#incorrect prison break quotes

[mynxk]

Wylan: I have seen a lot of murders in my time, and all six of them were today

[mydmdcorner]

Dazai: I have been thinking of ways to kill Chuuya every day for the past 7 years.

Sigma: So...you have been thinking about Chuuya every day for the past 7 years?

Dazai, confidently: Yes!

Sigma:...

Dazai: Wait I didn't mean LIKE THAT

[cuteniarose]

Personally I find it really funny that based on what the twins said in the Book 2 finale re: having to tell their mom about what happened to Unalaq, it's literally canon that Unalaq's wife a) exists, b) is alive, and c) is just chilling in the Northern Water Tribe

She took one look at all the spirit fuckery her husband was getting up to and went "Well that's none of my business" and honestly I respect that

[eerycurlew53]

Sucre, trying to LJ some advice: marry someone who looks sexy while disappointed

Michael:

Sucre: See?

[aviles2003]

King Penguin:Progress Report?

Luigi: it's an older Code King Penguin I can't make it out!

King Penguin:You Higher Mushroom mammal

Goomba: hmm?

King Penguin:can You Read?

Goomba: No Koopas Can Read Tho, Koopa?

*Luigi Points the Sign*

Goomba: Ship, To, mushroom Kingdom, Wildlife Preserve, Princess Toadstool!

King Penguin: The Princess? That ain't gonna Fly! Rico!

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Jack: Hey, Davey! Wanna commit a felony with me?

Davey: Jack, what the hell?!?

Jack: Wait, sorry, my bad

Jack: *whispering* Wanna commit a felony with me?

Davey: *whispering back* Yeah, of course :)

[mandarinmoons]

Mandarinmoon's masterlist

Masterlists

Incorrect Criminal Minds quotes

Series

Pregnancy:

Spencer suspects you're pregnant

Spencer and pregnant reader argue

Spencer comforts reader after giving birth

Spencer talking with the baby

Baby says her first words

Teaching baby how to walk

Spencer calls while he's away

Shorts

Making out with later seasons Spencer

What Spencer's kisses would be like

A lazy night with Spencer

Being at a bar with later seasons Spencer

18+ ONLY

Cockwarming with Spencer

Spencer's mind wanders while watching a movie

One shots

Annabel Lee - Spencer Reid

A true friend - Spencer Reid

A true friend pt. 2 - Spencer Reid

Talking to the moon - Spencer Reid

Office romance - Spencer Reid

Office romance pt. 2 - Spencer Reid

Safe place - Spencer Reid

Bloody surprise - Spencer Reid

Spencer has trouble confessing his feelings for you

Slow dancing with Spencer

Giving Spencer a head massage

Reading with Spencer

Spencer comforts you

"I won't give up on you" - Spencer Reid

Spending the night with Spencer

Be my Valentine? - Spencer Reid

Spencer has nightmares after being kidnapped by Thomas Hankle

Spencer gets drunk

"That was kind of hot" - Spencer Reid

Situationship with Spencer

Spencer helps you take a bath

Spencer helps you make your coffee

Spencer gets his hair cut

Spencer comforts you after a friendship break up

You and Spencer are a new couple

Spencer fights you for his clothes

Spencer with a foreign reader

Spencer x agitated reader

Waking up with Spencer the day after

Helping Spencer with his hair

Reader helps Spencer get out of jail

Spencer helps you with your depression

Surprising Spencer with a dog

Helping Spencer relax

Spencer's first kiss

Spencer falls asleep on your shoulder

Knitting Spencer a scarf

Spencer wins you over with his magic

First time Spencer says I love you

"How'd these end up here?"

Spencer and his mismatched socks

Spencer and you aren't able to sleep

Spencer x athlete reader

Spencer gets home from a case early

Spencer grieves your death

Spencer gets home from a case

Peaceful morning with Spencer

Spencer comforts professional reader

Post prison Spencer comforts bau! reader

Reader leaves The BAU

Reader admires Spencer

Spencer spoils you on your birthday

You and Spencer break up

Spencer x reader "we're not done here" scene

Reader makes matching bracelets

Spencer raising a child with male! reader

Reading with sleepy Spencer

Shy reader meets the team

Surprising Spencer in the morning

Enemies to lovers with Spencer

Spencer comforts student reader

Spencer breaks up with reader

Having a sleepover with Spencer

Spencer rambles

Spencer comforts reader after they get kidnapped

Spencer has a secret crush on reader

Moving in with Spencer

Spencer x ballerina reader

Spencer comforts you after a break up

Spencer x hiker reader

Spencer and bau! reader stay at a hauntel hotel

Reader wears Spencer's clothes

Drunk Spencer gushes over reader

Reader has a big dog

Helping Spencer tie his tie

You and Spencer can't sleep

Spencer gets jealous

Taking care of Spencer when he's sick

Spencer keeps standing you up

Lipstick kisses with Spencer

Reader breaks up with their boyfriend for Spencer

You and Spencer can't sleep pt. 2

Spencer is jealous over Derek

You and Spencer go to an aquarium

Spencer is stressed out over reader being kidnapped

[woods-and-adlers-left-hand-dude]

(this sort of follows the plot of the campaign so it's kind of a spoiler)

Black ops 6 incorrect quotes/scenarios

(after breaking Adler out of prison)

Adler:so where's the rest of your crew?

Woods:what do you mean?

Adler:well I know Marshall provided support while case and the rest of the crew got me out and given the fact the rest of the crew aren't here and didn't get out with us I'm assuming the exiled separately.

Woods:oh no this is all of us,all that in the black site was down to wonder boy over there

(pointing at case)

Woods:wasn't it case?

Case looking up and talking of his headphones:did you say something?

Woods:nah it's all good

Case shrugging and putting his headphones back on:ok then

Adler:woods where did you find this kid?

Woods: picked him up in 81 then he disappeared for a while and found me again a few years ago

Adler:what?

Woods:what?

[awakentrashpanda]

Smiling Critters incorrect quotes

Dogday: What is the code etomologists use for "I stepped on it, I'm so sorry, it was dark out and the specimen was very small?"

Bubba Bubbaphant: "Impromptu dissection was performed under less-than-optimal lighting conditions."

Catnap: "Impromptu dissection" is an alarming phrase in any context and I thank you for it.

KickinChickin: What’s biologist for "the little f⭐️cker BIT me and I yote it into the undergrowth on reflex?"

Bubba Bubbaphant: "The specimen was removed from the study pool due to abnormal interaction responses."

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

Hoppy Hopscotch: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river. 
KickinChickin: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️☀️

Hoppy Hopscotch: Nothing in life is free. 
Bobby Bearhug: Love is free. 
Bubba Bubbaphant: Knowledge is free. 
Craftycorn: Friendship is free. 
Dogday: Self-respect is free. 
KickinChickin: Everything's free if you don't pay for it. 
The Squad: ... 
PickyPiggy: Kickin, that's illegal- 
Hoppy Hopscotch: No, let him finish!

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Bubba Bubbaphant: Are you tall enough to play basketball though? 
Hoppy Hopscotch: Are you calling me short? 
Bubba Bubbaphant: I'm calling you vertically challenged.

⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️⚡️

KickinChickin: You have Crayons? 
Craftycorn: Yes, I have— 
KickinChickin: You're— how old are you? 
Craftycorn (in tears): YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS.

🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨🎨

PickyPiggy: *standing at the top of the stairs* What are y'all doing at the bottom of the staircase? 
Catnap: I accidentally fell down. 
Bubba Bubbaphant: CATNAP PUSHED ME down the stairs because I refuse to pay HIS part of our rent! 
Dogday: Catnap bet me fifty bucks that I couldn't reach the bottom of the stairs faster than they did falling down it, so I slide down the banister to get my money. 
KickinChickin: I don't know how I got here. One moment, I was sleeping in my bed, three floors up, and then suddenly I was waking up here, just in time to get crushed by Dogday.

💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡💡

Dogday: I love you. 
Catnap: How many people have you said that to? 
Dogday: Everyone. 
Catnap: What? 
Dogday: I told everyone that I love you.

🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙🌙

Craftycorn: Why does Picky always do the laundry so loudly? 
Bobby Bearhug: So everyone knows that no one helps her out in the house. 
PickyPiggy, in the distance: *slams the washing machine shut*

🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

PickyPiggy: So Hunny-bunny, how did your first time cooking dinner go? 
Hoppy Hopscotch: Pretty good if I do say so myself. 
PickyPiggy: Oo! Okay, what are we having? 
Hoppy Hopscotch: Alright, so for appetizers, we have a potato. 
PickyPiggy: A whole potato? 
Hoppy Hopscotch: Yes. And then for the main course, we have grilled cheese sandwiches! 
PickyPiggy: These just look like big slabs of black. 
Hoppy Hopscotch: Because that's what they are! 
Hoppy Hopscotch: And then for desert, we have chocolate. 
PickyPiggy: These are just chocolate chips? 
Hoppy Hopscotch: They sure are! 
Hoppy Hopscotch: And then for drinks, we have toast! 
Hoppy Hopscotch: *lifts up a glass of blended toast* Bon appetite!

🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻

KickinChickin: I have a plan.

PickyPiggy: Good! As long as we aren’t breaking the law again, I’m open to hearing it.

KickinChickin: …

PickyPiggy: …

KickinChickin: I no longer have a plan.

🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶🐶

PickyPiggy: why can’t any of y’all ever come up with a plan that doesn’t involve breaking the law?

Bubba Bubbaphant (awkwardly looking over at KickinChickin and Hoppy Hopscotch): Picky…You do realize that three of us have been to prison before, right?

🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤🐤

KickinChickin: Have I ever told you that I love you like the mom I never had? 
PickyPiggy: For the love of all that is holy, I am not taking you to McDonalds. It’s 2am! 
KickinChickin: Mean.

🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰🐰

Hoppy Hopscotch: I'm sorry. Please talk to me. 
PickyPiggy: 
Hoppy Hopscotch: Hello? World's most amazing person?? Sweet pea? Precious cinnamon roll that's too good for this world, too pure? 
PickyPiggy: Hmf! 'Sorry' ain’t never gonna bring back my f🍎cking M&Ms.

🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄🦄

Bubba Bubbaphant: What do we think of Dogday? 
*pause* 
Hoppy Hopscotch: *shrugs* Nice pal. 
Bobby Bearhug: I think he’s gay.

🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘🐘

KickinChickin: That was so hot, Bubba. 
Bubba Bubbaphant: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets. 
KickinChickin: I'm so in love with you.

🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱🐱

KickinChickin: Now, if I may speak for good-looking people everywhere... 
Catnap: Only as their rodeo clown.

🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷🐷

[oshawottarchive]

[Pt 1] [Pt 2] [Pt 3] [Pt 4] [Pt 5] [Pt 6]

More incorrect quotes yippee!

————

Bdubs: Could you guys at least try to see this from my perspective?

Tango: *crouches down*

Etho: *kneels down*

Skizz: *sits on the floor*

Bdubs:

Bdubs: I hate all of you

————

Skizz: What are you getting Etho for the holidays?

Bdubs: I don’t know. It’s kind of hard buying a gift for your partner when they already got everything they could’ve ever wanted when they married you. So I’m not sure yet

Tango: I’m getting Etho a divorce lawyer

————

Impulse: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?

Zedaph: Strong

Tango: Weak

Skizz: An idiot

————

Xisuma: Don’t break someone’s heart, they only have one

Keralis: Break one of their bones instead, they have 206 of them

————

Mumbo: Good morning

Pearl: Good morning

Bdubs: Good morning

Scar: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit

Joel: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS

————

Skizz: How did you even get in here?

Tango: BigB’s window! Or as I like to call it; “Tango’s door”!

BigB: I’m closing the window

————

Tango: Hey guys, I found a 100 dollar bill!

Tango: *looks around* . . .Should I keep it?

Skizz: Tango, just do the right thing

BigB: And put it in your bag

Skizz: NO—

————

Scar: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart

Grian: But I’m a kleptomaniac, so that doesn’t mean anything

————

Scott: Breaking news, Jimmy has disappointed us yet again

————

Ren: I’m cold

BigB: Here, take my hoodie

*meanwhile*

Pearl: I’m cold

Scott: Well damn, I can’t control the weather, now can I?

————

Martyn: Pearl just said “I have an appetite for destruction” and then reached down and untied my shoe

————

False: Hey do we have any more orange juice?

Joel: *pours the rest of the orange juice into his cup*

Joel: No

————

Joel: I’m not like other girls. I’m way, way worse

————

*at the zoo*

Scar: What are they in for?

Grian: Scar, this isn’t prison

Scar: So they can leave?

Grian: No-

Scar: *points at an armadillo* I bet that one murdered someone

————

Cleo: What the hell kind of tea is this?

Scar: I boiled gatorade

————

Scar: Okay, two person huddle

Grian: You can’t huddle with two people. This is just a hug

————

Etho: Please Xisuma, I don’t speak meme! I don’t know what a “yeet” is!

————

xB: Why do you keep a diary?

Joe: To keep secrets from my computer

————

Xisuma: I am an expert at identifying birds

Joe: Okay, what about those ones over there?

Xisuma: Yup, they’re all birds

————

[mayflora-18]

Incorrect CoD Quotes #11 (aka Shit I Found On Pinterest That I Thought Was Funny)

*during secure transmission with Shepherd and Graves*

Graves, singing: 🎵 Sherlock, Sherlock, Sherlock… 🎵

Sherlock: …

Graves: 🎵 Are you finally single? 🎵

Sherlock: No.

Graves: 🎵 I respect that. 🎵

———

*in a hostage situation at a store*

Sherlock: Yeah, there’s four of them and only one of me, but I have a lighter. Okay, we get some hairspray, make some flamethrowers, and let’s fry these bitches!

Ghost, deadpan: No one is frying any bitches.

Sherlock: …

Ghost: I know, I’m disappointed in myself, too.

———

Yuri: I know Makarov, and you’re in far more danger than I. He’s coming for you. And I guarantee that his soldiers will find this place.

Sherlock: Not gonna happen. I rent it out under a shell corporation.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: My mail goes to a P.O. box in Seattle.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: My neighbors think my name is Rachel Fletcher.

Nikolai: Yeah.

Sherlock: People I work with all think my name is Sherlock.

Nikolai: Yea-

Yuri:

Laswell:

141:

Roach: Wait what?

Sherlock: Don’t worry about it.

———

Price: Sanderson, you’re fine. Just be yourself.

Roach: “Be myself”? Captain, I have one day to win over Sherlock and Kyle. *gestures to everyone else* How long did it take before you guys started liking me?

Soap: Couple weeks.

Ghost: Six months.

Laswell: Jury’s still out.

Roach: See, sir? “Be myself”, what kind of garbage advice is that?

———

Makarov: Go to hell.

Soap: Already been. Didn’t agree with me.

———

Nikolai: We didn’t do it.

Price: Then why are you guys laughing?

Sherlock, grinning: Because whoever did it is an effing genius.

———

Graves: Just trust me.

Shepherd: The last time you said that my house burned down.

Graves: Yeah, but you didn’t die.

Shepherd: That’s not the point!

———

Alex: Should I ask why you have a knife in your purse?

Farah: It’s a dagger, actually. And no, you shouldn’t.

———

Krueger: Sir, we’re surrounded.

Nikolai: Excellent, we can attack in any direction!

Krueger: -_-

———

*Gaz beating some asshole up*

Sherlock: Oh, don’t blame them. They did their best to try to kill me.

Gaz:

Roach: O.O

———

Graves: If it wasn’t totally unethical, I would definitely blackmail you with this.

Alejandro: *eye twitching* Because you’re a shining beacon of ethics, right?

———

Nikolai: Oh, look at all the pretties!

Sherlock: *grabs his hand and pulls him away* Can you please stop talking about assault rifles the same way I talk about shoes?

———

*Ghost, Soap, and Rudy break into the old prison to free Los Vaqueros and Sherlock, only for Rudy to find the latter in the kitchen hunched over with a sandwich in her mouth*

Rudy: Camarada, what are you doing?

Sherlock: *muffled by the sandwich* …Eating.

Rudy: You’re being held hostage and you decide to raid the kitchen?

Sherlock: They didn’t say the fridge was off limits.

———

Laswell: Is that blood?

Price: No?

Laswell: That is not a question you’re supposed to answer with another question.

———

Gaz: Are you clinically insane, or incredibly annoying?

Sherlock: I don’t know, probably both.

———

Ghost: How are you feeling?

Soap: I think you broke my fingers.

Ghost: Better your fingers than your face.

———

*Sherlock and Alejandro detained in the same room*

Alejandro: What’s our exit strategy?

Sherlock: Our what?

Alejandro: Dios mío, we’re all going to die.

———

Roach: *swinging his legs back and forth * Sitting around, waiting to get kidnapped. This is the best day ever.

~Later~

Roach: This is the third time I’ve been kidnapped this WEEK. It’s getting old.

———

Price, about Roach: Look, he’s smiling. He’s totally fine.

Ghost: Sir, he’s smiling because he’s terrified.

Roach, “smiling”: 😬

———

Gaz: Did you bring us here to die?

Nikolai: Obviously.

Gaz:

Gaz: I can’t tell if you’re being sarcastic or not.

———

Nikolai: Is it still murder if I give them a heads up?

Sherlock: That’s called a threat.

Nikolai: Черт возьми.

(Черт возьми = Damn it)

———

Valeria: Nothing ever pleases you does it?

Alejandro: Nothing you do.

———

Graves: I know there was a compliment somewhere in there and I’ll take it.

Soap: You piece of shite.

Graves: Ah, there it is!

———

*talking about Valeria*

Alejandro: Oooh, she’s angry.

Rudy: How can you tell?

Alejandro: Well, you can see her mood by her hands. Like right now, she has a gun. I don’t think that she’s happy to see us.

Valeria: 🔫😡

———

Graves: Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.

141:

Laswell:

Nikolai:

Sherlock:

Alex:

Farah:

Graves: Farah, can we talk, one ten to another?

Farah: I’m an eleven, but continue.

[percythalianico]

The little big three trio - the adventure continues

Source: other incorrect quotes, but made them Thalia&Nico&Percy

Percy: Were gonna break some laws

Thalia: Cool! Laws of what? Physics, morality or America?

Percy: Yes. That's the order we're gonna break them in.

+++++

Nico: is anyone here actually straight?

Percy: *raises his hand*

Thalia, who read his diary and descriptions about every male he met: *puts his hand back down*

++++

Who's Percy's favourite cousin?

Nico: you deserve an award for putting up with me

Percy: Neeks, you're my reward <3

//

Thalia: you deserve an award for putting up with me

Percy: dam right i do

+++++

Thalia: I got you something that will make you happy. I call them "Opposite Tortures."

Percy: You mean presents?

Nico: Yes, that's better, thank you.

++++

Thalia, during a quest: Just so you know, if you end in prison for this, Percy… I will not wait for you!

Percy: You won't have to. I'll escape. We both know that.

Nico: He already did.

Thalia: What?

Nico: Twice

++++

Nico: And don't worry. I haven't stabbed anyone in a really long time. Like, a whole month.

Thalia: Well, Nico, that's not very long.

Percy: It is when you're the one not doing the stabbing.

++++

Percy: newsflash, i have no plan.

Nico and Thalia, looking at him: -.-

Percy: everything i’ve done in the last ten years has been me making stuff up as i go along.

Nico: Shocker.

Thalia: So when you attacked a Titan and held the sky, you didn't plan it? I'm actually surprised!

++++

Percy: I never know whether I should use ‘farther’ or ‘further’

Nico: ‘farther’ is for physical distance and ‘further’ is for metaphorical distance

Thalia: And ‘father’ is for Emotional distance.

Percy and Nico: Thalia, come on, no

Jason: no, no she’s got a point.

[watarfallar]

Is this your order? More incorrect quotes? Okay then, scroll to the next window please. Have a good day!

Scott: If we were in prison you guys would be like my bitches.

Jimmy: Life keeps fucking me and I can't remember the safeword.

Etho: Hey, what’s the name of the guy who lives down the hall? Skizz: His cats' names are Walter and Rose. Etho: That's not what I asked. Skizz: That is all the information I have.

Etho: Murder literally doesn’t hurt anyone! Mumbo: What are you talking about? Of course— Tango, holding out a hand to shut Mumbo up: No, no, they have a point—

Cleo: Scar... How do I begin to explain Scar? Jimmy: Scar is flawless. Bdubs: I hear their hair's insured for $10,000. Mumbo: I hear they do car commercials... in Japan. Etho: One time they punched me in the face... it was awesome.

Cleo: I can be your partner for the next race. Lizzie: Sorry, Cleo. It's a sibling race. BigB: Maybe there's a contest for lonely children after this. Lizzie: It's only children, BigB. A lonely child is what you're gonna be when I sell you!

Impulse: Go ahead, Ren. Let it out, cry. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry. Skizz: Just when we thought it was safe to let you back into the conversation.

Bdubs: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos. Bdubs: Oh no, where did it go? BigB: BDUBS WHAT THE FUCK?!

Etho: Do you need help getting up? Gem: Nah, I'm cool down here on the floor.

Pearl: What do you three have to say for yourself? Bdubs: Scar: Lizzie: Oops?

Jimmy: *shatters a window and climbs through it* Jimmy: *turns around and helps Impulse through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Impulse. Impulse: Okay.

Jimmy: Pearl’s out the will. Pearl: That’s honestly fair. I deserve that. Impulse: Wait, you have a will? Already? You haven’t even graduated. Jimmy: I’ve done some things in my life. Upset the wrong people. Martyn, you have a will too, right? Martyn: Lots. Good luck figuring out which one’s real.

Scott: The fastest way to a Gem’s heart is through ch- Etho: Chest cavity. Scott: Scott: Cheese.

Ren: I have locked Bdubs in a cage designed by their own art. Oh, they have been well and truly hoist by their own petard. Cleo: Could you put it another way? I didn’t understand a word of that. Ren: I’m blackmailing them. Cleo: Oh, happy days.

*The Squad is gathered in the living room for a meeting* Scott: *walks in and sits on Martyn’s lap* The Squad: … Lizzie: Why are you sitting there? Scott: There’s no free seats! Lizzie: But we made sure there was enough room for- Martyn: *hugs Scott tightly* There are no free seats.

Etho: You’re drunk. Cleo: Correction: drinking. Present tense. Grammar, Etho.

Grian: Could you be anymore annoying? Joel: Yes.

Martyn: "Go hang a salami" backwards is "I'm a lasagna hog". Skizz: How did either of those sentences occur naturally for you to discover this?

Pearl: .. .----. -- / … --- .-. .-. -.-- (translation: I'M SORRY) BigB: What's that? Pearl: Remorse code. BigB: I'm even angrier now.

Bdubs: *standing on a balcony and sneezes* Etho: *standing on the roof* Bless you. Bdubs: God?!

Pearl: Hey! Wanna hear a joke? Gem: Sure. Pearl: Your life! Gem: Actually, my life isn’t a joke, jokes have meaning. Pearl: Gem, no.

Grian: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container. Pearl: The cow?? Grian:What? Skizz: Pearl, W H Y?

Joel: *very seriously* You need to stop doing weird things to cope with the stress. Going outside might help. Mumbo: I went to the park today. Joel: There you go! I hope you got something from that. Mumbo: *opening their coat* This duck.

Grian: You disgust me. Mumbo: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care.

Scar: Is… Is that meant to be on fire? Mumbo: No… not really. Scar: Are you going to do something about it? Mumbo: Hm… nah.

[corpusdiem-seizethedead]

Mayer: *motioning to Jack, Race, Mush, Blink, and Crutchie standing in the doorway to their tenement* Are those friends of yours, David?

Davey: Kind of? Not really. They’re in my life and there’s nothing I can do about it

[daisychains111]

incorrect chb camper quotes but it's actually just my sister's quotebook from Twitter

Disclaimer: This post is gonna be LONG AF

Percy: "Ahh, die quieter"

Clarisse to Silena: "Do I look majestic?"

Will: "I live in America. Cultures?... casserole"

Nico: "At-home lobotomy"

Baby Nico to Clarisse: "You look like Harry Potter, You just need a scar black hair, different clothes, and to be a boy. "

Annabeth:"I don't know if I have enough sanity for 2 Holy books"

Leo: "I've seen titties before....not really in person, but yk"

Annabeth: "Do you have ears?"

Jason: "I kinda wanna work at Taco Bell"

Piper: "I've never been passive-aggressive in my life"

Will to Apollo: "There's no batteries in my butt Dad I'm not a robot"

Clarisse: "I'm not upset I don't hold grudges"

Ares to Clarisse: "I don't like your clothes it forces me to look at you"

Frank to Leo: "It's not 'drip' it's stupid"

Travis to the whole Hermes Cabin: "I'm the Rizzington bear... like Paddington bear but Rizz" (after his 1st date with Katie)

Nico: "I love Olive Garden, I wish Italians were real"

Rachel: "Come on, you guys stop trying to cockblock the view"

Katie: "If people can smoke weed in the middle of the day, then I can drink chamomile tea"

Rachel: "You don't want to piss me off I'm witewally a werewolf"

Piper about Jason: "All my friends are boys, and one just died... he would have made a great bridesmaid"

Frank: "I was doing a silly but the funny didn’t land"

Jason: "Why am I white"

Rachel: "I am not a whore, I am a celibate queen!"

Drew: "It's not the fashion statement that you think it is"

Nico about the Ares Cabin: "They're gonna call you a slur, but they're gonna be really nice about it"

Piper to Annabeth: "If we both think it, it's not bitchy"

Grover: "I'm just gonna write a paragraph or two about global warming"

Annabeth"I have like a 7th-grade reading level!!! (this is impressive when you're dyslexic)

Jason: "Dude I love yoga"

Will: "They say that Utah is the promise land"

Kayla: *explains what a text-fic is to grandparents (Apollo)*

Clarisse: "Put that on your Twitter!" *points knife at me*

Travis: "Do you eat?"

Katie: "...um yes?"

Travis: "Oh, I mean do you want to eat." (when he asked Katie out the first time)

Hazel: "That's not gonna change my heart. That's just gonna make me cry!"

Alabaster: "I wanna find someone somewhere to impregnate and then steal the baby......Where's your Twitter, that was kinda funny"

Percy about Leo: "I would spoon that man so hard"

Frank: "The closer I get to nature, the closer I get to being a werewolf"

Apollo: "I feel like Jaba the Hut"

Rachel: "It's because you ate girl dinner"

Apollo (same convo^)"I fell asleep, and I woke up, and I ate a girl dinner, and I didn't feel that good"

Percy: Don't mind me just cleaning the ocean" *hand angrily on hip*

Will to the Stolls: "Although my bellybutton was once my mouth I don't want soda in it!!"

Connor: "Look at how majestic I am"

Clarisse: *gasps* *throws uno cards* "This is communism at its finest, and I hate your life." *Is losing* "All I'm doing is humoring you now. There is no reason for me to play anymore." *throws cards* *again*

Nico: *passes out*

Will: "We need to take you to the doctor like right now."

Nico: "No fireworks are more important than my health"

Leo about Percy: "That's a pretty boy right there... if we were in prison, it's over."

Kayla when Will came out to her: "Slay motherfucker"

Annabeth: "I hope to not run over any old ladies...old men are fair game tho."

Percy: "Main characters get bullied, Jesus....yep!"

Leo: "What if I was an astronaut!!!!"

Travis: "Banana, Banana, Meatball"

Clarisse: "I am going to break your toe shut the hell up"

Katie to Connor: "I hope you get bullied in high school."

Clarisse about Leo: "This guy's a fuckin goober"

Clarisse: "What did you do to your sweatshirt? Did you get hungry?"-Grover: *sighs*

Nyssa (Hephaestus kid) to Leo: "Dont hurt me. I'm Batman!.... You better not tweet that"

Kayla to Apollo: "It's called multi-tasking Apollo! "

Apollo: "It's mother to you"

Clarisse: "I could fight God and win"

Percy: "So you wanna fight rn"

Clarisse: "No, I'm good"

Jason; "You look gang"

Leo: "What? I look gay!?!?!"

Jason: "You look straight, but nice"

Leo: "Oh... thanks!"

Apollo to Rachel"Lie, deny, cry, and for good measure be a raging slut."

Silena: "There's all kinds of nature out here"

Katie: "Live, laugh, love, low iron"

Annabeth to Piper: "Keep backing up...Cuz you have a fear of commitment

Lou Ellen to Katie: "Does your knee affect your shoe size... or are your feet just that small??"

Travis: "The amount of testosterone in me, peanuts are allergic to me!"

Leo: "I'm cracked up on feeling sexy"

Connor to the whole Hermes Cabin: "The "10" of us? our parents sp*rm pets"

Apollo about Athena: "OH gods, a single mom"

Apollo about Kayla's dad: "I cheated on myself with a man"

Malcolm about Athena: "She's a mom boogie woogie woogie"

Nico: "I cried at Chick-fil-A the other day"

Nico: "Live, laugh, lobotomy."

Drew about Thalia: "She has no friends and a dead brother."

Katie: "I wrote fanfiction on my i-pod touch"

Lacy to Leo: "Was it a tech? or was it a human?"

Will: "Live, laugh, love, tampons"

Kayla: "Die, cry, hate, condoms"

Aphrodite to Clarisse: "Do you like being a girl? You just always wear pants"

Percy: "Chill I know how to make conversations I have Rizz"

Will: "What! no! cow!"

Frank: "Fvcking knock it off seriously you guys are acting like children!!"

Travis to Lou Ellen: "Yesss pussy-pop you slayed"

Ashlyn (Hermes kid): "Chick-fil-A is mid, Taco bell is where it's at"

Percy during tlt: "You couldn't even buy a gumball with that shit (drachmas)"

Percy (same convo ^): "A quarter? You could buy a gumball with that shit"

Nico: "Your soul and your money!"

Tyson: "You've seen fishes, fishes move fast"

Leo to Frank: "What the fvck is a kilometer"

Leo making fun of Frank: "Mua ha ha ha I'm Canadian"

Percy: "Jesus didn't give up his life he gave up his weekend"

*as seen at 2am in the Apollo Cabin*

Gracie: "You're discriminating against me"

April (the token straight): "It's cuz she's gay"

Will: "We're all gay."

Nico: You don't have any slurs about you."

Leo: "No because I'm perfect"

this was fun to make lol....there will probably be a part 2 but like far in the future. if you made it this far I love you....also if you don't recognize names it's bc I deep-dived Wiki to find canon names for each cabin.

If y'all want one-shots based on these TELL ME I NEED STUFF TO WRITE ABOUT

[altoace]

Part 2 of me finally using the incorrect quotes I have saved.

— — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — — —

Kitty, banging on door: Rogue, open up!

Rogue: It all started when I was a kid…

Kitty: No, I meant—

Kurt: Let her finish.

— — — — —

Kitty: What is toothpaste, if not bone soup?

Rogue: Existence is a prison and being your friend is maximum security.

— — — — —

Amara: What was it like living with the Brotherhood?

Tabitha: Imagine living with completely civilized, responsible, mature people.

Amara: Okay.

Tabitha: Now throw that idea out the window.

— — — — —

Mystique: You’re standing on thin ice.

Tabitha: I’m standing on the floor.

Mystique: It’s an expression.

Tabitha: It’s a carpet.

— — — — —

Kurt: Where there is smoke, there is a fire. And where there is a fire, there is probably Tabitha.

— — — — —

*during Joyride*

Scott: That was a very successful mission.

Kitty: But we lost Lance back there!

Rogue: Yes, a very successful mission.

— — — — —

Rogue: I have 98 problems.

Kitty: The song is 99 Problems.

Rogue: I try to talk to you about my problems, and you want to talk about a song?

Kitty:

— — — — —

Kitty: What if I press the break and gas at the same time?

Evan: The car takes a screenshot.

Scott: For the last time, get the fuck out!

— — — — —

Kurt: What’s it like being tall?

Kurt: Is it nice?

Kurt: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Scott: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Kitty: It was one time!

— — — — —

Pietro: Someone is after me, and I have no idea who.

Lance: Do you have any suspects?

Pietro: No, it could be anyone.

Lance: It couldn’t be anyone; it would have to be someone you’ve upset.

Pietro:

Lance:

Lance: Actually, you’re right — it could be anyone.

— — — — —

Todd: {swings bat at Kurt, but misses}

Kurt: Strike one.

Todd: That’s not how this works!

Todd: {swings and misses again}

Kurt: Strike two. One more and you’re out.

Todd, under his breath: Fuck.

— — — — —

Kurt: Just be yourself; say something nice!

Rogue: Which one? I can’t do both.

— — — — —

Logan, smugly: When I was your age—

Scott: When I was your height.

Logan:

Logan: Now listen here, you little shit—

— — — — —

Kitty, Kurt, and Evan: What would you say if we did this thing?

Scott: Do not!! Do not do that!

Kitty, Kurt, and Evan:

Kitty, Kurt, and Evan: What would you say if we did this thing twenty minutes ago?

— — — — —

Scott: I just felt a burst of energy, and I think it’s my body’s last hurrah before it shuts down completely.

— — — — —

Kitty: I’d roast you, but Scott says you can’t burn trash.

Kitty: {slow-mo walks out of the room}

— — — — —

Kurt: When’s the last time you slept?

Scott: Uh…a few days ago, I think.

Kurt: A few—how many?!

Scott: Uh…{starts counting on fingers}…I need more fingers.

Kurt: What you need is sleep!

— — — — —

Kurt: Rogue punched me earlier and gave me a bruise.

Evan: Congrats, you have a sibling.

Kurt: Wow, I feel so inspired and comforted right now.

Evan: You probably had it coming.

Kurt: Okay, yeah, probably.

— — — — —

Kitty: Sorry it took me so long to bail you out of jail.

Lance: No, it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have used my one phone call to prank call the police.

— — — — —

Rogue: Self-defense tip!

Rogue: Always carry a fork with you.

Rogue: If someone tries attacking you, take it out and shout “LORD THANK YOU FOR THIS MEAL” before maniacally running at them.

Rogue: Works every time.

— — — — —

Pietro: If you’re happy and you know it, clap your hands!

Wanda:

Wanda: {slaps him two times instead}

— — — — —

Rogue, wearing Scott’s shades: How do I look?

Scott, eyes closed: I have no idea.

— — — — —

Pietro: Can I sit on your lap?

Lance, glaring: I fucking dare you.

Pietro: Now this, this is where my life peaks, possibly where it ends, HOWEVER—

— — — — —

Reporter: Currently, four teenagers are hanging off of a three-story building! They look like they’re about to fall at any moment!

Logan, sitting at the table with Ororo, eating breakfast: Man, there are reckless idiots out this early?

*the TV shows a shot of Rogue, Scott, Kurt, and Evan hanging from the edge of the building; Jean and Kitty can slightly be seen standing on the street in front of the building, clearly worried; Scott is having Evan and Kurt hold on to his arms, and Rogue is flipping off the camera*

Ororo: {spits out her tea}

Logan, wide-eyed: Oh man…those are our idiots!