#ok rant cause i want to rant. im so tired my health is shit my iron levels are so low that my doctor prescribed it to be endovenous

[thisismyworldyeah]

.

[mp3chan]

4:46 am [F]

plz reblog if you enjoy it!

pairing: bangchan x gn!reader

word count: 599

tw: reader has depression, anxiety & adhd, mentions of a psychiatrist

sum: y/n is angry with their psychiatrist and bangchan is left with the aftermath

an: this is purely self indulgent dont mind me (cause my psych sucks)

© copyright mp3chan 2022

you practically kicked the dorm door open, slamming it behind you. letting out a frustrated shriek. “UGH!” you knew you were being loud but you had to be quiet the whole way home from the psychiatrist’s office and needed to let it out.

you went toward to the living to see a stunned changbin, jisung, chan and hyunjin. you looked visibly angry, something most of them hadn’t seen.

“you won’t BELIEVE what that fuck face told me!” you started on your rant, only to be stopped by jisung literally booking it to his room.

“yeah i’m out, they’re your problem bro.” changbin told chan, patting him on the shoulder briefly and then going to his room.

“whatever it is, it’s bullshit. but you’re scary when you’re mad. bye.” hyunjin told you before booking it to his room too.

leaving just you and chan. he was a little scared because he didn’t know how to handle you in such a state of anger.

“d-do you want to tell-“ he started to ask you when you began your rant again.

“this fuck face reads my file, acknowledges I have severe depression, anxiety and adhd and THEN-“ you started to getting louder the more you got into ranting.

chan was worried about other dorms around them hearing you and getting a noise complaint filed against them, but he was more worried about how angry and upset you were.

he reached forward and pulled you close to him, letting you straddle his legs and sit on his lap, watching you instantly calm down a little.

you sighed and rested your head against his chest. “and then he tells me I need to take the mental health assessment again and that he’s not changing my meds at all. i don’t understand why he wants me to take it again with no med changes because shit won’t change.” you whined, feeling chan gently rub your back.

“im sorry, doll.” chan apologized, even though he wasn’t at fault. he knew how hard you fought to even get your diagnosis of adhd in the first place and how badly you wanted to get better.

“not your fault.” you lifted your head up and sniffled. “just wanna be happier and not be as tired all the fucking time.” you wiped your tears away. “you make me the happiest i’ve ever been but that-“ you started to ramble.

“i know doll, doesn’t change the fact you still have depression. I understand.” chan smiled at you, you didn’t know how he calmed you down so fast.

“i'm sorry i yelled channie.” you apologized, leaning back on his chest and snuggled against him, trapping him there to give you cuddles.

“it’s alright doll, you needed to get it off your chest. i do think you terrified the boys though.” he smiled, remembering the look of horror on jisung’s face as he ran to his room.

you giggled remembering their shocked faces. “even you looked a little scared. am I that scary when I’m mad ?” you asked him, hoping you hadn’t scared any of them too bad.

“a little bit.” chan blushed and chuckled.

“is y/n out of kill mode?” changbin asked peeking his head around the corner.

“they’re not gonna rip anyone heads off right?” hyunjin joined in on the questioning.

you leaned back on chan and gave the boys a thumbs up. “im ok now. sorry if I scared you.” you apologized.

“remind me never to piss you off like that. holy shit.” jisung finally said emerging into the room, followed by hyunjin and changbin.

[normal-thoughts-official]

Ok so Camille’s an asshole on that we can all agree, but I’m really tired of people in the fandom acting like she’s just your typical annoying ex and she makes poor uwu Alec feel insecure cause fuck that. Camille was 100% abusive and manipulative but I also think she was sexually abusive too I mean seeing what she did to Simon and kissing Magnus without his consent even though he was clearly uncomfortable, consent doesn’t really seem to be an issue for her-

I feel like she definitely manipulated his fear of loneliness and not being good enough, to suit her needs. Like Magnus isn’t in the mood for sex or it’s especially triggering on a certain day, either way he’s not up for it but Camille makes him do it anyway. She threatens to leave or go find someone else who can fulfill her needs or take care of her when Magnus won’t, ‘I mean does he even love her when he won’t do this one simple thing for her?’ 

So he just lets her do what she wants, even if he’s having a full blown panic attack Camille doesn’t care or she’ll just leave insulting him saying she can’t deal with this right now and leaving Magnus with no idea when or if she’ll be back. So the next time she asks he hesitates less or initiates it more even when he’s not in the mood so she won’t leave and yeah I have a lot of emotions relating to this. and now I’m thinking about how it’ll affect his future relationships, not even talking about Alec but other people - I have this headcanon where when he got away from Camille and is healing, him ragnor and Catarina live together in ragnors cottage or somewhere away from people for awhile so Magnus can slowly heal and focus on himself and unlearn Camille’s abuse with the help of his family 

But despite what this fandom says Magnus has always been a helper and a selfless person to the point of self destruction. He’s unable to prioritise his own health and he wouldn’t be able to slow down and feel the full force of the abuse he experienced cause he feels like he’ll fall apart if he does and ‘no one wants a pathetic crybaby who breaks down when someone moves their hand too fast in his direction it wasn’t even that bad he’s just exaggerating like he always does this is why Camille doesn’t love him back’ (the ‘’ parts were meant to be strikethrough to signify Magnus’ inner thoughts but that doesn’t work on asks)

And he’s scared to get in another relationship cause he doesn’t think he’d be able to speak up for himself if they turned violent or controlling, he’s scared that if they did he’d just let them so he closes himself off from people puts these walls around him and a bright smile on his face that doesn’t let anyone think there’s anything wrong. And theres so much pain going on in the world ‘they have it much worse than him anyway’ and Magnus tries to help the best he can as he always does and he’s always there for people to lean on without any reciprocation and he’s so emotionally and physically tired and he’s not sure how much longer he can take it, almost considers going back to blackfairs bridge ‘really he’d be doing the world a favour’ but theres too many bad memories and he promised his family he would try so he holds on and then he finds Raphael and that obviously doesn’t fix everything but- I was going to continue this but it’s two am in my country and honesty it’s too long already😅 sorry for the rant it’s just a lot of emotions. Im so tired of the ‘Camille’s an annoying ex who keeps getting in the way of my favourite gay ship😠’ metas and needed to let out some feelings before I explode from my hate for Camille

UGH ANON HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE NOT ONLY A GENIUS BUT ALSO MY NEW BEST FRIEND, AN INTELLECTUAL, AND COMPLETELY RIGHT. YOU ARE SO CORRECT!!! idk if uve read my other post that i posted while i was waiting for you but we no longer have the same hat we are SHARING the hat!! i can't believe i got this ask right after i had just made that long ass rant and was in so much need to talk about this like ugh are you my guardian angel. i love you more than anyone else ive ever met

ok ok ok coherent thoughts ok i can do this. first of all THE SALT how does it feel to have vision and coherency. ppl writing camille as just an annoying ex or a bad ex or even as like "oh they both made mistakes and it ended up terrible" drives me UP THE WALL. camille was explicitly abusive, so much so that magnus CANONICALLY WAS UNABLE TO ALLOW PEOPLE TO GET CLOSE TO HIM FOR ALMOST A CENTURY. and she was shown to be abusive, both in the physical sense as you have reminded us so brilliantly and in the sense that her whole "choose me" speech? like she doesn't have to literally say the words "no one but me would ever love you" for that to be exactly what she's saying. she's obviously playing with his insecurities and putting him down while presenting her as his savior, it's CLASSIC ABUSE. she was written as such a perfect to-the-book abuser that it honestly shocks me like they did that really all they ticked all the boxes. the way she immediately launched to talk about alec's mortality too, the way she was obviously trying to make them fight and draw them apart - it wasn't a jealousy thing, it is just that she's abusive and she wants him isolated so she can toy with him and manipulate him 

EVEN SALTIER WHEN THEY MAKE IT ABOUT ALEC BEING INSECURE LIKE. especially because canonically he literally watched camille kiss magnus and didn't care, which was sexy of him because i was dreading some jealousy drama or something but instead he was just like. obviously she did it to hurt you. i only care in the sense that she's a fucking bitch. we stan! 

as for how she treated him! oof i think the same thing with the same words dioajdsaoij it always circled back to "why can't you do this for me?" in and outside of sex - i mentioned that in a conversation in the comments of my other post but i think that with camille the sexual abuse was really just an extension of the regular abuse, so they bleed together and are not really separable in that sense. at every turn, he had to prove his worth, and she used his fear of loneliness both in the sense that she amplified it and made it seem like the only way to not be lonely was to be with her, and that she gave him just enough for him not to feel desperately lonely so she could string him along. not to mention, they both always go back to how magnus supposedly "owes" her, and yes, it's because of the bridge, of course, but there's also that underlying tone of "because she put up with him and gave him affection when no one else would". even when what she did was nowhere close to real affection. so it's both the bridge and the after. she could have saved him and left, but she stayed. that's why he feels he owes her, and she will absolutely use it

AND UR SO RIGHT ABOUT MAGNUS BEING UNABLE TO PRIORITIZE HIS OWN HEALTH UGH UGH UGH UGH like he has no choice for a while because she left him fucking broken and seeing the way she treats him and the amount of shit he puts up with i can only imagine how far she had to go for him to reach a breaking point and leave her for real. but as soon as he could pretend to have himself together he just threw himself out there. and i believe that he felt guilty for having catarina and ragnor take care of him when he abandoned them because of camille - obviously that's not what happened, she manipulated him into staying away from them, made his life hell whenever he wanted to hang out with them until he no longer had the energy to put up a fight to keep in contact with the people he loves, but it's what he feels that happened, and most likely what camille herself eventually started to tell him happened once they had been pulled away enough. ("you're gonna leave me? and go back to who? your little friends who tried to pit you against me from day one? they're just gonna say 'i told you so', magnus. and why would they take you back when you left them before? when was the last time you even saw them? you chose this, you chose me, and now you're gonna come back to them and expect them to welcome you with open arms? you selfish little prick")

AND RAPHAEL!!! raphael was so important, honestly, we say that magnus didn't let anyone into his heart but obviously raphael was the exception and EXTREMELY important for his healing. it's a complicated relationship because he's sort of a father figure for rapha, and as such, he doesn't allow himself to be completely vulnerable around him, because that's not "his role". but! he was the first person whom magnus let in. and they obviously know each other deeply ("i hate to see you like this" even though magnus looked completely put together to the outside eye) and are plenty affectionate ("sweet boy", the hugs, the way rapha talked about magnus with so much love and awe in his eyes and voice) and trusting (the way raphael went to magnus' loft, not his own damn clan, when he was tortured...). i know this fandom likes to pretend that they pretend to hate each other but NO THEY DON'T they are openly caring and loving with each other fucking fight me on this

anyway, my point is that raphael was the first person he allowed himself to trust, and of course, part of that is simply because raphael was vulnerable and in need and like you said he can't just stay still when he sees someone struggling. but to care for raphael eventually had to mean to open up to him and when he welcomed raphael in, he gained a new member to his family. raphael is his kid. that's no small thing. their bond goes deep and it's extremely important because again, after camille magnus wouldn't allow people to get close to his heart, because he was scared of how they could use that against him. raphael was his first, and the only reason magnus was able to open himself up for romantic love again (which was an extra step, not because romantic love is more important or deeper, but because it's specifically the kind of love that camille used against him, and thus it makes him even more scared) was because he had already been relearning trust and platonic love with rapha

rapha did him good!!! there's a reason he calls him "sweet boy" okay. and rapha cares about him and he NOTICES WHEN HE'S IN A BAD SHAPE EVEN THROUGH ALL OF MAGNUS' WALLS and he specifically didn't want magnus involved with the camille drama even when it had obviously gotten out of hand because he wanted to keep him safe and away from her!!! i want to be shot in the face!!! they love each other so much! fuck!

and also that implies that raphael knows about camille which means he might be the first person who met magnus post-camille and heard the story, which means that he might be (and probably is) the first person who was never involved that magnus opened up about this to. if that ain't some powerful and important shit i don't know what is. because part of abuse is that you can't talk about it - there's this sense of shame and guilt both from staying and from not staying more, especially because magnus canonically still feels like he owes her... aaaaa

this answer is all over the place im sorry but my point is you are correct, camille is a textbook abuser not just a shitty ex, she fucked up his head and made him unable to open up for a long time, and the first person that helped him break those walls was raphael and they LOVE EACH OTHER VERY MUCH AND DEEPLY thank you for your attention

[a-a-d]

rant no. i don’t remember35687

posted this on my private instagram account

honestly it is scary to openly express on my main

i cannot believe there are still people out there

capable of hating in this time

do you even know how fucking DARK and SAD and unfortunately POWERFUL the word HATE is?

and you truly can do that?

i hope you heal

truly

so coming back 2 da point

rant no. i don’t remember :

got to wash my fucking hair today and that’s amazing cause i woke up at a good fucking time when society’s solar could take the fucking hot water and let me be hygienic cause now i’m genuinely wanting to have a fucking shower so that i take care of myself but life has its own ways no so i couldn’t for like 2 days 😃but i’m grateful for the hot fucking water i finally got today to pour on my body and clean up my bathroom real well and put up these beautiful fucking flowers that i received on 22nd january which is my birth date lol and i absolutely fucking love sunflowers and siya got me white ones and wow that is so thoughtful and i was really proud of myself for cleaning up n making this fucking sink look all clean and organised and nice and was wanting to share this dump on my main so spread some positivity but i’m so fucking tired 😄 of pretending so now i will fucking rant 😄 and not pretend. and maybe share all of this fucking shit on my main itself when i have the desire. cause social media should be fucking real. waah. waaaah. what a rant. waah. bye. ok. that was so much anger 😄😃 and now i will go back to praying for papa and making some music and writing 10 more songs i am too fucking sHY AND NERVOUs to share to the world FOR WHat 😃😄😃😄 IDK but i shall figure it out 😁😄😄😀 i love you all always man thanks for accepting me for who n what i am and whoever got till the end of this rant. mAN WHAT PATIENCE YOU HAVE i love you ok gn bye 😃 pls gimme also. but if u did reach the end let me know who u r. pls. <3 :) I JUST really want my father to be conscious and awake soon and his heart to recover it’s working only at 25%, he couldn’t sleep the whole night AND HIS artificial OXYGEN REQUIREMENT INCREASED AGAIN for his lungs 🫁 NO I WILL NOT LET thAt HAPPEN😃 logically possible?? nO 😃 SO I WILL FIND Other ways but please this cannot happen bye. see u soon cause i know this account is gonna turn CRAZY 😄 FULL 😄 YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED leave b4 it’s 2 late then don’t tell me i’m ‘too much’ just stfu 😄😃👋🏼😄😶 ok enuf said hAHA amruta OBVIOUSly ok stop-

i really don’t want my father to die

honestly i’m shook how i haven’t run away already and fallen for my impulse and not made selfish decisions and im still alive wow yay therapist said that me strong u all say me strong but me sometimes don’t feel strong

but thank u for reminding me that i am strong

maybe i am

guess that’s how im alive

but aren’t we all?

therapist also said i’m drowning further

cause i’m getting so deep into my diagnosis

cause in life a lot of people i love and love me back

have unintentionally labelled me with words

and diagnosis

and then i started doing that 2

but therapist said diagnosis are for doctors to understand

i am my own individual. i am not my diagnosis.

honestly now i just want to concentrate on being alive, making sure papa is alive, my family and loved ones are healthy and make some music. but before papa gets better my entire focus is just going to be his recovery.

.

.

.

whilst all of this happens my mother and uncle happen to be the only 2 emergency contacts in mumbai cause due to covid none of us are allowed to be in the hospital

i will be allowed to see him once he’s out of the covid unit

in case of emergency only i will go cause god forbid covid doesn’t leave and papa decides to i want to see him

cause in covid they don’t allow you to touch the bodies

:)

and and and guess whatttt

and meanwhile, my brother??? -_-

MY BROTHER who claims to be a mental health supporter

feminist ( pls this is the worst first apologise to ur own sis) -_-

kRanTikAari

i am in so much of shock :Ddddddd

my brother went and tried to take Hope’s ownership

from me too

his father’s genes

have started acting up

since he turned 25

they actually always existed and showed and it was fucking sad

and today the golden champ

i fucking loved so much

is a narcissist himself

a fake feminist

misogynist basically

tried to bring the whole family down

and says blocking everyone who ever says anything upsetting to him…so basically not convenient to him is ‘his approach’ to trauma -_- escape

oh -_- so you get to ‘run away’ at 30 -__-

conveniently use your ‘sister’ for ‘public support’ -__-

still keep the funds like a king that i have no idea about -__-

then still take money from the family you apparently hAtE -___-

then run away with Hope and separate her from Peace which is genuinely the biggest sin you can do due to which both of the pups go through so much of separation anxiety :(

then also block sister after she asks you to not involve her in your social media stunts -__-

right after you share Hope with her and she decides to help you -___- even financially

and then try to steal ownership from her

of her pet !!!

because you conveniently started calling her ‘yours’ after not even knowing what shampoo she’s been using for her body and her skin issues since 6 years -__-

due to lack of acceptance of your own mistakes

you go ahead and call everyone wrong

i wish you healing truly brother

i wish you truly work on healing your trauma

without lies and delusional stories you make up

for ‘public support’ and ‘amplification’

just to justify the trauma you have caused otherwise -_-

you aren’t the only one hurt !!! is my point !!! if only you understand, accepted and acknowledged this with the amount of grace you accept your own hurt with.

i don’t know why doesn’t your father do that for you -_-

and how do you get to blame us all -_- but ur own dad

go find him na -_- why every1 else -_-

[idontwantshitanymore]

TW everything maybe?

i want to rant to myself, i genuinely am tired of this. the notes app is fine but i mean this is my notes app now. im tired, of people, of dealing with things and emotions, of myself, of reality mostly. i always feel out of place, always literally every single time, i hate how its always as if im wearing a mask, waiting for the mask to fall off, then sitting in my room alone at night sad, because why couldn’t anyone see me? since this is a long rant and im a spoken essay addict, as im speaking this to myself, i will section this into ranting sections:

1) i hate myself. i hate everything about me, and not in a quirky outcast way, and not in the way that i Dont Acknowledge that im “loved” or whatever no, i hate myself because i know that whenever im “loved” it’s because im pretending to be what people like but in reality im disgusting and bored. i hate the way i talk and what i talk about how awkward i am. i hate that i stand in no where and fit in no place and i am as temporary as a stupid dress for some occasions. i hate how i look like and like aside from body like my smile sucks it’s wrapped to the side, my eyes are too small and my voice is too squeaky and breaks and gets too high sometimes. i hate that i only notice it when im back home. i hate where i live and how lazy and frustrating i am.. too bossy too hazy too weird.. im too much. too much.

2) i hate reality. i feel like im always less. and that feels shit because i also feel ungrateful because im not technically broke poor or unbearably ugly or in a completely broken family.. but they are also shit. i cant buy a single tshirt without contemplating how that will affect my budget. i though have to sit and watch people buy shit like money is water. i cant stand confidently or take a normal picture and will consider sewerslide if someone took my picture because i cant bare how ugly i am but to normal standards im “fine”. my parents are still together and they are alright to each other but i havent had a conversation with my dad like a full conversation apart from hello in approximately idk 5 years?? more? and we live in a 3 bedroom apartment together i see him everyday. i just dont actually see him do i? and my mom just shouts all day everyday until no end and then showers me with “care” then calls me selfish when i dont give it back or am not as active and happy as she is.. mental illness doesn’t exist here and i forget about that but reality is reality. not just mental health but actually everything doesnt exist here, dreams are wack and if i ever came out id be most definitely hunted. i cant travel anywhere because visas are actually a thing and i never can get any plus im broke. so my reality is.. forever alone in the closet wearing things i dont want to wear and saying things i dont mean and never having a family and never getting out of here.. i really should just d1e

3) i hate food. i hate myself before i hate food but i also hate food. i hate that im not skinny enough im not boney enough.. but im not sick enough i never was never will probably cuz im a coward. all my mental shit is in my brain, and sometimes i lay down just to imagine myself taking my insides out just to feel empty.. because im weak and i cant st@rve properly. i also dont taste food.. its been 3 and a half.. and food tastes like plastic to me.. i havent enjoyed a single meal in 3 and half years or even more honestly.. i cant fucking eat properly i just binge on plastic tasting things i want to rip myself apart.

4) i partially hate people around me. they arent bad people they are just good until im not what they want. until i dont play the role. until its no fun. good until im too mentally ill but no im faking that shit why such a bad mood, good until im too angry why am i such a rude person.. good until im not good enough. i also hate how jealous i get if they lose weight or if they are suffering because no i want to be the one that suffers the most.. i most probably deserve to just for thinking that. i like them i do and i care for them but it gets too much when im faced with my own ugliness that comes with dealing with people.

5) i loved my best friend. until she said that it never fucking mattered because it wasnt romance. i broke her heart but i too fucking hurt.. she liked me and thats alright and flattering but its not my fault i didnt feel the same. not my fault i dont want romance i can barely love anything. i dont want a girlfriend or the commitment or anything. it hurt because then was all her care and love just because she thought i liked her too.. just cause she thought she’d earn a lover? is this how it works? unconditional love my ass there was a condition they just trying to hide that cuz its too ugly to see the truth. i tried helping and being there and talking and communicating just because i never wanted to hurt her but no im the bad guy.. im the ugly ugly person and the toxic manipulator.. who also has their most known info about them that they never fall for friends and never take hints.. but ig no She Had To Be The Exception.. whatever im actually disappointed beyond belief.. i thought i can trust someone but ha ha fool is me.. no more trusting anyone everyone wants the mask on Everyone.

6) i hate my anger issues. it would be fine almost fine until something as minor as my brother touching my teddy bears and my anger rises like a fucking monster. why am i so angry all the time.. angry enough to st@b myself through the heart.. and it starts.. those stupid trials to stop being so angry that i get angrier and someone points it out and i get even more angrier and boom time to add barcodes to myself because i cant deal with the fucking anger.. and ok it would be fine at least if the anger was justified but no im just a bitch to everyone and moody as fuck and never can do anything because my brain doesnt work like ever.

in conclusion.. i as a whole am a creature that should’ve been de@d at least 3 years ago but didnt.. and now im just dealing with the fact that i wasnt. what a fucking nuisance. my whole existence is and the fact that im complaining in Parts about things mostly my own fault is insane. so ungrateful so unoriginal i must fucking end it i genuinely have to cuz this is too much. too fucking much and the future wont get me anywhere i should save my family the money.

[littlebabycrybtch]

ok ik bitches are still going to complain but i gotta rant to keep my shit together;;; ngl after being stuck co-raising two babies now i really feel genuinely Disgusted by unnecessary parent critique. like it actually makes me feel so viscerally upset and depressed when i remember nobody gets this or cares to and probably just wants to call out what im doing wrong, instead of lend me a hand to do it better. man im not treading lightly here the ‘no excuses’ mentality is literally Inhumane to parents and dehumanizes them as these superhumans, they arent, they are people trying to take care of themselves Plus One. there Are ‘excuses’ for not being perfect. just bc every child deserves perfect doesnt mean it can be given and that fucking SUCKS but that is one of the only times im comfortable saying; ‘thats just life’. you cant magically make life better for kids the way you think, you’re not a protector, you’re their Rock to teach them How to DEAL with what life brings, that means you’re allowed to struggle with it too. childcare is like this cosmic design to work you physically and mentally to the brink, fucking forget the normalization of how many people you think you’ve seen raise kids and done fine, it is harder than you can even fathom. they probably did not do fine behind closed doors. the parents with the best behaved and most obedient kids probably did harmful things to make them that way that will eventually come back to them, the parents with the happiest most well adjusted kids probably had the money to provide the extra care for that. there are ‘excuses’. idc if it fucking annoys you or w/e, i dont like being the bitch that says stuff nobody wants to hear, but you truly deeply cannot 100% understand unless you are raising kids, i dont say that to hurt your feewings or exclude you, i used to think that way, i say it bc when you see me passed out on the couch while my nephew gets into something dangerous, its because i got one hour of sleep that night while he kicked me in our bed for 4 hours. he cant help not knowing how that affects both of us, but i cant help being affected by it just cuz im supposed to be ~the big strong adult~, bc i am not a fucking xman. i CANT pretend it all away. while im sitting there napping im also waiting for my mental health meds to start working. im also dizzy from not eating. it sucks that he gets into shit sometimes. hes still gonna get into shit sometimes, and i can do my best, but if i sit here worrying that karens are gonna get pissed abt that and work myself even harder im gonna straight up explode. who does that help. who does me falling apart help. come babysit my kid for free if you wanna help me bitch!

parents are doing twice the work of a normal person while also teaching one of these people theyre caring for, how to BE a person. i used to be SO pro judging parents and im literally nauseated by the judgments now. “i cant believe this parent looked away and their kid got hurt, i cant beleive they just leave them there with a tablet or a snack or a toy while they nap, i cant believe they let them do that, i cant believe--” btich you literally have no idea how lucky you are that they are not both already dead. you are so lucky tehy are both alive and the parent isnt hospitalized for mental health or even physical exhaustion, or addicted to a stimulant (which includes caffeine), or using smth to relax like weed or alcohol (hello wine mom culture), or the kid isnt traumatized from watching their parent have repeatd breakdowns. that is literally better than most situations already. no matter how impossibly perfect the family could be in your mind, kids fuckin get hurt and they make mistakes and the PARENTS make mistakes bc theyre PEOPLE and yall this blows my mind that ppl dont realize this but,,,,, Little kids??? THEY DO NOT LISTEN TO THEIR PARENTS bc they essentially CANT..... for like YEARS there is a period they WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU at ALL while they have the full autonomy and smarts and strength to cause horrible consequential problems, they are capable of learning how to circumnavigate your ‘babyproofing’ in new ways every single day, but they have ZEROOOOO MORALS OR CAUSE AND EFFECT SKILLS to understand RIGHT FROM WRONG, NO MATTER HOW OFTEN YOU TELL THEM!!!!! IT WONT CHANGE, ITS LITERALLY A PHYSICAL BRAIN THING THAT THEY CANT LEARN WHAT ‘NO’ MEANS FOR A WHILE YET!!! THIS CAN LAST FROM AGE 1 TO 4, SOMETIMES LONGER! THATS GENUINELY INSANITY INDUCING FOR THE ADULT WHOS KEEPING THEM IN LINE HUNDREDS OF TIMES A DAY, KNOWING ITS AMOUNTING TO ALMOST NOTHING UNTIL YEARS LATER!!!! IT DOESNT HELP WHEN PPL JUDGE YOU AND DONT BELEIVE YOU AND THINK YOU JUST ARENT ~TRYING HARD ENOUGH~! holy FUCK dude, idc if you wanna judge, im losing it bc i am being forced to keep my cool while a child whos pinching me and genuinely HURTING and BRUISING me laughs in my face bc he truly DOES NOT KNOW this, and there is NO WAY for me to convey it to make him stop at the moment!!!! thats maddening!!!

listen to me, neither of you dying or experiencing lasting damage is literally the goal every day, not just ‘raising them’, but that you both survive to the end of it. im appalled by how different the lifestyle is and the way ppl just... dont know that/REJECT that information so they get to judge. ofc tiny vulnerable innocent kids deserve the best, parents cannot always provide that if they want to Survive, bc they also deserve , basic understanding and humanity. you call out abuse all you want, theres a difference between the 'lesser of two evils’ choices, or even the genuinely Bad choices you can Accidentally make when at your wits end (which you should immediately correct anyways), and ever causing intentional physical or mental harm to the child, but the secodn yall start nitpicking or blatantly being ignorant to a struggle just so you get your blame validation in i literally cannot AFFORD to give you the time of day, im busy running on minutes of sleep, so if you think i have enough free time to entertain ur whining that my kids got a messy face and has been on his tablet in a highchair for an hour or w/e, idc, im using that time to shower for the first time in 2 weeks bc nobody else is gonna be there for me to let me do that shit :) so frankly put your money where your mouth is and help struggling parents whenever you can. i cant make shit better out of thin air.

“oh, but i dont have the money to help you.” YOU THINK IM AFFORDING CHILDCARE?? YOU CAN COME OVER AND HELP DIRECTLY WHILE I DO CHORES. “oh, but i dont wanna babysit for my friends, i dont like kids.” OH REALLY?????? OH YOU DONT LIKE KIDS??? BC THEYRE DIFFICULT MAYBE ??? SO MAYBE YOU SHOULDNT JUDGE WHEN ITS HARD THEN????? LIKE YOU RLY THINK JUST ‘LIKING THEM’ SUDDENLY MAKES IT EASY FOR ME?? YOU THINK ME FINDING MY NEPHEW CUTE AND LOVING HIM AND HIS LAUGHTER GIVES ME FUCKING SUPERMAN POWERS TO DEAL WITH THIS???????? “but You chose to have kids” rt in my case i literally didnt and would be homeless if not offering to help care for them but HEY COOL CONCEPT PRO CHOICE KINDA FUCKIN INCLUDES WHEN PEOPLE ‘CHOOSE’ TO HAVE KIDS EVEN WHEN THEY STRUGGLE AFTER, TOO LATE TO FUCKIN COMPLAIN NOW, JUST HELP A BITCH OUT. LIke... bro BRO b R O im losing it stop giving parents the inspiration porn treatment while disrespecting the actual struggles they go thru any time the child actually suffers bc they are unable to shield them from their struggle. can i be real, life literally will not go without struggle. you cannot raise them to have a life better than what the world is, you can do your best but you really cant MAKE it fair. once again this is not a ‘raise the perfect child’ contest you are just . trying to raise them at all. its messy. every single day you will have successes and failures, and you’ll be running on empty, and you’ll be doing that just to make it through to do it again tomorrow, while it slowly (AGONIZINGLY SLOWLY) gets easier each day. im tired of pretending lmao i dont wanna hear you bitches judge parents anymore, i dont wanna hear the stupid ass ‘im allowed to’ shit anymore dude!!!!! for gods sake i can agree with you when some shits just plain wrong but ill never apologize for standing up for myself or other struggling parents even if it makes you uncomfy, i can care about Both the child and the parent at the same time, ig i wont ask you why you seemingly cant. 😶 ESPECIALLY when things like classism and ableism tie in so often with these situations. not to mention racism like im white but hoooo if i hear one more story about a black parents ‘negligence’ in efforts of just trying to help their family, like leaving their kids somewhere during a job interview or w/e, vs the white parents that LET THEIR 10 YR OLDS WANDER AROUND MALLS BY THEMSELVES... im gonna scream. im gonna fuckin scream. its so unfair. fuck off, stop the spiteful ignorance, change this shitty hateful culture.

tldr; you Can care about kids while respecting parents, even when they arent perfect. you can advocate for children while also advocating for parents, and in fact, you should fucking try.

[burnt-fucking-bagel]

i just need to rant

aaaaaaaaaaaa so the person im in love with lives 8 hours away in my hometown i left a while back for uni and ever since weve been messaging and getting cute w eachother n shit. n im ecstatic bc the person ive always idolized and fantasized about is finally reciprocating feelings and its great but its shit. she has bad depression and gets into funks every once in a while, she kinda has to deal with all her trauma all while trying to dodge new ones from all the shitty people in her life. for the most of the time since ive moved ive been going thru aloooot of shit and basically just trying to convince myself not to give up and just become a crackhead fulltime but ever since we started talking again ive been getting better, and ive noticed she has too at least a little. what i hate most about this is the fact that shes going through hell and all i can do is try to assure her shit will b ok thru phone when really i just want to hold her and kiss her forehead n shit b tell her she dont even gotta worry bout none of that shit. im straight up in love with her and i really csnt explain it except that i know it. the issue is that i need her to know that she isnt horrible or second best as she may beleive. i want her to be confident in wearing a turtle neck. i want her to smile when she looks in the mirror. i want her to focus on the good instead of toasting to the scorched past. i want her to feel better about herself. i want her to see what i see or at least give her an idea of what i see. i want to see her face light up in suprise as she says my name and gives me hug when i buy her flowers. i want her to know that not everythings completely bad and that not everyone in her life hates her. i want her to know that shes wanted and that shes full of worth. shes amazing and shes a beautiful goddess. shes passionate and determined. shes always tired and worn out and needs someone to hold her and tell her shes doing a good job. cause thats what we all need. motivation to know that its worth it. its important that we work on ourselves to better our health, and its my role to help her as much as i can. its what i owe her for all she does for me in my own happiness. shes the only one to make me feel this way and i want her tk experience it. i want her to know that she csn trust me and that i would never do anything to hurt her. shes so fuckin gorgeous. in 3 weeks ill b able to see her but i cant take it, i just need to be by her side. i need to hold her hand to know its there. I want to run my fingers through her hair and stare into her eyes. her beautiful piercing eyes. i want to b close to her.