for one of the inserts those last years on their own. They just have the risk of slipping and you not know it until after you've become pregnant.
Depo; lasts 3 months, stops or lightens most periods, and income based PP charge 0-20 dollars for low income people to get it every 3 months. You qualify for low income even/especially without insurance. At full price it's 70-90 dollars every 3 months. but if you make less than 30k a year you qualify as low income.
TLDR: Long term birth controls are less likely to be banned and at least will take longer to ban compared to abortion pills. Conservatives don't want to "kill the embryo" which is what they see morning after pills as doing. Long term birth controls stop the embryo from even forming. Look into the Depo or other options before Jan and get prescribed it so you are at least set for the next year.
#politics#us politics#birth control#planned parenthood#election 2024#I know some are looking into surgery's to get their tubes tied#but that's expensive#and even if you find a doctor that will perform it on someone under 40#that doesn't mean insurance will cover it if you are under 40#insurance will see it as something you don't “need”#Depo is far cheaper and at the very least not permanent#i don't want a large chunk of the queer community voluntarily sterilizing themselves#you do know sterilizing the gays is one of the Right's goals right?#don't do something permanent when there are still other options
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Love my job, love my company. I only work ACA, and it is so nice that our megaphone to thousands of employees is "The patients are the point. The people are the purpose!!! If we do our job with purpose, things get better for tens of thousands of people!!!!"
I don't share my employer for a few reasons, but it is very reassuring to know we are not unusual in ACA spaces. I highly encourage you to scrutinize your options as heavily as you see fit. Good options are made to withstand your investigation bc good options want you to have agency in your care and confidence in your health literacy! Marketplace options change state to state, year to year - - check what your options are this year!
#Creepy chatter#We had our DEI director speak in a PRIDE resource group last week#And they basically said 'anyone in healthcare who deprioritizes DEI initiatives is sinking their ship and killing people'#We also don't seem to give a fuck about who's in power either? Refreshing#'Healthcare is always personal + local. It is not political. We focus on what our patients need above all else.'#WHICH is the way to thrive in the current USA healthcare landscape honestly#Which sounds facetious but genuinely it is a missed point by many in healthcare (insurance especially)#In a service industry if you do not prioritize what your customers need then you are a floundering company. Healthcare extremely so.#Very telling how we spend the minimum amount of time looking at UHC shooting. Gotta say something ig#80% time spent speaking on reaching more patients. 15% employee Q/A. 5% see something say something call 911
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#can I just. scream for a second#so as is news to no one#we need to start over the entire us medical system from scratch#also I would like to be flayed alive and start over from scratch in the skin department as well#anyway for context: I've had some kind of rash/acne/infection/irritation all over my legs for over a year now#have tried various products and changed habits and products to try and get rid of it to no avail#everyone said you should really just go to a dermatologist#(I was not that inclined to do so bc the previous and only time I'd seen a dermatologist it was not a good experience. very condescending#also I don't like making appointments and stuff. girl I don't have time)#but I decided to be an adult and go (my insurance info seemed to imply I could go with zero copay even)#spoilers: that was not the case#anyway so I show up and surprise surprise: it sucked#she was dismissive and condescending imo. was literally like 'well it could be A B or C but I can't tell'#'all of those are basically impossible to get rid of anyway but the things to try are X Y or Z'#I asked to try Z since X and Y are things that I already tried and did nothing (which I had told her!!!)#but she just kept being like 'you just need to stop picking at it. that's the real problem and that's what's exacerbating your scarring'#(wow thanks never thought of that!) (she also insinuated that my scarring was ugly)#girl I'm not 5 years old I understand.#unfortunately for me that is a compulsion so strong it would probably take years of directed therapy to get me to stop doing that#what I'm here to see you about is to figure out what the problem is and how to stop it from happening in the first place#and STOP TRYING TO MAKE IT A COSMETIC ISSUE#it's causing me pain and discomfort that's the main problem! I would like that to stop!! and me not touching it would not solve that proble#also I wanted to ask her about something else but they were too quick about it. felt very Handled if you know what I mean#but anyway#she gave me a prescription for topical antibiotic which was the thing I had not tried#apparently my insurance doesn't cover it and it's also made of gold and plutonium or something#so she gave me a coupon for it#but get this#when I went to pick it up at the pharmacy they didn't take the coupon#the guy said. 'um this only works for the generic brand. and we don't have the generic brand'
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no promises anymoooooreeeee i'll appear online when i appear online 😭 every time i say "ooh i think life is almost done being overwhelming!" it. becomes even more overwhelming in the dumbest ways. all i can manage rn when i'm not stressing myself into a shut-down state is staring at the wall while listening to youtube essays + mindlessly crocheting.
i might queue up ppls art and fics w/o commentary in the tags... i want other ppl to see what all of my cool friends have made, but i genuinely can't think right now with this monstrous brain fog. i'm really sorry, just. yeah. maybe i'll think of some way to make it up later!!! once the dust has settled!!!! but until then i wuv u and miss u. smiles.
[venting in tags including familial manipulation and ableism. i. didn't mean to write all of that, thiss was originally going to be a main blog post but. aaaaaAAAAAA!!!!!
also no need for replies or anything, i'd turn them off for just the one post if i could kjsndkn, i just needed to get things out and go eep jsjndsfdn ok bye bye bye bye!!!!]
#goddd my family finds it sooooooo funny that i can't do basic tasks! it's soooo funny that i can't even think of a horror movie to watch#on halloween bc i genuinely can't remember a single one right now. it's soooo funny that i can't take cardboard boxes or#old furniture out of my room without help bc i've physically and mentally and emotionally burnt out for Months.#and me not being able to move shit out after two (2) days makes me a hoarder somehow. and ofc hoarding is a moral failing#and my mom has to give me a stern talking-to about hoarding things... that were. again. in my room for 2 days....#[tbc it isnt a moral failing no matter the reason. life is hard and things happen and it can be hard to get rid of things for Reasons.]#nevermind them making constant snide remarks about me using ugly 'mismatched' desk / storage furniture. bc it was free / cheap? no income??#AND!!!!! i have a couple of new diagnoses. which doesn't change much day to day but it does make my family making fun of me#even more dumbfounding. like. this explains a lot of really scary unexplained symptoms that constantly leave me#housebound for weeks but uhhh haha hehe hoho??? so silly so funny that i'm barely conscious for multiple weeks???#and you can see that i'm getting worse but that makes it funnier??? hmm!!!#also nevermind that i've told them the exact reason why i've been like this (read: them) but that ALSO makes it funnier somehow.#but i also can't say shit bc they're doing something ~nice~ for me (out of convenience + after almost a decade of 'don't get comfortable'#and 'don't decorate this room bc it isn't yours' and 'you need to be ready to move out by x date'#only for the date to arrive and them to pull the 'i never said that. and if i did say it i didn't mean it like that.#and if i did mean it like that i don't anymore.' card. + any big renovations are things they wanted anyway. hmmmm!!#and how i have to do all of the phys labor alone bc if i ask for help i get made fun of!!! and yelled at that i'm doing things Wrong#(hint: i'm following instructions to the letter but. my family knows better than those silly things!! ^^ ))#jfc i sure did rant. uh. yeah. things. are really weird and uncomfy and i feel thankful that i finally can have my own things on display#outside of closets and bins again after a decade?? but i'm also waiting for the other shoe to drop / them to tell me i owe them in#some way??? bc that's how it works. 'i'm doing a nice thing you didn't even ask me for so now you have to do whatever i tell you to.'#meanwhile i can't even maladaptive daydream my way through it bc my brain is soup right now. can't remember basic things abt#my interests bc i've been on negative battery / spoons for a couple of months straight and it's only getting worse.#OKAY TLDR i'm not in a state to do anything until everything irl gets settled. and i'm trying So Hard to get it all over with but there's#only so much i can do in a day before i completely shut down. i didn't even get into the insurance stuff i've been fighting too ughhhh.#so if i show up on here in short spurts -- hi! bye! hi!! i wuv and care u!!! hope youre well mwah mwah!!!!!!! i'll post what i can and then#disappear when i need to recharge. it is what it is. i need to try to sleep now... uh if this post disappears when i wake up.... yeah......#📌 [ my posts. ]#💭 [ my thoughts. ]#vent -
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i like to think of myself who's relatively normal about holding grudges and the like but. i'm also still incredibly upset about something that happened in... february, i'd wager. especially given that it's relatively minor and i don't think anyone except for me is physically capable of taking seriously
#whenever i fight with my family i am not only fighting about the current topic but also the Pie Thing (except for my brother. i don't think#was there)#they don't know that though#it's about the betrayal of it all! my trust in others is perhaps naive#sigh#i need to yell at somebody about it but that really is not something that comes up naturally#“hey remember when you ate my pie two months ago and didn't tell me”#i was very dramatic about it. unfortunately the situation has not been resolved and so i am unable to see the humor in my lighting a single#candle on a single slice of pie and then blowing it out and also crying the entire time#it will be funny someday though. i can feel it#finn says shit#ventposting. or whatever#oh also the car thing turned out fine. the lady got my insurance and my parents aren't even mad at me which is fascinating. parenting W
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Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by
#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about#but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were#and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat#as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like#a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain#it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot#i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds#i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh#political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore#they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get#but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk#i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers#here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now#it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths#i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how#burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that#i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up#could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan?#to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me#coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage#you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao#i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now#bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will#i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail#also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e#no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it#i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course#idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do#anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand#shai speaks
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it's extremely critical that you see the photo of the perp walk for luigi mangione as being propaganda. i've seen so many people wave it off and instead fawn over his looks. and trust me, i know it ended up being kind of pathetic and weird - but please don't brush it off as a "modelling opportunity" for him. it's a fucking terrifying message the police are sending.
i want to make a few comparisons here, in case you're not from the US or familiar with why the perp walk thing is something to pay attention to. just to set the groundwork for why this is a purposeful, unusual, and cruel act by the nyc police - for why this is not a common occurrence and for why that matters.
the prosecution alleges the show of force is due to the charge of "terrorism." for comparison, in june 2015, tsarnaev was found guilty for the boston marathon bombing, which killed 3 people and injured hundreds. his actions are considered to be an act of domestic terrorism. i have spent the last hour looking through google for pictures of similar to mangione's perp walk - and so far, i have found zero. i also just do not personally remember a moment like that, despite living in boston at the time.
they allege that luigi is a stone-cold killer who carried out a longterm plan, making him particularly dangerous. again for comparison: in nyc, recently cory martin was found guilty of the killing of brandy odom. the murder was planned and premeditated to steal insurance money. and yet no staged perp walk. why didn't her life matter enough for a "show of force"?
but mangione gets paraded by a veritable army of police officers as if he is a rabid animal. for a single citizen who allegedly killed one other single citizen, the "largest perp walk ever" occurs.
so what is the "strong message" that the mayor and the police were trying to send here? the mayor speaks as if mangione is already convicted of terrorism. there is a very thin number of people who feel threatened by the CEO's death. none of us felt like mangione needs to be under massive armed guard.
the message is that you shouldn't resist. they are trying to "make an example" of him - that if you behave badly and kill a single rich person, you'll be treated as if you killed hundreds of people. you will be treated worse than a man who was found guilty of terrorism. you will be considered guilty without trial. the message is that the rich are a protected class, and you cannot touch them without massive punishment. they are trying to prevent a revolution by showing dominance and force against you.
the message is that the police are a puppet of the wealthy and that the law is not equally applied across class disparity. it is "some are more equal than others." it is "one life is more precious than another."
the show of force wasn't for luigi. it was for us. it was a warning. they are trying to remind us who is really in control.
#i bring up tsarnev only bc i feel like people DID want blood. i lived in boston. people wanted to rip him apart.#i do not personally remember a moment where he was paraded around like that. and the fact we gave more dignity to him#than luigi .... is startling.#and i just realized last night i was like - i don't really remember a perp walk like that. maybe im misremembering#but i went to google and i was like. wait why the fuck was it so fucking big.#it WASNT a random act of terror. it WASNT to injure/kill as many as possible.#even if we consider it to be premeditated murder: when have we ever done this.#so brandy's life didnt deserve “a show of force?”#the mayor doesn't say ''our city wont stand for this'' when it's a planned murder for insurance money????#anyway . ur not immune etc etc etc#but i also wanted the comparisons in here in case ppl aren't from amercia etc#this ISNT normal or usual. this was overkill by like a million#on the other hand they gotta do this bc they're scared :)#i kept this bc i had ppl ask me not to delete this but i just felt like#it wasn't really poetry just talkin
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#ignore this#i didn't want to write about the bad brain time bc i was like nooo what if someone sees but like. why do i care abt that.#anyways i'm mostly just irritated but the irritation has built up now to wanting to delete all my shit and wanting to reach out to h again#in self destructive validation ways. and also maybe asking them ** **** *** *** ** **** *****#to spite someone. but also for self destructive reasons. <3#i won't because even the idea of trying to get ahold of them is giving me a headache but it's a fun thought#(fun in terms of it's great to think about how to cause problems on purpose. for lack of anything better to do.)#i have to see the person i want to spite tomorrow and i am anticipating it being uncomfortable#at the very least for me because i personally don't want to see them and what they said today put me in a worse headspace#but potentially they'll be insufferable or condescending about it. and also tell other people about it.#and then i have to deal with two other people i'm not even that close to lecturing me also.#like okay great intentions good on you for being concerned and cautious but have you considered i just wanted to fuck around#theoretically i have better options for coping available but the self destructive ones are more attractive#anyways uh. this wasn't intentionally a vaguepost abt irl things but it turned into that ig#mostly i'm just experiencing a strong desire to isolate myself. too often i find that sharing my decisions just begets me judgement.#idk like. i know a lot of it is from people trying to help or care for me but i just want to do what i do.#especially if it's already done then i just want to move on. i don't need to hear how my friend would do something different in my shoes.#i need to cut off my current friends and get in with a crowd that will hear me share something pertaining to my life#and laugh and say ''that's so wild bro'' and move on#if i wanted to know the potential impact this might have on my insurance premiums i would've looked into it myself beforehand.#ok. well. whole lot of nothing was said just to say i miss h. what if i went back in time and stopped myself from talking to them.#what if instead of always simultaneously feeling like there's a gaping hole in my soul & that i bore my whole unfiltered self to a stranger#i just simply never learn what it's like to be wholly seen and understood and live equally as lonely but unaware of what i'm missing
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#ok rant cause i want to rant. im so tired my health is shit my iron levels are so low that my doctor prescribed it to be endovenous#for 5 months and my health insurance is trying to clown me and i want to scream i also just want to take a nap and have everything to be ok#but it's impossible lately cause when you're and adult there's always something happening and you don't get peace#and i just want five minutes of peace inside my head and i haven't been able to see my psychiatrist for what 4 months so far#and i also need to go back to therapy and yeah. that's it i guess.#youre an* also my keyboard is messing with me. or is it my fingers?#and imma keep complaining a little bit my hair is like SHIT no joking is so dry and nothing is working#because of the iron and the vitamin b that im lacking that i will also have to take shots to replenish it and aaaaaaa im just a baby i guess
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man it just feels kind of... i don't know. mean that with everything lately we're adding mystery joint pain, most persistently in my hands, to the pile.
like come on. come on. i can't even have this?!
#this seems somehow metaphysically spiteful#i know it's the luck of the fucking draw but god#i'm just trying to carve a little horse from wood#you don't even let me carve a little horse without my hands hurting (god i haven't even tried archery since i started hurting...)#meanwhile i'm fighting for my fucking life trying to get in with physical therapy for something that is NOT pain related#and they don't know what the fuck i'm talking about#was about to [REDACTED] on the phone with this girl who kept being like. okay but what PART of your body. like what HURTS.#i'm like there is no combination of words that is going to impart to you 'i have dysautonomia and people go to physical therapy for that'#you say on your WEBSITE that you have options for cardiac rehabilitation. i literally don't know what you need me to say.#(they didn't take my insurance anyway. lmao.)#sorry i'm feeling a little whiney this evening#i am so fucking sick of my doctors giving me a referral for something and then not giving me a location#'idk just find somewhere'#man i don't know what i'm doing wrong#it's all grinding me to dust and i can't even say this to people#at least tumblr i can just shout to the ether and be safely ignored (i mean this genuinely)#people don't feel compelled to give me shitty obvious advice the moment i think about expressing literally any discomfort#or give me the Weird Pity#literally had my dad once tell me 'you should try seeing a doctor'#like truly i live in a fucking sitcom#prattling about the self
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so in addition to the massive ringworm rashes on my lower legs, now some completely different mystery rashes are showing up here and there on me, too.
too bad i can't see a dermatologist without completely losing my health insurance 🙃🙃🙃
#i want to RIP OFF ALL MY SKIN#FIVE FUCKING MONTHS OF THIS SHIT#FIVE FUCKING MONTHS OF SOMETHING MY REGULAR DOCTOR CAN'T FIGURE OUT#SOMETHING THAT I *NEED* TO SEE A DERMATOLOGIST ABOUT#BUT THERE ARE *LITERALLY NONE* IN MY STATE THAT TAKE MY INSURANCE#AND IF WE TRY TO PAY FOR IT OURSELVES THEN I LOSE MY INSURANCE CAUSE#''OH I SEE YOU CAN PAY FOR DOCTORS YOURSELF I GUESS YOU DON'T NEED THIS ANYMORE!!!''#I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY AND IN PAIN AND ITCHY AND I WANT TO CRY#if i lose my insurance then we'd never be able to pay for the many medications i need so really i'm just shit outta luck#guess i just gotta rip my skin off#maybe my insurance can pay for *that* hospital bill at least
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So Ang aka Recapkid aka Handsome Hugs aka whatever the fuck they calling themselves now* poisoning the discourse while doing exactly in rl what his art portrayed (allegedly) is why we don't get to have nice shit in ZADR fandom anymore, huh.
*My knowledge of Rek/Recapkid saga ended initially when they first made their first dramatic exit in fandom. Everything after is what I had to track down to verify tonight.
#there'll always be wolves among the sheep and obviously fuck your fandom if it hurts people yada yada#idk what to believe but it is apparent something is not right with ang beyond drawing sick cartoons#i've seen them get harassed and bullied years ago and they were toted as a fandom martyr#but i don't have a reason anymore to think the alleged abuse accusations about them is false anymore#and perhaps their victims did retaliate in such a way to ruin their life and have them lose their job health insurence#but by not taking the end of life care and persist to taunt them and play victim ang has made their case look worse and indefensible#that no matter how you slice it no matter what ang has went through and what they did or didn't do to these people they created bad optics#i predict we're going to get another monster ballooned into a bigger monster here and no apology or accountability#this person is like if chris chan had gotten nearly as far as john k. in terms of legitimacy and cult of personality#i'm not being glib if the full story is true#they were exposed time after time but kept muddying the waters like an abuser does by calling their victims the abusers#and people eat it up as lies spread around the world before the truth can put its shoes on#and then leave truth freezing in the rain when it's already not welcomed as lies makes itself at home with your hot cocoa and blanket#i was never invested in rek as i knew od rhen as a person like i saw so many in fandom were#but i see what looks like a bullying campaign and condemned that#but now i have to question if they staged the bullying and exit for sympathy points to fit a narrative#because no former child turned adult would doggedly follow around their abuser from account to account#because they stumbled upon or hacked their adult account and were traumatized to vengeance and decided they need to ruin lives#no it is because ang or rek or whatever couldn't fucking disappear for real and stop bothering these people and prey upon some new ones#again allegedly and just my opinion#idk the real facts than the they said she said of it all
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if i were not on T I'd be on my period right now
#tmi i know but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#i was considering why i had such an intense craving for chocolate#and my (abnormaly) fucked sleep schedule and the increase in feeling like my skin is too small for my flesh#oh. yeah it's around the middle of the month#i had to miss like a week and a half of T last month while waiting on my new insurance#and i missed a few days at the beginning of October bc i was sick#so now my hormones are all fucked up#anyways. I've been up all night and i don't have go into work until 2. (it's 5:19. i have a four hour shift.)#i think I'll just bite the bullet and stay up because I'm off tomorrow#and obviously i need another day to sleep in because i have the past two days#see this is why i think i dislike night shifts now#yeah I'm not a morning person (store opens at fucking EIGHT. we have to be there at 7:45)#and it's a good two hours before you can expect me to be fully functional#but at least i have something i need to wake up for#otherwise I'm easily sleeping until eleven#i need to find a new job anyways#because I'm getting increasingly annoyed with this one#and i need something that pays better#(ive already gotten a rent notice from my landlord. if we don't pay the back-due 1020 and change we'll receive a 3-day on November 3rd)#but the only fucking things actually hiring around here are either jobs I'm incredibly not qualified for (nursing/trucking) or like. cashier#wich i HAVE been applying for even though i really don't want to#because i was a cashier for four and a half years#and while I'm not fond of being a floor/dept. associate i hate being at a register#(in large part because i can move around to mediate the pain while working the floor#but at a register i just have to grit my teeth and bare it)#this has turned into a vent / life updat now. I'm going to make coffee.#if you know like. online jobs someone with only a ged can do please send them my way#crow.txt
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I don't know... just the utter insanity of being like "I don't trust the government" only to put your full faith in the government cause you've decided that this punitive law is one you like and could totally never be used in an inappropriate way
Never trust the government man
Government needs to be forced to have full transparency and accountability and have a boot kept on it's neck at all times to make sure it's doing what we need it to... and we're not there yet, not even close. DOD can't even pass an audit man, and so many of the governmental systems as so clearly just kind of broken
So why on earth would you ever trust some new law to only be used in positive ways and not as a tool of suppression?
And part of it is about looking at laws, looking at what they say and do, looking at their scope. Like yeah, I'm pro right to repair laws because they mostly say companies can't stop me from fixing my own shit and need to make parts available (which they demonstrably don't do otherwise, which is the only reason I even want a law about it)
But like... there's a bit of a difference between the scope of a right to repair bill vs something on surveillance, or banning something like tiktok, or making it so police can arrest you for something new... never trust that stuff's going to be applied how they say it will, assume they've slipped massive overreach in the fine print, and assume that even if it's technically the most restrained bill that the feds might ignore that and use it as an excuse to trample all over your rights despite technically not being allowed to
Doesn't matter if the cop technically isn't supposed to arrest you for it, we see cases all the time where cops do shit they're not supposed to do and go after people not doing anything wrong
#'yeah; but you think that social welfare programs are good and that's government'#I think that they're needed to address problems and both individual action lacks the scale and also I'd like taxes to at least do something#but I also fully admit that they're ripe for abuse; but I'll be straight with you...#think the best way to minimize abuse with them is to do away with a lot of the 'you must be this poor to qualify'#cause attempting to enforce that is where I see (and have suffered) the most abuse#stop nickle and diming people on disability; if someone gets rich off $900 a month congratz to their savant ass#save money by not paying for nosy bureaucrats and just focus on if the person is disabled or not#like my uncle shouldn't be risking losing his disability insurance after getting injured on the job as a fire paramedic#just because he's doing 30 hours of teaching instead of 20#it shouldn't be contingent on people lying like lumps in poverty; it should be contingent on the fact he received a disability at work#(I don't know that that insurance is government; but point kind of still stands; and I kinda think it is)#but anyway... that's not what this is really about; this about seeing people cheer on laws where it's like...#you really should fucking know better than this; like you specifically should have more hate in your heart for the government#what are you doing trusting them here just cause this falls in line with what you like?#like not to be bold; but there's kind of a difference between a welfare program and a new law that says you can be locked up for something#and it's something broad and it's something that totally never has pointed the finger at innocent people on shaky evidence#and that's while other laws are simultaneously cropping up that make the definition even more nebulous#...listen... I'm kind of bouncing between talking about at least 2-3 laws minimum here without feeling like naming any outright#both cause I don't want discourse and because as always I'd rather talk in general terms and let people apply shit themselves#so some of what I say applies more to one law; some to another; if we were talking about any of these laws I'd point to specifics#but just for real; don't trust the government; limit it's punitive powers; demand transparency and accountability#sadly I don't think getting rid of it is a functional option for reasons ranging from#the fact I think it serves a purpose in being a bigger pot of money; cause like... imagine if roads were a private issue#it would be an even bigger shit show that it already is; some things require a big pot of money (though don't trust it; audit that shit)#second is gov and corps need to be pitted against each other because they're both too big to trust either#we demonstrably can't leave companies unregulated; like I was a pharm tech; I hate the FDA; think they're both bad and corrupt#but I also think you need to have something in place to make sure your food and meds are what they say they are#and it's better to reform the FDA then move towards total deregulation#finally; don't think you can get rid of the gov; think people always form govs once there's enough of us#anarchy is like communism; work ok sometimes so long as there's less than like 50 people
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