#incorrect wednesday netflix

[ultimobesomascometa]

Enid: I lost Wednesday.

Yoko: How do you LOSE Wednesday?!

Enid: Give me a break, she’s like two inches tall!

[brenshor]

[d-llahanspade]

So the Wednesday season 1 novelisation happened :)

[spungeez]

Enid: What in the actual hell is wrong with you!?

Wednesday: ...

Wednesday: *pulls out ridiculously long and color coded list*

Wednesday: I've been waiting my entire life for somebody to ask me that question, mi amor.

~~~~

Yoko: really?! That's how you two started dating?!

Enid: You didn't see the way she smiled when she got to the pyromania section! What else was I meant to do?!

Yoko: Call the police?!

[rainbowwonderlandsblog]

Wednesday: What gluttonous cretin decided to help themselves to my food?

Ajax: *points at enid*

Enid: Sorry, I didn't mean to! But I was hungry :(

Wednesday:

Wednesday: Actually, you should eat all of it. You need the energy now that you've wolfed out

Bianca: Whipped!

[mothsaresc4ry]

Wednesday: it's dark in here

Enid: don't worry babe, I got this

Enid: *stomps her feet*

Wednesday:

Enid: *her skechers light up*

Wednesday:

[prefer-to-be-vilified]

Wednesday: *is being arrested*

Enid: Wow. God forbid women do anything these days.

Sheriff Galpin: Kid your friend-

Wednesday: She’s my girlfriend you intolerant shit.

Thing: H-O-M-O-P-H-O-B-E

Sheriff Galpin: I’m not- whatever, your girlfriend just landed four grown men in the hospital.

Enid: And… She looked good doing it.

Wednesday: They deserved it. One of them told me to smile.

Enid: You tell him baby.

Sheriff Galpin: You know what? I can’t with… whatever this is. She’s free to go and officially your problem.

Enid: Yay!

Wednesday: *pausing mid-escape and casually handing the sheriff broken handcuffs* Miserable-night Sheriff.

Sheriff Galpin: *whispering* I hate you.

Wednesday: *also whispering* I’m glad.

Enid: Hurry up babycakes, I need my cuddle buddy.

Wednesday: *smirking* Coming Amore.

[rachelsfav-queer]

Gomez: *standing on a table in the quad* I SHALL DEFEND MY DEAREST MORTICIA’S HONOR TILL MY VERY LAST BREATH AND EVEN BEYOND IT! YOU FOOLS WILL RUE THE DAY YOU EVER THOUGHT TO HARM MI ESPINA DE ROSA MORTAL!!

Morticia: *heart eyes* By the Gods, I love him! He is such a romantic! I will marry him by the end of the day!

Larissa: Jesus fucking Christ, I need alcohol right now.

*Approx. Three Decades Later*

Enid: *standing on a table in the quad* ANY OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA PUT HANDS ON THAT SEXY PIECE OF GOTH ASS IS GONNA LEARN WHAT 300 POUNDS OF WEREWOLF TEARING YOU IN HALF FEELS LIKE!! TRY ME YOU DUMB BITCHES! TRY MEEEE!!!!

Wednesday: *heart eyes* Oh my Gods, I have never seen such a romantic gesture in my life. I must go to acquire marriage documents this instant, but I cannot take my eyes off such a wonderful sight!

Bianca: That’s it. I’m calling Yoko, I need some hard fucking liquor to deal with you idiots. Holy fucking shit.

[achromatophoric]

Bianca: Why did I just see Enid ugly crying through the halls at top speed?

Wednesday: I confessed to her my feelings, as suggested by both Tanaka and yourself.

Bianca: Girl, you were supposed to confess your stupid crush, not crush her stupid. What happened?

Wednesday: I applied an analogy and equated my desire for her to the sinking of the Titanic.

Bianca: You WHAT?

Wednesday: Like the Titanic, my heart was once thought impervious, only to be brought down by the very thing it was designed to withstand.

Wednesday: And like the iceberg that was the Titanic’s ruin, Enid’s offensively bright exterior was but the tip of her magnitude.

Wednesday: Even now, I am unable to—perhaps even unworthy of—describing the sheer depths of her resplendent spirit. Her bravery, her heart, her everything.

Wednesday: Formidable as I imagined myself, I admit now that I was destined to be destroyed by her. Inevitably split asunder to sink beneath the waves of her sheer grandeur.

Bianca: Huh. That’s uh—that’s not bad. And that’s what you told her?

Wednesday: Not… in so many words.

Bianca: Addams, what exactly did you say to her?

Wednesday:

Wednesday: I said, in my most meaningful of tones…

Wednesday: *recites* I need you—

– At that same moment, in Yoko’s room. –

Enid: —like the— *wet sniffle* —the Titanic— *choked sob* —needed the iceberg!

Enid: *returns to full-on ugly crying*

Yoko: ���‍♀️

[sharklovingcriminals]

Bianca: ah shit what's that song called?

Wednesday: I shall Shazam it

Yoko:...

Bianca:...

Divina:...

Yoko:... Does she know how to do that???

Enid (head in her hands, smiling and staring adoringly at Wednesday): No, not at all. She's going to write the song out as sheet music, transpose it to a minor key and slow it down, phone her parents and play it on the cello so they can identify it for her.

Yoko: I'll never understand how you two ended up together.

Enid (sighing): I know, me neither, she's just so perfect 💕

Yoko: That could not be further from what I meant.

Bianca: How the fuck did you just say the heart emoji out loud what the fuck

[isa-is-asleep]

Wenclair IQ #2

*Wednesday and Thing signing back and forth furiously*

Pugsley, through the crystal ball: What are you arguing about?

Wednesday: Thing dared imply that I feel more than platonic affection towards Enid, merely because I did not wish to watch her perish.

Pugsley: Oh my god, is she okay?!

Wednesday: Yes, I protected her with my body, fear not.

Pugsley: What happened?

Wednesday: Winter.

Pugsley: ...you cuddled?

Enid, popping into view and wrapping an arm around Wednesday: We cuddled.

*several hours later*

Pugsley: Wait. Werewolves don't get cold-

[ultimobesomascometa]

Wednesday: Fuck yourself!

Enid: Fuck me yourself, you coward

[brenshor]

Enid: Oh, I like murder mysteries. True crime podcasts are my fav.

Wednesday, trying to impress her: I’ve been a suspect in four murder cases.

[d-llahanspade]

Sometimes I can be such a FRIGGIN’ artist! >:D

“Wounded”

8.5 hours

[spungeez]

Yoko, angrily: Bianca called me "Dracula" today at lunch.

Enid: OMG, that's so offensive and problemat-

Yoko: Yeah! Like, Carmilla was written way before Dracula was. She totally missed her chance to make fun of my species and my gayness all at once by being so uncultured!

Wednesday: ...Seriously?

Enid: Yeah, Yoko, I really don't think-

Wednesday: What kind of fool hasn't read Carmilla?

Yoko: I KNOW, RIGHT!?

Enid, quietly: what the fu-

[tristansfreezingtheirbrain]

Merlin: if you tell anyone-

Arthur: you’ll kill me- yeah I know.

Merlin: No. I would never hurt you. I would have to kill them though- so just don’t tell anyone you care about.