#insane how they just kept it at that and left it to our imagination to fill in the blanks

[pepsiboyy]

UNSPOKEN BOND.

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader summary: where chris and reader are best friends and chris is in a toxic relationship. when reader is fed up with hearing about his frustrations with his girl, she confesses her undying feelings for him since their childhood. warnings: ANGSTTT (resolved), cursing, screaming and crying, use of y/n lol a/n: i love this. SO MUCH. you guys voted angst on the poll <3 enjoy, reblog + comment <33 wc: 3.4k+

"are you even listening to me?" chris's finger stabbed at my shoulder, and i sighed deeply as i dramatically picked up the remote and paused wall-e on the tv.

"no, chris, i'm trying to watch the movie we agreed to watch tonight." i mumbled and smiled softly at the puzzled expression on chris's face. i leaned over and fixed the loose strands.

all i knew was that chris kept yapping about his girlfriend of about six months now that i dreaded hearing about. she was emotionally draining, to say the least. and if she was for me, i couldn't even begin to imagine how she was with chris.

i had been best friends with chris since about kindergarten.

"hey!"

my head turned as i desperately tried to wipe the sand from my eyes, my tears having a hard time escaping.

the girl who had pushed me to the ground had stepped away.

"jus' cus you're a girl don't mean i won't kick ya!" the boy shouted, stepping closer which made the girl take a few steps back and run in the other direction.

i slowly opened my eyes to the boy, my eyes red as i sniffled and rubbed my elbow that had been scraped.

"you got sand in your eyes?" the boy asked as he kneeled down and brushed some hair from my eyes and behind my ear.

i nodded softly and looked at him for a moment.

"i'm chris." he gave me a dopey, toothy grin and held out his little hand. "what's yours?"

i took in a breath and held out my hand as well, gently placing it in his to shake. "i- it's y/n." i smiled.

chris shot me a smile that i could read through his bright blue eyes as well, but we both quickly whipped our heads around when a teacher was calling out his name, the little girl from before following behind with her arms crossed. "crap," chris mumbled with a deep sigh as he pulled his hands away and stood to his feet.

"christopher, what do you think you're doing, threatening to kick girls?"

"but!!" chris quickly defended.

i watched as he left and smiled to myself, standing up and brushing off my butt from the dirt.

chris always looked out for me ever since. and his brothers did the same as soon as i met them.

around sixth grade, i admitted to myself that i had feelings for chris. it was something i always kept to myself, something i never really spoke on.

something i did tell his triplet brother, nick one day by accident, but played it off as a joke because i didn't know how he felt about it.

"you know, y/n, you and chris bicker about as much as him and i do. it's hilarious."

i smiled at nick and shrugged as i took a sip of my pepsi. "well, i don't know," i mumbled as i set the soda down, "maybe it's just all the time we've spent together."

"or maybe it's because you have a big fat crush on him," nick joked, smiling as he wriggled his eyebrows and nudged my shoulder with his own.

i chuckled and shrugged softly, leaning back and sighing. "well, maybe i do." i admitted and smiled.

nick's entire expression dropped. "wait, excuse me?"

i quickly sat up and waved my hands. "no no, i was joking." i smiled nervously, causing nick to stare at me.

"that tone of yours was... pretty convincing-"

"pfft, me?" i started as i rubbed the back of my head and stared at nick. "as if i could have a crush on chris, that's.. that's insane."

nick stared at me, dumbfounded. "right. you had me there, i guess."

"anyways, what's with you and that one guy in our class?" i questioned, quickly changing the subject.

ever since then i kept it to myself.

the undying fear of rejection and ruining what him and i have - that was enough for me to try and move on.

but i couldn't.

chris and i had reached our senior year of high school, and he was now dating this girl that i watched rip the smile from his expression.

that adorable, dopey smile that made his eyes squint, taking his vision away temporarily.

it tore me apart, watching chris constantly stress about this girl for six months now.

now, i had my fair share of relationships through junior high and high school to try and get over chris. nothing serious, because i couldn't seem to feel anything for any of these people.

it was hard. having a crush on your best friend.

knowing that everything you did together was strictly platonic, and it would always be that way.

the credits began to roll on wall-e, and i let out a strangled yawn with a big stretch.

"alright, i'm gonna head home for the night." chris mumbled, eyes glued to his phone as he stood to his feet.

i stared at him and sighed, nodding. "good seeing you, chris. let's hang out tomorrow?"

chris didn't respond, and instead slipped on his shoes to head out.

as the door shut, i sighed deeply and pressed my face to my palms.

chris was never allowed to spend the night anymore since his new girlfriend. which, i suppose i would feel the same. but it still stung, having some of your greatest memories with one another being ripped away from you both.

"that fuckin' hurts!!"

chris yelled with a soft giggle, his eyes squinting as he groaned dramatically.

"come on chris, it isn't that bad!"

you smiled as your fingers attempted desperately to peel at the rubbery face mask that had stuck to chris's skin.

"it's pulling my sideburns!"

"man up!"

you smiled as you adjusted the band that held up his curly bangs from his forehead before continuing.

you had finally convinced chris to let you do his skincare. you had always wanted to, and it shocked you when he finally said you could.

"fine, but just this once."

hell, i was in love with chris. i was in love with the way his teeth had a small gap in the front, i was in love with the way his eyes creased each time he smiled, i was in love with the way he would hold me each time i was heart broken and i was in love with the way my name fell from his lips each time we saw each other.

"y/n!"

he wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders as he tugged me into his chest, his nose burying into my hair.

"chris, i saw you yesterday," i chuckled as i hugged his waist.

"i just missed you so much."

i tensed up as i felt a tear roll down my cheek.

this wasn't uncommon, the feeling of guilt and jealousy that washed over me as i reminisced on what we once had. but now.. now it was all about his girl who he liked.

the girl who "stole his heart" he says.

the one who finally made him think, maybe relationships aren't so bad.

but she was singlehandedly ruining him, and i had to watch it happen. i tried to give him the warning, and he didn't really have a valid response.

"what did you think of her?"

chris asked as he removed his jacket and hung it up on the coatrack by the door.

i shrugged as i slumped against the couch and sighed, playing with my fingers.

"y/n?" chris sat beside me and blinked a few times. "you okay?"

"i don't like her, chris."

chris furrowed his eyebrows as he looked me up and down a few times, his expression now puzzled. "what do you mean?"

i sighed as i sat up and looked at chris. "let me get this straight, chris. she tells me she hates my outfit and good thing she doesn't shop where i do, and that at least her clothes flatter her body. she asks me if i had just gotten out of bed and if i'm a hermit, and how you could know someone like me." i stated firmly. chris swallowed. "and you didn't say a word to defend me."

"she was joking, y/n-"

"chris, if i were dating someone and he said even the slightest disrespectful joke to you, i would turn it down immediately. you realize that?" i stared at him in disbelief.

chris nodded softly as he looked down. "i understand. i'm sorry. i won't let it happen again."

that was about a month into their relationship.

i sighed as i closed my eyes and laid down, my eyes closing after i had finished crying.

my phone ringing woke me up at about 1pm.

with my hair in every direction and my eyes lidded, i groggily reached over to grab my phone and read the caller id.

chris🧸

i sighed and pressed the green answer button, pulling the phone to my ear. "hello?" i mumbled, my voice scratchy and deeper as i had yet to speak this morning.

"y/n? are you just waking up?"

i sighed as i sat up and rubbed my forehead. "yeah, doesn't matter. what's up?"

"yeah, sorry. umm. could you come over? i'm kind of.."

i let out a deep sigh as i stood up and threw on a hoodie and sweatpants. "yeah, i'll be right there. is it your dumbass girlfriend again?"

"y/n, i told you not to call her that."

"yeah yeah," i sighed as i headed straight for my door, getting in my car.

matt, chris's other triplet brother was the one to open the door for me. i smiled softly at him, and matt gave me a sad smile as he opened the door wider for me to enter. "good to see you, y/n. i feel like you never come over anymore." matt mumbled.

i gave him a soft nod and a quick side hug after he shut the front door and locked it.

matt returned upstairs to nick's room, i assumed he was helping nick pick out outfits for his next instagram post.

i looked to see chris sitting in the kitchen, his hands in his hair as he kept his elbows against the wooden kitchen table.

i sighed as i walked towards him and set a gentle hand on his shoulder. his breathing was shaky, uneven. "what's wrong, chris?"

"i- i just don't get it.. she's always accusing me of being dishonest, y/n. she thinks i'm hiding stuff from her just because i hang out with you.." chris mumbled as he looked up at me, his eyes puffy and his cheeks stained.

i sighed as i stared at him in disbelief. normally, i would soften up and tell him it isn't his fault. "so did you forget to tell her we were hanging out, or did she just think it was a huge deal?"

"well i- i forgot to tell her but i didn't think it was a big deal!"

"god, chris!" i slammed my hand to my forehead. "isn't her biggest issue with your relationship hanging out with me?" i sighed as i looked at him and quickly shook my head. "she's just overreacting, chris. like she always is."

chris stared at me for a few moments before running a hand through his hair and sighing deeply. "maybe she has a point, i'm just sick of having these fights with her."

i was fed up. it was the same thing every fucking time with these two. and i've had enough of watching my best friend get hurt.

"maybe the problem isn't just her, chris." i stated as i took a deep breath, my expression now one of anger. "maybe the problem is that you aren't seeing what's right in front of you."

chris cocked an eyebrow as he looked up at me. "what..?"

i took a deep breath as i stared at chris and took a step back. "i'm talking about me, chris. about us. ever since you helped me out of that stupid sandbox, we have been attached by the hip." i clenched my fists as i stared at him. "we were inseparable, you were my top priority, and i was yours. but now.. now you have this bitch of a girlfriend who is just ruining you! ruining us!"

chris flinched at my language, but quickly stood up. "don't call her that," he quickly stated, but i cut him off.

"no, chris. she had never liked me. i have never liked her. i'm sick of her!" i felt my face grow hot, my eyes begin to water. "chris, you silence me every time, but you don't see what i see! she's fucking ruining you. every day, i watch your smile die and your emotions crumble!"

i saw chris's eyes avert to the stairs, where i assumed nick and matt stood as they had definitely heard the shouting from nick's room.

"chris, i've been here since day one. our chemistry is unbreakable. or it was. until she came along." i stared at chris, who was now taking steps towards me.

"y/n, please don't cry-" he reached forward to pull me into an embrace, but i quickly stepped back.

"no, chris. i will cry. because i've been hopelessly in love with you for years and years now. and you have yet to see it, or do anything to defend it. and that's okay." i smiled sadly at chris, who stood in shock. "i always thought that i feared rejection or losing you. but with her in your life.. you've already left." i smiled sadly at chris.

chris stood still, his eyes glued to me. he had nothing to say. and that was fine.

i sighed and looked down, rubbing my eyes. "forget it." i mumbled as i turned on my heel, meeting eyes with nick and matt.

they both shared the same sad expression as they watched me.

i shot them a soft, sad smile before heading to the door and leaving, shutting it behind me.

four days. it had been four days since the incident.

i hadn't heard from chris at all, and i didn't expect to. i did hear from nick and matt a bit, both of them reaching out to ask how i'm doing. nick asked a few more times than matt did, offering to bring me food. i politely declined, but thanked him nonetheless.

i was bedridden the last few days. my eyes glued to the ceiling, prominent dark circles beneath them. my hands continued to pick at the skin on the edges of my nails, something chris would always stop me from doing.

"hey, why are you doing that?"

i turned to chris, who had an arm around my shoulders and a faint smile on his face. his hand reached to pull my hands apart.

"you're tampering with your pretty fingers, y/n. pick at mine instead."

he would offer, but i would tell him no after a soft laugh.

i turned to my window and frowned at the soft pitter patter that clashed with the glass, my chest rising a bit more in a deep breath before i sat up.

i went to my bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror.

i'm a fucking wreck.

i think i'd rather crawl into a hidey hole and never leave than have the public eye see me like this.

i ran the water in the sink and let my hand run beneath it before allowing my fingers to glide through my hair, gently brushing through it with my fingers.

i then went to my kitchen to find something to eat, but narrowed my eyes when seeing nothing but yogurts and an apple sitting inside.

with a deep sigh, i took a yogurt and peeled it opened, digging through the drawer to grab a spoon.

i laid against the couch and sighed as i stared at the ceiling, mindlessly eating yogurt.

strawberry flavored yogurt.

"why is this one green?"

i giggled as i held up the green strawberry to chris's face, biting my lip to suppress a laugh. "it's almost as big as your nose."

"hey!" chris clasped his hands over his nose, his face growing red. "don't even say that," he giggled as he flicked my forehead.

"ow! what'd you flick me for!"

chris simply let out a cheeky giggle and began running in the opposite direction, shamelessly apologizing to the few people he had bumped into.

i smiled at him from afar, admiring the way his silky hair bounced with each stride he took away from me before continuing to pick at the strawberries.

ding dong.

my body jolted at the loud sound as i lifted my head and sighed loudly. "coming!!" i yelled, wrapping a blanket around my pajamas and fixing my hair as i went to the door and turned the handle, opening it quickly. "hello?"

my eyes widened and my face fell.

christopher sturniolo, standing at my doorstep with soaking wet hair and shaky breaths, his hands grasping his belongings that were slightly dampened from the rain.

"chris? what are you doing here?" i asked, my voice just above a whisper.

"please, can we please talk?" chris asked, his voice sounding just as broken as mine.

i pulled the door opened further and let him in, mentally thanking him for stomping his shoes on the mat outside before trailing his feet indoors.

"take a seat, do you want a towel?" i asked him, carefully stepping inside and looking at him.

chris shot me a soft smile and nodded. "that'd be awesome, actually.. thanks.." he mumbled, standing awkwardly beside the couch. he didn't want to get it wet.

i ran to the hallway closet and grabbed a towel, smiling softly as i handed it back to him.

he thanked me and pulled it onto his head, drying his hair and face with a soft sigh.

we stood awkwardly for a few moments before we each spoke up.

"chris-"

"y/n-"

we both chuckled.

chris stared at me with a look i hadn't really seen before. well, not in a while.

"i broke up with her." chris stated.

i blinked a few times as i looked at him, slightly confused. "what? how come?"

chris stared at me, dumbfounded. "you were absolutely right. and i don't know why i let her stick around for so long." chris whispered.

i nodded as i stared as him, gently taking a seat beside him on the couch.

"what you said to me the other day, i-"

"it's okay if you don't feel the same chris." i gently set a hand on his shoulder.

"i just- i got frustrated, i accidentally opened up to something i shouldn't have, and i just don't want to ruin our friendship or what we have, or upset you, but if you don't feel the same, it's okay, i just-"

i rambled. and i was cut off.

by the feeling of chris's lips against mine.

the most gentle kiss known to man, his hand against my jaw as he closed his eyes. his bangs tickled the bridge of my nose as he tilted his head and pulled away.

"and i thought i talked too much," chris whispered, his face a bright shade of red as he smiled at me.

i stared at him in shock. "chris-"

"i'm sorry i was too stupid to realize that you've been the one for me since that day in kindergarten when that bitch shoved you in the sand."

i chuckled and gently pulled him into a tight hug, my eyes closing.

"thank you so much, chris.." i whispered.

chris hugged me back, his arms wrapping around my waist. "what're you thankin' me for?" he questioned, his hand gently rubbing my back.

i sighed and took in his scent, nuzzling into him and letting out a deep sigh.

"just... for bein' here. and the best."

chris chuckled softly against my shoulder and rubbed my back.

"thank you, y/n." chris whispered as he pulled away.

i looked at him and gently stroked his cheek. "what for?"

"for helping me realize that i've been missing out." chris whispered, pressing his forehead to mine and closing his eyes.

i smiled and sighed softly.

for years and years, chris and i had an unspoken bond. but it was spoken of as soon as it began to fade away. and now i think that bond will remain stronger than it ever was.

taglist;; @sturnioloshacker @nickgetsmewetter (will add more once my poll finishes T_T)

[afterglowkatie]

enchanted to meet you: paris ˏˋ°•*⁀ steph catley x mccabe!reader, short fic/blurb

steph catley x reader | 1.3k | based off of this ask

‘Y’know Steph’s not gonna disappear if you take your eyes off of her for a second, right,’ You rolled your eyes at your sister's teasing comments. It wasn’t often that you got to actually be at and watch one of Steph’s matches with the matildas. Normally playing for Ireland, countries apart, you would still try to stream and watch Steph’s matildas matches whenever you could while on international break.

But actually getting to be at her international matches was a completely different feeling and you were going to soak up every minute of it. You were already insanely proud of Steph but getting to watch as she represents and captains her country at an olympics, your heart was sure to burst with how much admiration you held for your fiance. 

‘Like you can talk,’ You playfully nudged Katie while she sat down next to you. Both of you in Australian football jerseys, yours with Steph’s number and name on your back while Katie had Caitlin’s. 

‘Look at us, matching for our girls,’ Katie pointed to each of your jerseys, both of you wearing the ones from the Australia v Ireland match of the world cup. This jersey for you always brings back the best of memories. Looking down at your hand where your engagement ring sat while feeling Steph’s ring sitting on a chain hanging around your neck. Steph had asked you to keep her ring safe while she played, so you kept it close to your heart, hoping for it to be some kind of good luck charm for her.

Your eyes never once left Steph the entire time she was on the pitch, nor did the smile that appeared the minute you saw your fiance running around on the pitch. Even if it wasn’t the preferred result, you were quite happy to be there and you knew Steph was happy you could be here.

You wanted to play it off that you couldn’t be at the matches and just show up to surprise Steph but your sister ruined that before you could even come up with the plan. Steph found out Katie was coming and knew that you wouldn’t be missing these matches either.

Leaning over the barrier a little you took Steph’s hands in your own, ‘Don’t you look cute,’ Steph was the first one to break the silence between the two of you. Taking her hands from yours and twirling your hair in her hands, ‘The little green and gold ribbons, my jersey, what more could a girl ask for,’ You felt your cheeks heat up and wrapped your arms around Steph, hiding your face in her neck.

‘I’m proud of you,’ You whispered against her neck, trying to shift the focus back onto Steph and off of you. Though you’d be lying if you said you didn’t like the extra attention Steph had been giving you lately, even more after knowing you’d be at her matches in her jerseys, ‘You’ll get the next ones, I just know it,’

-

The next match, you felt like you’d had years taken off your life. The amount of stress you had while watching the girls play, you’d be surprised if you didn’t find grey hair the next day. The highlight of the match for you was definitely watching Steph score two goals. Katie always loved seeing you so happy, especially while you were cheering and celebrating Steph’s goals. 

For you, there was nothing better than getting to watch Steph play. If you didn’t love football like you did then you would happily live this life. Travelling around to support your fiance, honestly felt like a dream. But you loved football too much and it spurred you on to work even harder to qualify for the Euros the next year in hopes of getting Steph into one of your jerseys and in the stands for one of your Ireland matches. 

Maybe you might also have another addition in the stands with Steph if both your plans worked out. How you felt just from being in the stands watching Steph play, you could imagine the roles reversed and how you would love for that to happen. 

‘My stargirl,’ You beamed while wrapping your arms around Steph. As soon as Steph could she was making her way over to you, jumping up on the barrier and wrapping her arms around you, pulling you in closely. 

You leaned back a little, Steph’s arms still holding you close, your hands cupping her cheeks, holding her gently. The smile on your face was soft while your eyes showed how proud and in love you were with her and Steph’s smile matched yours. Rubbing her cheeks, you leaned in to place a kiss on her cheek until Steph turned her head catching you off guard and locking your lips together. 

Both your smiles grew against each other's lips, ‘I’m so proud of you,’ you whispered against Steph’s lips before kissing her again. In this moment, no one and nothing else mattered. 

‘Get a room,’ You felt yourself get knocked a little off balance from your sister. Pulling back from Steph you pushed Katie back.

‘You’re so annoying,’ Keeping your arm around Steph while she sat on the fence next to you. You both took in the atmosphere and your surroundings, Steph enjoying getting to experience this with you by her side.

While you were watching all the other players with their families, Steph was admiring you. Your hair littered with the green and gold ribbons, wearing another one of Steph’s jerseys but this time you had a new addition. 

You smiled and turned your head to face Steph while she traced over the ‘SC’ and ‘7’ you had face painted on both of your cheeks. You really were Steph’s biggest supporter, you loved Steph and you loved her loudly, just like she did with you.

-

For a moment you really thought that the match was going to end in a draw. So you were disappointed for the girls, especially for Steph, when it ended. You knew firsthand how hard Steph was going to take how their olympic campaign went, even more with it being her first major tournament solely as captain. You knew how hard they all worked for this tournament, but it just wasn’t their time. 

There weren’t any words you could say to Steph right now that could make her feel any better but you knew there was someone who could potentially cheer her up. Seeing Steph eventually make her way over to where you were, you quickly got your phone up and put it into her hand. A small smile appeared on Steph’s face when she came face to face with Calvin through the phone. 

No words were exchanged, only a tight hug that lasted as long as Steph needed. You understand this feeling all too well, even if you’ve competed at an Olympics, you still had experience dealing with these feelings from other kinds of tournaments and important matches. 

‘Whatever you believe, know that I am and always will be so proud of you,’ You whispered in Steph’s ear, rubbing her back gently. You leaned back a little, taking her in. Placing little kisses on her cheeks, you leaned your foreheads together, ‘Tá grá agam duit,’

You placed a small soft kiss on Steph’s lips, ‘I love you too,’ Steph whispered, ‘Thank you for being here. I’ve loved being able to look over and see you there, it really helped and I’m just so glad you could be here,’ You leaned into Steph’s touch.

‘I’ll always support you wherever I can. Calvin’s mum’s number one supporter,’ You said proudly, causing Steph to laugh at you a little bit, ‘Go be with them baby, I’ll be right here,’ 

‘I’m proud of you,’ You would continue to tell Steph as many times as she needed to hear it.

[samkerrworshipper]

togetherness

matilda’s x reader

this one’s a long one so rip

also pls keep sending request lol i need ideas

your a rookie on the squad, struggling to find your footing in a team that you don’t think you fit into. what happens when a certain conflict arises between you and one of your teammates?

angst, little bit of fluff, 5k+ words

I couldn’t really give you a timeline on when I started to space out, when I started to check out. I knew chronologically it would have had to be a few weeks ago, after the world cup had started, just after my whole life had become a shit storm. It was a process, checking out of your own life, it took time, I think that’s why I couldn’t tell you the one moment that I started to, because there wasn’t an exact moment. Slowly the days just all start to smudge into one big mess, you can’t tell people what day it is anymore or when your last meal was. Which sounds stupid, because those are just mundane things. When you check out of life though those things stop mattering, for me I either sleep obtusely or I don’t sleep at all, I don’t eat, I forget how to look after myself. I try to be discreet about it for as long as I can, but eventually people catch on, especially when you are playing professional sport, because you are surrounded by doctors and athletes that know the signs of burnout.

At around two weeks, I think, I could tell my team was catching onto my behaviour. I was a mess, I came to breakfast in the morning with puffy red eyes from crying at night, I didn’t really talk to anyone unless I had to, I was always tired, I kept to myself a little bit too much. It was a matter of time until I was approached, probably told off for having a shitty attitude. I had predicted that, expected it. What I hadn’t expected was to be pretty much cornered in my locker before training by our team captain, Sam Kerr.

As one of the youngest on the team it was safe to say that I was pretty much terrified of our skipper. Not that Sam was a scary person, she was lovely, considerate to a fault. But she was terrifying in a sense that we all knew heading into the world cup she had one ambition and that was to win at home, at all costs. That’s a little bit intimidating, especially when you know that she is prepared to hand you your ass on a silver platter if you do absolutely anything to jeopardise that ambition.

I’d been sitting in my cubby, lacing my cleats up. Both of my airpods in, hoodie on, tracksuit on, puffer jacket hood on. If I didn’t scream unapproachable I don’t know what did. I’d been sitting there a little bit too long I think, staring at my shoe lace for a little bit long, long enough for someone to point me out to Sam. I’d gotten the fright of my life when Sam’s hand had very gently connected with my shoulder. I’d flinched back almost immediately, before turning around and realising where the contact had come from. Sam looked a little bit offended by my sudden reaction to her touch, but the concern left her facial expression fairly quickly.

“Are you okay kid?”

I hated that question. Three words that drove me insane. I don’t think anyone ever answered that question honestly, because it was so blunt. How were you supposed to honestly answer a person you didn’t trust with the answer to the question.

I pulled my airpods out of my ears purely out of respect, even though I could hear Sam perfectly clear.

“Fine, Cap.”

I thought my words would have been enough of an indicator that I didn’t want to talk to her but she’d taken it as an invitation instead to sit down on the bench beside me.

“You don’t look fine.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, hard enough to draw blood, and focused on completing the task of lacing up my cleats.

“Well I am.”

My answers were short and snappy, closed off. They didn’t leave room for imagination or interpretation. I was a blunt person, I spoke bluntly, I reacted to things bluntly. I’d always been that way and I was pretty sure I’d never change.

“Do you want to talk about it? Because I’m here for you.”

I gulped and finished tying up my first cleat, moving on to pulling the second one over my sock covered left foot. I always put the left one on first, it had become routine for me, that was how I’d tied them before I’d won my first game and I’d stuck with it, it was a superstition that I’d never been able to break and I didn’t see why I should break it now.

“I don’t have anything I need to talk to you about.”

My voice was betraying me, my voice and my eyes. I knew Sam would pick up on my aversion to looking at her in the eyes. I could blame it on focusing on tying up my shoes but she was also sitting directly above them and every time I lifted my eyes I just happened to focus on the wall behind her instead.

“Doesn’t seem that way, Ellie told me that she’s heard you crying in your ensuite at night, she says you don’t sleep very much, which I think your under eyes are enough supporting evidence.”

I let my eyes drift over to Ellie, she was standing on the complete opposite side of the locker rooms, talking anxiously to Kyra and Hailey. As soon as she looked up and met my eyes I could tell that Sam’s approach to me had been driven by her, the anxious look in her eyes was enough of a giveaway.

“Ellie doesn’t know what she’s talking about, the girl talks in her sleep most of the time or she’s on the phone to her girlfriend, I don’t think she’d be able to recall my night time activities.”

I focused back in on my cleats, knotting them furiously with my hands that I had now realised were shaking.

“She seemed to have a pretty good idea, we’ve all seen you’ve been checked out recently. I get if you don’t want to talk about it now around the girls. You seem to be having a bad day. So how about you get yourself through training and then you and I have a chat in private?”

It was phrased as a question but nothing about how she’d said the words came out as a proposition, it was an order. I would have tried to object but I knew it would be useless, Sam had made her mind up and once Sam had made up her mind there was no changing it.

“Sounds good skipper.”

My voice was nothing but dripping with sarcasm, it was my only way of pushing out my very clear distaste with the idea of having to talk to Sam after training. As soon as Sam stood up and I’d checked that both of my cleats were on properly I marched right over to Ellie, pulling her away from the conversation she was in and back over to my locker.

“I don’t know who the fuck you think you are but telling on me to cap isn’t going to get you fucking brownie points with me, we aren’t friends Ellie, we’re not sleepover buddies. I am working tooth and nail here to be fucking respected and I just got a proper emotional dressing down from Kerr that was pretty much just her telling me that I needed to get my act together. If that doesn’t scream out not fucking respected than I don’t know what does.”

I watched all of the colour drain from Ellie’s face as she slowly became far more uncomfortable in the conversation. She wasn’t backing down though.

“I don’t know what fucking planet you are on y/n/n but we are just looking out for you. I hear you at night in the bathroom, sobbing and balling your eyes out. That doesn’t scream out okay to me. Sam wasn’t giving you a dressing down she was asking you if you were fucking okay, something that we’ve all wanted to do for a few weeks now, we were just all scared to because we thought you were going to rip our heads off, like you are doing to me right now. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about you right now because how you’ve been behaving as of late isn’t fucking normal and anybody in there right mind would be worried about you.”

Ellie and I’s argument had escalated enough that I could tell most of the locker room's attention had fallen to our heated conversation, neither of us were ready to back down though and that much was evident in how strong both of our glares at each other held.

“Fuck you, you aren’t the person who gets to decide whether or not I’m okay or not. So what if I’ve been keeping to myself? Maybe I needed some down time away from this fucking extroverted team that never gives me a fucking break.”

It was a personal dig, one that I had said far too loudly in a crowded room of girls that I actually really loved, it had been like word vomit though, getting thrown out in me and Ellie’s fight.

“That’s not fair and you know it, all anybody here has done is be nice to you and you’ve been a fucking dick to everyone for the last few weeks, it’s not normal. You were so happy at training camp but ever since we’ve gotten here you’ve lost your shit and it’s fucking pathetic because we are your team and family and you should trust us more than anybody else but you don’t you don’t give two shits about anybody here besides yourself and we can all see it. It’s embarrassing having your represent us in your current condition. Your a wreck. You didn’t deserve to be brought up from the under 20’s. Maybe if you spent less time in our bathroom at nighttime crying about how hard your sorry ass life was you’d realise there are people and things on earth that are more fucking important than you are.”

Ellie’s words had taken the air out of my lungs, it wasn’t what I’d expected and even her facial expression reflected that she was a little bit taken aback by her own words. They were personal, really personal. I blinked a few times, trying to get a footing in the conversation but I couldn’t, because what was I supposed to say to a person accusing me of being a selfish heartless team mate? Me and Ellie stood stock still, just staring at each other, both of us obviously waiting for the other to keep talking but neither of us could.

“Ellie Madison Carpenter, out on the field, right now.”

Steph’s voice echoed against the walls of the changerooms, everyone else was standing completely silent and still in the room. I looked around the locker rooms, aware that literally everyone besides Sam who had left the locker rooms after her talk to me had just heard Ellie’s speech. I was too shocked to do anything besides plaster my hand against my mouth and run directly into the bathroom that connected to the change rooms. I did my best to not let any tears fall until I’d locked the disabled bathroom door behind me and I’d slid down onto the floor. Was that actually what the team thought of me? That I was a selfish, useless, coldhearted bitch who was just here for herself? Ellie’s words had hurt my heart and soul, because I didn’t play for myself, I hadn’t ever.

I consciously could hear the frantic knocking on the bathroom door but my subconscious was doing its best to tune it out.

“Y/n, open the door, please.”

“Fucking Ellie, that kid has no fucking filter.”

“How are we supposed to explain to Cap that she locked herself in the bathroom?”

“Fuck we were supposed to be on the field five minutes ago, Tony is going to have a field day giving us fucking suicide sprints.”

Those were a few of the sentences that I made out through the door. They were enough to tell me that I needed to get my shit together, because one thing I couldn’t handle on top of the team thinking I was all of those things was the team thinking I was the fucking emotional mess that everyone seemed to think I was. So after letting whatever tears I had left fall, I flushed the toilet, in an attempt to try and disguise the sound of me furiously washing the redness off of my face then I walked towards the door, took a deep breath and unlocked it. Hailey and Macka were both waiting outside and were very clearly surprised by my exit from the bathroom.

“Alanna, don’t worry about getting skip, she’s out.”

I bit the inside of my mouth again, satisfied with the irony taste of my own blood filling my mouth.

“Sorry, just feeling a little bit sick.”

It was very clear none of them believed my excuse. I tried to push past them though, trying my hardest to avoid whatever awkward confrontation that I was apparently bound to, because both Ras and Mackenzie stopped me before I could take a step.

“Y/n. What Ellie said wasn’t true and it’s okay for you to feel emotions about that, she let the heat of the moment get to her.”

I gulped, swallowing the mixture of blood and sweat that was resonating in my mouth.

“I told you, I feel sick. I don’t give a shit what Ellie has to say, she’s very welcome to her own opinions, this is a free country, she has an issue I’d rather her say it to my face.”

My words were faulty, untrustworthy, like ice that was slowly cracking.

“You are allowed to be upset at her for saying that about you, it was mean and she was trying to get to you. It’s okay for you to have emotions about that.”

I pursed my lips, I hated confrontation. Confrontation was terrifying.

“I told you I just felt sick, I still do. I need to go talk to Tony, can I leave or am I being held hostage until I talk about emotions that I don’t have or feel right now?”

Hayley and Mackenzie both looked between each other, trying to think up another plan of attack but clearly not finding anything telepathically between themselves.

“You are free to go, we’re here for you if you need to talk.”

I rolled my eyes at the two of them.

“Thanks, I’ll keep a mental note next time I need a therapist to talk about my nonexistent selfish feelings with.”

The sarcasm rolled off of my tongue too easily as I walked out of the locker rooms and into the tunnel, slowly making my way out onto the field. It was night training, so the ground was cold and the bright white fluorescent lights were blaring down across the pitch. I looked out across the ground, the girls had already started running whatever drills they’d been instructed to start with which led me to ask myself the question of how long had I actually locked myself in that bathroom for?

I made my way straight over to Tony who was looking at me in that way he tended to when he was thinking about something.

“Ms y/l/n.”

He smiled at me, a little bit too kindly for my liking.

“Coach, I’m feeling a bit sick, I think I might have eaten something funny this morning, probably that granola that looked like it had been sitting out for a little bit to long, I think I should probably just rest for tonight, unless you want a granola vomit mess to deal with.”

Tony’s eyes studied me, my body language, silently assessing my every move.

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with what happened between you and Ms Carpenter?”

Fuck, that was me exposed. I looked down to my cleats, by default, because I couldn’t look into his eyes knowing that he knew I was lying straight to his face.

“She approached me, told me that she’d said some things to a teammate before coming out for warm ups that she was sorry for, that I should sit her out for a game because of it. Wouldn’t tell me who she’d spoken to, which made me think it must have been pretty serious.”

I gulped anxiously, fuck. Fuck Ellie for making this whole night a flaming hot pile of shit.

“It wasn’t anything bad, I feel sick, it’s got nothing to do with Ellie, I’m a big girl, I can handle my own problems, she shouldn’t sit out for a week, we need her.”

I let my eyes cross the field, to where Ellie was, her whole complexion had paled dramatically and she looked like she’d just been on a really high rollercoaster.

“We also need to look out for the safety of our players. I'm going to ask you this once and I want you to tell me the complete truth. Did Ellie personally attack you in the change rooms before training tonight? Don’t lie to me, I’ll ask one of your team mates if you do and I don’t want to hear that their answers were any different to yours.”

I bit down hard on my mouth tissue, there was a part of me that wanted to lie for Ellie, even though it would probably land us in more trouble, there was also a part of me that wanted to hand her in, even though in my eyes she hadn’t really done anything wrong, she’d said her peace.

“We were both giving it to each other, she gave as much as she got. I deserve to sit out a week just as much as she does if we’re referencing words said to each other, we were both rude, we got stuck up in the heat of the moment. I promise you, with every bone in my body that it won’t ever happen again, I swear to you.”

One thing that my brother told me when we were growing up was how to effectively lie. There was an art to the practice of lying. The first rule was body language, everyone had a tell, it was about identifying yours and then figuring out how to stop it or disguise it. For example, my youngest brother would always tap his left foot when he was lying. Rule number two is eye contact. You need to make some, but not so much that it’s creepy. People can tell when you refuse to make eye contact with them, so you need to occasionally. Third is your voice, it needs to be steady, your pitch and tone need to be consistent, one of the easiest tells is a raised voice when you lie. The fourth rule is physical change, this one is probably the hardest, because there isn’t anything you can do to stop yourself if you get clammy hands when you are lying, you just have to disguise it. The fifth and final rule is words, you need to use enough that your sentences are coherent but don’t over-sell yourself, summarise what needs to be said, instead of reading off a whole backstory.

I’d broken number five and two whilst talking to Tony and I could tell that he was picking up on it. He looked between me and the field before calling over one of my teammates.

“Mary, can I have you for a second.”

I gulped down the lump that was forming in the back of my throat when Fowler finished off the drill she was doing and ran over to the sideline to stand beside the coach and I.

“What can I do for you, coach?”

He smiled at her, I’d very quickly noticed that Mary was one of his favourites, rightfully so. She was a hard worker but she was also kind, Matilda’s captain material for the future.

“Can you give me a run down of what happened in the lockers before training between Ellie and y/n, from my understanding there was a small altercation, but both of them aren’t telling me the whole story and I don’t have time for beating around the bush.”

I looked at Mary, silently praying for her to downplay it, maybe she hadn’t heard much of it. She was the one to pick if you wanted an honest answer, she couldn’t lie for the life of her, I knew that much. She bit her lip subtly, thinking thoroughly before she said anything.

“None of us heard how it started, we all knew that y/n/n was the one to drag Ellie over to her locker after Cap spoke to her. They were arguing, it seemed harmless. Until Ellie was yelling in y/n/n’s face.”

Tony nodded at her inquisitively, clearly very invested in what she had to say.

“Did you hear what Ms Carpenter was saying to Ms y/l/n?”

I gulped, shaking my head as subtly as I could at Mary, this whole encounter was a headache.

“Look, it’s not really something I’m comfortable with repeating.”

I knew Mary was trying to be helpful but I also knew that statement was going to backfire on her because it made the whole situation sound a lot worse than it was.

“Mary, if you don’t tell me I will get someone else too, please don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

Mary herself gulped anxiously, her eyes frantically darting between Tony and myself. I nodded at her, clearly seeing her distress and just giving her the permission to say her peace, because apparently it was going to get said anyways.

“She was yelling at y/n/n about how y/n/n was selfish and didn’t give a shit about anybody beside herself. I heard her using something about y/n crying in their bathroom at night against her, saying that she was too worried or self obsessed to care about anyone else on the team. I wasn’t close enough though to tell you exactly what either of them said. I was on the other side of the room, Steph was the closest, if you want information I’d be asking her, not me.”

I could feel my hands shaking in my pockets, this whole situation was giving me anxiety.

“Okay then, thank you, can you go fetch Steph for me, just tell her to come over here.”

Mary nodded at coach, before sending me a silent sorry smile before running back out onto the pitch.

Coach pointed to the bench that was on the sidelines a few feet behind us, silently motioning for me to follow him and take a seat down on it.

“Based on what I’ve just been told, I think that Ellie should sit out for a week, her behaviour towards you was unacceptable and she needs to understand there are repercussions for those kinds of situations. Y/n I know that you’ve struggled to find your footing in the team, I’ve seen you struggling with your mental health. I’m here for you if you ever need to talk about it or if you need help. If those struggles mean that you need to separate yourself from the team then that is what you do, regardless of the decisions you make you are a valued member on this team and you don’t deserve to be verbally assaulted because Ellie has a problem with you.”

I pursed my lips, I didn’t think I’d been verbally assaulted, if anything I’d started it.

“Coach, I started it with Ellie. She didn’t even mean what she said, we need her this week, it’s an important game that we can’t afford to have her miss. I don’t want to be the reason we lose this week just because me and Ellie had a minor altercation, it was nothing.”

I couldn’t ignore the deep frown on his face, it was a mixture of concern and disappointment and it went straight to my heart.

“Coach? Mary said you need to speak to me?”

Both of our heads snapped up at the sudden sound of Steph’s voice. She was standing about a foot away from us, her brow furrowed in my direction.

“Steph, yes, I’m just having some trouble understanding the altercation that went down before warm ups with Ms Carpenter and Ms y/l/n. Ms y/l/n is trying to take the whole blame for it and I don’t really believe the whole story that she’s giving me, so if you could please give me some insight it would be much appreciated, as I am taking this very seriously.”

Steph’s eyes went straight to mine, she was my fellow Arsenal team mate, probably the only person on our Matilda’s squad who I could actually call my friend. She was frowning at me deeply, trying to study my facial expression.

“Y/l/n started it, she pulled Ellie up after having a chat with skipper, but from what I heard she was more just annoyed that Ellie had told skipper about some of her more concerning habits. Ellie was mad about being pulled up on it, typical Ellie fashion she took it to heart and she made it personal. I do recall her calling saying something along the lines of if y/n spent less time in their bathroom at nighttime crying about how ‘hard’ her sorry ass life was then she’d realise there were people and things on earth that are more fucking important than you she was, Ellie also made a lot of comments about y/n/n being a selfish person who didn’t give a shit about any of the people around her. Y/n/n might have technically started it but in her defence she didn’t say anything personal or wrong to Ellie, she was just voicing her annoyance about Ellie telling on her to Sam, Ellie was trying to voice her concerns over Y/n/n but it came out wrong and she was trying to make light of a situation that was not hers to talk about in a public space, it was unprofessional and distasteful behaviour from both of them but Ellie was the one who escalated it and made it worse. All y/n really did was tell Ellie to leave her alone and stop pushing, when Ellie did push too far y/n rushed to the bathroom and locked herself in there. Ellie’s behaviour was unacceptable to say the least and I’ve told her, I’m sure Sam will as well once I talk to her about it. I’ve told Ellie she has to apologise to y/n/n and that kind of behaviour won’t be tolerated towards anybody let alone her own teammate.”

Steph’s rundown of the situation was more factual and foolproof then any of the other versions Gustavsson had received and I knew that he was going to believe everything she’d told him.

“Okay, thank you, I really appreciate your transparency on the situation. I made the right call making you interim captain whilst Sam was out. That’s all I should need for now, feel free to go back to what you were doing, I’ll be out there in a minute.”

Once Steph was out of earshot Tony turned to me, clearly a little bit taken aback by all of the information he’d just absorbed.

“You are going to sit out tonight, call it sickness or whatever you please. I want you to stay and watch though, you should be here and you deserve to be here. I’m going to talk to Ellie after training, and just because you don’t seem to want her sitting out I’ll see how remorseful she is and make my roster decision for this weekend based off of that. I know she’s your teammate and you feel like you are taking one for the team by enabling her behaviour towards you and maybe it was a one off, just a heat in the moment thing as you called it. Maybe it wasn’t though, I’m not going to take chances. I want you to think about your own actions as well, think about how you could have dealt with that situation more effectively. Once training’s over you are going to head back to the hotel with the girls and you are going to spend time with them, proper bonding time.”

I nodded at coach, I didn’t have it in me to argue with him.

“Coach, I’m rooming with her.”

It was my main concern, not that Ellie scared me, I’d pretty much ignored her the whole tournament, not that she spent a lot of time in our room anyways, she spent all of her free time until curfew in other teammates rooms.

“Talk to Kerr about it, get her to switch them around, I’m sure it’s not that difficult. Switch rooms, relax for the night, get some sleep, be back here tomorrow. I don’t care whether or not you feel up to training, just be here. This team is your family and whether or not it feels like it they care a lot about you, they are here to support you if you let them. Sometimes you just need to take the leap of faith.”

I nodded at coach. He was a gentle soul, a good one. He reached over to me, offering me a hug and I took it, letting him wrap his arms around my shoulders. It was nice, it didn’t last long but it felt nice. Once he was done giving me a hug he stood up and followed Steph out onto the field.

I found myself gravitating to a spot directly on the sideline, where our team manager was stationed. She didn’t ask any questions as I sat down on the frosty grass beside her station, I was grateful for that much. I hadn’t talked to her much but she seemed lovely and in the very little interactions I had had with her she had gone above and beyond to make me comfortable in whatever we were doing.

I spent my training, sitting on the grass, watching the team as they ran through a few drills and plays before moving into a full scrimmage. I kept my body tucked in, my knees to my chest, my puffer jacket and hoodie wrapped tightly around my legs and torso to pull my knees even further into my chest. It was a blessing that they’d designed waterproof sweatpants, because I would have probably had a cold and wet ass if they hadn’t. Somewhere along the way our team manager offered me a packet of gummy bears and I couldn’t find it in me to decline her offer, so I snacked on the gelatinous pieces of sugar whilst I watched the training slowly come to an end.

They finished with PK’s and then concluded the session. I stayed seated in my little spot, I hoped that no one had spotted me and maybe if I waited for everyone to slip off the field and into the locker rooms I would just be able to hop onto the bus without being detected. My plan pretty much backfired immediately when a certain captain beelined directly towards me, clearly I hadn’t gone unnoticed to her. I grimaced as she got closer to my spot, my spot that my head had deemed as a safe spot from the rest of my teammates.

Sam didn’t even acknowledge me to begin with, instead turning her attention to our team manager, making pretty common conversation with her. She spoke to her for a few minutes, it was afternoon tea talk, just bullshit. Sam’s specialty. Eventually when she finished up she looked down at me, an eyebrow raised. She motioned for me to stand up and follow her, so stupidly, like a puppy, I did. My muscles were cold and I’d be lying if I said that getting up from the ground hadn’t been a little bit harder than I’d predicted. I managed though and caught up to Sam, following after her as she walked back down the tunnel but instead of turning into the locker rooms we kept walking down the corridor until we came to the video review room. It was pretty much just a conference room, one big room with a bunch of tables and chairs that we used to scout and review our own games. Sam closed the blinds to the room, so no bye passers could see in and turned the lights on.

She seated herself at one of the tables, gesturing for me to do the same, so I did. The first thing Sam did was pull out her phone and start typing something or another before looking up at me.

“Steph told me about what happened between you and Ellie.”

I gulped, biting my lip as I tried my hardest to maintain my eye contact with Sam, I wasn’t going to break, not again. I watched as Sam’s finger made its way to her mouth and she bit down on her nail in a questioning kind of way that I couldn’t explain even if I tried.

“I started it, I was pissed off at her for ratting on me to you.”

My honesty would be appreciated, I knew that Sam valued honesty above anything else.

“I don’t really care who started it, I care about togetherness, you know that. This team needs one thing, cohesion. I don’t care who started it, I care about who the problem was and in that situation it was Ellie, she said things that she had no business saying, with the intention of hurting you. That’s enough to tell me that in that situation she was prepared to jeopardise our team just so she could tear down one of our own. I’ve recommended to Tony that she sits out this week. He told me you were apprehensive about it, I wanted to know why.”

There was a simple answer, and a more complex answer, a part of me knew which one Sam wanted.

“Short answer, Ellie is a crucial part of our team, we need her. Long answer, I don’t think she did anything wrong.”

Sam looked up at me, a little bit shocked.

“Look y/n, it’s clear there's been a lot on your mind recently. A lot that you clearly aren’t prepared to share, and that's okay. I saw on the sideline tonight, you looked like you were mentally in a different place, like you were really worried thinking about something and you’ve been like that for a few weeks. I know that you have trust issues, that you are finding it hard to slot into this team because you are scared to be vulnerable. I am here for you, I won’t judge you, I will help you with whatever you need help with, because I can tell there is something and until you do seek out help for it it is only going to destroy you further.”

Sam’s words receded in me, because she was so right that I couldn’t even try to deny it.

“Am I a selfish player and teammate?”

The words felt so raw coming out of my throat, it was something that Ellie had said that had stuck with me.

“No, I can honestly tell you you aren’t. You play football with so much grace and kindness that sometimes it drives me up the wall watching you help up your opponents who have tripped over. You aren’t a selfish person either, you are more reserved, that doesn’t make you selfish, it just makes you self aware, there is a big difference.”

I nodded at Sam, not sure what else there was for me to do. Her words were full of so much wisdom, so much insight. I still couldn’t find it in me to believe them fully though, my self deprecating brain not welcome to accepting any kind of form of praise.

“Look, change is hard. You are young, inexperienced. Staying somewhere that you’ve outgrown though is only going to destroy you. I know this is a big jump, I wouldn’t have reccomended for you to be here though if I didn’t think it was the right fit. You are a world class player, and a genuinely good person. When you smile, it lights up a room. Your laugh is contagious. It’s clear that you’ve never been cared for properly, never let yourself. You have a family now though y/n. You have people that you can go to when you are having a bad day, people that are going to love you no matter what. Use that, take advantage of it. A team doesn’t function without trust.”

There was something about Sams words that told me she actually understood what I was going through, she was dancing on a line of relating to me and giving me advice, the line was a little bit blurred though.

“Do you trust me?”

I let Sam’s words hang in the air for a few seconds, it took me a little while to formulate a reponse.

“I don’t trust anyone, not even myself.”

Sam’s eyes, those brown orbs spoke to me, more than any words ever could to me.

“You don’t think people care for you.”

“Why would people care for me?”

There was so much insecurity behind the words, years of it all built up.

“I care, I’ll always care. Everyone should have somebody to care for them.”

“You have to care, your my captain.”

It was the last bit of defiance leaving my body, the last of my barriers being used.

“Partly, yes. It’s sort of my job. But I save it for the ones who need it and you seem to be in need.”

I rolled my eyes, another defence mechanism that I used to deflect, to avoid my emotions.

“I don’t need help.”

“Maybe not, but when you’re born in a burning house you think the whole world is on fire until someone shows you it isn’t.”

I didn’t fully understand her cryptic but I got the general idea.

“You implying I was born in a burning house?”

Sam’s head tilted, like she wasn’t denying my statement but also didn’t agree with it fully.

“I’m implying that you are here for a reason. That we are all here for different reasons, different driving factors. The difference between you and some of the other girls is that you are letting your past define you, when it doesn’t. The best part of being here is that when you are out on the pitch nobody cares about anything else, nobody could care less about what’s happened in your personal life. Use that, use that to be happy, to find your motivation. Trust me? Let me show you that this team isn’t just a group of girls, it can be your family if you want it to be.”

I looked at Sam flatly trying to figure out how serious she was, when he face didn’t falter I realised how serious she was and that scared me a little bit. I didn’t know if I was ready for that, ready for a family, ready to feel loved and appreciated. It wasn’t soemthing I’d ever really experienced.

“Y’know that it shouldn’t seem remarkable to you that people who love and care for you actually want to treat you well.”

Those words were the straw that broke my back. I couldn’t help but feel the tears well up in my eyes.

“y/n,” Sam’s voice drew my eyes up to her own “You are allowed to cry.”

I shook my head at her, bringing the sleeve of my jumper up to my eyes to rub at the tears escaping my eyes.

“I’m fine.”

“Are you though?”

It was the amount of questioning behind her face that threw me off, I knew she didn’t believe me but the amount of concern laced into her facial expression hit some place in my heart I didn’t know I had.

“You know that it’s okay to not be fine all the time. You are allowed to have feelings, to feel things other than numb. Look, feeling hurts. Life is pain, life is suffering. Being alive hurts, it’s horror and it sucks. But you are alive and it’s spectacular and brilliant because instead of just living you are alive.”

I continued rubbing at my eyes, trying my best to stop any of the tears running down my face.

“I’ll think about it cap, I think it’s about time for me to head back to the hotel.”

Before I could get up and completely leave the room Sam got in her final words.

“There are poeple around that would miss you y/n/n, people who would be gutted if anything ever happened to you. Just think about that.”

[metranart]

Mikey x Reader x Draken (Tokyo Revengers)(Part 8)

Being a gang leader doesn’t leave a lot of free time and having hit the critical age of the hormonal teenager, Draken and Mikey are beginning to feel the raging urge of having some needs meet.

They knew what was to come, same reason why they kept you at arm reach. 

Now that their brains aren’t a pool of hormones and lust, they realized how instead of being gentle and tender as any first time should be, it was animalistic bordering primal. You basically drove them to the edge of insanity, and they willingly fell into the spell.

Spellbound still, they follow closely behind you, trailing your every move with attentive eyes, internally ready to chase if they need to, to restrain if is necessary and to beg if you force them to it.

All in hopes of keeping you for themselves. They want you to have their kids, share their dreams, conquer Japan along them—… not in that specific order but you get the idea.

You walk moving quickly but quietly. The idea to go find your own gang leader passes through your mind briefly, but you dismiss it. Draken and Mikey’s gazes are on you like a hawk.

If you miraculously manage to escape and go to Elliot's, -you sigh, long and breathlessly- imagining being beside him and under his protection. Your body tenses at the prospect of running away, maybe straight to a cop—

“Such a long sigh,” you hadn’t taken more than three steps when Mikey cuts short your plans by snaking an arm around your shoulders. “Tell me, (y/n), were you planning to run away?” 

 You wrinkle your nose at being discovered. His eyes study you as you stand frozen beside him. 

“Nah, my Babygirl is not such a dummy,” he states, voice heavy with sarcasm. “I wonder where you were off to?” Mikey continues, and soon Draken joins as well.

“Perhaps she fancies another restaurant,” the tall blond suggests, airily.

“Feeling a little peckish, are we?” Mikey replies, playfully, his attention solely on you. “—Looking for another sip of milk? You can have some of mine, if you like.” The Toman leader smirks at seeing you blush hard, and you can hear Draken chuckle.

Your injured hand is wrapped in fresh bandages, you feel exhausted and weak, your crotch is sensitive and your body aches. It might be safer to play along and then plan an escape route. 

His wicked laugh draws your attention back to him.

“My, my Kenchin... how very little our girl is.” Mikey notices, glancing back at his friend, taking in count how your whole frame is dwarfed by his. “Humor me, (Y/N). How old are you?” he asks, and you hate the sound of his patronizing voice. 

Drawing yourself up, you respond with as much pride and dignity as any gang member should have.

“Not old enough, Manjiro,” you snarl, trying to shake him away from you to no avail. “You just raped a minor—” 

Draken sighs, claiming the other side of the sidewalk to walk right next to you. Flanking you. 

“So very young, indeed.” The tall blond shares, calmly, “but so are we, and sex between teenagers is NOT legally rape…. more like mildly disappointing for society, but not jail time.” Draken patiently explains, and your fists clench, painfully. 

“That’s fairly horrifying, ain’t it?” Mikey croons and you bared your teeth at them, a mocking imitation of a smile. “Plus, you being our girlfriend, ummm-” he taps his lips thinking, “is not rape at all, it was our first time. Lovers sharing an intimate—” 

“Do NOT call me your fucking girlfriend, delusional asshole!”

You raise your voice, moving slowly to your right towards his left side, but he catches your subtle motion and mirrors it casually in his own. He laughs at you, then, and it absolutely prickles your skin.

“Delusional asshole?” Mikey repeats in a spoiled, childish voice, “-that seems like a bit too harsh, don’t ya think, baby?”

You are about to mitigate any kind of hope Manjiro Sano may be harvesting in that blond sick head of his when Draken towers over you, leaning so closely that you can feel his warm breath against your face.

“(Y/N), please, don’t presume that because we allowed a little disrespect, we will continue to endure it,” his eyes seem darker than ever up close, and your body's involuntary reaction is to try to run to which he catches your forearm in his firm grip in an almost lightning-fast motion.

“I can catch you-” he warns, a little upset by your foolish attempt, “I will catch you, and it’s quite unseemly for a girl to be dragged back like a spoiled brat, don’t you think?” 

Draken’s face is so close that you are only a breath away from a kiss, or head-butt him but neither would have a happy ending for you, so you back down and allow them to believe that you have given in.

“—And just like that all her fight is gone.” Mikey says between merry laughter, eyes creasing while he sticks his front to your back in a possessive hug. “Give her a break, Kenchin, she's just getting used to us.”

Graciously offering you his hand, Draken sighs and waits for you to take it, and after a couple of tense seconds, you do. As a sign of good omen between the two.

You can feel the bulge of muscles and the twisting veins that ran from shoulder to knuckles just by the grip of his hand, it's not bruising but is firmer than what you expected. You shudder, imagining those powerful hands locked around your hips, driving himself deep inside once again.... and you being unable to stop him, once again.

“Why me?” you ask, suddenly, ice dripping from your tone.  

Mikey’s arm is around your waist, light as a feather on the wind as he aids Draken to escort you to the restaurant. A blush creeps up your neck when Manjiro Sano choose to deposit a chaste kiss on your neck instead of answering you, and before you can even think of ask again, Draken does the same but on your cheek.

And you puff some air, outraged. “The least you can do is answer me—”

“And that's exactly what we just did.”

Draken cuts your outburst short to then fall silent. 

“Please,” you whisper, your voice hardly there. But their heads turn towards you slightly, and their attention makes you feel brave enough to continue. “Please let me go. I want to go home, I just want to go home, I’ll do anything! I’ll renounce to my gang, I’ll convince Elliot to…to…not do anything against you, I’ll do anything!” You stutter, finally reaching your breaking point.

“You have nothing to offer us.” Mikey claims in all calm smoothness, trying to pass some of that energy to you. You know they don’t care about any you have to offer, even so, you need to try. “Plus, you are not our prisoner, just our girlfriend-”

“What's the difference?”

The words leave you before you can stop them and both stop suddenly and release your hand and waist, turning towards you.

“Loving can heal—” Mikey proclaims, way too invested. You can clearly see in his eyes that he believes what he is saying. “—But you need to give us a chance to let us make up for what’ve we done, okay?”

Maybe this was their way of apologizing for violating you in every possible way.... did they believe that this could be erased and the three of you would end up being a happy polyamorous couple?

You stood quiet for a moment, staring into his startlingly beautiful dark eyes. He was handsome, and sometimes –like now– he even seemed kind enough, though his words were firm and good intentioned, you knew better than to listen to them. 

So, without answering, you turn from them coldly, taking a few testing steps ahead of them. 

“–Just walk.” You hear Mikey advise; gaze firmly set on your every move. 

“Don’t run… we won’t be able to stop ourselves if you run.” Draken warns, his voice tight as if is taking him a lot not to chase you down. 

You were only a couple of steps away from them, but you could see the tension that it caused them.

Testing your luck and their small slip of freedom for you, you visualized the restaurant and move faster, they compensate for the speed but still don't grab you or pull you. Leaving you some air to breathe. Feeling a little -tiny- more in control, you trot demurely until you reach the door, and turn around.

Genuine surprise showing on your face when you noticed that they hadn't chase you.

“Not even a day ago I trusted you.” You remind them, “you spitted in that trust with your more than reprovable acts-….” their blank faces were hard to read, “-I’ve yet to trust you since.” 

Both blonds nod, understanding what you are saying but still unable to process why you can’t understand them as well.

“She’s going to be a tough nut to crack, ain’t she, Kenshin?” 

The aftermentioned smirks, “if she weren’t we wouldn’t be so interested.”

Mikey snickers at that, opening the door to follow you inside. “Damn right.” 

Both gang members enter and just start to walk, you are already inside a booth occupying the long seat of the right and leaving just the seat in front as their only option. 

“Scoot over, (Y/N),” Mikey orders, “Kenshin and I are far too big to share the same side—” 

“I never hear you complaining when you had to share the same, small and diminutive, bed….” You snarl out, and he looks down at you. 

“I’m hungry and tired, even if you find it hard to believe,” the leader of the Toman confesses and for the first time you notice the bags under his eyes. “If you don’t scoot over voluntarily I’m going to be forced to put you on my lap-” 

You’re quick enough to swallow the gasp, and before it continues, you slide to the end of the booth.  

“Good girl,” Mikey praises, taking the seat next to you, sliding gracefully closer until feels the side of his thigh pressed to yours. Then he starts. 

“Communication based on threats will not help us grow our relationship,” Mikey begins to lecture you, and you feel your blood boil.  

“He’s right, little mouse,” Draken adds, taking the seat in front of you as he flips through the menu. “We ought to be civilized,” he instructs, offering you the menu, and when you take it, he doesn't let go, "do you think you can be civilized?”

Your lips purse, even so, you reply.

“Of course, Sweetie, whatever my dear boyfriend asks.” Your tone drips harsh sarcasm. 

“—I know you are doing it to spite me,” Draken begins letting go of the menu, serious facade yet soon his mouth curves into a smile. “… But you calling me your boyfriend really gave me goosebumps, doll.” 

A blush creeps across your cheeks when you frown, making it unable for them to know if its out of embarrassment or anger.

“Now I’m jealous,” Mikey pouts, “Tell me something pretty as well.” 

The blond asks unashamedly, as if your sarcastic comment were actually a show of affection. 

You ignore him, in order to read the menu and suddenly feel him take your hand nonetheless. 

You are about to snatch it back, violently, when you see him bowing, you feel the barest hint of his breath on your knuckles before he presses his forehead to them, instead of his lips. 

“I couldn't even bring myself to kiss your beautiful hand, my love—” he mutters, “Not when I can only think of kissing your lips.” 

When he look up, his eyes are blackened yet overflowing with a feeling that you refused to call love, and his tone as cold and composed as ever. 

“Knock it off, Sano.” You grunt, uncomfortable. “You can drop the act—” 

“It’s not an act, darling.” Draken cuts in, “It never has been.”

You try to snatch your hand away, but Mikey isn’t ready to let go, not without a token of affection. 

“Let go.”

He shakes his head. You sigh, burdensomely.

“You know what I ask in return.” He simply instructs. 

You would like to hit him but you are so emotionally and physically exhausted that you are reduced to saying.  

“Could my dear boyfriend let go of my hand?”

The blonde's eyes shine and placing a soft kiss on your knuckles before releasing you, he smiles.  

"Your boyfriend doesn't want to, but he will do it because he loves you." He announces and your nose wrinkles in disgust.  

You shake your head disapprovingly and he nods.  

“We love you.”

Draken adds.

“A lot.”

“You are delusional and confused—” 

"Whatever you feel, my love, we feel all the more," Mikey say slowly and clearly. His thumb reaches your cheek and brushes it, affectional. 

You flush a little in embarrassment, and he smirks, glad that you made his point easier. 

“The implication behind this blush tells me of how you don’t find us inadequate nor disgusting-” 

You seem to regret your involuntary body reactions, But unfortunately this only makes you blush more, much to the delight of both blondes.

“There’s hope,” Draken adds out of the sudden. 

“Yes, there is.” Mikey nods, “…. We only have to work for it.”

You're about to reproach him when his fingers gently fall on your lips, "and we will, gladly."

“You will fail.” You say in an icy tone. 

Both smirk, and Draken is the first to talk. 

“Wanna bet?” 

COMING SOON PART 9....

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[punkpandapatrixk]

✍🏻Destined Person's Words of Love ♦︎ Timeless Pick A Card

‘Let’s face it, no pretty girl in her right mind wants me. She wants Gregory Peck.’

‘Is that so?’

‘Well, isn’t it?’

‘How do you know what a pretty girl wants?’

‘Well, I don’t really know, but I imagine—'

‘You and your imagination. You think every girl’s a dope! You think a girl goes to a party and there’s some guy, a great big lunk in a fancy striped vest, strutting around like a tiger, giving you that I’m-so-handsome-you-can’t-resist-me look. And from this she’s supposed to fall flat on her face.

Well, she doesn’t fall on her face. But there’s another guy in the room, way over in the corner. Maybe he’s kinda nervous and shy, perspiring a little. First you look past him but then you sort of sense, he’s gentle and kind and worried. And he’ll be tender with you. Nice and sweet. That’s what’s really exciting.

If I were your wife, I’d be very jealous of you… I’d be very, very jealous.’

— The Marilyn Monroe in The Seven Year Itch (1955)

SONG: Baby Baby cover by TAEIL & Unforgettable by Nat King Cole

MOVIE: Only Lovers Left Alive (2013) & Whisper of the Heart (1995)

[PAC Masterlist] [Part 1] [Part 2]

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People often can’t see for themselves just how lovely they are in someone else’s eye. Although it is important we don’t depend our entire sense of worth on another person’s acknowledgement or approval, I still think it’s such a sweet thing to be reminded by a wonderful someone that we are inherently wonderful ourselves.

Maybe because society is such a hurtful place to be… people, have a habit of viewing themselves quite harshly; full of judgements and malignant points of view. But if someone lovely views you so dearly, wouldn’t you be a darling and think lovelier thoughts of yourself, too?🥰

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 1 – I’ve Kept My Love Only for You

VIBE: Alone by Jimin & Kako to Genjitsu (The Past and Reality) by BONNIE PINK

you reflected in my Eye – 7 of Pentacles Rx

My Dearest, do you know how many secrets I hide deep within my heart? Secrets not even my close friends would ever figure. I’ve dealt with a lot in this lifetime. This Life, has not been exactly very kind to me. But I am managing, and I often think to myself, which I know must be true, that I’m still going on only because you have been protecting me from somewhere I can’t see. I can feel you, that’s why.

I don’t know what you look like, but I’ve often felt your embrace when life knocks me down—when shit hit like a storm and tried to kill me; I could feel your hands healing me with magic stardust. I always knew it. But I couldn’t put that into words for surely everybody would think me insane. But My Love, I am crazy. Sometimes I can’t breathe—my yearning for you suffocates me with so much pining.

Where are you? Dammit, I’m in pain. I think about you all the time. You’ve given me something precious to live by. I hope I’ve done the same for you, in any way, any small way, even if just a bit. I want to be of some use to you. I want to embrace and protect you like you’ve done for me. When are you coming? I am so sad but nobody will ever know of it because I’m in love with a Ghost.

manifesting you, my Dear – 5 of Cups Rx

There’s a lot about the past I must let go, heal from, and trust me, I’m doing it! I’m at my best healing my soul, my heart, my mind; all so I can be a good person for you. I don’t want to be a shitty person carrying, well, a lot of shit when we meet. I don’t want my toilet baggage of a past to ruin our connection when the time is right for us to meet! I know it’s a lot to say, but I’m crazy about you.

I think about you all the time, hoping you’d feel me constantly the way I’m feeling you. I wonder, am I feeling you so much because… you’re actually thinking of me, too? Dammit! I wish I could know for sure! Tell me, babe! Argh… I’m so curious I could die! Do you miss me? Do you like me? Do you want… to be with me? Do you… feel me?

I haven’t told anybody about you. I’ve never really spoken of you. I dunno… it just feels so preciously secret I feel I shouldn’t be precarious about it lest someone hurts you in the process. It doesn’t make sense, right? But you’re someone I have to protect in secrecy. It’s hard to put into words but your aenergy is so pure, so precious, only for me; I don’t want to spoil it by sharing my knowledge of you with anybody else. I guess I’m obsessed LMAO I’m possessed by you!

i love You – 3 of Swords

Tell me, has the world been unkind to you as well? Sometimes I see you crying in my dreams. And I worry. For a whole day. A whole week. Sometimes it’s impossible to shake off thoughts of you hurting even though I don’t even know where you are. I miss you. I love you, you know? I promise everything will be alright when you’re with me. Come to me already. I’m ready for you. I’m SO ready for you, babe! Jump into my embrace you cutie pie! I’ll hold you for days.

And I haven’t the slightest doubt you’re the most beautiful being to walk on Earth. Yeah, that’s why you’ve dealt with envious bitches, right? I know that. Dunno how I do, but I know that. Though it may sound stoopid, I’m jealous of those who can even meet you in real life. I’m wondering everyday what kind of a wonderful being you are in person. I know you’re a divine healer. Sweet and kind more than appearances could tell.

It’s only because you exist in this world that I’ve been able to live this long. Otherwise, I would’ve died a long, long, long time ago. I’ve kept on living just for you. I wish you’d know that. I’ve kept my Love only for you and no one else. Never anybody else. I’m so grateful for you but I’m so sad. I miss you so badly sometimes I could go crazy. I’m haunted by dreams of you and I can’t even recognise your face. I want to see you.

MY MUSE🔻💚

how Grateful i am – Green Magus (John Dee)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Fertility

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☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 2 – Loving All of You in This Reality

VIBE: I Like Me Better cover by Jaehyun & Neko to Inu (Cat and Dog) by Sakamoto Maaya

you reflected in my Eye – 7 of Wands Rx

Hey bro, you see, the world is full of distractions and my mind races a million lightyears per hour, but I’ve got things to say. So bear with me. Ahem!

You, are God. And I, am not a simp! Listen, hon. I have so much passion for you. Big, big passion; as wide as the seas and high as the skies, and I hope you can understand how much I feel for you. I’m not a poet; though I try to be, but I’m not a book smart kinda person, unfortunately *sigh*

You see, in the past, or should I say up until just recently, I’ve not been the nicest or greatest person you could possibly meet. I was lazy, I wasn’t responsible or realistic at all. I was simply, lost. In many ways, I admit I’ve been a loser of sort. I’ve hated myself quite a lot, if I cared to admit. But you’re like the complete opposite of me. NO wait…

The truth is, I see that you’re a reflection of myself. You are me. But just the good parts. When I look at you, I’m reminded of my own potentials and I really love how you make me feel when I’m with you. I can see myself in a better light when I see myself reflected in your eyes. The way you see and think of me… God, how can a person be so good and still be attracted to me…

manifesting you, my Dear – King of Wands

Therefore, baby, I want you to know that I’m working on myself. Up until now I’ve always thought of myself as someone who has not much else but passion! But that has made me a rather chaotic clown. The truth is, I didn’t really know what to do with my own passion, my own Life. What kinds of things were possible for me to manifest? What kinds of things would be good to even manifest? I was lost, lost, lost.

But goddamn, you appeared out of nowhere, like godsend, and bam! Wham! I was changed. Now I have bigger, nobler dreams because you’re in the picture! All that I want, I want you to be part of it. I want you. A Life with you. I’ll build a kingdom for the two of us. Nothing in this world would mean something if you’re not with me. Would you marry me? Ah… sorry, that jumped out on its own.

Heheh my mind jumps from one thing to another sometimes I surprise myself. I hope you don’t mind me being this chaotic—I’ve still got room to grow! I’m still growing up and I want to become closer to something as talented as you, sincerely. You are my role model, don’t you know that? You may think it sounds weird but I’m not embarrassed to say that!

i love You – 5 of Wands Rx

I’m afraid of competition. That’s all my Life has been. If I’m honest, I’m torn between my confidence in winning you and my occasional sense of worthlessness. I’m afraid you’re never going to view me as good enough for someone as good as you. I know you’re my Destined Person! So I know I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts… but I can’t help it somehow.

Maybe the problem is that I want so badly to become like you. To become someone who won’t be embarrassing to you. And that’s a lot of work, okay? Just… seriously, a lot of work on my part. I’m not saying it’s not worth it, I’m just afraid. I’ve been a loser too long. Ah, never mind. I know, I know. I think my mind just needs to grow up a bit more.

The problematic thing is, when I think about you, I go back to my younger self who had more dreams and ambitions and then I become scared again LMAO I’m a mess. I want to create an amazing world for you and me. How can I ever get there? I’m still figuring this out, alright? We’ve got an entire lifetime to see how this goes😊I LOVE YOU!!

MY MUSE🔻❤️

how Grateful i am – Red Historian (John Dee)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Faith

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

Pile 3 – All’s Written in the Stars for You and I

VIBE: Serendipity by Jimin & Paris in the Rain by Lauv

you reflected in my Eye – Knight of Cups

Ever since I was only a kid, I’ve always known there was a special someone who was always close by. I’d look up to the heavens to look for you, My Dearest, the brightest of all the Stars. When I look at the Moon, I feel like drowning in your sweet essence. Your soothing voice, your warm embrace—to me, all of that was real. And I knew I was special, because someone special whom I couldn’t see whispered that to me every day.

Because of you, I was able to grow up believing I was meant for something greater in this lifetime. You were always my motivation. I knew that if I became something great, sooner than later I’d meet you; and I’d be proud of the creature I’d made of myself when I present this humble me before your grace. I want you to look at me with stars in your eyes. Because in my mind, with all of my heart I’ve worshipped you.

At least… I’d like to be someone worthy of you. My Queen, I promise you I will become King and bring Heaven on Earth for all that you love. You are surely the loveliest creature I’ll ever know. Sweet and kind, and brave and strong, you are everything all at once. And my heart longs only for you. There is nothing I wouldn’t do for you. I will make you the happiest person in the whole world.

manifesting you, my Dear – VII The Chariot Rx

The fact that we are alive, at the same time, in this world is miraculous as it is. If only you knew just how strongly the dark forces are trying to break us apart, keep us separate, you’d marvel at the wonder that you’re even reading this from me! From the moment the Universe was created, you and I have always been one and the same. We’re linked just like that. As long as you think of me, I will always be by your side.

I’m also thinking about you all the time. You exist somewhere in this Galaxy; your body is sleeping somewhere on this Earth. Right now, you are but a dream to me. But my dreams have been leading me to you. I… don’t think we need to even work that hard at manifesting each other. It’s all written in the stars for you and I, darling. Though I admit I fall into a slump sometimes…

Manifesting you is probably not the easiest thing because I’m impatient. I try to be. Seriously. But my longing for you kills me sometimes. I want you right by my side, right now. I keep dreaming about the day we rendezvous under the most magical circumstances. I wonder if you’ll recognise me… Because I know I will. I’ve been manifesting you for the longest time.

i love You – 4 of Swords

I love you. In the purest, gentlest manner possible. I want you to relax when you’re with me. I’d like you to let your guards down and be able to breathe in the sweet air. The wind caresses your hair and there I will be watching your beauty finally in form before me. I will be appreciating the fact we occupy the same space and time at all. I will take in this moment as if it were an eternity.

When you’re with me, there is not a worry. I won’t ever make you doubt my intentions. I’m loyal like that. I’m your only other and I’ll kiss you better. Everything that’s ever caused you pain, I’ll eliminate forever. Everything that’s ever caused you tears, I’ll replace with calm and peace. I’m strong, so you can depend on me. I’ll show you a whole new world, okay?

So, don’t be afraid to trust. Don’t hesitate. I know you waver sometimes but I’m here for you. I’m all yours. I’m not at all like those who’ve been stupid enough to disappoint you. I’ll never hurt you. How could I ever? I’d be killed by a cow if I ever did! My gosh, I love you. I love you. I love you so much I could swallow you whole! Please be with me. Trust in me and never look at anybody else. I beg of you?

MY MUSE🔻💙

how Grateful i am – Red Physician (Galen of Pergamon)

I will be with you! – Priestess of Love

Access full reading + cards on Patreon🌸

☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・. ☆♪°・.

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[cyberpunkhwx]

Cold coffee

❥ Paring: CEO! Song Mingi x employee reader

❥Genre: pure SMUT, you can find almost no plot here

❥Warnings: Pet names like darling, sweetheart, reader in implied tiny once,, fingering, slight exhibition dom!Mingi, sub!reader, deep voice Mingi, overstimulation, unprotected sex (don't be silly wrap your willy) sir kink!

❥Word count: 0,9k

❥Requested? Yes

A/n: This is a continuation/ part 2 of Afternoon coffee, I suggest you to read that first for plot!

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you exhale as your breath fogs up the big screen in front of you, handprints left where your attempt at a grip is so harsh.

“Yeah?,” the voice behind you enquires, “Because someone’s gonna find us?"

Now, how Mingi just loves to have you in compromising situations, fear of being caught like this only heating up the arousal bubbling in your lower belly. Right there, in his office. You could've never imagined this be happening to you.

Suppose it be the risk that entices you both.

So here, in the in Mr.Song's office.

“I love the face you make,” he grunts as his hips slam into yours, body almost leeching forward from the force, “So dirty.”

The way Mingi grinds into you as you try to stabilise yourself has your thighs shaking, breath rapid and hoarse as he never gives you a moment to really breathe.

He always has such a focused look on his face, eyes tracing from your own in the screen of his huge desktop on the other side of his desk, to where he watches himself disappear inside you, and he has to bite back a moan in all honesty.

“This hole of yours is so fucking tight he grunts, hips speeding up as he watches your eyes roll back in pleasure.

"Should've said that in your resume, that way you would've evenhave to go through the paper work" He chuckles at his own joke at he readjust his hand placement on yo hip pulling you forward, almost making you fall off of his desk, if it wasn't for his fast reflex to hold your belly.

"Opps, now we don't want our hard working secretory to fall and injure themselves now do we?"

It’s a little, no- very wrong that you’re mixing pleasure and business, but the way that Mingi reduces you to a babbling mess, is just too good to ignore.

“Look at yourself when I’m fucking you,” his hand wraps around your neck, pulling you up enough to force yourself to make direct eye contact in the screen. You could see people walking by the office door from the side of your eyes, making you clench harder on him.

"Fuck" He moaned under his breath, speeding up his hips.

“Can’t you see how good I’m making you feel?"

“Fuck yes sir” You’re being exceptionally loud, Mingi would've have scold you to keep quite but he’s so lost in the moment.

Anyone who’s going to knock on the CEO's office in these next few minutes will have an unfortunate discovery if they follow their intention through.

“Im close sweetheart, gonna cum for me?,” Mingi’s low voice in your ear has you frantically nodding, eyes scrunched shut as you feel the crescendo of pleasure.

It’s almost unbearable as you use the weight of your hands on his desk to fuck yourself back onto his cock, but oh, is it worth it when you throw your head back, convulsing around him and crying out his name.

Your volume never ceases as Mingi grips your neck tighter, release filling you up as he groans just as loud.

“Fucking hell,” he tries to disregard the waver in his voice from having just come.

He pulls out quickly, watching the way his cum slowly begins to leak out,

“Insane,” his fingers poke softly to fuck it back into you.

"Too much, too- sensetive please" you pleaded squirming away from his long slim fingers rubbing against your now over-sensetive walls.

"Shhh, you don't wanna dirty my office now do you? Be a sweet one and keep it in hmm?" He hummed to himself, pressing a hand to your back, holding you on his desk as he kept fingering it back.

"I think now it's deep enough, isn't it?" He rubbed around you hole, still holding you, using you for his own amusement.

You could do nothing but to shake and try to scape his hand still pleasuring you.

"That was a question, darling"

"Y-yes sir"

When he was finally satisfied with your serviced, he helped you move your numb body off of his desk and making you look as presentable as possible before letting you catch your breath, now practically collapsed on his lap.

"Sir! Your coffee got cold" you said still catchingyour breath, panting on his chest. Even thought guilty was telling you to get out of his office asap, unfortunately you were thinking with your pussy, so you nuzzled in your boss's neck and seemed for warmth and comfort.

"I'm glad I didn't fuck you too dumb, baby" He said is a breathy tone, looking down at your tiny now sleeping figure at top of him.

He let out a breath as he let his own eyes rest and leaned back on his chair.

Knock knock knock

"Shit y/n get up get up"

Ateez masterlist

Do NOT copy or translate my work at any platform!

[lucy90712]

Young parents- Marc Guiu

Finding out you are pregnant at 17 and then giving birth at 18 is not exactly the normal life course and it's definitely not how I expected my life to go but that's exactly what happened. My boyfriend Marc and I were always careful and used protection but we were unlucky and somehow I still got pregnant. We had to have a hard discussion on whether we wanted to keep the baby or not as we are still young but in the end we decided to keep the baby as Marc could still play football and I could do school online. Navigating my pregnancy was difficult as we didn't want to tell too many people as I didn't want the judgement from any more people than necessary. Pretty much everything that could be kept secret we kept hidden, we didn't tell people the gender and we didn't tell anyone my due date so that we had a bit more privacy which is what I wanted the most. 

Our beautiful baby boy Benji was born only 3 weeks ago but already Marc went back to training in fact he only got a few days with me before he had to go back leaving me alone with Benji from very early on. To say it's been difficult is an understatement of course newborns need constant attention so I never get chance to sleep as he keeps me up all night and during the day I have work to get on with. For the first few days I was ok and I found a bit of a routine but the last week has been testing, Benji hasn't been sleeping as well and he's been feeding almost constantly which has been really hard. 

I know it's the hormones but since Marc left us this morning at 7am I've been bawling my eyes out. Benji barely slept all night and now I just can't get him to settle even after feeding him, changing him rocking him he's still crying. I'm going insane listening to the sound I hate hearing him cry I feel like I'm failing as a mother because I can't calm him down. After trying pretty much everything I decided that I just need to get out the house even if it's only for about 20 minutes I need some fresh air to reset and hopefully clear my mind and maybe if I'm lucky it will make Benji stop crying. 

Getting him in the stroller was difficult as he didn't stop crying and wriggling but we eventually got out the door and started our slow walk around town. By some miracle Benji stopped crying and started falling asleep in the stroller which made me feel so much better until I noticed that pretty much everyone on the street was staring at me. There was so many eyes on me that I felt the need to put the cover down over Benji so he didn't have so many eyes in him because a 3 week old baby doesn't need that. When the stares didn't stop it was quite clear that people were looking at me and judging me which I already experienced when pregnant but it feels a lot worse right now. 

All I can imagine is that all these people think I'm way too young to be a mum because I am young but I know I look a few years younger than I am. They probably think I'm incapable of taking care of Benji and honestly part of me is inclined to agree I mean all morning he's been crying and I've been crying as I don't know what I'm doing. The longer I kept walking the more I felt judged I even saw people whispering to each other after looking at me and I've never felt so self conscious than I did in that moment. It got to a point that I was feeling worse outside of the house than I was inside so I decided to make my way back home so I can cry in the comfort of my own space. At a crossing I felt this older woman burning holes into the back of my head until she came and stood next to me and I could feel the judgement before she even managed to express her opinion. 

"Aren't you too young to be a parent kids these days are so irresponsible all having babies before they are ready and they can't even look after them properly there is just no hope for the future if kids like you keep having babies" she ranted at me 

"I imagine your so called boyfriend left you to take care of the baby too god you are all the same" she continued 

That was the last straw for me I wasn't about to fight back because I don't have the energy and I'm simply not that type of person instead I just walked away to find a new way home. I've never walked so fast in my life as I just wanted to get home because as soon as I did the tears were back and I just sat on the floor. Looking at the stroller I couldn't help but think that maybe I'm setting my son up for failure I'm not prepared enough to be the best parent for him and Marc can't be around all the time so maybe he would be better off with someone else looking after him. 

While sitting on the floor the front door opened and Marc came in, with everything that's happened today I lost track of time so I didn't realise Marc would be home so soon. I scrambled to wipe the tears from my face and get Benji out of his stroller so Marc didn't think I was neglecting our child. Before I could do that Marc grabbed Benji and held him in one arm before brining me to his chest with the other. He somehow managed to soothe both of us he helped calm me down and got Benji back to sleep. If I didn't feel like a bad mother before I definitely did after that it's been 3 weeks and my son already hates me. 

Marc put the baby in his little crib that we have for him in the living room before coming to sit on the sofa where he instructed me to sit so he could go back to cuddling me. His hand ran through my hair getting all of the knots out before putting it up with the hairband I keep on my wrist at all times. For a little while I felt we were back to how we were before the baby but then I heard Benji make some of the little sniffling noises he makes when asleep and I was brought back to reality. 

"Whats wrong love what's happened to make you so upset?" Marc asked 

"I've just had a bad day Benji didn't sleep last night as you know and he was crying all morning and I just couldn't get him to settle so I decided to get out for a walk to see if some fresh air would help us both but everyone stared at me and someone berated me at a crossing for being too young and not being able to raise him properly" I rambled 

"Oh cariño you should've text me I could've come home earlier to help out you don't have to do this alone I'm here to help you and for the record that person was wrong we might be young but you are the best mum if you weren't you wouldn't be so upset right now" Marc said 

"I just can't deal with the judgement I want to go outside and not have to deal with everyone looking at me assuming things I already feel like a bad mum I don't need strangers telling me that too" I chocked out 

"It's horrible I know but you need to ignore them which I realise is hard but those people don't know you like I do and they don't see how hard you are trying to be the best mum possible because if they did they wouldn't judge you" he comforted 

"How about you come to my training sessions with me it means you get out the house I can help you out a bit more and no one there will judge you what do you think?" He asked 

"I actually like that idea it will be nice to leave the house and see all the guys" I said 

~~~~~~~~~~

Marc woke me up gently this morning so that I could get up and join him at training he even got Benji out of his crib and got him ready for the day so I could shower alone which is a luxury these days. Having a few minutes to myself was so nice but it really was just a few minutes because once I was dressed and had brushed my hair I went downstairs and had to feed Benji because Marc can't do that. While I sat with Benji Marc made breakfast us both and he made sure I had a balanced breakfast which I definitely haven't had since Benji arrived as I usually just grab whatever I can if I even have breakfast. I even got to take my vitamins which have been neglected recently but if I can actually take them I might feel a little less dead each day. 

So far this new routine is so much better I'm not as stressed and there hasn't been any tears from me or the baby which is a significant improvement. Marc even put the baby in the car and still managed to open the passenger door for me like the gentleman he always is. He drove the back way to the training ground so that we could avoid the streets where fans would be stood wanting signatures or pictures. We decided that we didn't want to show Benji on social media more than just his little hand to announce his birth so avoiding fans who could take pictures of him is what we want. Luckily we completely avoided all that and arrived at the training centre with no issues and even a bit earlier than Marc would usually arrive as he didn't have to stop for ages.

We slowly made our way into the training centre because I'm still recovering so can't walk as quickly as I did before. Walking slower also meant we had more time to talk about what it will be like when the whole team meet Benji, Marc told me that he's talked about Benji non stop and the boys are excited to meet him but they know they have to be careful as he's still small which made me feel a lot better. On our way to the locker room we saw lots of staff who all congratulated us and others asked how we were doing. That's something I love about this club everyone gets along and cares about each other every time I came to training with Marc while pregnant someone checked on me and asked if I needed anything plus all the boys were so lovely. 

Marc left me with the baby as he went into the locker room to make sure everyone was decent before opening the door to allow me inside. It was so quiet when I walked in which is very unusual but it was because they were all so excited to meet Benji but didn't want to wake him up. I put the car seat down and gently took Benji out and gave him to Marc who went straight to Hector because he's the person who Marc has confided in the most throughout everything. Watching how Hector and all the others interacted with Benji nearly made me cry, no one else has met Benji until now and I was worried about how it would go but clearly everyone loves him.  With my permission Marc let the guys hold him and when he did he came back to my side and wrapped an arm around my waist and pressed a kiss on my temple. 

"Isn't this so much better" he said 

"It really is everyone here is so nice and supportive and I get to see something other than the four walls of our house" I said 

"I'm glad you are happier you can come with me everyday if you want or just a few times a week it's up to you but everyone here will be happy to see you and they won't judge at all" he said 

[littlewrensx]

@spiritusmuses you don't even have to respond to this but I wanted to write Wren and Tanya making up. Or we can write the baby shower off of this.

Wren glanced over at Tanya as they frosted cupcakes together for the party. She’d been wanting to bring something up all day but couldn’t quite find the right words. Guilt had been nagging at her, knowing they hadn’t talked much about the baby, and Archer’s visit to speak with her and Calvin only made it worse. Thinking back to her own last pregnancy, she couldn't imagine surviving the kind of experience Tanya had been through.

“How’s the baby?” Wren finally asked Tanya, breaking what felt like an eternity of silence. Tanya shrugged, keeping her focus on the cupcake. “He’s fine,” she replied simply. Wren let out a soft sigh and set her cupcake down. “Tan…” she said gently, drawing Tanya’s attention. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry that we haven’t been on good terms since Archer’s overdose. Calvin and I took sides when we shouldn’t have, and we both feel terrible. We’re not mad at you. I just wish I’d been a better friend—you deserved better.” Her apology hung in the air, and Tanya gave her a small smile, eyes welling up with tears.

“It’s been so hard,” Tanya admitted, her voice trembling. “I feel like I’ve been so alone in all of this. Archer and I talk about it now, but it’s still not the same.” She swallowed, her emotions spilling over. “I know I messed up, and I probably don’t deserve anything, but I just wish I could have celebrated this last pregnancy. No one wants to talk about it with me. Archer’s mom won’t even speak to me. She blames me for her son almost dying, and she’s right—it is my fault. But she’s the only mom I have left, and she won’t even answer my texts.” The words kept flowing, as if a dam had broken. “And I don’t even know where we’re going to put the baby. I want to move because I still can’t use our bathroom without wincing, but buying a house right now would be insane. I have all these dreams of a nursery for him, and I can’t make any of them happen. I don’t even have his name picked out. I want to name him Everett, but I don’t think Archer would like that name.” Tanya’s voice cracked. “I’m freaking out. Every time I try talking to my husband, he just says we’ll figure it out, but we don’t have time.” Her hand drifted to her belly, her anxiety palpable as she neared her last trimester.

Wren felt a deep sadness hearing how much Tanya had been struggling and regretted not being there for her sooner. But she was grateful Tanya had finally opened up. “Okay, let’s break this down,” Wren said gently. “First, Archer’s mom will come around. She’s going to want to see her new grandbaby. And you guys had Izzy in your room when she was first born, right? You can do that again, and it’ll buy you a couple of months.” She offered a small smile, hoping to reassure Tanya. “And Archer? He’s thrilled to have a son. Don’t keep things to yourself anymore. You don’t need his permission to talk about the baby—he’s just as much yours as he is his. Celebrate this last trimester, talk about your baby as much as you want.” Wren’s eyes softened. “I love you, Tanya. We all do. You’re not alone in this, and we’d never let you be.” She hid the knowledge of the surprise baby shower they were planning, hoping it would make Tanya feel even more supported.

[sweet-evie]

IMAGINE Satoru and Suguru as fucking YouTubers, circa 2014-2018.

Ohmygod they would be SO entertaining, I swear. This AU lives in my head rent-free at the moment, so let me word-vomit about it.

It all started with Satoru... Things like this, of course it starts with Satoru.

Satoru gives me storytime YouTuber vibes. His channel started out that way. It's just him talking about how crazy his life is. But after he amassed a following, around 100K, he eventually became a variety sort of YouTuber.

Satoru does a LOT. His channel is INSANE. From food challenges, to trying weird food on camera, to going to haunted locations, to putting weird stuff in the microwave to see what will happen (his house is permanently in danger), to failed cooking videos, right down to trying random products he finds in online stores.

Trust me, it doesn't take him long to get to 10 Million subscribers. Probably 10 months or less. That face card ain't declining and he's always going to pull people left and right.

In the beginning, a lot of Satoru's traffic came from Instagram. It's just him looking so aesthetically pleasing, he's irresistible. His Twitter is a mess. Twitter is where he shitposts, and people know better than to take him seriously on Twitter. His Snapchat... Good lord, help the poor soul who's following him on there. It's random shenanigans that would have you questioning if Gojo is okay.

For the first two years of his YouTube career, Satoru has been doing this YouTuber thing solo.

And then his best friend, Suguru Geto, made his debut on his channel and it's OVER.

His fans fell in love with Suguru. Of course, they would. Tell me you wouldn't love him? (in an AU where Suguru is innocent and has never attempted to commit crimes against humanity).

Also, Suguru is deadass charming when he wants to be.

Satoru and Suguru = iconic comedic duo.

Satoru's views and engagement skyrocketed from the moment Suguru was introduced to his YT audience.

At first, Suguru kept all his social media accounts private, and Satoru was always careful and mindful about what appeared on camera.

Eventually, Satoru influenced Suguru to start his own YT channel.

Suguru Geto strikes me as the type who would have a niche YT channel. Like, he targets a specific audience. The opposite of Gojo's chaotic variety channel.

I kind of find it hard to pin down what sort of content Suguru would upload, but I'm leaning toward day-in-the-life vlogs, fitness, travel vlogs, and commentaries.

If you want serious, educational, aesthetic, and calm content, head over to Suguru's channel.

If you want unhinged shenanigans and pure chaos, Satoru Gojo is your guy.

Satoru promoting Suguru's channel after a failed cooking video be, like:

=OoOoO= =OoOoO= =OoOoO= =OoOoO=

"Well, it's whatever!" Satoru laughed, side-eyeing the messy slop on the countertop that he'd had the audacity to call a donut cake before the entire video devolved into him and Suguru flinging globs of cream cheese and chocolate frosting at each other across the kitchen.

"Who is going to finish all this?" Suguru lamented, eyes narrowing at the pile of food on Satoru's marble counters.

"What are you talking about? We're eating that!"

"Oh fuck no!"

"Yes!"

"No, Satoru."

"Yeeeesss!" Satoru cackled and flung an arm around Suguru's shoulders, bringing his friend into the frame for the special announcement he'd teased at the beginning of this video. "Now come here, it's time to tell them our surprise."

"Our surprise?"

Satoru laughed. "Well, your surprise, but you did this thanks to me~ You're welcome, by the way."

Releasing a deep sigh at the sound of Satoru crooning into his ear, Suguru shook his head. Satoru was more excited about the announcement than Suguru himself would ever be.

"Are you telling them?" Satoru asked, blinking at Suguru over the rims of his dark Versace sunglasses.

"Nah, you do it."

"Everyone, Suguru finally has a YouTube channel!" Satoru announced gleefully, the widest grin splitting his face as he wrestled Suguru into a headlock. A headlock that the latter had no problem prying himself away from. "After a whole year trying to convince his stubborn ass! And the first video is already up right?"

"Two videos, but yeah, they should go check it out if they want." Suguru nodded, flashing an easy smile at the camera, and towards millions of Satoru's lovestruck fans.

"Two! He's fast! Go check it out, guys. Suguru's channel is in the description below. It's the first one there. If you guys need something to help you relax or--"

"--To cleanse your palette after this madness."

"Hey! Rude! They love my cake videos!"

"That's not cake, Satoru."

Neither of them acknowledged the sloppy pile of donuts coated in multi-colored frosting, teetering on the brink of collapse in the background.

"But yeah! Suguru's channel is up right now. First two videos, go check it out! Subscribe, show him some love, give it a like. We had fun hangin' with you, we hope you had fun hangin' with us. And I'll see you guys tomorrow!"

=OoOoO= =OoOoO= =OoOoO= =OoOoO=

UGH! THEY'RE SO CUTE!

[tornrose24]

Rewatching ‘the many lives of Scratch’ TGAMM is…. Ah, quite an experience after the series finale and knowing what I know.

-first off, there’s the whole ‘I don’t remember my death day, but I’d rather forget this moment’ line is…. Uh… well… Ouch. 

-Also the irony of Scratch never remembering his death day because he never really had one.

-And apparently his reaction to hearing about Geoff’s death day involved hiding in the doll house and shut himself off from the others…. which parallels how he reacted to certain things as a human.

-side note: I love how Dana delivers Scratch’s ‘Oh…. No,’ line when he first sees the death day party everyone throws him.

-When the McGees and friends sing that one song, there’s a line where they want to know how Scratch left his body and became a ghost. And I’m all ‘Oh… yeah… that’s actually true. But it’s not a happy tale.’

-Just the fact that everyone’s guesses were so wildly incorrect. I’m sure we all had our theories and guesses and yet the truth ended up being so average sounding (as well as sad).

-Geoff’s story kind of hurts now. Though I like that he also imagines Libby to be the president and Darryl is her body guard.

-As Libby told her story, I’m thinking ‘why does the cow remind me of Todd? It almost has the same hair and eyes.’ Also I think it’s sweet that she imagines Molly being like a little sister to Scratch, though I bet that detail would have been altered if she knew how old Scratch actually was.

-Also, I can’t get over the fact that Libby had Scratch AND Molly both die in her story. It’s a bit morbid, but I’m guessing she couldn’t imagine them being separated. That or she wanted to create an insane ending. 

-I liked that Libby imagined Scratch to be someone who’d be willing to be brave enough to take on danger for someone close to him, which is what he is now… but actually wasn’t when he was human.

-Scratch kept insisting on having an appealing body type in the stories. The poor guy has no clue what he looked like as a human and is desperate for a more idealized version of himself. And yet the truth is… his real appearance isn’t that bad looking, and it actually IS a perfect match to what his personality is like, but it’s not one he’d be thrilled about going back to, even without the memories of what happened. (And this fuels a belief of mine that Scratch was more than likely insecure about his appearance before he lost his soul.) 

-Scratch complaining about nobody making him human is now an interesting line. I think none of them ever imagined it because they are so used to Scratch looking like a ghost. Molly was the only one who had a hint of what he looked like as a child and yet… when she makes her guess, we don’t see her imagining anything. Was it because what she imagined would be too accurate/close to the truth since she knows Scratch so well?

And it’s also ironic because by that point he and Molly have actually seen his true appearance and didn’t even realize it at the time. And then coincidentally come the very next episode, we actually see his human form once more in two specific moments. One of which draws specific attention to him. As if to remind us about someone….

[kinuhanino]

The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives is Lena Sabrewing's song.

A Lyric by Lyric breakdown ✨✨

Because each verse fits Lena so well it's actually so insane

Like... this song fits her backstory to a T. I'm half convinced she wrote it herself.

also note! I imagine the song being sung by Lena. As in, This is Lena talking to Magica, or telling Magica these things she feels.

another note: this is solely my interpretation of Lena's backstory and how it could fit in the song! any other interpretations are valid but this is my personal take on it.

So without further adieu, here it is!

The Moon Will Sing by The Crane Wives

Tell me once again I could have been anyone, anyone else Before you made the choice for me

Born from the shadows, Lena could've literally been anyone. She could've been just a homeless kid roaming around the streets. She could've been adopted by a family. She could've made friends. Could've started a band. Be a musician. An Artist. She could've stayed in Italy. Be among the people there. Have a life of her own.

But no, she couldn't. Didn't.

Because she was the shadow of Magica De Spell. A mere puppet used for trickery and deception. And the key to setting her former caster free.

My feet knew the path We walked in the dark, in the dark I never gave a single thought to where it might lead

Lena was made on Mount Vesuvius, which is in Italy. She had to - practically on her own - ('cuz i doubt that Magica was helpful) go from Italy to the US to get to Duckburg, whilst being a newly made living person from the shadows, most likely not having a single clue on how to be a person.

She was probably so confused at first. I feel like Magica immediately ordered her to do something complicated and yelled at her for not understanding what to do.

For the first few years, she probably just blindly followed Magica's instructions. She followed the path Magica paved and led her to, and it was littered with shadows and darkness.

All those empty rooms We could have been anywhere, anywhere else Instead, I made a bed with apathy

Eventually, Lena probably learnt about Magica's nature and the morality of it. She probably saw how other people treated each other, or maybe she was able to watch a TV show that showed her what a good and honest person would act.

Eventually, however, she would have to arrive at Duckburg and follow through with the plan her master made for her. She'd be at the place where the main plan were to commence, and she'd have to put her morals aside for just a little more to finally be free.

My heart knew the weight Ten years worth of dust and neglect We made our peace with weariness and let it be

*15 years of dust and neglect.

Lena wasn't cared for in the slightest. It's really evident given how Magica treated her throughout the series. Magica only wanted her powers back, and Lena was the means to get it.

She didn't care about where and how Lena was supposed to live in this world. She didn't even consider her alive.

And Lena knew this, so she just chose to live through the bare minimum. There wasn't any point in her making any friends since she was just a tool. There was no point for her to get attached to anything because she wasn't staying anywhere for long.

And eventually, Lena probably got bored of "living". She grew to care less about everything and everyone around her. Her life was just a means to an end. She didn't and couldn't experience what it felt like to be alive because there always was a shadow lingering behind her, telling her that she was wasting her time on something useless.

Name your courage now We could have had anything, anything else Instead, you hoarded all that's left of me

*insert scenepack of Magica possessing Lena's body*

need I say more?

Swallowin' your doubt Like swords to the pit of my belly I want to feel the fire that you kept from me

She wants to feel love. She wants to feel warmth. She wants to feel the embrace of someone who actually cares about her. She craves it. The love, the lessons, the concern, all of it. She wants it, no, needs it at this point. She'd been deprived of it for so long, it's like breathing air for the first time after being submereged in the water.

And that family, the McDuck family, they gave it around like it was free candy. Sure, she had to earn some of it from Mrs. Beakley, but when she did, the love, concern and the protectiveness was offered to her, not only tenfold, but with no strings attached.

She's never experienced anything like it before. The feeling of security, the love that wrapped around her like a warm blanket. For once in her life, she finally felt safe. And now that the had a taste of it, she can never let go.

The moon will sing a song for me I loved you like the sun

At the end of the day however, looking back, she loved her aunt. Despite all of the torment, abuse, and neglect, during that period of her life, she loved her. It was wishful thinking on her part, but she truly deeply wanted Magica's love, approval, and care.

She loved her. She was her creator. She was there when she was made. And although it was probably grudingly, Magica most likely was the person who taught her the basics of life, or atleast, to blend in with the people.

Bore the shadows that you made With no light of my own

Lena is a shadow, case in point.

Additionally, Lena didn't have a life besides being Magica's sentient shadow. She didn't have a life of her own without her. She was just a slave to her master.

I shine only with the light you gave me I shine only with the light you gave me

She was only as alive as Magica wished her to be (atleast in her perpective). To her, she wouldn't be alive until she truly had her freedom.

And that was the driving force for Lena to go along with Magica's plan. She didn't want to do it (especially after meeting the McDuck family) but she had to. She never had a choice. The only choices she was able to make were in the guise of furthering Magica's ploy for revenge.

So, she shined (had freedom) only with the light (permission) she (Magica) gave her.

And she shined (lived) only with the light (magic) she (Magica) gave her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Thank You for Listening to my TedTalk!

u wanted to read it so here's a tag! @threeaxolotlsinatrenchcoat

[whatdoidosatoru]

Check Yes Juliet

PART 2 of The Only Exception

This is part 2 of the previous work named First Date (the real ones will find the pattern) so technically that was CH1 :)

All the tags from that are valid for this part as well, Yuna is my OC that's barely described so feel free to imagine her however you'd like

part 1 - part 3 - part 4 - ao3

pairing: Keisuke Baji x OC (reader)

wc: 4.7k ishtags: smut, fluff, oral sex, vaginal sex, praise, fingering, baji is a simp, cum eating (kind of), they are very horny for each other, unprotected sex (they've taken some precautions okay I don't normally condone not wrapping it up)

Songs referenced or listened to while writing this chapter:

Empty With You - The Used

Crushcrushcrush - Paramore

I Don’t Wanna Be In Love - Good Charlotte

Be My Escape - Reliant K

Check Yes Juliet - We The Kings

Brick By Boring Brick - Paramore

Backseat Serenade - All Time Low

MDNI!!!!! 18+ only!

“Honey, what I’m hearing is that you had a romantic and passionate night with this man and you didn’t even get his last name?” Mai was shaking her head at me after hearing a rough report of my shenanigans with Keisuke last night. I stared ahead and kept picturing his soft, blissful expression lying on my bed, trapped by my thighs, me sitting on his cock, his hair pooling over my pillows that still held his scent and mine mixed together.

Why can’t I stop thinking about him?  

Mai stood up and walked to the side of the bed, noting my ripped-up panties on the floor, her eyebrow raised,

“And when did this happen?” I put the cup of coffee still steaming on the nightstand, catching a glimpse of the photo I had taken of him post-orgasm. She noticed it as well, picking it up to inspect it.

“He wanted me to keep the fishnets on so he ripped these off before going down on me.” Leaning back on the headboard, I took a moment to assess how sore my limbs felt, my insides still felt raw and aching. I lifted my hand to touch my neck where he scraped my skin with his teeth and left little bruises, that was going to need covering up before work. 

She wasn’t wrong, but at the same time she was.

She smirked at me, waving the photo around, “I didn’t realise you were so down bad for this guy, why would you take a photo of him lying, what I’m assuming is naked, on your bed?”

She brought it closer to my face, “This guy pushed you into the wall, but all you talk about is how he was gentle with you? What am I missing?”

I completely forgave him for that shove in the hallway of the club, he seemed genuinely sorry and like a completely different person than I had assumed he would be. No matter how insanely hot he was, he was also kind. And very giving. I smiled to myself, this morning I had the most satisfying gentle sex I’d ever had. None of my boyfriends had ever been that good. And he hadn’t complained about putting a condom on, which shouldn’t ever be as commendable as it was.

Mai reached to have a look at my bruised neck and collarbone, visibly annoyed, “We need to tone this down before work. Come on, I’ll make breakfast and try to cover up your nasty hickeys.” I could just drag myself after her into the kitchen.

How was she so chirpy and energetic? She stayed up until at least 5:30 in the morning, and the party was on until 5. 

“Mai, did you sleep at all last night?”

“Sleep is for the weak. I’m so beyond tired that a whole new wave of energy has taken over. I may drop halfway through the shift though so you need to step up for me, okay?”

“Of course, I’m taking over the schedule duty as well.”

We worked at a cinema not too far from our apartment and, although Mai normally handled the theatre schedule, I had to make sure she could at least get some easier jobs, considering she helped me get my sexual frustrations out last night and therefore sacrificed her sleep. 

Half an hour later, with my neck covered in four layers of concealer and colour corrector, we made our way to our work, completely unprepared to handle groups of screaming children and their disinterested parents. 

“You smell different, is that some new perfume?” She broke through my thoughts.

“I think it might be his scent, I assume that’s his shampoo because his hair smelled so divine.”

“Damn, Kakashi really is That Guy , isn’t he?”

With a playful shove, she started towards the only store room that had chairs for us to sit on, and I took a pen to try and figure out how to tackle today. 

“It’s Keisuke.”

“Whatever.”

~

Saturday nights were for the girls. After work and a shower, Hana and her girlfriend showed up at our apartment for a weekly pizza night. By the time it was my turn to catch them up on your week, everyone had already had their turn and normally my updates had always consisted of a very short summary of where I was with my research papers, how much I hated my Contemporary English professor, and what songs I was hyper fixating on. This time all I wanted to talk about was Keisuke. I had never got so hung up on real people, so this was a very interesting topic to all of them. 

“So as all of you may know, I brought a guy home last night,” I picked up another slice of pizza, “and now he’s basically all I can think about, it pains me to confess, but I sniffed the pillow he slept on several times today.” 

“Simp!” Asami fake-coughed into her hand, giving me a devilish grin to which I responded with a stuck-out tongue.

“I didn’t even get much of a look at him when he pushed me into a wall last night, but then I completely embarrassed myself in front of him and realised he’s actually so gorgeous and hot I wouldn’t have minded if he was some sort of serial killer as long as he put his hands on me.”

Mai pretended to vomit at that, Hana and Asami just chuckled at my dramatics. 

“Listen, I’m not one to obsess over guys this much, but something about him really drew me in and I was so stupid that I didn’t ask for his last name. Or his number!” I dropped my head into my hands and groaned, “Why didn’t I get his fucking number?”

Hana piped up, “Didn’t you say he worked at Pet Zone? You can always go find him there and ask him.”

“Don’t you think that might come off as a bit creepy,” Asami asked, “I mean if the roles were reversed, I’d definitely think it was some creepy guy who didn’t understand the concept of a one-night stand.”

“Asami, you think every guy is creepy and should be avoided at all costs,” quipped Mai.

Asami just shrugged and took a sip of her drink.

Hana reached out to get her glass, “By what you told us happened, he seemed to be really into you and maybe didn’t think you would want to continue seeing him. Just a thought, though.”

I was becoming more and more hopeful, “What if I just interpreted it wrong, though? What if I’m misremembering it because that was how I wanted things to happen?”

“I can always come with you to the shop and get some stuff for Kisu.” Hana and Asami had adopted a beautiful orange cat that was a menace to society, but I loved her so much that I regularly bought her Dreamies.

“You don’t think it would be painfully obvious? I don’t even know when his shifts are, he’s got university as well as work.” I felt myself whine a bit too much now.

Mai decided to finish this conversation by calming me down with a big hug and some reassurance.

“Babe, if Keito’s not there we’ll come again and again until we find him and you ask him out. If it takes us a month, then so be it, but you’re overthinking this. The way he kissed you on his way out didn’t look like he didn’t want to see you again.”

“Thank you, love. And his name is Keisuke.”

“I don’t think it is,” she winked at me. 

“I know what I screamed last night, my darling, and it’s definitely Keisuke.”

“I feel like it’s becoming a bit and I don’t want to stop it, so deal with it.” Mai ruffled my hair and went back to her glass of wine.

After a couple of hours, all of us went to bed, Mai had given Asami and Hana her own room so she shared with me. I lay my head on Keisuke’s…I mean, my pillow that Keisuke slept on and inhaled deeply. The scent was fading, I really needed to find him again.

Mai was deeply snoring while I lay with my eyes half-closed playing with his hair tie on my wrist. 

The next day Asami made her way to visit her parents, slightly regretting not going with us to the city centre. Mai, Hana, and I, as per usual, spent way too much time in the bookstore, gently caressing the spines of our favourite books, laughing at ridiculous covers, and making highly ambitious reading lists that we were never going to follow. The trip was a success as I managed to walk out with only two new books and three complimentary bookmarks.

Now, with a significantly lighter step, we went into a few clothes shops and there I realised I needed to get more underwear. Mentally cursing Keisuke for ripping the most comfortable pair, I picked out two new comfy pairs of panties and one lacy pair that I didn’t even know the occasion for. It just called to me, black lace with a red bow on the back seemed right up my alley. 

With a sigh, we went on to our final stop of the day, Pet Zone. This was it, all my hopes and dreams were riding on the good outcome of this situation. A gentle pat on the shoulder from Hana made me snap out of it, I patted my face to sober myself up and stepped inside.

~

The best thing about any pet shop is the fact that owners come in with their dogs and let them roam around the shop, so when I walked in and got greeted by three dogs at the same time, the only worry that was left on my mind was making sure I gave each of them an equal amount of attention.

Hana and Mai went to the cat aisle to browse while I was left barely five steps into the store, wishing I had three hands to give all of these good dogs love at the same time. 

“Uhm, hey there,” a muffled voice reached me. I looked up to see a slightly winded Keisuke with a hand over his mouth, trying to finish chewing his food.

“Hey, take your time, man” I tried to sound like this interaction hadn’t been on my mind for a whole day. 

“Sorry,” he swallowed, “I saw you on the security camera and ran back in before properly finishing my lunch.”

Was this guy for real? He cut his lunch break short because I walked into the shop? Was I hearing this correctly?

“Oh you really didn’t have to do that,” why did I sound so shy? This man had been inside of me two nights ago and now I was shy ?

“I was worried I’d miss you, what brings you here?” He still sounded a bit winded.

“Hana needs some stuff for her cat and we were out with her shopping so we just stopped by,” I motioned toward where Hana and Mai were playing with cat toys.

“Got anything interesting?” He pointed at my bookstore haul.

“Just some books I’m probably never going to get around to reading, but I needed a dopamine hit after feeling so down,” crap, that sounded a bit too desperate.

“What happened?” 

Sigh , “Well I thought you might not want to see me again…after that night.”

“W-What? I thought you didn’t want to see me anymore and that was why you didn’t ask for my phone number!” He started getting flustered.

“I thought you didn’t ask for my number because you weren’t interested,” I confessed, “are you telling me this all could’ve been avoided had both of us stopped overthinking for a damn minute?”

He started laughing, causing me to join him, oh my days he was so beautiful.

“I was rushing so much I didn’t grab my phone,” he passed me a piece of paper with the shop logo and address, and a pen to write my number down. I finished the note with a little black heart and gave it back to him, his face visibly more relaxed now. 

“And just so you know, you owe me a new pair of underwear,” I said in a lower tone, “don’t think I forgot.”

“I don’t think I can forget anything from that night,” he picked up my hand and played with his hair tie that was still on my wrist. I blushed and started to take it off to give it back to him, but he pushed it back on.

“Keep it. I took something of yours as well,” he lowered his head to my cheek and placed a gentle kiss. I tried to mentally remember if I noticed anything missing yesterday, but to no avail. I looked at him with a question, but he just grinned back at me.

“You’ll see, I guess you’re gonna have to meet me again to get it back, that is, if I feel generous.” 

With that, he walked back to finish his break, and I was left to locate my friends and report on the situation.

“What a weirdo, what did he take? Probably your underwear or something creepy.” Hana scrunched up her nose in distaste.

“I don’t think so, I’d notice if any were missing because I had to get new ones already. Also, I don’t think he had the time to do that, since if he wasn’t inside of me, he was next to me.”

Mai patted me on the shoulder with pride. “See, I told you it would work out, and you got yourself all worked up about him.”

“I mean, he is pretty, in a girlish kind of way,” Hana said, looking back at the store.

“I need him in my bed again.” I felt my insides twirling, longing to be full of him again.

“Damn, I don’t remember you being this horny with any of your exes.” Mai playfully pushed me forward.

“What can I say, six orgasms in a night can do that to a girl.”

“Rookie numbers,” Hana scoffed, making Mai and me laugh a bit too loud.

~

By the time Mai and I got home and unloaded everything we bought, I’d gotten a message from an unknown number that just said “What’s your favourite colour?”

Yuna, 14:12

?

xxxxxxxxxxx, 14:13

So I know what colour heart to put next to your name in my contacts c;

Yuna, 14:13

Keisuke?

xxxxxxxxxxx, 14:13

Well I hope you don’t have someone else that would ask you these things haha c:

Yuna, 14:14

oh thank the stars, you never know what weirdos there are out there. gotta be careful.

and i’m good with blue or black

Keisuke, 14:14

Got it ;) 

Yuna🖤💙, 14:15

what do you want me to put you as?

I broke out in laughter and Mai came into my room to check what was going on. I just shook my head and showed her the screen. 

Keisuke, 14:15

His Majesty Keisuke, King of My Vagina and Bringer of Infinite Pleasure 

“Kids…” she walked away with a smirk against her will.

Yuna🖤💙, 14:16

i’m leaning towards KeiSUCKe

Keisuke, 14:16

That’s what you’ll be doing later…

Yuna🖤💙, 14:16

later? 

are we doing something i’m not aware of?

Keisuke, 14:17

Can I come over tonight?

Yuna🖤💙, 14:17

any specific plans or just hanging out?

Keisuke, 14:17

Wherever the night takes us c:

Check yes, Yuna, are you with me?

Rain is falling down on the sidewalk

I won’t go until you come outside 

Yuna🖤💙, 14:18

serenading me with We The Kings? a man after my own heart <3

Keisuke, 14:18

Is that a yes?

Yuna🖤💙, 14:19

when can i expect you here?

Keisuke, 14:19

SHE SAID YES!!

Uhhh I mean, I’ll be there around 8, if that’s okay with you? c:

Yuna🖤💙, 14:20

hahaha of course. are you eating anything beforehand? we’re making pancakes..

Keisuke, 14:20

I’m having dinner with my brother after work, but thank you for asking c: 

I won’t complain if you save me one to try.

I sent him the address just in case he couldn’t remember where the building is and practically skipped out of the room. Mai was in the kitchen, enjoying a cup of tea, and waved me over to join her at our dining table. 

Yuna🖤💙, 14:21

See you then :)

“Based on your red cheeks and the smile that’s not coming off I’m going to guess the first text conversation went well?”

“He’s coming over tonight. At 8. I need to shower. I need to clean my room.”

“Oh good heavens, please tell me you’ll be in your room and not venture out into the bathroom again,” she rolled her eyes.

“We’ll try to behave. Maybe we won’t even have sex tonight, we’ll watch a film, talk for a bit…”

“...feed him your vagina and feast on his dick, yeah, yeah, I get it.”

“Seriously, Mai, this man is making me feel tingly just thinking about seeing him again, but I may actually want something more with him.”

Mai’s expression switched into concern. I knew she wanted what was best for me and to protect me from my own stupid mistakes, but I doubt anyone could have a chance with Keisuke and not jump on it.

“Just don’t obsess over him to the point where you can’t see the real world anymore. That’s all. I get it, he’s hot, but you deserve a 10/10 personality, and not just a 10/10 appearance.”

I kissed her cheek and headed for the bathroom to take a shower and get my shit together.

I changed my outfit for the third time when the doorbell rang. Mai got up from the couch to open and I walked out into the hallway just as Keisuke walked in.

“Hey Kento,” Mai greeted as he simply smirked at her.

“Hello Mina.” His eyes found me and, having taken his shoes off, he joined me in my bedroom.

Just as the door was shutting Mai got her last remark in, “No screaming!”

Keisuke chuckled and turned to me, looking me up and down.

“I didn’t think I’d get to see you again, how are you?” 

After breaking the kiss for a breathing break he lay back onto the pillow he slept on the other night and looked at me with amusement on his face. I got closer to him, unsure of what exactly to do.

I sat him down and joined him on the bed,

“I haven’t been able to get this stupid smile off my face ever since I walked out of your shop.” He caressed my cheek and I felt myself leaning into his touch when he pulled me closer to him and kissed me, taking my breath away.

“Did you want to put a film on?” He offered. To be completely honest, I wanted him naked, suck his soul out, and have him break me in half, but I may have been rushing into things. 

He must have noticed the want in my eyes, because he sat up, closing the distance between us, and held my face before whispering,

“Or maybe we could get this pent-up need out of the way first,” he kissed my lips gently, “and then be at peace for about,” breaking his sentence he bit my bottom lip, “let’s say half an hour before,” this time the kiss was deeper, needier, “enjoying each other a little bit more, hm?” 

He rolled me over onto my back and gripped me tight. His hand snaked through my t-shirt to hold my breast, eliciting a desperate moan right into his mouth. His kisses trailed down to my neck, scraping his protruding canines across my skin, with a deft movement he slid my top over my head, leaving my breasts exposed to his hungry eyes.

“It was almost physically painful, thinking that I wouldn’t see you again, that I wouldn’t get to do this.” I gasped when he took my nipple into my mouth, his tongue swirling over it as his teeth nipped it playfully. My hand immediately went to the back of his head, grabbing a fistful of his hair to ground me. The hand he didn’t use to hold himself up went between my legs, dipping under my underwear an d directly between my lips already needy for his attention.

When I rolled my hips up into his hand to get more friction he lifted his head up, flashing a devilish grin and licking the tips of his canines, making me slippery wet.

“Why did you even bother putting these on? We don’t need to rip another pair, do we?” If I wasn’t already turned on, that would’ve done it. His voice was low with a raspy tone that made me feel feral for him.

“Keisuke please, I need your tongue”, I whined. With a grin he pulled down my panties and tossed them aside, his fingers still stroking lazily along my folds. I felt my breath hitch every time he passed the clit, desperately trying to raise my hips to meet his touch. 

“Patience, gorgeous, we’ll get there. I want to make you a bit needier first.”

Wow, what an asshat.

“Keisuke I’m-ah-I’m begging you, touch me, fuck,” my pleading seemed to work because he immediately dipped his head down and started feasting on my needy pussy. He moaned into my puffy lips, flicking his tongue over and around the clit, making me ascend with pleasure. My hand flew back to his head to grip his hair which dragged out a beautiful moan from his soft lips, now wet with my juices, buried in between my legs. His tongue was desperate, accompanied by his fingers pushing inside of me, curling to rub me just right and make me nearly scream into the dark room.

“Hold me tighter, sweetheart,” he squeezed out in between licks, making my grip tighten and I hoped I didn’t accidentally pull his hair out. Feeling another moan directed into my clit sent me into ecstasy, I could hear my heart thumping and my ears focusing on the sounds of Keisuke lapping up my juices like there was no tomorrow, and with that I came on his skilful tongue,

“K-fuuck Keisuke!” The look on his face was hungry for more, he wiped his face with his own hand and licked the wetness off. 

I reached for my drawer to get a condom, but he stopped my hand, grabbing his phone instead and showing me the screen. It was some kind of document, and when I tried to focus on reading it he explained,

“I got tested on Thursday, got the results yesterday,” he pointed at the bottom of the screen, “Completely clean.”

That made things a bit easier and possibly more exciting. “I’m on the pill and haven’t had sex in over a year. Got tested right after…the last time and I’m also clean.” 

His smile seemed to grow with every word I said so I dropped the condom and went right to taking off his clothes. When he was naked in front of me, his cock glistening with precum in all his glory, I reached to touch his lean body, admiring the pale skin of his stomach, littered with scars. I felt the sudden urge to kiss every single one of them. He gently pushed me back and grabbed one of my hair bobbles from the nightstand, holding it in his teeth to collect all the hair in a ponytail.

That trick is so hot, I needed his teeth all over me . 

He positioned himself in front of my entrance and started teasing his tip over my needy hole and puffy lips.

“You have no idea how much I wanted to feel you on my cock,” he looked down to where we were connected, “to feel your pussy squeeze me and make me weak.”

“What’s the holdup then, Keisuke-fuck- fuck ..ah fuck me already!” He didn’t need another push, he slammed into me, making me cry out, and lowered himself down on top of me to kiss me deeply before pulling almost all the way out and pushing in again. 

I was losing myself in him, his slow pants and moans directly into my ear were making it damn difficult to slow down the wave of pleasure that was swallowing me. My nails were leaving marks on his back, only encouraging him to go faster and harder. When I couldn’t hold it in anymore, I bit his lip and came with the most desperate moan. 

Keisuke lifted me up and switched positions, sitting up against the headboard and me sitting on his cock. Then I began bouncing myself on him and rolling my hips, his hands firmly on my hips helping me keep pace. I threw my head back and let out a groan while he attacked my collarbone with his teeth. 

Still keeping a steady pace, he licked up to my ear,

“You feel so good wrapped around my cock, taking it whole. Such a good girl so full of me. You’re all mine , all mine , just mine to- fuck -to please.” I quickly brought my head back to look at his face. The hunger in his eyes, his forehead sweating and loose strands of hair sticking to him. He looked feral, just like he had said I made him feel, with his distinguished canines. I took it all in.

“All yours?” I managed to squeeze out, holding onto his shoulders for balance.

“All mine. I’m not letting you go fuuck I need you. I need to hear you cum for me again. Say you’re mine.”

Through pants I whined, “I’m yours! I’m- fuck- I’m all yours! Take me how you want me Keisuke! Ah fuck I’m cumming all yours!”  

That made him trap my lips in his, swallowing my cry and fucking me through another orgasm. Slowing down slightly to give me some rest he swapped us back to the previous position, this time not leaning over me, but looking down at my naked form, still fucking into me.

“You look so good like this, a hot mess all because of me. Tell me you’re mine.”

I started slurring my words, “‘m all yours, Keisuke. I’m yours. Fuck keep going please…”

My pleasure began to build again, this time threatening to take me fast, almost crossing into overstimulation. My walls began tightening around his cock and his hip movements started getting irregular - he was getting close to finishing.

“Where do you want me to cum, sweetheart?” I couldn’t form my words properly anymore, I was so drunk on his cock hitting my cervix with each slam into me.

“ Ah inside please please Keisuke come inside me fuck,” that was the last straw for him, with a final grunt and thrust, he spilt inside of me. Just as I felt his warm sperm coat my insides, I came again, this time unable to take any more friction. He slowly pulled out and lowered himself to take a closer look at my leaking pussy. He smiled at me,

“You look so good with my cum spilling out of you.” With that, he licked my entrance, making me twitch with sensitivity, and hovered over me, kissing me with his sperm still on his tongue, making me taste the  mix of both, his cum and mine.

I couldn’t find the strength to reach for wet wipes to clean myself up, but he was already on it as soon as I pointed in their general direction. He cleaned me up, gently trying not to overstimulate me again, and tossed the wipes in the bin. I closed my eyes, completely exhausted, when I felt him climb into bed next to me and gently pull me closer to him. He kissed my sweaty forehead and I could hear him softly whisper, “You’re mine .”

If you've come this far then you may as well rb or like :) Constructive criticism is welcome as I hadn't written anything in YEARS before this so I am rusty af and don't have a beta reader :)

[fivenightsatnatemares]

Mangled #1

First part of a twoshot I'm writing for the beginning of the actual story (woohoo!)

It's not my favorite work but it is.. Acceptable. I hope y'all enjoy it. And I hope y'all will find as much love for these characters as we have.

Best to listen to Mangled while reading this story, considering music guides our adventure here 🎶

As always thank you to my lovely friend Boop for being my beta reader 🐰 - Beep

Wordcount: 1.3k

TW: Strong language

It had been years. Years of silence in the place where Mare Wily used to be the nightguard. At least when the children left and the lights went out.

Mare didn't remember exactly how it had happened. One day his brother that owned this pizzeria asked him to do a job for him, just keeping tabs on the security cams, the next he was growing deformities and feeling... Strange.

He had learned to adapt, he had taught himself how to survive amongst the animatronics that came to life at night, even befriending them.

Things changed when fresh blood entered the hallowed halls.

A new nightguard. A young girl, couldn't have been more than 24. Brunette, pretty short. The moment Mare laid eyes on her from within the shadows, he knew she was done for.

It started simple. She did her job, the animatronics came to life, she was terrified. Mare had experienced it all himself. No big deal.

But there was a change. Maybe Mare wanted to scare her off, tell her to never come back. Maybe he just did it for the thrills. Either way, he decided he wanted to involve himself in this little game the animatronics were playing.

It started with changing things on the camera's when he thought she wasn't looking. Moving an endoskeleton that had been dormant even before he was there, opening a pizza box that was previously closed. Little things, just to make her feel like this place was truly haunted... As if the evidence wasn't staring her right in the face in the shape of a giant animatronic bear.

It eventually evolved into banging on the walls and doors, turning off the lights and then turning them back on, and even breaking some of the camera's. Anything to make her feel like she wasn't welcome.

These nights kept going for weeks, until there was a certain night, a night where the young nightguard had been a little too vigilant, the night where she spotted him.

He assumed she had seen him on the camera's initially, as her next course of action was to poke her head out of the security doors and start yelling for 'the guy with long black hair'. No response. Mare wasn't going to go up and talk to her, he needed her out, not up in his business.

She was here every night, and every single night it drove Mare more to the brink of insanity. Why wouldn't she leave, why did she keep calling out to him, why did she care?

It was funny at first, imagining her going crazy thinking there was another human being in here with her. Pfft,as if. Human was far from what Mare would describe himself as nowadays. He was the one who told his animatronic friends about the best ways to go after her. Sure, he made sure they wouldn't actually get her, but what kind of person sticks murderous mascots on someone?

So he stayed away. Partially because he didn't feel like explaining himself. Partially because he thought he might hurt her.

He was a monster, after all.

Another night rolled around, this time the girl had learned something new. Over the weeks she had been clever enough to find out some things, like that she could wander around with a Freddy mask on and the animatronics mostly wouldn't notice her. But this night, she had found the speaker system. Now she was able to broadcast messages throughout the entire pizzeria.

It was getting on Mare's nerves.

"Hey!" He heard her voice loud and.. Well, not clear. But definitely loud. "I know you're in here. I don't know what happened to you, but I want to help."

Mare rolled his eyes. Why would this random girl who was probably gonna end up just like him if she kept coming in, be able to help someone like him? He had been messing with her on purpose, why couldn't she just see-

He groaned, mentally cutting his own ramblings off. She wasn't worth it. All of this wasn't worth it. He made his way over to her. She would have to find out the hard way he wasn't here to make friends.

So now here they were. Mare with his arms crossed, leaning against the wall in the hall across from her little saferoom. She had closed the door when she heard footsteps, just as a precaution, and was now staring at him through the little window.

"Who are you?"

A curious tone, riddled with caution. Mare smiled to himself.

"Nobody important."

The girl's brows furrowed in frustration. She seemed to hesitate.

"Can I open this door or will you kill me?"

Her voice came out stronger than he expected. Maybe this girl wasn't as scared of him as he thought she was.

He shrugged, "Can't promise I won't."

After another moment of hesitation, the girl stepped back, and to his surprise, the door was opened right in front of him.

Gone were the walls keeping them apart. She had put her trust in him.

Mare adjusted, pushing himself from the wall and taking a step closer, his arms still crossed. He raised an eyebrow.

"Are you stupid?" He asked, looking down at the girl in front of him.

"Are you bad?" She retorted, not answering his obvious jab. She still seemed cautious, but there was no sign of her stepping back.

He chuckled. "I suggest you leave this place unless you want the metal assholes to get you. Or worse, end up like me."

The girl frowned, crossing her arms in defiance. "I'm not leaving. Not until I find out whatever the hell is going on here, and until I find a way to help you."

Mare's face contorted into an expression of annoyance. He sighed and shook his head as he ran a hand through his messy hair.

"I don't need help."

She immediately shook her head, a solemn look on her face.

"You're obviously never leaving this place. Tell me why. Tell me it isn't cause you're somehow stuck here. I've felt it too, y'know. I've felt the pull to come back here every night. I've felt something drawing me to this place." The nightguard glanced around the room, vaguely gesturing towards the office before turning back to the man in front of her. "Hell, I'm here every day of the week just to figure out what's going on in this place. It's been months. I'm not stupid, no, far from it. I know something is going on here and I know you have something to do with it."

At those words, something lashed out in Mare. Anger built up rapidly as he snapped his gaze towards her. He felt the blue streaks on his face burn. Before he could even register what he was doing, he had grabbed the girl by her wrist and pressed her against the wall with his arm up to her throat.

"You have so much to say, huh? For someone who doesn't know shit. I have something to do with it? You act like we're to blame, but last I checked it was you wearing a damn mask and coming back every time." He barked at her, pushing her back as he let her go and stepped away. "Why are you even here anyway? Hasn't been a nightguard here in years."

She looked at him with this dumbfounded stare, as if she didn't know what to say for once. She brought her hand up to her throat and soothed the sore skin, her other hand reaching up to hug herself.

"My brother.. He.. He co-owns this place." She sighed. "He wanted to help me get back on my feet after I lost my previous job."

Mare's head snapped back up. Co-owns? He was talking to the goddamn sister of Seán Light? No wonder she was such a pain in the ass.

"Your brother, Seán?" Mare asked.

She nodded.

He visibly clenched his jaw, shook his head and turned to leave. Was this some sort of sick joke? He had finally accepted his fate, and now there was some sister who felt the need to waltz in here. Nah. Not his problem. If she died, that was not on him.

[vegasolari]

V2 is an Ultrakill character and I have many feelings about them: here's why

I think we can all agree that Ultrakill didn’t exactly explore V2 as a character much. Sure, we have some basic information about them, but we’re pretty much left to fill in the blanks ourselves. And, oh boy, are there a lot of blanks. Well, here’s my ridiculous essay filling in those blanks for myself in a way that (hopefully) makes sense in the scope of Ultrakill canon. TL;DR: here are my V2 headcanons because I’m insane.

During my first playthrough of Ultrakill, I didn't think much about V2. They seemed like the classic “evil twin” and not much more, testing your skills as a player in a unique way. I’m the good guy and I have to beat up the evil version of me, y’know? But, as I got more into the lore of Ultrakill, I couldn’t stop thinking about V2.

V1 was built with a clear purpose in mind: war. I’m certain anyone can agree with that. But, when the whole war business fell apart with the New Peace, V1 quickly became obsolete. If whatever entity developing V1 wanted any chance of recouping the cash dumped into V1, they had to pivot. But we have this great war robot just lying around! Alright, how about this: we’ll make a new version of this robot with decreased combat capabilities, but increased human interfacing capabilities. So, a new model was made. It was very similar to the previous one, switching out the fancy plating for regular tough stuff, plus installing some friendlier software. Despite the rush job, it was a pretty damn good android. But, with all that high-end tech came a big price tag that the market deemed unreasonable.

Now, this leads to an interesting idea: if V2 is sentient (observing their behavior in-game, they likely are), how would that make them feel? Certainly, they would know that they were essentially the living embodiment of a hollow gesture; being nothing more than an attempt to recuperate funds, being a commercial failure, being what most would consider a weak imitation of their predecessor. I wouldn’t be surprised if V2 went after V1 based on sheer jealousy alone. Their creation was underdeveloped and sloppily done. V2 wasn’t wanted for whatever skillset a highly advanced security bot could offer. V2 wasn't wanted… V1 was. The second iteration is supposed to be better than the first, and V2's existence is defined by being a cheap copy.

Regardless, V2 is here and they can still serve some function. While V1 and V2's hardware may be nearly identical, I have to imagine their software is very different. Remember, V1 was made for war. Their software is probably highly specialized for efficient killing. In terms of a highly advanced society dependent on specialized androids filled with precision AI, that must be pretty simple. Just boot up good old “shooty_mcshooting.exe” and we’ve got ourselves an AI that can quickly identify a target and attack its weak points. V2, on the other hand, was made for peacetime efforts. Sure, security was kept in mind during their development, but overall they were made for human cooperation. A peacetime machine would certainly have been developed with a natural affinity toward humanity, right? This leads me to believe that V2 was made with an innate affinity toward humans. Hell, maybe they were programmed with a desire to socialize that matched the strength of our own innate socialization needs. It would certainly make their job much easier.

Despite this, I feel they still had to do some warming up to humans. After all, humanity did them quite a disservice. Whether they made peace with the circumstances surrounding their creation and loved humans despite it or simply ignored the troubled emotions surrounding their creation, I’m not certain. Regardless, their core programming spurred them on. V2 learned to cooperate with humans, with their reward system to guide them. Eventually, their reward system must have led them to feel something that could be best described as affection towards humans, forever being driven to be curious and friendly towards humanity. I love imagining them joking around and laughing with their coworkers on whatever security job they were assigned to. Maybe they'd even have fun chatting up the scientists working on their development, learning more and more about how humans interacted and communicated with one another.

Speaking of which… what if V2’s job expanded past security? Say a building were to collapse with people trapped inside; what better tool than an extremely durable, strong, highly intelligent robot to dig through the rubble, locate survivors quicker with specialized software, and even administer first aid?

Just as V2 adored humans, one must imagine V2 being adored by humans.

As V2’s software spurred them on to learn more and more about humans, they would come to appreciate the things humans appreciated. Perhaps V2 came to appreciate the beauty of art or the marvel of science in the same way humans did, or perhaps they simply liked these things because they were human. Imagine V2 learning everything they could about cooking despite never needing those skills, just to be able to bond with humans. They’d even surprise the scientists developing them with delicious treats that V2 themself could never eat, all to fulfill their role as a friend to humanity.

Humanity's extinction must have been devastating for V2.

I imagine after humanity died, V2 simply tried to make do with what they had. In my mind, it’d make sense that they'd try to avoid using blood from animals at all costs (humans loved animals, after all). Instead, they'd take fuel from other machines. That fuel was already taken from its rightful owner, and there's nothing that can be done about it now. May as well put it to good use, right? Considering V2’s love for humanity (and by extension, all living creatures), they must have come to loathe their fellow machines. Machines sustain themselves off of harming humans and other living creatures, after all. Of course, there is the irony of V2 being just like every other machine, reliant on blood to survive.. I'll try not to get sidetracked with that one though -

I lied. I'm getting sidetracked.

V2's love of humans combined with their reliance on their blood as fuel would have been difficult for them to accept at best, and devastating at worst. I was going to put a comparison here but it made me genuinely sad, which goes to show how this likely made V2 feel. Sure, taking blood from humans doesn't necessarily require violence, considering blood donations exist, but it still couldn’t have felt great. Besides, it seems very possible that not all machines were interested in taking that fuel peacefully.

During their time in Hell, seeing their fellow machines happily and greedily tear through husks in Hell (which, I'd like to point out, are human souls) must have enraged V2. Considering their love for humans, I can't imagine them using husks as fuel. Instead, it would make sense for them to kill machines only. In fact, V2's terminal entry explicitly mentions killing machines (...V2 dove deeper into Hell, killing other machines for their blood to help its recovery…) but doesn't say anything about killing husks. I will note that the Ultrakill Fandom Wiki entry for V2 does allude to them killing husks, but there wasn't a source so I'm disregarding it (yes I am so Ultrakill brain-rotted that I am asking for sources on Ultrakill lore).

This leads to a stark contrast between V1 and V2, despite seeming so similar on the surface. V1 was made with the sole purpose of killing, and I do not doubt that humans were well within their scope. V1 is an especially efficient killing machine, with their rampage in Hell enough to draw the attention of Heaven. We know V2 tried to fight V1. What if the reasons for stopping V1 went beyond preserving fuel resources or getting revenge? V2 wanted to save the remnants of humankind. V2 didn't fight for themself; they fought for humanity.

Despite this, one could indeed make a very reasonable argument that V1 is doing the denizens of Hell a favor. Ceasing to exist does sound much more appealing than eternal torture. But, seeing as it's implied V2 has only been in Hell for a few hours, it's likely that they just haven't thought about this. Think of it this way: they've just rediscovered the one thing that gave them purpose... it's unlikely they'd be willing to let that go easily. Or perhaps V2 did think about this. Maybe V2 wanted to build a better life for the people of Hell. We know they made it to Greed, so they almost certainly heard of Minos' and Sisyphus' attempts to rebel against Heaven. I think it's likely that V2 wanted to follow in their footsteps; they wanted to build a haven for humanity.

But unfortunately, we all know how their story ends.

V2's existence was one defined by failure. V2's life was one riddled with "what ifs?" and "could have beens." An overwhelming theme of Ultrakill is tragedy, and I'd argue that this take on V2 is just about as tragic as one can get.

Also V2 isn't dead because they live on in my heart and I will not accept any attempts at convincing me otherwise.

[trashlie]

I saw a theory about Mr. Kim being Kousuke's real father. Makes me want to throw up. And then I saw another comment on that thread how the real thing that would break Kou is realizing that Nol is no longer his brother.

And omg ew? Sang Chul would be??

And I'm never getting over Nol's plastered smile. The sneer. The humans suck line.

The "Convince Me" line.

Girl I'm going thru it.

You totally called it on the theories.

The WORST kind of "OH GOD I KNEW IT" weeks have been happening for me when it comes to ILY lmaoooo and I NEED QUIMCHEE TO GIVE ME A BREAK AND LET ME CATCH MY BREATH!!!!!!!!!!!

Gonna drop my thoughts below the read more! Spoilers spoilers spoilers!!!!!!!!!!

When Elle and I talked about the "Rand isn't Kousuke's father" theory on the fourth episode of our podcast I even talked about how as much as I don't want the theory to be true for Kousuke's sake, narratively it's SO compelling and it just makes SO MUCH SENSE. I remember the first time I read the theory, too, how initially I was like "no way, this feels really out there" but it just stuck with me. I couldn't let it go, I kept going back to that panel, the "you're the sole heir" speech bubble over Nol's face and I think I've just always felt that it meant something, you know? That quimchee would NOT have done that if it didn't mean something, if we weren't supposed to read into it, if it wasn't meant to be the earliest of foreshadowing of this theory.

And to have it actually confirmed!!!!! Just has me SCREAMING but absolutely anticipating what it means for everyone!!!! Because not only does it mean everything Kousuke has ever worked for - the only thing he's ever had to his name, the only career option he's ever had - is taken away from him and thrust to someone who may not even want it, someone who wants to be as far away from this family and this coldblooded, bloodthirsty rivalry as he can get.

Neither of them get any reprieve.

Kousuke never had any other option, and is left with nothing.

Nol will likely be thrust into the heart of everything he wants to excuse himself from, everything he's come to resent and loathe and GOD it's insane to see how it's all unfolding, after all this time!!!!!!!!

I think, too, in thinking about the fact that Nol isn't even Kousuke's brother is that it means re-examining the rawness of 212 and what it means for Kousuke, who believes that he got none of the good traits of Rand that he sees in Nol, the good parts that he's never been privileged enough to see in Rand himself, and that he was left with only the worst parts of him - the cold man with his back turned to him. But it's worse, because none of that was his.

(Please know that I am saying this SO VERY LOOSELY, in the sense of how I imagine Kousuke is thinking this. I'm not a fan of the "Rand suspected Kousuke wasn't his son and that's why he was so cold with him" theories. Frankly, I think they're disgusting and it shows an interesting bias in people in how they perceive biological family to be more worthy over, say, adopted family. I think it's very evident that Rand loves both of his sons and has done the best within his means, but has been dealing with an incredibly controlling tyrant of a wife who has ensured that he had little chance to provide the nurturing he wanted to, who ensured that there was a gap between him and Kousuke so that Kousuke would be forever chasing after him, because she needed him to stay focused on her goal. I refuse to humor conversation that implies Rand loves or favors Nol more because that's his biological son and because Kousuke is, currently suspected to be, the son of a Kim, he has less love for him. That's a disgusting mindset. Biological love does not make someone inherently love their child more. Yui herself proves this. And in that same vein, not being Kousuke's biological father does not excuse Rand's part in Kousuke's neglect and that it was the commodification of his love that has factored into how Kousuke has come to view love in this transactional manner and why he struggles to see his father's true love for what it is. Regardless of whose genetic material fathered him, Rand is the man who raised Kousuke as his son, the man Kousuke saw as his father, and therefore he is Kousuke's father.)

Kousuke has modeled himself after his father in every way, tried so hard to emulate him, to be someone who will make his father proud, who can earn his affection and feels like he hasn't succeeded at that yet - and to find out that the man he has spent his entire life emulating is not, in fact, his father? Is going to CRUSH him. Not because it changes the fact that it was Rand who raised him and Rand to whom Kousuke looked up, but because it's yet another lie in a series of Yui's lies, yet another lie that she has used to manipulate him, to mold him into her pawn, to create him into a likeness of something of her own desire, rather than ever allow him to be his own person.

She lied to him about his father. She whispered paranoia to him about his brother his brother's mother. She made him believe that everyone is out to get them, to tear them down, that because they are better than everyone else he can trust no one. She used these tactics to isolate him and played upon the paranoia and fear that she created and instilled upon him so that when he did rebel and stray from her, when he did try to be his own person and have friends and a life of his own, she could pull him back to where she felt he belonged, at her side. She smothered and suffocated him and manipulated and lied to him and nothing she has done to or for him has ever been honest and even his father is a lie. Even his goals and motivation is a lie.

I know a lot of people still hate Kousuke but it fucks me up. It has me choked up, to think of what it must be like to be him, and to have this bombshell thrust upon you, that everything you believed has been a lie, that your mother has been manipulating you for your whole life, she's been drugging you, you have finally grasped the gravity of the harm you have caused using the justification she has equipped you with. To come to the realization that everything you ever justified was never truly justifiable, that you caused harm that cannot be undone.

How do you come back from that?

How do you deal with that?

And then, to find out that the man you've believed was your father isn't. That the only person who ever offered you unconditional love, whose relationship you've destroyed isn't even your brother, and has no reason to ever turn to look your way ever again.

Kousuke was right. He has no brother.

And it devastates me lmao ;____________;

And I do really think that it means his father is Gun Kim. All of the comparisons to Sangchul and Kousuke have haunted me as much as this theory.

BUT MAN IT'S JUST SO MUCH QUIMCHEE IS JUST OUT HERE WITH A BODY COUNT. MA'AM. SLOW DOWN I CAN'T KEEP UP. Nol is on a warpath and I need him to CHILL.

Actually no you know what was the FUNNIEST thing to me about Nol and his humans suck line? THE FACT THAT MY GIRL SHINAE IS OUT HERE BLUSHING.

GIRL. /GIRL/

She is DOWN BAD. SO FUCKING BAD. LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO i can't stand her I love her she's a whole hot mess express I really need to gather myself and drop some thought dump posts over here finally because generally my reaction to all of these episodes lately has been [SCREAMING CAT]

i'm two for two on "dark theories i didn't want to be true but knew in my gut are" and listen. I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE IT ;_______; HOWLING

[superaznchick]

im usually on this website for a goofy silly time but im being stalked and harassed by my birth mother

it's scary and i dont know what to do, i made it very clear that i never wanted to see her again and she keeps showing up at my house and ringing the doorbell over and over again and standing waiting around

she waited for 2+ hours for me to come home on Sunday and when we got home she waited around for another hour constantly ringing the doorbell and then she mumbled stuff at me into our doorbell (which as a camera) and claiming that she'll never come back again and told me to go have a good life

but she came back again today during the workday today and was just standing there ringing the doorbell again and again

i called her and told her to never come back that i never wanted to see her again

i already called the non-emergency police line on sunday but they came too late they didnt come until over an hour after i called because she wasn't actively breaking in or doing anything that would require me to call 911 so instead i got the slower response from the officers

i dont know what to do but i know for a FACT that that woman does not respect me as a human. she does not see me as human, she belives she has righteous ownership over me as her property

i know she is stubborn and i know she will never respect my space

if she comes back again im going to need to file a restraining order and press charges for trespassing

this is actually insane i dont know if anyone out there understands this feeling or is even willing to imagine but my anxiety has been through the roof the last few days i feel like nobody cares or wants to care because it's "not so bad" but ive had a lifetime of this woman acting this way

acting entitled to me, treating me as sub-human, not listening to anything i say and feeling like she has a god-given right to access me in any way she wants and throwing a tantrum when i say no

she's a monster to me it makes me feel insane and crazy that i can't get a simple "no" respected. she would never treat any other person this way, she treats me this way because she believes she can. it's sick, it's twisted, it's evil

luckily my husband is on my side and it's so unfair to him because it affects him too, she was here in the middle of a workday and it's disruptive to his work, he has a high pressure job and it's not fair to him that he has to deal with this and i feel so bad

im just so angry, im so infuriated. im fucking 30 years old and i still have to deal with this shit, it's insane. no matter what i do no matter how i do it i'll never be more than her little plaything that she can come throw around whenever she feels like

i hate her and i never want to see her again. my house doesn't even feel safe anymore my walks dont feel safe she literally followed me today

i came home from a walk and she rang the doorbell LITERALLY less than 30 seconds later because she STALKED me and FOLLOWED me and kept violating my boundaries despite there being CLEAR indication that I DONT WANT TO SEE HER

she's literally evil. she knows that she's doing. she parked her car blocks away because she KNOWS. she KNOWS that we'd recognize her car and she PURPOSELY PARKED IT far away enough so we wont see it.

she's not some harmless old lady she's smart and conniving. and that's why im exasperated. i feel like no one will believe me because "oh that's your mom" "how can you say that about your mom" but my soul has been screaming for the last 3 decades. my subconscious remembers everything my nervous system explodes when she's here even when she sends me a text it spikes my cortisol. all the evidence is there but people just dont understand

please if you're reading this please beg the universe that she'll leave me alone. that's all i want, i swear, i'd seriously want for nothing more, i dont want money i dont want fame i dont want success i dont care!!!! i just want to be left in peace, i want to live out the rest of my life in peace away from this monster, please tell the universe, tell the algorithm, tell god, tell the divine, please help me manifest her absence from my life. please tell whoever's running the server to keep that woman away from me im begging. please please please