burnt-fucking-bagel

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@nascax-blog @cyber-macabre 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

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@nascax-blog @cyber-macabre 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

[burnt-fucking-bagel]

@nascax-blog @cyber-macabre 

Ray-Ban Sunglasses

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i hate my fucking friends lmao fucking selfish assholes

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this morning, i opened a snap streak from this girl im in love with and it was her just her face and a simple good morning message. i was still sleepy so i propped my phone up next to my pillow and left the screen on her snap. i mustve fell asleep and woke up like 13 times but every time was wonderful bc id wake up to her cute ass face and if just be filled joy. and then id hide in my blanket after realizing how lame i am. yeesh

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hello again personal void i can yell into its me once again yelling. im so over existing and really like nothing more than a series wrap to envelope the matthew story. its about time we get taken off air. there really is no point in me continuing to live. after all i will never be happy. i mean theres a sliver of a chance but thats just it, a sliver. my main frets come from relationship issues being i dont have any and wont ever have any. thankfully i have pillars of support in my loving family which i am eternally grateful for but as the american poet/actor jake gyllenhaal once said in his film donnie darko "whats the point of living if you dont have a dick" and i whole heartedly agree. im never going to reach a point of degenerancy where i become a danger to others, i am too considerate of my fellow human being to ever wish harm upon another except for nazis and assholes. i essentially am obssesed with a girl and there is a minimal amount of flirtation back and forth but overall she is nothing more than the woman i will never be with simply because i will never be anything more to her. she doesnt really care about me the way i care about her and thats ok, i dont have any right to be up in arms about it. it just sucks the way she teases me, maybe im just being pessimistic and stumbling my own progress but i think its safe to safe shes a warm long fire on christmas night and im a vangrant living in the streets. shit even if we were to end up together, im certain she will leave me simply because i am undesireable. im not much to look at despite my best efforts and then theres autonomous factors i have no control over but suffer fully from. this is how i feel about any potential relationship i might have, im certain my partner will get tired of me and eventually cheat on me. and the worst part is i understand. how pathetic is that? i havent even been fucked over yet and im already apologizing and forgiving. im a spineless self hating narcissist. i hate it here.

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me when the girl i like sent me a lewd.

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i want to talk to someone but i dont have any real friends like that

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I WANT TO SCREAM

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my best friend just tried to make me feel bad about taking care of my self and im not having it. he said "you do you since thats what youre all about" like what the hell man why are you trying to make focusing on myself is a bad thing. the whole issue he said it over literally doesnt involve him and my decision that im making no way affects him so i dont understand why feels its ok to just say shit like that. like fuck dude let me live my life, i let you live yours when it was your turn now let me finally have what ive wanted since i was 15. like he was lying to me the whole time and then just went off talking about it with all our friends and im just pissed. i thought being "best friends" came with a fucking mouth closed policy. i dont understand why people feel the need to talk shit and just spread shit. like fuckin hell if those people wanted to know what was going on in my life maybe they should contact me instead of hearing it come from u smh. nosy ass mutha fuckas with nothing better to do but talk.

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i just need to rant

aaaaaaaaaaaa so the person im in love with lives 8 hours away in my hometown i left a while back for uni and ever since weve been messaging and getting cute w eachother n shit. n im ecstatic bc the person ive always idolized and fantasized about is finally reciprocating feelings and its great but its shit. she has bad depression and gets into funks every once in a while, she kinda has to deal with all her trauma all while trying to dodge new ones from all the shitty people in her life. for the most of the time since ive moved ive been going thru aloooot of shit and basically just trying to convince myself not to give up and just become a crackhead fulltime but ever since we started talking again ive been getting better, and ive noticed she has too at least a little. what i hate most about this is the fact that shes going through hell and all i can do is try to assure her shit will b ok thru phone when really i just want to hold her and kiss her forehead n shit b tell her she dont even gotta worry bout none of that shit. im straight up in love with her and i really csnt explain it except that i know it. the issue is that i need her to know that she isnt horrible or second best as she may beleive. i want her to be confident in wearing a turtle neck. i want her to smile when she looks in the mirror. i want her to focus on the good instead of toasting to the scorched past. i want her to feel better about herself. i want her to see what i see or at least give her an idea of what i see. i want to see her face light up in suprise as she says my name and gives me hug when i buy her flowers. i want her to know that not everythings completely bad and that not everyone in her life hates her. i want her to know that shes wanted and that shes full of worth. shes amazing and shes a beautiful goddess. shes passionate and determined. shes always tired and worn out and needs someone to hold her and tell her shes doing a good job. cause thats what we all need. motivation to know that its worth it. its important that we work on ourselves to better our health, and its my role to help her as much as i can. its what i owe her for all she does for me in my own happiness. shes the only one to make me feel this way and i want her tk experience it. i want her to know that she csn trust me and that i would never do anything to hurt her. shes so fuckin gorgeous. in 3 weeks ill b able to see her but i cant take it, i just need to be by her side. i need to hold her hand to know its there. I want to run my fingers through her hair and stare into her eyes. her beautiful piercing eyes. i want to b close to her.

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If this isn’t me

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every year at my school you can buy a carnation to send to someone on Valentine's Day, so naturally I bought one wrote I hate you on the card and sent it to myself

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Snowy bong rips ❄

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There's no shame like the shame felt after flushing the toilet and then realizing you weren't done