#insert joke about being a vampire here

[caitlynmeow]

Look at how pale they are.

On the sunniest summer days, the daughters would cook under the sun for HOURS trying to get even the slightest tan, but it never happens. Usually, they give up by sunset with no change in their skin color at all (at best) and sometimes they leave with slight burns (at worst) but in either case, no tan.

[wakingfromthewater]

John Mack won the Pulitzer Prize and then got really, really into alien abductions and hypnosis. Also supposedly went to a park and waited for the aliens to come abduct him, but that might just be local folklore.

sorry it would really be so funny if a pulitzer prize winner wrote a book about how vampires are real. this sort of thing does happen in real life but they're always anti-vaxxers or transmisogynists or something. respected guy who suddenly swears that vampires are real is so good

[rhiamaykes]

I've just spent the last hour in the bathroom. I don't feel good.

I have put on the twilight soundtrack, because sad music from when I was a teenager perfectly reflects my current mood

[mothknight42]

on the guide, writing women in wwdits, and that ending

I firmly believe the Guide is the one of the most wasted, underutilized, and massacred characters in the show, and the series finale only confirms this. So let's talk about why!

The Guide is interesting as a character study in regression; when we first see her, despite being a lackey for the Vampiric Council, she is quite powerful and assertive. She has no issue telling off our main Vamily (insert Colin Robinson smile to camera here) and we see her in S3 repeatedly fixing the messes everyone causes at the Council all while bemoaning her position. Sure, she is a joke to our main vampires at best, and a nuisance at worst, but she does have power and clout and a voice.

Then when S4 roles around, we finally get some legitimate backstory for her. She used to be a "messy" vampire, and her current uptight personality is essentially a dramatic 360 after suppressing all of her raunchiest memories and being forced into eternal servitude. This is interesting! Even more interesting is how she changes in response to learning this about herself - we see her reject Guillermo despite her passion because she isn't that person anymore ..... and become entirely wrapped up in serving Nadja.

While she is technically the butt of the joke for the whole Vamily, she becomes most clearly Nadja's kicked dog. She vies for Nadja's attention, friendship, and approval. We see her constantly trailing Nadja and helping her with the nightclub in various ways. And of course, we see how Nadja derides her, dismisses her, and on occasion, throws her a pathetic bone (such as 'gifting' her the vial box during the Wraith Union episode). By this point, we as the audience KNOW the Guide is quite powerful and capable in her own right; and yet, here she is, nipping at Nadja's heels like a lost puppy and desperately trying to be included.

In many ways, the Guide is set up very directly as a foil for Guillermo, with Nadja as her master (MISTRESS NADJA!!!). Both Guillermo and the Guide are powerful and unique in their own right, both more intelligent than the other vampires in many cases, and yet, both are seeking acceptance from those same vampires who treat them like dirt. It is good writing! And a good way to establish that despite Guillermo's dreams of becoming a vampire, it will not guarantee him the love and acceptance he is seeking from Nandor and the rest.

And then the writers almost completely abandon it. We get very little commiseration between Guillermo and the Guide post her rejection of him, and instead as Guillermo becomes more clearly loved and accepted and PROTECTED by the Vamily, the Guide is shoved in his place as the butt of many "not you" jokes. There is no clear purpose given for this beyond that the writers find it funny; after all, the Guide herself is no longer the uptight pencil pusher we meet her as, so the Vamily's repeated rejection of her just feels like a cheap gag - one that gets less and less funny as time goes on, since the Guide IS often included in Vamily hijinks. Clearly she is ALLOWED to be around them, so the hate directed to her feels forced for a cheap laugh rather than having some legitimate purpose.

And then all of this culminates in Morrigan Manor, right? An excellent episode that shows the Guide's true personality (she is fun! she is clever! she listens to the interests of the Vamily and cares about them!) as well as how hurt she is to be rejected by them (rejected by Nadja specifically - we will come back to that). She doesn't imprison Guillermo and draws a direct connection between the way she is treated and the way they treat him ...... but while Guillermo has spent the season in cahoots with Nadja/Colin/Laszlo, who have hidden his secret to protect him and have proved they care about him, the Guide gets none of that. She gets false closure via a handpicked clip that turns out to be another joke at her expense! And for no good reason! She has now spent three seasons proving she wants to be and can be a good friend to them, that as a vampire she is powerful and useful to them, her personal interests (painting and maintaining archives) are things the other vampires also show interest in ....... and yet!

I've seen arguments that the Vamily are "selective" about their friendships, that friendship is the most meaningful thing for vampires, that the Guide *wanting* to be their friend is why they won't let her, but I'm sorry, no. All of the vampires make plenty of friends, if not with other vampires than with humans throughout the seasons. One of the longest running arcs in the show is that of Sean with Laszlo, and we see how both Nandor and Nadja accommodate that friendship without real question or pushback. Even in Pine Barrens, the problem Nandor has is not that Laszlo likes Sean better, it is that Laszlo has been neglecting Nandor. Nandor just wants to be INCLUDED in guy time; he tries to connect with Sean himself and has no real issue with the guy!

The Guide isn't accepted into the Vamily, despite actively helping them for four seasons, because the writers think it is funnier for her to be the new Guillermo - except without ANY character arc or importance. She is the cheap gag they can trot out whenever necessary, and the series finale really leans hard into that by both making her a parody of a Trump supporter for a quick laugh (a joke that by and large just wasn't funny and felt extremely out of place in the series - even beyond the optics of making that kind of joke, it felt lazy and was only aiming for a shock value laugh) and making her body into a commodity for the Monster to lust over. She is stripped of much of her agency and anger for no real purpose. The only shining moment for her this season, her rejection of Nandor, feels like a breath of fresh air that is immediately forgotten about in favor of making her into the woman who gets shit on and ignored for laughs.

The Guide could have been used for anything. Anything! She is older than some of the Vamily, has a very fun hinted at backstory, has different powers and a disposition to the rest of the main cast - and is played by KRISTEN SCHAAL, a veritable comedy icon at this point. And yet, she is shoved to the background, only brought out into the forefront for a cheap joke at her expense - a joke that stopped being funny seasons ago.

All of which has to do with the show's inability to write women.

Nadja, a main character for god's sake, by the end of the show is turned into a dumb angry woman caricature - her arc, of trying to find her own voice and purpose amidst a household of narcissistic men, is cast aside in favor of cheap jokes about not 'getting' humans, despite spending five previous seasons being shown as extremely competent with humans. Her and Laszlo's strife this season feels like it is solely in service to Laszlo's arc surrounding his desire for creation/fatherhood while doing nothing to further Nadja's own arc of self actualization. (Side note: I know a lot of people disliked them fighting this season and said it came out of nowhere, but that isn't true; as far back as the Bloody Mary episode, we see Laszlo trying to 'protect' Nadja and her being exasperated with him - the problem this season is that it doesn't feel like Nadja gets any real agency in Laszlo's concern for her. Every time she tries to put up a boundary, he steamrolls over it with grand declarations of his love. It sucks!) Post the Nightclub arc, Nadja's character loses steam and she exists solely to further other character's arcs, while her own goals and dreams and plans are abandoned. Dolly's entire existence was about trying to help Nadja find purpose, something Nadja nor the viewers ever get closure on!

The WWDITS writer's room is seemingly allergic to writing women beyond making them jokes or commodities for men. Despite multiple seemingly self aware meta jokes in series about Nadja hating other women because she is a woman, about the men in the house being misogynistic and obnoxious, the writer's over and over entrench these annoying and backwards and LAZY tropes, all while giving characters like Colin Robinson and Laszlo legitimate arcs and serious moments of personhood and reflection that are not immediately cheapened by a joke. Laszlo has not one but TWO seasons dedicated to working through his daddy issues by becoming a father himself, something that in my humble opinion (while not done perfectly) was clearly given some thought and care that we never really see with Nadja post S3.

So it is no surprise that the Guide is just completely wasted, though it is a shame. An easy to write arc would have been exploring a possible attraction between the Guide and Nadja (once again, a fun foil to Guillermo and Nandor!!) especially because it is clear that the Guide does have feelings for Nadja. In the clipshow in Morrigan Manor, despite all of the Vamily being cruel to her, the only clips are of Nadja. The Guide is eager to run away with Nadja (sorry, Sally!) and she spends all of S4 doing Nadja's bidding for seemingly just her approval. (But of course, the show is allergic to portraying anything gay unless it is a joke, and doubly so for anything even remotely sapphic).

Hell, S6 could have been an arc between the Guide and Nadja becoming legitimate friends and working together to help Guillermo at Cannon; after all, the Guide has spent years working in an 'office' like environment, and Nadja has experience with humans. We saw that they worked fine together during the nightclub era - post Morrigan Manor why not show them growing together and finding a purpose outside of the Council and outside of the Vamily, something that both the Guide and Nadja would benefit from as characters? Why not a female comedy duo, since we always get the men paired together for hijinks?

But that would require treating Nadja and the Guide as characters worthy of arcs, which the writers clearly did not want to do. That would require treating women as people with interiority, which the writers clearly do not.

I give so many props to Natasia for working with bare minimum in later seasons, and clearly trying to give Nadja a sense of self and purpose even when the writers were actively working against it. And I give props to Kristen for making the Guide into a fan favorite despite everything the writers did to make her into a nothing burger. It is a shame and tragedy that even in 2024 on a long running comedy show, the idea of women being funny enough to carry their own stories and arcs is clearly still too farfetched to be brought to reality.

[slxtarchive]

ETERNAL PROMISE ✦ SAM GOLBACH

𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬. throughout your life sam was always your number one. he was there for you through thick and thin. regardless of all the troubles in your life, sam was always the one thing that was good and constant… but you couldn’t shake off the feeling that he was hiding something beyond your imagination.

𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭. yes! you can find it here <-

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬. SMUT ! best friends to lovers, vamp!sam, dom!sam, a smidge of dom!reader, blood sucking/feeding !? [ not sure what to call this ], choking, pnv sex.

𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬. i loved writing this bc lowkey fell in love w the thought of being a vampire years ago.. but im a little rusty on writing smut. anyway, found the divider design on picsart and just duplicated them it’s super easyyy i love it

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭. 2.7k +

you’d thought about it for a while now. he never takes that ring off. whenever he goes out to eat he hardly eats his plate… no eye bags visible whatsoever — and no he doesn’t have a skincare routine. you’ve been to his house before and his bed is always perfectly made. no wrinkles, no folds, like it’s never been slept in.

that is what’s making you think that he’s a vampire. your best friend sam is a vampire.

you paced around your room trying to think of the best way to bring it up to him. ‘hey so i noticed you literally have no eye bags um… so are you a vampire?’ mm too forward. ‘hey so how come you never take that ring off? let me guess you’d burn without it?’ insert nervous laughter … mm no.

as the day went on you decided to just go out and say it. tell him what you think — tell him what you know. so you grabbed your keys and shoes, slipping them on before heading toward his house. when you got there no lights were on. you still took the courage you were gripping onto and knocked on the door.

it was eerily quiet as you waited for him. then finally he opened the door. “hey yn, what are you doing here?” he’s not in pajamas. he’s in full-on casual clothes as if he were about to go out for the day. his hair was messy but in a good way and of course, his skin was flawless.

just say it yn. say it.

you walked into his house before stopping and looking up at him. his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. you took a deep breath before speaking, “are you… are you a vampire?” when you said it aloud you realized how ridiculous it sounded. sam wasn’t a vampire… he wasn’t.

“yes.” he said quietly. you were dumbfounded.

you looked up as shocked as ever. “wait what?”

he said nothing else before grabbing you by your hand and leading you toward his bedroom so you both could sit down. “yn… you’re my best friend and you deserve the truth. i trust you with my life…” he spoke up quietly laughing at the irony of his words. “i am a vampire.”

“what the fuck?” you said in disbelief. i mean sure, you did kind of believe it but at the same time … what the fuck?

sam rubbed his face stressing. “look, the reason i kept this from you for so long is because even though it may seem … not scary — it’s dangerous. the vampire world isn’t shit to joke with.”

you surveyed his face as he talked about his life as a vampire. how dangerous it was? you didn’t want to lie … you found him extremely attractive.

you would be lying if you said you hadn’t been in love with sam for a while now. how could you not be? he was sweet, kinda selfless, and charming. a full package deal… but now, you’d felt an even more attraction toward him.

your eyes moved from his eyes to his lips, to down his body, the way his muscles peeked through his black t-shirt. down his arms and to his ring. “the ring is for something right?” you spoke up quietly.

he looked down at his ring. “oh yeah, it's um … to help me not like shine n crack in the sunlight.” he spoke so softly as if he felt a little embarrassed.

you felt confused. “shining?”

he nodded. “yeah.. at first i like glimmer and then my skin starts to crack.”

curiously you stared at his ring once more before speaking. “can i see?”

his gaze on you never faltered, being a sucker for your soft silky voice and the cuteness of your curiosity. “sure.” he gave in. he removed his ring before slowly moving his hand to be under the ray of sunlight that shined through the window in his room.

at first, his hand started to glisten. it was like diamonds. you brought your hand slowly to trace over the shining particles that you were seeing. it was beautiful. “you’re … beautiful.” you said mesmerized — until his skin started to simmer. then the first crack started appearing. your hand quickly retracted, surprised to see how the cracks appeared in seconds.

sam hissed before slowly pulling his hand away from the sunlight. as soon as he did, the cracks had closed mimicking the sound of stone crackling together. “and that’s what happens when i’m in it for too long.” he said silently, his eyes visibly darkening in a way you’d never seen before. “s’not the prettiest right?”

you looked up, away from his hand. you noticed the sad look in his eyes. you grabbed his face with both hands making him look at you. “you’re beautiful sam… regardless.”

sam couldn’t help but admire the look in your eye. the way your eyebrows furrowed. the flush in your cheeks. the way your lips were the perfect shade. the life in your skin. he didn’t know what possessed him but he stared leaning closer unaware of his actions.

you felt the tension ride between the both of you as he got closer and closer to you. your eyes flitted between his eyes and his mouth before leaning forward and connecting your lips.

sam let loose and immediately made his way over you settling in between your legs. you let out a gasp as his hand gripped your waist. his hold on you was firm. extremely firm.

his lips pushed onto yours as if it was the last thing he was doing. he forced your mouth open slipping his tongue inside enticing a deep groan from you. he released his hold on you just enough for you to flip over smoothly and be on top of him.

the way he looked was magical. his veins were popping out of his neck. his hair was tousled in the best way possible. god... you wanted him, no, needed him.. so badly. “need you so badly sam.” you pleaded starting to grind yourself onto him.

his eyes were cloudy but conflicted. “can’t. m’sorry. don’t wanna hurt you.” he whined.

you pouted slightly leaning down and starting to kiss up his neck. his skin was cold under your lips. you peppered those kisses from the side of his neck to the base. you then brought your lips back up to him grinding and kissing.

sam was gripping the sheets until his knuckles were white desperately trying to hold himself back. he couldn’t help but bring his lips to your ear and then onto your neck to return the favor. you let out a shaky breath as you spoke. “feed on me.” you groaned, still rolling your hips onto his.

sam stopped in his tracks. “yn no, it’s… it’s too dangerous.” he said letting out a small whimper at the thought.

you rolled your hips again. “sam please …” you threw your head back at the stimulation you brought yourself.

sam thought about it. could he control himself? he didn’t trust himself at all to stop. he could turn you. even worse — he could kill you.

“yn, i don’t know if i can control myself.” his hands were gripping your hips. you thought to yourself, what’s the worst thing that could happen. you die? you turn? it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you turned. like at all.

you bit your cheek as you voiced your thoughts. “turn me, sam.” you let out a deep breath. “i want to be like you.”

that’s when sam fully shook his head. “hell no. nope. not gonna happen.” he said sitting up with you still straddling his lap.

you nodded your head refusing to let him get up. he only let you hold himself down. he could’ve easily gotten up but he didn’t want to. “yes! turn me sam. i… i want to be with you forever.” you begged.

sam looked conflicted as your words fully settled in his brain. “be with me forever…?” he questioned, his stone heart swelling at the thought. sam never admitted it but he had always been a tiny bit in love with you. he stopped his feelings from ever being full-blown because of your differences but now that you were mentioning what he thought was impossible, he had… hope?

hope was never something sam had when it came to his lifestyle. he felt cursed when it happened a few years ago. now, he couldn’t help but feel it was meant to be if he could spend his entire being with you and only you.

you were staring at him. looking at how he contemplated your words. you stopped the movement of your hips to say one more thing you’ve been dying to say since you realized your true feelings. “please sam, i love you.”

those three words. sam had always longed to hear those three words but he didn’t realize how bad until they came out of your mouth.

i love you.

sam gained his composure taking a deep breath. his hands smooth up your thighs. “you can never go back.” he reminded you. “please, i don’t want you to regret this.”

you smiled lightly, “i won’t ever regret it as long as i’m with you.”

he let out a shaky breath before speaking again. “you’re sure?”

you nodded again. “i’ve been sure since i’ve started suspecting you. i want this. i want you.” your hands were on his chest slowly trailing your fingers down.

he took a breath in his nose and out his mouth as he surveyed you. god, were you beautiful. ethereal even. he felt so lucky that you chose to live this kind of life with him. the thing about vampires is yes, they’re capable of love but when you put that, passion, and need together… you’re bound to see a mess.

sam couldn’t control himself any longer. like lighting he picked you up and swiftly moved you over to lay on your back. he stood above you like a hunter looking at its prey. that’s when you saw it. the sight of his fangs peaking out through his lips.

you felt yourself getting hotter — needier.

he was quick to move his hands to your waist pulling off your pants to reveal your underwear. he crawled over you quickly grabbing the bottom of your shirt and lifting it up to reveal your stomach and chest. he peppered kisses all the way until he was able to fully remove it.

now that you were finally revealed in front of his eyes he was begging to have you to himself. “you sure right? don’t want you to regret this.” his chest moved up and down as his breathing was slow and heavy.

you let out a tiny whimper. “yes.” your word. so small and innocent. not knowing what sam would do once you’d turned.

he licked his bottom lip nodding and giving you an ‘okay’ before leaning down and starting to kiss up your body until he reached your neck. he took a deep breath smelling the sweet essence of your blood. “god… you smell so addicting.” he sucker lightly but not breaking skin just yet. he wanted to see his mark on you before he started to sink himself onto you.

your mouth opened as you let out a moan. the anticipation having you on a figurative edge. your hands made their way toward his back pulling on his shirt. he followed your hand taking his shirt off to reveal his naked toward. your nails dragged up the hard surface preparing for the sharp pain you’d soon endure.

he kicked over his mark before speaking. “just a little taste before you’re mine forever, yeah?” he grinned.

your heart was racing so fast to the point you swore it would stop. while waiting you took in the environment of the room not wanting to forget this moment. finally, he sunk his fangs into you knocking the breath out of you. “oh fuck.” you winced, feeling the blood surge from out of your neck but there was no pain… all you felt was something flowing through your body.

sam groaned at his actions as you felt your whole body ache for a few seconds before it turned into something even more. it was like cold liquid was making its way through your veins. each part it passed was like your senses in that area heightened.

it went from your legs to your stomach then your brain. as soon as you felt that cold sensation make its way above your eyes adjusted to everything. it was like you were seeing in HD. everything… everything was so real. the smell of the environment. you could smell the wood from the oak furniture sam had. you felt the silky blanket beneath you even more than you already had.

most importantly, you felt sam’s presence above you. he was staring at who you had become. he smiled looking you up and down slowly trying to memorize every part of you.

you spoke up. “am i…?” you were sure you were but you needed to hear the confirmation.

he nodded letting out a breath of disbelief. “yeah.” he laughed softly.

the sound of his voice. it was the most beautiful thing in the universe.

you giggled feeling the urge to kiss him. you stood up faster than usual accidentally shoving him against the wall. “woah.” you laughed nervously.

“you’re stronger than me for now.” he shrugged.

you took the weight of his words in and smiled. you crashed your lips into his groaning into his mouth. he returned the passion carrying you to the bed. your legs wrapped around his waist once again before being set down on the bed.

he ripped you’re underwear off as well as your bra before taking his pants and boxers off as well. “gonna make you mine all the time now. you belong to me, understood?” he pumped himself a few times.

you nodded looking up at him in anticipation. “yes. all yours.” you agreed with a pleading tone. “make me yours right now. please, need it so bad.” you were dripping at how rough he was and how it didn’t seem to have a physical effect on you at all.

he chuckles. “gonna have you screaming my fucking name.” he grunted before lining himself up and pushing in deep inside you.

you let out a gasp at the impact as he hit that sweet spot already. he didn’t waste any time picking up his pace and slamming into you again and again. the whole bed shook with the force of his thrusts. you tried to grab onto anything you could but the only thing available was the duvet that covered the bed.

the veins in sam’s neck popped out so prominent as pleasure coursed through him. to keep you stable enough he ended up wrapping a hand around your throat knowing you could take what he gave you.

he saw the face of pleasure that you wore with a smug grin. “how good does it feel yn? how good. tell me. scream it to me.”

your pale race showed a bit of color as you screamed. “god — so good sam. so good don’t stop.”

he wanted to say he didn’t plan on it but somehow some way he was closer to his orgasm than he thought he’d be. “fuck — c'mon baby. cmon.” in and out. in and out.

you pressed your lips together as you felt that familiar rubber band in your stomach get closer to snapping. “sam — gonna cum.” your head was thrown back and you gritted your teeth at the sensation.

your legs shook by the second and before you knew it that wave of pleasure crashed into you so hard you felt you were floating.

sam sensed you hit the edge and not long after he hit it with you. his thrusts stuttered and his stomach tightened as he coated your walls.

you both came down from your high feeling like you were in heaven, ironically. you worse a lazy smile as sam collapsed on top of you. a few minutes passed by and you decided to speak up. “i’m serious, i love you sam.” deciding to show vulnerability. “for eternity.”

in response sam lifted his head up and connected your lips with a smile. . “i love you for eternity.”

© slxtarchive

[livefromcastledracula]

What would be your thoughts on reinterpretationing the sisters/brides in a sympathetic lines?

If two of them really are the Drac's daughters that could have some REALLY disturbing implications even ignoring them potentially being born vampires or turned at a young age and legitimately not knowing any other way.

*insert joke that there forgiven for eating babies because there hot

I think the first thing that jumps to mind is that - in older folklore - a vampire preys on its own family first. It goes immediately to the people it loved most in life and sucks the life out of them, and then they prey on the people they cared about and so the horror perpetuates...

(if you guess the connection here with rural villages and the spread of communicable diseases like tuberculosis, yep)

Stoker's Count adheres more to the Romantic gothic era literary vampire (mysterious aristocrat in a haunted castle etc) tropes than the grimy peasant folklore of original flavor vampires, but he also clearly did his research and makes use of a lot more of the folkloric superstitions than most other foundational vampire lit.

We also see with Lucy for example that Stoker vampires prey opportunistically upon the most vulnerable people they can access. Loved ones are easily lured by a familiar, beloved face, and in Lucy's case children are quick to trust the pretty, sweet-speaking Bloofer Lady.

It would have been a very folkloric twist if Lucy (and by extension the Brides?) preyed on children or infants because they desired or had some connection to children of their own, but Lucy never expresses any feelings about children either way, so I think that's a dead end.

It wouldn't surprise me that Stoker's implicit backstory behind the Three Sisters, if they WERE once Dracula's living family, was that he turned them first upon becoming a vampire.

Them being born vampires is a novel idea but I don't think there's any suggestion Stoker's definitely undead corpse people vampires can reproduce the old fashioned way or any other way than transmitting their curse, and they also don't age unless they don't feed, so the idea of a child vampire is a bit of a paradox in Stoker lore. Would a child vampire grow and age like Dracula does when not feeding and then revert to the age it was turned at when it feeds?

I have no idea and I can't pop into Bram's DMs to ask him ☠️🧛alas.

[imperator-titus]

More deranged astarion headcanons cause I don't want to do work or go to the store

Astarion is cat-coded 100% even if Neil didn't say he was inspired by his cat, but when I heard that it totally made sense.

This means Astarion is fickle, does exactly what he wants, can be an annoying little bitch but you'll forgive him because he's cute, and has his "person"

Astarion is not a cuddler by nature but just like a cat, he might decide that all you're doing is be his pillow. But that also means he might decide that you are NOT allowed to touch.

This also applies to the “stares at you without blinking cause I don’t trust you” and “let me stare at you and blink slowly because I trust you” behavior

Being a sassy lil bitch is his version of knocking shit off tables, BAPS for the things he doesn’t understand

Vampire magic keeps his hair perfect (this is totally made up, but his hair is PERFECT and they're CONSTANTLY fucking filthy and I live with a man who has beautiful curly hair and the maintenance is insane, there's no fucking way)

Hates when you do things for him, hates having to “need” you, takes him a long time to learn that it’s not so he owes you something and it’s just what friends/partners do

Hates doing things for people but is actually very good at looking at something and going “this was meant for [insert person here]”

Has the weirdest sense of humor, not always dark but usually

Pretends he can take an insult or be the punchline of a joke that he’d probably tell about himself, but secretly hates it

The pendulum swings between hypersexuality and not even wanting to hold hands, the most vanilla man you know, the sex dungeon is for you and also the aesthetic (I am all behind the “Gale is the kinkiest man you know and Astarion just wants missionary when the illusion of being a depraved kinkster wears off”)

Expressive and Sensitive Elf Ear Supremacy

I feel like Astarion sweating was a graphical/coding oversight but yeah… I’m here for it.

Loved sweets as a mortal

[transguydeuce]

queer twst headcanons pt 7: diasomnia

OKAY HOLD ON TO YOUR PANTS THIS IS GONNA BE A LONG FUCKIN POST

first. we must establish fae genderisms.

(if you wanna just scroll to the headcanons for the lads tho feel free)

i think fae have around 3 “sexes”. i say “around 3” “sexes” bc science has proven repeatedly that sex is way more complicated than it seems lol. anyway i think fae have majority intersexed individuals with some female and some male. this definitely means that there’s not really a gender binary to trans around in, and fae don’t have the same concepts of trans and cisgender that we do. plus the fact that most fae, including both male and female (which here i’m referring purely to whether they produce egg or sperm) have a range of traits that are traditionally viewed by humans as gendered aka breasts, external/internal genitalia, etc. i would say body hair also but tbh i don’t think they have any, baul’s beard looks more like scales or horns to me and unless i’m wrong i don’t think we’ve ever seen a fae with body hair.

i would almost hesitate to say that fae are mammalian but they do have some hair as well as boobs (thank u meleanor for screwing w my fae biology headcanon /j) and it’s also known that they r capable of creating hybrid offspring w humans so they have to be closely related enough to humans to do that so they are mammals, my thought is just that they have adapted to live in environments with higher magic. that’s why they’re typically more magically gifted yet it’s more dangerous for them to be without it (cough cough glomas cough cough) ALSO. BECAUSE THEY LAY EGGS, FAE ARE BASICALLY MONOTREMES. HAVE FUN WITH THAT.

anyway it's impossible to tell what bits a fae has just from looking at them. so they don’t really get assigned a gender at birth and therefore they don’t really have the same concepts of cis and trans that we do. personally, i hc that "he" is the default gender-neutral pronoun most fae use. that is all thank you for your time now ON TO THE HEADCANONS

malleus: personally hc him as intersex :) doesn’t really understand human concepts of gender, but is curious about it since arriving at night raven. he doesn’t really know what an “all boys” school is especially because some of his classmates r definitely not all boy. (he thinks that’s neat though.) dressed masculine primarily for convenience and would have no complaints wearing a gown. he/him pronouns bc it's the default fae pronoun and that’s what he grew up with but after interacting more with humans he enjoys a she or they from time to time. gender is like a fascinating human custom to him. also i love the hc that he’s pan bc he’s attracted to player character regardless of gender so i’m sticking to that

sebek: [just insert the entire knuckles pronouns comic here]

ok all jokes aside he uses he/him as well, and thinks that that’s the default for everyone. the most important human in his young life was his dad who is also he/him so naturally sebek gets very confused when humans have more than one gender. most likely finds out more after asking about why epel doesn’t like being mistook for a girl (uh oh) he concludes he must be a guy cuz he’s big and strong (epel what have you done). i don’t really have a read on sebek’s sexuality and i don’t think he does either tbh.

lilia: THEE genderqueer just look at him. she is genderfuck incarnate. he’s on that immortal vampire gender. he’s on that ftmtftmtftmtftmtf type shit. a different pronoun set each day. throw some neopronouns in and stir the pot. basically he’s genderfluid. gendergas even. she’s traveled all around the world, if you think he didn’t pick up all the different genders like a crow hoarding shiny objects you would be wrong. if you ask them directly they’d probably say their gender is gamer (to be hip with the kids). also a bisexual king and definitely had a thing for meleanor and her husband there is no doubt in my mind.

silver: well he was raised by lilia so….. afab doesn’t really apply to him. he grew up in briar valley and was never assigned a gender besides the default pronoun “he”. when he’s older lilia probably teaches him a bit about human culture and asks silver what he feels like doing and i think he’d most likely go on t, partially for gender feels and also partially to build muscle mass and be a better royal guard lmao. his gender is knight boyprincess. no i shall not explain. i think he’s sex-neutral grey ace that’s just the vibes i get from him

[ourdreamsareneon]

okay *cracks knuckles* I did a post about gale, time for his better half - astarion

Some of you don't have media literacy and it shows.

I dont know where to start so I'm gonna go hard before getting soft (insert sex joke.) Act 1 astarion is an asshole. He's manipulative and toxic and uses his power as a ~230 year old vampiric high elf to manipulate you into (among other things) having sex with him. I understand falling for him at that point, that's not your fault it's just the game gaming and the writers are really good at how they write his manipulation. However, it does strike me as strange that some of y'all get to the scene where he confesses to using and manipulating you and you....don't care? 'He's just damaged! its not his fault!' babygirl, someone can have a good reason for hurting you, but that doesn't take away the pain. I'm not saying that you shouldn't still love him, but it's strange how many of you disregard that scene. I know for me at least I was saddened by it and definitely was a little wary about him afterwards until beating Cazador and unlocking the nice happy healthy Astarion relationship.

Now here's where we get soft to prove that I actually like Astarion. The reason that confession stings for me is because I have many a memory of being SA'd then being told "I'm not even into you, you were just there." Ever since I stopped being a girl and became a woman, something that happened all too early in my life, I have been used and abused. And hey, sorry for making my Tav the exact same way but I like processing my trauma through D&D. I relate a lot to Astarion. Hurt people hurt people and I know that better than anyone. I also know better than anyone that picking yourself up and healing from that hurt sucks ass. Which brings me to two points. Um apologies for getting hard on you again.... insert another sex joke here.

1) Astarion isn't ace. I've seen this briefly and while I appreciate the need for queer rep, and love headcanons, I do think this discounts the struggle a lot of SA survivors go through. Okay, back to my life so we can compare. When I was chin deep in my abusive relationships and just general shitty time of my life, I was fucking and sucking literally so much it hurt. However as soon as I got out of that situation, I basically became celibate for 2 years. I didn't know how to have sex in a way that was healthy, or that wouldn't make me feel awful about myself. It was only this year that I was able to finally have sex in a way that made me happy. I think you'd be blind not to see Astarion in the same way. He's just a hurt man that is trying to rediscover and heal himself. Which is why he doesn't care about Tav and Halsin, and why you can have sex on his grave. He is very sexually open he just needs some time.

2) Ascended Astarion isn't sexy and I don't think some of you are ready for that conversation. Look I don't have time to go through this because I have a meeting in 30 minutes because I'm an adult with bad time management. But I just. Come here. Come real close. Abusive relationships aren't hot and sexy. We all love a little bit of kink but if you don't see Ascended Astarion as clearly the bad choice, I'm very confused. He's so sweet and loving and kind and HEALED if you don't let him ascend, I can't imagine not wanting that. And like I said, kink is fine! And ascending him because you're doing an evil run or whatever is also fine! Just please, I need teenagers to stop romanticising abuse because the media you consume does rub off on you.

TL;DR I love Astarion with all my heart, but by the writers own admission he was created as a Try Not To Overly Sexualise an Abuse Survivor Challenge and y'all are failing left and right!

[pjisskullourful]

ɱσσɳʅιɠԋƚ ɱαɠιƈ

🩸 Victoria × reader

18+ readers only!!🔥 blood-thirsty fuckery, shamelessly smutty& explicit

° Victoria De Angelis/female reader insert

° you are something magic, this ain't what I'm used to, let it consume you || your night at a Måneskin concert leads to a once in a lifetime experience when you catch Victoria's eye [based in england, december 2023]

wordcount:: 8,575

° anon request: mommy domme victoria but as a vampire too picking out reader from crowd and having her sexy ways in the hotel after the show & also inspired by my star anon who is the queen of the hot chicks ° got your own request in mind? send it here! but for more control& priority status hit me up for a commission ° lyrics stolen from måneskin & ashnikko ° 🎧HOT VAMP SHIT playlist to add to your reading experience🦇

° [ITA:] meraviglioso: marvellous - cazzo: fuck

supernatural cocky, do it to me, light me up like a moonbeam

You had been to a lot of concerts before (you had stopped being able to easily keep count a couple of years ago), but you had never been this level of entranced by a performer. You were utterly fascinated, unable to take your eyes off of Victoria De Angelis for more than a second. She was the whole show to you and you studied her every motion.

You had attended a Måneskin concert before and you couldn't remember being this level of obsessed with just the bassist. The videos on your phone from that night had tried to capture all four musicians at once. It had also captured the few rows of people standing between you and the stage.

But tonight you were at the front of the crowd, which had been exhilarating even before the band had taken to the stage. You and your best friend, Nadia, were thrilled that your early arrival had secured you this spot. There was absolutely no one blocking your view as you stood at the barricade, on the left of the stage's front.

Everyone had been screaming when the house lights dimmed and the background music was shut off. But your cheering had gotten even louder when Victoria had come into view, wearing her guitar as she strode to the front of the stage, directly in front of you. You were enamoured by the way her hair flowed and you immediately loved the look of her studded mini-skirt.

You had made a (kind of explicit) sign, specifically for her and you had lifted it above your head straight away. LET ME CALL YOU MUMMY.

Beforehand, you hadn't known if she would understand the intent, or even see the sign. It had been made with a rush of adrenaline, half-joking around with Nadia and seeing how sexual you were willing to get.

You saw Victoria's eyes land on it, and the smile already on her face had gotten bigger. Her eyes had moved down and you thought you saw her wink at you. Your arms had felt numb as you lowered the poster, instantly finding reasons to disbelieve what you had seen from the bass player.

You had taken your eyes off of her during the first song, when someone wearing a lanyard had approached from the other side of the barricade. They stood directly in front of you, making eye contact. It might have been easy to fear that you were going to get a stern talking-to after accidentally doing something troublesome.

“Do you wanna be on stage?” They asked.

You had seen the videos online, you knew exactly what this meant, nodding your head as vigorously as possible. “Fuck yeah!”

“Yes!” Nadia had joined in, extending her arm for one of the wristbands that the staff member was holding.

They had wrapped the paper accessories around your wrist and hers. Over the song, they had given the two of you instructions of where to go and when.

Once they were gone, Nadia had grabbed you, screaming her excitement. This was a rare opportunity given to only about twenty fans per show, it was almost like winning the lottery.

You hadn't been able to think of anything to say back, because your eyes had gotten stuck on Victoria again. You hung on her every confident step and marvelled at the precision of her fingers.

You had never seen somebody so sexy in real life before. Seeing her beauty so many times on a screen, it was easy to assume there was some production magic involved - filters, blurring makeup, flattering lighting and angles, truly the best money could buy.

But as you stared up at her, trying to memorise all of these incredible details, you had seen that she was actually just that gorgeous. There wasn't a single feature that could turn you off. You dedicated more than a respectful amount of seconds looking at the little black love hearts that were pasted to each of her exposed breasts, covering the nipples.

As she had looked in your general direction (was it just wishful thinking that she was looking at you?) recklessly filthy images filled your head. You hardly knew where they had come from, but you were inundated to the point where you could hardly concentrate on anything else. You couldn't help yourself, you were suddenly ravenous for all of it.

You wondered how it would feel to have her lips all over your neck. You had pictured scissoring, desperately rubbing your cunt on hers. You hadn't done that with someone in such a long time, but it was often on your mind, the delights from previous experiences lingering in the deepest part of you. You had imagined how she might look riding your face, rocking her body with more intensity than she showed on stage. Images of worshipping her breasts couldn't be ignored and you had noticed that you felt damp in your panties.

You didn't think you had ever been driven so wild just by looking at someone before. Your libido was out of control. It was like the seduction was already happening, independent of words or touches.

When it was finally time to join the performers on stage, you dropped your sign. You didn't feel brave enough to hold it up to her directly, you didn't know how she would react and that intimidated the Hell out of you. The group of fans began to rush the stage and you followed Nadia up the small staircase.

Victoria was the first band member that you reached, and while other fans spread out across the stage, you got too caught up in staring at her to care about anything else. She met your eye, smiling at you. It was like a magnetic pull and you got closer to her.

There were other fans around her, but no one was taking up the space directly in front of her. Amongst all of the other giddy activity on the stage, you were focused purely on her. The rest of the noise faded down as she focused on you too.

She pointed to the spot in front of her feet, seeming to want you to stand there, even closer. You never dreamed that you would be this close, amazed and pumping with adrenaline.

You were reminded of dancing with someone at a nightclub when she planted her foot in the gap between yours, rocking her body weight toward you. There were a few measly inches between the two of you, just enough space for her to continue playing the guitar.

“Cool kids, they do not use floss…”

As the song began, she moved to the beat, tossing her hair around. She looked so free and happy, you wanted to feel the same way.

Her exposed legs brushed and rubbed against yours. She was smiling as she sang along, just like everyone else on stage. The energy was as incredible as it always looked in the videos - it was certain that no one else was having as much fun as the group on stage.

She looked around at the other close-by fans, sharing her enthusiasm with them. But her eyes always returned to you. It didn’t seem real that she would find you so interesting.

She had propped her foot up onto her tip-toes, raising the leg that was between both of yours. Her dancing saw this leg continuously rubbing on your thighs, even pushing into your crotch every so often. Your movements made your bodies come together with more impact and you were soon filling with tingles.

“I’m a bitch and I have much fun…”

Your mouth was forming the words to this track that you knew so well, but you weren’t paying them any attention. You were too busy marvelling at how dancing with her could feel so intimate. You were obsessed with the spots where you could feel her body pressed on yours. 

You licked your lips as your thoughts returned to their earlier depraved track. You imagined other intimate scenarios. You pictured properly grinding on her, with no guitar to block you. You imagined how good it would feel to keep her thigh between your legs.

She looked over your shoulder, momentarily locking eyes with someone or something. Her hand came off of the guitar so that she could gesture in a very specific way. Then she nodded and looked back at you, winking.

Before anything could progress (and it really felt like it could), she took a step back then turned away. She went over to share Damiano’s microphone for a few lines of lyrics.

They were flocked by fans and your clear path to her was gone, now you only caught glimpses of her long hair as she bounced around with the excited group.

It seemed your moment with her was over. You knew there was still fun to be had before the song was through. But there was a pang of disappointment, wishing for more time in her sphere.

You spotted Nadia dancing on the opposite side of the stage, where Thomas was playing his guitar. You made your way over to your friend, who spotted you instantly. She grabbed your hand, pulling you over to dance together, her energy giving you a boost.

The lead guitarist was just as interactive as Victoria, singing with the guests on his stage. But he didn’t have the same effect on you. You smiled when you caught his eye, but you didn’t have the feeling that you absolutely couldn’t look away. Nor did it feel like your legs were about to turn into jelly.

The song had never felt so short and before you knew it, each of the musicians took their exit from the stage. You still had an abundance of enthusiasm, you wanted more. But you were surrounded only by regular people - the spectators rather than the spectacle. There was no more music to listen to.

Casually dressed members of the security team started to gently shepherd everyone off of the stage. You went with the traffic, going back to that staircase with Nadia at your side.

Someone wearing a lanyard approached you, putting themselves in your path. They showed you a friendly smile as you slowed your pace, Nadia doing the same.

“Hey, could you come with me, please?” They requested.

You were confused, glancing at your friend instead of answering immediately. None of the other people from the stage had been singled out like this. But you didn’t have the sense that you were about to be told off for doing something wrong.

“Yes, we will definitely go backstage with you.” She answered without a hint of trepidation.

“Actually, I was only talking to her.” They said, pointing at you.

“Uh, yeah, I can- sure.” You said, you could feel your hopes going up even though you didn’t know what you should be preparing for.

“I gotta be awkward somewhere else.” Nadia said.

She gave your arm a parting squeeze before this staff member started to lead you away from everyone else. Your curiosity was practically overflowing as the entrance to the backstage area got closer.

They pulled back a thick black curtain, revealing an area where there was room to move and perfect lighting. There were people moving around, each wearing identifying lanyards. You had never been somewhere so exclusive before and you made a mental note to not do anything to screw up this experience.

Before you had finished scanning across this large area, you spotted her. Victoria was positioned at one of the available vanity tables, touching up the pigment on her lips. Immediately you got that flurry of butterflies in your tummy again.

And your chaperone started to lead you in her direction. You stopped noticing the details of this expansive room, feeling that sensation of being magnetically drawn to her return.

You caught her eye in the mirror and she turned around, smiling. She extended her hand out toward you and you copied her, eagerly walking faster than the person who had been escorting you.

“Hi again.” You said, placing your hand in hers.

She held it securely, lightly pulling to bring you in as close as you had been on stage. “Hey. I hope you don’t mind me interrupting your night, I just had to tell you how much I love your sign.”

“Oh.” Your cheeks were burning with heat. “I’m glad you liked it, I was worried it could come off as disrespectful.”

“Definitely not.” She said. “It was sexy and it would be even sexier if you meant it.” She had eased herself in closer and she was caressing the back of your hand with her thumb. “Did you really mean it, do you wanna call me Mummy?”

“Yes, I would- who wouldn’t- you’re so amaz- and I have a huge crush on you.” You didn’t know how to articulate the excitement rushing your system.

“And you’re queer?” She asked.

You nodded. “Yes, pansexual.”

“Cool.” She said and she used her free hand to rub your arm. “Are you single?”

“Yes.” You said without hesitation, not slowing yourself down by thinking about Cooper lying in the bed that you shared.

She licked her lips. “Meraviglioso.” She kept both of her hands on you as her eyes relocated to someone else. She gave a purposeful nod and it seemed certain this operation had been practised more than a few times. “I’ve gotta get back on stage for the encore, so my friend Stefano is gonna take care of you for a bit. He’s gonna take you back to my hotel room, where I’ll join you in about an hour. Is that okay with you?”

“Definitely.” You said, you were amazed by how everything was falling into place. Somehow you had stumbled into a perfect scenario.

“Awesome, I’ll see you later.” She said, she lifted your hand up so that she could kiss the back of it, leaving a print of her lipstick there. “Before I get there, you can think about what you want me to call you while you’re calling me Mummy.”

“Yeah, I can do that.” You said.

She squeezed your hand before letting it go. “I’ll see you soon.”

Her eyes lingered on you as she began to move away. You turned around to keep watching her, just as engrossed as ever.

You didn’t mind missing out on the last two songs of the set, you didn’t think that you would be able to concentrate properly. Already your thoughts were racing, strong enough to completely carry you away. Now you had permission to get filthy, there wasn’t any reason to censor yourself or try reining your libido in.

You were still smiling and blushing, even after she had disappeared from sight. This was a high that hadn’t yet reached its peak, it wasn’t about to fade away.

The guy who had brought you backstage, now you knew he was Stefano, approached you again. “Hey, are you ready to go?”

“Definitely.” You replied.

The exclusive space of the green room was left behind as you progressed to somewhere even more exclusive - Victoria’s bedroom. He led you down a staircase and through a door to the much quieter outside. A car was waiting close-by, someone in the driver's seat. Stefano got in the front passenger seat and you got into the back.

Neither he nor the driver tried to strike up a conversation with you, understanding that you weren’t here for them to get to know. There was the possibility of them judging you for agreeing to a one night stand, maybe they found your morals questionable.

But this was a once in a lifetime experience. And the closer you got to it, the more it intoxicated you. It was exceedingly easy to concentrate solely on the positive before you.

You brought your phone out of your bag, finding nine text messages from Nadia waiting for you. She wanted to know what was going on, expressing how mind blown by all of this she was. Then she wanted to coordinate a plan of how the two of you could meet back up.

I don’t really know whats going on. They took me back to talk to Victoria and she asked if I wanted to go back to her hotel. And I said yes?? You typed your response. So now I’m in a car. I’m safe and all, don’t worry about me. But you should probably just head home. And I’ll see you when I see you.

You sent this message, then returned to the main screen of your inbox. Beneath your communication with Nadia, there was a conversation labelled Cooper. You didn’t open this. You told yourself that you didn’t need to tell your boyfriend what was going on. Before leaving for the concert, you had said you would most likely spend the night at Nadia’s place. He wasn’t expecting you to return home, he wouldn’t know that anything out of the ordinary had happened.

Until you could tell him face-to-face. And that was when you would let him know that you had made use of the metaphorical hall pass.

This was an agreement that had been in place for more than half of your relationship. You had agreed that one night stands weren’t cheating, they weren’t grounds for a break up.

It had only been theoretical to you up until tonight. You were sure that he would totally understand your decision once you explained it.

This became your truth and you liked it. You didn’t give it any more thought. Instead your focus and energy went to the incredible once in a lifetime experience you were approaching.

≿━━━━༺🦇༻━━━━≾

you do something wicked to me, mystical when you seduce me 

You kept waiting for something to go wrong. You were expecting to be told that a mistake had occurred and you had to leave right away, because you should have never been brought here in the first place. Why would someone as extraordinary as Victoria have any interest in you, who was so ordinary? Sitting alone, you couldn’t fight the feeling that this bubble was about to burst.

But then the suite’s door opened and the gorgeous woman came in, promptly sweeping you up in new emotions. You sat forward on the sofa, your heart already starting to race.

She was unaccompanied, instantly shutting out the rest of the world by closing and locking the door. Even though she was no longer dressed for the stage, she was just as eye-catching to you in her baggy jeans.

“My dear…” She said after discarding her shoulder bag. “You’re all I’ve been able to think about.”

You got to your feet as she came toward you. “Yeah, me too.”

She didn’t immediately step into your personal space, the restraint marking a change in behaviour. “I want to be honest about why I had you come back here. No nasty surprises. I’m a vampire.”

You wanted to laugh but the sound didn’t come, instead your throat started to clench. “You’re- what are you- vampi- you must be kidding- I don’t understand.”

She nodded. “It’s a lot to wrap your head around, I get that.” She was looking deeply into your eyes as she picked up your hand to hold in hers. “But you don’t need to panic, I promise that you’re not in any danger. It’s up to you if you stay or go, I won’t hold you against your will.” You had turned your wrist so that you could interlock your fingers with hers. “But if you do choose to stay…

“Any pain that you feel will be vastly out-weighed by the pleasure that I plan to give to you. You’ll feel so good that any hurt will be instantly forgotten. It’s my goal to make you feel good- well, myself, too.” She was smiling as she spoke. “Because I’ve been working so hard on this tour and the travel that goes along with it is so exhausting. Fun, but…

“The point is, I need to feed to refresh myself. I give so much of myself at shows and in interviews and all of the other interactions. So I just wanna be selfish.”  Her free hand played with some of your hair. “Will you let me be selfish?”

You had been feeling a sense of warmth as you listened to her, most of your fears were too quiet to be worth noticing. You already knew that you were going to agree to spending the night with her, even if uncertainties lingered right now.

“What exactly do you mean by feed?” You asked.

“Well, even though this is your first meeting with one of us, I’m sure you’ve heard enough about vampires to know that our meal of choice is blood.” She said, starting to subtly nod her head. Without realising, you copied her. “I would bite you to get some little drinks here and there. But I’m not interested in draining you. You will leave this hotel in perfect health, I promise you.”

She released your hand and took a half-step back. “If you don’t believe me, you can leave right now, angel.”

But you didn’t even glance at the door that led to your freedom. 

As you looked deeply into her eyes, you felt like from above your head, honey was being poured onto your body. It was smooth and warm, bringing comfort as it covered you.

You looked at her lips and there was only one thing you wanted to do. You rushed to close the gap between the two of you, bringing your hands up to her face. You saw only approval in her eyes, then you shut your own, guiding your lips to hers.

At once you felt her responding, her lips caressing yours so sweetly. You went further into the fantasy with so much excitement, feeling her smooth cheeks beneath your fingers.

She tilted her head, deepening the kiss and you could feel the beginnings of moisture on your lips. At the same time, she wound an arm around your middle, using this to bring your chest flush to hers.

Your desire was poised to spill over. You weren’t trying to feel out any dangerously pointed teeth as you ventured your tongue into her mouth, you just wanted to taste more of her. She put her hand to the back of your head, encouraging you to stay in this intimacy. You could feel an ache between your thighs.

“Mn, Mummy.” You whined against her lips. “I could get addicted to your kisses.”

She lifted up the hem of your dress with her hand under the material. “That's exactly what I want.” She pushed her hips firmly against yours as she secured some more kisses. “I want you to fuck me. Can you do that for me? Just let me lie back while you give me a mind-blowing orgasm that melts all my stress away.”

“I would love to do that for you.” You said.

“Do you know your way around a strap-on?” She asked.

You were nodding your head, even though it had been more than two years since your last time using one. You didn't think it would be terribly difficult to pick the skill back up, especially considering your determination to make her feel good.

“Yeah, I mean- it's not my first time using one.” You said.

“Fuck yeah, I picked the right girl tonight, huh?” She smiled as she came in for more kisses.

She subtly rubbed the front of her body on you as each kiss was quickly followed with another. Her fingers grasped directly onto the skin beneath your dress.

“Get naked for me.” She said, her voice low but stern. “Mummy wants to see her perfect girl properly.”

You started to do it instantly, shedding the dress you had picked out months ago. You didn’t stop until your body was entirely bare, your insecurities not strong enough to slow you down. Her eyes lit up, travelling down your body as she held a hand reassuringly on your side.

She drew you in with a hand on your heated cheek. “You should get to hear me say it again- I want you to fuck me.”

You saw her bright smile for less than a second before her mouth crushed against yours. A series of passionate kisses commenced with her hands exploring across your body. And you were equally greedy, pushing both of your hands under her tank top, feeling at all you could reach.

“Mummy…” You whimpered. “You’re still wearing too many clothes.”

Her hand collided with your uncovered ass, making you gasp and your heart excitedly skipped over a few beats. “That’s not how a good idea gets me to take my clothes off. Do I have to teach you manners?”

You loved the way this changed the atmosphere, adding a tension that hadn’t been present before. It didn’t make you uncomfortable, it was exciting. You understood the role she wanted you to play and you accepted it instantly.

“No, you don’t. I’ll be polite, I’ll be so polite. Please, will you take your clothes off for me?” You asked.

She didn’t spank your ass again, giving it a teasing squeeze instead. Then she took your arm and started walking away from the door, taking you towards the bed. “Do you have any idea how sexy you make that word sound?”

“Which word?” You asked, wearing a proud smile. “Please?”

She hummed happily and gave you a shove, sending you onto the mattress. “Mm-hmm, that’s the one.”

“I’ll say it as many times as you want.” You said, looking up at her with eyes full of admiration.

She had started to undo the fly of her jeans and your interest was instantly secured. Your eyes grew wide, you were enthralled by the sight of her panties. It was a black thong, allowing you to stare at her thighs as she worked the denim down.

“Please.” You said, quieter than before as you yearned to return your hands to her incredible body. “Please, Mummy.”

She smiled and reached for the bottom of her shirt, pulling it up. Your pussy was flooded with heat upon looking at her completely bare chest.

“Did it hurt?” You asked.

She chuckled. “You are not about to use that cheesy old line and ask if it hurt when I fell from Heaven. You’re smart enough to know that I’ve never been near Heaven.”

“No, I wasn’t going to say that at all. I was talking about your nipples. Does it hurt when you take those sticker cover things off?” You asked.

“No, they’re fine. It doesn’t hurt anymore than taking off a pair of false eyelashes does.” She said.

“Oh. ‘Cause I was gonna offer to kiss them better if they were hurting at all…” You said.

She smiled. “Have you been thinking about kissing my tits?”

“More like worshipping them.” You said before any kind of modesty could stop you. You weren’t used to being so bold and shameless with someone you had just met. But there was something about her presence that influenced you to not hold back.

She walked away from the end of the bed, going over to a small collection of suitcases and bags. You watched her open a black case.

“I’m glad you think there’s enough to worship.” She said.

“They’re absolutely perfect to me, Mummy. I would spend hours worshipping them… if you would like that, please.”

She chuckled to herself and draped a few lengths of fabric over her shoulder. “I’m sure we can make some time for that.”

The next thing she pulled out of the suitcase was much more eye-catching - a dildo. The long object was covered in a leopard-print pattern. She held this in one hand as she reached in for another item. Once she had found the bottle of lubricant, she brought everything over to the bed where you waited.

She offered the harness that would fit around your ass and thighs. As you started trying to make sense of the straps and how they connected, she pushed her underwear down.

Her naked body was all of the motivation that you needed. You were inspired to get the belt on as quickly as you could manage. You got each of the buckles secured, the straps snugly fitting around your crotch and thighs. Your heart leapt when her fingers brushed against your skin as she checked a few of the buckles.

“You’re going to look so good on top of me, darling.” She said.

She sat down on the mattress with you. All you could think of was how desperate you were to touch her. But you forced yourself to be patient, not wanting to interrupt her from the process of getting the dildo in place. She fitted the base of the fake-dick into the O-ring that rested over your crotch, a look of concentration in her eyes.

Once the cock was secured, she looked your body up-and-down and her smile widened. “Fucking perfect.”

The way that she immediately kissed you gave her compliment even more impact, adding to the burning desire that wanted to consume you.

She didn’t let her lips part from yours as she started to readjust. You eagerly moved with her, at first turning your body to face a new direction. Then you were following her up the mattress, keeping in rhythm with her thrilling kisses the whole time.

She pulled herself away from you when she found the spot she wanted. She laid down, resting her head on the pillow as she spread her legs. She opened the lube, a very sweet scent of grapes coming forward as she squeezed some of the product into her hand.

She gestured for you to come closer and you moved into the space between her thighs. She started applying the lubricant to the silicone length while her other hand reached beneath it. Your breath immediately caught when you felt her fingers on your cunt, discovering the moisture already collecting at your entrance.

“You haven’t yet told me the things you want me to address you as.” She pointed out, her fingers lazily dragging back-and-forth along your slit.

“I like everything you’ve said so far. But I think I’d like to be called stuff like naughty thing. I like the encouragements and the good girl’s, but you can be less nice to me, too.” You said. “That would turn me on.”

She licked her lips. “I can do that for you, especially while you’re being so naughty, darling.”

Your eyes fluttered shut as she drew her fingers off of your pussy. You felt the way it pulsed, desperate for attention and scorching hot in your anticipation of more.

She hooked one of her fingers under the belt, lightly tugging on it as she used her other hand to gesture for you to come closer. “Come and fuck me, naughty girl.”

You leaned forward, bracing yourself with a hand on the mattress. Her enchanting eyes left yours as she wrapped a hand around the cock. Positioned on your knees, you eased your body closer to hers as she guided the sex toy toward her cunt.

Her moans were a blessing to your ears as she worked the tip between her folds. She rubbed it up-and-down and you watched the expression on her face change.

Her chest swelled around a deep breath as she began burying the cock into her cunt. She consistently took more of the inches, letting almost all of the length inside. She took her hand off of it so that she could grab your bare ass instead, holding with a firm grip.

“Show Mummy how naughty, nasty, filthy you can be.” She said and she prompted shivers to race through your system as she met your gaze again.

You drove your hips closer to hers, making even more of the dick disappear into her pussy. Just as quickly, you rocked your body weight back. Then you charged forward with more power, gaining confidence in your range of movement.

“That’s good.” She encouraged in a husky whisper.

She arched her back and your wide eyes fell to her tits, with their very-erect nipples. She started to move with you, lifting her hips to meet your every thrust. The two of you slipped into a tempo as easily as when you had been dancing together on stage.

“Cazzo, look at that vein on your arm.” She said, eyeing the bicep that was near her head. “That’s gonna make my mouth water…”

Your concentration wavered, your pumping a little less enthusiastic as you wondered what she was about to do. Would you be able to handle it?

She wrapped a leg around your waist, jutting her hips up at the same time. “Uh-uh, you aren’t going to stop fucking me.” She spanked your ass. “Keep going.” You thrusted again, following through with more movements, but this didn’t stop her from slapping your ass repeatedly. “Yes, keep fucking me.

“Keep fucking me…” She trailed off into a wordless whimper.

This sound became muffled as she pressed her face against your arm. There was some worry present, which made your body tense. But you refused to allow it to freeze, keeping your hips in motion.

She kissed all over your forearm, her lips parting at a point about an inch above your elbow. At first you just felt pressure. Then a sharp sensation arose as her fangs penetrated your skin, the pain radiating out.

You groaned but she was immediately louder. She briefly detached her mouth from your arm, freely moaning. There wasn’t any further discomfort as she went back to your flesh. She began to suck at these puncture marks and you were stunned as you mentally told yourself that you had successfully survived your first bite from her vampire teeth. It was an invigorating accomplishment.

You hadn’t been aware of your vigour slipping. But as soon as she struck your ass, you put all of your focus on how you were rolling your hips again. You made sure she could feel your strength as she continued to suck on your arm.

She returned her head to the pillow with a whimper. “You taste amazing. Your blood is just as beautiful as you.”

You inspected the marks that she had left behind. The two small, red holes shone in the light. Blood oozed out, slowly creating a little trail down your arm.

She got your attention by putting her hand to your cheek, redirecting your gaze away from the injury. “See, it’s nothing to be scared over. You trust Mummy more now, don’t you?”

“Yes Mummy, I do.” You said, making her smile with lips that were darker than before.

“Mm-hm. You can worship my tits to calm yourself down, to walk yourself back from all of that silly fear.” She said.

“Thank you, Mummy.” You replied, eagerly nodding.

You made sure to maintain your rhythm, even as you altered your position, bowing your head down to her heaving chest. Your heart was rushing, thrilled to have a target (and a very appealing one, at that) for your raging desires.

You started off simply, kissing one of her stiff nipples. Seeking her approval, you lifted your eyes up to her face as you let your lips part on the next kiss. She was watching you intently, her hand cradling your cheek. You lolled your tongue out, rubbing it all over her nipple with great appreciation. She appeared pleased, continuing to writhe against you, keeping both of you in this delicious motion.

You moved to the other nipple, sucking it into your mouth. You flicked then rolled your tongue against it, keeping up with your rhythm. Now you were aiming for her g-spot, with every rocking of your hips. You dragged your body against hers, getting lost in the passion.

“Fuck. This is exactly what I needed.” She began to match slaps to your ass with her words. “Exactly what I need-ed…”

Her writhing progressed to her own determined thrusting. She matched your pacing, your bodies crashing together with even more power. Her hands went out to her sides, grabbing at the bed sheets as she continued this effort.

You started to feel her outdoing your energy, fucking herself harder than you were prepared for. Your breath grew shallower as it felt like you were playing catch up. You detached your mouth from her, resting your head on her chest as you tried to recover your breath.

But this was a secondary goal. The main thing you cared about was meeting her power with just as much force. You concentrated on making each rut as strong as possible, it didn’t matter if this exhausted you for any other activity.

She let out a prolonged whimper. “Oh, my naughty thing.”

You couldn’t resume your thorough treatment of her breasts, her sudden repositioning compromised your closeness to her chest. She wrapped both of her legs around you, and at the same time she yanked herself up. This allowed her to move on the cock with shorter strokes while keeping it consistently deep.

You wrapped an arm around her. You shifted your weight to your knees as you settled into this altered momentum. She rested her forehead on your chest and you felt her hot breath on your tits.

She leaned on your arm and the new pressure brought your attention to the wound on your arm.

“Victoria?” You began. “Will the biting turn me into a vampire too?” Her hair fell back from her flushed face as she looked up at you. “Like, a venom in your saliva, or something?”

“No, princess. You have to be dead to be turned.” She said. “And as I said earlier: I’m not a danger to you.”

You nodded as you stared into her eyes, and you believed her. You immediately put the issue out of your mind.

“Can I have another drink? I need to taste more.” She said.

“Yes.” You replied and you were so pleased by the smile this brought to her face.

She was still rutting herself on the cock as she took her mouth to your tits. The bite didn’t come straight away. First, she explored the tops of your breasts with sweet kisses.

The kisses started to linger a little longer, then you were feeling her tongue as she let her lips part.

It was a little less surprising and scary when you felt her teeth breaking your skin this time. The pain seared and demanded your attention as she penetrated your breast at a point that your bra could hide later. You knew this pain wasn’t forever, enduring it with some deep breaths.

She detached for a moment. This was followed by the feeling of just her lips on you, covering this tender area in kisses. She whimpered as she started to suck.

All the while she was still swinging her hips up into you. The motions and the sounds were glorious, registering in your already-aching pussy. You loved being included in the rhythm, thrilled even though you knew this wouldn’t lead to your climax.

“Fuck…” She panted, pulling back a little. You saw the hints of dark red on her lips and it felt dangerous. “I want that taste on my tongue as I come.”

“Yes, Mummy.”

Her rhythm was unrelenting, all of her energy going into chasing her orgasm. You got so caught up in all of her shamelessly erotic sounds that you stopped feeling the pain from your new wound rather quickly. You were fascinated by the way the passion was changing her, noticing every slight change in her facial expression and savouring the ones you had never seen before.

She was experiencing it all so visibly that you thought you would know the exact second that she started to come, it would be so obvious. You wondered what was prompting each reaction. And from there, you could easily imagine what it would be like to experience such pleasure for yourself.

Her face became hidden from you when she concluded her next pump forward by pushing all of herself against you. She rested her head on your shoulder once your chests had come together.

You held her tightly as she proactively bounced in your lap. Her excited whines were muffled by your shoulder, which she was soon bringing pain to. She sank her fangs into the skin, bringing more blood into her mouth.

She sucked ferociously, until some jolts through her body seemed to surprise her. Her multi-tasking skills were somewhat compromised and she just rested her lips on your skin as her hips excitedly stuttered forward. Between whimpers, she licked up more blood. But her focus was clearly set on the reckless tempo of her hips.

Something inside of her snapped and you felt her chest expand against yours, while the rest of her body stilled. Her crazed energy had reached its conclusion. You stopped moving as well, suddenly aware of how short of breath you were.

She gave your shoulder some kisses and licks, before starting to lift her head. Her face was flushed with colour and her smile was even more beautiful now, seeming to sparkle.

She sat up, leaning less of her body weight on you as she draped her arms around your neck. “You really are a naughty thing, huh? The way you just made Mummy go fuckin’ feral like that…”

“I’m really happy I could make you feel so good.” You said as you rubbed your hands up-and-down her back.

“You did.” She said before softly kissing you. “Every single second of it was so good.” She kissed you a few more times and you got hints of the sharp taste of your own blood. “And now you see for yourself that the feeding isn’t a really big deal, right? It helps you trust me more, doesn’t it?”

“It does.” You said as soon as she left a pause for you to answer.

She kissed you, more deeply this time. You sensed that fractions of her energy were coming back as her mouth lingered on yours. The foreign taste of blood hardly affected your enjoyment of this intimate exchange.

“You’re so sexy.” You murmured against her lips. “Getting to see all of that was so beautiful. It’s gonna be a long time before I can stop thinking about it.”

“You really liked it, huh?” She asked and you instantly nodded your head. “Did watching me make you…” She licked her lips and grinned. “...wet?”

You nodded again. “Yes Mummy, so wet.”

“How about we take that toy off of your body and you can show me?” You offered.

She planted one more kiss on your lips before starting to climb out of your lap. She left the toy phallus behind, its surface covered in the slick from her pussy. She helped you remove the harness and tossed it aside without a care. Then she laid down, resting her head on the pillow as she continued to smile at you.

She curled onto her side a little and smoothed out the bedsheets in front of her. “Come and lay with me, pretty girl.”

You laid down in this available space, resting on your back. You could feel your body buzzing with so much energy, lust that needed to be used. Your pussy felt incredibly hot.

She played with your hair a little as she leaned in closer. Her eyes moved to your mouth and you felt your heart flutter. In the next second, she was kissing you and you let it take your breath away. You rushed to keep up with her.

Her tongue eased into your mouth as she started to trail her hand down the front of your body. It felt like you were made of kindling, and it would take just one movement to set everything ablaze. But which movement would that be?

She didn’t hesitate to reach her hand down beneath your waistline, confident in what she was doing as her fingers glided onto your mound. At the same time, she swirled her tongue in your mouth, exploring you with hunger.

Her hand moved lower, cupping your cunt. Against your labia majora, she applied pressure with her fingers. She moved the digits in little waves, an intimate massage. This was matched by the way she rolled her tongue against the roof of your mouth. It was a dreamy combination and you wrapped an arm around her, wanting to keep her so close.

She gradually rubbed her way lower, getting closer to your entrance. Then she extended a finger and went straight for it. Your hand gripped her tighter as she started to move her finger along your slit. Wet noises accompanied her tender stroking up-and-down.

Your heart was properly racing now and you widened the space between your thighs. This was the beginning of something spectacular, and you trusted her to know how to get you to the conclusion.

She added a bit of pressure without actually penetrating yet. You enjoyed the warmth from being worked up like this. Her tempo was so enticing and more blood rapidly flowed into this area.

She drew her tongue back from your mouth. “Princess, my princess…”

She moved her finger a little faster, facing no resistance from your pussy. She gave your lower lip some sucks. As these drew on, you detected a hint of her pointed teeth, moving against your lip. But the wonderful treatment of your pussy dominated your attention and kept you from developing any worries.

She started to kiss her way down from your lips. You heard your shaky breaths, they really weren’t going to help you fill your lungs again. She moved from your face to your throat, slowly appreciating the skin as she went. Her kisses lingered on one particular spot.

Her fingers tensed and began to sink inside. At once you were gripped by conflicting sensations because she was creating new wounds in the side of your throat. The intensity was more than you had been prepared for and it immediately overwhelmed you. You weren’t strong enough to resist it and you couldn’t help getting lost momentarily.

You desperately gasped for air, trying to ride out the pain. A weakness came into your knees as she also accelerated the pleasure, pumping her finger into you.

Your body writhed and you wondered if this was more than you could take. But you pushed yourself into her, craving for all of it to go on.

The pain deflated some as she pulled her fangs out of your flesh. With a moan, she pushed her tongue up to the small holes. Your skin throbbed in response to this pressure. It felt as hot and swollen as your cunt.

Between your inner-walls, she had added another finger. She pumped them at a consistent tempo, prompting desperate whines from you. You tilted your pelvis, letting her move deeper.

She drew the tender spot on your throat into her mouth again, starting to suck. The taste inspired her to drive her fingers harder and you felt your mind go blissfully blank.

She positioned her hand so that every pound of her fingers could end with her palm smacking into your clit. This started quakes through you. You squirmed, the excitement building up to an irreversible level. You were needing the climax, starting to move your hips in accordance to her speed.

She moved away from your neck, repositioning in a way that made your arm slip from around her. Now you grabbed for the pillow to help brace yourself.

You opened your eyes when you felt the bed shifting with her weight. You saw her placing herself over your legs, her eyes fixed on the target of your pussy. You were tingling with anticipation as you got flat on your back, keeping your legs apart.

Your blood was visible on her lips as she settled herself and looked up at you. She put her hands to the tops of your thighs and started to lower her head. She maintained eye contact with you as she applied her tongue to your pussy. She lapped up, moving along your slit.

“Mummy…” You breathed as the swell of pleasure grew even stronger.

She licked again-and-again, pushing a little harder each time. You started to push her hair back from her face, gathering it into your hand so that your view of her wouldn’t be compromised. You were obsessed with what you were saying.

“I’m not even a little surprised that this part of you tastes amazing too.” She said, making you feel slightly bashful.

Next, she returned her wet fingers to your cunt, the two digits swallowed by your quim at once. Your body tensed as she established her rhythm again.

When she attached her mouth to your clitoris, you felt the sensitivities sharply increase. They got a little intimidating as they became all-consuming. Your head fell back to the pillow and your mouth gaped open when she started kissing the hood.

This progressed to her working her tongue in endless circles. You grew even more receptive to the tempo of her fingers and you knew the release was getting closer.

“Ah, Victoria…” You vocalised a choked sob. “That feels so, so good. You- you’re gonna make me cuh-...” The air disappeared from your lungs when she sucked the hood of your clit into her mouth. This increase of the glorious intensity brought strangled, desperate noises from you.

You had no choice but to entirely surrender when she began to curl her fingers. With a few more moments of those fingers jackhammering, she had you crying out louder than ever.

Then you reached your release. It was so grand that you didn’t just see stars, you were seeing explosions. And you felt them, as well.

She separated from you and you let your body go limp on the bed. You were gripped by uncontrollable shudders as the extremes very slowly released their hold on you.

“Pretty girl…” She soothed as you felt her start to stroke your hair. “That was incredible.”

You watched her lay down beside you, your satisfaction was mirrored back to you with the look on her face. She got comfortable and continued playing gently with your hair.

“I can’t believe all of that just happened.” You said. You thought it would be days until this feeling of total awe wore off. “And all because of my stupid sign.”

“Your sign wasn’t stupid, it was sexy. They showed me a pic of it before the show…” She said, and you remembered being approached by a photographer while everyone had been waiting for the concert’s start. They had approached other fans who carried posters, taking photos of more than just your message.

“And it really got my attention, so I told them to make sure you got a wristband for the stage, because I wanted to see what your vibe was like.” She explained.

Your eyes had grown wide and you raised a hand up to your cheek. “Oh my God, I was so close to not bringing it at all.”

“Why?”

“I thought it would be unwanted…” You said.

“You should listen to your gut more, ‘cause look what it got you tonight.” She said. “You shouldn't waste your life denying what you want. Now, are you the big or little spoon?”

»»————-　♡　————-««  

🍑taglist: @gr8rainbowpunk - @idyllicbutterfly - @maneskindiva - @maneslut - @saschenkaaa - @slavicgoddess13 - @elvirabelle - @maneskintifoso - @thegeminisgirl - @ha-la-ansia - @butkutee - @ursulalurks - @itsmaneskinbitch - @icarodamiano - @crwnnjules - @paralianeyes - @fand0mskullfa1ry - @lizzylynch1 - @kammerstx - @myleftsock - @tellmesomething01 - @adoredamianos - @vittoriaisfuckingpathetic - @gay-for-victoria-de-angelis - @shinshans - @lonnybunnys - @lyricalliz - @chemical-killjoy [join here!]

[d1s1ntegrated]

commission for @ghostcore3 <3 IM SO SORRY ITS SO LATE IM TRYING TO CATCH UP ON MY ASKS AAAAAAAA

tomura x mizuki (raven) hcs! 🖤🥀

she's the same height as him, but with her heels she's much taller, and he looks up at her in complete awe whenever she's in her costume.

but he also hates it cause he can't intimidate her at ALL

they argue a lot but it's never that serious. it's mostly just playful banter that went a bit too far

when she's in recovery, he patiently waits by her side (usually playing a game quietly next to her as she rests)

he does his absolute best to write poetry for her when she's feeling depressed, but his handwriting is illegible most of the time and he sucks at being romantic

"alone time" is a requirement and he knows it.

she brings him "crow gifts" like buttons, shiny caps, and dried flower petals she finds. he keeps them all in a small box by his desk

he gets pissed when she's sarcastic with him

quality time >>>

tomura admires her so ferociously, but he'll never say it to her.

they have a form of silent communication that only they understand

they like to just coexist in the same space. he'll play games, she'll read. and they can be content like that for hours

she listens to a lot of classical music, which he'll bitch about, but he actually likes it when he's gaming cause he concentrates better

she gives advice that he doesn't take

but she's always right

they have a lot of low energy days together, with dim lighting and quiet.

because of this, he bought black out curtains for her

skyrim girl x fallout boy

she bites

he likes it

she paints his nails when he asks

whenever he gets too "whiny" aka he's mad something didn't work out as he planned it, she avoids him lie the plague for a few hours so he can calm down otherwise he drives her batty

he would bark like a dog for her. like, unironically. he is wrapped around her fucking finger dude

she plays a wicked hand in any card game and he always rage quits (how tf do you manage to rage quit a card game come on man!)

she's strategic as fuck and is analytical to the point where he sees her as his second-hand (insert hand joke here)

she teases him to the point of no return and he eats it uppppp

he goes out and steals a bunch of pretty clothes for her (and asks toga for help). he once got her a really pretty velvet choker with a small raven charm hanging off of it because it reminded him of her so much (she needed it duh)

the league loves her and also loves seeing her put him in his place (he'll always deny it)

bird/crow jokes cause he's an ass like that

beast boy and raven mentioned frequently cause COME ON ITS SO FITTING?!

i'm putting some nsfw here too!! <3

really freaky fucking mind boggling hate-fucking that isn't really hate fucking it's just angry and intense

like i said, she bites and he likes it

she tops for sure

not all the time though. sometimes she pisses him off to the point where he needs to remind her "who the real leader is"

he calls her names like "my lady", always refers to her as above him (no one else knows)

really sweet, comforting slow sex when they're both feeling shitty and depressed

she lights candles to set the mood, he pours the wax on her (she doesn't hate it)

pulls her by the same choker he got her

she yanks his hair and controls the fuck out of him

writes very angsty erotic poems about him when it's been a min

blood play????????

very vampire-esque sex if you didn't think that already

loves to lay on her chest/play with them (she's the big titty goth gf duh!)

i hope this was good!!!!! i tried my best to look into her in depth, and not make it too OOC. <3 lmk how i did ;-; i love her i hope i did her justice

[fandomcrazy6226]

Liveblogging Dracula Daily - May 3

So... apparently today is a tumblr holiday considering how much this particular tag is skyrocketing to trending, so I decided to subscribe to Dracula Daily and experience the story for the first time this way.

Yeah, I've never read Dracula, and basically all I know about it is vampires and Transylvania (spelling?) and that MatPat went viral for a... chair scene I probably don't need to go into detail about (only because I'm sure the venn diagram of people who read DD and people who follow MatPat already know about it).

So... enjoy this girl's first look into this 127-year-old book. First entry, let's go!

First off, I don't think I'll be able to read this without picturing MatPat as Jonathan so that is just going to stick around. Late trains are a plague on the world, one time my dad and I were up until about 3 in the morning waiting for a layover train in Chicago. Fun times.

OK one thing I do know about this is that there's a weird amount of recipe-tracking and apparently paprika so just for funsies I'm gonna keep a count of both. Recipe count: 1 (chicken w/ red pepper) ; Paprika: 1 (name of chicken).

Ooh, the British Museum! *insert joke about stolen artifacts here* Yeah, big brain moment to actually look into the country you're traveling to. I feel like that's something I would fail to do tbh.

I should probably keep track of all this. Carpathian mountains contain Transylvania, Moldavia, Bukovina. And the castle isn't on any maps which nowadays would probably be suspicious but I guess back in 1897 it wouldn't have turned so many heads. Oh this next section is all geography isn't it

Ok. Saxons and Wallachs in the South, and Wallachs are descended from Dacians. Magyars in the West, and Szekelys in East and North. ...no disrespect to any of these groups if they're real (I'm not sure) but these names look a bit like someone trying to scoot around the rules with a word in scrabble. Oh and apparently the Szekelys are descended from the Huns (Let's get down to business!!!). And all of the superstitions in the world are written down in one place in these mountains? Logistics?

"I did not sleep well, though my bed was comfortable enough" literally me every night this past week. Might be time to go back on the melatonin. Paprika count: 2 (cause of weird dreams? Can paprika give you weird dreams? *google* doesn't look like it) Ohhhh the paprika made him thirsty so he was up all night drinking water. That makes more sense.

Oh my god Paprika count: 3. Part of his breakfast. Incidentally, Recipe count: 2 (corn flour porridge and eggplant stuffed with... whatever forcemeat is. Mixture of meat and vegetables. Okay then) Ha! And again with the late trains. It really sucks when you do so much to be on time for something and then the something decides to make itself late.

Well now I wanna see this scenery out the train cause it's described super pretty. Alright these are some very interesting-looking outfits being described here. Cowboy hats? Were those even a thing when this book came out? I mean obviously yes they were if they're in this but like... what.

OK Bistritz is the town near the castle, yes? And apparently this town has been through some stuff. 13,000 death count, yikes!

I love how this guy is so happy his hotel is old-fashioned. Like that's such a definite eager history nerd moment. I can see why tumblr likes this guy.

Well that letter is a lot more friendly than I'm aware this turns out. I guess I'll see how it turns batshit crazy in the next couple days? I don't actually know how this story is really paced, but hopefully the next update happens tomorrow cause I really like this.

NEXT

[lapetitechatonne]

The Wives

who are the wives and why do i keep hearing about them??? fear not, i am here to answer that burning question.

the wives consist of myself, @gilbirda, @herbatahleb, and @precarious-hermit--or Kate, Gil, Hleb, and Mellan as we're knowing in the Batpham Discord Server. it started as a joke, but in the throws of the finals haze, i decide i wanted to get married to my wives in the sims. then, when Mellan was having a bad day i jokingly sent her a snippet of a self-insert fic with the wives in it.

it quickly spiraled and now we're here.

there's a fic now. i don't know how we got here but, here we are.

i'll link the fic here, and make sure to check out "The Wives ship" tag on @herbatahleb's tumblr for some truly amazing fanart. below the cut i'll also include some exclusive Wives Lore which may help answer the question, "what the fuck am i looking at?"

The Family

the last names Persephone and Hadeson. we were talking about what Greek God everyone in the server would be, and i got Hades because i pretty much snatched Mellan up when i heard she liked Charmed (1998). her being Persephone has nothing to do with the fact that she apparently ate a poisonous flower as a child and lived, but it checks out.

David Hadeson. David is actually my cat who tends to walk all over my keyboard, thus becoming something of a legend in the server. when we made ourselves in the sims we gave him a human-sona, and when planning the fic decided he should be a meta.

Valdislaus Straud. i moved us into the spookiest mansion in the sims and it just so happened to be Vladdy Daddy's house. at first, we were going to kill him, but eventually decided he could be our butler. we decided he should be a talon instead of a vampire in the fic though. it just felt right.

Robin Carson. this may be the weirdest one, and i'm aware how that sounds. but, after much cursed Danny Phantom/Lightning McQueen shenanigans ensued which i will admit i am ground zero for that one but i promise it was an accident Hleb wanted to watch "Batwheels" really bad. of course, who am i to deny my wife, so i streamed it, and she proclaimed Redbird (aka Robin's car) was her son. so we gave him a human-sona too. we decided he was a mini-carjacker before Hleb adopted him.

so, that's a bit of the Wives Lore. let me know if you have comments or questions, but believe me we already know you're concerned. we are too.

[eatmekaneki]

Paradise Fallen

Chapter 3: The Safehouse

Chapter Summary: Gojo drops you off with Nanami at the safe house. You try and get to know the man meant to be your guardian angel. (Insert some joke about his emotions also being guarded as well)

Warnings/Tags(*for entire series): Graphic Violence, Smut, Angels and Demons au, Vampire!Getou, Angel!Gojo, Angel!Nanami, Demon!Toji, Fallen Angel!Choso, FMM threesomes, Poly relationships, dubcon, knifeplay, gun play,

“Solitude sometimes is best society.”- Paradise Lost

Nanami pulled the car into a long wooded drive that followed at least a half mile of nothingness until it hit the safe house. It was a small home trailer that seemed to be trying to pose as a cabin nestled back in the woods.

Paint chipped on the outside of its bluish gray coloring, painted too thin and leaving streaks.

It was mid day but it looked like evening with how dense the trees hung overhead here.

You hadn’t really pictured the safehouse being an actually little home. They’d told you it’d be an apartment in a different part of the city, and this was something entirely different.

You pulled out your cell phone to check for signal, not surprised to find yourself getting none.

You sighed and got out of the car after Nanami and Gojo had already stepped out.

Gojo was stretching his arms above his head. His shirt lifted slightly showing a bare inch of skin under the hem. You felt your breath catch in your throat at the sight.

He was so beautiful that angel was probably the only right word to suit him in looks.

Though he didn’t act like any angel you’d ever imagined would.

Yet, he didn’t have anyone to answer to anymore, maybe that changed things.

If god was dead and he had no one above him anymore, did that actually make Gojo the new god?

That title somehow suited him even more and less at the same time.

The two men ushered you into the house and you saw that the inside was just as unappealing as the exterior.

It had peeling white and blue flowered wallpaper over thin wood paneled walls and bright red carpet that looked like it hadn’t been changed since the 80’s.

There was a main living room you walked into with a plaid green and black couch near an old boxy television set. That room connected to a hallway leading to 3 doors; the two bedrooms and a small bathroom.

The kitchen was also attached to the main living area. Dark wooden cabinets that also hailed from a much older time were scuffed up and faded in spots. It wasn’t a large kitchen but you could imagine it working just fine for two people.

The whole place smelled like mothballs and old paper inside. But, surprisingly it wasn’t dirty. Someone must have come in and cleaned the place up for you.

Gojo showed you to the bedrooms. One had two twin sized beds and one had a larger queen bed.

Nanami offered to take the one with the twin beds but you insisted you were fine with the smaller bed. He didn’t argue.

A lot of your things seem to have already been dropped off. By who? You weren’t quite sure. Maybe the police, maybe more angels.

You did wonder if there were any more around the city or if it was just Gojo and Nanami here.

After staying for a little and getting you settled in, Gojo told you that he needed to leave. He had some important business to take care of early in the morning at a news station and didn’t want to stay out too late.

You walked him to the door, nervous to be left alone without him now. Not that he wasn’t much more of a stranger to you than Nanami at this point himself.

You trusted him though he scared you. Angels were supposed to be fierce and powerful, were they not? That didn’t make him less good.

If he trusted Nanami to watch you, you’d trust him too.

“I’ll see you tomorrow evening. I’ll stop by again for dinner and to tell you if there’s any news on our guys.” Gojo smiled another heart melting smile on his way out the door.

“That sounds good…” you replied, wanting to say more, wanting to keep him longer but not sure why, or what to say.

“Gojo?” You called out, he’d started to walk away back towards the car, but turned around quickly when he heard you. Blue eyes were fixed right on yours.

“Just hurry back okay?” You decided on.

One corner of his mouth rose into a subtle smirk and he gave you a nod.

“Of course y/n.”

He got in the car and you watched him pull away and leave down the long drive. It was odd that you felt the pains in your stomach of missing him already. You tried to tell yourself it was because you trusted him more than Nanami to protect you. But, there was more to it than that. It was more than obvious to you at this point.

You were falling for that pretty angel and his blue eyes.

———

You unpacked some of your clothes into a small wooden chest that sat at the foot of one of the twin beds.

The inside of the room was cramped, but at least it had a few windows on one wall.

The beds were so close together it might as well have just been the queen bed. There was also a continuing of the nauseating red carpet here as well.

You tried to tell yourself it was only temporary. You hoped it was at least…

Knuckles rapped on the wooden door to your new living area.

“I’ve made dinner.” His deep voice spoke in a monotone. He didn’t wait for you to reply, simply walking away as soon as he’d announced the meal.

“Okay, thank you! Be right out!” You yelled after him.

You decided to change into something more comfortable now that you were settling in for the night. It was just dinner with Nanami after all.

You put on a thin and lowcut pale purple tank top with some soft blue fuzzy shorts. You debated if shorts might have actually been a bit too short. You turned in the cheap full length mirror that was hung on the back of your door.

“Fuck it.” You shrugged, seeing your ass cheeks poking out from under the bottom hem of the shorts. It’s just Nanami, and this is where you’re living now, you should be comfortable. This was something you’d usually wear in the evenings around your home.

You walked out to see him setting down food on the coffee table near the tv. That seemed to be the only place to eat.

“I’m gonna have to get us an actual dining table and a couple chairs if we can make ro-“ he stopped when he saw you walk towards him.

The adam's apple in his throat bobbed as he gulped, taking you in with surprisingly wide eyes.

You were a bit confused. It’s not like you’d walked out in lingerie. But here he was, his cheeks turning a shade of pink, blushing as if you’d walked out and told him something dirty.

Maybe dressing like this wasn’t such a good idea.

Awkwardly you decided to try and distract from it all.

“So what did you make?” You smiled walking over to him and sitting down on the couch in front of the meal he was laying out.

That did seem to snap him out of it.

Though, his voice cracked slightly on his next word out.

“Ah, Um, I made some chicken, and pork and rice with a few different sauces…” he started listing off the things he made as you started loading up a plate and trying things.

The two of you sat in silence for a bit while you ate, until finally you spoke.

“Guardian Angel huh..” you said before taking a giant bite of a fried chicken ball.

He chuckled softly and you noticed how lovely and boyish his smile seemed to be despite how much the rest of him looked like a hardened business man.

“Yes.” Was all he replied.

“And my guardian angel now…what does that mean.”

He thought for a moment, his face looking less cheerful again, like in the car. He didn’t seem to be fond of letting you in on what was going on here. Which seemed quite unfair considering he was only here protecting you because they wanted to use you as bait.

“It means that I can feel if you’re in trouble.” He answered. “A guardian angel who is assigned a human can form a connection with them in many ways.” He pondered giving more information than that. But he settled on. “To start though, I’d be able to tell where you are and get to you quickly if you were in danger. Like an alert going off in my mind.”

You pressed your lips together tightly and nodded. “That does seem handy.”

He gave another small laugh. “It is. Let’s just hope we don’t need it.”

You still didn’t feel satisfied though.

“So how did you become a guardian angel? Are you born that way? Are you…even born at all?” You started spilling out questions without thinking.

It was a mistake to get too excited with his engagement in your conversation.

His eyes narrowed coldly and he snapped his chopsticks down onto his plate firmly and shoved it forward. The muscles on his forearms flexed as he angrily packed up the food to put it away as leftovers.

“Enough.” He grunted, standing up from the couch. “I’m full. Going to bed.”

You rolled your eyes at his tantrum and shrugged. “Okay. Goodnight then.”

He rushed off in a huff.

Unsure of what you’d really done to upset him so much, you felt a bit bad. but you also didn’t feel like he was justified in storming off on you.

So you stood your ground by staying and finishing the rest of the meal on your plate.

You turned on the television to see you only got news channels out here, that was going to get boring.

Maybe Gojo would bring you a dvd player and some movies to watch. Or at the very least some board games to play…if you could convince Nanami to stay friendly with you for more than ten minutes.

You cleaned the last of the meal up and went to bed.

You curled up in the patchwork quilt blanket that had been laid out at the foot of the bed. The night was getting chilly and though it wasn’t yet the time you’d usually fall asleep, it was dark enough, and you wanted the day done with.

Closing your eyes and trying to sleep felt impossible though.

It had been every night since the crash.

It wasn’t the memory of the sound of the metal scraping though that kept you up.

It wasn’t the thought of how many had died and how you’d lived.

It wasn’t the pain in your head that you still felt from hitting the steering wheel.

Nothing of that was horror enough compared to the sick feeling you felt when you saw the white fangs of the man poking his head into your car.

The real horror. How much thinking about him excited you…

——

The next morning you woke up to the smell of eggs and bacon cooking.

With messy hair and morning face still on you wandered out to the kitchen groggily.

“Fuck!” Nanami hissed.

Through squinted eyes you could see that he’d just burnt his hand somehow. Possibly distracted by you again, in a similar way as yesterday.

He’d been bent over the stove cooking eggs, but was now looking you up and down for a moment.

“I think we are gonna need rules about this.” He muttered, tearing his eyes away and returning them to his cooking.

You rubbed your eyes and then narrowed them in on him.

“Yeah, like not staring me down when I am just wearing my pajamas.” You grumbled.

“You call those pajamas?!” He snapped. “You might as well have walked out in nothing.” He angrily scraped at something burning onto the pan.

You shrugged.

“I’m covered up. It’s not my fault you can’t control yourself better. Angel.” You threw that last line in with a teasing tone.

But he slammed the pan down hard onto the stove top at that, storming out of the house.

You stood shocked and still for a moment. Having been aware of his temper you’d known it not wise to push him, but you weren’t the type to just appease a person like that.

Though, you did feel a bit bad it seemed you pushed him too far.

You went and turned the stove off.

If you were being honest with yourself, you really hadn’t thought he’d care. Angels were supposed to be innocent and pure right?

So why did he keep looking at you like he wanted to tear your clothes off just because of some short pajama shorts and a tight tank top?

You wondered if there was something more to him that you were missing, and it did seem like you’d be spending a lot of time together. So you figured it best to go find him and at the very least try and meet on some middle ground with him.

You started by going and putting on a t-shirt a few sizes too big for you over your tank top you’d been wearing. It was hanging down over the shorts. That should be more modest, you figured.

You walked out to find him sitting on a tree stump out in the yard a bit, with a cigarette in his hand.

“I didn’t know angels smoked.” You called out jokingly, stepping carefully barefoot over twigs and leaves to get to where he sat.

He spun around and saw you and cussed under his breath.

“So you’ve come out here to tempt me some more.” He grumbled.

“Tempt you?” You repeated annoyed as you got to him. “I figured this would be better! I’m more covered!”

“Well now you look like you’re not wearing anything under there at all!” He motioned to all of you standing in front of him, trying not to let his eyes rest on you long.

“I am wearing more clothes than earlier, I’m not tempting you, not on purpose at least.”

“You could leave a little more to the imagination, at least.” He bit back.

You glared at him with your face scrunched and arms tightly crossed. “Sounds like your imagination running away with you is the issue here. Not how I’m dressed. If you’re tempted that easily it must be pretty hard being a good angel.”

He scoffed at that. “And who said I’m a good angel.” He took another puff of the cigarette. “I’m not a cherub like Gojo. I’m not even in the second ring of angels.” He sighed. “Guardians are the lowest rank of angels. So who do you think picks up the most slack?” He chuckled, tossing his cigarette into the dirt by his feet and stamping it out with a black shoe. “Who do you think spends the most time with the humans, only to just be forgotten about here when everything goes wrong side up.”

You noticed his hands almost start to shake at this. You felt a sudden urge to wrap your arms around his broad shoulders and comfort him.

“So why does that make you not good?” You almost poured at him.

He sighed and stood up, looking you over again with sad but still slightly hungry eyes.

“Because, humans aren’t good, and I grew to like you all a bit too much.”

————

[yuikomorii]

I did not just see someone saying that Ayato mf Sakamaki is not popular in Japan when he is the most known- 😨

Screw popularity polls, characters get like less than 5k votes and I’m sure every one got more fans ffs even ikemen vampire got million votes there. Ayato keeps staying huge there 🥱🥱

// Please, don’t tell me it’s the Western fandom again. :”))

There is a big difference between having active stans and being popular. Popularity is about impact + recognition, and there’s no other Diaboy more loved than Ayato in Japan. I know it started off as a joke but he’s truly IT and this post should basically sum it up. I mean, he got the biggest solo fanbase, even idols and random people know and are fond of him.

I don’t get why people trust popularity polls so much when they’re just for fun and nothing too serious. It will always be impossible to gather all fans to vote there because a bunch of people couldn’t care less. Besides, if you live in Japan, it’s not that hard copying the link and sharing it to your group of friends being like “Hello! Could you please vote *inserts character name*? Thank you!” Not shaming anyone here though, since such things happen all the time and they’re very normalized but I thought everyone already knew that?

On top of that, Kou won the popularity poll in 2022 and got the most followers on Twitter. How come you guys don’t consider him the most popular then? :P

This is no Kou slander btw, I’m actually glad his fans are starting to be more active because he really got a lot of development and deserves it.

[oidheadh-con-culainn]

I don't want to contribute to being annoying about your awesome OC, so feel free to ignore if this ask doesn't Spark Joy, but I just saw an article about popular filming locations in Ireland (Malin Head #7!) and wondered how your man feels about foreign film crews. Money coming to the area's good, but they must be a massive pain in the arse, speaking english, joking about local amenities, asking about fairies all the time and...uh. anyway. just curious. Maybe he only allows the tg4 crews in.

the crews themselves are all right because they're pretty efficient and there's often locals hired to do some of the work and whatnot but he doesn't love when the tourists then come to those locations as if they're the fantasy place and not the real place you know??? like they're visiting donegal not [insert fantasy country here] and they don't seem to realise it's not a theme park

he prefers the local crews for sure. he's got a bunch of friends work at tg4 actually. they want him to be in their documentaries but he refuses. he does show up on camera but he refuses to be in pictures bc it makes it harder to hide the fact he's not aged since 1985. his boyfriend was in a couple of things though. one talking about the junior hurling team that he's coaching and one about being a queer irish speaker. the vampire was a bit nervous about that one but it's not like anyone in the village didn't know. he's just, yunno, nervous about that stuff